Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The lights pour onto the floor, dousing any and every dancer in fluorescence. The beat booms through the speakers, taking over the brain of the listener. A group of lads lay low. They’d usually be performing, all dolled up, dressed up in drag but today they need to be as normal as possible if they’re going to find their Robbie.

Robbie, their dearest friend and stupidest idiot is the baby of the group, the wandering toddler you have to keep an eye on or he’ll snatch some sweets or chat up some mob boss who could end him and the club at any minute.

It’s like he doesn’t sense danger. Doesn’t feel the toxicity radiating off these men, the slime in the form of sweat dripping off their hands, the lust swimming in their eyes. Well, the last part is a lie. Robbie definitely feels the lust but he loves it! It makes him feel like an actual queen, the ultimate object of desire. Mark says it’s all a part of growing up, Gary thinks he’s just a slag, typical, Howard believes that he just doesn't understand but Jason reckons that it’s something deeper. Robbie never felt wanted before; bullied at school, neglected at home. So when someone gives him attention it’s like heroin and he’s hooked.

If they say they have a drink, he’ll drink it, if they say they have a pill, he’ll take it and if they say they have a party back at their place, he’ll attend it—or at least try. Usually one of the lads notices him getting too friendly and drag him away. More often than not, it’s Gaz, or Ivy Keys as he’s known in the nights, who scolds him for being such a slag.

“He shouldn’t even be here,” mutters Jason. It’s true. Robbie shouldn’t be here. He’s barely 18. He still collects toys from the cereal box. He knows nothing about the world and Jason just knows these letches will take advantage of that. 

Shame that’s all part of the job.

Seems today they don’t have to look far though as Robbie is right in the corner, surrounded by two blokes that could’ve been casted by John Major and his stunt double in a biopic. At least three times his age, near to retirement, seedy, sleazy and smiling down at him like he’s theirs. 

Robbie smiles too, that cheeky chappie smile that does nothing besides show his age. His painfully young age. 

“Oh hiya, lads,” he greets them. “Met these two last night. Cyril and Jim. They've been coming here since Marko’s sisters worked here apparently. Anyway, we were just about to leave for a couple of drinks back at his. You're welcome to come!”

“I don’t think so.” Howard’s voice is stern. Stern as steel. Stern as to tell these men in a silent matter to get the fuck away from his friend before he batters them. And Howard would. He genuinely would. He’s come so, so close before, like when Robbie went back to that prick after Glastonbury. 

He continues to glare as he folds his arms, narrowing in on the one named Jim who’s hand is inches away from Robbie’s bum. He hates to wonder what would happen if he and the lads weren’t here to keep this sort away.

Luckily, it doesn’t get to that point as the men get the message and leave without a single word. As always. 

Jason grabs Robbie’s arm with so much firmness you’d think he was trying to tame a tiger. He’s been here before, they’ve both been here before, they’ve all been here before telling him how dangerous this is, to leave with a total stranger without anyone else knowing. How many ways can they say it? How many more times must they repeat it?

Robbie’s zoned out. He knows he’s messed up but Jason’s started one of his famous ‘what the hell were you thinking? do you wanna get killed!’ lectures and he can’t bring himself to be present. He hates being like this. He hates that he can never say no. He hates that anyone can make him feel special with just a few words and even less actions.

And he hates that they all know it. He hates that he’s weak and he hates that Gary just rolled his eyes for the second time in a row. Who does he think he is? 

But before Robbie can open his mouth, or Jason can even finish his sentence, Gary gets up.

“Well, I’m off.”

“What?” Mark asks, gobsmacked by the abruptness. 

“No whats, Markie,” he grins at him. “Ivy Keys has got places to be!”

“But we’re gonna have lunch at that kebab place like we always do.” Jason introduced them to it since he loves Indian food and they’ve been going ever since. Has he forgotten the sacred tradition? 

“Lunch? It’s already past 1 and Arthur’s booked us this nice Scottish restaurant with a golf course and I have to be there by half past. I don’t want them to cancel our table.”

Robbie can’t resist making a remark. “You’re still seeing that crooked cop, surprised he hasn’t arrested you for homewrecking invasion.”

