Archive of Our Own ^beta

Merlin looked around him with fear in his eyes. This was supposed to be a friendly meeting between him and some magic users. It wasn't uncommon for him to meet with magic folk and send them to locations that would be safe for them to live in so he didn't bat an eye when a crow delivered a note requesting a meeting with him in the woods but now he was starting to think he should have been more careful. There were about twelve people in the clearing, surrounding him. He couldn't move a muscle without one of them noticing. “What is this my friends? Is it like a tradition? Should I start dancing?” Merlin tried to keep it light, he couldn’t lose control now. He had to stay calm and act wisely.

“You see my friend,” one of the older men in the circle took a step closer to Merlin and smiled at him. It didn't ease Merlin's thoughts at all. “When the rumors started to go around about the rise of our saviour, we were overjoyed. Finally the reign of terror would end and we would be free. It gave us hope again to survive, to try to fight for one more day, so that at least our children would have what we lost. But it's so unfortunate that our saviour, our leader, the great and mighty Emrys goes and finds himself a master. Our hero becomes the manservant to the son of the monster that brought hell upon his people. Emrys decides to serve the enemy and put the little devil above the very people he's destined to protect, killing his own kind to keep his little prince safe. What has happened to you, Emrys? What did they do to you to turn you into one of their pets?”

Merlin still tries to stay calm, it's nothing he hasn't already heard. “What's your name?” He asks the man, trying to see him better in the moonlight.

“It's no matter to you.” He spits out angrily.

“No, I think it is if you're here to kill me. You remind me of someone I met a long time ago. His name was Silas. Do you know him by any chance?”

“He was my father.”

“Yeah I thought so. You see, son of Silas, I never wanted to kill my own people but when they came at me first, kicking and shouting, I had no choice but to defend myself.”

“They didn't come for you.” The man was losing his control. Good. Angry was good. Anger throws focus and control out the window.

“No. But they came for my friends.”

“Those damned knights are not your friends. We should be your friends.” The man jabbed his forefinger in his chest.

“Oh you mean you and your lovely companions that have me surrounded right now? Well pardon me but you don't exactly strike me as a friendly bunch.” Merlin looked around the circle, the murderous looks they were giving him was enough to prove his point.

“Because they're disappointed in you. Tell me, Emrys. Do your supposed friends even know who you really are?”
Merlin's perfect mask faltered for a moment but one moment was enough to answer the man's question. He laughed and took another step towards Merlin. “They don't know, do you? They don't know that their little friend, their innocent Merlin is the greatest warlock to ever walk the earth? I wonder why that is. You said they were your friends, are they not?”

“They are.” Merlin said calmly. He lost control once, he wouldn't let it happen again.

“But why would one hide such a big important part of himself from his friends if he truly believed they were his friends? That they wouldn't try to hurt him the moment they found out about this little secret he keeps close to his heart?”

Merlin didn't answer. He had thought about this question for a long time and he had his reasons as to why he can't tell his friends about his magic but none of them involved this little man. Merlin didn't have to explain anything to him, to anyone. But there were twelve of them and one of him and he didn't want to hurt them. They were his people even though they were being extremely stupid.

“No answer? Interesting.”

“It is. Because you don't seem to have heard the whole prophecy, have you?” Merlin smirked. He got their attention. “The prophecy says that one day a king rises to power that will unite Albion and becomes the once and future king. Do you want to hear my role in the prophecy? I am to be at the king's side, helping him down this dangerous path, protecting him, guiding him. There's nothing in the prophecy about me saving anyone but still I tried. I tried to save even those that came to kill me. I tried to save your father. But I can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. I couldn't save someone that didn't want my help. But gods know I tried. Again and again I tried. But I couldn't save everyone and I had to live with myself after that when the memory of everyone I failed to guide to the right path haunts me day and night. I did everything in my power all the time so you can stand here now and tell me that I didn't do enough. Fine, you do it because I'm so tired of all of this.” Merlin turned away from the man and started walking down the path he had come. The man called after him, his voice panicked and urgent like he didn't expect Merlin to just up and leave. The others weren't much better. They didn't know what to do as Merlin was walking closer to them. Someone said “kill him” but the others shushed him. There were perks to being the greatest warlock on earth. He was irreplaceable. He was nearly on the edge of the circle. A few more steps and he was out of here, without anyone getting hurt. That would be a new record for Merlin.

