Archive of Our Own ^beta

0.

People said there was no force greater than fate. Because even if a person were born a chaebol or into a prestigious family, if fate deemed so, they would suffer all the same. Privilege and wealth could only do so much as to bring little comfort to those born under the cradle of their predecessors’s heritage.

That saying must be true. In a way, fate hadn’t been kind to the Lee household—or so thought their immediate and extended family. But from another angle, it might have simply been fate restoring balance. After all, the Lee family had long enjoyed prestige and prosperity, weathering generations with wealth and accolades. Perhaps a small disturbance was just the cost of equilibrium—one their legacy was more than strong enough to bear.

The youngest bloodline of the Lee household was an only child. A little boy born prematurely with a weak and frail body. It took weeks before Lee Sohee’s tiny body was deemed stable enough to be released from the incubator separating him from the real world. Growing up, he frequented the hospital as often as children his age going on a monthly trip.

Jealousy and bitterness were familiar feelings when he spent time watching other people roam freely. Every winter and christmas season, he would stare in envy at the wide screen of the television documenting christmas festivities. Family building snowmen and a bunch of teenagers skating freely inside thes skating rink or frozen park.

Lee Sohee thinks fate simply hates him.

Not only is he weak physically to the things that intertwine with ordinary human life, he is also weak to pheromones. In a society where people are driven by two primary traits, pheromones are like an essential part of their life. When they had to rush him to the nearest hospital because one of his classmates had an early manifestation, Sohee decided that he should have just perished. The only silver lining of this recent development was that both his parents are beta. Sohee didn’t need another reason to let the space between him and his parents grow.

Sohee’s relationship with his parents were not bad, which implies he needed extra protection or care. They’re just like how it would be if parents are constantly away for work and their child spends his time mostly on hospital bed and is ill-suited for traveling far and abroad. His parents compensated by showering him with gifts and souvenirs from their trip. They also made sure to spend quality time together during big holidays like chuseok and new years eve. However, it was inevitable that Sohee doesn’t have the most sweet and lovely dynamic with his folks.

Being a sickly child, it was given that he’d grow sheltered in the safe bubble his parents created for him. He had to give up playing outside as much as the other children when he fell ill easily every five business days, even in summer. During his childhood and the first decade of his life, his grandparents became the two prominent figures in his life. It was only natural since they took care of him in his parents' stead. Thanks to them, Sohee grew nurtured by the gentle and quiet love his grandparents showered him with.

The name Lee Sohee was given by his grandfather. The old man seemed to take a special liking towards the kid ever since he was a baby. He said Sohee was so pretty when he was born, so he named him which translated into shining and brightness. And maybe because he found his condition poor, he at least wanted Sohee to be able to shine on his own.

”The gods must be giving Sohee a pretty face as a collateral for his poor health,” his grandmother said one time when he tucked him to bed.

Sohee remembered he was in the second grade of primary school at that time. School arrangement had always been tricky since his immune system had a hard time adjusting from being exposed to many people. Previously, Sohee alternated between going to ordinary school and getting homeschooled when his condition got severe. Though later, they found that being around people outside of his family gradually helped him build a stronger body, so the doctor advised them to keep sending Sohee to regular school.

”It would be good if he has a playmate—one or two maybe, so he didn’t go into shock compared to meeting a lot of people at once.”

The doctor said in passing. Unaware how that simple sentence was like a spell opening the pandora box. An omen that in the near future would bring about at least ten different chaos in Sohee’s life.

1.

The first reckoning came not long after Sohee’s tenth birthday, specifically one month later. In the middle of a cold December night, Sohee was awake in his room when he heard a commotion downstairs in the living room. They have yet wrapped up christmas eve dinner when Sohee was sent upstairs accompanied by his grandma as per usual. His bladder felt like it was going to burst not long after he drifted into dream land. He couldn’t make out each word precisely but the distressed tone of his parents' voice was enough to tell him it wasn’t a friendly discussion.

There was a tinge of slight bitterness floating in the air, which only belonged to the one and only alpha in the house. Sohee was familiar with his grandpa’s pheromone, a calming woody scent on a daily basis. The old man never lost his composure throughout the whole time Sohee knew him. If his grandfather managed to lose a little bit of his temper, the situation must be bad enough—that was what Sohee could guess.

”....and you only tell us now?”

”I only found out about his whereabouts recently…”

”What an impeccable timing for you to figure out.”

The distressed voice and arguments only got worse after that. Sohee silently went back to his room and went under the blanket to drown the noise—though with the door closed, the noise almost completely vanished, only leaving faint murmurs. His hand blindly searching the surface of his bed and a faint smile bloom on Sohee’s face when he grabbed a rabbit doll gifted to him by Sungchan—his hyung and also one of his few close companions. Sohee went back to sleep with the stuffed doll held tightly against his chest.

—

The next morning, Sohee found out what the commotion on the previous night was about. To put it simply, he had a brother outside of his parents' marriage. A half brother four years younger than him, based on what his father told him one on one in his study. The middle aged man looked weary but resolute when he told Sohee this.

”I know it must have been strange for you and it wasn’t an ideal situation, I’m sorry…”

Sohee was lost at what to say to his father that wouldn’t upset him more. In retrospect he should have asked more why seeing his father's pitiful state troubled him more than the fact that he had an affair behind their back. Even though it ended long ago, the trace of his affair remained clear with the existence of his half sibling.

”Your brother, he—has nothing to blame for what happens,” his father continued despite Sohee’s silence. Hearing the word ‘brother’ feels alien when he grew up without expecting he would have any sibling, considering his mother’s declining condition to bear another child after she gave birth to him.

”If he comes here, there will be a time when he will need you the most, Sohee. I will have to ask for your understanding and be—forgiving enough to be patient with him.”

In that quaint room lit only by the orange glow of the table lamp, Sohee and his father sat side by side on the long brown couch in the middle of the room. The shiny leather sometimes reflected the light falling on its surface. Sohee wasn’t jaded enough to comprehend his father's request, but he still nodded and hummed in agreement—Sohee felt his father needed reassurance the most for now. It was proven true when his father smiled and held his hand tenderly, pulling him in a side hug.

”Thank you, Sohee.”

He hugged back wordlessly, burying his face inside the embrace. The alien thrum in his blood a foreign sensation he was, yet again, too innocent to be aware of.

—

Sohee first met Anton at the orphanage his parents brought him along in late winter when the snow was starting to melt away. As far as everyone else was aware, the two of them formally met in that daunting hall of the facility, exchanging names as formality. However, in his childhood memory, Sohee remembered he had met Anton at the secluded section of the large garden when he had wandered off. It was a habit his parents had been trying to fix considering Sohee often got in trouble going off somewhere dangerous.

Sohee didn't think he would forget the moment he first met Anton. Standing there among the dull landscape, Anton made a striking picture. If Sohee was to describe it, Anton was not exceptionally bright and festive like the christmas tree standing in the corner of his living room. The feelings he gave out were more like the classic and gothic paintings lining up Eunseok hyung’s hallway that the older boy found so much fascination in. In a phantom sense, Anton looked out of place and time. Like he didn’t belong to this orphanage and his very being seemed fleeting.

Hunching over at the edge of a koi pond, he looked like a statue from the renaissance era, eerie yet beautiful. Had the boy not tilted his head towards Sohee’s oncoming step, Sohee would mistake him as a misplaced cherub statue. Funnily enough he resembled one. Except for the blank face, the boy's round face covered by wavy brown hair perfectly represented those cute winged creatures. Anton’s eyes were as clear as crystal, even though it was plagued with incomprehensible depth—at least for Sohee—they shone prettily when it caught lights. The cupid bow of his pink lips complement his feature Sohee was one hundred percent convinced Anton was an angel. A lovely and adorable angel.

”Are you lost?” Sohee quipped. He instinctively bowed a little to match Anton’s height.

”That is funny coming from you,” Anton answered after he observed Sohee for a while. It was not an everyday occurrence that a stranger would approach and ask him—a resident in the orphanage—if he was lost. It made a strange picture, especially when said stranger had trespassed his unofficial territory. Even his peers and other children could hardly tolerate his presence let alone engage him in a conversation.

”An elusive one, aren’t you?” Sohee smiled. Anton’s bland response didn’t deter him the slightest. When the younger kid doesn’t make any movement, Sohee copied his crouching form less one feet from the other.

”Is this your personal hideout?”

”Why do you want to know?” Anton asked.

”I just wanted to know,” Sohee shrugged, he observed their silhouette reflected on the murky water.

”Whatever for? You’d probably forget about me the moment you go home,” Anton stated plainly with a tone that was too unfeeling for a kid so young.

Sohee exclaimed in wonder at how quick witted Anton was to be able to make a conclusion that Sohee wasn’t a part of, or a new addition in the orphanage. When Sohee mumbled his thoughts out loud, Anton only gave him an unimpressed stare. His dark eyes running up and down Sohee’s side as if saying ’Isn’t it rather obvious?’

Nobody in the orphanage dressed the way Sohee did. Though his clothes weren't extravagant or exuded extra flair, Anton could feel the luxurious and high end material that weaved through every line of the fabric just by one quick look. And nobody in the orphanage behaved or looked like this stranger whose name Anton had yet to know. There was a certain aura enveloping Sohee that indicated he belonged to a different hierarchy. One that was undoubtedly out of Anton’s league. And he was very carefree in the way he walked with airy steps and sitting closer beside Anton like he wouldn’t lunge at him. Of course Anton wasn’t one to attack random strangers. But even for a kid, he had been putting his guard up high so seeing a person lowering their guard was kinda jarring.

”You should go back to where you came from,” Anton advised.

”When you put it that way, I sound like someone who came from a whole different planet,” Sohee chuckled. His voice was melodious and elegant unlike the bleak and dire towering mansion of the orphanage. The more Anton observed, the more out of place Sohee seemed to him.

”They will worry. And then they will cause a ruckus and send a whole search party here.”

”Hey, kid, do I look like some unruly brat who purposely caused trouble?”

”You look like you attract trouble and are clumsy.”

Sohee only huffed and pouted his lips like a grumpy kitten. Of course he didn’t take serious offense from a brat’s remark, he was not that shallow. But the kid was right, if he didn’t get back immediately, his parents would cause an unnecessary panic. Deciding it was for the best that he walked back now, Sohee stood up and dusted off his pants. Smiling mysteriously at Anton before bidding his goodbye.

”See you later, kid.”

The boy only tilted his head and frowned sceptically. Sohee had a feeling this wouldn’t be their last encounter.

2.

Maybe it was due to their innocence and youth inexperience that made children less prejudiced and judgemental. While discovering that he had a half brother at such short notice, Sohee’s stance remained neutral. He was a little excited, even. The idea that he would have a companion his age made himself a little hopeful. And between the time he visited the orphanage and waiting for Anton’s arrival day, Sohee remained unaware of the commotion and rifts among his elders.

It was inevitable that there would be dispute amongst the senior members of the extended family regarding Anton’s position in the household. Most of them couldn’t hide their disdain and aversion due to the nature of his birth. Very few remain impartial and leave the decision to Sohee’s father knowing that, in fact, Anton is his child. In the end, no one can voice neither their refusal nor further opinion when grandfather Lee decided that it was only right they took the boy in—if not for taking the moral high ground and responsibility lest the god curse them.

While she remained quiet throughout the whole ordeal, Mrs. Lee thought that the curse had already casted when they found out the boy’s existence. Her mind flew towards her one and only son, Sohee. The boy who had been born weak and frail, who she rarely held in her arms due to circumstances. Though she may not be the best mother, she couldn’t help but worry what kind of adversity fate would, once again, bestowed upon him. As much as she wanted to be a generous and reasonable adult, she couldn’t shake the cold and unsettling feelings away that constrict her like an invisible vice.

Having said that, Mrs. Lee could only smile wryly whenever he found Sohee standing in front of the bay window overlooking the main gate outside the house. The curious yet hopeful gleam in his eyes unmistaken even from a hundred meters away.

