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Summary:

This is my first story for this fandom, and it is set directly at the end of the series.

Due to a mysterious event, Commander Riker undergoes a change that cannot be explained. Will he ever return to his old self, and how can Deanna help him?

...I hope you'll be patient with me and enjoy this fic. 😊

Chapter 1: INCOMPLETE

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After the officers of the starship USS Enterprise finished their poker game and the First Officer William Riker won - as he so often did - it became quite quiet in the commander's quarters. He quietly tidied everything up, trying not to think about what had just happened. Captain Jean-Luc Picard's journey back and forth through time - caused by Q - made Riker doubt in his own abilities. Sure, he couldn't prevent it, but his job as a First Officer was also to protect his captain from potential dangers, no matter what they might be. While he knew he didn't have himself to blame, Picard wasn't just like his commanding officer. He was like a father - the kind one he had always wanted - and a more than good friend at the same time. He was extremely pleased that the captain had finally joined their poker game after six years, and even though Riker had often let the older man win, he felt a bit uncomfortable around him at the moment... and somehow strange.

It was a feeling that reminded him of his first year here on the Enterprise. A time when, more than anything, he wanted to prove to himself on Starfleet's flagship that he was an exceptionally good and capable officer. A time when, at first, he had sensed a certain coldness from Captain Picard. Back then, Riker hadn't known why he had behaved so reservedly towards him. Either it had been the captain's initial, natural nature, or it was because of the arrogance he was often accused of. For a while, he had even considered that it might have something to do with his file. But after less than a day, he hadn't given that one thought any more credence. After all, Picard had wanted him then solely because of a certain note in his file. Okay, the current situation wasn't 100 percent comparable to the one back then, but he still felt that coldness again. Only this time it was coming from himself.

 

By now, Riker had finished tidying up, leaving the living area in darkness behind him, and entered the bathroom, where he looked at his mirror. As he stared blankly at his reflection, he couldn't help but think again of the captain's story, how they were all like that in the future. His behavior towards Picard in particular had shaken him the most, and he therefore asked himself how he should behave now to prevent this alternative timeline - a completely possible future. Through Picard's story, he knew that Deanna and Worf's liaison was a kind of catalyst for him. The immense disappointment in Deanna and the cold anger towards Worf ultimately turned him into an old, lonely, and bitter man.

God. How could he have allowed himself to let himself go like that with Deanna. Of course, it wasn't as if he took their friendship for granted. After all, he'd always harbored a faint hope - ever since they'd met again on the Enterprise after all these years, that they'd get back together. Sure, he loved to flirt and had gotten quite close with several of the ladies in this galaxy. But no one could compare to Deanna. She was something special. His Imzadi. ...The woman he needed in his life.

He also knew that there were other men on board who had their eye on the Betazoid beauty. But he'd never really considered them serious competitors, partly because those men knew that he and the counselor were close and didn't want to mess with him - as the starship's first officer. But the fact that Worf, of all people - his best friend on the ship, was putting himself between him and his soulmate made him jealous and downright angry. Yes, he was angry. Angry at Worf, but also at himself. How could he have been so blind that two of his best friends had entered into an intimate relationship ...and behind his back, no less? He'd always thought that Deanna had enough decency, and the Klingon had the sincere honor, to at least talk to him about it. ...Which they never did.

Before the poker game, he had had a clarifying conversation with Worf, and at the end of their conversation they agreed that he would hold back and not come between them, and that in return Worf would not say a word to him about his relationship with Counselor Troi. But a conversation with her still didn't happen, partly because the Betazoid had once said that it was none of his business who she was seeing. This comment had hit Riker pretty hard. They had once agreed that they would talk to each other when they were each considering a serious relationship with someone else. It seemed to him that she no longer saw him as her Imzadi, and so he had to watch as their connection faded and dissolved, like a ghost in the early hours of the morning. ...He had always thought that this Imzadi connection was eternal, and that they would each remain a part of each other until the end of their lives.

 

With the inevitable feeling that he might soon lose his most important people forever, he suddenly felt a rising loneliness he hadn't felt in a long time. The last time was when he was new to the academy. There he even had the added feeling that everyone was against him. But that time was nothing like what he had experienced as a child. After losing his mother at the age of two, he had lived a life of absolute solitude. His father had hardly ever been there for him. While his father traveled the galaxy as an ambassador and strategic attaché for the Federation, the boy Riker had to raise himself more or less on his own. And even when his father was home, he tried to be a father to his son, but he didn't understand how to do that without his wife. Because of the loss of his mother, he was essentially forced by his father to grow up quickly and take on the role of a wife. His father would say he had merely disciplined him, but young Riker knew it was more than that. ...It was also called controlled abuse.

So a deep, completely insurmountable rift developed between the two. Because he never had a proper childhood and thus never truly had a caring father, it was the loneliest time of his entire life.

It was only when he came to the Enterprise and took on the position of first officer that he was able to slowly forget the quiet loneliness that surrounded his heart. Here he found not only friends for life, but also the family he had always secretly longed for. A family he didn't want to lose. A family for whom he even turned down the position of captain of his own starship every time, thus stalling his own career. A family that meant more to him than anything else. …But now he felt that his new family was being torn apart and that the resulting loneliness was slowly seeping into his heart again.

 

So he looked closely at his reflection in the mirror and wondered what he had become or what he would become. The longer he looked at himself, the more he longed for a time when he could still call his life worth living. A time when he no longer had to ask himself how long it had been since Deanna had called him Imzadi. He missed that familiarity sorely. With a growing longing for security, he went to the bedroom and then fell onto the bed with a sigh. As he lay there, his thoughts repeatedly drifting back to Deanna, he couldn't help thinking about her having fun with Worf on the holodeck. Just imagining the two of them walking hand in hand along a golden beach in the moonlight was enough to make him feel like crying, but the dam remained strong and unbroken. He couldn't even remember when he had last shed a tear. He hadn't even been able to do so at Tasha Yar's funeral, although he had fought back the tears then. Somehow, he'd lost the ability to cry properly. This was probably partly due to his father telling him, when he was five years old, that boys don't cry.

