Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s organised chaos from start to finish.

First, Peter and Tony go on the Tonight Show as Spider-Man and, well, Tony.

But Peter, one, such as Ned, might ask him, how do you go on the Tonight Show in a skintight costume without losing all your dignity?

The answer, my friend, is: you don’t!

Peter’s got the mask on, but he’s wearing clothes over the rest of the suit. A nice, respectable, red sweater, and some dark grey jeans that MJ embroidered with a spider-web design that he can’t wear anywhere else since he’s Spider-Man and that’s, like, the definition of a bad idea.

Mr. Stark wears a suit with an Iron Man red tie and Iron Man yellow pocket square, because he’s old and boring. He tells Peter that the blue on his mask doesn’t go with his outfit, because he has no concept of teenage embarrassment. Peter runs to the car and switches out his mask for the red and black one, and is dubbed bald-looking, but acceptable.

They go on the Tonight Show.

It even starts out normally!

“Well, this is your first time on the show, Spidey,” Jimmy Fallon says with a slightly mischievous smile. “Anything you’d like to say for those who don’t recognise you?”

Peter blanks.

While laughing as though the idea of no one knowing Spider-Man is ridiculous, Tony tries to lightly wack the quippiness back into Peter’s brain. He fails. Error 404, public persona not found.

“Well, I’m Spider-Man,” he says meekly. “Uhm. I’m just a friendly neighbourhood guy, but Mr. Stark helps me get the resources I need to keep that up.”

“Don’t undersell yourself, Underoos,” Mr. Stark scolds. “And stop calling me Mr. Stark, we have been over this so many times. I’ve known Spidey for years, he might just be the best kid to come out of the last generation.”

Peter elbows Mr. Stark. Hard. Remorse is not an option.

“I’m on the Avenger’s call list,” he continues, “But I’m not an Avenger. I’m here to help before things get to the city-endangering level, but it’s not like I’ll turn away when things get hard.”

Thank god, they move on after that.

Peter settles more as they start talking about more general things about the Avengers, and world-saving as a whole. How for every enhanced person they see in flashy colours doing what they can, there's 2 more who want to live their lives in peace. How yes, Mr. Fallon, it is weird as hell to see his heroes in a casual setting, but the Avengers are people, too.

He calls Tony out on constantly having oil stains on his casual clothes. Tony tells the crowd that Peter eats cereal like it’s popcorn.

It’s good.

Then, Tony brings up Pepper, and Mr. Fallon, still casual as anything, asks, “Well, Spidey, got any women in your life?”

And Peter, firmly in the Spider-Man mindset about two minutes too late, does the first thing that comes to mind, smiles and says, “In the interest of upstaging Mr. Stark–” Mr. Stark scoffs, “–I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and while Mrs. Potts is an icon and a gift to this world, I’d have to say my partners are plenty pretty in their own right.”

Someone in the crowd wolf whistles.

Mr. Stark’s giving Peter his sarcastic oh boy smile.

Peter gets to witness Jimmy Fallon of the Tonight Show reboot in real time. Impressively, he keeps the press smile the whole time.

⠀

⠀

So Peter’s a bit of a disaster human.

Not a little bit. A lot a bit.

He’s lying face, down across the backseat of Mr. Stark’s car, waiting for Mr. Stark to escape from the building, when his phone makes the noise he assigned specially to Ned.

He pulls it out, of course.

On his screen, Ned has written: PETER AM I IN A POLYCULE AND NOBODY TOLD ME????

This breaks him from his anxiety nightmare enough to cackle, nearly rolling onto the floor. He jabs his ribs into the cupholder but catches himself before he fumbles, and goes to respond.

Peter: ned no…

Ned: PETER I AM SERIOUS

MJ: ned really

MJ: ned we’ve kissed

Ned: I THOUGHT I WAS JUST. KISSING THE HOMIES

Peter: a????????????

Peter: ned 😭

MJ: do you cuddle with the homies too

Ned: SHUT UP

MJ: do you need me to kiss you better

Ned: I AM

Ned: IM BRAKING UP WITH YOU BOLTH WAHT ABOUT THAT

Peter: we were dating!?

Ned: *head in hands*

⠀

⠀

Peter’s too worn out that night to patrol, so instead he turns to the usual way of teenagers, doom scrolling.

He’s usually a Tumblr guy, it’s got a flavour of humour and chaos that he vibes with a ton, but this week Cindy remembered that she can sent funny Twitter posts to the Acadec group chat as well as the five other ones she usually bothers, so he starts by going through the flood of links and leaving reactions on the good ones.

