Work Text:
Daniel was exhausted. After having back-to-back overseas schedules and spending countless of hours on planes, all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and cuddle with his cats. During the car ride home from the airport, he chatted with his manager about his schedule for the next few days. Most of it were solo practices and rehearsals with his backup dancers for his new comeback.
A good twenty minutes later, the van slowed to a stop as they arrived in front of his apartment.
“Thanks, hyung. Drive safely,” Daniel grabbed his suitcase and gave a small wave to his manager before setting foot in the private lobby of his high-rise apartment. He had chosen to buy an apartment unit in this particular building after hearing about how it had the best security measures in Seoul. Plenty of CCTVs were placed strategically, discouraging obsessed stalker fans and non-residents from loitering in the premises. Security guards even patrolled the whole property in shifts for good measure. Tons of high-profile people from the entertainment industry, actors, models, and singers alike, lived in the building.
Strolling to the elevator, Daniel barely even paid attention to the person ahead of him. He only inclined his head in greeting as he usually did to everyone he met in the building. The other person didn’t seem to notice his silent nod and went inside the elevator, lifting a finger to press his floor number — four, the same floor as Daniel’s.
As the doors whirred close, Daniel wondered if the person was visiting one of his neighbors. He sort of knew his same floor neighbors since he sometimes bumped into them in the hallway and had introduced themselves to each other before. He didn’t remember ever seeing someone like this person on his floor before. The said person, a shorter man who was wearing a baby pink cap and a black face mask, was holding a plastic bag from the nearest convenience store, Daniel observed from the vague reflection in front of him due to the elevator’s metal finish. Curious about the mystery man, he turned his head fully to the right to get a proper look at his face.
Daniel’s heart did a somersault in his chest when he was blessed with the man’s beautiful eyes, even just getting a glimpse of it from his side profile. A pair of eyes so hauntingly dear to him, he could perhaps draw every curve just by memory. It seemed to contain the universe, with whole galaxies blooming, a myriad of shimmering stars floating.
“Jihoon-ah..?” he whispered, feeling dumbstruck running into his ex-boyfriend whom he hadn’t seen in years.
The other man — Jihoon quickly whipped his head towards Daniel after hearing a familiar voice. His lovely eyes were wide, sparkling as always, and Daniel feared he was about to be swallowed whole by those dark brown orbs.
“Niel-hyung…” Jihoon breathed out his name, sounding light as a feather.
Daniel gaped at him obtusely for a few seconds, then moved his gaze to the elevator buttons, pointedly avoiding the younger man’s intense stare. “You, uh, visiting someone on the fourth floor? Didn’t know you knew somebody here.”
He felt Jihoon finally turn his head back towards the doors, so he snuck a glance — just to make sure this was all real and not some hallucination induced by exhaustion. Definitely not because he missed Jihoon, no, of course not.
Jihoon cleared his throat before replying, “I just moved here a week ago actually.”
“Ah,” Daniel shifted awkwardly on his feet.
“I didn’t know you lived here,” Jihoon murmured in the tense air.
“Oh, uh, yeah, I moved a few years ago, right after… ah,” Daniel stammered. Right after we broke up, he finished the thought in his mind.
It was silent the rest of the elevator ride, neither wanting to carry on with the conversation. Once the doors opened, Jihoon gave him a small nod and stepped out without another word.
Daniel also got out and proceeded to his apartment. Jihoon, now only noticing Daniel exiting the elevator, stood in front of apartment 402 at the end of the hallway. He raised a brow at Daniel, who only continued to apartment 401 which was right in front of 402. Daniel entered his door code and glanced back at Jihoon, who was peering at him in shock.
“Have a good night then, neighbor,” Daniel tilted his head slightly before finally getting in his apartment and shutting the door on Jihoon, who was still standing outside like an idiot.
Once inside his home, Daniel wheeled his luggage to the side and plopped down on his couch. He couldn’t believe his luck. His ex-boyfriend was his new neighbor.
Just coming across the guy he was pining over brought back so many memories — both pleasant and not. He reminisced about the start of his relationship with Jihoon a few months after Wanna One’s debut, although they had always been attracted to each other even before that, regularly exchanging flirtatious remarks and fleeting touches. The two of them had finally gotten together after a night in one of their overseas schedules, where they just couldn’t help but be enthralled by emotions and kiss each other senseless. Their relationship wasn’t smooth sailing at all, but it was all-consuming and passionate. Sometimes too passionate, leading to an explosion of stars, turning into supernovas in the vast, endless space. They were both young and foolishly in love – too foolish that they occasionally broke up for small dumb reasons and then got back together again anyway. The other members were used to their on-and-off relationship and barely paid them any mind.