With all these memories and an idea of ​​how Deanna and Worf conducted their romantic relationship, he fell back against the pillow, placed an arm over his tired, closed eyes, and tried to somehow calm himself until he finally fell asleep.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like and enjoy it. 😊

Chapter 2: RETURN TO INNOCENCE

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

In the early hours of the first day shift, Lieutenant Commander Data left his current post on the bridge and took the turbolift down to Deck Eight. From there, he went straight to the officers' quarters and finally stopped in front of one of these rooms. He announced his presence with a beep and waited patiently for a response so that he could simply enter. But there was no response. Since the android Data had already asked the computer on the bridge about the whereabouts of one of his superiors and thus located him in his quarters, he asked himself if he had somehow missed him. Which was entirely possible on a large ship like the Enterprise, with over a thousand souls on board. So he decided to ask the computer again about his whereabouts. But the answer remained the same. He then rang the doorbell again and, faced with renewed ignorance, Data insisted on opening the door using his emergency code. Because if the computer says the officer he's looking for is in his quarters, but he doesn't get a response from him, that means something's wrong.

"Commander?" Data asked the apparently empty room.

Cautiously, he made his way to the bedroom, where he found a used but empty bed. He also noticed a uniform with a communications badge laid out on a dresser, which apparently wasn't in use. The whole thing was starting to feel a bit strange, even for Data, and he looked around the rest of the quarters. Commander Riker was nowhere to be seen. But as he was about to leave his commanding officer's private domain, he heard a faint rustling. He cast another questioning glance into the emptiness before him and followed the sound. What he then found set his positronic brain in a frenzy. Before him was a small boy – dressed in blue pajamas – who was staring at the android, startled and more than a little afraid. The little boy tried to crawl further into the corner, but of course, failed. How did he even get in here? Was Commander Riker playing hide-and-seek with this boy, and had he lost track of time? That might explain why the first officer couldn't be found. But Data also knew that Riker was very dutiful and lived for his work. So, where was he? Where had he been hiding?

But now he had another problem that piqued his interest. The boy in front of him. Slowly, Data knelt down, looked the boy up and down, and noticed some bruises adorning his body. When the boy suddenly began to tremble, Data assured him in a soothing voice that he wouldn't hurt him.

"Calm down, I will not hurt you. You do not have to be afraid of me. ...How did you even get in here?" Data assured the boy that he had nothing to be afraid of.

But the little boy continued to stare at him with wide, frightened eyes and didn't move. Not even for an inch. He had never seen anyone like Data before. There was something strange and fascinating about that white skin and those golden eyes, but it also seemed a bit disturbing to him.

"W-What... What are you?" asked a small, innocent voice.

"I am an android. Can you tell me your name?"

"B-Billy."

"Billy, then. A beautiful name. ...Well, Billy, you should not be in here. Even though the Commander has a soft spot for children, I am sure he wants his quarters back as usual. ...You did not break anything, did you?"

Billy just shook his head.

"That is good. Let me take you to your parents. They are probably wondering where you are and missing you."

At that, Billy looked away, looking even sadder and more scared than he already did. His trembling had also visibly increased, which Data noticed immediately.

"Are you all right, Billy? ...The way you look, a visit to the infirmary would not hurt. Dr. Crusher can certainly help with your bruises and will certainly be helpful in mediating between you and your parents. ...Everything will be okay." Data did his best to make Billy feel safe and that he could trust him. "You can trust me. You are safe with me. I would never harm you. ...I promise you!"

While Data held out his hand, Billy hesitated at first, but then he carefully took his outstretched hand and was amazed at how warm the android felt. Data's body heat felt even more pleasant than his father's. It truly gave him a feeling of concern, respect, and absolute security. ...Just as Data had said.

 

After Data took Billy by the hand and led him out of Commander Riker's quarters, he immediately headed in the direction of the nearest turbolift. On the way to sickbay, however, Billy became more and more nervous and, with every meter he covered, more afraid. Although Data was by his side and gave him a sense of security, he knew that the android couldn't always help him. So it was foreseeable that he would soon be alone again …as usual. So he took Data's hand in both hands and slowed her pace. When they finally reached the sickbay, Billy stopped and didn't dare take the last step. He lacked the courage and, of course, the fear that Data would leave him alone.

At first, Data looked at him questioningly, then got down to his eye level and tried to calm his fears: "What is wrong? ...You do not have to be afraid, Billy. I know there is a different world behind these doors for you, but everything is really fine. No one will hurt you. ...You are more than safe by my side, just like I promised you."

Billy, however, looked down at the ground and simply couldn't bring himself to voice his next fears. An unexpected heat rose within him, causing his eyes to begin to shine with moisture. The danger that he would burst into tears within seconds was quite high. When a single tear actually rolled down his cheek, the next ones followed, forming torrents.

Since Data had been dealing with the topic of comforting hugs for some time, he finally simply took the little boy in his arms and let him cry on his chest. No words were spoken, if only because Data didn't know what to say. He was somewhat awkward in this unfamiliar situation. Although he had had children in his care and spent time with them on one or two occasions, none of them had soaked his shirt with tears. While this hug was still ongoing and Billy simply couldn't calm down, he picked him up and took him to a quiet corner. Billy should calm down first, away from the prying eyes of the crew.

Once Billy had calmed down somewhat, Data asked if he was feeling a little better and was now able to go to sickbay. Although Billy shook his head no, he managed a meek "Yes." Due to the contradictory answer, Data picked Billy up again and carried him to sickbay.

 

The moment Data entered sickbay, he was immediately greeted by Nurse Alyssa Ogawa: "Commander Data, it's good to see you back in sickbay." After properly placing a medical device in its designated place, she turned to the boy in Data's arms, examining the odd bruise that was clearly visible. "And who is this handsome young man? ...It looks like you've overdone it with the gaming."

While Billy gazed into a deep, imaginary hole with sad eyes and a blank stare, Data stepped over to one of the biobeds and set the boy down.

"This is Billy. I found him in Commander Riker's quarters while searching for him. Before I return him to his parents, it would be appropriate and advisable to have his bruises removed."

"I understand. You want to spare him unnecessary trouble."

"Exactly. ...It is the least I can do for him."

"You would truly be a wonderful father, Data. It's still truly sad that you had to shut down and deactivate Lal. You truly missed the opportunity to truly embrace the role of a father. ...The boy is lucky that you took him by the hand." a female voice spoke from the background.

