Chapter Text
Samira,
We are all so incredibly proud of you and cannot wait to hear all about the amazing work you do at UCLA. We can only hope that California doesn’t charm you too much – but no matter what, you’ll always have a family here in Pittsburgh. Hope you know how much you will be missed around here. Please stay in touch and send pictures of the beaches and burritos often.
All the best wishes,
Robby & the Pitt Crew
Take care of yourself, kid. Knock ‘em dead (or maybe don’t…) – Dana
Congratulations again - so looking forward to seeing what you accomplish. Cassie xx
I can’t believe you’re leaving me so soon with these crazy people :) jk, can’t wait to hear all about it + I’ll see you in October for Halloweeeeekend xoxo victoria
crush it out there, beware the gulls -Shen
I know this was already mentioned but you will be so missed. Thank you for all you have taught me both in & outside of the ER. Becca and I will miss you on our Friday movie nights! Will think of you often, don’t forget about us :-) Mel
Congrats Samira. Best of luck to you in LA, take care! –Jesse
you’re gonna smash it, mohan. don’t hit ur head surfing! -Frank
echoing victoria’s statement … still can’t believe you’re leaving us. who am i supposed to get espresso martinis with after doubles now? Drinking with whitaker is NOT the same. love you to death samira, see you halloweekend! - trinity
Samira, I hope you know how much of a fixture of this ER you have become. It will feel like a gaping hole is left when you are gone. I feel very lucky to have worked alongside someone as talented, hard-working, and dedicated to their patients as you are. I so look forward to following your research projects. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need anything or want to decompress over the phone – I will always be here. Yours, Heather
Even more than missing a terrific doctor, this place will be bereft of a dear friend. Thank you for being a great mentor and a better friend. So proud of you –Dennis
Best of luck to you Samira!! One less person to gossip about… I mean, gossip with :) love, Princess
Don’t forget to find balance. I already know you’re going to do excellent work in LA, because that’s a given with you. But don’t forget to fill your own cup outside of work. Take care ❤️ Parker
Good luck to you, Samira! The crew will miss you dearly. Don’t worry though, we’ll keep you updated on all the shenanigans, just like you’ll keep us updated on your accomplishments! Love, Kim
I will miss watching you in action. You are such a badass and you’re going to do so many more amazing things and continue to make us all proud. LMK if you’re ever in the Bay Area, my cousin will hook you up with the best Filipino food spots. XOX Perlah
Good luck Samira! Don’t forget to have fun and let loose once in a while :) I wish we’d gotten you to join us for beers at the park benches sooner. - Mateo
So excited for you and this perfect opportunity for you. You’re gonna do great things like you always have. -Donnie
Samira,
What can I say that hasn’t been said by everyone else to you in various ways? I would hope you know by now how much I admire you and the totally unique way you approach your work. You are unlike anyone else I have ever worked with. Anyone else I’ve ever met, if I’m being honest – and hell, I’ve worked too long and with too many people to fathom. People come and go in our wonderful chosen field of emergency medicine. Patients and doctors, nurses and families, interns and residents, attendings and program directors. You meet a lot of people. You see a lot of shit happen. And there are always certain cases, certain people that leave a mark on you. You are one of those people for me.
Working with you was almost like constantly confronting the fact that I don’t think I know anything at all. I think I’m a smart guy. I’ve had to think on my feet plenty. But damn, Samira, sometimes you make me feel like I learnt everything all backwards. You make me feel like I wanna follow in your footsteps. You make me confront my gaps in a way that doesn’t make me feel broken, but in a way that’s like you’re handing me the tools to fill in what’s missing, like you’re teaching me how to go on. You make me feel like there’s more ahead of me – to learn, to do, to see – than I ever thought possible. I have a hard time visualizing the future some days, but you have a way of making me believe in one.
What else? You’re an inspiration. The way your mind works is amazing. The way you’re able to pinpoint shit the rest of us could only hope to diagnose is amazing. And what you have been able to do – and what you will continue to do at UCLA – is nothing short of miraculous. On top of the lives you’ve saved among your patients, I’d argue there are a lot of days you’ve made life worth living for me, too.
Please be very proud of yourself. It is your hard work that got you this fellowship, and it is your hard work that will carry you through it. I can’t wait to see what you accomplish over these years.
When you’re gone, the Pitt – the whole goddamn hospital, even – will be missing its smartest doctor. God knows I’ll miss seeing you around.
Stay in touch, will you? I’ll always just be a phone call – or a text, or an email – away. You know my sleeping habits (or lack thereof) so please don’t worry about the hour or the time difference, ever.
Jack
Jack –
I hope I remembered your address correctly from the one time I drove you home… I thought about sending this to your box at PTMC, but I’d feel weird if the mailroom got to see this? I don’t know. I saw this art at LACMA and it reminded me of you, so I wanted to send you the postcard. I really like the colors and the softness, and remember when we for some reason spent a shift talking about American modernism. Something about finding space for flourishing life even amidst so many constant reminders of death. It’s a very beautiful piece.
LA is good. I miss everyone already, and I’m a little lonely while I’m getting settled in but I’m taking the bus everywhere, though I’ll probably eventually rent a car for the time I’m here. I got to meet my mentors and some of the faculty at a welcome dinner they invited me to, as well as the other fellowship alumni. Only 5 other people have been through this fellowship… And it’s kind of wild that I’m the next? Out of the… hundreds? thousands? of applicants, I’m the ONE person they chose. It really makes me feel like my work has paid off, like you mentioned in your card. (Thank you for the card, by the way… It was very nice of you to write your own instead of squeezing into the space between everyone else’s messages.)
Running out of space so I’ll just say I think I’ll try to write postcards often? To everybody. I think it’s cute, plus I can use this to prove that I’m going out and doing things with my life outside of the hospital. Hope this reaches you at the right address…
Samira
Samira,
Hope it’s okay I got your address from Dana. Came off a shit shift to see your postcard in my mailbox and it erased everything that was weighing on my mind. (So yes, you remembered my address correctly.) If I had the energy right now, I’d go out and find a nicer postcard, but this was all I could find in the depths of my desk and I wanna shoot this off before my mailman gets here.
It’s good to hear from you. That Georgia O’Keefe piece is lovely and I’m flattered you thought of me when you saw it. And I’m glad you’ve met some of the faculty & alumni already. You’re right, it is impressive that you were chosen – though I doubt there’s a better fit out there for this program than you are. I do hope you follow through on renting a car, because aren’t the two medical centers you’ll be splitting your time between an hour apart? And I can’t imagine LA transit is particularly conducive to the odd hours of an emergency medicine fellow. Driving in your own car will always be safer. Except when you’re too exhausted to get behind the wheel, in which case… on-call room, I guess? Will you have an office or access to facilities of any kind?
Glad you liked the card. Don’t think I’d have been able to fit all those words in between everyone else’s, though…
Please do keep sending postcards. I’ll write one back every time.
Jack
Chapter 2: vienna
Summary:
Maybe next postcard I’ll be able to squish everything I wanna say in? ‘Til next time,
Samira
Notes:
reminder to please read in light mode + with creator's style enabled for the best reading experience <3
thank you kate for the reassurance <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I’m so glad I got your address right! By the way. I haven’t even started working yet and you’re already sending me to the on-call rooms? Am I that predictable?
My excursion this past weekend was to Redondo Beach, which is near the UCLA Harbor Medical Center. And you were right – not that I didn’t know this already, but it did take me over an hour to get there from my apartment. Rented a car for the day. I don’t drive much in Pittsburgh beyond to and from home and the hospital, but rolling my windows down and blasting music and giving into the ebb and flow of traffic, it was kinda nice. You go on long drives somewhat often, right? To see your family near Baltimore?
I filled out a bunch of onboarding paperwork yesterday and it’s starting to feel very real. Like I’m really here and doing this. Should I be worried? What if it’s way harder than working in the Pitt? Now that I write that I realize that’s definitely a given. Of course it’s going to be way harder than the Pitt. It’s going to be way harder than anything I can prepare for. Lol what if everything I write actually turns out to be shit. Or my research is actually incredibly derivative, or nobody comes to my grand rounds…?
Sorry I had to put the pen down and walk away because I was spiraling. This was supposed to be a nice postcard sharing about my blissful beach day. It was wildly hot and there were so many people out on the pier. I should have brought a bathing suit so I could get in my first-ever swim in the Pacific. Ah, well, it’ll always be there waiting for me.
Maybe next postcard I’ll be able to squish everything I wanna say in? ‘Til next time,
Samira
From: [email protected]
Subject: Preliminary IDHEAL Fellowship Program Events
Mon, Jul 21 2025, 9:48 am (3 mins ago)
Good morning Dr. Mohan,
It was so great meeting you at our welcome dinner! I can’t reiterate enough how excited we are to have you as our latest IDHEAL fellow. I know I speak for a number of us on the faculty when I say your research has excited us since your first publication. I personally look forward to seeing what we can learn from you and your work here at UCLA.
I’m reaching out to share some info on the preliminary program events that have now been finalized. Please see below & attached for more details, and don’t hesitate to reach out to myself or your mentor Dr. Yasin with any questions.
