Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1 

GROUNDHOGS

There’s snow falling, lightly. The blue behind it seems almost welcoming. Sydney is lying on the ground, the dust of the snow covering her, peacefully, until a loud buzz… a timer’s buzz, makes her eyes open abruptly. Now he is in a kitchen, a big pot of tomato sauce in front of him, Mikey is saying something about too much garlic. Carmy turns to him.

“You are telling me it’s too much garlic?”

“Why don’t you tell me, Carm?”

Carmy goes closer to the pot, gets a whiff. Mikey is right, of course he is. The conversation turns to the rental car business Mikey was in, he is not in it anymore, it didn’t work. Carmy wonders if he ever even cared about it, Mikey replies it was whatever. Carmy turns around the subject. What would happen if he wanted to open a restaurant… a different type of restaurant. Mikey laughs the idea off, but after seeing how serious Carmy is, he asks him to tell him more. Carmy speaks of how hard and gnarly and brutal they are, and how that makes them special because restaurants are where people go to be taken care of, to feel less lonely, to celebrate, after great days and after shitty ones… and they can do it together…

“We can make people happy.”

“What do you call it?”

“Mikey’s.”

Mikey is serious now, he has a better name... And he smiles as the warmth light from the afternoon covers him completely…

Carmy wakes up to a ray of sunshine hitting his face, he is lying on the couch, in his hands The Chicago Tribune. He slept on yesterday’s clothes, the button-up still on him. Carmy stands, tries to shy away the dream he was having, throws the Tribune on the trashcan, and goes to his room to get ready for the day, there’s a lot to deal with today. Before he exits, he hesitates, runs back to the trashcan and retrieves the review, reads the headline one more time “BEAR Necessities Missing: The BEAR stumbles with culinary dissonance.” He bites his lip, leaves the paper open over the kitchen counter, and crosses the entrance door.

He walks into the empty kitchen of The Bear around 8 AM, he takes a second to enjoy the quietness, the calm before the storm. Sydney comes in, makes a face at him. Disappointment, expectance. He gestures the sorry sign at her. She doesn’t seem impressed.

“You’ll have to be a little more specific.”

“I wasn’t good enough, and I need to be better.”

“Okay. I don’t know if that’s the takeaway.”

She proceeds to mention the clear problems remarked by the Tribune, they were there three times, a different restaurant every time…

“They didn’t like the chaos and frankly I don’t know if I do either.”

“You think I like chaos?”

What she says next leaves him breathless, she reads him better than anyone has ever done, he feels confronted by it but unable to do anything about it. Maybe he does need it to be talented, the constant search for mess and chaos helps justify his lack of perfection… Syd insists he doesn’t need dysfunction. That he is shutting down, she doesn’t know where he is. And what do you say to this? He doesn’t want to be this for her.

“I don’t like dysfunction.”

“Okay, well. What do you like?”

“I like this.”

“That was like, maybe, the most miserable delivery of someone liking something I think, like, ever.”

He squirms, she is right, he knows it’s what he should be saying, but deep down it feels artificial. That’s when Uncle Jimmy and The Computer come in. Unc says:

“There’s something we want to show you”.

Carmy takes Nat’s call, and puts her on speaker, as the Computer plugs a giant clock into the wall and breaks the news: when the clock reaches zero the restaurant has to shut down. Syd is optimistic, though: Two months is not that bad right? Computer says it wouldn’t if they were showing growth but that’s not the case, so they don’t have a choice but to pull a miracle. That’s when Neil Fak and Richie walk in… Richie blames himself, but Carmy shouts back, no, it is his fault. The reality is he is drowning everyone with the “confusing” and “Show-off-y” dishes The Chicago Tribune tasted. Richie breaks the news he hired new personnel after several quitted. Carmy says they only have one option, then:

“We are gonna get the star”.

But for the present time, he refuses to stop changing the menu. Nobody confronts him directly about it either, and today a new menu rolls in, with Jess commanding the ship, green good, red bad. They survive through service, with only a few plates broken, and some late dishes coming out. By the end, Richie is still addressing him like Carmy, no cousin, and talking to him only about the “bare necessities” of the restaurant. T nods at him and when he nods back, she continues her way out. Marcus pitches a couple of new desserts for the upcoming days, Carmy mechanically approves them, technically they are good, he just doesn’t have it in him to feel anything more for them. He crosses Syd by the lockers when he is about to retrieve his things, she is ready to leave. They lock eyes for a few seconds, she opens her mouth, closes it again as if rethinking her words, and then just says “See you tomorrow”. Instead of insisting she says more, he just nods and watches her leave. Inside, his heart tugging, a weird sort of melancholia digging deep within himself.

Out in the streets, a light rain graces his coat, he brushes it off before going inside the train. He can’t remember if he ate anything today, a frozen pizza and a nicotine gum sound right for tonight. He lies on the couch, and changes channels until he finds Groundhog Day, he leaves it on, but sleep wins over as he keeps thinking about the words of the review over and over… they don’t sting anymore, but they cover his dreams like promises unkept… is this what his brother imagined when he said the place should be called “The Bear”? Unlikely. As he fades away, the image of a hopeful smile covered by paper snow stays with him.

2

DENIAL

Carmy wakes up to a ray of sunshine hitting his face, he is lying on the couch wearing a button-up, in his hands The Chicago Tribune. He stares at his shirt and then at the paper, confused, he could swear he had left it over the counter. Maybe in the process of thinking about the review, he grabbed it?

He stands, a little dizzy, and puts it over the counter again. Then goes to his closet, changes, and leaves. At The Bear, he starts prepping the food for the day, he thinks again about the lamb, how can he get it right, when Sydney walks in. She is wearing the same bandana from yesterday, the blue one with the bright sun in it… weird, she usually tries to change them up throughout the week. She makes a face at him, he is not sure what it is about but doesn’t feel right about it, so he asks:

“Alright?”

She huffs loudly.

“So this is the path you are choosing?”

Carmy looks at her confused.

“Umm”

“Never mind.”

And she goes to her station. There’s clearly something off, but he can’t quite clock it. Carmy stares at her, as she checks her little notebook, when Uncle Jimmy comes in with the Computer, in his hands a giant digital clock.

“There’s something we want to show you.”

Carmy’s phone rings. Is Nat. He can’t help to feel he is having déjà vu…

“The clock? We’ve already seen it.”

