Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Dude. No. Just no.”

“Aw, why not?”

“Just fucking drop it. Please.”

“Fiiiine. I’m dropping it like one of your sick beats, Dave. Dnnnneerrrrwwww.”

You sigh in exasperation but a small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth at John’s impressions and ridiculous sound effects.

“Egderp, you have reaching new heights of derpiness everyday. It’s amazing that you haven’t broken the derp etch-ladder yet bro.” This makes him giggle loudly and earns an eye roll.

“You’re just jealous that I’m higher up than you!”

“How high are we? How high are we bro?” You say it on reflex. You’re being so damned uncool right now that it’s not even funny. Bro is going to have to re-teach you everything you ever learned about being cool if you spend any more time with the child named John Egbert.

You, on the other hand, are Dave Strider and you are currently being subjected to stupidifying activities: watching a shitty romance that you can’t remember the name of and sitting on a couch with your best friend. At least you were able to fend off the trillionth showing of Con Air. You might make John’s copy of the movie disappear if you ever have to watch it again.

“Dave, this is the best part! Watch, watch!” You groan and sigh dramatically at the excited boy.

“Dude, this movie is terrible. It’d be less gay if we fucked.” John becomes still for a moment, then reaches over to pause the TV with the remote before fixing you with the look. Yes, the look kind of look.

Fuck, have you hit a ‘no homo’ nerve with that comment? Sure seems like it.

“This movie is great, shut the fuck up.” He wrinkles his nose in anger, his eyebrow knitting together, and he glares at you-rather unconvincingly. His cheeks also adopt a red tinge. And it might just be you, but he seems to be breathing harder.

Damn it. You’re going to have to take a bit of a gamble here, but you think you can catch him-either in a prank or something more. And besides, it’s not like you’re going to lie to him. You just might lose your best friend.

“Well fuck Egderp, does the mere thought of getting some Strider swag get you all hot and bothered? Because I’m sure I have a little bit to spare.” Okay, so you could have worded it differently…

“No! No.” He awkwardly laughs, rubbing the back of his head and you smirk widely. So it’s not a prank. His quick answer proved that much.

“Come on man, tell the truth.” In a split second of stupidity, you pull off your shades and set them on the table beside the couch, leaving your emotions just out there.

“All sarcasm aside, I kind of have mad feels for you. Have for a while…” You mutter the last part, your voice thick, and John turns even redder before looking away.

You sigh and reach for him, intertwining your fingers with his. He jumps and tries to pull his hand away, but you tighten your grip on his hand, not enough to hurt, but enough that he can’t get away.

“D-dave….” John stutters, staring at your hands as if they were writhing with maggots.

“John, I’m not gonna bite you. I just…” You don’t know how to say it without sounding terribly cliché and derpy, but you’re running out of time, so you just spit it out.

“Will you go out with me?” You brace yourself for the rejection, for him to run away, to have to pack up your stuff and go home early. John tells you go often that he doesn’t like guys…

“Y-yeah. I will.” A shit-eating grin spreads across your face and you squeeze his hand, trying not to be overly excited. He. Said. Yes.

“But you better plan some awesome dates. And I’m still not a homosexual.” You snort and scoot closer to him.

“You tell yourself that, Egderp. We could just call you a Stridersexual instead.”

“Sure! And, uhm, also, no super touchy stuff yet, I wanna do this right, okay?” You chuckle, feeling lighter.

The two of you sit there all night, watching more shitty movies, bantering back and forth, and just holding each other’s hand.

Chapter Text

You’re trying not to worry, but he’s late and it’s not like him to be late. He wouldn’t just ditch you.

Your name is john Egbert and you’re sitting in the school’s court yard, pretending that you’re doing homework. But really, you’re scanning the yard as people walk by looking for Dave. Where the hell is he?

You keep waiting. And waiting. Then finally the bell rings, signaling your open hour is over. Well crap. He didn’t show.

“Dave, you jerk…” You mutter, gathering your things and shuffling to your last class of the day: math. You don’t have the class with Dave, but he promised to meet you after school too. You’re going to tell a certain friend that friends don’t stand up other friends who are waiting for them. Maybe you’ll make him let you choose the movie as punishment!

Your phones buzzes in your pocket, making you jump. When you reach for your phone, a teacher in the hallway gives you a pointed look. Oops.

You trudge away, ducking into the nearest bathroom and pull out your phone. It’s Dave. You excitedly open it, reading hungrily. He better have a damned good excuse…

cn u cum to the 2nd floor bthrm? i need ur help

You don’t know how to react. Why would he ditch you then ask for help? And why the hell was he typing worse than usual? You’re tempted to ignore the request, but you can. You guess you aren’t going to make it to math class today.

As quickly and quiet as you can manage, you head through the emptying hallways, cringing as the bell rings, but you don’t stop until you get to your destination. Slowly, you push inside.

At first, it seems empty, but then you spot Dave’s bag , leaning against a trash can. You walk over, peeking around the corner, in a place between a stall and a wall.

“Dave?” You ask the figure buried in a giant red sweater, edging closer. He doesn’t react, his face hidden in his knees.

“Dave, what’s wrong?” You reach him and sit down, slipping off your bookbag. He still doesn’t move. God damn it, what’s wrong with him?

You want to push, but you don’t. You just sit there, watching him, wanting to comfort him.

This you do.

As you wrap your arms around him, a sound like a choked sob comes from Dave, surprising you. You’ve never heard something like that from him.