Week of August 4th, 2025
Monday, August 4: Facilities check-in, Olive View UCLA Medical Center, 9:00 am - 10:30 am
- ID + badge creation
- Receive office keys
- Receive parking badge
- CME account creation
- Walk-through tour
Tuesday, August 5: Facilities check-in, Harbor UCLA Medical Center, 9:00 am - 10:30 am
- ID + badge creation
- Receive office keys
- Receive parking badge
- Walk-through tour
Tuesday, August 5: Mentorship meeting - Dr. Yasin & Dr. Mohan, Harbor UCLA Medical Center, 11:00 am - 12:15 pm
- Receive fellowship orientation resources
- Establish requirements & goals to be met by Fellow
- Set dates for future mentorship meetings
Wednesday, August 6: Advisory committee meeting - Dr. Trejo, Dr. Yasin, Dr. Orosco, Dr. Faheem, Dr. Dominguez, Dr. Lucciano, Dr. Ogunoye & Dr. Mohan, Olive View UCLA Medical Center, 1:30 pm - 2:45 pm
- Orientation meeting to discuss Fellow’s research interests and goals
- Establish advisory committee - 2 section members, plus 1 additional faculty member of Fellow’s choice
- Please inform Fellowship Coordinator of your choice faculty member by Monday, August 11
- Set dates for future advisory committee meetings
Thursday, August 7: Fellows meeting - Dr. Varaprinda & Dr. Mohan, Harbor UCLA Medical Center, 7:15 am - 8:00 am
- Meeting with current (2023-2025) fellow to discuss fellowship goals, requirements, learnings, and experience
Thursday, August 7: Shadow shift 1, Harbor UCLA Medical Center Emergency Department, 8:00 am - 8:00 pm
- Shadow current (2023-2025) fellow during one shift at Harbor UCLA Medical Center
Friday, August 8: Faculty dinner - North Italia at Del Amo Center, Torrance, 6:00 pm
***
Week of August 11, 2025
Monday, August 11: Faculty member choice for advisory committee due by 4:30 pm
Tuesday, August 12: Shadow shift 2, Olive View UCLA Medical Center Emergency Department, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm
- Shadow current (2023-2025) fellow during one shift at Olive View Medical Center
Thursday, August 14: Final Journal Club meeting led by Departing Fellow Dr. Varaprinda, Garry Shandling Learning Studio (B36) at Geffen Hall, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, 1:30 pm - 2:45 pm
Thursday, August 14: Mentorship meeting with medical students and residents, Case Style Classroom 150 at Geffen Hall, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine , 3:30 pm - 4:30 pm
- Fellow will begin contributing to mentorship team for medical students and residents
Friday, August 15: Final Grand Rounds Lecture by Departing Fellow Dr. Varaprinda, Iris Cantor Auditorium at Geffen Hall, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, 2:00 pm - 3:15 pm
- Followed by light refreshments
Samira,
I can’t lie, if you do keep sending these they’re quickly going to become the highlight of my week, even if you think you’re spiraling. (You aren’t, by the way — even if you were, what’s a friend here for other than to be a shoulder to vent on?)
Makes me happy that you’re making an effort to explore your new city. Redondo Beach seems lovely and I’d love to see any pictures you took. You’re right, I do take long drives to Baltimore and back to see my sister and her kids. Kinda surprised you remembered that. Anyway, it’s nice turning the brain on autopilot and putting on a few albums I haven’t gotten the chance to listen to yet and just… driving. Open road and all that. Traffic doesn’t even bother me anymore because I enter this zen state when I’m driving for that long. I’m actually heading thataway for Thanksgiving, so if you have any music recommendations, send ‘em my way.
Having to squeeze this in now, ‘cause I have a lot to say on this. I hope the seriousness with which I imbue these words comes across on the page: your worries are, while totally valid, also completely groundless. I don’t mean that in an insensitive way; trust me, I know exactly what you’re telling yourself — you’re thinking, why are you there when it could be any other given person who happens to be worthy or smart enough or hard-working or brave enough. And I know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that you deserve more than anything, more than anyone else, to be there. It’s going to be hard, and confusing, and you’re going to feel lost. I’ve been there. But you’re fucking brilliant. You’re Dr. Samira Mohan. You won an ICEM award practically the second you finished your residency, and that’s only the beginning. Nobody’s ready for the trails you’re gonna blaze, myself included.
Gonna have to start writing on loose leaf paper if we wanna get in everything we want to say. Looking forward to your next card,
Jack
- Jack
- Coffee or matcha today?
- Samira
- Stop it!
- Jack
- It’s your last day.
- Jack
- Almost at the front of the line
- Samira
- Matcha would be great. Thank you…
- Jack
- 👍
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
Samira Mohan
Fri, Jun 27, at 6:21 AM
Thu, Jul 24, at 6:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Jack
Jack Abbot
Thu, Jul 24, at 3:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Jack
Jack Abbot
Thu, Jul 24, at 3:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
Samira Mohan
Thu, Jul 24, at 6:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
- You heading over to PTMC now?
- Jack
- Yeah. You have any plans?
- Samira
Samira Mohan
Thu, Jul 24, at 6:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
- You heading over to PTMC now?
- Jack
- Yeah. You have any plans?
Jack Abbot
Thu, Jul 24, at 3:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
- You heading over to PTMC now?
- Jack
- Yeah. You have any plans?
Jack Abbot
Thu, Jul 24, at 3:18 PM
- Samira
- Just got your postcard today!
- Here’s some more pics.
- Jack
- Love it. Looks hot outside.
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
- You heading over to PTMC now?
- Jack
- Yeah. You have any plans?
- Samira
- Not really. I’ll find something though.
- Jack
- Good, that’s good.
- Samira
- You’re prob busy, I’ll let you go. Have a good shift
Samira Mohan
Thu, Jul 24, at 6:18 PM
Jack —
You’re too kind to me…
Writing this is weird because I just got done texting you and now here I am writing to you in a different format. I know I’ve only sent you two cards at this point but it already feels so different from texting and it’s so strange switching registers? It’s like everything I write here — not that it leaves my brain fully when I send it, but it’s kind of like a release. Like I can write whatever I feel and then it’s in your hands. But over the phone it’s so instant. It feels too instant. Maybe this isn’t making any sense.
Do things feel different between us or is it just me?
Jack —
You’re too kind to me.
Writing this is funny because I just got done texting you and now here I am writing to you in a different format. I know I’ve only sent you two cards at this point but it’s so different from texting! Texting is too instant. The waiting — for my postcard to reach you, for your response to reach me — gives whatever I write here more weight, and gives me something to look forward to.
I think, by the time this reaches you, the fellowship will be really kicking up. I just got an email earlier this week with all the upcoming orientation events I’ll have to attend before work begins for real, and it’s really sinking in. I still feel pretty overwhelmed but looking again at your postcard now, on the table beside me as I write this, is helping. I’m gonna tape it on my mirror like people do with affirmation sticky notes. (That was mostly a joke but reading it back I feel like that would actually help me.)
I definitely get what you said about driving. I love the highways here, strangely enough. The landscape and scenery is so different from Pittsburgh, and from Jersey. I did end up renting a car, by the way, so I’ll have a lot of driving ahead of me between the two medical centers. I wish I could offer you any album recommendations but my music taste, as Trinity and Victoria love to tease me about, is severely lacking, so actually you should let me know if you have any recs you think I’d like (or even stuff you don’t think I’d like, I’m open-minded).
It’s nice that you’ll get to see your family at Thanksgiving. It’s nice to have a Thanksgiving in general — we used to do real American Thanksgivings when my dad was around because he loved to cook and host, but the tradition kind of fell by the wayside when it got to be just me and my mom. I’ve spent it with friends and their families before, but it’s not really the same, you know?
Maybe you’re right about the loose leaf paper. Just bought a huge pack of postcards but it looks like I’ll need another trip to the stationery store. Maybe I’ll start sending postcards to the rest of the crew back home to use those up, and you’ll start getting manila envelopes with reams of me worrying at you in your mailbox instead.
Samira
Chapter 3: delicious things
Summary:
I can only imagine how busy you’re gonna get — but hopefully after these orientation events the anticipatory nerves will die down. As you settle in and familiarize yourself with what your day-to-day is going to look like, you’ll start feeling more and more comfortable. Plus, you’re in Southern California. You have so much beauty around you every day there. I hope you find the time to take advantage of it. Of course work’ll be hard, but you can handle it. Of fucking course you can.
Notes:
reminder to read in light mode + with creator's style enabled <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
- Jack
- Hey birds.
- Emma Robbins
- whats up
- Harriet Robbins
- you never text us at this time…
- Emma Robbins
- omg wait yeah thats right WHATS GOING ON
- Jack
- I’m not allowed to text my nieces at whatever time I so choose?
- Harriet Robbins
- no❤️
- Jack
- Right, I’ll go elsewhere for my girl advice.
- Emma Robbins
- WAIT COME BACK
- Harriet Robbins
- girl advice?????? what are you 16 years old??
