Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This was the kind of men he was after all. And evenings like this proved that statement countless times. Even thought he was raised like a true noble, someone bound to have respect since birth, he was anything but this.

But in truth, he didn’t even care about such things in that moment, right in front of the bar. His only thoughts were to get drunk enough to forget everything, to ease up the pain he was in constantly. And so he entered, took a seat and ordered his usual whiskey.

After too many glasses to count the place became lively, more and more people gathering. A guy, seemingly completely normal, blonde hair, pretty eyes, all dressed up, sat next to him. The unknown man was surely rich especially with his hair all styed smelling good, he reminded him of Chuuya.

“What does such a pretty being do so lonely here?” he approached him, in a sweet and seductive tone. Dazai went to the bar to drink his problems away, definitely not to make some new ones. Especially since even though he is bisexual, he absolutely hates not being on top. He doesn’t trust no one enough to let himself be that weak and vulnerable. The guy seemed nice and his brain was currently intoxicated with alcohol.

He decided in short time to interact a bit with the guy, just for his entertainment. “Am I that pretty that you noticed me in a bar full of people who are so erotically dressed? And me being in my work attire?” of course he won’t let down his clown attitude, he wanted to make this guy go away after all.
“You certainly are more pretty than most of the people here I must admit” flirted the man once more with him. “I’m flattered, but I didn’t come here to have any kind of fun. As you can see I’m trying to drink myself to death.” Some suicide joke would surely get this guy going.

The man giggled, the least expected reaction he could have. “If that’s the case, let me buy you some more drinks gorgeous.” Free drinks. He’s definitely not going to turn that offer down. “If you insist.”

At this point, Dazai was seeing double, hearing colors and his head was a roler-coaster. He didn’t remember the rest of the night, just slightly glimpses of him presses against the wall by that strange blond man in a bedroom.

When he woke up, at 4 AM, the man next to him was sleeping soundly, he was hungover and feeling like shit. But he did not have any time to waste and so he pushed his emotions deep down. He got dressed while trying to find every piece of clothing in the dark scattered all across the floor and got out of that house. Turns out he wasn’t that far from the bar itself, being only a matter of time till he got to the agency bedrooms.

On his way, all he could think of was contemplating his life choices from last night. He was on the bottom. He was too drunk to remember the rest, and more embarrasses than he let himself admit. He never lets himself be vulnerable, and he just broke that rule while being drunk and having no memory of anything that might’ve happened. He also drank way too much than he wanted to and now he can’t even walk straight. At least the worst is over and he will just forget this night like the rest, most probably.

He slowly entered the key in his apartment as to not wake up Atsushi and Kyouka sleeping in the room next to him. He got inside and he collapsed in his futon stiff like a rock. Some more hours and he will have to go to work.

The day hasn’t even started yet but it was definitely going to be one hell of a day for him.

The time flew by and it was already 8 o’clock, he needed a shower. Badly. He went to the bathroom, got undressed took the shower to get rid of all the booze and alcohol smell. He hates seeing himself and all those scars that he himself inflicted on his own person. It makes him full of disgust which makes his shower be longer than it needs to be.

On his way out of the shower, he sees the razor blade sitting all pretty and almost looking like it’s shining from the bad light. The last time he dug that razor into his skin was less than a week ago. But after that stunt tonight, he supposed he deserves it. With no hesitation he picks it up and goes to the sink. He really doesn’t want to take a shower again or clean anything so the sink is the safest option.
After staring at it for what seems like eternity, he makes the first cut. Just a scratch. The second one goes deeper, and so does the third and the next one. He was too zoned out to notice the blood pooling in the sink, painting it a dark crimson red.

He freezes to take in the picture of his scarred arm bleeding out, just for a moment before washing it down along with the rest of the blood. As the genius he is, he doesn’t stich them or clean them further, but instead apply some cheap cologne a girl from his one night stands left him. It sting a bit, but that woke him up making him feel refreshed for a while then he fastened is bandaged tightly on his arm, making sure that it will hurt him throughout the day. He god dressed and out the door.

Climbing the stairs to the main office, he avoided the cafe and the staff, hurried to practice one more his pathetic clown act to use on Kunikida. With slow steps he approach the door then he opened it loudly saying “Good morning, my dear colleagues!” with fake cheer in his pitched up voice. Kunikida immediately as right in front of the couch he just sat on to scold him, the rest just minding their own business at this was a daily occurrence.

“Dazai! You are one hour late! Just because it’s less than usual that does not mean you’re on time!” Dazai couldn’t care less for the lecture Kunikida was currently giving him on sleep and ho he should be on time. He should learn by now that that’s not going to ever happened.

