Archive of Our Own ^beta

In Castorice's eyes, death was a peaceful, cold, eternal slumber that brought only an end to suffering, and came for everything, sooner or later, some things quicker than others.

And while there were certainly many things capable of accelerating one's death, none were as proficient as Castorice, the daughter of the River Styx, the servant to The Hand Of Shadows, she who unfortunately brought death to any being with whom she came in contact.

She who could never hold any flower without fear of it withering away in her hands. She who could never be too close to an animal without fear of it getting too close, and immediately fall stiff from trying to nuzzle against her.

She who had accidentally killed a lover, all because the girl had gotten too excited and made the mistake of trying to hug Castorice in thanks.

Castorice sat alone in Okhema's glorious bathhouses, her mind reeled and her body tensed whenever she thought back to the incident, still today in particular the memory had dug its claws deeper into her than normal, leaving her an unstable mess of emotions, and desperate to find some comfort or atleast a distraction in the warm baths but to no avail.

Combined with her usual yearning, which had been amplified given her thoughts, she was left holding her legs to her chest, the familiar sting of tears threatening to overcome her, though she managed to keep them at bay with the sheer force of willpower.

She held herself close, the only touch she could experience without fear of ending another's life, and though cold, it usually served as enough to calm her down; today, however, the embrace of her own limbs felt hollow and almost uninviting.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps approaching. She quickly wiped her eyes to raise her head, and by the time she had, Lady Aglaea stood before her.

"Castorice? Is something the matter?" Aglaea asked, her voice soft yet ever so concerned.

"Lady Aglaea-" Castorice began, her voice coming out both somber from her current state and shaky from the Goldenweaver's sudden appearance. "I'm fine, it's nothing to worry about, it won't impact my duties-"

"Come now, Castorice, even without the assistance of my threads, I can tell there's something wrong, if you wish to keep it private I understand, but I'm willing to listen if it would help," Aglaea explained as she came to sit across from her, offering a smile.

Castorice cursed herself for thinking she wouldn't see through her lies, but perhaps Aglaea's appearance was a blessing in disguise.

"Forgive me, it's rather insignificant, but I've been feeling- lonely is the best way to put it." She began, reluctant to explain too much in fear of worrying Aglaea even further. "Usually I can handle these emotions myself but today's worse than others."

Aglaea gave a look of concern and tilted her head. "Lonely? Even in the company of me and the rest of the Chrysos Heirs? Or is this a different type of loneliness, longing perhaps?"

"Yes." Castorice simply replied, nodding in agreement, her eyes cast towards the bath's waters. "It's something I frequently suffer from, but I'll recover from it, don't worry too much about it."

"How long have you been feeling like this?" Aglaea asked, and Castorice hesitated in answering, still not wanting to concern her.

"Since shortly after I received my abilities and duty as the Hand Of Shadows, I realized that because of it, I'd never get to experience another's embrace without causing them harm or death, it's something I still haven't fully come to terms with." She decided to finally admit the true extent of her suffering and was met with a more intrigued than worried expression from Aglaea.

"If you've been suffering with this for so long, why did you never tell me earlier? I'm more than willing to provide my comfort if it would ease your loneliness even in the slightest." The Goldweaver offered, seemingly unaware of just how much the offer affected Castorice.

Castorice was silent, her breath hitched, and her eyes unable to look at Aglaea, a sudden heat in her cheeks as the idea of having someone to even listen to her woes filled her heart with a sudden warmth she'd all but forgotten.

"I didn't wish to burden you, Lady Aglaea-" She finally spoke, though she was immediately cut off.

"You could never burden me, Castorice, not with anything you say, please don't feel hesitant to come to me for anything you need, even if it's something you see as inconsequential or small," Aglaea replied, her tone far softer now than before, and when Castorice finally dared to look up she was met with a gentle and inviting smile. "And you don't need to address me so formally, just my name is more than enough."

It took a moment, but Castorice finally gave a smile of her own, though a faint blush remained on her cheeks as she nodded. "Thank you Aglaea, I'll remember that next time I feel this way."

"Of course, I'll always be here for you." Aglaea began moving closer to Castorice, making sure to keep an arm's length away. "One more thing though, about your inability to feel another's embrace, I may have a way for me to at least in theory give you that sensation."

Castorice perked up at the sudden idea, and though she tried to keep it to herself, Aglaea was able to sense it nonetheless and chuckled. "What would you do?" She asked quicker than she'd intended.

Aglaea held up her hand and spread her fingers, golden threads connecting them together before her. "I'm not sure if it would work, but theoretically I could use my threads, if connected to someone, it would allow me to feel every slight quake of your body, and your's of mine."

