Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Due to the nature of their families Panto doesn’t always get to see Silas. It’s frustrating but it leaves the moments when he is able to all the more precious, he soaks all of them up like a sponge. It’s a dream come true after the years he spent pining for something he thought he would never have.

That brings him to the problem he’s currently experiencing though. All those stolen moments are typically spent kissing. Which is great, he would never complain about that. But it also leads to moments like today where Silas made the most sinful noise and how could he not reward that by deepening the kiss. They continued like that until Wygar angrily called for Silas and he had to reluctantly leave.

Which brings him to now as he lays in bed and thinks back on their encounter. His lips still feel electrified from their kiss. And it’s leading him down dangerous thoughts. Thoughts like what if they hadn’t been interrupted? Panto has thought about it a lot, what their first time would look like. He’s about 90% certain that Silas is a virgin and he wants to make it as special as possible for him.

Ideally, although he knows how unlikely it is, he’d want it to be in Silas’ bed. So he can be the most comfortable. He’d start slow, making sure that Silas has the opportunity to pull away before kissing him. Kissing Silas is always a feast of sensations. He’s so responsive and vocal that Panto can’t get enough.

If he had him here, now, in his bed he’d see what other noises he could pull from him by kissing other areas.

The thought stirs him to hardness and he suddenly feels very hot in his light sleep clothes. Well since he can’t sleep…

He removes his nightshirt and unties his sleep pants, pulling himself out. This has been happening more frequently lately but it’s necessary to ensure he doesn’t pop a boner around Silas. The absolute last thing he wants is to make Silas uncomfortable or force him into something. He’s long ago decided that Silas will have to make the first move and in the meantime his hand will suffice.

He imagines it’s Silas’ hand while he strokes himself, slowly at first. Silas is always so gentle he would be gentle in this too after all. Panto would whisper words of encouragement in his ear and Silas would have one of those adorable blushes on his face. He’d kiss him and if he’s lucky Silas would make more of those wonderful noises.

He speeds up his hand, chasing that pleasure. He’s close, he just needs -
There’s a tapping at his window and he pulls his hand away at lightning speed. The only one who would be here this late at night is Silas, with the worst timing. His cock twitches in protest at the loss of contact.

Despite his body still being very much interested he ignores it because the only time SIlas has ever come to visit him this late is because something happened. Worry takes the place of his arousal and he’s tucking himself back into his pants before rushing to the window. His erection has gone down somewhat and he hopes it’s not obvious.

“Silas?” He calls out to the night and Silas pops out of the shadows of his balcony. He’s dressed simply, a cloak pulled low over his face in an attempt at a disguise. He looks miserable.

“Silas?” Panto asks again after not receiving a response. Silas looks hunched over on himself and Panto rushes to his side. “Silas what is it? What happened?” He asks, heart in his throat.

Silas slumps against his chest and Panto wastes no time wrapping his arms around him. He mumbles something against him that Panto doesn’t catch. “What was that my love?”

Silas pulls back slightly and Panto has to fight the urge to pull him back against him. “My mom she…” He trails off.

“What did she say, love?” Panto tries to keep his voice as soft as possible even though inside he’s livid. He knows how Silas’ mother is, he would never tell Silas but he hates her. Especially in moments like these.

“Nothing she hasn’t said before, I don’t know why it got to me so bad today.”

Panto pulls him back against his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He wishes he could just steal Silas away, make certain he always has nice things because he deserves it. And he knows his family, especially his mother, doesn’t give that to him.

Suddenly, Silas stiffens against him and Panto’s worry returns full force. He’s about to ask what’s wrong when Silas beats him to it. “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

Panto can’t tell what Silas is feeling based on his tone. It’s one he hasn’t heard before but it makes him shiver.

“Right - uh - I should…” He moves to pull away but Silas has him in a tight hold.
“No, it’s fine. You’re warm.” Panto swallows as he tries very hard not to let that go straight to his dick.

“Can I stay with you tonight? Please?” Silas asks suddenly, Panto can feel his warm breath against his collarbone, lips brushing against him as he speaks against his skin. That, coupled with the ask, has his mind going to less than pure places and he has to physically tamp down his arousal.

That’s not what Silas needs right now and he’d be taking advantage. Their first time together deserves better than that.

“Of course.” His voice comes out hoarser than he’d like but if Silas notices he doesn’t say anything.

He leads them both to his bed and while it’s not the first time Silas has snuck in, it is the first time he’ll be staying the night. Silas tucks himself in beside him and smiles that gentle smile of his. The one that leaves him breathless. Silas reaches out a hand and caresses his cheek. “What did I ever do to deserve you, Panto?”

