Archive of Our Own ^beta

Are you sure?

The waves were crashing on the shore gently, carrying the seashells and algae to the sand where the saurian hunter watched the sun setting in the distance. Kinich could still hear the sounds of the party ending behind him, people getting ready to leave, singing songs and dancing as others were helping to clean. It was a small celebration after the new pilgrimage for competition, Mualani had won, hence the party at the People of the Springs.

He looked at the party for a moment, Xilonen still enjoying the music on her speaker as Kachina was break dancing with someone he didn’t know, Ifa was playing with the saurians around along with Chasca, a bit further he could see Varesa helping out to clean carrying decorations and other things around with Iansan, Ororon was trying to drag Citlali back after she got too drunk and too sleepy, but the old woman was putting up a fight. 

Ajaw had fallen asleep earlier on a table and everyone made a game about it. Every person had a turn to action to take, if anyone woke up the pixelated dragon they lost. So the orders were: move him to a board or plate, put that plate on a box, close the box, place it somewhere far from the party, and enjoy the rest of the night.

No one lost.

Had anyone told him years ago that this would be his found family, to be around so many people, friends and actually care for them and have them care for him, Kinich would have dismissed the idea long before it became concrete and even pulled distance between them. Caring for others took too much time and responsibility, too much consequence, thinking and most of all, energy. I didn’t have that much to spare.

Thankfully, the Malipo had one special client that couldn’t take “no” as an answer for her offer of friendship, and before he realized they had become something. She invited one, then two and when he caught the situation, she already had been dragging a whole group to become acquaintances too.

“Is that a smile I see?”

As if she was summoned by his thoughts, the tanned girl was by his side. White hair and a genuine smile that was permanent on her face, sunrise eyes that made him agree to do things he normally wouldn’t.

“You speak as if you have never seen me smile.”

“Well, it isn’t a frequent occurrence, is it?” She sat beside him on the sand, watching the waves, “So, what’s on your big strategist mind?”

He looked at the horizon again. Part of him wanted to reply with “you” but that didn’t seem like the right answer.

Not yet.

“Trying to figure out how I got dragged into this group.”

“That's easy!” She used her index to boop his cheek and gently push him teasingly, “I didn’t let you keep broodying around.”

He rolled his eyes, “I could get away from you.”

“But you didn’t~” Mualani giggled, pulling her legs up and holding them close as she rested her head on her knees and looked at him, “And even if you tried, I would have hunted you down.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“You better not, I can still do it if I have to.”

He looked at her. Sun bathed skin slightly rosy from her blushing, warm eyes and soft smile. Her fingers were gently caressing his hair without his own realization, once they locked eyes she caught her action and turned her gaze at the waves again as she cleared her throat as she got caught in her own action.

Her attachment to him wasn’t unnoticed, nor the feelings she had confessed after the final battle against the abyss. And while he didn’t give an answer, she was kind and respectful to give him time and space to think things through.

“It’s ok.” She had said back then “You don’t have to say it back or try to feel the same way. I just wanted to tell you and let you know that I’m willing to try, and when you are ready for it, I’m here.”

Maybe it was his eyes, or just the way he hesitated to even breathe after the words were out her mouth. Or even the way the silence lingered in the air but there was no action or show of rejection or contempt. There was conflict, but not from her words, she could clearly see it was something deeper and beyond her actions. 

Maybe his own lack of proper response was indicative of his own feelings, but Kinich was a straightforward person, if he didn’t say no , it meant he was considering things she hadn’t. And that was fine, it was one of the reasons why she fell for him in the first place. If he needed time and space to put his own thoughts in order to give her a proper answer, she would give that.

She didn’t pry, but they would hang out often and every now and then the topic would come, in careful and slow notes they were figuring the big picture he had been so hesitant to jump into. He had told her about his past. About his mother leaving, his father beatings and about how he didn’t really think he would ever get with someone; but mostly, he didn’t even know how to show (or received she noticed later) affection. 

