Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You absentmindedly tapped your desk with your fingers as you read through the papers again. It was cold, but that didn’t bother you of course.

And lighting the fireplace wouldn’t have been worth it, given you only ever used your office once in a while to read files. At first, you didn’t even want an office. You were always traveling and you were used to not having a set home or place you could call your own.

However, with the massive amount of notes and files that started to pile up with every new Harbinger recruited, you eventually gave in and took the office the Tsaritsa had offered you. Looking back, it was a very good decision. The silence, not even broken by crickets and birds like it was camping outside, made it easier to focus.

Your little house, which was actually more of a hut, stood in the middle of nowhere in the cold forests of Snezhnaya and had exactly two rooms: An office for files and a combined workshop and bedroom.

You had insisted on not getting more rooms because it was literally all you needed. It still ended up with some unnecessarily fancy things like that fireplace, a much too huge bed and a little kitchen area in the corner of the office… Well, at least you could brew tea here now.

Currently, your focus was on the notes in your hand. You had taken them eavesdropping on conversations between the Doctor and the Jester about the new Balladeer, the main subject of your files. He had definitely piqued your interest more than most other Harbingers for the reason, as shallow as it sounded, that he was a puppet.
You had to do some research, but eventually found out that ‘puppets’ was the term generally used for human- or godlike mechanical beings. Apparently, the Electro Archon was the reason this term was known at all, being recorded as the first person to create these puppets.
‘History is written by winners after all’ , you thought with a bitter smile on your face.

The existence of puppets was first recorded a few years after the fall of Khaenri’ah and you were sure the Electro Archon wasn’t the genius behind the technology.

No, that genius was someone else.

Someone you had known.

Someone, the only one, who had really known you, apart from the Tsaritsa maybe.

Because while the Tsaritsa had been the first one to really and permanently hire you, for reasons you still didn’t understand, but were too comfortable in your position to ask, said genius had been your only real family with them being the one to create you in the first place and teach you a great lot of things…

You shook your head to snap back to reality. Dwelling on the past was useless, at least when you were supposed to focus on other matters. The new Balladeer… while your special curiosity about him was of personal nature, it was also your job to study him. At least part of it.

Having the power of a Harbinger, people tend to get corrupted easily by greed. And you were there to keep everyone in line and, in the worst case, dispose of any disloyal Harbingers.

One might ask why the Tsaritsa would trust you with such authority and that is a mystery you yourself have yet to figure out. A few of the Harbingers had met you, but the rest of them just knew about the existence of ‘The Shadow’. You liked that title.
And you knew this job made your life more exciting. Additionally, you could also earn some mora this way, which you didn’t need a lot of, given you neither had to eat nor sleep in a warm place, but it was nice to have some. Mora was another tool to enjoy life better and at the end of the day, that's just what you wanted. To have fun because you knew how easily life could get boring and repetitive when you didn’t care about your own enjoyment enough.
“Damnit”, you muttered and stood up. You were way too distracted to read files. The important stuff, or the interesting stuff, you would remember anyways.

On a forest path in Snezhnaya, a lone figure was quickly walking towards an unknown goal. The young man wore fine clothes and an extraordinarily huge hat that caught the eye easily.

Under it, one could make out black hair and indigo eyes that somewhat seemed to shimmer in the darkness of the night, as if illuminated by little flashes of lightning, complemented by sharp red eyeliner.

It was cold, but that didn’t bother him of course. Though something else seemed to bother the Balladeer because he suddenly stopped.

Commanded by a quick movement of his hand, suddenly a lightning, sent from said hand, struck one of the bleak trees, making the snow that had gathered on the branches sizzle and quickly turn into dense steam.

Scaramouche looked at the tree that was seemingly punished for nothing as the smell of burnt wood spread through the air. There was no trace left of the shadow he’d seen, but also no ashes that could have been the remains of a person.

With a small “hm” as if making the burnt tree responsible for its own destiny, he continued walking, his sharp eyes continuing to dart around vigilantly.

There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary: More trees, some of them creaking under the weight of the snow, a few birds and a white fox scurrying away at the sight of him.

But Scaramouche was sharper than humans.

A brief crackle in the air, then a tiny, precise bolt of Electro hit one of the crows nearby.

The other birds screamed and flew away, but the crow that was hit didn’t.

It made a different sound.

Mechanical clicking and scraping, mixed with a bit of leftover electric crackle.

Scaramouche scoffed. What a pathetic attempt to spy on him. He walked closer, but before he reached the mechanical bird, a sudden flash of darkness appeared over it and a moment later, a stranger stood there.

They picked up the bird and examined it, seemingly not caring about Scaramouche’s presence.

“Impressive”, they said. “This is gonna need some repairs.” They lifted their gaze and finally looked at the Harbinger, who let out an irritated scoff.

“You’re the one who decided to spy on me. Your little drone should be less of a concern to you than your own life right now.”
“Oh?” The stranger clearly didn’t seem threatened. In fact, they seemed closer to an amused smile.

Scaramouche was getting annoyed. He gave the stranger a once-over. Long, braided hair, nothing out of the ordinary except for the strange pupils, formed like 4-pointed stars.

Their clothes covered them fully in a mix of black, gray and white, but he couldn’t pinpoint the nation this clothing style was from. The colours blended in well with the nature of Snezhnaya, but still, the outfit didn’t seem thick enough to withstand the cold for long.

‘They probably don’t spend that much time outside’ , the Harbinger concluded.

He also noticed an Electro Vision on the stranger’s waist. It was almost hidden by their clothes, but the elemental glow still shined through.
Maybe that was the reason for their confidence and a method for a human to teleport freely.

This conclusion was even more irritating. Scaramouche took a deep breath to keep himself as calm as possible, but he had little patience left.

“An awful lot of confidence for a little mortal. I suggest you start talking for the sake of your own fragile well-being. Who sent you and why?”, he spoke with a sharp, clearly threatening tone, now starting to lose his temper anyway.

His eyes began to shimmer in electric blue while he walked closer, getting more and more angry at the sight of the still unbothered stranger.

"Patience. I’m sure you’ll find out soon anyways since they can never seem to keep their mouths shut.”

‘They?’, Scaramouche wanted to ask, but before he could, a sudden flash of darkness covered the stranger and they disappeared instantly.
The Harbinger was left standing there in the snowy forest, reeling over the encounter. Who could have sent this stranger? Maybe the key was ‘them’, who ‘could never seem to keep their mouths shut‘, but who would be able to tell him about the stranger’s identity anyways?

Scaramouche sighed in frustration and annoyance, but ultimately, he did not really care. A random spy with seemingly nothing to fight other than their Vision, an infuriating amount of confidence and not enough competence to go unnoticed by him was not threatening.

It was just another fly buzzing around his head. But he would still like to know who sent them and why they would spy on him. ‘Next time’ , he thought. ‘They probably won’t back out that easily. Flies never know when it’s best to buzz off…’

You were cursing under your breath as you examined the inside of your mechanical companion. Multiple wires were completely fried, but thankfully, you knew how to replace them.

It was a mystery how you or your two mechanical birds actually worked, how they could fly and move and how exactly you could command them. You only knew how to replace wires and similar parts.

Usually, that was enough because no one noticed them and therefore they rarely needed repairs.

But apparently, the Electro Archon had given the Balladeer’s senses a few upgrades from the original technology. You were really curious about how he noticed your drone. But even more so, you found it incredibly frustrating.
When you were done carefully replacing wires, you were relieved to see your little crow jump up and fly at your command. You had two of these birds: Apart from this crow called Bo, you also had a finch called Liv.

Without them, you probably wouldn’t be able to keep track of all the Harbingers’ actions. They were also your oldest companions and although they didn’t have thoughts or personalities, they were one of the few things from your father that you had left, so you were all the more concerned for their safety, but at the same time they were your best tool for surveillance and constantly in use, so you had no choice but to put them at some level of risk.

You leaned back as you thought.

Giving up was not an option. If the Balladeer betrayed the Fatui in some shape or form, everything would shatter. You would probably have to give up your job, maybe flee in order to survive and, although it might not sound like a big problem, your confidence and pride would take a massive hit if you failed your mission.

Despite you having broken free from being reduced to your utility to others, you still wanted to be efficient and useful as it was part of your identity.

So you weren’t gonna take the risk of losing everything. You had to find a way to at least get a good understanding of the Balladeer as a person to be able to assess his way of thinking to predict his actions. But that was impossible if you couldn’t get close to him at all.

Before having to resort to diplomacy, you wanted to try something else. If he could tell your birds apart from normal ones, then maybe the solution was for Bo to be completely hidden so the Balladeer couldn’t see him in the first place.

Still, you needed a backup plan. You let yourself fall backwards into your chair and stared at the workbench in front of you. If he saw Bo again, you would have no choice, but to go out and talk to him.

Currently, he just thought you were a spy from an unknown organisation. And a mortal. While you didn’t know a lot about him, he did seem quite full of himself and severely underestimating you at the moment, instantly assuming you were a simple, weak human.

It was probably best to keep it that way for now.

You knew he was heading to Mondstadt for a mission next, so you were gonna catch him on the way there when he was alone, just to test out your new strategy.

But for today, you had worked enough.The sun was already setting, so you lit a candle and took out your sketchbook.

Drawing was also one of the things your father had taught you and it’s been your main hobby ever since. It was even helpful to remember people’s looks. You had a drawing of every Harbinger and now you started to draw the Balladeer from memory.

He had a memorable face, for the simple reason that he was, hands down, beautiful. His dazzling indigo eyes, his flawless porcelain skin, the sharp, but delicate features of his face, everything about him screamed perfection.

Well, apart from his character.

It wasn’t surprising since he wasn’t human, but the amount of effort apparently put into his design was still remarkable. You were ‘designed’ too and your looks were more on the average side, which had never really bothered you.

Your eyes were the only thing you would want to change because anyone who knew some things about Khaenri’ah recognised your pupil shape.

Other than that, you had also thought about cutting off your long hair once, for the simple reason of it not being practical, but you couldn’t bring yourself to go against your father’s design in this way, so you kept it.

He had always wanted you to live as much like a human as possible and that was most likely the reason you weren’t extraordinarily pretty like the Balladeer.

Because you were supposed to be as “normal” as possible.

Now you were feeling a little jealous of that guy, but you quickly pushed that thought away and kept drawing.

When you were done, you looked at the drawing for a moment. Turned out pretty good.

He looked as annoying as you perceived him.

By now, the sun had fully set and you could see the moon over the treetops outside, so you decided to go to sleep.

That meant you lay down on your bed, pulling your blanket up to your head, closing your eyes and letting your thoughts drift. Biologically, you didn’t need sleep, but your mind still needed rest to process thoughts and feelings you didn’t have the chance to think about otherwise. This resulted in you even being able to dream.

You woke up in a little shack, like every day, and sat up. It was time for work. You send your birds flying through the streets.

Most Khaenri’ahns were sleeping at this time, but there were some still outside. Most of them were just walking home quickly, some were chatting with each other. Nothing out of the ordinary until you saw a man robbing a woman through Liv’s eyes. Like you always did, you appeared behind him, hit him in the head and caught his unconscious body. The woman just nodded and walked away.

She didn’t thank you and there was nothing grateful about her nod. Because in her eyes, you were just doing your job like anyone else.

Nothing worth mentioning, nothing worth thanking.

You pulled the unconscious robber through a portal into arrest, then continued to scout the streets. It went on like this.

Finding, knocking out, an occasional nod, sometimes nothing at all, putting criminals into arrest, scouting.

After 12 hours, you went home. You pulled out your notebook and started drawing from imagination. You drew vast oceans your father had told you about, above them groups of birds your mechanical ones were designed after, trees and mountains, the bright sky and the clouds. You never knew if your drawings were accurate.

You didn’t know whether there were mountains that were higher than the clouds, if clouds always looked like white balls of fluff like your father had described them or if they could be different.

You yearned to see all those wonders for yourself, to explore everything the outside world had to offer.
But instead, you went to sleep eventually.

You woke up in a little shack, like every day, and sat up. It was time for work. You send your birds flying through the streets.

Nothing out of the ordinary until you saw a man being pulled into a back alley through Bo’s eyes. Like you always did, you appeared in front of him, disarmed the kidnapper and pinned them to the ground. The startled innocent man quickly walked away.

Nothing worth mentioning, nothing worth thanking.

You pulled the unconscious kidnapper through a portal into arrest, then continued to scout the streets. It went on like this.

Finding, knocking out, an occasional nod, sometimes nothing at all, putting criminals into arrest, scouting.

After 12 hours, you went home. You pulled out your notebook and started drawing from imagination. You drew huge buildings of other nations your father had told you about, people in unfamiliar clothing laughing and chatting in the streets, gardens with unfamiliar flowers and shops, the white moon and the stars above. You never knew if your drawings were accurate.

You didn’t know how exactly people out there dressed, what kind of flowers they grew, how their houses looked, how bright the moon and the stars really were.

You yearned to see all those wonders for yourself, to explore everything the outside world had to offer.
But instead, you went to sleep eventually.

You woke up in a hut, in the cold forests of Snezhnaya, feeling exhausted. You looked outside and were relieved to see the rising sun, the trees, birds and clouds.

Chapter Text

Finally, it was time to try out the new strategy. You had thought about it for a long time and decided to catch him alone and really just try and see if he would notice Bo this time. That way you wouldn’t gather any relevant info, but if the plan failed, there was no one around you would have to reveal yourself to, aside from the Balladeer himself.

The forests of Mondstadt were more beautiful than those in Snezhnaya. You could feel every bit of them buzzing with life. It all felt peaceful.

Serene.

Except for some people shouting in the distance.

The Fatui had set up their camp nearby and there seemed to be some fight, like there always was.
In your long lifespan, you had met 2 kinds of Fatui recruits: the ones with a heavy backstory and the ones with a heavy backstory and just as heavy mental problems. Although the second kind were much more rare than the first, they were of course always the most noticeable ones.

There were probably some really enthusiastic followers of the Tsaritsa as well, but no one in their right mind would join the Fatui if there were other options. Because of that, the Fatui were a… colorful bunch, which led to many situations escalating.

When you saw the Balladeer, you could tell he was annoyed. The Harbinger seemed to be taking a walk, massaging his temples and looking exhausted. You couldn’t really blame him. Was he that drained because of the noise and his subordinates fighting? Maybe. Or perhaps there was something else bothering him.

But that was none of your concern right now. Bo was still hidden in a bush by the roadside. The Balladeer didn’t show any reaction, so… he probably didn’t notice? You stayed tense and held your breath while he came closer to the bush, still apparently not noticing.

