Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Piltover Council Chamber - 9:47 AM

A painfully long serious meeting is in progress. The mood is tense, Mel is monologuing like she’s in the third act of a Shakespeare play. Jayce looks like he’d rather be doing bicep curls.

Mel:
“If we do not respond with strength, we invite chaos into our gates. Zaun must be shown that Piltover is not weak.”

Jayce:
“Piltover IS weak. I haven’t seen a dumbbell in here since we passed that protein tax.”

Heimerdinger:
“We must consider the diplomatic results. Also, I must remind the council again, Heimerdinger Jr is legally recognized as a voting member and deserves to be heard.”

Heimerdinger Jr the Rat: (adjusting his tiny cravat)
“Squeak.”

Mel:
“That’s a yes to war.”

Jayce:
“That’s a rat noise, Mel.”

Outside the Council Building – Same Time

Jinx, wearing oversized jacket, is sneaking outside the council. She's carrying a duffel bag filled with explosives, a sketchpad, and a single juice box.

Jinx:
“Okay, Powder, we’re keeping it lowkey today. No chaos. Just a lil artistic terrorism. Just some tasteful boom-boom graffiti.”

She pulls out a can of spray paint. The label reads: Definitely Not A Bomb.

Jinx:
“Seems trustworthy.”

She shakes it. The can starts beeping.

Jinx:
“OHHHH HELL NAH. That’s not Krylon, that’s KABOOM.”

She throws the can, and it rolls into the council chamber just as Jayce stands up to defend his protein powder.

Back Inside – 9:49 AM

Jayce: (banging fist on table)
“I’m telling you guys! What the youth need is protein, meal prep, a gym subscription.”

Mel:
“Oh for the love of-”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

A glittery hellstorm rips through the building. The ceiling explodes, the chandelier crashes onto a table. Everyone’s hair is now 11% ash, 90% volume. (I suck at Maths)

Jinx: (walking through the smoke, singing)
“Guess who just blew-up your whole political system~ ”

Jayce: (covered in confetti)
“JINX YOU BITCH! WHAT THE HELL???!”

Jinx:
“I WASN’T EVEN TRYING THIS TIME, I SWEAR.”

Mel:
“Is everyone dead?”

Heimerdinger: (checking Heimerdinger Jr’s pulse)
“Everyone, but the rat.”

30 Minutes Later - In the Wreckage

Some Piltover citizens gather around, amazed. Somehow there are balloons now, Jinx is sitting on a literal throne of metal scraps, holding a scepter made out of a street sign and someone's toaster.

Zaunite #1:
“She blew up the council and left the waffles untouched, she’s efficient.”

Zaunite #2:
“She’s got style, she’s got my vote.”

Jayce:
“There’s no one left in charge.”

Jinx:
“So... I WIN????”

Ekko (skateboarding past with a megaphone):
“Sounds fair to me!”

Random Crowd:
“ALL HAIL PRESIDENT JINX!”

Vi’s Apartment – The Next Day

Vi is angrily flipping pancakes.

Vi (muttering) :
“Can’t believe she became President, she blew up the government, AGAIN. Why do I keep making her breakfast?”

Footsteps. Jinx stumbles into the kitchen wearing Ekko’s hoodie and sunglasses indoors.

Jinx:
“Did you know being president is sooo exhausting? I had to kiss a baby yesterday. It exploded, totally not my fault.”

Vi: (hands her a plate)
“Eat your damn pancakes, Madam President.”

Jinx:
“I knew you loved me sis.”

Vi: 
“I tolerate you.”

Jinx:
“You call me a war criminal but you still put chocolate chips in the pancakes.”

Caitlyn’s Apartment 

There are now four new red strings. A post-it note reads:
“Don’t arrest Jinx while Vi is in the room. (YOU WILL FAIL.)”

Caitlyn’s hair is a mess. She’s drinking cold tea and muttering like a Victorian widow.

Caitlyn: (voice recorder)
“Day 24. The suspect, codename: JINX, has committed forty-seven felonies, twelve war crimes, and at least ten very confusing TikToks. I could arrest her, I should arrest her. But then, there’s Vi. With her arms. Her stupid huge & sexy arms.”

She slaps a picture of Vi on the wall, it slides down. She does not pick it back up.

Caitlyn: (sighing)
“Damn it, I’m in a threesome with justice and trauma.”

Destroyed Piltover Council Building Rooftop

Jayce is standing shirtless on the rubble, glistening in the sun like a man who knows five synonyms for “gains.”

Jayce: (to camera)
“Are YOU tired of politics? Wanna overthrow your metabolism instead? Introducing HEX-FLEX™, the only pre-workout approved by 1 out of 7 former council members” flexing his abs, “Because when the system collapses, only the STRONG will have abs.”

Off to the side, a random guy claps. Jayce throws him a tub of protein powder the size of a small cow.

Sudden Wind Blows, Viktor, floating 6 inches above the ground.

He is now 73% robot, 9% metal angst, and 88% philosophical nonsense.

Viktor:
“Jayce.”

Jayce;
“AHHHHHH! Bro, you can't just materialize mid-pump”

Viktor:
“Time is an illusion. Protein... is eternal.”

Jayce:
“Are you on HEX-FLEX?”

Viktor:
“I AM HEX-FLEX.”

He vanishes in a cloud of creatine and sadness.

Vi’s Kitchen - Later

Jinx is sitting on the counter, eating onions. She’s wearing Ekko’s jacket. Again.

Jinx:
“Soooo, Caitlyn looked at me like she wanted to arrest me and kiss me at the same time, should I be worried?”