Landing on his home page after all that is when things get interesting.

Once is funny. Twice is coincidence. Five is a pattern.

The pattern in question is that a bunch of the people that he follows have changed their profile pictures to various photos of Spider-Man, and all of them have some sort of rainbow border. With only 30 seconds of digging, he can find the exact website everyone’s using to put the borders on their Twitter profile pictures, which is not a Spider-Man approved move. That gives whatever site it is access to your Twitter account’s details and a much easier and safer method would be to photoshop the photo on top of the rainbow and export it.

But maybe that’s just a him thing. Who knows.

He checks on his Spider-Man account, inactive since the scheduled tweet promoting his live appearance, and investigates his current follower base.

It’s a wall of red, blue, and rainbow.

Heart starting to race, he grabs his laptop off his night stand and makes sure his VPN is on before logging into his Spider-Man account, because again, you can never be too safe. He opens up the new tweet box and taps against the case, thinking.

He doesn’t regret outing himself on TV. It’s going to tweak his popularity, sure, but he doesn’t want his supporters to be homophobes and he cares about supporting others more than he ever could care about his popularity. The only reason he bothers with it at all is because if nobody knows about Spider-Man, nobody trusts Spider-Man.

How to address it, though? It was impulsive, but that’s probably not the right thing to say, and he can’t say more about MJ and Ned, that puts them at risk.

It’s about at this point that Peter remembers, currently, it is mid-May. It’s barely 2 weeks until Pride Month.

Peter sees the impact that his reveal has had on so many people, despite the fact he’s not even given a label, just an admittance that he’s in a poly relationship. This is part of doing good, making people aware that there’s heroes out there who will be on their side, especially when so many politicians aren’t.

Again: 2 weeks to pride month.

He shuts out of the tweet box and goes to DM Wade.

⠀

⠀

So much shit happens over the course of the next two weeks.

Like, so much.

Not all of it is instigated by Peter, however, because he has shit to do. Finals, AP exams, and the like. Sorry, I was organising a bunch of queer people is not a valid excuse for failing a final, obviously.

He and Wade both make pride-themed suits. Wade’s with the mask and top of his shirt being pink, the arms and stomach being yellow, and the legs being blue. Peter’s with pink in place of the red, and purple instead of the blue on his legs.

Bider-Man and Deadpan (they both laughed over Wade’s name for ages) are ready to hit the streets June 1st, and probably whenever their main suits are out of commission going forward.

This is when Peter receives the most ominous voicemail of his life. He is not exaggerating.

“Hey, Queens,” greets the pre-recorded voice of Steve Rogers, Captain Fucking America. “I’ve got an idea.”

That’s it. That’s the voicemail. It’s probably just because he’s from the era where you had to pay to call anyone so phone calls had to be brief.

Still, ominous.

He calls back Mr. Rogers and asks, “What’s your idea and how likely is it that I could pull it off?”

“Dunno, kid,” Mr. Rogers responds casually. “I need you to go behind Tony’s back to do this, though.”

Oh, goodie. This is only getting more ominous.

“What exactly do you want me to do?”

He listens. Smirks to himself.

“Do Mr. Wilson or Mr. Barnes want to join in?” Peter checks, clicking his web shooters into place on his casual clothes. He doesn’t have time to put on the costume, he’s just gonna grab the mask and swing in his civvies. “If I’m going to the lab, now’s the chance.”

“They’ve already started,” Mr. Rogers responds, voice indicating a smirk that Peter, unfortunately, can’t see.

⠀

⠀

Then, just two days before June, literally May 30th, someone taps Peter’s shoulder while he’s having an evening snack on top of a crane.

Obviously, this startles him. His balance falters and he leans backwards and off the side, sticking his leg to the crane to stop him from plummeting. Mask lifted to his nose and lopsided, he stares up at a sheepish looking… middle schooler, probably.

Or a really unfortunate freshman, he doesn’t judge, but if they’re 14, then oof.

“Hi,” the kid says awkwardly.

“Hi,” Spider-Man responds. Still upside down, he takes another bite of his sandwich. His senses aren’t saying threat, so it’s probably fine. It’s a little rude, but hopefully Spider-Man’s reputation for being a little silly can counteract that.

“Um,” the kid says.

“Um,” Spider-Man echoes. “How’d you get up here, man?”

“I, uh,” they say, adding a whole second word to their statement. Good job! This is slightly undermined by how they gesture widely at Spider-Man with one hand while getting a death grip on the crane with the other.

Spider-Man reaches one arm up and grabs the bottom of the crane, pulling himself back up. “Do you do parkour?” he offers.

