Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 1

Dick sits in his apartment, staring blankly at the ceiling, his head throbbing from crying, his body aching, his bones feel like they're weighing him down.

He thinks he sees something in the corner of his eye, shifting to look at the potential threat is a task, his body feeling sluggish.

When his eyes land on the intruder he freezes "Jason?"

The boy is standing in his bright colors "Whats up Dickhead" The bright boys face grins down at him, hands on his hips as he looks at Dick.

Dick stares, Jasons dead. But he's right there. His arm stretches out to try and reach for the boy.

He grabs onto nothing, his hand slipping through air.

its not real, hes not real.

He knew it was obvious, it still hurt, his chest ached, his eyes burning with tears "Dont be such a baby Dick I'm right here" "Jason" taunts playfully.

Dick stares, and looks at the boys bright face. His little brother.

He could.. live with this.

Chapter Text

2

Dick is sitting on a rooftop after patrol, staring out at bludhaven, he's heard rumors about Batman acting out in Gotham but thats not his problem. Not after what happened with Jason.

Dick hears a familiar ruffle of a caple behind him. He turns to see "Jason" standing there, skull spilt open, blood leaking on the asphalt. His face mangled, skin torn and ripped apart.

"Jason" opens his mouth and screams in pain. Dick flinches, he thought today had been going good, why was "Jason" so angry?

"Jason" snarls and glares at Dick with firey hatred "You left me! I called for help! Where were you!" His voice is vicious, nothing like the real Robin.

Dick still feels the sinking guilt, weighing him down "I was off planet" He says quietly, he knows he failed when he left Jason alone.

"Jason" screams, blood flying out of his mouth "You didn't even come to my funeral! How could you leave me Dick!" The cold air bites at Dicks face, tears filling his eyes "I'm sorry-" "LIAR!" "Jason" shrieks suddenly close to his face, making him flinch, almost losing his balance at the edge of the rooftop.

When he catches his balence and looks back up "Jason's" gone.

Chapter Text

 3

Dick's used to "Jason's" good and bad days.

Sure he prefers the colorful boy he knew as Robin but he would never shy away from the hatred filled boy who wore his baby brothers face.

He talks with "Jason" about his day, telling him about how much he does and how paperwork is such a bitch.

He listens when "Jason" screams in his face, begging and pleading for help. His blood coating the floor.

He watches as sometimes older version of "Jason" visited, looking different everytime.

He listens when "Jason" lashes out, hating Dick with every fiber of his being.

Dick knows if he went to a professional he could take medication to make it all go away.

He could be free of the guilt and anger, the sharp words and violent reactions. The nightmare of seeing his brothers mangled corpse scream at him.

But he would lose whats left of his baby brother, the bright boy who's laugh was filled with joy, wonder.

He couldn't do that.

Chapter Text

4

Tim had taken the Robin mantle.

Dick was bitter at first, hating Bruce for so easily replacing Jason.

Four years wasn't enough, a hundred years still wouldn't be enough.

Tim was odd, "Jason" had commented on every little detail when Dick had met him.

He mentioned how small the boy was, how stuck up he must be "Rich and spoiled".

Dick hated him. He hated himself for hating him.

Now Tim was in danger from a new rouge, another Robin in danger. Dick hated it.

"Jason" was pissed when Dick next saw him "You are failing another Robin. He shouldn't have been taken as Robin in the first place. And now you cant even protect him!" His voice is angry, hateful.

Dick is trying, hes trying to find Red Hood, it's harder than he expected. The people of Crime Alley are too loyal and the goons are too scared "I'm trying Jason" He says weakly.

"Not good enough! Another Robin will die because you weren't good enough!" Jason screams in his face.

Dick just wants to cry, he wants to keep Tim safe, he's doing the best he can.

Isn't he?

Chapter Text

5

He wasn't good enough.

Tim had cracked bones, beaten bloody with wounds that would scar for life.

Dick didn't protect him. He failed again.

The tile of the bathroom floor is cold against his skin, he can't stomach anything. Dry heaving every couple of hours. The guilt weighing him down. 

Bile leaves his throat sore, and raw.

How could he let this happen? He tried so hard, he agreed with Bruce to send Tim to the Tower for safety, how could he have screwed up so badly?

He thought it was secure.

He thought it was safe.

He feels himself start to gag, Tim had looked so broken, his stomach churns, he leans over the toilet and gags hard, dry heaving. His stomach feeling like it's going to turn inside out.

He coughs and spits, it hurts.

He hears a faint dripping near the doorway to the bathroom, shifting his gaze he sees "Jason" staring down at him, suit tattered, skull cracked, jaw unhinged, eyes empty, blood dripping from his head.

"I'm sorry" Dick whispered, his voice raspy. His head throbbing from dehydration.

"Jason" just stared. 

Blood drips.

Chapter Text

+ 1

Jason slips into Dicks apartment, bitterness towards him for not even attending his funeral, replacing him. He set his helmet next to him, hes sitting in the dark on the kitchen counter, hes a theater kid, hes allowed to be a bit dramatic, this is his big reveal afterall.