Closer. And closer. And closer.

But just as he was about to pass by it, he made a little dash, quicker than you would have ever expected, grabbed your drone and pulled it out of the bush. He looked furious, like he was about to crush the bird in his hand at any moment.
“HOW?!”, you hissed silently in frustration. “How does he always notice? This shouldn’t even be possible.”

“Enough of your games.” His sharp voice echoed a little between the trees. “Come out, tell me who sent you and why or this thing…” He held up your bird. “...will be beyond repair this time.”
Now you also felt anger creeping up inside of you, the instinct to kill him right on the spot, but you knew you had to swallow both your anger and your pride for this. Talking was your only real option now, so you had to play it as well as possible.

With a sigh, a portal of darkness covered your sight and you reappeared in front of the Balladeer. He smiled upon seeing you, though his fury was anything but gone. His expression reminded you of that arrogant smile sadistic people have when they think they have someone under their control. You hated it. But you reminded yourself to stay calm.
‘Take deep breaths.’

Crossing your arms, you put on your best poker face. “I guess it is time for diplomacy then.”
His smile turned into a somewhat amused, though equally sadistic one. “Still an awful lot of confidence for someone in your position.”
You ignored his comment, trying not to let your annoyance seep through to your tone of voice. “So, you want to know about my identity. Have you ever heard of ‘the Shadow’ before?”
He rolled his eyes. “Am I supposed to? It sounds like a name some treasure hoarder gave themselves to sound cool. This is not a guessing game. Give a clear answer if you want to live.”

You sighed. “So you haven’t. Well, that makes things more complicated. Essentially, ‘the Shadow’ is a code name for someone the Tsaritsa hired to find out about and dispose of disloyal Harbingers. And that person happens to be me. I always try to get an impression of a Harbinger and their personality when they start the job, so that’s why I was spying on you.”

He looked at you with an expressionless face while you talked. Then he blinked.

“That’s it?”

His eyes narrowed and the air crackled a little. You were ready to dodge a lightning, but in this case, it just seemed to be a sign of his rising anger.

“And you seriously expect me to believe that? Would be awfully convenient if you were hired by my own superior, wouldn’t it? For how stupid do you take me?”

As he spoke, he walked forward until he stood right in front of you, glaring with cold flames of anger in his gaze, the color of his eyeliner suddenly reminding you of blood.

Your blood to be spilled if you weren’t careful. At least that was what all your instincts were screaming right now.

He leaned a bit closer, making you instinctively hold your breath and take a step back. Another angry crackle in the air. His voice was only a somehow even more threatening, sharp whisper.

“Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

He was telling you he could kill you with every part of what he did.

It was… intimidating, to say the least. More intimidating than you would like to admit. And it affected you more than you would like to admit, despite knowing you were a skilled fighter.

‘Deep breaths. Do not start to tremble. Don’t break eye contact. And don’t stutter now.’

“You can go ask your fellow Harbingers at the meeting this week. They’ll confirm what I said. All of them know of my existence and some of them have met me before.”

Despite everything, you had to stand your ground and keep your facade as calm and aloof as possible, despite every part of your body tensing up more than you’d thought was even possible.

He flinched for a moment, maybe because you knew about the Harbinger meeting, or maybe he was just contemplating his options.

After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “I will. But until then, you’re coming with me.”

Before you had time to process what he said, you felt him harshly grabbing your wrist, and suddenly, you forgot both your fear and your plan.

Alarm bells went off in your head.

Screw diplomacy, you wouldn’t let him take you prisoner.

“And… what if I don’t cooperate?”, you asked, still tense and with your eyes narrowed.

“Then this little thing-”

He held up Bo and before he could finish his sentence, you twisted the hand that was holding your wrist, freeing yourself, and snatched your bird away from him with your other hand.

It was easy, considering he wasn’t prepared.

You saw his eyes widen in surprise as he clearly wasn’t expecting you to be so quick and precise, nor your physical strength to be on his level.

He gritted his teeth, both angry and frustrated again.

And a bit humiliated.

Good. It was about time his ego took a hit. Seeing it instantly made you feel better again. So you feigned a friendly smile, just to tease him. “Please, do go on”, you said, half expecting him to instantly shoot a lightning at you.
But surprisingly, he didn’t. He was probably too smart for that.

“Impressive”, he said, suddenly with a calm demeanor, “but if you’re telling the truth, you have nothing to fear if you come with me.”

Now you were the surprised one at his change of attitude, but maybe this was a chance to finally talk like normal people, so you took your smug grin off your face and put on a serious expression too.

“This isn’t about fear. Being taken prisoner by a Harbinger would be absolutely ridiculous.”

“If it’s your reputation you’re worried about, I can leave it out in any reports. Apart from that, if you want to study my personality or whatever, this would be a chance to do so.”
You thought for a moment. He did have a point. This would be a good chance to learn more about him and he still didn’t have much idea about your capabilities, so escape shouldn’t bee to difficult. Maybe this was a good idea. You opened your mouth to answer, but stopped again to give it more thought.

No. You could still fulfill your duty without being taken prisoner. In your position, you could just refuse and he would be able to confirm your identity soon anyways. Imprisonment was not necessary and not how you wanted to get to know him better either. A sort of equal ground would be much better for that.

“You’re a good negotiator. But I don’t trust you enough. So I’m gonna play this by my rules. And I say, I’ll just come over for tea after the Harbinger meeting and we can talk.”
His eyes narrowed for a moment, his sharp gaze perfectly underlined by his make-up. He was clearly frustrated that he couldn’t persuade you, but he quickly covered it up again. “And why should I blindly trust that you’ll actually be there?”
“Someone has to take the first step in terms of trust. And you technically no longer have the upper hand. So what kind of tea do you like?”

He scoffed, both irritated and still frustrated. “Anything bitter. But ‘taking the first step’ is not something I’m ready to do.”

You shrugged. Really, you didn’t care about his opinion on this. Still, you noted his overall behaviour in the back of your head.

“Okay, then don’t trust me. Your choice. I’ll still stick to what I said.” With that, you disappeared, teleporting out of eyesight and earshot and started walking back to the cave you had set up your camp in. While you could teleport, your range was limited and it cost more energy to teleport a certain distance than to walk it, so you still often went by foot.

This gave you time to think. The meeting had gone rather satisfyingly. Having to reveal your identity wasn’t amazing, but at least this was a chance to learn more about Scaramouche, both about him as a Harbinger, as a puppet and maybe as a person. He seemed to have a... very unique mindset.
While it was well understandable he didn’t trust you, he was very firm about it. He seemed to believe trust to be a weakness. Something particular had probably happened in his past to make him think that. But that was just a wild guess of yours.

Still, your gut was telling you there was an interesting story to him, or maybe it was still your curiosity about him being a puppet. Either way, you definitely wanted to learn more. Thinking about his offer, for a moment, you felt regret in not taking it, but it was probably best this way.

It was surprising how well he handled the negotiation though, and how calm he’d stayed after you had freed yourself from his grip and teased him about it. Must be someone with great self-control despite his arrogant demeanor.

A flash of darkness with a familiar energy, then the annoying stranger was gone again. Scaramouche clenched his fists, then let out a growl and hit a random tree beside him.

Leaves rained down and a cracking sound showed that a second punch would certainly end that tree for good. The impact of his strike was comforting, distracting him from the actual childishness of his reaction.
He’d had everything he needed in his hand and then that little brat had to act up. He didn’t know if he was more angry at the stranger or at himself for letting them escape.

After all, he did apparently underestimate them severely and didn’t stay vigilant enough. It was something he’d rather not think about more. In any case, his mood was completely ruined now.

As he walked back, still clenching his fists, he kept thinking about that stranger. While he was pissed off, a lot, the stranger was also a walking mystery. Seemingly not belonging to any nation, going around in the cold of Snezhnaya without the proper clothing, teleporting without any help, acting all confident while being caught spying on him twice, agreeing to ‘diplomacy’, then surprising him with great physical strength and acting incredibly stubborn. It all didn’t seem to add up, at least not for a regular human.

It was a contradiction, a mystery, and he hated how he even found it a little bit interesting. Annoying, frustrating, and infuriating. But interesting.

Arriving at his camp reminded Scaramouche of his bad mood. It was between some typical Mondstadt hills and only consisted of a bunch of tents since they were only here on the way to a quick trip to the Abyss.

All around, there were Fatui soldiers chatting, some eating, some training or something.

Scaramouche never really cared.

Upon seeing their Lord, all of his subordinates stood up straight and bowed when he approached one of them he remembered had been around for a while.

He wanted to make this short and go to rest as quickly as possible. “Did you clear the area?”

“Yes, sir”, the recruit answered. A few of his colleagues exchanged looks for a moment. Something was up. The Harbinger had spent enough time around these humans to know when they did shit.

“Any casualties?”
The recruit hesitated for a moment. “3 wounded, sir.” A little quieter: “One dead.”

“What?!” His temper instantly boiling up, Scaramouche grabbed the guy by the collar. “Those were hilichurl camps!”, he shouted. “Are you so incompetent you can’t even take out a few hilichurls without problems?”

Everyone else stayed silent and the Harbinger’s words echoed through the whole camp.
The Fatui’s mask did nothing to hide the terrified look on his face. “New recruits, sir. They lacked fighting experience.” His voice was strained and raspy. At least he did still talk. The younger ones were usually frozen in fear.
“Then why are they even here?”, Scaramouche asked, not expecting an answer, then let out an annoyed huff and threw the recruit to the side. Already turning to leave, he heard him land with a painful grunt. It helped to raise the Harbinger’s mood a little, but the frustration about the incompetence of his underlings still dominated.

Only after entering his tent could he hear the voices outside slowly starting to pick up again and the terrified silence go away. They all feared him. And it was a good thing. After all, fear was the most reliable way to keep people under control.

Chapter Text

The more you read about the Balladeer, the more of a mystery he became to you. He was a puppet, so probably made by the Electro Archon, but you hazily remembered the Doctor mentioning he was found with the people of Tatarasuna. He had subordinates, but never took them along into the Abyss, which was the place he was sent to most times.

With your growing curiosity, and the fact that you should get your information from more than one source, you decided to pay his camp a visit. Not when he was around of course. If you couldn’t watch him work normally, you just had to talk to the people who did.
And that’s how you ended up among some simple tents in a stolen Fatui recruit uniform while you knew the Balladeer was at the Harbinger meeting. You looked around for people who looked… chatty. Or not unfriendly at least.

It was harder than you thought. Most of the recruits were minding their own business or talking in little groups and most of those little groups seemed unwelcoming.

Eventually, you hesitantly walked up to a group of three. Two normal recruits and one with Pyro Delusion. They all looked at you when you approached, making you feel kinda nervous, which was actually perfect for the role you were about to play. “Uhm… hi! So… I just got moved here from the Regrator’s division and… I guess I could say he’s a very special Harbinger. What is the Balladeer like? Before I do something wrong…”

The three Fatui all looked at each other, hesitant to talk. Maybe they were afraid. Or already suspicious. In that case, this mission would be harder than you thought.
“You are either very brave or very stupid to talk so openly about your Harbingers”, the Pyro gunner finally spoke up, distrust and a hint of fascination in his voice.

“Or both”, one of the two delusionless recruits, a relatively young guy, but already with several scars, added.

You looked down, acting a bit ashamed. “I know. And it’s not like I want to speak ill of them! I just don’t want to mess up and get on the bad side of my new Harbinger.”

The delusionless man scoffed. “If you get on the Balladeer’s bad side, you’re dead. If you don’t, avoid him as much as you can and keep your head down or you’re maybe also dead.”

The Pyro gunner let out a sigh at that while you were mostly confused. “Essentially”, the third Fatui, a young woman who looked similar to the other delusionless recruit, “he has a bad temper. Like, really bad. He’ll get angry and punish people for the smallest mistakes that aren’t even their fault. And if you fail a task, it depends on his mood if you die or get humiliated and severely injured.”
You looked perplexed at them for a moment, mostly acting, but you were also genuinely confused. “Huh? So he regularly kills his own subordinates?”
The three nodded simultaneously.

Insanity like this was not uncommon among the Harbingers. Signora, for example, used lethal force against her own subordinates on a regular basis and the Doctor did even worse things to them.

However, it still baffled you every time.

“But why?”, you asked a little quieter.

“Because why not? I doubt he cares”, the delusionless guy said. The Pyro gunner sighed. “I’m not disloyal to the Tsaritsa or the Harbingers and I don’t want to speak ill of them. But… if the Balladeer wanted to improve efficiency, getting rid of people who fail is not the right way to do so. And it's far from effective. It’s mostly the new people who lack experience and get punished for it, but we do have several skilled and experienced fighters around. If I had the chance, I would teach them. But the Balladeer wouldn’t approve of training on the job, and in our free time, it’s impossible to organize.”
You slowly nodded. The Pyro gunner was completely right. You knew the Fatui. And for normal soldiers, they didn’t exactly have high standards. So it would make sense for a lot of the new people to lack battle experience.

“And… what if we convinced him to approve?”

The delusionless guy rolled his eyes. “Good luck with that. If he thinks you are challenging his authority, he’ll get mad .”

“Okay, but hypothetically, if he agreed to training courses from more experienced fighters to the inexperienced once, it would be possible to teach the new people so they don’t die at least, right?”, you asked.

A moment of silence. “I guess so”, the delusionless woman said hesitantly. “But hypothetically isn’t helpful. And no one wants to risk their own life to try and convince him. I mean, we’re already doing that enough. We constantly fear, not only for ourselves, but also for our friends and family.”

She grabbed the delusionless man’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. He looked away. Now you noticed how similar the two really looked - probably siblings.

The love between family members was an incredible thing. One you had witnessed many times before. Like those two children you met during the cataclysm. But also you and your own creator. Your father.

Your voice came out quietly and softly: “I understand. I lost a family member before. No one should have to go through that.”

The Pyro gunner nodded. A while of somewhat awkward silence followed. “Thank you for being this open”, you eventually said. The woman sighed. “I guess we’re all just sick and tired of the fear and pain. Vlad got hurt by a certain someone yesterday. We’re lucky if the wound doesn’t catch an infection.”

Her brother, who you assumed was Vlad, looked to the ground as if he was ashamed. “I didn’t even do anything wrong”, he said defensively and sighed. “I just wish we could do something helpful, but we’re not exactly the kind of fun and popular people the newbies would listen to. Actually, no one around here really is that. So we basically can’t do anything without a Harbinger’s authority.”