“Dave, what th-“

“Just hold me. Please.” You swallow your question and do just that. You decide you’re not going to ask, at least not yet.

Time passes slowly. Dave cries for a while, but other times he just keeps his head down. You desperately want to ask him what’s wrong. Who made him cry? Why?

“John, I can literally hear your thoughts… Just don’t freak out like an old lady on crack, okay?” His usual tone of voice is back as he sits, up, facing you head on. And you can’t hold in a gasp. And anger.

A deep purple bruise covers his entire left cheekbone and his eyes are both black. There’s a small gash on his forehead and his lip is split. He looks like complete and utter shit. Gently, you reach up and run your hand along the bruise, not putting any pleasure on it. He cringes anyways.

“Dave, who the hell did this to you?” You ask softly, looking him in the eyes. His pointy sunglasses are destroyed, giving you a view of his eyes. He doesn’t look away.

“It was just some assholes. They… they were making fun of you. So I got up in the one guy’s face.” He was defending you?

“Dave! You should know better than to mess with people. Even if they were being jerks.” Dave rolls his eyes and pulls you to him, resting his chin you your head.

“Aw hell no man. I am not letting anyone bad mouth my boyfriend.” Boyfriend. You love how it rolls off his tongue, sounding so natural. So you crack a grin and lean in against him.

“Well, thanks. I’m glad I have you.”You feel him smile against your hair.

“Of course. Though, think we can sit here for a while longer?”

“I believe that you deserve some mad bro cuddles after your knightly rescue. You deserve it.” He chuckles, pulling you into his lap.

“I can’t believe you said bro cuddles dude. That’s so gay.”

“Look who’s talking!”

Chapter Text

Your name is Dave Strider and once again, you’re being subjected to a most likely terrible old movie. Something so old and outdated that even cavemen wouldn’t touch that shit in fear of being tainted.

So why the hell were you going to watch it? Well, because your best-bro-turned-boyfriend begged and pleaded and promised some mad bro snuggles. Of course you agreed.

“Dave! You have to let go of me so I can actually press play!” You chuckle and release him from your iron grip. You’d been holding a squirming Egbert in your arms for about 10 minutes, since he got back from making popcorn. You’re really surprised he didn’t completely flip out in that time.

Almost as soon at he’s pressed play, you grab him and pull him back down into your lap. He sighs and wiggles around a bit, getting comfortable. He elbows you in the ribs in the process, offering a not-so-sincere apology. You constrict your arms around him, rolling your eyes at nothing.

The movie starts right away, no dumbass previews, and you’re kind of confused. It’s about some sick little kid and an old guy with a book. But then, more. The old guy, the kid’s grandpa, is reading him a story. A very cliché adventure romance film at that.

About half an hour in, you put your head right beside John’s and whisper in his ear. “Seriously, what the flying fuck is this? A pirate dude and a farm girl and just what? It’s like medieval Romeo and Juliet or some shit.”

John laughs at your commentary, but is too absorbed to answer otherwise. You sigh and lean back, trying not to be interested in the movie, but it’s actually a bit interesting. In an ironic way, of course.

After a while, you begin to really notice how god damned WARM John is. He’s like some space heater or something. It’s pleasant after being so cold all the time in damned Washington. You miss Texas still…

“Dave, this is the best part! Watch, watch…” You glance up at John’s excitement, watching the scene. A guy with a super annoying voice rambles on and the pirate guy issues some sort of challenge. Something to do with poison. And then the annoying guy dies and bam the pirate has the girl.

If that’s it, you’re going to have to reprimand Egderp for allowing his movie tastes to decline further, a feat you thought impossible.

“Dude, is that the whole damned movie?” you ask, voice thick with sarcasm. John snorts mumbles something like ‘shut up and keep watching, asshole.’ Whatever.

As the terrible movie goes on, you find that you’ve actually the happiest you’ve been, like ever. And sue you for saying it, but you love the god damned movie in all its terrible romance-adventurey glory.

Oh fuck, what had Egbert done to your vocabulary!?

Chapter Text

“Egbert, you owe me for that terrible movie you subjected me to. I shall forever have Wesley’s screams imprinted on my cerebrum. I’m going to need some intense Lalonde-ing to recover from this and even that might not help.”

“Dave, you’re rambling again. Calm down dude.” You sigh in exasperation and pap the side of his head, grinning at him. He swats at your hand, most likely gearing up for another rant, but you motion for him to be quiet. For once, he listens.

“I have an idea. Since today is Thursday, how about I place a totally ironic first date and we’ll go be all coupley and stuff?” You haven’t much of a clue where this is all coming from but, hey, it’s kinda working, right?

“Oh dear god I’m going to be subjected to some terrible, date-like monstrosity out of ‘Fifty First Dates’, aren’t I? Or maybe ‘Hitch’?” Dave asks with mock horror. You punch him in the shoulder, a bit heard than you mean to.

“How would you know anyways? I thought you were asleep the nights I watched those!” He chuckles and dodges another smack. You glare at him.

…Okay John, let’s stop hitting your boyfriend now, okay?

“I am serious, Dave. I want to do this. Friday. Sound good?” You can almost hear him rolling his eyes behind his shades, but he nods.

“I expect nothing less than the most shit-fancy joint in town, complete with homophobic old broads out to tea with their shriveled up husbands. We can wear rainbow tuxedos and eat caviar and peanut butter. Maybe they’ll allow is to buy champagne if you get a permission slip from Dadbert. It is a special occasion after a-“

You cut him off, suppressing a chuckle. “We’re going to Subway.”