“No. I…” the kid clearly steels themself, then explains in a rush, “I think I’m like you.”

Spider-Man opens his mouth to say something, but then his Spider-Sense does something it’s never done before. It’s almost like a rumble, but also a whisper in the back of his mind that says friend.

By how the kid flinches, they feel the same thing.

“Woah,” Spider-Man says, because woah. “You really are like me.”

The kid nods, slightly frantic. “So, just. I’ve been trying to track you down all month, but it’s hard because I live in Brooklyn, which isn’t one of your usual burrows, so I have to guess where you’ll be at any time which is really hard, which, good for you, bad for me, I’m sure you get it. But, uh, I saw you, and even though you were all the way up here, I knew this was my shot, so I just…” they trail off, finally, looking down, face going ashen as they realise just how high up they are with nothing tethering them to the crane except their grip.

Spider-Man puts his sandwich to the side. If it falls, so be it, this is way more important.

“Okay,” he says, steeling himself. “Okay, okay. So, first things first, what’s your name and what are your pronouns? You can give me a fake name, or something, but I’m not that good at remembering to not assume gender when I’m panicking because I’m still practising, and I don’t want my internal monologue to be homophobic.”

This moment of complete honesty makes the kid look like they’re trying not to laugh at him, which, rude.

“He/him,” he offers, “I– uh. I’m not sure if I should give my name? Like, in public? That’s making me nervous right now and I don’t know why.”

“That’s fine,” Spider-Man reassures. “Totally get it. We can move on. Uh… so for future reference, if you ever need me, just go to Avenger’s Tower and explain that you’re a newly enhanced person to the secretary. There is a protocol in place for that sort of thing, and it’s expected that I spread that around. But this right now? This is good, totally chill. I am absolutely panicking, but you’re going to be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“No I’m not sure!” Spider-Man exclaims, like an idiot, then he sucks in a deep, slow breath. “I think that our panic is currently bouncing off of each other, which is not helping anything. How about we get back to ground level, find somewhere to sit down, preferably with food, and we talk this over with a little less stress?”

The kid nods frantically. “Yeah, that sounds good, man.”

“Great,” Spider-Man responds. A pause, then he offers his hand. “Want me to swing you down?”

He gulps, but he adjusts his posture, pulling back his gripping hand—

It doesn’t pull back, unfortunately. The elbow does, but his palm is firmly stuck to the crane.

Oh boy.

⠀

⠀

There are plenty of options for where to go once they’re off the crane, but good ol’ triple J isn’t exactly wrong when he calls Spider-Man a menace.

They break into Kate Bishop’s apartment. No mercy.

Kate, in either a state of Florida or Tennessee, based on how she’s splayed on the floor when they first enter, takes a minute to realise that her visitors aren’t on the clear list for her apartment.

She fumbles to get to her feet, grabbing a coaster off her coffee table and chucking it right at Peter.

Peter catches it before it hits him, of course. His Spider-Sense understands the potential wrath of Kate Bishop.

“Is that your girlfriend?” The kid whispers frantically.

“Spidey, the hell?” Kate demands groggily. She pushes her hair out of her face, then stomps straight for Spider-Man.

Casually, he says, “Hey there, friend whom I love very much.”

“Get out,” Kate orders.

“I brought take out,” Spider-Man offers.

“Get out,” Kate orders.

“Child,” Spider-Man says, pointing at the kid.

The kid puffs up in offense, but doesn’t verbally protest.

“You’re a child,” Kate argues. “Out. I will swat you with the broom, Bitsy, I swear to god.”

“Kate,” Spider-Man says, squaring his shoulders and manically grinning beneath his mask. He puts his hands on the kid’s shoulders. “This is my new mentee, Spider-Man.”

Kate’s eyes blow wide.

The kid looks up Peter, wide-eyed, and Peter is able to clock the exact second he realises Peter is fucking with her.

“I’m calling Clint,” Kate declares. “Leave me some fries.”

⠀

⠀

So that’s… a thing.

But anyways. T-1 hits, and then it’s June 1st. Even better, it’s June 1st on a Sunday, so Peter can watch the chaos unfold in real time, instead of in between classes.

⠀

⠀

“For aaaaa limited time only,” Deadpool, sorry, Deadpan says into a fake announcer’s microphone, leaning down dramatically so that his voice reaches the lowered stand. The microphone is not, in fact, connected to anything. “I am now known as Deadpan! Because, dear viewers, I just got banned from Wikipedia for putting my own sexuality on my own page, and there is absolutely no other reason to do this whatsoever.”

