Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[giggling profusely what the fuck]

Tumblr sat, tapping quietly at the keyboard attached to his monitor. It was one of those custom keyboards, dressed with practically silent keys and led lights looping through the cracks. He let out a small huff of frustration, raking a hand through his dark blue hair- as if the rough combing motion would make light of this situation. He narrowed his deep-set eyes, scanning the website in front of him. A blinding white as the primary colour, and an obnoxious red as the secondary colour for the site. It hurt, causing Tumblr to blink his blue eyes a couple times before adjusting to the light. Of course, Tumblr wasn’t about to go through the trouble of making an account just to change the CSS code and give his eyes a break. He wasn’t some fucking nerd who waited for 3 weeks, constantly stalking their email inbox to receive an invite back to join the site! God, he hated Ao3. Ao3, as in the website, and the person.

Recently, Tumblr had been surveying the most popular tags on his beloved social media platform. Much to his anger, #Ao3 was one of the top tags. Why was another website taking up half the discussions being posted? Seriously, was some lame fanfiction archive really this important to people? Usually, Tumblr would've just brushed it off, but not after his team had shown him some new conversations being sparked within the Tumblr community.

People had started to get… curious, to put the matter lightly. See, Archive of our Own, better known as Ao3- was exactly that. Built by fans, for fans. An archive completely sustained by the writers and readers who used it. There were no ads, premium services, subscriptions, or any revenue being made off the site whatsoever.

Pausing, Tumblr tried to think of any other site like that. He could only come up with Artfight, an annual art competition- but that was it. He couldn't name any others. Of course, with so many Tumblr spreading to Ao3 now, some members had begun to pose the question.

Why wasn't Tumblr free of ads and subscriptions? Wasn't the site supposed to be a nostalgic, old-internet-esque sort of thing? This particular question was starting to get asked more and more, even in recent weeks. Tumblr felt as if this were obvious- to make money. Of course, the people weren't stupid. They knew that too- but they were still challenging Tumblr nonstop, as if he was just going to remove all ads because of a couple of douches cries.

Tumblr extended one of his long arms to reach for the mug of steaming coffee that rested on his desk. He took a long sip, feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over him. See, nobody really… understood where Tumblr was coming from with the ads. Not many people understood what it was like for him and his mother to be constantly on the verge of eviction, never having more than a couple 20 dollar bills at hand.

When Tumblr had realized that his silly little website idea might have actually been quite a genius one, he didn't hesitate. In the next couple years, the Tumblr community had become massive- just as the man had hoped. This also meant that Tumblr could easily begin making revenue. So, that's what he did. Finally, finally he could buy mom whatever dresses or shoes or cosmetics she had ever wanted; without looking down at the price tags even once.

So no, Tumblr didn't feel bad. He didn’t regret implementing advertisements and premium services into his social media platform. Most of all, he didn't think that this made him a bad person. The monetization of his website wasn't hurting anyone! (Well, maybe some particularly sensitive individuals…). He wasn't going to stop profiting from this empire of his, the empire he’d worked so hard to build, just because some people were whining about it.

Just because Ao3 was completely free, didn't mean that the site's creator, Archive, was a saint. Judging from what the man allowed on his website, Tumblr was sure he had some sort of wish to be sent straight to hell. Before Tumblr had more time to judge and scrutinize Archive, his phone gave a small ding, momentarily bringing his attention to the device in the pocket of his sweatpants.

He fumbled for his phone before managing to scoop it from the dark depths of his right hip pocket, his eyes landing on a message from his friend Instagram. Just as he had thought- she was hosting yet another party. She hosted them at least twice a month- it was kinda her thing. Now, going to these dances was always a little annoying, because dozens of reporters and paparazzi would swarm you before you even had a chance to enter the building, but Tumblr could expect that from any event he pulled up to. Tumblr could only begin to imagine the piles upon piles of questions he’d be asked regarding the monetization of Tumblr. He’d have to think of some half-assed politeness regarding Ao3 to keep peace with the press.

Tumblr himself wasn't much of a partygoer, finding staying in and bingeing 9-1-1 , his all time favourite show, to be much more enjoyable as opposed to making small talk with drunk strangers all night. But, Youtube and Twitter were probably going to be there, so it’d be nice to see his friends.

Come to think of it, he hadn't talked to Twitter much recently. His best friend had been busy lately, coming up with an excuse every time Tumblr had asked to hang out with Twitter. This wasn’t all that concerning, given Twitter often went through long breaks of isolating himself or becoming a bit of a loner.

Still, Tumblr decided to shoot Twitter a quick message to confirm his friend was indeed going to be at the party tomorrow. While he waited for a reply, the young man stood up and decided he might as well try to find a suit for tomorrow night.

Chapter Text

Adjusting his navy blue suit, Tumblr stepped out into the warm evening light. Cars rushed past behind him, everyone trying to get home after a busy day at work. 2 bodyguards flanked the man, following him to the entrance of Instagram's party space. Upon reaching the building, Tumblr was met with a red carpet rolled out in front of him and at least 40 people bearing microphones or cameras. He stepped inside, fidgeting with his silky blue tie.

Upon entering the large building, bright lights shone in his face. The crew of paparazzi turned their attention to Tumblr. Whatever guests up ahead were momentarily forgotten as Tumblr stood in front of the backdrop, running a hand through his short hair, careful not to mess up the middle part his personal makeup artist had smoothed his messy locks into earlier that evening. Instantly, reporters and paparazzi were on him, only separated by some weak metal rails.

“Mr Tumblr, sir! Recently, some controversy has sparked on your allowance of ads within the Tumblr website. What do you have to say on that matter?” A tall woman with yellow-blonde hair asked, holding her microphone up close to the man. Before he had a chance to speak on the matter, at least 4 other reporters seemed to appear in front of him, all asking questions adjacent to the blonde's question. A little overwhelmed, Tumblr blinked for a moment before clearing his throat and straightening up.

“It is crucial to Tumblr's survival that money can be made from the site in order to upgrade and continuously improve our platform for all Tumblr users. It also ensures everybody working to upgrade the site can be paid fairly for their services.” He replied smoothly, just as he’d practice in the mirror this afternoon. He had also practiced his answers for countless other questions, knowing the press would be all over him tonight. Quickly, another question was thrown at Tumblr.

“Do you believe that Archive of Our Own should have installed monetization properties by now?” Tumblr almost rolled his eyes, finding the question ridiculous. Why would he care? But, with a small nod he answered the male reporter. “I believe that Mr Archive has a right to do whatever he wishes with his site, and that his ad-free system is a nice idea. It seems to be working for him quite well.” Tumblr replied, noticing a few more celebrities walk down the carpet, posing for photos and talking to the press.

The reporter nodded, seemingly satisfied with Tumblr's reply, even though it didn't really answer his inquiry head-on. Tumblr bounced on his toes for a moment, itching to get away from all the cameras and mics. He curtly answered at least a dozen more stupidly predictable and basic questions, staying polite and enthusiastic for the entirety of it. At some point, though, the young man was hit with a question he most definitely hadn't practiced answering in the mirror beforehand.

“What are your thoughts on the Tumblr fanfiction community beginning to migrate fully to Ao3?” Asked a shorter man with curly black hair and a high voice. Tumblr blinked, pulling his head backwards and giving a confused expression. That wasn't true, was it? His team hadn't mentioned anything of the sorts in their long, boring meetings. Tumblr actually had a significantly large fanfiction community, and there were definitely quite a few fan-created literatures circling the system. Of course, there was certainly no competition that Ao3 had millions more fanfictions on it- it was a fucking fanfiction website! Though, Tumblr was a little shaken up at the word ‘fully’. Migrate fully to ao3? No, there was still a strong fanfiction community on his platform… right?

Tumblr realized he had made the mistake of stalling for too long, clearing his throat and pulling on a tight-lipped smile. “W- well, the fanfiction community is still quite large within the site and I see no signs of it going extinct. I think it's great that many writers have been taking their works elsewhere to gain more readers.” Tumblr felt as if that were a fine enough answer. Maybe not the greatest- but it worked, and would probably keep most celebrity gossip blogs quiet on the matter. The various reporters thanked him and trudged away to prey on their next celebrity victim, microphones in hand.

Tumblr let out a shaky exhale, adjusting his suit once again before turning and walking the rest of the red carpet. Both bodyguards were at his side once more, towering over Tumblr (even though he stood proud at 6’ ft tall). Tumblr checked his name on the invite list with a bouncer before entering the actual party room, ready to forget the stress he'd been feeling over the last couple of days- and the stress from something he’d learned just now.

Yes I just fucking drew this instead of writing chapter three

FUCKIJG GORGEOUS AMAZING FANART BY @Happy_Hopper

HOLY SHIT ITS SO GREAT THEUWIWJJDJDJF AHHHH

Chapter Text

Bright LED lights casted a glow over the entire event space, and Tumblr's eyes took a moment to adjust to the light- after all, blue eyes were the most sensitive out of all the eye colours. The man's bodyguards both abandoned their post at their employers' sides, since they would only need to survey him from a distance for the rest of the night. Now on his own, Tumblr took a moment to observe the party. There was a huge dance floor smack in the middle of the room, a large bar in the left corner, and tables scattered around the rest of the space.

