Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After starting the scenarios every person who came from Earth presents as either Alpha, Omega, or Beta.

To Kim Dokja’s dismay, he presented as an omega. He would’ve been very much content staying a beta (that is, the same as he was before starting the scenarios), but the damn system seemed to always find ways to fuck him up. 

The worst thing about the whole ordeal was that Yoo Jonghyuk was an alpha. It was fitting actually, an obvious conclusion that with his strong build and serious character he’d end up as an alpha; after all, top protagonist, top of the secondary genders, right?

This was fitting, but nonetheless troublesome for Kim Dokja, as he had a… particular relationship and feelings regarding the protagonist, exacerbated by their secondary genders. 

Back in the days when he was just an ordinary person, Kim Dokja’s life had been very lonely. His life had always been that way.

In his adult years, the routine would be as follows: he would wake up early morning, after a night of losing sleep because of reading a webnovel. He’d brush his teeth, change into his suit, and go straight to Minosoft to start working, without eating anything for breakfast—he wouldn’t usually have that much at home. He’d settle for some shitty watered-down coffee from the company and start slaving away until late at night. He wouldn’t really talk to anybody throughout the work day, and he wouldn’t really say goodbye to anyone nor the opposite when he went home. His coworkers also stopped trying to invite him to company dinners a long time ago. When his boss Han Myungoh was finally done grilling him about some inexistent trouble he’d caused, or some inexistent mistake he had to fix, he would finally be allowed to go home; upon arriving he’d eat one ramen cup (or two, if he was feeling fancy), then read webnovels until the wee-hours of the night to try to fill the void in his life. 

Throughout the day, the only human amicable interactions he would have were probably the passing greetings on the hallway of Minosoft with Yoo Sangah, or the small talk with the cashier at the convenience store he frequented near home. Otherwise, he didn’t interact much with any other people, much less did he have any close, familial or loving relationships. 

His last close relationship—and pretty much the only one—had been with his mother, but he’d stopped visiting a long time ago. Even though he made an effort to visit and talk to her in his busy life, she didn’t seem to care much about what he had to say. He knew better than to stay long where he wasn’t wanted. 

Thinking about her now just made ugly feelings arise, and the perpetually-present tightness in his chest increase. The fact was it’d been a long time since he had any close relationships, and even longer since he’d been the object of affection. Physical touch had become an anomaly, a rare occurrence in his life, and the times it’d happened he could count with the fingers of one hand (unless you counted the bullying). Touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling, caressing, or anything of the sort, he did not know. 

Though that wasn’t really true either. 

It would’ve been preferable that he never actually knew physical touch; the thing was he did. As awful as his mother was now, she’d cared about him when he was a child, and through her he’d learned what love was like. Maybe her love was unconventional; she’d protect him from his father’s beatings and would hide him in the closet. She introduced him to the world of stories, trying to make him have something to entertain himself when things got tough. She wasn’t usually touchy, but she expressed her love in words; she would always tell him that she loved him, more than anything in the world. There were times where she wouldn’t be able to shield him from his father’s violence; Dokja would sport newly created bruises, crying in pain. Somehow, those were some of his favourite moments.

Because, somehow, in those moments he’d feel loved the most. His mother would hug him tightly, sobbing, and apologizing for not being able to protect him. His mother wasn’t a very physical person, so one of the only times he would be held would be these. He remembered those moments with care; the warmth of his mother’s embrace, her hand caressing his hair, and her soft words. 

It was bizarre to think that the memories he cherished the most were those where his father beat him up. It was saddening to think that the only time he would be held with such love and care was if his father had abused him. But it was the only love he knew. And even though it was scarce, he’d known love, and what loving touch felt like. 

 Nowadays, he’d like to believe that he didn’t need to be touched, and for quite some time he had deluded himself into thinking so. After all, the Kim Dokja from MinoSoft didn’t need to fool himself into thinking about things that were never happening. Better than coping with his reality, it was better thinking that he didn’t need it. 