Their frustration was clear. Of course. It was frustrating to try and save the world all on your own - or even just a bunch of newbies - when in reality you couldn’t.

“I like that you want to change things. But please remember it’s not your responsibility to do so all alone.”

Vlad looked up at you again with a small frown. “But if we don’t, who will?”

You opened your mouth, but didn’t know how to reply.

Of course you knew who could, but you couldn’t tell them. To them, your silence was a clear answer.

“I’m sorry. And… thank you again”, you muttered.

“No problem”, the Pyro gunner said. “I hope it will at least help you to survive.”

You smiled again. “It is very helpful.”

So it turned out that your little investigation trip had brought even more questions than answers. Apparently, The Balladeer did not have great self-control or he just didn’t put in the effort to maintain it.

From what you had learned, you guessed it was the secondary.

And he didn’t care about the people he hurt either.

But you still asked yourself: If he didn’t care about his subordinates, then why did he keep them around in the first place? And why did he punish them so randomly even when they did nothing wrong? It all didn’t seem to add up, so you were hoping to get some answers out of him personally.

You even brought bitter tea. Now he couldn’t complain. Ok maybe he could, about you waiting in his tent, but after all, you didn’t have a choice. You couldn’t let yourself be seen by anyone outside, especially not with a Harbinger. Too much unwanted attention.
You snapped out of your thoughts when a familiar figure with a large hat entered the tent. He instantly noticed you, looking irritated at first, but then amused upon seeing the teapot in front of you. He crossed his arms. “So you actually went through with that.”

You smiled and poured two cups of tea. “Of course. Like I said, I stick to my word.” You looked up again at him, still with an inviting smile on your face. “Please, sit down. I promise the tea is not poisoned.”

“Wouldn’t be of use anyway”, he muttered and put his large hat aside. As he sat down opposing you, his amused smile faded into a serious expression. “You know, just because you work for the Tsaritsa, don’t think I’ll take any orders from you. I still can’t imagine you being qualified for your position. Honestly, what I’ve seen so far is rather pathetic.”

You ignored his little remark. “I don’t expect you to take orders from me or anything. I’m just here to get to know you better.”

He scoffed. “You mean you wanna study me.” You could hear the contempt in his voice at the word ‘study’.

“Nope, just understand how you think”, you replied and took a sip of your tea. It was easier to stay calm with him this time.

The Harbinger rolled his eyes. “Different wording won’t change a thing.”
“Then here’s my offer: For every question I ask and you answer properly, you can ask a question and I will answer it as well.”

He narrowed his eyes at your offer, instantly skeptical. “Why wouldn’t you lie to me?”

You set down your cup and slightly tilted your head. “Well, how do I know you won’t lie to me? We both can’t know. But if we’re both dishonest, no one will get what they want”
He thought for a moment. You could see the obvious battle between distrust and curiosity in his eyes.

“Fine”, he said eventually, “I’ll start.”
You shrugged.

“Your portals”, he began, “Their energy seemed familiar. At first I assumed it was Electro, like your Vision, but they’re Abyssal, aren’t they?”

His words caught you by surprise, but it quickly faded and left you amazed. “Wait, you actually sensed that? You’re correct. And you also noticed my Vision.”

He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea, completely unimpressed. “Shouldn’t be surprising. You just aren’t as discreet as you think. But not everyone can control Abyssal energy. After seeing Pierro today, it seems quite obviously written in your eyes that you’re from Khaenri’ah.”
You sighed. “Yeah, it is that obvious. Having the star-shaped pupils sure doesn’t help to stay anonymous. My turn now. How do you always notice my birds, even when they’re hidden? You’re the first Harbinger who's ever done that.”

“Then the others must be blind because your drone stood out like a sore thumb to me”, he replied as if it was the most natural and reasonable thing in the world and set down his cup.

“What do you mean? It wasn’t even visible from your position the second time.”

He leaned back a bit, his hands propped up on the ground. Perhaps he was slowly starting to relax. Hopefully.

“I don’t know, call it intuition if you want. Maybe I just have higher-developed senses than you humans.”

“Wow.” ‘How helpful’ , you thought.

You were still debating on whether to tell him you were, in fact, not human when he went straight to the next topic. “How do your drones work? I assume the technology is from Khaenri’ah, but what exactly do they do?”

“That’s a good question. I can see through their eyes and command them. All I know about how they work is that they are connected to my consciousness somehow.”

“So you do not know how they work?”, he asked, both irritation and a hint of confusion ringing in his voice. “If you don’t know that, then who made them?”
“My father.”

“Ah.”

You couldn’t quite interpret the look on his face, but something about you mentioning your father stirred something in him. “So your father was an inventor? And he gifted these drones to you?”

You nodded. He also nodded stiffly. Somehow the fact that your father gifted you mechanical birds seemed to make him unhappy. Confusing. Another mystery to you. You wanted to ask about that, but reminded yourself of the more important questions.

“So… there’s something else I’ve been wondering about: your subordinates. You don’t take them along into the Abyss, so why do you keep them around?”

His eyes narrowed and he sat up straight again. Like Vlad had said, he didn’t like his authority being challenged or whatever. “What are you getting at?” His voice was already filled with skepticism.
You raised your hands in a defensive gesture. “I’m just asking because it doesn’t seem to make sense, so I’m confused.”

At least he didn’t explode at that. But he still seemed on guard somehow. “Hmph. The reason is simple. I take them along in case I need them. For simple tasks, errands or clearing a camping area.”

He took his by now empty teacup again, in both hands, holding onto it stiffly as if it would help him to stay calm.

“And still, they often fail at that.”
“Yes.” You could see his hands clench around the cup in frustration. “I don’t know how someone can be that incompetent. They shouldn’t even have been able to survive in this world so far with that lack of skill.”

There was a short moment of silence before you asked: “And… why don’t you do something about it?”

He looked up at you and instantly, you could see in his gaze that you had unintentionally offended him.

Again.

“Why don’t I do something about it?”, he asked, getting louder and more agitated. “Because they’re not children! They work for me, not the other way around. And I don’t accept failure.”

His stubbornness and temper was starting to get on your nerves.

‘Stay calm. Deep breaths’

You weren’t about to back down.
“So you think killing them at the slightest mistake is gonna improve efficiency in any way? Because it won’t. You’ll just waste the Fatui’s human resources.”

He scoffed and looked at you with a level of contempt that even managed to feel insulting. “Of course a mortal would think like that. But practically, if they are useless in their purpose, their lives are meaningless.” He, like you, seemed to get more and more annoyed. Just because you showed him a different way of thinking.

‘Stay calm. Deep breaths’

“I’m not even- forget it, that’s not the point. You know, that’s the thing about humans. They can change, learn and evolve very quickly. If they aren’t ‘useful’ to you now, you can teach them to be. Or let the more competent ones teach them, instead of killing them off.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” His voice reminded you of thunder. “So do not tell me how to do my job.” The air crackled. The teacup in his hands looked like it was going to be crushed at any moment. You didn’t know why this particular suggestion was what got him so angry when it was just that. A suggestion, meant to help.

‘His ego’ , you thought. ‘He doesn’t want to be helped. He doesn’t want to admit others are right. And he doesn’t want to change his own mind at all cost.’

This was the moment you admitted to yourself that you also did not have much patience and that your fuse had already reached its end.

Now, you were just furious at his fragile ego and how stupid his mindset was at the same time.

So this was also the moment you decided to screw everything and speak your mind honestly. Tell the truth, sharp as it was.

“I’m just making suggestions. Because no one else can. Because they all know they would die. Because everyone is living in fear and misery for the simple reason that you don’t care about the actual lives you ruin with your ridiculous temper every day. You know what that’s like? Waking up every day, wishing not to have woken up at all? That’s not efficient. And it’s certainly not the leadership of a good Harbinger.”

The following silence felt liberating. A weight was off your chest now that you had finally spoken your mind.

That was until you saw the teacup in his hands shatter.

“Get. Out.”

His voice was so cold and controlled, it almost seemed like he’d calmed down. But the more and more intensely crackling air and how stiff every part of him was showed you that he was barely holding back from going mad.

Yeah, now you had really pissed him off.

Maybe you should’ve held back a bit if you’d wanted him to listen to you. But you didn’t regret a single word you’d said.
“The truth won’t change with me leaving. I hope you think about it.”
With that, you disappeared.

‘Fuck it’ , you thought. ‘You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.’

Chapter Text

Everytime Scaramouche saw that goddamn bird in the sky, it made him clench his fists, holding back from striking it down. He wanted to, but it would mean being forced to talk to the Shadow. And he never wanted to do that again.

Who did they even think they were? Not only poking their nose into his business and explaining to him how to do his job, but also insulting him along the way.

In fact, he did know the feeling they’d described. He himself wished he’d never woken up in Shakkei Pavilion at all. That he’d slept forever like he’d been meant to.

Or even better, that he'd never even been born at all. That he’d never had to deal with this world. With gods and humans, with hate and betrayal.

And so what? He’d learned to live with it.

Now he was here, awake.

Now he had the ability to freely choose his way of life.

After all, she “could not bring herself to interfere”.

He’d chosen to be a Harbinger. Because he’d felt like it. He’d thought it would be fun.

While there was way more to it, it was indeed fun. It was fun to have all these lives in the palm of his hand. It was fun to crush them whenever he felt like it. It was fun to see the pure impact of his actions. How insignificant they were compared to him.

But in the end, his enjoyment did not play a big part in the decisions he made. Giving orders, punishing and keeping people under his control was simply part of being a leader such as a Harbinger. There was no room for failure.

The Shadow had no idea what they were talking about. They had never been a leader. They didn’t know anything. Their words were nothing but an expression of insolence. A clueless mortal speaking out against him.

It was truly infuriating. But even more, it was simply irrelevant.

For some reason though, he kept thinking about what they had said. Something about it made it echo in his head over and over again.

He hated every bit of it. He had no reason to further think about their words. He had already decided they held no truth.

“Waking up every day, wishing not to have woken up at all. That’s not efficient. And it’s certainly not the leadership of a good Harbinger.”

He didn’t care about the humans. He didn’t care about ‘his leadership’ when he was doing fine right now. So why couldn’t he just forget about it? Had he started to let his guard down during the conversation? Allowed himself to be too comfortable? Too vulnerable?

No, that wouldn’t be enough of a reason to care about the human’s opinion.

They had spoken with such fierce conviction… Usually, no one would dare to utter a word against him.

But conviction did not mean someone was right. And why would he care more just because they were daring? It all didn’t make sense.
Maybe some sleep would help. It was late anyway.

Scaramouche found himself in a room. A familiar room in a familiar little house. And in front of him, he saw a familiar little boy.

His family.

But the boy was unmoving, laying on the floor, surrounded by Sakura blooms. It almost looked like he was sleeping, but of course, Scaramouche knew he wasn’t. He wanted to get closer, but couldn’t move.

Just then, the door flung open. A puppet that used to be called the Kabukimono, a name Scaramouche had tried to forget many times, was standing in the doorframe, smiling, holding a few lavender melons.
Scaramouche remembered. He’d brought the lavender melons because-

He stopped. No. He didn’t want to remember. He wanted to forget. Everything. He had tried for so long.
Yet, here he was, unable to move, and watching the puppet’s smile twist into an expression of terror and fear upon seeing the unmoving body of what he had called his family.

Scaramouche felt the pain again. He remembered all of it.

He shut his eyes and desperately tried to move away, to no avail.

He just wanted to flee. He had to get away from here.

Away from this.

He didn’t want to remember the boy, the Kabukimono, the lavender melons and the pain. He just wanted to forget. To get away. Just get away.

But even with his eyes shut, Scaramouche still felt all of it.

He heard the lavender melons hitting the ground and the footsteps on the wooden floor of the puppet rushing forward.

Then he heard the puppet’s voice, his own voice, and all the feelings from years ago came rushing back.

‘No!’

He tried again to run, but wouldn’t move.

“Hey… wha- what’s wrong? Say something!”, Scaramouche heard. He felt the puppet’s fear, his own fear, his overwhelming desperation, with every word.

“You promised me we could be family!”

It hurt terribly to listen to the puppet’s voice. Yes, Scaramouche remembered how it had felt. Like a sharp sword cutting right into his heart, if he’d had one. Now he felt it again.

‘How naive’ , he thought bitterly. ‘ I should have known humans don’t keep their promises.’

“You’re no different from Niwa and all the others. You betrayed me too…”

The puppet’s laugh filled the room. It had no joy, only grief and bitterness.

Absurd how innocent and naive he’d been.

Scaramouche remembered the sheer pain it had caused him, thinking of these treacherous humans as friends and family. Because he had believed their lies. Because he had believed that they’d actually accept him.

Absurd.

He too, broke into a joyless laugh. His and the puppet’s laugh became one until the whole house was eventually engulfed by flames.

The Balladeer set up straight, breathing heavily. He immediately stopped when he realized how ridiculous it was.

Cursed nightmares. They weren’t new to him. Yet they managed to make his chest sting once more every night. If this was the Doctor’s doing, it was certainly worse than any of the physical torments he’d been put through.

All Scaramouche wanted was to let go of the past, to leave it behind and forget about it.

But no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up back there in his sleep. With the little boy, with Katsuragi in Shakkei Pavilion, with the Youkai Shrine Maiden or walking into the Furnace with Niwa’s twisted gift.

And every time in his sleep, he was eventually left exactly where he wanted to get away from: Remembering everything. The betrayals and all the fear, terror and pain they had caused him. It was a never ending cycle of repetition he couldn’t seem to break free from, no matter how hard he tried.

Put simply: he hated dreaming and he hated his memories.

The Harbinger lay back down and closed his eyes, though he likely wasn’t going to get more sleep after this.
He knew he was in for a terrible next day.

Every Harbinger had an office at the main base of operations. Having most of them who didn’t need to travel and their underlings in one place made communication and management a lot easier.

Needless to say, the Balladeer’s office was rarely used. Scaramouche was the one Abyss expedition guy among the Harbingers, so he was almost always away traveling.
Still, if there were no expeditions planned at the moment, there was nothing stopping him from returning to the main base. The distances were big enough so he wouldn’t need to talk to the other Harbingers personally and the peace and quiet of his own office was a nice benefit.

It was exactly what he needed right now.

He’d arrived at the main base at noon and after sending out a recruit to give his last report to the Jester, Scaramouche had just sat at the desk in the comfortably large room and wrote his next report. There usually wasn’t much to report about these trips, but it distracted him from his nightmares and the Shadow’s words that still kept haunting him.