“But Kunikida-kun, you see, I was so busy last night…” He said in a dramatic tone, trying t annoy the poor man even more. “Stop sounding as if you really did something important-!” Kunikida wanted to keep shouting but Ranpo stopped him, taking his candy out of his mouth, and opened his eyes to stare at Dazai’s soul through his eyes “You are going to regret doing that.” He said in a neutral tone then started munching on that candy once more.

‘Regret what? I already regret everything I have done stating with yesterday evening, maybe even sooner. How critic’ but he did not let that seriousness show, of course, putting on that façade “I have no idea what you are talking about Ranpo!” He said in his usual playful tone. But this wasn’t even a lie. He truly didn’t know what Ranpo was specifically referring to.

“You’ll find out in a short time” He said the great detective and so he went to Fukazawa’s office.

Chapter Text

The day was going surprisingly easy. No field missions, no serious cases, jus slaking off for Dazai. Until someone knocked on the door. Kunikida politely rose from his desk to open the door for the unknown person. From his point of view, Dazai didn’t see the persons face, only heard his voice greeting and asking for help, like the usual.

Hearing the new voice, Ranpo and Yosano mananged to get back at their desks just in time for Kunikida not to observe they were off gossiping in Yosano’s infirmary.

The weird thing is, Dazai recognized this voice. And it didn’t sit right with him because he couldn’t say to which person that voice belonged. Despite that, he made no effort in moving to see this person until Kunikida came to scold him, again. “Dazai! This man needs help with a missing person and I’ve been yelling your name, Get over here! This is unacceptable behavior regarding costumers!”

He let his earphones fall on the couch and he stand up, to look at the man.

Now what he wasn’t expecting was to see the guy from last night. Now he sees him better, his hair is platinum blonde, his eyes are a pale green, and just like e predicted he is rich. He has all that suit and carefully styled hair and outfit, looking too professional for Dazai’s style. But he can’t deny the fact that that man is hot. He has a defined and visibly strong jawline, and that body he saw last night was no joke. And he was a bit taller than him and definitely more buff.

But like Ranpo said he regrets everything. When he has a one night stand, he assures it stays a one night stand. Thought he wasn’t prepared for this one, nor to see the man that fucked him not too much hours ago in his work office asking for his help.

The man was also visibly taken aback from that revelation, certainly not expecting to meet him ever again. The silence that followed was awkward and Dazai had b=never experienced feeling this exposed with other people than him or Chuuya.

“Ahem, so I didn’t think we would meet again…” said the blonde man breaking the silence while scratching the back of his nape looking almost embarrassed. “Yeah me neither.” Dazai agreed in somewhat of a matching tone with him.

Kunikida looked at Dazai then at the blonde man the at Dazai again and asked in a baffled tone “You two know each other?” the two man avoided looking at each other until Dazai said “Not really, we just met yesterday, no big deal.” In a nonchalant tone looking annoyed at this point.

The man was surprised once again “No big deal? But-“ and he was cut off by Dazai “I said it’s no big deal.” He spitted out these words with a dangerously cold tone which shut up the guy.

“What’s your name?” Ranpo asked, aware of the scene that probably would’ve take place if he didn’t step in. The man regained himself and replied with elegance “My name’s Murasaki Shikibu” but instead of getting on with the problem that he needed help with, instead he approached Dazai once again “And your name is?”

At this point Dazai was irritated by Murasaki’s behavior “I believe you heard my coworker call me dazai.” He said to him this time looking straight into his eyes signaling a silent ‘get away.’ Message. He was definitely not about to cause a scene and definitely not right in front of his coworkers, which by now were completely confused about this whole thing.

Without wasting any more time, Dazai started “So, what do you exactly need our help for?” in a intended fake cheerful voice to try and scare away Murasaki, or just make him mind is own business and leave Dazai alone forever.

Murasaki arranged his collar and cleared his throat saying “My… Uh, wife and I had an argument some days ago but this morning the police called me to tell me she has died. And I want to find who killed my wife.” He seemed ashamed for some reason the rest of the detectives didn’t knew, but Dazai, he was never involved in such a romantic drama his entire life. The fact that this man just admitted that he had a wife and cheated her with him, was shockingly interesting for Dazai. This whole drama felt like a movie.

“Condolences” said Kunikida bowing respectfully. Murasaki mirrored his image muttering a small thank you. “But it’s really important that we find the person who is responsible with her death. She is, was” he quickly corrected himself “a very respected woman in our family. She is the first daughter of Daijini, a powerful noble, head of the Genji clan.” And so Kunikida wanted to ask more questions regarding their history and such but Dazai instead was wondering “If she is such an important noble person, why would you come to us to help you when it’s clearly being dealt with by more qualified people?”

