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Three times Margarete made Tomari flustered and its aftermath.
“Great job guys, let’s take a break!”
Breaking from her pose, Tomari wiped the sweat from her brow and took a deep stretch. Nice, they were finally getting the group in sync for the finals--with the song and choreography all but done it was just a matter of tweaking details. It was something that Tomari took great pride in, her attention to detail that is, and put the utmost care into perfecting her steps to look most cohesive with the group.
“I agree. You’ve done a great job choreographing this time, Chisato-senpai.” She pointed out, to which her senior simply smiled, before the girls broke off to give each other feedback and chat.
Readjusting her shoe laces, Tomari had noticed late, leaving her in an awkward phase of deciding which group’s conversation she’d decide to awkwardly shimmy herself into. Looking around at the scene in front of her, lost in thought over her dilemma, she didn’t expect to hear Margarete’s voice behind her.
“Tomari, you were really great during the dance break, I’m glad I pushed for you to be the center, your skills aren’t something to laugh at. I admire that.” Margarete told her candidly.
To which, she could only blush in response. I mean, Margarete of all people praising her, when she shone brighter than anyone else during their dance practice? Not to mention that she’s been training half the group in singing, all while being highly athletic and--
“Tomari? Are you there?”
“O-Oh. Yes. Thank you for trusting me with this Margarete.” She replied, bowing her head slightly. Partially to be polite to someone whom she admired (well maybe more than just that) and hide the growing redness in her cheeks, too prominent to be brushed off as flush from their workout.
“Of course. You deserve it, Tomari.”
“Wow~ I didn’t know you could give so much praise to someone Margarete-chan!” Tomari hadn’t expected someone to overhear Margarete’s praise for her, let alone chime into the conversation that was already causing her to short-circuit. It was a lot for her to process the switch from the immersion of practice to chatting with her members, and Margarete’s comments didn’t make it much easier for her.
“It’s really nothing, I don’t know what you’re talking about Mei--”
“You must have a soft spot for Tomari~”
“I think so too.”
Ugh great, she didn’t need Shiki to chime in as well, with her and Mei’s perfect relationship and all, something about the way the two had a sixth sense for butting into conversations between her and Margarete had always bothered Tomari--almost like they knew about her secret, that would never ever leave the knowledge of her and her jellyfish mind you, and had made it their mission to somehow get Tomari to ridiculously embarrass herself even more than she does in front of Margarete. Witnessing the exchange only caused Tomari to feel more overstimulated, her thoughts racing about this and that (soft spot for Tomari..?), and pretending not to catch Margarete’s blush as the red-and-blue duo not so subtly pushed them closer together. It was a lot, being with 10 other people for such an extended amount of time, and she could only take so many subtle hints or teasing in a conversation.
“Ugh look what you senpai have done, poor Tomari is all zoned out now!” Margarete snapped, pointing to a Tomari with glazed eyes and a dazed expression, not to mention the bright pink flush on her face that made her seem like a true Onitsuka. Focusing back on the situation in front of her, Tomari could hardly react before--
“Didn’t this only start because you like Tomari so much. Ah, I meant, her skills so much?”
“Ah come on Shiki!” Mei chastised; They definitely have an inkling about something they really shouldn’t --Tomari would have to interrogate her jellies later--but for now she kept a mental note of Mei reeling in Shiki’s candidness. Interesting.
“That’s not at all what I-- I was just-- Don’t you guys have anything better to do than bother me and poor Tomari?! Go look each other longingly in the eyes or whatever you guys do.” Margarete defended, not without an exasperated expression and--oh okay, Margarete was hiding behind Tomari now, hands on her shoulders and face pressed closely to the back of her head. This definitely. Wasn’t a lot and she definitely wasn’t going to daydream about this later, lost in thoughts while staring at her fish tanks, or mindlessly writing poems on the margins of her homework. It was, well a lot, and while she wanted to bask a little longer in Margarete’s closeness, she knew too well the feeling of numbness, feeling swallowed by Shiki and Mei’s incessant teasing to her and between each other. She hears the three exchange a few words as she leans back a little more than she would like into Margarete’s touch, frozen in this interaction, before she finally hears her sister’s voice.