Mualani couldn’t say she understood. Affection was like nature to her. It was a way to show care, love and- well, affection . In her own little ways and languages, she never had difficulty getting or giving to others. May it have been in helping someone choosing a surfing gear, recommending a new place to go, delivering cookies to friends or even contracting a certain guy to help her friend to build confidence and train for her own trials. It was so natural to her she hadn’t considered how complicated the same things to show love could bring up ghosts that had been left in the past.

Given the information, she kept watch of her actions around Kinich. Not because he asked or pushed her, but to be considerate of his own development and assertion. Until he gave her an answer, their friendship would remain unchanged.

The surfer kept her word. Their friendship remained the same, as did their connections and interactions. Sometimes her lingering feelings would slip through, a gentle touch, a hug that took a few seconds more, longing eyes, warm smiles that were specifically and directly at him.

Truth to be told, Kinich wanted nothing more than to get into it and let her warmth melt away the rest of the world. To hold her close, listen to her breathing and feel her fingers comb his hair as she did his braid for the 27th time, to just be in the moment with her, coexisting in a way in which no words were needed but everything was said. In which he allowed himself to receive her feelings and everything Mualani was willing to give and give it back a hundred times more because she deserved it.

But at the same time, the scars were there.

The memories of how good the good days were of how incredibly fast the bad ones became hell. Of the smell of liquor, the pain coming from a hand that should care, of someone who should love and protect him who left without a second thought for him to fend for himself.

Kinich wasn’t rejecting her, even if part of him told him it was for the better. He simply was… Careful. Maybe that’s the word. 

The Umoja holder always had been the adventurous type who would explore first and deal with dangers as they come, while he would rather study the area and then decide which path to take. It was part of the reason he became who he was and got on his line of work.

Most of his fears were irrational. He knew he wasn’t like his parents. He would never abandon someone - Friend, family or… more - to save himself alone, the Pilgrimage was a proof of that. Nor he would ever hurt someone he cared about because the drugs in his body made him irrational, part of that was his own vow to never get drunk or have any addictions. Even on parties, he has a rule of how much he could drink; sometimes that number would be as low as one drink only, other nights could be three or four, normally would depend how much alcohol there would be in said drink, Kinich didn’t even enjoy drinking that much anyways so for him didn’t make much difference.

Even so, he was asserting the new grounds slowly. There was no way he could risk jumping into it only to hurt the girl beside him in the end. Different from the extreme sports, where he enjoyed the adrenaline of the danger, the single thought of accidentally hurting Mualani by rushing decisions was something he couldn’t bear.

He asked for time, comprehension and understanding, she willingly gave it to him with a smile. They would spend hours talking about it, with her patting his back once in a while assuring he was thinking too much about some things. He probably was, still he wasn’t taking any risks.

Moments in which they just stayed beside each other, like right now, and enjoyed the presence without more of it had been becoming more frequent, but also more… restless for him. He was letting his mind often wonder about how it would be to hold her close to him, to hold her hand, and to just… Give it a try.

The dreams about her changing her mind and finding someone else weren’t helping either. Mualani was a brilliant woman and bright star that wouldn’t be walking alone for long, holding the Umoja name and it’s meaning only made her more appealing to anyone else than she was by her own volition. 

She was already giving too much by allowing him to think of her confession and what to do about it instead of just moving on and trying with someone else.

If he was completely honest, he had already given a silent confession the moment he asked for time. It was a way of him asking to take things slow and carefully and Mualani was very considerate to agree. He knows- Maybe they both do, that the moment he allowed the feelings to flourish, he would dive deep, with no take backs and no return.

He would never be the same again after loving her, and there was a chance it would be the same for her.

Somewhere between those hundreds of moments talking about them becoming more, it slipped that they already were. Somewhere in that, was the implication that once he started the action, it was the moment it would all be official, it would be real. They both knew, even without explicitly saying it out loud. It was something between them that only they could understand, that would be left in the air and still be clear and loud without either of them putting words into it.

So when Mualani was observing the waves under the sunset and suddenly felt his hand seaking hers and holding it firmly, she knew what it meant. Her eyes immediately looking for his green ones. No hesitation or questions, just a silent reassurance and tenderness that he meant what he was doing.

To her own surprise, she was the one hesitating now.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Had been for a while.”