“But they don’t have a playland or old ladies to antagonize! That’s my whole goal in life: get the seniors hot and bothered.” You perfectly execute a facepalm x2 combo. Dear god he was doing it again.

“Dave, stop being a freak, fine. We’ll go to Micky-dees if you just shut up about old ladies!”

Your name is John Egbert, though it might as well be Nervosa McPanick. You’re kinda freaking the fuck out. You’re about to go on your first date, with anyone ever. To McDonalds, of all places. And with Dave, of all people. God, you have no idea what the fuck happened.

Shit, what if you did something so utterly stupid that he left you alone? Broke up with you? Got mad at you? You would too, and probably not even on purpose.

Who were you kidding? Dave could handle anything of Egbertian origins. Even when you snorted jello on him, even when you pushed him into a pile of house manure, even when you told his ex-girlfriend about Bro’s puppet porn site, he forgave you and kept you around(though he wasn’t completely pleasant about it).

Finally, now that you’ve convince yourself that you won’t make more of an idiot out of yourself than usual, you get in your little blue bug and go to pick Dave up from work. Ironically, he works at the Burger King, right next to McDonalds.

“Who is going to be the gentleman and buy dinner, in this case? I personally think I’d be the pants when it comes to everything but paying for food. That work for you?” You smack his shoulder, blushing. The asshole.

“Actually, I thought we’d both pay for our own. Jerkwad.” Dave smirks and bumps his hip against yours. You push back, giggling. The blonde links his arm with yours as you walk up to the counter, receiving a weird look from the cashier. But try as you might, he won’t release you. Bastard!

And then he goes and orders and pays for both your food before you can stop him. The girl just nods, mumbles, and takes his money before giving Dave a number and motion for you both to wait. He casts you a side-long grin and you just glare.

“Why so bothered, Egderp? I’m just being a proper seme is all. Makin your little anime school girl kokoro go doki doki and that good shit. We can be in yaois forever and ever.” Your blush returns and you decide the best thing to do is ignore him. You haven’t a clue what he’s saying. Stupid. Bluh.

Your number is called and Dave goes to get it, telling you to pick a booth. You do so, brooding. Why did he always have to be so embarrassing!?

“Why such the long face, John? We have artery-clogging goodness on a bun and you get to spend time with your boyfriend. Excuse me, your super sexy boyfriend. What more could you ask for?” You roll your eyes at him and get your food, avoiding the question. Considering he called you by your real name, you should’ve answered him, but oh well.

When you finish eating, Dave challenges you to a game to ball pit tag, which you gladly accept. He rambles the whole time, making it really easy to chase him. Then you go up in the tubes of the play land, giggling like a bunch of 5 year olds, until a very crabby manager comes and asks you to leave (kicks you out. Dave flips him off.).

You bother laugh and giggle back to your bug, full and happy. You almost want to skip, but decide not to.

“God, that was the shit, man. Especially when tall, fat, and hairy threatened to call ‘the authorities’. Best date ever.” You smile proudly as you shift into drive, heading back to Dave’s apartment.

On the way there you talk about meaningless things, just to fill the silence. When you get there, that flutter of nervousness comes back, and you gulp as Dave turns to you.

“I was serious, I have a lot of fun, John. Thanks.”

“Ha, sure.” And suddenly he’s leaning towards you and, oh god, is he going to kiss you? Fuck.

You face away hurriedly, your face flaming. Your stomach clenches when Dave’s face falls and he gives you a confused look. God, you feel bad now.

“Bye Dave. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye Egderp…”

God, you’re so stupid.

Chapter Text

You won’t admit it, not in a thousand years, but it hurt when John turned away. The way he told you goodbye, acting all flustered. But you’re not admitting it.

“Fuck Egbert…” It was the proper, gentlemanly thing to do, right? Kiss him on the doorstep, sweep him off his feet… That’s how it was supposed to be.

In that second, you make a snap decision. You jog the rest of the way upstairs, go inside, and go straight to your room, and pack a bag. You also dig out your old skateboard, that your aunt sent you when you were eight.

When you get back to the main room, Bro is nowhere in sight. You assume he’s out, it is Friday night after all. But to be polite, just in case he actually comes home before you do, you leave a note saying you’re at Egbert’s. Like he couldn’t guess that already.

You go back downside and get the skateboard going, speeding the two miles across town to John’s house.

Your name is John Egbert and you’re currently lying in your bed, eating some gummi worms, and reading some manga. You aren’t even focusing on it, because you keep getting distracted and reading it the wrong way. Finally, you get frustrated and throw it away. Damned shojo manga…

You try to find other means of distracting yourself until an respectable hour to go to sleep(approximately 10 pm-three hours away), when there’s a tap on your window. At first you think you’re hearing things, but then it happens again, louder.

“Let me in Egbert, it’d be a shame if I feel and fucked something up.” You scramble over to your window and shove it open, watching with dumbfounded amazement and Dave gracefully heaves himself into your window, landing on his feet. He proceeds to smirk at your expression.

“What are? The second? Dave!” Really, you shouldn’t be surprised. He did crazy shit like this all the time.

“Chill Egbert. I thought Friday nights were for sleepovers? It’s an Egbert-Strider institution. And you tried to ditch me? You wound my very soul.” You roll your eyes at his dramatic act. And you’re the dork here.

“Dave, you just climbed in through my fucking window. We do have a front door, you know. And, we could’ve had the sleepover tomorrow. You didn’t have to risk your life!” You’re waving your hands and, frankly, kind of pissed off.

