Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Call me a procrastinator, but I’ll say, straight up, that getting a case of writer’s block right when you have to start writing a song is something I can’t understand.

Every time my mind goes blank while starting a new piece, I will go as far to hole myself up in the recording room for a good few hours, where I attempt to squeeze any ideas out of my head. But even when I do write something down, I would scrap the idea and start all over again.

It’s painful.

Right now, I’ve stuck myself in this room for hours, still trying to think of an idea that:

a) We hadn’t done yet

b) Wasn’t one I’d scrap

No one else was in the room. Axel and Benatar left earlier, to watch some movie in the bus or something, while I had no clue what Deejay had left for. I remembered how he told me not to overwork myself, and suddenly, my chest felt light with affection.

Damn it, Puff. Get it together, I told myself. I continued scribbling down, and crossing out, anything I could think of that was song-worthy, while ignoring starved protests from my empty stomach.

Still, I couldn’t get anything out, so eventually, I got up and decided to resume my work tomorrow. Or maybe next week.

I made my way to the kitchen, passing Benatar and Axel, who were watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Axel was busy stuffing his face with all kinds of junk, but he still turned when I came by.

“Finally-hrmmph- got yourself out of the recording room, huh?” he asked while scarfing down a mouthful of all-dressed chips.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t think too much about it.” I ignored his messy habits as I hurried to get myself something to pig out on. But as soon as I finally got there, I realized I had a problem.

Deejay was leaning against the left countertop, texting with his body turned away. But still… he was there.

Oh, God. This is gonna be hard.

My heart gave a few flutters at his presence, but I didn’t feel like getting distracted. So despite the odds stacked against me, I climbed onto the other counter (due to my stupidly short height) to retrieve my stash of Nutter Butters. Just as I got the package out of the cupboard and climbed down, a certain voice said:

“You…could’ve asked for help, y’know?”

…well, fuck.

Did Deejay have eyes in the back of his head or something? I was sure I’d been silent enough. I pretended I couldn’t hear him, but to no avail.

“Puff?” Deejay asked, and I could tell he was trying to get my attention.

“Uh…no?”

Shit, I can’t keep this up. Reluctantly, I averted my eyes to Deejay, who had a tender, quiet look on his face. His deep brown eyes weren’t exactly staring into my soul, but damn, they had a gentle gaze. And I hated that.

I guess Deejay could sense my nerves, because he asked with a stammer, “S-so, you gonna go watch Roger Rabbit with the others?”

“Yeah,” I admitted, hugging the package to my chest. My cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment. Why am I even like this with him around?

“Cool, cool. I’ll be there,” he answered. My heart thrummed. Even his attitude was driving me crazy.

I mumbled out something before fleeing the scene. But as I headed to the living room and sat down, those unsettling thoughts kept swimming through my mind. What is wrong with me? I’ve acted this way towards women at clubs, so why do I act like this whenever Deejay’s in the same room as me?

I knew the real reason: Because Deejay was the first guy I was attracted to. After a long period of dating apps, hookups and breakups with women, I somehow fell for him. Hard. I almost hated myself for being so into him.

When I say, ‘Into him,” I don’t mean the shrine-making, obsessed kind of love. I had the nervous-glance, butterflies-in-the-stomach type of love towards Deejay. For a good while now.

And every time I would be daydreaming about him, I’d catch myself in the act and the nagging thoughts would just come at me, like a bull stampeding towards me with a sign stuck on the head that said, “WELCOME TO YOUR FATE, HOMO!” I know that sounds corny as hell, but it was the truth. And the truth can’t be corny.

I sighed, wishing I hadn’t been so clumsy that night, wishing I hadn’t slipped on that stage, just so Deejay could pick me up and I could fall for him. I still can’t forget how those stage lights lit up his face, like a sliver of moonlight. Yes, I just explained how I fell in love with him.

I’ll stop my tirade there, but you get the point.

I began nibbling on a Nutter Butter, in the hopes that the sweetness would distract me from my misery, but I had forgotten that I was situated next to Vincent, Axel’s pet hawk (or eagle?), who swooped down and stole my biscuit.

“Gah! Axel, control your stupid macaw or I’m calling animal control on that bastard!” I snapped. Axel didn’t respond, but he did hold onto his bird, so at least he heeded my request.

Deejay came by, holding enough snacks to fill a quarter of Niagara Falls. Chips, cookies, leftover fast food, you name it. As soon as he came by, my body buzzed with anticipation, but I shrugged it off hastily.

“Oh, thanks!” Benatar said, reaching for an extra-large chocolate bar. He normally doesn’t eat much around this time of day, but he took it without hesitation. Axel, on the other hand, grinned widely and grabbed a pack of chip mix.

“Heh, thanks a lot!” Axel giggled while wiping his mouth the back of his hand. I tried not to stare in intrigue as Deejay grimaced at Axel’s pig-like behaviour. He sat behind me, a slipper-covered foot lightly poking my back.

Aw, damn.

I tried not to care about it, but the wool slipper touching my spine proved too intrusive. I moved just 2 inches away, madly chewing on more Nutter Butters.

How was my romantic attraction to Deejay so strong that I got agitated at even a small touch from him? I swear, it’s not funny anymore. I felt so disgusted at myself for even being like this. If Deejay was, like—a girl in an alternate universe, or something—then I’d still be straight.

There’s no way in hell I’m gay, otherwise I’d never have been into so many women before. But I wasn’t heterosexual as well. What even am I anymore?

If you think that more Nutter Butters or at least watching the rest of Roger Rabbit is gonna help, guess again.

Chapter Text

The remainder of the evening was pretty uneventful. We mostly gorged ourselves on junk food and watched the remainder of Roger Rabbit. Axel kept up his unnecessarily messy habits throughout the entire movie, Benatar fell asleep after consuming the X-LARGE candy bar, and as for Puff Puff…he focused on eating his Nutter Butters. 

My mind went back to how awkward he was acting with me, giving one-word answers as he always would whenever he got nervous. Puff, in those moments, seemed exceptionally adorable, tripping over his words and trying to act casual. 

Does it sound weird? That I see him as a shy, pouty guy? That I think of him so lovingly? Maybe, maybe not. But I think I’ve gotten used to not thinking about it too much.

As soon as the movie came to its close, I snapped back into to the real world. Crumpling up an empty bag of Cheetos in my hand, I sat straight before lightly slapping Benatar on the back. He woke up just as Puff turned off the TV and stood up.

“Alright, now that that’s done, how ‘bout we get some sleep? We got some more, uh…business to attend to,” he announced, faltering on the last bit. It was the first time he’d said anything since the kitchen confrontation. 

Axel spoke up. “Puff? Can’t we just… y’know, skip the whole writing process and just get to producing the music itself?” He seemed like he knew what he was saying. “You’ve been taking way too long on those lyrics.”

Puff Puff stared at him abruptly. I smiled at his almost-comical expression.

“Well, damn, do you have any idea how hard it is to get an idea while you have writer’s block?” he asked sharply. “I’m… still thinking.”

“Yeah, you’ve been ‘thinking’ for weeks,” Axel replied, rolling his eyes. 

“Then… just be patient. God, since when were you so nosy about this stuff?” Puff retorted, sounding exasperated. You could tell he wanted to do anything other than bicker with Axel.

“You’re one to talk,” the metalhead muttered under his breath.

“Excuse me?!”

“Nothing.”

“Okay, okay,” I intervened, putting up my hand like a traffic cop. “That’s enough of that. How about we just go to bed and talk about this tomorrow morning?” I caught Puff glance at me with question marks in his eyes. He sighed.

“Fine,” he said, before he went to his bunk. Axel followed, then Benatar, then me. We all took turns in the bathroom (four grown men plus a hawk does not lead to a clean sink), while getting into our nightclothes. Just as I was ready and into my bed, I looked over at Puff Puff. 

“You okay?” I asked with a small grin. He stared at me, almost not knowing what to say or do.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Puff responded, distracting himself by taking off his glasses. He shut off the lights, and I could no longer find his face.

Okay, maybe I should explain me and Puff’s relationship. It won’t be too long, I promise.

Me and Puff Puff, we’ve been best friends since, like… the third grade. I almost vividly remember how we met. I was lonely, since I was kind of the quiet kid. He was also friendless, because of how he often kept to himself (plus he had been the new kid for a while, since he and his grandparents just moved). 

Anyways, as I was sitting alone, Puff came across me, holding his old toys, and sat next to me. He offered me his toy plane and we began playing. Then we started getting into conversation, one thing led to another, and we kind of struck up a little bond with each other. 

Truth be told, it was only a few school days later that I first asked him if he could be my friend. Puff Puff said yes, and almost instantaneously, we became connected to the hip. After that, we were having playdates, joking around with each other, and spending our time together. Basically, we were inseparable.

I think that one the reasons we clicked was our differing personalities. I was always seen as the thoughtful, responsible kid, while Puff was more energetic & outgoing, so that seemed to make our relationship work. It also resulted in me stepping in to prevent any chaos he could cause, like that time I kept him from furiously beating the ass of a kid who played with his glasses in the seventh grade. 

But I think I’m getting off track, so I’ll tell you this: through all those years, even as our home lives didn’t exactly improve, even as we met other people, like Benatar and, in twelfth grade, Axel, we remained close. 

I’m not sure when exactly I began falling for Puff, but it was somewhere between a typical hangout at my place and a beach trip. Something about him…it caught my attention. Maybe it was his wide, mischievous grins. Or could it have been his charismatic performances on stage. Whatever the reason, there was no denying that I was smitten with him. 

At first, Puff seemed oblivious to my feelings, likely because he was dating another girl (spoiler alert: they broke up). However, a concert last year seemed to change that. I recall seeing Puff slipping on the stage during a solo and struggling to get up (I think someone over-waxed the platform). While he was still on the floor, I went over to him, picked him up, and asked him if he was okay. His face flushed and he said he was fine, before resuming the performance. And the rest is history.

Well, so much for, “it won’t be too long.”

I giggled softly, sighed and flipped over to my side to check my alarm clock. 

“12:06.”

Ah, shit. Gotta get to sleep. But, hey, who doesn’t muse about their love interest at midnight?

Chapter Text

“Okay, let me get this straight,” I said at breakfast the next day. “You want to start producing the music rather than finishing the lyrics, right?”  At the same moment, the usual noise at the table died down.

Axel nodded whilst chewing on a Pop-Tart. “Yep.”

I was initially annoyed at his recommendation the night before, and we may or may not have gotten into a verbal scuffle, but Deejay had suggested that we talk it over the next day. Which is exactly what we’re doing now.

I blew into my hands and realized that Axel was correct the night before; I was taking too long on those lyrics. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just skip that part, even if the results were horrendous.

“Fine, we’ll do the production first,” I confessed. “But we’re starting right after breakfast. Keep in mind that it’s Cup o’ Tea’s turn to pay for bus rent this month.” I motioned to Benatar, who ignored that nickname (I have a lot more, trust me).

You’re probably wondering what we do about bus rent. It’s simple; every month, one of us has to pay for using the tour bus so we don’t lose it. We take turns by going in alphabetical order. So if, for example, I went one month, then the next month would be Axel’s turn, and so on.

Axel nodded knowingly and Deejay gave me another one of his warm smiles. I turned my head away, just so no one would see me blushing.

~~~

We did exactly what we had planned to do after breakfast. For two and a half hours, all four of us committed to coming up with the overall melody, beat and other additions. Me, Axel, and Benatar threw out suggestions, while Deejay worked them into our not-exactly-finished song. 

In the end, we ended up with a rhythm that actually wasn’t quite bad. We were all slightly beat, but we had to go out to pay our loan, no questions asked. All four of us scurried out of the bus, with Benatar coming last because of the number of files he was holding. 

The air was surprisingly cool, contrasting the swelling, humid heat that reminded us of summer’s arrival. Finally, we made it to our usual bank.

“Hey, Benatar? How about we stay out here while you do the grunt work, huh?” I hollered. Benatar looked at us, looking like he wanted to get this over with (who wouldn’t?) and nodded, before going inside. 

The remaining three of us plopped down on a smooth bench, thankful to finally have a little rest. I was just getting nestled in my seat when Deejay yawned. 

Oh, yeah. He’s here.

I acted casual. “Are… are you feeling okay?”

Deejay turned towards me with serene, but tired eyes. I nearly lost myself in his trance before he spoke in his low, calm voice. “Mmm, yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” 

“O-o-okay,” I replied slowly. The picture of Deejay tossing and turning in bed while failing to get any rest popped into my head. That would be amusing, teasing him about his restlessness.

Fuck, why am I thinking this?! 

I shook my head in an attempt to erase the image from my brain, and that’s when I felt Deejay’s head fall delicately on my shoulder. The sudden contact surprised me, and my body flinched, jolting Deejay awake. 

“Oh my- oh, sorry, man,” he said to me in his, ‘Oh God, I definitely screwed up on that,” voice. 

“No, no, it’s alright,” I reassured him, apprehensive. I stared at my untied shoes, internally berating myself for balking in such a manner. Come on, Puff. You’re being a pussy over nothing.

I was just about to escape this mortifying scene before I felt Deejay’s arm slinking around me. Immediately, my entire being went balmy.

“You… don’t mind if I rest on you for a while, do you? I don’t think my body’s willing to function on a half filled battery.” he asked, while his face returned to my collarbone.

I swallowed, feeling my heartbeat kicking up a notch in speed. “Sure, knock yourself out.”

Deejay brought me closer, propping his head against my shoulder before he zoned out. Meanwhile, I was having an internal meltdown. I couldn’t escape it; Deejay was actually sleeping on me. I prayed that no one else was witnessing this.

What’s wrong with me?! Why am I letting this happen to me?

As unnerving as the moment felt, I kind of…enjoyed it. The sensation of Deejay’s arm bringing me closer to him was so gratifying and, at the same time, so bewildering. But I wasn’t able to ponder it for long, because I was exhausted myself. Without any further questioning, I snuggled up next to Deejay and fell asleep.

~~~

I’d forgotten how long I’d been asleep for, but that didn’t mean I also forgot where I napped. As soon as I woke up, I nearly freaked out again after finding myself close to Deejay’s chest, before remembering how I ended up there.

 I looked over and…didn’t find Axel. I nudged Deejay, who woke from his doze. 

“Mhmnhwha-” he murmured, before fully waking up and noticing the empty spot next to him. “Hey, where’s Axel?” he questioned, and just before I could answer, Axel came out of the bank, readjusting his pants. He noticed our puzzled expressions and grinned sheepishly.

“What? A guy can’t go and take a piss?” Just as he finished his query, Benatar shoved his way out of the bank entrance, his hair slightly tousled.

“Damn, it took you that long?” I joked. Benatar heaved an weary sigh.

“Yep. The line was longer this time, so everyone was completely ticked off. Plus, the bank’s short of employees, so that just made everything more gruelling,” he complained while straightening his slumping position. “Let’s go, shall we?” 

All four of us wasted no time in making our way back to the bus. On the way, I noticed Axel staring at me strangely. 

“What?” I asked cautiously. Axel kept looking at me wordlessly.

Then, he nervously side-glanced and whispered, “Can I… ask you something?”

“Um, sure?”

“Do you…never mind.”

