Archive of Our Own ^beta

Steam rolled out of the large bathtub, fogging up the windows slightly and offering Paul a modicum of privacy. Not that he was particularly shy, sharing a room with a bunch of men had disavowed him of that notion.

Still, the closed door was an extra level and as he stripped out of his drainies and white undershirt he let out a sigh of relief. He stretched for a moment as he stood in boxers and the strips of cloth binding his chest down, letting each muscle scream in protest as he stretched his arms above his head and leaned from side to side. 

Astrid’s bathroom was sparse but clean. She’d left some clean towels for them on a small chair near the tub with a new bar of soap sitting on top and aside from some mascara by the sink and the soft pink bar of soap in a dish next to it. It was hard to tell that regular people used the bathroom at all. 

He removed the last vestiges of clothes he had on, tossing them onto the small pile of clothes he’d already made by the door before cautiously approaching the tub as if it was alive and would pull him in. Paul dipped his hand into it, feeling out the temperature, it was a little too hot, his hand turning pink after a few seconds when he withdrew it. It would be fine, he decided, better too hot than cooling too quickly, and he stepped into the tub.

The water stung as he sank gingerly into it. He hot water lapping at his thighs and butt as it sloshed back and forth as he settled. He scooped water into his hands and splashed it over his face. It was definitely too hot then, but the evaporation left his face feeling cool and refreshed in the room temperature air. 

He hadn’t bathed like this in a while, the showers he had access to were tepid at best and filthy. He didn’t complain, and part of him doubted that the other guys even noticed or at all minded the state of the shared shower situation. Paul had never considered himself fussy and he didn’t want to garner that reputation. It was undeniably nice, though, to soak in hot water in a properly clean space. Paul felt himself relax, each muscle carefully unwinding as he soaked. He should have brought a book, he thought, but he couldn’t stay in the bath forever, it was kind enough that Astrid was letting them use her home and utilities. Though Paul knew it was more than anything a ploy to get Stuart into her bedroom. He respected that from her. She knew what she wanted, and she got it.

There was a soft click from the door that echoed through the silent bathroom that made his eyes fly open and his arms coming in from where they rested on the edges of the tub to cover his chest. The water sloshed suddenly though luckily spilled out onto the floor.

“Jus’ me,” John’s voice entered before he did, soft and maybe a little slurred from some weed John had smoked as they’d walked over to the house.

“You could have knocked first,” Paul frowned to himself. He did relax once John entered and closed the door behind himself with a click as soft as the one that had announced John’s arrival. Paul’s arms slipped under the water as he rested against the back of the tub, watching John out of the corner of his eye. 

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” John gave a slight shrug as his eyes raked over Paul’s body.

“Not the point,” he retorted and crossed his arms over himself as John stared at him. “Why’re you in here anyway?” He watched John carefully as he walked around the tub, the tips of his calloused fingers grazing Paul’s shoulder as he leaned down next to his ear. Paul felt hot breath right by his ear, making him shiver despite the warm water surrounding him.

“Thought you might want some company,” John murmured. 

“You’re off your rocker,” Paul breathed out, face flushing from more than the steam. John’s face was again mere centimeters away from his. His lips were tantalizingly parted ever so slightly and all Paul wanted to do was pull John close, to lick into his mouth and drown in auburn curls under his fingertips. 

They both hovered for a moment as if caught in a spell both were loathe to break. John’s eyes glanced at Paul’s lips and back up to meet his own. John’s pupils were blown wide and glassy, in spite of that Paul wanted to lose himself in the beautiful brown rings of John’s irises. Just as he leaned forward to close the tantalizing distance and kiss John he pulled back and stood up. 

“Tease,” Paul muttered softly to himself. John didn’t respond to the word and Paul could only imagine that he was far too occupied with pulling off his jumper and undershirt. As John divested more clothes it dawned on him what John’s ultimate goal was. “We’re not both going to fit in here, John.”

“There’s enough room,” John said as he pulled off his trousers and pants, tossing them near Paul’s own pile of clothes. He strode to the tub as if he owned the place, reached into the water, and flicked some at Paul’s face.

“John!” Paul flinched, holding his hands up in defense of John’s childish water attack.

“C’mon,” John urged, “Make room.”

“John, ple-” Paul’s protests were lost as John stepped into the tub with him, kneeling between Paul’s legs, facing him, and he leaned forward, catching himself on the back of the tub with one arm as he captured Paul’s lips with a kiss.

“What were you saying? Not enough room?” John whispered against Paul’s lips as he pulled back from their kiss. 

Paul panted softly as he looked up at John hovering just above him. “C-clearly,” he managed, “I was wrong.”

John grinned down at him before pulling back fully, resting on his heels as he knelt in the tub. “I do think it would be better if we switched spots, though.”