“He isn’t a cop, he’s a former MP but of course you don’t know the difference.” And Gary has to get his own back. “All the same to you, hey? Can’t tell the difference between a banker and a robber.” 

Robbie looks at him with daggers for eyes. “Put a ring on it yet?” 

“We’ll see,” Gary quips with his hand in the air, imagining a ring on his finger. He quite likes silver, though Arthur’s is gold, and he loves sapphire but you never see them on rings. 

It’s only for a few seconds, just to piss off Robbie and make it clear to the others before he leaves, letting the door slam behind him.

ᯓ★

Emerald green grass, white collared shirts and the first skims of Spring sun. This is the life, Gary thinks to himself as he watches his man get a hole in one. His man, Arthur. They’ve been going steady for a while now, more than a year but to Gary feels like forever.

They met at drag night and Arthur was smitten by Gary’s drag persona of Ivy Keys. The ruffled blonde hair and cherry red lipstick really did it for him, and who could resist that tenor voice singing lowly in your ear? He’s always had a thing for blondes despite marrying that brunette. Gary isn’t fond of her. From what he’s heard she’s a boring broad, oblivious to her dear husband pulling the wool over her eyes whilst pushing his cock into someone else…

“How are you, my love?” 

“I’m well,” Gary smiles as Arthur takes his hands. “It feels like it could be summer already.” 

“Well I do suppose we’ve gotten lucky today though I do wish it was actually summer. I’d love to see you in tennis shorts!”

They both laugh and nuzzle their nose under rays of sun. Their smiles from ear to ear.

How ever did he get so lucky?

His main goal when he arrived in Manchester was to dedicate himself to music and when he ended up performing Like A Virgin in red lipstick and a blonde wig by the end of the first night, he figured that he was still doing that – just by different means. If he wanted to live the vanilla life he would’ve stayed in Cheshire and followed the path his parents pushed him towards: married with a stable career as a bank teller with a child on the way. 

Well, none of those things will ever happen, not any time soon anyway but Gary can see him and Arthur settling down in the countryside somewhere once he files for divorce. 

ᯓ★

Dance is a form of expression, a way to speak without words, to paint without brushes, to sing without vocals. Howard loves it, loves to interpret the music through choreography, loves to feel the music through movements but it isn’t his first love. No, his first love was cross dressing. Dressing up in his mother’s clothes and makeup when she was at work. Her lavender dress was his favourite, reminding him of the spring he was born in, and he added the pearl necklace his dad had got her for Christmas with the high heels she always wore to events. He even put on her perfume, Chanel No. 5, and her red lipstick. He looked beautiful, he felt beautiful but to his brother who watched him from the door, he was sinful. If not sinful then downright disgusting and needed to be dealt with.

His elder brother beat Howard that day so badly you’d think he had stolen from his mother’s purse, not just been seen in her dress.  

And that’s why Howard turned to dance. It allows him to be himself, it allows him to be free and it allows him to push Jason down without fear of repercussion!

Their backs are against the wall and they’re panting like dogs from the dancing and the laughing. They were meant to be choreographing to that song that Gary wrote but Howard reckons that the last half hour has just been them messing around to music. Still, not the worst way to spend time. They deserve a break after today’s close call.

“Surprised you ain’t pulled a muscle when you tugged Robbie this morning,” Howard remarks.

“Nah, I’ve tugged much more than that,” he smiles as he flexes his muscles. “The old boy’s used to it.” 

They both giggle like the immature teenagers they ought to be. 

“What are we going to do about that boy?” 

It’s a question, there’s no doubt about it, but one with no clear answer. It’s like asking which religion is correct or how long until Arthur divorces Steph, it just doesn’t have an answer. And Jason loves answers, it’s why he’s so curious about the world around him, so excited by different cultures and languages and so frustrated by Robbie’s incessant recklessness. 

Sometimes he wishes he could reach into his head and just…

“What can we do?” he’s right. What exactly can they do? “He’s 18 now, when’s he gonna wise up? We can’t keep running after him. We’re his colleagues, you know, this is not a crèche! And even if it were, we’d be calling home, bringing in parents,” he’s looking at Howard now. “And I know for sure, firsthand, leaving your family is a decision no one willingly makes.”