"Dr. Crusher. Good morning, and thank you for your kind words."

"Always welcome, Data." Dr. Beverly Crusher let him know, knowing she could happily repeat such words, and then turned to Billy. "And what about you? Do those bruises hurt?"

Billy looked up at her briefly, took Data's hand, and looked shyly at the ground.

"Billy? ...Billy, are you hurting?" Data asked him the question again and at some point received a barely noticeable shake of the head in response, "He does not seem to have any."

"That sounds good, but he should take off his shirt. I'm afraid these bruises aren't the only ones he has. ...Billy? I know you trust Data more than me, but in order to help you, I need your help. Could you do me a favor and take off your shirt? You have nothing to be ashamed of. I don't want to and won't hurt you. I promise you that." Dr. Crusher tried to gain Billy's trust and asked him a favor at the same time.

Billy looked up at her briefly, then turned his gaze to Data and silently screamed at him that he didn't want this. That he just wanted to get out of here and crawl into his bed where he could hide from the whole world. As Billy squeezed Data's hand as tightly as he could, the android tried again to reassure the boy and calm his fears. He told him that everything would be okay.

"Obviously, he does not trust me 100 percent yet, and it looks like he has trouble confiding in others. My guess is that he is very afraid of something."

"I see it that way too, and I already have a hunch where the problem lies." Crusher already had a vague idea why Billy was acting so dismissively, feeling a rising anger. "...Billy, how did you get these injuries? Did someone hurt you? ...No matter who it is, even if it was your parents, we can protect you. We can make sure it doesn't happen again. You're safe with Mr. Data and me. You're not alone."

"You think that Billy...?" Data picked up on Crusher's thoughts and was about to say them out loud, but the doctor immediately interrupted him.

"Yes, I think so, and since we have a serious personnel problem here, we should turn to Will first."

"I also think going to Riker is appropriate, but the commander is currently nowhere to be found. The computer located him in his quarters earlier, but instead of him, I found Billy there. Which is very strange..." Data felt this further course of action was correct and insisted on asking the computer once again about his whereabouts. "Computer, locate Commander Riker."

"Commander Riker is currently in sickbay." a female voice was heard shortly afterwards.

Dr. Crusher and Data initially looked at each other questioningly, and since the two of them, including Nurse Ogawa and the boy, were the only ones here at the moment, their gaze fell on Billy. Could it be that this boy was the first officer and their mutual friend, Commander William T. Riker? No, the thought was far too grotesque, but it wasn't far-fetched. After all, they had already experienced one or two unusual things. Even Captain Picard and three other crew members were transported back to their youth a few years ago. So why shouldn't one of them be transformed back into a toddler overnight? Still, the question remained: how could that have happened?

"Billy, can you please tell me your name? Billy is just a nickname your parents gave you, right?" Data followed their shared train of thought.

Billy nodded briefly and, in a shaky voice, gave his identity a name: "W-William, ...William Riker."

"I'll do a DNA comparison just to be on the safe side." Dr. Crusher realized that proof was urgently needed here, even though Billy looked like a much younger Commander Riker. "...I'm going to take a few drops of your blood, Billy. Don't worry, it won't hurt."

Shortly after Dr. Crusher took a small amount of Billy's red elixir of life, she compared the results with those of Commander Riker. The results came in less than half a minute later, and they clearly indicated that Billy was the missing first officer.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like and enjoy it. 😊

Chapter 3: NOBODY CAN SAFE ME

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

While Captain Picard was being asked to go to sickbay, Dr. Crusher asked Billy a few simple questions. Among other things, did he know where he was at the moment and what stardate they were currently in? To which Billy always just shook his head and sheepishly stated the year he thought it must be. A time when he was five years old. This extremely quiet and rather intimidated behavior was not exactly easy for Dr. Crusher. Especially because she found Commander Riker to be an outgoing, self-confident, friendly, and funny person. Someone you would enjoy sitting with in 10-Forward, talking to and confiding in about anything and everything in this universe. She had always felt safe and warm with him. To her, William Riker had been like a younger brother she had never had but had secretly longed for. But now, he seemed more foreign to her than ever before.

When Dr. Crusher was almost finished removing the bruises, at least the ones that weren't covered by some kind of cloth, when Captain Picard entered sickbay. He looked around briefly, somehow hoping to find someone specific. But his hopes died when he saw Dr. Crusher, Nurse Ogawa, Data, and a small boy.

"Data, you said something about a major problem that I should look into urgently, because otherwise I wouldn't believe it. Then let the cat out of the bag!" Picard asked the android to name the problem.

"Let the cat out of the bag? ...Sir, I would never put Spot in a sack." Data initially didn't know what the captain was trying to say, and his head tilted slightly. Which he always did when he didn't understand something and wanted to question it first.

"That's just a human saying, Mr. Data. It means nothing other than telling someone something or revealing a secret."

"I understand."

"And?"

Data then got down to the boy's eye level and drew his attention: "Billy? ...Billy, I would like you to meet someone."

"Data. What's going on? What's up with this boy?" Picard didn't understand what his second officer was trying to say.

"Billy, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard."

"The captain of the Stargazer!" Billy whispered in awe.

"Captain, this is...believe it or not...William Riker. First Officer of the USS Enterprise." Data let the cat out of the bag.

Picard initially thought he had misheard and stared at the boy in disbelief. This boy couldn't be his first officer. No. That was completely impossible. But through his dark hair and unmistakable blue eyes, he could see a certain resemblance.

"Merde." Picard uttered, first in French, and then turned somewhat awkwardly to young Riker, who he hoped could confirm it. "Number One? Is that really you?"

"Um, Captain. I am afraid I have to tell you that his mind is consistent with his age. He does not know where he is or what stardate it is. So he has no knowledge of what has happened in the last thirty-one years." Data tried to convince the captain that William Riker had no memory of the past three decades.

"And yet he knows who I am."

"Yes, as captain of the Stargazer. Not of the Enterprise. ...I suspect that the Stargazer might have been his favorite ship back then and therefore knows who commands it."

"That makes sense." Picard said more to himself, thinking back to a conversation in which Commander Riker admitted that he had always wanted to be on a spaceship and fly to the stars instead of concentrating on his math.