Daniel remembered the time they were all struggling with the disbandment. He was terribly stressed handling his contract issues and post-disbandment when he succumbed to depression.
“Jihoon-ah, let’s break up. I don’t want to burden you with everything that’s going on with me.”
“Hyung, what are you talking about? I want to support you through this, I’m your boyfriend and I love you. As long as you want me with you, you will always have me.”
It was truly difficult but they had each other. Daniel started seeing a therapist to help deal with his depression. Jihoon was determined to make his solo debut as perfect as it could be. They both had extremely busy schedules but they managed to make time for each other.
Hey, it’s been a while. I’m having a party tomorrow night at my place, come if you want.
Daniel surveyed the text from one of his idol hyungs, meaning to decline. But he thought it wouldn’t be bad to get some networking done at the party. He heard about some of the parties this hyung threw and there were some guests that he would be interested to connect with, on account of his ongoing battle with his company.
“Babe, want to go with me to a party tomorrow night? An idol hyung is throwing one at his house, it would be great if we network while there,” he asked Jihoon as they cuddled in bed. It was one of those rare nights they could actually spend with each other without feeling like they’d pass out once their heads hit the pillows.
“I have recording and practice until late tomorrow, hyung. I don’t think I’ll be alive enough to go if I even have the time to make it,” Jihoon chuckled softly as he ran his fingers through the older man’s hair.
“Fine, I’ll still go though. I’ll network for the both of us then,” Daniel whispered and pressed a tender kiss on Jihoon’s forehead, on both of his eyelids, the tip of his nose and then a soft peck on his lips.
Jihoon smiled lazily against Daniel’s lips and lightly placed a hand on Daniel’s jaw to deepen the kiss.
“I love you, hyung.”
“I love you too.”
A loud meow from one of his cats interrupted Daniel from dipping into old, cherished memories.
“Ori, you hungry my baby?” He cooed at one of the felines as he rose to his feet and sauntered to the kitchen. His cats meowed in anticipation, eagerly circling his legs as he opened a few cans of wet cat food, added some water and mashed it a little with a fork. Every time he had a schedule out of the country and was unable to get home, a few of his friends checked up on the cats and fed them a few times a day. Daniel made a mental note to treat them to some barbecue so he could express his gratitude.
Following a few attempts to cuddle with his cats — Daniel miserably failed, the cats going into hiding when they realized what he was trying to do — he sulked a little bit, releasing a disappointed sigh and dramatically putting a hand over his chest, before going to the bathroom for a warm shower. He was dead tired and just wanted to relax after a long day. A day that felt even longer after finding out about his new neighbor.
He turned on the shower, letting the warm stream fall over him.
After seeing Jihoon tonight, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the night it all went wrong.
Daniel went to that idol hyung’s party, hoping to meet a couple people and get their contact details before fleeing home.
“Daniel, whassup my lil bro?” The idol hyung slurred when he welcomed the younger man at the door, already smelling strongly of alcohol.
“You know, just same old, hyung,” Daniel faked a smile, slightly turning away from the smell.
The hyung clucked his tongue, “Ah, you don’t have to pretend with me now. I heard you're having a dispute with your company over your contract.” He then leaned in to whisper in Daniel’s ear. “I may know some people that can help you with that,” he winked at Daniel as he led him inside. There were a lot of celebrities and other important people already drinking and mingling with each other.
“Here. Have a drink. Loosen up,” the hyung handed him a drink from a tray. Judging from the color, it seemed like a mix of soju and beer, Daniel guessed. He wasn’t really planning on drinking that night, though. In fact, his therapist advised him not to drink at all anymore if he could help it.
Drinking might worsen your symptoms so be careful if you do decide to, he recalled his therapist’s warning.
But as the idol hyung looked at him in expectation, he chugged the glass, throwing all caution to the wind. Daniel really needed to impress him tonight so he could ask to be introduced to those people who can help him with his case. He was starting to feel a wee bit desperate, having a hard time trying to win over his contract, even with the best lawyers working with him.
The idol hyung patted his back, “There you go! Now how about we play some games with the other guests…”
Daniel lost count of how many glasses he had drunk. His vision was cloudy, the world swirling around him.
“Daniel, it’s your turn! I dare you to kiss anybody in this room,” somebody piped up.
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the room cheered.
Kiss? He couldn’t, couldn’t kiss anybody other than his lovely, charming, adorable boyfriend Jihoon, he thought as he hazily looked around.
“Babe?” Daniel mumbled and stood up to go to somebody who had big boba eyes, familiar but at the same time not. “You’re here,” he slurred as he wrapped his arms around them and planted a messy kiss on their lips. “I thought you weren’t coming,” he continued, kissing them on the cheek once and then burying his face on their neck before passing out in front of everyone.