“Ah, Tomari, I need to refill everyone’s water bottles, come with me!” Natsumi called out from her peripheral vision, snapping her out of her flustered daze and thoughts of Margarete. She can only manage a quick turn to Margarete and a shy “I’ll be back” before scurrying off to her sister, one water bottle in hand, as they exit the rooftop to find the water fountain.
“Tomari, are you okay? You looked a little out of it.” Natsumi finally spoke once they reached the fountain, looking at her in the way she does when she’s trying to be a good older sister. It’s cute, and Tomari loves it, but would rather die right now than make her sister more worried for her, or even worse, accidentally let her secret slip.
“It’s nothing, Anjia. I was just feeling a little overstimulated is all.” She manages after spacing out a bit, twirling the ends of one of her braids. Eye contact with anyone seemed impossible right now, even if Natsumi was trying her best to initiate it with her to make sure she was alright.
“Thank you for pulling me out of there. Shiki-senpai and Mei-senpai seemed very lively with Margarete today.” She noted.
“Of course, that’s what I’m here for, natsu~!”
The two walked together in silence back to the rooftop, a quick 15 minute break time over, and practice to be held.
“It’s good you and Margarete are so close though, you guys seem to get along really well!”
Natsumi the jellyfish was definitely responsible for leaking information to someone in this group because Tomari can’t seem to catch a break. Ah, well, at least Margarete saw her as someone reliable, someone she could trust with a dance break, and more importantly someone she could hide behind when being bothered by certain senpais. She could feel her shoulders tingle and face heat a bit as she mentally prepared for the back half of practice.
It wasn’t uncommon for the two of them to meet up together at all, but something about this time was different, something about the chilly air and falling snow made Tomari overthink everything she was doing on this meeting-- not a date --with Margarete. Being first years, and working together for so long in TomaKanoTe made them closer to each other than others in Liella!, so it was only natural the two would meet outside of group activities. It was just dinner, catching up, and studying together; they always seemed to sync up on a lot of things and it just made sense that they would do them together.
But this was unusual, Margarete was hardly ever late. And on a day like today where the weather was less than favorable, she would of course plan ahead. So 2 minutes pass by, 5 minutes pass, then 10, and ugh where was she? Deviating from their weekly meeting time without notice must mean something is wrong--I mean Margarete would never break Tomari’s schedule, she knows how important routine is to her--and it didn’t help that the square outside the train station was starting to grow busy. Trying to maintain her cool, Tomari’s eyes would flit around, trying her best to look casual, normal , as she began to fidget with her scarf, then the ends of her hands, as she tried her best to stop worrying, but that only turned into foggy thoughts, and--
“E-excuse me--don’t you go to Yuigaoka?”
Tomari’s train of thought--or really, lack thereof--was shocked abruptly by a girl sitting down next to her. Her shoulder began to tingle, then twitch and grow hot, as she could hardly register this stranger touching her, and being so close. It’s fine, it’s fine, this other girl couldn’t possibly have meant harm, she’s just a senpai.
“Y-yes. You are?” Tomari squeaks out, barely able to make eye contact with the girl in front of her. She had shiny blue eyes, long flowing black hair--there’s no doubt she was quite pretty. But as Tomari was barely able to start orienting herself to this conversation, her thoughts were cut off once again.
“I’m a second year, the name’s Hinata! I’ve seen you around before I think, you’re really so pretty! Tomari, right?”
“U-uh, yes. You might know my older sist--”
“Ah yes, Natsumi! She’s pointed you out to me before. Listen, if you’re not busy do you mind if I take you out to a cafe? It’s a bit embarrassing to ask so forwardly but, I think you’re really cute and it’s my New Year’s Resolution to…”
What. was happening. The other girl’s--er, Hinako was it?--words faded in the background as, wow did she just hear, ask out? N-no she couldn’t possibly be asking Tomari out, she had plans, she was seeing Margarete, well not seeing Margarete like that, ugh, no not like that, why did you think about that! And she can’t stop fidgeting with, well, anything her hands can subtly get a hold of, I mean she’s flattered, and it’s not like the girl isn’t pretty. But Margarete is Margarete and it would almost be like cheating for her to--well who said they were dating?! Get it together, Tomari! Oh, but Hinako is looking at her so I guess she’s got to say something…
“I-I, u-uhm, that s-sounds,”
“Tomari! There you are, ugh the trains were running all wrong because of the snow, and--excuse me do I know you?”