At this memory, Picard couldn't help but smile a little and began to believe that it was destiny that he had chosen William Riker as his first officer. The thought that his right-hand man - even since childhood - wanted to serve at his side and under his command gave him a deeper insight into Riker's personality. Why, among other things, he had turned down the position of captain of his own ship three times to date.

"But how could that happen? ...Have you found an explanation for it yet, Mr. Data?"

"I am sorry, sir. Even I can not explain it. I already asked Commander La Forge whether any malfunctions or technical anomalies had occurred overnight. He could not confirm that. The only logical conclusion for me here is that Commander Riker has inexplicably fallen victim to some extraterrestrial force."

Picard nodded in agreement, thinking in passing about possible alien races capable of such a thing. At least the ones he already knew, starting with Q. But of course, it could also be a race unknown to him. ...Which he hoped wasn't the case for his first officer and good friend.

"Find out how this came about and how we can solve this problem. If necessary, involve Counselor Troi. Until further notice, you will be the acting first officer and assume Commander Riker's duties. ...In the meantime, I will contact his father. As a parent, he could certainly help us with Will's future. A caregiver would definitely be appropriate here."

"Understood, Captain." Data confirmed Captain Picard's orders, but the moment he turned and took the first step toward the exit, he was stopped by two small hands.

"D-Don't go. P-Please. D-Don't leave me alone. ...Y-You p-promised me." Billy fearfully begged Data not to leave his side. He barely dared to glance at the captain, who was apparently about to call his father.

Now Data found himself in an awkward situation. Knowing that Billy was actually his commanding officer, William Riker, he didn't know how to address him. He couldn't really call him by his rank. Even though he had just done so and continued calling him Billy. So he looked at the boy and did his best to convey that his new orders were simply to help him.

"But I have to. Even if you do not believe me, Billy, I just want to help you. So that you can be yourself again as quickly as possible."

"No one can help me. ...I, I..." Billy knew, in a meek and slightly tearful voice, that nothing and no one could help him.

"Listen, Billy. I'm sure we can help you in some way. Everything will be okay, I guarantee it, and I'll try on your behalf to convince the captain not to contact your father. You not only have my word, but also my promise." Dr. Crusher let her natural maternal instincts guide her, hoping that her warm words could give Billy a feeling of trust.

After what felt like an eternity, although in reality it was about half a minute, Billy looked at the doctor with a clouded gaze, searching her eyes for a place where he could feel safe and secure.

"I'm on your side, Billy. You're not alone, okay? Especially not here in my sickbay. You're safe here. No one will hurt you here."

"I hate hospitals." Billy muttered.

"I understand. I assume your father has taken you to the hospital several times and then left you alone. ...While Data looks for a solution to help you, you're welcome to stay here and help me for now. Of course, only if you like and want to. On the other hand, I'm sure we can find something else for you where you'll feel more comfortable." Dr. Crusher continued to show understanding and gave him an opportunity to feel somewhat useful.

"I would suggest that you give the boy what he needs first, Mr. Data. The easiest thing would probably be for him to continue using his own quarters, and it might also be good if he had some kind of part-time job." Picard immediately turned to the android, who was supposed to find something suitable for Billy to occupy himself with.

"I am sure Mrs. Kyle can still accept him into her school group. Then he will be with other children his age." Data thought a step further about how to keep young Riker busy.

"That would probably be best. Make it so."

"Yes, sir." the android confirmed the order and then turned to Billy. "Will you come with me, Billy? We will find you something to wear first and then we will go have breakfast. What do you think?"

"It's okay." Billy said quietly.

 

With that, the two left sickbay behind them and headed back to where they came from: the first officer's quarters. Once there, while Billy freshened up in the bathroom, Data replicated something suitable for his young friend to wear, placed it on a shelf near the bathroom, deactivated the privacy screens that blocked the view of the vastness of space, and contacted Counselor Troi to meet her in 10-Forward. Her help was definitely needed here, especially because she knew the commander best.

"D-Data?" Data heard Billy's voice from the sleeping quarters and immediately went to Billy's side, who was just putting on a sweater and staring out the window. "W-What is that? ...Are we... on a spaceship?"

"That is right. This is the USS Enterprise, NCC-1701-D."

"The fourth Enterprise after Kirk's." Billy murmured.

"That's right. I can even show you a place where the view is even more spectacular." Data confirmed Billy's thoughts, took his hand, and revealed their next steps. "You can also have some breakfast there, and then we'll think together with a friend about what you can do."

Billy nodded curtly, pulled his sweater down, and then went to the 10-forward with Data.

 

When Data and Billy entered the popular meeting place, Billy's eyes widened and he didn't know where to look first. All the people, the large bar where you could sit, the corner where you could play games like three-dimensional chess, and of course, the large panoramic window with the spectacular view of space that Data had promised him.

At that time, there weren't many people there, and thus only a small part of the crew, so Billy and Data were able to choose their seats in peace. Since Billy was fascinated by the view, they finally chose a seat right by the window. After less than a minute, one of the crew members, Ben, came to their table and asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink.

"Nothing for me, thank you. What would you like, Billy?"

Data let him know that he had no such request, thus passing the order on to his young friend. Billy looked up shyly at Ben and finally said: "For me, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, please, and ...a coffee with lots of milk!"

"Coffee? Aren't you much too young for that?" a female voice suddenly asked from behind Billy, looking down at him kindly.

"Counselor Troi, ...please join us." Data offered her a seat.

"I'd love to, and who are you?" she accepted the seat gratefully and asked in a warm voice who Data's new young friend was.

"This is Billy, and he needs our help. Although he is not entirely aware of his problem." Data informed her, pointing out that young William Riker needed her help.

"Hello." Billy simply gave her a shy hello in return, making an effort to look at her.

"Just give the boy a glass of milk, Ben and you can bring me some hot chocolate please." Troi took over the rest of the order and tried to convince Billy that children shouldn't drink coffee and that the caffeine had certain effects on them. "You really shouldn't drink coffee, Billy. It's not good for you. It makes you restless, and your concentration isn't the best. ...Whoever lets you drink coffee, even with a lot of milk, should know that they're doing you harm."