Ironically, Peter discovers, Wade did get banned from Wikipedia for putting his sexuality on his own article, but even weirder is that apparently he’s been adding to obscure articles on there for months with cited sources and everything.

Still, it’s obviously for Pride Month. Everyone knows it’s for Pride Month.

Once Wade’s video drops on his social media accounts, Peter, standing around on a secluded rooftop, goes running for Wade.

⠀

⠀

jjj’s babygirl ✔ @Spider_Man

[Video: Spider-Man and Deadpan are dramatically pointing at one another, their masks’ eyes as wide as they will go. Then, both turn to face the camera in slow, eerie sync, before Spider-Man puffs up and declares, “I’m changing my name to Bider-Man!”

Deadpan leans back, crosses his arms, and asks, “And why is that?”

“Well, I’m not a spy,” he says reasonably. “So I needed a new consonant that would get the message across. I settled on Bider-Man because it’s important that people know I swing both ways.”

Nodding, Deadpan asks, “So, why the suit change? Did you do it to upstage me, Webs?”

“Well, no, I just did it to match. New name, new me. But, in terms of suit updates, I like mine better. But, you know, I’m a little biased.”

“We should let our fans decide who’s really cooler now,” Deadpan argues. “Say what you want for now, but once this video is posted, we’ll see how it pans out.”

The video ends with cut off snickering.]

> splishy @dubber-rucky

> holy shit. chat, we may not be in the doomed timeline after all

> charlie 🏳‍🌈 @corperatesymphony

> WE WIN THESE

> yes my full name is bree @breedoestrack

> I would not be complaining if they use these suits full time, but also i think spidey needs a diff shade of pink. It’d look better.

> > eoeoeoeoeoeo @TheDooley

> > did you miss the part where one of your favorite heroes just came out as bisexual or are you just ignoring it

> legally you cant insult me in june @d0nutsandwich

> spider-man being unapologetically queer was not on my bingo card but you know what? Hell yeah. Having representation on the avengers is validating as hell for so many people.

> > jjj’s babygirl ✔ @Spider_Man

> > since ur the first person who really gets it, i’m going to reply to this one.

> > I would have been saved a lot of grief if I saw LGBTQ representation growing up. I’ve only recently become confident in what label works for me, and if I hadn’t had so much support, I would never have done this publically.

> > I’ll continue this more in a stand-alone tweet.

⠀

jjj’s babygirl ✔ @Spider_Man

Everyone deserves respect. Regardless of how they identify, their beliefs and their personality, anything they’ve ever done, we are all human and humans can be hurt in similar manners. If you don’t understand someone, please, don’t turn to hatred in response. They may not share your views on the world, but that doesn’t need to be your problem.

> jjj’s babygirl ✔ @Spider_Man

> Everyone deserves representation. Every kid should be able to see themselves in the people around them, everyone deserves role models to choose from. We would not be a well-known community if there were not at least thousands of us out there. We deserve the spotlight on our people without it being because they’re part of the LGBTQ Community.

> > jjj’s babygirl ✔ @Spider_Man

> > And to the people in this community who nitpick labels or try and tell other people who they are? Don’t. I won’t pretend we are all perfect people. I’m not getting into the never ending spiral of that beef, I just want it out there that people choose who they are themselves.

⠀

Miles, the moment this thread comes to a close, DMs him to ask if he’s okay.

Peter’s fine. He just needed a brief moment to break character and use his platform for some good.

Thanks, Miles responds, which feels like nonsense for a second until he adds: You’re a great bicon <3

He grins.

⠀

⠀

Peter’s sitting, in costume, on the front overhang of the Cap household, swinging his legs and waiting for someone to come out and greet him.

It takes a solid 20 minutes, but someone must finally notice the conspicuous tights out the window and come to take a look.

As the door creaks open, Peter grabs both sides of the roof and swings himself down, leaving himself dangling from one hand with his feet barely above the ground. “It’s time for stage two,” he says to Bucky Barnes.

Mr. Barnes nods, entirely serious. “I’ll let the others know.”

⠀

⠀

Captain America ✔ @Captain_America

Been waiting for an opportunity to say a lot of things. The PR team’s been briefed, so here goes.

[Steve Rogers is sitting on a folding chair in the same position most of his PSAs were recorded, with the chair turned around and his arm leaning on the top. “So,” he says, voice stern like it always is when he’s on the clock, “You think I’m straight.”

Behind him, Bucky Barnes steps into frame, and shakes his head solemnly. He steps back without a word.

