Archive of Our Own ^beta

either way, we're not alone - 11:53pm , strathfield park sydney nsw

In the cold bite of Sydney's shocking winter, Elizabeth sat on a park swing.

It was the middle of the night–or more specifically, 11:53pm–and she was gauging whether or not she should lift herself up from the chain-held seat. 

She could return home, to her warm bed and beloved heater. She could curl up beneath the thick blankets and melt away into a plush wonderland, where the weekend welcomed her with open arms. Then, she would try again on a different day.

But, Elizabeth did not stand up. She tightened a hand around the swing's chain and pulled her phone out. Her message to Jade remained unanswered, and she had a feeling it would stay that way for eight or so hours. 

"hanging out @ the park if u wnt 2 come"

A chorus of laughter erupted from the direction of a large underpass, where–if Elizabeth leaned forward and squinted–she could see a group, lit up by the warm glow of a fire that should not be lit there.

Junkies. She told herself, and lowered her head back down to look at her phone. Her mother was always prattling on about them when they travelled around Sydney, shooting disgusted looks at the weathered tents and blankets tucked away in the alleyways. Elizabeth couldn't help but remind her that "homeless" and "junkie' were not synonymous, but she never listened.

Her gaze flickered back to the group, far enough away that they probably wouldn't notice her, and wondered if they had lost themselves to a euphoric trip or were trying to keep their spirits alight with a good conversation.

She didn't dare do anything else, because she wasn't that good of a runner.

Her phone chimed, and she looked back down at it. It was an image from Jade, and when the loading circle finally completed and revealed the image, she felt a chill go up her spine. Elizabeth saw herself from several yards away, back to the taker as she stared off into the distance.

When she turned around, chains rattling with her movement, she saw the dimly lit form of Jade, swamped in a thick woolen coat and the fluffiest pair of pants Elizabeth had ever seen. It rivaled her legwarmers, but where the faux fur was thick and itchy on her legs, Jade's were tufty and looked so warm. As Elizabeth sat in a large knitted sweater and old tracksuit pants, she felt severely underdressed.

"You came." She breathed out, the warmth crystallising in the frozen air. Jade rolled her eyes as she strode forward, stepping over the second swing and sitting down on it.

"My parents will kill me if they find out I snuck out." Jade groaned, leaning her head back to stare at the vast–yet light-polluted–sky.

Elizabeth swallowed thickly, fighting the blush that fought to overwhelm her face at the simple words. She broke her parents' rules for me!

"You didn't have to." She softly muttered, eyes drifting from Jade to the woodchip ground. 

Jade gave her a look, one that she understood all too well. She's spent months working across the table from the blonde, so Elizabeth could read ger expressions like it was her first language.

But I did anyway. It said, and she squeezed the chain tight. Her phone was abandoned onto her lap, and Elizabeth wrapped her other hand around the chain beside it.

"It's been really cold recently." She mumbled after a moment of silence. Jade snorted, covering her mouth to smother the giggles that seeped from her mouth. Elizabeth looked at her, alarmed and confused. Did she say something wrong?

"We really need to work on your conversation skills, Liz." Jade said, laughter still creeping into her voice.

The nickname had once earned a bright, burning reaction, but it had since settled down into something easily hidden. Perhaps it was the soft, amused way she said those words that twisted something in Elizabeth's gut. Or maybe the way the moon lit her face at such an angle that made her look divine. There was a softness around her features Elizabeth had only dreamed of seeing, smoothing the crease of worry present when the world was around them.

For now, in the privacy of two girls that had tangled themself in their strings of fate, Jade was unblemished by worry, by fear of prying eyes and loose lips. She smiled at Elizabeth and it felt like she was staring down the headlights of a truck barrelling towards her.

"Since you're not doing anything." Jade continued, and Elizabeth forced herself to look away. How she could just move on like that, as if she didn't make the other sink further into the intoxicating deep end of admiration, Elizabeth hadn't a clue.

"Do you want to play truth or dare?"

A heart slammed up against the roof of her neck, then sank into the ground beneath her. 

"Sure." Elizabeth breathed out, fearing she'd exhale too hard and blow the stardust around her away.

Jade smiled once again. Elizabeth smiled along with her.

"Truth." Jade states, before Elizabeth could even part her lips. She wondered if there would be a single dare in this game. Selfishly, she hoped not.

"What's your favourite colour?"

Jade levelled her a look, one brow dipped and the other raised. 

"Green." She said easily. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Elizabeth squeaked. 

"Who do you hate the most at school?"