He didn’t need to talk to anyone, he didn’t need to be comforted, and he certainly didn’t need to be touched nor held. There were actually many cases of people who were averse to touch, he reasoned, lots of cases of people who didn’t want it or need it. People who didn’t actively seek it. It wasn’t that hard to delude himself into thinking he was one of those too. 

At this point, he’d figured he was already an expert in avoiding his emotions and the need for human connections—the need to be touched—but as always, the scenarios liked to prove him wrong. Entering the scenarios he’d had to face the reality that he was…what would you call it? Touch-starved? The term sounded silly enough as it was.

The correlation between his ‘ condition’ and the scenarios was precisely his status as a recently presented omega. As Lee Seolhwa had explained to him once (many times), secondary genders brought on a whole new set of problems for individuals (she hadn’t said ‘problems’), and varying personality traits, that characterized each gender. 

For alphas, one’s own personality became mixed with the second gender’s traits, like aggressiveness, strength, to name a few things. The stereotypical alpha was strong, big and muscular, with a tendency to be aggressive. Though not all were awful traits; the alpha’s mindset also made them protective of their pack (the term was a whole big thing to unpackage), dependable and level-headed in times of crisis. 

Alphas also didn’t like to be told around, and usually occupied the leadership roles in society (in the society of the novel, where dynamics existed). They had strong scents and a unique scent gland in the juncture of their neck as well. All in all, they were the top of the food-chain, so to speak. Revered and worshipped by the majority of society.

As for betas, it seemed they were normal people. Everyone originally from Earth and from Kim Dokja’s reality would’ve been a beta here. They didn’t have special personality traits, they didn’t have scents nor could perceive the scents that the other dynamics let out. They made up the majority of society.

Lastly, omegas were a minority, often called the weaker gender. An omega would usually be kind, nurturing, with a smaller and softer build. They often took the role of care-givers and were strongly protective of their family, soft-hearted and usually more sensitive than other genders, as well as physically weaker. 

…usually.

Lee Seolhwa had told him that in the past, the people unfortunate enough to be born omegas were usually considered weak, and in consequence were ostracized by society. But nowadays, all genders were treated the same, more or less. She had also clarified that those so-called ‘traits’ of the secondary genders were not definitive; she’d meant, not everyone was a walking stereotype.

Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk was your stereotypical alpha (kind of), but then Lee Hyunsung, also an alpha, was very different from him. Yoo Jonghyuk was gruff, serious, and oftentimes aggressive; meanwhile Lee Hyunsung was strong, but had a soft side to him as well. Lee Hyunsung was protective and safe, a shield for their team in times of need. He was physically big and muscular, strong, but also dependable and kind.

So maybe not everyone was a walking stereotype, but some secondary genders' usual traits were shared; they were part of their intrinsic nature.

For example, this meant that for Kim Dokja, as an omega, he now craved…touch. Intimacy. Oftentimes he would find himself staring at people who hugged or huddled together, or saw his kids and feel a strong urge to go and smother them in hugs and kisses, things of the like.

Whatsmore, he would find himself absentmindedly staring at the protagonist, and wondering what it would feel like being held by those big warm arms—

Panicked, the first time it happened, he’d gone to Lee Seolhwa, seeking answers as to the reason for this odd behaviour. Lee Seolhwa had told him he was actually ‘ touch-starved’ , and that neglecting this need for many years had made it all the more prominent. 

This, he could believe, and live with. After all, what was one more health problem caused by him neglecting his own health? She’d told him that this wasn’t actually a new problem, so if he’d been avoiding it until now, why couldn’t he keep doing so? It didn’t seem that hard. 

She didn’t look that happy about his statement. 

But then, he’d thought that if it was manageable before, why was it getting out of control now? Maybe he could remember one or two times he’d felt kind of…lonely, in his old, ratty apartment, but the urge to be touched was easily avoided and forgotten before. But now, he found himself with urges he couldn’t control. What was behind this?

