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Laios nudged Kabru with his elbow. “Hey, look, look! Check this out!” Kabru automatically turned his head to look. What Laios was trying to show him was a page in his sketchbook, filled with sketches depicting rather strange-looking creatures. Vaguely humanoid in shape, but definitely not human. Their faces were left blank, expressionless, their heads hairless, with only a circle to indicate the position of the ears. The rest of the body, however, was fairly detailed, particularly below the waist. All of the figures were similar in shape, but no two of them were quite the same. One of them had a fish tail, with a line down the middle, slicing it in two – a rather gruesome sight it would have made, if not for the lack of blood and gore in the sketch. Another one had legs covered in scales, closed together tightly to imitate a fish tail. Yet another one had large, webbed flippers instead of human feet, but otherwise looked no different from a human being. Yet another had fins on its hips and another one growing out of the tailbone. The final one seemed to have a third, shorter leg growing between its human legs. Only once Kabru squinted did Kabru realise that it was supposed to be a tail, or perhaps a tentacle, peeking out of a slit in the crotch. Beside it, a note made in Laios' hand-writing, read: “retractible?” with an arrow pointing directly at the strange growth. For some reason, Kabru felt vaguely nauseous looking at it. “So? What do you think?”
Kabru cleared his throat. “Those are the human-mermaid hybrids you talked about before, right?” Laios nodded eagerly, happy that Kabru recognised them. Kabru couldn't help but crack a smile, and he promptly hid it behind his hand. “I see you've put a lot of thought into it.”
“Yeah!” Laios nodded again, smiling brightly. “I've been thinking about this kind of stuff for a long time,” Laios said, twirling the pencil in his hand. “Monster anatomy and reproduction, I mean. Not just mermaids, but you know, in general. Like werewolves and vampires and other monsters. With how many stories we've got about them, you'd think we would have an idea of how their biology works, but,” he went on, stroking his chin, “there's so much stuff that we don't know. I feel like everyone's just guessing and passing it off as fact. A lot of it doesn't make any sense. I told you already,” he furrowed his brow, “but I think it's wrong to think of mermaids as half-human and half-fish. Just because something resembles something else doesn't mean that they're the same thing, or related at all. I mean, just think of platypuses!” Laios' face lit up as he sketched a platypus on the next page. “Look! The platypus looks really weird, right? It's got a bill that kind of resembles a duck bill, but its body is completely different. The tail kind of reminds me of a beaver. It's also got flippers instead of wings. If you saw it for the first time,” he went on, putting up his index finger, “you might think that it's a duck-beaver hybrid, or something like that, right? At least,” he added flatly, “that's what you might think if you don't know anything about biology. But platypuses aren't related to ducks or beavers at all. They're the only semi-aquatic egg-laying mammals that we know of. There's nothing like them. We wouldn't know that if someone didn't look into it, though.”
His frustration was uniquely endearing to Kabru. It was so sincere, born from genuine passion for the subject. It was simultaneously detached from reality and yet deeply rooted in it. Laios was attempting to apply scientific rigour to the study of something that, by all accounts, didn't exist, and Kabru couldn't help but nod along. Monsters found in folk tales, though probably not real in the physical, tangible sense, were nonetheless interesting in what they represented. Kabru would struggle to explain to Laios that the purpose of a story that included such creatures as mermaids and werewolves was primarily to convey something about humanity through symbolism and metaphor, and that was why they did not particularly concern themselves with topics of monster anatomy. That was why he didn't. Instead he rubbed Laios' back in a soothing manner as he spoke, offering an occasional nod and an understanding smile. “I understand your frustration, my love. They are certainly not doing their due diligence by jumping to conclusions. Perhaps it can't be helped, though, when information is so scarce. Perhaps you could contribute to the research, like you wanted to? You've been closely studying a certain merman, after all,” he suggested, giving a wink.
