Archive of Our Own ^beta

A rapture of fire bleeds forth from the bosom of Lugunica’s crust, birthing a bleating babe whose cries ignite fear in those he hath come to destroy and love in those he hath come to protect. A goat is he, and scorn be upon his enemies whom he will drive into utter ruin, for it has been foretold in their gospels that the goat, Natuski Subaru, will cast them into a tormenting storm of annihilation, that of which no escape nor salvation they will find. 

With each stomp of his cloven hooves and thrashing of his horns, he beats them back into the bowels of hell, where they will gnash their teeth and cry their hatred of the goat. Unable to escape their forever torment, his enemies' cries of hatred are in vain because to the goat, their screams of enmity are nothing more than fleas shaken off by a stray dog. 

Free of opposition, the goat selects a mate whose incandescent demeanor matches the burning passions he emits like a lighthouse calling forth her ship seeking shelter in a raging storm. 

Ram, initially hesitant of her goat's manliness, came to cherish and love him by happenstance. 

Seeking shelter from a storm, the goat and Ram found sanctuary in a cave on the outskirts of the Mathers’ domain. Here, cold and drenched, Subaru built a warm fire for the two to dry their clothes. Ram was hesitant, of course, seeing it as an opportunity for the goat to gaze upon her with lustful looks. 

Little did she know, she would be the one gazing at him…

“Pervert.” She had said. 

“Ram, unless you want pneumonia, put aside your pride and dry your clothes. I would never try something shady with you, so don’t worry.” 

Subaru, not wishing to freeze to death, began stripping off his track suit. Pulling his soaked shirt over his chiseled abs set Ram’s cheeks on fire, and she looked away.

‘Oh no, Barusu is hot!’ She thought, occasionally sneaking peeks at his eight-pack.   

Ram faced away from him. Her chaotic heartbeat climbed upwards towards her throat. She swallowed and began to undress.

“B-Barusu…you even think of turning around; Ram will see to it that you are tried and executed.”

“Yeah…yeah,” Subaru said with a wave of his hand, his broad back turned away from her. 

Ram drew in a deep breath and finished undressing. 

Covering herself, she nestled close to the fire. She peeked over her shoulder to see if Subaru was indeed keeping his word and found the goat sitting down and facing the opposite wall. 

Ram inched towards him. She brought her knees close to her chest.

“D-do you not find Ram attractive, Barusu?” She said, almost in disbelief she could utter such an accusation. 

She couldn’t see him, but she could almost picture him twitching. 

“I-” He said, “Of course…how could I not? It’s just…”

Ram sat motionless, letting her silent reply do the job for her. 

“It’s just…Rem…you know…and Emilia-tan…well, they-”

Ram cut him off.

“Ram understands. Her adorable sister is cute, and she would never usurp what is hers.” 

She didn’t mention Emilia; her primary concern was Rem and how she would respond if she knew her older sister had developed feelings for the man she loved. 

Ram thought more of the goat and his accomplishments. It had only been two Lugunican months since he had bested the cult and put Emilia on the throne. Subaru did all that he set out to accomplish, and during this time, he freed Gluttony's victims and returned Ram’s sister to her. 

Full of admiration for the goat, Ram soon fell head over heels for him. Perhaps it was Subaru’s soft goat fur, or maybe it was his lower goat half. Who knows for sure, but one thing Ram did know was that she wished to have his goat babies. 

She couldn’t take it. Turning around, Ram stood. Naked and determined, she eyed Subaru. 

“Barusu…” Her face flushed with embarrassment; the temptation she felt for Subaru’s forbidden fruit could not be quenched. She needed to tell him her feelings. She needed the goat. “Take Ram!” 

“Baaaaaa-” Subaru the goat bleated, and the two embraced. 

🐐🐐🐐

The storm raged around the cave—the ecstasy they shared drowned out by the thunder that blared outside. The fire blazed wickedly and cast shadows of two lovers who tangled and untangled their bodies like a pair of pit vipers. 

Against the wall, shadowy forms of Subaru and Ram mingled with one another and melted together while the fire Subaru had lit danced to the rhythmic tune the two created close by. 

She experienced bliss during those two minutes. 