The next morning, he woke up in the hyung’s guest bedroom, not remembering much after drinking way past his limit. After leaving a short note thanking the party host, he snuck out of the house and called a taxi. On the ride home, he checked his phone, discovering a few missed calls and texts from Jihoon, who was quite worried about him after receiving no response all night.
“Babe,” he said after Jihoon answered the call.
“Hyung?” the younger mumbled softly.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Issfine. Where are you?” Jihoon slurred his words, still half-asleep.
“I’m on my way home,” he replied, wincing as the vehicle turned a corner, his stomach churning and his head spinning mercilessly, thanks to his hangover. “You?”
“I’m in your apartment. I was worried about you last night and ended up falling asleep while waiting.” Daniel heard the sheets rustling, imagining Jihoon turning on the bed.
“Sorry for worrying you. I got a bit drunk last night and hyung just insisted that I sleep there,” he worried his lip, downplaying the situation a little. There’s absolutely no chance he’s telling his boyfriend that he got irresponsibly, shitfaced drunk the night before.
He heard a soft sigh and a yawn. “Are you alright? Didn’t your therapist tell you not to drink?”
“I’m fine, just a bit hangover. And yeah they did but I really wanted to impress hyung last night. He said he was going to introduce me to some people who can help me. You know how difficult it’s been for me, Jihoon-ah,” he pleaded the other to understand him.
There was silence on the other line before a deep sigh was heard.
“As long as you’re fine then. You better tell your therapist about it, though.” Another yawn. More sheet scratching noises. “I’m going back to sleep. Don’t wake me up when you get home.”
“Okay. Love you, babe.”
The idol hyung, as promised, introduced him to some powerful people in the business a few days later. The whole mess with his contract required his entire attention, taking up most of his time. During this time, Daniel completely failed to notice that Jihoon had distanced himself from him.
“Jisung-hyung, have you heard from Jihoon at all? He’s not answering my calls lately.”
“Oh… I thought you had broken up?” their former leader asked him.
“No, we’re still together. I’ve just been really busy recently because of the contract dispute so we haven’t really had the chance to meet up.”
“Hmm, what about the video then?” Jisung sounded worried and confused.
“What video?” Daniel furrowed his brows, having zero clue what the other man was talking about.
“Well, there’s this video that’s been going around some private group chats… you know some idols really like to gossip about their fellow idols. I’m not part of those but I know someone who is and they sent a video to me a few weeks ago. I was going to ask you about it but with what you’re going through right now, I didn’t think you’d appreciate somebody prying into your personal life. Hmm… maybe it’s better if you watch the video yourself.”
Jisung sent the said video after they hung up. Daniel couldn’t believe his eyes. It was a video of him, hugging and kissing a famous female idol group member. He was moving his lips, saying something to the girl, but he couldn’t tell what, since only people's loud cheers and hoots were heard in the video as he kissed the idol.
His heart dropped as he realized Jihoon must have seen the video. Somebody must’ve sent it to him and thought Daniel was cheating on him. His hands turned cold and shook slightly as he dialed Jihoon’s number for the nth time to explain that he was drunk out of his mind at the party and that he didn’t cheat, but still, he didn’t get an answer.
He even tried going to the younger man’s apartment a few times but it was always empty when he went, and after asking the neighbor next door, he found out no one’s been there for a while now.
“Hello,” Daniel answered his phone after an unknown number called him insistently over the past few hours.
“Daniel-ssi. You remember me?” a female voice answered.
“Who are you? What do you want?”
“Isn’t it a little rude to talk like that to someone you kissed a few weeks ago,” the woman said with a laugh.
Oh. “It’s you,” he said mindlessly.
Another laugh. “Yeah, it’s me. Listen, our company management saw the video circulating in some group chats… You know the one?”
Daniel winced quietly before replying, “Yeah, I’ve seen it. What about it?”
“Well, they said before someone else leaks the video, how about we announce that we’re dating instead.”
“What?” Daniel managed to croak out in a hoarse voice.
“See, Dispatch contacted my company yesterday. Said they would release the video to the public soon. But management was able to convince them to publish our relationship instead.”
“Oh.”
“We’re throwing you a bone here. I don’t think we have much of a choice. It’s either a cute dating announcement or a hookup scandal at some party. My manager will contact you later to talk with you,” the woman said before the call cut off.
When he met up with a company representative the next day, he agreed and signed a contract which stated that he needed to ‘date’ the female idol for at least a year. They would plan some ‘dates’ to keep up with the ruse, and let themselves purposefully be seen while going on ‘secret dates’.
Daniel was miserable. His boyfriend didn’t want to see him or even talk to him, and now he was stuck in fake relationship with someone, all just because he got fuckass drunk, caught in a moment of weakness.