—

Anton arrived into this household when spring was in full bloom. His father announced the exact date of Anton’s arrival one week ago on the dinner table. The news was followed by the clattering sound of steel cutleries and heavy silence—as expected. His grandparents didn’t say much except the nearly inaudible agreement. His mother, who had been left with not much choice, only nodded and smiled in resignation. Though dinner was served and proceeded like the usual, Sohee felt like the only outcast within the adult worlds on the dining table.

Sohee found him in the afternoon, sitting alone in the living room with only a small luggage resting beside his foot. The boy was as sullen as when he had found him beside the fountain weeks ago in the orphanage. Sohee’s new little brother was so pretty. That was what the helper and gardener that occasionally visited his house said—and Sohee couldn’t not agree. Even the boy’s overgrown and wavy hair obscuring half his eyes didn’t tamper with his beauty. He still resembled the cherub painted on the grand arch of the church ceiling his doctor often showed him when he traveled to Europe.

There was a huge bay window behind the couch where he was sitting, allowing the residents to see the giant cherry blossom tree planted in the garden outside. The wind blew the pink petals, it rained heavily in the background, and Sohee was enthralled by the ethereal scene it made. He descended the staircase slowly so as not to startle the boy, but the kid must be perceptive and had a keen sense as he looked up to Sohee not even after his first step. Anton said nothing although his dark eyes said that he had known Sohee’s presence upstairs long ago.

When Sohee finally reached the bottom of the stairs, the child said, ”You are right. We did meet again, hyung.”

Sohee’s steps faltered for a moment. Not because of the cold and suffocating feelings he had been expecting when he eventually would be called as an older brother, but because he didn’t expect the foreign yet moving emotion he felt when that one syllable word was spoken out of Anton’s mouth.

”..hyung.”

”Well, that’s what the mister told me to call you. He said it would be nice if I get used to calling you hyung quickly.” Anton hesitated.

Sohee smiled softly, hearing Anton’s hesitation. The fact that Anton still addressed his father as ‘mister’ while calling Sohee ‘hyung’ easily didn't get lost on him.

“Of course you should call me hyung, it would be rude otherwise. And you wouldn’t want to see me scolding you!” Sohee added the last sentence playfully.

”Yes, I’m sure I don’t want that,” Anton replied bluntly despite his small voice. The image of a small golden retriever puppy came quickly through his mind and Sohee had to hold himself from ruffling Anton’s hair lest it scared him off. A difficult task for a ten years old boy if you ask.

”Have you been waiting for long?” Sohee asked and only got his answer in the form of a shrug from the young boy. He tilted his head sideways while humming softly, his father must have had an urgent matter to take care of if he left his supposedly new member of his family alone without supervision. Even so this was too much, having been trapped inside the house half of his life, he could imagine how suffocated Anton must feel especially in a new environment..

”This is rather boring isn’t it? Let me give you a tour around the house and the garden.” Sohee offered his hand. He didn’t expect Anton to take his hands readily, but he smiled nonetheless when the kid held his hand firmly. Giddiness rising in his chest at Anton’s display of trust. Sohee thought he could do this for a long time, having a half sibling wouldn’t be as scary and difficult as he had initially thought.

Maybe that was the moment where Sohee decided he would be a reliable big brother to Anton. Just like how his father had asked him previously. There was this unnamed emotion that urged Sohee to make Chayoung feel welcome in this house, that he wouldn’t be a stranger.

Fortunately for Sohee, Anton was quick to reciprocate his affection—judging how he followed Sohee everywhere like a baby duckling following its mother. Anton was unlike other kids his age where Sohee expected him to be more demanding and whiny. On the contrary, Anton always followed Sohee's whims and ideas. He especially liked it when Sohee read him a book from his fairy tale collection. It was adorable how Anton listened and hung on to every word Sohee repeated from the book, his eyes shining like Sohee hung the moon in the sky at night—or was it that Anton really thought of Sohee as a magician? He never knew.

Despite the initial stubbornness and cold attitude displayed at their first meeting in the orphanage, Anton warmed up rather quickly. It was as if his guard had been completely shattered around Sohee the moment he took Sohee’s hand at his arrival.

”This is Nephentes,” Sohee pointed at the reddish green billowing plant.

”It is ugly,” Anton scrunched his nose in disgust. Sohee only laughed, he had the same reaction when he first stumbled upon the encyclopedia.

”Figured you’d say so. Do you have any favourite plants?” Sohee asked, and just as Sohee expected, Anton only answered with a shrug.

Their chatter and giggle—mostly Sohee—filled the many corners of the house during the daylight, their favorite being the pavilion and greenhouse where they were surrounded mostly by greenery and away from everyone else. When the night came, it was replaced by a more hushed voice and soft whisper in their shared bedroom. Sohee’s double bed finally made its optimal use accommodating the two of them while Anton’s room was being renovated.

It was safe to say that Sohee and Anton relationship was developing well, to his father's delight and to the skepticism of his mother—who was half unsure about how to position herself in this situation, and half relieved when he saw Sohee became more lively with his sibling around.

—

Seasons change and as Sohee grew up he discovered fate was kinder to Anton in respect of his health and physical condition. Which means, unlike Sohee, Anton was set to enroll in a regular school from the get go. He got to learn and play a ridiculous amount of sports, even competing professionally as a swimmer. Not to mention, Sohee thought that if Apollo were real he must have blessed Anton with the gift of musicality with how quick and easy it was for him to learn instruments. Eventually the boy picked cello along the way and he displayed an impressive skill and great determination like one was about to be a cellist. Now that Anton was about to enter junior high school, he was scouted as a lead cellist by a prestigious orchestra in the town.

Despite their relatives and close colleagues' initial aversion to his step brother, Anton grew up to be a polite and charming gentleman in the making. He had the perfect temperament and perfect manners to win over people from various ages. Still, for Sohee who had been there since Anton was practically a kid, Anton is still his baby brother that he couldn't help but get worried over.

”Will you be fine?” Sohee murmured behind his folded arms. He observed the tailor moving swiftly around Anton, taking his measurement for the uniform. There was something heavy and unpleasant settling in his stomach looking at the beige and dark navy fabric lined up on the table. In the near future, he would learn this emotion as envy.

”Why wouldn’t I?” Anton asked cooly.

”Just—make sure to make a lot of friends, kid,” Sohee said finally. Anton gave him a long, penetrating look—the adult usually would squirm and give Anton a reproachful gaze whenever he did this, they would also make harsh remarks barely covered under their whispers. And later, his mother would approach his father in distress, clueless as how to take this behaviour. Sohee just thought he resembled a slow blinking puppy trying to digress things—it was cute, Sohee always ruffled his hair whenever Anton gave him that look.

”If you say so, Sohee-hyung,” Anton nodded.

As expected, Anton was a sweet and obedient kid. While it was adorable, Sohee was concerned how Anton would handle himself out there. Sohee might not have much experience but he briefly attended regular school and he saw first hand how nasty teenage kids can be. Anton was a soft spoken and mild mannered kid, Sohee had never heard him raise his voice or heard him complain. He also had a soft and delicate appearance—he almost checked all the boxes for a target of bullying.

”If you see something unpleasant, just ignore it, or tell the teacher. And if you meet strange kids just avoid them, pretend they don’t exist,” Sohee continued.

”Why? Did the kids at high school give you trouble?” Anton asked Sohee curiously. He probably meant no harm, but Sohee gauged Anton was trying to tease him and refer back to where Sohee came home a little ruffled because the kid in his class made fun of his stature.

”Don’t try to be cheeky, you brat. Just do as I say and don’t get into unnecessary trouble.”

”Okay.” Sohee doubted Anton got what he meant but he still needed the reassurance that Anton would follow his advice.

One of the tailor, a tall woman wearing a spiky spectacle, chuckled before exclaiming lightly. “Your hyung is so sweet, isn’t he? You must have been proud that your son grew up to be a loving brother, ma’am.”

Sohee’s mother, who had been sitting silently until now, jerked subtly from her seat like something whacked his consciousness. She smiled politely at the seamstress before reaching a cup of tea prepared by the helper. The cup was trembling slightly under her grip when she brought it closer to her lips.

”Is it done?” Anton asked the same woman when he saw her finally put down the measuring tape.

”It is, you’re free to go.”

Like a clockwork, Anton slotted himself beside Sohee, the older boy patted his head as if rewarding him for a good work. When he sensed there was a lingering gaze falling upon him, he looked back to the middle aged woman sitting across from him who promptly casted her gaze away as if burned.

4.

”Have you ever considered that this single chaise is not designed to accommodate two people? Let alone an overgrown boy like you?” Sohee said behind the worn book covering his face.

It was a lazy afternoon in the middle of winter, where the weather started to get colder as the days went by. Sohee decided it was a good time to lounge right by the window after grabbing a random old book from his collection. His peaceful reading season was interrupted when a heavy body collided from his side, squishing Sohee against the armrest of the chaise.

”What are you reading?” Anton ignored Sohee’s complaint.

”Moby Dick.”

”Nice, read it to me.”

Sohee scoffed at Anton's shameless demand after ruining his comfortable space. Though he couldn’t help his automatic response to start reading out loud just like back in the day when he used to read children stories for Anton. Old habits die hard, they said. With his head leaning halfway on Sohee’s chest, Anton could feel the low vibration of his voice and pinpoint the moment Sohee’s breath began to falter.

”You are shivering,” he pointed out.

”I’m fine,” Sohee murmured, his hands deftly smoothing out the wrinkled corner of the worn page.”

“You shouldn’t be lounging near the window, it is colder here,” Anton insisted. His voice now tinged with worry.

Sohee clicked his tongue. Compared to other people, Anton didn’t fuss over him as often. He had a more subtle way in taking care of Sohee. In the rare time that he made his concern known, Sohee hated it the most. When it happened, Sohee always took a u-turn and changed the topic immediately.

”I miss the time when you used to hang onto every word I said and take me seriously,” Sohee sighed dramatically while clutching the heavy book to his chest. He turned his head and stared wistfully at the grey cloud hanging low in the sky.

”I’m still listening to you, do I not?” Anton defended.

”Is that so? I bet you can’t recall what I was saying earlier,” Sohee challenged. Anton leaned his body further into Sohee as a retaliation, now Sohee got a handful of Anton’s fluffy hair shoved under his nose.

”You are talking about Captain Ahab’s soliloquy,” Anton replied easily.

”That is like, half an hour ago,” Sohee grumbled. “I was asking if you had asked any companion yet for the incoming event and I was relaying father’s message for you to please stop being picky and so cold rejecting any young lady or gentleman that comes your way.”

Anton gave him one of his signature smiles when he wanted to get out of an unfavorable situation. “Really? My mind must have been sidetracked at the last minute.”

With how fast and easy it was for Anton to drop the bugging, Sohee didn’t need to be told that he succeeded in steering away from the topic. Secretly, he ignored the weighing feeling inside his chest hearing Anton’s voice that took an icy turn.

”I think it is high time they stop troubling themselves with those invitations. I am not interested in finding a potential mate, not for another ten years at least,” Anton peered upwards, gauging Sohee’s reaction—which isn’t much. Sohee was too trained to do this.

”Don’t be so mean. You know they especially expect your attendance. Eunseok hyung insists that this opening ceremony is very important for both our families.”

Anton held himself back from saying something rude in case it would offend Sohee. He had lost count of how many times people had been telling him about something along that line. As if there was some big board above Anton’s head that announced to the world he would abandon the function. Of course Anton was aware this cultural center was one of those prestigious joint projects between the Lee and Song family. They go way back and have a long history behind them hence the added emotional points.

One of the things that Anton wished could be spared when he joined the Lee family was the many social events and functions that left him drained at the end of the day.

”Song Eunseok doesn’t even like me. Actually, he’d be happy if I ditched this time,” Anton defended. And it was true enough to be able to excuse him from the dire events.

The dynamics for the three of them were like this—Eunseok tolerates Anton and vice versa only when Sohee was involved. Outside this arrangement, they would be happy to ignore each other not unlike ignoring a speck of dust lingering in the corner of an unused room. If either one of them were feeling playful and brave enough to earn Sohee’s ire, there would be stabbing involved—literally and figuratively speaking.