“Oh, come on. Shoot away.” 

Axel gave me one final look before he asked, “Are you… into Deejay?”

Well, now I wished I hadn’t been so curious, because as soon as Axel said, ‘into Deejay,’ my cheeks heated up, only this time, with rage. I whipped my head toward him. “No, what- a-are you high? Of course not,” I sputtered. 

Axel seemed suspicious. “Yeah, keep saying that when you know damn well you love him.” What did he mean by that?

He must’ve noticed my confusion, because he continued. “Hmm, let’s see,” he thought aloud, giving me a cheeky smirk. “You flinch every time Deejay touches you, your face goes red when he smiles at you, or when he talks to you. What else?”

I was dumbfounded. How did Axel know so much?

“Oh, and you get nervous when he’s in the same room as you, you guys even slept on each other today.” He just went on and on. I scowled at him and punched him in the elbow. Hard.“Ow! What the hell?!” he yelped.

“Well, what did you want me to do, since you can never shut up about shit that doesn’t have to do with you?” I demanded gruffly.

“I’m just-wait,” Axel said, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re really in denial, aren’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on! It’s pretty clear that you’re in love with Deejay, and you’re just making it harder for yourself by not admitting it!” Axel peered at me with a mix of confusion, irritation, and concern in his face.

I was abashed at the mention of me making my feelings towards Deejay obvious, but I was also aggravated. 

“I shouldn’t be so surprised,” I grumbled. “You’ve been prying about everything lately.”

Axel looked shocked. “Dude- I’m not trying to annoy you. I was just asking.” 

“Well, then quit being so curious about every-fucking-thing!” I snapped.

Admittedly, I was being childish, but still, I felt as if I had the right to be livid. At that moment, Benatar interjected. 

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but what’s happening?” he inquired softly, like he was trying to settle the situation. I glared menacingly at him.

“Puff’s in denial,” Axel informed him. “About being-” I punched him again, this time in the shoulder. “Gah! Ow, sorry…” It was at that point Deejay turned around to examine the noise. 

“What is going on back there?” he asked. The three of us looked at him, Axel still holding his upper arm.

“Nothing,” I replied, still vexed. I stormed towards the bus, fists clenched. As soon as I made it in, I threw myself onto my bed. Stupid Axel, snooping son of a bitch.

I punched my pillow, a certain way of burning my anger out. As I continued pummelling, however, the irritation began melting, like ice. Maybe slower than that, but… the more I hit, the quicker the petulance of my actions dawned on me. 

Who am I kidding? Axel was saying the truth: I’m in serious denial. All those reasons behind his claim were right, and I wouldn’t admit it. I flopped onto my back, staring aimlessly while my brain screamed at me. If I know I love Deejay, why can’t I just say it? 

Tears pricked my eyes, probably from an onset of hysteria. I took a few breaths before blinking them back. 

As soon as I couldn’t feel any more dampness, I turned back on my side and grabbed my phone. I needed advice, and there was someone who I knew I could talk to. At least, right now.

Chapter Text

I’ll be completely frank: I had no idea what Puff was mad about or why he stalked to his bunk so quickly until I approached Axel and Benatar a while later. 

As we made it in the bus, I waited for the two to come up. When they did, I wasted no time in playing detective with them.

“Okay, someone tell me what was going on out there,” I interrogated calmly, stature firm. Axel glanced uneasily at Benatar, then me.

“Well, I- I asked Puff something that I… don’t think he wanted to hear and he got really pissed at me for, ‘prying about everything,’” he revealed, unusually tense. “Punched me twice, by the way.”

“Sounds like him,” I said, remembering how dreamily furious Puff’s face was. I was concerned as to what happened, but the twisted expression on him was strangely adorable. 

Benatar chimed in. “I asked him what was wrong, naturally, and Puff gave me this really chilling death stare, like he didn’t want me included.”

Axel looked at him. “I mean, you did interrupt us.” Benatar’s face drooped slightly.

“Okay, that’s all I need to hear. Axel, you drive,” I instructed. “Just don’t hit another tree like last time.”

Axel gave me a playful salute, becoming less tense as he scrambled to the driver’s seat. Benatar headed to the couch (to get some shuteye, I presume) while I went to the bunks.

“Puff? Pu-uff?” I called, thinking that he was hiding away somewhere to burn his anger. The bus started up.

I heard a murmur just then, which came from one of the lower bunks. I peered at the flimsy curtain that covered it, went over to it, and pulled it back to reveal Puff Puff. He was curled up on his side while staring at his phone screen, which reflected the irritated expression that flashed across his face.

“Uh, ever heard of knocking?” he said under his breath whilst not looking at me. 

“You think I’m Axel?” I replied amusingly with a touch of concern. Puff must’ve realized it was me, because he suddenly became timid and turned to face me.

“O-oh, sorry,” he mumbled carefully. I smiled, acknowledging his words, before I sat on his sort-of soft mattress.  

“I, um, heard what happened with you and Axel,” I admitted as Puff’s face scrunched with discontent. “Look, I doubt that he wanted to make you mad, so don’t keep a grudge against him. Same thing applies to Benatar.”

“Ha,” Puff chuckled, averting his eyes. “Thanks, Captain Comfort.” I ignored his snarky tone and slid my hand closer to his. The smug grin on his face disappeared instantaneously, replaced by a look of flustered shock. Puff locked his eyes with mine, almost speaking telepathically. 

“So, no hard feelings?” I asked quietly. Puff looked down at my hand and moved his toward mine. His fingertips bristled against mine, just barely touching. A moderate wave of heat spread to my cheeks as my heart skipped a beat.

Damn, I wanna kiss him so, so bad right now.

“I- yeah, no hard feelings,” Puff stammered, bashfully looking away and slowly slithering his hand away from mine. I decided to respect his privacy and headed of to the recording studio, which was a mess of crumpled-up papers and disorganized equipment. 

I decided to clean up the place, since I didn’t think anyone else would have the energy to do so. As I began throwing out the balls of mostly-blank papers, I wondered about what Puff and Axel were fighting over. Axel didn’t mention anything specific, and Puff (understandably) didn’t say much, so the reason was purely down to speculation.

At the same time, I threw a ball of paper across the room to the trash bin. Missed it.

I sighed, reminiscing about the captivating, shy look on Puff’s face. The way he crept his hand towards mine sent sparks along my veins. His eyes were almost piercing as they gazed into my soul.

…Now that I think of it, that sounds like something out of Twilight. Eh, whatever. 

I’d just finished cleaning up the floor when I slipped on one of Axel’s drumsticks and collapsed on the ground with a massive thud. I swear to you, Axel just leaves his equipment anywhere. My fall must’ve been louder than I thought, because I felt the bus screech to a halt. 

“Hey, what happened back there?” Axel’s voice boomed through the bus. At the same time, Benatar peeked into the half-tidy recording room. 

“Nothing, just slipped on your drumstick,” I answered loudly. Benatar came over, picked it up and placing them on Axel’s snare. Benatar was definitely the most organized of us. “Thanks, man,” I said, lifting myself up. He nodded and began taking care of the strewn instruments. 

Before I exited, he said, “Oh, by the way, we need to get groceries tomorrow. Are you okay with taking care of that?”

“No problem,” I responded while Axel started the bus up again. I ran off to the bunks, flopped into bed, and took out my earbuds. Plugging them into my phone, a sentimental, tranquil melody filled my ears. My view shifted to Puff’s bunk, which was empty. 