Soon, the storm settled, and the two lay side-by-side panting and trying to catch their breaths.

Ram snuggled in close and found haven within Subaru’s chest. She stared into his eyes.

“Pervert…” She said, her grin mischievous.

“I’m your pervert.” 

The two locked lips.

“Correct, Barusu. And don't you ever forget it.”

Six months later, Ram and the goat married. Emilia and Rem couldn’t believe it. Heartbroken, both girls found love themselves—with each other—and moved on. Otto too was heartbroken, not because Ram and Subaru tied the knot, but because he was on babysitting detail, and the number of kids the Natsuki’s produced increased Otto’s drinking habit. 

Roswaal died of dysentery. 

Garfiel said: Hell yeah! While Frederica golf-clapped. 

Petra realized she was a child, moved on from her crush, and opened a business in the capital, which promptly failed. 

Meili lived out her life as a couch potato, and the courts tried and convicted Clind for being a pedophile and sentenced him to death by constipation. 

Indeed, it was the happiest of endings for the goat and his mate, Natsuki Ram. 

What started as the unlikeliest couple turned into the one true pairing. No one saw it coming, not even Tappei.

🐐🐐🐐

Sane shuts the book and reflects on the story he just read. A tear streams down his face. 

“Beautiful” Is the word he uses to describe the story. Getting up from his Lazyboy recliner, he walks across the room to his expansive bookshelf, lined from wall-to-wall with works of literary art whose subjects center around Ram and Subaru. 

Pulling a copy of his favorite work to date, he smiled at the title.

“The lusty maid, and the nasty-eyed boy.” By SilverFlightSaber 

He remembers when he first read the work of art. The author published it during a time when the community shipped Subaru with everyone but Ram. However, this changed when a revolution took hold. 

Initially, many opposed the union, calling it “unhealthy,” or “disgusting,” or “heresy.” But, like all important change, RamBaru fans took to the streets and changed the landscape of the Re: Zero community forever. No longer was there infighting, and soon, people put aside petty differences and united under the RamBaru banner. 

Truly, Ram and Subaru bring out the best in everyone. 

The momentum of RamBaru swept through every facet of the Re: Zero fandom. Even Tappei couldn’t ignore this, and as a result, he completely changed the ending of Re: Zero to reflect the widespread consensus of all its fans. 

Ram and Subaru officially became a canon couple.

Walking back to his chair, Sane sits down. He picks up his earl grey tea and sips. Opening the book, he turns to his favorite chapter and begins to read.

❤️❤️❤️

Chapter 69: The maid and her mate’s fateful date

The colour of Rams’ eyes focused solely on the boy sitting across from her as the Dragon Carriage rocked back and forth on their way to the theatre. 

She had been nervous about the date and had sought the advice of his contracted spirit, who told Ram all about Subaru’s interest. She already knew what her beau liked, but still chose to speak with Beatrice in private. 

Beatrice, ever the smug little girl, happily relayed everything she knew about Subaru to Ram. She went into great detail over how much of a Warhammer 40k fanatic he is and how he has sought ways of introducing the tabletop game to Lugunica. Beatrice may have been unfamiliar with the game’s rules, but she did pretend to know the game’s lore inside and out. 

‘Trust me, in fact. If you talk to Betty’s Subaru about 40k, you will have him eating out of your hand, in fact!’ Beatrice said. 

Ram didn’t need to tell Subaru all she knew about the obscure subject to gain his affection, but she did wish to connect with him more than she already had, and to do so, she needed to take an interest in the things he enjoyed—besides her, of course. 

Still, Ram knew very little in the way of Warhammer 40k, nor did she understand the structure of how the game was played. Nonetheless, she refused to back down from any challenge, and even if she stumbled over her words, she would discuss a topic her love enjoyed most of all. 

“Barusu-kun.” She said, fiddling with a pearl necklace Subaru had previously given her. 

“Hmm?” 

Subaru looked away from the carriage window. Ram didn’t know it, but he too was nervous. 

“What’s up, Ram-tan?” 

Ram hesitated, “Ram has been learning more about factions you enjoy…” 

Subaru tilted his head. “Factions?” 