Sitting there in silence and writing was oddly soothing.

Of course, it wasn’t fun, but it was peaceful.

A knock on the door. The Balladeer let out an annoyed sigh and put his pen down. “Yes?”

He wanted whoever disturbed him to leave again as quickly as possible. The huge Electro symbol on the door split as it opened and a Fatui recruit came in. It was the same one Scaramouche had sent to deliver his report to the Jester. A new recruit since everyone else was busy. The young woman bowed, but the Harbinger could already tell from her demeanor that something was up. “Did you complete your task?”

The recruit’s voice came out quietly, almost unhearable. “The Jester wasn’t in his office. I couldn't find him.” The Balladeer slammed his hands on the desk and stood up. He really didn’t have the time or energy for this. The woman seemed to shrink in front of him.

“Then why are you here?”, he asked in a sharp tone. “You think I have nothing better to do than to help you locate the goddamn leader of the Harbingers, who should be no problem to find?”

There was a crackle in the air. Scaramouche raised his hand to let out all his annoyance in the form of electricity. The woman looked up at him with a terrified face.

And something strange happened.

Scaramouche paused.

He froze upon seeing her expression.

The look on her face. It was that same look of terror and fear the former Kabukimono had had.

Pain.

He knew what it felt like.

And suddenly, he felt sick. He knew he wasn’t going to get any satisfaction from striking her down like he usually did. Even worse, he would feel… guilt. ‘ Why?’

He cursed himself for it.
Realizing his subordinate was still terrified in front of him, but also increasingly confused, he let his hand sink and glared at her. “Find him on your own and get out of my sight.”
She bowed again and quickly scurried out of the office.

Scaramouche sat down again and buried his face in his hands. He wanted to crush something.

Why did this happen? He’d never cared about humans before. At least not since he was the Balladeer. So why now?

It was because of his nightmare, he knew that. But that couldn’t be the whole reason. He’d been having nightmares for quite a while. Never had it made him doubt his way of doing things.

Maybe it was the Shadow’s cursed words. No matter how much he tried to ignore them, they seemed to have found a way into his mind, now making him think that maybe, just maybe, they had a point. That maybe a path of gentleness, of encouraging learning and growth would be more effective overall.

He hated it. He hated them, their words, himself, his nightmares, everything.

What could humans grow into anyway? They all turned out as weaklings or monsters in the end.

Why would the Shadow be right if their ideas opposed in every way how he’d dealt with things so far? When he knew they had no idea?

But his thoughts kept returning to the determination and conviction in their voice. And now to the look of fear in the face of his underling.

“Because everyone is living in fear and misery for the simple reason that you don’t care about the actual lives you ruin with your ridiculous temper every day.”
He clenched his fists. How had they managed to make him feel bad? They shouldn’t be able to. They were just a stranger who knew nothing about him.

Still, part of him didn’t seem to agree. And it was holding him back.

This couldn’t go on. He couldn’t let himself break from the inside. He had to get rid of whatever effect the Shadow had caused, but how? Ignorance clearly wasn’t working.

Scaramouche sighed at his next idea. He really didn’t want to talk to them again, let alone ask for their help. He could name a thousand things he’d rather do. But it was his only option. If there was one person who knew what was up with him, it would be them.

Now the next problem was: how would he do it?

He didn’t know where to find them. So they would need to come to him.

Chapter Text

You were fuming. Eventually, you had gotten over your frustration about the Balladeer’s stubbornness. This outcome should have been expected, since you had tried and failed to convince Signora of the same thing, but it still sucked. He didn’t seem like the type to be easily corrupted by greed though, at least not for something simple like mora, so you had left him alone for a while. Still, you had to check in every now and then.

So you decided to ignore the fact that he recognized your birds and sent Bo again. You really didn’t want to go in person.

And like you had hoped, the Balladeer ignored the bird. At least up until you watched him look up at the sky, right at your bird, raise his hand and then you lost connection.
Now, you were furious for two reasons. On one hand, you had to talk to him again, which was something you didn’t exactly look forward to. But what was even worse was that you knew he’d done this on purpose. He’d struck down your bird knowing that you were not from an enemy organisation and he’d done it knowing that this drone had been a gift from your father.

But even despite that, or likely even because of that, he chose to attack it again.

You’d had enough.

The Balladeer was standing alone in his fancy office when he suddenly felt the cold steel of your sword against his neck.

“Where is my bird?” Your voice was almost as sharp as your sword, though the Balladeer didn’t seem bothered at all.

“Relax. Your little drone is fine.” He sounded arrogant like usual, but not aggressive this time. He slowly turned around and you could see a faint smile on his face. Weird. He tossed you your bird. You caught it with one hand, still holding your sword to his throat with the other.

“It’s barely damaged”, he said and crossed his arms. “I just had to take it out of the sky.”

“Why?”

“To talk to you. So please take that sword out of my face. It’s irritating.”

You didn’t know whether you should be more confused at why he would want to talk to you or the fact that he actually used the word ‘please’. Either way, it was probably something serious for him to act like this.

You let your sword disappear, crossed your arms like him and slightly tilted your head, curious at what he had to say, though still a little pissed at him shooting your bird down again. “And what do you want to talk about with me of all people?”

“How did you do it?” He looked you directly in the eyes as if you were supposed to understand what he meant.

Really? Was he just messing with you? If he was, it was hidden behind his intense stare.

You rolled your eyes. “You gotta be more specific than that.”

“Your words. They wouldn’t get out of my head and eventually made something inside me turn against me. How did you do that?” He still looked you in the eyes with a dead serious gaze, his genuine curiosity clearly written on his face. And for the first time, it almost seemed like he was seeing you as an equal.

‘What?’ , you almost blurted out. ‘How?’

Suddenly, you were asking yourself the exact same question as him. Never in a million years would you have expected to get through to him somehow. Sure, you were glad you did. Maybe also a bit glad that it made him struggle. But at the same time, you were at least as confused as him as to how it happened. “I… don’t know. I just spoke my mind.”

You could see the anticipation in his eyes fade. It didn’t even take a second for his arrogance to return again. “Wow. And here I was thinking you would actually be useful for once”, he commented, making you roll your eyes once more. What a brat.

“What did you expect? That I manipulated your mind with some evil spell? The reason it stuck with you is probably more on your side than mine.”

He sighed in annoyance. “That is still not helpful.”

You shrugged again, getting more and more irritated by the second. What did he want you to do? Give him some miracle solution for all his mental inconveniences? Say some weird magic gibberish like an Abyss mage and make it all go away?

“Why would you even need help? To forget what I said? How is it that terrible?” He shook his head and leaned back against a wall, pinching the bridge of his nose as if the topic physically hurt him. “You don’t understand. It haunts me. It gets in the way of my everyday life.”
“What, can’t kill your own people anymore?”, you asked mockingly.

He fell silent and turned his gaze away as if…
“Wait, seriously? That’s it? Oh gods…”

Now you were the one letting out a sigh and looking like the topic physically hurt you. “You know, if that’s the problem, have you ever considered I might be right?”

He still avoided your gaze. “Of course I have.”
“And you don’t think I was?”

“I’m... not sure anymore.”
He did, in fact, not seem so sure anymore. You noticed it both in his tone of voice and the look in his eyes. It was a strange sight. But you still couldn’t get over the fact that this was his terrible problem.

That he’d just grown a conscience.

At least there was some progress now.

“I guess not sure is better than nothing. Why don’t you just try out my proposal for a while? Letting the experienced fighters teach the new recruits for, let’s say an hour every day for now, and not instantly killing them when they fail a task?”

You could see the struggle to decide in his eyes. For once, the Balladeer seemed less confident and more lost and stressed.

Almost human.

“Fine”, he finally said and seemed to regain his composure and with it his usual arrogance again. “If it helps. I will try it if you stay for a while to answer a few more questions.”

You thought for a moment. Despite acting from the shadows, you didn’t have any secrets concerning yourself that you cared to keep from the Balladeer. And you were curious about what he wanted to ask. So, why not?

“Deal. Unless of course you ask things I am specifically not allowed to answer.”

“I doubt my questions fall into that category.”

“Then, ask away.”

He started to look you up and down like there was something unusual to study about your clothes. “Why are you walking around like that in Snezhnaya?”

You looked at your outfit as well. It was nothing extravagant, just a simple tunic and pants like it had been common in Khaenri’ah, light enough to not restrict any of your movements. It was what you often wore when you didn’t expect to meet anyone. As ordinary as it would get, so what was his problem with it?

“What exactly do you mean?”

He looked annoyed at your question, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Aren’t you freezing?”, he asked impatiently.

“Ohhh…”

You probably sounded as stupid as you felt. Of course, it was the obvious thing in the world. At least for him. After all, he was missing some crucial information here. You opened your mouth to speak, but paused for a moment, trying to think of how you would make this massive lore bomb hit as gently as possible. And you didn’t really find a way.

“I… don’t freeze because I’m not human.”

“What?” It took him a second to realize what you had said. With his confusion, his irritation only seemed to grow more. “Then what are you? If you’re from Khaenri’ah, I doubt you’re a god, kitsune, adeptus or anything like that.”
“And you’re right. I’m none of those things. Where do I start… well, okay. Am I right to assume you were created by the Electro Archon?”

He flinched and lightly bit his lip, tensing up even more. “Yes”, he answered hesitantly. “But what does that have to do with you?”
“We’ll get there in a second. You see, the technology used to create puppets was not invented by the Electro Archon. It was originally sourced from Khaenri’ah.”
The Balladeer’s eyes widened when he connected the dots. But after a moment, it faded into amusement once again. He did that more often than you would expect from someone like him. Maybe he used it to cover up other emotions. Or maybe you were just a particularly amusing person in his eyes, for some reason.

“Heh. So your father being an inventor suddenly has a whole new meaning”, he said and crossed his arms. “And I thought you were just never outside long enough to realize what a logical disaster your choice of clothing was. I wouldn’t have guessed you were a puppet.”

You were glad he didn’t seem to make a big deal out of it. Looking back, there wouldn’t have been a reason to do so to begin with, but you could never be sure with him.
“What, because I’m not as pretty as you?”, you asked jokingly.

He gave you a sly smirk. “Maybe. But seriously, you even breathe.”

You noticed he was right. You’d gotten so used to breathing that you’d completely forgotten you didn’t have to. “I guess that’s a… little  quirk of mine. Usually, it just means unnecessary attention when people know I’m a puppet, so I’ve trained myself to breathe like a human.”
“Kind of pathetic, no? Putting in extra effort to fit in with lowly mortals?”

“It’s just more practical. I don’t wanna scare away all the normal people. Not everyone has the luxury of walking around with their real identity all the time.” You didn’t really mind hiding you were a puppet. It wasn’t like you really cared what you were either, but your identity as the Shadow was a different story. It was strictly confidential, which made you feel a little lonely at times.

The Balladeer scoffed. “Sure. You’re in quite the comfortable position to talk about a lack of luxury, you know. Speaking of… how did you even end up with your job? The Tsaritsa is not one to trust people easily and I doubt it was your original purpose.” He made a short pause before adding the question he was actually curious about. “Were you abandoned?”

You smiled amusedly. While he was trying to sound aloof and uninterested, and still acting like he was above you, you could tell he genuinely wanted to know about your story. You couldn’t blame him.

After all, you didn’t get to meet another puppet everyday. You yourself had also been curious about him for the very same reason. It was just funny how he tried to hide it.

“Prying into my personal backstory now? Where’s this curiosity coming from?”, you asked teasingly.

He kept his aloof face, but you could also see a slight smile. Amused by you again? At least it was intentional this time.

“I have the chance to ask questions, so I’ll take it. And you agreed to answer. Or are you ‘specifically not allowed to’? Any dark secrets you have to hide from me, oh-so-mysterious Shadow?”

You chuckled and shook your head.

“Fine, if you’re that desperate to know: My original purpose was to be an elite night guard for a Khaenri’ahn city. I was designed to be able to cover a huge area, but quick and precise in battle.

I was supposed to start my duty after a few years of being taught by my creator, but he was already old and passed away early, so I also started my duty early. It was a lot of work, though that wasn’t what was bothering me. I wanted to travel and see the world and my yearning grew stronger every day.

But when I asked my superior, he didn’t allow me to travel and then proceeded to threaten me with some device they had linked to my consciousness, the same way my birds were, that could make me experience unspeakable pain.

If he hadn’t done that, I probably wouldn’t even have acted up. But with his threat, I had to do the only logical thing. I planned out a surprise attack, killed my superior, destroyed the device and left Khaenri’ah for good. That was also when my Vision appeared, right outside the gates.”
The Balladeer was quiet the whole time you talked. After you finished, the silence felt loud to you. Eventually, he spoke again:

“So you were used by humans, huh. Seems to be part of their nature.”

His tone of voice was much softer than usual. He almost sounded… compassionate. Which gave you a very strange feeling. You never would have expected to receive empathy from him of all people, no matter how little.
As for the content of his words… you had thought so too, in the past. You’d been bitter like him.

Because if it wasn't human nature, it would mean that you’d just been unlucky with the humans you’d met. You’d have nothing to blame for what happened. And there had to be more to it, right? There had to be a way to avoid being hurt again.

But after a while, you’d realized that wasn’t true.

“I wouldn’t say it’s part of their nature”, you spoke softly. “There are indeed too many selfish and manipulative humans, but the reason I had the confidence to leave, the person who taught me who I am and who I can be, was also a human.”

“Yet it was fleeting. He’s not around anymore.”
“It still shaped me forever.”

You both went silent in thought. You were still trying to process this side of him. It felt like it was the most real one you’d seen so far, and it was completely different than you imagined. The more you got to know him, the deeper his mystery seemed to be, but at the same time, with the bits of information you got, his personality began to make sense.

“You’re an interesting conversation partner”, you commented.

He didn’t answer, still in thought. His expression was uninterpretable. You had no idea what was on his mind. And somehow, you found yourself more fascinated. Wanting to fully understand. You couldn’t quit a puzzle halfway through. And who knew, maybe you’d piece together a gem by the end. Something gave you the feeling that it would be worth it.

“Do you think… I could come by to chat like this more often?”

There was another moment of silence, but to your relief, he answered this time. “Fine by me. I’m curious to see what you’ll come up with. But keep your sword away next time.”

A grin instantly crept onto your face. “We’ll see. But this probably means I should properly introduce myself.”

“I’m (Y/N), the Shadow”, you said and extended your hand.

