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Published:
2025-05-13
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How to cook a squid with Yoo Joonghyuk ft Kim Dokja

Summary:

Yoo Joonghyuk runs a cooking channel to give tutorials to aspiring chefs, but a certain commenter keeps annoying him 

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The camera was set up on the kitchen table, and panned to a counter full of ingredients. Yoo Joonghyuk waited a bit for more people to join the live stream, getting out all the pots and pans he needed.

 

He knew most viewers weren't actually chefs, and ignored all the personal questions he'd get about his love life. He wanted to focus solely on the questions about cooking. But there was one problem with that. 

 

The chefs that did watch were in culinary school so of course knew the basics. But one viewer didn’t even seem like an amateur, he was so much less. 



Squid: why is it called a table spoon when it's not the size of a table 

 

Squid: why is your apron so boring 

 

Squid: why do you cook like there's a battle happening around you slow down man

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I can't answer your other questions but it's called a table spoon because you use it for table service!

 

Squid: what kind of services would a table provide????

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: how fucking old are you ?should you even have an account 

 

 

"Please don't start another fight in the chat." Yoo Joonghyuk muttered as he chopped the vegetables. 

 


Squid: how did you learn to chop like that 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): He is a professional chef, Mr Squid ^_^

 

Squid: so like did he learn or did he magically get master chopping skills after graduating cooking school

 

 I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: ITS CALLED CULINARY SCHOOL

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: IM NOT A CHEF AND I KNEW THAT

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): Let's keep to lowercase please! 

 

LeeJ: can someone tell him to slow tf down I only just got my ingredients out 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I'll let him know :)

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): He told you to "fuck yourself" (￣▽￣||)

 

LeeJ: BRUHHH

 

Squid: aw man my microwave broke again

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): Microwaves are a touchy subject here!

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: bro ..... don't tell me you cook with a microwave 

 

Squid: his name is max

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: how OLD are you that's something you'd name a dog 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I also like naming my furniture. 

 

Squid: my table is Molly and my dumpling shaped pillow is biyoo 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: ARE YOU 12 YEARS OLD

 

Squid: I still haven't name my squid plush tho

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: SHUT UPPPP NO ONE CARES

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): You really like squids!

 

Squid: no I hate them

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): Oh.

 

 

"Does anyone have any actual cooking questions?" An exasperated Yoo Joonghyuk asked.

 

 

LeeJ: why did you put all your vegetables in a bowl if you were just gonna dump it in the pot why didn't you just put it in the pot to begin with 

 

 

"Ok seeing as no one has any questions I'll move on to the next dish."

 

 

LeeJ: BRUH

 

 

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored the chaotic chat for a while as he gave instructions on how to cook the meat, trying to be as detailed as possible to avoid any questions. Out of curiosity, he peaked at the chat, which he immediately regretted.

 

Squid: this is making me hungry 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): You could try cooking along with him!

 

Squid: he’s using ingredients I hate

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I see.

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: HOW IS IT MAKING YOU HUNGRY THEN ????

 

Squid: I can still be hungry

 

Squid: the heart is not connected to the stomach and whatever 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I don't think that's a real quote from anything 🤔

 

Squid: can you pretend? Just for me?

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): I don't know you.

 

Squid: 🦑 (imagine the squid is crying inky tears)

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): Ok ok I'll pretend!

 

 

"That's it for today's live stream. Next week I'll be cooking a squid." 

 

 

Squid: I FEEL TARGETTED 

 

definitely-licensed-doctor (MOD): He doesn't mean it! 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: GET REKT 

 

LeeJ: I left for 10 minutes how is he already done???? 

 

The live stream has ended.

 

 

Yoo Joonghyuk cleaned his kitchen, he was tired but he hates the idea of leaving it for later. The tutorials made him feel like he was aging faster for each one. Maybe he should go back to gaming streams.

 

Afterwards, he logged on to check the video's statistics, but then was recommended to a video by a certain user name "Squid." A book review at that. Curiously, he clicked on it. 

 

The man was sat at a very messy desk and reviewing a book by an author called Han Sooyoung, except he kept referring to her as his "no.1 hater". The review was mostly positive, despite all his insults.

 

"And then they kissed by chapter 3 which is NOT a slow burn, a real slow burn is when you never confess to your crush and take it to your death." 

 

Yoo Joonghyuk found him a bit entertaining, he had to admit, even more so when he saw him going to war against the author in the comments. It stared 3 hours ago and they were still replying to each other. 