- Jack
- Well. That’s certainly what it feels like.
- Emma Robbins
- omg
- Harriet Robbins
- spill everything now
- Emma Robbins
- wait before you say anything
- is this about that pretty doctor
- mom told us about her
- she was at someone’s birthday drinks thing or whatever
- Harriet Robbins
- no it was her going away party
- and he kissed her
- Jack
- Great to hear I’m being talked about behind my back
- Harriet Robbins
- nothing bad of course
- Emma Robbins
- dr. down bad x dr. oblivious
- Jack
- She is not oblivious
- Emma Robbins
- I like how you already know that you’re dr. down bad in this scenario
- Jack
- Well.
- Harriet Robbins
- you kissed her and she did nothing about it ??
- Jack
- Obviously it’s because she didn’t want to do anything about it. Which I will respect.
- Jack
- This conversation has gotten away from me
- Emma Robbins
- i totally forgot you came here for advice
- Jack
- It’s been 2 minutes
- Okay, anyway
- Jack
- How do I put this
- Harriet Robbins
- oh this is gonna be good
- Emma Robbins
- LET HIM TYPE
- Harriet Robbins
- no need to yell youre literally right next to me
- Emma Robbins
- im gonna shove ur phone in your yogurt
- Jack
- We have been writing to each other
- Emma Robbins
- STFU
- Harriet Robbins
- omg WHAT THE HELL JACK
- Emma Robbins
- sorry
- Harriet Robbins
- im not
- Jack
- Just… postcards. For now. But I think the next one I send will be on loose leaf paper.
- Harriet Robbins
- whats loose leaf paper
- Jack
- You’re joking.
- Harriet Robbins
- ???
- Emma Robbins
- google is free
- Harriet Robbins
- oh so just paper. well he could have just said that!!
- Jack
- Anyways.
- She’s gonna be commuting a lot between the two med centers she’s working at in LA. So, traffic, long drives, etc. She asked for any music recs for her drives. Which is why I come to you, my most trusted arbiters of taste
- Harriet Robbins
- oooooooooooooohoooo
- Emma Robbins
- omg stop thats so cute
- how old is she again
- Jack
- 31.
- Harriet Robbins
- whoa idk anything about what people that old like
- Emma Robbins
- ur an idiot 31 is not even that old.
- Jack
- She’s not ancient, Jesus, Hare.
- Definitely not as ancient as me
- Harriet Robbins
- it was a joke i swear!!
- Emma Robbins
- youre young at heart Jack its ok 🫶🏻
- let me look for some good albums
- do you know any of what she likes
- Jack
- She called her own taste “severely lacking,” so unfortunately not
- Harriet Robbins
- ok so we have to give you the best stuff to send her so that she thinks you’re really cool and hip, this isn’t a monstrous task at all
- Jack
- Glad you’re taking it as seriously as me.
- I think she mentioned Taylor Swift once
- Harriet Robbins
- i see…
- Emma Robbins
- wait so you’re like in love with her right
- that’s the situation?
- Jack
- I don’t know how to qualify it.
- She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met
- She’s always the first person I wanna tell about my day
- And getting her cards in the mail makes my whole week.
- Harriet Robbins
- soo that’s a yes…
- Emma Robbins
- lol yeah.
- okay well if she’s a TS girlie in a sad depressed cry in ur bedroom way she might like mitski, lizzy mcalpine, sufjan stevens, bon iver
- Harriet Robbins
- and if she’s a TS girlie in a singer songwriter fun pop with a good story and strong sense of personality way then olivia dean, vampire weekend, maggie rogers, rachel chinouriri, hozier
- Emma Robbins
- oooh eliza mclamb
- and if she likes the olivia dean, then new clairo album for sure
- Harriet Robbins
- and faye webster!!
- Jack
- These are good. I loved the new Clairo
- Only heard one song by Rachel on the radio but it was a lot of fun
- I have the night off later so I’ll listen to all these today and include them in my next letter to her.
- Emma Robbins
- yay omg so cute
- Jack
- Thank you both.
- Harriet Robbins
- anytime
- Emma Robbins
- pls keep coming to us with the gossip omg it’s so fun
- Jack
- I’ll take it into consideration. Better than hearing it from your mom at least, who probably butchers the story.
- Jack
- Would it be weird to send her 2015 Father John Misty
- Harriet Robbins
- why would it be weird
- Emma Robbins
- oh so you’re definitely in love with her. “I love you honeybear”????
- Jack
- It’s a great album.
- Harriet Robbins
- send it
- all these recs are definitely already too long to fit in a postcard. good thing you have leaf paper
- Jack
- Smh.
- Harriet Robbins
- IM LATE TO PICK UP HARPER FOR LACROSSE CAMP BC THIS CONVO TOOK MY WHOLE ATTENTION
- Emma Robbins
- oh shit
- Jack
- Have a good practice! Love you both.
- Harriet Robbins
- LOVE YOU BYE
- Emma Robbins
- love youuu good luck with your crush
Robbins girls
Tue, Jul 29, at 8:27 AM
KOP JAI LAI
15423 Chatsworth St
Mission Hills CA 91345
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
08/04/2025 || 12:16 PM
CHECK NO. 89 GUESTS: 02
1 CHIX SATAY 15.35
1 FRI TOFU 8.75
1 PAPAYA SALAD 14.25
1 PAD SEE EW 15.35
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
SUBTOTAL 53.70
TAX 5.24
TOTAL 58.94
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
CASH 60.00
CHANGE 1.06
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
T H A N K Y O U !
PLEASE COME AGAIN
From: [email protected]
Subject: Your CME Account
Mon, Aug 04 2025, 9:21 am (3 hrs ago)
Hi SAMIRA MOHAN,
Your CME Account has been created.
Please log-in to the portal to view your account.
Do not reply to this message; this mailbox is used for outbound email only.
If you have received this message in error please contact your administrator.
July 29, 2025
Samira,
I definitely get what you mean. I write stream-of-consciousness here without thinking too hard about what you’re gonna say in return, and then when I receive your response, it’s like a surprise. Seeing what you chose to respond to refreshes my memory just enough so that I can recall the broad strokes of what I last wrote to you, but not so much that I can overthink too hard about what I’d said.
Writing these does feel like it gives the words more significance. I think it’s something about the tactility. Your hands are moving to give the words a physical form that we pass between each other, even across all these miles. There’s something deeply sentimental about letters that doesn’t come across in texts. I truly do value the cards you’ve sent — even if you never got around to sending one back after this, and we moved back to texts and calls, I’d still cherish every card I have from you, because knowing that you took the time to sit down and write something, and then slip it down the mail chute so it could make its way to me, is very special.
Sounds like you’ll have your hands full soon. As luck would have it I do have plenty of music recs for you — courtesy of my Gen Z nieces, plus a few I’m throwing into the ring. I did give all of their recs a listen so these aren’t unvetted. If you end up listening I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of them.
Speaking of those two crazy kids, and Thanksgiving, I know exactly what you mean. Claire loved to host, too. My cabinets are still full of the nice stuff she’d use when she threw dinner parties. Linen napkins and chargers and woven placemats and all that. It took me almost 5 years to pull myself together and host a dinner party in her honor. I got out every piece of serveware she’d ever picked out and cried over which tablecloth to use and tried my hand at her focaccia recipe and made her favorite cocktail.
The whole time I was thinking, I don’t know how the fuck she threw those parties as often as she did. It was days of planning and groceries, of chopping and prepping stuff into tiny containers and wondering if I’d bought enough alcohol.
But then everyone was sitting around my table and smiling and chatting with each other, and it clicked. I got it. Everyone was so happy and bright, eating together and being with each other. It was beautiful. And all the work I’d done was worth it, and the worries melted away. It definitely wasn’t the same as when Claire hosted, but it felt like a little piece of me was restored.
All this to say, I get what you mean about how spending holidays with friends or other family doesn’t feel the same as when your dad hosted or entertained. The moments you hold close in your heart from Thanksgivings with your dad will always exist, and as long as you open yourself up to it, there will always be room for new moments to fit in next to those. It doesn’t have to be exactly the same to still be special. Traditions can evolve and change shape as we grow through things and move through the world, as we experience different shades of loss and love, as people come and go from our lives.
Anyways. Got any plans to see family or friends this year?
I can only imagine how busy you’re gonna get — but hopefully after these orientation events the anticipatory nerves will die down. As you settle in and familiarize yourself with what your day-to-day is going to look like, you’ll start feeling more and more comfortable. Plus, you’re in Southern California. You have so much beauty around you every day there. I hope you find the time to take advantage of it. Of course work’ll be hard, but you can handle it. Of fucking course you can. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise.
I have the night off, so I’ve been listening all day to some of the below albums I wasn’t already familiar with, and revisiting the ones I was familiar with. Lots of fun stuff in here, hope you find something you like.