“Hey, how’re you doing?”
“Awful. I feel terrible.”
“Sorry about that. We just have to endure it for a year.”
“I know. I apologize to you too, for uh, you know. Kissing you without your consent. This is definitely not an excuse, but I was totally blackout drunk that night.”
“I could tell. You called me babe and looked suprised I was there. Said you didn’t know I was coming.”
“Oh.”
Daniel figured he must’ve mistaken the female idol for Jihoon.
“Are you dating anyone? Now I feel bad.”
“I am. Or was. I don’t know. A bit after the party they stopped meeting up with me and wouldn’t answer my calls. I think they saw the video and assumed the worst.”
“Oh my, that’s unfortunate. Do you want me to help you explain to them? I’ll do it if you want.”
“Nah, that person is quite stubborn when they wanted to be. They even stopped going home to their own apartment just to avoid me. Thanks for the offer anyway. I think I’ll get a chance to talk to them soon,” Daniel said, thinking of Wanna One’s upcoming anniversary. The members were all planning a reunion dinner somewhere in Seoul.
“Good luck with that then. I hope you make up.”
“Thanks. I hope so too.”
He stared carefully at the idol’s face, noting her features. Round face, big sparkling boba eyes, and full pink lips.
“You know, you kinda look like my lover. Or my ex. Sort of. Maybe that’s why I thought you were them…”
The female idol turned out to be chill and fun to hang out with. They had weekly ‘dates’, mostly in the privacy of Daniel’s apartment, and spent it usually just talking about idol stuff, music and travelling. They became close friends instantly and once Daniel deemed her as a trustworthy friend, he came out to her.
“I’m bisexual, by the way.”
“Okay, cool.”
“And my lover, or ex, was a guy.”
“I see.”
“His name is Jihoon.”
“Wait, your ex-member in Wanna One? That Jihoon? The jeojang guy?”
Daniel smiled tenderly, thinking about the younger man’s undeniable charms. “Yeah.”
“Huh, I remember you once said that I looked like them. Do I really?”
“Well, not exactly. You both have similar features, I guess.”
“Right. Wait. This is kinda silly but I just realized we have the same family name. Also the same initials? What a funny coincidence.”
Daniel then focused on arduously working for his solo debut and upcoming fan meeting. Both were successful, all things considered. He kept on contacting Jihoon, but the other man still didn’t pick up any of his calls.
“Dispatch is releasing the news soon by the way. They were just waiting for your debut and fanmeeting to be over.”
“Oh. Thanks for letting me know.”
Daniel then rang Jisung’s number.
“Hyung, it’s me.”
“Daniel, what’s up?”
“About the upcoming reunion dinner… is Jihoonie going?”
A deep sigh. “He said he’s not, but the others are still convincing him to go. He’s avoiding you, isn’t he?”
“Yeah. I messed up real bad, hyung.”
It was silent for a moment.
“You know what, I’ll try to ask him to talk to you. I can’t stand you both being like this.”
“You’ll do that for me? Thanks hyung.”
“Hey, don’t thank me yet. I said I’ll try. You know how stubborn that guy gets.”
“I know, I dated him for quite a bit.”
Daniel could hear Jisung roll his eyes from where he was.
“You guys were insufferable back then. Breaking up then getting back together again and again. And now this whole thing. I hope you guys can get a chance to at least talk.”
They didn’t.
“Daniel, I’m so sorry. I tried to convince Jihoon to talk to you, believe me I really did. He just won’t budge.”
“It’s fine hyung, I kinda expected it anyway. Please tell Jihoon to go to the reunion dinner. And please tell everyone else that I’m not going. I don’t want to make Jihoon uncomfortable. Just say I have a full schedule that day.”
A huge sigh was heard from the other line. “They’ll be mad at you, you know? Wannables will be disappointed too.”
“It’s okay, as long as Jihoon can go. It’s a small price to pay.”
“I’ll still send you the restaurant’s address, just in case you change your mind.”
A few days before the reunion dinner, the news broke out that he was dating a female idol. The reception wasn’t as bad as he predicted, surprising him. He was, however, worried about how Jihoon would take it. Unless the younger man had already moved on and stopped caring for him.
The night of the reunion dinner, Daniel found himself a tad intoxicated, waiting in a quiet alley right outside the restaurant. He hastily took out his phone and gave someone a call.
“Jisung-hyung, can you ask Jihoon to buy something at the convenience store nearby? Please, I’m desperate hyung. I miss him so much but he won’t even talk to me. I just wanna talk to him.”
“Wait a second.”
Daniel heard the members talking in the background. A door closing, then the line was quieter.
“Daniel, are you drunk?”
