Archive of Our Own ^beta

She was drowning. Ironic for a master of Water. 

Every breath she took felt wrong. Like she wasn’t supposed to be able to do that. Breathing was a sign of life, but how could she even still be alive? 

It felt like she’d cheated death, in a sense she had. 

Dying had been painful, it had been agonising, it had been guilt and panic as she watched Jay as helplessly begged her to stay alive.

And yet, Death itself had been peaceful, even if she’d only gotten to experience it for a few moments. Gone had been the guilt, the trauma, the constant “what if’s”. In death there were no questions, no answers, just peace. 

In a fucked up way she craved it. 

And wasn’t that an irony in itself? She’d cheated death and gotten a second chance, and yet…sometimes she wished wanted it to happen again. Just so she could have that small sense of peace once more. 

Nights were the worst, with nightmares being a constant in her life now. She couldn’t recall a sleep she’d gotten without feeling his hands on her, his touch, the way she hadn’t even been herself when it had happened, hadn’t been in control. 

No, he’d been doing those things to Delara, his long lost wife. Nya hadn’t even been supposed to be feeling it, but her luck had once again struck and she’d been forced to remember every second of it. 

Her breath shudders just at the thought of him, her hands shaking. She couldn’t get him out of her head. Couldn’t forget his touch. Couldn’t forget how wrong the wedding dress had felt on her body - clearly made for someone else. Nadakhan had not cared. She couldn’t forget the sting  of the poison as it had spread through her, effectively killing her. 

She resented her team for not remembering. How could they be so lucky? Why were only Jay and her forced to relive the horrible memories? It wasn’t fair. 

And at the same time it was. In the wake of all that pain and suffering, something new had bloomed. If they’d forgotten all the events then Nya would probably never have accepted Jay’s admiration for her, would have never willingly let him into her heart. They wouldn’t have found each other. 

Was remembering him really that horrible in comparison to not having Jay? 

Nya knew it wasn’t. By now she was falling more and more for the boy and she knew she would never ever willingly give him up again. He was her other half, she hated that it had taken her so long to see that. 

“You’re up late.” Jay murmured, crouching down beside her on the steps of the monastery, bringing her out of her thoughts. Speak of the devil. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Nya muttered, turning her head to gaze at Jay who was looking at her, a familiar exhaustion mirrored in his eyes that she knew was also visible in hers. 

“Me either.“ Jay sighed. “Tea?” He held out a cup Nya hadn’t noticed before, and she accepted it with a thankful nod. She hadn’t realised how cold it had gotten, the tea was a nice way to warm her freezing body back up. 

“Thanks.” She murmured gratefully, taking a sip of the hot beverage. 

They sat in silence for a while, both lost in thought. Nya turned her gaze back to the courtyard, overlooking the familiar equipment that rested there. 

“Do you think we’ll get through this?” Jay suddenly asked, breaking the silence. 

“What do you mean?” Nya frowned. 

“I mean that it’s been months. We should at least be able to get a good nights rest by now.” He shook his head. “Or at least, I don’t know, start to get over it, but every single time I try to close my eyes, or let my thoughts drift I’m back on that- that ship.” His voice cracked and Nya’s heart broke just a smidge more. 

“I get that.” Nya sighed. She slowly put her head onto his shoulder, feeling him tense for a few seconds, before relaxing and welcoming her touch. “I’m not sure I can ever get ‘over it’ as you said, but I’m trying to put my faith into time.” She put the tea down, to take Jay’s hand into her own, tracing the faint scars he’d gotten back at the destiny’s bounty. Even thinking that name sent shivers down her spine. “What else can we do but try and wait it out?” 

Jay sighed, but didn’t argue, seeing sense in her logic. “I wish you weren’t here with me.” He murmured quietly. “As fucked up that is.” 

Nya tensed. Did she agree with that? She did wish not to remember, but to leave Jay as the only one who did? She couldn’t do that to him. Besides, it was better to know there was a threat out there somewhere, and making sure that it could never escape again, instead of not knowing and potentially reliving it all again. 

“I don’t.” Nya shook her head. “I’m glad I can be here for you.” 

Jay sighed again. “You didn’t deserve what he did to you.” 

“Neither did you.” She gave him a look. “And neither did Kai, or Lloyd, or Cole, or Zane. Not Master Wu, not Dareth, Mysako maybe, but that’s just because I don’t like her.” He laughed at that. The mutual hatred of Lloyd’s parents often brought the team together.

“What I’m saying is that bad things often happen to good people. It’s a fact. And I know it’s not going to be the last time something bad happens to us, as horrible as it sounds. We all know that. We signed up for it when we joined the team.” She looked at him, seriousness in her eyes. 

Jay nodded, a dejected look in his eyes. She gently cupped his jaw with her free hand, turning his face to look at her. “But no matter what happens, we’ll always have each other. Not just us, but the rest of the team too. You’re stuck with us, sorry Sparky.” She told him matter of-factly. 

Jay gave her a small smile. “Since when are you so sappy?” He teased gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but now it just feels like you stole my thing. I’m supposed to be the sappy one.” 

Nya giggled. “Blame it on the tea.” She grinned. 

Jay laughed as well and a comfortable silence stretched out between them. Jay started playing with her hair. She was thinking about starting to grow it out, the bob just not really something she was comfortable with anymore. Not when it so closely resembled her. If it was her appearance Nadakhan had taken her for, then she would do anything to change that. 

She turned to look back at Jay, noticing his gaze already on her. His face wasn’t anything like Nadakhan’s, no, it was gentle, it was caring. While Nadakhan only saw some weird fantasy of her and what he envisioned she should be, Jay always saw her for her. 

“Can I kiss you?” Jay whispered suddenly, his gaze transfixed on her. She could see the gentleness in his eyes, the way they shone with hope, but not with pressure. Never with pressure. If she’d say no, he would accept it, no questions asked. It was the bare minimum, but after him she needed the reassurance. Needed to ground herself before initiating anything beyond a hug, and even that sometimes was hard. She’d felt disgusting a long time after, needing to shower at least twice a day, and flinching at the barest of touches. She’d been such an independent woman before it had happened, and it had made her feel so trapped. So weak.

Being in control, even if it was “just” by saying yes or no to something meant everything to her, and she was glad she didn’t even have to ask Jay to ask for consent before doing anything. He’d just always immediately done so. He was great like that. 

She nodded, and Jay took the initiative before she could, closing the distance between them and leaning down to press a light kiss to her lips. She reciprocated it, smiling into the kiss as she put her arms around him. 

They pulled away from each other, but Nya stayed where she was, pressing her forehead against him as she held him close. 

She breathed him in, taking in the familiar scent of coconut that came from his shampoo. This close she could count the freckles that dotted his nose, could see the blue in his left eye, while his right one sported green dots. He was so incredibly gorgeous, so incredibly unique but in such a familiar way, she knew she’d always feel safe around him. 

She was royally fucked, but it was for exactly the right reasons.