As the Betazoid took a seat between Billy and Data, Billy spoke in a timid voice - although he was losing himself more and more towards the end: "But I have to. My father won't give me anything else to drink. I'm only allowed water, coffee, and milk, and he always insists that I have coffee in the morning. ...And since I ...I... I'm obviously on a spaceship, ...that means... my father isn't far away ...and if he sees..."

"No matter what your father tells you, coffee isn't a drink for children. If I see him, or if he comes in here, I'll have a word with him. I'm sure he's a decent man at heart and will listen to reason." she offered him a helping hand, already thinking about what she would say to Billy's father.

"I doubt his father will come here, especially since he is not on board the ship. ...Actually, his father is Kyle Riker!" Data let the counselor know that Billy's father was no stranger.

"Kyle Ri...!?" a split second after putting two and two together, she was instantly speechless and stared at Billy with wide, shocked eyes.

As she stared at the child in shock, beginning to recognize him as First Officer William Riker, she wondered what the probability was that Kyle Riker had a second child and, like he once did with Will, also called him Billy. Possibly, at most, three percent. Okay, there was still Thomas - Will's transporter clone - but Riker Senior still had no idea that there was a copy of his son, a kind of "twin brother."

But how could this even happen? How could the first officer transform into his early self and, quite obviously, lose all memories of his adult life? And why the man she had once fallen in love with many years ago and was now only friends with? What power in all the gods or extraterrestrial beings had a hand in this? ...It was incomprehensible to her. It was simply too surreal.

"Oh, Will!"

Although the Betazoid's gaze was somewhat eerie, Billy dared to look into her deep black eyes – which revealed more than just a familiar soul, and one that opened up just for him. A quiet, distant voice whispered something to him, but he couldn't understand what it was saying. It was still far too far away.

Notes:

After the mention of Kyle Riker, I've been thinking about whether or not to include him in the story for a chapter or two. I haven't come to a decision on this point yet, so I'd like to give you the chance to get involved. Should Kyle Riker have a place in this story or not?

 

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like and enjoy it. 😊

Chapter 4: BEHIND BLUE EYES

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Even as Counselor Troi recovered from the shock of her good friend and Imzadi becoming a toddler overnight, she sensed a mixture of emotions from him that she had never felt before. Feelings like absolute loneliness, self-doubt destructive from within, the loss of a loved one who could comfort him, and, of course, the persistent fear that paralyzed him. In addition, there was an abysmal sadness that pulled him deeper and deeper into a black hole from which there was no escape. All of these emotions, which she had ever perceived from a child at once, made her heart heavy, and she came to the realization that he needed her now more than anything.

Despite their recently strained relationship and although they barely spoke, she was naturally worried about his future and didn't want him to feel alone in this regard. She knew from the Commander himself that he had often felt alone and abandoned by his father during his childhood, and therefore, it was now impossible for her to leave his side. Even though Data had already taken him in, Billy still needed another person to care for him. Someone like her. The one person who had known him longest and best. Contacting his father through subspace and bringing him in seemed like the right thing to do at first. After all, Billy shouldn't isolate himself emotionally from everything. But the circumstances and the history between father and son caused her to reconsider, and yet he still needed the one person he still had left.

"Has his father been contacted yet?" Troi asked at some point, her voice husky.

"No, Counselor, and I do not think it is advisable."

"Not advisable? Data, the boy needs his father. Of course, I will take care of him and do everything I can to ensure he lacks nothing. But despite their strained father-son relationship, Kyle Riker is still his father, and he has a right to know how his son is doing. We are obligated to at least inform him that he may not be able to find his old self again."

"But we are also obligated not to harm our offspring in any way and, if possible, to prevent it from happening," Data tried to remind her of her further duties, referring to Dr. Crusher's thoughts.

He considered controlled abuse of young William Riker entirely possible. He didn't even understand how parents could do such a thing to their own children. Parents should love their children and protect them from danger, not hurt them in any way. The boy should have been protected by the Federation, but perhaps he was. Ultimately, he didn't know how long this abuse lasted.

But those bruises with which he had found Billy, which have now largely disappeared, could also have been a residual effect of his transformation into a toddler. Therefore, a more in-depth conversation with Dr. Crusher would be desirable to dispel certain doubts and skepticism. As acting first officer, he was obligated to consider every conceivable possibility that could help his actual superior. But as a doctor, Dr. Crusher naturally had to assume something that was completely unthinkable even in the 24th century.

"What are you saying? Sure, Kyle Riker must have been very strict with Will. But he wouldn't abuse his son, surely..." Troi knew what Data was getting at, and yet at first she couldn't imagine Riker being abused by his father. But then it occurred to her that certain behavioral patterns of his could prove this.

Riker's need for recognition and security. His difficulty committing to a real relationship, including her own - although in the end, he had always prioritized and committed himself to his career. How he still threw himself into his work today, risking any danger. These were signs that could indicate that there was indeed abuse in his past. ...Why hadn't she foreseen it?

"Are you sure? I found him earlier with all the bruises. They could well be a product of the transition into a child, but Dr. Crusher thinks they have an abusive background." Data explained the circumstances and thoughts in more detail.

Troi nodded in understanding, reminding herself that she had never really known him. The realization that Will Riker was being abused by his father and his renewed jealousy of her and Worf, which she had felt until recently and now, of course, no longer, made this situation difficult for her to deal with.

Furthermore, she didn't understand why he couldn't simply accept her relationship with the Klingon and be happy for her. Despite all their fleeting phases, in which they exchanged sweet eyes and the occasional small, somewhat more than friendly kiss, they hadn't been a couple for nine, almost ten years. ...Which, among other things, was partly due to Riker's career ambitions, why they hadn't found each other again.

Even in all the brief affairs she'd had since then, Riker hadn't shown any trace of jealousy. At least, she'd never sensed it in him, and he himself, in person, had hardly shown it outwardly. As far as she could remember, the only exception was Wyatt Miller, with whom Riker had exhibited these traits.

But this obvious and involuntary change that Riker had to endure made her feel bad. Of course she did; after all, he had been her best friend and a close friend. He didn't deserve this at all. She truly only wanted the best for him. That, after all his hard work and dedication, he would finally accept the position of captain and thus command his own starship. That he could finally live out his dream.