As he was ready to take another step and leave the circle, a force knocked him down on his back, the impact took all the breath of his lungs. Merlin felt the unknown magic move in his body, resting in his throat. A face appeared above him. “You are smart, I give you that. You know we can't kill you but maybe your friends will once you won't be able to hide the truth.” His ugly smile was all Merlin could see before the world around him turned to black.

—-----

Merlin was pacing the room, running his hand through his hair and messing it up even more.

“Would you please sit down, Merlin?” Gaius pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes scanning the text in front of him. Merlin huffed and took a seat next to Gaius, pulling another book towards himself.

“Tell me again how it felt when you were struck.” Gaius asked him, turning the page.

“I felt the magic settle in my throat, right here.” Merlin touched his throat, showing Gaius where he felt the magic.
“And what did he say to you?”

“Something like they can't kill me but my friends will when I won't be able to hide the truth anymore.”

“Hmmm. Well it has to be some form of truth spell but I don't know which one.” Gaius found a page and turned to his apprentice. “We have to test it. Did you use magic to finish your chores again?”

“Yes. Oh no.” Merlin covered his mouth with his hand. This really wasn't good.

“Alright it's not good.”

“Good? Gaius this is an absolute disaster. I can't be around anyone like this. All it takes is one question and I can put everyone's lives in danger.”

“You're right. This IS a disaster. Well there are a vast variety of truth spells, most of them are easy to fix, some of them, less so. And it could be any one of them for all we know.”
“There's no way to narrow it down?” Merlin asked miserably.
“Well they didn't give you a potion and you only tell the truth when you are asked a question so that leaves us with about fifteen different spells.”

“It’s still a lot.” Merlin looked at the book in Gaius’s hand. Why must these things always happen to him?
“Then you better start working on it.”

“I can't do it here. Any one of them can walk in right now and ask a question and boom there goes my head rolling on the floor.”

“You don't actually believe they're going to hurt you, right?” Gaius arched an eyebrow. Merlin felt judged.

“No? I'm really not sure. I've kept this hidden for a long time. Even if they're fine with the magic thing, I think it'll take some time for them to get over the trust thing.” Merlin took a parchment and wrote the fifteen spells on it. Taking the book itself was risky.

“Where do you plan to go?” Gaius watched Merlin get up and tucking the parchment in his jacket.

“Right now? I'm gonna get Arthur sorted for the day, then I'm gonna go out in the woods. Less risk of getting caught there.” Merlin looked Gaius dead in the eyes. “What are we gonna say when Arthur comes looking for me?”
“He's not at the tavern?”

“Yes. Let's not get Merlin in more trouble again.”

Gaius nodded. Merlin kissed Gaius’s head before walking to exit the room. “Thank you, Gaius. I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Neither do I.” Gaius smiled to himself and looked at the boy he had come to love as his own son as he got out of the physician chamber and prayed to any god that was listening that he'd figure it out soon.

__________

Arthur hadn't seen Merlin all morning and he was losing his mind. He hadn't had his breakfast. He didn't know his plans for the day. He didn't know what clothes to wear. Didn't know what to do with himself and he needed Merlin. Alright maybe need was a strong word but if Merlin didn't walk in those doors within the next minute, he would hunt him down and put him in stocks for the whole week. The thought hadn't fully left his mind when the doors opened and revealed… not Merlin.

“Who are you?” Arthur spit out because this man did look like Merlin and dressed like him too (which was concerning) but he wasn't his Merlin and right now Arthur didn't need some random dumb servant. He needed his own dumb servant.
“I'm George, my lord.” He wouldn't even look Arthur in the eye. How annoying.