He shook it a little hesitantly. You noticed how incredibly soft his hands were and tried to push down whatever mix of admiration and jealousy you were feeling.

“Scaramouche”, he just said.

“I know.”

“Of course you do.”

Chapter Text

You were sitting on a small tower on a hill, or for Sumeru more like a small mountain, and drawing. Your legs dangled freely from the edge as the light of sunset bathed everything around in a golden glow.

It was all quiet apart from a few birds likely wishing each other good night. In Sumeru City to the north-east and Pardis Dhyai to the south, more and more lights were turned on.

You tried to capture the view in your sketchbook, although the wind sometimes flipped the pages. Still, you were really happy. Not only was the moment beautiful, you were also looking forward to meeting a friend today.

He would never call you a friend, but you certainly saw him like that. And something had to have made him stick around for the past year. Or more precisely, accept you sticking around him with your frequent visits.

‘Time really flies’ , you thought, then focused on your drawing again. Eventually, you finished, put your sketchbook aside and just stared at the sunset.

You remembered you’d gotten to know Scaramouche because of that mystery to his personality. And after a year of knowing him, you’d grown to understand him more. He would be very direct with criticism of everything, and often an annoying brat, but on the other hand, he was very closed off about his actual feelings. It was somehow fascinating, and cute in its own way. He also rarely talked about his past, which you had just accepted by now.

Even though you were curious, if someone wanted to leave behind their past, you didn’t want to push them.

And either way, Scaramouche was more fun than you’d expected him to be. He would constantly make arrogant remarks as if you were the most worthless person in the world, but you knew he didn’t believe that. And you always retaliated, sometimes turning many of your conversations into a fun back-and-forth.

Sometimes though, you talked about serious things. Scaramouche’s perspectives on the world were often vastly different from yours. While the two of you rarely agreed on things, it was interesting to hear another person’s thoughts. ‘Maybe’ , you thought with a smile, ‘I just need more friends.’

You eventually got up, seeing the sun had almost set. The Balladeer had set up his camp nearby. You often met when it was dark and the Fatui had either gone to sleep or were too drunk to have a reason to disturb.

Darkness covered your sight and you found yourself in Scaramouche’s tent.

“You’re early”, he said as he looked up from a piece of paper and put his pen to the side.

You sat down opposing him. “Am I disrupting anything?”
“Not really.” He put the paper aside as well.

You glanced at it curiously. “What were you writing?”
“A report.”

“And I thought you’d started writing fiction in your free time”, you teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Not everyone can find joy in meaningless things like you do.”

“Then what do you find joy in?” You knew Scaramouche didn’t have hobbies because he saw them as ‘meaningless’, like he said. He would laugh in contempt at tragic characters in novels and sports did not appeal to him, as the energy put in gave nothing back in the end. So you were curious what made him happy.

“The Fatui are an amusing bunch and I’m just here for the show. Apart from that, I don’t need joy”, he just said. ‘Wow’ , you thought. You should have expected something like that. Of course, no sane person would become a Harbinger without a personal motive. Then again, which of the Fatui Harbingers, apart from the Captain maybe, was actually sane?

“And then… what do you do in your free time?”, you asked, slightly tilting your head.

“Improve efficiency in one way or another. My missions don’t leave me much time anyway. As for the little bit I have left, I doubt there’s anything so interesting to me that I would devote time to it purely for fun”

“And you don’t wanna see the world or be creative or something?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Stop asking.”

“Nope, that’s it. I’m taking you to do something fun today”, you announced.

An amused, sly smile crept onto his face. “You think you’re up for that? Finding something fun? Don’t go crying at how cold and emotionless I am in the end.” Now this was a challenge. Good. That meant he couldn’t back out anymore.
You put on a grin. “I won’t.”

“Then go ahead. What do you think will convince me?”

“I have multiple ideas.”

“Wow, is it too late to tap out now?”
“Yes.”

“Shame.”

You took out your sketchbook, flipped an empty page open and handed it to him, followed by a pencil. “Let’s start with what I’m most familiar with. Think of something to draw, anything, and go ahead.”

He stared at the page for a moment, then looked up again. “I don’t see the point.”

“Do it to create something to be proud of. Look at the other pages. Things like that.”

He flipped through the sketchbook, looking unimpressed at first, but then starting to smile. “That’s an awful lot of me you have drawn.”

“Shut up, I only drew you like 3 or 4 times.”

“5, actually. That is 4 more times than even the oh-so-glorious, ever-righteous Captain. Such an honor! I must be a very special person to get this kind of treatment.”

“Your face just looks annoying enough to be memorable.”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

“So you gonna draw something or what?”
“Fine. I just had an idea.”

“Wait, really? What is it?” Somehow you were very surprised that he was actually taking it seriously now. But he did take the pen and started sketching, without answering you. Of course. You tried to glance at the page multiple times, but he held it in a way you couldn’t see it.
Fine. At least he was drawing. You could be patient.

“Done”, he eventually said and handed you the book with a smile, like he was genuinely proud of his work.

You looked at the page. It was a sketch of a simple bedroom, but the walls were plastered with papers. In his elegant writing he had added at the top: ‘Your room, probably’. Upon closer inspection, the papers on the walls were pictures of Scaramouche. 

You heard him cackle upon seeing the genuine curiosity on your face change into an ‘I-should-have-known’-expression. The quality of the sketch wasn’t even half bad.

“You little shit. You really had to put all this effort in to make that joke?”

“You wanted me to draw something, did you not?”
“Fair enough. Was it fun at least?”

“Eh, it was ok. Your reaction was the best part. Not something I’d invest my time in.”

“You just say that because you don’t want me to think I’ve won.”

“Keep dreaming. I’m not that petty.”

“Fine”, you said and put away your sketchbook again. “I’ve got something else. Come with me.” A portal opened in front of you. A swirling vortex of darkness that looked like it had no other side, but of course you knew it did.

He raised an eyebrow. “You want me to walk into that? It looks like a death trap.”

You donned a teasing smile. “So you’re scared? Trust me, if I wanted to kill you, I would not need a portal for that.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

“You coming or not? Need me to hold your hand?” You held out a hand to him, enjoying the chance to get back at him with the teasing.

“Tch”, you heard, then you were completely taken aback when he actually grabbed your hand, which you did not expect, and yanked you through the portal with him. The last thing you saw was that smug grin on his face before the Abyssal darkness covered your sight.

In your following panic and confusion, you let go of his hand. For a moment, you lost all orientation. Then, the darkness around you parted, and you fell over.

You hit the ground with a grunt, but were glad to at least feel the grass of a familiar small mountain under your fingers. You could hear Scaramouche laughing at you as you quickly got up, slightly blushing, feeling utterly embarrassed.

And it didn’t help that he even looked perfect while mocking you, laughing, with his pale skin shimmering in the moonlight and his hair being moved by the wind.

Over time, you’d gotten over your jealous feelings and now just admired his beauty whenever you could. But right in this moment, you hated it.

“And you wanna be able to kill me?”, he asked with his smug grin. You tried to hide your embarrassment and put on an aloof expression to not make things worse, though you had the feeling he saw right through it. “Laugh all you want. One day you won’t wake up anymore.”

He chuckled, shook his head, and turned his gaze to the night sky, which made you notice again how perfect he looked. “And what a blessing that would be.”

“No wonder you’re always so grumpy, with that mindset. Now, what we’re here for…” You walked behind him, gently took him by the shoulders and turned him to look at Sumeru City in the distance. You felt him tense up for a moment under your touch, but assumed he didn’t really mind since he didn’t say anything. “Just stay silent for a bit and look at that. No talking, just take it in.”, you said.

The lights of the city could be seen all the way where you two stood, making it look like a giant, sparkling gem in the huge tree the city was built on.

It was mesmerizing. The sight captivated you as well, and you just stood there in silence, smiling. After a while, you glanced at Scaramouche next to you. He was also looking at Sumeru City, the sparkling lights reflecting in his eyes. The fact that he didn’t talk and didn’t look away made you conclude he probably found it as beautiful as you did, which only made your smile grow wider.

“So… what do you think?”, you asked quietly after some more time.

He shrugged. “It’s… okay, I guess. I don’t know, it’s lights. And the silence around is peaceful.”

“‘Okay’? That’s it? Are you sure? You didn’t… enjoy it?” Somehow you would have expected him to be more enthusiastic. But it was Scaramouche after all…

He turned and smiled at you teasingly. “You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? You can’t magically turn me into another you by showing me things you like.”

“I wasn’t trying to! I guess I just wanted to share my enjoyment. But… you’re right. Who would’ve thought you would be that one day?”, you said, putting the smile that had faltered back on your face.

He chuckled. “You never miss a beat, do you? Well, since you admitted I was right, I’ll remind you of that every day from now on. You lost this challenge.”

Your eyes sparkled. “Do it and see where it takes you.”

“Oh, maybe I will.”

“Then I hope you enjoy that.”

A moment of not-awkward silence between you when you found yourself looking at Sumeru City again. You noticed the moon had risen well above it.

“It’s late”, you said and turned to him. "Time to head back.”

He acknowledged your words with a simple nod. A flash of darkness and you were back in his tent, the chatter outside replacing the silence.

“That was pretty much all I had in store, apart from one thing.”

“What is it?”

“You have influence on many people’s lives. Maybe making them happy could also bring you joy.”

He raised an eyebrow, his expression turning into a mix of simple skepticism and genuine concern about your mental state. “Are you serious? You think I’m that kind of person?”

“I know it is very unlikely. I still wanted to mention it. Oh, that reminds me: You know those two siblings in your division? Keep an eye out for their safety, will you?”

“Oh?” Now this had piqued his interest again. The typical sly smile crept onto his face. “Why should I do that?”

“Because I asked you to. You’d do that favor for a friend, wouldn’t you?”

“When did I say you were my friend?”

“We both know it’s true.”

“Whatever.”

“Then do it anyways.”

“We’ll see.”
You weren’t quite sure whether that meant he would keep an eye on them or he would ignore your request. But you decided to trust him for now. There was nothing further to convince him anyways. “Next week, same time?”

“Sure. I’ll be waiting.”

You opened a portal to leave again. Before going in, you turned around to smile at him one last time. And while it was faint, he returned your smile. Sincerely. Deep down, you wished he’d do that more often. You loved seeing him smile.

Engraving his smile on your mind, you stepped into familiar darkness again.

Another week of waiting ahead.

Scaramouche had never been very patient, but the periods between meetings with (Y/N) always felt particularly long. At least he always had something to look forward to now.

And something he really enjoyed.

He used to find joy in watching terror and fear play across human faces, and he still found it amusing. But in the past year, there had been far fewer punishments than before. He knew it was because of the training.

Fortunately, his subordinates did not seem to have lost respect or fear.

Because this success would only get to (Y/N)’s head, he never brought it up. He didn’t want to give them more to tease him with and some things he just preferred to keep to himself.

Like what he really found joy in. He never told them he liked to see terror and fear on human faces, and he never told them that there was now another source of joy in his life.

The lights of Sumeru City had been okay.

Being there with (Y/N) had made it enjoyable.

Their idea had been silly, and their attempts pathetic. But it had been fun nonetheless. Or maybe because of it.

They had really surprised him. He'd assumed they were just another mortal: weak, annoying and stupid. And while they were annoying sometimes, they were completely different from what he had expected. They were like him, a puppet hurt in the past and now stepping towards the future. But also different, full of optimism and strange wisdom. And something about that mix made him respect them, maybe even genuinely like them.
Whenever Scaramouche met them, he would feel more relaxed and happy. He enjoyed it, their banter, serious topics or just having them around in general. It was a comfort and a safe space in his life.

Absurd.
It had only been a year and they had already made such a difference. Their visits were like a cool breeze bringing fresh air into his otherwise uninteresting life.

And he dreaded the day they would find out and tease him about it. Or maybe they had already figured it out. It was sometimes hard to guess what was behind those Khaenri’ahn eyes that always looked like they had an answer to everything. They could lie to him and put on an act just like he never told them the whole truth. They too could betray him.

But somehow, he firmly held onto the belief that they wouldn’t.

‘How naive’ , he thought. And yet he chose to ignore it.

Maybe this meant he really had made another friend.

Chapter Text

“Have you ever watched a Harbinger meeting?”, Scaramouche asked, leaning against the wall of his office. It was one of the rare days he was there.

You were sitting on his desk, originally attempting to annoy him with it, but after he’d ignored it, you just did it regularly. It wasn’t like he used the desk much anyways and it felt less awkward than sitting in his chair. “No. Why do you ask?”

He smiled in amusement, an expression you’d also gotten used to. “And why do you lie to me?”

You smiled as well. He’d known from the beginning.

‘Was worth a try’ , you thought. “To find out if you still notice me spying.”

“Heh, I haven’t gone blind.”

“What a shame.”

“Anyways… then I’m sure you know Harbinger meetings can be quite entertaining. All polite, but they’d do anything to get rid of an unpleasant mission. And I’m curious… what is your opinion on the other Harbingers? You must know every single one after all.” He looked at you with his sparkling indigo eyes, his gaze curious. His presence alone made you feel a sense of familiarity.

You shrugged. “They all do what they have to do. On a personal level, there are a few people I’d rather steer clear of. Three in particular.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Really? I have a hunch who two of them might be, but the third one?”

“Yeah, it’s more of a personal thing, really.” You sighed. “There usually is no reason to have something against Capitano.”

“In fact, you might be the only person in all of Teyvat who dislikes the ever-righteous Captain”, Scara commented with an amused smile.

“I don't dislike him. I just avoid him. He's likely the most sane of the Harbingers and the most honorable at that.”

“If I hear one more person gushing about this man, I swear I am going to break a wall-”

“You seem to have different problems with him than I do.”

“Then what kind of problem do you have with him?”

“It’s… more of a problem with myself I guess.”

You sighed again and stared at your fidgeting fingers. “Thrain. Sentinel Knight. He has always been honorable. And loyal. Giving everything to protect Khaenri’ahs citizens. He has never betrayed the homeland. Unlike me.”

You heard Scara scoff almost immediately. “Seriously? You feel bad about that? That’s ridiculous. Anyone in your situation would have done the same.”

“Maybe, and I know I could have done nothing there against the cataclysm, but still… I abandoned my duty and I abandoned the innocent people I was born to protect.”

“Tch.” He shook his head. “The mere fact that you feel bad about abandoning your own shows you’re a better person than some others I’ve met. But you have the right to choose your own path. And if it takes you away from Khaenri’ah, then so be it. Not everyone can be what they were born to be.”