The party was already packed, and no matter how many times Tumblr went to one of Instagram's events, he was always left flabbergasted at just how many people that woman knew. Tumblr decided he could use a drink, running a hand over the slight stubble on his face. He crossed the dark room, pushing past chatting guests. Finally, he made his way through the sea of people and approached the bar. A gruff looking bartender took his order, and Tumblr took a seat at one of the bar stools, drumming his fingers on the glossy counter. Minutes later, the bartender returned with some random IPA, and Tumblr gave a nod in thanks.

Holding his beer, Tumblr waded back through the crowd, his head on a swivel for Twitter. His best friend hadn't read his text from the day before- never confirming whether or not he’d show up to the party. Still, Tumblr held out hope and continued to scan the crowd from a quiet corner. As he stared into the bundle of partygoers, Tumblr felt a tap on his shoulder and gave a small flinch, turning around.

“Youtube? Oh my gosh, hey!” His face immediately lit up open seeing his friend. Tonight, she was dressed in a long black dress that hugged her figure, but also had some puffy accents on the sleeve and bottom of the dress. Youtube smiled back, immediately pulling the younger man into a hug. “Aghhh, I haven't seen you in a hot minute! I've missed you, T-Man.” She pulled away, hands gripping Tumblr's shoulders.

Being 20, so- just 3 years older than Tumblr, Youtube had always acted as an older sister towards him. She had helped him code his website, and always lended a helping hand when he was struggling in school or in his social life. Tonight, her long brown hair was down- which was a sight Tumblr didn't see often, since it was usually tied up in a messy bun, held together with a claw clip.

“Ive missed you too! How are you?” Tumblr asked, smiling happily at Youtube. He took a sip of beer, the frosted glass leaving condensation on his lips. “I'm good, really good. You?” She replied, twisting her index finger through her hair, nodding. Tumblr knew he couldn't lie to his friend, so he answered truthfully, his voice dropping slightly lower. “Work has been really stressful, honestly. A few problems have come up.” Youtube's smile immediately faded, and she sucked her teeth.

“Gosh, I'm really sorry, T-Man. I'm here if you need me, yeah?” She finally responded, squeezing Tumblr's shoulder lightly. “Yeah, thanks.” He breathed, exhaling. After a small pause, Youtube’s smile returned. She waved someone over, but Tumblr couldn't get a clear view of who she had beckoned. “Dude, you gotta meet one of my newest friends! He's an angel, you’ll love him.” Youtube grinned, and Tumblr nodded- he knew Youtube was a truly great person, and all of her friends he’d met over the years seemed to be pretty great, too. Tumblr ducked his head down to sip his beer, but when he looked up, he just about spit his drink everywhere.

“Ah, hi! It’s nice to finally meet you, Tumblr.” Greeted the man softly. He adjusted his circular glasses, the warm brown eyes underneath looking over Tumblr. It was him. The reason for most of Tumblr's stress lately. Archive. The man couldn't even hide the immediate annoyance that crossed his face, and he squeezed his drink a little tighter. Tumblr looked over to Youtube, who was still smiling expectantly, and decided to play it cool, for now.

“Right, yes. Great to meet you too, Archive.” He responded tensely, flashing a well-practiced smile. He looked over Archive, taking in his appearance. Red hair with white highlights that reached his shoulders, many choppy layers styled to frame his face. It looked… unkept and messy. He also had skin that wasn't exactly pale, but was a huge contrast to Tumblr's darker, warmer skin tone. Mr Archive had been
fitted in a pale red suit with white, beaded flower embroidery inching up the sleeves and torso. He had matching red pants, as well. Tumblr thought the outfit was a bit… much, but he didn't comment.

“Ill be right back- the drinks being served at the bar look fucking delicius.” Exclaimed Youtube, which earned a small eye roll from Tumblr and an eyebrow raise from Archive. “Be good, boys.” Warned the woman playfully, before she strutted towards the bar, disappearing from sight. Tumblr slowly came to the realization that he was now standing alone with this nuisance, straightening up and looking down at Archive, who must have been, what? 5’6 feet tall?

Tumblr watched as the guy ran a hand through his fluffy hair, clearing his throat. Archive looked almost… guilty, which managed to shoot a larger dose of annoyance through Tumblr, making his chest tighten. “So,” Tumblr started, trying to find something to fill the heavy silence. “Nice suit. Very… nice. Yes.” Internally face palming, Tumblr awaited a response from the red haired man. Archive just nodded slowly, not bothering to stop a smile from creeping onto his face, before he replied politely. “Why, thank you. Your suit is…” He stuttered a moment, looking over the other man's navy blue, satin suit before choking up a half-assed compliment. “Plain. Um- in a good way! Simple, I'm into simple.” He finished, nodding quickly and taking a large gulp of some sort of extravagant cocktail in his left hand.

Both boys fell into uncomfortable silence for the second time in just a couple seconds, Tumblr reaching up to adjust the tie looped around his neck. Life bustled around the two, and Tumblr let his gaze drift everywhere around the room- only stopping his eyes from reaching the figure standing idle in front of him. Moments later, Youtube returned, a drink in her hand that resembled a Manhattan, finished off with a Maraschino Cherry impaled by a toothpick sticking out from the tall glass.

“Did you guys bond yet?” Enquired the lady, but just as she popped the playful question, the music that had been playing throughout the event space switched. Instead of booming pop music blasting from the DJ’s speakers, instead there was now a dreamy classical song playing. Immediately, a handful of older couples stepped onto the floor, holding their partners close and twirling them around as people watched from the side. Reddit, one of Youtube's best friends, appeared behind the woman, grinning as she pulled her friend toward the dance floor. Tumblr surveyed Reddit’s long neon orange box braids and tight cinnamon dress as she gripped YouTube.  “Wait. Here's a way to bond! You two, go dance.” Ordered Youtube as she was stolen away, skipping to the dancefloor alongside Reddit.

Tumblr blinked, realizing what she was suggesting. Dance with Archive? She had to be kidding. Had she been online at all recently? Tumblr knew damn well that YouTube had an account on his site- one that was used often. “Well, you heard the lady.” Archive urged quietly, cocking an eyebrow. He his drink down and extended a hand to Tumblr, his nails painted with black polish. Reluctantly, Tumblr put his beer down. He didn't take Archive's hand, instead, he brushed past the man rigidly. The two made their way to the dance floor, both men just hoping this slow dance would be over soon.

Chapter Text

Archive’s breath gently picked up as YouTube disappeared into the crowd. The music drummed in his ears, the surround sound speakers giving him a headache already. He had initially been overjoyed at the sudden music change, but now had a headache for a different reason. Sure, he loved YouTube, he considered her a dear friend, but wow, this girl was obsessed with setting people up, and this was coming from him, the owner of a fucking fan-fiction website. 

“Shall we?” A gentle voice asked from above. He carefully glanced up to see Tumblr, slightly bent down, with his arm out for him. The man’s face was mostly unreadable, with a soft red hue revealing his embarrassment. Archive placed his rather small hand in Tumblr’s as he led them onto the dance floor. Tumblr placed his firm hand on Archive's waist, where Archive quickly found his hand on Tumblr’s shoulder. The music continued on, the song seemingly everlasting as Tumblr slowly began to move. Archive gripped him and tried to match his gentle sway, although the short man’s movements were much sharper and unsteady than Tumblr’s.

  “I’ve noticed some of Tumblr’s fanfic writers moving to Ao3 lately.” Archive said, trying to break the tension. Tumblr glared down at him, trying to read into what the hell he ever could have meant by that.

  “Listen here you little sh-”

  “Hey YouTube!” Both men yelled out as her and Reddit migrated over, their bodies intertwined in a way that was much too sexual for just friends.

  “How’s it going?” She drunkenly slurred out, smiling.

  “Great.” Tumblr said through gritted teeth, glowering at Archives forced toothy grin. YouTube smiled and gave a quick thumbs up before Reddit eye-rolled and danced them away again. 

  “I’m doing this for her, clear?” Tumblr hissed.

  “ Crystal. ” Archive grumbled back.

Just as Archive was certain he had figured the whole ‘dancing’ thing out, (to anyone but him it was clear he had not ), the music picked up. Everyone around him and their partners began to circle. He glanced up at Tumblr and squeaked as Tumblr began leading them in a circle as well. Archive quickly tripped over his feet and nearly landed on his skull before Tumblr caught his back and held him with one arm right under his shoulders. Archive’s arms drooped over his head close to the floor and one of his legs hovered upward. Archive heard a loud cheer from the side and looked to see Youtube, mouth open mid yell. 

  “Yes boys! Get into it!” Archive’s breath hitched as he realized that Tumblr was fully dipping him, in the middle of the dance floor in front of everyone. He glanced up at Tumblr, who smiled smugly before yanking him upright. Tumblr’s grip on his hand tightened as he wrapped his arm around Archive’s back before he forcefully began waltzing with the small man helplessly in his grasp. 

  “You haven’t popped a seam, have you?” Tumblr murmured discreetly.

  “No, why?” Archive asked, self consciously glancing at his beautifully tailored suit.

  “I just don’t want to dance with someone with a big rip in their suit at Instagram's party.” Tumblr said, turning his nose up. Archive tutted aloud, knowing it was a fair want but not admitting anything. Instagram's party was basically being live streamed at all times, mostly by the lady herself, which definitely didn’t help Archives self confidence.

A moment or two passed, and in said moment, Tumblr could count five new injuries to his feet and ankles, somehow.