Vi: (chopping onions violently)
“She’s just confused, and gay, and British.”

Jinx:
“Ohhh, so like, she's allergic to direct emotion.”

Vi:
“Exactly.”

Jinx:
“Bet I could get her to handcuff me.”

Vi:
“Please stop talking.”

Caitlyn, Standing Outside the Door with a Warrant

She raises her hand to knock. Freezes, lowers it, pulls out her notepad, writes:
“To arrest: Jinx.”

Then:
“To kiss: Vi.”

Then:
“To arrest but also maybe kiss?????: Jinx???”

She rips out the page and eats it.

Caitlyn: (to herself)
“I need therapy.”

Jinx: (from inside)
“HEY CAITLYN, WANNA COME IN FOR LUNCH AND EXISTENTIAL CRISIS???”

Vi:
“I did NOT invite her-”

Door opens, Caitlyn combusts, emotionally.

The Next Day,

Jinx stands at a podium made entirely out of stolen traffic signs and old vending machines, behind her is a banner that reads:

“WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER ZAUN PRESS CONFERENCE (PLZ DON’T SHOOT)”

Next to her are three sock puppets wearing tiny sunglasses, one has a top hat, they are her assistants.

Jinx: (to a crowd of horrified citizens and two pigeons)
“Alright, nerds!!! Time for your democratically elected chaos goblin to give Zaun an update.”

She grabs a pointer stick and gestures to a crayon drawn pie chart labeled:

“THINGS I BLEW UP VS. THINGS I WANTED TO BLOW UP”

(It’s just a circle lol, fully red.)

Jinx:
“As you can see, If efficiency were a person, it’d be doing cartwheels right now.”

She flicks a button, confetti cannon explodes behind her.

Caitlyn at Piltover Police Department HQ

She’s surrounded by case files, empty teacups, and Vi’s jacket which she may or may not be sniffing.

Grayson: (ghostly voice, probably imaginary)
“You’re losing it, Caitlyn.”

Caitlyn: (yelling)
“I AM NOT-!”

Ghost Grayson:
“You joined a book club because Vi said reading is ‘hot’”

Caitlyn: (defensively)
“They read 'The Art of War' and also 'Pride and Prejudice', It’s balanced.”

She opens a folder. It’s just doodles of Vi in a suit with captions like:

“Fuck me, daddy.”

She slams it shut.

Caitlyn:
“God I miss being emotionally stable.”

Jayce’s New Fitness Empire HQ

A neon sign flashes:

HEX-TINDER: Find Love, Get Ripped, Cry in the Sauna.

Jayce, still shirtless, is filming a promo with a disturbingly bubbly announcer voice.

Jayce: (to camera)
“Are you lonely, jacked, and emotionally repressed? Try HEX-TINDER™ , where the only thing heavier than our dumbbells, is your unresolved trauma!!!!”

Behind him, someone bench presses a vending machine.

Jayce:
“Upload your personal records, swipe based on biceps. Get matched by muscle mass compatibility. Love is dead, but you don’t have to be”

HEX-TINDER Intern: (whispers)
“Sir, Viktor is on the roof again.”

Jayce:
“Of course he is.”

Viktor on the Roof

Wearing a cape made of recycled lab reports,

Viktor:
“I have seen the algorithm of God, It was poorly commented.”

Suddenly, a spiritual rift opens in the air, wind blows, industrial begins to play.

Spirit Voice:
“YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO THE SHADOW REALM-”

Viktor: (holding up one finger)
“One moment.”

He floats down, walks into the kitchen, and eats an entire spoonful of Jayce’s HEX-FLEX™ powder.

Viktor:  (returning to the void)
“Continue.”

He vanishes in a spiral of binary code and industrial rock.

Back at Jinx’s Press Conference

Jinx:
“Questions?”

A terrified reporter raises a hand.

Reporter:
“What’s your plan for economic recovery?”

Jinx:
“Step one; replace all currency with candy. Step two; tax the rich. Step three; BOOOOOOOM.”

Reporter:
“Explosions are not a strategy.”

Jinx:
“Explosions are THE strategy.”

Caitlyn's Apartment - Watching the News

Vi walks in, sees the chaos on the screen, and cringes.

Vi:
“She’s trying her best.”

Caitlyn:
“She threw a grenade on the reporter.”

Vi:
“Still better than Jayce.”

They sit in silence. Jinx appears on-screen again, now wearing a cape and holding a harmonica.

Jinx: (on TV)
“Zaun 2025, baaaaaaby! No laws, just vibes!”

Caitlyn:
“She’s kind of hot when she’s committing treason.”

Vi: (disgusted)
“THAT'S MY SISTER.”

Abandoned Library Turned Ekko's Nonprofit HQ

There’s a big, poorly painted sign out front that says:

“CLOCKS 4 KIDS - Time Waits For No One Unless You're Ekko"

Inside, there are ticking clocks on every surface. Most are broken, one just screams every hour.

Kid #1:
“Uhh, what exactly do we do here?”

Ekko:
“We teach discipline, purpose, the value of every second.”

Kid #2:
“So like a school?”

Ekko:
“No, schools are prisons for the mind. This is a lifestyle.”

He skates across the floor, throws a clock in the air, hits it with his bat, and time rewinds three seconds.

Ekko:
“See that? That’s a metaphor for punctuality.”

Kid #3: (traumatized)
“Bro, I just wanted a watch.”

Later That Night - Zaun

The lights are flickering, the streets are rumbling, people are screaming, dancing, or both. Why?

Because Viktor has returned from the Spirit Realm and is now;

DJ V1-KT0R

He floats above an electrified DJ booth made of hextech piecess and trauma.

