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Chapter Text

They said that when Shiro had gotten married, he'd looked...happy. Sort of. Kind of.

Keith had initially thought nothing of it-maybe Shiro was in a daze, lost in the whirlwind of apparent romance that he and his new husband were experiencing.  Retirement, too, could have been a relief, despite his young age. He was free for the first time in years to do things he wanted, without the threat of war hanging over him.

Keith could buy that explanation. It hurt, of course. It would always hurt that Shiro wasn't his, but he accepted it. Love didn't always work out the way people hoped it would, and Keith’s love for Shiro was no exception. Besides, after everything Shiro had gone through, what Keith wanted wasn’t important-as long as he was happy, Keith could at least bear his own regrets without too much fuss, and move on to greener pastures, greater expanses.

So he did. That had been five years ago. And during those five years, he'd noticed...things.

Shiro's missives became less emotive. His expression seemed to hold less in it when they spoke on the comms. His eyes seem to become more glazed, the light within them more hollow, and his mouth became more slack, as the years passed. His husband started calling him almost immediately after each call more often, asking about what he knew about Shiro's 'exhaustion', which truly made no sense. Shiro's disease was gone, and he wasn't working. Why would Shiro be exhausted?

But for so long-too long, perhaps, had it been denial? Willful ignorance?-Keith had attributed it to the stress of being married. Perhaps Shiro had gotten another job somewhere and didn’t mention it. Maybe he was developing apnea or another sleep disorder. It was entirely possible. Plausible enough, at least, that Keith could deny what his heart and gut were trying to tell him. He didn’t want to believe it. No one did. Not after everything.

It was only on one otherwise quiet and seemingly uneventful day, when Ezor started to joke about how Shiro's expression in their last call had reminded her of when he'd been in what she'd called 'doll mode', that he couldn’t deny it any longer. Doll mode, Ezor had explained, was something she had seen before that battle, when the clone had been nothing more than an empty, emotionless, obedient shell, standing by for orders without question. It had been years ago, by this point, but it stuck out to her, and Shiro’s current behavior seemed so very similar to the clone’s, somehow.

It was then Keith realized for sure that, no, he wasn't just imagining things. He wasn’t going crazy. He couldn’t deny it anymore. Something was wrong.

He immediately grabbed the nearest ship he could get his hands on and flew with all haste to Earth, jumping so many wormholes his hull was practically glowing with heat by the time he landed at the Garrison around midnight. Shiro was retired, but his husband still worked, so they lived in a little house on base. Shiro had been spending his time tending to a garden, one he'd showed off to Keith in their comm calls, at least on the outset.

The flowers in the garden and the grass of the lawn were all shriveled and dead as he ran to the door. No-not just dead. They were black, charred, the dirt around them barren and dried out like desert sand.

Keith didn't hesitate. He burst through the door-

"Keith."

It was dark in the house, save for flickering lights. On the floor was a man-Shiro's husband, Keith realized. His dark eyes were rolled up to the back of his head, his cheeks hollowed out and faint whimpers on his blue lips. His skin was far too pale,

Standing over him was-

"Keith?"

Shiro spoke again, voice void of emotion. He slowly began to shuffle forward, and Keith's stomach plunged as their eyes met. The pupils were completely swallowed up by grey, and the sclera bled molten gold beneath cracked glasses, illuminating Shiro's completely blank face.

"Keith..." The man-it couldn’t be Shiro, the thing talking to him would never be Shiro, not like this-raised his prosthetic hand, small sparkles of violet lightning crackling between his fingers and shooting up into the light of his arm. "Help. Help me...please. Help. I need-"

Keith didn't hesitate to help in the only way he knew how to at that moment.

"Give…it to me. Please. Your...your…qui-"

He lunged forward and slammed the hilt of his blade right into the back of Shiro's head.

Shiro's golden sclera bugged out, almost unnaturally, before he collapsed into a boneless heap the floor like a puppet with his strings cut. His glasses clattered onto the carpet, and his throat let out a displeased hiss as he-it?-seemed to lose most control of the body.

“…Keeeeith…why…nnnngh…”

Keith staggered back, eyes wide, breath coming on quick and shallow, as the thing wearing Shiro’s skin stared back, baring his teeth. A long moment passed before, finally, the gold in Shiro’s eyes waned, and his pupils rolled up to the back of his head.

Quiznak…quiznak!

The pain of Keith’s attack finally caught up to Shiro, but Keith knew that wouldn’t keep him down. He had to hurry; he had to calm down and move, get help. If he didn’t, there was no telling what the thing masquerading as his best and greatest friend would do.

It took him several dobashes before he staggered over to the other guy and grabbed his work phone, his shaky hands finally managing to press the buttons on the interface for an emergency call.

"Garrison Emergency Services."

"This is Keith." He stared at the prone bodies. "Blade of Marmora."

"What?" The voice on the other end sounded surprised. "Paladin, how are you on Cur-"

"It doesn't matter! I need a medic here, right now!"

Shiro was hurt.

"Two men down, and..."

Shiro wasn't hurt.

"Something is wrong." His voice became small. "I need..."

Shiro...

“...I need someone to get here to their house right now. Before it's too late!"

Shiro was...

"All right. We're sending a unit now." Slowly, Keith's hands went to his pocket, where a small pocket communicator was holstered. "Can you tell me what's happened?"

"No. I can't. I wasn’t…here for most of it."

Slowly, he dialed up a comm line. He couldn't talk to all of the people on that line directly, night right now, so he made a text while he spoke to the operator. It was short and to the point.

Eight words which Keith knew would get a response.

AT GARRISON. COME QUICKLY.

"...But I know who can give us some answers."

SHIRO IS IN DANGER.

Keith rode in the ambulance with Shiro. When the EMTs asked if Shiro's husband was riding with them, it became clear that, no, he wasn't. In fact, the man needed his own ride to the hospital; given how he looked, and how he was barely responding to the ministrations of medics, it was a miracle Shiro's husband was still alive at all.

Keith felt himself shudder as he watched Shiro on the gurney, his eyes closed, the rising of his chest slow and steady. He almost looked like he was asleep, having a peaceful, pleasant dream. It made Keith's stomach churn that he had to hurt Shiro again. Yet had he not thought quick, he would have been in the same condition as Shiro's husband. Or worse, if Keith had been even a tick later entering that house—

No. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't have to think about it, if he so wished. Keith had saved Shiro's husband. He saved Shiro, at least for the moment, and prevented something truly terrible from happening. That was enough for the moment.

At the same time, though, he kicked himself. He should have pushed. He should have been more suspicious. should have started questioning Shiro's actions after he landed in the new body more. If only he'd acted sooner, had picked up on the changes, had taken care to try and look into what was happening to Shiro as time went by.

His mind ran back through every possible way he failed. Maybe he should have objected at the wedding, what with the seeming drug-like headiness Shiro seemed to be submerged in-though he hadn't, because naturally he thought Shiro was happy and Keith wasn't going to be the nuptial-wrecking Paladin. (That was Pidge's job, everyone agreed, but even she had behaved.) Maybe he even ought to have said something before Allura's sacrifice-but then again, no one was really thinking that much on Shiro's subtle changes, what with the weight of the multiverse on their shoulders and all. Maybe he should have said something during those six months after the liberation of Earth-but how could he, when he had been in the hospital most of the time, recovering from his own near-death experience?

Hey. Stop it. Ruminating on what you did wrong in the past won’t get you anywhere. He can almost imagine Shiro gently chastising him. Focus on what you can do to fix the problem in the present, so it won’t happen again in the future. I know it doesn’t seem like the best idea, but…that’s what a leader does. No one is perfect, Keith…

The ride to Yeager IGF Hospital felt like it took two years-like his time in the Quantum Abyss-and almost immediately after Shiro was whisked away, as was his husband. Keith refused to let Shiro out of his sights, however; ran after the EMTs that pushed his gurney along, watching from behind as they flew through the doors to the Xeno-ICU.  

"Hey, you can't go in there." Keith was within a few feet of the flapping doors, only to find the way immediately blocked by a Xaqterican in scrubs, its five eyes nictitating in a clockwork pattern beneath their glasses as it emerged from the sector. "Unit rules. No one but immediate family and unit-specific medical personnel."

Keith let out a growl at this. He could hear Shiro’s gurney squeaking further and further away. He didn’t have time for this.

"Hey, move! I am his family!" Keith glared, standing his ground. "And he needs someone to watch over him while he's like this!"

"With all due respect, sir," unfortunately, the Xaqterican didn't budge, either. "You're not a member of the Garrison, much less of this hospital. You are also not on the Admiral’s call list, so far as I’m aware. So please wait in one of the designated visitor rooms. We know what we're doing, and we will take good care of the admiral."

Not on the call list. It stung. Not that he wouldn’t keep trying to get to Shiro’s side-it was the least he could do.

"One, I'm the head of the Blades, and the Blades have a vested interest in the Admiral’s safety," Keith snarled, "and two, unless you have a Sacred Altean on your payroll, I doubt any of you can fix this!"

“Sir,” The Xaqterican simply glowered. “If you do not calm down, I will have to remove you from the premises.”

“Calm down?” Keith was sorely tempted to test whether the alien really could back up his threats. “I am very calm-“

"Keith!"

Both Keith and the Xaqterican doctor turned, and Keith felt a small sliver of relief stick into him as Pidge ran down the hallway, barreling into him as she threw her hands around him.

"I take it you heard before I sent the message," Keith mumbled. "I shouldn't be shocked."

"Word travels fast." Pidge's eyes were misty as she looked up at him. "Quiznak, Keith, the comms lit up the moment the ambulance was called, and then ten seconds later I got your message! What happened!?"

“I’m trying to get in to see Shiro.” Keith threw another angry stare at the Xaqterican-who simply folded its tentacles and squared its shoulders, almost daring him to try and enter the swinging doors behind it-before turning back to Pidge. “They’re not letting me in.”

“…Yeah, they’re like that.” Pidge huffed. “Nothing short of a miracle to get into the ICUs if you’re not immediate family.”

“Right. About what happened…”

For a moment, Keith balked. He didn't want to say it out loud, of course. He didn't want to outright scare her, especially since he had no real confirmation as to what the problem actually was. He couldn't hide his suspicions from her, though. Not forever. Pidge was too smart for that, and didn't deserve his silence when someone so important to them was in mortal peril again.

Instead, he motioned his head towards a door, and, releasing the hug, turned to walk towards it. By serendipity, it turned out he'd picked a little room with some vending machines in it-and a door that could be closed and locked. A small keypad lay on the front handle, which Pidge immediately seized upon.

"The fact you're having me go here," she sighed as she took out a skeleton pass card, "is a sign that I should be bracing myself for really bad news, isn't it?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"You're having me hack the door to a kiosk room." One quick slide of the card into the reader, and the deed was done. "It's obvious you want privacy for whatever you have to say. That's..."

Keith closed the door behind him once Pidge entered, the lock beeping.

"...Just say it now." Pidge clenched her fists, taking a deep breath. "Right? Whatever it is, I'm prepared for-"

"I think Shiro was draining quintessence from his spouse." Keith swallowed dryly as Pidge's head popped up, eyes wide with horror. "Drained everything else in and around the house beforehand. Flowers, electricity...he tried to feed off of me, too, when I arrived."

The expression of hurt and shock on the younger Paladin's face became too much to bear as the ticks went by. Keith forced himself to keep looking at her, nevertheless. He knew he couldn't just dodge this.

"You-it can't be-" Pidge's hands began raking through her hair. "No. No way. He'd never do that!"

"No." If Keith's nails could claw through his armor, they would as he dug them in. "Not normally."

"Then-" Pidge choked, her voice shaky. "You don't think-"

"I do."

Keith closed his eyes. He felt his heart thrash angrily in his chest as he thought back, saw in clear hindsight the slow and obvious decline of Shiro's emotional state. Could see, all too vividly, the bright gold that had seared across the eyes of the man Keith loved more than life itself.

Life. Energy. Quintessence-and draining it all with a single touch, without any seeming regard for the target or for its reasons. It was all too familiar to Keith, and he was more than certain that, once one of the Sacred Alteans arrived, they would merely confirm, in a more official capacity, what he had already figured out.

It wasn't just a control trigger in the prosthetic arm that Honerva had embedded into the clone's body. It had never just been that. Why would it have been just that? Honerva had done much that was unforgiveable. She was just as much a monster as those in the rift-the same monsters that had bonded with her, and Zarkon, and the unborn Lotor. The same monsters she had controlled inside the Alteans she had tricked.

Yes, that was right. They-he-should have seen it sooner.

"There's absolutely no doubt in my mind." Keith so badly wished Honerva was there right then-so he could throttle her for this final horror that she had inflicted on Shiro. For now, he could only seethe-seethe and pray that Coran could come through with someone who could help. "He's been infected with a rift monster this entire time...!"

Chapter Text

Keith knew that using the teludav system from New Altea to Earth took time, but after nearly four vargas, he was starting to get frantic. Neither he nor Pidge were being allowed into the Xeno-ICU, despite the shift change among the medical personnel and their pleas. Shiro could only be seen by immediate family and the unit doctors and nurses and orderlies. No exceptions, not even for the Paladins of Voltron. It was infuriating, because it meant Keith wasn't being told Shiro's condition; worrying, because Keith knew that if Shiro woke up, the situation could become very dire very quick. All he and Pidge could do was uselessly wait and cool their heels while everyone arrived.