Panto reaches a hand out to place across his hip, inching them closer to each other. He kisses his forehead before capturing his lips in a tender kiss. It doesn’t help with his current situation but he’s more than adept at denying his own pleasure for Silas. He never wants to make him uncomfortable after all. Suddenly, Silas’ eyes widen and his cheeks pink, causing panic to shoot up Panto’s spine.

Could he tell somehow?

Panto’s no longer hard but he’s convinced at that moment that his earlier…’activities’ are obvious somehow.

But instead Silas just chuckles to himself. “I just realized I got into bed fully clothed, how silly of me. One moment, love.” And then he’s leaving Panto’s side, who has a brief second to mourn the loss before he’s watching Silas undo his doublet and then his mouth goes dry.

He’s seen Silas without it before but whether it’s because of the location or the fact that Panto was pleasuring himself to the idea of Silas under him mere minutes ago he’s not sure. All he knows is that his cock throbs in the confines of his trousers and he can’t let Silas know. He’d be taking advantage and this is not at all how he planned their first time together. It was going to involve romance, he was going to sweep Silas off his feet. He tries to will himself back to softness but Silas looks so lovely in just his loose undershirt and pants. It hangs low on his chest and he can see the chest hair peeking out which does not help his current situation at all.

Silas gets back into bed none the wiser and to Panto’s distress he nuzzles closer to him. Their crotches aren’t touching but Silas tucks his head underneath Panto’s chin and sighs. The action causes more of his hot breath to ghost over his skin and he shivers at the full body tingle that causes, his cock giving an interested twitch. At the rate this is going he’s going to spend the entire night terminally frustrated and painfully hard.

Silas must pick up on his discomfort because he pulls back slightly to look at him in concern. “Panto? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing my love, nothing.” He rushes to reassure but Silas isn’t appeased.

“Something is wrong, I can tell.” He pauses for a moment before looking away. “Am I…is my being here making you uncomfortable?”

“What? No!” He rushes to reassure. The last thing he needs is Silas thinking that he could ever be uncomfortable in his presence. It’s just his stupid body that hasn’t gotten the memo.

Silas tilts his head and those big eyes are trained on him. “Then what is it, my love?”

“Silas I promise, it’s truly nothing. Now get back to being my pillow.” He jokes and it startles a laugh out of Silas. The first one of the night. Progress. He pulls him against him, so delighted that he was able to cheer up his lover that he doesn’t realize his mistake until it’s too late. Silas tumbles on top of him, inadvertently brushing against his clothed erection and they both freeze.

“Panto…? Is that -”

“I’m sorry!” He moves to pull away again but Silas clings to him, a determined look on his face.

“Can I…help with that?” The room goes quiet as Panto processes what he said. His cock is suddenly harder than it’s ever been. Silas never talks like that and it’s making it very hard to think.

Silas pulls back slightly and hunches over on himself, suddenly unsure. “Unless…you don’t want me?”

“No! That’s not - I want you all the time. That’s the problem.”

Silas blushes. “...That doesn’t sound like a problem.”

Panto groans. “Silas, you deserve so much more. You deserve to be swept off your feet not stolen kisses or a quick romp in the forest.”

If possible Silas blushes harder at that. “And what if I want that with you?” He says so quietly Panto almost doesn’t hear him.

“Silas…”

“I’ve never…done anything like this with anybody. Never even kissed anybody…but with you, anywhere with you, it's perfect. All I need is you.”

Panto can't help but tackle him to the bed, overcome with a sudden urge to kiss him all over. He looms over him as Silas looks on stunned but he can't stop now.

“Silas…” He groans out, almost pained. His erection is back in full force and he looks down to confirm that Silas is in a similar state. The sight is dizzying. “You want this? Here? In my bed?”

Silas reaches up a hand towards his face, his eyes and smile blinding with how bright they are. “Being with you? In your bed? My love, I can't think of anything I'd want more.”

Panto lets out another groan at that and rolls his hips to provide friction to their clothed erections. Silas gasps and lets out a moan before slapping his hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

Panto can't have that. He gently grabs his wrist and pulls it away from his face, settling it down next to his head in a gentle hold. “Please love, I need to hear you. You sound so lovely.”

Silas makes some high pitched whining noise and it sends a pleasant shiver down Panto's spine. He can't resist capturing his lips in a tender kiss.

He reaches up to take Silas’ other hand in his and slips a tongue into his mouth, swallowing down the moan he receives after another roll of his hips.