“Where is Merlin?” Arthur was so done with this.

“I don't know, sir but I can assist you for the day. Would you like some breakfast?” The man, Arthur didn't need his name, put a full tray on the table and as impressive as it was, Arthur didn't care about breakfast. He would be happy with an apple in his mouth, if his idiot was here.

“But where is Merlin?” Arthur walked to his wardrobe and took some clothes out before that clone would try to do it for him.

“I don't know, sir. I just overheard him asking one of the servants to fill in for him today and I said I'd do it.”
“Did he look sick?” There was a slim chance Arthur would let Merlin be if he was really sick.

“No, sir. He didn't look sick. Would you like me to help you with that?”

Arthur had forgotten how annoying those servants could be, all polite and trying to help him with everything. He fastened his belt and looked up at the not-Merlin. “I can dress myself just fine.”

“Of course, sir.”

“So if he wasn't sick, why did he ask you to fill in for him?”

“I don't know, sir. He didn't say.”

“Gods, you're useless. Don't touch my clothes or my papers. Just don't touch anything, alright?”

“I can clean this place a little bit, sir.”

“It doesn't need cleaning. Don't touch anything.” Arthur got out of his chambers with every intention to find Merlin and drag him back to his chambers so he can lick everything clean.

The first place to go would be Merlin's medicine round. By now, he would be… making his way to Morgana’s chambers. Arthur sprinted all the way to Morgana's, getting looks in the hallways but he couldn't care less.

“You just missed him.” Morgana said from her place at the head of the table, eating her breakfast. “Want some breakfast?”

“Where did he go?” Arthur was panting.

“Didn't say but he looked busy. Maybe you should leave him alone.”

“If he's not dying, he's coming to work.”

“And that's exactly what I'm talking about. He doesn't get a chance to take a break with you always breathing on his neck. Give him the day off. I'm sure you can handle yourself for one day.”

“Of course I can but can and want are two different things, Morgana. So if you see him again…”

“I won't tell you.”

“Gods I hate you sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?”

“I don't have time for this.” Arthur just turned and left.
What would Merlin do after this? Well Arthur usually had knights training by now so Merlin would help with that but considering he asked someone else to fill in for him, Arthur doubted he would be in the armory.

“Oh, sir. Would you like me to accompany you to the armory? Your knights are already there, waiting for you.”

The not-Merlin said from behind Arthur and it took all Arthur’s years of training to not attack him right now.

“Don't ever sneak up on me like that.” Arthur breathed out.
The not-Merlin nodded and began apologizing. Merlin never apologized. This was annoying. Everything this clone did was annoying. Where was Merlin? Maybe his knights knew where he was and if they didn't, he could drop by the physician’s chambers and ask Gaius. He would know where his idiot was. If he was at the tavern again, Arthur would skin him alive.

Arthur began walking to the armory but slowed his pace when he remembered the not-Merlin was still following him like a lost puppy, keeping his distance. Merlin never walked behind Arthur, he would walk side by side with Arthur, except for when he would want to play the perfect manservant in front of Uther and other royals. Arthur hated those times when he had to walk without Merlin by his side and couldn't hear Merlin's funny comments about their guest's fashion choices. Arthur wanted to have Merlin right here next to him every hour of every day. Alright, maybe this made him sound like a besotted fool but he wasn't. Merlin was a trustworthy friend that always gave Arthur good advice. That was it. You are fooling yourself, Arthur. Oh do shut up. Great. Now he was arguing with himself. Where was Merlin?

He threw open the doors to the armory where his knights were all present, polishing swords and putting armor on.
“Have you seen Merlin?” Arthur asked first thing.
“Hello to you too princess. We're all doing fine. Thank you for asking. How are you this lovely morning?” Gwaine smiled at him from where he sat half on the bench, half on Percival's lap.

“Horrible. Have you seen Merlin?”