”He just likes to tease a little. He went easy on you actually, you don’t know how bad it was when I was five,” Sohee replied quickly, the end of his sentence trailed in whine. He must have recalled all sorts of pranks Song Eunseok played on him. Enough to give him a headache.

”That’s different, he adores you.”

”He would adore you too if you can stop shooting daggers at him every chance you get. Seriously, when will the two of you grow up,” Sohee clacked his tongue in annoyance when he remembered Anton and Eunseok often behave like a preschool kid..

”I don’t need him to like me.” The As long as you do went unsaid.

”Fine, you brat. You’re probably too cool to care about someone’s opinion anyway. But seriously though, try to get along. Sungchan hyung will be there too.”

hearing the last name coming out of Sohee’s mouth, Anton couldn’t help but groan in despair. Of course the tall bean would be there, he was practically Eunseok’s twin—which could only mean one thing. Whenever Anton met Sungchan at this kind of event, his cousin would be there too, trailing not far behind. Jung Dahye was a kind and sweet girl, Anton had no personal grudge towards her except for her advances. She might think she was subtle enough but Anton had always been a sensitive and perceptive person ever since he was a kid. It got to the point where he easily saw through people’s hidden agenda.

”Promise me two wish coupons and I’ll go,” Anton resorted to parlay.

”Are you a kid—okay, shoot away.”

”Attend my recital for the new year’s eve, for starters?”

”You’ve got a recital soon? Why don’t I know about this?” Sohee gaped in surprise.

With his head fully seated on top of Sohee’s lap, Anton got the leverage to gaze at Sohee’s face. He made those signature pouty faces like a tweety bird whenever he was upset or caught in surprise. His eyebrow nearly met in the middle with how strong he was frowning. In the end, Anton couldn’t resist burying his hand in Sohee’s hair just shy above his nape and pulled him closer.

”That’s why I’m telling you now.”

”And the second wish?”

”That’s for me to decide when you’ll hear it.”

5.

Sohee was over at Sungchan’s apartment, looking through his vinyl collection and album on a fancy shelf standing in the living room. The older boy was on a hunting rampage for rare vinyl records for the past two years; it was borderline obsession now. Sohee remembered how Sungchan was getting scolded by Professor Jung because he skipped his parents’ wedding anniversary and went to an auction.

However what caught his attention was an old photo book. The jacket was worn by time with its chipped corner. He flipped open the first few pages and his heart was filled with nostalgia seeing collections of their photos taken during their teenage years. The sheets mostly captured their trip and birthday party and other silly moments. He paused a little when he spotted a photo of Eunseok and Anton wearing a triangular pink hat, holding a giant white cake in the middle. Sohee remembered they often celebrate Anton and Eunseok birthday together due to the close date.

”Something interesting caught your attention?” Sungchan appeared from the hallway, fresh out of the shower judging by his damp hair. Even so his hands are equipped with two steaming mugs Sohee didn’t know when he had the time to make that. He sat on the sofa and tapped the empty space beside him, signaling Sohee to follow suit.

”Nothing, just reminiscing about the good old days,” Sohee shrugged. He slotted himself beside Sungchan like a puzzle and placed the book on top of his lap.

”Good old days huh?” Sungchan arched his eyebrow. He dragged his word in a way that indicated he saw through Sohee’s lies even though he didn’t press further, only sipping his drink.

Sohee gave in. ”Did something happen between Eunseok-hyung and Chanyoungie?”

”Like what?”

Sohee looked out of the window instead, probably mulling over his words on how to best explain it to Sungchan without sounding like a nosy gossiping lady.

”I’m not sure. But do you think there is something important that I should know but I’m not aware of? Anton kept saying something strange lately and I wonder if he got into an argument with Eunseok hyung?”

Sungchan only observed him for a long time without saying anything. Even when Sohee turned to look at him, he kept his mouth shut as if weighing the words floating in his mind. Sohee wondered what kept him silent, Sungchan isn’t a very talkative person and only said what is necessary. He also rarely sugar-coated his word to entertain something that went against his principle. If he took this long to give Sohee an answer he must have felt unsure how the recipient would react to his words and it weighed heavy on his heart.

”Why are you hesitating?” Sohee nudged Sungchan with his foot.

”On a scale from one to ten how sure are you not to curse or sulk at me?” Sungchan gave him a lopsided smile.

”Come, now, hyung. What do you think I am? A preschool kid?” Sohee punched Sungchan lightly, feigning offence. Usually Sungchan would play along by pretending to get hurt, however he seemed to be lost in his thoughts while giving his signature ‘laser-sharp-intimidating-gaze’, so Sohee asked again—weakly. “Was it that bad?”

Sungchan blinked as if casting away some spell before scoffing. “They just got into disagreements. Normal things, he’ll come around.”

”What kind of disagreements?” Sohee urged.

”I’m afraid they won’t disclose the details anytime soon. Not until they have resolved their dispute first. Probably nothing serious.”

Sohee didn’t like how that sounded. He also found it regretful that he was being kept out of the loop. What stung more was that it was Anton, of all people, who had chosen to keep this from him. A part of Sohee felt betrayed. If Sohee knew things would get to this extent, he would have confronted both of them from the start. But then, it also left Sohee with one big question.

”Does it have something to do with me?”

Sungchan closed the book he had been reading with a dull thud. In a way, it felt like his indirect way to say that this discussion was closed, that he wouldn’t offer more explanation. “That one I probably couldn’t answer. I don’t know myself.”

Outside of the window, snow fell heavily covering the ground with white. Though Sohee sat close to the fireplace, he felt cold imagining a reality where two among his favourite person didn’t get along, moreso if he was at the center of the crossfire.

Sungchan observed Sohee’s crestfallen face in silence. Talking about Anton in an unfavorable way always brought Sohee’s mood down. Contrary to popular belief, Sohee wasn’t one to show affection openly. Maybe being his big brother played a significant part, but Sohee had always been inexplicably fond of Anton and his affection was very transparent for others to see.

“He doesn’t hate him or have a personal grudge towards Anton. On the contrary, he is very concerned about him. Despite his goofy persona you know how strict and strong-headed Eunseok can be. It was inevitable they would get involved in a dispute once in a while.”

”Eunseok is his mentor in regards to showing the footstep in becoming a family head. But you also know Anton is at the age where things like that can be frustrating. And that is not adding to how he came here in the first place.”

At Sohee’s pensive reaction, Sungchan finally added, slightly in a humorous tone this time as if he was envisioning a sitcom. “Just wait until the ball, by then I think they would have talked it out. But you know Anton, he would always have his revenge one way or another.”

A soft smile finally bloomed in Sohee’s face. Sungchan wasn’t wrong. Anton rarely held grudges no matter what kind of prank other people pulled. On the rare moment he got upset, he always made sure to have his revenge in a harmless way. It was even cute, in Sohee’s biased opinion. Sungchan chuckled in amusement seeing Sohee’s mood visibly brighten recalling Anton’s antic.

”Does that finally make your concern go away, your highness?” the older boy teased.

Feeling called out, Sohee smiled sheepishly before whining defensively. ”I mean, Anton doesn’t seem to want to talk about it with me, that’s why I’m concerned if things turned out to be worse than what it seems. They—” Sohee stumbled over his words. “ —I don’t think I can handle it if they end up despising each other.”

Sungchan immediately toned down his teasing hearing vulnerability in Sohee’s voice and confession. He reached out to stroke Sohee’s head and smiled when the younger boy indulged him and leaned into his palm. “You know they are better than that, don’t worry. Now hurry up and finish your drink before it gets cold.”

Too absorbed in his concern, Sohee forgot the hot chocolate sitting idly inside his palm. He quickly took a sip from the mig and grimaced instantly, Sungchan was right, the temperature had dropped down significantly, it was now lukewarm. Sungchan grabbed the mug and went to retrieve another hot chocolate before Sohee could protest.

”Should we go retrieve your suit for the ball tomorrow?” Sungchan suggested as he handed over a steaming hot chocolate to Sohee and got a soft thanks in return. Sohee tilted his head in question, not fully capturing Sungchan’s intention.

”I think it is better if you spend the night here and we can go to the ball together,” Sungchan explained, he also added a dramatic excuse complete with a miserable pout. “And I need my daily dose of Sohee’s hug after a hell of a week being apart.”

Sohee rolled his eyes at Sungchan’s exaggerated plea. Sometimes Sohee forgot that his supposed fiance—Sungchan—is at heart a giant baby. It wouldn’t even take five seconds before he clung over Sohee like he was a puppy about to get abandoned by his owner. Sohee smiled in triumph when he felt a heavy weight on his shoulder, if it was not for the sofa, Sohee would have toppled over.

”Okay, okay, stop being dramatic, hyung.”

”Or should we just skip the function and have fun by ourselves?” Sungchan winked cheekily. Seeing the wild gleam in his eyes, Sohee had to push him full force before things went south.

”No. I barely persuaded Anton to attend, he would raise hell if I ended up ditching him. And Eunseok hyung wouldn’t let us off easily,” Sohee groaned.

Sungchan scoffed but mumbled in agreement. Sohee thought he caught him cursing under his breath—something about an ungrateful friend and brother complex, Sohee wasn’t sure. Just when Sohee thought Sungchan would get off him, the older boy lifted him off the couch and princess-carrying him—to his bedroom, Sohee supposed.

”Hyung, I can walk. My legs work just fine,” Sohee deadpanned.

”This is my compensation,” Sungchan replied stubbornly.

Sohee threw his head backward, resigned. Just when Sungchan kicked the door open, Sohee muttered in an exasperated voice. “What kind of business trip turn people into a corny mess?”

Sungchan only laughed instead of an answer. He was too busy moving Sohee’s body like he was his personal human sized doll. With a few quick and effective movements, Sohee found himself buried under a thick and warm blanket. Sungchan reached over his body to turn the lights off, leaving them in complete darkness except for the soft orange glow from the night light. He lied down and put his head in the crook of Sohee’s neck, his long arms trapping Sohee inside his embrace.

”You are worse than Anton, hyung. And he is the clingiest person I know.”

”You should stop being his enabler. Anton only acted out like that because he knows you’ll always have his side.” Sungchan whispered. Sohee turned to look at him but with his eyes closed and shrouded in darkness, Sungchan’s face gave away nothing.

6.

Anton found him in a small pavilion tucked away in some corner of the hallway surrounding the main hall where the event is held. Most of the lights were turned off except for the wall sconce lined on the wall. The dingy hallway made the silvery wave of moonlight spill easily filling the dark space. Sohee heard his heavy footsteps before he saw him, standing in the middle of the hallway like a ghost with how the moonlight made his white tuxedo seem to glimmer. Enveloping him in a faint shiny wave of light like an elf from the lord of the rings movie.

’Anton’s Revenge’ a voice that suspiciously sounds too much like Jung Sungchan’s whispered in Sohee’s ear.

Sohee couldn’t help but smile amusedly at Anton’s attire. A three piece suit which looks ordinary except he wore all white, the subtle but glamorous one which he only wore to an event held by the Songs. It was Anton’s passive aggressive way of pissing Eunseok off. Anton wore an all white outfit once during his parents wedding anniversary as it was a mandatory dress code. The people around him exclaimed in awe and praised Anton that he looked like an angel—with his hair having grown past his nape, framing his face like a cherub. Eunseok, in his bland and sarcastic manner, remarked that Anton resembled a devil in disguise more than an angel. At that time, Sohee just slapped the older boy, half playful, half reprimanding. Sohee was aware Eunseok had been grumpy all evening because he hated white but he couldn’t let any rude remark toward his little brother pass by without repercussion—the repercussion being Sohee’s kitty punch, but the sentiment remained. Anton, however, took it as a silent challenge and made it his mission to wear all white to any function as long as Eunseok was confirmed to be there.

”That psychotic brat.” Eunseok grumbled under his breath when he spotted a crimson rose tucked neatly on his chest as a final touch, his eyebrows frowned in reproach like Anton had cursed his ancestor and future bloodline.