  “Have you never danced before?” Archive glanced up to see Tumblr mouthily whisper down at him. 

  “No, have you?” Archive snapped back, matching Tumblr’s aggressively sarcastic tone.

  “It was part of my PR training. If I’m going to a party that includes dancing, I need to learn to dance.” Tumblr said with a shrug. “I guess since you’re a non-profit you don’t have that.” Tumblr sheepishly realized as he twirled Archive. The man yelped out and stepped on Tumblr’s fancy dress shoes again as he flailed around, trying to right himself. With a slight eye roll, Tumblr steadied him again, holding him tight to his chest. 

  “I guess all your membership money is going to dance lessons, huh?” Archive giggled against Tumblr’s bust, the earlier cocktail seemingly going to his head. 

[Tumbler]

Tumblr did what he was taught to do. Well, what he was taught to do with a woman . He politely offered his hand, he led the dance, hell, he even excused how many times Archive stepped on his feet. While Tumblr hadn’t exactly been expecting Archive to flat out fall down, he had been taught for a similar situation, and thankfully his instincts had taken over before Archive had hit the hard ground. Yes, the dip may have been a bit much, but he happily captured the memory of Archives' flustered face for whenever he felt jealous of him. Tumblr still just couldn’t understand why YouTube had made them dance. Maybe she shipped them? He had some rampant shippers on his website too, but had never seen any regarding himself. And if there were any that currently slipped his mind, definitely never with a man. Maybe a female y/n that a user used to self-insert herself into his life, but never a small man with a red wolf cut, that’s for sure.

Tumblr watched Archive narrowly misstep again and finally felt his nerves be soothed by all of Archive’s, to say the least, uncertainty. In his head, Tumblr seemed to have talked Archive up to being some sort of big brain businessman, (yes.. he may have picked up some new-gen slang off his website), while in reality he was just some 17 year old running a website with the users. No PR team, no moderators -he knew technically they did, but Tumblr has seen the stuff on that 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 website that mods should have probably banned-, and definitely no skill. 

Well, his nerves had been calmed. That was until Archive made that comment on his memberships. He immediately tensed up, his dance training out the window. Do people think that I have ads and memberships just for my own personal gain? Like, for dance lessons?!? Tumblr could only hope not. 

As the end of the song approached, the last few moves ran through his head. The violin screeched as the music intensified and Tumblr sighed, knowing the next steps would be hard. No matter what song, he knew the same little ‘routine’ that the other guests would follow. He hadn’t even had to learn that much, as Instagram had “accidentally” leaked the song and dance that she had on her dance inspo board, totally not so that everyone could actually know it. Then, after watching to ensure the crowd was still following, he brought both of his hands to Archives waist. Tumblr gently bent down before the last note rang out and everyone lifted their partners into the air. 

“Oh my god what the fuck!” Archive yelped, just loud enough for Tumblr to hear. Tumblr spun, still suspending Archive into the air, far above his head. It was fair for him to be shook, as Tumblr was quite a bit taller than Archive, and the sudden jump from barely 5 '6 to far above 6 feet was a terrifying amount. Archive gripped tightly to Tumblr's shoulders as Tumblr gently dug his fingers into his side, heart pumping. As the music softened Tumblr quickly set the squirming man down.   

“I know you're a privileged dickhead with his head up his ass, but not everyone’s fucking rich and can afford to have an ad free website jackass . ” Tumblr whispered into Archives ear as he bowed to the smaller man before strutting off the dance floor.

[Ao3]

Being lifted up by a really fucking tall man sure sobered Archive up. As he was placed down on shaky feet, Tumblr curtly bent down to his ear, his intentions hidden behind faux politeness. 

  “I know you're a privileged dickhead with his head up his ass, but not everyone’s fucking rich and can afford to have an ad free website, jackass .” He said coldly before stomping off. Archives jaw dropped in shock at Tumblr's words. He hadn’t meant much by his remark of dance lessons, and really meant for it to land as more of a joke. Archive watched him coolly walk off, deep into the crowd, but still identifiable by his head that floated above the sea of people. Where is he going? Archive sighed, face covered in confusion. Wait… He froze as Tumblr continued towards the exit. 

  “Tumblr wait! Don’t leave!” Archive jogged forward, pushing through the influencers. People slightly parted for him, while others shoved him away, because he was probably getting in the way of the TikTok’s they were busily filming. Archive watched the doors open and cameras flash as paparazzi hungrily tried to capture the exclusive party, while Tumblr escaped. Archive ran forward just as the doors shut. He quickly pushed through the exit and back onto the red carpet. Tumblr was shoving past needy press, his body guards flanking his sides. One murmured into their radio before a limo pulled up. They held the door of the car for Tumblr while watching Archive behind dark sunglasses until they entered the vehicle and pulled away. 

A bright flash made Archive glance away from the car disappearing into the distance. He warily looked over as his brain cleared and he remembered where he was; on Instagram's red carpet, slack jaw after running after a rival website. He straightened up, fixed his jacket, and texted his driver to pick him up immediately . He strutted down the rest of the carpet as collected as he could before his driver arrived, while deep in thought. Why did I even run after him? Archive grumbled. I guess I felt the need to apologize to him? Even though I don’t exactly like him doesn’t mean I had to insult him. He quickly accepted that as the answer and dusted off any remaining guilt as his car pulled up to collect him.

Amazing fanart by the wonderful Meowmi :D

Chapter Text

Tumblr stared up at the off-white ceiling in his bedroom, blinking sleep from his eyes. The blackout blinds were still shut, preventing any light from seeping into his rather spacious room. Last night, Tumblr was so annoyed by Archives remarks that after he was driven home, he had collapsed straight into his bed, sleep overtaking him easily. Now it was early morning, and Tumblr felt a familiar ache digging into the back of his skull.

He was hungover, there was no doubt about that. If you spent any time around the quiet man at parties, you’d quickly realize he was a total fucking lightweight . It was truly comical that just two beers could send Tumblr into a drunken frenzy. Last night, he hadn't felt particularly drunk, but this morning he was definitely feeling the aftermath of the two beverages. Sitting up, Tumblr rubbed his nosebridge and yawned, he figured he’d just sit like this for a while. His phone vibrated on his bedside table, so Tumblr leaned over to pick it up.

It was Youtube. How was she even awake? He knew she was probably much more hungover than he was, and that was saying a lot .

“Hey, wanna come over? I've got a post-party spa day planned!” Proposed Youtube in her text, and Tumblr rolled his eyes.

“Idk if I'm really in the mood. Sorry.” He typed back, and she read the message immediately. Knowing Youtube, she wouldn't give up this easily.

Tumblr was shocked at just how speedily that woman could type. “Come ON dude! Ik ur hungover, a spa day will help. Plus, you can relax after whatever the fuck happened last night.” Tumblr felt his stomach drop. Had she seen him storm out of the party? Well, it was obvious she had- or heard about it from some other partygoer. Tumblr felt embarrassment course through him, but maybe if he went to hang out with her, she might just understand HIS side of the story.

“Fine. I’ll be there in an hour.” Is all he responded with, running a hand through his messy hair.

Youtube replied, seeming satisfied. “Ur the best xx” With that, Tumblr shut his phone off and got up, reaching his arms above his head to give a big stretch.

* * *

45 minutes later, Tumblr shut the door of his car, buckling himself into the passenger seat. His driver, Louis, was an older man who mostly kept to himself. Louis started driving, and Tumblr stared out the window, still not fully awake. He played with the hem of his black basketball shorts, his fingers then idly trailing upwards to scrunch and fumble with his baggy grey-green tee shirt he had lazily thrown on just a couple minutes beforehand. He stared out the window, watching his car zoom past all the Hollywood houses that lined the streets.

When he finally arrived at Youtube's house (which, in all fairness was just about a 10 minute drive), she greeted him from her doorway; a fluffy, rose-coloured robe fastened around her torso and some furry slippers to match. Immediately, she pulled Tumblr into a hug when he reached her at the top of the concrete steps.

“Ah, there you are! How are you doing?” The lady inquired cheerfully, pulling away from the Tumblr to look at him.

“I'm fine,” Tumblr shrugged. “Hungover and tired, I guess.” He finished simply, his head still throbbing.

Youtube let out a gentle scoff, steering Tumblr into her house. “Babe. You had what, 2 beers?” She smiled fondly, shaking her head.

Soon enough, the two were sprawled out on pool chairs, sunglasses on and pink lemonades clutched in their hands. Tumblr was preparing himself for Youtube's spitfire of questions, and it came soon enough.

“So. Last night.” She started, pausing to sip her drink through a long metal straw. “What did Archive do to piss you off so badly that you had to storm off like a toddler?”

Tumblr didn't love this particular simile she was using, but he cleared his throat and retold the events of the night before. Tumblr users beginning to abandon his site and moving to Ao3, Archives snippy remarks, and the man's horrendous slow dancing skills. Youtube took this all in, nodding her head as she slurped her icy drink loudly.

“Wait, did you see me walk out? Or did someone else tell you?” Tumblr wondered, tilting his head. Youtube stopped her obnoxious drinking, cocking an eyebrow and rearing her head backwards.

“T-Man. The whole internet saw it.” Tumblr froze, unease settling deep in his stomach. He hadn't been on his phone all day! Only once to text Youtube, and that was it. What the fuck was she talking about? His friend must've noticed the fearful look in Tumblr's eyes, so she spoke carefully.