Through my earbuds, a soft voice mentioned watching their lover from afar. That clicked with me. I examined Puff with adoration and affection whenever appropriate, and I could never stop longing for the moment I would be able to kiss him. But… that might take a while.

~~~

The next morning was warmer than the last, but not heat-wave level humid. I was headed to the grocery store to pick up what we needed. I had no list with me, but I kept in mind what we needed (and a good amount of snacks). 

As for what the others were doing, Axel decided to stay behind, Benatar went to pick up a few antique teacups from some china shop downtown. Puff, well, he took off to meet up with someone he didn’t mention, but none of us decided to question him.

Eventually, I made it to the store and wasted no time in getting everything I had to. As I was picking up a few cartons of eggs from the dairy section when I couldn’t help eavesdropping on a conversation occurring behind me.

“Hey, isn’t that Deejay? From YFM?!” a female voice whispered excitedly. 

“He’s not here for attention, asshat! He’s just trying to get groceries,” the other female scolded in a murmur. 

“Oh, shut up,” the first voice retorted. “You’d be fangirling over him in a heartbeat.” Heh, fan behaviour. Hilariously grating, as usual.

“What about Puff? It’s become pretty damn obvious that he’s in love with Deejay.”

“Wha-Oh! Of course he is! Didn’t you see him during the last concert? He and Deejay were constantly looking at each other!”

Wait…what are they-? ‘Constantly looking at each other?’ They noticed me glancing at Puff? Well… that’s embarrassing. 

And they mentioned Puff supposedly having the hots for me? It never crossed my mind that Puff reciprocated my love for him in recent times, but now that I head what those fans said…oh fuck. With the way he’s been acting towards me ever since the concert incident, that might actually be true. 

I willed myself to go elsewhere while the fangirls’ gossip continued. But as I made it to a different aisle, my ears were burning, but… not in a bad manner. The thought of Puff loving me back, it made me strangely ecstatic. If he really does share my feelings for him, I’d be floating above cloud nine. 

I knew that it was a rumour, whispered by a fan, but with what I’ve already seen from Puff, it might not just be speculation. 

Chapter Text

The next morning, I found myself heading to a retro diner, where I would meet someone that, perhaps, may give me some advice for my current predicament. I peered at my phone:

“11:28.”

I quickly checked my surroundings, figured I could just wait inside, and entered the building.

The place seemed less old-fashioned than I’d thought, but the scene put me at ease, in a weird way. I found a spare booth- which was furnished with a glossy wooden table, as well as prepped menus-and sat on of its leather seats. 

Just then, a tall guy, clad in a teal beanie and casual clothes, walked in.

Wax. AKA: Micheal (that’s his real name). 

He was the guy I’d texted yesterday. I made sure to be subtle about the details and simply said that I needed to meet up with him to talk to him about something that was on my mind. I didn’t mention anything about Deejay.

“Hey, hey! Puff!” Wax called out merrily. “Long time, no see, huh?”

“Heh, you could say that,” I giggled as he sat across from me.

“So,” he began. “You wanted to talk to me about something, right?”

Any sense of calm in me got sucked out the minute he asked that. I tensed up and took a breath, mentally preparing myself for confessing. But just as I opened my mouth, a waitress came over and asked us for our order. Wax took notice of this, checked out the menu in front of him, and ordered a ‘mint chocolate swirl milkshake,’ whatever that was.

“Come on, you don’t want anything? The milkshakes here are to die for,” Wax told me.

“Nah. Don’t want to spoil my appetite,” I reassured, as the waitress wrote down our order and left.

Now would be a good time to tell him.

“O-kay, I called you here because I… um, was hoping that I could get some advice from you,” I stammered, not really sure what to say.

“About what?” Wax asked, cocking his head.

“About…something…that has to do with…someone,” I replied slowly. I was more nervous than I’d thought.

“…Ooh, who?” Wax seemed suddenly intrigued, as if he thought I was talking about a random ex.

“Um, in case you’re wondering, the ‘someone’ is…a guy.”

“…Okay, I’m confused.”

“Look, the thing is,” I began, trying to explain as delicately as I could. “I’ve…kind of been… in love with this guy. But every time I find myself thinking about him in a way that’s… romantic, I just end up feeling guilty and uneasy. Sometimes even disgusted.”

I shuffled my foot, trying hard not to mention anyone specific, if you catch my drift. “I- I don’t know, it’s like-half of me wants to give him all my love, but the other half’s just not willing to allow that.”

Wax raised his eyebrows. “Welp… sounds like a case of internalized biphobia.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“…Please tell me you know what bisexuality is,” Wax mumbled, feigning an unimpressed tone.

“Of course I know what that is! It’s like- uhhh…” I justified, scanning my brain for any piece of information I had about bisexuality. “I think it’s when you like men and women.”

“Then how the hell do you not see yourself as bi?” he asked, almost incredulously.

“I… I don’t know,” I admitted quietly. “I guess I was never taught about any sexuality other than gay and straight.  Even when I did hear about it, it was almost always in… a derogatory way.”

“Wait, wait… what does any of that have to do with your, um, male love interest?”

I realized I was rambling and groaned inwardly. “Nothing, I guess.” 

“Let’s get back on track. Why do you feel disgusted when you catch yourself obsessing over him?”

“Why do you sound like a therapist?” 

“Hey, I’m asking the questions here, buddy,” Wax retorted comically. 

At that moment, our order (or Wax’s, since I didn’t order anything) came. The same waitress from earlier brought a glass filled with a frothy, mint-green liquid with chocolate-coloured flecks. Wax took it and grabbed his wallet to pay. When the waitress was gone, he began slurping his drink with a smile. 

“Mmh. I’m tellin’ you, Puff, you’re missing out,” he grinned, briefly diverting from our conversation. After a few more sips, he looked at me, ready for an answer. 

I sighed. “I… I think it’s because… he’s the first guy I’ve felt this way towards. Apparently, I’ve gotten so used to being in love with chicks that, when I suddenly fell for him, it must’ve freaked me out or something.”

Wax nodded like he’d predicted the same thing. “That makes sense when you think about it, right?” He stirred his drink with his straw, swirling the brown-dotted mixture around. “You’ve gotten so used to believing that you’re straight, you refuse to believe you’re anything but, even when you truly are.”

I clasped my hands together, before loosening them up and returning them to my side. “Exactly.”

“Damn, that’s tough, isn’t it?” he asked, clicking his tongue in sympathy. 

“Yeah. And it’s becoming harder to deny.” I sighed. “Just yesterday, me and Axel got into this scuffle after he asked me if I was in love with… the guy. I realized that, I couldn’t keep this up for long, so I… kinda turned to you.”

“Oh, well, you’re welcome, I guess?” Wax quipped. I half-laughed, but the mood remained muted. Wax took a long swallow of his milkshake.

“Well, jokes aside, it sounds like you need some kind of… self-reassurance, know what I’m saying?” Wax suggested, acknowledging my nerve. “It sounds corny, but you don’t need to feel ashamed about not being straight, or being in love with this guy. Just keep that in mind.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I replied with a tiny smile. All of a sudden, Wax’s expression became mischievous.

Oh shit.

“So-o-o, who’s the lucky man?” he asked excitedly, to my chagrin. I mentally face-palmed while forcing myself to admit nothing about you-know-who.

“Oh my God, Micheal, please don’t…” I mumbled, my face flushing pink.

“Aw, come on! At least give me a hint!”

“No-o-o!”

“Please? I won’t tell a soul, I promise!”

“I don’t care, I’m still not telling you.”

“Ughhh…”

In the end, I said I wouldn’t tell him for a while, and Wax seemed to understand (but he did say that he’d find out himself if I didn’t keep my word). I bid farewell to him, and left the building. As I walked back to the bus, two things were on my mind:

-How in the hell does Wax go from giving actually good advice to nagging me into admitting who I love?

-I wonder what Deejay’s up to?

Chapter Text

The whole time I was walking back to the bus with an armload of grocery bags, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d heard earlier. The words that those fangirls had whispered about me and Puff being obsessed with each other couldn’t stop nudging my mind. 

One of the plastic bags I carried began nudging my face, but my head was a little too in the clouds to care. Having on a pokerface, I kept musing on and on. ‘Could Puff really love me back?’ That question kept swirling in my mind as I finally made it back to the bus door.

And then I realized that I couldn’t open it because of my full hands. Damn it.

So what was the next best thing to do?

If you guessed, “Bang your foot on the door as much as possible,” you’d be correct.

I began butting my ankle into the metal door, hoping that someone in there could take notice. After a few more hits, Benatar opened the door for me, who smiled and let me in. Axel was lounging on the couch, perking up when I came in, like an eager dog.

I spread the contents of the bags on the counter, picking out a pack of cold pasta and a jar of tomato sauce. “Hey, how does pasta for lunch sound?” I asked the other guys. Axel nodded, and Benatar came over to help me. Just as he got out a pot and filled it with water, the door slammed open, revealing Puff. 

“Oh, hey,” Benatar called. “We’re having pasta for lunch, if you want.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Puff replied curtly. He glanced at me for just a few seconds, before he retired to the couch across from Axel. 

My cheeks tingled with warmth, mildly distracting me. The sensation wore off as I began prepping the sauce, but a small giggle bubbled out of me. Benatar didn’t notice too much, but he did give me a look. Just so I wouldn’t have to receive too much suspicion, I snuck away from the stove and went over to the booth. Puff seemed to notice me and turned his head. 

“Hey Axel,” I said, trying not to get preoccupied by my thoughts. “Where’s Vincent?”

“Put him down for a nap about a while ago,” Axel responded, drumming his fingers on the table. “When’s lunch gonna be ready? I’m getting the munchies.” 

“Soon,” Benatar answered, sprinkling salt into the sauce. Puff noticed him, grinned mischievously and crept up behind him. He pulled out his phone, clicked on something, and before I knew what was going on, he held it up to Benatar’s ear. 

Without warning, a deafening noise blared at full volume. Benatar shrieked in response, knocking his elbow against the pasta-filled pot, eliciting another yelp. He turned to face Puff, who was snickering with amusement.

“Puff, what’s wrong with you?! I nearly burnt myself!” he yelled angrily. Puff didn’t seem to care much and turned to Axel, mouthing something to him. 

Axel seemed confused and looked at me, asking me what he was saying. I shrugged, then turned to Puff. Look, I seriously love that guy, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ignore how he treats Benatar sometimes. 

Just as I was going to tell Puff not to bother him anymore, he held up his phone and blasted that same sound into Benatar’s eardrum. Benatar, who was turning off the stove and holding the same pot, let out another yell. His arm knocked against the metal container, causing it to tip over and collapse onto the ground.

“FUCK!” 

Nearly-cooked pasta was strewn across the floor, collecting carpet dust, while a puddle of water seeped out of the rolling pot. Axel whispered out, “Oh, shit,” while I looked on in shock. Puff’s eyes went as wide as saucers, and Benatar…he kinda lost it.

“Great. Fucking great. Now are you pleased?!” he snapped, going red with pure rage. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! DO YOU HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS?”

Puff retracted quickly, but he wasn’t willing to surrender. “Damn, sorry you can’t take a joke,” he mumbled, loud enough for us to hear.

“A joke? YOU THINK RUINING OUR MEAL IS A JOKE?!” Benatar retaliated. “How do you think we’re going to have lunch now?!”

“Um, your British ass ever heard about takeout?” 

I hurried over to the two. “Okay, okay, let’s calm down,” I said, but I forgot that a, ‘Calm down,’ is futile when a fight goes this far.

“We’ve already spent enough money this week!” Benatar exclaimed frustratedly. “And by the way, can’t we have homemade food for once in here?!”

Puff scoffed. “When were you such a prude about food? You don’t even finish your meals.”

“Well, I’m just trying to monitor my image. Is that so bad?!”

“Purposely starving yourself is not the same as monitoring your body weight!”

“I DON’T STARVE MYSELF!”

“Well, you sure as hell do. Bet you couldn’t eat a quarter of pasta if it was on your plate.”

“How do you think I, or anyone, is going to eat THAT?!” Benatar furiously pointed to the neglected mess of wet, grimy pasta.

“OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH!” I yelled, knowing that was the only way to get between the two. And I did. Puff and Benatar stopped quarrelling and stared at me.

I took a deep breath to compose myself. “Puff, you really shouldn’t have been startling Benatar in the first place. And Benatar, I bought a bunch of other stuff we can have for lunch, so you don’t need to worry about anything.”

Puff sighed heavily, looked at me, and returned to the booth. Benatar went to the counter, grabbed a pack of microwaveable mini-pizzas and threw them in the microwave, before storming over and slumping down next to Axel.

“What are we gonna do with the sauce?” I asked, glancing at Benatar’s pouty face.

“Dunno,” he responded, unusually blunt. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Axel’s stomach rumbled loudly just then. All of us looked at him, and he grimaced.

“Told you I was having the munchies,” he muttered, rubbing his middle and glaring at Puff. “I wouldn’t be so hungry if lunch wasn’t on the ground right now.”

“Hey,” Puff countered. “It’s not my fuckin’ fault tha-” I placed my hand on his mouth, shutting him up instantly.

“C’mon Axel, at least wait for a little longer,” I reassured, oblivious to what I was touching at the moment. Axel grunted and leaned back. 

I was also starting to relax until I felt my thumb slide across something damp. It was at that point I realized what I was doing and looked over at Puff, whose face was scarlet while my fingers rested on his lips.

My heart started pounding, like I’d just ran a marathon. Puff’s lips were soft and damp—just as I imagined them at one point. I couldn’t resist shuffling my pinkie to his bottom lip, massaging the gentle flesh. 

A faint, almost whiny sound came out of Puff, who had his eyes locked on me. My cheeks prickled with heat, and in return, I rubbed his lip again, only this time, more slowly. I wanted to keep relishing in the supple feeling of his lips. Puff’s eyelids fluttered shut, as if he wanted more. A tremor of pleasure washed over me. 

Oh God, this guy…

In the heat of the moment, I completely forgot about the pasta incident. How could I not? All I could think of was how cute Puff was being, especially with the breathy noises he was making.

I got closer to him, my fingers drifting to his upper lip. Puff’s lips parted slightly, making his expression almost the same as the one he made yesterday, when our fingertips were touching. The whole time my fingers were stroking his lips, all I could focus on was just how good it felt. 

My thumb almost slipped into his mouth and Puff goggled at me, breathing silently. My eyes became riveted on him as my cheeks became warmer. He seemed desperate, as if he would burst if I didn’t continue, and I wanted to. I wanted to take in more of his reactions. It sounds so overly dramatic, but it was what I was feeling, you know? 

Puff’s breathing became more intense, and I could feel it on my palm. I traced his mouth, soothing him. Puff’s mouth curled up just a bit as I continued—

*BWEEP!-BWEEP!*

The sound of the microwave startled both of us out of our trances. Benatar went to get it while I pulled my hand away from Puff’s mouth, like I’d gotten maced. I caught Axel glancing at us, eyebrows raised, before he turned away. Puff went red, except this time, it was from embarrassment. 

Aw, shit. Forgot everyone else was here. 

Benatar brought back the platter of mini-pizzas, which bubbled with some grease. Axel began salivating at the sight, but as for Puff, he didn’t seem to care. While everyone dug into their meals, he avoided making eye contact as he nibbled on his pizza.

I glanced at him for a second before starting to eat. But the clammy feeling of his lips resonated with me for the entire meal.

Chapter Text

The whole time I was having lunch, I couldn’t shake off the heated sensation spreading across my lips. My body really didn’t want me to forget about how Deejay touched them, I guess.

My heart fluttered at the memory. His fingertips had grazed my mouth so softly, yet it felt like a reward. The warm prickling lingered all over my lips. I mentally groaned. It would’ve been much less inconvenient, had that moment not occurred in front of Benatar and Axel, the latter of whom was looking at us dead in the eyes. 

I was only halfway through my meal, when I caught Axel staring me down while shoving the last of his pizza in his mouth. I rolled my eyes at him, telepathically telling him to fuck off. 

Why should I care? Wax said I didn’t need to be ashamed about liking Deejay, didn’t he? Yeah… so what if Axel’s suspicions were probably proved right when he saw me and Deejay getting lovey-dovey? Does it even matter?

Maybe a little bit.

I gulped down the rest of my pizza, not wanting to stick around for long. I grabbed my plate, dumped it in the sink, and started towards my bunk before I heard Benatar clear his throat a little too loudly. I turned to face his disapproving expression.

“Forgetting something?” he asked, pointing to the mess of soaked pasta near the carpet. I looked at the unkempt puddle, not really caring about it. Still, I didn’t feel like getting yelled at by Benatar, so I grabbed a paper towel and began mopping everything up.

“You need any help?” Deejay called, washing his own dish.

“Nah… I got it,” I replied, trying to keep my tone devoid of shyness. After all, Axel could’ve been watching. I cleaned up as quickly as possible, threw the towel into the trash and scooted off to the bunks. Not knowing what I was doing, I accidentally plopped into Deejay’s bunk. I knew that as soon as I saw the air freshener on his shelf, something I didn’t own.

Oh well. Maybe I could chill here for a bit. He probably won’t mind.

I snuggled into his bed, catching a whiff of lavender from the air freshener. Man, I could get used to this. Kicking off my sneakers, I sat upright, examining the area. It was mostly tidy, with a scattered item here and there. 

I peeked over to the side, pulling on the handle of one of the cabinets. A foul stench rose from the unwashed clothes dispersed in there. I gagged and closed the cabinet instantly. Ugh. That was definitely Axel’s cupboard. His habits haven’t changed in the slightest.

I pulled open the next cabinet, which was definitely Deejay’s. Nothing too interesting in there, just a bunch of clothes. But I noticed a stack of photos, held together by a rubber band, shoved in the corner. My curiosity got the best of me, and I leaned over, grabbing the pile, before I sat back on the bed and closed the curtain.

Removing the rubber band, I began browsing through the photos. The first few were typical; group photos of the band, random shots taken at clubs, selfies. 

Then I began going through more photos that just featured Deejay. And that’s when I found some that made me stop on a dime.

(Mature warning starts here, you may skip if you don’t want to read it.)

There was a shot of Deejay, wearing nothing but a leopard-pattern thong and a huge gold chain. This must’ve been an newer photo, since his eyes were showing, unlike the first time he was in that outfit.

My heart bobbled in my chest. I’d completely forgotten about how hot he looked in that attire. Deejay was posing suggestively, which only made it more titillating to look at. I sucked in as much air as I could, my brain going fuzzy at this seducing sight. Deejay’s mouth was curled into a Cheshire-cat grin, teasing me relentlessly.

My eyes didn’t become fixated on just one part of the photo: everything about it was turning me on. My breathing became heavy with pleasure. This was pure eye candy. 

Gazing amorously at the sight of Deejay’s huge chest (What? I’m into tits), my pants suddenly felt tight. But by then, my brain had already gone on full shutdown mode, so I was too horny to care.

I instinctively flipped to the next photo, which, and I kid you not, nearly had me on the floor. It was another new photo, a picture used as a promo for, “This Is Why I’m Single,” featuring Deejay covered in a blanket, whilst wearing sunglasses and lewdly waggling his tongue out at the camera. 

My body felt like it had caught on fire at the sight. Heart hammering uncontrollably, I knocked my knees together as I marvelled at the picture. With a comical grin, I gripped the photograph shakily with both hands, almost making creases in the photograph.

My thumb rubbed against Deejay’s bare shoulders lovingly. He said nothing in return. I clapped a hand over my mouth, muffling a shaky sigh. But I couldn’t help it; the lustful nature of both pictures I’d seen were giving me euphoria.

I stared at the photo and Deejay stared back at me, tongue hanging out. Just as my hand began drifting to my crotch, I heard steady footsteps. 

Oh shit.

Snapping out of my reverie, I dropped the photos, frantically rearranging all of them into a stack. But by the time I did so, someone was sliding open the curtain.

Shitshitshit-

“Puff? What are you doing here?” a low-pitched, all-too-recognizable voice asked me.

…shit.

“Oh, uh, Deejay! Hey… I, um…” I searched my brain for an excuse for being in Deejay’s bunk, but to no avail. Deejay looked at me, stoic and calm, but I only felt more shameful. And the fact I was close to fapping to sultry photos of him-!

His eyes flicked to my crotch for a split second, before looking back at me. “You what?” he asked softly, seemingly unbothered.

“I…I didn’t mean to be here, but…I just…liked it here, I guess,” I admitted, cheeks flushing.

“Oh, really?” Deejay raised his eyebrows and sat next to me. Butterflies rose and began fluttering in my stomach, but I felt too invasive to even notice. My eyes averted as I pushed the stack of photographs away. 

Please don’t notice, please don’t notice…

He noticed. Fuck. Am I really this bad at being subtle or what?!

“Hey, are those my photos?” Deejay leaned over and took the stack. 

For a moment, I thought that he was going to pluck out the photos that turned me on so much. But thank God it was just a random shot from a house party.

“Heh, remember when you took the hose someone was using for Axel’s keg stand and accidentally sprayed a chick?” Deejay giggled, nudging me. “You nearly got your ass beat by her boyfriend!”

“Oh, ha, yeah…” I replied as my eyes went down to my pants, where there was faint, yet clear bulge. My face went red. Is that why Deejay glanced down there? Oh God… I had to get out of there.

“You know I wasn’t about to let him whoop you, so it’s a good thi—Hey!” Deejay exclaimed while I trampled over his legs, mumbled out an apology and rushed to the bathroom. 

As soon as I got in there and shut the door, I plopped on the toilet and yanked down my jeans. As I feared, I was obviously hard, the bulge being more visible through my boxers. Damn, those pictures were a lot more alluring than I thought.

My first thought was to get rid of it the easy way (if you catch my drift). However, I reconsidered, since the others already hate hearing me jerk off. Plus, the bathroom needs to stay clean. I decided that the only other option was to wait for my dick to go back down, even though that takes a long time.

(Uhh I think this is where the mature warning ends)

No sooner had I made this decision when someone knocked on the door. “What?!” I yelled, wanting to deal with this boner without interruptions.

“Puff, your phone!” Benatar’s voice informed me from the other side of the door. “It’s the hospital calling!”

I groaned and pulled my pants back up. As soon as I left the bathroom, Benatar was handing me my phone and walked away.

“Um, hi?” I said, trying to sound straightforward. 

“Hello, is this Puff Puff Humbert speaking?” A lady’s voice asked over the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Your grandmother was admitted to the hospital with serious abdominal pain. We think she may have appendicitis and she is currently in surgery. Apparently, you live in the same house with her, so we felt we needed to notify you about this matter.”

I felt like the floor had dissolved under my feet. Words couldn’t form in my mouth. All of a sudden, the bulge in my boxers didn’t matter anymore. I just stood there, processing what I’d just heard.

“Hello?”

“Wh-what? Oh, sorry. I- I’ll be there.” I ended the call, and for a good few seconds, I remained still. 

Then, not thinking about anything else, I ran to the front of the bus, where Benatar was in the passenger seat, idly scrolling on Spotify. Without warning, I leaped into the driver seat, started the bus and sped off.

“Gah! Puff, what are you-“

“No time to explain!” I told him, keeping me eyes on the road. All I could focus on was the possible fate of my grandma. Axel and Deejay came to the front, asking what was going on, but I couldn’t answer either of them. 

“You okay?” Axel asked me. Deejay looked at me with equal confusion and concern.

“I am, but Meemaw isn’t,” was all I could say.

Chapter Text

The closer we got to the hospital, the more Puff’s face twisted in distress. He must’ve been really worried about his grandma, considering what he said a few minutes earlier. As we eventually made it to the hospital’s parking garage, Puff parked in the first empty lot he saw, before practically flying into the building. 

I couldn’t blame him, though. Hell, I would’ve reacted the same if Deejayne got into the hospital. 

After a few minutes, a guy in a vest came up to the bus and knocked on our window. “Hey, you guys better go. Another car just came in and we can only let them in if you guys leave.”

Benatar spoke up. “Well, we will once our friend comes back. He’s visiting his grandma right now, so we can’t-“

“Doesn’t matter. You’re still loitering,” the guy interrupted, arms crossed. 

“But-“

“No ‘buts.’ I need you out of here. Now.” 

Not wanting to piss off this guy (he was already pretty pissed), we drove out of the parking garage, deciding to stop by at a nearby McDonald’s to pass the time.

“Man, fuck that guard guy!” Axel groused, crabby about us getting shooed out. “All we did was wait for Puff to come back. And we weren’t even drunk!”

“Doubt that would’ve changed anything,” I replied, leaning against the wall. We stayed in the bus, waiting for Puff to call.

An hour later, he hadn’t returned.

Another hour passed, and there was still nothing.

After a prolonged wait, my phone pinged. Picking it up, I saw a text message from Puff that read:

[You guys can head back to our normal parking spot now]

I typed back: [???]

                                                                                                  [you’re not even here]

[yeahh but]

[there’s a motel nearby that I could stay at while meemaw’s recovering]

[They said that she’s doing fine, but she needs rest and I can only visit her tmrw]

                                                                                [so you’re staying overnight?]

[yeh..]

[I’ll be back tomorrow evening, probably]

                                                                                                [okay]

“Was that Puff?” Benatar asked, coming over and checking the messages.

“Yeah… He said he’s gonna stay over at the motel nearby and check in on his grandma tomorrow,” I replied, plopping my phone on the table. 

“Huh. That’s dedication right there.” Axel seemed surprised, as if he had no idea Puff was so close to his grandma.

“Well, can you blame him?” I sat on the couch. “She’s taken care of Puff for as long as I can remember, so of course Puff’s gonna get concerned about her.”

To be honest, I didn’t know how to feel about Puff not being here. Part of me felt affectionate pride for him, as it was nice to know that Puff really cared about his grandmother, even if he didn’t say it. However, the thought of his absence… kinda scared me. There was almost never a moment in the bus that Puff wouldn’t be here, so an event like this felt out of the ordinary.

Oh well… at least he said he’d only be gone until tomorrow… I can deal with that…

All of a sudden, Vincent darted into the room, landing smack dab on Axel’s chest. Benatar muffled his giggles at the sight, while Axel smiled and perched Vincent up on his shoulder.

“Poor you. Got all restless from sleeping through lunch. Don’t worry, I, Father Axel, shall tend to your needs!” he cooed, ruffling Vincent’s feathers in a parent-like fashion. Benatar giggled even more.

I didn’t react as much, not because I’d seen Axel talk to Vincent like this multiple times before, but because Puff wasn’t here, the mood seemed less upbeat than usual.

Damn it, you’re already missing him? Get a grip, man.

“Deejay, you okay?” Benatar asked, causing me to snap out of my monotony.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m good,” I said, not knowing how much of a lie that was. “Anyways, let’s head back to our normal parking spot.”