Paul rolled his eyes but smiled a bit as they maneuvered awkwardly into different positions. It involved some standing, and Paul nearly slipping and falling forward out of the tub except that John caught him before he took a tumble. In the end they settled again, John leaning against the tub and Paul seated between John’s legs, his back to John’s chest and his head reading on his shoulder. 

John wrapped his arms loosely around Paul’s waist and Paul felt his breathing even out after a few minutes. If John hadn’t figured every few minutes Paul would have worried that he’d fallen asleep. “We haven’t had privacy like this in a while,” John said.

“No,” Paul replied. He lifted one leg so his toes poked just out of the surface of the water, wiggling them before resting his leg on top of John’s. “I don’t think since your room before Germany.”

John pressed his cheek to the top of Paul’s head and let out a hum in reply, holding him a little more tightly. It was this side of John Paul had missed the most since they had all come to Hamburg. Even when they had the bunk room to themselves they were quick and dirty with what they wanted. It left very little time for soft words or soft touches. John too generally concerned about his image to the band to let it slip even with his boyfriend.

Only in moments where they could be sure of total privacy was it possible for John to let his guard down and Paul knew it, which made moments like this one all the more precious. It was different than the sneaking around they’d done in Liverpool, but it wasn’t the freedom he’d, perhaps naively, hoped for. 

One of John’s hand’s moved to Paul’s chin, warm and damp with water. He gently took Paul’s chin in his hand and tipped his head up and to the side to look at him. His thumb rested on Paul’s lower lip and dragged down slowly, gently parting Paul’s lips before kissing him again. 

This kiss wasn’t over as quickly, it wasn’t needy or hurried but gentle. The hand held the side of Paul’s face still and Paul pressed into it and into the kiss. John tasted like weed and tea, and a little like last night's cheap beer. He brought his own hand up, tangling the damp hand in John’s hair, feeling it stick to his skin and tangle around his fingers. He smiled, satisfied, into the kiss as he drew a soft moan from John’s lips. 

He could feel John’s arousal pressing against him searing hot into his skin and with a great amount of satisfaction he pressed against the trapped erection. 

John pulled out of the kiss, pressing his forehead to Paul’s, slightly sweat dampened, “Fuck,” he moaned. 

Paul could hear his heart beating in his ears, felt it thumping in his chest. He turned so the hand not tangled in John’s hair could slide up his chest, fingers splaying across the broad expanse of John’s chest and he could feel the quickened beat of John’s heart just beneath his hand. He tilted his head up enough to catch John’s lips with his once more. Felt them give beneath his insistent mouth. John’s lips were parted just enough that Paul met no resistance as he pressed his tongue into John’s mouth and let his senses be full with John.

The world melted away with the steam from the bathtub, anything that wasn’t John wholly superfluous to him in that moment. He only smelled John’s aftershave, only felt soft curls and a beating heart, only tasted John, lips slightly sweet from the sugar in his tea, felt searing warmth and desire from each place their bodies connected. 

John’s hips bucked against Paul’s hip and his arms moved to pull Paul as tightly to him as he could. It was a crushing hug that left Paul gasping into John’s mouth for air. 

“Please,” John whined softly. He trailed fingers along Paul’s spine, making him shiver. “J-Paul,” he corrected quickly, “Please.”

Paul couldn’t help the involuntary stiffening at the slight slip. It rarely happened anymore, but sex was when it happened the most. Paul chose to not think too hard about it, if anything protecting his own heart and ego above all else. He forced himself to relax again into the featherlight touches from John, the way he leaned forward and pressed kisses to Paul’s collarbone. John’s hand slid over his ass, fingers brushing lightly over his cunt and making him jolt slightly at how sensitive he hadn’t even realized that he was. “I’m not going to fuck you in the tub, John.”

John whined and nipped at Paul’s neck, moving up until he could kiss Paul again fully. “We’re alone.”

“John-” Paul gasped as two fingers pressed into him, he was wet, despite the water, and they worked into him easily. 

“I didn’t say we had to fuck ,” John breathed into his ear. Teeth nipped at his earlobe and Paul found himself leaning into the sensations he was feeling from head to toe. His hips stuttered, jerking into John’s touch as two fingers became three and their pace sped up. 

Paul didn’t even realize as his hands both moved to clutch John’s hair pulling him into a bruising kiss as he felt his core begin to tighten, felt himself starting to flush across his face, neck and chest. Their teeth clacked together in the rough and messy kiss, mouths open and panting into each other. Water sloshed violently at their movements, kissing the brim of the tub and a few small splashes cascaded to the floor, completely ignored by the couple. Each far too preoccupied by the other to even take note of the mess they were making. 

His orgasm slammed into him, crashing into him like waves as he felt that same overwhelming pressure and release he’d only experienced once before when John had fingered him in the alleyway and he’d soaked John. He couldn’t quite tell if the same thing had happened as he was in waist deep water.

John’s fingers slid out of him, pulling his now limp body close as he kissed him with red and swollen lips.

A knock at the door had them both jump and turn wide eyed at the door in fear of an intruder on their private moment.