“You're so perfect, so beautiful.” He murmurs against his jaw, kissing that same spot not long after.

“Panto can - can I -” Silas tries to ask but his voice breaks off into a moan by Panto sucking a spot onto his neck.

“Yes my love?” Panto asks after he's done. Now that he knows Silas wants this, he's consumed by the desire to make him come apart. To feel as good as possible. He wants to make this amazing for him.

“Can I…can I see you?” He asks so shyly and it makes Panto's heart melt. God. What he wouldn't do for this man.

“Of course. But I want to see you in return.”

Silas blushes, he won't look at Panto and that just won't do. “Silas, please. You're so beautiful. I want to see all of you.” He reluctantly releases his hand to grip his chin and force him to look at him while he says it. He needs him to know how he sees him.

Silas looks at him with the cutest blush and he can't resist another kiss to those perfect lips.

Reluctantly Panto lets him up. He reaches for his shirt and Silas tenses, freezing him in place. “Is this not ok?” He asks, suddenly fearful he pushed too far and made Silas uncomfortable.

“No it's -” He looks at Panto. “I don’t want you to be disappointed.” He mumbles.

“Oh Silas, no. You could never disappoint me. Never.” He kisses him again, hoping to pour everything he feels for him into the action. It seems to work as Silas relaxes against him with a happy sigh. This time, when he reaches for his shirt he’s not stopped. And when his chest is revealed…

“Oh Silas you’re perfect.” Silas blushes and tries to hide but Panto stops him by grabbing his wrists and holding them against his side. “No love, don't hide.” His eyes roam over the dark hair across his chest. He’s less muscular than himself, his body still broad but more lithe. He’s entranced by dark nipples that beg to be licked and sucked. So he does just that.

Silas moans and arches his back as Panto swirls a tongue around a nipple. He releases one of Silas’ hands to pinch the other one causing another of those delicious moans.

“Panto -” Silas chokes out. He already sounds so wrecked and Panto has barely started.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He whispers against his skin because it’s true and he needs to hear it. Silas whines and squirms at the praise which just confirms that Panto needs to give him more praise.

He moves his hand lower, brushing against the top of his trousers and causing Silas’ breath to hitch. “Can I remove these too?” He murmurs against his neck, hand idly caressing his hip.

“Yes.” Silas manages to choke out and Panto grins.

He begins to unbutton his trousers, making sure to slightly brush his fingers against his clothed erection. If only to hear Silas’ reaction. He doesn’t disappoint. That done, he's pulling them down and Silas is left only in his thin briefs. The outline of his cock is mouthwatering. Silas is looking at him with the most adorable expression and Panto runs his hands up his thighs, feeling the muscles beneath.

Silas tenses slightly as his hands reach higher, almost disappearing underneath his briefs and Panto freezes. “My love, do you want me to stop?” The icy feeling of fear overtakes him. He pushed too far, made Silas uncomfortable and hurt him. He moves to pull back.

“No!” Silas shouts before flushing in embarrassment. “I - I mean - that’s not -” He looks down, so clearly preparing to be mocked that Panto’s heart breaks and he’s filled with the sudden urge to harm whoever made him feel that way in the past. “It’s just a lot.” He says quietly.

“You’re overwhelmed. That’s normal for your first time. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I want you, Panto. Just you.” And Panto melts. Silas might be his one and only weakness, he thinks. He would do anything, give anything to make him happy.

“Then let yourself have this, let me make you feel good.”

Silas nods after a moment and Panto takes that as an open invitation to capture his lips once again. Kissing Silas is one of his favorite pastimes after all. He reaches for his briefs again while Silas melts into the kiss and this time he’s able to remove them, Silas lifting his hips slightly to make it easier.

Panto pulls back to admire his lover laid bare before him. His cock is so pretty. Short but thick, the head leaking the slightest bit of pre cum that he wants to lick off but that might be too much for Silas at this moment. “You’re a vision my love.”

“Panto…” He whines so Panto kisses him again, tender and slow.

“It’s true, I could stare at you all day and never tire of it.” He kisses this truth against his jaw, moving along his neck. “Can I touch you? Please?”

“Ye - yes -” And Panto can’t help but suck a mark into his shoulder. It’ll be covered up by his clothing but he’ll know it’s there. That’s what counts. Proof of their encounter that only he and Silas know about. The thought makes him weak.

His hand moves lower down Silas’ chest towards his prize. He makes sure his movements are slow enough that Silas can stop him if he wants to but Silas doesn’t. Instead he seems to hold his breath almost until Panto has his hands on him and then he arches his back at the sensation, mouth opening into a silent moan.