- Mitski - Puberty 2, Be the Cowboy
- Maggie Rogers - Heard It In A Past Life, Surrender, Don’t Forget Me
- Bon Iver - For Emma Forever Ago
- Clairo - Charm, Immunity
- Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
- Olivia Dean - Messy
- Rachel Chinouriri - What A Devastating Turn of Events
- Lizzy McAlpine - Older (and Wiser)
- Hozier - Unreal Unearth, Wasteland Baby
- Eliza McLamb - Going Through It
- Wolf Alice - Blue Weekend
- Sufjan Stevens - Carrie & Lowell
- Faye Webster - Atlanta Millionaires Club, Underdressed at the Symphony
- Father John Misty - any of his albums, really. I particularly like his 2012, 2015 and 2022 ones.
Take care, Samira. Write soon,
Jack
August 4, 2025 at 4:34 pm
To-do before work tomorrow
☑︎Check mailbox
☑︎MAKE dinner DON’T ORDER FOOD
☑︎Make batch of masala chai for the week
☑︎Take out trash
☑︎Do dishes
☑︎Laundry
☑︎Prep notes for mentorship meeting
☐Write back to Jack
☑︎Pick some albums to listen to for drive tomorrow
☑︎Get gas!!
August 5, 2025 at 8:49 am
Albums
- Loved the wolf alice one - very cinematic? Great driving soundtrack
From: [email protected]
Subject: Mentorship meeting
Tue, Aug 05 2025, 12:35 pm (1 hr ago)
Dr. Mohan,
It was great to meet with you today. Your questions were all very invigorating and I look forward to working with you and seeing how your research takes shape. I’ve sent calendar invites through the end of fall semester for the meeting time we agreed upon. Attached are copies of the resources I gave you as well.
Let me know if you have any questions, otherwise I will see you tomorrow.
Banhi Yasin, MDCM, MS, MSHS, FACEP (she/her/hers)
Associate Professor – UCLA School of Medicine
Vice Chair of Academic Affairs – Harbor-UCLA Medical Center
August 5, 2025 at 1:49 pm
Albums
- Loved the wolf alice one - very cinematic? Great driving soundtrack
- Faye Webster with the chocolate gold coins on her face album art - so groovy
August 5, 2025 at 9:35 pm
Updated to-do list
☐Write back to Jack
☑︎Groceries
☑︎Read Dr. Trejo’s paper - gender x funding of original articles
☑︎Read Dr. Orosco’s paper - Google translation in ED setting
☑︎Finish Dr. Faheem’s paper - barriers to care for CA residents w/ Medicaid
☑︎Re-read Dr. Dominguez’s paper - antiracism in EM
☑︎Re-read Dr. Lucciano’s paper - undocumented immigrants presenting to ED
☑︎Read Dr. Ogunoye’s paper - fostering research culture among Nigerian med students
☑︎leftovers for dinner at a REASONABLE HOUR
☑︎Book pilates class for tomorrow AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Your Study Room Reservation
Wed, Aug 06 2025, 3:45 pm (2 hr 15 min ago)
Hello SAMIRA MOHAN,
This email is confirmation that you have reserved COLLABORATION HUB GROUP STUDY ROOM 22-001C, located on the 6th Floor of the Biomedical Library, CENTER FOR HEALTH SCIENCES (CHS) Building, on Wednesday, August 6, 2025 (08/06/2025), from 4:00 pm - 5:30 pm.
Please check in at the service desk with this reservation email at the start of your reservation time.
Thank you for using UCLA Library Services.
August 6, 2025 at 5:14 pm
Albums/writing back!!
☐Stop at stationery store on way home
- Loved the wolf alice one - very cinematic? Great driving soundtrack
- Faye Webster with the chocolate gold coins on her face album art - so groovy
- Clairo Charm has a similar vibe and feels cozy and warm like a glass of really good red wine
- Maggie Rogers “Don’t Forget Me” :(
- VW reminds me of being a teenager in a very nostalgic way
August 7, 2025 at 7:03 am
Albums
☑︎Stop at stationery store on way home
- Loved the wolf alice one - very cinematic? Great driving soundtrack
- Faye Webster with the chocolate gold coins on her face album art - so groovy
- Clairo Charm has a similar vibe and feels cozy and warm like a glass of really good red wine
- Maggie Rogers “Don’t Forget Me” :(
- VW reminds me of being a teenager in a very nostalgic way
- FJM “I Love You, Honeybear” cried almost the whole way through… maybe don’t tell him that though
August 7, 2025 at 9:34 pm
Albums
- Loved the wolf alice one - very cinematic? Great driving soundtrack
- Faye Webster with the chocolate gold coins on her face album art - so groovy
- Clairo Charm has a similar vibe and feels cozy and warm like a glass of really good red wine
- Maggie Rogers “Don’t Forget Me” :(
- VW reminds me of being a teenager in a very nostalgic way
- FJM “I Love You, Honeybear” cried almost the whole way through… maybe don’t tell him that though
- Maggie “Heard It In A Past Life” loved it. Blasted it volume up almost all the way and my drive home breezed by in no time. Suddenly the exhaustion from my shift dissolved into thin air and I wasn’t tired at all. So good
- Samira
- sorry literally already dozing off omg
- Mel
- You should definitely take a nap if you’re that tired.
- Mel
- I’m sending you something, it should arrive in 5 business days.
- Have a good nap ❤️
- Samira
- I just got the book! Omg Mel you are so sweet. this has been such a long week, and I have a long boring weekend ahead of me, and this is going to be such a soothing balm.
- Mel
- I’m glad it arrived! If you liked the Ada Limón I definitely think you will like this. There’s so many wonderful poems in there to dig into
- Samira
- It’s really lovely. Thank you❤️
- Mel
- You’re so welcome. You have a boring weekend ahead of you?
- Samira
- Yeah, I have to figure out who I want on my advisory committee. It’s a whole thing. I have 6 faculty members I have to choose from
- Mel
- That’s a pretty big decision, but I’m sure you’ll make a good one. You always do
- Samira
- Thanks. Reassurance always helps. In any case I always have my gut instinct
- Mel
- Exactly :-)
- Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Good luck with the decision and enjoy Mary Oliver!
- Samira
- Thanks again Mel ❤️talk soon!!
Mel🌻
Mon, Aug 4, at 12:52 PM
Sat, Aug 9, at 2:17 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: IDHEAL Advisory Committee
Mon, Aug 11 2025, 2:30 pm (1 min ago)
Good afternoon Genevieve,
Hope you had a nice weekend! Writing to you with my choice for the faculty member on my advisory committee. I’d love if Dr. Faheem would advise.
Thank you!
Samira
Samira Mohan, MD, ABEM (she/her/hers)
IDHEAL Fellow, 2025-2027
August 6, 2025
Jack,
I think it’s good we’re moving onto loose leaf paper. No more hand cramps from cramming my writing into a little 5x7 card.
Sorry that it’s taken me a while to sit down and respond to you, and that it’ll be even more time between me writing this and when you receive it. But I wanted to give it the proper time it deserves and not just shoot off some halfhearted reply in the tiny pockets of time I’ve managed to get to myself these past few days. I know you said you’d be content if you never got another letter from me, but I couldn’t have that. Don’t be ridiculous.
As busy as I get, I will never not write back, even if it takes me a bit to get around to it. That’s a promise I feel comfortable making.
What you said is exactly right. I’m not overthinking what I write here — I’m just writing it, and then a few days later you’re reading it. It’s not like the texts that sit in my phone for me to pore over and rewrite or never send. And the tactility grounds me a bit. It peels me away from my laptop screen (I just spent ages in the library and it was nice to shut myself away in a study room and get some work done, but my eyes were aching at the end of it) and gives me a chance to almost meditate, and to be very present.
Speaking of meditating, I’ve been doing quite a bit of driving lately. So far, I’ve made it through 5 of the albums you recommended and I’ve been taking notes on my first impressions, so that by the time I came to write to you, I wouldn’t forget anything I wanted to say.
My favorite so far is Charm by Clairo, because it feels really cozy and warm, like a really great glass of red wine. I watched a video of her performing live and she’s wonderful. I’m not very good at talking about music, clearly, but maybe this will be a little exercise for me. I think of all the songs I liked “Second Nature” the most. It’s been stuck in my head lately.
Wolf Alice was the first I listened to, in the morning when I was driving to Harbor UCLA. Of course, me being me, I didn’t want to risk being late so I left the house insanely early and I think I beat morning rush traffic. I was coasting down the highway with this album blasting and it was such a great driving soundtrack. I don’t know if this makes sense but the sounds really filled the car and soaked the environment in the mood. It made everything feel like a movie. Almost a similar thing with Vampire Weekend — it felt like a whole world of an album, and reminded me of being a teenager in a really nostalgic way.
Faye Webster “Atlanta Millionaires Club” was like Clairo in that jazzy, groovy way. I really love her voice and how classic the music feels. I listened to Maggie Rogers’s “Don’t Forget Me” as well and love her storytelling. I’m excited to dig into the other albums of hers you recommended. I read in a review that her debut is quite different from her recent ones so I look forward to hearing how her sound has evolved.
Wow, this is a lot of words already — and that’s only on the music, not even about the rest of your letter. Do you really wanna hear all my thoughts on every album? It was like, 20 albums you recommended. Good thing I have a lot of driving in my future…
Thank you for sharing those memories of Claire. I can tell, just from the way you write about her dinner parties, how much love and care she put into them. It lives on in you whenever you use the serveware or the napkins or make her favorite cocktail, and even when you talk about it. I can tell it’s always with you.