At this question, she'd said she had a theory: his presentation. His omega presentation. She'd reasoned that, him being touch-starved, combined with his second gender’s usual affinity (need) for engaging in physical touching with loved ones, to comfort and nurture, but also to be comforted, exacerbated the root problem. 

Though acknowledging these new urges was difficult, he soon learned to live with them. Sometimes he ignored them (didn’t matter the pain that caused) and sometimes he acted on them (as recommended by Lee Seolhwa). Something like —’ Not repressing your feelings and acting on them is healthy’ —or—’ Allowing yourself to touch and be touched by others will be healing’.

He decided to tackle the easier things first. The kids ( his kids ). 

Oftentimes, he found himself looking at the kids doing things, becoming enraptured. For example, if they were playing, he suddenly wanted to join them and play with them. He didn’t always indulge in that, but oftentimes he’d join their silly games, or let them do as they pleased. 

For example, one time they’d wanted to see his wings, and then they wanted him to fly and carry them on his back. Kim Dokja’d reminded them that they could actually fly themselves, either with the help of insects (for Gilyoungie) or beasts (for Yoosung), but they fought for it until he gave up and conceded. He’d activated his Demon King transformation, and stretched his wings out. That feels great after so long , he’d thought. Then, he’d crouched down to let his kids climb up on him, and without further ado, he had flown off.

He still remembered them clinging to him and their squeals of laughter. 

Other times, if they trained or fought each other, he wanted to look out for them. It felt weird, having the need to make sure they were warm, full, happy and safe. If they played outside, he had the urge to call them back and smuggle them in enough warm clothing for a lifetime, or when they came back, even though he didn’t know how to cook, he wanted to welcome them home with a warm meal (something he knew he’d craved at their age). 

Then, sometimes he just wanted to… touch them. And he was trying to act on this, whenever the need arose. He let himself rub their heads, or pat their back, and told himself that it was fine and that no one was going to judge him everytime he did. There was nothing wrong with taking care and doting on the kids, right? Besides, the kids looked overjoyed every time he initiated anything of the sort. Their big smiles were enough to calm down his nerves and shut down his silly doubts. 

Moreover, with those events becoming more frequent, and with the kids noticing, they’d started initiating more. Kim Dokja didn’t initiate a lot of physical touch until recently; it seemed they abstained from doing it too to not make him uncomfortable, maybe thinking he disliked it. But after seeing he didn’t have a problem with it now, they’d become more confident in hugging him out of the blue, or jumping into his arms everytime they came back from a mission. 

They also had become particularly interested in the state of his wings, after that time they flew through the sky together. One morning, Shin Yoosung had shily asked if she and Gilyoung could groom his wings. While he stood there confused, thinking of just where this had come from, she’d explained that that time they had jumped on his back, they had noticed his wings were matted, and that some feathers were bent and unkempt. I have some bird-type beasts, and their feathers always get ruffly and uncomfortable after some time. So I brush them and then they feel better! It’s for Ahjusshi’s good! —she’d said. 

And he’d accepted. Having his wings groomed had proved to be actually comforting. So comforting ! His incarnation had been right; he’d felt so good after his wings were groomed. In the process of the kids untangling his feathers and combing out some unruly hairs, Kim Dokja had felt so happy , and so content , that he’d started making some…strange noises. It’d felt like some kind of vibration, coming from inside his chest.

The kids had been startled, as much as Kim Dokja himself, but they had quickly carried on, looking happy. 

Letting himself engage in physical touch with them ended up making him…happy. It was so strange how such a silly thing could make him feel so much joy. He felt…content. 

It was obvious that wanting to smother the kids in hugs and kisses was somehow connected with his second nature. Don’t get him wrong, he loved those kids before he actually presented, as he did now, omega traits or not, but he also knew that omegas tended to be especially protecting and nurturing to their kids. They weren’t his actual kids , but even Lee Seolhwa herself had assured him it was normal for him to feel that way regarding the children.

It was expected that omegas wanted to engage in physical touch with their children.

The problem was it wasn’t just with the children that Kim Dokja craved physical touch. 