It was Margarete! Oh thank goodness, she’s here, and the snow is falling oh so magically around her, and her cheeks are sparkly and red, she’s so cute--
“Ah, Margarete, I recognize you! You compete with Liella! right? I’m Hinata, a second year, I’m quite the fan! I was just talking with Tomari here, but we were going to head to a cafe, right Tomari? So we’ll get out of your hair!”
“Look, I was just late to meeting Tomari myself, we actually have a date to get to. I appreciate it, but we’ll see you around I guess, or not, bye!”
It all happened so fast that Tomari could only be whisked away by Margarete, hand in hand, so overwhelmed that she hid herself in Margarete’s shoulder, which, did not help, but Margarete’s touch and warmth seemed to counterattack whatever chills she was feeling, as she couldn’t help but pull herself closer to the other. As they walked farther to their destination, Tomari couldn’t help but notice Margarete’s slightly tightening hold and fleeting glances towards her--was Margarete really so twisted over such an encounter? There’s no way she meant anything about saying… they were going to a… date..
“Tomari, have you finally snapped out of it? I’m really sorry about being late… I know how much it bothers you.” Margarete finally breaks their silence, but really just barely reaching louder than a mumble on that last bit.
“I-I…” Tomari stutters a bit as she looks at Margarete’s eyes, I mean, just Margarete, who was currently talking and definitely not noticing and taking care of her needs, before she finally is able to readjust and mask again. “Thank you, Margarete.” is all she can manage softly, taking interest in the ground to avoid having her blush grow even more.
“Of course. That girl shouldn’t have been so earnest with you, after all this is my Tomari time!” Margarete proudly boasts in response, holding her hand just a tad tighter more, leaning closer to Tomari with rose flushed cheeks--definitely from the cold--hair still perfect yet speckled with snowflakes, and those twinkling blue eyes. How did what’s-her-name ever seem interested in Tomari when Margarete was right there?! Lost in her thoughts again, Margarete drags her into the book cafe, leading them to their usual spot, hand in hand.
“I’ll get you your usual. Just sit here, look pretty, and relax, okay?”
Thank god Margarete was leaving, because Tomari couldn’t hold in her flush any longer, as she nodded to the other and began taking out her books. It’s just what you normally do, Margarete is not your knight in shining armor, she would’ve done this for anyone, but she wouldn’t; millions of thoughts swam in her mind as she put on her classes, took a deep breath and started typing. This was going to be a difficult date.
Margarete has been very close recently. Which, Tomari supposes, isn’t new for them--Margarete has never really had a concept of personal space around her, and even after getting to know all of Tomari, it’s only increased. I mean, it’s what friends do, right? Casual intimacy, hand holding, leaning on each other’s shoulders during breaks--all things they just hadn’t done before but were always totally on the table and didn’t signify any change in their relationship. So why is she overthinking Margarete hovering over her shoulder to watch her compose?!
Of course, the touch was okay with her. It was comfortable--after class they’d agreed to meet and discuss the new song, being first years and all they had to step up in some ways while their senpai got ready for finals--and Tomari even invited Maragrete to scooch her seat next to her. But of course, stupid Tomari and her stupid overthinking brain just had to over-analyze every micro movement from Margarete, who was reciting the lyrics Tomari had written aloud.
“Sharing the same gaze, our hands held tight, and that tender warmth / Let's write down the things we've discovered for the first time / And weave it into a tapestry of our future--Wow, Tomari, this is really good! But also, really different for you. What got you writing?”
Ah, ah, the question she wanted to hear the least. It’s about my feelings for you , if she were braver, she’d blurt it out, but she couldn’t. Definitely not. And not to Margarete, someone who wants to go back to Vienna, be famous, an idol loved by all for her beauty and talent. Ah, Tomari was wistful recently, ever since she’s been noticing Margarete’s popularity more and more in school, she just couldn’t possibly comprehend the two of them together. She could dream of course, and pine, and write songs, but even if Margarete didn’t completely laugh off her feelings, in what world could they actually be together? Margarete, was well, everything , and Tomari was, Tomari. So she’ll write, it’s what she does best, and be useful to Liella!, and Margarete, and pour herself into what she does, fearing her hyperfixation on a certain someone growing.