The words leave his mouth almost involuntarily, and he doesn’t even realize he has said them until he feels everyone’s gaze on him. The computer finishes plugging in the clock, as Syd addresses him:

“Did you already know about this?”

She looks so confused, Carmy decides instantly he probably knows all this because it came to him in a dream, so he chooses to shut up and go with the flow. He turns to Sydney, denies with his head, and prepares for the two-month warning once again. As Uncle Jimmy and the Computer speak, Sydney continues staring at him from the corner of her eye. That’s when Richie and Neil walk in. Syd finally turns away from him as he hears Richie blaming himself for the negative review. Carmy breaks his contemplative silence to explain that it was his fault, and engages in the inevitable fight with Richie. However, when Richie tells them that he hired new personnel after several quitted, he forgets to follow the script from his dream in which he ends the conversation by saying they must get the star, and nobody mentions it either.

Is all too strange, maybe he has reached new levels of insanity in which he can predict what happens next through very vivid dreams that feel like visions. Either that or he is closer and closer to living each day in the same exact way as time passes by. He is deep in these thoughts while looking for a mixer in the deposit when Marcus walks in. Carmy acknowledges him and thinks that if there’s anyone who would listen to his craziness and not dismiss it immediately it certainly is Marcus, so he asks him if he has ever felt stuck in the same day.

“Like Groundhog Day?”

Carmy considers this.

“Yeah, like you can’t get to tomorrow.”

Marcus thinks about it and concludes that he has.

“What did you do? How did you fix it?”

“I started coming here.”

Carmy smirks, the irony. He goes back to the kitchen with the mixer in his hands. Through service, though, the vibe from yesterday changes. This time, Syd is quiet, too quiet. She interacts with him through it, silently following Jess’ instructions, but she is curt most of the time. That’s not how their interaction went before, or was that just his imagination?

Carmy goes to his apartment with this in mind. Once there he grabs the Tribune from the counter and as a sort of prevention against recurring thoughts, he throws it in the trash, then grabs the entire bag, makes a knot, and takes it out to the streets. If he is walking in his sleep again, and doing weird shit, this should prevent it… somehow. At last, he changes clothes and goes to sleep on his bed, for once. Maybe it’s the exhaustion, finally catching up with him. He closes his eyes and hopes tomorrow is different.

3

ANGER - BARGAINING 

A ray of sunshine wakes him up, he feels something in his hands and almost drops it when he realizes it’s The Chicago Tribune… the one with the review. He stands up too quickly, startled, and notices he was previously lying on the couch…

“FUCK!”

What is this… is he?? No. There’s no way. But then what? He threw the trash outside!

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

His chest tightens, he feels the flames enclosing him and he has a hard time breathing. He has to sit on the floor to try and breathe. He looks at the newspaper again, and breaks it into tiny pieces that end up scattered all around his living room floor. He kicks them trying to release the anger that is boiling inside him, but realizes midway how fucking ridiculous he looks throwing a fit at paper and decides instead to go to his closet, wear the first thing he can grab, and go to The Bear, he wants to arrive earlier than yesterday.

At 7:30 AM he is standing at the corner across the street from The Bear. Seeing from afar everyone coming in. Ebra… Richie… Neil… Marcus! He runs to him before he goes in.

“How the fuck did you get out… specifically.”

Marcus is a little freaked out by his presence, plus the fire in his words, which is not helping.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fucking golden. But I’ll be better if you reply.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Groundhog Day! We already had this conversation. About feeling stuck, how do you stop repeating the same day over and over.”

“Umm” Marcus looks nervous, “I don’t know… have you tried meditation?”

Carmy sighs.

“Fuck. No. You said something about coming here. Working here.”

Something seems to hit Marcus then.

“Oh. Sure. Being here helped—”

Carmy interrupts him.

“But how. How exactly???”

“Man, I don’t know. Discovering new recipes, seeing everyone…” Carmy goes deep in thought. Marcus stares, concerned. “Are you sure—“

Carmy interrupts him again.

“That cannot be it, I’ve been trying new menus for… ever and it seems… worse!” Carmy kicks an empty container on the street, startling Marcus, and Sydney, who happened to be arriving at the restaurant at that moment.

“Bad time?” Marcus takes the opportunity to escape inside the place, while Carmy makes eye contact with Syd, a disappointed look on her face. Fuck, that’s what was off yesterday… today… whatever. He assumed it was a different day and didn’t apologize. Syd nods to the air… at him, but also at nothing in particular. “Right…”

She is about to go inside, after Marcus, when Carmy wakes up from his thoughts and stops her.

“Wait!”

Syd turns towards him, he makes the sorry sign at her.

“You’ll have to be a little more specific.”

Carmy’s anger simmers down and a small smile sneaks from him.

“You are right… I don’t even know where to start.”

Syd contemplates this, then replies:

“How about the review?”

“Sure. I’m sorry for the chaos, the dysfunction. I know you don’t like it.”

Syd lowers her shoulders, seems to relax a bit.

“It’s not only that… It’s just… you don’t need it. You are already so talented without it, just imagine what you could be without the mess.”

Carmy smiles fondly at her. There’s something reassuring about having Sydney believe in him through different conversations that mimic the same one. Like, no matter what he does, she will still get him more than he will ever do himself.

“I know I’m part of the problem, but I’m working on it.” A lie, but one that he hopes works.

However, Syd frowns at this. Not what he was expecting.

“Didn’t say that.”

“Okay… what are you saying then?”

“Just. Stop being so miserable all the time.” Carmy laughs this time, and a smile sneaks over Syd’s face. “That’s a good start”.

Syd finally goes inside, and though Carmy knows this is not his best attempt at being reliable, he hopes at least it will get them through service without the brusqueness from before.

The rest of the day goes as expected. Uncle Jimmy tells them they are almost in the red, brings out the big ticking clock… Richie blames himself, and Carmy says is not him is Carmy, despite the small voice in the back of his head warning him it’s fucking irrelevant. They fight. But Carmy apologizes this time. Richie huffs.

“Sure.”

“I mean it.”

There’s no point, though, cause by the end of the day they are still not in Cousin terms, but service and the ambiance around it feel better than his previous attempts, he can’t deny that. It gives him an idea… maybe the way out is doing a general round of apologizing for his existence among everyone in this restaurant.

T takes it well, Marcus admits he was acting pretty off at the beginning of the day, Ebra is a little confused about it, and Nat, like the angel she is, says she understands where he is coming from, but this is not necessary. Sophie, his niece, awaits him anytime he chooses to come by, though. Carmy, now sitting at his apartment, mentions that maybe he has just been too stubborn. Imposing his views on everyone at the restaurant.