Then he’s hugging you tightly to him, a deep sigh reverberating though his chest. It takes you a moment to actually hug him back. You will yourself to calm down again.

He pulls away after a moment, and you feel really damned awkward. Why? How the hell would you know? Then, Dave points at your ceiling, motioning at something. You look up, but you don’t see anything.

“What are-mhpf!” And then his lips are against yours, the bridges of your eyewear are clacking together, and you’re making a very undignified sound. You don’t want him to take his lips off yours any time soon.

You find yourself up against a wall within seconds, once he knows you won’t pull away. His hands are constricting your wrist and you’re helpless and warm and oh god, you love it.

You are John Egbert and you think you might just love kissing Dave.

Chapter Text

Your name is officially Dave Strider. You are the cool kid. It is you.

And not only are you a cool kid with awesome shades and a huge-on-you, red and white record shirt, you are also pants less. This is definitely a plus.

You giggle into the mirror and make the goofiest face you can manage, wishing you could see yourself better. Sadly, you’re just a blurred image of dark hair and awesome without your huge glasses.

Okay, so you lied. Your name isn’t Dave Strider.

But your name is John Egbert and you are currently standing in your bathroom, at two in the morning, wearing you boyfriend’s clothes. Hey, don’t judge! They were just there, and so damned tempting… And then you snuck his shades away too. But it was completely spur of the moment and…

Okay, there’s really no way to make this sound less creepy. But whatever, it’s so fun!

“Yo, Egbert, where the fuck did my shades go? You better not have them.” You squeal in a very undignified manor and try to slam the opening door shut, but only manage to get knocked aside with it. You then attempt to hide behind the door. He cannot see you derping around like this.

You fail to hide your derping around.

And even worse, he just stares at you, his eyes and chest bare, making his stare more intense. Even with his cool kid clothes on, you feel naked. Pulling his shirt down doesn’t help either. God, what were you thinking?

Oh right. You weren’t.

“Egbert, what the bloody fuck are you doing wearing my things? You look ridiculous, especially without pants.” You can’t answer, and your face is bright red, it feels like it on fire…

Dave sighs and rubs his hand on the side of his face, wearing a weird expression. You allow yourself to stare at him, on account of the shades. You’re sure he can’t see your eyes.

“Now I have a terrible idea… Try not to flip your shit like a Chihuahua on crack, okay?” You look up at him, curious. What the hell does that mean?

That’s when he starts slipping out of his skinny jeans. An embarrassing squeak escapes your lips, but otherwise you just stare. Then, he hands you his black jeans. Oh thank god he wasn’t getting naked or something-wait, he wants you to put on his pants too?

“Come on Egbert. If you’re going to attempt to be a cool kid, you gotta go all the way. Just try not to think about the molecules of Strider swag you’re about to be covered in. Might have a fangasm or something.” You can’t help but roll your eyes and humor him and put on the damned pants.

They’re actually a little tight on you and it takes you a minute to shimmy into them, then figure out how to get them to zip shut. Hey, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t wear stuff like this regularly.

While you were wrestling with the pants, Dave disappeared. You exit your bathroom and go back to your room, fidgeting with the over-long red sleeves of your shirt. You call out his name softly, so you don’t accidentally alert Dad. He’d probably be disappointed that you were up so late. And wearing someone else’s clothes. And the fact that he didn’t exactly know Dave was over.

“Yo Egderp, get a load of this. I’m you, biggest nerd in Washington. It is me.” You jump and look at your mirror. There stands Dave, in a pair of your shorts, one of your slime shirts, and wearing your glasses. Or at least you assume, considering you can’t see very well without them.

“Awesome Dave. We could totally pass for each other is we got wigs, huh?” You go and stand beside him in the mirror, and you push up the shades so you have some fraction of your vision back. You see his mouth quirk into a smile, and he hugs you to his side.

“Yeah dude. Now can we go change? These khakis look sexy on you, but not so much on me.” You blush again at that as Dave leads you to the bathroom. And then he starts undressing you

“Whoa whoa, no. No changing in front of each other please. No.” He chuckles at your nervousness and weak attempt to fend him off, but gets his shirt off of you anyways.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to take your innocence if you don’t want me too. I just want my damned clothes back. So chill, bro.” He rolls his eyes and you can’t contain your blush-again. Jerk!

Chapter Text

“Okay, I admit, this might just be slightly fun. In a totally ironic way. That’s the only reason I even agreed to this, the irony factors, okay?” John only giggles and rolls his eyes, poking your side. You glare and poke back.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are currently doing one of the shittiest, stupidest, most ironically-unironic things you have ever done. Somehow, you let your new boyfriend convince you to go to a nerd-gathering, called an anime convention. In cosplay.

And even worse, said cosplay required you to allow your awesome hipster looks to be tampered with. First, no shades. None, nada, all damned weekend. Then John threw you to the wolves: your sister and her girlfriend, Kanaya. They proceeded to stuff you into a leather outfit that no sane, self-respecting male would wear.

And then came the hair.

They fucking cut your hair. They butchered it. Straighten the fuck out of it, combed it straight over your forehead, and cut a good inch off so you had ugly, across the forehead bangs. If John hadn’t come in, squealing and hugging the shit out of you, you would’ve murdered the bitches.

John, on the other hand, had taken a different approach. He had ordered a silver-white wig online, courtesy of Dadbert(the lucky bastard) and gotten some baggy white pajama-like things. And then he made these silly little toys to carry around with him.

