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Jay downs another shot because what is there to do when he feels like he’s going to burst into tears when it’s just half past ten, and his life is falling apart. “I need to really stop putting that fucking man on a pedestal. Who is he to affect me this way? He could rot in hell.” His words wobble because he’s no longer sober, and his friends place another shot in front of him. He drinks it, not even questioning what’s in it. He’s so gone. “I hate him so much. Acting like a self-righteous bastard when all he does is hurt me again and again, and I’m the idiot who keeps coming back.”
He’s drunk. He’s spilling his heart out. He doesn’t even filter his words anymore, everything is just pouring out. It doesn’t help that his heart is in constant pain, like a thousand pins pricking it just for fun. “I’m going to put a curse on his entire bloodline. He’s going to feel my wrath—Oh God, I hate him.” The last words came in a sob, and he plops further into his seat, but not before drinking another shot. He grimaces this time, actually feeling the burn, cursing the world because no amount of alcohol can surmount the pain inside his chest. Is he being dramatic? MAYBE, but he feels what he feels and right now he wants to throw insults at Hani— no, PARK HAN. No nicknames for that man. That man is the reason for the ache in his heart, and how Jay wants to punch him but also kiss him. The thought makes him cry, ugly cries, and whines. It’s a good thing they’re inside a dimly lit club littered with dancing bodies in the middle of the dance floor, music blasting, as they crammed into a small booth, Jay is squeezed into the corner and he becomes one with the wall as he continues to carve curses and grunts some very colorful language directed to a very specific person.
“How drunk is he?” The very specific person appears in front of him, and Jay mumbles incoherent words. He is cursing the very specific question, his brain is just a little jumbled right now.
“Too drunk.” Jay’s friend answers. His mind is so hazy he doesn’t know who spoke. He feels like the world is spinning so he faces the wall again, continuing with his curses. Jay protests when he’s being held up, and then there’s an attempt to carry him which is futile because he planted himself on the wall and whined when people tried to touch him. He hears a sigh, and someone sitting beside him. He smells the familiar perfume and it only makes him sob because why the fuck does he know how Han smells? It’s so over for him. He’s never going to recover from this man. Jay feels Han gently pulling him so they’re now facing each other, Jay is still sobbing, actual tears in his eyes, and Han looks at him with so much fondness, only making him cry even more.
“Let’s get you home, baby?” Han’s voice was so soft and full of affection that Jay pouts and actually ugly cries in front of him. This makes Han pull him close for an embrace and Jay sobs on his shoulder, letting Han know he has recited curses earlier because how dare Han smell this good, and care for him only to leave him hanging like this. Han doesn’t say anything, just hugs Jay and rubs random patterns on his back.
It takes another 30 minutes, their friends also tired now, before Han manages to pull Jay out of his comfort wall and piggyback him in the middle of a club, and they maneuver their way to the parking lot, where he places Jay in the passenger seat, making sure he’s buckled up. Jay is not crying anymore. He’s now falling asleep, and he feels a kiss on his forehead.
“I hate you.” He murmurs and Han just hums, finally driving away from the club. Jay’s eyes are closed and he’s really really sleepy. “You said you love me, and won’t leave me but you are. What about me?” He slurs the last words, and then. He’s out like a light.
Han was able to carry Jay to his apartment and lay him down to his bed. It’s a workout but he made it work. There was a struggle in removing Jay’s shoes and socks but he did it. He even manages to take the jacket and denim jeans off, leaving Jay in a shirt and boxers. He also struggled to get Jay in pajamas, but he somehow did it. He’s sweating by the time he tucks Jay into his bed. Jay is still asleep, and Han figures that the younger will wake up later feeling like shit so he readies a bucket (just in case), water, and two advils. He adjusts the blanket because he knows the younger one easily gets cold. He sighs as he sits on the edge of the bed, knowing that they really need to talk because Jay is clearly upset with him, and Han knows why. He also acknowledges that he’s at fault, and so he can’t be angry. He contemplates where to sleep before finally deciding to sleep on the sofa. He would probably stay awake for a very long time.