Silas’ cock jumps at the first press of fingers. Panto moves slow so as not to overwhelm him right away. He strokes across his overheated skin from base to tip gently, swiping a thumb across the tip to gather the precum to help with the glide.

Silas is making these tiny ‘ah ah’ noises and it’s thrilling. Hearing him in this state is better than he ever imagined.

“Panto - I -” And that’s his cue to pull back. He gives him a moment to catch his breath as he continues lavishing his neck in attention and rubbing soothing circles into his hip.

“Can I -” Silas says suddenly before looking away shyly and Panto can’t have any of that. If Silas wants something he’ll get it. He tilts his face towards him to look him in the eyes.

“What is it, my love? You can ask for anything.” It’s true. He would give Silas anything.

“...Can I see you too? Touch you?” Silas asks shyly and Panto melts.

“Of course you can.” He tries to make his removal of his pants as graceful and charming as possible and not appear too eager but he thinks he’s failed on that front. If Silas notices he doesn’t say anything and now it’s his turn to be stared at with hunger.

Silas licks his lips. “Can I - can I touch you?”

Panto nods because he doesn’t trust his voice at this moment. When Silas’ hand makes contact with his length his hips stutter forward unbidden before he tamps down that urge to thrust into the tight hold Silas has him in.

“Panto, please, show me what you like?” He says it so innocently. As if that’s not the most erotic thing he’s ever heard.

He places his hand over Silas’ to stop any further movement. “First, loosen your grip a bit.” Silas does so and he sighs at the lesser pressure on a sensitive part of his body. He guides his hand in the speed that he likes, slow at the start with a twist of the wrist at the end.

“Yes…that’s it. You’re doing so well.” Silas’ hand is softer than his own, missing the calluses that mark his. It’s better than he imagined and he continues to rub soothing circles into his hip and lavishing his neck in kisses.

Unfortunately, he has to stop this to continue with what he has planned. Gently, he grasps Silas’ wrist to stop the movement. Silas makes a confused noise coupled with the most adorable head tilt.

He kisses his pulse point before whispering against his skin. “Silas, love, can I prepare you for me now?”

From where he’s positioned he can feel Silas’ pulse jump underneath his lips. He kisses him there again and Silas swallows. “Yes.” He manages to get out, voice hoarse. And Panto moves to pull away and collect what he needs.

Silas reaches for him and kisses his hand to soothe him. “I won't be gone long. Just need to get something.”

He tries not to appear too eager as he returns after collecting the oil. “Lie down on your back, love.” He instructs and Silas does so.

“I’ll start with one finger ok?” Based on Silas’ inexperience, talking him through it seems like the right call. And the way Silas seems to shiver with anticipation confirms it. He pours a generous amount on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it.

“If you want me to stop at any point, let me know.” He says against his neck before sucking another bruise onto his skin. He wants to cover his skin in marks that only he’ll know about. Another day perhaps.

He lowers his hand down towards his entrance, slowly easing his index finger inside.

Silas is tense, far too tense. “Relax, love, you have to relax.” He soothes, kissing across his face.

Silas sighs out shakily. “It’s - it’s embarrassing.”

“Not at all love. Relax and let me show you how good it can feel.” He crooks his finger inside him and Silas gasps softly. It relaxes him enough that he’s able to get more of his finger inside of him. “There you go. You’re doing so good.” He coos and the praise goes straight to Silas’ dick based on the way it twitches at the words.

He adds another finger once he’s convinced Silas can take it and while his face isn't screwed up in pleasure it is getting there.

“Tell me how it feels.” He murmurs against his neck.

“It - ah - it’s different. But I don’t dislike it.”

“Do you think you can take more?” He definitely doesn’t miss the way Silas’ eyes dart towards his cock, blushing so sweetly. He chuckles to hide his own excitement. “You’re not quite ready for that love. I want to make sure I don’t hurt you.” He continues pumping in and out of him gently.

“I’m going to add another finger now.” He watches Silas’ face for any signs of discomfort, making sure to soothe with kisses as needed as he gently scissors him open. He crooks his fingers, searching for that spot inside of him and there -

“Ah -” Silas arches off the bed, stopped only by the firm grip Panto has on his hip. He hits that spot over and over as Silas’ face screws up in pleasure finally. He’s gripping his back so tightly, nails digging in slightly and Panto knows he’ll have scratch marks. He’s looking forward to it, more proof of their encounter.

He decides he’s ready once he’s able to easily slide in and out of him. “I think you’re ready for me, love.”