He wears glowing robes, his eyes blink in binary, every drop he plays shifts gravity slightly.

Viktor:  (over mic, voice auto-tuned)
“CONSUME THE VIBE, TIME IS AN ILLUSION, DROP INCOMING IN 3... 2...”

Caitlyn in the Middle of the Dance Battle

She’s got one heel on, handcuffs in one hand, a badge in the other, and murder in her eyes.

Caitlyn: (screaming)
“THAT’S IT. YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR WAR CRIMES AND BAD BEATS.”

She rushes to Jinx,

But Vi steps between them.

Vi:
“Caitlyn, don’t”

Caitlyn:  (unhinged, shaking)
“I have been patient, I have been civil, I have attended THREE THERAPY SESSIONS.”

Vi:  (smirking)
“Oh yeah? How’d that work out for you?”

Caitlyn:
“It didn’t. I kissed the therapist and tasered a deaf person on the way out.”

They’re inches apart, then Caitlyn grabs Vi by the collar and kisses her, hard.

Everyone cheers, except one guy who turns into a pigeon. (Don’t ask.)

After A While

In the middle of the madness, Ekko and Jinx link up in their own chaotic partnership.

Ekko:
"Let’s mess with them, yeah? We’ve got time on our side."

Jinx:
"Time? That’s cute. I prefer CHAOS."

Ekko: (smirking)
“No, trust me. We have time.”

They stand in the center of the dance floor, and with a snap of Ekko’s timebomb, time starts rewinding, just for the people around them. The floor rips open in spirals, the crowd is walking backward, laughing and screaming in confusion.

Jinx: (pulling Ekko into the chaos)
“I love this so much. This is my vibe!”

They run into a group of dancers, causing them to suddenly stop dancing mid-spin and freeze.

Jinx:
"Ewww, this is so 2008.”

Ekko:
“And now, time speeds up.”

The dancers speed walk around them, bumping into each other in a hilarious dance battle that no one knows they signed up for.

Jinx: (turning to Ekko, mischief in her eyes)
“Hey, uh, wanna make out?”

Ekko: (pauses, looks at her)
“We could rewind and make this even crazier, right?”

Jinx: (already kissing him)
“Rewind? I just wanted to see what happens.”

They kiss for a second.

But then, time glitches again. They pull apart as everything resets to normal, leaving Jinx slightly confused and Ekko a little too smug.

An Hour Later

The music is loud. People are dancing in reverse, gravity is basically optional, and the spirit realm is leaking through the cracks. Viktor’s floating above, Jinx is throwing bombs

And then, in the midst of this chaos, we see Jayce.

Jayce: (walking into the rave, looking completely out of place)
“What the hell is happening.”

He’s wearing an absurdly tight workout tank top, clearly filming a new promo for HEX-FLEX (because when your protein powder business is more important than literally anything else, you make an entrance). He's got a camera crew with him, but they're filming nothing, just his biceps.

He steps into the center of the chaos and yells over the music:

Jayce: (proudly flexing, looking around)
“TIME FOR A MASSIVE BRAND COLLAB! HEX-FLEX IS HERE, PEOPLE! GET THE PROTEIN IN YOUR SYSTEM, IT’S LIKE A WORKOUT FOR YOUR SOUL.”

Everyone, including the camera crew, is too distracted by the spirit portal, Viktor floating, and the general destruction to care about his sales pitch.

Jayce:  
“You know, this is actually a great vibe. What’s the hashtag for this rave? #HexFlexTheBeat?”

Suddenly, Mel steps into the scene, wearing a sparkly gown and an expression of absolute confusion. She’s holding a glass of wine. She looks at Jayce like he just dropped a hextech bomb in her lap.

Mel: (eyeing Jayce)
“Is this the ‘sophisticated’ event you invited me to?”

Jayce: (too busy checking his abs in a reflective surface)
“Mel, I’m just here to spread the good word about HEX-FLEX. You wanna try a sample? No, seriously. It's got hextech substance, your muscles won’t know what hit them.”

Mel: (blinking)
“I came for a diplomatic meeting, Jayce, not a protein cult.”

Jayce: (interrupting, overly eager)
“Hey, hey, hey. HEX-FLEX is more than a protein. It’s a lifestyle, a revolution, you know, once you get the taste, you won’t be able to stop.”

The Dance Battle Showdown

Mel is barely holding it together. Her dress is a mess, her hair looks like it’s been through a wind tunnel. 

Mel:
“Do I have to? I’m already in this deathtrap of nonsense. This entire situation is a diplomatic nightmare, but fine let’s dance?”

She looks at the stage, then glances at Heimerdinger, who is assembling a rat dance crew like they’re preparing for a grand performance. 

Viktor hovers above the ground, his metallic body faintly glowing like a disco ball, floating in slow motion like he’s seen the end of time, and he speaks his voice a strange cryptic riddle.

Viktor: (voice distorted and profound)
“Time is but a frequency, but dance is the eternal rhythm.”

Jayce is awkwardly moving in the middle of the rave, trying to put his best foot forward. His muscles are flexing, but it’s clear he has zero rhythm. He’s holding up his HEX-FLEX™ protein jar, which is probably supposed to look cool, but just looks like he’s selling shady gym supplements in the middle of a breakdown.

Jayce:
“Does HEX-FLEX work better if I’m this flexible? I mean I’m just stretching to get my muscles primed for a good protein shake, who’s ready for some gains?!”

But his dance move? Horrifying. He’s flailing his arms like a person trying to escape a spider, but he’s committed to the act, truly believing he’s the most athletic person in the room.