“Now, I can understand why you’d come to this conclusion,” Steve continues. “The history of my life was manipulated heavily for the sake of wartime propaganda. I was used as the symbol of what was considered AMerican ideals despite my own beliefs. I’m here today to correct this error.

Jump cut.

Bucky is sitting upright on a couch with an entirely serious expression, and Sam Wilson is laying across the entire thing with his legs in Bucky’s lap and his phone blocking half his face. Bucky begins, “Me and Steve were born and raised Jews. I don’t remember my family’s story, but Steve’s parents came to America from Ireland, his mother was raised Jewish and his father converted. This part of his history is often overlooked in favor of other aspects.”

Jump cut.

Sam is stirring a pot, but the angle is wrong to show what’s in it. Picking up the thread, he says, “We were all raised hearing about this ideal man. Perfect build, ideal hair and eyes, perfect morals, all that sort of stuff. Most kids read at least one Captain America comic. Everyone loved him as a symbol of America, but Steve’s a person, just like anyone else.”

One final cut.

Now, team Cap are all sitting on the couch, and leaning on the side of it is the iconic shield, but the red and white rings have been replaced by the colours of the bisexual flag. This goes unacknowledged.

Steve, grinning softly, says, “I was scared as a kid about a lot of things. For one, as many dames that would catch m y eye, I kept coming back to Buck. We never did anything back then, but damn, did I think about it.”

“Language,” Bucky and Sam both mutter. Steve rolls his eyes.

“For my part, I didn’t pick up on things until I was being held prisoner,” Bucky picks up. “Not the one everyone’s heard of, this was during Steve’s first time fighting as Cap. I was still thinkin’ of this skinny kid I grew up with, and at some point I realised that wanting to spend the rest of my life with him wasn’t the most platonic thought. And of course, coming off that realisation, seeing Captain America? Hot damn.”

Steve reaches over Sam to swat Bucky.

“So then you make it to today,” Sam says, unfolding his hands. He reaches for his jacket zipper and starts fiddling with it. “When the world is able to talk about queer people without imploding, and we’re slowly gaining the right to be ourselves without being fought with at every turn.” He starts unzipping his jacket. Underneath, he’s wearing a garish shirt with a bright print of the gay men pride flag. “And we’re able to help people without working directly under the government.”

He grabs Steve and Bucky’s hands.

“So,” Bucky says, staring directly into the camera. “We’re Captain America’s boyfriends. We’re Steve Roger’s boyfriends.”

Steve picks up the bisexual flag shield, and he and Bucky hold it up together with their free hands.

“We are who we are, and we love who we love,” Steve says. “I don’t want my name and face to be associated with bigotry, with the ideal man. I’m not a mascot, I’m a human being.”

“We’re all human beings,” Bucky adds.

Sam finishes, “And we’re sure as hell going to be ourselves.”]

⠀

⠀

The Much Cooler Hawkeye (Hawkeye)

why is everyone else using twitter #avengers #hawkeye #blackwidow #pridemonth

[There’s a caption on the video reading “it’s every family gathering.” Tiktok’s female text to speech voice (you know the one) reads out how Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, sitting next to each other, have been captioned me and my bestie.

The camera spins around (doesn’t flip, someone physically turns the phone backwards to film) to show Yelena and Kate cuddling on a catch. The voice reads the new caption “and our lesbian siblings <3”]

> absolute baddie (spyderman)

> WAIT is that the other hawkeye????

> View 5 replies

> katelyn (creatureofthevs)

> natasha romanoff has a sibling!?

> View 22 replies

> idk (aqueercreechur)

> it’s june 1st and we’re now at 7 avengers coming out. What is happening??

> View 15 replies

⠀

⠀

Hi (BlackWiddow)

Stitch with @Hawkeye Clarification.

[The video is the same as the Hawkeye post until it cuts to Yelena and Kate sitting on a park bench together, Kate awkwardly holding the phone so that they’re both in view.

Yelena and Kate have matching lesbian flag pins on their shirts. Yelena’s hair is held back in an ace flag bandana.

No words are spoken.]

> ayo? (konnork)

> who is this blonde queen and why am i just seeing her (gay man)

> View 17 replies

⠀

> fixations. (captainmarvel09)

> if they pull a team cap / team red and make pride versions of their hero suits i will SCREAM

> View 36 replies

> ask about bugs (rizzimtism)

> hold up since when are the hawkeyes actually related?????

> View 5 replies

⠀

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

Let’s all establish before my next tweet that I have a wonderful wife whom I love very much.