Castorice pondered over the idea before letting it further excite her. The offer was tempting, but she felt it was too dangerous. "Wouldn't that still be touching me in a way? You're still coming in contact with my skin." She pointed out.

"Indirectly, yes, but I could simply hold my hand against mine, and you would feel the same as if I were holding your hand. There's no direct touch involved, no risk of you hurting me with the slightest of brushes." Aglaea explained.

"Are you positive? I couldn't live with myself if I caused you any harm." Castorice pressed, and was only met with a soft chuckle from Aglaea.

"Do you think I'd offer if I wasn't so sure of it? Please, allow me to help ease your loneliness." The Goldweaver held out her hand, and a few threads fell from her fingertips. "You need only hold on your ar,m and they'll wrap around you, and you'll be able to feel my hand without any contact."

Castorice shut her eyes and took a breath before hesitantly holding her arm out. The first touch of thread against her skin made her tense, her mind still fearing the possibility of killing Aglaea through a mere brush, but as she continued to hold it and felt more threads fall across her arm her tension and nerves slowly began to fade, replaced with a warm feeling that soothed her heart.

"You can open your eyes." Hearing Aglaea's voice was the last confirmation Castorice needed, and with a deep breath, she opened her eyes and found her arms wrapped in the threads tracing back to Aglaea, who held her arm up the same.

Before she could speak she watched as Aglaea's other hand came to trail down her arm, and her breath hitched. She could feel it as if Aglaea were running her hand across her skin, the sensation so much after so long of being deprived.

She watched as Aglaea continued, her hands coming to hold each other, and likewise Castorice felt as if her hand was now in her's.

"This is..." She began, her words coming out shaky, and her hand coming to cover her mouth as she began to breathe a little heavier, and her cheeks growing warmer by the second. "Thank you, it's like your touch-" She stumbled on her words as the threads simulated Aglaea's movements.

"Could you hold your hand out for me, Castorice? I've got something else I want to try." Aglaea asked, and Castorice did so without question, still amazed at how easily she was able to feel what her hand would be doing even without it being in her grip.

Aglaea lowered her hand, her fingertips mere inches from Castorice's hand, before she brought her lips down to her hand, her eyes never leaving Castorice's.

She pressed a kiss to her hand, and Castorice gasped as she shared the sensation with her, tears being held back as her breath quickened from the sudden rush of emotions that came with experiencing any sort of contact after so long.

"I can feel your sorrow, Castorice. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this for so long." Aglaea said, the thread's sensation conveying a hidden sadness of her own behind her voice, and it made Castorice's heart ache. "Promise me that whenever you feel this way, you'll at least think of coming to me for some comfort?"

"I promise." Castorice managed to answer, a few tears finally falling from her eyes but being wiped away by the sensation of Aglaea's hand cupping her cheek. "It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, thank you." She added, leaning into the invisible palm.

Aglaea gave a nod and continued softly wiping away the tears, letting Castorice soak in all of the touch she'd been missing so long. "Is there anything else you'd like me to try?" She asked after a while.

"Would it be possible for you to hold me using the threads? I- If it wouldn't be too much trouble." Castorice stammered out, not even bothering to hide how flushed she was, both from her request and the formerly forbidden touch she felt.

A smirk graced Aglaea's face. "You want a hug? That isn't an issue at all, I'll need you to turn around for me though." She spoke after wiping a few stray tears from Castorice's cheek.

Castorice did so, and the threads retreated; her leftover fears came back momentarily but were quickly suppressed by the golden threads coming to wrap around her waist. What came after was a feeling she'd never thought she'd feel again. Another's body against hers.

She could feel Aglaea's arms wrapped around her from behind, and turned away to make sure the Goldweaver hadn't truly touched her.

"It's just the threads, Castorice, we're okay," Aglaea said softly with her arms around her waist, and a smile that melted all of Castorice's fears.

She looked down with watery eyes, only noticing the tears as they fell into the bath beneath them, unable to stop the shaky sobs that escaped her.

She could feel everything: the warmth of Aglaea's body, her soft, comforting hands holding her tightly against her chest, the trace of a finger running up her arm.

"I never expected your skin to be so soft; it feels wonderful." Aglaea's voice spoke from behind her, and she got a shaky chuckle in return. "How do you feel? Better than before?"

"A lot better. Thank you, Aglaea." Castorice's words were punctuated by soft sobs and tears, her body shaking in the embrace. "Can we stay like this for a moment? Please?"

"Of course, as long as you need to," Aglaea held herself tighter, and Castorice could feel it all the same. "We'll find you a way to experience true touch. I promise."