Oh god the things you were doing for him.

“Okay Dave! From now on, we are in character. Just be all egotistical and insecure and a bully and stuff. And you’re allowed to kiss me and be a jerk and stuff, okay?” you chuckle at his nervous energy and nod. And excuse to kiss your boyfriend in public? Yes.

Okay, so maybe the cosplay thing wasn’t going to be that bad…

As your group enters the convention center, Rose and Kanaya in their own cosplays, Ciel and Sebastian, respectively, you can tell everyone else is excited. Hell, you are too. And almost immediately upon entering, you’re swarmed by a crowd of con-goers. You instinctively go for John’s hand. Looks up at you, hunched over, in character.

“Oh my god, it’s Mello and Near!”

“Eeee!! They’re both guys too!”

“Do you think they’ll kiss? I hope they kiss. Near, Mello, kiss!”

Oh god, yaoi fangirls. Don’t even think about asking how you know that either.

Besides, you would have to escape or be ripped apart by the hoard. And not the kind that consisted of mythical creatures either.

“Near, as much as I hate teaming up with you, we have to come up with a logical way to escape.” You pull out a chocolate bar and start eating it. A couple girls seem to swoon.

“Indeed. I believe the best course of action may be to attempt to reason with them. Perhaps you could inquire what they desire?” You glance down, giving him a curt nod. Kanaya and Rose sneak off, a few fans following them away, but you ignore them, and turn to address your tiny crowd.

“What the hell do you want from us, anyways?” You ask disdainfully. You’re immediately assaulted with chants of ‘kiss, kiss, kiss.’ And you fake a sigh. Show time.

You put away your chocolate and kneel down, sweeping John up into your arms. He flails and wraps his arms around your neck, as if you’re going to drop him. Of course not.

You grab his chin somewhat roughly, smiling bemusedly at his innocent look, and press you lips against him. The crowd erupts in screams and squeals, and you can almost hear the nose bleeds. And pictures being taking.

They like this? Well then. You’ll take it to the next level.

You press your tongue against John’s lips, licking them slightly. His body responds before his mind can react, and you slip your tongue inside, turning your head almost horizontal. This is probably where the adjective ‘ravaging’ would come in handy.

Finally, a security guard comes by and breaks you up. You crowd of followers boos, and you can help but allow yourself a smirk. A few of them probably creamed their panties. Though quite a few were dressed as guys. Hmm.

“Can you let me down now?” John mutters, still trying to catch his breath. His face is also very red. It’s pretty damned cute, so you oblige, but even after he’s on his feet, you plaster him to your side and interlace your fingers.

It is decided. Your name is Dave Strider, and if all anime conventions can go like this, you think you love cosplay.

But wait. That can’t be the end of that. Hell no. You haven’t gotten the full con experience.

Fine. We shall continue.

You wander around for most of the day, doing the con thing. You eat lots of sugar, enjoy having your boyfriend cling to you, etcetera, etcetera. You go to panels. You spend some time in the game room, kicking John’s ass at everything.

At one point, a shy girl named Aradia comes up to you and asks if you two will do a photo for you. John quickly nods. You just shrug.

Then the girl produces a box of something called ‘Pocky’ and John squeals, pulling the girl into a semi-crushing hug. She blushes and hug him back.

“Come on Mello. This is something called the Pocky game.” He pulls out a piece of the candy-like stuff and puts it in his mouth, waggling his eyebrows at you. You get the idea and take the other end, and you both start eating. You head the girl snapping pictures, and then she giggles when your lips touch, and even more when you shove your tongue into John’s mouth.

He pulls away first, smiling. The girl thanks you and is on her way, leaving the box of Pocky, which you two share.

You barely see your sister for the rest of the day either, something you’re fine with. You didn’t need to see her sloppy make outs any more than she needed to see yours. But anyways.

Eventually, it started to get late. This thing called a masquerade happened, and then everyone went back to the largest room. And to your surprise, loud music was pulsing from inside.

“Egbert, what the hell is this?” You ask incredulously. Were they having some weird sort of nerd dance fest in there? And you thought you’d seen everything today.

“Hell yeah!” He says, more excited than you’d seen him in a long time. “That’s the Rave! Come on, let’s go dance!” He’s giddy and giggling and pulling you around like an excited child. You let him.

Though, from your knowledge, raves were a place where people did drugs and had sex and got raped and barely wore any clothes. This surely had to be different, right? You kinda hoped so.

Thankfully, it is. It’s just a bunch of lights and terrible dancing and nerds in costume. The same as the rest of the day, but planned. You kind of liked it.

John pulls you to the middle of the room and surprisingly, starts dancing. And good too. He swags and moves his hips and is just being really terribly sexy. How did he learn to move like that?

After a minute of standing there uselessly, he motions you to come closer. As soon as you do, he grins derpily and pulls you against him. Namely, against his hips.

Oh god he’s grinding against you. You’re about to ask him how but his silences you with a quick kiss. You also decide the best course of action is to just go with it.

So you do. You just feel the beat, and John’s body against yours. The people packed around you are nothing, the smell of sweat is nothing. Just john.

A slow song comes on and you place your hands on his waist, never missing a beat. He loops his arms around your neck, resting his forehead against yours.

And now you think you have a real reason to say it. You. love. Cosplay.

Period.

Chapter Text

“Come on everybody, let’s go to the mall~!” You swing your arm and attempt to start skipping, but your boyfriend doesn’t let you, he only groans and turns a little red, but you can tell he thinks you’re amusing.