“I guess so. I can only speculate, though,” Laios said dejectedly, shaking his head. “There are so many different possibilities, you know? I don't want to make too many assumptions. It makes sense that humanoid monsters, like mermaids are depicted to be, would be related to humans somehow, but I can't take that for granted. Evolution isn't as simple as that. I mean, look at rabbits and hares, for example. They look pretty similar, so you'd assume they're related, but they aren't. And even if we assume that there's a connection, I wouldn't know what it is. And what about shapeshifters, like vampires and werewolves and kitsunes? How do they fit into all of this? Could they mate with humans? Could they mate with each other?” Laios hid his face in his hands. “I don't know!”
Kabru bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing at Laios' anguish. “There is nothing wrong with speculation, darling. You need to come up with a theory before you can prove or disprove it, no?” he hummed, running his fingers through Laios' short, spiky hair. “I wish I could help you. I want to say that the answers you seek are contained within folk stories, but,” he said, stroking his bottom lip, “those aren't exactly reliable, are they? Myths and legends vary depending on region and time period. It's inevitable that they will contradict each other. Still,” he added in an encouraging tone, stroking the back of Laios' neck, “it might be a good place to start, right? It's better than nothing. Who knows, you might find exactly what you're looking for!”
Laios heaved a sigh. “Yeah. I guess. I mean, it's not like I haven't tried that already,” he added, slightly puffing out his cheeks. “Obviously, I've read a lot about Greek mythology since I was little. It was cool to read about all of the other monsters and creatures,” he hummed, smiling fondly. “That's how I know about the difference between mermaids and sirens. My favourite is Cerberus, though. The hydra is really cool as well. I remember there were a bunch of myths about people mating with animals and giving birth to monsters, like the Minotaur, but...” he furrowed his brow and scratched the back of his head. “I don't know...” He grimaced, furrowing his brow. “That just doesn't sound right to me, you know? It just... it doesn't work,” he said vaguely.
“Yes, love,” Kabru said, wearing a crooked smile, “I can see why it wouldn't.”
“Right.” Laios breathed a sigh of relief and looked off into the distance, stroking his chin. “Other than that... I mean, we had local legends back home. About tree spirits and water spirits, and stuff like that. I don't know too much about them, though. Falin was always more interested in them than I was. I remember,” he hummed, closing his eyes, “that when we were little, she'd drag me into the woods with her so that we could look at the trees and see if any of them would start moving. We'd sit there for hours. She wanted to make friends with the forest spirits,” he added, a hint of fondness in his voice. “She even made flower crowns for them. We never saw them, though.”
Kabru's eyes glistened with enthusiasm. “Ah, really? That's so interesting! Tree and water spirits, you say? Similar to dryads...? I see, I see! How fascinating.” A smile danced on his lips, poorly hidden behind his hand. “It sounds like those legends might be remnants of pagan beliefs from the times before your country converted to Catholicism. That's delightful! Falin could tell me more about them, you say? I will have to ask her about it next time I see her.”
Laios nodded, tapping his cheek with his index finger. “Yeah, she can probably tell you more about it than I can. I don't remember those stories that well. The ones I remember best are, uh,” he furrowed his brow, and then snapped his fingers, “the basilisk, obviously! The basilisk is so cool. Oh, and we also have our own dragon!” he added with a hint of pride in his voice.
“Wow, really? I didn't know that!” Kabru chirped, looking at Laios in awe. “What kind of dragon?”
“A huge man-eating dragon!” Laios beamed, bouncing in his seat. “People would sacrifice their cattle to it so that it wouldn't eat them. They ultimately defeated it by sending it cows stuffed with sulfur. Pretty clever.” Kabru suspected that there was more to the story, but it was unlikely that anything unrelated to the dragon would stick in Laios' mind, understandably so. “The dragon lived pretty close to my hometown, so Falin and I hoped that we could go looking for its descendants there one day. We never ended up going, though.” He fell silent for a moment, deep in thought. “Ah, and there was also a mermaid,” he said excitedly. “The mascot of our capital city is a mermaid, actually. There are a lot of legends associated with it. Instead of luring sailors to their doom, the mermaid would lead them to safety and stuff. One of the legends,” he mused, stroking his chin, “was that the city was founded by a fisherman who was married to the mermaid.”
“Really? How wonderful! Did they have children?” Kabru asked, twinkly-eyed.