Well-everyone except Hunk. Hunk was stuck somewhere in the Kaltari Quadrant, and their wormhole station was shut down for repairs. Keith could relate to Hunk’s frustration at nothing happening-and his fear that something might happen while he was otherwise indisposed. He and Pidge promised to update Hunk with any update, but there was nothing to update on, save for the fact that the vending machines in the kiosk room ran out of Cheese Doodles. No one was talking. Keith wanted to scream.

Yet as the ticks and doboshes had passed, Keith had started noticing a shift in movements among the hospital workers, despite the attempts by them to pretend otherwise. The intercom system was coming to life more often as time went by, calling for people to come to the Xeno-ICU immediately. One, then two, then five, then ten people, of all species and genders, rushed through the double doors while the sentry guarding them quickly waved them in; each time, the motions of the medics who passed in became more and more frantic.

After the intercom blared again, asking for all off-duty doctors from Xeno-ICU to return to the unit immediately, along with any and all Alteans and Galra regardless of their profession, Pidge and Keith exchanged dark, knowing looks.

"...He's awake. He's got to be," Keith growled. "and whatever's happening in there's not good. I should have just shoved my way through the moment I arrived!"

"Maybe the rift monster's eating all the medical workers that come to see him," Pidge grumbled as she looked at her watch. "It’s as good an explanation as any.”

“Maybe I’ll have luck getting in if they’re calling for Galra-” Keith stood up and too three steps, only to be glared at by the sentry. “What? I’m half-Galra! That’s got to count for something with that announcement, right?”

“You better have a hospital ID that says something other than visitor, if that’s the case, half-Galra.” The sentry-a Balmoran, now-crossed their arms. “Otherwise, I suggest you wait out here. Xeno-ICU is on lockdown-family and medical personnel only!”

“…Quiznak.” Keith was ready to punch the wall. “Would it kill someone to come tell us what is happening!?”

“And no one else is here yet to help us!” Pidge let out an exasperated huff as she looked at her watch for the seventeenth time. “Quiznak, where are they?!"

"Number Four, Number Five!"

Keith's head whipped around, just in time to see Coran jogging up to them. Behind him were Tavo and Merla, their faces drawn into severe expressions.

"Coran." The knot in Keith's chest loosened, at least marginally. “You’re here.”

"You took your sweet time, guys!" Pidge huffed. “No offense, but you should have been here at least a varga ago!”

"Now, now, Number Five, this wasn't our fault," Coran chided. "There was an accident at the teludav near Lygnei IV and we had to take a detour! We came as soon as we could, truly. Lance should be along shortly. He's ah, talking to someone right now."

Someone. Right. Keith knew what that meant, and he could only grit his teeth at the thought.

"I'm more surprised you Paladins aren't with the admiral, personally." Merla looked around the hall, her eyes imperiously judging the setup. "I would have thought you'd at least be at his side, Keith."

“I know.” Keith shook his head. “But I can’t get in.”

"Because they won't let us in!" Pidge threw a hand up, eyes rolling in frustration. "No matter what we try, we're not considered immediate family."

"Hm." Tavo rubbed his chin. "Your Earth's medical procedures are especially paranoid, aren't they? It's not like most known diseases that can transfer to humans from aliens are particularly deadly-"

He abruptly stopped, his ears twitching.

"…Oh." He turned to Merla, his eyes widening. "Keith? You...might want to step back."

"Step back?" Keith looked at the two Alteans with incredulity. "Why?"

The Alteans didn't answer. They didn't have to; ticks later, a loud bang came from within the Xeno-ICU, to the point where the doctor guarding the doorway jumped up in surprise. He turned to peek through the doorway, opening it up a crack-before turning and running, their face turning a pale taupe.

"Security," he gasped as he ran. "I need security-"

The doors suddenly burst open-actually ripping off the hinges-and shouts filled the hallway.

"Keith!"

Keith's heart stopped, and he froze as he saw what was tumbling out of the Xeno-ICU. It was Shiro, lacking his prosthetic, dragging himself out of the unit, his body flanked and covered by nearly two dozen doctors, nurses, orderlies, security, and even a lone candy striper hanging uselessly from his blood-covered flesh forearm.

"Keith!" Shiro was screaming. "KEITH!!"

"Hold him!" Everyone was trying to keep him from walking without much success. "Quiznak, someone help us!!"

Keith's mouth slowly opened as he took in the whole scene, too stunned to otherwise react. Seeing so many people trying to restrain him was bad enough. Looking at Shiro himself made it all worse. The origin of the blood on his arm was obvious-he'd been on an IV drip, and he'd ripped it out of the crook of his arm.

But that wasn't all the blood he had. There was some on his mouth, staining his teeth, and on his cheeks. His veins, too, at least the ones Keith could see, looked dark, sickly. Shiro's face was also paler than he'd recalled it being even on the ambulance ride, which made the contrast to his veins pop out. Yet the most worrying, most heartbreaking thing Keith saw were Shiro's eyes. They weren't glowing gold, this time; they were Shiro's, they were wide and suspiciously wet, and they looked utterly helpless and terrified.

It was emotion-real emotion.

It was the first real emotion Keith had seen out of Shiro in five years.

"Stop!! Someone stop him! Where is security?!"

"Keith!"

Against the force of everyone grabbing him, Shiro still reached out for him, with a shaky hand.

"Keith, listen to me, you have to get me out of here, I can't-I can't stay here-!"

"Someone help me here!" A nurse shouted above the din. "We need to snow the admiral!"

"We don't have anything strong enough!"

"Where the quiznak is security!?"

"Keith, please!" Shiro's cries became more frantic, pleading. "I'm-you're the only one who can help me! They don't know what they're doing, they're going to cut me up! They're going to take me apart like a tinker toy! Like…like Honerva, they-"

Keith could only watch, helpless and uncertain, knowing he needed to do something but not knowing what. The worst part of watching Shiro plead with him at that moment, watching him begging for his life, was that he couldn't even be sure he trusted that Shiro was the one speaking to him. He couldn't know whether this was truly Shiro talking, or if it was the rift monster manipulating him and everyone else to get them to do what it wanted.

And it terrified him that he couldn’t tell the difference between the two in that instant.

Don’t! Don’t do it! It could be a trap!

Shiro…no…I…he...he wouldn't...

The entity! The monster!

But...

Yet it seemed so sincere, so petrified, and the emotion so raw. It couldn't just be an act.

"THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!" Shiro began to scream, his apparent agony echoing through the hospital and even making Pidge whimper, tears in her eyes. "KEITH!! PLEASE!! DON’T LET THEM HURT ME!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!! NOT AGAIN!! NOT AGAIN!!"

That did it. Something broke at the desperation in Shiro's tone-fake or no, Keith just couldn't stand by. He began to rush forward to help, hand thrown out towards the cacophony.

He'd barely gone two steps before three blurs passed in front of him, far faster and far more certain of the situation.

"That's enough now, Number One."

Coran's fingers jabbed into one side of Shiro's neck, and he suddenly went still, eyes wide. Then, before Shiro could react, Merla pulled out a pen-shaped device from her clothing, jamming it into the other side, the pointed end of the mechanism letting out a click and a vsssh. Immediately Shiro went slack, his eyes dilating as they stared, disbelieving, at Keith.

"No...Keith...ple..." Was it hurt on Shiro's face as he slumped into Coran's arms? Was it betrayal? Was any of it even Shiro feeling those things? "Ke...ith..."

His grey eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he flopped over, once more unconscious. All around him, the battered and bruised medics gasped and panted, their arms and tentacles releasing the prone Shiro.

"....Quiznak." Pidge's voice was thick as she wiped her eyes. "This is…I can’t. This is so bad."

With a nod, Merla held onto Shiro's other side along with Coran, while Tavo finally stepped forward. He brought his hands up, the fingers glowing a bright blue as he waved them slowly up and down the length of Shiro's torso.

After ten ticks, the dark-skinned Altean jolted, and Keith's heart sank further.

"...It is exactly as you feared, Paladin." Slowly, Tavo turned to Keith, and Keith flushed as he saw the pity that gleamed in the other man's eyes. "There is an entity inside the admiral, one that has been festering inside of him for a very long time."

"Well," Keith hated being right. Especially now. Especially with this. "At least we now know, and you guys can extract it now, right?"

There was no immediate response.

"You..." Keith felt his blood run cold. "You guys...can extract it, right?"

"If it were that simple, Paladin," Merla grunted as she bent down to better pick up Shiro, taking him from Coran, "we would've already done it."

"Merla is correct." The pity in Tavo's expression didn't abate, and Keith forced himself to look away, to look at Shiro, as the female Altean began to carry Shiro back into the Xeno-ICU, flanked by the injured and uninjured medics. "Even from my cursory scan of him, it’s clear his case is...not so straightforward."

Keith felt water prick the edges of his eyes as he watched Shiro disappear back behind the swinging doors. Of course Shiro's case was complicated. Why wouldn't it be?

He felt Coran gently pat his shoulder, and Pidge wrap his arms around him, but it didn't feel real. None of it did, as Keith felt his stomach drop at the realization that whatever was happening was worse than bad. Whatever was hurting Shiro couldn't just be fixed by Keith cutting off an arm or pleading to his better nature. As many times as it takes, he'd promised, but now, Keith wondered if he'd actually hit his limit on that promise.

"You." Tavo pulled one of the departing doctors aside. "My colleague will keep the admiral under control. Find your best human neurosurgeons, and set up a meeting room for us, and quickly. There's no time to waste. The admiral's life depends on it!"

Now, Keith wondered if this would be the time he'd have to break it outright.

Chapter Text

Humanity's best neurosurgeon sure  was taking their sweet time, or so Keith assumed as he sat inside the sterile meeting room. He and Pidge were sitting in the meeting room, Keith flipping his knife up and down, up and down, over and over. Across the table, Tavos sat, his eyes scanning scores of holoscreens.

Between the rotating blade as it flew up, then descended, he watched as the Altean's eyes narrow as he switched between MRIs, x-rays, and scanned paper copies of pre-invasion medical work-all of it Shiro's, Keith knew. There were other screens as well, once filled with languages and images that Keith knew nothing about, as Tavos let out a sigh.

"Quite a lot of history to go through," Coran observed. "I was unaware Shiro had such an extensive amount of information on him!"

"...He was in the hospital a lot," Keith mumbled, the handle of his knife falling into his palm. "Especially before space missions."

"Given the primitiveness of your Earth's original technology and the destruction wrought by the Galra, we're lucky so much of it has survived," Tavos mumbled as he zoomed into a screen. "Though I should be grateful any of it is here, as Honerva's records on Operation Kuron aren't nearly so complete."

"Figures," Pidge sighed. "Probably deliberate destruction so no one can snitch."

Keith's eyes slowly shifted towards Pidge at this, thoughts immediately going back to a time many years ago, where sword clashed with sword, and the pods filled with lifeless bodies were torn off a satellite's podium and sucked into the light of a white dwarf. Deliberate destruction indeed. Keith closed his eyes, biting his lip.

"Hey!"

Behind Keith, the door slid open, and he felt Lance's presence enter the room. Almost immediately after, a bottle was slammed down in front of him, as well as in front of Pidge, Tavos, and Coran.

"...Al-Tea?" Keith didn't open his eyes, but he smiled as he all but saw Pidge roll her eyes. "Really, Lance?"

"What?" He heard Lance plop into a chair. "Allura said these were better than sports drinks for electrolytes. Less sugar!"

"Allura. Right." Pidge grumbled as she opened the bottle. "Keep forgetting she's apparently in your head. Still waiting for those lottery numbers."

"Pidge, for the thirtieth time, I already asked her and she said she's not helping you cheat-"

Keith let out a long sigh at the argument. About three years ago, Lance had started hearing Allura's voice, or so he claimed. At first, everyone had been worried for Lance's well-being, naturally, but as time went by, everyone, even Keith, had to wonder if Allura wasn't somehow communicating to Lance from the afterlife.

Lance, for his part, insisted that Allura was alive, just really, really busy, and that she was going to come back. He'd also know where lost items were, even those he'd never seen, and on those occasions, there'd be a slight glow on his cheeks. There was a glow on his cheeks right then, in fact, as he argued with Pidge about Allura's level of omnipotence.

"...and not to mention, you're already, like, hoarding all the money in the universe from inventing that new wormhole technology!"

"Yeah, but it's all wrapped up in stocks and property and tech," Pidge protested. "And most of it's in my dad's name! I can't buy my own car with a space bond he owns!"

"Not Allura's problem," Lance shrugged. "Besides, Shiro's more important right now. Right, Allura?"

A long, long silence.

"...Allura says just ask your dad to buy you a car, he’d be ok with it."

"Seriously-"

The door to the room opened, and Keith's eyes immediately opened to see two individuals walking in, one in a leather jacket, the other already in scrubs.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone!" The dark-skinned woman took her jacket off and draped it over the first chair she came upon. "I was in the middle of a quadruple ACDF with ventriculostomy when I got the news. My assistant has already informed me of the basics of the case, but I haven't gone over the records just yet. My apologies."