“The paparazzi got some damn good videos of Archive chasing after you last night.” Explained Youtube, setting her drink down now. “That only made the internet go crazier, since the first video was already a lot.”

Tumblr blinked, feeling just as confused. “First video?” He urged, leaning in closer.

“Yes, the first video- wait, you seriously don't know about any of this? Don't you have like, a team that's supposed to notify you when shit like this happens?” Lectured the lady, and Tumblr just shrugged, getting impatient now.

“Okay, whatever. Look, we both know Insta always livestreams her parties, yes?” Youtube reminded the man, and when she got a nod of acknowledgement, she continued speaking. “Instgram happened to get a really amazing shot of you can archive dancing, dead center of the floor. She even got the dip on camera, as well as the lift at the end.” Recited Youtube, who waited for Tumblr's reply. His brain wasn't working. Despite having endless tutorial videos on her website, Youtube was atrocious at explaining what was going on.

“Tumblr! The whole fucking internet is shipping you and Archive.”

Before the poor guy could even begin to process Youtube’s words, the gate to her backyard swung open. For the second time in 12 hours, Tumblr almost spit his drink out.

[Archive]

“Sorry i’m late-” Archive paused, staring at Tumblr. In sync, both boys turned to Youtube and questioned her. “What is he doing here?” They both asked in time with one another, a hostile tone to their voices.

The lady sighed, beckoning for Archive to come closer. He ran a hand through his multicoloured hair, trotting over to the other two.

Soon enough, Archive was also sprawled out in a pool chair, gripping a lemonade. He cast a glare at Tumblr, who was staring daggers right back at him. Youtube cleared her throat, raising her glass.

“So, you both know about the internet thing, now.” She concluded, inhaling. “Honestly, I see it. What a cute ship!” She remarked, giving a smirk, knowing it’d get a reaction out of the pair. 

Tumblr's eyes narrowed, and the words from his mouth sounded almost like a plea. “I'm straight, you both know that.”

Archive nodded, though he definitely couldn't say the same for himself. What he could say, though, was that he was not into the blue haired man sitting beside him whatsoever. “Besides, we… don't get along too well.” Added Archive, tugging at the sleeve of his loose-fitting red shirt.

“You’re bickering just like a couple would,” Youtube teased, waggling her eyebrows. “How cute.”

Tumblr rolled his eyes, chewing his lip. “It's not like we're actually dating!” Hissed the man, and Youtube paused.

“Well, that's the thing. You could be.”

Archive gave an eyeroll, scoffing. What the fuck was Youtube on about? “Well, no, we couldn't, actually.” He objected, throwing his hands up. “Tumblr is straight, and I'm not exactly… interested in him, not to mention-”

“No!-” Youtube paused to shake her head- “Fake date.”

Tumblr removed the sunglasses from his face, staring wide-eyed at Youtube. “Why in God's name would we do that?” Sneered the man, and Archive nodded along, agreeing with Tumblr for once.

“T-Man. You said lots of fanfic writers are leaving your site, and moving to Ao3,” She pointed out, leaving Archive feeling quite proud of himself. “And the videos that were released last night? The Tumblr community is going especially crazy! Imagine how many people are going to start writing fanfics, post about, and join both of your guys’ websites if you two go public as a couple.”

Archive considered this, sucking his teeth and staring off into the trees at the back of YouTube’s scarily humongous backyard. This PR stunt may be helpful for both men, but what if they got found out? Everybody would come to hate the pair, and that was 100% not what both Archive or Tumblr wanted. He looked over at Tumblr, who was fidgeting anxiously with his shirt, blue eyes wide. He seemed lost in thought, and finally noticed Archives stare- his expression turning to a scowl. 

Archive finally spoke, clearing his throat. “But it’s so clear we can’t stand one another.” He noted, his hands reaching upwards to fiddle with the silver necklace adorned with little stars and moon charms strung around his neck. “Yeah,” agreed Tumblr. “We fucking hate each other.”

YouTube raised her index finger, shaking her head. “Hate is a strong word, T-Man.” Tumblr rolled his eyes, a sly grin crossing his features. “Fine, then. We fucking loathe each other.”

Youtube tutted aloud, crossed her legs, and ran a hand through her wavy brown locs. “Those videos last night? It looked like Twilight -Level pining. Believe me, you two pass as a couple easily.”

Archive was too tired to hear the rest of this conversation, and exhaled, swirling his drink around. His eyes darted from Youtube, who was smiling proudly, clearly feeling like a genius because of her PR stunt revelation. On the other hand, Tumblr's thick lips were pressed together tightly, and he tapped his knees that were now pulled tightly to his chest with his finger pads. He looked almost like an anxious baby deer, or something; completely lost and wide-eyed.

[Tumblr]

“Well, I'm gonna sleep on it. I’ll get back with my answer tomorrow.” Archive decided, slapping his thighs and standing up.
Tumblr followed, standing up and nodding at Youtube. “Y- yeah, me too.” His mind was reeling with thoughts, and he had no idea what to think anymore.

Youtube bid farewell to her friends, flicking her hair over her right shoulder and busying herself with sipping the lemonade in her hand once again. Archive headed to the backyard gate to leave, and Tumblr, ditto. In front of Youtube's house once again, neither man said anything to each other, instead sharing a tense look before entering their respective vehicles and rolling down the street in opposite directions.

Chapter Text

Dragging a hand through his crimson hair, Archive spun from side-to-side in a black office chair. He stared out the window of his room, the sun much lower in the sky since the last time he had taken a glance at the outside world.

“Archive, are you listening to me?” Caroline's voice asked over the Zoom meeting, sounding slightly annoyed.

Archive was jolted back into reality, focusing on the call. “Yes,” He nodded, blinking at the black haired woman on his laptop screen. “I'm listening!”

His PR agent sighed before continuing to drone on. “Look, this could also be dangerous,” She informed the man, leaning closer to her camera. “People know you’re gay- but publicly dating another man? That'll make you a way bigger target for hate crimes and online harassment.”

Archive rolled his eyes, as if he was scared of some lame ass homophobes. “I'm sure I can handle a few internet karens.” Scoffed the man, reclining farther back in his chair.

Caroline raised a skeptical eyebrow at that. “You’re 17. Hate like that can impact your mental health.” Lectured the lady, crossing her arms and blinking her green eyes at Archive.

“Believe me, I can take it.” Archive protested, just wanting to be done with the call.

I've withstood much worse , he thought to himself- but he didn't voice that, of course. He had been on the phone with Caroline for an hour now, discussing Youtube's fake dating idea. Archive wasn't sure if he could keep up a lovey-dovey persona around Tumblr when he had such a dislike for the man. Though- it wasn't a horrible idea. It would get lots of traction, and if he played it right, more people would start to use Archive of our Own, AKA: More donations.

The two continued their boring meeting for another 15 minutes, before Caroline told Archive it was up to him in the end, whether or not he wanted to fake-date Tumblr- and she ended the call.  Of course, Archive had already looked through the two viral videos, scrolled deep into twitter, and he had even scanned some Tumblr posts. There was absolutely no doubt about it: the internet shipped them big time. Fans had even come up with a ship name! Tagteam, is what they were now, (which Archive thought was quite creative, really). Still, there was one place he had yet to scour for Tagteam-related media.

Ao3.

[Tumblr]

Upon returning to his large house tucked away in Hollywood hills, Tumblr made a bee-line for his room. He flopped straight onto his bed, the soft mattress sinking beneath him. Tumblr was still so dazed from the information he had learned at Youtube's house, he blindly grabbed the laptop on his nightstand and opened it, logging onto his own website. He switched from the official Tumblr blog to his own, personal, secret blog by the name of InterstellarWineCellar. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best username out there- but he didn't want anyone knowing it was the creator of Tumblr himself running the blog, so he couldn't make it obvious!

Upon clicking on the Explore section of Tumblr, his jaw went slack. Tagteam (which he had learned moments before was his and Archives ship name-) was #4 trending on the entire fucking website. With his mind still racing, Tumblr clicked on the tag and began reading. First, the two videos popped up. He clicked ‘Play’ on the first one carefully.

The first video was, of course- he and Archive dancing at Instagram's party. He peered closely at the footage, because the video wasn't exactly centered on the dancing pair, there just happened to be an extremely good shot of the two men gliding across the dancefloor, bodies pressed close. Tumblr watched as Past-Tumblr slid his arm around Past-Archive’s waist and dipped him gracefully, Archives eyebrows shooting upwards, and mouth muttering something the camera couldn't quite catch.

This was stupid! Anyone could tell they were just dancing, nothing more. Dancing could be platonic! Hell, he wouldn't even go as far as saying he and Archive had a platonic relationship. They had a mutual relationship; A mutual dislike for one another. Yeah, that was it. Still, Tumblr clicked off the video and scrolled down to the next one.

Immediately, it showed Past-Tumblr storming down the red carpet, his dark, steel blue hair getting ruffled by the wind. A moment later, Archive was seen trudging quickly after him, stopping only when Tumblr spun around. Next, Tumblr leaned in close to Archive and whispered something before entering his car and speeding down the street. Archive was left standing there, blinking slowly before he was whisked into his own vehicle. The video ended abruptly.