> The Cooler Hawkeye @Hawkyes

> *whispers to spidey* was this part of the plan??

> > bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

> > *whispers back* absolutely not but i’m going with it

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

I! LIKE! MEN!

> yessuri ✔ @Shuri

> we done knew that

> Protect Trans Kids @MJSpeaks

> congratulations on your tolerance levels, mr. stark. Please remember to redistribute your tolerance to those in need.

> bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

> AND THE CROWD WENT MILD 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

> > Kilometers 🤨 @SunflowerArt

> > BRO COOKED 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 !!!!! WITH WATER 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

> J Beebs, or something ✔ @BuckBarnes

> Tony if you’re struggling with memory loss, I have resources I can provide you with. Message me 💙

> Machine Learning ✔ @AvVision

> I’m fascinated by the divide between those who have researched Mr. Stark before his time as Iron Man and those who haven’t.

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

I’m not replying to everyone individually. Were we not all coming out as a show of solidarity? I just wanted to be included.

> bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

> everyone back to the secret groupchat, we have to make this club more exclusive

> > YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

> > I haven’t been this offended in years. Nice job, Webbi.

> > > yessuri ✔ @Shuri

> > > you tried way too hard on that one.

⠀

⠀

Online, things are all fine, dandy, and chaotic.

In real life, Peter prints out a rudimentary Spider-Man suit based off Miles’s measurements, except the colours are inverted to make sure they’re visually distinct. He doesn’t know if Miles wants to do the vigilante thing, but it’s hard to subtly practise super strength, enhanced reflexes, and the like, so they need some way to cover Miles’s identity.

He sits above the alley Miles is changing in, waiting for clearance to look. When Miles hollers, Spider-Man hops down, confused when he finds that Miles hasn’t tightened the suit, leaving it sagging on his body.

Before he can ask, Miles says gravely, “This is my magical girl moment.”

He grabs the small bit of sagging fabric on his hips. Does a shitty twirl. Then he gives an aggressive smack to the symbol on his chest, tightening the suit.

Spider-Man bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

⠀

⠀

Miles decides he wants to learn to swing. He doesn’t say he wants to be a vigilante, deflects right away from that question, but he says he wants to learn to swing.

And, yeah, it takes a few hours, but they swing.

Then people on Twitter notice there’s a second spidey up there, and they ask questions. Miles and Spider-Man crouch on a rooftop and ponder how to respond.

There’s a large variety of silliness, intentional misdirection, and sheer nonsense.

(Draft)

bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

Other guy is an alien who imprinted on me and now tries its hardest to copy my mannerisms. Don’t worry about it

⠀

(Draft)

bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

Other guy is my clone. Dw about it, and stop tagging me.

⠀

(Draft)

bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

little known fact, i can duplicate myself a la danny phantom! this is because spiders reproduce asexually, and i’m part spider

⠀

(Draft)

bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

im starting to get the sense none of my fans have watched peter pan. as a man living off pixie dust and spite, i find this highly offensive. stop tagging me, its just my shadow

⠀

(Draft)

bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

You’ve all heard of Spider-Man, now get ready for: Insect-Boy!

⠀

“No, that one’s just asking for Ant Man to say some dumb shit,” Peter decides, trashing the draft. He’s fine with Scott as a person, but whenever someone gets him talking online, he’ll reveal another freaky thing he can do with his shrinking powers, and nobody needs that in your life.

“Insect-Boy is terrible, so I support this 100%,” Miles decides.

Spider-Man shrugs. “Well, you’re not an insect, so that was never gonna go anywhere anyway. I’m sure you’ll get a cool title if you want one.”

⠀

⠀

Stephen Strange ✔ @DrStrange

Considering many of my coworkers’ recent statements, it might as well be my turn.

The gender “binary” is bullshit. There are manners of presenting your body that I find preferable, but that’s not for the public to know. I don’t think anything of what genitals someone was born with because I don’t currently have anyone I want to sleep with.

> Stephen Strange ✔ @DrStrange

> Also, while he/him pronouns are preferable, I will not blink at they/them, and as long as she/her is not used in a demeaning way, I will not be bothered. Not every language has the same concept of gender (I work with many aliens and other-dimensional beings, for the uninitiated) and sometimes things just translate to she/her anyways.

> I’m only adding this because everyone else is so focused on attraction, and that feels like nonsense.

> > Deadpan the pan man @Deadpool

> > on the topic of everyone being attraction focused, MY BOYFRIEND IS THE HOTTEST TRANS MAN YOU EVER DID SEE!!!

> > > bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

> > > i forgot you had a boyfriend and was so confused for a second

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Bicon America ✔ @CaptainAmerica

Do I fall under “No cops at pride” if I’m working with a govt agency?

> l cage @lukespage

> What abt queer cops?

> > i’m not making a gay bird pun ✔ @SamWilson

> > SO. I’m not very well educated on queer history as a whole, but according to a few minutes of research: pride movement/pride month was kicked off by the stonewall riots, a conflict between LGBTQ people and cops. The cops raided the stonewall bar in NYC with increasing frequency, eventually leading to people fighting back.

> > I’m not going to say “ACAB” because everyones their own person, but on-duty cops should only be at the parade for crowd control alone and i’ll stand by that.

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Machine Learning ✔ @AvVision

He/They, for anyone curious.

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⠀

“I’ve created a monster,” Peter realises, sitting on top of Avengers Tower with Miles at his side, both of them in costume and splitting an incredible pizza between the two of them.

Miles leans over to read his phone. Sees that Peter is going through his recently liked tweets, all various Avengers coming out on the heels of him, Wade, and team Cap. He frowns thoughtfully, then decides, “It’s only a monster if it’s a bad thing. This is creating a lot of good, so you shouldn’t be worrying about it.”

He smiles. “Yeah, well. That’ll stand until some homophobic government official tries to recreate the Sokovia accords to pare down on all this sudden representation.”

“That’s more strategy than any of those guys are capable of,” Miles grumbles.

Peter laughs.

⠀

⠀

Thor! ✔ @ThorOdinson

Similar to what has been said by my friend @DrStrange, I do not put as much weight into the midguardian concept of gender. Under the limiting categories, I suppose I’d be closest to a man, but it does not have the same meaning to me. I am strong, I prefer having long hair and a beard, and frankly if you’re asking what’s in my pants before I’ve even met you than you don’t deserve to know.

> Thor! ✔ @ThorOdinson

> My brother, on the other hand, as controversial as he may be, has asked me to share his input:

> “My gender and pronouns are whatever is most convenient at the given moment.”

> Again, I prefer he/him, and my brother, while currently presenting as what you’d all call “male,” has little to no preference.

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⠀

Peter needs a cram session before finals, but he has something scheduled with Miles.

His solution is to send Miles the address of the Cap household and tell him that he’ll be training there, carefully neglecting to mention that it won’t be with Peter. This earns him a pile of question marks in response, but he figures that they’ll all figure it out.

For the next several hours, his phone remains on mute while Peter goes through review questions and googles lectures on anything that he’s having trouble with. It’s circled from late evening to early morning by the time he feels confident, which will probably leave him tomorrow thanks to sleep deprivation, but for the moment he’s content, and finally brings his phone off of silent.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t have a lot to go through. Miles hasn’t sent him anything, which makes him anxious until Sam texts him simply saying you’re a little shit, indicating that at some point the human package was received.

He unlocks his phone, planning to ask the polycap how training went, but his phone opens to Twitter, because Peter is still a Gen Z kid and spends way too much time on social media.

At some point in the night, the hashtag team brooklyn started trending. It’s trending with Captain America and Spidey.

Someone did something.

With a bit of digging, he finds a selfie of Spider-Man (the smaller), Steve, and Bucky, all smiling wide. It’s tagged, simply, #teambrooklyn.

So that’s a thing, apparently. Peter has no idea if it’s going to be a good thing, but at least it seems like Miles and Cap get along well.

He does the only thing he can (while still being a chaotic little shit). He retaliates.

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bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

@CaptainAmerica @BuckyBarnes pspspspsp you guys want to switch to team jews so bad don’t you #teamjews

> J Beebs, or something ✔ @BuckBarnes

> What are you offering, kid?

> bider-man ✔ @Spider_Man

> > statistically speaking, there are more jewish people than there are living in brooklyn. #teamjews offers a more inclusive environment which guarantees that everyone in it has one thing in common with you, whereas your brooklyn team’s only commonality is location

> > > J Beebs, or something ✔ @BuckBarnes

> > > Counterpoint: #teambrooklyn can meet up whenever it wants, with more people, but there’s no way to organise your team like that.

> > > Plus, we have the cooler Spidey.

> > > > The Cooler Hawkeye @Hawkyes

> > > > HA

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i’m not making a gay bird pun ✔ @SamWilson

A truce is being discussed between the teams under the name “team bisexuals”

Neither of my boyfriends have considered that i am not included under a single one of the umbrellas they’ve created within the last hour. I love my dumbasses

⠀

⠀

“Okay, but what if we did do something for the pride parade,” Peter suggests, spinning around and around in Bucky’s office chair. He’s starting to get dizzy, which barely even happens when he‘s swinging, but it’s fine, probably. “Like, a grand finale for all the chaos we created, we see who can make it to the parade and make it the safest place it can be.”