Keith felt his breath leave him as he took in just who it was who was sitting right next to him. She'd let her hair grow out, and it was grayer than he remembered. He swallowed, trying not to slap his forehead because-of course she was the one that was called. Who else would be called in on something like this?

"Think nothing of it, Dr. Yazdani!" Coran tossed a small holo-disc holder to the woman, who quickly snapped it open, several holoscreens popping up. "We're glad you could come at all."

The woman nodded as she began scanning through the records, her eyes narrowing as she looked over the ore recent information. Keith watched as her lips pursed, then set into a frown.

"...This…is new." Her eyes turned to Keith. "And-you were the one who found him, Keith?"

Keith didn't respond, merely flushing and looking down. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Pidge, too, looked away, her lips curled up in annoyance.

"...Number Four? Number Five?" Coran's voice gently prodded them. "Is something wrong?"

"...Ah, I expected as much." the doctor sighed at this. "They're both still angry with me."

"Angry with you? Whatever for?"

"...I was Admiral Shirogane's neurosurgeon before he left for Kerberos." Yazdani folded her hands together, cheeks puffing out. "And I was asked to testify about his illness during the inquiry surrounding the mission's disappearance."

"Your testimony made people think Shiro crashed," Keith finally snapped, teeth bared. "You told everyone he was sick and had problems with his right arm!"

"Which was true, as you and I both know, Keith. He was experiencing issues with his arm as a result of juvenile amyotrophic lateral sclerosis," the doctor responded, calmly and quietly. "I wasn’t going to lie to the commission about the full nature of Takashi’s illness-to do that would have been egregious and, frankly wouldn’t have helped either way.”

“That must have put you in an awkward position, doctor.” Merla swiped through more files. “Shiro was hiding his illness, wasn’t he?”

“It did and he was,” Dr. Yazdani shrugged. “However, even with that in mind, I also made it a point to explain that his illness hadn't progressed to such a point that it would have jeopardized the mission, or anywhere near to the degree that was being claimed publicly. In fact, I had approved him to go with the very clear understanding that Kerberos would be his last space flight, given the circumstances and the risk that going to Kerberos posed for him."

"Funny that part didn't make it into the commission’s official record. But-whatever."

Keith knew he was being hot-headed about it, that it wasn't really this woman's fault, that Ellen Sanda was the real reason Shiro was thrown under the bus-and quiznak, her testimony probably was altered to fit the story the Garrison wanted to tell-but it didn't make the old hurt any less raw.

"And now, after all this time, I guess I’m supposed to trust you'll not screw this up now, is that right?"

"Paladin." Tavo's voice sliced through the tension, tone sharp. "Forget any past grievances you have and focus. The admiral's life is in real danger, right now, and she is willing to help. You can argue about what happened later."

Keith had a retort all ready for the Altean. He'd not cared so much about Shiro's well-being when he sabotaged the Atlas for Honerva, after all. But-he had a point, and as Shiro had always said, patience yields focus. He clenched his fists, gritting his teeth.

"Fine. Yes. I’m sorry." Deep breaths. "I found him after he drained his husband. He tried to drain me."

"And the source of this is a...monster?" Yazdani's hand swiped through the holoscreens until the most recent medical records came up. "A, uh, multidimensional parasite of some kind, if I'm understanding correctly."

"An entity, yes." Tavo brought up another screen, this time of an image of the rift monster. "These creatures are capable of bonding with individuals and enhancing their strength, intelligence and longevity, so long as the parasite is routinely given quintessence. However, any prolonged exposure to quintessence in general can become dangerous. It can deaden positive emotions, heighten negative ones in those who are particularly susceptible, and engender an intense desire for quintessence that is difficult to sate."

"Just like Honerva and Zarkon," Lance piped up. "And that was before they got the monsters implanted in them."

"So excessive quintessence essentially creates a feedback loop of addiction," the doctor mused as she started to zoom in. "And then the parasite enhances those symptoms. So removing the parasite should alleviate the problem significantly."

"Yes," Tavo nodded somberly. "But...the admiral's case is complicated. For one, Shiro is not a pure Altean, so it's not a simple matter of alchemical extraction. In fact he's not a pure anything. His DNA has been extensively tampered with."

"Right," Yazdani rubbed her chin. "He'd mentioned to me that he'd been cloned, and his consciousness transferred into a surviving body. It's why I found no indication of his illness once he finally returned earthside."

"We still don't know exactly what Honerva did to him, though." Pidge finally spoke up, eyes narrowed in irritation. "And other than some Galra and Altean DNA, we still can't figure out what other species she used to fill in the blanks."

"Which makes any straightforward alchemical extraction difficult, if not impossible." Tavo folded his arms. "The only individual who might have been capable of doing such a feat was Allura-"

"Who's super sorry she can't be here directly, just FYI-"

"Well, yes, Lance, she's..." Coran trailed off as he sadly nodded. "Yes. She is…not present."

"-and even with our understanding of Oriande's secrets, our own abilities are limited by our own quintessence output." Tavo slowly leaned against the wall. "Allura and Honerva were members of the ancient royal family, and even among that bunch they were anomalies in terms of their abilities and sheer power. Such a gifted Altean will likely not be born again for many lifetimes."

"You are suggesting some level of alchemical intervention on your end, though," Yazdani turned off the holoscreen. "Especially if these patterns on his MRI and CT are any indication."

"Correct."

"Patterns?" At this, Keith sat up. "What patterns?"

There was silence at this, and Keith wanted to scream at the reluctance to respond. He'd been at Shiro's side the entire time, and it wasn't like Shiro hadn't described some of the gruesome procedures he'd had to go through under Yazdani and other, previous doctors in his life. He could handle hearing whatever the problem was, and if he had to do something about it-

"There's some unusual white matter-like concentrations in his brain and upper spine, specifically in the amygdalae," Yazdani finally said. "I suspect it's either damage from the creature, or it's the manifestation of the creature inside of his body. It would explain any change in the admiral's emotional state, especially long-term, if the rift monster is the cause of these tumor-like bodies. It’s had time to settle in and spread itself, as it were."

"Amygdalae?"

"To...try and simplify it, they are small clusters deep in the temporal lobe of the human brain," Yazdani pointed to her head. "Their primary functions involve emotion and the memory processing involving those emotions, but it also controls other factors which correlates to things like sexuality and social interactivity."

"So...important, in other words, to a human's ability to live in a society."

"Very. And-I'll be honest, I am...wary about any surgical procedure that involves me messing with the limbic system." Yazdani looked over at Keith, then at Tavo. "Don't get me wrong, I know how to perform an amygdalotomy, but they are almost never done nowadays."

"Why not?"

"The reason one would perform such a procedure is for severe behavioral problems that couldn't otherwise be treated with medication." Yazdani rubbed her temple. "But medicine has vastly improved in the past two centuries since the invention of the procedure, making the necessity of the amygdalotomy obsolete in 98% of cases that would have needed them prior. Heck, the only reason I know how to do one is because the only other doctor in the world who performs it was my residency advisor, and I can count how many I've done in my career on one hand-"

Keith watched the doctor become animated, and he felt something in himself snap.

"That thing inside him isn't going to care about your reservations!" His hand came down onto the table with such force that everyone in the room jumped. "Are you going to actually help Shiro this time or not!?"

Yazdani stared at him, eyes wide, leaning away from him as he glared at her. Next to him, he felt Pidge flinch, but he didn't care. What others thought right then wasn't important; time wasn't a virtue they could afford, or waste, so far as he was concerned.

"...doctor." Tavo finally spoke, his voice low. "Perhaps there is a way to…as humans would put it, meet you halfway. If Merla or myself were able to...coax the entity away from that part of his mind and into a more coalesced form in another location...where would be the best place to bring it for you to extract it?"

"Any part of the brain is risky, of course," the doctor licked her lips. "However, if it can be somehow moved closer to his spine, perhaps near the brainstem...it's a risk, yes, and still intensive, and VAE is still a possibility depending on surgical position, but it's much less so than anything orbitozygomatic. With the likely size of what we're looking at, and the fact some of it is already poaching on the spine, a posterior fossa craniotomy is our best bet."

"You will have to explain it to myself and Merla as we prepare." Tavo stood up straight. "How long will it take you to prepare?"

"Insertion of the catheter and intravenous shouldn't take more than a minute provided he's cooperative. After that it will take about two hours for a clean room, equipment, scrubbing up..."

Keith tuned out after that, staring down at the table.

Quiznak. He didn't know exactly what the surgery was, but. He knew the word craniotomy. They were going to open up Shiro's brain. They were going to cut him open, just as Shiro said they would, and then...

Then? What then? They didn't know if it would work. He wasn't dumb. It was a huge gamble. Shiro could very well die-or worse-and this time, there was no Allura to bring him back. No new clone body to get him back into, either much less one that hadn't been infected by Honerva with a rift monster or a mind-control bug.

No one could bring him back from the brink if something went wrong. Not even Keith. Not this time.

He felt someone squeeze his shoulder, heard someone talking about a surgical team. He still didn't look up, though, even as he heard everyone begin to walk off, their footsteps and chatter echoing in the room, then in the hallway outside, before the door slid closed behind them. Once that happened, Keith looked up, rubbing his eyes.

Coran looked at him with concern set in his eyes, while Pidge wasn't looking at anyone at all, a hiccupping sob on her lips. Even Lance was looking severe, the bags under his eyes contrasting darkly to the soft glow of the Altean marks on his cheeks on his face as he looked down, his brow furrowed.

"...Allura?" Finally, he broke his silence. "This isn't going to be all quiznaked or anything, is it?"

Silence. Lance's face turned red.

"...Ugh. I can't believe I'm-" Keith grabbed at his hair. "Well? What did she say!? Is it going to be quiznaked or not!?"

"...She said that's not how you use quiznak."

Lance was lucky that Keith had learned some self control over the years. Instead of being throttled and screamed at, he could instead watch as Keith abruptly stood up, turned, and stormed out of the room.

It was fine. It was all ok.

The bathrooms were soundproof. No one would hear him scream.

Chapter Text

By the time he got out of the bathroom, everyone had left the meeting room. With a growling sigh, he stalked the halls, eyes halfway to the ground until he came back to the entrance area of the Xeno-ICU.

"Hey." His unopened bottle of Al-Tea was on an empty seat as he turned the corner, only to find Lance and Pidge sitting in the cluster of seats next to it. Pidge was on her computer, tapping away. "Take a breather for a bit, man. They're getting Shiro ready for the surgery now."

Keith didn't respond. He simply grabbed the bottle and plopped down, staring at it as it rolled between his hands. As he did so, however, he saw a pair of nursing clogs shuffle past him. His head popped up, only to freeze at the sight of the owner.

"Oh."

It was all he managed to say to the woman who stopped, turning towards him with hands on her hips. She wore nurse scrubs, and her dark skin was made darker by a large bruise on her cheek. She was one of the medics who'd tried to restrain Shiro earlier, but that wasn't all she was. Which made her presence among the Paladins-and Keith-all the more awkward.

"Yeah," the nurse repeated, a frown on her face. "Oh is right. I just came from my brother's room, don't mind me."

Her brother. Shiro's husband. Keith swallowed slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well," her huff was accompanied by a dismissive eyeroll. "We all are, right now, aren't we? Unlike Shiro, so I heard."

"It's not Shiro's fault," Lance spoke up, eyes narrowed. "No one knew what was going on with him."

"Five years," the nurse grumbled as she kept pacing. "Half a decade, and two years of marriage, and none of you suspected anything? Seriously?"

"It was a slow process over a long time." Lance closed his eyes. "You don't know the whole story-"

"Oh, wait, sorry, you're right," the woman rolled her eyes before fixing her glare on Lance. "It was a long time. But I guess that’s normal for you defenders of the universe to just…not be around when real problems arise. I mean, yikes, I almost forgot about the other four years you guys weren't here when Earth was invaded and half our family was shot or dumped in concentration camps. You know, being all busy and all!”

“Hey, that’s not fair-”

“Oh, did I insult you?” The nurse threw her arms open as Pidge started to talk. “Oops! My bad! I guess the truth hurts too much now that it’s staring you in the face, doesn’t it, Katie!?"

“Hey. Stop.”

She was angry. Grieving, Keith knew. Lashing out, aching to pick a fight if it meant she could release some of her rage about the situation onto someone, anyone, who would go for it. He could relate. Still, he found himself taking a deep breath, standing up in front of Lance and Pidge. As if doing so could protect them from the verbal hits. He could at least temper her anger, or try to, if nothing else.

"I get it. You're pissed. But it's not that simple. Shiro is possessed by a manipulative monster, Tamar." How he remembered the woman's name when the last time he saw her was Shiro's wedding was anyone's guess, but that didn't matter. "And it's not something you would expect inside someone like Shiro! And Lance is right, you don't know the whole story about what the rift beasts are capable of."

He tried to look into her eyes. She pointedly avoided his gaze.