Silas watches him intently as he pours a generous amount of oil onto his palm to stroke over his cock. He maybe puts on a bit of a show of it but the way Silas is looking at him how can he resist?

“I’ll go slow ok?” He says as he lines himself up, entering him slowly. He stops once the tip is inside to give Silas time to adjust and himself time to calm down. Silas isn’t the only one feeling overwhelmed after all. He’s wanted this for so long, thought about it for so long and the reality is so much better.

Silas’ face is screwed up in a grimace and he tries to soothe it by caressing up and down his sides. “Do you want me to stop?” His body screams in protest at the thought but he would stop in a heartbeat if Silas asked him to.

Silas wraps his legs around his waist in an attempt to keep him in place. The action causes him to be pushed further into that tight heat and they both groan at the sensation.

“I - I - don’t stop.” He stutters out, unintentionally clenching around him and making that tight heat even tighter and causing another groan to be punched out of him. “Just - please. Don’t stop.”

Message received Panto continues, pushing himself in the rest of the way. Once he’s fully inside he holds there a moment, giving Silas time to adjust. He kisses along his brow and cheeks in encouragement.

“You - you can move now.” He pants and so he does. His pace is glacial, not wanting to hurt Silas.

He feels amazing, all tight and hot around him. Silas’ face is still screwed up in discomfort and something cold settles in his chest.

“We should stop, I’m hurting you aren’t I?” But Silas still has his legs wrapped around him which does not help the situation with his dick that’s begging him to continue.

Silas shakes his head. “I’m fine.” He reaches up a hand to hold the side of Panto’s face and Panto’s breath hitches at the sheer love on his face. “Use my body for your pleasure, love. Please.”

And Panto hates that. The fact that Silas could so easily toss his own feelings aside to make him feel better. He needs to shoot that down immediately. “Silas, it’s not worth it if you don’t feel good as well.” Silas doesn’t seem to fully believe him which maybe stings a little more than it should.

He’s never had somebody put him first like this. It doesn’t mean anything. He tells himself so he won’t start spiraling. An idea hits him suddenly.

“Silas, can I try something?” And Silas nods almost instantly.

He angles his hips up, Silas moving his legs as he’s repositioned. This way he can hit a different angle and if he’s right he’ll hit that spot he found earlier. He thrusts experimentally and the result is instantaneous. His mouth opens in a silent scream as his eyes roll back.

“Panto - ah - please - do that again -” His voice sounds absolutely wrecked and it goes straight to his cock. God yes, that’s more like it. He continues that slow pace from before and Silas moans. He's so loud and some distant part of him wonders if he should tell him to keep quiet. The louder part of himself wants to hear him and never stop hearing him like this, damn the consequences.

“Panto please - I - I need -” He’s kissing every inch of Silas he can reach while thrusting up into him deep, trying to hit that spot every time.

“Tell me what you need, love, I’d give you anything.”

“F - faster please - oh please -”

He’s quick to obey, sparks of pleasure alighting every nerve on fire. Silas’ hands scrabbling against his back, his noises, the smell of him, the way he looks as he fucks him into the mattress. It’s all so much and he feels the arousal coiling in his stomach, a tight knot threatening to snap. He needs to see Silas finish first however.

He removes a hand from Silas’ waist and licks a stripe across his palm, not wanting to bother to find the lube at this point, before wrapping around Silas’ length. Silas jerks at the sensation before it breaks off into a moan.

“Panto -” Hearing his name like that is quickly becoming his favorite sound.

“Come on love, let me see you.” And Silas does with a broken off moan. He watches entranced as he finishes on his stomach and hand, his cock twitches in his grip as Panto works him through it. He moves to pull out so he can finish but Silas locks his legs around him, keeping him in place.

“Inside.” Panto has never heard him sound like that before, all commanding. It causes a pleasant shiver down his spine.

“God Silas -” He thrusts up into that tight heat once before spilling deep inside of him, hips rocking against him softly.

He collapses on top of him, making sure not to put his full weight on him even though every part of him feels boneless. He nuzzles against Silas’ neck, breathing him in deeply and wrapping an arm tight around him.

“How was it my love?” There’s the slightest bit of anxiety lingering in him. He needs to know that Silas enjoyed himself as much as he did.

“Perfect.” Silas sighs happily before grimacing slightly. “I feel sticky.”

Panto laughs before pulling back so he can look down at Silas. “I’ll draw you a bath.”

“Will you join me?” Silas’ look is positively hungry and with a thrill Panto wonders what sort of monster he’s awoken in his lover.

He can’t wait to find out.