”Hyung, that’s harsh!” Sohee chastised lightly, though he found the whole ordeal funny—he worked hard to control his voice so Eunseok didn’t recognize the amusement dripping within.

A chuckle escaped from his mouth before he knew it when he recalled one of Anton’s childish beef with Eunseok.

”Care to share the jokes?” Anton arched his eyebrow and made himself a room across Sohee in a natural manner.

”Nothing,” Sohee shrugged. When Anton only stared at him expectantly, he confessed. “I admire your dedication to always wear white in front of Eunseok hyung’s presence. You know Hyung hates it.”

”He doesn’t hate the clothes, he hates me. You could wear a white funeral robe and he’d still kiss the ground you walk on,” Anton clarified.

Soheee tried not to wince. Eunseok and Anton had never been in a lovey dovey relationship from the get go, but he didn’t remember them being actually hostile towards each other either. Lately though, Sohee began to wonder if he had missed some kind of development between the two of them. With Anton away in boarding school, the three of them rarely meet together. There was little to none instance where they could meet without Sohee’s knowing or presence—instinctually, Sohee knew the two of them weren't the type to willingly hang out together without anyone’s involvement. Sohee decided to bury the thought for the moment and addressed something else instead.

”Why are you here and not in the main hall?”

”I’m tired. You know very well this type of event doesn’t suit me despite my looks.” Anton replied sharply.

”You ran away after the first dance, didn’t you?” Sohee accused. He turned his body to fully face Anton with his arm crossed—ready to nag him further before Anton beat him.

”I don’t see you dance either, so why am I the only one who got told off because I rejected a second dance?” Anton complained. This way, he resembled a spoiled puppy more than a prince charming that everyone saw him as.

”You probably rejected a few people before coming here, didn’t you? This invitation is especially for you Anton, of course disappearing from the event wouldn’t leave a good note,” Sohee chided softly.

He wouldn’t want to sour Anton’s mood any further if he could. However Sohee was serious about getting Anton back out there under the spotlight rather than lingering in a shady corner like this. From his peripheral, he could see the doorman and a few waitresses moving in hurry whispering to each other. Someone must have been notified about Anton’s disappearance from the main hall.

”Should you want to complain or sulk, you know it is better that I nagged you here first rather than grandpa telling your ear off for the next three days.” Sohee reprimanded with a light tone so he didn’t come across as overbearing. Judging by the lopsided smile blooming in Anton’s face, Sohee knew his message was received well.

In lieu of an answer, Anton just offered his hand wordlessly. Though he didn’t say a single world his eyes spoke loud enough to convey the invitation. Sohee smiled sourly. If there was someone who found this function a hassle more than Anton, it was Sohee. Putting an appearance out there at the opening was something. But willingly engaging or gracing the guest all night would send Sohee into an emergency unit sooner than standing in the snow naked.

”My second wish, the one you promised you would grant me in return for coming here. If I must suffer on the dance floor, suffer with me,” Anton declared stubbornly. Sohee must have spoiled the kid rotten when he wasn’t even tall enough to reach Sohee’s chin. Now he must suffer the entitlement Anton often had when it came to Sohee.

”I’m not sure it will be a good sight. Why would you dance with me?”

”As far as I’m concerned, I’m not here to entertain anyone with my dance. And if it bothers you so much just ignore them and only look at me,” Anton’s choice of words were cheeky if not for the stern voice and steely gaze he directed at Sohee.

”Fine, you brat. You better do well, if you so much as step on my shoelace I’m throwing your cello to the fountain,” Sohee’s threat must appear like a harmless kitten throwing fits if Anton's amused smile was anything to go by. Anton was lucky Sohee still found him cute or else Sohee would make him cry with his insults like what he did to his bully and stalker during his sophomore year.

Looping his arm around Anton’s elbow, the both of them stepped into the checkered floor of the main hall. And in every step, Sohee tried to ignore the lingering stares from all over the room. It was surprisingly easy thanks to Anton’s grounding presence.

—

”I don’t understand this—extravagance of an event.” Chanyooung whispered in between the steady sway of their body following the slow waltz played by the orchestra. Sohee must agree that this function they made was a little too much—but he must not show this sentiment.

”Then you should have stepped up your game.”

”This is not a regency era. I’m not in a desperate need to secure a partner whatsoever.”

”Just treat this like a rare opportunity to recruit a potential partner. Father must have been concerned when you spared no time outside cello and swimming practice,” Sohee rolled his eyes.

”I’m afraid his effort is not effective. I don’t see how I can secure a partner when I’m barely able to peer underneath their mask,” Anton disagreed.

Sohee knew Anton wasn’t only alluding to the masquerade ball, the current theme of the party. During his time living as the second child of the Lee household, Anton had faced many unsavory advances from a lot of people—more so after his presentation news spreaded out to the whole world that he was an alpha. It was only natural he would grow despising this kind of gathering. Though, despite his apprehension, he never failed to show perfect mannerism and a perfect charming smile—hence Sohee considered him amazing.

Conversations about a future partner and vague signals about Anton inheriting his family’s foundation always wear the younger’s spirit fast. Sohee decided to cut Anton some slack tonight. Ultimately, it wasn’t his job to secure Anton a perfect mate. He had his nosy family to take care of it.

Sohee smiled not unkindly. “You are a good person, Anton. Whoever comes your way, I pray that they are equally good people too so that both of you can live happily.”

The waltz came to an end just as Sohee said those last sentences. He went to remove his hands from around Canyoung when he realized the other hadn’t loosened his hold around his body. Sohee peered at Anton, his inquiring gaze collided with the infinite abyss of Anton’s eyes that reflected no answer. The hold around his back and waist loosen eventually, and like a clockwork, Anton guided Sohee to the side following the other people clearing the dance floor.

The master of ceremony now took their place on the stage to carry on the event. Their voices were clear and jolly, resonating through the hall. Sohee couldn’t catch half the words coming out of their mouth. Not when he was distracted by the warm sensation enveloping his wrist. Though they had finished the dance, Anton didn’t completely remove their connection. He kept Sohee close by his side, his towering body like a shield in front of him, and his warm palm enclosed perfectly around Sohee’s wrist like a vice.

In the middle of that, Sohee’s eyes landed on a group of familiar people across the room, his family was there with Doctor Jung. He also easily spotted Sungchan’s towering figure conversing candidly with his mother, who looked glamorous in burgundy dress.

”Is that true? You want me to be happy?” Anton asked, finally looking in Sohee’s direction after standing still like a statue.

”Of course, is that even a question?” Sohee answered in a way that told Anton it was indisputable. His eyes stared at Anton funny as if he had grown a second head.

”I wonder what is the price for me to claim my happiness,” Anton replied, there was a soft smile gracing his face but it didn’t reach his eyes. Something about his peering gaze made Sohee want to look away though it seemed futile when he was frozen in place. A small voice inside his head was mimicking Eunseok’s words about Anton looking like the devil in Constantine but it quickly faded away.

Sohee was about to scold Anton for having such unbecoming thoughts when something snatched his breath away. A phantom sensation coming from two different sources. One was ignited from his wrist, the other came from across the room.

He whipped his head forward, so quick he almost gave himself a whiplash. On the opposite end from where he was standing, a familiar pair of Sungchan’s brown eyes ignited an ember within Sohee, like he was on the precipice of commiting cardinal sin. There was a knowing look in his eyes that traced down Sohee’s face towards his wrist where he was intertwined with Anton. Looking down, Sohee held down a shiver when he felt calloused fingers tracing the vein inside his wrist, as if mapping and feeling the rushing blood pulsing through them. The subtle yet capricious gesture flamed the ember into fire and Sohee could picture himself jumping inside the inferno.

During that whirlwind of sensation, Sohee sensed something akin to a heatwave looming just above his head. At any point ready to crash down on him. All of a sudden, he was reminded of the third reckoning that marked the stage of his life. And quite possibly the event that placed the first rift between himself and Anton. His late manifestation.

7.

Sohee's late manifestation happened in spring when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, painting the town and university’s landscape pink with its dazzling petals. A nightmare for those who were allergic to pollen but otherwise a heavenly season for the romantic soul. Sohee, in his opinion, was neither allergic to pollen nor a romantic person—but this season brought him nightmares nonetheless. Even though the spring sun shone softly and the wind carried a cool breeze, Sohee was enveloped in agony like the sun was blazing hot just above his skin.

Since long ago, he was made aware that his unique health condition wasn’t made for him to go through a secondary presentation to begin with. When his seventeenth birthday had long passed and he was entering twenty, everyone concluded he had been born a beta. Sohee was glad, even so his mother, as she gripped his hands tightly and whispered how Sohee probably couldn’t withstand the change.

But what are the odds that he would present as an omega not long after he turned twenty one?

Life, it seemed, like to pull a joke on him when it was inconvenient for him. He remembered vividly the overwhelming scent and stimulus attacking his nerves all at once when he walked around the Art and Architecture department with Sungchan. Through his delirious mind, he could remember Jung Sungchan's panicked face when Sohee collapsed in front of him, lying limp on the hard ground covered in pink. His last memory before he blacked out was the cherry blossom raining down his face and body, the sweet airy scent so strong it blocked the oxygen from going through his throat. It was ironically a beautiful sight if not for the excruciating pain. And as they fell heavily as if it were to bury him alive—Sohee wished he would just drop dead, skipping the heat burning his body.

—

”Sohee-ya…”

His mother’s somber face greeted him first thing when he opened his eyes and regained consciousness. He felt tired, body sagging heavily and his limbs were weak all over—no matter what he couldn’t summon enough power to move them. He stared at the white clinical ceiling he had grown familiar with how often he visited the hospital.

”Mom, what happened...” his voice was barely audible through the respirator and his throat felt like sandpaper.

”No–it’s okay, just lie down,” his mother rushed to hold him down gently when he saw Sohee struggling to get out of bed. Distantly he heard someone murmur just outside the door.

”The doctor is here.”

The man who walked into the room along with the nurses trailing behind him wore a familiar face. Sohee thought he must have seen him more often than some of his relatives given how he had been there since Sohee was brought into this world. The doctor smiled amicably at him, the one which he reserved for Sohee when he wanted to come across more human rather than clinical. Like instances where he noticed Sohee began to feel depressed because his body failed him, he would then engage Sohee in a story unrelated to his health condition. Sometimes about his travels abroad, or the stray kitten he met along the way to work, he also showed Sohee the picture of his pet fish, the aquarium at least the size of the examination bed that made Sohee exclaim in awe.

”Hello, Professor Jung,” Sohee greeted hoarsely.

”Hello to you too, Sohee.”

”Am I finally going to die?” Sohee joked which earned his mother’s surprised gasp. She stared at Sohee in disbelief; she might as well curse him with her eyes.

Fortunately for Sohee, the joke was received well by Professor Song if his amused chuckle were any indication. “Surprisingly no, young man. Like I said, you’ll live a long life and outlive me.”

The doctor, Professor Jung, who was also a long time friend of his parents, started to give a brief explanation about Sohee’s condition. He’s presenting, sure, that one was a no brainer. His concern was mainly about how his new dynamic would impact his already wonky immune system. Even in a normal environment his body got sick often, they couldn’t say for sure how Sohee would handle his new biological cycle in this current situation.

”We can’t draw any conclusion right now. Looking at your chart, there doesn’t seem to be something that is out of place except for the high fever. But it was normal during the presentation. Let’s wait for a few days while we observe your condition.”

”Thanks, doc…” Sohee smiled weakly.

”No, thanks for staying strong through this. Sungchan would hound me even in the afterlife If I can’t save his fiance,” Doctor Jung remarked playfully. Sohee was secretly grateful that his weak state excused him from giving any answer that might probably put them in an awkward situation. The man exited his room not long after, his mother trailing behind and Sohee rolled his eyes when he saw Sungchan barrelling through the door with a pale face.

”Hyung, you’ll trip yourself running like that,” Sohee said, half joking and half serious.

There were too many instances where Sungchan got himself hurt or injured other people because he was carelessly moved through things with those giant limbs and body. However his words fell through deaf ears when the older boy just walked briskly and dragged a stool harshly near the hospital bed. The screeching sounds sharp enough to pierce through Sohee’s numbed sense. Sohee grimaced behind the mask.