"They're parasites that feed on people, including the ones they imprint on." His tone betrayed him, became almost pleading. "I saw what it did to your brother, what it had him try to do for me. This isn't his fault Tamar. I know it isn't his fault."

It's mine. He wanted to say it, wanted to take the blame for not acting on his suspicions. Wanted to- apologize for not thinking more on his changing emotional state. He knew, though, it wouldn't actually make him feel better, and it certainly wouldn't put this person's doubt to rest. Indeed, she simply turned away, crossing her arms.

"I'll believe it was a space monster when I actually see it," she snorted. "For now? Admiral Shirogane will be lucky if he can find his teeth when my father's through with him."

With that, she stormed off, back down towards the human ICU. Once she disappeared, Keith deflated back down into his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"...Pidge," Deep breaths, Keith. She's just angry. You can’t blame her with what’s happened. Patience yields focus. "Please tell me he's not dead?"

"Uh-Shiro's husband?" Pidge pressed a key. "No, but he's in bad shape. Shiro really took a lot of quintessence out of him. If he pulls through it'll take some time for him to recover. Best they can do is monitor him and make sure he gets nutrients."

"They could always do a quintessence transfer," Lance spoke up. "With a-oh, wait. They're operating on Shiro."

"You were going to say Sacred Alteans."

"It was Allura's idea!" Lance looked over to the empty seat next to him. "Uh-no offense Allura."

"How does Allura not know that Merla and Tavo are working on Shiro right now?" Pidge's hands tapped rapidly on her keyboard. "She's one with the multiverse right now! I just don't get it!"

"It doesn't mean she's all-knowing, I already told you that. She's not actually a goddess like you all think she is," Lance paused. "Well, ok, aside from being my personal goddess, b-but-that's different!"

"Still, she's more powerful than anyone ever could or would be! You're telling me she's seriously not capable of knowing everything happening right now?"

"No, not when there's like a bizillion other things happening in the multiverse all at once! It's called priorities."

"And how is Shiro, of all people, not a priority to her-"

Keith opened up his bottle of Al-Tea with a loud pop. Once more ignoring Lance and Pidge's argument, he proceeded to down half his drink in one gulp. He didn't care about the semantics of Allura's powers, or her potential godhood, or anything like that at the moment. Allura, if she was truly alive as Lance claimed, could take care of herself and the multiverse, that much he knew. The big problems were the ones someone like Allura would handle, and Keith trusted she’d handle them..

Shiro's situation was something else. Sure, if Allura were here, she'd probably figure out how to solve it quickly. However, she wasn't here, and despite the connection Lance had with her, that didn't change the fact that she wasn't going to be able to do anything. It didn't change that Shiro was about to get his head sliced open by a doctor-the very doctor who'd condemned Shiro’s memory after the Kerberos expedition, willingly or not.

At least Tamar wasn't in the operating room, he sourly thought as he finished off the bottle. She'd probably stab him in the brain with the first scalpel she could get her hands on, if given the chance. Quiznak, he wished he could be there right now, doing something, anything, to help Shiro out.

"Right," he began to stand up. "I'm going to get another drink. Have fun."

"Keith, wait."

"Why?"

"I got it." Pidge's voice became excited. "I got the feed."

Keith's eyes widened, and he immediately whirled around to look at the monitor on Pidge's laptop. It was a bit grainy, and a monochromatic blue, but he could see Tavo and Merla, standing on each end of a prone Shiro, who was propped up like he was sitting, his back and head to the camera. Indeed, if Keith hadn't known better, he might have thought Shiro was reclining on a couch, ready to watch television.

As if he wasn't attached to a large IV with glowing liquid inside of it, or to the catheter bag that was nearby, the line going up between his legs. As if there wasn't a large, shaved rectangle on the back of his head, in preparation for what was to come.

"Steady..." as if the veins in Shiro's head weren't glowing in tandem with the Alteans' hands. "Steady, Tavo, it's fighting me."

"Yeah, it's-" Tavos grunted on the audio. "It's definitely stubborn. I hope it's not sentient enough to be aware what's happening..."

"Keep talking and we'll see..." Merla's right hand shook as it pulled. Dark lines began to appear down the visible parts of Shiro's spine. "Almost got it...is the doctor coming?"

"I'm here!"

Immediately the door to the room burst open, and Dr. Yazdani entered, flanked by two other doctors, three nurses, and Coran, all in scrubs.

"…What's Coran doing in there?" Lance leaned in, blinking at the sight. "He's not a doctor."

"...He's there as backup. Just in case."

Pidge and Lance both looked at Keith, who simply closed his eyes. Of course. Shiro was strong, and the rift monster even more so. If the worst-case scenario passed, Coran would be on hand to restrain him. Whether or not it would be effective was another matter entirely, and Keith could feel a chill as he thought of all of the things that could go wrong.

If the rift monster took control...if Shiro coded during the surgery...if Dr. Yazdani messed something up, cut the jugular somehow, or worse, she cut off Shiro's head-

"Woah, hey." He didn't even realize he had grabbed Pidge's hand until she let out a squeak. "Calm down, man. They haven't even done anything yet. The anesthesiologist just came in."

With that, Keith popped an eye open, seeing a short, stocky woman enter. Huffing, she threw out a quick apology before taking her place at the IV, two extra bags at her disposal.

"I'm taking over now. Patient is fully under."

"All right. Equipment's ready, patient is ready, vitals..." the doctor looked over at the monitors. "…stable. Is the anomaly ready for extraction?"

"Just a tick...!"

Keith's eyes widened as the glow began to move, the pieces beneath Shiro's skin starting to bulge out as it began to move towards the base of his skull. Smaller bits began to squirm around the spine and upper back as it tried to fight the migration to a central point. Eventually, however, all of the bulges in Shiro's body converged at the base of his skull, into one large lump that twitched beneath the glowing hands of the Alteans.

"Is that everything?"

"It's everything we could find and sense." Merla grit her teeth. "Once you extract it, we will then destroy it. But hurry-the entity is trying to fight our attempts to keep it in one location!"

"Affirmative. I will do my best, but I will not rush." Yazdani's deep breath was picked up by the camera as she stepped forward. "Rushing will be just as life-threatening to the admiral as going too slow. Let’s do this by the book. Jocelyn, the scalpel."

Wordlessly, one of the nurses handed one over from a floating tray nearby. After a moment of the laser blade hovering over Shiro's head, she went ahead, the scalpel plunging down.

"Making incision." Immediately Shiro's head began to bloom with red. "Ready suction, please. and keep an eye on vitals for possible venal air pulsing from here on out."

"Got it. Suction tool."

“Begin.”

Pidge immediately turned away as the line of red expanded, and one of the doctor's immediately pulled in a long tube.

"Insertion..."

Keith saw the moment where the skin over the bulge opened up. Immediately black began to mingle with the red, sludging down Shiro's back in globs in varying sizes, which the third doctor began to wipe up as the incision was finished.

“Moving dermal layers, watch the muscle-”

"...Nope." Lance was turning green. "Nope, sorry, can't watch."

"Then don't." Keith's eyes narrowed as the medics hurried to clear out the blood and black goop. "Pidge, I'll take it if you can't look. Nothing I haven’t seen before."

With a thick swallow, Pidge nodded, handing her computer over. Keith gave her a small, hopefully reassuring smile, before turning back to the feed.

"Clamps..." Soon enough, the spine was fully exposed, along with the bottom of Shiro's brain. "God. That's-!"

Keith stared as the nurse gasped. It wasn't much bigger than a fist, and it bristled the instant it was exposed to the air. A long violet line glowed beneath the shadow of Dr. Yazdani, twisting into two lines, then a bloom of violescent speckles and spots.

"There it is." Tavo spoke. "The entity."

"It's so small," one of the nurses remarked as they looked in. "Reminds me of a sarcoma. Oxygen levels still optimal. Heart rate increasing."

The screen began to flicker as the creature wriggled, letting out a noise. As Keith observed, he could see tiny little tendrils start to spread from beneath the monster and onto Shiro's spine. He immediately felt his blood go cold.

Oh no...

"Laser, quick. It's trying to embed." Yazdani was immediately handed a larger scalpel and a handle. "Steady, we're still bleeding, keep the suction in-"

The creature let out another noise as the scalpel began to close in.

"Steady, Merla..."

“Ngh.” Sweat formed on Merla’s brow. “Aggressive little thing, aren’t you-”

"Beginning extraction, starting on the tendrils."

The screen began to flicker as the laser was turned on, a loud whining filling the air. One tendril, then two, then several began to wriggle and surge on Shiro's spinal cord as the instrument edged closer.

"Counting, one, two-down-"

A single, almost inaudible snap as a single tentacle was dislodged from its grip on Shiro.

Then, a scream.

"DOCTOR-"

Keith jumped up as, on the now violently jerking camera feed, Yazdani flew back, clawing at a black tentacle around her neck as her instruments slammed into the wall. A loud, ear-popping static screech filled the room as long black lines began to burst from Shiro's brain and back, smashing through equipment, swinging at the Alteans when they tried to contain it.

"Huh!?" Almost immediately, Lance and Pidge whipped over to the laptop. "What's happening!?"

"Coran, quick!" Merla was screaming. "Doctor, someone, up the sedative dosage!”

Coran moved, but the monster was faster, tentacle smashing into him so hard he flew through the doors out of the operating theater.

"Help," Yazdani gasped as the monitors all flatlined, adding to the cacophony. "Hnnngh-"

"Wh-"

Whatever the nurses, whatever Tavo was screaming with his eyes widening in horror, Keith wouldn't hear it. Before the feed gave out entirely, he'd already thrown the laptop at Lance and broke into a run.

No, no, Shiro-!

He didn't bother with the guard-he ran past before the medic even realized what was happening. He sped past other medical personnel who were running to the screams, to the loud banging, to Coran laying on the ground in from of the operating room, dazed.

"Coran..."

Keith paused just long enough to check the older Altean. He was already sporting a goose egg on his head, and a line of blood trickled down from his nose. However, he was otherwise being taken care of as he shook his head, letting out a confused moan.

It was what was inside the operating room-visible through the now cracked windows-that made Keith's heart plunge. Everything in the room was broken, and Dr. Yazdani was on the floor, weakly gasping for air, the tentacle around her neck was dissipating into nothing. The rest of the medical staff were huddling around her, and around Merla, who was also on the ground letting out a cough as she held her stomach.

Oh...

Above all of them, however, was a giant hole. A giant, Shiro-sized hole in the ceiling, one from which sparking electrical wires hung, alongside the IV rack and the bloodied suction tube. still dripping red onto the gurney.

No...

There was a faint banging sound in the distance; then, the lights in the room began to buzz, then blink, then die, one by one, followed by those in the hall Keith stood in, then the nurses' station.

This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.

"Quiznak!"

Keith let out, then ran again-this time, back out to Pidge and Lance, drawing his knife out. There was no time to lose. The worst-case scenario Keith had feared had come to pass.

The monster inside Shiro was not only loose-it was on the prowl.

Chapter Text

Keith was glad that he brought his blade with him. Within seconds of seeing that Shiro was missing, he grabbed it from his hilt, allowing it to transform into its true form.

"Check on them," he croaked to several petrified nurses that stood off to the side, gesturing towards the people in the operating room. "And then get them out of here!"

He quickly looked back to Coran, who nodded back as he was helped up by another cadre of nurses.

"Go," Coran croaked on unsteady legs. "Help him. Stop him…save him."

I will. As many times as it takes. Isn’t that what I promised?

Keith swallowed as he pat Coran on the shoulder, looking up just as the lights began to flicker again. The creature was on the move, that much was certain. It was likely wounded from the botched surgery, and was trying to regain strength. It was desperate. Hungry. Dangerous.

The lights began to flicker more violently as Keith ran back out of the Xeno-ICU. Pidge and Lance were standing, their expressions grim. Much to Keith's surprise, Lance had his bayard already out and transformed into a sword.

"...Allura said I should bring it, just in case," Lance gave Keith an apologetic look. "Pidge is going to help try and get people to safe places. She’s got comms."

"My bayard's back in my room," Pidge grumbled as she tossed a walkie-talkie over to Keith. "Figures. I’ll be on channel two."

"Do what you need to do with what you can find." Keith's face hardened as he caught it. "Get in touch with your dad, tell him to get a particle barrier up. We need to keep it from getting loose outside the hospital."

It. The monster. The idea that he had to completely conflate the monster with Shiro for real-that he could do it so easily, almost casually-made him sick.

"Yeah, got it." Pidge scrubbed at her eyes before nodding. "Let's do this."

"I'm at your three o'clock, then." Lance brandished his sword. His expression betrayed nothing but determination. "Let's go-"

It was then that the lights in the ceiling violently popped.

"Oh, quiznak-"

Pidge's swear cut off just as the lights did, plunging the hallway into darkness. Keith's eyes widened as, all around him, everything abruptly turned grey. Thank goodness for his inborn Galra traits-he'd always had excellent night vision. He could see Pidge's terrified eyes, and the faint glow of Lance's Altean marks. Immediately Keith brought his hood up, willing his mask to materialize.

Quiznak...the emergency lights should have already come on. He watched Pidge start to move away from him and Lance. Did he already absorb all of the electrical energy from the transformer?!