“I know I can do what I want. But I still feel bad about it… Is that stupid?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Whatever. I have nothing to discuss with Thrain anyways, so I’ll just let him do his thing.”

He sighed. “Fair I guess. But if I hear you putting yourself down for something as illogical as that again, I might have to knock some sense into you by force.”

You smiled. An empty threat, you both knew it. He couldn’t beat you in a fight. Not like he would ever try to either. “Sure. Don’t worry.”

He slowly nodded, keeping eye contact, as if to confirm that you would do as he said and not be so hard on yourself, before changing the topic. “So, about the other two…”

“Should be obvious. ”

“Signora and Dottore?”

You nodded. “Yes. Signora is just a pain to deal with and as for Dottore… Shortly after I started working with the Fatui, he requested a meeting and proceeded to offer to upgrade my body if I let him experiment on it. Naturally, I refused. But at least it gave me a pretty clear understanding of who he is.”

While you knew you could defend yourself very well, the Doctor still creeped you out. Deep down, you knew, although he was crazy, he wouldn’t dare try and lay a finger on you, but that didn’t really help the fact that you felt like he would.

“Good choice”, Scaramouche just said.

Your gaze softened. Unlike you, he’d never had that choice

“You know, if you need help, I can try to get him to back off”, you said more softly, but seriously. You felt like you should do something. You felt like you had to do something, even though you knew it wasn’t officially part of your duty.

But he firmly shook his head. “Don’t bother. He won’t stop anyway, and I’m used to it at this point. It’s nothing I can’t handle. So I don’t want you to go near him.”
“But-”

“I said no. Stay out of it”, he snapped. For a moment, you were stunned speechless at how ardent he sounded, and you realized how serious he was about this. There was no way to change his mind. And you had to accept his decision.
You sighed. “Just… remember I’m ready to help if you need me, okay?”

“Yeah, fine”, he muttered and looked away. You kept looking at him, trying to read the expression on his face, wondering why he so vehemently refused your help. It was confusing. And it upset you because you didn’t want him to get hurt. Not by the Doctor, not by anyone.

But you failed to interpret the look in his eyes. All you could see was that he was stubborn about this.

“What?”, he asked in an irritated tone and turned his gaze towards you again.

Realizing you’d been staring at him, you quickly snapped out of your thoughts. “Oh, nothing. Sorry.” While you were embarrassed, you still kept pondering.

Scaramouche watched your expression for a moment, then spoke again. “You look like your brain is about to explode. If you have questions, you can still talk to me, you know. Or is a little temper enough to scare you off?”

“No, I was just…” You sighed in frustration, trying to think of the right words. “Forget it.” You knew he wouldn’t want to talk about his feelings. He never did. He would just be annoyed because you wouldn’t leave the topic be. So you weren’t going to ask.
He shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

A moment of silence. “Just remember I’m ready to talk if you want to, okay?”, you heard his voice again. There was a faint smile on his face and it instantly made you feel better. It made you feel… warm. You kinda forgot why you’d gotten worked up in the first place.

But you also noticed with amusement that it was quite out of character for him to be nice in a direct way like he’d been today. Another mystery. One that you weren’t gonna ponder over now. “Thanks. Same for you by the way.”

He simply nodded. It somehow made you wonder if he’d also ever felt that warmth.

The room was emptier without them.

Scaramouche knew he had to focus now. He had paperwork to do. But his thoughts kept drifting off. They kept going back to one thing. Himself. His prior behaviour, specifically.

Maybe (Y/N) hadn’t noticed. At least they hadn’t commented on it. But he sure did notice.

He’d felt bad for them when they were putting themselves down. He’d tried to keep them away from danger. Since when did he act like this? Since when did he care?

He didn’t know. But now, he couldn’t help it. And this thought made him panic internally.

A request for a week of vacation from one subordinate. He didn’t bother remembering all their names. Granted. It wasn’t a busy time.

It was ridiculous. Had he expected anything else when he’d decided to make a friend? Well, he’d never actually decided that, but he should have seen it coming either way.

And now he was like that. Vulnerable. Something he’d sworn to avoid a long time ago. He should be alarmed. He was alarmed.

But.. was it really that terrible? He couldn’t decide. Could he still go back? He didn’t know.

A new mission for a trip to the Abyss. He put it aside to read the details later.

Did he even want to go back? He didn’t know either. What if it got in his way? What if he got hurt in trying to keep them happy? Maybe… it would even be worth it?

A request to move a few people to a different division. Written by Dottore. Typical. He did not need many subordinates for actual work. He was just a parasite taking everyone else’s human resources for his experiments. This was nothing new.

Scaramouche read through the names of the requested subordinates. It was trivial, since he obviously recognized none of them. But he instead noticed two people with the same last name. Likely siblings.

…

Siblings. The siblings in his division. Yes, he remembered them. They were useful. Definitely among the more competent ones under his command. And now Dottore wanted to take them? Couldn’t he get someone else?

The Sixth spun the stamp of approval between his fingers. Going up against Dottore in most cases meant unnecessary trouble. But if he didn’t do it now, then… he would let someone important down.

He hadn’t forgotten about what they’d asked him for years ago. Maybe they had, but he never would.

And he hated that he was about to let it be a crucial factor in his decision. It wasn’t the only factor, of course, but undoubtedly an important one.

Just one person tipping the scale when so many were on the line.

How absurd.

How risky to allow.
But now he had to get out the ‘denied’ stamp.

When you finally got home, you opened the door like always, to your office. It wasn’t much different from Scaramouche’s. All the important offices designed by the Fatui probably looked something like this.

But it felt different than usual and a lot different from Scara’s. It felt… emptier. So quiet. You usually enjoyed silence, but it was always a major change to return to it after meeting with him.

‘Maybe’ , you thought, ‘I should get to know more people. And make more friends.’ But that was easier said than done as someone whose identity should stay secret. The public shouldn’t know there was someone like you. Someone to keep the Harbingers in line. It would make a terrible impression of said Harbingers. So, the existence of your job was confidential.

That made it harder for you to form actual relationships with people outside the Fatui and eventually, you’d just stopped trying.

But sometimes, you missed having multiple friends. And having at least one now made that feeling stronger. You remembered the last 2 humans you’d really made friends with. Those Natlanese siblings you’d met during the cataclysm.

You visited frequently over the years, but of course, they eventually passed away as any mortals would.

You sighed at the memory. You knew mortal lives ended every day, but thinking about the actual people that just were gone now was really depressing.

Another reason not to get close to mortals. Maybe it was for the best. That way, you wouldn’t lose anyone dear to you ever again. It had taken a lot of time for you to get over your father’s death as well.

Then it hit you. ‘What if Scaramouche dies one day?’ Not of age, but maybe he’d get destroyed somehow. In the Abyss, or anywhere. It was terrifying to imagine. Without him, you would be lonely again. Back to a life that used to feel complete, but wouldn’t anymore. All rooms would feel empty like your office right now. You would feel empty.

You couldn’t lose him now. The one friend you had. You’d grown to care too much.
‘I have to protect him whenever I can’ , you thought. ‘Well, whenever he lets me, that is.’

Chapter Text

“Helloooooo- oh...”

Well, this was new.

You’d teleported right into Scaramouche’s office at the agreed time. But he wasn’t there. And you knew he wasn’t on a mission. Strange. This wouldn’t really be a big deal, but it was Scaramouche. He was always punctual. And he’d never missed a meeting with you before.
Feeling slightly worried, and trying not to completely panic, you went to examine his desk. Someone had placed a new stack of unfinished paperwork there. The sheets weren’t stacked neatly enough for it to have been Scaramouche, who, without ever paying attention to this detail, somehow always did everything perfectly organized.

And judging from this paperwork not being finished yet despite it already being evening, he hadn’t been in here for at least the whole day. He’d have had enough time to do it otherwise.
But when he hadn’t been here and he wasn’t on a mission, what was going on?

The most logical step would be to check his private quarters next, but you didn’t want to intrude on his privacy.
But what if he was hurt? What if something bad had happened? Could you really take that risk?

You sighed. No, of course not. You had to check.
‘I’ll be careful.’

All Scaramouche could do was stare out the window and hate everything.

What a shit day. But he wasn’t going to yield to this.

“Hello?”
His eyes flew open in an instant. He knew that voice. “(Y/N)? What are you doing here?”

Panic rose in his chest. Why were they here? Why did it have to be today of all days? Then he remembered: ‘We were supposed to meet today.’ But this wasn’t good. No, this was terrible. They shouldn’t see him now. Not like this.
He tried to sit up, but his head instantly began to sting like hell, accompanied by a wave of dizziness, making him fall back down onto his bed with a groan. Just then, he saw his friend’s head peek into the room.

‘Great. Just great.’ His ears burned with shame. He wished he could disappear. Part of him wanted to hide under the covers, but that would have looked even more ridiculous.

How pathetic.

“I was worried since you weren’t in your office at the time we agreed to meet and there was paperwork that hadn’t even been touched yet. What happened?”

They were looking at him with those stupid, big, worried eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look back at them.
“Leave”, he muttered. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“What?” Their worried face turned into a mix of confusion, indignation and even more worry. “Don’t you try and order me around. Tell me what’s up with you first and then I will leave. I mean… not to insult you, but you don’t look too good right now. If you were human, I’d assume you’re sick. So what happened?”

He sighed. How irritatingly stubborn. “I denied Dottore something he wanted and now he’s getting back at me with insane headache and dizziness after the last experiment. That’s it. You happy now?”

“What? But that’s terrible! I’m going to kill that little-”

They stopped seeing his sharp glare.

“No. Remember, Dottore is a coward. He wouldn’t risk damaging me permanently and he would get in trouble with Pierro if he prevented me from carrying out missions. So this will pass with time.”

They fortunately calmed down and tilted their head. “But you must be bored just lying around, right?”

“So what?”

“Well, how about I just keep you company instead of leaving? That would make it less boring, right?” And they gave him that stupid genuine smile of theirs. Having them around actually sounded amazing. Them sitting at the edge of his bed and talking to him like nothing was wrong. Making him feel like nothing was wrong.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Huh? Why not?”

He scoffed. “Because my condition is utterly laughable. I can’t even sit up. I never intended for anyone to even see me like this, least of all you.”

“What, you think I care about that? It’s not even your fault, you’re basically just sick. I certainly won’t laugh at that.”

He knew they wouldn’t. They were way too nice for that. Way nicer than him. He still felt ashamed. But they were still smiling softly, even seeing his torn expression.

“Can I tell you a story?”, they asked all of a sudden.

“What? I don’t need you to read me a bedtime story now.”

“I know, but maybe the story helps with your decision.”

Now this piqued his interest. They knew how to make him curious. And they sure were good at using that to their advantage. “Hm. Fine, go ahead.”

They sat down on the edge of his bed. Somehow, he didn’t mind at all, even though he usually hated anyone being even a centimeter closer to him than necessary.

“During the cataclysm, I was trying to stay as far away from all the Abyssal monsters and danger in general. Even though I’m a skilled fighter, I didn't want to risk my life when it wasn’t necessary. But then I saw 2 children from a distance being attacked by rifthounds and… I couldn't just watch them die, so I stepped in and killed the rifthounds. The children thanked me for saving them, but I wasn't quite on time. The younger sister had taken a massive hit and while her wounds weren't deadly, she had been corroded with Abyssal energy. 

Their parents had died to the Abyss and I decided to protect them until the danger was banned. But the older brother, still a child, insisted that we'd try to get help for his sister. We travelled all over the world, asked everyone who could've known a cure, from the people of the Grand Narukami Shrine to the medics of Fontaine. But there was no known cure for Abyssal corrosion and the girl's state was getting worse by the day.

Our last stop were the Adepti in Liyue. By the time we arrived, I had carried the girl up the mountain because she had fallen unconscious. When we learned even the Adepti had no cure, the boy broke down in tears of desperation and frustration, feeling utterly helpless and scared. I gave him a hug, unable to think of any comforting words. But, hearing her brother cry, the girl also woke up. 

Moments ago, she wouldn't have had enough energy to even talk, but now she stood up and walked over to hug her brother, trying to comfort him, and whispered ‘please don’t cry… I.. don't want to be a burden anymore... I don't want to make you sad…’. Those were the simple words of a little girl. Still, her will was far stronger than anything I had ever seen.

At that moment, I noticed a red sparkle in her pocket. She had gained a Pyro Vision and along with it, an incredible healing ability that gave her the chance to repel the Abyssal power in her body to a certain extent. In the end, she could never run or jump again, but she lived a long life with her brother and they became an amazing team of medics.”

“Sounds like a fairy tale. Why are you telling me this?”

"First of all, it really happened. And second of all: When people aren't well, there are things that give them strength. That girl's brother was the spark that ignited that strength. He was her light. So, when life gets hard, or when you’re lost in the dark, then let me be your light. Or when you’re sick, like now. That's what friends are for, after all."

And they smiled that stupid smile again. As if the world was the most beautiful place ever.

"That is so cheesy, it literally hurts."

"It also distracted you from how miserable you are right now."

"Fair enough."

He was a broken tool. Existing to function, yet failing at it. And still they looked at him as if offering him kindness, caring for him, was the most normal, self-explanatory thing. It was confusing. But tempting.

“So I’m staying now?”

“I get the feeling that you would still be too stubborn to leave if I asked you to right now.”

“No, I wouldn’t. But you wouldn’t ask me to leave either because you like having me around.”

“You’re amusing, I’ll give you that.”
“Amusing? That’s it?”

“What, do you want me to say things as cheesy as you do? That you’re ‘my light’? That you give me hope and warmth and my life would be so dark without you?”

“Yes, that would be nice.” 

“Well, you can wait a long time for that one.”

“Anyways, back to you being sick and me, as the awesome friend I am, being here to entertain you. Anything that you wanna do or talk about in particular?”

“Are you saying you’ll play along with whatever I choose and I can basically make you do anything?”

“That would be a bit much to say, but we’ll see what is possible.”

He shook his head in confusion. “Why? Why are you doing this at all? Trying to cheer me up or whatever.”

They looked at him with surprise and a hint of doubt hidden beneath the soft look in their eyes. “Are you really not getting it?”

He lightly shook his head.

There was a moment of hesitation, their gaze trailing off to the ground and starting to avoid his, before they spoke up again, more quietly and even softer. “Well, when I tell you to ‘let me be your light’, it’s because… you’re my light, in a way. I mean, it’s no secret that I like hanging out with you. And as your friend, I want to see you happy, so I want to cheer you up when you’re feeling down.”

There was a short pause.