After what feels like forever, the door clicks, unlocking and swinging open slowly, Dick walks in, flicking on the light, his eyes drift over to Jason, Jason grins, ready for the reaction hes been waiting for, shock, horror, anger. Dicks eyes meet Jasons and

Nothing. Seriously? What the fuck. "Long time no see big bird." He taunts, grinning widely. Dick just stares before nodding "You're older again." Dicks mind had came up with one of the more unique ones for "Jason".

Jason stares, grin dropping, seriously what the actual fuck, theres no way Dick had figured it out before his grand reveal, no fucking way. So why is he acting like this? Does he just not care that Jasons alive? His grip on the counter tightens. "What the fuck Dickhead.".

Dick is just.. setting his stuff down, and acting like nothing, does he really care so little about Jason being alive? Bitterness builds in Jasons chest "Whats wrong Dickhead? Long day?" His voice sharp and condicending.

Dick feels like shit, he looks it too. He sits on the chair that faces the kitchen where "Jason" is "Bad day then?" He asks rhetorically to "Jason". Dick couldn't bring himself to hide away from "Jason" when it was a bad day, he didnt like the thought of his brother bitter and alone, even if that meant "Jason" took it out on him.

Jason was pissed, this was not how this was supposed to go, Dick was supposed to freak out and Jason would have his big monolog on how much he went through, maybe rant a bit about Bruce not killing Joker and replacing him.

This was unacceptable, he decided, hopping off the counter "Whats wrong with you!" He hissed, why the fuck was Dick acting so normal.

Dick looked at "Jason" he wondered if his mind could be kind and turn this into a good day. He really wanted his Robin Jason" today.

He looks at "Jason" and smiles softly "I'm sorry Jason" his voice is quiet, gentle and remorseful "I wish Bruce had told me, I wish he didnt have the funeral while I was off planet, I wish I was there to protect you" Dicks eyes are filled with tears. He's prepared to deal with the lashing out from Jason.

Jason stills, frozen.

What?

Dick was off planet?

Dick swallows and collects himself, before staring blankly at Jason, it makes him feel cold run down his back, Dick looks so.. empty.

Jason scowls and debates with himself.

He could carry on, he could leave, this isnt his responsibility.

Or

He could stay, and comfort his big brother.

It makes him feel sick at the thought of leaving Dick like this, why couldn't this have gone to plan, he groans.

Jason walks up to Dick and pushes him aside to sit sqashed in the chair together. For some reason, thats the thing that makes Dick jolt out of it, staring wide eye'd at Jason.

Dick knew his hallucinations couldn't interact with him physically, "Jason" couldn't. His mind ran a mile a second before he lunges at Jason knocking them both off the chair, he doesn't care.

Jason topples on the floor, groaning "Dick what the fuck-" "You're real." Dick says breathlessly "How are you alive? What happened?"

Jason stares, 'you're real' is Dick crazy? Of course he's real, what else would he be? "Obviously I'm real" he leaves the other two questions unanswered not feeling like getting into it.

Dick swallows, and clings tightly "I'm so sorry Jason" He begins to hic "I'm sorry I failed you" Jason grimaces at the emotion and pats Dicks back his movement stiff and awkward.

Jason shifts in the uncomfortable position on the ground "Any way we can move this on a actual couch? Chair?" Dick reluctantly lets go so they can move onto the couch.

Jason rubs his temples, this is more than he signed up for "Soo, what did you mean by I'm real?" He's never been the subtle type.

Dick paused a small churn of shame in his stomach "I've had a few" a lot of "hallucinations of you" he feels humiliation building in his stomach. He's never said it out loud till now.

Jason is staring, what can he do but stare, because what the fuck. Why him? Why couldn't someone else have to be the one Dick opens up to. Jason stares "That's--" Crazy, delusional, batshit crazy, his mind fills in. 

What Jason ends up saying is "How long?" Because seriously how long has this been happening?

Dick smiles that awkward smile when hes nervous "Since a few months after you died" 

..

...

WHAT THE FUCK.

That was four years ago, there's no way in hell Dicks been hallucinating for four years and the 'worlds greatest detective' didn't notice.

Dick smiles sheepishly, speaking to fill the silence, a nervous habit "I didn't really think to treat it at the time" four years "because it meant I could see you again" depressing Dickhead, very depressing "and I missed you"

Jason's staring again, so many things to address in that. Right now Dick looks like he needs a hug.

Hell Jason needs a hug because what the fuck.

Jason sighs and opens his arms. Dick almost lunges at the cue.

They sit there quietly, Dick is finally reunited with his baby brother and Jason

Jason missed having a family.

..

...

"Don't think we're not going to address the whole hallucinations thing, because I will drag your ass into the batcave myself." Jason states.

"Don't think I'm not going to beat your ass later for what you did to Timmy." Dick retorts.

Jason grimaces at the reminder.

Dick would beat his ass later, or give a really long lecture followed by a 5 page essay on the mistake, and a long apology to Tim. 

Dick smiled, this would be quite alright.