A loud bang echoed through the hall. In the distance, a scream.

"Come on!" He burst into a run. "Pidge, particle barrier! Now!"

She didn't need to be told twice. Immediately she ran to the nearest aid station, grabbing a scalpel and twine as she began working on the intercom. Immediately Keith and Lance turned to one another.

With a nod, they were both running towards the sound of the scream. As they ran closer, there was another scream. Then another.

Shiro-

Something flew towards him from the corner of his eye.

"DUCK!"

Keith threw Lance down towards the floor and took cover-just in time to see the body fly over their heads.

"GAH-!"

Lance yelped as the figure fell to the floor, skidding to a halt after a roll. It was a doctor, Keith realized, and they, like Shiro's husband, were gaunt and unmoving, their glazed eyes staring at the ceiling with a twitch.

Drained. Shiro was draining the staff now.

Immediately Keith stood up and began stalking down the hall the body came from.

"Keith-"

He turned and hissed at Lance, immediately silencing him. Shiro was close by. Above him, Keith could hear something skitter above in the ceiling tiles.

Steady.

Keith clasped the blade in both hands, ready to ram the tip into the tile above him. With luck, he wouldn't catch Shiro, but rather the entity. Well-that, and hopefully it was the entity and not some random wild animal inexplicably tramping around in the ducting. Or mice.

He took a deep breath, ready to lunge upwards-

"AAAH!!"

A loud crash came from within a pair of double doors in front of him, and he immediately changed tack. He bolted forward, heedless of whether Lance was behind him this time. Beyond that was a door ripped off its hinges and stained with goo, with an unconscious doctor laying on top of it. She let out a moan as he ran past, then pivoted onto his foot to his right to see what was within.

He was met with the sight of-of all people-Tamar, her eyes wide, her hair wild, and her expression terrified as she threw her arm out in uncoordinated swings, grip on her scalpel turning her skin grey.

“Get away!”

Though the room was black, Keith’s keen sight could see he was in a break room. The lockers that lined the walls were splotched with something akin to blood. There was a cracked refrigerator in the corner, letting off sparks before its engine died with a rat-ta-tat, its energy already drained. Several other nurses were on the ground, halfway to unnatural emaciation as their eyes stared glassily at the ceiling.

There was also an eerie purple aura that surrounded the entity’s secretions, while Tamar-the only one in the room left standing-was fighting blindly. She kept screaming, her panic clearly attracting more attention the more she tried to get away from the slick appendages.

“GET AWAY!! AAAH-!!”

She was barely nicking the massive strings, and when they seized forward, dripping darkness and practically shivering with anticipation, she had no recourse to get away. Indeed, one of the appendages was transforming, bloating out in segments until, at last, a massive scorpion’s tail curled out towards the wall, quivering as the tentacles finally grabbed Tamar.

“NONONO!” Even as the blackness surged upwards towards the ceiling with Tamar kicking and screaming, a glow began to emit from them, draining whatever quintessence the nurse was using to try and fight. “NOOOO-”

The scorpion tail lashed forwards to finish the job-only to meet the blade-end of Keith’s sword as it cleaved the appendage in half. The effect was immediate-Tamar was dropped to the floor as the tentacles recoiled, tried to fight Keith, only to be slashed into goo in response. The screech that came from the creature when each limb was detached, wherever it was at the moment, seared through the air, causing windows to crack.

Mixed in with the horrible shrieking was a human’s agonized scream from somewhere deep within the ventilation system-Shiro’s.

“GNAARRRRRGGGHKKKKEEEEEITH!!”

Shiro, no…!

Keith felt, for a second, his heart clench at the sound. Of course-the creature had been drawn out to Shiro’s brainstem before the surgery got botched. Now it had access to nerves, to sensation, to pain. Anything Keith, or anyone else, did to the entity could and certainly would rebound on Shiro. If he wasn’t careful-

The creature took that moment of hesitation, of realization, and when Keith blinked, the tentacles where skittering away, out of Keith’s reach. Tamar collapsed to the ground, eyes wild as she hyperventilated and clutched at her throat.

Immediately-and despite the fact Keith knew she might lash out at him-he was on his own knees, grabbing her shoulders. As he got closer, he could see the tears streaming from her eyes.

“Go.” His tone brooked no argument. “Hide. Whatever you do, stay out of the way.”

She didn’t look at him. She simply shuddered and sobbed, huddling further in on herself as he slowly got up. Flipping his blade into a reverse grip, he stalked out of the room.

“Keith!” Lance was behind him, face pale. “That sound-”

“I know.” Keith’s grip on his blade tightened. “We…we just have to be careful.”

Bringing up the walkie-talkie, Keith snapped it on.

“Pidge, you got anything?”

“~Aside from the heart attack I just had at that scream?~” Pidge’s voice was a whisper. “~No. I’m trying to access auxiliary power from my position. I might be able to track that thing if I can.~”

“It was attacking Shiro’s sister-in-law just now.” Keith slowly stepped forward, glass crunching under his feet. “I…I stopped it.”

But he called for me. He called my name. Even as he spoke, he could feel his heart and thoughts slam into his throat. He’s in pain…if it’s really him calling me, then…then he’s…he’s watching this thing hurt people…and…

“~Ok…well, that might be a problem if we want to try to stop him at this juncture.~” Pidge’s voice paused. “~We don’t know how strong he is right now, and if that thing keeps draining everyone a particle beam might not do anything to stop them!~”

“…We’ll find him. There's only so many places he can go.” Lance’s gun clicked as he prepped it. “Once we find the entity, I can find a vantage point and take a shot where it’s not looking. I'll make it quick and-”

“No.”

“Keith…”

“No. I know what you’re thinking.” Keith’s voice sharpened. “We’re not shooting Shiro. We’re not going to hurt him. Not like that.”

“But I can put my gun on the lowest setting-”

“And, what, shoot out his spine? Leave him braindead?” Keith finally turned to look at Lance. Though the Red Paladin couldn’t see him, Keith watched as the other man’s eyes stared back, then narrowed. “I said no, Lance. We have to find another way to get to Shiro, separate him from the entity, safely, then…”

If there was a way. Then, after…after…

“And how exactly are we going to do that, mullet?” The frown on Lance’s face deepened. “It’s not like we have the time to figure that out, unless you want Shiro to drain everyone in the hospital first!”

“Of course I don’t want that!” Keith snapped back. “But I’m not going to let anything more happen to Shiro!”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?” Keith felt his hackles raise at this. “You better not be suggesting what I think you’re suggesting-”

“What? No! I mean,” Lance leaned in, clearly irritated. “Look, Shiro’s clearly bonded with this entity, and it wasn‘t just you. Like, come on, man, we all saw him way more often than you and no one caught it! We didn’t notice until it was almost too late to save his husband! We failed to get it out, and now it knows we’re after it to kill it! Do you think it’s is going to just let us walk over and kill it right now? You think it would give Shiro back after all of that?!”

Keith growled.

“We could have done that before if we knew it was there, but not now!” Lance threw his hands out. “We all failed, not just you!”

“Enough!”

Immediately Keith thrust the walkie-talkie into his pocket and gave Lance the most withering glare he could muster. He was inches away from Lance's face, his teeth bared, his eyes no doubt glowing yellow-

“~…Yeah, I think this is my cue to drop out of this convo.~” Keith could practically hear the gulp coming from Pidge as her muffled voice came from his hip. “~I’ll update you if I get anything. Pidge out.~”

Right, right.

Keith took a deep breath. It was best if she didn’t hear Keith absolutely lose it at what was just said and proceed to beat the snot out of Lance. He was very, very close to doing that. One more wrong word was all it would take at that point. One word was all it would take for Keith to just not care to hold back.

“So that’s it, then?” His voice was harsh, and he didn’t care. “You want me to kill Shiro? Give up on him after everything we’ve been through, and put him down like a rabid animal? Is that what you want!? It is, isn’t it!?”

“Dude, you…you really think I want that? Really, Keith?...” Lance looked away from Keith’s face, his own face still dark-and pained, as Keith saw the water in his blue eyes. “That’s not fair, and you know it. No, I don’t want you to kill Shiro. No one does. We’re the last people who want that! But optics aren’t exactly looking good here, and Allura isn’t talking to me right now. We…we gotta consider what we need to do when it comes down to it. What…if it’s not possible to save him? What if we really have no choice here but to stop Shiro for good before…before someone…before he does something that…that won’t justify keeping him alive to anyone else?”

Keith’s breath hitched. He wanted to punch Lance so, so hard for daring to suggest such a thing. His fist was already clenched, ready to wind back and swing. That Lance could even think Keith would entertain such an idea was pure anathema. How dare he. How dare he.

Yet…for all his rage, Lance had a very good point, and Keith hated that that was the case. Allura wasn’t there, and there was no convenient programming inside a limb he could cut off to halt the rampage. Not this time. It was just Shiro and the entity as one being. Shiro, whose brain and spine were exposed, open to bacteria and to whatever whims the entity desired to put it through to keep its host under its control. Shiro, whose life, emotions and very vitality were being controlled by the entity.

Shiro, who already had his husband’s family calling for his blood. Shiro, who cried out for his help before all of this, only to be denied as he was put under by the medical staff, while possibly being unaware and frightened of why they wanted to hurt him. Shiro, who likely had no idea why he was even in the hospital to begin with.

Shiro…

What if Lance was right? What if Shiro never woke up and all that was left was the rift monster? What if one false move dashed Shiro’s brain against a counter, or a wall, or a sharp object, and the entity decided to take revenge in its last moments? What if…what if…

His thoughts were interrupted by the lights flickering on and off above them once more, before weaking sputtering out again. Then came the banging from above.

Quiznak-!

The banging became more distant, even as Keith brought his knife up. Then came the loud, bee-like buzz then hummed through the air, accompanying another, stronger flicker of the ceiling lights.

“~Got it!~” Pidge’s voice came through Keith’s walkie-talkie, even as Shiro’s angry, confused cry echoed from the hallway, mixed in with a sound akin to a squealing pig mixed with nails on a chalkboard. “~I managed to get through to my dad, and we tapped into the auxiliary power.~”

“Uh…” The banging sound began to inch closer as Lance flicked his walkie-talkie on. “I don’t think it helped much, Pidge, we still have no lights!”

“~Of course you won’t. We tied the majority of the power we have on reserve to the particle shield generator,~” Keith could easily visualize Pidge rolling her eyes. “~It should keep Shiro in while we figure out a solution. You’re welcome. by the way.~”

“…Ok…ok.” Keith took a deep breath. “How many people were evacuated?”

“~Last count was 12, but that was mostly medical staff.~” A pause. “~Keith, most of the staff is still trapped. The patients in the units you’re in…they’re still there, too.~”

Keith let out a growl. Of course. They were in the ICU wing. There was no way there could be time to fully evacuate the most vulnerable of those people being treated.

“Oh god, no.” He heard Lance swear under his breath. “If he starts attacking patients-”

“I know, Lance!” Keith snapped. “I know that’s bad. Worse than bad!”

He’d never forgive himself. I’d never forgive myself-

“So we make sure he doesn’t do that.” A deep breath. He could hear the skittering of tentacled legs, somewhere in the distant. “You go over to where patients ar-”

A bang. A boom. Then, a loud slam, as the door closest to the two broke off its hinges, a screaming doctor trying to pull away from a large set of pincered tendrils began wrapping around it.

Keith’s knife was quickly out, but Lance was faster in this case. Two shots severed the pincer from the rest of the body, transforming it into a pile of black goop that the doctor frantically tried to pull himself out of.

“Keeeeith…!!” The remaining tentacles retreated. Shiro’s pained howls rattled the ceiling tiles-as did the loud bangs that came from the vents above the ceiling. “Keeeeith…”

He didn’t need any more prompting, He was immediately moving, his blade out and fully formed once more as he broke into a run.

“Keith, don’t-!”

“Secure any patients you find! I’m going after him!”

“But-Keith! KEITH!! WAIT!!!”

Keith ignored the increasingly horrified protests from Lance, picking up speed as he rounded the corner. The vibrating of the tiles was already lessening, but Keith didn’t care. Even if the entity was faster, there were only so many places it could drag Shiro to without hitting the particle shield.

“Keeeeith…”

The distant, pained moan echoed alongside an angry slobbering snarl as the creature began to barrel its way further into the hallway, slithering back towards the Xeno-ICU. Keith grit his teeth as he followed, his ears picking up every sound the creature made, his eyes following the movements in the darkness. The ceiling tiles clattered, and some shattered, as the thing’s tentacles dipped in and out, closer and closer to where Keith knew patient rooms were. It seemed to be slowing down as well. It was searching. Deliberating. Taunting, even.

Somehow, it knew Keith was following him.

“KeEEEith…”

Keith let out a snarl of his own as he continued to stalk, continued to hear Shiro’s cries as he got closer and closer. Whether this was a trap on the part of the entity, he didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. Shiro was calling for him, and the entity had clearly taken an interest in him, perhaps even from the moment Keith stepped over the threshold of Shiro and his husband’s house.