“We saw him for a moment when we were walking to the armory but he just turned and ran away the other way. He seemed to be in a hurry.” Lancelot seemed confused at Merlin's behavior. Arthur was too. It wasn't unusual for Merlin to act strangely and disappear for days but this was a little bit weird because Merlin loved the knights. They were his friends. Why would he run away as soon as he saw them?
“Maybe he wasn't running away from us. Knowing him, he's probably off saving the world again. I just wish he'd take me with him. I'm bored.” Gwaine said as nonchalantly as possible but Arthur could see he too was worried. Out of all his knights, Gwaine was the one that looked out for Merlin the most. Gwaine loved Merlin, so he would be loyal to Arthur as long as Merlin was and if one day Arthur lost Merlin's trust, he wouldn't deserve his knights’ trust anyway so it didn't really bother him.

“Any guess as to where he might be?” Arthur looked at all his knights, maybe one of them knew something.

“No but we could ask the guards. They all know Merlin, they could tell us which way he went.” Gwaine stood up, already walking to the door.

“That's a… good idea, Gwaine.” Arthur turned to follow Gwaine out of the armory.

“Oh hello. Who's this?” Gwaine asked Arthur when his eyes found the not-Merlin.

“This is… what was your name?” Arthur couldn't remember the clone’s name and ‘not-Merlin’ sounded rude.

“George, sir.” George bowed to both of them and Arthur didn't know what to do with him. Merlin never bowed unless he was being playful like that time they fought in the market. Oh, happy times. But this not-Merlin bowed like he genuinely respected Arthur and he was his God. It was… yes annoying.

“Yes, George. As you can see, the training is cancelled today and Sir Gwaine and I have work to do. You can go about your business, I don't need assistance right now.”

“But I can help you, sir.”

“You really can't. Thank you though.” Arthur pushed Gwaine out the door and followed after him, leaving George behind.

“You're not very fond of George, are you?” Gwaine was having a laugh at him. Great.

“He's just so annoying. He does everything wrong and I hate it when he tries to help me, which I don't understand because he's good at this job but he's… he's…”

“Not Merlin?”

“Exactly!” Arthur turned around and saw Gwaine’s knowing smile.

“Let's go find your Merlin then, princess.”

__________

“Are you sure we're going the right way?” Arthur looked around. They were far from castel now and Arthur felt uneasy without his armor on. Gwaine pointed at a set of footsteps that matched Merlin's boots. Arthur nodded to Gwaine and they followed Merlin's trail like a prey to be hunted. “This is more fun than hunting. Maybe I should use Merlin as prey in the future.”

“We'll never be able to catch him. He can run really fast.” Gwaine reminded.

“Hmm you're right.” Arthur thought of the time he chased after Merlin through the castle. Needles to say, he couldn't catch Merlin.

As they walked down the river, Arthur's eyes caught a light. He held Gwaine back as he inspected what he's seen. A little further between the oak trees the light flashed again. Gwaine saw it too this time. The two knights pulled their swords out of their sheaths, walking carefully to the strange light source.

As they got near it, the light flashed a third time but this time they also heard a sound. Someone swore under his breath and they heard an incantation before the light flashed again.
“Come out from there.” Arthur called out, his sword ready in his hand. There was nothing. Arthur nodded to Gwaine and they slowly walked around the big oak tree that this mysterious person was hiding behind.

“Oh come on. Can a man have one moment of peace?” Merlin threw his hands up, gesturing to the swords. “And what are those? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Arthur wasn't angry. Yet. For now he was just happy Merlin was unharmed. Don't tell anyone but he was really worried about the idiot.

“I needed to gather some herbs for Gaius and I got a little tired and decided to rest here for a while. Is there a law against that?” He asked, pointing to their still drawn swords.
Gwaine looked at Arthur with a strange look in his eyes. Oh yeah, the light. What was that about? Gwaine cleared his throat and Merlin turned to him. Merlin looked…nervous? It was really uncharacteristic of Merlin to fridget like that.

Gwaine wet his lips and looked curiously at Merlin. “We um we saw a strange light coming from here. You wouldn't know what that was, would you?”