”You have no right to reprimand me about things after scaring me to death like that, Lee Sohee,” Sungchan said after a deep exhale. Sohee was surprised by the barely covered tremor in his voice.

”I’m fine, hyung. Sorry though.”

”Nah, I’m being unfair. We know it is beyond your control.”

Sohee placed his hand on top of Sungchan. He hoped that it conveyed his message better that he was in fact alive and not in a critical condition. And that Sungchan better wiped off that miserable frown in his face before Sohee kicked him out for souring the mood.

”How do you feel?”

”I’m fine, except that I feel exhausted like I just ran a marathon.” Sohee didn’t mention the dizziness or the occasional burst of heatwave and cramps. Or that his sense was going haywire because he had been smelling different scents that attacked his nerve like invisible daggers. He’d rather keep it to himself.

”Good. We don’t want another reason to add to his over dramatic ass entrance then,” Sungchan smiled whimsically.

”Who?”

”Anton is here.”

The door burst open like they timed it perfectly. It would be a comical scene if not for the distressed and bitter aura coming off of Anton’s person like a tidal wave. Sohee wanted to gag.

”Sohee hyung.” Anton crossed the room in a blur, he threw his shoulder bag haphazardly and dove straight to envelop Sohee in a tight embrace. “I thought you almost died.”

”Well, with how some of you are reacting, it is only a matter of time someone thinks I passed away,” Sohee tried to joke. It went past Anton’s head since he only tightened his embrace. Rather than the manifestation, Sohee would likely die from suffocation. He tapped Anton’s shoulder a few times before he let Sohee go.

”I’m fine, I’m alive. Now, don’t cry.”

Sohee was getting tired of reassuring people just after he had woken up, but just like everything else, he always made an exception for Anton. Of course Sohee couldn’t stand seeing his crumpled face, tears welling up in his red eyes. Sohee swiped them away before it could create a waterfall. Now that he was more awake and sober, Sohee took his time taking in Anton’s disheveled appearance. His swimming club jersey was not fully zipped and rumpled here and there.

”Did you—”

”He ditched practice as soon as he heard you were admitted to the ER,” Sungchan offered an explanation. Deciding to remind them of his presence after having strangely felt alienated by the siblings reunion.

”Anton, really?” Sohee frowned in disapproval where Anton just threw his face to the side.

”It isn’t important.”

”Your upcoming match is next week,” Sohee beat him.

”If you care enough to remember my competition why can’t you take care of yourself better?” Anton gritted his teeth in restrained anger. “What do you think about collapsing like that? What if Sungchan hyung wasn’t there?”

The room was stunned in silence at Anton’s unexpected outburst. Gone was the mild mannered and cool Anton, and in his stead was a seething high school student. Sohee blinked owlishly. Unsure how to respond since this was the first time Anton raised his voice at him.

”Anton…” Sungchan warned.

Anton blocked Sohee’s hand that was reaching towards his face, probably trying to wipe off the tears that eventually fell down in rapid succession. He wiped it off with his arm roughly instead. After that, the words that flowed freely through his mouth were beyond his control. It was as if another being was speaking through him as a medium—their voice steely and distant.

”Hyung, why are you so reckless? You always nagged at me to watch my health but what did you do?”

”What if you really die? Do you think I would just let it go?”

”Anton, we both know this isn’t anyone’s fault. If you’re not going to behave, please get out of here. Sohee is unwell.”

”No, hyung. You stay out of this.”

”Enough.” Sungchan’s voice boomed throughout the room. The chair screeched loudly behind him when he stood up abruptly.

Sohee couldn’t choose which one surprised him more. Sungchan lost his cool and eventually spoke through his alpha voice—a rare occurrence. Or witnessing Anton asserting his dominance by using his alpha voice for the first time—a milestone in his life. Either way, both of their posturing sent heady and dense pheromones in his way and attacked his newly formed and still fragile omega sense. Sohee almost felt like he was being electrocuted throughout his nerve system. Beside him, the ECG monitor went haywire with rapid beeping sounds. Indicating his accelerated heart rate. If Sohee’s painful groan didn’t break the tension between Sungchan and Anton, the alarming sound of the monitor definitely did.

”Chanyoung…” Sohee called weakly, he called him by his middle name when things were too strained between them.

”Chanyoung, I get it now. I’m fine, so, please stop it—both of you...”

The familiar roiling heat beneath his skin just before he fainted came back in multitudes. Licking his skin from the tip of his toes to the end of his temple. Sohee instinctively knew he was just a breadth of a hair to succumb to darkness once again.

”Sohee hyung…” Anton whispered, snapping out of trance.

It was already too late then, when the nurse and Doctor Jung were coming in hurry beyond the door. The ECG must have sent an alarm to the station. Both Sungchan and Anton were promptly whisked away from the room, leaving them outside with Mrs. Lee whose face had turned even more haggard. There was some confusion in her eyes though it was soon replaced by contempt when her gaze landed on Anton. It was as if she had already found the answer and the source of the problem coming her way.

Anton, now with his head significantly cooler than before, maintaining his straight posture and perfect poker face. His eyes gave nothing, unlike the heated gaze he had been exchanging with Sungchan not even an hour ago. Mrs. Lee scoffed weakly at his statue-like appearance and cold demeanor.

—

Much later, when the sun almost set and Sohee’s condition was more stabilized, Doctor Jung advised them to go home and let the hospital watch over Sohee. At the same time, they also discovered that Sohee was experiencing his first heat. Although it wasn’t an intense or severe one, his weak constitution may have been causing the distress and volatile heart rate his body went through.

Mrs. Lee almost broke down in tears yet again and collapsed immediately if her aide hadn’t come rushing to her side and finally escorted her home. When the silhouette of Sohee’s mother was no longer in sight, Doctor Jung turned to the two towering boys standing awkwardly on the opposite wall of the hallway. He observed silently the stiff air cracking between them and shook his head in disapproval. Without having the boys explain in words, the man likely got a glimpse of what triggered Sohee’s condition.

”You boys should sort it out or I will personally ban you from entering the hospital,” he said finally before leaving them to their own devices.

For a minute or so, there was only quiet awkwardness. Sungchan was the first to relent and extended the first olive branch—especially being the older one of the two.

”You high school brats are so insufferable. Let’s take a walk, Anton.”

8.

Sohee wondered what it said about him that out of all the things he could recall, his memories from his manifestation day which also marked his first fight with Anton came to his mind—now that he was in the middle of his heat cycle. It was awful enough having to endure the excruciating heat and occasional cramps. Now he felt sacrilegious how he felt the need to suppress his desire because the thought that Anton’s room was just across his horrified him in a way he refused to acknowledge. Almost like he was about to taint something sacred and pure.

The notion was ridiculous because any omega in heat went through the same ordeal—uninhibited desire and all, knowing very well he couldn’t fight nature in any way. Furthermore Anton’s room had been vacant for a long time. He only spent weekends at home due to his swimming and cello course in high school. And now that he moved into the college dormitory, his room might as well be a cold display of what was once made up Anton’s life, frozen in time.

Rationally, it shouldn’t bother Sohee where he would spend his heat on.

Sohee’s heat cycle happens irregularly, and so does the duration of the heat. Mostly it lasted in a short time and he would find himself bedridden for two or three days. Tonight marked the third night of his heat and he felt it wouldn’t recede any time. This time, his heat felt like a slow burning fire waiting to consume the wood into ashes, and it hadn’t reached its peak yet. Frankly saying, it was terrible. The first and last time he had felt agonizing pain like this was when he was presenting and having his first heat soon after. It might offer an explanation why the memories of his fight with Anton resurfaced.

Nevertheless, Sohee needed to put this fire out soon. It was troublesome how he could barely drag himself out of the bed. He had been sweating profusely and on the verge of dehydration so he forced himself to gulp as much water as he could. His heat was coming unannounced so the helper couldn’t prepare much except for dropping boxes of water and supplements in Sohee’s room. The porridge served this morning to replenish his energy left untouched on top of his study. The pain in his stomach was severe this time, he can’t digest anything remotely solid—he kept throwing it up.

Along the pain, there was an emptiness in the core of his body that begged to be filled and decidedly not by food. Sohee was silently cursing his half horny half conscious mind. If his cycle was going to last this long, he wished his mind would succumb to instinct already so there was no shame left in fulfilling his desire. Apparently, Sohee’s own mind decided to tether him into common sense and turned into his biggest enemy.

Hesitation and being prude was placing him at a disadvantage, Sohee opted to retrieve his toy collection and was determined to end his heat once and for all. It was common practice since his manifestation to spend his heat aided by toys. It saved him the embarrassment since Sohee was against searching for heat partners or casual fling.

He quickly grabbed a pink vibrator with a reasonable size, his go-to device whenever his heat came. It was effective and comfortable, enough to give him the relief he needed without sending him into an ER or frying his nerves. But just like everything else that happened this time, it wasn’t nearly enough. Contrarily, it only ignited his desire higher, what was once a small burning ember now growing into a full blown flame.

”Shit..” Sohee cursed into his pillow. Tears are beginning to soak into the bolster in his desperation.

An imaginary bulb suddenly popped in his mind and Sohee went back rummaging through the box. Hoping that he hadn’t thrown out that thing already. He almost smiled when he found the black silicon toy right at the bottom of the box. It was given to him by Jaehyun as a crude joke, celebrating Sohee’s manifestation, he had said. When Sohee first saw the gigantic toy he promptly threw it across the room and swore at Jaehyun for one minute straight. How can he not when he was both surprised and intimidated by the dildo almost the size of his arm.

In this moment, Sohee thought that Jaehyun might have seen a vision the day he gifted the toy to him. Sohee made quick work of sterilizing the toy before planting it in the centre of his bed. Ignoring his trembling legs, he kneeled with resolution above the toy, the tip barely grazed his wet mounds with its impressive length. Sohee descended after taking a deep breath.

Unsurprisingly it wasn’t an easy thing to do even if Sohee had stretched himself with the previous toy. He was too anxious and nervous to relax his muscles. The toy barely breached his wall when he clamped down his passage in reflex—his body registering that he never was and wasn't ready to receive something along this size.

”Please, please… make it work—,” Sohee chanted desperately.

He closed his eyes, tapping inside his memory, in search of an event or scenic places that would calm and relax his mind. A first snow falling outside of the window perhaps, or the warm reddish foliage scattered on the ground during autumn. Maybe it was the glowing candle during christmas eve? Or—or, a gentle and cold spring breeze, a dash of pink and purple hue from the cherry blossom petals. The giant tree provided shade during summer and a melancholic rain of pink flowers during spring. That might worked.

Sohee’s muscles relaxed a little recalling the sweet and soft scent of cherry blossoms during spring. Its essence was now her favourite bath bomb and reed diffuser. He almost felt regretful that the pure and precious thing was what helped him commit this vulgar act. But regardless of what he feels, it worked like magic. In one swift motion Sohee found himself swallowing more than a third quarter of the dildo. His breath was punched out of his lungs, he didn’t think he could go farther than this when he felt impossibly full. And yet—he wasn’t satisfied.

His omega instinct and logic collided. His body told him to go ahead but his mind told him this was his limit. In the end, Sohee only moved his body in a small wave, testing the water, undulating supported by his weak leg. It would be nice if there were some magic string moving his body to completion but alas he wasn’t some paper doll. When he began to find pleasure, his movement began to turn frantic and desperate. Unheeded by the limitation of his physical body.

Afterwards, Sohee found himself absorbed in pleasure. Head full of delicious friction from the large toy scratching his sensitive spot. Later, out of his prediction, he didn't expect his legs would slip and give out, impaling his weight onto the dildo and swallowing the toy completely. It should have hurt, he wondered if he tore something, but his wall was definitely bruised. But the expected pain was overrode by the sudden fullness filling his passage and sharp pleasure from the toy knocking his uterus. He reached his peak right that moment

”Argh!” Sohee threw his head back. His first real orgasm crashing onto him like a tidal wave.