~~~

Okay, you know what I said about me being sure that I could deal with Puff not being here?

Now that it’s been a couple of hours since he told me, I’m gonna come clean: that was probably a lie. I think I’m already starting to miss him.

Axel must’ve taken the hint, because he suggested that we go out for dinner. Benatar agreed, probably because he didn’t feel like cooking again after the pasta incident. 

My memory flashed back to when my fingers were resting on Puff’s supple, warm lips. The feeling of his subdued breathing on my fingertips came back to me and I let out a soft sigh, one filled with tender longing. 

Shit. Even remembering any event that involved Puff makes me think of him more. Whatever… some takeout should take my mind off him…

“Deejay, you down for some Burger King? Or Wendy’s?” Axel called from the doorway, Benatar following him from behind. 

“Sure,” I mumbled. All three of us headed to the closest restaurant in walking distance. Once we got there, we wasted no time in placing our order, which was a little bigger than needed for three people (thanks to Axel, being the glutton he was). We got out order and placed ourselves in a clean booth. 

While biting into my brisket burger, I peered into the paper bag and, hidden underneath the sheer amount of fries and chicken tenders, was a collection of assorted sauces, one of which was aioli.

Puff’s least favourite sauce of all time.

I burst into peals of snickering while unknowingly swallowing a load of brisket, causing it to go down the wrong pipe. My laughter turned into choking, catching the attention of Benatar and Axel, who reacted with alarm. 

“Holy shit, Deejay!” Axel yelped in panic, causing more patrons to stare in confusion and shock. Benatar reached over instantly and began slapping me on the back. Eventually, he whacked hard enough to cause my food to move into my esophagus. I inhaled hard, like it was a blessing, and relaxed. Soon, the bystanders went back to their meals.

“Deejay, are you okay? Jesus, what happened?!” Benatar asked, shook up. 

“I’m… I’m okay,” I reassured him. Shrinking with embarrassment, I didn’t feel like eating any more of my dinner. Puff’s absence is definitely getting to me now. No wonder why he hates aioli, because I don’t think I’ll ever look at it the same way again.

~~~

Gloom kept gnawing at me for the remainder of the night. As I cleaned myself up and got into my nighttime attire, I flopped into bed. The exact place Puff had been sitting just hours earlier, my photos in hand. 

Must. Stop. Thinking. About. Puff. Yeah, that task was easier said than done. It’s like he’s…taken over my thoughts completely. No matter what I do to keep my mind off him, something has to remind me of him. 

I curled up on my side, staring at the empty bunk just a few steps away from mine. The lavender scent from my air freshener had died down a while back, but I couldn’t bring myself to refill the bottle. Not when I was so miserable. 

I guess affliction must contribute to better sleep, because as soon as Benatar shut the lights off, I instantly dozed off.

~~~

Most mornings in the bus, I wake up to the sound of someone yelling something completely out of the blue. Sometimes it’s Axel, but other times, it’s Puff. Whoever it may be, I almost wake up to clamor.

This morning, however, Axel was sleeping in late, which meant I woke up to empty silence. 

I’m sure there can’t be anything more depressing than that.

My dejection from last night remained unchanged all throughout breakfast. Benatar looked at me while sipping on his tea, expression flashing with concern.

“You okay? You’ve been miserable since that incident last night.” He took another sip. “Does this… have to do with Puff?”

I felt my face heat up at the mention of Puff. “Wh-what? Oh, heh, nah… I’m fine,” I fibbed.

“Alright… if you say so…”

I tried a smile before scarfing down the rest of my toast and heading outside. The cool morning breeze flew by me, causing the loose curls of my hair to sway into my face.

I sighed. Something about living in the bus without Puff around just seemed depressing, at least, since I was into him. I thought about getting my phone and giving him a call, just so I could hear his relaxed voice, but I decided against that. Not like I felt like doing anything while being so down.

~~~

The day remained tedious and uneventful. I mostly stayed in the recording room, making little changes to the unfinished song that hadn’t been worked on in a few days (though I’d been hesitant at first). Benatar and Axel joined in, throwing out little suggestions that we thought wouldn’t make any drastic change. 

After a while, we ran out of ideas and started doing our own thing; Benatar idly pressed random notes on his keytar, Axel put in his earbuds and listened to his own music while I plodded to the miniature rec-room and flopped down on the couch.

I reached for the remote control, only to pull back my hand. I rolled over so that my back reflected onto the blank TV screen. Apparently, glumness causes a good amount of boredom.

I thought of grabbing a beer from the fridge, just to lift my spirits up a little, but…nah…I only ever drink at night, plus I’m pretty sure that our only pack of beer has gone flat.

Vincent flapped over to the top of the couch and squawked in my ear. I barely even reacted, but I smiled wearily and poked him.

“Heh, you probably don’t have to feel lonely, not when Axel’s treats you like you’re his child,” I said, before groaning softly. Somehow, without Puff in the bus, the day seemed to stretch on and on and-

*BEEP!*

*knock-knock*

“Hey, is that-“ I pulled myself up from the couch, just as Benatar and Axel came over in curiosity.

Axel seemed puzzled. “I thought he said he was gonna be here late-“

“HEY, HEY, HEY, BIATCHES!” shouted Puff grandiosely, throwing open the door.

“Puff! Why’d you come early?” Benatar asked, surprised. “Didn’t you visit your grandma?”

“Well, yeah, but the doctors said I could check in on her once since they had to make sure she had a completely clean bill before she could leave.” Puff explained, while I gazed at him, heart skipping a beat.

He continued. “Anyways, while I was there, Meemaw said she was starting to feel better and that I didn’t need to worry too much. So after that, I checked out of the motel, got an Uber, and came back.” Puff caught my glance, and his expression softened. “So, yeah… I’ll just take a shower,” he said before scurrying to the bunks.

Axel watched him go and snickered. “Man, I’m willing to bet that she gets out by the eveni- Hey, Deejay, where are you going?”

I was already making my way to the bunks. “Uh, I just gotta do something real quick… You guys can start making lunch, ‘kay?”

I knew what I was going to do was going to be over the top and could end up turning off Puff, but my heart’s desires had already taken me by storm. Meaning that there was no turning back now.

Chapter Text

As I made my way to my bunk, I yanked open my cabinet, pulling out some clean clothes and a towel. Just as I was about to make my way to the bathroom, I suddenly felt huge arms wrap around me and someone’s body pressing on my back. 

“Hey, what-?” I was completely caught off-guard. Just as I was about to turn my head, Deejay’s deep, all-too-recognizable voice mumbled;

“Sorry, just…felt like doing this…”

My body heated up drastically and my grip started to loosen. It took me a second for my brain to process what was happening; Deejay was actually hugging me, and the effects it had on me were overwhelming. My heart went into a fluttering frenzy while I barely whispered, “Wh…what do you mean?”

“Heh, just missed you… is all,” Deejay responded. His hands loosely shifted to my chest, and my body stiffened with a baffling mix of pleasure and embarrassment. 

Going breathless, I felt a deep blush spread across my cheeks. “I- I mean, I was only gone for a day.”

Deejay held me closer as he murmured sweetly, “Yeah, but… it felt kinda lonely without you.” 

I felt his lips brush against my earlobe, and I imagined him placing a careful, teasing kiss on it, maybe even nipping at it. My heart battered against my rib cage as my mind kept racing. Part of me wanted to stay like this, to take in more of Deejay’s touch. However, my senses were in full panic mode; this was somehow too much for me. 

Mustering as much strength as I could, I held onto my belongings and squirmed out of Deejay’s firm grasp. Not bothering to look back, I scrambled to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. It was only when I rested on the toilet that I remembered how to breath again.

I buried my head in my hands, my face still red-hot from Deejay’s sudden gesture of love. Jesus, what the hell was that for anyways?! There’s no way he missed me that much…

I glanced at the shower curtain, thinking that perhaps a shower could calm my nerves. I stripped myself, threw my dirty clothes in the hamper, removed my glasses and stepped in. I got to work immediately, twiddling the knob and letting a burst of lukewarm water spray all over my body. 

Even so, as I allowed myself to get wet and squirted shitloads of shampoo into my scruffy hair, my body was still reeling from Deejay’s touch. Shampoo bubbles slipping down my neck, I took a deep breath, hoping to soothe my rapid heartbeat. 

However, the one thing that felt impossible to alleviate was my mind, since right now, my thoughts were practically at war with each other. They seemed to have been divided into my two differing views on Deejay’s affection: the side that enjoyed it, and the side that wanted to curl up and die from embarrassment because of it. 

Couldn’t he have simply told me he missed me? 

Damn, imagine if he started kissing my nape…

What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why did I let that happen to me?!

Gotta admit though, his body felt nice on mine. All warm and plushy…

Why am I like this?

Hey, Wax said it was okay for me to love Deejay, regardless of probably being bisexual.

I couldn’t even tell him I wanted to get out of the hug!

It felt nice anyhow! God, I wanna feel his touch again…

How am I this into Deejay?! 

I vigorously scrubbed my hair, digging my fingernails into my scalp so hard it definitely caused a few tangles. My head pounded from my internal turmoil and I scratched my damp head like nobody’s business. I winced, taking my hands out of my hair. Man, that hurt.

Miserably, I ran a hand over my soapy forearms, thoughts roaring at me. I was completely torn between being enamoured by Deejay’s hug or being mortified by it. I didn’t even care that I got shampoo in my eyes; that was how conflicted I was.

For the rest of the time I was in the shower, I kept aimlessly dumping globs of shampoo in my hair, then rinsing it out. Benatar’s definitely gonna have to get some more.

I finally exited, clouds of steam rushing out behind me. Draping a towel on my body, I glanced into the mirror, seeing nothing but a blurry blob. I wiped my face and put my glasses on, my vision becoming clearer. My face seemed a little flushed, likely from my internal dispute.

~~~

Once I dried off, I quickly got into my clothes and exited the bathroom. As soon as I left the bathroom, I found Vincent crazily gliding across the bus, with Axel following behind him.

“VINCEEENT, COME BAAACK-Oh, there you are, Puff. How long were you in there?” 

I glanced at the clock above. “I… I think more than half an hour?” Shaking my head, I asked, “Is lunch ready?” I got no answer, as Vincent let out a loud squawk and Axel resumed his chase.

I headed to the booth, where Benatar was sitting. Oh, and…Deejay was there, as well. He noticed me and smiled at me, which caused a sickly flutter to rise in my stomach. I grabbed my lunch, plopped down next to him, and didn’t say a word. 

Maybe it would be easier to feel less embarrassed if I just ignore Deejay… Right?

The rest of lunch went by silently. As I went to dump my plate in the sink, Deejay approached me. “Hey, you okay? You’ve been really quiet…”

I didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at him. I just threw my dish in the sink and walked away, chest numb with lovelorn confusion.

Chapter Text

In the moment, I’d thought that hugging Puff as an act of affection would show him how much I missed him and that he wouldn’t mind.

But now I was starting to think that I fucked up. 

Following what I’d done to him, things between me and Puff seemed to get chilly. Suddenly, he started acting like I didn’t matter to him. Whenever I tried to make small talk, he didn’t say anything back. Or looked at me, for that matter. He just ignored me, as if I lost all importance in his life.

I was starting to get worried, thinking that hugging him was possibly too much. However, part of me stayed unconcerned. 

Maybe… maybe it wasn’t that bad… He’ll probably talk to me later…

But as the evening sunlight dawned, it was becoming more unlikely that he’d say anything to me. Still, I remained hopeful.