You are John Egbert after all. You know these kinds of things.

“Went to the mall with a couple of friends, had a whole week’s allowance to spend,” Dave groans, surely preparing to make some snarky comment, but you keep going.

“I want hoop earrings and a Benton shirt, we came here to shop, and we came here to flirt.” You must continue, you can’t fall into a fit of giggles, resist, resist….

Not today.

“Egbert, you are a disgrace to teenagers of the 21st century. That is a terrible song. It’s Canadian and from the 90’s. I’m going to get Rose to ground you if you do not stop.” Sadly this is the wrong thing to say, and it only makes you giggle harder. Rose, ground you? Ha!

“you’re just jealous of my awesome singing skills dude. Admit it.” And this is about the time that some of the rest of your party decides to intervene. Oh yeah, you forgot about them.

“If you don’t SHUT THE FUCK UP with that TERRIBLE SONG, I swear to god I WILL DISEMBOWL YOU AND FACE THE WRATH OF YOUR ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND.” You cringe and mumble an apology in Karkat’s direction. He makes a sound like ‘hmpf’ and clings back to his own boyfriend, Sollux.

Really, you weren’t sure why you invited them along. Sure, Karkat is and was your best friend after Dave. But on the other hand, both Sollux and Dave mostly hated Dave. Okay, to be honest you weren’t sure if Sollux even liked you at all.

But oh well. You wanted company today. You didn’t really want to be alone with Dave after what happened after the anime convention…

Your face goes red at the thought. Oh god, you went kind of far then, didn’t you? and he didn’t even let you get your cosplay off. Oh hell, are you even a virgin anymore? Fuckfuckfuck…

John: Be Karkat

Now your name is Karkat Vantas, since a said John Egbert is too busy freaking out.

And you seriously don’t know what the fuck you’re doing here. You hate people. You hate Strider. Egbert is annoying, although he claims the title of your best friend. If not for him excitedly telling you to bring Sollux along, you would’ve told him to fuck off.

And the fact that you really needed a new sweater before Hot Topic didn’t sell them anymore.

“KK, are we theriouthly going to hang out with thethe lotherth all day? I don’t like the blonde athhole…” He narrows his eyes in Strider’s direction, and you shrug, hugging his thin frame. Also cursing the fact that he towered over you by a freaking foot. The word ‘beanpole’ came to mind.

Unless you were Stabdad. Then it’s something like, ‘he’s too tall, let’s take a little off the top’. Stupid Stabdad and trying to kill your boyfriend.

Anyways, you were letting your ADHD get to you

“Yo, guys, Egbert wants to go see if his Ghostbuster stuff is in. Go ahead and go to your emo store or whatever by yourselves.” You growl in his direction and Sollux flips him off beside you. but unless he has eyes in the back of his head, he doesn’t see it.

“He’th not worth it. Come on…” Sollux says, pulling you away. You nod and go with him. You’ll get Strider eventually. You will.

Karkat: Shit let’s be John again

Despite protests, you’re once again the (now calmed) derpy boy, John Egbert. Dave was successfully able to shooshpap you despite having no clue what you were upset about.

All said and done, you’re happy. You have new ecto-goggles and you’re on your way to Dad Depot to pick up some stuff for dad, then to Hipstertown for Dave. It’s really kind of lame in there, but you’ll never tell him that.

Finally, finally you’re able to escape both stores. Dad will be so proud of you for getting him his new pipes and that tie, and Dave got a new record shirt, exactly identical to the one he’s wearing. You notice the boy at the counter give him a cool thumbs up as you leave.

Now, finally, you can go to YOUR store. You love that store so much. You would marry it if possible, and if you weren’t going out with Dave. You could spend hours upon hours in there?

Where?’ might be a question asked here. Well, in Kawiichi, of course! The store for everything of the Japanese culture. They sell Pocky and manga, and all kinds of clothes. Even cosplays for the lazy cosplayers. But you liked to make your own.

Today you were going for a couple of t-shirts, namely a domo shirt, a Deathnote shirt, and one for this weird video game called Sburb. They had been developing it for years; you don’t think they’re ever going to finish.

Dave groans and slumps his shoulders as you pull him inside. An old friend who works here, Nepeta, waves at you, grinning and pointing to her cat ears. You grin back and wave before heading to the t-shirts. You can tell Dave is totally mortified to be here too, which you can’t help but be a little happy about.

You grab the shirts you want and head to the dressing room, just to double check that they’re the right size. But when you try to let go of Dave’s hand and go inside, he doesn’t budge, holding you in place. You give him a pointed look, and he sighs, letting you go.

You chuckle, feeling your prankster’s gambit swell in your favor, and you close the door behind you. You turn around and go to pull your shirt off, when you’re pushed against the door.

“Sup Egderp. Nice weather we’re having.” Dave grins at you, pinning your arms beside your head. You struggle reflexively, but he only tightens his grip. You go red and try to forget, you pray he doesn’t mention it…. Oh wait, you should probably answer him.

“Dave, what are you doing?” It comes out as more of a whisper than you mean it too, but you can’t help it. Your voice has decided to go on strike.

“You really expected me to wait out there in nerdville while you take forever to change, modeling them one by one, and coming out to show me like we’re shopping for wedding dresses? Hell. No.” He smirks, leaning against you, putting a leg on either side of you. Oh god oh god…

“Then let me change.” You manage, wishing he’d stop, but also kind of not, because…

Okay, you’re not going there.