Meanwhile, Heimerdinger, pulls out a miniature boom box from under his coat. He clicks a button, and a weirdly smooth jazz version of the rave music starts to play.

He taps a tiny microphone, addressing the crowd:

Heimerdinger:
“Rats, assemble! Let us show the world the true power of rats.”

Out from the shadows, the rat dance crew emerges. Each rat is wearing tiny sunglasses, miniature leather jackets, and they begin breakdancing, flipping, and moonwalking in synchrony like they’ve been professionally trained by the greatest dancers of the undercity.

The rats steal the spotlight, and the crowd goes wild. People are cheering, not for any of the humans, but for the rats. Even Jinx is a bit jealous of their smooth moves. Viktor, watches them with an almost philosophical reverence.

Viktor:
“Time is but a frequency, and these rats are the embodiment of perfect rhythm.”

Meanwhile, Mel, caught up in the moment, unleashes her inner chaos. She pulls off her heels and starts twerking, a move that nobody saw coming, least of all her.

Mel: (giggling maniacally)
“I’m the diplomatic queen of this rave! Who needs wars when we have... TWERKING?!”

Now, Jayce, completely overwhelmed, tries to regain some control, but he’s just spiraling further into madness. His HEX-FLEX jar is splattering everywhere as he jumps into a cringe worthy moonwalk, arms flailing, legs completely offbeat.

Jayce: (panicking, out of breath)
“Is this how you dance!? I should’ve just stuck to politics, WHY DID I LEAVE POLITICS?!”

And then, the final blow, Jinx appears from somewhere. She has a DJ booth that she somehow set up while nobody was looking, and she presses a button. Her mixtape begins, but it’s not just any mixtape.

It's titled, "BOOM BOOM BITCH VOL. 9 – Forbidden Frequencies Edition” 

Jinx: (with a maniacal grin)
“THIS ONE’S FOR YOU, ZAUN! GET READY FOR MY BEAT!”

As the bass drops, it feels like the ground beneath them is shaking, reality is warping, and people start levitating to the rhythm. The music is so cursed it’s literally opening portals to other dimensions, because Jinx’s music has transcended the laws of physics.

The crowd is wild, the lights flashing, and that’s when it happens.

A massive portal opens in the air. And from the darkness emerges the one, the only, the most dramatic man of the century:

Silco.

He steps out, holding a smoothie in his hand like he’s been on a spa retreat this whole time.

Silco:
“Miss me?”

He sips the smoothie like it’s the most important thing in the world, completely ignoring the fact that he just materialized from another realm. He calmly walks through the crowd, completely unbothered, while everyone else is in full-on meltdown mode.

Jayce: (still trying to recover from his near-death dance)
“Wait, you were in the spirit realm? Why are you holding a smoothie? And how does it taste better than my HEX-FLEX protein shakes?!”

Silco:  (smirking)
“You can’t flex your way out of this one, Jayce. I have seen the universe, and it tastes pineapple, regret, and a dash of bad decisions. Just like that protein powder of yours.”

Jinx:  (laughing hysterically)
“NOW THAT’S A CLOSING REMARK!”

The camera zooms out to reveal the entire rave is now in complete mess. Heimerdinger is still leading his rats in an improvised salsa routine, Viktor’s floating in the background, trying to hack the very fabric of space & time, and Caitlyn and Vi are caught in a heated dance, totally ignoring the situation they were in earlier.

Chapter Text

No one knew how long they’d been dancing. Hours? Days? 

All that mattered was the beat. The cursed, unholy beat from Jinx’s mixtape that had taken on a life of its own.

Jayce is shirtless, absolutely drenched in sweat, still trying to hit that one choreography move he saw in a Hextech Zumba video. His hair looks like it was styled by an explosion, and his eyes are locked on a drone that he thinks is filming him for content.

Jayce:
“This, is for the brand, I am the brand, I am Hex-Flex.”

He body-rolls directly into a trash can, no one helps him.

Viktor is now 92% data, he’s just a floating hologram shaped like a man in a crop top and LED goggles.

Viktor: (echoing from fifteen dimensions)
“I am the gay lord.”

He phases through a wall and is briefly seen dancing in a parallel timeline where everyone’s just potatoes with legs.

Ekko and Jinx have rigged up a time loop and are forcing people to relive the same 15 seconds of twerking over and over again.

Caitlyn: (screaming)
“STOP RESETTING THE TWERKING!”

Ekko:
“Time’s fake and so is your badge!”

Then he dabs so hard the loop resets again.

Vi is aggressively breakdancing while eating a donut, she looks feral.

Caitlyn to Vi:
“I can’t tell if I wanna kiss you or arrest you but either way you’re coming with me.”

V:i (hair wild, eyeliner running)
“God help me, I’m into that.”

They kiss. A nearby speaker explodes.

Mel is laying face down on a glowing floor tile, mumbling into the surface.

Mel:
“I’ve written political agreement in blood and yet this dance floor is my ending.”

A rat pats her gently on the head with a glowstick.

Heimerdinger has merged with his rat crew into a horrifying Optimus Prime like formation. They’re doing the worm, backwards, upside-down, through the air.

Heimerdinger:
“We have evolved beyond rhythm, WE ARE THE DANCE.”

Silco is sitting calmly on a throne of Bluetooth speakers, smoothie in one hand, TV remote in the other, absolutely not dancing.

Silco: (to no one)
“Let the children burn off their trauma.”

He presses a button, a disco ball descends from the ceiling, but it’s just Vander’s face painted in glitter.

Then, it happens.

At the exact moment when Jinx attempts to drop another beat, the sky tears open.