She looked at their hand together, her fingers slipping through his hesitantly, but his mimicked her action, lacing their fingers together. He kept looking at their hands together as he spoke.

“Are you ?”

The gentle smile on her face was enough, but she moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I can’t see myself with anyone else.” 

Kinich scoffed, not doubting her words but that he was really that great to be the one. She refuses to divulge into those kinds of thoughts in his mind, instead retorting the question “Can you?”

He took a few seconds, more into understanding why she retorted the question than hesitation of an answer. 

“No…” He took a breath, looking and their fingers intertwined “Are you sure ?”

She giggled. “Why do you sound more hesitant now than before?” 

“It’s hard to believe you’re by my side… I don’t want to let you down.”

“You won’t” she scooted closer, their sides resting on each other, “We can dive slowly into this new thing. I know there’s a lot of pain where your question comes from, but I’m here.”

She rested her chin on his shoulder, her other hand cupping his face softly as he leaned into it with eyes closed before he even realized he was doing it.

“I’ll help you, if you help me.”

He opened his eyes, looking right into hers. The sunset on the horizon made her own sunset eyes shine brighter while looking at him, or maybe it was that smile that he realized she only directed at him, or the fact he leaned in her direction, resting his forehead on hers so naturally that made it things so…

Easy.

“I’m not used to this, to any of it.”

“I’m aware,” she giggled again.

“Much less to people saying what they mean.”

“I can help with that.” Her thumb caressed his cheek gently, “As long as you always mean what you say and I’ll do the same.”

His fingers squeezed hers softly as he hesitated to his next words.

“Don’t give up on me.”

Mualani nuzzled his nose with hers while smiling, understanding where the hesitation came from and taking time to assure him of their feelings and cleaning any doubts away patiently.

“I won’t. So don’t give up on me either.”

“I could never.”

She couldn’t resist leaning in and giving him a peck on his lips. Softly and quick, just to make sure he understood she was not backing down by any means.  He looked surprised at her little action and she couldn’t help but smirking at his reaction.

“Then that’s settled.”

There was no more talk, as this time he was the one diving in to capture her lips.

It was soft, careful and slow. Still full of uncertainty and hesitation, but with each movement, Kinich found more confidence and comfort to let it happen and melt into it. The lingering feelings slipping through the kiss, his longing more evident now that he finally allowed it to happen, the desire to be more than they were exploding in their chests as the feelings consumed them both.

Felt like flying high in the sky, floating on calm water and diving into the unknown all at once. It was scary, but also so good. Kinich wondered why he hadn’t allowed this to happen any sooner, even though he already knew the answer for that.

They both pulled apart after a while, resting their foreheads and looking at each other full of emotions they didn’t know how to quite name it all yet.

“I had a nightmare the other day.” She tilted her head confused as her fingers combed his hair, not sure where he was going with this “You woke up and changed your mind,” he held her hand on his face, holding it gently against his cheek and leaning on it “But I don’t think I would regret this even if that day comes.”

“It won’t.” She replied immediately.

The hunter kissed her hand, “Even if it does, my love is blind…” He looked at her face once more, the uncertain feelings wavering in his eyes. 

Mualani smiled at her recently acquainted boyfriend. She changed her position, so now she was completely facing him instead of side by side as she spoke, “Then we have a problem.” 

Cupping his face with both hands and giving a gentle kiss on his lips, she smiled once more “Cause so is mine.”

This time he smirked at her, but still asked her one more time.

“Are you sure?”

“You can ask me that a hundred times and I’ll answer a thousand and one that, Yes, I am, in every kind of way possible until there’s no doubt left in your mind by the past.”

The smile on his lips was enough for her to know he would do the same for her. Same smile he would have reserved for her on stolen moments, lingering eyes and longing touches. The same she wouldn’t ever be tired to see and would only be content not be on his face, if it meant she was the one erasing them with her own lips as his hands would rest on her waist pulling her close. 

Just like right now.

If anyone from the party behind them noticed what was going on, they decided not to interrupt or interact, giving that moment to both ancient name holders. Letting them continue to keep diving into each other talking about feelings, whispering words of emotions, lips melting with actions that spoke louder than the words they were to carry on them.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am.