“Just a bit tipsy.”
“Where are you?”
“I'm outside the restaurant.”
A long exhale. “Fine. I’ll ask Jihoon to buy something and distract the others.”
“Thanks, hyung.”
“Let me know how it goes later. Also don’t you dare drive tonight or I’ll kill you. Take a cab home.”
Daniel waited outside in the hot summer night with bated breath. Finally. He’d been waiting for this moment for months. He felt in his gut that this was his last chance. If this didn’t work out, he’d have to let Jihoon go.
“Jihoon-ah,” he stepped forward a few minutes later as he spotted the younger man, beautiful like always even when wearing a cap and a mask to cover his face.
Jihoon, taken by suprise, resembled a wild baby deer caught in the headlights, eyes wide, his breathing turning erratic.
“Hyung..? What are you doing here?” Jihoon asked, looking like as if he was going to bolt in any second.
“I just wanna talk,” Daniel stepped even closer to Jihoon, reaching out his hand to the other man’s elbow.
“You stink. Are you drunk right now?” Jihoon said, pulling his arm away.
“Not drunk, just a bit tipsy.”
“Go home, hyung.”
“Jihoon-ah, please… just let me explain.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me because I completely understand.”
“No, the stupid video that night, that was a mistake…”
“Right. The video was a mistake. But the kiss wasn’t. You’ve been dating her behind my back, hyung. I saw the damn articles. It’s fine, you can go ahead and date her in public now or whatever.”
“Those articles are made up by the media and her company. None of it is true, we’re only dating as friends.”
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you even hear yourself? Dating as friends?” Jihoon’s voice trembled, his hands balling into fists.
“What I mean is,” Daniel pulled at his hair, struggling to find the words, “we’re only dating for the cameras so Dispatch wouldn’t release the video.”
“And you expect me to believe that?” Jihoon exclaimed in disbelief. “You know, hyung, after seeing the video, I waited for you to tell me about it. That the kiss was a mistake that you made while drunk. I gave you a chance. But you didn’t say anything for weeks. I was so anxious all the time. So I left. I didn’t want to feel hurt and anxious anymore so I avoided you,” Jihoon’s eyes were now full of unshed tears.
Daniel stared at Jihoon’s watery eyes, which used to shimmer with looks of love and yearning, now filled with raw hurt, doubt and betrayal.
“I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything and I’m sorry for avoiding you. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust you anymore.”
Daniel’s eyes followed the path of a tear that escaped, pulled down by the earth’s gravity, badly wanting to reach out and wipe it off with his fingertips. He wanted to pull the younger man in his arms and comfort him, tell him that he’s sorry. He wanted to tell him the truth, that he blacked out that night, and didn’t remember a thing and that’s why he didn’t say anything.
But he knew. It was over. Jihoon wouldn't believe a single thing that would come from Daniel’s mouth. At least not right now.
“Let’s break up, hyung.”
So Daniel left. Left Jihoon alone that one quiet summer night in August.
Daniel stayed in the shower until he felt too hot, skin pink and feeling a bit raw. Thinking about the past hurt more than that, though. He twisted the shower handle and grabbed a towel to start drying off.
Of all places, why’d he have to move here?
He really couldn’t believe it.
He put some pajamas on and dried his hair before finally lying down on his bed.
“It’s over between me and Jihoonie, hyung. I tried to explain myself to him, but he was too hurt to believe me.”
“I’m so sorry, Daniel. I truly wished for you guys to make up.”
“Thanks for the help though, Jisung-hyung. I appreciate you a lot.”
Months passed and Daniel’s mental condition only worsened despite regularly seeing a therapist.
“I recommend taking a break for your well-being,” his therapist told him. “That way you can focus on getting better and get back to your craft faster.”
So he did. An announcement went out about his hiatus.
“Hey, I saw the announcement about your hiatus. I knew you weren’t doing good because of your breakup but I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“Yeah, it’s been really rough and I’m not getting better either. My therapist recommended the break so I can bounce back faster.”
“That’s great, I hope you feel better soon. Hmm,” the female idol friend hummed as she scrolled through the titles on the streaming service displayed on the TV. “Oh, I’ve never seen this drama, I think it’s new.”
Daniel barely paid attention to what his friend was watching and focused on waving the stick toy he was using to play with his cats.
“Oh, isn’t he..” his friend mumbled from the couch a few minutes later.
Daniel then looked at the TV and instantly figured out what she was watching. Flower Crew: Joseon Marriage Agency. He had actually watched the episode when it first aired.
“Yeah, that’s him,” Daniel confirmed to his friend. “That guy’s really good at acting.”