What a load of shit , Tumblr thought, rolling his eyes. Do people seriously piece together a whole relationship from two videos? Of course they did. He’d seen it happen a million times, and this was no different. Accepting his new fate, Tumblr continued to scroll through the page.

Ah, there they were. The Tumblr selfshippers. Tumblr has managed to get used to them over the years- but of course, watching strangers post day in and day out about how much they loved Tumblr was always a little odd to him.

Tumblr smiled a little at that one, raquelNbear was his favourite Tumblr user as of right now. He hadn't realized the true madness Tumblr had ascended into from just those two videos, and he knew there were many, many more posts under the Tagteam tag. Which, by the way, was an incredibly stupid ship name. Tumblr took a long sip of the hot coffee that had been patiently waiting on his bedside table before settling farther into his mattress. He was gonna be here for a while.

[Archive]

Narrowing his eyes, Archive sat hunched at his desk. He slowly typed ‘Ao3’ in his web browser, and clicked on the first link. Just like the colours of his hair, the red and white website sat on display in front of him. He wasn't exactly sure how or why the trend had started- but for people who owned apps or websites, it was incredibly common to base your entire look off of your platform- and this often included dying your hair. Archive figured he might as well start trying to find what Tagteam fanfictions had been written (if any, yet), because he knew his site users worked faster than the speed of light.

His hands clattered against the keys as he typed in Archive x Tumblr. Good god

————

Search Results

You searched for: Archive x Tumblr sort by: best match descending

No results found. You may want to edit your search to make it less specific.

————

None. Okay, fine, then. He tried again.

————

Search Results

You searched for: Archive/Tumblr sort by: best match descending

No results found. You may want to edit your search to make it less specific.

————

Yet again, there was nothing. Archive shrugged to himself. I guess my users don't work as quickly as I initially thought. Or, they just don't care about this ship . Before Archive clicked off of his website, he attempted one more search.

————

Search Results

You searched for: Tagteam sort by: best match descending

1 Found

————

Okay, he was wrong. They worked quite quickly. Archive scrolled down slowly, a bit afraid of what he might find. His site wasn't the most… uh, Safe For Work website out there, so he braced himself.

————

I Need You (And Your Body) by Cornucopia 07 Aug 2025

Tagteam

Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Archive/Tumblr, Archive, Tumblr, Gay, Archive bottom, Tumblr Top, Anal Sex, Piss Fetish, Blow Jobs, Gay Sex, Wilderness Sex, Sweat, Smut, Oral Sex, Dom/Sub, BDSM, Pegging, Dirty Talk, Just Porn, Porn is the plot, Petplay, Overstimulation, Foot-fetish, Public Sex, Breeding Kink, Size Kink, Touch-starved, NSFW, Sex Toys, Angry Sex, Rough Sex, Powerplay, Phone sex, Mutual Masturbation, Tonsss of kinks, M/M, Yaoi, Consensual non-con, Bratty Archive, Punishment Kink, Sadism, Making out beside a corpse, Masochism, Knifeplay, Choking, Biting Kink, Possessive Behaviour, Bondage, Smut

Language: English Words: 7,883 Chapters: 1/1 Kudos: 13 Bookmarks: 6 Hits: 1,507

————

All the poor man could do was stare helplessly. With his brown eyes pulled open wide, he slammed his laptop shut. Holy fuckin shit. Holyfucking shit. Holyfuckingshit. Archive felt like only Bleach would do the trick at this point, or maybe Holy Water. Yeah, Holy Water. Could Amazon deliver Holy Water? Maybe he had a better chance with Skip the Dishes. As much as Archive hated whatever the hell THAT was, he couldn't deny that a fic being released so early could only mean the internet was already obsessing.

Would this fake-dating cause more harm than good? Or could he and Tumblr get away with it? Would they have to get fake-married!? Have fake children together??? Archive selfishly folded those thoughts away, and decided to focus more on the present. He figured he would be up for a while this evening, so Archive ordered some Sushi and began thinking over the fake-dating plan.

[Tumblr]

After scrolling through various social medias for a while longer, Tumblr was feeling mentally exhausted . He had a meeting scheduled with his Public Relations team at 6:15, so just under an hour. Tumblr's mind was still reeling, so he gave an attempt to go through and sort everything in his brain.

“Pros.” He started, swiping a hand over the stubble in his chin. Speaking out loud always seemed to help him get his thoughts in order, so Tumble continued to mutter softly to himself.

“Traction. I'll get more users…” An important one, for sure.

He continued to think. “Fans, er- more fame.” Fame was quite a useful asset, and a publicity stunt like this could have his name plastered right on top of many, many gossip articles.

Tumblr continued to quietly list a few more to himself, before exhaling. This seemed like a good idea all around, that was for sure. Though, he moved on to Cons, knowing there were quite a few.

“The whole fucking internet will think Im gay, for starters.” He scoffed, feeling weird saying that aloud. Maybe not gay. Bisexual, or something. Still, Tumblr was a straight man (an ally, yes, but definitely straight)!

“Shit. PDA.” Right. He has forgotten about that one. Kissing another man. Holding hands with another man. And that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that the ‘man’ was Archive. He knew for a fact the relationship wouldn't seem believable if they didn't show public affection. Still, maybe they could get away with never quite kissing one another's lips. The thought made Tumblr feel queasy.

He managed to list a few more; Backlash if they got exposed, crazy fans, homophobia, and online hate. Tumblr felt a wave of anxiety wash over him at his final thought, though.

Mom.

Tumblr's wonderful mother was away on a trip to Mexico with a few girlfriends, and she would be there for another two weeks. His mom literally never checked social media, so her finding out online wasn't the man's concern. The thing was- and to be clear, he loved his mother unconditionally- but his 57 year old mother could not keep a secret for the life of her! That woman was a blabbermouth, and if Tumblr let her in on the secret that he and Archives relationship was fake, it would all go crashing down. Would he have to literally have to fake-come-out to his mother?

*

After a long call with his PR team, Tumblr sat alone with his thoughts. He and his team had gone over many scenarios and variables for the whole scenario, but they all agreed it was initially up to Tumblr to make the decision. So now all he could do was weigh both sides, thinking. His mind wandered back to Tagteam trending on Tumblr, and he pressed his lips into a line. Since that afternoon, the tag was now #3 on all of Tumblr, which was one of the quickest inclines he’d ever seen.

Tumblr exhaled and pulled out his phone, muttering to himself. “What the fuck am I doing?” His fingers found Youtube's contact, and he typed out a message for her.

“I’ll do it.”

[Archive]

Archive swallowed the last of his sushi, now dressed in a matching set of soft, red gingham pajamas, and swaddled in a thin blanket. Two more Tagteam fics had been released since his last, distressing search- and one of them actually wasn't smut! Wahoo! Clearly, the fans were eating it up. Friends had been texting and calling him all day long, trying to find out the latest scoop, and whether it was true or not. Archive had given vague answers, not quite denying nor confirming his relationship status.

He couldn't lie, the idea of a fake relationship was… exciting, almost. Even if it was with Tumblr. And he knew it would benefit his platform big time if he went through with it. Still, he and Tumblr would have to be extremely careful, because getting caught would ruin everything. Thinking it all over one more time, Archive shot Youtube a quick text.

“I'm saying yes!!”

 Broooooooooo
Oh goodness me

Chapter Text

[Archive]

Archive’s fingers gently drummed on his lap as the engine of his car hummed underneath him. 20 minutes ago, Youtube had invited him back to her house to meet up with Tumblr again. Now, he nervously awaited seeing the blue haired man again. 

After agreeing to the fake dating, Youtube's messages had been short and curt, and poor Archive couldn’t tell whether she had been somehow angered (it was her idea??), or holding back excitement. His invitation had been just a small “Meet @ my house”, which was extremely out of character. As he stepped out of the car, he immediately knew it was the latter. Youtube squealed and ran up to Archive, wrapping him in a bone breaking hug as she spun the smaller man around. Once she released him, her ringed hand grabbed his arm and dragged him to her backyard where Tumblr already sat. 

[Tumblr]

Once Archive was seated on a lounge chair, far too close to him for comfort, Youtube pulled up her own seat so she could face both of the “lovers”. 

  “Ok, what are we doing here? And why have you been so… Nonchalant the past few days?” Tumblr grumbled at Youtube, who just stared at them with a shit eating grin. 

  “Right, sorry, I’m just so excited!” She squealed and clapped her hands again like a giddy seal. Very fitting actually. She’s balancing our credibility to entertain an unsuspecting audience. Tumblr thought grimly, regretting his choices again. 

“The reason I have been putting less thought in my texts the last few days has been because… drumroll please!” 

Tumblr’s mouth slacked open as he slowly turned to Archive, who leaned over his lap as he aggressively patted his knees, quickly creating a rhythm. Just as Tumblr thought he couldn’t get less attracted to this specimen next to him, Archive began beatboxing. Not even just a little, straight up putting on a show.

  “Yes Archive!” Youtube whooped, entranced. 

  “What the fuck are you doing.” Tumblr scoffed, repulsed. Archive glanced up, letting the beat slowly die.

  “Sh-she said drumroll?” Archive tilted his head to the side, to which Tumblr quickly facepalmed. “Just spit it out!” Archive quickly grumbled to Youtube, flushed. 

[Archive]

  “Well, I have been busy planning! And my first course of action is… dru-”

  “NO!”