“You are not wrong… but you are coming from a place of experience, you know how the fine dining world works, and we trust you.”

“Yeah, but my point is that maybe you shouldn’t.”

“What are you saying?”

“Maybe you’ll be better off without me.”

There’s a silence only broken by Sophie’s cry in the background. Carmy feels Nat moving closer to the crying through the phone, as she replies to him:

“Never, ever, say that.”

Carmy can feel the uneasiness in her voice and is quick to reassure her he doesn’t mean anything by it, it was just an observation. Nat insists and refuses to hang up until he promises he is okay in a believable way. Carmy tries several phrases and ends up promising a couple of times that she doesn’t need to worry. Is only until Sophie starts crying again that Nat says goodnight, promising to call him early in the morning tomorrow. Carmy hangs up, knowing damn well that’s not going to happen.

He ends up going to sleep on the couch, deep in thought about how his absence might be what’s needed for everyone, including himself.

4

DEPRESSION

This time, when he wakes up on the couch again, Tribune in his hands, he feels like crying. He doesn’t want to get up, go to The Bear, yell at everyone, say empty words… he is tired of it. After a couple of hours have passed, and he has managed to go back to sleep, his phone starts going crazy, message after message, multiple calls, all from people at The Bear. He opens his eyes just to turn it off, silently hoping no one will get the idea of coming to find him in person. He is not in the mood. Let them deal with the bad finances and bad review on their own for one day.

Around mid-day he decides on the same frozen pizza he already ate three days ago… this same day. Whatever is good just to quiet his stomach. Then he goes back to the couch… what’s a day more or less? What’s the point? How can one survive this… How… He ignores the next intrusive thoughts and thinks about Phil Connors. He did watch Groundhog Day at the same time he ate this pizza before. What did Phil do? How did he get through it all? Carmy uses his last energy left, looks for the movie in a streaming service, and watches it again. It’s night by now… and the movie is interesting, to say the least. It puts him out of some ideas not even worth trying if they did nothing for Phil. Then there are other things that Carmy would like to write down so he can remember to try them in the upcoming days, but he knows they will be gone tomorrow. There’s a fleeting thought of romance… Groundhog Day is about Phil finding love, right? Maybe he must go back to Claire, be less of an asshole to her…

As sleep encloses him again, the image that keeps looping in his head is Rita in the snow. Phil making a perfect ice sculpture of her, then asking her to stay overnight. How the next day she remained there, with him, as he got out of the loop. There’s a warmth in those thoughts that feels like hope. He remembers the dream he had at the beginning of all this. Syd with snow, Mikey under the sun. If he wakes up again with those two faces near him… he will get through it all... he knows it.

5

ACCEPTANCE

He wakes up and decides to open The Chicago Tribune for once and read the news. Something he never does. But time is fake, and he is not getting out of this insane loop, so he might as well catch up with the world. He finds one happening in his neighborhood. Apparently, there’s a surge in trash over the streets, the district refuses to address the issue and there’s a personal note from a neighbor in State Street who hasn’t had a single trash truck come in over a month, the smell is now unbearable. Is not that far away from Carmy’s place, a couple of blocks, he wonders why he hasn’t noticed before.

After his light read, he gets ready to go, his thoughts from last night moving him. Before leaving, though, he thinks through what he is going to do today. He has some insight into how it goes: the bad news, the fights, the clock, the new crew… but most importantly, he has seen what happens when he fails to apologize to Syd, so his priorities lay there. The truth is, he can’t see Mikey again, but he can see Syd and he would hate himself if that meeting, no matter how many times it happens, is tainted. He thinks of better words to give her… the sorry sign has been so far considered too vague… but also a way of breaking the ice. What if he brings something for her? Too much? Too much.

In the end, he decides on basics, even writes some notes down to map out a conversation, and leaves his house with a clear intention. He walks by State Street on purpose. It is quite bad, someone should look into it. At The Bear he faces Syd, same bandana, she seems more upset than when he last saw her, two days ago, or two loops ago? Must be an illusion, though. By now he knows he is reliving the same day over and over, and he is the only one doing so. He tries to follow his plan. First the sorry sign, this time she doesn’t even say he should be more specific, she just sighs. It does work to make her get closer to him.

Carmy takes a deep breath and begins his speech.

“I… have no idea what made you come to this place. I know you told me it was meals with your dad, but I think what I mean is… I don’t really understand what made you stay.” Syd is taken by surprise by this approach. Something he was hoping would happen. He continues. “The truth is, any chance of any kind of good in this building, started when you walked in.”

Syd catches her breath. The next thing she says is muttered very softly.

“Where is this coming from?”

Carmy powers through, before he loses momentum.

“I don’t want to be the chaos that stops you from moving forward… from being great.”

“What do you mean? Are you leaving??”

Syd’s voice almost breaks and Carmy can feel a bit of panic in it. This, he didn’t expect from his speech, he tries to come about.

“No! God no… I don’t think I can even do that…” Syd looks calmer, while Carmy remembers the day he avoided coming to The Bear, Sydney’s absence… he shakes it off. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. The review was mostly my fault, and the money issues too.”

Syd frowns at this.

“What money issues?”

Carmy realizes he fucked up, Unc hasn’t brought the clock in yet. He stumbles.

“Hmm”

Syd continues, unaware of his troubles.

“…That table Computer sent? Cause I tried reading it, but the colors were just confusing…”

He lies, trying to take the save she threw him, “Yeah that…”

“Look at you… getting better at math.” Syd jokes and Carm laughs.

“Yeah, I’m trying.”

“Well… try while looking less miserable.”

And she winks at him, which wasn’t in any of the possible outcomes he carefully mapped out, and thus makes him completely lose his balance. Before he can say anything else, though, she steps out and he is left with his growing heat alone. He seems to recover his ability to breathe a couple of minutes later and the day goes on. Clock. Crew. Service. Things, though, flow differently. Syd communicates the most with him through service, maybe since they opened The Bear. He is so intertwined in their dynamic that night, that a lot of the problems with service go over his head. By the end, Jess congratulates them all, especially Syd and himself, and remarks that it is a great first start. Syd shares a complicit smile with him that makes Carmy scream inside… he wonders if this is what made Phil try every day to get closer to Rita.