“I-I don’t know really, it just came to me while looking at my jellyfish, like always.” She says carefully, trying to mask her growing anxieties, hoping not to cause suspicion from the other. “It has a feeling I don’t think Liella has tried yet. So that’s why I need your help with the composition.” flatly admitting.
Grinning, Tomari misses Margarete’s light hand on her shoulder, rubbing slightly to allow Tomari to reject the touch if she wished. Leaning into it, Margarete’s face got closer before whispering something to her.
“Do you have a crush?” Margarete asks, a bit of a serious look in her face, as she seemingly… genuinely asks? Tomari can’t tell if she’s teasing or not, not used to the forwardness from a normally flustered and “tsundere-like” Margarete. Jolting a bit at the sudden question, she feels the oh-so-familiar nowadays blush begin to creep up on her cheeks.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she tries to reason with Margarete, who gives a soft smile upon seeing Tomari’s body give away the fact that she was lying. Tomari fidgets a bit in her seat, trying to maintain eye contact but failing.
“To-ma-ri.” Margarete chides at her, maintaining a small smile, much to the smug teasing she was prepared for. “You can tell me, aren’t we friends?! Isn’t it a little exciting?”
“I-I’m telling you it’s not that!” she tries to fight back, sounding more playful than she intended. Margarete only sighs, her sweet (?) demeanor unchanging, behavior patting Tomari’s head.
“Hmph, you’ll have to tell me your secrets one day you know. You may never know, maybe I have a secret you’d like me to share.” She winks, scanning the lyrics again before humming a tune--most likely the composition she had in mind. Tomari, unable to control her volume blurts out--
“Why do you have a crush or something?!”
Shocked by her sudden question, Margarete pauses, eyes slightly widening by Tomari’s forwardness. Oh god, oh god oh god oh god, she really messed it up now, she can’t believe she let her stupid emotions lap her brain for once, and now all she can do is flit her eyes back and forth between Margarete’s, and her lips, and her flushed face, and, well whatever! It’s normal to be curious about a friend’s aforementioned secret --she’s not dumb, she can read between the lines sometimes, especially when Margarete was dropping hints like she wanted Tomari to ask.
“Maybe I do.” Margarete admits, remaining surprisingly calm after her initial shock. Tomari can only be confused by the other’s reaction, gulping as Margarete keeps her shy smile, breaking eye contact with Tomari as she twists a piece of her hair between her fingers.
“Who?” She once again asks, a little more carefully this time, deciding that maybe retreating back into her mask was for the best. Margarete likes someone, of course she does, and whoever that is probably likes her back, after all it’s Margarete. She’s incredibly talented, beautiful, smart, ugh it’s so cheesy to list adjectives but it’s objectively true; Tomari knows so at least, but that’s not the point--so she waits for Margarete’s answer, it’s all she can do she supposes. She knew heartbreak was inevitable with this stupid little crush of hers, but she can finally lay it to rest knowing that of course Margarete likes someone else.
“I’m sure you can figure it out.” Margarete finally says after a long stand-still between the two of them, smiling with a glint in her eye like she was happy with the answer she finally decided on. Flustered, Tomari feels that redness creep back up onto her cheeks, huffing out a bit before turning her back to Margarete, trying to signal that she was ready to work on their long-forgotten song again. She’s met with a giggle from Margarete, which only makes her face redden a bit more, fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt.
“You’re a smart girl Tomari, I know you can figure it out!” Margarete laughs again, leaning into Tomari, hands on her shoulders. Ughhh, this is the worst, but at least Margarete is in a good mood as she fights her inner turmoil--she could at least see Margarete’s shining smile to help ease her rejected heart. Huffing, Tomari lets out a “fine”... before turning her still-flushed face away from the other even further.
“Aw, sorry Tomari, you’re just too cute to tease! We can get back to the piece now~” Margarete responds, sitting on the piano seat next to Tomari, looking over the lyrics again. “I can add some of my own crush experience to these, right?” Margarete winks at her, and boy this session wasn’t going to get easier, Tomari’s heart still fluttering with each twinkling expression from the other, despite knowing for a fact now she had no chance to be with her now.