Don’t answer this if you don’t want to, but… Have you forgotten the sound of Claire’s voice? I’ve definitely forgotten what my dad’s voice sounds like. I don’t have many videos of him, except maybe on this one old video camera that may or may not still be in my mom’s attic in Boston. If she does still have it, I have no idea if it’s even still functional. If the battery works or if the charger is also somewhere in the attic. If what’s on there is accessible in any way. Or if there’s a way to digitize what’s on there.
It’ll be 18 years without him next month. That’s a long time. Far past the halfway mark, where I’ve spent more of my life without him than I did with him. Sometimes I’m grateful I don’t have any younger siblings because I can’t imagine being any younger than 13 years old and losing your dad. Not that being 13 when that happened was so easy, but... Imagine being 5 or 8. It would be like you didn’t even know your dad at all.
Anyways, sometimes when I’m feeling lost I like to take a few minutes to think about what he was like. How much of a centered person he was. Even though I can’t remember his voice, I always remember what it was like being around him. I remember going into his office with him after he’d pick me up from soccer on Saturdays, and the place would be empty except for us, and he would get ahead on his work while I sat in the spinning chair next to him and read. He’d help me with math homework — he was never that stereotype of a dad being frustrated at you when you couldn’t understand the formulas or get the answer right. He was always patient and let me take the time I needed, and he was always so pleased in the end when something would finally click for me and I understood how to solve the problems.
You’re right that my moments with him will always be part of me, and that that doesn’t mean there’s no room for new lovely moments to slot alongside those ones. I don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving yet, but after talking (writing?) with you I see now that I should make some. Time for some new traditions, maybe.
I’ve been here just over a month already. Which is not that long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a while. Definitely the longest I’ve gone without seeing Trinity or Victoria or Parker or Mel. Or you.
One month down, 23 to go. As long as it’s been, I haven’t forgotten the sound of your voice yet. Whenever I think I might, I get your letter in the mail, and I read it and hear your words in your voice and I think, no. I couldn’t forget what you sound like.
Thank you for the affirmations, as always. I really do value your words and it makes me happy that we take the time to write these to each other.
Let me know if you actually do want the rest of my album reviews and you can cancel your subscription to Rolling Stone or Pitchfork or whatever, haha. I have a long day tomorrow, heading down to Harbor for a meeting and then my first shadow shift. I think I’ll listen to one of the Father John Misty albums on the way there and maybe “Heard It In A Past Life” on the way home so I don’t fall asleep at the wheel.
Wish me luck for tomorrow (even though by the time you’re reading this, that won’t be relevant anymore),
Samira
- Jack
- Music recs were a success so far.
- Emma Robbins
- EVERYONE CHEERED
- Harriet Robbins
- ommgggg
- what did she listen to
- do you know
- Jack
- She said Charm was her favorite, especially “Second Nature.”
- Emma Robbins
- omg shut up she’s sending you subliminal messages
- Jack
- She’s just commenting on what she liked.
- Harriet Robbins
- uh huh
- anything else?
- Jack
- She listened to Atlanta Millionaires Club and Don’t Forget Me. I recommended Modern Vampires of the City and she said it reminded her of being a teenager in a nostalgic way, which is a good thing I hope.
- Emma Robbins
- yes
- Jack
- I also sent her Blue Weekend by Wolf Alice. She seemed to like that one a lot too, said it was a great driving soundtrack.
- Harriet Robbins
- ooh i haven’t heard that
- Emma Robbins
- yes you have I play it all the time
- Harriet Robbins
- ok
- Emma Robbins
- omg i’m so flattered she liked our recs
- did you send her i love you honeybearrrr
- Jack
- I did. But I don’t think she’s gotten around to that one yet.
- Harriet Robbins
- she def already peeked over the album if you sent it to her
- Emma Robbins
- oh for sure
- Jack
- Let’s not get ahead of ourselves
- Emma Robbins
- her favorite song btw
- Harriet Robbins
- dude
- is that the only specific song she mentioned
- Jack
- Yes
- Emma Robbins
- not to get your hopes up but…
- Harriet Robbins
- yeah
- Jack
- Okay maybe I might see what you’re saying.
- Harriet Robbins
- 😁
- Emma Robbins
- so cute
- Harriet Robbins
- uncle jack has a crussshhhh
- Jack
- Please don’t say that, it makes me feel like a teenager
- Harriet Robbins
- well it’s true
- Emma Robbins
- u had no problem embracing your inner 16 year old with a crush when you first came to us for girl advice hehe
- Jack
- I’ll let you know whenever I hear back about the other albums I ended up recommending.
- Emma Robbins
- 😁
- Jack
- You two have a good rest of your day. I have errands and a letter to write. Xox
- Emma Robbins
- SO CUTE
- Harriet Robbins
- love youu bye!
Robbins girls
Tue, Aug 12, at 12:49 PM
Chapter 4: picture window
Summary:
Anyways, I hope you’re well. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading nearly every thought that crossed my mind for the past 10 days. Looking forward to your next,
Samira
Notes:
reminder to please read with creator's style enabled + in light mode for best reading experience!
//
thanks everyone for your support + patience waiting for this to update. I do have so many fun plans for these two and after a time feeling stuck we're wading deeper into it now. I've updated the rating to T for language as well as updated the chapter count. enjoy xox
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
- Mel
- Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Good luck with the decision and enjoy Mary Oliver!
- Samira
- Thanks again Mel ❤️talk soon!!
- Samira
- loving this immediately.
- Mel
- ❤️That makes me so happy
- Samira
- it’s kinda weird, but I feel like the book is keeping me company. It’s not the same as being around everyone, but between writing my letters and texting you guys, it makes me feel a little less lonely.
- Mel
- Letters?
- Oh! The postcards
- Samira
- oh. yeah. we’ve kind of moved on to writing full letters now.
- started running out of room on the postcards
- Mel
- That makes sense.
- Samira
- I’ve actually started like… taking notes on what I want to write to him in the meantime. Like in the week or so I’m waiting for his response, I write things in my notes app so I don’t forget what I wanna say
- Mel
- I get that.
- Samira
- Thank you for not making me feel crazy like trin would
- Mel
- You’re not crazy!
- It’s helpful to organize your thoughts and feelings before you write them down and send them to him. It’s a very vulnerable medium
- Samira
- Exactly, you get it
- anyway, how are you? How’s Becca?
- Mel
- Both good! She and Parker met for the first time on Friday and Parker charmed the hell out of her. Becca won’t stop talking about her
- And Parker convinced her to watch something other than Elf, which is huge news for me
- Samira
- omg 🥹that’s so cute
- Mel
- Yeah.
- Samira
- I’m so happy for you
- Mel
- Thanks :-) I’m happy, too.
- I have to leave for work in a moment but I’m so glad you’re enjoying Devotions so far! Have a good rest of your day Samira ❤️
- Samira
- thank you again mel!! have a good shift 😊
Mel🌻
Sat, Aug 9, at 2:17 PM
Wed, Aug 13, at 2:47 PM
Thursday, August 14
Jack,
Even though I haven’t received anything from you yet, I’m starting this letter on Thursday, August 14th. I’ve found myself taking note of little bits in my notes app that I want to write to you about, so I figured I may as well start getting them down on the page.
Today I attended the final journal club meeting hosted by the departing fellow, who I’ve met and worked with a couple of times now, and she is just so inspiring. The article she brought to present was from NJEM on intervention communities implementing evidence-based harm-reduction strategies like education, Narcan distribution, and medications for opioid use disorder or prescription safety campaigns. The goal was obviously to reduce the rate of opioid OD deaths but the study found that death rates remained similar across the intervention and control groups. (Yes, I’m explaining it to you even though I’d bet money you’ve already read the study — I’m thorough, okay, and writing this is helping me get my thoughts together anyway. Memory retention, etc.)
It was a well-planned study that maybe just needs an update for the times. It took place in 2021-2022 and by the beginning of the comparison year only 38% of the intervention strategies were in place. On top of that, the prevalence of fentanyl, and xylazine, has only continued to increase since then. Plus, community-based education programs properly scaled would take years to implement — understandably so — and federal grant funding for studies like this doesn’t allow for that. (There’s me lamenting once again the dearth of sufficient funding for health research — will we always end up here? And don’t get me started on the inadequacies of existing policy, or the countless barriers to implementing more policies that could help people. Or how Medicaid doesn’t cover harm-reduction services!)
Building a successful trial examining the impact of strategies like this would certainly take years and I don’t think it’s something easily generalizable, or even something that’s best assessed in a trial of this nature. Still gathering my thoughts on this, maybe I’ll write more at a later time. And probably in my Google drive rather than here, haha.
Friday, August 15
Our field can be really amazing sometimes, don’t you think? I just got home from the final grand rounds lecture by the departing fellow, Dr. Varaprinda, which was her last hurrah of the fellowship. So it’s my time to take the position now, officially. I got a new fancy email signature and everything. Her lecture got my cogs turning; I’d been able to catch one of her online lectures a year or two ago and was thinking about it for at least a week — I feel like we must have talked about it at one point?