  “FINE! I want you two to get matching couples outfits!” She finished her sentence with an anime-like pose, with one leg bent up behind her, hands up, and eyes widened to match her smile. Meanwhile, Tumblr gave a concerned eyebrow raise and Archive fake gagged with a finger half up his throat to punctuate his feelings. “Don’t act all high and mighty, it’s not like you exactly look like a couple, and unless you just want to practice making out in public, this is the only other way.” She huffed.

  “We’ll do it!” Archive yelped, red.

  “Couples clothes it is!” Tumblr shouted.

  “I mean, you guys sure you don’t just need new clothes?” Youtube gestured at her own clothing, a lacy red top with jean shorts, before waving at their outfits in disgust. Tumblr was wearing basketball shorts that could pass as boxers (ew), with a loose white shirt that revealed too much body hair for Archives liking. Archive wore light jorts and a baggy t-shirt that devoured his form, just as he liked.

  “Is that toothpaste?” Youtube pinched her nose in defeat as she pointed at a mysterious stain on Archive’s shirt. Archive shrugged as he lifted the fabric to his nose before haphazardly sniffing it.

[Tumblr]

  “DID YOU JUST LICK IT!?!?” Tumblr screamed, jumping back from Archive, who had his stuck out tongue a centimetre away from his shirt. 

  “Umm, not yet?” Archive answered, tongue still hanging out his mouth. The man slowly smiled, as he casually asked, “Why, you wanna?” before sticking his chest towards Tumblr. 

  “OH-MY-GOD-NO-GET-THAT-AWAY-FROM-ME!!” Tumblr stumbled out of his chair to get away from the maniac chasing him, booking it to the opposite side of Youtube’s lengthy pool from Archive. Despite his shorter legs, Archive was barely a stride behind him, cackling as he held his shirts end towards Tumblr.

  “No running in the pool zone!” Youtube yelped as Tumblr nearly slipped into the water. “I was going to let you two go shopping on your own, but now I’m coming along to make sure you don’t misbehave!” She yelled at the two childish men, who froze.

  “We will be good.” He said, defeated. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Youtube there, it’s just that if she didn’t come, they could buy 2 shirts and go their separate ways, but their plan had clearly been foiled. 

  “Too late. Get your ass’s in the car now , we’re headed to the mall before you two idiots fall in the pool.” Youtube marched off, and as she turned, Archive fake stumbled towards the pool, but as he moved to right himself, he felt himself trip. He yelled as he nearly dunked himself into the water before his shirt collar was grabbed and he was hastily yanked up. When he opened his eyes, he found himself face to face with Tumblr, who was standing over him.

  “We keep meeting like this.” Tumblr purred as he flashed a snarky smile. Archive slowly smirked, wrapping his hands around Tumblr’s waist. The tall man wrinkled his nose at the feeling and gulped loudly, gently squirming in his grip. Archive slowly leaned forward, going on his tip-toes to almost meet Tumblr's eyes fully. Tumblr’s bottom lip parted gently as he tried to find the words to stop the red haired man. Archive leaned in, stopping right as his chest bumped Tumblr, making sure the toothpaste stain grazed him.

Suddenly snapped out of his trance, Tumblrs eyes went wide. “EWWW OH MY GOD!” He cried out, shoving Archives away from him. Tumblr took a step back, glaring at the smaller man. He breathed heavily, one hand up towards Archive in warning. His cheeks had reddened more somehow, and he gently shook with adrenaline.

I thought he was actually going to kiss me . His stomach fluttered at the thought, to which he almost doubled over in disgust. Tumblr wiped his mouth on the back of his hand before dusting himself off, still avoiding the smug face of Archive as he turned around to trail after Youtube like a lost puppy. Before he got an arm's length from Archive, he heard the man whisper under his breath.  

  “I wish he tripped into the pool, I would have let him.” Tumblr turned with a glare, and as Archive tried to slip between him and the pool's edge, the taller man ‘gently’ nudged him towards the pool.

“FUCK!” Archive cursed as he tumbled back towards the water. He grasped at the air in front of him, before his hand reached out and grabbed tightly onto the fabric of Tumblr’s shirt. The way that Tumblr's smile faded as he glanced down at his chest then back up at Archive before he was yanked forward was comically cartoonish, and the irony was not lost on Tumblr. 

[Archive]

With a loud splash, both boys were dunked under the surface, gulping down a mouthful of poolwater. Archive kept a firm grip on Tumblr's shirt, squirming in the pool with his eyes squeezed shut. Why is this pool so deep? He thought, desperately swimming upwards (at least, he hoped it was upwards). In a flash of panic, Archive sucked in a breath of some good ol’ h2o, filling his lungs with what was definitely not oxygen. Trying not to get even less air in his system, he flailed around before he felt something sturdy beneath his hand, and in a panicked fit, Archive wrapped himself around it. The object rose up, taking him to air too. Finally, he broke the surface, but couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. Instead, Archive sputtered and coughed, feeling his bangs plastered to his forehead. Gingerly, he blinked awake like a newborn kitten. To his horror, his head rested against Tumblr's chest, and his legs were comfortably wrapped around the man’s waist. Tumblr just stared down at him, his eyebrow slightly raised. 

  “You done?” He asked. Archive just glanced up quizzically, still gasping for air.

  “H-How are you floating right now? Archive shivered, glancing at the pool’s bottom.

  “I’m literally just standing here. You just seem to have less survival instincts than a baby bunny,” Tumblr snickered, “You were just thrashing around for a good minute directly below the surface. Did you not learn to swim or something?” 

  “Well fuck you too.” Archive spat. Tumblr quickly shrugged before dropping Archive back into the pool, resulting in him sinking like an anchor right back down to the bottom. Not expecting an attack, Archive immediately inhaled more water, and tried kicking his way back up. Before he could, (he was totally just about to save himself, he just needed another minute), large hands slipped underneath his armpits, and Archive was lifted out of the pool and onto the surrounding tile, falling right back onto his rescuer. 

Chest heaving, Archive resumed his coughing fit, one hand splayed across Tumblr's chest and the other gripping his arm.

“Jesus Christ, could you not cough directly in my face dude?” Mumbled Tumblr, running a hand over his damp face. 

[Tumblr] 

Tumblr wiped his face off before his eyes caught Archive. He was hunched over, still hacking up water, droplets dribbling down his face. Archive‘s hand tightened on Tumblr's chest for a second before he pulled away and rested with one knee up and his other leg outstretched on the pool deck. Archive balanced on his hands, which were slightly stretched behind his back. His head hung limply as he panted, his chest gently heaving. 

Tumblr just stared at the man, blinking slowly. His flustered face shined red, his eyelashes sticky with small water particles as he slowly shook out his hair. It may have been possible that Tumblr’s brain added a slow motion effect, but he didn’t care. Archive nonchalantly wiped his hair, and Tumblr couldn’t help but compare him to Tom Hiddleston playing Loki. His wet shirt clung to his form, but the deep red and thick material had prevented it from going translucent. Still, the muscle definition in Archives arms was slightly visible- and Tumblr couldn't help but feel very surprised at the silhouette of his biceps.

Youtube casually strolled in before looking up and screaming. “Hey dummies whats taking so long- OH MY GOD YOU FELL IN THE POOL LIKE I FUCKING SAID!” Tumblr whipped away from Archives trembling form to sheepishly smile at Youtube. YouTube sighed loudly before continuing. “I’ll go get some towels.” 

  “I GOT IT!” Tumblr hoisted himself out of the pool before running into her house, with YouTube screaming not to track water on the wood floors behind him.

   I can’t just stare at Archive for any longer. He grumbled to himself.

*

Archive and Tumblr were now lounging on YouTube’s floor, still wrapped in puffy towels. While Archive had insisted on sitting in his sopping wet clothes, Tumblr had already stripped to his boxers, despite YouTube and Archives complaints. 

  “Since you two fucked up your clothes, I guess you guys will just have to borrow mine for the mall.” YouTube said after a moment of silence, reaching into her closet. “Orrrrrrr, we could just not go to the mall?” Youtube narrowed her eyes in warning at Tumblr and he raised his hands, grinning.

Both boys sighed, but quickly agreed, as YouTube was already fuming.

“Here Tumblr, you know where the washroom is.” She passed him a stack of clothes and shoved him out the door. Once Tumblr wiggled into Youtube's slightly snug clothing, he shrugged and admired himself in the mirror. He had light-wash baggy jeans on, but they fit more like straight low-rise pants. He was wearing a simple red Hawaiian shirt with most of the buttons open from the sizing. Underneath, he had a long sleeve white shirt, which was surprisingly a perfect fit. Thank god I was just wearing crocs . Tumblr thought, shivering at the thought of his vintage Nike Air Force 1s getting dunked. He trekked back to YouTube’s room, past all of her fancy modern art mixed with random diy projects and red themed items before knocking lightly on the entrance. 

  “Come in!” YouTube called out. He carefully peered into the room to see Archive circling in front of a mirror too, lip bit in concentration. Archive had large baggy red cargo pants with silver chains hanging off the belt loops, and for a shirt he wore a baggy dark blue t-shirt. He looked up to see Archive surveying his outfit too, and as their eyes met, they both paused. 

  “Are we seriously matching?” Archive hissed.

  “YouTube why are we matching?” Tumblr glared at the excited lady, perched on her bed.