As he is packing his things by the lockers, he hears Syd call his name. He turns at her.

“I like this.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Whatever today was.”

“Yeah.”

But despite his instinct to be happy about it, a fleeting thought that this will all be gone tomorrow crosses his mind. Syd notices.

“You, ok?”

Carmy hesitates for a moment, then asks:

“Wanna go out for a bite?”

Syd locks eyes with him for a second, trying to see if he is genuine, then says:

“Now? Mid-week?”

She laughs and he has no other option than to imitate her.

“No, yeah. You are right.”

Syd evaluates him for a while, then asks:

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Carmy smiles fondly at her and lies, because sometimes lying is kinder than telling the truth.

“Sure. See you tomorrow.”

“Take care, Carm.”

She is about to walk away, when he wraps her in a hug, tight. In his mind, the word “stay” replays over and over and over…

Chapter Text

I

The next day, he awakens to the warmth of sunlight and the feel of newspaper in his hands. Inside, though, he feels empty. The absence digs a hole in him deep enough to make him stop caring.

He changes and goes to The Bear because, despite him not giving a fuck anymore, there’s one thing he can’t find himself not to care about: Sydney. He can’t fully articulate why that is; he has never been that good with words, even less to express his feelings, and this is no exception. All he knows is that, even if his actions have no consequences, he needs to see her… to feel her presence the way he did yesterday… today.

For the restaurant, though, he has different plans. He doesn’t want anything to do with fine dining today. So, he arrives directly at the takeaway window and informs Ebra that he is only doing Beef sandwiches for the day, he is his today. Ebra is confused at first, but a second later he says okay and gives him a The Original Beef t-shirt. He puts it on and sits at one of the tables outside, letting the sunlight sink in. It’s only a matter of minutes… ten, nine, eight… four, three, two…

“What the hell? Ebra says you are working with him today?”

Right on time, Sydney walks towards him with a frown on her face.

“You can join me if you want.”

“What? No. That’s… Fuck. Carmy, what is this?”

He fights the sun that threatens to blind him, and manages to really look at Syd, the fire burning through her words and her eyes. Carmy smiles.

“The review did say the classic Italian Beef sandwich was the best part… I’m doing research. See how this can help The Bear.”

“Sandwiches are gonna help? How about you being more present? Not jumping board the second we get in trouble.”

Carmy stands up, trying to get closer to Syd. The idea wasn’t to rile her up this much.

“Syd, I’m not leaving you, it’s just for a day… You’ll be better off with Richie, Tina, Marcus, and Jess while you figure out this new system.”

She looks confused.

“First of all. What Jess?” Oh shit, Richie probably hasn’t introduced her yet. Before he can even mutter an excuse, she continues. “Second. What makes you think I would ever want to do this without you?”

Syd’s words hit him like a truck. By now, he has gone through this day enough times to know they can work the kitchen perfectly without him. Syd has the patience to teach and lay the menu, Richie knows how to work things out with Jess, Marcus and Tina make a great team together… and yet.

“Cause I’m a mess.”

Sydney considers this for two seconds.

“And?”

Carmy laughs, if there’s someone who wouldn’t mind dealing with pure chaotic mess… it would be Sydney, of course.

“Heard.”

Sydney turns her eyes and sighs loudly, a clear message for Carmy in her gestures.

“Where do I get another shirt?” Carmy tries to hide the smile that grows on his mouth by covering his face, pretending the sunlight is affecting him, but he can tell Sydney notices his bullshit because she is smiling too. “You… are insane. I hope you know that.”

Making sandwiches with Syd, Ebra as their boss, proves to be a fun experience. He can tell she would rather be on The Bear, but she still makes the best of this “research” adventure. He spends the day mostly preparing sandwiches, greeting clients, and staring at Sydney interact with everyone that runs the window, taking notes and doing her best at mingling with the staff. By the end of the day, they even manage to brainstorm a sub of the day with lamb, asparagus, arugula, and lemon.

“Does this mean you’ve solved your lamb dish?”

“It was always meant to be a sandwich…”

They both laugh. Syd sits down next to him at the same table he was at the beginning of the day. By now is 8:30 PM, the sun is setting, Carmy made the whole takeout window run a bit longer, and it never slowed down. The critic might have been onto something.

“Ebra is good at this, you know?” Syd says, almost voicing his thoughts.

“He is great.”

There’s a comfortable silence, but Carmy can feel Sydney fidgeting near him. Something in her mind, for sure.

“Listen. I’m not saying this wasn’t amazing and so enlightening and whatever. Like. Sure. Learning experience. But. Are we gonna keep doing this?”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t that bad.”

Syd makes a face.

“It wasn’t wonderful either…” Syd laughs, and he joins her, until he feels the rain falling over them. This is the time it rains… the loop. Fuck. Dread covers him, his vision begins to darken. Sydney seems to notice, “Is this you hiding?”

Carmy’s vision gets clear again, he can see Sydney’s features framed by the sun leaving the day, shining through the drops of water.

“No.” Sydney lowers her gaze. He wants to see her eyes again, he continues speaking. “Maybe… I don’t know who I am outside of the kitchen.”

“So you went looking… in another kitchen.”

He smiles.

“Exactly.”

She regards him for a second, doesn’t seem to mind the rain.

“Is good that you are looking.”

“Yeah?”

“Next time, though, try it on the weekend or something... I expect you tomorrow early on The Bear.”

She looks at him playfully. He nods. What’s the point of explaining to her that just won’t be possible... not the way she expects it.

She stands up and stretches, shakes the rain from her hair, and gets closer to him, before going inside.

“I mean it. Don’t you dare leave me adrift again.”

They lock eyes.

“Never.”

And this she seems to believe, by the way her gaze lingers over him, softly, tender...

II

The next loops go by in a fuzz.

In one, he goes back to smoking, then spends the entire day feeling the inevitable catholic guilt and quitting again. A quick Al-Anon meeting helping him realize there’s no point in rekindling old habits.

In another one, he goes back to Al-Anon and confesses everything. He is a mess, the restaurant had a bad review, they are losing money, he thinks he is at fault, and to top it all, he is trapped in a time loop. He knows they won’t believe the last part, but he doesn’t care anymore; he needs to get it out of his system. The person moderating the meeting comes to him at the end, worried. She thinks he is dealing with a lot... that might be messing with his brain. He laughs, then realizes that probably makes him look even more insane and sobers up quickly. She offers him a card, a psychiatrist, maybe he should give it a go. And he does, because in Groundhog Day Phil does visit a doctor… he tells him he is perfect, but who knows? He might be different from Phil, might actually have brain damage.

