Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PART 1 Budding, Growing


ACT I ~handle with care~

The night was still young, but Mana was already feeling a bit tipsy. Tonight’s live had been another success, and the whole band had gone to a small bar to celebrate. It had a pretty cheap private room, and since it let everyone be themselves, they had made a habit of renting it out for special occasions. Közi, Yu~ki, and Kami were drinking and laughing to themselves, playing around with the karaoke setup in the private room, but Mana was sitting quietly in the corner. Even more quietly than usual, and Gackt had noticed it. Of course, Mana was professionally mute and all, but among friends he could be a fairly social guy, albeit a little strange. Drinking usually killed off a lot of his shyness, so something was definitely off tonight.

Gackt was wary of overstepping his boundaries and bothering Mana. Even though he’d been in the band for a couple years now, he was still “the new guy.” His relationship with Mana was up and down, too. Generally, they’d probably consider each other friends, but Mana always seemed to react a little differently to Gackt than everyone else, as if he was creating a barrier of social coldness between them. Gackt always assumed this was Mana’s way of reinforcing the hierarchy; Malice Mizer was Mana first, Közi, Yu~ki and Kami second, and Gackt last, or at least it felt that way sometimes...

And now Gackt was trying to split his attention between both parties, trying to stay engaged with the other three while still sneaking glances to check on the abnormally isolated Mana, who had been drinking more than usual. At least, it seemed that way, as he’d been ordering cocktails at a pretty decent pace. Either out of respect or sympathy, Gackt had already switched to heavier mixed drinks to make sure Mana wasn’t the only one overdoing it, at least. He would be lying if he said he didn’t have some interest in getting closer to Mana, even if he wouldn’t admit exactly why. Of course, Mana was beautiful and all, even out of costume, but Gackt wasn’t considering any of that. More than anything, he was probably intrigued by the cold demeanour that Mana showed. In fact, unlike the other band members, it sometimes felt to Gackt like he was being shown the “public Mana,” stoic and cold, rather than the “real thing.” Regardless, Gackt couldn’t help but find himself thinking romantic thoughts about his bandmate from time to time. Secretly, he would love to crack that shell and find out what really makes Mana tick...

As Közi stepped up to try singing “Shout at the Devil,” Gackt glanced over at Mana, who loved Motley Crue, but all he did was take a long drink to finish off his cocktail. It seemed to Gackt like Mana just withdrew further into himself in reaction. If Gackt were to check on him without too much awkwardness, now was the time, since he could at least ask Mana why he’s not enjoying the karaoke.

Gackt decided to make his move. Even just in his capacity as a bandmate, he was worried for him. It only helped that it was a good chance for him to try to get closer to someone he felt unfairly distant from, and that he might have had some complex feelings for. While the other three were still distracted by karaoke, Gackt slid to the other end of the bench where the band’s de facto leader had isolated himself, and tried to speak quietly to him. “Hey, you doing okay? It looks like you’re drinking up a storm over here. Don’t you like this song?” Mana flicked his eyes over to Gackt, yet his expression didn’t change. “I’m fine. I just need another drink...” Mana tried to stand, but stumbled a bit, and Gackt instinctively grabbed his arm to stop him from falling. Mana reacted instantly to the sensation of Gackt’s hands on his body and flinched away, turning to hide his face.

The sudden, embarrassed reaction was noticed by the other band members, whose gazes were guided to Mana when he went to stand up. Mana, by now plainly drunk and a little indignant, tried to feign his usual coolness. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom, alright? I’m fine.” He walked lightly but unstably out of the room, clumsily fumbling the door closed behind him. The rest of the band’s focus was now on the singer, whose face reddened suddenly. “I was just trying to ask if he’s okay, since he’s been so quiet over there,” Gackt felt the need to defend himself pre-emptively. Közi, who by now had stopped singing, chimed in “I could tell he felt a little down, so I thought I could get him more engaged with something he likes. But I guess not.” He shrugged and picked up a pack of cigarettes from the table, removing and lighting one nonchalantly. “I guess he’s just too nervous to-” Közi was cut off abruptly by Yu~ki. “Hey, hey, watch it...” Yu~ki looked at Gackt, and then Kami, who shrugged and lit a cigarette of his own before turning towards Gackt. “I’m sure he’s fine. If it’s anything serious he’d at least talk to Közi about it. Might be a good idea to cut off his drinking for tonight, though.”