Merlin could kiss Gwaine for not answering direct questions that would force him to answer truthfully. He shook his head. “No. It must have been sunlight tricking your sight. It happens to the best of hunters.”

Arthur looked Merlin up and down and then around him. There were no herb bags with him. “If you came to collect herbs, where is your herb bag?”

“It's in my room.” Merlin pursed his lips and fidgeted again. “Alright you caught me. I was feeling a bit tired and decided to give myself the day off.”

Arthur was beginning to get mad. “And who gave you permission to do that?” He practically snarled. Here he was worrying about his stupid servant and here Merlin was, resting.

“I did. I needed a break. I don't need to ask your permission for everything.” Merlin was getting pissed off too. He was having a really tough enough day already. He didn't need this confrontation. He was trying to avoid them. How could he figure out the spell with Arthur and Gwaine breathing on his neck? Arthur and… Gwaine. Thinking of it, Gwaine was weirdly quiet. He turned around to see the paper he wrote the spells on… in Gwaine's hand.

“Merls… What is this?” Gwaine couldn't make sense of the words. They weren't in any languages he knew and Gwaine knew many languages, thank his shitty father for the expensive education.

Merlin could feel the scary truth bubbling out of him. He wanted to clasp his hand over his mouth, sew his lips together but he knew that wouldn't work. Nothing would work. He resigned and let the truth come out. “It's a list of truth spells.”

“And why are you carrying a list of truth spells?” Gwaine asked him, now looking up from the paper and pinning Merlin with his gaze. He didn't look angry yet. Merlin knew the anger was well on its way.

“Because I'm trying to find out which one of them I've been cursed with.” Merlin didn't fight the truth this time. He just dropped his head down and mumbled the answer.

“You've been cursed? With a truth spell?” Arthur asked in a low voice. Merlin shuddered involuntarily and nodded his head, choking out a quiet ‘yes’.

“And who did this?” Arthur stepped closer to him. Merlin tensed. He knew he should be careful with his next words. Yes they wanted him dead but they were scared and desperate. Merlin knew that feeling very well and so couldn't be mad at them enough to turn them in.

“A bunch of misguided fools.” It wasn't a lie. He was telling the truth.

“When did it happen?” Arthur was standing so close that Merlin could feel his breath on his ear, he could hear Arthur's heart beating fast.

“Last night.” Merlin whispered the answer, refusing to look up at Arthur or Gwaine.

“Is that why you've been avoiding us?” Gwaine sounded hurt. “You don't trust us, Merls?” Merlin hated hearing the pain in his voice, the uncertainty that was hidden in his words.

“Of course I trust you. All of you. You're my friends. I trust you with my life.” Merlin rushed to assure them, to ease their minds but knew the next question would mess it all up. Up until now, they asked harmless questions, forcing answers that he could get away with. But the next question… Merlin was feeling the anxiety build up in his stomach.

“Then why run from us, Merlin?” Arthur still sounded hurt. It broke Merlin's heart. “What are you keeping from us? From me?” Merlin's heart stopped pounding, he stopped breathing, he didn't even know which truth to let out. ‘I have magic?’ ‘I’ve been protecting Camelot and you for years?’ ‘I have been lying to all of you since the moment we met?’ “I'm in love with you.” Somehow of all the truth that was bursting to come out, this one slipped out of Merlin parted lips, even shocking the warlock himself. That… that wasn't supposed to come out. He… wasn't supposed to say that. He should be grateful. He didn't say the life threatening one but somehow he'd rather deal with the magic secret instead of… this.

Next to them, Gwaine snorted. “That's barely a secret Merls.” Merlin whipped his neck to Gwaine so fast it hurt. “What?” He asked dumbly.

“The whole Camelot knows you're in love with our Princess here. Come now Merls. You're not exactly subtle. A blind man could see your love for each other. To be honest, sometimes I think I can cut the sexual tension between you too with a sword because it's-”

“Gwaine, shut up” Arthur called out in his King voice. He took Merlin's chin between his fingers and turned his face back to his, looking him deep in the eyes, blue locked in blue. “That's the secret you've been keeping? Not anything else?”