”You… should smile more by the way”, they then added hesitantly. “It suits you.”

To say that these words caught Scaramouche off-guard would be an understatement. He stared at his friend, failing to hide his disbelief, and trying to find any clue that they were joking or lying. But he could only see them still avoiding his gaze, staring at a wall instead, and fidgeting their fingers, looking a bit shy. They wouldn’t act like that if they hadn’t been serious.

They were telling the truth, he realized. They cared. A strange warmth started to spread through the void in Scaramouche’s chest. It was something new and startling, but… it felt nice.

Hearing only his silence, they glanced back at him carefully. “What- why are you staring like that? Don’t make a big deal out of this now.”

Right, it was no big deal. He tore his gaze away from them. He just wasn’t used to this. That was all. Yes.

In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time someone’s words had made him feel this warmth.

“You’re a human as far as I’m concerned.”

…Right.

The last time had been a lie. Maybe this was one too. Maybe they were just lying to get a reaction out of him. Or to make him feel safe and betray him later.

Or maybe they weren’t.

He glanced at their face again, noticing the light shade of pink that had risen into their cheeks.

‘Maybe it’s real this time.’

This thought alone made him excited.

And maybe it was worth the risk.

He liked this feeling. He would tolerate it. For now.

Chapter Text

“This is a joke, right?” Scaramouche stared at your face, clearly hoping to see any sign of you not being serious.

Not the reaction you’d hoped for, but it was to be expected.
“Come on, it’s gonna be fun! We should get out there for once and do something special. Exactly today, 100 years ago, we met for the first time. What better occasion to celebrate?”
“You think I want to go and celebrate at a festival?”, he asked, as if you’d said that you’d seen Dottore kindly help an old lady across the road, or something similarly absurd.

“It’s the Mondstadt Weinlesefest, so it’s not that crowded. Plus, there’s gonna be good music, pretty decorations and a great atmosphere in general. I know it doesn’t sound up your alley, and if I went alone, it wouldn’t be for me either. But going with a friend is something different. We’ll have a good time together.”

“Why do we even have to go anywhere with people around at all?”

“To try something new? We’ll still be hanging out, just in a different setting.”

He sighed. “I don’t know…”

“Just this once? For me?”

You could see his torn gaze soften. Something had changed between you over the years. There was a special fondness in his eyes, a key to the void in his chest that you knew needed no heart to hold feelings.

“...Please? If you don’t like it, we can always leave.”

“Fine. Just this once.”

Your face lit up instantly and you had to resist the urge to hug him because you knew he would hate it if you did. “Thank you!”

He smiled in amusement seeing how excited you were and shook his head. “Like a child.”

The festival was everything like Scaramouche had expected. There were too many people and nothing of interest. Still, a certain little ball of energy was dragging him from one stall to the next, trying different foods and buying all sorts of useless souvenirs.

Through all of it, he just stood behind them, trying not to make it too obvious that he didn’t actually want to be there.

Why had he agreed to this again?

‘For them.’

Because he couldn’t say no to those excited sparkling eyes with star-shaped pupils. How he hated himself for that right now...

“Hey!”

He snapped out of his thoughts feeling his friend tapping his arm and instantly pulled it away. “What?”, he asked in an irritated tone.

They sighed. “I can see you’re not enjoying yourself. It’s fine. Good thing that going through all the stalls was not really why I came here. Well, not the only one at least.”

“So why did you-”

“Ah, there it is. I just need to go to one more.”

And then they went grabbing his hand and dragging him off again. They were acting faster than he could fully process what was going on, so even before he could complain further, they stopped and let go of his hand again. “Wait, if you’d rather wait somewhere else, you can do that instead. I think I’ve taken you to enough stalls without you actually wanting to already.”

He looked at them. The friendly and familiar look in their eyes. The very reason he was here in the first place. Why just them being them was enough to make him feel the urge to stick around, he didn’t know. And while he generally disliked this emotional attachment, another part of him felt quite comfortable with it. Either way, he had long accepted being stuck with it now.

So he shook his head. “It’s fine. It’s just one more stall. I’ll come along.”

And they smiled again, walking off to the next stall with him following behind instead of being dragged for a change.

“Welcome”, the shopkeeper greeted with a similarly friendly, but slightly nervous, smile. “W-what can I get for you?”

“I have a commission for two items to pick up.”

“Ah, you must be the foreigner Marjorie mentioned. The custom lyres, right?”

As his friend nodded and the girl at the stall took out two medium-sized boxes, Scaramouche was left in confusion. Custom lyres? Why? Could (Y/N) even play the lyre? Why two? Was the other one for someone else? But he couldn’t play the lyre either, so who was it for? Was there someone else important to them that he didn’t know about? Somehow, he hated that last thought in particular.

“Here you go”, the shopkeeper said and handed over the boxes, then hesitated, started fidgeting her fingers and shyly cleared her throat. “Excuse me… uhh… might I ask for who these are?”

Scaramouche would have rudely told her to mind her own business if it wasn’t for the fact that he also wanted to know the answer to her question.

“One’s for me and one’s for him”, (Y/N) replied and, as their hands were full, gestured towards him with their head. “It’s an anniversary thing.”

“I see…” The shopkeeper nodded but somehow seemed to get more nervous, which was unusual given people normally had a tendency to feel more comfortable as the conversation went on. Avoiding eye contact, blushing slightly… It was even more confusing than why his friend would buy a lyre for someone who didn’t even know how to play it.

Was it him making her nervous? Could be. His presence was usually seen as a threat to mortals. However, this seemed to be a different kind of nervous. And currently, he wasn’t recognizable as a Harbinger either. He wasn’t even wearing his hat for the sake of not standing out. 

“So… you two are dating then?”

“What?” The answer from him and his friend was both simultaneous and identical. He was glad to see them on an equal level of confusion as he had really not been expecting this. But his secondary reaction was another wave of irritation. That was none of her business either.

‘This happens when humans don’t know that they should fear the person in front of them.’

While the electricity in his fingers was itching to teach this girl a lesson, he knew it wasn’t a good idea and he was more than thankful for his friend speaking up before he could. “I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding. We’re just friends, but really good ones. So I thought we might celebrate our anniversary of meeting each other anyways.”

“Oh!” The shopkeeper’s face went even redder with embarrassment. “I’m terribly sorry! I… uhh… ugh, I messed up everything, didn’t I? Again, so sorry…”

Once again, Scaramouche was glad that he wasn’t the only one getting more and more confused. But at the same time, he asked himself why he should even care and came to the conclusion that there was, in fact, no reason to.

His friend, apparently thinking otherwise or not thinking at all, tilted their head. “Mess up… what exactly?”

“Uhm…I guess this can’t get much worse, so I might as well explain. I was just asking because I found myself… kinda attracted to you, but asking you out would have been really awkward if you and him had been dating.”

“Oh…” For once, (Y/N) was too stunned to give an immediate answer. And for once, the Balladeer now did have a reason to be invested.

Attracted to them? Wanting to ask them out? How dare a mortal even think themselves, for a second, to be worthy of that?

There was a long moment of tense silence before they answered. “I’m- flattered.”

‘What?’ Scaramouche’s eyes darted to their face. It wasn’t even showing a hint of the disgust that he felt. Did they not see the sheer audacity? His eyes widened. Were they… considering taking up the offer?
No, this couldn’t happen. Them dating someone, and a mortal at that. It made him feel sick. Everything about it was wrong. He imagined what it would be like. They would smile at them, laugh with them, share their precious time with someone that wasn’t him. They would share trust and secrets, hold this person dear unlike anyone else.

Closer than him.

Why not him? Why couldn’t it be him? Why-

“But… I’m not interested.” The words cut clearly through the agitated fog in his brain, interrupting the wild spiral of his thoughts. An unexpectedly huge wave of relief washed over him.

“I know, I know and it’s completely fine, really!”, the shopkeeper said. “It was very unprofessional of me to bring that topic up at all.”
Noticing Scaramouche’s death stare, she paused for a moment and quickly tore her gaze away. “A- anyways, uhh- enjoy the lyres. And have a good anniversary, you two.”

“Thanks”, (Y/N) replied with that genuine friendly smile that the shopkeeper was absolutely not deserving of.

Only when he felt their hand grab his and drag him away again, did he finally relax wholly. Still, his thoughts were all over the place and he was still trying to process what happened. 

“Are you okay?”, he heard his friend’s concerned voice once more, their cool hand feeling like an anchor to him.

“Yes, I’m fine”, he muttered, still perplexed, and trying not to let his leftover irritation shine through.

But they didn’t look convinced. Rather, they sighed and let go of his hand, their expression falling into a rare sight of defeat. “I’m sorry. This festival was a dumb idea, I know. You clearly don’t want to be here and this is a mess and I should have listened to you when you told me.”

“It’s not-” He paused. No, it was that bad. They were right about what they said. Then why was he about to lie just to make them feel better?

He shook his head. “Let’s just find a quieter place to settle down and talk. Like we usually do.”

They nodded lightly and led him away from the festival, onto one of the beautiful hills of Mondstadt. Sitting down, he closed his eyes.

Finally, some peace. The chatter of the many people was far away, leaving only two sitting in solidarity. In the following silence, he felt the turmoil in his head being soothed, allowing him to render out the questions that were still on his mind.

“Why did you want to go here in the first place?”

They let out a sigh and pulled their legs closer to their body, resting their chin on their knees as they stared into the distance. “Because I… wanted to try something new and I’ve always wanted to go to a festival like this. But it’s an experience that is to be shared. And for a long time, the only way for me to have someone to share it with would have been getting close to mortals. Otherwise I would stand among them without a friend and only feel lonelier. So, I guess when I got the idea to go with you, I told myself it would be fun because… that’s what I wanted to believe. I wanted to think ‘oh, maybe he’ll loosen up in that atmosphere’ and ‘maybe he’ll like it once he tries it out’. So I lied to myself and made myself think it was a good idea, but it wasn’t. I was just being delusional. And I’m sorry.”

Looking at the way they were hiding their face, Scaramouche wanted to forgive them instantly. Forget all of it. Hell, he didn’t even feel mad at them in the first place. Why? Since when was he a forgiving person?
He wasn’t, he knew. No, he could have murdered that shopkeeper and felt satisfaction at it. He just hated seeing his friend sad. Them in particular.

He was a different person with them. Because he knew they deserved a better person.
For the same reason, he’d never said a thing throughout the entire festival. He could have said that he was not having a good time, he could have chosen not to go to the last stall with them, he could have rudely told the shopkeeper off before the confusing part could have even begun, like he usually would have. But he hadn’t uttered a word and went along voluntarily, simply for the sake of not making them sad.

Had he achieved that? No, absolutely not. He would either need to put more effort into deceiving or simply be honest.

“I should have said something. Don’t act like I’m not capable of expressing what I want. It’s not something you have to do for me.”

“Hands down, you were doing a terrible job at not expressing that you didn’t want to be there. I should have taken that really obvious hint. And even before, I should have known.”

“Tch, whatever. It happened. No use crying about it now.”
They looked like they were about to argue back, but instead, their expression fell into an obvious moment of realization before they started to smile widely. That beautiful smile he loved seeing. Well, not his favorite kind. It looked kinda teasing. Thankfully though, they changed the topic. “Anyways, I still got these two lyres.” They handed him one of the boxes. Inside there was, unsurprisingly, a lyre with a moon-shaped frame. On their part, his friend took out one with a sun-shaped one.

“You are aware that I don’t know how to play this thing, right?”

“Well, I don’t either. But I thought maybe we could learn it sometime. And even if not, it still makes for a nice souvenir. You can put it on your wall or something, your room could certainly use some character. As for me, this will always remind me to not project the things I want onto you.” They gave him a slight nudge. “And also, 100 years of knowing each other. That’s cool, isn’t it?”

Hm.
Scaramouche had never been a big fan of gifts or souvenirs. But looking at this, it felt different. Deep down, he knew he was probably going to keep it.

In the distance, he could hear the bards at the festival start playing. It was a faint melody, far away. Still, he and his friend fell into silence, enjoying this moment, shared by just the two of them. No commotion, no one else around.

As things should be.

He knew he alone could make them happy, just as they had made him happy. He had to.
“...when I tell you to ‘let me be your light’, it’s because you’re my light, in a way.”

Even after all those years, he still remembered these words.
But no one needs two lanterns to be guided in the dark. If someone had to choose which one to take along, they would always go with the brighter one.

Perhaps this was why he was putting in all this effort to live up to what they’d said.

He had to always be the brightest light.

Only then would he not be abandoned once more.

Chapter Text

It was a good day. Something rare for Scaramouche to think. But today was indeed good. He was traveling alone, the mission ahead of him was laughably easy and, perhaps this had been the influence of his friend, but he’d taken a particular liking in walking through pure nature.

This was why he’d left his subordinates near Liyue Harbor, given the command to an experienced mirror maiden and told them to help out at Northland Bank while he was gone, despite his target location requiring 2 days to walk to.

It had with no doubt been the right decision. Relaxing with the chatter of soldiers around would have been impossible.

“Hey”, Scaramouche suddenly heard a voice behind him. He tensed up for a moment until he recognized who it was.

“On your way to another mission?”, he heard, as they caught up to him and started walking next to him.

“You ask like you don’t already know the answer”, Scaramouche said without bothering to turn his head.

He still saw, from the corner of his eye, that they were looking at him with their typical smile, slightly leaning forward to get a better look at his face. “Yeah, ok, I know where you’re going. Mind if I join?”

Now he did glance at them, a little curious, but more skeptical. “Why? I thought that’s not part of your duty.”

They leaned back again when he finally looked at them, stretching their arms a little. “It isn’t, but I was bored and wanted to do something. I’ve had less and less work over the past few centuries because everyone has gotten smarter, and no one acts up anymore. So, more free time for me. And I’ve just been wanting to spend some more time with you.”

“And you think a mission is the best place to just hang out? I don’t want you constantly in my way.”

He’d never actually minded their company. But he was stubborn. And while the danger of this mission was usually not worth mentioning, any danger was something he wanted to keep people dear to him away from in general.

On the other hand, some stupid, giddy voice inside of him cheered excitedly at their arrival and even more after hearing that they specifically wanted to spend more time with him. It was… irritating. He hated that giddy feeling.

“I won’t be in your way. I can help and you know it’s true. I have my fair share of battle experience and skill, so don’t worry.”

He couldn’t tell if they meant not to worry about them being in his way or about their safety. Truthfully, he’d trust them to be both that oblivious or that observant.

The problem was that they had a point. They were able to defend themself. And they really would be able to help.