“The case is currently dealt by the police and more acquaintances of the clan, but they don’t currently have any leads and so I have decided to ask for as much help as possible.” He answered determined.

Kunikida escorted Murasaki at the café below to discuss more without being interrupted by Dazai.

Turns out, lady Aoi, the guy’s dead wife, was indeed a very important being in their family. She and her parents, and other relatives were considered having a decent relationship and above that they were rich. Like rich-rich. The Genji clan owns a lot of territory and multiple residences, including some weapons factory which the clan had strings all way in USA where they legally sell them.

Lady Aoi’s dead was sudden and scarred a lot of her relatives to put extra security measures, which they argued that they wanted to apply them long ago but never got the chance and now was the perfect moment. All of this being written in the documents the Armed detective agency received including pictures that showed she was shoot three times, one in her stomach, and the last two near her heart plus she had a concussion from falling on the ground as she was walking around the house while she got shot, right next to the dinner table.

Naturally, Dazai took a copy of the files to investigate himself. Just to check this case to battle his insomnia and maybe solve it so he can go put those copies right back. He didn’t want Kunikida to think that he was actually working.

“Dazai! You can’t just leave! We got an important case on our hands!” Kunikida started to scold Dazai for the 5th time that day, and so he explained to him how this person is actually important, and other stuff while following Dazai in the main office where the rest of the agency employees were.

When they got into the office, Ranpo was looking extremely focused at the computer with Yosano over his back looking conflicted. ”Ranpo? What’s the problem?” Dazai asked fast approaching them while he cut Kunikida off his rambling. After some silence, Ranpo said, slowly switching his focus on Dazai “I… I can’t solve it” after a pause “I mean I solved it to a point, but I can’t say precisely who the culprit is”

‘That’s a problem’ Dazai realized as he was involved in all this somehow. Kunikida went to them to discuss and Dazai used that opportunity to get out and he left early that day heading straight to his apartment with the copies of the document.

A Ranpo might’ve thought, it was someone who was close to her father or other high function person of the family. But no one had straight connection to being the outright suspect.

After more time sitting in his futon staring at his celling trying to think of new ways to solve the case, the thoughts of getting drunk were really temptation hard to ignore in that moment. He rose and left the documents close to his door’s entrance as to not forget them the next morning.

He emptied the first bottle, or at was left from it in the first sip and took a new unopened bottle with him to the bedroom. Sitting on his futon, he was getting tipsy. All his drama with lovers and cheating was reminding him of Chuuya.

He didn’t want to leave Chuuya. But he figured Chuuya would be better off without him in his life. He left because mori, the asshole he is, gave the address of Odasaku’s kids address to mimic. After he promised not to.

Into their last ‘sessions’ Mori promised he would never hurt Odasaku. Dazai gave him his whole being, body and soul, but he betrayed him with Odasaku’s death. Sure, he was doing it since he would prefer two or three hours of Mori getting his way with him than more painful punishments that most of them implied being strapped on a surgery table for unknown measures of time. Sometimes it would be hors, days, once even a whole week because he failed one of his missions.
How embarrassed he was after seeing Chuuya after dropping off the face of the earth for a whole week after their first failed mission. And for that to never happen, he started to anticipate when Mori was going to punish him in greatly painful ways.

He always hated himself for it. For being like he is. He hated that Mori was his first. He hated that Mori was infecting him even now. The only thing Mori did good was create the partnership soukoku, double black, devastating rivals, one soul in two bodies.

Maybe he did imagine Chuuya was Murasaki last night. He thought he was over him. Turs out he lied to himself the whole time. So what can he do in this situation instead of getting up and drowning more bottles of sake and whiskey?

And then he drank and drank again and again. The memory of Chuuya’s face started to infect his thoughts. His pretty auburn hair, his gorgeous blue-ocean eye and the chocolate brown one that was matching him, his countless freckles, his defined features, his smell, everything. When he saw him the first time after four years he was incredibly changed.
All his features were more prominent and accentuated, it almost rose a reaction in him he wasn’t even aware of.

Fortunately for him, or maybe not so much fortunate for him, he couldn’t shake the feeling from his alcohol poisoned brain, and he doesn’t even pretend to think clearly in this moments. It was either this or cutting, so he figured this was the better choice for tonight. He kept drinking till his hands were reaching in his pants.

All this thinking of his Chuuya got him hard and dripping. He is the only person who has seen the true him in favorable settings and on his own accord most of the time. And he never left or felt different towards Dazai.

He started jorking it slightly up and down, squeezing harder at the tip. He kept that pace for some time, then he arched his back and threw his head back, going as fast as he could. His mind was full of images of Chuuya and how perfect he is. In no time he came, decided to call it a day and passed out into deep slumber.