Today’s was on patients saying no, and how their refusal of care is born of mistrust and fear of things like potential financial strain and systemic constraints. Their refusal is (usually) not about our perceived shortcomings as their care providers, it’s their rejection of a system that’s failed them over and over again. Sometimes it’s their only way of pushing up against that system. In order to honor their personal autonomy in their decisions regarding their health, we have an obligation to try to remove as many external constraints imposing on that autonomy as possible. Of course that’s not always in our hands. Patients come in with mis/disinformation, bearing the weight of systemic and structural problems. Sometimes, our own professional autonomy might be threatened by their attempts to exercise their personal autonomy; and in any case, our responsibility or capacity to resolve these constraints can only extend so far. Varaprinda talked a lot about how these issues clash with each other and can lead to a heavier moral weight on the shoulders of both parties.
And god, don’t we know that? I feel that every fucking day. It’s related to the tangent I almost started going off on yesterday when I was writing, about the efficacy of policy, the cracks in our system. It’s so easy to feel hopeless about the state of things but the only way to bridge the distance the system tries to drive between patient and care provider is with empathy. The only way forward is with hope. We can’t burrow further into our isolation and we have to be steadfast with our empathy.
Saturday, August 16
Going in for a shift later today. It’ll be my first night shift here, and I obviously can’t help but think about night shifts at PTMC. The census of patients at Olive View consists primarily of working poor people and immigrant populations; I’ve been brushing up on my Spanish lately but my first shift was enough to tell me that I’ll quickly be picking up a lot more. Anyway, I miss the motley crew of the night shift back in Pittsburgh. I miss Parker’s cool competency and propensity for coming up with the wildest questions and little games to keep us occupied in the wee hours. I miss Shen’s clattering iced coffee (how does his drink seem endlessly replenished? How does his ice never seem to melt?? Does he have a secret ice machine in the break room?? Please report back with any findings) and his longstanding paper football record. I was SO close to beating him the last time I worked with you guys. Avenge me if you can…
And I miss our two-person journal club. I miss stealing away to the roof in the quiet hours with a peach Celsius and sitting up there in the still night air and talking with you about an extreme presentation of a psoas sign or the latest debates around high-sensitivity trops. I miss your
- Miles
- Anyway, text when you’re home safe. Let me know if anything changes.
- Samira
- I will. Have a good night!
- Miles
- You too, Samira.
- Miles
- Hey, sorry for the late notice but are you in the area?
- Samira
- Like by Olive View? Yeah I’m at home
- Miles
- Charge nurse brought these cupcakes for Rowan’s bday and they’re to die for. I can bring you one? Just getting off in 10
- Samira
- Oh you don’t have to do that!
- Miles
- Trust me, they’ll be gone by the time you’re here later.
- But I will refrain if you really are anti-cupcake
- Samira
- Not anti-cupcake… Okay, fine, I will let you bring me a cupcake if you let me pay for lunch.
- Miles
- 😊Thai again?
- Samira
- Not today, I wanna try this mexican place
- Miles
- Perfect. See you in 15!
Miles Tiersen UCLA
Fri, Aug 8, at 8:32 PM
Sat, Aug 16, at 2:49 PM
TORTAS AHOGADAS
Las Originales
11541 Laurel Canyon Blvd.
Ste. E
San Fernando, CA 91340
(818) 837-6883
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
08/16/2025 || 4:32 PM
CHECK NO. 0124 GUESTS: 02
1 LONCHES 18.45
- POLLO
1 BURRITO 15.30
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— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
CASH 45.00
CHANGE 0.08
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
¡Gracias por venir!
¡Que tenga buen día!
Thank you for coming!
Have a good day!
August 16, 2025 at 9:19 pm
Untitled note
☐ Finish letter section from earlier today
☐ Tomorrow – beach + reading
☑︎ Update calendar
SunLife Organics
Est. 2011 in Malibu, CA
3835 Cross Creek Rd UNIT 3
Malibu, CA 90265
————————————————
CC Sale
AUG 17 2025 02:17 PM
Customer 393
Item
1 - Matcha Latte 6.95
————————————————
Amount 6.95
Tax 10.25% 0.71
Total 7.66
TAP TO PAY – Approved
************4448 VISA
~ Have a beautiful day! ~
- Mel
- I have to leave for work in a moment but I’m so glad you’re enjoying Devotions so far! Have a good rest of your day Samira ❤️
- Samira
- thank you again mel!! have a good shift 😊
- Samira
- I’m loving Mary Oliver so much 🥹
- Having a perfect afternoon, I have the next 5 days off work so I’m kicking it off w a solo beach trip & a yummy matcha & Devotions
- Mel
- Oh, that does sound perfect.
- I’m so happy you’re enjoying the book!
- Samira
- It’s a little on the gloomier side today but I don’t even care
- love this one
- Samira
- It’s really opening my eyes to all the little wonders of the world
- Mel
- That’s one of the things I love about her poetry.
- Samira
- Yeah, it’s lovely.
- Mel
- Soo nice!!
- Mel
- I’m glad you’re finding time for yourself and to take in your surroundings. I’m sure the change in scenery is really invigorating
- Samira
- It is, you know?
- Samira meets work-life balance
- Mel
- Proud of you!
- Samira
- (we’ll see how long this lasts knowing me)
- Mel
- You’ll figure it out I’m sure!
- So sorry but I have to pick up Becca in a bit. Facetime sometime soon?
- Samira
- Yes please ❤️say hi to her for me!
- Mel
- I will☺️
Mel🌻
Wed, Aug 13, at 2:49 PM
Sun, Aug 17, at 3:44 PM
Saturday, August 16
Going in for a shift later today. It’ll be my first night shift here, and I obviously can’t help but think about night shifts at PTMC. The census of patients at Olive View consists primarily of working poor people and immigrant populations; I’ve been brushing up on my Spanish lately but my first shift was enough to tell me that I’ll quickly be picking up a lot more Spanish. Anyway, I miss the motley crew of night shift back in Pittsburgh. I miss Parker’s cool competency and propensity for coming up with the wildest questions and little games to keep us occupied in the wee hours. I miss Shen’s clattering iced coffee (how does his drink seem endlessly replenished?? How does his ice never seem to melt?? Does he have a secret ice machine in the break room?? Please report back with any findings) and his longstanding paper football record. I was SO close to beating him the last time I worked with you guys. Avenge me if you can.
And I miss our two-person journal club. I miss stealing away to the roof in the quiet hours with a peach Celsius and sitting up there in the still night air and talking with you about an extreme presentation of a psoas sign or the latest debates around high-sensitivity trops. I miss your
Sunday, August 17
At the beach today. Point Dume in Malibu. Maybe your letter will come soon. (No rush.) In any case, it’s been nice writing these sort of journal entries. It’s freeing, I can get things I’m thinking down on paper. Today I’m reading Devotions by Mary Oliver, courtesy of Mel. She got me into Ada Limón and sent me this book too. It’s got me thinking a lot about opening my eyes to everything around me. Sometimes I’m so in my head, which is why I think the letter-writing practice helps me. Sure, I could get a journal but I kind of like sharing my thoughts with you. You’re always a good sounding board; you ask good questions that always seem to drive me closer to the heart of what I’m trying to get at, or you bring up great points that get me to think about things in a different way. Or you pull some wild example from the field out of your back pocket that gets my mind working a million miles a minute to the point that I can barely say things at the speed I’m thinking them. But whatever it is, you just get me in a way that not many people do. That no one else does, actually.
But, yeah, sometimes I can be very interior. Have a lot more going on up here than I make evident, I guess? But right now these poems are pulling me out of my head, getting me to notice the little beautiful things. Birds chirping and the slant of sunlight and the whisper of the palm tree leaves and what the sand feels like between my fingertips. Here’s a good one:
“The Pond”
August of another summer, and once again
I am drinking the sun
and the lilies again are spread across the water.
I know now what they want is to touch each other.
I have not been here for many years
during which time I kept living my life.
Like the heron, who can only croak, who wishes he
could sing,
I wish I could sing.
A little thanks from every throat would be appropriate.
This is how it has been, and this is how it is:
All my life I have been able to feel happiness,
except whatever was not happiness,
which I also remember.
Each of us wears a shadow.
But just now it is summer again
and I am watching the lilies bow to each other,
then slide on the wind and the tug of desire,
close, close to one another.
Soon now, I’ll turn and start for home.
And who knows, maybe I’ll be singing.
August 17, 2025 at 5:28 pm
Week off
☑︎ Finish letter section started 8/16
☑︎ 8/17 – beach + reading
☑︎ 8/17 – 5pm FT w/ Victoria
→ pick up food otw home
☐ 8/18 – The Getty
☐ 8/19 – Griffith Observatory & Central Library
☐ 8/20 – Studying/writing/reading at home or at a cafe
☐ 8/21 – tbd
☐ 8/22 – tbd
→ *To receive work schedule on 8/20, update calendar with shifts
August 12, 2025
Samira,
I know you have no control over the national postal service, but it really does feel like you somehow know exactly when I could use a pick-me-up, and that’s when your letters arrive. I won’t bore you with all the minutiae of what crosses the threshold of PTMC on a shit day — you already know what it’s like, and I imagine it’s similar at UCLA. Just picture a bad shift multiplied by three. And then picture all of that being wiped away in the instant I opened my letter box to see three pages from you.