And Jason knows. Jason knows far too well as he left home young too. Not as young as Robbie did, he can thank God for that, but he left the age Robbie is now and it was tough. 

Jason had a fling. No big deal, many teens have flings but in his case, it was with the priest’s son who, under pressure from his father, outed him at confession. Jason forgives him now but back then no such thing could cross his mind, not when rocks were being thrown at his windows and turds were being pushed through the letterbox. 

That was only the start of what would become an unbearable hell. He became an easy target for violent attacks and after a particularly bad beating, someone came to his aid. Damon was his name, a London bloke, who smiled as he said “Glad to see there’s another one of me” and asked him on a date the day after. 

However, Jason’s mother picked up on everything, as mothers do, and whilst she had no proof of the relationship (they were very discreet), she still wished for her son to stop “acting like that” and start being “normal” which triggered the final argument between them. 

“I won’t have a queer eating off my plate” were her final words and they could’ve brought Jason to his final days but he left before dinner. All the savings Damon had told him to keep in case came in handy when he reached the city and the phone calls from his twin brother Justin kept his spirits up but if he hadn't found the club, it would’ve never ended well.

“But for the love of God, why can’t he behave and stop taking everything for a fucking joke!” 

ᯓ★

“It’s not that we don’t love ya, Rob, we do,” Mark clarifies as he stirs the pasta-tuna mix. He’s getting an early start on dinner since today’s lunch ended before it began courtesy of Ivy Keys and Mad Robonna. He has to blame both. It’s only fair to blame both. The latter more than the former to tell the truth. “We’re just worried about ya. I mean, you drive us wild. You don’t ever stop. Like today, you had no idea what those blokes could’ve done to you! It’s dangerous out there. This job’s a guessing game and you can’t ever lose. You know what happens when you lose. You lost before. When you went off with that Liam guy to Glasto...”

“That was one time!” Robbie yells out, feeling the need to emphasise that that episode was a one-off. A pilot for a series that never took off. A flopping debut single from a brand new band. A fluke. A three-night-stand. He doesn’t remember his name, Robbie doesn't remember a single thing about those days, just the cloud above his head waiting to burst.

And the pretty little white lines on the table, and Liam’s tough accent egging him on, and his knees getting redder and redder from kneeling…

“But it wasn’t just once, was it?” Mark stops stirring to look him dead in the eye. “You went back to him loads of other times.” 

It’s true. Not a lie told. He’s gone back plenty of times after Glastonbury. More times than he’d ever admit. He’s actually lost count. Too many times he’s been led astray, out of the club and into his bed. Praying that the door didn’t creak too loud in the night or that his eyes didn’t look too dark in the morning. 

“They know it, we all know it, I know it, I just don’t say anything because it’s your life but I can’t say I’m not disappointed because I am! It’s like you don’t even think when you do these things and if you do, it’s all a laugh to ya but it ain’t! Because I’m telling you, Rob, we can’t keep running after ya, you know, we’ve got our own lives. Sooner or later you’re gonna end up on your own if you continue like the way you are now. How do you seriously expect to keep on?”

Mark digs the spoon into the bottom of the pot out of pure frustration. He doesn’t know if he’s ever been more fed up in his life. When is enough enough? When will Robbie learn that this job’s no joke! This is real life; the life they lead and it could very well lead to his end if he isn’t careful!

Mark sighs in a futile attempt to calm himself down. “You can take ya share, I’m gonna go shower.”

As he watches Mark stomp on, something changes in Robbie. Twinges, twists and turns in him.

They don’t want him here. They never have. Or at least not now. Not anymore. That’s why Gaz left early, that’s why Howard only said a few words, that’s why Jason dragged him so hard (harder than Gaz has ever), that’s why Mark snapped at him just now. That’s why. It’s all been a message. A message that he isn’t too thick to get. He can get the message, he gets the message. He’s simply not wanted. Around here, anyway. 

He’s overstayed his welcome. He’s done it before at school when he tried to hang out with the good kids to avoid being bullied. It was better to be bullied for being part of a group rather than for being himself. By the end of the second week, though, they had ditched him. They said they had nothing in common with him. He couldn’t add numbers right or read well.