Ram shifted nervously. “Yes…Barusu-kun…Ram is also interested in the Emperor's Children.” 

She blushed as she said it and looked up to see Subaru’s reaction. Initially fearful she might find a mocking grin, instead, Ram sawr a look of excitement. 

Ram couldn’t anticipate what would happen next. 

“Oh, Nee-sama-tan!” Subaru shouted, and before she knew it, her beau raced towards her, and Ram found herself ctwch’d in his loving arms. 

“B-Barusu–!” She said, her cherry red cheeks burning hot as she couldn’t help but sniff the aroma he put off. 

“Ram-tan, all I ever wanted to was to talk about Emperor’s Children with you!” 

Excited, Subaru relinquished his love grip and sat next to her. “So, what did you want to talk about? Lore? Army rules? 30k or 40k? Maaaaan, I wonder what a new ascended deamon prince Fulgrim miniature would look like!?” He quite literally bounced up and down with schoolboy excitement. 

Ram didn’t know where to start. “Er, well, what about how Erebus fought against the Emperor during the battle of Istvan IV?” Ram nervously said. 

Subaru sat in silence, staring at her. Ram, growing uncomfortable, looked his way when she noticed no reply from her love. This time, she did see a cheeky grin on his face. 

“Ram…” Subaru said with apparent amusement. 

The jig was up. Poor Ram didn’t have a leg to stand on. She knew nothing about 40k. 

Before she could speak, Subaru had a laugh and hugged the girl. 

“B-Barusu…!” She said. Caught off guard by the surprise cwtch. 

“Oh, Ram, that’s what I love about you! You’re so thoughtful and caring!” 

Subaru kissed her cheek then, causing Ram to pout. 

“Barusu…” She said. 

Subaru quite literally gulped. 

She smiled. “On the way back home, how about a lap pillow?” 

Subaru beamed, “Something so heavenly from the woman I love would kill me!” 

Ram grabbed his collar. “Well, it’s a good thing Beatrice told me how to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.” She grinned wickedly. 

This time, Subaru turned pink in the face. 

“Oh, well, h-here is our stop!” 

The two looked out the window and sawr they were arriving at their destination.

“Ram heard you got us box seats?” 

Subaru flashed his pearly whites. “Yep! I heard the reviews to this play were quite good!” 

Hand-in-hand, the lovely couple walked into the theatre. Ram rested her head on Subaru’s shoulder, already lost in his world. 

❤️❤️❤️

Sane wiped tears from his eyes. “This book never gets old.” He said, and took another sip from his tea. Replacing the cup on the table, he got up to admire his collection of RamBaru works once more. 

All the classics were there:

“Subaru and Ram’s Bodyswap” By JIL713

“Alluring Contrast” By Neutral Milk

“Twists and Turns | To make Ram/Barusu a thing” By OrcaWin

“Book logging Observations of Barusu” By Meowcatmaxx

“Re: Love” By Yushiko_Yuuki 

“A Few More Moments with You” By Momentos_Beaco

“A Pink-Haired Oni’s Unsolicited Maddness” By dirkmcdirt

“Drawing In A New World” By SilverFlightSaber 

“It’s Freezing In Here” By Hecavimu

And his own addition to important RamBaru history: 

“A Rose-Tinted Present” written under his pen name, athaneous. 

And many more works of literary art detailing the love of Ram and Subaru.

He marveled at the expansive library. 

“To think people laughed at RamBaru.” He said, selecting his most recent work, Your Love is a Rainstorm, from the shelf. He flipped to the last section of the book and began to read.

📙📙📙

Ram lies in bed. Next to her, Subaru, sitting in a chair, holds her hand close to his face. He smiles at her reassuringly, but he does all he can to fight back tears that threaten to show themselves the minute he lets his guard down. But considering his lovely wife’s condition and the inevitability that she will soon be drawing her final breath, the eventual heartache he will be experiencing will soon be known to him and their gathered children. 

“Ram…” Subaru says, his voice shaky. 

“Don’t look at me with such pity, Barusu. We both knew this day would come.” 

Ram smiles up at her husband. Through life, her sharp tongue never dulled when she spoke to him, but the love she held for her husband had been apparent to anyone who knew the happy couple. 