He liked to do that with the kids, but actually, the person he found himself hoping to be held by the most, it was…

Yoo Joonghyuk.

Damned Yoo Joonghyuk, presenting as an alpha. As if it wasn’t enough that he was his protagonist the protagonist, he was also an alpha. A very capable one at that. Looking at Yoo Joonghyuk always had Dokja’s fists clenching and his body trembling in an attempt to repress the urge to jump into his arms. 

He saw him doing anything, and suddenly he thought of laying his head on his shoulder. Or getting close and smelling his strong scent. Or any other similar embarrassing shit. 

He figured the reason for this very particular need involving Yoo Joonghyuk was his omega urges mixing with the fact that the guy was an alpha, and also his protagonist. He has a strong urge to get close to him because he’s an alpha, sure, but also because Yoo Joonghyuk has been somewhat of a ‘safe haven’ all his life. 

Yoo Joonghyuk and his story have accompanied him all his life. The man has been a protective figure for so long—even if the guy himself doesn’t know about it. Everytime he was abused, beat up, or stepped on, he read TWSA. He read Yoo Joonghyuk’s story. Everytime life got hard, he’d read about the man’s own painful road and his struggles. Everytime he needed courage, he thought I’m Yoo Joonghyuk , or he told himself, I’m Yoo Joonghyuk , hoping to evoque the bravery of the regressor. 

Everytime he was about to give up, he thought of Yoo Joonghyuk, and he continued on living one more day.

Those feelings of comfort and security that Yoo Joonghyuk the novel character brought him, now were mixed with the real, living regressor in the scenarios. All those complicated feelings ( Kim Dokja will be killed by the person he loves the most —), now combined with the fact that Yoo Joonghyuk was an alpha (strong, big, secure—) and Kim Dokja an omega. 

But, even though when it came to his children he could act easily on his feelings, when it was about the regressor…not so much. He’d told Lee Seolhwa this, and how he was having trouble repressing those urges, even more than with other people. It seemed that every time he refrained from getting closer to Yoo Joonghyuk, his inner omega was in pain . His brain knew that he couldn’t just get close to the man, but it seemed other parts of him just didn’t. It was an inner battle of sorts.

Then, Lee Seolhwa had pried into why exactly he kept repressing his needs— the ones regarding Yoo Joonghyuk specifically—and she wondered why he didn't ever try to act on them, like he did with the kids.

When he’d answered that acting on them was impossible , because those needs pertained to Yoo Jonghyuk and closeness to him could make him the object of violence and bloodshed, she’d looked at him strangely, and told him to just try it out once. She assured him, the outcome won’t be as bad as you think it’ll be. Maybe you’ll even be surprised .

He wasn’t at all assured, but she was their head-doctor, so he knew better than to ignore her advice and medical instructions.

…

Sometimes.

Chapter Text

The first opportunity presents itself one calm afternoon. Everyone has gone outside the Complex to do their own thing, and no one has come back yet, except Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja. The latter has been holed up in his room all day, planning and making schemes for the next scenarios. Meanwhile, as far as Kim Dokja knows, Yoo Joonghyuk arrived some time ago, and has been in the living room ever since.

When Dokja decides to take a break, he goes to the living room to make himself some coffee, and while he brews it, he notices Yoo Joonghyuk is still in the room. Yoo Jonghyuk is sitting on one side of the couch, one arm on the armrest, and the other holding a book. The man looks serene and relaxed; a rare occurrence, indeed. 

Kim Dokja wishes he could look like that more often.

What the book that has him so entranced is about, Kim Dokja has honestly no idea, but the cover of the book is black, with golden details. Yoo Joonghyuk’s long fingers trail the pages with delicacy and care uncommon in him; you’d think the regressor would be more rough with his things. It’d seem uncommon for him, to anyone but Kim Dokja. Peeking into his life through a novel has given him insight to the little things about him; Yoo Joonghyuk may be rough and brash with people or things, giving the impression of being an insensitive brute with his natural strength, but the truth is he can also treat things important to him delicately. Like when he polishes his swords, or like now, when he reads his book. 