It was the same at home, no, worse. Because unlike school there was nowhere to hide, except for Nan’s house, but she held his head under the bathwater when the teacher called to say that they believed that he wouldn’t pass his exams. 

They were right. All right. All right from the very start. And now they’re right now. Right right now.

And he’s going right now, yeah, he’ll leave. He won’t wait for the other shoe to drop. No way! If they want him gone, he’s out of here. Quicker than a john when the boys in blue show up!

He doesn’t need a single person. He needs nothing at all. He needs no one but himself. Not a single thing but his coat. And maybe his walkman. He could use some Madonna, even though his mood is crying out for The Smiths.

And so, Robbie goes through the door. And though he doubts Mark’ll be able to hear him through his butchered rendition of Better The Devil You Know, he still lets the door slam as he disappears into the late winter.

Chapter Text

There’s nothing like a nice, warm shower to ease the tension of the day and bring back your peace of mind. It’s exactly what Mark needs after what’s happened so far. He can’t believe it hasn’t been a day yet - their shift ain’t even started yet! They’ve got a whole night to get through and judging by the way Gary left earlier in the day, the ice queen won’t be lending them any of his hair spray. 

Not like they need it anyway. He hasn’t said anything but Gary still uses that cheap stuff everyone stopped using last year and with him being on the arm of a rich bloke and all, you'd think he’d use some of that money on his prized wig since he insists on touching up his roots each month.

Though, it wouldn’t hurt to get a head start.

“Robbie!” he yells from underneath the shower head. “Spray your wig now!”

No response. That’s strange. 

Anyway, Mark rinses himself off, relishing in the last hot droplets hitting his back and turns off the water with a yawn. He’s missed out on his midday nap.

Oh well! No chance of it now and no chance of them kipping in the dressing room either if they stay here for much longer. Might as well slap the thing on now! 

“Robbie, did you hear me?”

Still, no response. 

He must be getting all huffy in his room, Mark figures, but he’s already decided he won’t be having none of that today. They need to get a move on.

“Rob, I know you’re upset but you can’t avoid me forever—” 

The door hasn’t even been closed, it’s barely touching the frame and Robbie’s not in there. He’s not in the closet, trying to turn long dresses into miniskirts, he’s not by the window, daydreaming of being a superstar, he’s not on the bed, sleeping like a baby. He’s nowhere to be found.

“ROBBIE!” he yells out but there’s no reply. Somebody's taken him, ripped him away from home, abducted him and Mark couldn’t save him, couldn’t get to him in time because he was in the shower, tending to himself, tending to his own needs when Robbie needed him most. No one ever tended to Robbie’s needs before and Mark swore to be different, promised to be the first and what did he do? Let him down like everyone else in his life. 

He needs to search, get a clue. They must’ve let something behind – like a glove or a note or something, anything to indicate who they are and where they’ve gone.

So Mark turns the place upside down. The bed, the curtains, the closet, the drawers — it’s there he realises that Robbie’s walkman is missing. What kidnappers take a kid’s walkman? It’s only Madonna deepcuts.

That means he must have left of his own accord. 

That’s a little better than an abduction but his Robbie is still gone without a trace! 

Mark opens the other draw, there must be a note or something, Robbie wouldn’t just up and leave, not just like that! He figures this must be where Robbie “stores” makeup, if you can even call it that. There’s more lipstick stain than a love letter and the mascara’s all dried up despite being brand new, and there’s some book at the bottom…

It seems to be some sort of journal, but Robbie’d never journal. He can’t spell well for starters and lives life in the moment, never stopping a moment to reflect. This couldn’t be his, surely?

There are a bunch of blank pages, random drawings of superheroes, daisies and hearts. Broken hearts, arrowed hearts, beating hearts, hearts getting ripped apart. Then there’s a handful of poems—Mark quite likes the one about angels, he isn’t too fond of the one about no regrets.  

But then there’s an entry from a month ago that makes Mark’s eyes go wide.