✿⋆.˚⋆₊ ⊹
The very first thing that Jay thinks about when he wakes up is that he wants to die– not really, but his throat is so dry, he has a pounding headache, and he’s still deciding if he wants to throw up or not. “I’m never going to drink again.” He murmurs, and it’s empty words but never mind that. He opens his eyes, squinting because it’s still dark, and the alarm clock is glaring at him. It’s four in the morning, and there’s an urge to sleep again, but he stops that plan when he sees a glass of water and two tablets on the bedside table. He purses his lips and hauls himself up, thanking the heavens he’s not nauseous, just really really disoriented. He drinks the water and medicine and counts to ten before opening his eyes again. He knows where he is, of course. He’s been here countless times to recognize the familiar gray duvet and the very boring room of Park Han. He’s still angry so he says it’s boring, but Jay actually likes how cozy it is, and how big is the bed– God, he always ends up here. He gives himself a few minutes before he stands and gets to the bathroom. He finally notices that he’s in pajamas, and he rolls his eyes because, of course, Han takes care of him, he’s so good at that. It’s no wonder Jay is so in love with that man. “I’m so pathetic.” He whispers to no one as he starts brushing his teeth, and then washing his face to feel human again. His headache is slowly going away too so he can’t wait to sleep again and wake up at 2 pm later.
“Why do I have so many things in this bathroom?” He murmurs again because he’s actually doing his skincare routine in Park Han’s place because all the products he uses are here. Jay stares at the right corner of the sink where his things are, even his favorite eye mask brand is there. “Oh God, I’m hopeless.” He concludes before getting out of the bathroom. His heart almost drops when he sees Han sitting on the edge of the bed. It looks like he has not slept at all. “What are you doing here?”
The question is funny considering this is Han’s place, but Jay doesn’t think about that. “Do you feel okay?” Han asks him.
Jay rolls his eyes, a clear indication that he is. He hesitates but still chooses to sit on the other side of the bed. It’s a good thing it’s a king so they have plenty of space between them. He wants to say thank you, but his pride is preventing him from doing so especially when memories of what he did in the club are resurfacing in his brain. He’s an embarrassment to himself, and he knows Han is looking at him with those stupid fond eyes that always melt his anger, and he really needs to grow a spine because why is he so weak when it comes to this man?
“You’re being difficult.” Han comments and it snaps Jay from his inner monologue, openly glaring at Han now.
“You say that like I’m the one who messed up.” He counters, words sharp. Han sighs at this and meets Jay’s gaze.
“I don’t want to fight, baby.” The words tickle all his nerve endings but Jay resists and continues to glare. He knows using that nickname affects Jay big time. “Let me explain please?”
Jay still glares, but there’s a pout this time. He wants to show more attitude but it’s hard when you’re in front of a very patient Park Han. Yes, still his full name. He is still angry.
“I did not tell you about the study-abroad program because I was not even sure if I could go.” He starts and this makes Jay sit up.
“What do you mean you can’t go? That’s a great opportunity.” He still glares, and yeah, he knows he’s been whining about Han leaving but not really. He’s angry that Han did not tell him about this. He actually supports him, you know. He’s not a selfish person. DETAILS.
“Baby, I still have to do my internship. If I go to that program, I have to do my internship in the summer, and we already have plans to spend time together.” Han reasons and it only makes Jay’s blood boil.
“Are you serious right now, Park Han?” Yep, full government name. “Why would you even think of that?” He stands and walks to the other side of the room. He doesn’t even care if he still has a headache.
“I don’t know.” Han stands too. “Maybe because I want to spend time with you?”He sounds tired and exasperated, but still, very patient.
“Well, I don’t want that if it means losing a great opportunity!” Jay exclaims. “Why would you even do that? Are you crazy? We’re not even–” He stops the words and looks away. God, why are they having this argument when they’re not even officially together? It’s been two months of dancing around, meeting on ‘dates’, sleeping over– yeah, sleeping over is a code for sex, and what about it?
“Maybe, that’s the point. I want to spend time with you because you drive me crazy.” Han walks towards him and it makes Jay walk backwards until he’s leaning on the wall. “You fucking drive me crazy with your smart mouth and–” Han is so close, his hand suddenly on Jay’s hips. “You’re such a brat.”