“Deejay?” Axel asked, snapping me back to reality. “Do you… have anything I can mop the floor with? Vincent kinda…”

I turned to him, placid and relaxed. “Sure. No problem.” Grabbing two dishcloths from the kitchen, I went to the back of the bus, only to find Puff, who was gawking at a puddle of vomit splattered on the floor. 

“What the fu…?”

I was aghast at the mess I was seeing. Meanwhile, Vincent, puke dripping from his beak, peered out of Axel’s bunk and screeched helplessly. Axel came in, gesturing the bird to come to him. And he did so, but very weakly. 

Damn. Even through my disgust, I still felt bad for Vincent.

Puff kept goggling at the mess. “Holy shit… What do you even feed a bird to make it do this?” he asked, eyes wider than I’d seen them before.

“I don’t know! Guess I didn’t read the expiry date on his food correctly… Poor thing…” Axel stroked Vincent’s head carefully. “Benatar? Can you, like, see where the nearest vet is, or something?”

“What happened?” was Benatar’s response. 

“I’ll tell you later!” Axel called back, carrying Vincent out the door as Benatar followed him. Which left me and Puff to clean up. 

I looked at him. “So, uh… you wanna help me?” I asked, the awkwardness in the air thickening. Puff averted his eyes from me, but he reluctantly grabbed one of the dishcloths and started wiping.

~~~

Those few minutes of cleaning had to count as the uneasiest interaction I’ve ever had with Puff Puff, if I could call it one. Normally, we would be trying to lighten the mood, joking about something we’d seen online, or about anything entertaining that occurred outside of our band lives. 

This time, however, whenever I attempted to chat with Puff, he barely answered back. Our “conversation” ended up something like this:

“You remember that time in senior year when Axel did a handstand while wearing a baggy shirt, and it just slipped off like that?”

“…”

“Caught an episode of Family Guy the other day. Honestly, Lois is becoming more of a bitch than Peter is, y’know?”

“…mhm…”

“Hey, did I ever tell you the time Deejayne was pretending to schmooze with a bartender, and then his girlfriend came up to her all pissed, then she started flirting with her?”

“…”

“…Are you really that mad at me?”

“…”

“Did I… nevermind.”

So all in all, I eventually gave up on talking to him and was left with churning guilt in my chest. By that time, we’d managed to clean up the entire area, but I couldn’t feel a sliver of relief. Not with misery eating away at my insides. 

Puff got up, brushed himself off, and headed to the rec room without a word. Just as he left, though, he cast a secretive gaze in my direction—and held it for a few seconds—before running off.

Huh.

As I went to the kitchen to mope about, the door swung open. Benatar came in, wearily holding Vincent with Axel coming up from behind. 

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Puff asked (and Oh my God, did it feel good to hear his voice, even if he wasn’t speaking to me).

“The doctor said he’s fine, just some food poisoning.” Axel took Vincent from Benatar and carried him off to his cage. Benatar rolled his eyes, chuckled, then collapsed onto one of the bean bags. 

I initially decided to also relax in the rec room, but as I came in, one look at Puff’s face was all it took for me to reconsider my decision and leave. As I did so, I felt my cheeks burning up with shame.

Damn it… Puff probably hates me, all because I couldn’t control myself, and I decided to sit next to him?! 

I went back to the kitchen, grabbing some leftover macaroni and packaged cheddar lying on the counter. Might as well start dinner.

As I filled the pot with boiling water and poured in the macaroni, my mind drifted to yesterday afternoon, when Puff caused Benatar to knock over that pot of pasta. Pretty ironic, huh? 

I sighed. This sure as hell wasn’t how I was supposed to feel after Puff came back.

~~~

In spite of my despair, I managed to get four bowls of steaming macaroni and cheese done. Axel and Benatar eagerly began devouring theirs, but Puff ate his meal much slower, like something was on his mind. Three times—no, I think four times?— I caught Puff glance at me.

Afterwards, I tried to apologize to him for my earlier behaviour, but he just kept giving me a more depressed version of the silent treatment. By the time I was all washed up for bed, I didn’t even bother trying anymore.

Which made that the second night in a row I went to sleep miserable.

~~~

The next morning felt dreary. Sure, I didn’t wake up to abnormal silence, but yesterday’s events left me dismal. But it also had me thinking about how I could get Puff’s forgiveness.

As I ate my Pop-Tarts, I thought, If verbally apologizing to him isn’t gonna work, maybe something nonverbal would do.

While I was thinking, Puff passed by me, grabbing some chocolate milk and pouring it into a glass. He peeked at me, then rushed off to the front of the bus. 

~~~

Following my short breakfast, I headed to the recording room. Grabbing a blank sheet of paper, I began writing out an apology note for Puff. As I did so, I made sure to be careful about what I was saying. Nothing too sappy, and nothing accusing. After many crumpled up papers, I managed to come up with a genuine apology note I could give.

Oh wait… Giving it to Puff would mean trying to talk with him…

Nevertheless, I decided to bite the bullet and walked to the front seat, where Puff was sitting. My heart began racing and I took a shaky breath.

“Hey, Puff?” I asked, toying with folded piece of paper in my hand. He reluctantly turned to me, expression soft, but confused. Without waiting for a response, I shoved the note into the empty cup holder next to him. “I, uh, here.” 

He was looking at it as I ran off to my bunk and sat there, waiting for him.

Chapter Text

I stared at the crumpled paper in the cup holder, the one Deejay had just offered to me. As I contemplated about what to do with it, my mind began to race. Was Deejay really sorry? Was I even ready to forgive him? 

I’ll admit it: I felt sorry for seemingly making Deejay guilty about what he’d done. I had only meant to avoid embarrassment, but it almost felt like I was creating uncomfortable tension between us.  Even last night, Deejay kept trying to apologize to me, yet I just…shoved him away. So if anything, my tactic to prevent feeling flustered around him ended up made me even more uneasy.

My fingers grazed against the paper, and a tense feeling settled in my gut. Maybe… I’ll just read it, right now.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the note. My fingers shook slightly as I gingerly opened it up and began going through Deejay’s handwriting.

To Puff Puff,

I completely understand why you’ve been ignoring me. I know that what I did… it made you feel unpleasant. At that time, I wasn’t aware of what I’d done. But I get it now. I fucked up. And I’m sorry, really. Because the last thing I want to do is make you mad at me. I hope you can forgive me. This is probably corny as shit, but that’s ‘cause I’m being honest. 

Love,

Deejay

As I finished reading Deejay’s letter, I felt like… I don’t know, it made me realize that he really hadn’t meant harm. He just missed me that day. Even so, he knew what he’d done, and his regret showed. I read through the letter one more time, my view lingering on those last two words: Love, Deejay.

I probably stared at those words for a while, then something in me—something that felt like forgiveness— summoned up. Without further consideration, I got up and darted to the bunks, letter in hand.

There was Deejay, sitting on his bunk, as patient and serene as ever, except you could see a tinge of sadness on his face. He noticed me and attempted a smile, and my heart fluttered sickly. God, he looks so hopeful…

I fiddled with the paper in my hands, awkwardly gazing at Deejay, before sitting next to him.

“Uh…I read your note…” I began, giving him the wrinkled note. “And…”

I averted my eyes from him. Why does talking to someone after giving them the cold shoulder have to be so goddamn hard, let alone it be your love interest? 

“Yeah,” Deejay said, followed by more silence. The discomfort in the air intensified, almost as if it was clawing at the both of us. As soon as I couldn’t take it anymore, I blurted out:

“You don’t think I hate you, do you?”

Deejay’s eyes widened slightly, then they softened (Jesus, will that ever stop being so hot?). He sighed. “I…well, last night, I did… sort of.” Deejay paused to nervously brush a curl of hair from his face. “I mean, when you started, um, ignoring me for what I did, part of me thought that I didn’t fuck up that bad, but… I definitely did.”

I blinked, letting his honest words sink in. He sounded so sorry that I just wanted to forgive him, right there and then. Maybe even hug him. The idea had my heart hammering, and then I realized Deejay was waiting for a response. 

“Oh, um… I guess, you, maybe, kind of, did, but I wasn’t… I thought if I shunned you, then I wouldn’t feel so…” My voice faded. I had no idea how to word that last bit without, y’know, hinting that I was attracted to him.

“Embarrassed?” Deejay asked, raising an eyebrow. My cheeks reddened.

“Y-yeah, that. It’s just, I hadn’t really meant to make you feel that bad,” I admitted, rubbing my thumb across the bedsheet, just a few inches away from Deejay. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m also sorry and… I forgive you.”

Deejay seemed taken aback at my response, and the color in his cheeks deepened. A soft chuckle bubbled out of him. “Heh, wasn’t really expecting you to apologize as well. I thought that I was the root cause of this.” 

I couldn’t resist a little smile growing on my face. “Guess we both fucked up, huh?” I asked, slightly amused.

“I guess.” Deejay shrugged. Then, his voice dropped back to its previous tone & his face became tender. “So,” he said, discreetly inching closer to me, “we’re okay? I mean, you’re really accepting my apology?” 

It was only when he finished asking that I realized how close he was to me. He wasn’t exactly near me, but just enough that I could feel a bit of his quiet breathing. The amount of heat in my face swelled drastically as I stammered out a response. “I…Yeah, yeah. I think we’re- we’re good.”

We stayed as we were for a while, almost crystallized by each other’s gaze. My eyes flicked to Deejay’s lips, which seemed pretty soft, and a little rosy. I could only imagine what would happen if one of us leaned in any closer. 

God…the mere thought of Deejay pulling me in and aggressively pressing his lips against mine, maybe also holding my waist, had me in a mental chokehold. Between us, the silence was at full blast. For a moment, I almost wondered if he could hear my heart pounding out my chest. The barely-visible flush of Deejay’s cheeks became brighter, and his fingers brushed against my sweatpants. 

That was all it took for both of us to snap back to reality. “Oh, shit, sorry ‘bout that.” Deejay jerked his hand back, an ashamed look on his face.

“No, no! It’s… it’s okay, man,” I reassured, smiling despite the residual awkwardness. Deejay blinked, then he returned the smile. 

Just then, Benatar walked in, holding our filled-to-the-brim laundry basket. He’d been the one to do laundromat duty (he’s been doing half the chores lately) and he seemed wiped. So much so, he didn’t bother to look at us and question whatever we’d done. 

“Hey, lemme help you with that,” Deejay offered, running after Benatar, who seemed a little relieved that he had some help. Just as they left, Deejay winked at me, and I almost melted.

My head was up in the clouds for the rest of the morning. Yup, things seemed to be just fine between me and him. 

Chapter Text

Following the conversation I had with Puff, everything seemed to have settled down. What I mean by that is, in the interactions between us after that exchange, there was a tinge of pleasant excitement that came after each one. As if nothing was going to change. That we’d take our time with our feelings. That everything was going just fine.

After that morning, the days in the bus became more mundane, considering that no one had any good lyric ideas for our incomplete song. I guessed that it came from constantly putting off the production.

Then, one night, when all of us were bored out of our minds, Axel perked up from where he was sitting and waved his phone at us. “Hey, guys! There’s this new nightclub just a few blocks away. How ‘bout we get wasted as hell before we gotta mope around again?!” 

Puff’s eyes shone at the mention of the nightclub. “Oh, bet your ass I’m in!” he yelled, jumping up from his seat. He bounded to the front of the bus and started up the engine. “ALRIGHT, GENTLEMEN! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A NIGHT OF GETTING CRUNK!”

I silently chuckled at his enthusiasm. You could tell that the boredom of the last few days were killing him. 

In just a few minutes, we pulled up to a gaudy building with lights flashing out of the windows. “Yep, that’s the one,” Axel informed, just as hyped as Puff was. 

“Well, you know what that means!” Puff ran for the door. “TIME FOR OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD MUSIC AND MEDIOCRE BOOZE!”

We darted into the building, and once we got in, we saw why this place had the amount of people it did. On both sides of the building were two bars, furnished with shiny wood and glossy red leather stools. Behind the bartenders were massive shelves of beers and wines. There was an array of wooden tables for those that weren’t sitting at the bars, a DJ booth way at the front, and right in the middle of the room was a polished disco floor, stained by beer spills and filled with amoebas of already-drunk patrons. Above everything, a flashy disco ball spun and neon lights glared out of the lights.

“Holy shit…” Axel whispered, mesmerized. I had to admit, this nightclub made every other one we’d ever gone seem cheap.

“No time to stare!” Puff eagerly dragged us to an empty table. A bartender came up and asked us for our order. Axel, Puff and I went with shots of beer, while Benatar requested a smaller drink. Axel and Puff looked at him, unimpressed.

“What? It’s a step up from water!” Benatar said defensively.

A few minutes later, our drinks arrived, and we wasted no time in chugging down our drinks. When we decided that one wasn’t enough to get us black-out drunk, we order again. And again after that.

Once Axel gulped down his third drink, he stumbled to the dance floor, still holding the glass. Benatar, who wasn’t as inebriated, followed him, presumably to make sure Axel didn’t start a riot. Puff and I remained at the table. When the bartender returned, Puff asked for a small jug of beer, while I went with whiskey.

The minutes dragged on as I started feeling the effects of the drinks. I took a short swig of whiskey before settling down. Mmmghh…

My gaze floated up to Puff, who was methodically swallowing his beer. “Heh, since when…when did you drink that slowly?” I giggled, finding the sight adorable. 

“Hey, I might be into this… but… that doesn’t mean I wanna get a severe hangover, or, like, die,” Puff slurred. I watched him, brain clouded with affection. Puff noticed me and smiled softly. The silence between us was filled with the sound of whooping, clamour and South Arcade blasting at ear-piercing volume. 

Just as I took another sip, Puff took a massive slug of his drink. Glistening beer dripped down his chin as he set the jug down. I leaned over without warning and placed a hand under Puff’s chin, causing him to go pink. 

“Messy,” I teased, wiping off the mess with my thumb. I didn’t realize that my unattended mouthful was starting to leak from my mouth.

Puff’s eyebrows shot up, and he smirked. “Ah, Deejay…can’t be all ‘Mister Perfect Drinker’ right now…” He removed my hand from his chin and placed it on my lips. 

It was my turn to blush. “Puff… ohmygod, you’re so damn cute. You- you’re actually driving me insane right now…” I whispered lusciously, pulling him closer.

Puff’s eyes widened again, before he rested his hands on my chest. “Mhm, thanks… I guess,” he answered, his voice adopting a bashful tone.

“Hey, what happened to you? Got all confident, and now you’re all shy.” I ran a hand down his neck, heart throbbing. 

Puff averted his eyes as his cheeks flushed even brighter. “Damn it, how do you think I can act normal with you, bein’ so mind-numbingly hot?” He paused and gazed at me. A tipsy, timid smile creeped on his face.

“Don’t smile like thaaat,” I groaned playfully, leaning in until we were nose-to-nose. My voice became low. “You’re so…so lovable, you know that? Can’t even remember how long I’ve been in love with you for.”

“Fuck, dude…” murmured Puff as my hand went to his back. “That time you picked me up after I fell on stage in the middle of my solo, felt heavenly. The way you looked at me, the way those stage lights lit your sexy face, like the moon…” He lazily motioned to the disco ball. 