The protagonist is rough and aggressive sometimes, but he knows how to treat things with care —

Anyway. Yoo Joonghyuk takes up a big portion of the couch, and it kind of makes a funny scene, seeing the big man sitting primly, occupying half of the small couch. Kim Dokja pours himself a coffee—that has an unhealthy percentage of caffeine, one Yoo Joonghyuk would probably scold him about—and watches him flip another page. The man has noticed him in the room, if the flaring of his nostrils is any indication (he’s noticed his scent, probably), but it seems he’s choosing to ignore him, too preoccupied by whatever he’s reading. 

The smell of coffee, the quiet sound of the pages turning, and the serene alpha sitting on the couch, make Kim Dokja’s heart warm up at the normalcy and domesticity of it all. Who would’ve thought there’d be a time where he could be so peaceful as this? And in the scenarios, nonetheless. 

Being able to be like this, without stressing over the next bill to pay, or without fearing for his life. Even, for a moment, without thinking and planning ten steps ahead about his next move. Kim Dokja’s brain never shuts down, and he can almost never be fully calm and unpreoccupied. 

Even when not in the middle of a fight, even in supposed moments of tranquility, he has to have eyes on his back, be alert and quick on his feet every time, because any time can mean danger for him: Kim Dokja, the constellation who formed his own nebula and challenged many other nebulas? The one who avoided the Fate imposed to him by those constellations? 

He’s got many powerful enemies. 

He’s never actually safe.

Fear is a constant companion—except when Yoo Joonghyuk is. It’s not surprising that the moments he feels untouchable are when the protagonist is by his side. On many occasions where he couldn’t even count in his own schemes anymore, where everything seemed lost…Yoo Joonghyuk managed to surprise him and save the day. Though their relationship is far from perfect, on an intrinsic level, he knows Yoo Joonghyuk has his back. He has come to associate him with safety; after all, if Yoo Joonghyuk is there, he has nothing to fear. 

And though Kim Dokja prides himself in his ability to protect himself, being able to rely on and only on himself, sometimes, on his dreams…

Sometimes, Kim Dokja allows himself to have rose-colored thoughts. To fantasize.  

In his most recurrent dream, he finds himself in a scenario, scared and in danger. Then, Yoo Joonghyuk’s black coat appears; he finds himself filled with relief, hiding behind the protagonist’s wide back, for once letting the other do all the work. For once letting himself be weak.

He would never do that in real life, acting like some sort of damsel in distress, but he thinks that doing it in his dreams doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s an unrealistic fantasy (a dream) hidden deep inside his heart; one he’s not ever planning on revealing. 

On that train of thought, he finds himself yet again noticing all the ‘protective’ aspects of the man sitting near him; Yoo Joonghyuk’s wide set shoulders, his strong body, the muscles in his neck, his soft hair. Next, he thinks about those arms strong enough to crush a throat, or the callused hands that wield those heavy swords, and he thinks about how nice it must be, to be held by those…

And now Kim Dokja is in a daze, thinking about his strength and warmth , and he blames the peacefulness he feels around the alpha for what he is about to do. But he needs it. ( He feels so safe) .

‘Fuck it’

Kim Dokja approaches him slowly. Then, he plops himself right beside Yoo Joonghyuk, his hands prim on his lap. Yoo Jonghyuk doesn’t even stir. 

Seeing no immediate aggressive reaction from Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Dokja proceeds to sit closer, ending up pressed against Yoo Joonghyuk’s side, stiff as a rod. Again, no reaction, except from Yoo Joonghyuk tensing up. But, no punching, or cursing, or anything of the sort. 

Finally, he musters up courage, and does what he’d been craving to do since forever: he leans to the side and rests his head on Yoo Joonghyuk’s shoulder. He tenses up, expecting the protagonist to lash out. 

But Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t do any of that. He simply looks at Kim Dokja, then goes back to reading his book, as if nothing had happened. Kim Dokja would have believed the protagonist was unruffled, that he didn’t even mind, but the small, almost imperceptible blush on his cheeks told him otherwise. Though for what reason he blushed, Kim Dokja didn’t want to think too much into it. 

