Archive of Our Own ^beta

Snufkin woke up to blood in the tent, luckily his own. Its rude honestly, how one part of his body knows he's not a girl and yet another still goes on in denial. He got up, took off whatever on him was stained and threw it into the corner of the tent. Luckily he's already left for winter and the part of the world he's staying in is warm enough that even if he did forget his second change of boxers and pants (which he doubts) he'll be warm either way. Also its secluded, a double edged sword cause as far as other people wont see him indecent for the nearest future, the animals that might be near could smell his blood. He just hopes it wont hurt this time, he hasn't managed to stock up on medicine in a while now. At least Mymble borrowed him some of her reusable pads for the road.
The contents of his bag were questionable at best, slightly illegal at worst. Drugs, mostly mushrooms and leafs which he used to stuff his pipe with, the second change of pants and t-shirt in question, a bunch of underwear, two pocket knifes (one for hunting, the other for foraging, climbing), his father's wanned poster as there wasnt realy any other photography he could find that Joxter was on, and a very very old gun (also a hand-me-down from Joxter, he taught Snufkin how to use it even though they both hoped he'd never had to. Its a last resort in self defense) and a bar of soap. He carefuly rummaged out the bar of soap, spare clothes and dragged himself along with the dirty pair to the river outside. Washing himself was quick work, so was washing the dirty clothes. He put on the clean pair, nevermind he's still wet. Its water, its gonna dry just fine.
He's always been aware that his experience considering gender wasnt typical, not even for a non-cis person. He didnt exactly feel dysphoria, or hate the body he was born in. He just found it inconvenient. Like when he first listened to Snorkmaiden talk about her experience, how awful she felt as a boy, how much physical pain it sometimes caused her to try to pass as one. The stress, the torment. Snufkin never realy had that. He wished that he was born a boy, but not becouse he felt like one, more becouse it was more convenient. The małe body didnt have to bleed once a month, it wasnt as sexualised, people took it more seriously. Its bizarre realy, how people associate the masculine with blood and violence, yet call pads and such feminine. Is it any less serious if the blood is his? His. Hers, theirs, its. It doesent matter either. His name is Snufkin, is that masculine? Is it not? He always hoped to be adrogynous and he personaly thinks that he's achieved that goal. Or at least he doesent fit the either stereotype so thats a start. He doesent look dainty, elegant, demiure. He doesent look bulky, tall and muscular either. Once Little My said he looks like a cat, it was propably and insult but it was awfuly close to truth. Mumriks do look a bit like cats, propably the reason why he doesent look either gender too. Cats dont look like anything, theyre just cats. His dad was a cat. A cat smoking pipe, eating fish raw and swearing that one day the park keepers are gonna get it. Forget it that 'one day' was close to every week. He even stole like a cat, mostly food but also other stuff if it annoyed people. But if he was a cat then why did he still seem masculine to others? Was it the swearing? Stealing? Fighting? If it was then Little My'd be considered masculine but here we are. She's not masculine, she's just kinda mean. Okay, very mean. But only when the person's earned it. Otherwise she's just buzzing nonsense in your ear. Their mom was a snail, or at least she kinda looked like one. He never talked with her but he saw how she looked when she visited the valley once. Are snails feminine? Can snails be feminine? What even defines any of that stuff?
He hanged the drying laundry on a branch nearby, used the two knifes to pin them so they hanged.
Can someone not feel dysphoria then? Cause all he can think of when it comes to defining gender is a narrow box, so small that even a cis person would get squamish. Even someone doesent face the box at all, maybe they dont feel dysphoria either? Its confusing.
...Guess its gonna hurt this week afterall.