At the psychiatrist’s office, Carmy tells the short version of the story he told at Al-Anon, and the doctor seems convinced enough that something is wrong inside his head, cause he orders an MRI. Everything comes clean, though. The doctor is still worried and insists on letting him in for “observation” at the hospital, until they find out what’s wrong with him. Carmy’s instincts tell him to run away, but then it’s almost 7 PM and he won’t be here tomorrow, so he pretends to take the meds the doctor offers and then stares at the ceiling in his very white room, glad that he texted Sydney early today letting her know he wasn’t going to be in today. Today’s lie: He was feeling under the weather. Sydney was, as always, very graceful, told him not to worry, they do have to talk once he is back. Then she sent him a recipe for an infusion that does wonders for a sore throat. Which made Carmy smile, before feeling sad that he had to lie to her again.

The truth is that throughout the days, he had never failed to communicate with Sydney in one way or the other. Though he had avoided coming back to The Bear, trying to follow his own words, finding himself outside of the kitchen, he refused to left Sydney adrift through this journey; the first day he called, explained he had a commitment he had forgotten about, he apologized again, short, Syd’s replies had been curt enough to almost got him back there. Instead, he had chosen to send two dozen cookies for the whole crew and a whole package of green and red Post-its, they had run out in his previous repetitions. That had earned him a text from Syd by the end of the day with a thank you and a short update on the changes in the restaurant: “It’s bad… but I don’t think it’s thaaat bad.” A pause, then another text, “Expect you early morning tomorrow. No excuses. Peace and love.” He wanted to treasure those texts for the future present days. That wasn’t possible, so they would have to survive in his memory. Just contacting her had certainly been enough to keep him going through every loop, though.

A new day finds him walking around his neighborhood, for what feels like the first time in forever. He ends up again in State Street, still full of trash. A deli on the corner calls his attention. Carmy walks in and is greeted with a blunt “What?”, he turns around and sees the owner standing over the counter, arms crossed, the place deserted. Carmy panics a bit, looks quickly around, and grabs a pack of cigarettes out of instinct. He is about to go pay when a small kid, around 8 years old, walks in. He asks the angry man at the counter for an ice cream. The guy tells him it’s five dollars before even serving it, clearly testing if the kid has any money. The little boy looks into his pockets, finds two quarters, and gives them to the man, who, in a very condescending tone, tells the kid he is four dollars and a half short. Carmy boils inside, there’s something so petty about this man’s attitude that he just can’t stand it. He goes to the counter, takes out a 20-dollar bill and pays for the cigarettes and the soft serve. The petty man looks at him with exasperation,

“Is that your kid?”

“Does it matter? Just give him the ice cream.”

He makes a heavy sigh, pours the soft serve and offers it to the kid, who so far has been staring at the whole scene with very open eyes. He rushes to get it before the man regrets it, gives a short smile to Carmy, says thanks and runs out of the shop. Carmy tells the man to keep the change, gives him his best judgmental look, grabs the cigarettes and throws them in the trash by the door, before exiting.

Once outside, he looks around the street, but the kid is nowhere to be found. He wonders how many repetitions of this day have gone by with that kid missing out on his ice cream. There didn’t seem to be parents or any family nearby… He thinks about his niece, Sophie. He is her family too, isn’t he?

At night, he calls Sydney, asks her about her day, lets her rant for a while,

 “…Not fun. But. Will be better tomorrow, with you here.”

“Sure.” He says, trying to be reassuring.

“You don’t sound too convinced.” Failing at being reassuring, fuck. “You sure you're feeling better? I can take you to the doctor if you want, I’ll be there in no time…”

Carmy is surprised she can read his tone even through a phone call. He doesn’t want to worry her.

“It’s just a bug. Nothing a good night of sleep can’t fix…”

“Okaaay… but promise me you will sleep. Drink tea, listen to some music… that helps me.”

“Promise.”

He hangs up and follows her advice. The mellow voice of Jack Garratt luring him into a new day…

Don't feed the solace within you
And allow it to grow
Cause when the leaves, the blossom become you
They'll turn black and they'll fall
I promise you if you're gonna lock me out
I will stand as your ghost
If you take the love you're given
I will leave you alone
I will leave you alone
I will leave you alone…

III

The next day is not a new day, but he wants to make it one, so he goes to Sugar’s house to meet Sophie. First, he sends a text to Sydney letting her know he won’t be in today, he has a cold. Then, he goes to the deli on State Street. He waits until the kid goes inside and sneaks in, trying to be casual. When the situation of the soft serve plays out, he offers to pay for it, despite the annoyance of the owner. The kid goes out happy, Carmy tries to follow him this time, at a significant distance to not seem too creepy, seeing if there’s anyone around him. The boy turns around the corner and sits alone on a bench in the street, watching a group of skaters do tricks in the street in front of him. Carmy frowns and makes sure to check the time: 9:10 AM, now he must come back every time in future loops.

Just as he is about to walk away, he gets startled when one of the skaters falls and gets a nasty injure, her leg scared, blood flowing, her friend takes off a scarf from under his helmet and wraps it around her leg, then helps her get up and cross the street so she can rest on the same bench the little kid is in eating his ice cream. The boy offers the hurt skater his soft serve, she smiles at him and says, "No, thank you."

Carmy’s thoughts get interrupted by his phone ringing. It’s Nat. He takes the call this time and thinks it’s a sign for him to walk away.

“Are you at The Bear already?”

“Umm, not really.”

“No? Why? Where are you?”

“On my way to yours, actually.”

“What?”

“I thought I paid you a visit, meet Sophie.”

“Oh… okay. On a Tuesday? Who is running The Bear?”

“I already talked to Sydney. I think she got it.”

“Well… sure. Come here, I’m more than happy to see you!”

He arrives with a fruit basket and flowers. Pete takes them from him and thanks him profusely. He asks him how it is going, Carmy lies, because Pete is not the person he is telling about being stuck in the same day... it won’t happen. They share what seems like an uncomfortable silence from Carmy’s perspective, until Pete turns to him again, apparently waking up from a trance, he does look a little sleep deprived. Pete tells him Nat is nursing Sophie in their room and starts walking. Carmy notices two beats later that he is supposed to be following him, and runs behind, trying to catch up.