Steve counters, “With our luck, that’ll just encourage a bunch of unsavory folk to come and attack the parade to get to us, and that’d ruin it for others.”

Peter does not comment on him saying unsavory folk. He’s given up on questioning the various old man-isms that are thrown around the polycap household.

He hums and haws on the point, questioning how likely something like that occurring would be.

“We could tweet that anyone who tries it will be arrested for hate crimes?”

“If nothing else has done them in, hate crimes aren’t going to be it.”

“We could have some people on watch. Mr. Rhodes wouldn’t want to come to the parade even as an ally, and I’d bet he’s not the only one. If anything were spotted, we could migrate away from the parade to keep people safe.”

“Is it worth the risk?” Steve prompts. Peter can’t tell if he’s trying to get Peter to a conclusion he already has, or if they’re contemplating this together.

He decides, “Being represented is always worth the risk. Having heroes is always worth it.”

Bucky sticks his head through the office door and says. “You know, next month is disability pride.”

Steve’s brows go up.

Peter decides, just in case, “I’m not being the ringleader again. I want to have at least a little summer.”

Bucky huffs. “Alright, kid, I can take charge. I’m tapping you for this again in May, though.”

He groans, leaning back as far as the chair will let him. “But I’ll have AP exams!”

“All the organising will be in April,” Bucky dismisses casually. “Apparently May’s for mental health awareness? There’s so much of this awareness stuff now, and it’s all great ‘n all, but holy shit, how do you keep track of it all?”

“Google,” Steve says as though bestowing divine knowledge.

⠀

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

For every interaction on this tweet, I’ll donate 10 dollars to The Trevor Project

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

For every interaction on this tweet, I’ll donate 10 dollars to Rainbow Railroad

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

For every interaction on this tweet, I’ll donate 10 dollars to the Prism Foundation

⠀

YKWIA ✔ @TonyStark

I asked friends for charity recommendations rather than picking random ones, but we’re all human. Please tell me if you think I’m not sending this money where it’s supposed to be going.

And for anyone who says I’m not donating enough, I need to have the resources to do this year after year. If I give all my money away once, then eventually that money will run dry, but if I do it in waves, that money can come back and help as many people as possible.

Plus, it’s already almost a million per charity. My card company hates me.

⠀

⠀

He gets invited to Kate’s apartment before NYC Pride, because apparently that’s where everyone in their age range, and with the same hobby, is gathering.

Seriously, even Wanda and Vision are here. Wanda’s the emotional support ally, and is only not patrolling with other allies because of her insane mind powers, but still.

It’s fun. There’s a ton of flags to wear as capes, rhinestones glitter and colourful makeup, hair chalk, basically anything they could get their hands on. Kate’s apartment gets insanely messy quite fast, but it’s fun to hang out with everyone.

Nobody’s announced the Avenger’s plans in order to discourage as much hostile intervention as they can. When everyone’s about to head out, Kate and Yelena volunteer to let Peter take photos of them to post on social media. He gets a great shot of them pressing their foreheads together, smiling broadly, the aro-themed rhinestones on Yelena’s face mirrored with the rainbow mandala makeup on Kate.

The polycap must scramble when they see the post, because everyone’s still in the apartment when they post their own group photo, with Sam and Steve not wearing much bling at all and Bucky who’s got an insanely crappy bisexual pun on his shirt and a flag cape.

Peter informs them with the threatening parentheses smiley face that he and his partners are way cuter than them, he’s just not allowed to post a selfie for obvious reasons.

The fun is diverted when Wanda discovers a pile of boxes that Kate had ordered and forgotten about, all filled with various pride themed pins. Once everyone has taken their pick of pins, Kate and Wanda each take a box to carry around and give out to people.

Miles tumbles through Kate’s window right as everyone’s getting ready to leave, wearing an outfit that’s subtly bisexual coloured. Yelena bestows a smear of rainbow paint on his cheek before the team heads out.

Peter realises while they walk through the streets, seeing people wearing Avengers themed clothing and hearing about the people that come up to Kate and Yelena to thank them and joking around with Miles, who’s much more settled in his own skin, he just. He realises.

Seeing yourself in your heroes means so much to so many people. Having others show that it’s okay to be queer, to be different.

His impulsive decision has had a wider impact than he could have imagined.

He’s glad.