Well, Keith decided as his hand gripped ever tighter on his blade. The entity wanted Keith? The entity was going to get him, whether it knew it or not. He continued to follow, deeper and deeper into the entity’s hold. Blackness began to drip on the floor, punctuated by the moans of someone-or maybe something-within the patient rooms.

Getting closer to the vulnerable, Keith realized. Maybe Shiro intended to take them hostage. Maybe the rift monster simply planned to drain them in an attempt to overpower the Paladins. Either way, the entity couldn’t be allowed to do that.

So-knowing he was probably doing something very reckless-Keith swallowed, and finally opened his mouth.

“Hey, Shiro!” He brought his other hand onto his blade, his knuckles turning snow-white, as he shouted. “So, are you gonna finally face me, or what? That’s why you keep asking for me, isn’t it? You wanted me to help you?”

The skittering stopped at this, replaced by a catlike hiss that seemed akin to pipes letting out steam.

“Well, I’m here!” Deep breaths. Keep calm. Don’t let the monster know you’re frightened. “And I’m not going anywhere, so either you man up and show yourself, or I hunt you down and-”

A loud bang. It came from in front of him.

“KeeeeEEEIIIith…”

Tentacles and oily liquid began to snake from the ceilings. Immediately Keith went into a fighting stance, his eyes immediately scanning for any sign of Shiro. Yet there was nothing. Just stalactites of inky darkness, as far as his eyes could see down the hallway-and enough quintessence in them to make Keith’s head swirl from it.

It was enough to make Keith hesitate, to make him pause. Gave him enough time to realize his mistake. He began to pivot-

-and was slammed, hard, by a massive claw that raked against his side. It took Keith’s breath away, and burning fire seared from his hip to his belly as he found himself falling. His eyes widened as he saw the darkness come for him, and he tried to swing his blade at the tendrils as they surged from the ceiling, the walls, even the floor.

He wouldn’t get the chance. He felt a snake-like rope coil around his midsection, constricting him to the point where his bones creaked, before he could. With his arms pressed tightly to his sides, and his legs flailing uselessly, and his chest tight from the monstrous grip now holding him Keith was roughly yanked up, forced to face the direction he’d come from.

Forced to face Shiro, whose head and upper torso were hanging from a black cocoon nestled in the ceiling.

“KeItH.” If Keith’s breath hadn’t been stopped by the assault, the sight of the predatory, ravenous grin that was now set beneath the blazing suns that were now Shiro’s sclerae was more than enough to arrest it. “HoW PeRfEcT. You FoUnD mE…aGaiN…”

Chapter Text

Keith thought he’d seen Shiro at his worst before. Keith had been certain that, when he had fought the mind-controlled clone at the space station, surrounded by dozens of discarded bodies in silent cryogenic sleep, he’d seen Shiro’s darkness incarnated in that fight. He believed, as Shiro’s glowing eyes staring coldly before he began his vicious, bloodthirsty assault to break Keith down, that that had been Shiro if he’d truly been the Champion personified. It was what Honerva had wanted-a mindless puppet to do her bidding, a weapon to kill Voltron from within. It had been hard to fight, hard to hang on, and Keith knew Shiro intended to kill him, whether he liked it or not.

This, though, was worse. This was so much worse. If Keith thought Shiro had been a mindless puppet before, he’d been deluding himself. At least Shiro under Honerva’s control had felt something, had stopped when he heard Keith say those three little words that had been the cause of so much good in Keith’s life. So much pain as well, but the good had always outweighed that, and always would in Keith’s mind.

Not this time. There was nothing good in the Shiro floating before him. It was like watching a horror movie in real life, personified in the man he loved. The man was upside down, hanging from the ceiling, and his upper body was contorted, so as to bend completely backwards from his stomach at a completely straight angle. Everything from the waist down, meanwhile, was covered in what seemed to be a black mass, all of it bubbling with black pustules ringed with purple. The skin that was showing was a thin layer of alabaster, the veins beneath trailing purple and Prussian blue and black. His hand was tipped with long ebony claws which dripped liquid, the black snaking in lines up his arm. And his empty shoulder socket…

Keith’s chest clenched as he saw the pus dripping from it, saw the massive claw that was formed over the void of Shiro’s arm, purple veins flowing beneath it. Yet even that was nothing compared to what was above Shiro’s shoulders. His neck was covered in slime and blood and black ooze, leading up to his skull, where Keith could see the spidery, katydid-like tumor on Shiro’s brain matter. Both were bulged and pulsed to such an unnatural size that it could be seen from the top of the head and sides of the neck.

It made Keith sick, and he began to struggle with an angry shout. He tried to move his hand, move anything, to get himself and his blade towards that detestable thing quite literally camping out in and on Shiro’s mind.

“StOP. DrOp.” Shiro’s voice-both him and not him, sounding distant, half-asleep, unearthly-became sharp at the attempt, and the gold in his eyes flared up, as the tendrils around Keith constricted further. “YouR weApOn. DRoP iT, KeiTh.”

“No.” Keith squirmed, nevertheless. “This isn’t you, Shiro-”

A tendril lashed out quick and hard, striking at Keith’s wrist. Keith couldn’t help but let out a cry as he felt the bone snap, pain shooting up his forearm as his fingers helplessly went limp. The blade didn’t hit the ground, instead being wrapped in another tendril and brought over to Shiro, who blankly stared at it as it was dropped into his human hand, rolling it between his ebony-tipped fingers.

“…LuXitE.” The thing wearing Shiro’s face tossed it away to another tentacle with disinterest and disgust, far from Keith’s grasp. “LoW eNerGy iN dORmAnT sTaTe. NoT eNouGH. NevEr enoUgH.”Keith let out a yelp as he was dragged forward, until he was finally close enough for those claws to snatch him and hold him fast as well. Close enough for Keith to see that, beneath the glow of gold, Shiro’s eyes were completely rolled up to the back of his head. Close enough to see the rift entity let out a skittering hiss of hunger.

“OnLy yOU, KEitH. oNly yOu arE eNoUGh.” A black talon set on white finger traced along Keith’s scar, the rest squeezing his cheek. It was unnervingly gentle. “If oNLy yOu kNeW hOw I loNGeD fOr yoU. PiNEd…deSiReD…hUNgeReD foR YoU eVeR sInCe I FiRsT lAiD eYes oN yOu.”

“Let me go, Shiro.”

“Oh, nO, nOt tHis tiME.” The tip of the talon pressed against Keith’s flesh, threatening to break skin. “I wOn’T. NoT tHaT miStAKe a tHirD tiMe. I aM nEvEr lETtiNg yoU gO aGAin.”

Then the thing wearing Shiro’s face learned in, and Keith felt his blood go cold. This was in, then. He would be drained, and the entity would go after Pidge and Lance and Coran. He would drain every last drip of quintessence from everyone inside the hospital. That, Keith expected.

He didn’t expect the tongue.

“Mmmrf-!?”

Shiro’s mouth…it was kissing him. Kissing him, then giving his face a long, slow lick with a black-encrusted tongue, a deep hum in his throat. Indeed, as Keith’s eyes darted back and forth, he thought he saw the rift monster also rumbling contentedly.

What the quiznak- Keith’s brain short-circuited at the kiss. If the rift entity was trying to take him off-guard, it was definitely working. What—what—

“JuSt yOu aNd mE, aT LaSt. I wiLL sAvOr yOu, KeiTh,” Shiro practically purred as he closed his eyes. “EvErY LaSt dROp. YoUR qUiNtEsSeNCe…sUCh a bAnQUet. ThAT I wAs kEPt fRoM iT…fROm yOu…fOr sO LoNG…”

The black claw traced up and down again, almost nuzzling Keith’s cheek. Even as Keith freaked out, he felt his face flush.

“…Why me?” He’s toying with me. No-it’s toying with me. Got to focus, got to keep the thing from draining me. Try to buy myself time to think of something. “Why do you need my…my quintessence?”

Shiro licked his lips at this. The hunger flared in the light of the blank eyes as he leaned in.

“WiTcH woULd hAVe mE kiLL yOu. ConTroLLeD Me. KePT mE wEAk.” The hint of a snarl on Shiro’s pale blue lips, revealing fangs that Keith hadn’t seen in a long, long time. “BUt yOu frEEd me. SaVeD mE. HeLPeD me WaKE. HeLPeD Me tO sEE.”

“Witch…” Keith winces as realization dawned. “Then, when I severed Shiro’s arm…!”

The curl of the snarl transformed into a square maw, with the delight barely contained in Shiro’s eyes.

“NoTHinG tO kEEp mE asLEEP.” Shiro leaned back in, this time with the false black arm gently gliding down Keith’s shoulder. Keith couldn’t suppress the shudder as bone-chilling cold emanated from the claw, radiating to his hand. “WeAK, aLL tHe sAmE. YEt I SaW yOu aNd fELt sUcH…wONderFuL emOTiOn, sUCh…gENtLE wArMTh. ThAT eMOtiON…soO bEauTifuL…SoOo DeEp…”

Shiro’s flesh hand cracked, snapped, so that it could tip up Keith’s chin.

“It kEPt mE aLivE.” The smile on Shiro’s face was terrifying as he leaned in ever further. “KnoWiNg tHaT eVEn JuSt yOuR LoVe CoULd fEED Me…bUt…tHiS bOdy, tHiS MiNd…iT diDn’T…LikE my hUnGEr. My IntRUSion. It fEaReD. EvEn aS It LoNGeD fOr ThAT iT WouLd nOt LeT mE hAvE.”

The claw began to drag down Keith’s back. Now-down the back of his Blade suit, with the sound of ripping fabric and cracking armor following in its wake. Cold air began to swirl onto the skin over his spine, and he began to shiver.

No, it wasn’t just because of the cold. It was also the entity’s words, filtered through its control of Shiro’s brain, that truly terrified him.

“It wAs…SuCH a lONg TiMe fOr mE tO WAit…” Shiro’s breath was on his neck. “To kEEp mE fRoM yoU uNTiL I coULd fiNaLLy hAVe yOu…tO hAvE mY wAy aT lAsT WiTH yOU…buT iT wAs wORth iT.”

This whole time. The entity wasn’t just feeding on Shiro’s quintessence. It wasn’t just feeding on his emotions-it had been one emotion in particular.

Suddenly, some things from the past five years began to make some sense.

“YoUR QuiNTeSSenCE…sO sTrOng…so UniQUe.”

The way Shiro began to become distant when he recovered and regained his strength-or rather, didn’t. He’d never been at the same peak he’d been when he fought Keith, he’d once admitted. It didn’t bother him, not entirely. It just meant he couldn’t hurt Keith like he had before, under Honerva’s control.

“So bRiGHt anD bEauTiFUL, LikE sTaRS iN tHe VoiD…nO wONdeR yOU aRE sO SenSiTivE...”

Yet Shiro had hurt Keith by becoming more distant. Keith had wondered what had changed between them. He knew now that the rift monster had been at the core of why they had drifted so, but hearing the entity speak so casually, so hungrily, about how Shiro’s feelings had kept it alive-

“No wOndEr tHiS bODy aNd MinD wAs sO…aTTraCTeD tO yOu, KeiTh.”

No-not just any feeling.

“MY KEiTh.”

Love.

Shiro’s love for Keith. His eyes widened in horror. Then, did it mean that Shiro, this entire time-

“NoW I hAVe yOu.” The tentacles tightened around Keith’s waist . “I wiLL eNjoY tAsTinG yOUr eNErgY, yOUr sEnSitiViTY…eVEry LAsT OuNCe…oF yOu…”

“You love me?”

It was ridiculous to ask that, especially at that moment. Keith knew the answer. The entity didn’t love him. The entity fed on emotions, draining them until only the darker parts of the psyche was left, and their victim became something more monstrous, more like the entity in its insatiable hunger for more power, more life.

No, the entity loved his energy. But the body and the mind belonged Shiro, not the rift monster.

If the entity was telling the truth, then-

“MmmmmMMMmm. GGGgggggughk.” The figure in front of him cricked Shiro’s neck, letting out a thoughtful, if also disgusting and inhuman, croak. “FoR a LoNG time. I rELishED eVEry biT. THiS bOdy FouGhT. ThEy aLwaYS dO, EveN wHeN tHEy doN’t kNOw.”

Shiro’s body shuddered at this, and his lips stretched into a grin seemingly frozen by rigor mortis.

“BuT I wOn.” And the tentacles drew Keith ever closer to Shiro’s mouth. “I. aLwaYS. Do. NoW, KeiTH…yoU’rE MiiiIIIINe…MyyyYYYY KeiTH...”

Keith could feel and smell the stench of death on Shiro’s breath. Whether it was because Shiro really was dead at that moment, or if the rift entity just smelled like that normally, or whether it was just all the antiseptics that were everywhere in the ward, or even a combination of the two wretched scents. Keith didn’t know. It didn’t matter. All that mattered at the moment were two things.

First, Shiro loved him. He really did love him, and whether Shiro knew it or not, he’d been fighting a losing battle against something he didn’t even know was in his body the entire time. No wonder he never reciprocated. No wonder he never responded back. No wonder he seemed more and more lifeless as the years passed; no wonder he’d been scared when he woke up in the hospital. He never knew his body was being used against him a third time, and even if he suspected, there was no proof. There’d been no way to figure it out before he was too far gone to care.