“That’s not the-“

“I know, man. I know…”

I shook my head. God, there’s so much I wanna do with him, it’s honestly crazy. And it all sounds so corny, but I didn’t want to hesitate any longer.

“Puff, I…” I looked around, then I took a sharp breath. “C’mon, let’s get outta here.”

~~~

It took us a while to get back to the bus without, y’know, getting in an accident. We staggered across the parking lot, dodging college jocks, until we finally made it. As soon as we were in the dimly lit bus, I took one look at Puff—before taking his hands in mine and throwing both of our bodies on the couch.

“Heh, Deejay… you’re not taking out any protection?” Puff teased, discreetly writhing in my grip.

“Oh, Puff, you’re absolutely mistaken,” I responded, arching closer to his neck. “This might not be as good as sex, but trust me, you will not be disappointed.” I casted one final glance at him, before going in and clamping my mouth on his neck.

“Holy shi-GAH!” Puff cried, holding onto me like a lifeline. I noted his reaction and carefully got up.

“Too much for you?” I slurred, my voice mixed with concern and lust. Puff shot a look at me.

“The fuck do you mean? That was seductive as hell!” Puff dragged me close to him. “Deejay, don’t stop now, please? I need you so badly right now.” 

I looked at his neck, where I’d attacked it, and leered at him. Of course I wasn’t going to stop right away. I placed my lips in the exact same place and sucked at the skin. Puff’s breath hitched in the throat, before he let out a soft whimper. The sound rung in my ears, and I kept sucking.

“Nghh…Oh my-Deejay!” Puff gasped. I wrapped an arm around his torso, slipping a hand under his hoodie and shirt. Caressing the red-hot skin underneath, I gingerly kissed his neck, where a small hickey was already forming. I went in again, lightly sinking my teeth into a different part of his neck.

Puff clapped a hand over his mouth and moaned. I went up to his ear and mumbled, “Don’t you worry. No one else is here but us.” He obeyed, groaning as I brushed my lips against his nape.

The next while went by in a haze, as the air in the bus was filled with Puff’s moans and my silent whispers of reassurance. Puff gripped the couch cushions so hard that I was sure it would puncture the fabric. Leaving a trail of sloppy kisses across the side of his neck, I continued to relish those sounds Puff was making. I couldn’t help it. They were like fuel, pushing me to keep going.

“Jesus, Puff, you’re always this noisy when you hook up with someone?” I asked, fidgeting with his zipper. 

“Heyy, how can I *mmph* not be?” Puff asked, catching his breath. I smiled against his neck as I left kiss after kiss. Once that side of his neck was spotted with scarlet marks, I proceeded to the other side.

Wanting to take things up a notch, I languorously dragged my tongue across the skin. Puff let out a whiny moan in response. He took the zipper of his hood into his hands and drunkenly pulled it down an inch. I stopped and pulled myself up, glancing down at his flushed face. 

“What? I’m- It’s just becoming kinda hot,” Puff admitted sheepishly. I looked at him with understanding, even while I was still tipsy. 

Then I had a bit of an idea. I clasped my hand over Puff’s, slowly yanking it down. He looked at me with a mix of confusion and eagerness, and I gave him a gentle gaze before anchoring my mouth on the patch of his exposed skin, where his collarbone and neck met. 

That really stirred up Puff. He let out a loud groan of pleasure, followed by a short whimper. I held him close, feeling his chest heave against my arm as I gave his neck more lascivious suckles and smooches.

“Oh, Deejay-GUHH! Shit…”

“Puff, I swear those sounds gonna be the death of me…”

Just a few minutes later, both sides of Puff’s neck were covered with hickeys, along with an extra mark forming on his collarbone. Holding his shoulders, I inspected his face: blush spread across his cheeks like a river and his glasses were slightly crooked from all his squirming. He panted gently and I caught a whiff of his beer-stained breath. But even with Puff’s messiness, he still looked so alluring and precious.

“Damn, you-heh-really outdid yourself with… all that,” Puff grinned, holding himself up with shaky arms. I smiled and gave him one last kiss on his jawline.

“You know I just had to,” I whispered. I couldn’t get a response, though, as Puff suddenly blacked out, possibly from all that beer.

Pretty soon, I was also beginning to feel lightheaded, and I ended up collapsing on Puff’s chest.

Chapter Text

Waking up after a night of getting drunk has never been an enjoyable experience. Even if I hadn’t waken up nauseated or with the urge to vomit, that morning was still unpleasant. Probably because I smelled like a rotting corpse…and had a pulverizing headache!

I moaned loudly, sitting up and holding my head in my hands. Jesus, it seemed that not even drinking less beer than per usual could keep my head from feeling like there were jackhammers splitting it open. From the outside of my bunk, I could hear Axel’s bludgeoning snores.

Deciding that there was no point in slacking off in bed all morning, I got myself a fresh pair of clothes (I was still in yesterday’s clothes, except my hoodie was unzipped, for some reason) and headed to the bathroom.

~~~

I’d taken a long bath (long enough to get the foul stench out of me) and got into clean clothes before brushing my teeth. As I kept brushing and spitting out toothpaste foam, I glanced in the mirror and noticed something on my nape.

A sudden sinking feeling of confusion rose in my chest as soon I realized what it was… There were hickeys, each in varying sizes, all over my neck.

My eyes widened. I’d gotten a couple of love bites from random chicks here and there, but this? I couldn’t recall a time I’d gotten this many… I yanked the collar of my shirt, which exposed a wide, crimson-coloured bruise. 

Holy. Shit.

The thing is, due to my blackout, most of last night’s events were fuzzy and l could only remember up until I’d ordered a beer and Deejay got his whiskey. Whatever happened next felt erased from my memory. But now I was starting to piece things together. 

For one, I must’ve hooked up with someone. Someone horny and wasted enough to give me so many hickeys. And not in a sexual way, otherwise I would’ve woken up bare naked. It could have just been foreplay…

*BANG-BANG*

I nearly jumped out of my skin. “What?!”

“C’mon, are you done in there? I have to take my morning piss!” It was Axel, who’d finally woken up from his slumber. I rolled my eyes and exited the bathroom. As soon as I’d made it to the bunks, I heard Axel dart in and shut the door. 

Just then, the strong whiff of vanilla and cinnamon lifted me to the kitchen, where Deejay was busy flipping pancakes. Mmm… At the same time, my heart skipped a beat.

“Oh, hey,” Deejay said, catching my eye. “I, uh, thought that we hadn’t had a breakfast like this in a while, so…”

“No, it’s more than fine.” I caught myself staring and recomposed myself. Deejay smiled.

“You good? You look kinda tired.”

I groaned. “Ugh, yeah. Woke up feeling like shit from whatever happened last night.” 

“Guess that made two of us,” Deejay replied as he poured batter into the pan. I looked at him quizzically, wondering what he meant by that. He must’ve read my mind, because he followed up his statement. “It’s just, I also woke up with a headache. Guess I can’t take that much whiskey.”

I headed to the booth, where Benatar peacefully sipped his tea. I knew damn well he didn’t have to wake up feeling like his head was going to combust. Hell, I was almost jealous of him for being practically sober the whole time we were at the club. But at least I didn’t need to drag anyone back to the bus!

~~~

Minutes later, Deejay, Benatar, Axel and I were situated at the booth, while we dove into our meals. Well, most of us. Benatar slowly nibbled on his pancakes and kept drinking his tea. As we were stuffing ourselves, he mumbled, “I’m surprised you guys have the energy to devour your food like this. Last night, I thought I’d have to tend to all of your eventual headaches.”

“Well, you didn’t, so there,” I replied, uninterested. I swirled a bit of pancake into the excess syrup lake covering my plate.

“Yeah, I’m just lucky all I had to do was drag Axel out of the club.” 

That got my attention. “Hey, you didn’t take me and Deejay in first? We got more drunk than Axel!”

“Oh, uhh…” Benatar trailed off. “You and Deejay weren’t in the club when Axel passed out.” Wait, what? Not in the club? 

Deejay stopped eating and looked at Benatar, confused. “What are you talking about?” he asked, swallowing a mouthful of juice.

Benatar seemed very matter-of-fact. Then he averted his eyes from us, including Axel, who’d stopped shoving pancakes into his mouth. 

“Um, okay, so…” He took a final sip of tea and looked at us. “Last night, I was keeping an eye on Axel while he was drunk, just to make sure a fight wouldn’t break out between him and some douchebag.”

“Guilty,” Axel snickered, nudging me. I gave him a little smile.

“I guess. Anyways, a while later, Axel blacked out on the dance floor. I just started carrying him when I realized you guys-” Benatar motioned to me and Deejay, “-weren’t at our table. But I was getting worn out and I decided that I would-”

“Get to the point. We don’t have all day,” I snapped impatiently. My juice was getting colder.

“I am,” Benatar replied. “Well, I thought it was best if I could search for you and Deejay after I’d dropped off Axel in his bunk. So imagine my surprise when I entered the bus and found you and Deejay, passed out on the couch!”

Deejay’s eyebrows shot up a little. “Huh? How did we-” He stopped and glanced at his meal, deep in thought. Admittedly, I was also surprised at this. How did I end up with Deejay? That can’t make sense.

Benatar shrugged. “Don’t know what happened, but I ended up dragging all three of you to your bunks.”

“Must’ve been some good weightlifting practice, I can imagine,” Axel teased. Benatar scoffed playfully. 

I wasn’t focused on their banter, because I was too busy thinking, trying to put all this information together. I headed to the recording room, which was slightly dusty, and leaned against the wall. 

Thought I hooked up with a chick, but that can’t be possible anymore… but what would I even be doing with Deejay while wasted? 

I paced across the room (well, I walked for a few inches, then turned back), attempting to make sense of all this.

And then, the truth struck me like a meteorite. Wait, actually, five meteorites. I stopped pacing, and it felt like my stomach had been cut off from my esophagus.

What, no…no… I seriously did that?

Yeah, you guessed it: My dumbass finally found out the truth. Me and Deejay had gotten so drunk last night that we may have confessed to each other before he’d given me all those hickeys.

It all makes sense: my hoodie being unzipped, Deejay also waking up with a headache, and Benatar admitting that we were lying on the couch together.

I almost became lightheaded with panic from my realization, and I had to sit down. For some reason, I wasn’t mad at Deejay; I was mad at myself for letting this happen when I hadn’t wanted to.

Oh my God, oh my God. 

I didn’t know how I was going to face him. Especially if he’d also put everything together.

Chapter Text

I didn’t need to ponder what I was doing to Puff last night while under the influence. I’d already known damn sure I fucked up. And just as things were resolving between us!

Still sitting at the booth, I made a silent vow to never order whiskey again. Had I not drank so much, I figured, I probably wouldn’t be in this position. I shoved the last bit of pancakes into my mouth, even though I’d completely lost any sliver of my appetite.

“You good?” Axel asked, peering from out of the kitchen.

“Fine,” I muttered, getting up and throwing my plate (well, not too hard, or else I would’ve chipped it) in the sink. I turned my head. “Where’d Benatar go?”

“Oh, he’s in the den, probably watching “Bridgerton” or something. I was gonna go join him.” Axel looked at me like he knew what I was thinking. “Just if you’re wondering, Puff headed to the recording room before he finished his food.”

I walked away before his sentence was done. Even if things between me and Puff would be fractured, the least I could do was bite the bullet and apologize for the bullshit that happened.

As soon as I made it to the recording room, I caught a faint, hazy scent coming from the room. I peeked in, and found Puff curled up against the wall, a dying cigarette in hand.

Now, I knew Puff smoked sporadically (he only ever did so, like, three times, at least to my knowledge), but I was a little surprised. He never took any sort of substance, or even beer, to relieve distress.

Puff looked up, and his eyes widened, before they became dusky. “Hey,” he whispered, sounding hesitant. 

He threw the cigarette in the wastebasket, opened a desk drawer and popped a piece of gum into his mouth. He always did that after smoking because he said he hated the aftertaste of cigarettes. Then he sat back down. I followed him.

The murky scent wafted out of an opened window, which left a hush. God, I’m starting to really hate awkward silence.

After a few seconds, I opened my mouth, and then Puff blurted; 

“I’m sorry about last night.”

I was taken aback by his sudden apology. “What…what are you sorry for? I was the one that  started this whole thing.”

Puff’s cheeks reddened, which I momentarily admired, before he spoke. “I also got aroused too, remember? You weren’t the only one that overdid it.”

I tried to laugh, but barely anything came out. I gazed at Puff, and then I realized that this was just like that morning in my bunk. Except the tension here seemed to be worse. Puff grabbed the nearby bin and spat the wad of gum into it. This was followed by more silence, plus an awkward glance from me to him. 

Then, without thinking, I grabbed his hand, lightly squeezing it. Both of us broke into a flush (mine was barely visible, which I decided was a relief. Otherwise, it would’ve increased the embarrassment).

“Hey, listen…” I said, my tone steady. “We both messed up last night.”

“Yeah, and?” Puff responded, trying not to blush more than he already was.

“And… Look, I’m not sure what I’m tryna say here, but we can’t always let stuff like this mess up our relationship, y’know? Because,” I looked Puff in the eye, “even if we ever do some even dumber shit, I… I’d still wanna make up and be by your side.”

Puff blinked, trying to process everything. A small smile crossed his lips. “Well, that was kinda sappy, but… that’s also kinda sweet.”

My heart pounded. God, just kiss him already. He’s too damn cute.

Then Puff’s face went solemn. “…Can I say something too?”

“Go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “About what you said, about ‘making up and being by my side.’ If I had to, I think I would too. Because I’ve been friends with you for too long to ditch you over anything.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Um, okay, but what about Benatar and Axel?” I asked with a hint of amusement. 

“Yeah, I love ‘em too, but man, I can’t remember how many times I’ve come to you for help. I guess… that’s what fourteen years of being buddies does. I just got used to us being connected by the hip.”

His eyes widened, and he blushed harder. “Holy shit, I am so sorry. I completely brain-dumped on you.”

“Heh, it’s fine. You sound adorable anyways!” I replied, giggling.

Another silence came. We still held each other’s hands as my heart pulsed rapidly. Just about every part of my brain was begging me to go in for the kill.

But I just gotta wait… I want this to be sweet and alluring. Having our first kiss in silence likely won’t make it that hot.

Puff glanced at me, seeming shy. I took a good look at his lips, which were tender and kinda wet. 

“So, does this mean-” Puff said, before I cut him off by draping my arm around his neck, pulling him in and pressing my lips against his. 

Why did I choose that moment to kiss him? It just felt right. Last night’s events didn’t faze me anymore. This was all I had needed to do, and it felt perfect.

Chapter Text

My body went frozen as it took me a second to process what I feeling: Deejay’s lips were on mine. After months of built-up tension and lovesickness, he was actually kissing me.

All it took was another split second before I found myself melting into the embrace, my one free hand slithering up Deejay’s body and to his hot cheek. His lips had the faint taste of orange juice, and I cupped his face harder. 

During those mesmerizing seconds, our hands were pretty much cemented to each other’s grip. I felt Deejay’s fingers stroke the back of my hair as he slightly tilted his head, lips still locked with mine. I carefully licked his bottom lip, which was plushy to the touch. Eventually, we had to separate for the sake of being able to breath.

As soon as we did, the reality of what we’d just done sunk in. My eyes darted to Deejay’s face, then the floor, then him again. I touched my lips, my brain torn between being ecstatic and shocked. “I- I…”

Deejay’s cheeks went deep red. “I know, I just thought that… I guess I was just tired of waiting,” he admitted. My heart skipped a beat as I heard that last part.

“Wait, so you… oh my fucking God…for almost the last year…” I whispered, mentally facepalming at me not noticing this sooner. 

“More than a year, to be honest.”

I blinked, my grip on his hand tightening. Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to explicitly say it, and judging by the uncharacteristically shy look on Deejay’s face, I could tell he couldn’t either.

Deejay chose that time to snap out his thoughts. “So, um.. does this mean that we’re-” He gestured to both of us.

“We’re what?” I asked, looking at him like it was an urgent matter. My hand began to feel clammy.

“… Dating? Are we, like, gonna get serious with this?” 

I straightened up suddenly, like I’d heard the godforsaken noise of a whip (that sound gives me flashbacks). In every moment I was lost in thought about Deejay, I realized, I had never once wondered if we’d become a thing. The most I’d dreamt about was the possibility of being embraced and canoodling with him, so while I was totally down to be in a relationship with Deejay… the thought frightened me a little. 

“I, uhh…” I stammered, not knowing how to properly answer. 

I want to be your boyfriend, but I’m kinda not sure?

Hey, um, can I think about this later? 

Say something, damnit!

Just then, I heard Benatar’s voice from the rec room. “Um, I think I should go. I have to pick up something I ordered…”

“Aw, c’mon! Can’t ya just wait another hour?” Axel whined.

“I can’t! Last time you kept me back, the guy threatened to stop taking my orders if I didn’t show up on time!”

I took that as my escape route. But Deejay… 

I glanced at him, loosening my grip on his hand. His face shifted from worried to confused. “Wait!” he said. “You didn’t…”

“Yeah, I- I’m sorry, I just gotta think,” I explained hurriedly, before dashing out of the room and finding Benatar, who glanced at me. “Oh, Benatar, um, I’ll go with you! Just in case that guy decides to, y’know, get on your ass again.”

Benatar’s eyebrows rose, before he shrugged and said, “Why not?”