“Like what?” Merlin wanted to kick himself but kept looking in Arthur's eyes, wanting really hard to just confess to everything, not leaving anything to build a wall between him and the man he so desperately and painfully loved. His magic was itching to touch Arthur, to feel him, to get to be known by him but Merlin willed himself to calm down. Arthur still hadn't said anything about Merlin's confession yet.

Merlin still wasn't sure if he felt the same. Hell, Arthur was probably disgusted and wanted to have nothing to do with Merlin.

“Like maybe anything about some special ability or… power?” Arthur asked and Merlin blinked. He… he was hinting at magic? He knew? Merlin was shuddering. He couldn't believe… no surely not. Arthur couldn't know.

“What are you saying Arthur?” Merlin was scared. What was he scared of?

“You think I'm gonna hurt you Merlin?” Arthur sounded hurt again. Merlin wanted to hit himself when he chocked out a single ‘yes’. Arthur looked heartbroken.

“I don't… I won't hurt you Merlin.” He looked so small and sad. Merlin wanted to hold him and keep him away from everything bad. ‘you are bad for him. He's hurting because of you.’ a traitorous sound in his mind said but Merlin pushed it aside and tried to put words together. “I'm not afraid that you'll hurt me physically Arthur. I know that you'll never chain me up or burn me on a pyre but you hold so much power over me. Not because of your status, but because of what you mean to me. I… I love you. Everything that I am, everything that I do is for you. I… I am for you. And it scares me because… because you can decide that you don't want me and push me away and it will break me Arthur. It will kill me, losing your trust and… and your good opinion. I know I shouldn't be so greedy to expect to be loved by you. I don't deserve that. I know, but I can't help wanting to be near you and… and shoulder a little bit of this burden you carry for you. I-” Merlin was cut off when soft lips were pressed to his, his eyes widened and he stopped breathing. The kiss didn't last long. A mere few seconds. Arthur smiled against his lips. “Looks like I finally found a way to shut you up.”

Merlin was shaking, Arthur held on to him, steadying him. “You're such an idiot, Merlin. Of course I'm in love with you too. Gwaine could see it for God's sake.”

“Oi” Gwaine protested. They both ignored him.
“And as for the magic, I can't say it was much of a secret either.” He smiled and looked at Gwaine who nodded and grinned at Merlin. “We've had too many miraculous escapes, Merlin. You're our good luck charm. And let's not forget about the whole unicorn thing. That little guy practically outed you.”

“So you all knew? And you didn't say anything? Why?” Merlin was bewildered. Arthur rubbed his arms soothingly. “We were waiting for you to tell us. We thought you would come to us after we got the city back but you… you didn't and honestly it kind of hurt. We wanted you to trust us enough to tell us but you… you clearly didn't.”

“I trust you. It wasn't about that.”

“We know now, Merls. It's alright.” Gwaine tried to reassure Merlin. It didn't work.

“No you don't. I wasn't afraid of you hurting me. I really wasn't. I trust you. I just wasn't sure you wouldn't feel betrayed by me keeping this big secret from you. I wasn't sure you would still want me as your friend if you knew what I am.” Merlin's voice was barely above a whisper as the tears that have been stinging his eyes, fell on his cheeks. Arthur shook his head and gently pulled Merlin in his arms, like he was a scared fragile animal we didn't want to scare further.

“You're an idiot, Merlin. I love you but you are. Of course we still want you. Do you really think we're gonna stop loving and trusting you because you have magic? I mean yeah. We were hurt but we're friends. We're more. We're a family. And we don't abandon each other. You taught us that.”

Merlin's breathing became less panicked. He murmured a little thank you to Arthur who just pulled him closer.

Gwaine came closer and wrapped his arms around the pair. “Yayyy momma and pappa finally got their shit together.”

The both smacked Gwaine in the head.