 

Without giving much thought to what she would do next, and without even considering Billy's feelings, she simply took him in her arms. But because Will Riker no longer had his usual body size, this hug felt not only unfamiliar, but also a little uncomfortable. It was as if she had only buried a fraction of him beneath her. When she then felt Billy's sudden physical tension, she realized that she had practically ambushed him.

"I'm really sorry, Will. I...I didn't mean to scare you. To make you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed because of me. Just know that I'm here for you. Okay? ...I'm a friend. And I don't want to hurt you either." she finally released him from her embrace with the words of a sincere apology, her own emotions having overcome her.

Billy looked up at her shyly and gave a weak nod. Looking into her eyes had a profound quality, leaving a hint of longing. And then, once again, a distant voice emerged, calling softly to him. He still couldn't understand what the voice was saying, yet he was sure it was just a single word.

Shortly later, he watched with empty eyes as Ben placed his breakfast in front of him, suddenly feeling no longer hungry. His appetite wasn't particularly great anyway. Even the glass of milk stared at him like an oversized, grim Klingon, and he was afraid to touch it.

He didn't even know why, but somehow the heat rose to his head again, leaving a burning sensation in his eyes, where moisture gathered once more, until finally, a single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

His current situation confused him so much and left a trail of fear that increasingly consumed him. Even though he'd longed to be on a spaceship among the stars for some time, it was still terrifying. He was so completely unprepared. What was his father thinking, bringing him along on his work trip? He was still certain he was here somewhere. Even though their relationship wasn't always the best and was strained, Billy wanted a fatherly hug at this moment.

"Billy? Is something wrong? ...Do not you like your breakfast?" Data finally noticed the tear and tried to interpret it somehow.

"I...I...I want to go to my dad!" Billy whispered, more to himself.

"Listen, Will, how about we finish breakfast first, and then you can try attending one or two lessons to clear your mind. If you don't want to go any further, or it gets a bit too much for you, just let me know. I'll be close by. Then we can see if your father is available and has time for you. Okay?" Troi made a suggestion she thought Billy would accept.

"Counselor, his father is not here, is he?"

"I know. But he also needs the feeling of confidence and that he can turn to someone he trusts at any time. ...Someone close to him. Someone he knows and loves.", Troi interrupted immediately, letting Data know that, despite everything, they should make Billy feel like the only person he loved was somewhere on board, doing his job. "No matter what their relationship is like, and no matter how much he hates him - for what he's done to him, he still knows he's the only one he has left."

"I understand. We are supposed to make him believe that his father is here on board - even at the risk of Kyle Riker hurting Billy. Although, of course, that ca not happen, since he is hundreds of light-years away. ...Which does not seem logical to me, though." Data understood what Troi was getting at - although the psychological aspect wasn't entirely clear to him.

Perhaps he should reactivate his Sigmund Freud program on the holodeck and thus question one of the great and most influential thinkers of the 20th century about it. But the master of psychoanalysis, on his first and thus last visit, couldn't completely satisfy him with his conclusions and answers. So it was better if he left the psychoanalyst in the century to which he belonged, allowing him to focus more on the present.

"But I trust your views, Counselor. Moreover, I am certain you can help the Commander more than I can."

"Your words in God's name. ...I sincerely hope so."

 

After Troi encouraged Billy to eat at least half of his breakfast and Data went to the engine room, she took the boy by the hand and led him down to Deck 14. As she had said, Billy should first take a lesson or two to clear his mind, so she could see where his academic performance was going. Those two lessons flew by, and Billy even wanted to attend another lesson, which Counselor Troi, of course, granted. When that one was over, she realized that Billy was already at a second-grade level. Either Billy was truly an exceptionally gifted and intelligent boy, or his father had persuaded the agency to postpone his enrollment for a year. But somehow she could imagine both, so that Kyle Riker could continue his work for the Federation undeterred. According to her, he had already left his son alone for a somewhat extended period when he was four years old, which was when the neglect began.

The thought that Will had been left to fend for himself since he was a toddler and had therefore never experienced the genuine love of a father made her sad, and she tried to put herself in his shoes. But she couldn't quite manage it. Just like him, she had lost a beloved parent as a child. But unlike his father, her mother - despite her pushy and eccentric nature - had always been there for her and had only wanted the best for her. It had never occurred to her that Kyle Riker would abuse his own son. How could he, when, despite everything, he had grown into a man who could be described as outgoing, confident, friendly, trusting, and funny, but who also brought a certain degree of strictness and a good portion of nonchalance with his subordinate officers?

So it was hard to believe, and it showed her how deep his vulnerability truly ran. So now she understood how important it was for him to be able to retreat into his work. Why Riker lived so much for his work. Moreover, he himself had once admitted that he never knew what to do with his free time. That he always needed something to do. A distraction to help him forget.

... And so she wasn't surprised why young Will Riker had taken part in the rest of the lessons on his own initiative, in addition to the two he had already attended.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like and enjoy it. 😊

Chapter 5: Enjoy The Silence

Summary:

The first little secrets about Will/Billy's past are revealed.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After Billy had completed that one day of school and even helped one or two of his classmates find a solution, he returned to Counselor Troi's care. When he was back at her side, she immediately asked if he had enjoyed the lesson, to which Billy finally nodded in the affirmative. To be on the same level as him, she knelt down and suggested what they could do next. This involved taking Billy to a familiar environment - at least for him - and having a little fun together. So she led the boy up three decks until they stood in front of the doors of Holodeck 3. On a nearby display, she called up an existing program created by Commander Riker. Shortly after she started it, a computer voice informed them both that they could enter.

As soon as the two doors slid open, Billy's eyes widened. A world that looked like Alaska did indeed open up before him. His home. But that was impossible, because after all, they were on a spaceship and probably millions of miles away from Earth. So how could that be? When asked where they were, Troi couldn't suppress a smile and asked him if the surroundings seemed familiar. To which Billy replied that it looked like home and that he had no idea how such a thing could be. She then tried to explain to him what a holodeck was and how it worked.

Billy didn't fully understand this technology yet, as it was completely new to him. But he had a vague idea of how he could imagine it. And even though he was actually in a room and the view of his home was merely generated, it still felt real to him. After all, he felt like he had been there just a few hours ago. The snow-capped mountains on one side and the open sea on the horizon made his heart skip a beat. ...God, he loved this view more than anything.