He can’t help but smile when he sees Sophie in Nat’s arms. She looks so delicate and soft. His sister greets him with a whispered “Hi, Bear.” And a gesture for him to sit next to her on the bed. He joins cautiously and speaks the obvious.

“This is her.”

“It is.”

“She… She is beautiful.”

“Isn’t she?” Nat gives Sophie the biggest smile, and Carmy can’t help but mimic the movement. “Wanna hold her?” Nat separates her from her breast and hands her to Carmy.

“What. No. It’s okay.”

“Come on, I would love to have five minutes to pee…”

Pete nods at him from the corner, and Carmy realizes this is probably an excuse to get him to hold her, gives up, and extends his arms. If he accidentally drops her, he could just reset the day and it would be as if this had never happened, right? Sophie is warm in his arms, Nat helps him place her in a cradling position, and she jumps out of the room, followed by Pete, who leaves, saying something about the flowers Carmy brought. He tries not to move at all for the first five seconds, but then, when she accommodates herself, he decides to relax and starts rocking her, slowly. She stares at his blue eyes at first, fixated on them, until she closes her own slowly, as sleep covers her.

Nat’s and Pete’s voices dissolve in the background, the sounds from the streets disappear, and there seems to be nothing else but Carmy and Sophie in the world. Her warmth, the only real thing. Just like when he was little and got yelled at by Donna in one of her outbursts. He used to run to Sugar’s room, who not only let him in but also held him tightly, soft arms, yellow lights, soothing words… nothing else to listen to, no more sounds, only them.

“Look at that! You are a natural. It takes me three strides around the house and two lullabies to get her there.” Pete is standing at the door frame, a tired smile on his face. Carmy nods at him. “Hey, I meant to call you but, been a little busy. You know…” Pete gestures around and laughs to himself, then continues. “When will Sydney sign the agreement? Is there something she wants to change on the document or…?”

Carmy seems confused.

“She hasn’t signed it?”

“No…” A light turns on inside of Carmy, he stands quickly, checks on Sophie, still sleeping peacefully, good, he walks to Pete and hands Sophie carefully, making sure she doesn’t wake up. He looks for Nat, finds her just going out of the bathroom.

“I have to go.”

“Oh. Okay. Is everything alright?”

He is in a rush, now that the fire is burning, he needs to know if what he is thinking will get him out of the loop.

“Yeah… don’t worry.”

“You gotta admit I have reasons to… I mean, I loved the visit, and the flowers are beautiful… but why weren’t you at The Bear today? Is it the review?”

“No, no… Just… Needed a day off.”

Nat nods but doesn’t seem fully convinced.

“Well, call me if you need anything, okay? Or… if you want to talk… You know I’m always here, right?”

He smiles at her and goes out on the street. He can understand Nat's worries, but there’s not much he can do to reassure her in his current situation. The one thing he can do is call Sydney… his key out. She picks up after one ring.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“What?”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Oh, no, I mean, yeah. Umm…” He is so tired of lying to Sydney. He knows it’s better than just laying the truth on her, of being trapped in the same day forever, but he cannot find the energy to do it again today. “Actually, I was at Sugar’s. Meeting my niece.”

“Oh… You are not sick?”

“I… No. I thought it was easier to say I had a cold, instead of explaining I wanted to visit Nat today…”

“Hmm”

“Sorry. Shouldn’t have lied.”

“No.”

“Won’t happen again.”

“I hope not… Like, couldn’t you have done this on a Sunday? Or Something?”

“No.” He says bluntly. No more lies. “It has been too long.”

He can feel Syd sigh through the phone.

“That’s… true. I’m glad you met her.”

There’s a silence, followed by his voice, breaking it.

“Hey. I wanted to ask, is there a reason you haven’t signed the agreement yet?”

“Oh. I. Umm.” He seems to have taken her by surprise with the question. “It’s been so hectic, you know? Haven’t really had the time… Hmm, I’m going on the train. I think the call might get cut off, ok? Sorry. Bye.”

And he is left with the silence again. She sounded anxious, like she wanted to avoid the subject altogether. He rests over a wall, thinks for a second… is this it? He has been ignoring the agreement and Syd’s resistance to it until now. This has to be what he needs to figure out. Why doesn’t Syd want to sign it? And how can he fix it… Once he solves this, The Bear might be able to move forward; he might get to live beyond today...

Chapter Text

I

He gets dressed and arrives at the Deli just in time. The kid is giving his two quarters to the man at the counter, who is looking at them with annoyance. The boy turns to Carmy when he enters, smiles, and steps aside, like he was waiting for him, which Carmy reminds himself is not possible. Carmy approaches the counter and offers the man a five-dollar bill to pay for the ice cream. The guy frowns a bit, confused about who he is, but this time he just gives the cone to the boy. The kid says thank you to Carmy, walks out, and waits for him outside.

“He is upset because there are no people inside anymore.”

“In the store?”

“Yeah, because it smells so bad. He used to smile more. Before.”

“Oh…”

“I’m Thomas.” And he offers him his hand to shake it, which, coming from an 8-year-old, is kind of funny. Carmy shakes it anyway and introduces himself, too.

“Carmen.”

Thomas frowns.

“Isn’t that a girl’s name?”

Carmy laughs. “Sometimes, sometimes not.”

Thomas nods, considering that very seriously. Then he starts walking away.

“See ya.” Carmy waves goodbye at Thomas’s back, then checks the time and realizes he is very late for The Bear. This is not the approach he should have if he wants Sydney to sign the agreement. So he decides to try again the next repetition, earlier.

The next loop finds him in front of Sydney’s door at 7 AM, hoping he’ll get to talk to her before she leaves for The Bear. He hears the door open, slowly. A door chain keeping her from him by a small gap.

“Carmy? What are you doing here?”

“Umm”

He looks at the chain, Syd takes the hint.

“Oh, yeah, give me a second.”

He hears some fumbling and the door flows open, a half-naked Sydney, who’s only wearing a towel, greets him. She takes a fast glance at herself, seems to notice that as well, says a quick “Sorry, wasn’t expecting… anyone” and runs inside, while Carmy comes in. He watches her go and notices a collection of tattoos on her back. He doesn’t get to recognize what each one is about, only manages to really distinguish a car and a can of anchovies. He smiles to himself and wonders what the others are, why he didn’t know she had any, what they could be about, and why they are all on her back… as far as he knows. Before he can think more about it, Sydney is back, fully clothed, the bright blue bandanna with the sun over the hill carefully placed over her hair.