Seeing as the protagonist doesn't seem to mind his presence, Kim Dokja finally allows himself to relax. He goes boneless and melts into the cushy shoulders of Yoo Joonghyuk, lying comfortably against him. 

It is a bit surprising that his shoulders make such a good pillow; he would’ve thought that big muscles would be hard and stiff like a rock —a testament to how much he knew about exercise and the sort—and not an ideal place to lay onto. But reality is much more kind; the muscles in his shoulders aren’t soft, but they’re not totally hard either. Actually, they’re pretty comfortable. He’d compare it to a memory foam pillow: stiff enough to offer support but also not hard enough to be uncomfortable. It feels great. 

He thinks his shoulders make a pretty good place to rest. Suddenly, Kim Dokja muses, if it was his own shoulders, they would probably be too bony for someone to lay their head onto. (Kim Dokja is always lacking in something.)

He settles in, a tad bit more relaxed, and starts taking note of small things. Yoo Joonghyuk’s even breath and how his shoulders go up and down with it. The pace of his breathing is calm, tranquil. Subconsciously, his own breaths slow down, and start matching the rhythm of Yoo Joonghyuk’s, their breaths in tandem. 

Next, he takes notice of the warmth. The unnaturally high warmth. Yoo Joonghyuk is almost too warm, bordering on hot. Was his body temperature always this high? No wonder the guy was always sweating so much. Was it because of his alpha nature? Or maybe because of his record muscle mass percentage? 

It would be unbearable in any other weather; good thing it was cold today. The perpetual chill Kim Dokja carried with him was subsetted by the man’s high temperature, making him pleasantly warm instead of hot. His usually stiff neck muscles softened because of the heat (or the tranquility), and subconsciously, his head inched closer to the alpha’s neck, bringing his nose near his scent gland. Suddenly, he could catch whiffs of his scent; that forestry scent of his, though it felt somehow subdued. Probably by the action of some scent patch. 

Why did Yoo Joonghyuk feel the need to hide his scent? It was such a shame, it was actually so nice…

Kim Dokja did feel relaxed, but his brain was still going a mile per hour. He was so still, and it was so quiet, that if he concentrated hard enough, he could feel Yoo Joonghyuk’s quick heartbeat. 

Actually, why was his heartbeat so quick? He was reading a book, so he figured he should be calm. Why was he agitated? Though his behaviour outside made him seem calm, his heart was racing. Was Yoo Joonghyuk —

His train of thought was interrupted by an annoyed huff. For some reason, he felt scolded. 

…could Yoo Joonghyuk hear his incessant thoughts? Surely not. The only ability that allowed one to do that that he knew of was his own Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint.

Surely not. 

Whatever it was the man intended, his reaction interrupted Kim Dokja’s incessant thoughts, and managed to put a stop to them. Distracted from his earlier musings, for once his tendency to overanalyze things having come to a stop, the sleepiness of the whole day started catching up to Kim Dokja. Without the next scenario to think about, or the next thing to worry about, he started feeling his eyes get heavier, the effect of the caffeine wearing off and the little hours of sleep taking their toll.

He felt like sleep was coming over him, that at any second he would doze off. And it felt kind of scary. 

It felt weird actually, to fall asleep like this. Allowing himself to fall asleep in front of someone else and let himself at the mercy of the regressor. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be defenseless against anyone. 

But the tiredness was so strong, and he felt his eyes close themselves without his permission. His thoughts screamed no, but his body had other plans. The dormant part inside his brain, belonging to his dynamic, tried to calm him down. Also the warmth and the comfort he felt around Yoo Joonghyuk, all seemed to tell him that it’s okay . 

Yoo Joonghyuk wouldn’t harm him, much less in his sleep. Yoo Joonghyuk would protect him.

He’s safe .

Kim Dokja finally felt himself lose consciousness, his last thoughts of a sky full of stars.