Okay. Straight to the hard hitting questions. She realised, a little late, that this game wouldn't be exchanging what their favourite things were.

"I don't…" She began, voice trailing off as she looked at the ground. She didn't hate anyone. 

"Surely there's someone." Jade prompted, leaning back on the swing and letting her legs kick out to rock her into a gentle movement. "Someone who stole your pen, or a teacher that gave too much homework."

Elizabeth bit her lip, deep in thought. 

"I guess there was this one time that Mrs. Chalker yelled at me because I wouldn't take my arm warmers off."

Jade shrugged. "I'll take it."

"What about you?" The raven-haired girl said in lieu of the typical "truth or dare".

Jade's answer was almost instant, and her face twisted to match the resentful tone she adopted.

"Abigail, and Rebecca." She paused for a moment, before adding. "Lindsey too, but mainly Abigail and Rebecca."

Confusion settled in her gut, spilling over to her face.

"But, aren't they your–"

"No." Jade snapped, lip curled with dismay. "They could die tomorrow and I wouldn't even care."

Elizabeth recoiled at the sudden aggression, brows knotting into a frown as her mouth twisted. Sure, Jade was snappy and rude when they met, but she had never seen the girl hold such malice before. 

Jade's eyes shifted to Elizabeth, and she shook her head, as if clearing the thoughts from her mind.

"Sorry." She muttered, gaze dropping to the ground. "It's…complicated."

"Can I ask…?" Elizabeth tilted her head, but Jade was quick to shake a "no". Her mouth moved to form something, but the words died long before they could reach her tongue.

A beat of silence.

"Truth." Elizabeth announced. Jade bit back a lopsided smile.

"What was your first impression of me?"

Elizabeth froze, throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly.

"You can be as mean as you want, I don't mind." She added.

"It's… uhm…" The scene girl dipped hear head, suddenly finding interest in the chipped polish on her nails. Jade looked earnest in her words, and Elizabeth knew her well enough to know that she truly didn't care. She's certainly heard far worse before.

"I didn't–I–You weren't–..." Deep breath. Inhale through the nose, exhale from the mouth. "I wasn't pleased to be grouped up with you." She confessed, gaze locked on her hands.

"I knew you were friends with … those girls, and that wasn't a good thing. They–"

Hands curled around her shirt collar, pushing roughly onto the ground.

A rough grip on a small, oval-shaped object Shoes tearing across a field they all knew would leave her light-headed to even walk.

Balls of paper were thrown at her back when the teacher turned their gaze. She never unfurled them, but a meeting was held with the class the next day demanding to know who wrote the notes scrawled on the page.

"They're not nice."

Jade's gaze softened, and she looked so…disappointed. Not in Elizabeth, but herself.

"But you were. I was so surprised to learn that. Someone who hung out with Abigail couldn't be that nice. But…" A soft, weary, blue drifted up to meet Jade's own deep honey brown eyes. "You are."

"It's not something I have a choice in." She sighed, feet scraping against the wooden chips on the ground, slowing her gentle swing. "I can't just leave them."

Elizabeth exhaled softly, casting her gaze back to the sky. "It's okay. I know it's hard, especially when you've known them for so long–"

"You don't get it." Jade hissed, but her expression morphed into something apologetic immediately. "They're not my friends, but they have dirt on me they'll expose if I say or try anything they don't like."

Elizabeth's expression fell into one of sympathetic pity. Jade hated being pitied, but the malice didn't stir in her chest like it usually would.

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth's lips pull into a pout, and she unfurls her fingers from her hold on the chain to reach for Jade's. The blonde girl drops her hand from the chain and curls around Elizabeth like she would fade away at any moment. "I know it's not much, but I'll always be here for you."

Jade's grip tightened, and her head bowed as, what looked like guilt, shadowed her eyes. Eyes previously lit by the soft, ethereal moonlight. Elizabeth wanted her shine back, because even a moment without it was too long.

"It's stupid, really." Jade crowed, a tremor seizing her hand, travelling up her forearm and through her shoulders. "Really, really stupid. I'm stupid, for letting them use me like this."

"You're not stupid!" Elizabeth protested, lips pulling into a pout. "You're only doing what you think is best."

The blonde hung her head, the hand that wasn't holding the others fell from the chain and scrunched at her side.

"I–" She began, voice catching almost immediately. "They could ruin my life."

Her voice was thick, like honey. Coated in layers and layers of unprocessed emotions, uncovered by a shovel held by a careful girl.

"I think there's something wrong with me."