The energy is so intense, Piltover itself shakes.

From the air, a voice echoes.

Unknown Cosmic Entity:
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE??????????”

Everyone freezes, even the rats.

A giant celestial hand reaches down and turns the volume knob down slightly.

Cosmic Entity: (annoyed)
“Y’all have been dancing for 26 hours straight and it’s messing with the laws of reality, stop it before you summon something worse than Silco.”

Jinx: (grinning)
“Too late.”

From a second portal, a flaming astral chicken appears into existence, wearing a top hat and screaming in Latin backwards. It lands in the middle of the rave and immediately starts krumping.

Everyone passes out on the spot.

The Next Day

The sun rises like it’s ashamed.

Zaun looks like it was hit by a comet.

Piltover is legally classified as “confused.”

And in the middle of it all, standing on top of a pile of Bluetooth speakers, is the Astral Chicken, wearing a swimsuit now, he pecks once at a scroll and SCREAMS.

Astral Chicken: (in ancient celestial dialect)
“YoUR ViBEs aRE ToO LoUd. PaY Up, MoRTaLs.”

Jayce: (squinting, hungover, flexing abs anyway)
“...Am I being inspected by soon-to-be my lunch?”

Silco: (still sipping his smoothie)
“I told you, there would be consequences. Also, it’s Tuesday.”

The chicken flaps its wings and shoots glitter lightning into the sky. Every of Zaunite suddenly receives a floating holographic bill labeled,

“DANCE ENERGY SURGE FINE: 900,000 JINXCOINS.” (no ones gaf lmao)

Meanwhile, Jinx's New Cooking Show

Streaming live from an active grenade testing site, Jinx goes full celebrity chef.

Jinx: (screaming)
“Welcome to KABOOM CUISINE, Today we’re making Fettuccine A la Kaboom!”

Vi: (off-camera)
“Stop throwing the pasta like that!”

Jinx:
“IT’S CALLED LA PASTA, VI.”

She sprinkles gunpowder like it’s salt, stirs the sauce with a lit flare, and taste-tests the dish by licking a fork and then melting it for flavor.

Jinx:
“Mmm, that’s got a kick. Or maybe that’s the concussion.”

Camera:  (on fire)
'loud buzzing noises'

The episode ends with her blowing up a blender, giggling wildly, and tossing the pasta remains over her shoulder.

Jinx: (to camera)
“And that’s how you make dinner explode with flavor! Tune in next week when we deep-fry an entire missile!”

Somewhere In The Matrix

Viktor, now pulsing with raw energy and rhythm, uploads himself into every speaker in Zaun. But his voice is permanently autotuned.

Viktor:  (singing in Daft Punk tones)
“Time is an illusion, like Jayce's gym resolution, strong in January, then total confusion..... my limbs are wireless nowww~” 

Caitlyn:
“Is... is he okay?”

Ekko: (panicking)
“He just sent me 500 friend requests on Steam, I think he’s everywhere now.”

Suddenly, all of Zaun’s neon lights flicker in sync with the bass drop. Viktor stops mid verse, his eyes glow bright blue, and he glitches.

Viktor: (twitching)
“Bass detected, adjusting emotional scale.”

Then, in a whisper that echoes from every toaster to every traffic light,

Viktor:
“01010101 01101110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100111 01110101 01101110.”

Jayce: (from his rooftop gym)
“Wait, did he just say the universe has begun in binary?”

Jinx: (eating raw spaghetti out of a grenade casing)
“Nah, he’s just announcing the afterparty.”

Suddenly, every vending machine in Piltover explodes into confetti, a disco ball descends from the unknown, and Viktor's final form emerges, half DJ, half computer.

Viktor:  (now glowing, speaking pure code)
“01101010 01100001 01111001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01100001 01111001, Initiating next phase: DANCE EVOLUTION.”

Caitlyn:
“Alright, Viktor. You're glitching, you're broadcasting binary death poetry across the city, and you just hacked into my tea cauldron, this ends now.”

She slams down her badge with authority.

Viktor:
“01000011 01100001 01101001 01110100 01101100 01111001 01101110, join me in the data-verse.”

Caitlyn:
“What.”

Suddenly, a speaker behind her explodes and a bolt of blue light snatches her into cyberspace. Her body pixelates, her badge turns into a glowing USB stick.

Caitlyn: (floating)
“OH NOOO. This is worse than Vi's morning breath.”

She lands on a glowing dance floor of 1s and 0s. Around her, Viktor clones doing synchronized robot choreography, data rats handing out glowsticks, and a giant screen that just says.

"WELCOME TO VIKTOPIA, AN UTOPIA OF BASS"

Viktor: (hovering in a trench coat made of Wi-Fi signals)
“This is justice.”

Caitlyn:
“You’re under arrest for... for... okay, why are there six of you grinding to the beat of my heartbeat????”

Binary DJ Rat: (in Heimerdinger’s voice, from a floating DJ booth)
“Drop the logic, officer. Drop the logic and DAAAAANCE.”

The beat drops. Caitlyn’s pupils dilate, her leg moves, her arms wave against her will.

Caitlyn: (possessed by rhythm)
“No, NO. I am a decorated officer, leader of house Kiramman, STOP MAKING ME SHUFFLE!”

In the background, Viktor moonwalks while reciting:

Viktor:
"01100111 01100001 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110100 01100011 01101000"

Meanwhile, back in Zaun, Vi is pacing in front of a glowing vending machine that’s playing Viktor’s remix of the Piltover Anthem in a thousand times, she slams her fist into it.

Vi:
“Where the hell is Caitlyn??! She said she was gonna interrogate Viktor, not collab with him.”