Second, the rift monster was going to use Shiro’s body to drain Keith of his apparently unique quintessence until he was little more than a half-dead husk himself, if he didn’t do something right now. And what he was about to do was either going to get him killed immediately, or soon after.

“JuUUUUuST hOLd sTiLL.” Shiro’s body was moving in faster as Keith was drawn in closer to Shiro’s face once more. “DoN’t STruGGLe, aNd I wiLL bE GeNt-”

The entity didn’t get to finish the sentence, because Keith’s lips were smashing right into Shiro’s upside down mouth.

It was disgusting. Shiro’s mouth was cold, and his lips were dry. He could feel the disgusting, viscous fluid that coated Shiro’s tongue, and each time Keith’s tongue met with his, it was akin to sticking himself to a frozen pole. It was like kissing a corpse, and he could feel nothing sing in Shiro’s blood; he couldn’t feel a pulse. Indeed, Shiro simply croaked beneath Keith’s sudden ministrations, one golden eye twitching uncontrollably and the other bulging out of the socket, as his throat let out a threatening sound akin to a cat with a hairball.

“KEiTH-huUUUuuMAAan-!?”

Keith only broke free to take a breath, before going back in. He knew this was a stupid idea-the rift entity was in control, and it could only be taken by surprise for so long by Keith’s kisses. It was only a matter of time before the monster recovered, drained him, and then proceeded to attack Lance and Pidge before proceeding to look for a way out of the hospital.

“Keith…”

But he had no other recourse. His blade was out of reach. He was alone against the entity. And it was Shiro. Shiro’s emotions and memories were being used to manipulate Keith, in order to try and break him. Just like Honerva had.

“How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over?”

But Keith wouldn’t let that happen. Shiro needed him. Shiro loved him. Shiro, whether he knew it or not, tried to protect Keith. And Keith would protect Shiro in return-even from himself.

He’d done it before, after all. He’d do it again in a heartbeat. That was the thing that Honerva-and this entity-didn’t get. He knew he was being manipulated, and he didn’t care, because he knew the real Shiro would never harm him. Not like that. Never like that.

“As many times as it takes.”

So no matter what happened, Keith loved Shiro. Nothing would change that, even if this was in vain, and it would end up being the first-and last-time Keith would get to kiss him.

“…KEitH…sToP…”

Finally, Keith broke off the kiss-and saw the gold in Shiro’s eyes flicker out. They were replaced with wide, hazy eyes, a confused, frightened, terrified gleam in them as they rolled back down to look at Keith, his mouth moving slowly.

“…meeE…”

“Shiro-!”

Immediately Shiro’s mouth moved, but nothing more came out save for black liquid and faint, choking croaks. But it didn’t matter, not at that moment. The tentacles loosened just so around Keith, and he could move again; immediately, his unbroken hand flew to Shiro’s cheek.

Shiro was awake. This was really Shiro. And it was clear that, aside from being utterly horrified at the incomprehensible horror unfolding around him-the horror that was him-he was looking right at Keith.

Only for a second, before his eyes quickly shut, his upside-down face contorting in clear pain as the rift monster let out an ear-piercing screech from its perch on his mind. The veins in his body began to glow a bright pink, and Shiro’s mouth opened up to let out a silent, yet still pain-filled scream.

“SHIRO!”

Both of Shiro’s arms, real and tentacle-made, flew up to his head. All around him, Keith saw the tendrils flail angrily, forming and dissipating like waves in an ink-black squall as the entity moved to reassert its dominance. Shiro’s body trashed back and forth, up and down, mouth foaming and spitting impossible colors everywhere as the entity let out another bone-breaking-and window-shattering caterwaul.

“LeT…gO…KeEEEIIIIItttttH…” Shiro’s mouth let out an angry wail as Keith was unceremoniously dropped onto his broken wrist with a yelp. “SaaaVVVVvvvE…gNNNNaaaRRRrrGh…wAAAnT eNNeRRgY…StTTToOOOp ReeEEsiSSTiiNNNG!!”

Keith let out another groan as he rolled onto his side, babying his wrongly-angled wrist. He could feel the blackness moving to try and grab him again, but he wasn’t going to give the entity the satisfaction of catching him twice. He quickly bolted up, just in time to see another tentacle block his way.

Keith’s eyes widened as the black limb made to lash forward, only to shudder and collapse into a pool, its contents clattering on the tiles in front of his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a flash of desperate expression in Shiro’s eyes before his upside-down torso thrashed once more, blackness leaking into his face from his ears. Behind him, his brain pulsed so wildly beneath the monster’s hold that it seemed ready to tear itself apart. The rift entity was gaining the upper hand, and it was only a matter of time before it was back in control.

Keith wouldn’t let that happen. Immediately, he snatched the blade in his uninjured hand.

Shiro’s eyes flashed gold just as he rushed forward, letting out an angry, wild screech. Tentacles began to move forward to stop him, to grab him. Keith knew he wasn’t fast enough. He’d be caught; he could already feel slime drip onto his bare back and curling around his leg-

All of which immediately retreated as a loud BANG reverberated through the air. A wet strangled scream came simultaneously from Shiro and the rift entity, as a single bullet of energy ripped through the side of the entity and whizzed between Shiro’s ear and jawline, trailing black and red liquid through its wake as it ruffled the edges of Keith’s bangs.

What-?!

A second shot, then a third. Shiro and the entity howled in pain as more tentacles were shot through, until at last the fourth shot severed the monstrous claw from the rest of Shiro’s body. It allowed just enough space for Keith to see Lance, his bayard in rifle form steaming at the barrel as he aimed with gleaming blue eyes and cheek marks.

~“Keith.”~

Then there was the aura behind Lance. It was faint, but it was enough to look like the whited-out silhouette of someone clasping Lance’s shoulder with one hand. Keith’s eyes widened at the sight of the crayon-like scribbles of quintessence as they floated in the air, the faceless form seeming to look directly at him.

Instantly he knew.

Oh.

Allura…

A nod from the silhouette at his realization. Then, a gesture towards Keith.

~”Well?”~ It-she-seemed to indicate. ~”What are you waiting for?”~

Right. Shiro.

The rift monster was glowing, letting out angry retches as Shiro coughed up a stream of thick black goo. It was thrashing angrily on Shiro’s brain matter as it tried to recover from the sudden assault-and turned to face Lance, an angry hiss on Shiro’s mouth as his spine let out a truly horrible snapping sound from the effort.

Immediately Lance’s eyes popped open wide, and he hastened to aim and fire again, even as the godly visage disappeared from sight and the glow on his face disappeared. It was clear the rift entity had him in its sights, and if it had its way, it would have Shiro’s body tear the Blue-Red Paladin limb from limb while it stole his life force.

It wouldn’t. Nor would a fifth shot be deployed. Now that Shiro had turned away, the rift monster was now fully exposed to Keith. He didn’t hesitate to seize on the opportunity.

Immediately the blade transformed in Keith’s good hand, and he swung.

His first hit didn’t sever the entity from Shiro. Keith knew he had to be careful lest he actually cleave Shiro’s brain, and thereby kill him. But a jab from the very edge of his blade into the monster’s indecipherable face of glowing runes was more than enough to provoke it to move with an angry screech-and that was enough for Keith.

The rift entity probably didn’t expect him to use his injured hand as well in his efforts, after all. Which is precisely what Keith did, despite the screaming pain that emanated from his wrist through his arm as he did so, to grab the entity in his fist and pull, hard.

He had to ignore Shiro’s truly agonized screams as the black beast tried to fight, tried to grab onto the seething brain with more tendrils, tried to keep its hold on its vessel against Keith’s pained determination. It even tried to snap his fingers with its tentacles, but Keith didn’t care. After an inward apology to Shiro, he simply gripped harder, stretching the monster to almost an almost comical length, before-finally-he deemed he’d gone far enough and let his blade do the talking for him.

“NOOOO! NoooOOOOooo-!” Shiro let out a wail as the rift entity fought, unreal voice mingling with Shiro’s real pain. “KEEEIIIIItttttTTTH!! DooooOOOONNNnnn'TTT DDOoooOO IIItttTT!! I'mmMM SoooOOrrrRY, IIII LLllOOoooOOVVVvvvEEEyOOOOuUuuuU!!”

Keith didn’t respond. He instead let his blade do the talking for him and cut the entity from the tendrils holding him to Shiro's brain. In comparison to what had been before, it seemed almost too easy as the thing separated from Shiro, falling to the floor with an angry splat.

'I love you', huh.

The monster was still flailing angrily on the floor, trying to skitter towards Keith, trying to reach for him. Trying to reconnect to Shiro, to the rest of its body. Keith simply brought his leg up as high as he could, boot hovering over the entity.

Well, you're really gonna hate me now-

His leg slammed down hard, the entity popping like a bad zit beneath his foot. For good measure, he ground his heel down onto the remains as they let out a pathetic screech, a pungent smoke coming from its body as Keith continued on-

He stepped back once the movement finally died down-only for energy bullets to ping into the goo immediately after.

"Lance-"

Lance didn’t respond. Instead, his rifle shifted into a sword, and he immediately began hacking into the disgusting pile of black with a frenzy that surprised Keith.

“GYAH! HYAH!!” Black and purple viscera flew all over the place as Lance tore what was left of the entity apart with his weapon. “Take this! And this! And THIS! And THAT’S for what you guys put Allura through on TOP of Shiro! ¡Que te la pique un pollo!! GRAAAAH!”

“…A chicken-” Keith grabbed Lance’s hand. “Ok, yeah, you’re done.”

“Nnngh-” Lance nevertheless glared at the black goo splattered everywhere. “But it might not be dead!”

"I think you got it, Lance-"

Despite that, there was no movement from what was left of the mass. The dark goo that had been tentacles and other shapes started to melt into little more than black ooze dripping from the walls, up from the floor, into the ceiling.

Shiro-

Keith turned-just in time for Shiro’s body to start sliding out from the subsiding coccoon.

“Quiznak-”

He did his best to catch Shiro. Even then, and even knowing what Shiro's body had been through, Keith felt his heart plunge at the sight. His brain was still swollen, still exposed, and looking ready to fall off the stem at any moment. Keith could barely hold his neck up with his own injuries, and as he stared at Shiro’s face, he could see that Shiro’s lips were bluer than before.

Shiro wasn’t out of danger at all. If anything, he was dying in Keith’s arms.

“Pidge.”

“Huh?”

“Coran!” Keith didn’t bother hiding his panic as he shouted at Lance, whose own face paled as he turned and saw Shiro’s condition. “Get Coran and Pidge! Get the shield down! We need help!”

“Ok,” Lance was shaking as the situation sunk in. “Right. I’ll go-”

He was going, but he wasn’t going fast enough for Keith. Finally, after two more ticks of Lance fumbling for his comms, Keith screamed.

“GO! NOW!!”

That was enough. Lance was bolting down the darkened hall, leaving Keith alone with Shiro.

Once the sound of Lance’s footsteps finally receded to silence, Keith let out the sob he’d been holding back.

…Shiro. Please.

He was alone. He could feel Shiro slipping from him. Keith knew he should have felt some comfort that the entity was dead, it wouldn’t hurt Shiro ever again, and it couldn’t make him hurt anyone else. Yet he was practically holding the man’s brain in his broken hand, unable to help, unable to do anything but weep as the man he loved-and the man who loved him back-began to die, warmth bleeding from his body.

Please. Don’t go. Not yet. Not again.

 I love you…

There was no reply from the body beneath him. Indeed, all that he could hear while he wept were his own quiet, impotent sobs as they echoed through the cold, dark hallway.

Chapter Text

From the moment he went under, Shiro was having a nightmare.

He’d been sitting at home with his husband, slumped over, watching television. The miasma of ennui that was his general sense of existence since the end of the war had settled on him like a cold blanket, and he couldn’t find himself enjoying the thrill of seeing the astronauts flying through space to the moon as he once had. Not even finding his favorite movie seemed to evoke a reaction with him, coming off as droning noise and nonsense to his tired, dulled senses.

Really, if he was being honest with himself, nothing was giving him much joy of late. Everything that had once made him smile before didn’t even get a second glance anymore. His marriage was little more than a waste of time, his friends were barely there, and he no longer went to space. There was a hole that had formed inside him, ever since he began to live that life of leisure, and nothing seemed to fill it.

Nothing but Keith. They had just talked to Keith, who seemed like he was more alive than ever. Happier. More energetic. Though he’d always cared for Keith, Shiro couldn’t help but feel drawn to him more than ever now.

“Hey, honey.”

Next to him, his husband stirred, gently placing a hand on his port shoulder. Shiro gave no response, gave no indication he’d heard the man speak. He was just a man, after all. A man on the bridge of the Atlas and little more. He didn’t even think they really loved each other. Shiro certainly didn’t love him.

Keith.

The ring on his finger was an absolute joke. He had to wonder why they got married to begin with. There was only one person for him, and they were half a galaxy away.

Keith, Keith, Keith.

“Do you want me to make some lunch?”