The hiatus went by and he was indeed starting to feel better. He was busy engaging with his newly founded company and focusing on his music and performances. Then, after more than a year of their pretend relationship, Daniel and his female idol friend officially ‘broke it off’.
“This is kinda sad. I actually had a lot of fun hanging out with you.”
“Me too. But we can still stay friends… right?” Daniel wanted to confirm.
“Of course! Call me anytime you need anything, Daniel.”
After his and Jihoon’s breakup, Daniel didn’t have the heart to keep up with the other members. Some of them kept in touch but most of them quite frankly just grew apart. He was still up-to-date with Jihoon’s music releases and acting projects. He couldn’t help it. It cut him to the bone, but he still missed him and mourned what they could’ve been.
“Daniel, MAMA sent us a proposal about a possible Wanna One reunion,” his manager handed it for him to go through.
According to the proposal, they would be recording a new song – Beautiful part III – and also learn a new choreography for it. They would also film a few videos and perform a couple of their old songs at the said awards show. It sounded good to him, but wondered if it will pull through this time as there were also similar proposals like this the past two years, but with none actually occurring.
“I signed it, please send it back, hyung.”
To his surprise and delight, MAMA had sent a confirmation that a reunion would indeed be happening that year. They also sent along a detailed schedule of the recordings, practices, and rehearsals they needed to attend.
Meeting with almost all the members again after years was very bittersweet. They all missed each other but at the same time it was obvious how much they have changed from when they spent almost 24/7 in each other’s presence. Catching up with everybody’s projects was very interesting, Daniel thought, having fun spending time with everyone.
Jihoon was still subtly avoiding him. One wouldn’t really notice unless you knew them personally and watched very, very closely. But Daniel, who knew Jihoon like the back of his hand, noticed, of course. Daniel had tried to ask Jisung a few times throughout the years about Jihoon’s personal life but the former leader claimed to not being able to talk with the other guy that much anymore due to the idol-actor’s busy schedule. So he didn’t know what Jihoon liked to do on his off days anymore, or if he was seeing anybody. He observed that Jihoon seemed to be doing well, though, to his relief.
Daniel was determined to only talk to Jihoon when absolutely necessary. He didn’t want the guy to feel uncomfortable in the short time they were given to spend together. Just being near his presence was enough for him.
Before the whole thing ended though, Daniel decided to personally ask how Jihoon was doing. He had the chance when he spotted the younger man walking alone to his company van. He ran so he could catch up before the other left with his manager.
“Hey, Jihoonie,” Daniel called out.
Jihoon paused in his steps and turned towards him. That was a good start, at least he didn't seem to want to run away this time.
“Hyung? Do they still need me for anything back there?” Jihoon’s brows furrowed in confusion.
“No, no. I just,” Daniel panted slightly after sprinting some distance. “I just wanted to know how you’re doing.”
Jihoon narrowed his eyes slightly at Daniel in suspicion. “I’m doing fine,” he said slowly. “Busy, but being employed is good, I guess.”
“I’m glad you’re doing well.”
Jihoon looked at the time on his phone then towards the van where his manager was. “Look hyung, I’d like to catch up but my manager’s waiting for me. Maybe next time we see each other, okay?”
Daniel just nodded once, watching Jihoon go. He knew the other man was lying about seeing each other again, but he didn’t mind. He was glad just to have talked to him.
“I’m doing well too, Jihoon-ah. But sometimes I still feel lost without you,” he whispered to the empty air in front of him.
Daniel fell asleep with the thoughts of his past haunting him. He dreamed, he wasn’t sure of what. He didn’t remember, but when he woke up, his face was wet.
His stomach growled in protest. Daniel realized he had forgotten to eat the night before. Not in the mood to cook, he browsed his food delivery app and ordered some breakfast.
While waiting for his food to arrive, he fed his cats, and did some chores.
A ring from the intercom interrupted him from vacuuming the floors.
“Delivery,” the delivery guy lifted the bag of food for the camera to see.
“Please come up,” he requested and buzzed the man in, then finished vacuuming the apartment before his food arrived.
Hearing a knock, he rushed to the door to pick up his breakfast. When the delivery guy left, he stared intensely for a bit at apartment 402, as if willing his ex-boyfriend to come out of the door. He didn’t, of course.
Daniel just ate his breakfast and texted his friends if they wanted to go out and get some barbecue for dinner. It was a rare day off so he decided to make the most out of it. His whole day was spent playing with the cats, doing some simple exercises and playing games on his PC. By dinner time, he was seated at a small barbecue place with a few of his friends. He thanked them for taking care of his cats when they had free time and he wasn’t home. He also drank, but not that much. Since then, he had learned how to control himself and to say no if someone pressured him to do anything.