Jinx: (dancing with a glowstick-spaghetti whip)
“She’s gone, sis. Digitally devoured, sucked into the binary.”

Vi: (snaps)
“I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE LET HER WEAR HER EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED DETECTIVE COAT. That thing screams ‘vulnerable to data possession’”

Back in the Digital Rave Dimension.exe

Caitlyn is now in a tie with a glitching mirror version of herself, wearing sunglasses and a trench coat that somehow looks more emotionally unavailable than usual.

Mirror Caitlyn: (threatening)
“You arrested your own joy, Caitlyn. Now it’s time to face your repressed emotions.”

Caitlyn:
“You’re just a hallucination generated by AI rave code.”

Mirror Caitlyn:
“And you didn’t let yourself cry when your hamster died at age 6.”

Caitlyn:
“YOU LEAVE MR. FUZZY CUTE OUT OF THIS.”

They battle in interpretive dance, Viktor, watching from a digital cloud,

Viktor:
“01100100 01100001 01101101 01101110.”

Suddenly, Vi and Jinx bust into the data realm using an old arcade machine, Vi riding the joystick like a horse.

Vi:
“CAITLYN! YOU’RE TOO HOT FOR THIS SIMULATION, BABE GET OUT!”

Jinx: (slapping the keyboard)
“WE’RE GONNA CRASH THE RAVE. EMOTIONALLY.”

Caitlyn, now slides toward the exit portal.

Caitlyn: (breathless)
“I’m gonna need SO MUCH therapy and a lot more dancing lessons.”

Somewhere Between The Spirit Realm And An Abandoned Zaun Warehouse Turned Rave Temple

There's a disco ball made of broken Hextech shards gently rotating above the crowd of unconscious dancers.

At the booth, Silco stands in a fur coat made entirely of council chairs. His DJ name? "DJ ONE EYED PEAS"

He leans into the mic, pressing a single button on a mixer. A slow, smooth jazz remix of "War Crimes & Sad Love Songs, Vol. 69' starts playing.

Silco:
“This one goes out to everyone who's ever weaponized affection, you know who you are.”

Somewhere in the temple, Mel, fully curled up in a floating hoverchair, wrapped in a fur cloak made of shredded hextech. She’s sipping a juice box. The label?  “WAR FLAVORED.”

Mel: (to no one)
“I tried to start a war, you know. A real one. With explosions, betrayals, men dying, the good stuff.”

She dramatically wipes a tear, then looks around at the crowd.

Mel:
“But they’re all too emotionally unstable to fight back. Viktor turned into Spotify Premium, Caitlyn went to therapy, and Jayce is doing TikToks in the ruins.”

Jayce, in the background, shirtless, flexing on top of a broken Hexgate, filming a new HEX-FLEX ad,

Jayce:
“I'm introducing to you a new formula. HEX-FLEX™, built on rat semen and protein.”

Silco: (into mic)
“Jayce, you gotta stop thrusting during the song. This is a sad jam, not a thirst trap.”

Ekko floats by on a hoverboard, screaming at a group of teenagers,
“TIME ISN’T REAL AND NEITHER IS YOUR SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY DO YOUR HOMEWORK GUYS!”

Mel: (whimpering into juice box)
“I wanted politics, not this circus of feelings.”

Jinx drops from the ceiling, landing in the splits.
Jinx:
“Too late!!!! This is Kaboom Diplomacy, we solve things with bombs and unresolved trauma.”

Silco: (softly)
“I’m so proud of you, kitten whiskers.”

The Next Morning

The morning after the world nearly broke apart, there's an awkwardly long breakfast table patched together by old council desks, two hoverboards, a traffic sign, and one unconscious enforcer.

Everyone is seated. No one knows how or why.

Jayce: (shirtless, still wearing last night’s glowstick belt)
“So... uh... anyone else wake up with protein powder in their shoes?”

Mel: (in sunglasses, sipping the last of her War Flavored juice box)
“Anyone else wake up disappointed to still be alive?”

Heimerdinger: (cheerily plating scrambled eggs)
“Oh, nonsense! I think last night was a success in trauma bonding.”

Silco: (sipping espresso from an empty deodorant container)
“Someone tried to fax me a ghost at 3 AM, but sure, let's call that a win.”

Caitlyn: (staring at her coffee like it committed a crime)
“I danced through an existential trial of my repressed emotions inside a USB stick, and now Viktor is in my toaster.”

Toaster Viktor:
“01001100 01100101 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100111 01100101 01110011 01110100.”

Ekko: (pouring syrup onto a pile of waffles shaped like clocks)
“He says ‘let’s digest.’ Which is probably the most normal thing he’s said since uploading himself to a blender.”

Vi: (looking suspiciously stable as she flips pancakes)
“I made breakfast because apparently no one here knows how to use a stove without explosive consequences.”

Jinx: (grinning while putting whipped cream on a grenade)
“Pancake bombs are a yummy movement, Vi. Don’t suppress my artistry.”

Silco: (quietly, almost touched)
“She gets it.”

A long pause as everyone awkwardly chews.

Jayce: (clears throat)
“So are we gonna talk about the part where we accidentally opened a portal to the spirit realm with bass drops and unresolved trauma?”

Mel:
“No. I’ve decided that didn’t happen.”

Caitlyn:
“I’m also repressing it, like everything else.”

Jinx: (raises hand)
“I made a mixtape that shattered time and made Silco corporeal again, you’re welcome.”

Silco:
“It had a good beat.”

Heimerdinger: (feeding his rat councilman a tiny omelet)
“And we passed a new civil law. All major disputes must now be settled via breakdance or combat.”