It was a very average day, but Tomari felt a looming sense of dread grow in the pit of her stomach. Their performance had come and gone--successfully, of course--yet Margarete’s behavior never seemed to change since that day. Liking someone was a big deal, to Tomari at least, and yet the other seemed entirely unphased, keeping her in the dark over whether or not something happened .
And to be honest, it bothered her. It takes so much to like someone, get to know them, break down their walls, and just ugh!! It’s unfair that Margarete thinks she can just waltz into her life, make her fall in love, just to like someone else! Tomari couldn’t wrap her brain around Margarete’s actions, I mean, who else could she possibly be seeing that she’s put this much effort into understanding?! Only her sister has fully understood her needs, and even the--
“Onitsuka. Can you please answer question 5?”
Snapping from her stupor, and looking up, Tomari realizes the class's eyes are all on her, and her notebook filled with nonsensical scrawlings from her spiral. God she hates this feeling, but she musters up a quick answer, not wanting to get stuck in the purgatory of her thoughts. The class setting resumes to normal and she sighs, not without a couple of snickers from her peers, before she locks eyes with Margarete at the front of the room, eyes quirked with an unreadable expression.
Concern?? She wants to say--because Margarete seems to always know when she’s masking, but her care only seems to cause that pang of guilt in her chest. She breaks eye contact with Margarete, focusing on her notes, because anything else seems more interesting than addressing her bubbling feelings, that went from being shy and flustered to confused and upset.
So Tomari decides that the best thing to do, of course, like in any of these similar situations she found herself in, that bolting out of class first thing and feigning sickness would be the best course of action. Avoiding Margarete’s gaze was hard--but at the same time, so, so easy for her, moving through the bustling hallways; A beeline to her locker to change her shoes. Amidst the rush she manages to send her sister some sort of text (feel dizzy, going home), and lets out a breath of air she didn’t know she was even holding.
Cocooning herself in her mental palace once she made it safely on the subway, Tomari spots a few influx of notifications, covering her and Margarete’s faces on the lockscreen, leaving only the floating jellyfish in the background visible to her. She sees a “???” followed by a sweet accepting message from her sister, letting her know that she’d be home later. She spots a few others--Liella SNS notifications, a 2 day old text from Kanon about their most recent song, and… Margarete.
The slew of messages breached her security shut down, and as she felt her brain start to fog up, Tomari could only close her eyes shut and breathe. Swimming, and swimming in her thoughts, she tried to slow the Margarete-focused cogs down, unaware of her surroundings. Eventually--she has no idea how much time had passed--Tomari exits at a stop that looks familiar.
Which is good. Very good. Tomari likes familiar, she needs it now, especially when her feelings won’t stop flooding her senses and mind. After a brief survey of her surroundings, once again glancing at her phone, she decides to do the one familiar thing that’s sure to get her mind in a place that she likes.
So as she made her way down the familiar roads, she calms down. Tomari’s headphones are playing something to distract her--some love song, she’s sure, because of course her unconscious music taste and algorithm has also decided to align on that. Love.
The Aquarium is the only place she knows will ground her. It’s the same one from her lockscreen, the same one she asked all those questions at when she was younger, the same one who recommended her the best place to get her own jellies. Of course, she’s been there countless times, smiling at the workers as she scans her annual membership pass, sliding the headphones off her ears to enjoy the bubbly ambience.
It’s quiet, but the good kind, where she doesn’t feel the strange sensation of doom that’s been following her for the past few days. She loves it when it’s like this; the Aquarium is all to herself, her safe space.
Passing through the various exhibits to find her destination, Tomari can’t help but feel her spirits rise. The bubbles from the fish surround her in the 360 tunnel--she waves to the whale sharks, and admires the color of the coral in the large habitat. It’s just a pit stop, but she’s reminded of the first time she showed Margarete the aquarium.
“I’ve never seen a whale shark before. They’re so big?! How are Japan’s Aquariums so diverse?”
She giggles in response to Margarete’s curiosities, flushing a bit before grabbing her hand. Shyness being outweighed by excitement, she can’t help but continue dragging Margarete to her favorite spots.
“Anjia loves the 360 tunnel, but personally I think there’s a way better spot to see the sharks. Come!”