“Huh...? I don't know,” Laios said, scratching his cheek. “I haven't heard anything about that.”
Kabru laughed. “Too bad. That would have been useful for your research, no?” He rested his cheek against Laios' shoulder, his lips curled into a smile. “That's a romantic idea, isn't it? Having a lover who is not quite human, unable to live together due to the fact that one can't survive on land, and one can't survive in the water. It is a kind of forbidden love. After all, such a relationship would never be recognised as legitimate in our society. That doesn't make it less real or meaningful, though. If anything, if one is able to commit to such an arrangement, despite the public opinion, the difficulties, the pain of separation... isn't that proof that their bond is strong? It makes perfect sense,” he went on, nodding to himself, “that those kinds of stories have historically been used to represent those whose love isn't recognised as legitimate by the society they live in. Men who love men,” he added, playfully nudging Laios' cheek with his nose, “and monsters as well,” he teased.
But Laios' mind seemed to have wandered somewhere else entirely. While Kabru spoke, he started another sketch. “Yeah,” he said absent-mindedly, just to fill the silence. He knitted his eyebrows. “To be honest,” he said, “I'm not sure that I buy that mermaids resemble humans that much. I mean, realistically speaking, it wouldn't really make sense. Even if they looked similar to us at first, they'd probably develop traits that would raise their odds of survival along the way. It's not like our bodies are super well-suited to living in the ocean, after all.” He continued to draw as he spoke. “I think it's more likely that they resemble humans only when seen from a distance, like manatees. Seeing them from a ship, you wouldn't really be able to make out all of the details, right? You'd just see the general shape. I think it's more likely that they'd look something like this.”
Kabru looked down at the sketchbook, slightly squinting his eyes. Laios' proposed mermaid was distinctly less humanoid than the depiction he was used to, and different even from the designs he'd seen from Laios previously. The creature was long and plump and had large, gentle eyes. At first appeared to have hair, but Kabru soon noticed the note in the corner of the page: algae (for camouflage?) with an arrow pointing at the creature's head. The lower half of the body was coloured in with the pencil, perhaps to indicate that it would be darker in colour. It was as if someone had combined the traits of a seal and a large fish, with just a sprinkle of humanity in the face. “I see,” Kabru murmured, anxiously stroking his bottom lip. That was how Laios imagined mermaids in his head...? “So... this is what you're attracted to?”
Laios' eyes shot wide open and blood instantly rose to his cheeks. “Huh? What? No, no!” he blurted out, slamming the sketchbook shut. “What are you talking about? This kind of monster is just an animal! Obviously I don't...” He tilted his head, visibly disturbed, furrowing his brow. “Wait. This entire time,” he said, covering his mouth with his hand, “you thought that I...? Huh...?”
“Well, you can't really blame me for that, can you?” Kabru protested, feeling his own face grow warm from embarrassment. He folded his arms over his chest and huffed. “How was I supposed to know that you didn't mean it this way? You're the one who's consistently been drawing me with animalistic features for your own pleasure, and you certainly seem to enjoy seeing me put on the merman costume and painting tiger stripes on my body. To be clear, I've never had a problem with any of this,” he assured quickly, putting up his hands defensively. “I still don't. But I'm sure you can understand why I may have been confused about your preferences.”
Laios opened his mouth and closed it again. “But...” he blurted out, blinking owlishly. “But that's...” He anxiously picked his bottom lip between his fingers, his gaze shifting around the room. “So that's how it seemed to you, huh?” he murmured under his breath. “I get it now.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning towards Kabru. “That's not what that was at all!” he said earnestly. His blush had risen all the way to the tips of his ears. “I like monsters. They're really cool. But it's how I like animals, you know?” he explained awkwardly, stroking the back of his head. “Monsters are kind of like animals that don't exist as far as we know. They might resemble people sometimes, but they're not human. We probably wouldn't be able to communicate with them even if we came in contact with them. I think they're really interesting and I like learning more about them,” he explained patiently, “but that's about it. Seriously!” he added emphatically.
“I believe you!” Kabru assured him, stifling laughter. “That's reassuring to hear.”