Ekko:
“I’m okay with this as long as I get to yell at teens during it.”

Jayce: (poking his eggs)
“I just want to sell HEX-FLEX™ in peace.”

Suddenly, the lights flicker, the toaster begins to vibrate. A holographic projection of Viktor hovers above the table, spinning slowly.

Viktor:
“I have seen beyond, and there is brunch. Eternal brunch. Powered by rhythm, fueled by pancakes.”

Caitlyn: (sighs)
“Oh no, he’s starting again.”

Everyone groans, Jinx eats a spoonful of jam with a knife, Mel collapses onto her plate, Jayce starts flexing unconsciously.

And somehow, it’s the closest thing any of them have had to peace.

Chapter Text

Post-Breakfast Panic (and Time Loop #1)

It all started when Ekko tried to clear the table.

Which was a mistake because no one told him Viktor had become the table.

Ekko: (grabbing a plate)
“Okay, we clean up now before someone weaponizes the jam again,”

Table Viktor: (suddenly glowing)
“INVALID ACTION!!! DO NOT REMOVE SYRUP CORE.”

Ekko: (dropping the plate)
“OH GOD THE TABLE IS ALIVE-THE TABLE IS ALIV-”

The room trembles, time briefly hiccups, everyone blinks, and then finds themselves back at breakfast again.

Same food, same seating, same trauma.

Jayce: (chewing slowly)
“...didn’t I already say that thing about HEX-FLEX improving digestion?”

Jinx: (squinting)
“Didn’t I already put whipped cream on a grenade this morning?”

Caitlyn: (freezing)
“Vi, did you just wink at me? Again? In the exact same way?”

Vi: (panicking)
“I think we’re stuck in a breakfast loop.”

Heimerdinger stands up, looking horrified.

Heimerdinger:
“This is worse than Elon Musk's build.”

Mel:
“Are we going to be here forever? Eating eggs and ignoring our feelings?”

Silco:
“Is this punishment?”

Jinx:
“No. This is brunch eternal.”

Then, Viktor’s voice echoes from every piece of silverware.

Viktor:
“I am trying to fix reality. Unfortunately, someone buttered the USB port.”

Caitlyn: (looking at Vi)
“Was that you?”

Vi:
“Maybe.”

Suddenly! A side door explodes open, revealing tiny alternate timeline versions of themselves.

Baby Ekko in a business suit.

Vampire Jayce from the HEX-FLEX Gothic timeline.

A version of Jinx made entirely of glitter.

Councilman Heimerdinger, but 12 feet tall.

Silco in a cowboy hat.

Cowboy Silco:
“Well well well, looks like y’all looped too hard.”

Regular Silco:
“I hate you.”

Jinx: (delighted)
“Oh my God, hihihi, we broke brunch so hard we summoned our multiversal selves!”

Me: (sobbing into a croissant)
“I did not emotionally survive my own mother just to get stuck in a breakfast time loop.”

Suddenly, Glitter Jinx throws a fork at the time-loop crystal (which was Viktor’s left leg) and...

BOOOOOM.

Everyone is sucked back in time, again, but this time, it’s slightly different.

Jayce is now a butler.

Caitlyn is wearing a tiara and refuses to take it off.

Vi and Jinx have swapped hairstyles.

Silco is somehow now dating war-flavored Mel.

And the toaster screams every time someone says the word "brunch."

Ekko: (panicking)
“Guys, GUYS, We might be stuck in a breakfast multiverse.”

Heimerdinger:
“We need a plan.”

Jinx:
“Or a bigger toaster.”

The breakfast multiverse is unstable, the air smells like burnt syrup, no one knows what’s real anymore, Jayce keeps bowing like a butler, and the toaster won’t stop screaming.

Toaster:
“BRUNCH IS A LIE!!!! BRUNCH IS A FUCKING LIE!!”

Viktor: (levitating upside-down)
“Something is wrong, time is folding.”

Jinx: (licking jam off her elbow)
“I bet it’s because of that.”

She points, everyone turns.

Sitting in the middle of the table, glowing ominously, is a single pancake.

It's burned on one side, whispering.

Mel: (squinting)
“Did that pancake just say my full birth name in ancient Egyptian?”

Pancake: (deep demonic voice)
“Mel Medarda, you forgot to tip your waiter in episode four.”

Mel:
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???????????!”

Jayce:
“Okay, I vote we eat it.”

Caitlyn:
“We are NOT eating the pancake that just recited my trauma like a podcast intro.”

Vi: (picking up a butter knife)
“Guess we’re stabbing breakfast.”

The pancake opens its eyes, yes, it has eyes now. Eight of them, all judgmental.

It levitates and screams:

Cursed Pancake:
“FOR ONE SHALL DINE, AND ALL SHALL FALL!”

Ekko:
“Bro it’s gluten-free and demonic???”

Suddenly, the pancake begins to spin rapidly, creating a syrup vortex that pulls the team in one by one.

Jinx:
“WHEEEEEEEE!!!!! THIS IS THE BEST MEAL I’VE EVER BEEN THREATENED BY!!!!!”

Heimerdinger grabs his rat council and yells,
“To the syrup pit!!”

Inside the vortex,

Jayce becomes a shia seed pudding.

Viktor turns into a digital God who only speaks in cursed kitchen appliance manuals.

Caitlyn is now a detective-princess with a badge, a tiara, and crippling emotional denial.

Vi has two frying pans and no sense of direction.

Jinx rides a flying spatula, screaming, “BREAKFAST IS A CONSTRUCT!!!”

Mel is done. She’s just done. She’s sipping war juice through a curly straw, sobbing.