Sohee didn’t get to ride his high when the lust and desire came back full force, knocking him off to lay on his bed. A batch of fresh tears fell down his face. Sohee couldn’t do this again, not when his body was still sensitive from the release. But having a mind of his own, Sohee found his body sitting back and started to abuse the toy—his cries and pleas from the overstimulation notwithstanding.

As if injected with a boost of energy, his movement was rougher than before, the creaking of the bed was a testament to Sohee’s forceful gyrating hips. Sohee grabbed a pillow and bit the soft cushion to muffle his cries. If the steady thud of the headboard hitting the wall wasn’t enough to alert anyone, his high pitched scream would definitely do. Even though he knew he had the entire wing by himself, Sohee couldn’t help but be cautious.

After his first climax, it took longer for Sohee to have his release. The pleasure only mounted higher and higher but never reached its peak and it slowly turned Sohee desperate. All this pleasure kept electrifying down to the tip of his fingers, burning his inside, but it wouldn’t break or explode and finally gave him rest. It came to a point where Sohee if he had offended someone lately and they tried to hex him. Or if he unknowingly trespassed a sacred place and managed to anger some spirit or deity. Both are ridiculous when Sohee wasn’t into mysticism though his family is.

Feels good…it hurts, it hurts. Sohee’s mind only screamed two things at him. That it felt so good and that the pleasure was too much it was torturing him. He couldn’t stop rolling his body when his omega nature was taking over the reign. The only way to end this torture was to have his climax soon. Well, if that wasn’t what he was trying to achieve—desperately. When the tell-tale sign of his climax didn’t come, Sohee resorted to the previous method.

Sohee prided himself on having a strong mind. In a time like this when instinct was conquering most his control, that skill would come in handy. Once again he took a deep breath and focused on his mind. He imagined himself looking at the heat wave rolling in his body in a state of disarray and trying to put them in order. Cherry blossoms, imagine cherry blossoms. They look like they fall mindlessly but as it is with nature, it has its own pattern. So does the heat cycle. Control it.

Gradually, his sporadic movement slowed down into a slow but deep rhythm. Rolling his hips purposefully to achieve optimal pleasure instead of cashing them with abandon. He remembered watching the slow, spiralling cherry blossom falling to the ground with constant velocity and began to twist his waist in the same motion and rhythm. Sohee moaned in a hoarse voice. His slow tempo made the drag of the silicon against his walls felt more electrifying. It created a spark behind his eyelids like the beginning of a firework. Now he just had to wait for his orgasm to explode in an array of colours and lights. However Sohee couldn’t help but think that it lacked something. There was only one thing missing for him to reach a perfect climax. And thus began what he later called as his downfall into madness.

He began imagining real human touch. Their warmth contrasts the cold and rigid silicone from the artificial cock. Sohee imagined their firm and gentle hands guiding him to ride off his heat. Aiding him climbing his desired release. They were not forceful, attuned to Sohee’s tempo, but Sohee could feel their silent power just from their touch. Sohee also imagined burying his head and body in their embrace. Their pheromones rolled in gentle waves enveloping Sohee and appeasing his omega instinct. Sohee pictured himself winding his arms around that person's shoulder, a broad and solid muscle sturdy enough as his anchor.

Sohee brought his hands down and imagined that the hands were a lot bigger and broader than his own. One locking his waist in place and the other stimulating his clitoris. Their fingers longer and the pads were calloused from working out and playing intently with instruments that involved holding down strings and bow.

And then there is the voice. Soft but assertive to have Sohee succumbing to his command. Tugging his strings. Delivering him to heightened pleasure. Halting him when he was just about to tip over. Playing Sohee like a fiddle. And when Sohee had enough of their cruel teasing, they would only chuckle in that casual manner.

’Sohee-hyung.’

Pleasure came crashing down for the second time in a violent current. Sohee’s back made a perfect arch before he toppled down to the bed. For a moment there was only silence and ringing in his ears.

’Sohee-hyung.’

Sohee inhaled sharply. Realization slowly dawned on him when the haze of lust almost completely dissipated. The realization that he had imagined his half brother while having his release during heat struck him like a lightning bolt before a hailstorm. Sohee jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom with unsteady legs. His stomach churned as he dry heaved above the cold sink. Nothing really came out given how he consumed nothing except water and supplements for the last three days.

He looked up to the mirror assessing his reflection. He expected himself at least to look haggard so his guilt could be chipped a little. What he found instead was his flushed complexion. His eyes barely lucid and though it was clear for someone in the midst of his heat, the haze of lust clinging in the corner couldn’t be ignored. Sohee found it hard to breathe as his chest and throat constricted. The sharp sting from the edges of the marble counter digging into his palm finally sent him crumbling on the floor.

Sohee’s muffled screams echoed between the cold wall of his bathroom.

— —

Sungchan was flipping through the pages of his book when his phone pinged, receiving a new message. One of his eyebrows raised in surprise reading the name of the messenger—Mrs. Seo, one of Lee family’s long-time maids and Sohee’s nanny. Her text implied that Sohee’s current heat was unusual. Their beloved young master had been isolating himself in his room, the food they served in front of his room left untouched. Whenever they pass through the hallway, they often hear Sohee’s pained whimper or a sound of something solid bumped into one another. In short, they asked if Sungchan could check Sohee’s condition before they informed Mr. and Mrs. Lee who were currently away.

Sungchan hesitated for a moment. Trespassing into an omega’s nest during their heat wasn’t a trivial thing. It was natural that the maid would ask for his help, after all Sungchan is Sohee’s fiance. And both Sungchan and Sohee have had experience in helping each other cycle before when the situation called for it. All things considered, he was in no position to feel awkward. And he was glad that he drove off to Sohee’s house immediately.

Maid Seo had a solid reason behind her worry. Sohee’s heat usually lasted short, when he didn’t answer his text on the third day, Sungchan began to worry if there was something wrong. And Jung Sungchan found him like that. Half-naked, lying on the bathroom floor with his eyes closed. Sungchan crouched on his side in a hurry but quickly let out a relieved breath when he felt Sohee’s steady breath.

”Sohee—”

”I’m fine. Stop worrying hyung, I can hear your thoughts, I’m just—it’s more comfortable here.”

It was probably a lie. But judging by his burning skin, Sungchan would let it slide—if not for persuading Sohee to move to a proper place or he would catch a fever for real. Sungchan scooped him up from the floor like that, ignoring his hissy fit and strong complaints asking to be let down. Sohee started throwing his fist and twisting his body when Sungchan disposed of him on the bed, he deliberately ignored the black dildo abandoned on the edge of the bed and let it tipped over.

”No, hyung, take me back. I’m burning, it hurts so much… I can’t do this anymore,” Sohee cried helplessly. He crawled to where Sungchan was standing on the side of the bed and clung to his coat for dear life.

In the history of him knowing Sohee, never had the boy acted this desperately. Although being younger and had a playful nature, Sohee carried himself with dignity rarely seen in other kids his age. Even when Sungchan helped him during his heat, Sohee never completely lost his composure. Hence, seeing Sohee spiralling down into a crying mess was so off-putting, it felt unreal.

His heat must have broken him down. He wondered how severe it was judging by the thick and sweet pheromone penetrating his nose even when he was on an inhibitor to anticipate an unsavory development. That being said, considering Sohee’s current state, Sungchan could only offer one solution.

”Let me help you.”

Sohee's tear-streaked face looked up to him. He blinked slowly trying to register Sungchan’s words. “What?”

”You heard me.” Though Sungchan didn’t expect him to fully comprehend the situation amidst his heat.

“I don’t think it will recede anytime soon and you know how to resolve that, naturally,” Sungchan emphasized on the last part. Of course nothing about that suggestion is scandalizing or unreasonable. It wouldn’t be their first time together so there was no need to feel awkward.

Sohee nodded. He threw his arm around Sungchan’s waist and buried his face on his stomach, sobbing like a child losing his first pet. Sohee felt like he was five again where he often cried to Sungchan whenever he was in distress or upset, seeking for his comfort. Those habits slowly wore off when Anton came to his life and he had to take his role as a dependable older brother. Just the thought of Anton’s name was enough to choke Sohee with guilt, he was sobbing even harder.

”Sssh.. It’s okay Sohee. What is the use of your fiance if he can’t help you?” Sungchan held Sohee’s face tenderly and stroked his swollen eye. Though his voice was gentle, his doe eyes were sharp enough to penetrate Sohee’s soul, he was rooted on his spot.

”Hyung, can I kiss you—”

Sungchan beat him to it by pressing Sohee back to the bed and claiming his lips in a slow but demanding kiss. It soon turned fierce with the heat enveloping the two of them, their body a tangled mess guided by instinct and desire. His hands snaked smoothly behind Sohee’s nape and held the boy firmly so he couldn’t escape his kiss.

When he felt rather suffocated, he raised his body to discard his coat and shirt completely, also to let Sohee take as much oxygen as he needed. From the corner of his eyes, he spotted a downturned photo frame. It was a familiar black frame Sungchan knew very well as it was the only photo Sohee displayed in his room. If he were to turn the frame over, he would find a photo of Sohee smiling brightly beside Anton who carried a huge flower bucket to celebrate his junior high school graduation. Sungchan smiled wryly, at the same time, his pheromone spilled over enough to trigger Sohee’s lust.

After discarding his coat, Sungchan began to devour Sohee’s in earnest.

Even through his heat, Sohee sensed how Sungchan fucked him with a newfound determination. His intense gaze was unlike anything he had seen previously. He held Sohee down and took his pleasure over and over and drove Sohee into oblivion, begging for his life. That day Sohee discovered how Sungchan’s gentle words and touch could match perfectly with his violent snap of his hips. His tender kiss bestowed on his face like a final touch sealing his fate, and also a silent forgiveness.

Two days later when Sohee’s heat completely dissipated, Sungchan proposed to Sohee. He wanted to move forward with their wedding ceremony. And Sohee didn’t find any reason to say no.

—

It had been a while since they spent time together like this, enjoying each other's company while doing nothing in particular. Sohee was lounging near the bay window, Anton’s room had the most beautiful view where he could see the garden clearly. He liked how the lantern lit up the pathway beautifully and gave an idyllic ambiance. He felt warm and satisfied after a hearty dinner they hosted for the Jung family to discuss Sohee’s wedding arrangement with their youngest son.

Both of their family are thrilled with the news that they were stepping into the next stage rather soon. Something that Anton apparently didn’t share as he leaned his back weakly against the headboard. The boy had overindulged in his wine consumption and now he was sporting a light headache. Sohee made sure to nag him a little after helping him to his bed.

”I still think you should be the one succeeding your father's position.”

”Well, our family has its own rules and tradition to follow.”

Sohee probably knew that Anton was about to say some unsavory remarks about the elder hence he added quickly. “Besides, it is not really my thing. Actually it is better that I don’t have this responsibility.”

”Aren’t you upset?”

”Whatever for?”

”You could have all of this if not for me. I mean, I think I would be beyond upset if suddenly my father announced that he has an illegitimate child, brought him home, and later ended up inheriting his place as the family head.”

And maybe it was because of the alcohol, or the snow falling heavily outside that amplified the somber mood, but Anton found himself rambling. Saying the words he would otherwise keep to himself in normal circumstances. Words that he was afraid and afraid still to let it out in the air because perhaps it would hurt Sohee, or struck some invisible wound Sohee had been hiding and he was too crafty for everyone to notice. Words that if Anton began to unveil, the rest of his contemptible thoughts would follow and he was laid bare and vulnerable to the world—to Sohee.

”And you wouldn’t have been rushed into an arranged marriage just because said bastard child turned out to be an alpha and apparently—to our family—it wasn’t a good thing having unmated alpha and omega siblings in one house. A bad omen.”

Sohee needed a moment to process Anton’s words. He was stunned. Anton never directly addressed how his relatives regarded his existence. And he also rarely brought up the issue of how their family was such a traditionalist in their sentiment and attitude towards secondary gender. Especially not in front of Sohee considering this topic was sensitive for his egalitarian belief.

