Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Grian opened his eyes into pitch-black darkness, confused, he tried to move around...

He found that he was chained to a chair.

"Where am I?!?!" he said aloud, hoping for someone to answer.

You were only ever meant to watch...

"Who are you!?!" Grain said, beginning to panic.

He heard glass break and then He panicked even more.

he felt a gut-wrenching pain sear through the part of his back where his wings were.

The avian let out a cry of pain as he felt his flight feathers being cut off with a shard of glass.

Grian turned around to get a look at who was doing this to him and why.

His heart dropped as he saw the familiar face of a watcher.

YOU...Were only ever meant to WATCH...

"Stop this, please!" Grian cried out in pain.

His mind began to wander away from the pain in his back, he began to think

I wonder if Scar's okay, and Mumbo too.

I hope I wake up soon.

Before he was able to think more, a sharp in his side jolted him back into reality, and he woke up.

Grian sat up on his bed, still crying from the pain, he curled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, he sat there, waiting for the phantom pains to go away.

Once the pains were gone, he took a shower because he was covered in sweat and tears.

The water burned at first because the heat was at max, but he didn't care, instead he sat down and curled his legs up to his chest, and let the hot water run on his arms. when the water started to turn cold he got out and leaned his back against the wall of the bathroom. he glanced towards the cupoards where he kept his blades.

The voices began to speak again.

come on, just one cut, it's not like anyone would care.

I began to fight back

yes, scar, mumbo, and Xisuma would care.

No...they wouldn't, everyone on the server fakes the fact that they care about you.

No, they don't.

Grian pushed away the gut-wrenching feeling of his friends possibly not caring about him, and then he gave in to the thoughts.

grain sat up and scooted over to the cupboards, and opened them, revealing the few razors he had.

he grabbed one from the pile and began to dismantle it, and the moment he got a blade out, he discarded the razor and sat back down, with his back against the wall.

he held the blade against his arm and made a few cuts on both arms, then he heard a shuffling noise from the front door...

"Gri?" Xisuma's voice.

Grian let out a tired "Oh, come off it." and sighed.

Grian tried his best to hide everything, but before he even got the chance to there was a knock.

"Gri? Come on man, I know you're in there," Xisuma said from the other side of the door.

Way too tired to speak, grian began to cry even more, scared that his boyfriend would see him this way, because X had never seen him in this state, and grian had made sure of that, because he was sure that it would break him.

The door opened. Grian began to panic, and he got it into his head that the watchers had come for him.

***Xisuma POV***

I opened the door and was saddened by the sight that I saw.

Grian had cut himself.

He ran the thought through his head again.

Grian, my sweet, sweet boy, had cut himself.

"G-Gri?" he stuttered, he was, horrified, no... he was petrified

he reached his hand out in an attempt to try and get him to stand.

"Don't touch Me!" Grian screamed as he pushed himself up against the wall.

"Hey, Gri... I'm just trying to help you..." X said sadly, scared that he wouldn't ever be able to try to comfort his boyfriend by giving him hugs or kisses ever again.

Grian broke down into sobs.

"Stop!" Grian screamed

"Stop watching me!" Grian cried out in despair.

X opened his admin panel, and quickly spawned his season 6 helmet.

The helmet X had on Grian's first season of Hermitcraft... and the helmet of his admin.

"X-Xisuma?" Grian struggled to speak.

X let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

He fell to his knees in front of Grian and wrapped his arm around his sweet boy.

"Oh, Gri..." X said sympathetically.

"X... I'm so glad you're here, I haven't gotten sleep in like a week," Grian said tiredly.

I could still see the blackness underneath his eyes...

"Why?" Xisuma asked concernedly.

"T-The watchers... Th-They came after me, in the form of a nightmare..." Grian whispered, it seemed like he was trying his best to not remember what had happened in his nightmare, and then he broke down into sobs.

"Oh, Gri..." X said gently, pulling his pesky bird closer. "Everything's gonna be okay... " X finished.

Gria shook his head deftly "No... what if they hurt mumbo, scar, or worse, what if they hurt you..." Grian said sadly.

"They can't even get into the server, Gri... and I promise I won't let anything happen to mumbo or Scar, after all, I am theirs and your admin," X said firmly.

"Promise?" Grian said, lifting his head to look X in the eyes.

"I promise..." X said his voice trailing off to look at Grians bedroom.

"let's get some sleep, or at least try to," X said softly, trying not to make Grian feel forced.

"Nooo..." Grian broke into sobs again.

he was scared to death of sleep. it used to be his favorite thing, because it meant a new day, and a new day meant new pranks and new memories to share with friends.

"Grian, I'm not leaving you alone, I'll sleep with you." X said gently.

Grian sighed.

"Okay... fine, but If I start tossing and turning, or I start crying, you wake me up, or at least try to wake me up..." Grian said scaredly.

X stood up first, and reached out to help Grian stand up, once they were both standing, X grabbed Grians hand and lead him into the bedroom, where they both fell asleep.

Chapter Text

X woke with a start, by that I mean, he woke to Grian screaming and crying in pain.

"Gri?!?!" X said, beginning to panic.

He shook the bird hybrid.

Nothing.

"GRIAN!" X screamed his name.

Grian jumped, sitting up in the bed.