Painfully slow, he moves his head along yours, his cheek brushing against yours, and licks the shell of your ear. A groan rumbles out of your throat, and you know he has you now.

Then he moves down your neck, to that spot, where your neck and shoulder connect, and he bites. You moan as softly as you can manage as he bites and sucks. You’re going to bite your lip off if he doesn’t stop it…

But finally he does, but not before giving the mark a final lick, making you shiver. He only stands up straight and smirks at you, nowhere near the hot mess that you surely are.

“So, are you gonna change or what?” He asks, leaning against a wall. You don’t really want to be here anymore, so you just quickly shake your head and scoop up your clothes, doing your best to pull the collar off your shirt up over the forming bruise. Dave follows.

You go up to the counter and pay hurriedly, telling the girl to keep the change, before grabbing Dave and rushing out of the store. But not before you get Nepeta give you a knowing wink.

God fucking damn it Dave!

Chapter Text

Your name is Dave Strider, and this might be a fucking awful idea, but it’s too late now.

Well, maybe it won’t be that bad… But with the people you know, it probably will be.

See, your boyfriend made puppy dog eyes at you until you gave in and got permission from Bro, to let him throw a birthday party for you in the apartment. At this point, you’re only inviting close friends, but you know that it will most likely grow to more.

Who are you kidding; you haven’t a fucking idea on how this is going to go. All you know is that you have to keep everyone in the main room and pray the Tez doesn’t call everyone in the school, like she did when her girlfriend threw a party. Now that was a disaster.

“Dave, Dave! Tell me if I got the guest list right…” John bounds over, list in hand, grinning at you. you nod for him to get on with it. He grins wider.
“Rose is brining Kanaya, Jade is brining Feferi, Karkat is brining Sollux, who is brining Eridan, and Terezi is brining Vriska… eeep, Vriska? Is she the one who tried to molest me?” You nod, and his grin falters, but he keeps going.

“Nepeta is bringing her friend Equius, Bro is going to ‘supervise’ with that weird Jake guy… And that Aradia girl we met at the con is coming. Is that all?” Sadly, it is not all, but you nod anyways.

See, there is also your old best friend-slash-ex-boyfriend, who is bringing his new druggie boyfriend. But you’re not gonna say this shit to Egbert. You might just be a little sore from it still.

John shrugs and crumples up the paper he has the names written on, and shoves it in his pocket. You sigh and wrap him in a hug. Frankly, you’re more nervous about this than you’re been for anything in quite a while. You don’t know any of these people very well, except for your sister and John, which is still a stretch when it comes to Rose.

“Hey, lil’ man. Come ‘ere.” You squish down a flinch and glance at Bro to let him know you’re listening. He nods for you to come closer. You roll your eyes, but do.

“Sup, douche canoe?” You deadpan, shoving your hands in your pockets. Bro gives you a slight smirk, actually surprising you.

“Two things, kid. One,” He holds up a finger, still smiling. “One, don’t you dis me. I could still call this shit off, you know. Or get anchovy pizza. We’ll see how that goes over.”

“It’ll be ironic. Especially since we have cat girls coming to this shit. They’d love it.”

He only shrugs and puts up his second finger.

“Two, do I really have to safety proof the kitchen? For the sound o’ it, some of these dumbasses could stand a dose of natural selection.” You roll your eyes, but you admit, it was kind of funny. And you wouldn’t mind if Sollux found himself impaled on a katana, if not for the factors of paperwork and the matter of cleaning up the blood.

“As much as I agree, I don’t think the fragile Egbertian mind could handle that shit. Just stuff the crap in your room and get on the pizza thing.” You turn to leave, back to John, who is busy putting up streamers, but instead you smash your face against a solid wall of Bro.

“That was kinda rude, lil’ man. Did you not learn from our ironic manners lessons?” In your mind there’s a flash of the last said ‘manners lesson’ and you can barely contain a shutter. Bastard.

“Yeah yeah, I remember. Please put your bullshit in your room and pretty please order us some god damned pizza before our guests arrive.” You sing song it bitterly and glare at him, but Bro just chuckles and shrugs, as if to say ‘close enough’, then flashsteps, presumably, to the kitchen.

This is going to be a bigger disaster that Armageddon and the holocaust put together. Watch out, the motherfucking anti-Christ up in this bitch, with Hitler as his Super-Saiyan sidekick. It’s the end of the world as we know it, men.

Then the doorbell rings, sending John sprinting to answer it. Oh dear god. The end is here.

Your name is Dave Strider and you never should have agreed to this bullshit.

Okay, first of fucking all, you’re pretty sure a majority of the people here hate you and are only here because of someone else. Vriska, Karkat, Eridan, Sollux, Equius, Kanaya… Hell, it’s almost easier to list who isn’t shooting you death glares.

The second thing: John.

Apparently, he’s not used to this many people, because he’s spent a majority of his time glued to your side, not talking to anyone but Karkat and Jade and Rose.

This is something you’re perfectly fine with, especially once Tavros shows up. And even better, the boyfriend is painted like a clown and looks like he’s high. Bro shoots him a peace sign, which he lazily returns. You don’t like him already.

The pair walks over to you, the clown’s arm looped around Tav’s neck. You brace yourself, reinforcing you poker face. John looks up at you questioningly, but you ignore him. Bad boyfriend. Bad.

“Uh, hi Dave. It was… really nice of you to invite us.” Memories flit through your head, triggered by his voice. That stuttery, nervous, airy voice. Couldn’t rap worth a shit and could barely hold a conversation. You loved to torment him, watch him squirm.