“Sorry about that… umm, so…”

“Yes. I… I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay… Couldn’t that have waited until we were at The Bear?”

“Well, I was going to suggest we skipped The Bear altogether.”

Sydney laughs like he is the funniest person on the planet. Until she sees he is being serious and sobers up.

“Oh. For real? I… Honestly, don’t think it’ll be the wisest of moves… after that review.”

“No, I know…” He tries to think of what to say next. He was hoping he could get Sydney for the day, away from the craziness of running a restaurant, so they could really talk, get to the bottom of the issue. But it seems he cannot even hold this conversation. While he is looking away from Sydney, he realizes he hasn’t looked at her place until now. It’s… cozy, full of quirks and personality. So different from the void he lives in. He marvels at the details in every corner, trying to tell him who she is. Some he recognizes, the food-related ones, others, he wonders about… shouldn’t he know more about them? Why hasn’t he been more curious about Sydney outside of the kitchen? His thoughts go unprompted to the tattoos again. He felt he knew who Sydney was, but now he is not so sure…

“Carmy… Are you still here?”

He focuses on her again, registers a bit of worry in her expression, takes a deep breath, gestures the sorry sign at her, and tries again.

“Yes. You are right, that’s not… smart?” He offers a smile at Syd, she takes it and turns it into one of her own. “What if we talk on our way to The Bear?”

“Sure. I mean, you are already here.”

He smirks as Sydney puts shoes on and grabs her tote bag.

“Before, I do need to make a quick stop, if you don’t mind?”

They end up at the Deli over State Street around 8:30 AM. Carmy knows he is early, so he walks in and goes directly to the owner.

“Listen, man, a kid named Thomas is going to come in about 30 minutes, just give him the ice cream, okay?” And he offers him a five-dollar bill. The guy looks at him like he is properly insane, but doesn’t reject the money. Carmy tries to make eye contact with the man to make sure he is serious about it, while Sydney stands near him, dumbfounded. The man finally says, “Okay” and Carmy walks out of the place with Sydney following him quickly.

“What was that about?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You walk around doing good deeds now? Is that the catholic guilt Richie talks about?”

“What? No.” Carmy sighs, “Kids are supposed to be spoiled, and this guy is a proper… jagoff.”

“That he did look… Also, what’s with the smell?”

“There’s a trash problem going around.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

They continue walking fast, trying to get away from the smell, and only slow down when they get to the train. Sydney breaks the silence as they go inside.

“So… what did you wanna talk about?”

Carmy looks at her under the rays of sunlight that manage to get through the windows. The brown from her eyes popping each time the light hit them, telling him not to ruin the moment with uncomfortable questions.

“We should settle on one menu. The critic didn’t seem to like the chaos.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I do either.”

“Okay. You choose. What should we serve today?”

Syd’s eyes seem to light up even more as she speaks. A small recollection of her favorite dishes from the previous days, inspiration making her think of mixes they could do, ingredients they have tried before but thrown away too soon… Carmy only stares and listens, remembering a time in which he also had this passion for cooking… for life. He proposes they use anchovies, remembering her tattoo, and Sydney’s excitement grows. He decides that getting out of this day can wait; he doesn’t want to ruin this.

At The Bear, things flow smoothly; it reminds him of that one repetition where he and Sydney seemed to be one in the kitchen. However, this time, he notices everyone around him more. Including Richie. It seems that his gripe with him is putting obstacles to all of them during service. He has been doing this day enough to deem the whole situation ridiculous. What’s the point of it? Of the fight going on? It all feels exhausting.

So, by the end of the day, he approaches Richie when he is alone at the tables.

“Hey, cousin.”

“Oh, we are on cousin terms now? That’s rich.”

“I’m trying. Aren’t you tired of this beef?”

“Of fucking course I’m exhausted. But if you think you can just yell and be a complete jagoff and then have me put a big fucking smile like nothing happened, you’ll have to think again.”

“I don’t. I’m fucking sorry, okay? I didn’t mean what I said... I don’t like going around messing people and places up. It’s fucked up and I have to be better.”

“Better done than said.”

Carmy sighs.

“I know. I just need more time…”

“You know what they say. Today is tomorrow.” Carmy laughs. If only he knew. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Time. It’s all a fucking joke.”

Richie seems to lower his guard and sits at a nearby table.

“Tell me about it.”

Carmy joins him. They both watch Sydney cross the small window that divides the tables from the kitchen. Carmy remembers the agreement, turns to Richie again.

“I can’t seem to get Sydney to sign the partnership agreement.”

“Well, can’t blame her.”

“I know I’m a mess, but… I think there’s something else that I can’t figure out.”

“You should give her time.”

“Yeah… time.” The only thing he doesn’t have.

“Every second counts, right?” Carmy considers this carefully. Richie interrupts his thoughts by speaking again, “Have you spoken to her dad? He might know something you don’t.”

Carmy thinks this through. Richie might be right; Emmanuel is everything to Sydney.

“You might be onto something.”

Richie stands up and stretches.

“I know.”

And he goes out, while Carmy looks across the window, the cars race at the same speed as his head.

II

After waking up once more with The Chicago Tribune in his hands, texting Syd he won’t be going in today because he is sick (a lie), and buying Thomas his ice cream (chocolate this time, which seems to be his favorite), Carmy finds himself outside of Emmanuel’s place, waiting for him to open the door after the second time he buzzes in. The door remains closed, he can’t even hear movement inside, and he wonders if he chose a bad time to find him. He is about to turn around and leave when he hears steps from the hallway, and Emmanuel’s silhouette comes into view, carrying two bags with groceries.

“Is Sydney okay?”

“Yes.” Emmanuel looks at him, still worried. “Sorry to come here out of nowhere. Sydney is good. She is at The Bear right now.”

“And you aren’t…”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Emmanuel walks past him and opens the door, gestures for Carmy to come in. It’s a lovely place, reminds him of Sydney’s, clearly it is a home she built with her dad. Emmanuel takes him to the kitchen, where he starts unloading the groceries he was carrying. Carmy speaks up.

“I wanted to talk to you about Sydney.”

“Is she in trouble?”

“No. Not at all...” Emmanuel gives him a look that he interprets as a sign for him to go on. “I think I am… I don’t know why she won’t sign the partnership agreement of The Bear.”

Emmanuel stops unpacking a milk jug, frowns, and looks deep in thought.