Chapter Text

It’s been two weeks since Silas and Panto’s last encounter. Two weeks since they made love for the first time. It still makes him dizzy to think about. He’s been replaying it in his head over and over. The things Panto said to him…he’s not sure he entirely believes them but he allows himself to pretend for a moment.

They haven’t been able to see each other since that night. Their families have kept them busy lately. And the memories are barely enough to sustain him. He’s taken to sending love letters to Panto and with every passing day he fears that Panto will get bored. There’s no way letters would be enough to keep him interested. Not for somebody like Panto.

“What are you sighing about now, boy?” Wygar growls next to him, instantly knocking him back to the present. Right. He’s supposed to be paying attention to whatever meeting he’s supposed to be a part of. He feels his face warm and he attempts to sit up straighter while mumbling out a ‘sorry’.

—-------------------

Wygar pulls him aside afterwards and he braces himself for a dressing down. Instead, Wygar sighs. “I know what’s been bothering you. I can give you an hour, no more.”

Silas perks up at that. “Thank you!” He barely resists the urge to hug him, that would probably not go over well.

—------------------

He’s waiting in the forest he asked Panto to meet him at in nervous excitement. Panto’s late, shortening their hour down to a mere 30 minutes, and he’s trying not to let the anxiety overtake him. He received a response but maybe something happened?

Or he got sick of him.

He tries not to let the thought settle but once it’s there it’s hard to let go.

The crunching of leaves stops his spiraling thoughts and he turns towards the sounds, met with the frantic presence of Panto, who’s breathing heavily. “I’m sorry I’m sorry. I - I tried to get away sooner but my dad -”

Silas is honestly just relieved that he’s ok and still wants to see him. He silences him with a kiss and Panto melts.
“It’s been too long.” Panto breaths against his mouth, kissing him again and again.

“It has.” He lowers his voice slightly. “I’ve thought of nothing but that night since.”

Panto’s eyes darken and he’s kissing him fiercely, making Silas gasp and Panto takes the opportunity to lick into his open mouth. He moans into the kiss and Panto is pushing him back against a tree. “You have no idea. No idea. My sheets smelled like you for days afterwards. Do you know what that was like?” Panto practically growls against his throat.

And Silas can picture it. He’s only had memories but to be able to have a physical reminder? He groans at the thought and Panto continues lavishing every inch of him he can reach in kisses, nipping along his jaw slightly.

“I can’t take you properly, the way I want to. We don’t have enough time.” Panto sighs regretfully and Silas tries not to let the disappointment show. He doesn’t want to appear too needy. Based on the look Panto gives him he doesn’t succeed.

“Soon, my love, soon. But for now, do you trust me?”

The answer is obvious and Silas nods his head without hesitation.

“Then let me do something for you, something I’ve thought about for so long.” Panto drops to his knees before him and Silas doesn’t know what his plan is, his inexperience becoming incredibly apparent all at once.

Panto unties his trousers and Silas can’t help but look around in embarrassment. Wygar is keeping watch but still, what if he hears? His spiraling is stopped by Panto placing a kiss along his hip and then he’s not thinking about much else other than his love on his knees before him.

Panto pulls his hard length out of his briefs and the way Panto is looking at him…like he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It’s addictive.

He expects Panto to use his hands like before so when Panto licks a stripe across his length he can’t help the full body shudder that happens, nor the moan at the sensation. And then Panto takes him into his mouth and he’s suddenly enveloped in warm, tight, wet and he can’t think of much else.

“Panto - ha - haah~”

His hips stutter forward but Panto has him in a tight grip so he’s not able to do much more than accept whatever Panto gives him, which is driving him crazy. He wants to last, to never have this feeling stop but Panto’s clever tongue is making it very hard to think.

He pulls back slightly to suck on the tip and SIlas whines. “Panto please -!” Panto hums happily before swallowing him back down and sucking and that already tight suction becomes even tighter.

“Panto I -” He tries to warn Panto, finishing inside Panto’s mouth hardly seems like it would be enjoyable for him but Panto doesn’t let up. He hums around him and the vibrations are enough to send him over that edge, rocking up into his mouth while Panto works him through it. He tucks his softening length back into his trousers and moves to stand up.

Panto is kissing more marks into his neck that will have to be covered up by a higher collar but at this point Silas is finding higher brain functions difficult. Panto kisses him properly and he can taste himself on his lips, it’s incredibly erotic and he moans against his lips.

“My love, how can I return the favor?” He manages to get out past the shower of affection.

“Not necessary.” A pause to suck another mark into his neck, there’s not going to be an open patch of skin at this rate. “I doubt we have the time anyways.” He adds bitterly.