”Chanyoung, you know I could never hate you,” Sohee spoke finally, his voice soft and careful. He leaned his body forward, hands folded in his lap as his attention directed solely towards Anton. A habit the older one developed whenever Anton was on edge or had his one foot across mental breakdown. Chanyoung was the name Sohee used to call him if things were fragile or too vulnerable.

”And I don’t dislike this marriage either. I think Sungchan hyung is the best partner that I could get among other people out there. You’ve known him since forever so I’m sure you know what kind of person he is.”

Jung Sungchan is too good of a person, maybe that was why it irked Anton more than necessary. It was better if he had been some pompous bastard like many elite alpha from his school. But no, Jung Sungchan is a complete sweetheart and he is the perfect partner for his equally darling hyung. Nonetheless, Anton couldn’t defuse the fire swirling in his chest stemmed from—jealousy, mixed with the familiar shame, guilt, and anger.

”Even if you eventually married into his equally traditionalist family?” Anton replied bitterly. There was some sick thrill seeing Sohee’s alarmed face, the thought that his behaviour finally instilled some reminder to Sohee that he wasn’t just a harmless younger brother brought a small smile.

”What got you so upset you had to bring up his family?”

”You always said you wanted to travel around the world, where you are not tied to any social status or secondary gender. Do you think they would let an omega have that kind of liberty?” Anton’s brain was not fast enough to stop the words falling from his mouth. Distantly he heard the sound of glass cracking, probably his relationship with Sohee.

”Enough,” Sohee’s face hardened, he stood from the chair as if burned. His eyes reflected hurt and betrayal at his callous words.

”I take it that these days have been stressful for you to behave like this. I’ll leave you to rest and get yourself together,” Sohee said in that smooth and composed voice that he used to calm a child throwing a tantrum. It worked contrary to his intention as it only stoked his anger.

As Sohee was turning his body to leave the room and Anton alone, the younger did something he was too late to regret. He pinned Sohee’s against the wall in one breath, his light body too easy to be manhandled. Like this, Sohee was no better than a preserved butterfly pinned behind a frame. Anton didn’t let Sohee form a single word before he dipped low to capture Sohee’s rosy lips.

Anton could hear Sohee holding his breath. He was frozen for a few seconds before his eyes widening in realization. By the time he wanted to escape, Anton had locked his jaws and body in a bruising grip. Anton sucked alternately between Sohee’s lower and upper lips. When he decided it wasn’t enough, he bit Sohee’s lips open, the blood gushing from the torn skin left a salty taste in his tongue as he delved inside Sohee’s mouth. Anton’s kiss was merciless, sucking harshly on Sohee’s tongue and lapping the roof of his mouth harshly, leaving a fiery trail behind.

Sohee quickly lost his breath with how demanding Anton’s kiss was. His neck was sore from tilting back since Anton deepened the kiss. Pushing Anton back was like pushing a giant rock with the way he didn't budge, his weak punch probably bore no impact either. In the end, Anton only let Sohee go when his legs lost their power and he began sagging weakly against the wall.

Sohee wasted no time to inhale as much oxygen as possible. When his head no longer felt dizzy, he raised his hands spontaneously to slap Anton across his cheek. Sohee didn’t know which was louder, the sound of his palm making contact with Anton’s face or the immediate gasp from his lips. His action shocked him more than the one receiving his slap.

The loud slapping sound was followed by a pregnant silence that enveloped the two of them. Neither Anton nor Sohee moved from their place nor said anything. Anton’s face still turned sideways bearing the impact. Though Sohee could see his flushed face, Anton remained composed, as opposite to Sohee who struggled with his laboured breath.

When Anton finally turned to face him, Sohee no longer recognized the look in Anton’s eyes. It was like looking into a whole different person with the face of his younger brother. Or it could be that he refused to see Anton in a new light, like he was refusing a revelation about Anton that would uproot his understanding and view about him.

”Sohee hyung—”

”No!” Sohee hissed. No, he can’t do this.

”Sorry…” Sohee offered a half hearted apology before running out of the room. Leaving Anton alone with a storm brewing above his head.

—

Sohee didn’t talk to him for the days that followed. Whenever Anton caught a little of his shadow, he was always in a hurry heading off somewhere and always came home late at night. Sometimes when Anton deliberately stayed up late, Sohee didn’t even come home. Probably sleeping over at Sungchan’s apartment judging by the caramel and woody scent Anton picked up when he was back.

Did Anton regret giving Sohee an unwarranted kiss like that? He couldn’t say he fully regretted it, one of these days he was bound to snap anyway. If there was something he chose to take back is the hurtful words he unintentionally hurled at Sohee. The clear pain in his eyes was vividly embedded in his mind and it haunted his sleep. Unfortunately, he couldn’t trouble himself with this problem any longer since he had to go back to the dormitory and prepare for the year end recital. He left the house without saying goodbye to Lee Sohee.

10.

The Pas De Deux ended with the majestic swell of the orchestra. There was a sacred silence before claps erupted from around the hall. Anton let himself bask in the echoing claps while patiently waiting for the concertmaster to take a bow and leave the stage first. Amidst that, he dared to sweep his eyes on the front row of the seats and until his gaze landed on a familiar figure.

’What a fool.’ Anton thought bitterly when he caught Sohee’s slender figure sitting beside his soon to be husband, he was clapping weakly with his lap full of bouquet of flowers. When Anton caught his gaze, Sohee didn’t avoid him. Rather, his eyes shone with a certain resolution that called for a dreary conversation.

The backstage was empty except for Anton and a huge case containing his cello. All of the orchestra members had hurriedly bid each other goodbye and rushed out to meet with their family or friends to spend the rest of the night together. The joyful spirit of the year end holiday was apparent in their excited voices and fast steps. The same spirit and energy didn’t reach Anton who had been sitting in silence and stared absently at the opposite wall for the past hour. He wished to become one with the chair to avoid the one person he would have been excited to meet otherwise.

Anton knew he was only prolonged his agony when he heard familiar footsteps entering the room. The rusty door hinge creaked softly when the frame was pushed open. Sohee appeared like an apparition behind the door. He didn’t utter a single word after the door snapped close and only stood across the room with his back ramrod straight. Any other time, Anton would beckon Sohee to move closer and made a joke that he wouldn’t bite. However he couldn’t blame Sohee for his awkward stance since Anton did bite him the last time they were together inside an enclosed space.

”You came,” Anton said in lieu of a greeting.

”I promised, didn’t I?”

Of course Sohee was too kind to break his promise even though the stunt Anton pulled the other night was as good as a transgression. If Sohee was to throw him into the abyss or burn him alive Anton would gladly let him. “It’s late, you should go.”

Anton put on his coat and slung his cello on his back, intending to send Sohee off. He couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t pull another crazy move in his presence. Whatever Sohee was going to say could wait until the year ends while he sorted his thoughts, hiding away in the dorm.

”I’ll take you to Sungchan hyung.”

Sohee made a move to block the door when Anton walked closer. “I told him to go home first. And we need to talk.”

”I’m a little bit tired, can we postpone this?” Anton didn’t care how childish and cowardly he was.

”Chanyoung,” Sohee said sternly, his eyes not once leaving Anton’s face. That goddamn Chanyoung had never sounded so damning before.

Then it hit him when Anton was neither close nor far enough from where Sohee was standing. The pheromone that enveloped Sohee was now rolling in a gentle but protective wave, piercing his nose. Sohee’s usual light cherry blossom scent completely buried under the thick caramel and amber pheromone Anton was all too familiar with. It wasn’t difficult to guess what kind of affair transpired before he came to Anton’s recital. Considering they are betrothed to each other, it was nothing to raise a fuss about. However Anton couldn’t stop the sick feeling on his stomach realizing that other people could perceive the same thing. Seeing an omega parading another alpha’s pheromones could only mean one thing. As it turned out, Jung Sungchan can be a possessive bastard if he wanted to.

Anton stepped closer in denial, he laughed inwardly as the scent only grew sharper like an insult. And then he said without malice, ”You are a fool aren't you.”

Sohee raised the large bouquet he had been holding in front of his chest. Under the dim light, Anton gazed at the white sheer paper holding a bunch of freesia and pink tulips. He couldn’t hold back the ironic laugh that escaped his mouth.

Sohee pressed the bouquet gently to Anton’s chest. “Congratulations for the performance, you did well. Take your time to wrap up and go home for the holiday.”

Despite his calm voice, Sohee’s warning was clear; Anton better not cross the line. As long as he kept his boundary Sohee would treat that fateful night as an alcohol induced accident and move on. Anton really appreciated that Sohee would look the other way and even gave him time to move on at his own pace. The problem was Anton could see himself only grew greedy.

He held Sohee’s thin wrist and pulled the older one closer. Sohee’s body visibly flinched but Anton would like to applaud his determination in maintaining eye contact. At the same time, he wanted to cry out of frustration and guilt because deep down he knew Sohee only did this out of his trust towards Anton. He always knew Sohee had a strong mental constitution. Sohee believed in himself not to get swayed by fleeting desire and he also put enormous trust in Anton that the boy would do the same. That kind of trust was built by years of growing up together and the affection he developed for Anton over the years.

There was a faint shine of reflected light from Sohee’s neck and Anton looked down to see a thin silver chain hiding behind the collar. He was a little winded when he recognized the necklace resting around Sohee’s neck. His hand hovered briefly over the junction between Sohee’s neck and shoulder, when the older boy didn’t budge he hooked his fingers around the chain and pulled out the butterfly pendant attached to it.

”You still keep this necklace?”

”Of course, it was your first gift for me.” Sohee smiled weakly.

Anton was too stunned to give a proper answer. He remembered walking around a department store after winning his first competition in junior high when a butterfly pendant dangling from its silver chain caught his sight. It was almost like a fate with how butterfly was Sohee’s favourite and his birthday was only one week away. Sohee couldn’t contain his happiness when Anton sneaked his gift into his room late at night when he thought the older boy was sleeping.

”You are very dear to me, Chanyoung. And I sincerely wanted you to stay that way.” Only then Sohee’s composure cracked and Anton finally saw his eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

Anton’s heart broke a little at the sight. He exhaled a long breath before pulling Sohee to his embrace, cradling him like a fine porcelain. Anton looked pensively at the bouquet fallen above the carpet. Maybe Eunseok was right when he said that Sohee indulged Anton so much that it backfired on both of them. However, that didn’t change the genuine bond and sincere affection they had for each other. And Anton would be the worst person alive to betray that bond.

When Anton could feel the front side of his jacket suddenly dampened, he realized Sohee had begun crying. He stroked Sohee’s head awkwardly with his free hand whose arm wasn’t strapped to the cello case. He had to make it work either way.

”Sorry. I’m sorry, hyung—So please, don’t cry.” Anton whispered.

”I’m sorry, I really am. Sorry, Sohee hyung...”

Sohee’s cries only got worse when Anton kept saying sorry so he stopped apologizing and resorted to holding Sohee in silence until his tears stopped flowing. They stood like that for another fifteen minutes until there were no more cries or sobbing. Anton didn’t say anything except guiding Sohee to the lobby where his car had been waiting. When the driver pulled the door open, Sohee turned his body in a flash and gave Anton a tight hug before he finally went inside the car. He rolled the window down as if afraid Anton would disappear if Sohee didn’t take a good look for the last time.

”See you soon?”

”Be careful on your way home,” Anton crouched his body and placed his hands on top of the window as a reassurance. Sohee nodded and the driver started the engine. Anton didn’t take his eyes from the car until it disappeared from his periphery.

Anron sighed heavily, he felt like half of his soul was escaping his body. This recent development was the second curveball fate had thrown at him. Tonight, he feared he wouldn’t get some sleep. Instead he needed to ruminate with his thoughts. Just like a few years ago when he had his unexpected rut that had snowballed into this.

11.

”You high school brats are so insufferable. Let’s take a walk, Anton.”

”’Kay..” Anton replied weakly. It was as much as a shout considering his character. Back then, Anton wouldn’t even answer to anyone except for Sohee when he was upset.