Elizabeth stood up softly, guiding herself towards Jade while holding her hand as tight as she could. She kneeled down in front of the girl, and Jade slid off the swing and onto her knees.

Perhaps that was the final stitch that was cut, as the girl undid herself and spilled her polyester stuffing directly into Elizabeth's arms.

Jade fell forward, and Elizabeth braced herself and just held her. She wasn't sure what else to do, because she didn't know how to sew or how to stitch someone back up.

Wracking sobs tore through her body, so strong that Elizabeth feared she would choke on the tears. 

"I'm so scared." Jade muttered frantically, repeating it over and over beneath her breath, leaving Elizabeth to wonder if that was a confession or a broken disc looping until someone smacked the box. Elizabeth wouldn't smack the disc player though, so she ran a hand down Jade's hair softly.

"It's okay." She muttered into her ear, lips brushing against cartilage and burning both their faces even deeper. "You're okay."

Jade hiccuped into her shoulder for a few minutes longer, pausing only to take a long rattling breath or two, all so that she could force it out with equal strength between choking sobs.

When her breath was evened out, turning into something manageable, Jade pulled her head back the crook of Elizabeth's neck, hands still tangled in the others.

Elizabeth took that as her chance to reach up, holding Jade's cupped hands and bringing it up to her cheeks. It was an odd sight, holding Jade's own hands to her cheeks, but no one was here to judge them. No one was here to judge them. 

Jade looked at her with sparkling brown eyes, coated by a layer of unshed tears. They sparkled like the stars in the sky, and darted from her own eyes to her lips like a stuttering song.

Don't look at me with those eyes.

Elizabeth crowed in her mind, losing herself to Jade's hypnotizingly gentle eyes.

Jade must've somehow heard her thoughts, because she fluttered her eyes closed, leaning forward as Elizabeth did too.

Lips crashed into each other, messy and hungrily.

For Jade, it was a kiss she had been fantasising about since the fairytales she read as a kid. Like Snow White's awakening from her coma, but with more fireworks and less dwarves. It was a laugh in the face of expectations, a brave action when the world strangled her. It was a secret, something she never seemed to own.

She had kissed before. Sour lips as she clutched a plastic cup of alcohol like a lifeline. A chorus of "ooh!"'s reminded her she wasn't alone, and she pressed herself further into the kiss to prove it. Prove what? She wasn't sure. The kisses never felt real, and she would forget about them not even 30 minutes later.

For Elizabeth, it was new. She wasn't one for parties, or friends, really. She would curl up in her bed with tabs of fanfiction lined up, squealing into her pillow when the characters finally kissed after ten chapters and several fights. 

She, too, had been fantasising about it, but unlike Jade, she saw it as something beyond her reach. Where Jade knew the feeling of her lips pressed against another's, Elizabeth was left to imagine what it would feel like.

It was Jade who pulled back first, face twisting into something so horrified Elizabeth felt like she had just stabbed her.

"I'm so sorry." She gasped, unwinding her hands from Elizabeth's and scrambling to her feet. "That was a mistake, I shouldn't have–"

Elizabeth stood up quickly, wobbling on her feet as her vision danced for a moment. Jade's gentle hold wrapped around her forearms to steady her, but pulled back once more when the raven-haired girl opened her eyes.

"I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." Jade whispered, eyes brimming with tears one blink away from falling. 

Elizabeth surged forward, hands cupping Jade's face and kissing her more forcefully. She hoped, desperately, that she could share her own contentment with the action with the blonde.

This kiss was shorter, and Elizabeth pulled back with a smile she couldn't bite back. Jade looked at her, eyes wide and face swamped in a sea of red.

"I meant it." Elizabeth whispered, thumbs brushing away the tears that began to fall. Jade chuckled, though it sounded like a sob had forced its way in. She swayed on her feet, and Elizabeth snaked her arms down and around Jade's back, pulling her into a crushing hug as Jade began to curl in on herself.

"Is there something wrong with me?" The blonde whimpered weakly. Elizabeth rested her head on top of Jade's.

"No." She decided. "We're in the same boat, and I don't think it'll be sinking any time soon."

"I really like you." Jade's voice was barely audible, but Elizabeth could pick it out from a crowd with ease. "You're funny, and sweet and I'm so jealous of you. You don't hide anything, you don't care what others think and I want that so bad."

Elizabeth swallowed thickly, eyes drifting up to the group of people that still surrounded the fire, though they had taken a seat and seemed more subdued now. 

"I do care." She muttered, fingers tangling with Jade's hair. "But I hope that if I don't give a reaction, they'll leave me alone."