The reminder deflates Silas’ good mood and he tries to not let it show but Panto’s always been good at reading him. He smiles at him but it comes out more like a grimace. “Don’t worry my love, we’ll have time.”

Wygar calls for him shortly after that and he reluctantly has to pull away.

—--------------------

It’s been days and Silas is suffering. He can’t stop thinking about Panto using his mouth on him. He even touched himself to it and then immediately felt guilty. And then felt silly for feeling guilty because that’s normal to think about your partner while you do that right?

…Does Panto think about him?

Scrap that thought. Not helpful for his current situation.

But it does lead him to think back on how in every one of their encounters (the all of two they’ve had) Panto has always taken the lead and put his own pleasure over his own.

It doesn’t sit right with him. He wants to be the one to take care of Panto for once. To see him come apart like he does for him.

He pictures it for a moment. What would pleasuring Panto look like? If he sank to his knees before him what would he think?

…These thoughts are also not helpful.

He pushes his thighs together to try to get rid of the arousal but it doesn’t help at all and now he can’t stop thinking about it. Panto was so skilled and he’s never done that before. He’s never done anything before.

What would he taste like? The taste hardly seems like it would be enjoyable but Panto seemed to like it so maybe it is? He tries to picture it, his hand slipping inside his trousers to pull out his quickly hardening length. He bought some oil after that night with Panto and he spreads some on his fingers to help with the glide.

It’s difficult to imagine when he’s never had Panto’s…cock in his mouth and he looks at the fingers on his other hand as he’s hit with a sudden idea. An embarrassing one, but one that should help with what he’s picturing.

His fingers are thick, clumsy his mother calls them, certainly not like Panto’s skilled fingers but two should be about the girth he remembers. Panto’s cock was long but thin, slightly curved towards the end. Pretty, he remembers thinking at the time and it hit all the right spots inside of him.

He lines up his fingers with his mouth and inserts them inside. It doesn’t exactly work in the desired way. His fingers aren’t long enough and the angle is all wrong but it does help the fantasy somewhat. He tries to mimic what Panto did, bobbing up and down, licking and sucking as needed but it’s not enough.

Frustrated he stops with a groan.

He needs more. Something…more.

The idea hits him and he feels his face heat up.

—-----------------------

He’s familiar with the cook rotations in the kitchen, he used to sneak in as a boy and steal bites of food after all before his mother found out and confined him to his room without meals for three days.

So he’s able to enter the kitchen and collect what he needs relatively unnoticed.

“What are you doing in the kitchens, boy?”

Relatively.

He quickly hides his prize behind his back as he faces Wygar, hoping his blush isn’t too obvious. “Nothing! I was just -”

Wygar’s eyes narrow and he looks at where his hand is behind his back before releasing a long suffering sigh. “Just…be safe about whatever this is ok?”

He nods before retreating. Face burning the entire time.

—-------------------------

His skin buzzes with anticipation the entire day and once nighttime comes he knows he’s already so keyed up it probably won’t take much.

He pulls his earlier ‘acquired’ item from behind his pillow: a zucchini. He chose one that was long and thin enough to mimic the dick he’s picturing.

He undoes his trousers and brings himself out, lining the zucchini up with his mouth. He tries to mimic what Panto did. Licking along the sides. He tries to picture it, Panto would probably talk to him right? Praise him. His hips stutter forward and his cock throbs in his hand at the thought.

“That’s it, love, just like that.” The Panto in his head says and he moans, slipping the zucchini inside his mouth. It’s a struggle to try to pull his teeth back, that’s important to remember. He wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt Panto after all. Eventually he manages and while he’s not able to get the whole thing inside he’s able to get a decent amount. He hopes that’s enough and Panto won’t be disappointed. Maybe he could use his hands for the rest? Panto said he liked them at one point.

There’s a spot he knows, underneath the head of his own cock that is especially sensitive. He wonders if Panto has that too. He imagines how that would feel to flick his tongue against that part, would he be able to see Panto come apart? Panto’s always been super collected so he’d like to find out.

He finishes far too quickly, bobbing the zucchini in and out of his mouth as he attempts to push it deeper inside, gagging on it slightly.

He’s breathing heavily as he comes down from his orgasm, his body practically boneless afterwards. Next time he sees Panto he’s taking him in his mouth.

—-------------------------

It’s been days and Silas feels restless. He considers sneaking out again to go and see Panto before he hears an insistent tapping on his balcony door. There’s only one person that could be and he eagerly rushes towards his door. Once he opens it and sees Panto, looking handsome as always, he practically bows him over with the force of his hug.