When he didn’t hear Anton’s footsteps following him, Sungchan turned to examine Anton. To say that he was only taken aback was an understatement. Still standing against the opposite wall, Anton’s face was steadily redden in colour and his breath sounded heavier. His eyebrow furrowed together as if having a hard time comprehending the situation. When he looked up at Sungchan, his face was filled with shock, his pupils trembling with cold realization.

”Hyung..” Anton whispered, voice laced with surprise and unmistaken dread.

A shadow of understanding crept into Sungchan's face as reality cracked upon them. It struck him like a freight train, almost physically sending him off balance. Sungchan could create thousands of excuses for what was currently happening but one implication hung in the air like a guillotine.

”Anton, you are entering the rut cycle.”

Anton wished Sungchan hadn’t said that out loud. Because it made everything even more real. The final nail to his coffin. A curse, a bad omen. Those phrases kept ringing in his head as his vision went blurry and his mind was dancing between rationality and instinct.

God must hate him.

—

Eunseok was halfway drifting off to sleep after pulling an all nighter and running on two hours sleep for the past two weeks. The popular saying passed down from his seniors that being an architecture major was brutal especially during final weeks was not an exaggeration. He was already sleep deprived as it was catching up on assignments. The annual exhibition event was literally sucking his soul, there was nothing he wanted more than crashing on his bed. Eunseok was very grateful that he splurged his money on one of those overpriced mattresses well-suited for a middle aged man.

Therefore when he heard the tell tale of a car engine pulling over his garage, he wanted to curse that person out. He was dead set on ignoring whoever it was disturbing his well earned rest and pretended to be dead. That was until that person kept abusing his doorbell like a maniac and his phone started vibrating like crazy—why didn’t he turn his phone off in advance, Eunseok lamented.

When the sharp ringing bell didn’t subside along with the incoming call, Eunseok grabbed his phone roughly and frowned when Jung Sungchan’s name flashed on the screen. What the hell?

Out of all people, Jung Sungchan knew very well not to disturb him considering Eunseok had been warning him non stop three weeks prior that he had a major event coming. That he would hardly show up at group gatherings or movie night, and instead preparing the exhibition—probably drowned in layout planning and handling production. And if Sungchan or anyone else was to bother him, Eunseok would flip off. Sungchan had seen him lose his temper once and he honestly doesn’t want a repeat of that event.

Thinking that it must be urgent enough if Sungchan was to disturb a tiger’s den, Eunseok walked languidly to the front door.

—

He shouldn’t have gone back home at all. Or better, he really should pretend to be dead and never walk into the foyer.

Eunseok couldn’t really process what was happening when he opened that door and was greeted by the sight of a disheveled Anton being supported by Sungchan. What hit him first was the boy’s pheromone pouring heavily, almost triggering Eunseok’s alpha instinct even through his fatigued laden brain. He suppressed his growl when Sungchan breezed past him and assumedly threw Anton into one of the empty rooms in his house—probably the farthest most secluded one.

”What the fuck was that?” The words came unfiltered from Eunseok’s mouth when Sungchan reappeared in the living room.

”What do you think? He is entering his rut cycle,” Sungchan walked briskly into the kitchen and roughly yanked open the fridge. He stood there for a long moment as if digesting the reality before snatching a bottle of water. The content disappeared instantly as if to defuse the chaos in his mind.

”Well, yes, then send him home? Which is not very far from here actually.”

Sungchan didn’t answer, he never looked at Eunseok properly either since his sudden visit. Now that he took a good look, Sungchan’s complexion was rather pale. Eunseok traced his gaze which landed on the opposite wall where a copy of ‘The Scream’ painting was displayed. However his gaze was faraway and in deep contempt, also Eunseok knew he had no particular fascination towards Edvard Munch so he must be thinking about something else.

”He’s in a rut. But why?”

”Because he is an alpha? Sungchan, what is going on?” Eunseok was getting a little concerned when Sungchan started rambling to himself. He snapped his fingers and even called his name many times but it was like Sungchan didn’t even notice his presence.

”He shouldn’t have—”

”You better explain it so we could save ourselves some trouble.” Eunseok pressed. Running low on sleep shortened his patience.

”Because he shouldn’t have!” Sungchan shrieked. It wasn’t like him at all. There were only a handful of times when Jung Sungchan went into hysterics and almost all were out of excitement.

This time, standing in the middle of his kitchen, with his palm covering most of his face, he strangely resembled a poor copy of The Scream. Eunseok could feel his horror, if his face was not a dead giveaway already. His silent denial now rang loud when Eunseok was more alert by his whisper-scream earlier.

”Sohee’s heat triggered him. Do you know what that implied!? I can’t send him home! What would his family think of him?”

’Probably couldn’t be worse than it already is’. Eunseok thought to himself. Half of them already held Anton in an unfavorable way from the get go. But if this news went out all hell would break loose. Eunseok grimaced. With how close their family’s relationship’s are, the chaos was bound to reach the Song household.

”Okay,” Eunseok decided—to nothing in particular.

“Okay, I get your point. We said nothing about this, let the boy ride off his cycle. And pretend it never happened.”

It took a while until Sungchan removed his hands and faced Eunseok properly. Though it was apparent that internal conflict was brewing in his mind, he did appear calmer than before. He dropped his body on the stool bar and sagged instantly like he just ran a marathon. Honestly, Sungchan would rather run a marathon instead of this awkward discovery.

For five minutes or so, neither Eunseok nor Sungchan said anything. Each of them drowned in their own thoughts. Or trying to calm their mind while assuring themselves that things would turn out fine. They both flinched when a loud bang and growls were heard down the hallway as if to yank them back to reality. To the crisis that needed immediate attention.

”Shit…” Sungchan exhaled.

”It could be a fluke. Now let’s see if I have some inhibitor left.”

—

Sungchan left Anton in Eunseok’s care to watch over him during those three days he endured his rut. And as per their agreement, they would speak nothing about this. That was how Sungchan, Eunseok, and Anton found themself bound by a dire secret they’d rather forget—shoved it under the rug and what not.

For someone so gentle, Anton’s rut turned to be violent and tumultuous. Eunseok could only pray that his door is sturdy enough to withstand Anton’s occasional beating, the kid growling to be let out. He also thanked every god out there that he had inhibitors stacked in his house to completely block his alpha from getting triggered by other pheromones. And if during those nights Eunseok had to endure chilling realization hearing Anton’s desperate cries and guttural growl calling Sohee names over and over, nobody had to know.

Or when they failed to hold a civilized discussion after Anton’s rut and ended up sporting marching bruises on their face, it was but anyone's business.

One week later, Sohee would receive the news that Anton was going to move into a training facility and live in a dorm. For Sohee, it meant that their time spent together was being significantly cut down more than a half. Limited only to three days and school break. For Anton, it was like a self imposed exile and the start of his lonely journey battling a part of himself that harbored sacrilegious feelings for Sohee.

12.

Sohee didn’t think fate completely hated him. But they did fucked up a significant part of his life that he held dear.

His poor health was just the first. And miraculously it got better after the years gone by, especially when he had his manifestation. So Sohee only resented fate a little after that.

But his ill-fated relationship with the one precious person in his life was the most cruel and twisted thing fate could bestow upon him. It was incomprehensible how they had sent Anton to him like a godsend gift only to doom his relationship like that.

Anton didn’t come home when the Christmas dinner was held. He didn’t show up after the bell indicating the new year was rung either. When he asked his father, he only got a short and vague answer that Anton was on a last minute business trip. Sohee indignantly thought what kind of business conducted during the winter and new year holiday, however he didn’t press further. He spent the first few weeks of January staring into his phone, scrolling through his unanswered messages and calls he sent to Anton’s number.

Sohee’s anxiety grew day by day, when it got apparent enough to influence the mood in the room, his mother came and scolded him to get a grip.

”Sohee, dear,” his mother said wearily, she looked tired of Sohee spacing out and ignoring the tailor's instructions for the third time. “Anton is fine, he is just busy.”

”But why didn’t he return my call or messages?”

”That is no longer your concern,” his mother reprimanded sternly. Having enough of Sohee’s distracted minds she stood up and directed Sohee’s body herself with a cold and clinical move he didn’t know she possessed.

”We need you to put all your focus and energy into preparing for your wedding. Anton will be fine without you smothering him, he is trained that way.”

Sohee was a little startled, he never heard his mother speak in this cold manner throughout his life. Or did it slip from his attention?

”Focus. Sohee dear.”

—

’Sorry, Sohee hyung. Things are rather hectic. But I’m fine.’

It was Anton’s last message before he went under the radar once more. The next time Sohee heard news about Anton’s life was from his father when they had dinner. Sohee got a little bit of deja vu, receiving big news across the dinner table like this.

Anton was going to Juilliard. It started in spring and it turned out he had been preparing for this transfer since last year. His father was against Anton going abroad since it was a hindrance in his training as the head of the family. But Anton was unexpectedly more stubborn and determined than he looked. When Grandpa Lee gave him the green light considering he was still more than capable in running as the head, he gave Anton more time to learn while pursuing his passion first. After that, his father was more lenient to let Anton go.

He could hear the metaphorical sound of a glass breaking, maybe it was his heart. Once again, Sohee was thrown outside of his orbit—being kept out of the loop like this. Sohee asked if there was more to it but his father only gave him a questioning face, not understanding what information Sohee wished to get.

It was as if Anton’s presence had turned into a ghost in a single night. Physically out of reach but in a way his presence was here—or had been here, and Sohee dreaded that by time, his existence might have vanished the longer he was away from this house. He felt silly because he acted like Anton was gone forever, not going abroad studying in a foreign country one flight ticket away.

But why did Sohee couldn’t wash away this heavy feeling weighing his heart?

—

Sohee got his answer when it was in the middle of February and realized Anton wouldn’t show up anytime soon. Though he was overcome with sorrow, Sohee was careful not to let it show more so when he had a big event oncoming, just around the corner.

Sohee no longer felt like crying when scrolling through his unanswered texts. He was beginning to accept the reality that maybe it was the inevitable outcome. His wedding was less than two weeks away and Sohee decided this would be his last text. He kept overwriting the sentence over and over before settling in one simple message.

’Happy birthday, Chanyoung.’

—

The day before his wedding day took place, Sohee woke up with a sense of subtle peace which he had not felt since the start of the new year. Maybe because spring had come in full bloom that it indirectly lit up his mood. When he walked along the hallway, he met Mrs. Seo, who greeted him excitedly while informing him he had received a present in the reading room. Sohee hadn’t the chance to ask her the details when the middle aged woman already moved in a hurry to somewhere else.

When he walked near the reading room, a few strangers wearing delivery services uniform were walking out, they only nodded to Sohee briefly before disappearing to the back door. Sohee got a good look at his so-called present when he stepped into the room. He gasped in surprise.

Almost all the corner and floor area were filled with sunflowers except for the tapestry in front of the chaise and small pathway created to reach the chaise. His wedding tuxedo stood in stark contrast in the middle of the sunflower like an alien object.

Sohee looked around the room, exclaimed in awe at the sunflowers ranging in sizes from small to big. Some of them were placed inside of a vase or bouquet, but many also came with their planter, with their roots intact. Sohee wondered who had the idea of filling up his favourite place with sunflowers.

On the chaise, there was a giant bouquet wrapped in beige paper with a card tied on the stem. Sohee suspect that small square paper hold the mysterious sender behind this unusual gift.

A nostalgic and bittersweet feeling bloomed in Sohee’s chest reading the brief but concise message written with blue ink along with the mailer’s name. His chest felt constricted in a mix of relief, happiness, but profound sadness all together. Tears fell from his eyes on top of the card, smudging the ink a little. Sohee quickly blinked those tears away to regain his composure. He leaned on the side of the chaise and looked outside of the windows.

The pink petals were raining everywhere. A new season of Sohee’s life was about to start. And like how the message it contained in the small paper he hold tenderly, Sohee wished the same for the other person that sent him this meaningful gift.

—

Congratulations on your new endeavour, Sohee hyung. May your new stage of life be filled with happiness and full of blessing.

— With Love, Chanyoung.

—