Please don’t apologize for taking your time to respond. I feel like I might have said this already but I’d wait weeks — 100-hour weeks, no-dinner-break weeks, grasping for what meager sleep I can muster in an on-call room bed or in the back of my car weeks — if it meant one of your letters was waiting for me on the other end of them. And same here, on the writing-back front. If it ever takes me a minute to get back to you, just… know that I will always get back to you.
God, it’s been a while since I’ve been in school. I miss quiet time in the library and everyone just so dialed in to their huge textbooks, scratching away in their notebooks or clacking on keyboards. I went with Amber (my sister) and her husband Ethan to move their eldest Emma into her freshman dorm last year in DC, and when we were walking around her campus all the memories from that time in my life came rushing back. I did a fair amount of fucking around in college but I actually really did enjoy studying, if you can believe it.
Glad to hear you’re enjoying the album recs so far. I’d make a joke here about how of course you’re taking notes as you’re listening if I was sure that the affectionate tone I mean it in would be clear in writing. And I mean it when I say I do wanna hear your thoughts. Whatever you wanna share in these letters, I wanna hear it. If it’s what you ate for lunch, or how much of a pain in the ass the Santa Ana winds are, what idiot you got stuck behind in traffic or how much sand got in your car after a trip to the beach — if you’re writing it, I’m reading it.
The Clairo album is great, right? That was one of the ones my nieces suggested that I already was familiar with. You’re so right about it sounding like a great glass of red wine, made me wanna have one even though it’s only 1pm as I’m writing this. You talking about listening to Wolf Alice while driving made me want to go on a long drive, too. I’ll have to find some good stuff to listen to for my drive to Baltimore. Last time I was out there, actually, we — Amber, Ethan, Emma and her sister Harriet — saw Maggie Rogers at this amphitheater and it was the perfect summer night. I’m sure there are lots of great concerts going on every day where you are. Even beyond mainstream stuff, there’s probably lots of hidden gems anywhere you look. If your schedule ever allows for it, you should try to make it to a few good shows while you’re out there.
Not gonna lie, knowing that you can tell how Claire and her love and care live on through me made me tear up a bit the first time I read your letter. I’m glad that comes across and that you recognize it. It’s clear how much your father has been a sort of guiding light for you, too. Not just in the way you speak about him. The traits of his that you admire endure in the way you carry yourself. Your wish to never let a patient go through what you or he went through is so present and clear. Every day you and I worked together, Samira, I could see that in you. I hope you know that. Even when I didn’t know the reason for it yet, I could see your ardent motivation. The purpose that drove your decisions as you worked. It’s what makes you you, the exceptional doctor — the exceptional person — you are.
I am lucky enough that I have a handful of home videos with Claire, not least of all our wedding video. I try not to watch any of them too often, and save them for certain occasions like anniversaries. Kind of funny odds, but I have this old Army buddy who traveled with the unit I was in as a combat photographer. I think he still runs this old dustbin of a camera shop out in Jersey — that’s where you said your mom is, right? I wanna say he’s in Madison but don’t quote me on that. If you want me to put you two in touch about digitizing or getting your camera to work, just say the word. I’d be happy to if it means you can watch those videos you have of your father again.
You’d be surprised how much memories can stick. Emma and Harriet were, I think, 8 and 7 when Claire passed, and they constantly surprise me with how much they still remember about her. Of course, it’s different since she was their aunt, not a parent. But the people you love are always part of you. They’re in your bones and your blood. No matter how much time passes, they’re in the deepest parts of you. Even I surprise myself sometimes when an old forgotten memory resurfaces, coming back to me like it’s always been there. So even though you may not recall what your dad’s voice sounds like right now, from what I can tell, you are every bit his daughter. I can see how his love and support have made themselves home in you, and I hope you find comfort in the fact that he is living on through you, always.
Been having strange dreams lately. I think it’s all this writing. I haven’t written anything longhand like this in a while. But I’m suddenly having these hazy dreams where I can’t really see much, but I’m hearing you read your words out to me. So for what it’s worth, not that you asked, but I haven’t forgotten the sound of your voice either. I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.
Whatever your long day that you needed good luck for entailed, I’m sure that you crushed it. As you will continue to do.
Take care, as always.
Jack
Monday, August 18
I read your letter a few times last night and I think it’s what made me have this dream. Or recall this memory. Both, really.
In two weeks exactly will be the day my dad died. I try not to think about that week very much. I don’t think about that week very much. But last night I dreamt about the last time he picked me up from soccer practice. August 29, 2008. We had split into groups for a scrimmage and Dad had parked his car so he could come watch the last bits of practice. I hadn’t even noticed he was there because I was so tuned in to the game. My friend Melissa called out to me and then all of a sudden the ball was arcing high in the air towards me. We’d been drilling headers earlier, so I knew what she was trying to get me to do. I lurched forward and snapped up to meet it and blinked, and then there was a rush of squeals and a thunder of applause and whooping from the stands and a press of bodies jumping all around me. You would think I’d won us a championship with how raucous it all was. I was lifted into the air for a moment and that’s when I noticed he was there, watching me. The late-afternoon sun was shining down on him and he was so happy and so proud, clapping his arms up above his head as he stood. That was the last time I saw him smiling — because the next day before I woke up, he drove himself to the ER. That’s why it’s hard for me to let this memory come to the surface, I think. I threw myself deep into the soccer season and got an All-Region award and then never played soccer again.
But that was my dream last night. And I woke up not with tears in my eyes, but a smile on my face. I think I haven’t let myself think about it even though it is a really lovely memory that I shouldn’t let be overshadowed by the pain that the next days brought. So, I guess, thank you for writing and being so open about your grief, and sort of… honoring mine, in a way that helps me see how I can remember him and see him in myself.
- Samira
- Dennis
- I’ve always wanted to go there!
- Trinity🔪
- the getty right?
- Samira
- Yess
- Victoria🦌
- love
- Mel🌻
- It looks so nice out!
- Dennis
- Perfect summer afternoon
- Trinity🔪
- look at you actually doing things with your time off
- Samira
- I know right.
- still awaiting my work schedule to come so let’s hope this isn’t the last you hear of me doing fun things
- Victoria🦌
- fingers crossed
pitt crew🩺
Mon, Aug 18, at 2:11 PM
Monday, August 18
Continuing the letter draft I started earlier. I’m currently sitting at a table outside at the Getty Center. I hope you’ll forgive me holding my response to you hostage for a little while longer. I have the week off so I’m going around to a couple cultural things I want to do before fellowship gets too busy. And I’ve already gotten in the habit of writing these journal entries to you, but now I have to also respond to what you wrote and tell you about everything I’m doing during my time off, and then I’ll drop this stack of papers in the mailbox to you. You said you wanna hear whatever I have to say, and I hope you meant that, because you’re getting my unedited, unfiltered thoughts here.
I like hearing about Amber, Ethan, Emma and Harriet. Some days I do wish I had siblings. I don’t think there’s anything that compares to the bond one can have with their siblings. I have a lot of cousins, but of course it’s not the same.
I can so picture you in college. “I actually really did enjoy studying, if you can believe it.” Yeah, I can tell. Not sure what gave it away, maybe the way you keep up with AJEM and Annals of EM and JSOM and Resuscitation and JAMA and Frontiers and the AAEM Action Report and… Should I keep going? :)
I really appreciate your words about Claire, and about me and my dad. About what you see in me. It makes me very proud to know that it’s evident to at least one person in the whole world how much he is a part of me and how what I went through with him galvanizes my work. I don’t have much more articulate words on this other than simply, thank you. For seeing me.
I will definitely take you up on getting in touch with your friend in New Jersey. I’m not sure the next time I’ll be in NJ but I will let you know. That would be great.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Welcome to the Los Angeles Public Library!
Tue, Aug 19 2025, 8:54 am (2 mins ago)
Thank you for pre-registering for a Los Angeles Public Library card! Please visit a Los Angeles Public Library location to complete your registration and receive your physical library card prior to SEPTEMBER 19, 2025. In the meantime, you can use your digital library card number to access a variety of free digital resources—from borrowing e-books and e-audiobooks to accessing databases and online learning from your devices using your library card number.
Below is your digital library card number:
BARCODE: 27210847479905
CARDHOLDER: SAMIRA MOHAN
EXPIRES: September 19, 2025
Your PIN is the last 4 digits of the phone number you registered with.
To reset your PIN, please visit our website.
To learn more about all the Library has to offer, visit our website or sign up for updates.
- Samira
- Trinity🔪
- another fun thing!
- Samira
- plus not pictured, best burrito I’ve ever had in my life
- Mel🌻
- I’m jealous.