“You’re here.” He beams up at him and Panto’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, hands on his cheeks. He kisses him and Silas sighs into it.

“I couldn’t wait anymore. Silas, this is unbearable.” And Silas can’t help the flinch at that. He knows their situation is less than ideal and he wonders if this is it. One final night before they part for good.

Panto notices, of course he does. “Silas, no, that’s not -” He sighs before continuing, bitterly. “I wish I could give you more. You deserve so much more.”

Silas loves him so much, sometimes it doesn’t feel like his body is big enough to contain how much he loves him.

This is his chance he realizes.

“My love, can I do something for you? Please?”

Panto grins. “Usually that's my line. What is it, my love?”

And Silas feels the slightest bit of hesitation but his determination wins out. This is about Panto after all. Before he can think better of it he drops to his knees. Panto makes some strangled noise above him and he looks up in concern. He’s looking at him with a look on his face he’s never seen before. It’s dark and hungry, intense instead of the usual gentle way he looks at him. It lasts no more than a second before he closes his eyes and releases a shaky exhale.

“Silas…?” His hand is on his chin, rubbing a thumb across it slightly.

“I’ve - I’ve thought of nothing other than returning the favor since that day in the forest. I even practiced.” Here, Panto wheezes out the quietest ‘practiced?’. “Can I do this for you? Please?”

Panto takes several steadying breaths before nodding. Silas beams at him before turning his attention towards his prize. Panto is already hard in his pants, the visible tent enticing. Silas places a kiss against where the tip would be and Panto groans above him. He unties his pants, letting them pool around his ankles as his thin briefs are revealed to him.

Silas also did some reading, the books he required were hard to come by but he managed. Most talked about how ‘teasing’ was important. Building up the anticipation or something. He certainly didn’t feel teased by Panto when he did this but he suspects that was more so because they didn’t have the time. Well, now he does.

He gets to work by mouthing along his length, he can feel how hot his skin is through the thin material. “Fuck! Silas -” Panto lets out and Silas has never heard him sound like that. It causes arousal to pool deep in his belly.

He pulls his briefs down and Panto’s cock is in front of him, leaking and so very pretty. There’s the tiniest bead of pre cum that he wants to taste so he does. Darting a tongue out and lapping at the tip, causing Panto to curse above him. The taste is interesting, salty but not overpowering. He likes it.

He takes the base of his cock in hand and opens his mouth, taking as much of his length as he can fit.

“Ah - shit -!” Panto says above him and bucks forward. The action causes him to gag slightly and he pulls back, tears in his eyes. “Silas? Are you ok? Sorry I -”

He doesn’t let him continue. He’s determined to make him feel good and so he sinks back down, this time keeping a hand on his hip. He knows he has no hope of keeping him in place but maybe the hand can be a reminder to let him be in charge.

He swirls his tongue around the head in the way that Panto did for him before swallowing him back down. He can only get about halfway before triggering his gag reflex but he uses his hand for what he can’t fit.

“God Silas, you’re so good at that.” Silas can’t help the moan around the praise, sending vibrations all along his length and Panto groans. He’s running his fingers through his hair, scratching along his scalp. “You look so pretty like this. Ma - ah making me feel so good.”

Silas is uncomfortably hard in his trousers. He wants to reach a hand down and pull himself out, relieve some of that pressure but Panto is more important at this moment. He pulls back to flick a tongue against that sensitive spot under the head and Panto’s fist tightens in his hair. Oh. He likes that a lot.

“Silas~” He moans out, it sounds heavenly coming out of his mouth like that.

He bobs his head back and forth, taking his cock deeper and deeper each time. He’s not able to fit all of it in his mouth but it’s enough.

“Silas I’m - I’m close can I - can I finish on your face?”

On his face? He expected Panto to want him to swallow considering that’s what he did for him but Silas will give him whatever he wants. He pulls off with a wet pop and lets his mouth hang open, tongue hanging out to catch whatever lands. He does want to know what Panto tastes like after all. Panto groans low in his throat at the sight and he orgasms with a curse as Silas works him through it.

It splatters across his face, most getting on his tongue and he swallows it, Panto letting out another curse at the sight. The taste is…not exactly appealing. It’s bitter and salty but the effect it has on Panto is intoxicating. He’s looking at him in awe and Silas can’t help but flush at the sight.

Panto pulls him up and kisses him once he’s able. “You’re a marvel. Now love,” He gently cups his length, providing some much needed pressure and Silas groans. “Let me return the favor.”