  “The couple's outfits have already started!” She cheered, which was met with a collective groan. Youtube stood up, flicking through a drawer of what seemed to be hundreds of dollars worth of makeup. She pulled a small, black tube and unscrewed the lid, making her way to Archive.

“It's liquid eyeliner, is that okay?” The lady asked, and Archive nodded, angling his head toward her. With a steady hand and eyebrows pulled together in concentration, Youtube traced to small wings in the corner of Archives golden brown eyes.

“Eyeliner? Really?” Tumblr snorted, dragging his right hand through his almost dry hair.

“Um, yeah? Is that a problem?” Archive shot back, and Youtube raised a quizzingly eyebrow toward the man standing in the middle of her room. Tumblr felt his cheeks heat up, and a wave of guilt washed over him.

“W- wait, no- it's just… uh, I uh- nothing, sorry…” He mumbled, looking away. Boys wearing eyeliner isn't normal for me. It wasn't that he was opposed to the idea, his words had just come out on autopilot, and now he felt like an old, conservative man. Who was he to judge? It was makeup, not the end of the world. Youtube, seeming to read her friend's mind, responded more gently.

“It's alright, we know you didn't mean it,” She flashed a little smile towards Tumblr in an attempt to reassure him. “Do you want some eyeliner on?”

Tumblr blinked, not quite comprehending that Youtube was asking HIM. Determined not to answer like a dick again, he politely shook his head, feeling his palms sweat. “N- no, thank you.”

Youtube nodded and put the eyeliner back into the drawer. Archive stood up, and Tumblr got a closer look at the makeup. The black marking traced the upper lid of his eyes and swooped down to make a thin flick at the outer corners. It seemed to make Archives already cat-like eyes more sharp, and Tumblr thought it was a pretty good look for the guy.

(Of course, he didn't say that part aloud)

“Everyone’s hair looks dry enough, so let’s get going!” She leapt off her bed and danced her way to the door, ushering for the men to follow her.

*

Youtube immediately called dibs on the middle seat, hopping in first.

  “Why, it’s the worst one?” Tumblr asked, confused.

  “I don’t need one of you coming away with a black eye from a car fight or something.” She said truthfully, and neither man could disagree with her statement. Just because they were currently mutual with each other didn’t mean it was going to stay like that. Once settled, Archive on Youtube’s left and Tumblr to her right, Youtube’s driver set a course to the mall. Just as Tumblr began to relax into his seat and slightly open his legs, Youtube snapped loudly, her anger from the pool returning.

  “If you two don’t stop man spreading right now I am going to karate chop your dicks off.” Archive gave a little smile, seeming almost happy that she said had that? Didn’t that dumbass know that was a threat? Knowing YouTube, she would probably go through with it if she was annoyed enough. The two boys exchanged a small glance before slamming their legs shut and tilting them away from Youtube. Tumblr leaned against the window, zoning out, to which his mind went back to right before they fell into the pool.

What was he even trying to pull back there? Tumblr scoffed gently, still riled up from Archive’s attack. And why did I just stand there?! Like where did my survival instincts go? I swear sometimes I’m just asking for rabies.

[Archive]

Why did he just stand there? Did he want me to kiss him? Oh my god, I am so glad Youtube didn’t see that, she would be fangirling like crazy right now, but, I guess fair? That was still a way too close of a call. Mental note, no more fake almost kissing Tumblr, even though his reaction to the toothpaste thing was hilarious. Hmm, Tumblr… Youtube calls him T-man, should I have a cute nickname for him, you know, for the fans sake? Maybe Tumbly, or Tums? No, that’s an indigestion pill. Is Bae or Babe good enough? Maybe… 

Archive’s thoughts quickly drifted as silence shrouded the car. His head leaned against the window of the Audi Q7, which was of course red. He gave a weak attempt to read road signs as they wooshed by, but he slowly grew groggy, the hum of the car soothing his nerves. Carefully, Archive drifted off, his vision going black as he slumped heavier against the window.

[Tumblr] 

As the trio parked in the mall’s underground garage (It was far too warm 

to park above ground), it seemed YouTube had bounced back and became her cheery self again. 

  “Ok T-Man, we’re here! Just go wake up your beautiful sleeping boyfriend, and we’ll be ready to go!” She ordered, slightly teasingly. 

  “Don’t call him my boyfriend.” Tumblr grumbled with a shiver. “And why do I have to wake him up?”

  “I’m not the one dating him.” YouTube shrugged, reaching over Tumblr to open his door before swiftly hopping over his legs and escaping the humid vehicle. 

  “Fake dating.” Tumblr groaned with an eye roll. He glanced over at Archive with a sigh before his voice caught in his throat. The fluorescent lights off the parking garage illuminated Archive's face in the most flattering way, which seemed insane to Tumblr because no one looked good in that awful lighting. His head was tilted against the bottom of the window, with his lips slightly parted and a small line of drool dribbling from his mouth. His shoulder length hair shrouded half of his face, sticking slightly upright. Tumblr gently shook his head and glanced away from him, embarrassed he had stared for so long.

Now… He thought carefully, How to wake him up? Tumblr smirked, realizing this was the perfect time to get back at him for pulling him into the pool and wiping toothpaste on him. Tumblr leaned close to Archives slouched body until his mouth was near Archives ear, but still far enough that he could escape before Archive was fully awake. Tumblr inhaled deeply, grinning mischievously and puffing out his chest as he did so. 

[Archive]

  “ARCHIVE-WAKE-YOUR-LAZY-ASS-UP-WE’RE-HERE!” Tumblr yelled, words short and fast as he spoke in one breath. Archive lurched upward with a gasp before looking around to see Tumblr skipping away from the car, laughing to himself. He had just been in the middle of the most calming dream, but of course Tumblr had to go and ruin everything, again .

  “FUCK YOU, BITCH!” Archive hissed back, the sound echoing through the parking lot. He sure hoped there wasn't some kid within hearing distance. Cradling his ringing ear, Archive hopped out of the vehicle. He immediately pushed past Youtube, who was halfway through lecturing Tumblr, and headed to the elevator. 

[Tumblr] 

Once the pair caught up to Archive, Tumblr watched Archive impatiently press the button on the elevator. The door dinged and they all quickly stepped in, and just as Archive reached to press the floor button, Tumblr smacked his hand. 

  “What was that for?” Archive gasped, fed up already.

  “You hit the first one, it’s my turn.” He replied curtly. Now of course, Tumblr didn’t care about elevator buttons, but anything to annoy Archive. They both turned to face each other, and slightly growled. Not in a cringe, teeth bared, 2020 TikTok way (Every creator had gone through a rough patch during Covid, but damn TikTok seemed to get the worst of it), but an almost silent stare down, with noise just barely leaving their throats. Both of their hands extended again, to which they promptly started a small slap fight, eyes staying locked on each other.

Surprisingly, Youtube watched, holding back a laugh as she bet on who would triumph, although it didn’t last long.

  “Fine, you win.” Archive spat, not wanting to waste more time. Tumblr proudly reached for a button before pausing.

  “Which floor?” He asked sheepishly, to which Youtube face palmed.

and of course, wonderful fanart by the one and only Meowmi!

AND SOME MORE AWESOME SAUCE FANART BY THE TALENTED AND SPECTACULAR @Happy_Hopper

Chapter Text

[Archive]

Once out of the elevator, Tumblr held up a hand to signal the other two to wait. From his left jean pocket, Tumblr pulled out a ridiculously large pair of black sunglasses that looked like they had a 100% tint on the lens. What was this idiot doing? Archive ran a hand through his hair, which was now fully dry.

“Papirazzi is gonna swarm us if they know we're here, you guys should also be putting on disguises.” Informed Tumblr, popping the comically large glasses over his blue eyes, making him look almost like a clown. Archive held in a smirk.

“You’re not being serious, right?” Sighed Youtube, shaking her head.

“Er, why wouldn't I be serious?” Asked the blue haired man, folding his arms across his chest.

“Because nobody fucking cares who you are, T-Man! Yes, you own a big website, but you’re a 17 year old boy who barely does anything with the media.” 

Archive let the grin he had been trying so hard to hide finally grace his face. Tumblr blinked (well, Archive couldn't see his eyes, but he imagined Tumblr's eyes wide and embarrassed), slowly removing the absolutely humongous sunglasses from his slim face. 

“The only one who has even  a remote chance of getting spotted is Youtube, you dumbass. Your ego is worse than Ohare’s!” Lectured Archive, matching Tumblr's position by crossing his arms.

Tumblr gave a huff. “Oh, I know you did not just compare me to a fucking Lorax character.” He growled, a hint of warning in his tone. Archive was getting under his ‘boyfriends’ skin, and he couldn't be happier. Archive just gave a shrug, flicking his hair over his shoulder and strutting after Youtube who was already stomping away.

They were at one of LA’s finest malls; The Grove. It was a Monday today, so at least the three were spared from the usual hustle and bustle of almost any other day of the week. Still, Archive couldn't say that the mall could be compared to anything even close to empty. They walked in silence for a bit, so Archive watched the busy people around him. Teenage girls awkwardly mumbling to boys trailing like dogs next to them, tired dads trying to keep track of their 3 screaming children at once, and quiet elderly couples holding hands as they scooted through the mall.