~~~

A few minutes later, we were at the mall, trying to find the music store. Benatar had informed me that he was simply going to pick up some new guitar strings and picks, since Vincent had stolen his last few. But I didn’t care about any of that, because my mind was on more serious matters.

We found our way to the music store, and of course there was a long line. Parents trying to buy their kids a new drum, some girl asking for some albums (people still buy those?) and whatnot. To pass the time, I browsed the massive collection of CD’s. 

My eyes came across a few songs that would’ve attracted yearning, hopeless romantics. I wistfully gazed at them, my mind drifting to Deejay. The shame of abandoning him came to me in waves.

He’d finally kissed me, subtly admitting how he’d been reciprocating my love for him, and I’d turned him down like he was a stranger. I was waiting for him to do that to me for fucking months… I got what I wanted, so why the hell did I have to ditch him?

Because I’m a coward. I just had to say I wanted to be his and get it over with. But no, I simply chose to do nothing. Now what?

Benatar’s voice snapped me back to the real world. “Come on, Puff!” he called. I followed him out of the store, crestfallen.

It was only when we were nearing the escalator that he noticed my withdrawn attitude. “Puff?” Benatar asked, sounding a little worried. “You okay? You’ve been rather quiet…”

I glanced at him sharply. “Of course I’m okay. I’m just thinking. Mind your own business,” I responded, trying to put up my usual bravado. 

The ride down the escalator was silent. I looked at him again, and without thinking, I asked, “Uh, Benatar, can I ask you something?”

Benatar glimpsed me strangely, before saying, “Sure. Go ahead.”

I hesitated. “Okay… what would you do if, just saying, had your love interest ask if you wanted to be their boyfriend, and you know you want to say yes, but part of you is too scared, so you end up leaving them without a proper answer?”

Benatar looked down, deep in thought. “Well,” he said quietly, “I guess I’d go up to them and apologize for deserting them, and then, if the mood’s right, ask them out. But take my advice with a grain of salt, since I never actually did something like that.” 

A reluctant, but thankful smile crossed my lips. “Well, thanks.” Then I noticed a small, cozy-looking shop, dedicated to selling gifts for couples. “Hey, actually, could I just get something extra?”

~~~

We arrived at the bus with our shopping in hand. I scrambled in, clutching a small teddy that had cartoonishly big eyes stitched on its face. Yeah, I know that was kinda out of character for me, but if I wanted to say sorry to Deejay, the least I could do was hand him an apology gift.

I ran into the recording room, heart hammering, and I found him sitting at the writing board. His face was molded into solemnity, which turned into surprise when he noticed me. “Puff?” 

My stomach twisted nervously. Now or never. “H-hey… I’m done thinking,” I whispered awkwardly. I pulled up a chair next to him. “Got something for you, by the way.” My hands gripped the teddy bear’s fur as I handed it to him. 

He swivelled the chair to face me, and his eyes widened. “Wha—aw, thanks! You really didn’t need to…”

“Well,” I replied with pink cheeks, “I had to.”

Deejay gazed at me, realizing what I was talking about. “Oh, yeah…”

A deafening pause came. Safe to say, I hadn’t thoroughly planned what I was going to say.

“Deejay?” I asked, gripping my jeans. “Can I still say it?”

He must’ve known what was coming, because he set the teddy aside and focused on me. “S-sure.”

I took a deep breath. “I think I’d be happier being in a relationship with you than constantly yearning for you.”

…Well, that sounded better in my mind.

Deejay smiled broadly, a small giggle escaping. “Damn, wasn’t thinking you’d get that poetic, but…” He reached over and tensed his arms around my torso. My body temperature shot up drastically as his voice dropped. “If I’d thought it through, I’d say the same thing too.”

The pleasure of being in his arms overwhelmed me. “Oh my God, just do what you gotta do already. I’m gettin’ antsy.”

He chuckled softly before pulling me in, closing the distance between us. I held onto his shoulder as he carefully placed me on his lap. “Mmmgh…”

The next thing I knew, Deejay’s tongue had slipped against my lips, begging for entry. I moaned lasciviously, parting my mouth open. Before long, we were furiously making out, like it was the last thing we knew how to do. 

The tip of our tongues met and began twisting in sync with each other. Deejay let out a deep groan, his hands travelling up my waist. I writhed in his grasp, digging my nails into the fabric of his shirt. All of this felt so new. It was almost exactly like kissing a girl, except this… it felt different, yet so incredibly thrilling.

“Holy shit, Puff…” Deejay murmured in between short breaks. “Been single for almost a year, and you can still kiss like a pro.”

“Yeah, guess that’s what watching The Notebook with Benatar does to you…” I mumbled sweetly (and side note, I do watch that movie, but it’s just that ending that sends me off the edge).

My legs wrapped around the chair, which was making high-pitched squeaks from what was happening. Deejay must’ve heard and stiffened his body while his hands kept exploring my body. His touch may as well have been a lighter, because wherever his fingers trailed, I felt warm. 

The noon sunshine crept into the room, and when I flitted my eyes open, Deejay’s face was gleaming with sunlight. Oh, and blush. Lots of that. 

I squeezed my eyes shut, savoring the bliss of the moment. Deejay’s tongue ghosted over my teeth, getting a whimper out of me. Deejay smiled against my lips and held my face in his hands. 

We would’ve kept going, but we obviously didn’t want to lose our breath, so we eventually broke apart. A thin, yet noticeable string of spit stretched between our mouths, before it split. I kept my face near Deejay, never letting go of him. He wiped off the excess spit with the back of his hand.

“So… we’re doing this…” he muttered. His face was unreadable, but his small grin told me everything. 

I nuzzled in the crook of his neck. It took me a while to process everything that had occurred. After this, there’s no denying that we’re officially a thing. He’s mine to smooch, to vent to, to cuddle, to do everything with him.

Just then, I could feel Deejay’s pulse. Curiously, I shuffled my head to his chest and was instantly hypnotized by the steady rhythm of his heart. It just sounded so calming, like it could lull you to sleep. Deejay noticed my sudden affection and smirked.

“Yeah, go on... swear I could stay like this all day…” he whispered tenderly, holding the back of my head and leaning back. The chair started to squeak again, but I don’t think we could’ve cared less. I snuggled against Deejay, still fixated on his soothing heartbeat. That, combined with the stable rise and fall of his chest, gave way to a feeling that was equivalent to heaven.

God, this feels so damn perfect…

Lost in euphoria, I wrapped my arms around Deejay’s neck and pulled myself up to his face. I leaned in with a short, yet fierce peck on the mouth as he kept holding me. His fingers lightly caressing my sides, I became tempted to push my tongue in. I passionately licked his lips and got a muffled groan in response.

“Hey, how long are you guys gonna be in he-” 

We both froze as Axel’s voice barged in, but by that time, he was already at the door, stunned and holding his phone. 

“Man, what the hell?” Deejay started, still holding me. Axel’s expression turned to amusement.

“Weell, you guys were in here for a while, so I got curious and…” Axel held back a snicker. “I just knew you guys would give in! I’m so proud,” he said, dabbing nonexistent tears.

“Thanks a lot,” I mumbled, split between being embarrassed and irritated.

Then Axel turned and hollered, “YO, BENATAR! PUFF AND DEEJAY FINALLY KISSED! AND I GOT IT ON CAMERA!”

“Wait, what?!” I exclaimed, shocked. He actually took a photo?

“Well, it’s not exactly very clear, but I managed to get something,” he admitted. Benatar showed up in the doorway. “Oh, Benatar, you gotta check thi-”

“LIKE HELL YOU WILL!” I yelled, leaping out of Deejay’s arms and chasing after Axel. He yelped playfully and ran off. From the recording room, I heard Deejay and Benatar break into laughter.

“Catch me if you caann!” 

“Oh, I sure as fuck will! DELETE THAT PICTURE OR I’M RIPPING YOUR ASS OFF!”

Chapter Text

Puff continued to chase Axel around the bus, demanding that he get rid the picture he took of us canoodling, but Axel kept on teasing him.

“I’m not deleting it, it’s too perfect!” he tittered, a good distance away from Puff.

“You know what else is gonna be perfect?! THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN I TEAR IT OFF!” Puff yelled as he was catching up to Axel. Meanwhile, me and Benatar were laughing our asses off.

“How long d’you think they’ll keep this up?” I asked Benatar. Benatar opened his mouth, before we heard a thump from the kitchen, which also woke up Vincent.

We rushed to find Puff pinning down Axel on the floor while reaching for his phone. Axel flailed like a fish, but he still had a grin and held it back. 

“Okay, I think this has gone on long enough!” Benatar interrupted, the look of delight on his face gone. “Axel, you probably should delete that picture…”

“In your drea- MMPH!” Puff clawed a hand over Axel’s mouth as he started to climb up his body to reach the phone. That’s when my instinct kicked in and I lunged forward, grabbing Puff and dragging him away. Of course, he started to protest.

“Hey, lemme go!” he yelped, uselessly kicking his legs at Axel, who got up and donned his metal Viking helmet. 

All of us looked at him, and he groaned. “Ugh, fiinee. I’ll delete it, but just so you won’t annihilate me.”

“Fine with me,” I said, before carrying Puff to the couch. I plopped him down on his side, sat next to him and began channel-surfing on the TV. My fingers eventually found their way into Puff’s soft, spiky hair and caressed it in small circles. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him slightly curling into a pleasured fetal position. 

A smile grew on my lips. I glanced at the TV, which was currently on MTV. Then it hit me. That song we were working on! With the drama of the past few days, I’d totally forgotten about it. My hand stopped moving. 

“Uh, Puff, that song we didn’t finish…” 

“Hmm, what- Oh yeah!” Puff uttered suddenly, perking up. “That, um, we still didn’t write lyrics for it?”

“Yeah… best to keep working on it instead of letting it go, I guess.” I thought aloud, snapping off the TV. Puff shrugged.

“Eh, it’s not that big of a deal.” As soon as that left his mouth, his phone buzzed on the sofa. He’d gotten a message, which he read though. When he’d finished, his eyes had gotten wide.

“A-actually, maybe it is,” he admitted. Something about his tone concerned me.

“Was that a venue, because…” I trailed off, my own eyes having widened. I gazed at Puff, and he broke.

“I forgot we scheduled for a concert after we left the song as it was. I thought we’d just go back to it later, but then everything happened and…” We stared at each other, knowing damn well what was to be revealed.

“We have a week until the concert,” Puff whispered, slowly panicking. 

I tried not to freak out, to keep calm, but I could only squeak out, “Guess we got some work to do.”

We didn’t bother to keep it secret for long. After we’d frantically informed Benatar and Axel about what we’d forgotten, they also lost it. Over a late lunch of grilled cheese, we verbally agreed on a plan: We’d have to write out lyrics first thing in the morning, and possibly edit the existing melody we’d come up with.

As soon as lunch was finished, Puff stood up, brushed off his pants and darted to the writing area. Benatar ran after him. “Wait, where are you going?” he asked.

Puff looked at him plainly. “I’m not gonna waste time tomorrow with writer’s block. I have to think.”

I was surprised. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t have been. Even if he jokes a lot about YFM, he is very serious when it comes to making songs.

Benatar seemed just as stunned, before he replied, “Okay, just don’t stay in there for too long.”

~~~

He stayed in there for too long. Even Vincent, who’d been fed properly this time, was getting confused. He pecked at the closed door and screeched long and hard. Axel had to carry him outside to calm him down.

“Guess he’s gettin’ restless,” Axel suggested. “You know he hates staying indoors all day.”

“We ought to go on a walk then,” I recommended from the bean bag. “I’ll get Puff and catch up with you guys soon.” 

Benatar and Axel glanced at each other and nodded, before heading out. I proceeded to the recording room’s door and politely knocked. “Puff?”

“Not done,” came Puff’s muffled response. Even so, I crept in and found him bent over the desk, tapping a pencil on his paper. His hair was starting to look messy and his eye gave a twitch. Whoa. 

I came over and quietly, intimately draped my arms around his chest. His body paused and slowly began to relax as Puff hummed softly. To up the antics a bit, I teasingly kissed his the side of his neck, where one of last night’s hickeys was fading.

“Heh, hey, okay! I got the message!” Puff exclaimed, blushing as he faced me. I grinned.

“‘Kay then, we’re gonna go out for a walk. You wanna come?” 