‘I wish Liam didn’t hit me anymore. It hurts me emoceanally more than fisically. I also wish he stopped calling me thick but everyone does or they think I am. I hate when he pushes me the most. I always land on the table or the floor. I hate it because I’m away from him suddenly. I don’t want to be away from him. I love him. I don’t care. It’s me and him against the world. I don’t care what the rest say. How do they know? I just wish he didn’t slap me. I hate it when he punches me. He always aims for my nose. It hurts. A lot. But sometimes he hugs me and giz us a kiss and it’s all better.’

Mark wants to crumple the pages, rip them out then he wants to cripple Liam, pummel him, rip his sweaty hair out and small cock off while he’s at it and slap him, punch him like he punches Robbie and see how he likes it.

But he can’t—at least not right now and there’s more. A couple pages later, written over a broken heart lays the most recent entry. 

‘I think they hate me. Everyone does I think. Howard barely talks to me. It's like he’s embarissed to look at me so he just looks down. Jason’s always having a go at me and Gaz always calls me a slag but I am and I can’t help it. I think I want to stop but everything feels so good like they actually like me. Like somebody likes me. I still have Mark tho. He’s a kind heart. I love him. He’s never not there for me. But I don’t tell him everything. How can I? He would leave me and I don’t want to be alone. I never want to be alone because I can’t be alone.’

Mark instantly shuts the journal and puts it so close to his chest that his heartbeat must send ripples through the pages. How could Robbie think that they hate him? Jason may tell him off from time to time but that’s only because he wants the best for him and Gaz... Well, Gaz is just bitchy but he doesn’t mean what he says and after a couple of years going back and forth you’d think he’d know that by now.

But it’s not about the facts, it’s about how he felt—isolated, shunned, neglected by this new family that had adopted him. He bottled it up, kept it to himself, from everyone else, even from Mark, who he said was always there for him, and now it’s all blown up and he’s ran off, off and away, away from them and away from home. 

“Oh, Robbie!” he cries out as if he’ll miraculously hear him and return to him. He needs to return to him, Robbie needs to return home. And return right now.

He needs to tell the others. They need to know everything! But he has to calm down first. He knows he looks a right state! Thank God he didn’t already do his eyeshadow, he would’ve looked like a battered wife! He puts on TV to distract him, letting a BBC documentary play.

“Those with the disorder show symptoms that may come off as intentionally disruptive but are entirely out of their control. Difficulty with following instructions, waiting their turn, sitting still as well as talking noisily and interrupting conversations are all signs of the inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsivity that they suffer with.”

“Hmm,” Mark hums to himself as he applies his mascara. “That sounds a lot like our Robbie.”

As the programme shows different interviews with people diagnosed with the condition, Robbie’s behaviour makes more and more sense! The lads will be so glad when he tells them! Jason’s really into this psychology stuff. Then Mark’s heart sinks: he’ll have to tell them

Robbie’s gone too.

ᯓ★

Pop. That’s what it sounds like. The sound that Ivy Keys makes every time she sucks that cheese from in between her teeth. Chewing and swallowing just to do it all again.

Arthur’s brought Gary Parmesan cheese from his trip to the Italian province of Florence. When he first heard that his man was “going to see Florence,” Gary hit the roof, thinking he was going off with some other tart. Turns out it was just a city and for his fierce reaction (one that Arthur found quite sexy), he brought him back perfume, a sundress, 18k Versace earrings and of course, the cheese that’s getting more than him at the moment!

Harmony Dando’s been ogling the earrings for so long that he’s been allowed to borrow — they’re actually pure gold! And Jane O'Range got offered the perfume but she passed, Citrus is her signature scent. Plus, she’s more interested in this dairy product that seems to have made her mate delusional — banging on about this huge wedding where they’ll all be the bridesmaids and church bells will chime louder than Big Ben!

‘Fat chance’ is what they would say if this fantasy wasn’t so bloody funny! 

“Chocolate mousse for the cake because that’s royal and all,” he says in between licking his fingers. “You know, ladies, this cheese used to be a sign of wealth since some bloke buried it during the Great Fire of London.”

Jason and Howard are staring at him but they aren’t saying anything, but he knows they want to. Because they’re sniggering like a pair of mean girls behind their victim’s back!

“What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jason insists whilst Howard shoots a playful look at him. 