That was Archive's biggest dream. To grow old with someone. Sure, he was literally 17 years old, but who could blame the man? Was it so bad to want a loving relationship with a sweet guy who he could laugh with and- okay, Archive may have been getting a little ahead of himself. He had never been in a relationship, but Archive was sure he would find the perfect man someday.

[Tumblr]

“Uh, hello? Archive to earth?” Tumblr waved a hand in front of Archive, whose eyes were glazed over in deep thought. Surprised, Archive gave a jolt before he shook his head, blinking.

“Yeah, yeah. What?” He replied, slightly agitated.

Youtube adjusted the claw clip in her hair before speaking. “First stop, Charles Tyrwhitt." Tumblr peeked behind her, and saw the store. He had been in Charles Tyrwhitt quite a few times, it was a classy department store with clothes that were very country club-esque.

“Oh, smart!” Tumblr nodded at the lady. There was an upcoming brunch for something (fuck if Tumblr knew what it was for), at a country club next thursday, and there sure as hell were going to be a lot Tagteam-hungry press waiting to prey on him and his ‘boyfriend’. So, the three entered the store.

“Welcome! Is there anything I can help you three with today?” Asked a cheery woman with shiny blonde hair and glistening teeth. The white nametag secured to her chest read Bella. Tumblr was a bit caught off guard by the sudden question, so he sputtered a moment before Archive butted in. “We're okay for right now, thank you though!” He smiled back, giving Bella a nod. Tumblr mumbled a little “Yeah, we're good.” Then proceeded to give the woman an awkward smile. With a slightly reddened face, Tumblr gave a quick grunt.

“Anyway- uh, so- clothes…”

Youtube grinned at Tumblr, nudging him a little. “Yeah, clothes.”

After a good 20 fucking minutes of following Youtube around as she sifted through what seemed like every rack and shelf in the store, both boys were finally shoved into their respective changerooms with heaping piles of clothes in their hands.

Tumblr pulled off his Hawaiian shirt as well as the white one underneath, exchanging them for a long sleeve polo shirt in the colour wine (He had called it dark red earlier, receiving an earful from Youtube about the true colour of the so very clearly wine-coloured shirt). It fit pretty snug, contouring Tumblr's long torso. He then slid on a pair of navy blue chinos, securing them with a chestnut leather belt. Examining himself in the mirror for a moment, Tumblr ran a hand through his hair. He twisted around to examine himself from multiple angles, and he came to the conclusion that he Actually Looked Pretty Good™.

When he stepped out of the changeroom to show Youtube, Archive was already standing there, showing his outfit to her. Of course, just as Tumblr had expected, Archive was wearing practically the same thing, but in reverse colours. His shirt was still a polo, but it was a dark blue; and looked… textured? It had an almost knit wave pattern, which Tumblr thought was really quite cool. His pants were also almost the same as Tumblrs, but in really dark red- correction- wine.

[Archive]

“You two look ADORABLE!” Squealed Youtube, approaching Tumblr and giving one of his cheeks a squeeze. Archive watched in amusement as Tumblr's face went red, muttering a small “Ow!”. Archive did think he himself looked pretty good, he could agree with that. The shirt Archive was wearing felt a little tighter than he usually liked, but Youtube had quietly assured him it looked fine.

Youtube forced them to try on a couple more things at Charles Tyrwhitt, and soon enough both boys had paper bags with newly bought clothing folded neatly inside. Archive ran a hand through his hair, looking around the mall.

“Can we go to a store that I wanna go to now?” Archive asked, spinning on his heels to face Tumblr and Youtube. The lady narrowed her eyes, but sighed and nodded. “Fine.” Tumblr seemed more skeptical, and sucked his teeth for a moment. “As long as it's not like, Hot Topic or some shit.” Archive gave a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest. “How DARE you! It was not going to be Hot Topic, but that is a legendary store.” How could someone dislike Hot Topic? Seriously, what was wrong with Tumblr?

“It's so like- I dunno, wacky in there. Borderline scary.” Tumblr shot back, looking down at Archive. Youtube watched from the side, hands on hips and shaking her head in either disappointment or amusement- Archive couldn't tell. He regained focus and stepped closer to Tumblr, locking eyes with him. “Is little baby Tumblr scared of a store? Awhhh, sowwy.” Archive stuck his bottom lip out, pulling his brown eyes wide. Tumblr rolled his eyes at the mocking tone and extended a hand to flick Archive on the forehead.

“Ow!” Archive pulled back, crossing his arms over his chest. His boyfriend looked like he was about to reply with something smug, judging by the look on his face- but Tumblr paused. “Dont you wear glasses? The first night we met you were wearing them.” Archive blinked, feeling a smirk creep up his face. “Contacts. I'm wearing contacts.” Shifting his weight to stop leaning over Archive, Tumblr nodded. “Oh. I see.” Archive and Tumblr both blinked at one another for a moment, Archive more than a little confused- until Youtube spoke up.

“Good job being nice to him, T-Man! You get a prize.” She grinned teasingly. Tumblr sighed, but couldn't stop a smile from crossing his face. “Oh?” The woman cleared her throat, looking absolutely delighted. “You two… get to hold hands! Yay!”

What? Archive froze, his lip twitching in distaste. “Are you kidding?” He asked, hoping she was. “No, I'm not. Look, now that you guys are a ‘couple’-” Youtube started, throwing up air-quotes- “You need to start acting like it! Holding hands is literally the least you can do, and this is good practice.” Archive could see her point, and looked over at Tumblr. Tumblr didn't just look annoyed, he looked… uncomfortable. Whatever, it wasn't Archives problem.

The two awkwardly brought their hands closer, and when Tumblr paused, Archive made the first move and clasped his hand around Tumblrs.

“Dude, your hands are freezing!” Archive commented, wanting to retract his hand. Tumblr looked slightly embarrassed, giving a grunt. “Oh. Um, sorry.” Both boys blinked at each other, trying to find the right grip on one another's hands before Youtube made a show of pretending to tap a watch, as if they were wasting years of her time.

Archive began walking, and Tumblr stumbled slightly, almost as if he didn't realize he was literally attached to another human being right now. Archive exhaled, trying not to focus on the awkward energy floating between him and Tumblr.

[Tumblr]

Why were Archive's hands so warm? Sure, maybe he had slightly colder hands, but Archives were like an oven! This was so embarrassing, having to hold hands like little kids, or something. Did couples in real life even hold hands? If it was as horrid as this, Tumblr couldn't imagine they did. 

Walking silently behind Archive, he kept his head tipped down, staring at the shiny, white tile floor beneath him.

Okay, yes, Tumblr didn't really have a right to be so miserable, he was the one who agreed to the fake dating. Still, it was sort of weird that Tumblr was having to fake his sexuality. Archive didn't have that problem, being openly gay. Well, what was Tumblr's new sexuality gonna be anyway? He hadn't officially come out to the media, but there were tons of speculations. Most people said Bisexual, which Tumblr agreed was a safe option. Still, all of it made him feel almost… icky. It was weird. He was straight, but now he had to lie about being not so straight. This was probably the exact plot of at least 100 K-dramas out there. Well at least they could-

“We're here!” Archive announced suddenly, making Tumblr's head shoot up. He looked at the entrance of the store, and looked up to the white LED sign on top. Wait- seriously??

“Zumiez is your favourite store?” Tumblr questioned, looking between the skate store and Archive. 

“Um, yes? Is that a problem?” Archive asked, confused. 

“Yeah, it is. Zumiez is my favourite store!” Tumblr spat, dropping his hand from the red-haired man's.

Archive blinked. “Well, it was my favourite store first!” He countered fiercely. 

“Says who? What if I liked it before you did? Hm?” Replied the taller man, folding his arms over his chest. Archive stepped close to Tumblr, eyes narrowed.

“If you two keep fighting, we're not going into Zumiez at all.” Youtube threatened sternly, sounding like a tired mother. “Seriously, are you two high? First with the sunglasses, then with the hand holding, and now fighting over your favourite clothing store? So what, you both like a popular store. Who gives a fuck?” The lady said, exasperated. 

Tumblr felt warmth spread over his face, and he looked down, embarrassed. Archive did virtually the same thing, pressing his lips together and looking away. Both boys apologized, and soon all three were in the store.

Tumblr hustled straight to the jeans section, looking through the cool embroidered and baggy jeans. He didn't really wear clothes like this anymore, which was honestly a shame, since he loved this style so much. Archive joined him, running his fingers along the different pairs of jeans, unfolding a few to admire them. The pair made their way around the store, not bickering at all for probably the first time that day. Once they had looked through probably every square inch of space in Zumies, the trio left. All three friends stopped at a couple more stores before deciding they were satisfied with their mall experience.

Tumblr, Archive, and Youtube stood at the entrance of The Cove, each one of their drivers stalling on the curb. Tumblr cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. “Thanks for taking us, Youtube. The matching outfits were a really smart idea.” Archive nodded in agreement, pulling Youtube in for a quick hug and smiling up at her. “Yeah, really great! I'll see you at the brunch on Thursday.” Youtube smiled back at both boys. “Yeah, thanks for coming and behaving… reasonably. See you two!” Tumblr grinned, watching as Youtube walked over to her car, opening the door and getting in. Tumblr stood still for a moment, before giving a tight lipped nod to Archive and muttering a small “See ya” before turning around and dipping into his car.

YAYYYY FANART BY MEOWMI :D