The statement makes him gasp. “Well, you enjoy me being a brat.” And it’s supposed to be counter, but it sounded more like him flirting. “Fuck, forget that.” He says, but the smirk on Han’s face is evident. “Stop smiling like that.”
“Like what?” Han challenges, moving even closer now.
“Like you want me.” He utters.
“I want you,” Han states, and it makes Jay gasp again. “That’s an established fact, baby.”
“Well, why aren’t you calling me your boyfriend?” He bravely asks because the hell, he’ll just blame the alcohol. It doesn’t matter that he’s sober now.
“You said you want to take your time,” Han answers him, and it makes Jay groan. Han is still not kissing him so he’s frustrated, and he’s also losing patience because yes, he said he wanted to take his time, but they’ve been doing very boyfriend things for a while now.
“Well, call me your boyfriend.” He attempts to glare and Han just smiles at him.
“Okay, boyfriend.” He teases and Jay tries to squirm but Han holds him firmly. “Now, why did you drink so much earlier instead of talking to me?”
Jay whines at that, but he has nowhere to run. Hani is caging him, and he feels his heart flutter especially with the word boyfriend and how easy it is to actually have this conversation. Jay just spent weeks overthinking about it. “Because–” He whines again. “You were going to leave without telling me, and you’re not even my boyfriend so what rights do I have to demand things from you.” His voice quivers as he says the words.
“Well, now demand because I’m your boyfriend,” Han tells him and Jay scrunches his nose, feeling so giddy and yet, so perplexed with this newfound label.
“I didn’t like that you did not tell me.” He pouts, and looks away, only for Han to cup his face so they’re looking at each other again.
“I’m sorry, baby. I was about to tell you this weekend, but you found out first. Still, it’s my fault.” Han kisses the mole under his eyes, and there goes Jay’s resolve again. He’s so gone for this man.
“I also would support you if you’d go. I would probably be dramatic as fuck when we do long distance, but I’ll survive.” He continues, and Han pulls him closer, and kisses him fully on the mouth, and Jay is quick to reciprocate. He’s even prepared to open his mouth, but Han ends the kiss with a peck, and then another short kiss to Jay’s bottom lip, biting it playfully. The gesture makes him whine again.
“I am still honestly thinking about it. It would look good on my resume once we graduate, but it’s a bit expensive too. Plus, I really want to spend the summer with you.”
“We can still spend time together while you do your internship, Hani.” Jay utters, and he tries not to feel hot when he knows that Hani is still looking at his lips. God, they need to talk, but they’re both so distracted with each other. “This is not working.” He purses his lips.
Han is still staring at his lips. Jay is not even sure if his boyfriend (ah, boyfriend) is still listening, considering he easily gets tunnel vision when it comes to Jay. “Hmm?” Han questions, clearly thinking about something else– Jay’s lips among other things.
Jay leans in for a kiss this time, and it’s the only thing that Han needs so now they’re making out like teenagers in Han’s bedroom at past four in the morning. Jay feels a lick on his bottom lip, an indication that Han wants him to open his mouth and so he does. Han takes advantage of Jay’s mouth parting by deepening the kiss, their breaths mingling, and Jay feels like he’s being consumed whole. Jay’s hands find their way to Han’s hair, running his fingers through it, and Han is holding his neck, and then his jaw, making sure to keep the pace.
Jay gasps when they finally pull apart, breathless and feeling like he just ran a marathon. Han is already smiling and pulling him to the bed. Jay rolls his eyes.
“We’re not done talking yet.” He utters as Han pushes him to the king-sized bed and hovers over him.
“I know, baby,” Han murmurs as he buries himself in Jay’s neck, kissing and nipping.
“You’re going to join that study program.” The last word came out as a moan because Han sucks the skin below his ear, and Han knows he was sensitive there. Han only hums, and then kisses Jay on the lips.
He really is hopeless. He’s so taken by this man. Jay does not even remember all the things he said drunkenly at that bar. All his anger? Gone. Now, replaced by something more intense.
Is it too early to say the L word yet? Maybe. For now, he kisses Han back, and the two of them share a fond look before giggling like idiots– then Han kisses him again.