“Well it ain’t nothing if youse are giggling,” he snaps like the diva he is. “What? Oh I get it, you two bimbos think that Ivy Keys’ as thick as a punter’s wife,” he gets up to peer down at them from his high horse. “But I’ll have you know that I passed with flying colours!”

Howard didn’t quite catch that. Thinks he misheard.

“Don’t you mean you undid the teacher’s fly to get that pass?” 

Jane O'Range howls with laughter (how unladylike of her!) and Ivy Keys sits up straighter than she’ll ever be!

“I earned that A!” 

They don’t know how many times he was leaned over that desk!

But before he can divulge his risqué revision method, the door flies open and a pale Marie Sophree rushes in. 

“You look paler than Queen Elizabeth I,” Gary quips. “Cut out the powder—”

“He’s gone.”

“What?”

“Robbie!” he exclaims, his voice wobbling, cracking and shaking. “He’s gone!”

As his statement echoes through the stagnant silence, Mark begins to shake as if saying the word out loud shocks him — even though it’s been true for the last however many hours.

Jason takes him by the arms and brings him onto his lap. He does this with all the lads whenever they’re in a state, bouncing his leg or rubbing their back to soothe them and help ease the emotions out. He’s found it helps every time if only by solidifying his role as mother hen. 

Oh well, it’s a small price to pay if it makes his mates feel better. And Jason figures he’s fine with being the mum, as long as Howard’s the soft-hearted dad.

“Mark, please,” Gary turns around to face him, earning a glare from Jason. “He’s gone off before, hasn’t he? We all remember Glastonbury and that wasn’t even a year ago. He even ran off from home to be with us for fuck’s sake! I don’t know what you’re stressing over when he’s probably sodded off to...”

The door opens and the room falls silent as Nigel saunters in. Nigel’s the owner of the club which means he also doubles as their manager though he doesn’t get a shilling from their endeavours. It’s a funny ordeal, really. After watching Gary’s first performance of his own song, Nigel was dazzled by his talents and even more so by his drag persona afterwards that he made a proposal: If Gary could find 3-4 other lads who could dance, sing and look fabulous in drag, he’d make them the main attraction!

And so, their little group was born.

Mark was already dressed up as Marie Sophree backstage. His sisters had given up their jobs at the bar to him as a final act of courtesy (totally not because they wanted him out of the house) and since he’s more of a slut than a server, he jumped at the opportunity!

Howard and Jason spent so much time at the club that it became a long running joke that they were bodyguards so Nigel let them work the doors — even though Howard lacked qualifications. But when Gary saw them dancing before opening, he made sure they performed with him and Mark later that night.

And as for Robbie, he just kept on coming until the group all but melted around him. To his credit, something Nigel will never give him, he sings great and just has that it factor—you’ll never not be entertained whilst Robbie’s in front of you. He’s just never liked the chap. Too cheeky, too witty for his own good but he’s insecure, naive and charming all at the same time.

He walks around almost like he’s inspecting them, resting his hands on the shoulders of Howard and staring at a shakily breathing Mark on Jason’s lap before looking into Gary’s reflection and glaring at him from behind.

“You’re late.”

It’s the way he says it, like he enjoys putting them all on edge. Jason thinks he’s a prat, or as they say in all those psychology books he reads, a narcissist. Someone who’s self-proclaimed superiority leads them to entitlement and exploiting others without an ounce of empathy. The rest just settle for pompous prat.

Gary puts on a smile, his rouge lips perfectly eclipsing his pearly whites. “We were just about to leave, actually.”

Nigel raises an eyebrow. The absence is felt by everyone, there’s no point in avoiding it. 

“Robbie’s gone off... But he’ll be back soon, nothing to worry about,” he reassures. “And when he does I’ll give him a bloody good hiding for all the hassle he’s caused us.”

The last bit’s in his head but he does mean it: Robbie’s really taking the mic this time. And it’s not even funny. It’s annoying, irritating, down right infuriating at this rate!

“The show must go on,” Nigel states. That will always be true. Especially in this business. And they’re on in 2 minutes if they want to keep this job.

They figure he’ll show eventually. 

He never does.

Robbie is gone.