Puff considered it, but only for a second. “Why not?”

~~~

There’s just something about late summer evenings that always intrigued me. The way the sky goes from bright blue to shades of scarlet brings a weird, but sweet kind of tranquility. Plus, the sound of people bustling to a cafe after their work is over brings a nice counterbalance.

The four of us strolled downtown, with Axel and Puff stopping to stare at the bakeries and pleading to go in. Vincent was in good spirits and flew to a nearby corn dog vendor, scaring off some pigeons.

“Heh, I taught him well,” Axel chuckled, before turning to Benatar with puppy eyes. “Pleasepleaseplease, can we get some corn dogs?”

“Yeah, pleeaase?” Puff begged, copying Axel. Benatar looked at them, before agreeing. I offered to pay. Pretty soon, we were heading further down the sidewalk, each of us holding ketchup-drizzled corn dogs. 

I found Puff gleefully chomping on his, which I couldn’t help but admire. My hand lightly brushed against his, and a warmth spread across my ribs. Axel, being the snoop he can be, noted this and nudged me. 

“Come on, hold it…” he whispered eagerly. I glared at him.

“Dude, we just kissed today!” I responded under my breath. Puff was too busy poking Benatar’s back with his empty skewer to notice us.

“Doesn’t matter! You know you want to!” he giggled, before he trotted off.

I sighed softly. A tiny part of me thought I’d held his hand, I’d end up scaring Puff, like I had done before, but even so… I didn’t care too much. Quickly, I laced my fingers with his and held his hand firmly. Puff stopped in his tracks and looked at our hands, then me. His expression started out shocked, before it morphed into contentment.

My cheeks heated. “Heh, wow, you really don’t mind me doing this?”

Puff shrugged, starting to walk again. “I mean, we did become a thing earlier, but I guess I still have to get used to it,” he admitted, never letting go of my grasp. His chestnut eyes were shining through his glasses.

Axel’s voice boomed from down the sidewalk. “Hey, hurry up!” I’d been so caught up in the moment that I hadn’t noticed Axel and Benatar walking on.

We both caught up to them, still hand-in-hand. For some reason, our fingers remained intertwined, as if glued together, on the walk back to the bus. Puff seemed deep in thought, but also cheery, which stirred up a few butterflies in my corn-dog-filled stomach. 

As soon as we made it inside, I threw the empty skewer from my corn dog into the trash. While I was heading to the bathroom, I glanced in the direction of the recording room. So much had happened in there today… at least between me and Puff.  

~~~

The next morning was… I wanna say chaotic, but it was also pretty productive. As soon as the last plate was in the sink, all four of us wasted no time in heading to the recording room.

A half hour later, we were scattered across the area. Axel was showing off his drumming skills to Benatar, while I was thinking of what changes we’d make to the song. Just then, Puff’s head popped out of the door that separated the writing area and the recording room (I don’t think we properly explained that before, sorry) and he called me over. 

“Deejay, I gotta talk with you,” he said, the volume of his voice lowered.

I walked into the dimly lit room, and the desk was unkempt from last night, but there was fresh piece of paper that had the top part covered in Puff’s scrawl. Just as Puff began to speak, he heard Axel tease, “Just wait ‘till you hear moaning from there, man.”  

Puff groaned, opened the door, and yelled while flipping him off, “I HEARD that!” Axel giggled an apology, and Puff returned to me, his face going from frustrated to nervous.

“Okay, so, um…” he mumbled under his breath, “I came up with some lyrics…”

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?” I asked.

“…They’re about us.”

“Oh?”

“What I’m saying is… should-we-come-out-to-the-fans-at-the-concert?” Puff blurted, rushing that last part.

I wasn’t too shocked by this confession, just a bit surprised. “Really?”

“Yeahhh,” he muttered, toying with his drawstrings. “I know it’s a bit too early, but better than never, y’know?”

“Makes sense.” I glanced at the paper. “So, can I see those lyrics?” 

Puff immediately sat down. “Well—not yet. It’s just the first verse. I’ll call you and the others in when I’m done. Tell them that.”

I nodded, playfully ruffling his hair as I left. I informed Benatar and Axel, as Puff had instructed, and they actually seemed pretty excited.

We hung around the room for a while as Puff was at work, and in that time, I couldn’t help but feel a little proud. To come out to fans that you’re gay and dating your friend/bandmate takes a lot of guts, and the fact that Puff would be able to do such things warms my heart. Then again, this is Puff we’re talking about, and saying he has no mettle could not be farther from the truth.

Chapter Text

“Where’s my drumstick?!”

“Am I supposed to play my keytar or my guitar?”

“I already told you! Just get your dumb keytar!”

“Fuck, I forgot my headphones in the bus…”

“WHERE’S MY OTHER DRUMSTICK?!” 

“Axel, I’m gonna glue those sticks to your hands if you keep losing ‘em…”

There was shouting, panicking, and pure pandemonium backstage. It wasn’t very long before showtime, yet almost everything was out of control. Axel was scurrying around, on a search for his drumsticks, and Benatar kept asking me which instrument he needed for most songs (it’s not easy carrying a guitar and keytar on stage at the same time). Deejay rushed back to the bus to get his stuff, while I tried not to lose my cool.

So as you can see, backstage doesn’t exactly translate to calm.

Eventually, the noise died down a little bit and we could all get our shit together in peace. As the stage crew guys assisted us in arranging our instruments (as well as trying to help Axel), I snuck over to the curtains and peeked out the gap to see… quite a lot of people there. A video crew was stationed in the front row, where they were tinkering with the camera. The same one that would capture me coming out to all our fans. 

The nerves started sneaking into me. From what I predicted, this whole thing would go down in one of two ways:

-The fans are totally chill about me dating Deejay, and some would likely be screaming joyously.

-Everyone gets pissed, we lose fans thanks to the dreaded homophobes of the internet, YFM breaks up, and we end up with no sympathy whatsoever.

“Puff?” Benatar’s voice pulls me back to reality. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I replied, voice stiff. Axel approached us, drumsticks in hand.

“Found ‘em stuck under the bathroom sink… don’t ask,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. He noticed my expression and raised his eyebrows. “Hey, if this is about you coming out, you’re only gonna do it at the end.”

That was true. Because Deejay knew how nervous I was, he’d suggested that I do it at the end before singing the new song. Speaking of Deejay…

“I’m back, what’d I miss?” he said, holding his headphones (he has to wear them just so he won’t lose his hearing to the loud music).

“Nothin’ much… unless you count Axel getting his hands on his drumsticks,” I responded. Just then, a stage crew member ran over, telling us that it was almost showtime. From the audience, a chant rang out from the crowd.

I turned to the curtain, then glanced at Axel, Benatar, and Deejay. “Well, whaddya say?”

A while later, all four of us were walking onto the stage, meeting the ecstatic screams of the fans. Axel went to his drum set, Deejay sat at his turntable, Benatar positioned himself to the left of the stage, and I was put in the centre. I gazed upon the dozens of people standing and cheering and put on a charismatic grin.

“Heyyy!” I hollered. “Who’s ready for some bangers?!”

The crowd went berserk, which energized me. “Alright, hit it!” 

Bottles Of Beer was the first song. Right in the middle of the chorus, I caught Deejay’s eye and discreetly smiled at him, making him wink right back at me. 

The first part of the concert flew by in a crazy haze. By the time intermission came, we’d gone through seven of the fifteen songs to be sung. The four of us headed to the green room to recharge for the next twenty minutes. There, Axel flopped onto the couch, popping open a bag of chips he’d snagged on his way, and Benatar sighed softly, setting down his keytar.

Deejay glanced at me. “You wanna chill with us?” he asked. I turned to the cooler of sodas, then him. 

“Yeah, soon…” I said, before grabbing a diet soda and running to the small dressing room, which was decked out with LED lights and medium-sized mirrors. My fingers played with the can for a while, before I popped it open and sat down.

My phone buzzed. It was a message from Wax. Three, actually.

-watching your live performance. First part’s THE SHIT :D

-anyway how the last few days been?

-btw you still haven’t told me…WHO’S THE LUCKY GUY?????

Oh man, I had a lot to tell him, especially with that last question. I rolled my eyes and sent a simple reply; thx! Been okay recently… oh and you’ll find out who the guy is soon ;)

I’d managed to push away my nerves during the first half of the concert, but that third message Wax, while enthusiastic, brought them back. I didn’t bother to wait for a response, just placed my phone down and sipped my soda. The cool froth bubbling in my mouth didn’t even entice me. I was too distracted getting pelted by worry.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, thinking of how my fans would see me after I came out as bi. Yeah, some people wouldn’t mind in the least. After all, Deejay did mention the time he’d overheard two fangirls openly shipping us while shopping. But what if that was all anyone would see in YFM? That we’re just a band filled with gay guys and nothing more?

“You good in there?”

Deejay’s voice came into the room. I’d forgotten to close the door all the way, so he must’ve sensed my inner turmoil from the green room. Guess that’s what a friend-turned-lover does.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine, just… thinking,” I replied, starting to play with the soda can again. Deejay looked at me doubtfully, then his features softened.

“It’s about coming out, isn’t it?” he asked. Like I said, he’s somehow able to sense my stress. 

I sighed and stood up, leaving my soda behind. “Yeah…”

He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked straight into my face. “Don’t you worry. It’ll be fine, and if you end up passing out, I’ll get Axel to fill in for ya,” he reassured affectionately. 

“Yeah, I know that,” I said, twirling my drawstring around my fingers. “It’s just… you know that not every fan will take this well. Then they’ll say stuff, and we’ll possibly lose fans, and maybe the band and its reputation as a whole—not like we have a big rep.”

Deejay brought me close to him, slowing me down. “Hey, I’m sure that the fans we know will be happy. Even if we do lose YFM, we’ll still have Axel and Benatar, won’t we?”

I paused and looked at my hands, which stopped clutching my drawstrings and were now hovering near Deejay. My glance transferred to him, and I began to smile. “And we’ll still date?”

“Heh, why not?” Deejay giggled, before a pause followed. I retained a tender gaze as one of the LED lights rhythmically flickered. The silence between us was only slightly broken by the faraway laughter from the green room.

A whistle flew through my lips, with my cheeks having warmed up a bit. “So-o-o, you gonna kiss me or what?”

Deejay removed one hand from my shoulder to strike a thinking position, before he mischievously smirked and responded, “Nah, I think you’ll live.”

I groaned dramatically. “You bastard.”

~~~

The fifteen-minute break went by quickly. Me and Deejay had been chatting with Axel and Benatar as the stage crew guy burst in to tell us that intermission was almost over and that we needed to get prepared ASAP. 

As we were about to walk back on stage, Benatar nudged me. “Hey, good luck,” he whispered to me.

I grinned and rolled my eyes. “You better savour the one moment I’m not teasing you.”

~~~

The audience burst into cheers as the ending for Jupiter faded. As soon as the noise was at a lower level, I gripped the mic. It was time.

“Okay, that was epic! And now, we got a new song for you, but first… I have to say something…” I announced loudly as my heart started pounding. The crowd went silent.

I turned to Deejay, who gave me a thumbs-up. So did Benatar and Axel. Their silent encouragement gave me a bit of the confidence I needed, and I took a deep breath.

“‘Kay,” I began gently. “I know y’all know me for having an… eventful love life.” Axel chuckled in the background, and I waved him off. “Anyways, for the past year, I found myself questioning what I was after something, at another concert, happened. It did take me a while to accept it, and to also say it out loud, so now’s the time.”

There was silence. Then I admitted, “If you haven’t caught on by now, what I’m saying is… I like guys as well now, I guess.”

Squealing. Cheering. The positive responses came in a split second, and the lively approval exhilarated me. 

“WHO IS IT?! WHO’S YOUR MAN?” a fangirl screamed joyfully.

I smiled, walked over to Deejay, and in front of that huge camera, to hundreds of fans, held his hand and raised it. More shrieks came. Deejay beamed widely at the audience, before briefly gazing at me with shining eyes (I’m definitely never going to forget that look of pride and joy on his face). I winked at him, brimming with glee, before I refocused on the crowd.

“Alright, let’s get this last song started!” I yelled enthusiastically. 

Running back to my original position, I prepared myself as the audience quieted and the first few beats swelled. Electronic notes vibrated from Benatar’s keytar and Deejay went to work on the turntables.

Soon I was singing. The smooth, catchy lyrics flowed to me easily, and the rhythm of Axel’s drums got louder. At the same time, my gestures became more energetic. By the time I got to the chorus, I was prancing across the stage, letting utter charisma shine through my performance. 

Everything was going smoothly as the song progressed as intended. Then, as it was approaching the end, the chorus repeated for the final time, which, in some way, sparked something in me. I turned towards Deejay and, as I kept singing, began walking to his turntables. The song’s short, pulsing instrumental played just as I had made it to the side of his set.

I parted the microphone from my lips as I laid eyes on Deejay. “Dude, we went from fifty to a hundred so fast,” I whispered, trying to find the proper words. “I- I genuinely don’t know what to say.”

Deejay playfully raised his eyebrows. “Then this should help,” he said, before grabbing me by the drawstrings and swiftly pulling me in for a kiss.

The squeals of the audience drowned out in my ears as I placed a tentative hand on his cheek, kissing him back. My whole being buzzed with warmth and pleasure. Fluttering my eyelids shut, I became entranced by the sweet sensation of Deejay’s lips on mine. It’s kinda funny how passionate kisses can make you temporarily forget everything happening around you, but maybe that’s what makes it all the more hotter, because I’ll tell you, during that moment, all my worries became nonexistent. 

We kept kissing, trying not to get too messy onstage, before I opened my eyes and allowed Deejay to let go. As he did, I saw the blush seeping into his cheeks. I nodded at him before facing the crowd. 

“Now that was a hell of a show, wasn’t it?” I yelled, earning a noisy agreement from the fans. “That’s all for tonight, guys. Thanks a lot, and PEACE OUT!”

The amoeba of people swayed, still cheering as me, Benatar, Deejay and Axel walked out of sight. Admittedly, my head was a bit in the clouds from that kiss, and of course Axel noticed. “Told ya it was gonna be fine,” he chortled playfully, elbowing me in the ribs.

He turned to the rest of us. “Hey, how about we get wings to celebrate?” he hollered, before adding, “On Benatar, sounds good?”

Benatar glared at him with question, until Axel nudged him, glancing at us, and he somehow got whatever hint he was dropping. He shrugged, smiling. “Well, it’s only a few hours until the place closes, so may as well.”

“HELL YES! C’mon!” Axel beckoned toward me and Deejay as he eagerly dashed out of the room. 

Heh, wings actually sound pretty good, I thought, and started towards the door. I was in such a hurry, I didn’t notice my untied shoelaces and tripped, falling flat on my face. Deejay, who was just heading for the door, heard me collapse and immediately came over, holding me as if I’d dramatically gone limp. My face reddened profusely, which was only made more visible when Benatar perked his head in.

“…So, you guys coming?” he asked, clearly holding back a giggle. My middle finger itched to be raised.

Deejay must’ve sensed a snarky comeback from me, because he responded to Benatar, “Yeah, just give us a minute.” 

As soon as Benatar left, he let me go, turned to the door and asked, “History repeats itself, am I right?”

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “Oh, save the jokes for the bus. I need wings in me, pronto.”

Deejay held my hand. “Guess we ought to hurry, huh?”

~~~

That night was filled with fast food and boisterous talk. As the four of us were lazing around the bus, eating wings and laughing together, I wasn’t worrying about possibly being catcalled by some dipshit. My mind was too focused on something else, other than the comforting chatter surrounding me.

My eyes met with Deejay’s as I nibbled on my eighth or ninth wing, and we both smiled.  History repeats itself, he told me. That one night that led to all this happening, it sort of occurred again, except it wasn’t in front of an audience. But I didn’t care too much about that.

If what he said was true, then damn, was I grateful to be feeling like this.