 

After Troi picked up a picnic basket from the corner and took Billy by the hand, he briefly looked up at her and let the Betazoid lead him through the beautiful Alaskan countryside. Of course, he knew immediately where they were, but he still let her lead the way. After all, he didn't know what she was planning.

As the two walked along the narrow path toward Crater Lake, Billy asked at some point in a husky voice, "Will we meet my dad here?"

"I sent him a message. As soon as he reads it, he'll probably take the time to take a break and come here."

"So that means no. ...Like always." Billy knew immediately that his father wouldn't show up and couldn't hide his disappointment.

Although Troi knew he was right, she helped herself with a white lie: "You don't even know that yet. I'm sure he'll want to check on you. A father always wants to know where his son is."

"He doesn't have to look after me for that. ...He always knows where I am. No matter how far away he is from me!"

"What do you mean?"

"The day I started kindergarten, my dad took me to a doctor friend, and he implanted some kind of alien technology in me. One that supposedly lasts for ten or eleven years after activation and then simply dissipates. As far as I know, it operates and transmits on the same communicator sequence. However, it's much, much more efficient than the usual ones. ...I have no idea where my dad got this thing from. I think...this thing comes from a very distant future. I can't explain it any other way, even across vast expanses and subspace, how my father can locate me."

"He had you microchipped like humans used to do with animals? Oh God, I'm so sorry for you, Will. You must feel truly humiliated by this." with these words, Counselor Troi stopped, got down to Billy's eye level, put her arms around his narrow shoulders, and offered him help to have it removed safely, "You know what? We'll talk to Data and Dr. Crusher about this later. Maybe they can help you get rid of this thing. ...Now come on, we're here. Let's both sit down and enjoy this beautiful view."

"And where? There's no bench nearby, or did you bring a blanket?" Billy asked, taking a closer look at his surroundings.

Troi smiled at him, lifted her head slightly, and then spoke into the air: "Computer, place a picnic blanket near the shore."

Shortly thereafter, a red and white checkered blanket appeared, perfectly aligned with the lake, inviting them to sit down.

"Does something like that work here?"

"Of course. You can generate everything needed for a holosimulation here. If you don't want to sit on the ground, we can have a picnic bench replicated for us. ...Try it yourself." Troi explained to Billy what else a holodeck could do, and encouraged him to try it himself.

"Okay. ...Computer, a children's fishing rod, please."

When the requested item materialized, Billy couldn't suppress a broad grin. After all, fishing was a part of his world, one he could retreat to - as long as his father wasn't there to snatch his rod away as soon as a fish was on the hook. Nature simply gave him what he needed most. A place that gave him the necessary strength and inner peace.

 

As Troi watched Billy pick up his fishing rod and inspect it with more than a hint of joy, she shared his joy and grinned broadly as well. She watched him replicate a bait, attach it to the hook, and look around for a suitable place to fish. With long, quick strides, Billy then ran to a chosen spot and placed his rod so that he could simply pick it up and start fishing. Finally, he returned to her and sat down on the blanket.

"You like fishing, don't you?"

"Yes. Being at one with nature always gives me a lot of strength. Here, …here I can be myself." Billy confirmed his love of fishing, and in a whisper, lost himself in the next sentence, "Unless my dad...!"

Counselor Troi examined Billy closely, trying to read his feelings. They were almost the same when she learned from Data that Will Riker had undergone a physical and mental transformation, returning to his childhood. However, there was also a certain discontent now, which expressed all his emotions even more. This allowed her to guess where Billy's thoughts were going.

"Hey. Don't think about him or what he tells you to do or how to do something. You're here with me now, not your dad. ...Just let nature work its magic on you and enjoy this beautiful view that surrounds you."

Billy looked at her briefly and then tried to find his inner peace with the help of the view of Crater Lake and the gigantic mountains. This wasn't easy, though. The presence of this mysterious, yet beautiful woman left a feeling of both insecurity and embarrassment in his subconscious. His face turned red.

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No. ...Well, I ...I mean ...not only is the view ...is... is beautiful." Billy stammered to himself, not even daring to look her in the eyes.

For a brief moment, Troi wondered what Billy was trying to say, but from his sense of embarrassment, she knew he was referring to her personally. At which point, she gave Billy her best smile. In the young Will Riker was still the man she had met many years ago on her home planet Betazed. An aspiring, handsome officer who knew how to use his charm. Billy was already very good at it, though.

Before she gave in to him and the resulting hug, Troi quickly asked if he was hungry. After Billy gave a nod, she placed the picnic basket she had requested and ordered from Guinan between them.

"Then let's see what Guinan packed for us." Troi didn't know what was inside, hoping for a chocolatey surprise.

After revealing the basket, a piece of chocolate cake actually waved at her. Without thinking twice, she reached for it and said, "How about this? Should we both share this generous piece of cake?", and pulled it out along with two forks.

"Um, ...I... I don't like chocolate."

"Really? I don't know any child who doesn't like chocolate." although Troi knew that Riker wasn't a fan of chocolate, she had always thought that he was, at least as a child. But she was wrong.

"So it is." Billy could only shrug, remembering how his father had literally stuffed him full of chocolate last year and how he had eaten it until he began to find the taste far too sweet and consequently hated it.

"Okay." Troi's initial reaction was to guess that there was an unpleasant story behind it – which she accepted for the time being: "...Then take a look inside. Maybe you'll find something you like."

Billy then gave her a somewhat embarrassed look and then let himself be tempted to look into the picnic basket again. After a brief moment, he found something he liked. So he took out a large red apple and took a delicious bite.

 

After they ate in silence for a minute or two, taking in the view in heavenly peace, Troi exhaled audibly and spoke of how calming she found this environment. How it was one of the most beautiful places she knew. That Billy was lucky to be growing up here. To which Billy nodded and whispered, "I love it.".

"What do you dream of, Will? I mean, what do you want to do when you grow up?" Troi quietly wanted to know at some point what his dreams for the future were. When Billy didn't answer right away, she tried to guess, "Let me guess. You probably want to have your own spaceship and be the captain. Am I right?"

Billy looked up at her briefly, unsure how to answer: "Well, sort of."

"Sort of? That doesn't sound convincing."