Subaru grins, the corner of his eyes moist at the notion that he will never be subject to her playful remarks again. 

“I pity myself, Ram.” He openly admits, “And even though I knew this day would come, it still hurts…” He steadies himself, not wishing to spend the last moments with his wife weeping, “I’m not ready to lose you.” 

Ram breathes deeply. Her chest rattles as she clings to life. “Pervert…” She says and manages a smile. 

Subaru laughs, “Even now, you can’t resist a snide remark.” His lip trembles. “I-I’ll miss that about you…” 

He casts his gaze downwards. Ram recognizes her husband's face and uses the little strength she has to squeeze his hand.

“Don’t do it, Barusu.” She says threateningly. 

“I-I…”

“Barusu…” 

Subaru looks at his wife. Ram could read his thoughts. After being married to Subaru for over sixty years, she has learned his well-kept secrets and all about the terrible authority he possessed. Ram had been paramount in assisting him in overcoming his nightly demons and did her best to bring peace to his life. Subaru cherishes his wife for everything she has done for him. 

When he had first arrived in Lugunica, he didn’t see Ram as a love interest, nor did he ever imagine that one day he would be sitting by her bedside while she inched closer to death. 

Before he realized his love for Ram, Subaru had pursued Emilia and even Ram’s sister. However, Emilia's love for Subaru was purely platonic, and she later became romantically involved with another. 

Rem never regained the memories she lost to Gluttony, and like Emilia, she moved on and chose someone else. 

Subaru had been devastated then. Ram, hating to see Subaru so down and out, did what she could to cheer him up in her unique way. Surprisingly, it worked, and the two soon found themselves spending more time together. And when Roswaal rejected Ram in favor of his goal, Subaru was there to return the favor. 

Soon, the two fell in love, not out of rejection from past romances, not because they saw the worth in one another, but because they genuinely wanted to be around each other. Ram pushed Subaru more than any other person had ever done, and Subaru brought out the best in her. 

The two were married, and not long after that, they welcomed their first child, and then another, and another. It had been a running joke in the mansion, and Garfiel and Otto even placed bets on whether Subaru would get Ram pregnant again. The two didn’t mind the teasing from their peers. Their offspring was proof of their love. Surrounded by their growing family, they built a happy life together. 

But, as all things must come to pass, so too did Ram. With the help of Beatrice, Subaru was capable of treating her the way Roswaal had for many years prior to the two becoming a couple and managed to keep her healthy as long as possible. Ram even outlived Rem, whose death had been difficult for her and Subaru. However, Ram soon found herself bed bound as well, and eventually, she reached a point where it was all she could do to lift her head and kiss her husband.

“Ram…I don’t want to lose you.” Subaru says to her, still cradling her hand. 

“Barusu…you know this isn’t the end. We will be together again.” Ram fixes him with a stern gaze. “Ram is serious. We will see each other again.” 

Subaru nods. He knows what his wife is alluding to. 

“Yes, my love. We will see each other again.” He echoes her words, making an honest affirmation that this is indeed not the end. 

Ram coughs. Subaru leans in, but Ram raises a hand and stops him. “Barusu. Please don’t do anything reckless. You have our children. You have Beatrice. Please, take care of yourself.”

Subaru reassuringly smiles at her, tears already streaming down his face. “I love you, Ram. Now and forever. I’ll always love you.” 

Subaru leans down, and the two softly kiss. 

With what light she has left in her beautiful pink eyes, Ram smiles once more at him. “I love you too, Subaru.” She says before taking her final breath. 

Unable to keep his tears at bay, Subaru hunches forward and proceeds to cry over Ram’s body. 

Several comfort him, but he doesn’t hear their voices. 

All he can think about is Ram.

📙📙📙

Closing the book and placing it back on the shelf, Sane wipes a tear from his eye. 

Turning to leave, he pauses briefly at the door and marvels

Once more at his collection before turning out the light.

In a world festered with hate and fear of understanding, Sane could sleep well knowing the work he put into making Ram and Subaru’s love a reality had added a bit of light to a grim world.

     ~This is only the beginning~