Silco is slow-dancing with the pancake while wearing sunglasses indoors.

Silco: (sensually)
“Tell me, cursed breakfast item, have you ever known love in a hopeless brunch?”

Cursed Pancake: (whispers)
“I was made with almond milk.”

They crash into a new dimension, everything is made of eggs, the sky is orange juice. A giant waffle appears in the distance, wearing a crown.

Waffle King:
“YOU HAVE BROKEN THE SACRED OATH OF MORNING MEAL.”

Jinx:
“Or maybe we fixed it.”

The Battle of Brunch Olympus

WAFFLE KING: (thundering)
“You DARE bring chaos into MYYY brunch dimension??! The sacred eggs have spoken!”

Vi: (cracking her knuckles)
“The only thing I scramble is FACES.”

Caitlyn:
“Please, can someone explain why I have a croissant sword and a PTSD omelet??”

Jayce: (shirtless, glowing)
“I’m still jacked, that’s all I know.”

Ekko: (panicking)
“Everything’s breakfast, my hands are toast. LITERALLY.”

Viktor:  (speaking in autotuned binary)
“01101000 01101111 01110100”

Suddenly, the battlefield explodes into madness,

Jinx rides a flaming teapot across the sky, firing explosive bagels at enemy toast knights.

Heimerdinger’s rat council forms an Optimus Prime made entirely of waffles and rage.

Silco turns on everyone, declaring himself “The Lord of Brunch Betrayal”,

Mel astral-projects into atsunami, screaming “I AM NOT MY MOTHER!!!!!”

Waffle King: (summoning lightning from a fork)
“Let us finish this.”

He slams the ground, a crack of yolk splits the battlefield.

Jinx: (grinning, blood on her teeth)
“You wanna see a REEEEAL cursed breakfast?”

She pulls out THE MIXTAPE, "BOOM BOOM BITCH VOL. 9 – Forbidden Frequencies Edition”

Everyone:
“NOOOOOOOO!!!”

Too late, she drops it.

The bass drops so hard it rips open the sky. Again LMAO.

Out pours a thunderstorm of trauma, glitter, and Silco clones. All wearing rave fits, all holding smoothies.

Silco Clone #42:
“We are brunch, we are vengeance, we are THE SILCOS.”

The sky rips further. A giant toaster descends.

Viktor:  (now speaking backwards)
"ekawa era sgge eht."

Caitlyn: (crying, sword raised)
“This is a metaphor for colonialism I think!!!!!!”

Final blow, Vi drives the Waffle King into a crater of strawberry jam, Jinx lands next to her.

Jinx:
“WOOOOHOOOO, THAT WAS FUN.”

Back To Piltover (Unfortunately)

After defeating the Waffle King in a brunch war of syrup, the gang gets kicked back into their original timeline via a cosmic spatula.

One blinding flash later,

BOOOOOOOOOOM.

Everyone lands on their face in the middle of the Piltover council chamber. Or, what's left of it. (Reminder: Jinx blew it up)

Jayce: (sitting up, shirt somehow gone again)
“Are we dead or just back in politics?”

Vi:
“Same thing, bro.”

Jinx: (licking the broken bricks)
“Tastes like unresolved trauma!!!”

Caitlyn: (loading her gun)
“I don’t know where we’ve been, but if Jinx opens her mouth one more time I swear-”

Ekko: (checking his pocket watch)
“It’s been two days, twelve hours, and fourteen brunches since we left, I don’t even know what year it is anymore.”

Heimerdinger: (rising from a pile of paperwork)
“WHERE IS MY CITY?????? AND WHO THE HELL GAVE THIS RAT A SALARY????”

(Rat Councilman #1 throws confetti)

Mel: (stumbling out of a portal)
“Diplomacy update, I am tired, hungover, and declaring war on Mondays.”

Silco: (appears beside her like an Instagram filter)
“And I want a ministry dedicated to vibe control.”

Caitlyn:
“No. Literally NO.”

Silco: (to Jinx)
“Kitten whiskers, how many buildings have you exploded while I was gone?”

Jinx:
“Does emotional damage count?”

Meanwhile, Viktor is not okay.

He’s standing perfectly still, floating 3 inches off the ground, mouth glitching.

Viktor:
“01010011 01101111 01101111 01101110”

Jayce: (poking him)
“Is he saying ‘soon’? BRO is he planning a mixtape drop?”

Ekko:
“MAAAAAN NOT AGAIN. Not after what happened to the waffles.”

Suddenly, Viktor’s chest lights up with a projection, a countdown.

00:59... 00:58...

Everyone panics.

Jinx:
“Oooooh is it a bomb? A birthday party? A cursed Spotify Wrapped?”

Caitlyn: (grabbing Vi’s arm)
“Vi. If I die before telling you-”

Vi:
“Caitlyn, not now.”

Caitlyn:
“-that your coffee tastes like dirt and I looove it.”

Heimerdinger: (sobbing into a rat)
“WE HAVEN’T EVEN FIXED ZOOMBA LAWS!!”

Silco:
“If this ends in fire, I just want one last smoothie.”

Ekko: (quietly pulling Jinx aside)
“If this is it, I want to say, I forgive you. And I still like you. And I-”

Jinx: (grabbing his face)
“I know. Shut up and kiss me before the universe resets again.”

They kiss, deeply.

Jayce cheers, Viktor explodes into Wi-Fi.

00:01... 00:00...

And then, nothing happens.

Viktor:
“System update complete, would you like to install TikTok Lite?”

Everyone:
"OH HELL NAH MAN WTF MAN WHO INVITED THIS KID???"