Oh fuck. You should answer. Proper interaction and all those non-optional social conventions.
“Yeah man. No problem. Food’s in the kitchen and shit, by the way.” He nods nervously, making his long Mohawk flip slightly. Okay, ignoring that. You look back to John as the walk away instead, and he just smiles at you nervously.

“Who were they? I didn’t have them on the guest list…” And that was the dreaded question. You own John the honesty. You try to ignore Terezi’s sightless stare off to your left.

“No one important, just my ex and his boyfriend.” You shrug and hug him to you tighter. Terezi cackles.

“Cherry Cool Kid, I think we should start the festivities! High Judge Pyrope would like to propose a game.” John perks up, and you can only barely suppress a groan. This wouldn’t end well.

“The prosecution would like to make a statement: This party is dead! I declare it rainbow rumpus party town!” she cackles again, and most everyone else laughs with her. You hate them. All of them.

“Noooowww… Anyone up for strip poker?” she waggles her eyebrows at you, a chorus of ‘yes, hell yes, hell fucking yes!” sounding behind her. Well. This could be interesting. Even though john looks like a deer in the headlights that just go run over.

Everyone starts moving around furniture, making a circle and sitting beside whoever they came with. You sigh loudly as you catch Bro sneaking off with the Jake twit out of the corner of your eye. Of course he abandons you now. Smart, but not good supervising. Bastard.

A deck of cards is produced, and Vriska starts to deal to all 16 players. Surprisingly, no one objected to playing. No one wants to be ridiculed for being a chicken here.

Fortunately, you’re good at poker and fairly lucky. You do well the first few hands as minor things come off, like shoes and jackets. John isn’t near as luck as you are, and he loses 3 of the first 6 rounds, leaving him in just his shorts and shirt. You wouldn’t mind seeing him naked, it’s just the fact that everyone else would too.

Finally, you lose the 7th round with a lowly pair of threes. Vriska loses the eighth, her first, and begrudgingly kicks off her shoes. By the thirteenth, nearly everyone has lost once, except Aradia. She’s surprisingly good.

But by far, Gamzee is doing the worst. He either doesn’t know what he’d doing or doesn’t care. You suspect the latter. He seems like he’s high, after all. By the twentieth round, he’s down to his underwear. You avert your eyes, unlike most of the room, Tavros in particular.

Before you know it, it’s been nearly an hour and a half, and nothing is going anywhere fast. Kanaya and Rose are both one away from just underwear, as well as most of the rest of the girls besides Aradia, who was still only shoeless. Gamzee was the only shirtless guy too.

Hell, even you had managed to keep almost everything. Maybe you needed to spice it up a bit… who better to call in than the master of flavors?

“Yo, TZ.” You whisper to your best friend, nudging her bare leg. She looks in your direction, which is creepy because of her eyes, but you ignore the fact.

“Yeah Cherry-berry?” she asks sweetly, leaning against Vriska, who’s deal it is again.

“Care to spice it up and take the lead? Do your magic shit.” A shit eating grin spreads across her face, and you smirk at her. She stands up, and most everyone looks at her.

“I have a proposition! If you don’t want to take of a piece of clothing, you may take a dare from the winner of the round. It can’t involve taking off clothes, but anything else is good, okay?” She grins wider and a few people make sounds of confirmation. Okay. This works.

The next two rounds are uneventful still. You lose one and have to take off your shirt, which is such a shame considering all the stares you get. John runs his fingers up and down you sides almost… possessively, shooting a couple glares at people who look your way. You’ve never really seen this side of him before. You kind like it.

Finally, near the thirtieth round (you’ve been counting this shit), Rose is down to just her underwear and has to take a dare. And it comes from Vriska.

“Okay Rose,” She starts, smirking evilly, “You must kiss one person on the cheek, one on the lips, and make out with a third. In that order. But I get to pick who.” Rose frowns almost imperceptible, but nods and stands. Vriska points to Kanaya first. Rose kisses her cheek.

Second, she points to Terezi. Rose kisses her on the lips. Vriska seems a bit flustered by this.

Then, after a moment of thinking, she laughs and points to you. What. She wants Rose to make out with you. Aw hell no.

“Go on Rose, you have to do what I say or forfeit the dare and take off your underwear anyways.” She grins at Rose, who only glares back.

“Serket, you are asking me to engage in incestuous activities with my brother. I believe that this is a bit wrong and I’d ask that you would direct me to someone else.” For once you really have to agree with her. Other people murmur in agreement and Vriska growls, giving in.

“Fiiiiiiiine. Kiss him then.” She point to Equius unenthusiastically and Rose grudgingly obeys, making out with the sweaty weirdo for about 30 seconds before making her way back to Kanaya.

Then things get boring again. Aradia loses twice, you once, Equius again, losing his shirt, Tavros twice… It’s actually staying pretty even, as far as losing. Jade and Nepeta are the only ones not in their underwear, surprisingly.

Then, John gets a dare from Gamzee, who somehow won for the first time all damned night. John looks scared as Gamzee looks at him lazily. You’re a little nervous too, actually…

“Okay man… I think I got a bit of an idea up in my head. How about you up and all go in one of the rooms with Strider for the next…” He cuts off, and Tavros finishes, speaking softly.

“The next ten hands… Ter… Terezi will come get you.” You nod gratefully at Tavros, grabbing John’s hand and leading him to your room. As much fun as that was, you want John all to yourself.

And when he kisses you roughly as soon as the door closes, you know he feels the same way.