- Victoria🦌
- ugh YUM i’m so hungry
- Dennis
- Wow, not too smoggy?
- Samira
- surprisingly not!! I picked a good day to go I guess
- Samira
- Trinity🔪
- 2 things in 1 day!
- what am i looking at here
- Samira
- central library
- Trinity🔪
- you would go to the library on your day off.
- Mel🌻
- I love the library.
- Dennis
- Seconded
- Samira
- yeah I’m having a great time.
- Victoria🦌
- ok art deco!!
- Trinity🔪
- nerds everywhere, get me out of here
pitt crew🩺
Tue, Aug 19, at 12:28 PM
Tue, Aug 19, at 1:35 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Los Angeles Public Library – Your Borrowed Item(s)
Tue, Aug 19 2025, 3:42 pm (5 mins ago)
Hi SAMIRA MOHAN,
Thank you for borrowing the following item(s).
Item Due Date – September 9th, 2025
Title – I Am Your Sister: Collected and Unpublished Writings of Audre Lorde
Author – Lorde, Audre; Byrd, Rudolph P., Cole, Johnnetta Betsch, Guy-Sheftell, Beverly, Eds.
Call Number – 818 LORDE
Item Checkout Date – August 19th, 2025
Wednesday, August 20
Took myself all around the past few days so I’m having a relaxed day at home today. I might find a cafe near me to work/read/write at, but right now I’m enjoying having a slow morning with my coffee.
I’ve been completely slacking on my music reviews! But I have continued listening to your recommendations, promise. I also have a new rec for you. I’ve been driving so much the past week so the albums have been a kind companion. I think since we last spoke (wrote?) I’ve listened to one of the Father John Misty albums. The 2015 one. I don’t remember where I was headed when I was listening to that one, but it was so sweeping and gorgeous and emotional, I think I cried a little. On the other side of the spectrum, “Heard It In A Past Life” by Maggie Rogers was a perfect soundtrack to heading home late at night after a shift. All my exhaustion evaporated and the songs playing with my windows down felt like pure catharsis in a completely different way.
I’ve continued with the Maggie Rogers journey and loved “Surrender”. Same with Clairo’s “Immunity”, she’s just so lovely. The Eliza McLamb and Rachel Chinouriri albums were completely different than I was expecting. I think I’ll have to listen to them again to focus more on the lyrics than the sound. And then I’ve found myself re-listening to the albums I’ve liked a lot lately, like Faye Webster and Maggie. The Olivia Dean album definitely feels like it’s in the same world as the grooviness of Faye and Clairo, her music is very fun. I was listening to Mitski’s “Puberty 2” — some of those songs really hit me — on one particularly long drive home the other day, and I didn’t realize I didn’t have the repeat album button toggled, so it played me a new album by Japanese Breakfast next. So I’ve been listening to her too, going through her past discography.
From: [email protected]
Subject: You Got Tickets to Japanese Breakfast: The Melancholy Tour
Wed, Aug 20 2025, 8:58 am (1 min ago)
You Got the Tickets!
Order #34-4819484
Japanese Breakfast: The Melancholy Tour
Fri • Aug 22, 2025 • Doors 6:30 PM
Greek Theatre – Los Angeles, California 90027
Get Directions
Sec B, Row D, Seat 04
View your mobile ticket here.
Actually, you’ve inspired me with your letter. You’re so right that there’s so many good concerts I could go to. So I just checked and Japanese Breakfast is playing at the Greek Theatre on Friday, and what luck there were still tickets available for a decent price! So I got one. I haven’t been to a concert since… Probably undergrad. So that’s exciting.
Saturday, August 23
The concert was amazing. I had so much fun even by myself. Definitely add her albums to your Baltimore drive playlist. Kind of crazy how many pages this ended up being but I’ll put it in the mail tomorrow on my way to work. (Also — new Wolf Alice album came out yesterday! I’m going to listen on my drive tomorrow.)
Anyways, I hope you’re well. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading nearly every thought that crossed my mind for the past 10 days. Looking forward to your next,
Samira
Inbox > Primary
☐ Calendar Reminder — Grand Rounds lecture (*optional) | Aug 30
☐ Calendar Reminder — Mentorship meeting with students and residents | Aug 29
☐ Calendar Reminder — Journal Club | Aug 28
☐ CME Portal — Your Work Schedule has been updated | Aug 27
☐ CME Portal — Open Shift Notification | Aug 27
☐ Calendar Reminder — Dr. Faheem Office Hours | Aug 26
☐ Calendar Reminder — Advisory meeting | Aug 25
☐ Calendar Reminder — Mentorship meeting with Dr. Yasin | Aug 24
☐ CME Portal — Your Work Schedule has been updated | 8/20/25
Inbox > Updates
☐ Instacart — Your Instacart order receipt | Aug 28
☐ DoorDash — Thanks for your Panda Express order | Aug 27
☐ DoorDash — Thanks for your Mi Pueblita Mexican Restaurant order | Aug 26
☐ DoorDash — Thanks for your Kusina Ni Kuya order | Aug 25
☐ DoorDash — Thanks for your Panera Bread order | Aug 24
☐ Tickets — You Got Tickets to Japanese Breakfast: The Melancholy Tour | 08/20/25
–
Inbox > Primary
☐ Leila Mohan — (no subject) Thought you’d like to see these. Thinking of you these next few days… Click to view three (3) attachments | Aug 30
Good Afternoon, Jack
VIEW YOUR BENEFITS >
Current Status: SKYMILES GOLD MEMBER
Member Since 2006
MILES AVAILABLE: 245,100
Use these miles for Award Travel and other redemptions.
Book with Miles
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you for your order!
Sat, Aug 30 2025, 7:59 am (1 min ago)
Thank you for your order from Dottie’s Flowers & Plants! Please see below for details.
Review Your Order:
$149.99 Hues of Hope Bouquet (1)
• Upgrade: Fancy
$28.00 Tip
$18.95 Standard Delivery Fee
$16.47 Sales Tax
$213.41 Total
– – –
Delivery Info:
Recipient Name:
Samira Mohan
Recipient Address:
10914 Columbus Ave
APT 4
Mission Hills, CA 91345
Delivery Expected Date:
Expedited – September 1, 2025
– – –
Card:
Type: Sympathy
Your Message:
Thinking of you on your father’s
anniversary. Hope these remind
you of the sun shining down on
him the last day he watched you
play soccer.
– JA
- Samira
- It’s so different from Pittsburgh summer. I don’t know how to describe it.
- Samira
- You heading over to PTMC now?
- Jack
- Yeah. You have any plans?
- Samira
- Not really. I’ll find something though.
- Jack
- Good, that’s good.
- Samira
- You’re prob busy, I’ll let you go. Have a good shift
- Samira
- Are you joking me. This is so nice, Jack, thank you so much
- Jack
- Oh good, I’m glad they arrived in one piece.
- Samira
- I’ve had such a long day and it’s not even half over. I wasn’t even planning on coming home in between things but I’m so glad I did.
- Thank you.
Samira Mohan
Thu, Jul 24, at 6:18 PM
Mon, Sep 1, at 6:31 PM
- Samira
- Are you joking me. This is so nice, Jack, thank you so much
- Jack
- Oh good, I’m glad they arrived in one piece.
- Samira
- I’ve had such a long day and it’s not even half over. I wasn’t even planning on coming home in between things but I’m so glad I did.
- Thank you.
- Jack
- My pleasure.
- Samira
- Well I’ll let you go. You have like 20 pages of my letters to get through
Samira Mohan
Mon, Sep 1, at 6:31 PM
- Samira
- Are you joking me. This is so nice, Jack, thank you so much
- Jack
- Oh good, I’m glad they arrived in one piece.
- Samira
- I’ve had such a long day and it’s not even half over. I wasn’t even planning on coming home in between things but I’m so glad I did.
- Thank you.
- Jack
- My pleasure.
- Samira
- Well I’ll let you go. You have like 20 pages of my letters to get through
- Jack
- Only 8.
- Samira
- Oh, only 8 pages, of course, my bad.
- Samira
- Things are getting really busy so I hope that’s enough to tide you over til the next time I can sit down to write to you
- Jack
- I’m sure I’ll manage.
- Samira
- Say hi to everyone for me?
- Jack
- Of course.
- Samira
- Bye, Jack.
Jack Abbot
Mon, Sep 1, at 3:31 PM
- Samira
- Are you joking me. This is so nice, Jack, thank you so much
- Jack
- Oh good, I’m glad they arrived in one piece.
- Samira
- I’ve had such a long day and it’s not even half over. I wasn’t even planning on coming home in between things but I’m so glad I did.
- Thank you.
- Jack
- My pleasure.
- Samira
- Well I’ll let you go. You have like 20 pages of my letters to get through
- Jack
- Only 8.
- Samira
- Oh, only 8 pages, of course, my bad.
- Samira
- Things are getting really busy so I hope that’s enough to tide you over til the next time I can sit down to write to you
- Jack
- I’m sure I’ll manage.
- Samira
- Say hi to everyone for me?
- Jack
- Of course.
- Samira
- Bye, Jack.
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