Margarete’s hand in hers was warm. Not that searing burn she’s used to, but the flutter of warmth from a campfire, or cuddling up in her blankets on a cold day.
Descending the escalator to the bioluminescent floor below, the (albeit LED) stars above her twinkle brightly, welcoming her back to the Jellyfish exhibit. Analyzing each one, she smiles--most jellyfish are clear, or colorless, but in her eyes they all seem to glow purple.
Humming to herself, Tomari freezes upon entering the mirror room, the jellyfish seemingly congregating around the sole figure in her favorite spot to sit. It’s pitch black, save for the glowing of the hundreds of jellyfish illuminating the space. At the corner of the room, the girl’s hand traces the two stars the staff let Tomari mark her space with. She turns around.
And of course it was her.
Tomari’s heart freezes.
“I’ve been waiting for you for a while, but I figured you’d show up here. Hmph, Tomari, you’re awfully impatient at times.” Margarete looks at her, the teasing of her words not quite reaching her tone. Her eyes twinkle, and,
“You look beautiful.” Tomari blurts out, too enamored by the picture in front of her. The jellyfish have always loved Margarete for some reason, swimming lively and bubbling up whenever she visits.
“Ah-I.. You can’t just say that! Let me talk, okay?!” Margarete flushes, not that Tomari can see it, but she knows she is based on her turn away.
“You were really off today, and for a while now. I was giving you space since, sometimes I can’t fully understand you, but I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
Confused, Tomari cocks her head, approaching Margarete closer. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” She forces out, suddenly feeling Margarete’s eyes opening the lid to her barely-hidden-away feelings.
“I know I did something to upset you, okay?! Tomari I know you! Don’t pretend like I don’t.”
“I-Margarete, I-I’m s--”
“Don’t! I’m not mad just…” Margarete breaks eye contact, moving closer to a frozen Tomari.
“I’ll apologize and we can talk about it after, but before you decide to draw your boundary with me, I just wanted to say that I…”
Margarete takes a long pause.
“I like you, Tomari, like, a lot. A lot as in… you’re the one I have that silly little crush on. And I know you don’t like it, and I, feel bad. I don’t want to take advantage of you or make you feel uncomfortable, but I love everything about you. I love when you tell me about jellyfish, take me to your Aquarium or your favorite ice cream spot, when you include me into your routine which is so sacred to you. When you let me touch and hold you the way you wouldn’t let anyone else. I love when I can see the gears turning in your brain, I love when I can tell you’re fixated on something, when you’re confused and ask me to explain a joke that went over your head.”
She grabs Tomari’s hands.
“I know you beat yourself up for being so unlike the rest, but I feel so much happiness when I discover more about you. I don’t always understand you, and I know I’m breaking so many of your rules, but I just had to say something.” She sighs and looks away again. “There goes everything I had prepared, I can’t believe I just confessed to you with word vomit.”
Tomari’s eyes widen, mist filling her vision as she lets her head fall onto Margarete’s shoulder.
“I’ve been agonizing about this for so long. You’re truly the one person I can’t decode, Margarete.” She laughs a bit, before lacing her fingers with Margarete’s, looking at her now.
“You’re silly. How could I not…. Like.. you….” She stammers, losing confidence as she goes. To be honest, her brain fried itself a while ago, and she supposes Margarete knows that too.
“Me, silly?! You ran away from me all week!! Tomari you have to make it up to me!” Margarete teases, her blushing face growing closer to hers.
Embarrassed, and a little overstimulated, Tomari pushes a light kiss to Margarete’s lips.
“Is that acceptable? Let’s go home, I’m so swirly Margarete.” As she nears her end, Margarete smiles, nuzzling her face a little. “More than, Tomari, you’re cute. Let’s go home.”
Making their way out, Tomari fizzles out, once again saved by Margarete.
“Hey Margarete, I’m sorry I didn’t accept your feelings properly. I like you so much…” She trails off.
“I trust you more than anyone. With you I don’t feel the numbness, just the butterflies. I’m happy, so don’t get my actions twisted okay?” She can’t really gauge Margarete’s reaction as she sleepily looks up at Margarete from her lap. Grabbing her hand to her face, Tomari sighs into it.
“You’re the safest to me, Margarete.”