After dinner and saying farewell to his friends, Daniel hired a designated driver to take him home since he couldn’t drive with alcohol in his veins no matter how small the amount he drunk was. He was tired yet feeling quite pleasant as he strolled inside his apartment building. There was another man with him on the elevator also going up to his floor. A new neighbor? A visitor? He looked a little familiar to Daniel but couldn’t quite place him.
The elevator doors slid open and the tall man walked right up to apartment 402, typed the passcode, and entered without even sparing a glance at Daniel.
“Jihoonie I’m home,” Daniel heard the man say in a very playful tone as he stared blankly at the apartment door swinging closed.
Oh, so he knew Jihoon. A visitor? But the man said ‘I’m home’ which meant that they lived together. Did Jihoon have somebody else now?
Daniel went to his home with a heavy heart. He knew there was a huge possibility that Jihoon was already seeing somebody else. It’s been years since they broke up. But it still felt like an ice water bucket being dumped over his head, feelings that he tried his hardest to hide in the deepest, untouched corner of his heart suddenly resurfacing.
The next morning confirmed what he had feared. He was up early to go practice for his next comeback, when the door to 402 flung open just as he was leaving his own apartment.
“Bye jagiya~” the man said in a singsong voice and kissed Jihoon right on the lips.
Jihoon noticed Daniel pointedly avoiding looking at them, unmoving, about a few seconds too late. “Hyunwook-ah, just go or you’ll be late. Be careful and have fun at work.”
“You too, see you later.”
The man – Hyunwook – who Daniel finally recognized as Jihoon’s co-star in one of his hit dramas, regarded Daniel’s presence and nodded a small bow. “Good morning,” he greeted in a neutral tone, then ambled towards the elevators, sending one final finger heart to Jihoon before disappearing behind the elevator doors.
Daniel then turned to Jihoon, who was rolling his eyes at Hyunwook’s flashy antics with a small smile. He cleared his throat, making the other man focus on him, and said, “Can we talk?”
Jihoon raised an eyebrow at him. “Aren’t you going somewhere? I also have to leave in about an hour.”
“Later then, when you come home. I’ll be home by 8 tonight, you?”
The younger man pursed his lips slightly, clearly thinking it over.
“Jihoon-ah, it’s been years. I’m not trying to get back with you. All I want is a chance to talk some things out,” Daniel exhaled a rush of air.
“Fine then. I’ll be home a little bit before you so just come knock when you get here. Have a good day, hyung,” Jihoon said before going back to his apartment.
Daniel spent the day a little out of it, trying to piece together the things he wanted to say to Jihoon. The day passed slower than usual, to his frustration, and after a full day of practice, he was ready to go home. Once home, he took a quick shower, got dressed in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, and dried his hair before knocking on 402’s door. He knocked again, harder for good measure in case Jihoon didn’t hear. Light footsteps sounded from the inside of the apartment, before the door swung open, revealing Jihoon who was also dressed very casually, a soft pink t-shirt on and some black shorts.
“Come in, hyung.”
Daniel stepped into the apartment, looking around a little curiously. It was clean, and not unlike his own apartment, furnished and decorated with neutral colors with some odd knick-knacks placed here and there.
“Hyung, you’ve met Hyunwook this morning,” Jihoon pointed to the man sitting down on the couch and watching a drama on a huge TV. “Hyunwook, you know Daniel-hyung, I’ve told you about him.”
Daniel wondered what that meant as Hyunwook paused the drama he was watching and strode to Daniel to give his hand a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, Daniel-ssi. Jihoon told me a few things about you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Daniel returned the handshake, as he tilted his head towards Jihoon in question.
Jihoon only cleared his throat and turned to Hyunwook. “Can you buy me some strawberry milk, Hyunwookie? I’m suddenly craving it. Like right now.”
Hyunwook dropped his hand and gazed at Jihoon’s eyes in a silent question for a few seconds, before revealing a huge teasing grin. “Hyung, are you hiding something from me?” he put his arms around Jihoon’s waist and kissed his cheek. “Did I finally get you pregnant?”
Jihoon’s face turned red as he made a small sound like he was choking on air and elbowed the other guy’s stomach. “Shut your mouth, you dumbass. Just go before I make you sleep on the couch tonight,” he scolded playfully, the stars shining in his eyes making it obvious that he was extremely fond of the dumbass in question.
“Meanie,” Hyunwook pouted, but pressed another kiss on the other man’s lips this time. “Fine,” he said before marching towards the front door. He looked back once at Daniel and left but not before saying, “See you later, Daniel-ssi.”
“So…” Jihoon started, not really knowing what to say next.
“Before you say anything, I want to apologize first,” Daniel said. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Jihoon-ah. I know it doesn’t mean much now, but I didn’t really mean to hurt you. Everything that happened back then was all because of my stupid drunken mistake.”