Then he curled his legs up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and cried.

X immediately put his arm around him, in an attempt to calm his pesky bird down.

"shhh...shh... it's okay... I'm right here..." X said gently.

"they cut off my flight feathers..." Grian said sadly, then wrapped his wings around himself and inspected them.

"Grian, they look fine to me," X said

"It was a nightmare...a bloody mess on the floor around the chair I was chained to," Grian said, and winced as he shuffled around, his forearm brushing against the sheets.

"Grian I think we should go hang out with mumbo and Scar... it might make you feel better..." X said trying not to force Grian he added "But... That's only if you want to," Xisuma finished.

"Yeah...I'm fine with that..." Grian sighed.

Grian and X got out of bed and got dressed.

Grian put on his signature red jumper whilst X put on his green armor and his helmet.

"Alright...are you ready to go?" X said looking at Grian with curious eyes.

"Yeah, give me one second," Grian said as he walked into the bathroom.

"Okay..." X said, unsure of what Grian was going to do.

***Grian's POV***

I sat in the bathroom, I grabbed a razor, and began to dismantle it, I pulled one of the blades out.

I threw away the dismantled razor and sat back down, with my back against the wall.

I dug the blade in, and across the skin on my legs, and made multiple cuts that way, then I moved to my other leg and did the same thing.

I grabbed the first aid kit and wrapped my legs, I threw away the blade and then walked out of the bathroom.

I stood next to Xisuma, and we held hands as we walked out of my house.

***On Their Way to Mumbo and Scar's Houses ***

"so... did you actually go to the bathroom before we left? or did you cut yourself?" X asked smoothly.

"huh? Yeah, I did actually go to the bathroom," I lied.

"Okay... so you didn't cut yourself?" X asked.

"Nope," I said, trying my best to sound convincing.

"okay good, now let's go get mumbo," X said as he walked up to mumbo's door.

he knocked, and then we waited.

the door opened.

mumbo stepped out, he raised his hand to wave a "hello" and I immediately got pushed back into my childhood memories.

***

"GRIAN GET OVER HERE!!!" My mother yelled angrily at me, as she raised her hand to hit me.

"YOU'VE BEEN CUTTING YOUSELF?!?!"My mother yelled, sounding even angrier.

Then she hit me, right across the face.

I ran it through my head again.

She HIT me.

"Mom!" Jimmy screeched.

"No! you don't get it, Jimmy! You're 10!" my mother yelled, and began to hit me and she did it multiple times before my dad stepped in

"Stop! You're hurting him!" My dad screeched.

My mom snorted and walked away.

I sat there, on the floor.

frozen.

I was frozen in place, I couldn't find myself to be able to move.

***

"Gri?" a voice brought me back.

"hmm? Oh, yeah...sorry..." I said.

why did mumbo raising his hand trigger that memory?

"Gri? You okay?" it was Scar.

"S-Scar?" I asked hesitantly because, in my dream, the watchers had murdered Scar, right in front of me.

"It's okay Grian, I'm here... there's nothing to be scared about..." Scar said gently.

"W-Where are Xisuma and mumbo?" I asked.

"Oh...They went back to your house, they're there waiting for you," he seemed kind of disappointed that I was asking for them and not wanting him at that moment.

"Scar... I need a hug..." I sighed, I felt weak asking for a hug like that.

"Of course!" Scar immediately wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"Thanks," I said, smiling at him.

"No problem!" Scar said happily.

"let's get you home, okay?" Scar said as he pulled away.

"Okay..." I sighed heavily.

***At Home***

"Grian!" X Screamed as he ran up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

I was scared at first but then gave in to the hug, I practically melted in his arms.

"I'm happy to see you too..." I said as I pulled away.

"I made dinner," X said glancing at me from the kitchen.

I frowned

"What's with the gloomy face?" Scar asked as I sat down, and X sat down beside me.

"huh? Oh it's nothing really, I'm just not that hungry..." I sighed walking into the kitchen.

He made tacos... my favorite.

"Y-You made tacos?" I asked, still not wanting to eat.

"Yeah, I thought it would make you feel better," He looked at me and smiled.

"Okay," I sighed as I grabbed a plate, and made myself a taco.

***Later***

"Gri? Why aren't you eating anything bud?" X asked, looking from my plate to me.

"im just not hungry, it's nothing, really..." I lied through gritted teeth.

"Scar can you... leave for a second?" X asked politely.

"Sure!" Scar said happily.

Once Scar left, X walked up to me and said "Lift your arms up..."

I did as I was told, and then he gripped the bottom of my jumper and began to tug it off.

"Wha-" I squirmed around and put my arms back down, but he already got my shirt past my arms, and he pulled it off the rest of the way, revealing the thousands of cuts on my chest, stomach, arms, and shoulders, and also revealing the fact that I was so skinny that you could see my ribcage.

"GRIAN! I can see your ribcage!" X yelled upsetly, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

"You don't have to lie... I know im overweight," I hissed back at him.

"NO! You're not overweight! your severely underweight!" X yelled back.

he quickly moved his hand to my waist, and I flinched.

"Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise..." X said gently and removed his hand from grian's waist.

Grian got off of the couch, grabbed his jumper, and threw it on before running out of the house.