 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: aren’t you a bit young to be reading mature books

 

Squid: mature where? Frog and toad have more maturity than this

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: wtf is frog and toad

 

Squid: book for the cottagecore lesbians

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: is it about lesbians?

 

Squid: no it’s FOR lesbians 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: what

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: ok yeah I see what you mean 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: also why is there so much smoke in your halls in the video

 

Squid: I was frying an egg

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: ????? Why did you leave it ?????

 

Squid: why do you care so much leave me alone

 

Squid: who even invited you 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: THIS VIDEO IS ABOUT MY BOOK

 

Squid: oh yeah

 

Squid: do you want to collab

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: no one wants to collab with you

 

Supreme-Cook: I do

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: WHAT

 

Squid: WHAT 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: WHY ARE YOU HERE 

 

Supreme-Cook: I’m a human with free will?

 

Squid: woah you’re a human?

 

Supreme-Cook: …

 

Squid: we should do a makeup collab :3

 

Supreme-Cook: No

 

Squid: gaming collab?

 

Supreme-Cook: No

 

Squid: DOES NOTHING MAKE YOU HAPPY?

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: I feel like a third wheel 

 

Squid: who invited you

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: can you give me your email so I can privately send you death threats 

 

Supreme-Cook: I’ll teach you how to cook so you can stop asking stupid questions 

 

Squid: what’s wrong with my questions? 🦑 

 

Supreme-Cook: …

 

Supreme-Cook: I’ll contact you later 

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: same

 

Squid: why are you still here

 

I'm-not-gay-I-just-really-like-yuri: I’m going to dox you 

 


Han Sooyoung opened her laptop to write her story. And by write her story I mean she closed her blank document and to watch a live stream until she fell asleep on her keyboard. She almost spat out her drink when the stream loaded. 

 

Yoo Joonghyuk was preparing his ingredients as usual, but the squid that haunted her dreams was actually in his kitchen, and of course asking stupid questions.

 

“Why do you have so many knives that’s kind of suspicious-“ 

 

“Today I’ll be cooking a squid.” Yoo Joonghyuk said, hitting Kim Dokja with a wooden spoon.

 

Kim Dokja chuckled and helped him prep the real meal, which was omurice. He followed the instructions so seamlessly that Yoo Joonghyuk had to stop in the middle of what they were doing to stare at him, confusion all over his face.

 

“You’re… not that bad at this?” 

 

“I used to work in a restaurant.” Kim Dokja shrugged.

 

Yoo Joonghyuk almost dropped his knife. “What?”

 

“So a chef screaming instructions at me isn’t that new.” 

 

“WHY have you been asking stupid questions? WHY have you been acting like you’ve never touched a stove before in your life?”

 

“It was funny.” Kim Dokja said before almost getting strangled.

 

“I change my mind- today we’re cooking a squid.” He pushed his head onto the counter, next to his knife block.

 

“YOU’RE GOING TO GET BANNED!” Kim Dokja giggled, trying to struggle out of his grip.

 

“It’ll be worth it.” 

 

He eventually let go of him before the eggs could burn. Kim Dokja smiled and watched him bustle around the kitchen.

 

“You know, cooking is supposed to be relaxing.” 

 

“For you maybe. I cook when I’m angry.”

 

“When are you not angry?” 

 

He gave an innocent smile at the glare that was shot in his direction. 

 

“You keep cooking I’ll answer some questions.” Kim Dokja said, walking to the laptop. Then he laughed. “Everyone is asking if we’re married.”

 

“Ignore those.”

 

“Yes we’ve been dating for a couple of years and recentl-“

 

A broken egg shell was thrown at his head. When they were done with the meal, Yoo Joonghyuk went to end the live stream.

 

“Wait- at least tell them how good my cooking tastes.” Kim Dokja complained.

 

“I did most of the work-“

 

He was cut off with Kim Dokja trying to spoon feed him, an innocent smile on his face with a glint of mischief in his eyes. Yoo Joonghyuk tried not to look too flustered at he forced himself to eat from the spoon. 

 

“Tastes like shit.”

 

Kim Dokja burst into a fit of giggles then Yoo Joonghyuk eventually ended the livestream, oddly bothered by people calling Kim Dokja cute. 

 

“Are you going to have me stay dinner now?” Kim Dokja asked.

 

“No. Get out.” Yoo Joonghyuk said but with no bite behind his words.

 

Kim Dokja smiled and helped him clean up the kitchen. 

Notes:

“So how did you meet your boyfriend?”
“He kept sending me hate comments online”