“I know,” Jihoon bit his bottom lip and sighed deeply. “After we broke up, I thought about everything a lot. I realized I wasn’t fair to you at all. I didn’t even really try to listen to what you tried to say. So I’m sorry about that too. I guess I was too immature back then. I hated feeling anxious and instead of facing you head on, I just ran away,” Jihoon said, eyes sparkling, holding back his tears. “Once I realized how foolish I was, I thought it was already too late. I was ashamed and scared that you hated me, hated how I treated you back then.”
Seeing Jihoon struggling not to cry, Daniel couldn’t help but finally let out his emotions. “I never ever hated you, at all,” he sniffled, a silent tear falling down from his eye. “I was frustrated, sure, but I understood you, too. I’ve always known about your avoidant personality, I dated you for a while after all,” he chuckled wetly.
Jihoon wiped at his own tears. “Jisung-hyung tried to tell me, you know. All about what happened. He said you didn’t remember anything that night.”
“I didn’t at all. I completely blacked out. My friend told me it was a dare and she could tell I was drunk. She said I called her babe, thinking she was you.”
“Wait, your ex-girlfriend?”
“She wasn’t my ex-girlfriend. It was a deal between Dispatch and her company so the stupid video didn’t get published. They just made us seem like we were in a relationship to the public eye, but we were only really good friends.”
“I don’t know what came over me and thought you actually cheated on me. Jisung-hyung tried to tell me about that too, but I was too distraught to believe anything. I’m so sorry, Daniel-hyung. I was so focused on my own hurt that I failed to see that you were hurting too,” Jihoon cried quietly, finally letting it all out after years of carrying it deep inside.
Daniel stepped closer, wanting to comfort the younger man. “Can I..?” he asked, lifting his arms a bit. He felt arms wrap around his middle and pulled the other into a tight hug. “I’m so so sorry, Jihoon-ah.”
“No, I’m the one who should be sorry, hyung,” Jihoon sobbed into his chest.
They stayed like that for a while, the older man whispering comforting words to the other’s ear. He badly wanted to place a few kisses to the other’s head, but quickly stopped himself and erased the thought. Jihoon wasn’t his anymore, and hadn’t been for a long time.
Jihoon was the one who finally broke their embrace. “I really hope you can forgive me, hyung.”
“I forgive you. Thanks for giving me a chance to clear things up.”
“Sorry it took me so long. I forgive you too, even though there’s nothing for me to forgive you for. It was mostly me who’s at fault.”
“Don’t say that. I had my faults too. It takes two to make a relationship work.”
They stood in silence for a few seconds before Daniel spoke again.
“Are you happy now?” With him . It was left unspoken but they both knew what he meant.
“I am. Very much,” Jihoon said, finally smiling again. His eyes were shimmering, not with tears, but with something precious. “After you, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone again. But he is so extremely patient with me. You know how I am,” Jihoon smiled, a touch of bitterness showing, a little sore when it came to his own flaws. “He never stopped trying to break down every wall I tried to build.”
“I see,” Daniel gave Jihoon a shaky smile. “I’m glad you found someone like him.”
“I hope you find somebody who makes you happy too. Someone much better than me.”
“I hope so, too.”
Daniel then left Jihoon’s home and went back to his. He went straight to his room and lied down on his bed.
“I’m afraid no one in the world could ever replace you, Jihoon-ah.”
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
It was Jihoon’s birthday. May 29th.
“Jihoonie, happy birthday,” his boyfriend whispered in his deep morning voice, turning Jihoon’s insides to mush. Their morning began with warm, tender kisses and some romantic, passionate lovemaking.
After a busy early morning, Hyunwook had to leave for a shoot while Jihoon planned to go to his birthday cafe event later in the day. Tonight, there would be a small gathering of people who knew about their relationship — including both their parents (Jihoon's parents were bringing Max too!) and some of their close friends — for a housewarming slash birthday party.
“I’ll see you tonight, jagiya. I love you so much.”
“Love you too, Hyunwookie.”
Hyunwook left first and Jihoon played on his PC for a bit before leaving in the afternoon. His manager picked him up and drove him to the cafe where his birthday event was held. He got some coffee and interacted with Mays for a bit before going home. His manager then dropped him off at his new apartment building, telling him to enjoy the rest of his birthday.
When he arrived at his doorstep, there was a big plushie in front of the door. It was an adorable white Samoyed plushie with a tear mole under one of its eyes. He picked it up, discovering the doll had an orange collar on with a bell and a name tag that said, Dam Yi. There was a small card tucked in one of the its arms. It read:
Happy birthday, Jihoon-ah. Thank you for being a part of my life. You will always have a piece of my heart. Love, D