Slowly, he stood up. He didn’t want lunch. He wanted something more. He’d felt the need ever since he first woke up, weak and missing his right arm. It had been easy to ignore as just a side effect of his resurrection. It was easy to disregard during a war where more than his life was on the line. It was even something he could pretend didn’t exist as he watched Allura slip away from them all, watched himself go down the aisle with a man who wasn’t Keith.

Keith, Keith, I need Keith.

Now, though, the feeling of want gnawed at him, threatening to tear him apart. It was an itch only Keith could scratch, and as the moments ticked by, Shiro could feel it threaten to overwhelm him. He slowly began to walk away from his husband, his eyes zeroing in on a photo on the shelf of their wooden hutch, tucked away into the corner of the living room.

It was a photo of a much younger Shiro and Keith, both smiling at the camera. A snapshot of better times.

“Shiro? What’s wrong?”

The purple and orange sky of a desert sunset in the background illuminated Keith’s head like a halo of quintessence. More purple than orange.

Keith, Keith, Keith.

“Shiro, honey, you’re scaring me. Please.”

Suddenly, all he could think of was Keith.

“Say something…!”

His eyes. His face. His body.

“Shiro-!?”

His quintessence. His beautiful, unique, powerful quintessence.

“SHIRO! What are you doing?!”

Of course. He needed quintessence. Keith’s quintessence. How could he have been so blind? It had been right there, and he’d missed it. This entire time, he’d not been able to take it for himself.

The thought of tasting Keith’s energy, drinking every last drop-

“…You’re not Keith…”

“SHIRO! NO! STOP-!!”

“I…I need Keith…”

“SHINNNGGGGGGGRGGGHLE—”

“KeITh…giVe mE kEiTH…!!”

It was all that mattered as he came alive with the energy of the human in front of him. All rational thought was driven away as the tentacles seethed from beneath his shirt, replaced by a primal hunger Shiro had never felt before. Hunger for Keith.

He ignored the screams of his current victim. He was irrelevant and always had been.

“Shiro…”

His husband was an irrelevant meat sack of limited quintessence that croaked beneath his feet. His energy was so infinitesimal compared to Keith’s…

“Shiro, come on…” 

Keith. It was all his mind had now. It was the thoughts of something inhuman. The thoughts of a horrible beast, of darkness incarnate as he opened his mouth to Keith Keith kEiTh KeiTH aNd—

“It’s over, Shiro-you can wake up-”

And then he remembered. It hadn’t been a nightmare at all. All of it was real, and he…he-he did this to Keith kEiTh KeiTH kEiTh KeiTH kEiTh KeiTH kEiTh KeiTH-

“NO!!”

Shiro’s eyes bolted open, and he let out a gasp as the weight of his emotions-real emotions, ones he hadn’t felt in an eternity-smashed into him with the strength of twelve crowbars to the back of the head. Where before there had been only numbness was regret, horror, anger, and grief churning through his gut, pushing up towards his throat. His heart thrashed wildly as the memory of his final actions came back to him.

Not the rift entity’s actions-his. The rift entity was just a mindless beast, an influencer of what was already there, one that fed on his love for Keith. He’d not known it was there, but that was irrelevant. Not to him-he’d still abandoned the people who needed him most. Then, he lost control once more and hurt the ones he cared for. Hurt the ones he cared for most, most of all.

Just like before, only there was no brainwashed clone to blame this time.

“There now…” He barely felt the hand on his shoulder as he lay in the hospital bed, staring wildly at the incandescent lights in the ceiling. “There you are. It’s all right. It was just a nightmare.”

“I-I…Keith…!”

Shiro burst into tears. He buried his head into his hand and arm, weeping. How long he stayed that way he didn’t know and didn’t care. He had his emotions back, and crying was all he could do in the face of his memories, his feelings, his past. His everything.

Just like Honerva, he did those things. Not the rift monster.

Him.

“Let it out, it’s all right.” The hand soothingly combed through his forelock. “It’s over. You’re free. You’re safe.”

“…Am I?” Shiro snorted ruefully at the assurances, turning to the one who made them with wet red eyes. “You make it s-sound so easy to forgive what I did.”

Allura, for her part, simply gave him a sad smile. Her hair was down, and-since it was a hospital, Shiro bitterly supposed-she wore pink nurse’s scrubs.

“I’m not here to judge.” She offered him a tissue from who-knew-where. “And you didn’t know. You couldn’t have. The pod simply never picked up on it when you were revived, and it was weak enough at the time to evade even my powers.”

Shiro let out a little whine, closing his eyes. That Allura was here, talking to him, meant one of two things. Either he was going insane, or-

“You’re not dead again, Shiro, I can promise you that.” She cut off that thought before he had the chance to finish it. “Though I will admit it was quite, ah, touch-and-go, I think that was what Lance said? Your body had been quite ravaged by the entity.”

“…Then how…?”

Shiro looked around himself, thumbing at the tears still coming out. His prosthetic was missing, but he otherwise seemed to look-and feel-fine. The IV at his bedside wasn’t even attached to him. He let out a little sniff, then threw his blankets off, wiggling his toes. No injuries. No sign of rift entity damage. Nothing.

It made no sense.

“Oh, Shiro, wait, I wouldn’t-”

He went to stand, ignoring Allura’s gentle protestation, his legs wobbling as he turned back towards the bed he had just been laying in. Immediately he realized his mistake, and he staggered back at the sight before him.

The IV was attached to his body, laying back side up in a bed inside the Xeno-ICU. His head was laid on its side and completely bandaged, save for the holes made for the intubation tubes stuck in his nose and mouth. Further bandages were wrapped down his upper back, shoulders and arm, and he could see the faint impressions of blood that stained them. A colostomy bag was attached to his side, and he could see it was half-filled with brown and yellow muck.

His own blood-no, he didn’t have blood, he wasn’t in his body, he was outside of it, he was in limbo, he was sure of it-something in Shiro quaked at the sight of his body looking so frail, so vulnerable. So lifeless, even if Allura claimed otherwise.

“I’m so sorry, Shiro,” she murmured as she stood up. “I promise you, you’re alive. However, you were so close to death that your body and soul both…overreacted.”

“‘Overreacted’?”

“You subconsciously believed your death was inevitable, and so you…inadvertently let your soul jump onto the astral plane prematurely.” Shiro’s eyes quickly scanned over the various monitors his body was attached to. “Likely it’s because of your actual time being dead that it happened. I’m not sure how long you’ll be here, but I assure you it needn't be...won’t be permanent-your soul is still connected to your body, after all. Once you’ve recovered some more, I believe your body will fully let you back in to complete the healing process.”

His heartbeat was steady, but automated. His brainwaves were erratic. His pulse was weak. One of his fingers twitched on his arm, but it was no relief. There was otherwise no overt sign of life from him.

“Come, Shiro.” The door to the room opened, and a nurse entered with new IV and colostomy bags.  “You shouldn’t have to see yourself like this.”

“No, I…” Shiro swallowed dryly as he continued to take in the horrific details. He doubted he looked like himself under the bandages and could only guess as to how terrible the damage was to his head. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not and I won’t allow it.” Allura abruptly grabbed his hand. “What happened to you…it wasn’t right.”

Slowly, Shiro turned to look at Allura. Her expression was insistent, and her eyes were wide with sympathy, if not outright pity. He wanted to hate her for it. He then wanted to hate himself for wanting to reject her kindness.

So, he sighed, allowing himself to be led away from his near-deathbed. People passed by, and through, them, with each figure walking through them feeling like warm mist on his skin. His eyes darted to and fro as they left the unit, slowly walking down the halls where he’d stalked and waylaid a multitude of ephemeral prey in search of Keith. He thought he saw a glimpse of Tamir and his father-in-law walking back and forth at one intersection near the human ICU, and he could swear that was the back of Matt’s head fussing over a security panel. He even saw Dr. Yazdani looking over an MRI as she walked down the hall-no doubt his.

But someone was missing.

“Where’s Keith?” Shiro couldn’t help his question, or the ball of dread forming in his chest as he remembered what he undeservedly did to the other man. “He’s not…he is ok, right?”

“He is,” Allura nodded as they walked. “He’s just with his mother right now. His arm and wrist are healing up.”

“And…” The reassurance didn’t make the dread go away. “My husband?”

Husband. The word curdled on his tongue and made him sick. He married a man he didn’t love, might never have loved, and then cruelly hurt him without warning or reason.

“He’s doing better.” Allura squeezed his hand. “His recovery will take time, but he will live.”

“Just not with me.”

“No.” Allura’s voice softened. “Not with you.”

“…I did love him once, I think. Maybe. I don’t know anymore.”

Shiro felt his eyes mist over at this. It wasn’t fair. Maybe he was being selfish thinking such a thing, what with getting every man he had any sort of emotional bond with killed or scarred in some way. First Adam, then Keith. Then his husband. Then, Keith, over and over…

He went several more paces before he stopped, letting Allura go.

“Allura…should I really go back again after all of this?”

She stilled at this question, her eyes widening as she turned to look at him.

“Shiro-”

“…I love him.” He saw himself licking Keith, then tenderly caressing him, readying him for when he would extract his unique quintessence, tendrils flaring in anticipation. “I always have, haven’t I? But I keep hurting him. I just…I can’t keep doing that, Allura, because I know that no matter what I do, he…”

He brought his hand back up to his face, covering his eyes.

“H-he’ll keep forgiving me.” His voice shook as he continued. “That’s the worst part. He’ll keep forgiving me and keep chasing me, and no matter what ensues he won’t have any reservations about it. That…that terrifies me. That he could love me like that…what if something like this happens again? What if I lose control, and the next time it happens, I do worse than this? Can I really say I deserve a third chance?”

Just let go, Keith. You don’t have to fight anymore.

“What’s the point of coming back again…if all I do is hurt him!?”

I WoN. I always do. Now, Keith…just hold still. Don’t strUgGLe…

“My life isn’t worth his pain! Nothing is!”

Keith…

“I can’t do that to him again! I just can’t-!!”

He was shouting, but only Allura heard him. Only Allura saw him as he fell to his knees, pulling at his hair as the tears flowed once more, falling to the tiled floor. Only Allura saw him let out one final, angry scream as, once his tears dried, his fist slammed down, over and over, until, somehow, his knuckles turned black and blue as he raged against himself.

…stop me.

Finally, his head fell to the floor, forehead first, and he continued to mourn the time lost and the lives damaged, his shoulders violently shuddering, his breaths gulping and desperate. There was otherwise silence around him as the voices of the living became little more than a low, indecipherable concordance of murmurings that were pointless, and thus promptly ignored. It didn’t matter because he was alone, not dead, not alive, not anything in this limbo.

After another eternity of nothing but his own thoughts swirling through his mind, a hand clasped his shoulder, and he looked up, his soul sagging in defeat.

"I should have known. I...I should have...done something...!"

“Shiro.” Allura’s voice was quiet, but firm. “I will keep saying it was not your fault, because it was not. You didn’t now. No one did.”

“But-“

“Now, I won’t tell you whether to return again or not. That’s ultimately up to you. If you want to go, then I’ll let you go. I was the one who bound you to this body, and I can release you from this life if that’s what you truly want. But I want you to think about it, first. Really and truly think about it.”

She brought a hand to Shiro’s cheek, her thumb at the edge of his scar.

“Because even though you are going through a great deal, and you have a great burden that you don’t deserve to carry…I also know you love Keith, and you don’t want to leave him behind. Nothing is worth his pain, as you said, not even your life. So…before you let yourself be at an end, consider, if you can, whether the pain of leaving is better or worse than the pain of staying.”

Her tone was soothing, reassuring. It almost reminded Shiro of his grandmother, when he was young and she still lived. He wished she were still alive. He wished a lot of things were different, and that Allura was alive as well.

“…Excuse me, but I’m most certainly not dead.” Allura imperiously lifted her head at this, squishing Shiro’s cheek in admonishment. “I’m simply cosmically indisposed at the moment.”

“You’re…” Shiro’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “But then, where are you?”

“Wherever  I’m needed.” Allura leaned in. “And I’ll return when it’s time, I swear. I won’t be gone forever. But first, Shiro…before I leave you presently.”

Her kiss on his forehead is feather-light, and Shiro could feel a small measure of energy trickle into him. It wasn’t much, and it changed little of how he felt. But it was enough to give him a faint blue aura.

“To help you ease back into your body, should you decide to stay. But in return, if you do go back, you must promise me two things.”

“Of course.” Shiro was nothing if not one who kept his promises, as best as he could. “Anything.”

“First, you must talk to Keith. Tell him how you really feel. Don’t hesitate this time.” Shiro closed his eyes as she let go of him and stood up, taking several steps back. “And secondly…”

She began to glow, the hallway around her filling with scattered points of sparkling lights.

“…Could you please tell Pidge to stop asking Lance for lottery numbers the next time I come around or else?” Her smile turned into a small, playful pout as she became a hazy scribble of color in liminal reality. “I’m five ticks away from purposefully giving her the wrong numbers. You’ll do that for me, won’t you?”

Shiro couldn’t help the chuff that left his mouth as Allura’s form melted into a bright hot star before it dissipated, leaving the hallway seemingly darker than before.

“…I promise.”

Shiro was left alone once more amidst the blur of life around him, with little to ponder but his present, his past, and his future.