"I'd really like to have my own spaceship someday and be a captain. To prove to my dad that he can be proud of me and that I'm not a good-for-nothing. ...But my real dream will probably never come true."

"You don't know that. I'm sure you can work hard and have and become anything you want. You just have to believe in yourself."

"No. That dream is over as of today. ...I saw Captain Picard in sickbay earlier, and he looked a little different in the pictures, at least the ones I've seen. If he were about thirty years younger, then there might still be a chance for my dream to come true," Billy said wistfully, certain that his dreams were hanging by a thread, "At least there’s still hope that one day I’ll have a girl by my side who’s similar to my mum in her personality."

"You dream of working with Captain Picard?" Troi was surprised to hear that Will Riker had dreamed of working side by side with Picard since childhood.

Now she also understood why Riker was still on the Enterprise and refusing the promotion to captain. That's why he'd worked so hard to climb the ranks as quickly as possible and gain Picard's attention. When his father came aboard a few years ago to hand him his orders for the position of captain for the Aries, he must have felt confirmed that his father actually wanted to keep him at arm's length. The reason his father gave him back then for wanting to see him and talk to him had ultimately been just an excuse. It had only been in Kyle Riker's best interest for his son to accept the promotion and embark on an uncertain and dangerous adventure where no one knew whether he would ever return alive. That's when the first officer became more than fully aware that his father still cared less than he could. ...That he could never make him proud.

"Ideally as his first officer, and for as long as possible." Billy nodded.

"You know what? I have an idea you'd definitely like. ...How about if I talk to the captain? Even though children aren't welcome on the bridge, maybe he'll give you the chance to sit in the first officer's chair." Troi let herself be tempted into a promising suggestion with a wink.

"And what about the first officer himself? Would he or she allow it?"

"I'm sure he would, and besides, ...he's on leave right now. He won't mind." Troi assured him that it was fine, giving him a warm smile, which Billy returned a little hesitantly.

The moment Counselor Troi packed the dirty plate and the apple core back into the picnic basket, her communicator activated and a deep voice called for her attention.

"Worf to Counselor Troi." Troi then activated her communicator and contacted the Klingon: "Deanna here. What's up, Worf?"

"I'll be waiting for you here in 10-Forward. We were supposed to meet for lunch."

"Oh, right. I completely forgot. I'm sorry. ...Why don't you come over to us, Holodeck 3? I have a picnic basket here, and from what I saw, a Rokeg blood pie and some Zilm'kach were also packed in." Troi tried to lure Worf to her on the holodeck.

"Rokeg blood pie? ...Good, I'll come. I'm on my way." Worf didn't need to be told twice on the last sentence, letting the counselor know that he was already heading toward Holodeck 3.

 

At this answer, Troi couldn't suppress a broad grin. She knew how to get her friend to do something when Worf had something else on his mind. Unless, of course, he was thinking about his honor or preparing for an upcoming battle. For her, Worf was more than just an open book. A book that couldn't be easily closed, and one that she appreciated and loved immensely. Through "reading" this unusual and exciting book called Worf and the presence of his son Alexander, she had grown to love him more and more, until she began to fall in love with him. Moreover, Worf was truly an extremely attractive and handsome Klingon. With his honesty, justice, and inner strength, he had truly stolen her heart. So yes, she loved him ...very much.

But before Worf appeared, she turned directly to Billy to alert him that her Klingon friend would appear at any moment: "Will, a very good friend of mine is coming by soon, whom I'd like to introduce to you. His name is Worf, and I'm sure you'll like him. But don't be intimidated by his appearance, because he's a Kli...!"

"Where are we? This looks like Earth to me, but where exactly?" a deep voice suddenly asked from the background.

Where Troi replied with a smile that the holodeck was recreating the surroundings of Alaska, she and Billy slowly turned around. But at the sight of Worf, Billy jumped up and immediately hid behind the Betazoid.

"Will, calm down. Please. You don't have to be afraid. Even though Worf is a Klingon, he's completely harmless. Believe me. He's a friend." Troi immediately did her best to calm her little friend's fear, but it was getting more and more overwhelming.

"No. ...He, he's going to kill me." Billy said, panicking more and more.

Finally, Troi dropped to her knees, grabbed Billy firmly by the shoulders, and looked at him firmly with warm eyes as she explained to him that the fear of Klingons had been completely unfounded for many years: "It's really all right. He won't hurt you. Worf is truly a very sweet Klingon and a great friend, too. If you knew him better, you'd feel the same way. I know that. ...I don't know how familiar you are with Klingon history. But an alliance has now been formed between the Federation and the Klingons. They are allies."

"A sweet Klingon." Worf grumbled.

"Believe me, Will. Everything is fine. The days when we fought each other are long gone. ...You don't have to be afraid." Troi assured Billy that times have changed between the Federation and the Klingons, and then gave him a short, warm, and secure hug. Billy wasn't convinced and his panic continued to overwhelm him, she simply wrapped him in a long, warm and secure hug. As she whispered soothing words to Billy and rubbed his back, she wasn't even aware of the silent anger brewing inside Worf behind her.

 

It felt like an eternity before Billy calmed down. At some point, Troi let go of the boy and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. After she stood up again, Billy clung to her right leg and looked cautiously, still a little fearfully, over at the Klingon, who was practically staring at him.

"Will, this is my friend Worf. Worf, this is…" Troi tried to "reintroduce" the two friends under these strange circumstances, hoping Worf would understand the situation.

"So the rumor is true. That Commander Riker became a child overnight." Worf interrupted her immediately, still staring at Billy.

The lieutenant, the rank Worf held, simply couldn't tear his gaze away from the boy and tried to size him up from head to toe to see if he posed a threat. Both to the ship and to the crew. Secretly, he did it for himself as well. It wasn't as if he saw him - in the body of a child - as a serious opponent. Not at all. Even as an adult, his commanding officer couldn't even match his strength. The only one who did was Data. But as head of security, he had to consider every possibility, no matter how unlikely. Apart from that, ...he didn't like it at all that Riker was suddenly coming between him and his girlfriend. Riker had promised him that he would hold back and not come between them. That he wouldn't interfere in their relationship and thus at least tolerated it. ...A promise he had now apparently broken.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like and enjoy it. 😊