“I remember when Sydney turned ten so clearly… She blew the candles and then that night whispered to me, ‘I’m going to tell you my wish, but you can’t tell anybody,’ And who was I going to tell anyway? It was only the two of us…” Emmanuel laughs to himself, and Carmy can’t help but smile. “Anyway… She tells me: ‘I wished to be like my mom when I grow up.’” Emmanuel smiles and stares at the horizon, clearly emotional. Then continues, “But she didn’t need to wish for that… because she already was, in so many ways…” Carmy finds a picture over the fridge of what is probably Emmanuel younger and Sydney’s mother, sharing an embrace. “Like her mother, Sydney is very determined about what she wants; you can almost say stubborn sometimes.” They share a smile. “However… when she is not so sure about something, she drifts away… detaches.” Carmy frowns. “Like her mom, in those moments, she needs a ground pole… I used to help Syd’s mom feel like that… and vice versa.” Carmy feels Emmanuel’s gaze on him, he looks at him. “Are you doing that for Sydney?”

Carmy looks at him, surprised.

“What do you- Is not like- We are not…”

Emmanuel gives him a look.

“Do what I try to do with her… when she lets me. Talk to her. Be honest. Let her know she is standing on solid ground.”

III

That night, Carmy waits for Sydney outside of The Bear after service. He knows what he would wish on his candles if it happened to be his birthday. He doesn’t have that option, so he paces the ground nervously, chewing nicotine gum to help him feel calmer.

Sydney looks surprised to see him there. He tries to explain his presence.

“I’m feeling better. Wanted to check out how everything went today.”

She seems to relax a bit.

“Jess is great. I think we might be able to get to the other side of it.”

“Good. That’s good.”

“Yeah… the timer Mr. Kalinowsky and The Computer brought in, though… huge and intimidating. I thought of accidentally dropping something over it throughout service just so it would stop tormenting me.”

Carmy laughs at this.

“I’ll have to check it out myself…”

There’s a silence in which Syd sways and looks around, and Carmy decides to go for it.

“Hey, I was wondering. Would you like to grab a bite? With me?” 

Sydney hesitates. Carmy continues.

“I haven’t eaten much today.”

“While being sick? You have to eat.”

“I know. That’s why-“

“Exactly. Agreed-“

“So that’s a…?”

“Yes.”

They start talking over each other, it’s a bit awkward, but once Syd says yes, Carmy breathes again, and they make their way to the restaurant. The place ends up being a sort of pub, the only thing open this late on a Tuesday. Is not too crowded, so they get to be somewhat private, which is great for talking… he just needs to get to it. After ordering something to eat, burgers, and the food arriving, not great in his opinion, he decides he needs to go head-on.

“I know you might have your reasons. And that’s… okay. I just want to let you know that I’m here if you want to talk about the partnership agreement, if you want to change anything in it…”

Sydney frowns.

“Is this an ambush?”

“No. Not at all… I’ve just been thinking… The dangers of staying home, you know?”

Sydney searches for his eyes, she seems to find something reassuring because she sighs and grabs a french fry.

“I need time... I just want to know I’m making the right decision.”

“Of course… It’s just. What if we didn’t have much of that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Time? It’s been a couple of months, and I feel like. This is it. Sure, it can be better. And I promise it will. I… will get out of my head, and the star is coming… but either you take a leap with me or…”

Carmy stops his speech once he notices Sydney is looking at him with apprehension. Fuck, he must have said something wrong.

“Yeah, no. I mean. I should just trust you, right? Trust you that this is the time you actually mean all you are saying, that it will get better, and that I’m not once again just walking into a rift.”

“Well… yes. There needs to be certain trust.”

“But you don’t have that, Carmy. Because… where were you today?? Yeah, sick, whatever, but you look fine. And then you come here late… all coy… to talk about the agreement? So where were you really, today?”

Carmy talks almost without thinking, remembering Emmanuel’s words. Be honest.

“With your dad. I went to talk to him.”

“What? Why?”

“Cause I need to understand. Fuck. I don’t know where your head is at… I don’t know who you are!”

Sydney looks at him, hurt.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t know…”

“We’ve been at this for almost a year, and you have no idea who I am, what I want, why I can’t seem to fucking sign the agreement…”

“Clearly not.”

“Fuck. Like, why am I even bothering? I should just call Shapiro back and put an end to all this.”

Carmy’s thoughts stop in their tracks.

“Shapiro? What…” But he doesn’t finish his question; he doesn’t have to. Sydney’s face is completely livid now, she probably just realized what she said. “Did he poach you?”

She avoids his eyes, picks another french fry.

“He wants me to go with him… to the new place he is making.” She dares to look at him, Carmy is boiling. Who the fuck does Shapiro think he is, and why would he even consider himself to be at a level to approach Sydney?

“And you are actually thinking of going with him?” Carmy laughs.

“Okay, let’s not go there.”

“No. no. Let’s… What does he have to offer? Huh? You are ten times better than him. He is a… goofy.”

“And what about you? What do you have to offer?”

“Way more!” Carmy says a bit smugly if he must admit, and then the words slip from him fast, fueled by the discussion. “How about a whole ass partnership in a restaurant that my dead brother left for me? You think that’s nothing?”

“I didn’t say that…”

Carmy realizes he has gone too far, tries to reel it back.

“Sorry. I just want to understand.”

“No. Me too.” Sydney locks eyes with him and laughs, ironically. “It’s always you, isn’t it?” Carmy frowns, not sure what she means. Syd takes a couple of bills from her pocket, puts them on the table. “I better get going, it’s getting late.”

Carmy’s heart starts beating fast; he is losing her, and she still hasn’t settled on signing the agreement.

“Wait.” Sydney is standing now, she looks at him with a sad expression, and shakes her head.

“Bye, Carmy.”

He feels that goodbye like a rope around his neck. Sydney goes out of the pub, and he seems unable to move or to breathe. Besides the fact that he is still trapped and probably unlikely to leave, he has just witnessed one of the worst things in this collection of loops, which is Sydney’s disappointment; he doesn’t want to see that ever again. Which means he will have to do something drastic.

He is about to leave when he sees the clock over the wall of the pub turning 12. So instead, he closes his eyes and feels the world shift. When he opens them again, he is at his flat, the sun over his face, the paper in his hands. He sighs, but stands quickly. Today, he is choosing honesty: he is telling Sydney he is trapped in a time loop.