He did not want that silly part of him to have this win. He’d allow things to get too simple if he allowed them to tag along, but…

He glanced at their face again. It was genuinely excited and hopeful.

Had they done anything to deserve being told off?

No, of course not. And they always had priority. He sighed.

“Fine. But if you end up slowing things down-”

“I won’t! Trust me. And thank you.”

Seeing their face light up already made it feel worth it. Man, they were adorable sometimes. It made him want to just grab that face and-

‘No.’

He lightly shook his head, cringing at himself.

‘Don’t start to think like that.’

“So”, they spoke up again, “we’re headed to a place with increased activity of the Abyss Order to find out more about their plan, right?”

“Yes.” He glanced at them from the side once more. “If you already know it, why do you even ask?”

They shrugged. “Just to confirm.”

A silence settled in the air, only broken by the animals of the woods. 

Scaramouche knew he could start a conversation. They usually did talk. But perhaps neither of them felt like it now, or perhaps (Y/N) got distracted by the animals around. Either way, they silently agreed to leave each other to the peace of the slowly changing landscapes and spent the rest of the day walking without uttering a word.

But as the sun began to set, Scaramouche eventually spoke up again: “We should set up camp for the night.”

They simply nodded, apparently still caught up on something they’d been pondering over.

Having two people to do it, the tent was quickly set up, even before the sun was fully down.

“Alright”, (Y/N) said as they got up and stretched their arms. “See you tomorrow then.”

Scaramouche looked up in confusion. “What?”

They tilted their head, slightly put off by his reaction. “I thought I was going to go and come back tomorrow?”

He didn’t know whether to feel insulted right away or continue to be confused. “Then where will you sleep?”

“Oh, I’ve been traveling a lot, so I got used to basically sleeping anywhere that has basic shelter. A cave should be enough, it will be easy to find something.”

“So you’d rather go and find a cave than just share a tent with me?”

Now he was trying really hard not to feel insulted, but the situation was making it very difficult.

For once, it was their turn to be surprised though. “I… just figured you wouldn’t want to share.”

He rolled his eyes. ‘How stupid.’

“I don’t care. But neither do I mind.”

Did he mind? Did he care? He didn’t know anymore. But he’d handle it, whatever the situation.

“Then I guess it’s easier if I stay for the night.”

He nodded. It made sense. A practical decision. Obviously, it had nothing to do with him. That’s what he told himself anyway.

They entered the tent and he followed, watching them as they sat down and instantly took out their sketchbook. “Wow, you sure have it spacious in here.” They started drawing, all the while talking without looking up. “You know, some actual caves are smaller than this. Hm, maybe I just don’t have high standards…”

Their voice trailed off as they focused more on what they were doing.

Scaramouche didn’t really listen anymore either and instead looked at the sketchbook. It was fascinating to watch simple pencil strokes slowly form a picture. Though it only really was with artists as skilled as (Y/N). He recognized they were drawing Dragonspine, the snowy mountain he remembered passing today.

His gaze wandered up a bit to the features of their face, looking at the paper with high focus. Truthfully, he could have stared at them forever.

Sometimes, he would catch himself daydreaming.

‘It doesn’t matter’, he reminded himself. ‘None of it. None of it is real. And it never will be.’

Never.

…

Yes, and it was for the best.

“I’ll… go take a walk”, he said and stood up. He had to clear his mind. (Y/N) looked up for a moment and nodded with a smile, then went back to drawing.

Breathing in the fresh air outside actually helped a lot. Scaramouche still rarely breathed, since it was an unnecessary hassle, but sometimes he tried it if he wanted to focus or calm down. Now, he felt himself gaining distance from his stirred emotions as he strolled further into the landscape of northern Liyue. Eventually, he reached a tiny moonlit pond with a log of dead wood over it. Having nothing better to do and recognizing that going further away from the camp would be a bad idea, he sat down and simply stared into the water.

Did he know the man staring back from the glistening surface?

Maybe.

He knew enough. Enough to know it was best to keep him locked up.

The person in the water was too imperfect. Too emotional, too dependent, too human.

Never satisfied with what he had.

Always wanting more from someone who was already doing more than enough.

It was ungrateful. It was unfair.

It wasn’t what they deserved.

He and the water slowly nodded to themselves. Yes, he was doing the right thing. What kind of friend would he be otherwise?

The Balladeer almost wanted to thank the water for reminding him of this. A clear sign that he was starting to get tired.

So he eventually got up and went back to the camp, entering the tent to find his friend already asleep. He stared at their solemn, peaceful face for a moment.

So close, yet so unreachable.

As it should be.

Chapter Text

When you woke up, you were confused for a moment upon seeing the fabric of an unfamiliar tent until you remembered where you were.

Scara was still asleep. He’d taken off most of his accessoires and now only wore his shorts and top, exposing the flawless skin of his shoulders. Your gaze lingered on him for a moment.

He didn’t look like the Balladeer anymore. Just Scara. That side of him that was so dear to you, that you wanted to protect at all costs.

You smiled as you looked at his face. Was it creepy to stare like this?

Yes. Yes, it was.

With a small sigh, you shifted to lay on your back again.

Usually, you would do something for work or travel somewhere you felt like visiting now, but since you had said you’d help Scara with his mission, you’d just stay here. The whole reason you were here anyway was that there was nothing to do.

Well, almost. It was part of it. But the actual reason you were here was that you were missing him. A lot. So after starting to play the lyre did not fill the void you felt, you’d decided to go on this extra trip. 

But nothing had changed. He was laying just a meter away from you and you still missed him.

He was so different now. More closed off, more distant. You didn’t know why. And that was scary. Was he hiding something? But what would he have to hide from you?

So, perhaps, you concluded, you had done something wrong? It was the only explanation you could come up with. And whatever mistake you’d made, you were trying to make up for it now.

No, making up for it was the wrong word.

You were just desperate to get him back. This whole thing was an attempt to get through to him once more, but once more, you were failing.

You knew he did care somehow from the occasional genuine smile, the fond glint in his eyes when he thought you weren’t looking and the fact he’d offered to share his tent with you despite there being no need.

But he still felt cold most of the time.

Still, all was not lost, you told yourself. You were determined to get him back to normal.

There was no way you wouldn’t go through with this mission.

So you waited for him, just staring at the ceiling while listening to the sounds outside, looking out for anything that could be dangerous.

After a while, you heard Scaramouche beginning to stir until he eventually sat up and looked over to you. You turned your head to him again and smiled. “Slept well?”

He was silent for a moment, then proceeded to not answer your question. “How long have you been awake?”

“A few hours. I think. Didn’t pay much attention”

He rolled his eyes as he got up and already started to pack up his stuff. “Next time, just wake me up instead of wasting time.”

“Definitely not. I want you to get a healthy amount of sleep.”

“I’ll manage.”

“You always say that whenever I show even a bit of thoughtfulness regarding your well-being.”

He flinched and his usually elegant movements wavered a bit, but he regained his usual composure very quickly.

“I don’t need it.”

You sighed as you got up as well. Why in Teyvat did he need to be so stubborn?

“Whatever…”

Soon, the two of you were on the road again.

More walking in silence.

No, you decided. You had to try something before the mission was through. Addressing the topic directly wouldn’t help, so you went to what used to make him relax. Being yourself.

“You know what? I don’t want to leave the conversation on a note of tension before the mission, so let’s chat about something.”

He turned your head to look at you, partly worried, partly skeptic and partly annoyed. “Are you su-”

“Like our dreams! Those are usually fun. What did you dream about?”

His expression went cold again. “I don’t remember.”

Wrong idea. Did he still have nightmares? Well, he didn’t talk about them anymore…

“Okay, then I’ll start. Because my dream was fun. So, in my dream, I had a farm. Actually, both of us, and we were neighbours.”

“Wow.”

“We’ll get there. Because then, our fields got attacked by an army of grasshoppers. Like, a lot. And they were very annoying. But the grasshoppers weren’t just any grasshoppers, they were segments of Dottore.”

He shook his head in disbelief, still seeming annoyed. But you took the fact that he was even listening at all as a good sign.

“How the fuck do your dreams turn out like that?”

“Like what?”

“Absurd, devoid of logic?”

“I don’t know, but I think it’s not that uncommon. Dottore as an annoying grasshopper is a good analogy though.”

“Fair.” Was that a faint smile tugging at his lips?

“Anyways, it goes on. Of course, you would defend your crops, so you started grilling the grasshoppers.”

Now he did start to look a little amused. “If I could do that to actual Dottore segments too, I would. Instantly.”

“You were grilling them to eat them afterwards. And then you sold them to the entire neighbourhood and everyone thought they tasted so good, you didn’t even need to sell that year’s harvest anymore. The end.”

He shook his head again, this time with a light smile. “How childish.” He did not sound cold for once. Less arrogant, and more fond.

Like he used to look at you. Another reminder that he wasn’t really gone. Maybe you’d really just imagined the whole thing after all…

While secretly overjoyed, you also held back a sigh of relief. He did not notice you had made the entire ‘dream’ up, panicking because your dumbass brain wanted to talk about dreams when you didn’t remember what you had dreamt last night.

So either your storytelling skills were great because Scara actually believed you or, apparently, they were on the level of a child.

In any case, seeing him smile was worth all the lies in the world.

In a lightened atmosphere, you had gotten from Liyue to Mondstadt and you recognized the area near Springvale. But you didn’t go to Springvale. Instead, you approached a small rift in the ground on a hill. Inside, one could only make out darkness. Everything seemed to be covered in a suffocating black mist.

“This is the place”, Scara said. You could feel the Abyssal energy leaking out of the rift, making you feel disoriented. How unusual…

You tried to open a portal, but there was no space for it. Abyssal energy was everywhere already, making it hard for you to focus your own on a place.

“Seems I can’t teleport in there.”

He glanced at you skeptically. “You can still back out, you know. I can do this on my own.”

You vehemently shook your head. “No way. I said I’d help you and I will.” While it was a little unsettling to not be able to teleport, you were still confident enough you could make it through this.

He sighed. “Fine. Just… be careful.”

You could hear the actual concern in his voice, and see it in his eyes.

It was such a rare sight. And so beautiful. A feeling of warmth spread through your body and a gentle smile settled on your face. “Don’t worry.”

For a moment, you could see him smile back, hesitantly, but then it dissipated, as if he’d woken up from a dream. “After you.”

And there he was gone again, back to his indifferent facade.

Something in your chest ached with sadness. But there was no time to be sentimental now.

So you took a deep breath, swallowed your sadness and started slowly climbing down the rocky wall into the darkness until you reached normal ground. Scara landed next to you shortly after.

In front of you was a cave, bigger than you would have expected, reeking with an all too familiar dark energy. It was an unsettling feeling. Despite being used to Abyssal energy, the black mist around felt vastly different than the comforting darkness of your portals. The two of you stealthily went further in until you heard voices around a corner.

Abyss mages.

You looked over to Scara. He nodded. While there were intelligent Abyss mages capable of human language, which you hoped was also the case here, they would never get talking just like that. You had to defeat them first and make them fear for their lives at the very least.

You had read that in one of Scara’s reports, so he knew as well. Therefore, not much communication was needed to decide what to do next. You dashed around the corner, your sword in hand, attempting to end one of the Abyss mages before it could put its shield up. It was three of them in total, and unfortunately, they all noticed you before you could reach them, forming elemental shields around themselves. Two Hydro, one Pyro.
So, you were going to do this the hard way. Your sword began to glow and crackle with purple and white little bolts of Electro energy. Scaramouche had drawn his blade as well and already taken on the two hydro mages, so you charged at the red fluffball.

Causing an overload explosion with every strike, you had to be quick and precise to not damage your blade or get burnt, as well as dodge the mage’s own attacks. But quick and precise was exactly your thing, even without stealth and teleporting.

You dashed away from spawning red skulls before they could hit you with their flames, using your own gained momentum to strengthen your counterattack, then quickly pulling back your sword again, not resisting the force of the explosion you caused.

This went on for two seconds, longer than with most enemies. Elemental shields were incredibly annoying.

Behind you, you could hear Scara had apparently gotten through the two Hydro shields faster than you and finished off the mages just as you finally broke through the Pyro shield.

You grabbed the oddly fluffy creature and pinned it against a wall, holding your blade to its throat. “Talk. Answer our questions and we’ll spare your life.”

The Abyss mage made the typical incomprehensible Abyss mage sounds. Not intelligent, apparently. You were startled by a sudden shout from Scara.

“Look out!”

You heard metal clash against metal and quickly stabbed the Abyss mage in front of you, then turned around to see your friend electrocuting a mitachurl. And there were more monsters spawning out of the black mist, all of them carrying a familiar dark energy. Sometimes you really hated Abyssal energy. In any case, you had to defend yourselves.

You narrowly avoided a crackling Electro arrow, dashed to the archer and sliced the hilichurl apart, then the next one, darting around between your enemies as if you were a bolt of lightning yourself. One enemy, one slash, one more down. The next one. And the next one. You lost count eventually.

Countless hilichurls, samachurls, mitachurls and even lawachurls fell one after another. Occasionally, you would clear the whole room by extending your purple glowing blade into a ray of pure Electro energy, like a huge lightning in your hands, but eventually, you decided to leave those moves and spare your energy.

It didn’t seem to end. Slowly, you felt the tiredness tug at your limbs. But you weren’t gonna back down. Glancing over at Scara, he looked exactly like you felt. A little tired - okay, pretty tired - but still focused and determined.

Seeing that gave you a bit more energy.

Until you saw a huge silhouette appear right behind him. A Stonehide Lawachurl. 

A giant monster of stone.

Right behind him.

Your eyes widened. “Watch out!” It felt like everything happened in slow motion as you watched it raise its fists and strike down before Scara could even react.

‘No!’

Your body and soul refused to accept this. You wouldn’t lose him.

Quicker than ever, you sprinted forward and held up your blade with both hands to block the attack. The impact was huge. And loud. It made the whole cave shake, or maybe it was just you. For a split second, your whole body was shaking with tension, holding your blade, blocking the strike.

But then, you felt the actual force of your enemy. Your moment of supernatural strength, or whatever had given you the ability to do this, left your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you thought you saw Scara turn around with a horrified expression. Or maybe it was your stressed mind playing tricks.

Again, like in slow motion, you felt your sword slip out of your hands.

You saw the huge fists of stone quickly coming closer before you shut your eyes.

A shockwave going through your entire body, a split second of unimaginable pain ringing through everything you were able to feel.

Then nothing anymore.