A moment of silence, before Elizabeth continued.

"I really like you too." She hummed, voice reverberating in her chest. "You take bugs outside because you feel bad killing them. You still haven't told me what perfume you use, because you don't want anyone to copy it. And you know all the names of my favourite characters, even if you pretend to hate the game."

Jade giggled lightly, and Elizabeth was glad to see her shoulders shake not from sadness.

"You have very bad taste in characters." Jade protested, leaning her head on Elizabeth's shoulder.

"And you have bad taste in people." She hummed. "Dating me means you have to get used to them."

When Jade stiffened, Elizabeth pulled back, pushing Jade back to look in her still teary eyes.

"Unless you don't want to date." She said quickly, face alight. "We can just stay friends, it's no big deal–"

"I… I want to, but–" Elizabeth's heart sunk.

"But?"

"We can't tell anyone. I'm not ready–I don't want them to know. Not yet."

Elizabeth gave the other a soft smile, brows tilting to something akin to pity. Understanding? 

"We don't have to tell anyone. It can be our secret."

"Are you sure?" Jade muttered. She knew Elizabeth, and she knew how much it would kill the girl to keep such an enormous secret. "We can't hold hands, or hug or kiss in public. You can't talk about me with others, or introduce me as your–" Her voice catches on the next word. "–girlfriend. We'll just be friends until we're alone."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'm sure."

"Okay." Jade breathed out, a smile playing on her lips. "One day." She decided. "We'll get out of here and move somewhere that we won't need to hide."

Elizabeth smiled sadly at that, for a reason Jade wouldn't know until years later. For now, all she had was this moment, and a belief the smile was one of weirdly disguised happiness.

The ringing of a phone broke the tender moment, and Jade recoiled as she pulled out her phone with a horrified expression.

"Oh, fuck. It's my mum." She gasped, and shuffled a little further back. Jade's fingers hovered over the decline button, looking around the empty, dark streets with thinly veiled anxiety.

"She'll think I'm kidnapped if I don't answer." She muttered nervously, and gestured for Elizabeth to move. The raven-haired girl shot her a confused look.

"Go hide in the slide or something, I need to–" She cut herself off as she lifted the phone to her ear. Elizabeth didn't stay close enough to hear the full thing, but she could make out an irate yelling from the other end.

"I was just– No, I wasn't doing drugs. I just– No, I wasn't sneaking off with a boy." 

Jade shot a glance back to where Elizabeth hurried off to, and when she was obscured in the dark shadows of the playground equipment, she looked back to the road.

"I'm at Strathfield park." Jade muttered, as she pulled her phone back and darted to her messages with Elizabeth. Selecting both her photo, and the other's initial invite, she deleted them from the conversation on her side.

It seemed, not even a minute later, a car peeled up to the curb and a seething woman leapt out. She stormed towards Jade with the fury only a tired, frustrated mother could, and wrapped her claw-like fingers around her wrist. Jade didn't spare a glance towards Elizabeth, unwilling to drag her into this. 

"What were you doing?!" The older woman shrieked with rage. In the distance, Elizabeth could see the people around the fire scatter, stamping on the dimly glowing wood and running away.

"Do you know how dangerous it is to walk around at night! You could've been kidnapped!"

Jade stumbled, a foot catching on a stray rock, but her mother didn't stop marching her towards the car. She did, however, pause for a moment to rip the phone out of her daughter's hands.

"You're grounded until I can trust you again. No weekend trips or after school hangouts. No phone, or TV or anything."

Jade hung her head, and caught herself on the side of her mother's car when she was pushed towards it. Her mother stalked around the car and threw herself into the driver's seat. She didn't even wait until Jade had done her seatbelt up before pulling out of the curb.

"Why can't you be more like your sister?"

Elizabeth watched the car drive away, and waited five more minutes just in case. When the headlights faded and the night returned to a silent stillness, she hopped off the metal platform she hid herself on and began the trek home. Her tongue swept across her lips, and she could still taste the salty tears from when Jade had kissed her.

Now, her bed waited for her to crawl back in and drift off. She almost didn't want to sleep, as she peeled off the layers and layers she wore beneath her large sweater. What if she woke up, and it was all just a dream?

Jade's perfume danced in her nose as she picked up her sweater, and Elizabeth took a small sniff of the fabric.

Was it weird? Absolutely. But Elizabeth was weird, so it really wasn't anything new. She tucked the sweater on her pillow and tucked herself into bed, fingers tangling with the knitted fabric. When she closed her eyes, she pretended that it was Jade next to her.