“The reason why I drew you like that,” Laios went on, puffing out his cheeks, “is that I thought it'd look cool. I already told you that,” he said, with only the slightest hint of huffiness. “I like it when you put on the merman costume,” he went on, growing progressively more flustered, “because it looks good on you. It, uh, it really suits you. It's also nice to see you act how you think a merman would act. I don't know if it's accurate,” he noted, “but it seems like you're having fun, so I like it. It's not like we can know for sure what mermaids act like, anyway. Besides,” he added flatly, “it's just you in a costume, not an actual merman, right? It's different,” he went on trying to explain, “because it's you, and I like you, and it's really fun to do that kind of stuff with you.”
Kabru buried his face against Laios' chest to hide his wide smile. “Haha. It seems like I had a completely wrong idea. For one horrifying moment,” he said, hints of laughter in his voice, “I thought that I would have to compete for this impossible ideal in your head. I'm not sure how I would go about trying to achieve this look,” he teased, nodding towards the sketchbook.
“Sorry,” Laios said automatically, holding Kabru close. “And sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“Don't worry,” Kabru chuckled, shaking his head. “I'm used to having these conversations with you by now. They certainly have a way of pushing my boundaries, but haven't yet crossed them.”
“That's good,” Laios said, idly stroking Kabru's back. “Honestly, I was thinking more about the conversation from earlier. In the bathtub. When you were a merman and uh, we talked about the possibility of human-mermaid reproduction. I know that you said that you'd want to have a baby with me one day,” he murmured into his hand, “but I wasn't sure if you were fine with that.”
Kabru blinked slowly. “Oh. I see.” He fell silent for a moment, deep in thought. “I appreciate you checking in with me. That's very thoughtful. I can assure you that I'm perfectly fine with it, though. I trust you.” He stroked Laios' cheek with his fingertips, smiling fondly. “If anything,” he added after a moment, “I enjoy having that kind of outlet. After all, it's going to be a long time before we're able to have a child. Assuming it's possible at all, that is. It's entirely possible that the medicine I take has impacted my fertility,” he said, touching his stomach, “not to mention that I have not exactly been taking the best care of my body... I may not be able to get pregnant at all.”
“Huh. Yeah, now that you mention it...” Laios gently pulled Kabru closer. “I hope it's okay.”
“Me too,” Kabru whispered, his voice as soft as a sigh. “Although, when I give too much thought to a potential future where we have children, my anxiety spikes instantly. There are so many things to consider, so many accommodations that would need to be made. Appropriate space, equipment, funds... and that's just the beginning! Would either of us make good parents? I think you would. You're far more gentle and patient than I am. But what about me? I don't have any father figures I could emulate as a parent, and I certainly don't want to repeat my mother's mistakes. Would we even be legally recognised as the child's parents to begin with? Presumably not. What then? Would we be allowed to raise the child? Surely not. Would we have to keep its existence secret, along with our relationship? How long could we possibly keep that up for?” Kabru paused to take a deep breath, and promptly started to cough. Laios gently patted his back.
“Whoa, are you okay?” he asked, furrowing his brow.
“Yes. Do you see what I mean, though?” Kabru said, his eyes a little misty and tinted pink. “All of these questions keep piling up in my head... and I don't have the right answers, or any answers at all. Fantasising about our hypothetical human-mermaid child, though... that's different.” Kabru laughed. “The sheer absurdity and impossibility of the scenario makes it impossible to get stressed over, you know? Sure. Let us have a mermaid baby, born of seafoam and dreams. That sounds romantic.” He folded his arms on Laios' chest and rested his chin upon them. “If you allow that fantasy to occupy space in your mind, you might as well keep going. You and I, in all possible configurations, monster and human, reproducing endlessly. Now I am a merman, now I turn into a weretiger, and suddenly,” he purred, nipping at Laios' neck, “I have become a vampire. How delightful, how fun! Perhaps in some of those realities,” he mused, his hand wandering down Laios' stomach, “I am the one who, by some unknown miracle, gets you pregnant. Isn't that neat?”
Laios chuckled nervously, his face burning bright red. “Uh-huh,” he mumbled. “Y-yeah.”