“You okay in there?” Astrid’s voice came through the door. “We heard a scream and I wanted to make sure you didn’t slip and hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine!” Paul flushed bright red and replied quickly, slapping a hand over John’s mouth. “Be out soon, sorry Astrid!”

“Okay,” her voice seemed amused more than anything, like a laugh was muffled in her tone somehow. “John okay, too?”

Paul’s eyes met John’s in a panic, he shouldn’t have assumed John had been discreet about where he was going. His removed his hand to let John speak.

“Fine, Astrid,” John called. “Thanks for checking on us.”

There was a soft chuckle that turned into a distant laugh as she made her way down the hall from them. 

Paul felt himself warm and bright red at being caught, at screaming. He hadn’t realized how loud he’d been in that moment. He was never going to hear the end of it from the guys. “We should clean up and get out of the bathroom.”

John frowned, pressing his still raging erection to Paul’s hip, “C’mon, Paulie.”

“I’ll let you face fuck me tonight when we’re back in our room,” he offered. He leaned over John, reaching for the bar of soap and beginning to lather himself up with it, his back fully to John now as he tried to will himself to not be so embarrassed at the guys hearing their escapades. It was hard enough sharing a room with them all already, hearing them jerk off, or fucking a prostitute with them all in the room. He wasn’t a prude about them, but about himself he was much shier than he knew John had hoped he would be. 

John’s arm snaked around his waist, his hand moving up Paul’s sternum and resting loosely on Paul’s neck, index finger and thumb holding Paul’s jaw carefully still. His breath caught and he knew if John kept on like that he would be putty, completely at John’s will. “Deal,” John whispered into Paul’s ear, and then the hands were gone. Paul let out his held breath and dipped the soap back into the water with a shaking hand, continuing to soap himself up, feeling John’s eyes on him with every movement. 

John plucked the soap from his fingers, washing his back and hair, and Paul closed his eyes as John’s fingers gently pressed and massaged his shoulders and the knots in his back from sleeping on a shitty mattress on a shitty bunk. 

He sighed softly and was glad to return the favor, washing John’s back and his hair, feeling the soft squishy suds trapped in John’s curls as he massaged his scalp and washed away the hair pomade and grime trapped in it. 

By the time they both exited the tub the water was much cooler and tinged a murky grey. Paul pulled the stopper out and let the water drain away. He shivered at the cold air on his wet skin, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself as John did the same with his own towel. 

John’s hair stuck to his forehead, and he looked much softer than his rugged persona allowed. Paul saw him clean and pink, face ruddy from sex and the warm bath. He also looked tired. Paul could see it clearly as John slowly dried himself, toweling his hair and scrubbing his skin with the towel until he was dried off enough. He looked much more the twenty something that he was, young and killing himself to achieve his dreams, than Paul usually got to see anymore. 

“Keep starin’ like that and people will get the wrong idea,” John commented, looking out one of the windows. 

Paul looked away, realizing that John saw him reflected on the glass, standing there as he dripped water onto the floor. “I’d hope so,” he replied softly. He dried himself off enough to redress. His skin still stuck a little to his clothes, socks and boxers taking a little bit of effort to pull over his skin. 

“Let me help,” John said as Paul picked up the length of cloth he used to bind his chest. 

“Oh, okay,” Paul licked his lips and offered the cloth to John. 

He unfurled the length of it, placing the start of it on Paul’s side, “Hold that, yeah? Gear.”

Paul held the end securely as John wrapped the binding material around him, his chest disappearing into a flattered mass of stained white fabric. 

“There,” John tucked the loose end in and handed Paul his shirt.

“‘Ta,” Paul smiled, pulling on his shirt and drainies and took his towel, mopping up the water that had escaped the tub, making the floor gleam like glass. He hung the towel on the empty rack and smiled at John who met him with a smile that felt a little too easy, and perhaps a little distant as John’s eyes looked him over once more, fully clothed. 

The odd look was one Paul was familiar with though he wasn’t sure what it meant. So he chose to not think about it too much. They were tired, overworked, underpaid, and often high. It could have been any reason. 

His bare feet made a soft padding noise over the floor, echoing softly in the room as he stopped in front of John and leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. “I love you, Johnny.”

“Love you, too,” John wrapped a hand around Paul’s waist, and again, that odd look clouded John’s eyes before quickly dissipating. “We ought to join back up with the group, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Paul replied as he was let go of. He watched as John slipped out of the bathroom without a second glance back, leaving Paul alone. Late afternoon sunlight was starting to stream into the room, golden and warm, and yet Paul couldn’t help the chill that went down his spine and the shiver that came from it. 

He cast one final look around the room, making sure they hadn’t left anything behind before following after John. He closed the door with a click and put a smile on his face as he went down the dark hallway, following the sounds of laughter to the group. He could be one of the guys, he could ignore the painful ache in his chest. He would take what John gave him.