“By the way, it’s your turn, Gackt. What’re you singing?” Közi held the microphone out for him, but Gackt waved his arms in front of himself. “Nah, I don’t think I wanna sing any more tonight. If I do my voice will be fried. Kami?” Gackt looked at the drummer, hoping he’d take the mic, so Gackt could rest his voice. That wasn’t the only reason he didn’t want to sing, but it required less explanation than ‘well I’m too worried about Mana to focus on that’. Nervous? What was Közi about to say? Mana is nervous about something...? Gackt started overthinking everything, considering wild possibilities, and growing a bit distant as the other three continued their fun. Why aren’t they worried about him? What do they know that I don’t? I’ve known Mana for over a year now, and I haven’t seen him act this dissociated from the rest of the band...

After a few minutes, Kami’s turn was over and the microphone was turned over to Yu~ki. By this point, Gackt was starting to worry with how long Mana had been gone. Maybe he’s sick, or maybe he’s fallen and hurt himself... It could be nothing, but... But Gackt couldn’t stop his mind from concluding the worst. If he’s not back by the time Yu~ki’s done, I’m going to check on him. He downed his drink over the course of the song and quickly stood up at the end. “I need a bathroom break. Maybe I’ll see where Mana’s gotten off to, too.” As he reached for the door, Közi’s voice stopped him. “Hey.” Gackt turned quickly to see what the guitarist wanted. “Be careful with him, alright? That’s all.” Yu~ki and Kami both gave Közi a bit of a rough look. After closing the door, Gackt could tell that there was a conversation about what Közi had just said. I guess he knows Mana better than anyone else, but...

He decided not to think too much about it and head to the bathroom, making sure to glance at the bar to make sure Mana wasn’t there, drinking himself to death or something. God, I shouldn’t even let myself think that... He creaked open the door to the men’s bathroom, and heard a loud sniffling, but there was nobody at the urinals or at the sinks. I better not draw any conclusions, in case it isn’t him. I can’t start knocking on stall doors unless I’m pretty sure...

After using the urinal and washing his hands, Gackt criticised himself in the mirror. When I’m dressed casually like this, I really don’t have that look that all the fans love, huh? At least, I don’t think I do. I definitely feel like I’m not living up to my cool reputation tonight. At least I can blame the alcohol- His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sound of a door unlocking behind him and creaking open. The bathroom had been silent since the sniffle he heard earlier, so he had nearly forgotten that someone else was there. When the stall door opened, out stumbled an incredibly dishevelled-looking Mana. His eyes were red and his face, which had been painted beautifully with extravagant makeup just a few hours earlier, was now painted with tears, mucus, and drool. A small stain of vomit lingered on the collar of his white shirt. He clearly had had a bad time in the last few minutes, and when he finally lifted his head enough to see who was standing in front of him, he nearly collapsed into Gackt’s arms. “Mana-san! Are you alright? What happened?” he asked the once-elegant guitarist, who had nearly fallen into Gackt’s arms. Mana, seemingly realising what was happening, and who had caught his fall, started crying, or rather, resumed crying, judging by his face. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” he kept repeating between the bouts of deep and uninhibited sobbing and wailing.


ACT II ~sullied rose~


Gackt put the phone back on the hook with an exhausted sigh. Yu~ki had been the one to take the call in the bar, and he’d been pretty understanding, and thanked him for taking care of Mana, who was now quietly sitting on Gackt’s sofa. Apparently, Mana had gone to the bar and taken a couple tequila shots that he clearly couldn’t handle. As pathetic of a state Mana was now in, it was hard for Gackt to tell how much of it was from alcohol and how much was from whatever had bothered him all night. He could walk fairly steadily, sometimes, but he definitely drank enough... Gackt disappeared into the kitchen, and then into the bathroom, and returned with a glass of warm water and a damp cloth. “Here, drink this. It’ll help keep away a hangover. I brought a damp cloth too, if you’d like to clean up a little more.” Gackt had hastily wiped down Mana’s face with a wet paper towel in the bathroom, but those course towels could only do so much. Mana drank the water dutifully, but made a hesitant, defeated whimper when offered the cloth a second time. “If you don’t do it yourself, I’ll have to clean you up myself. I can’t have you lying on any of my furniture until your face is clean.” Mana still wouldn’t respond, so Gackt drew closer and positioned himself to wash the guitarist’s face. Mana simply finished off the glass of water, placed it on the table, and looked at Gackt before averting his eyes and placing his hands on his lap. He hasn’t said anything since we left the bar. I guess I’ll take that as an assent, Gackt thought to himself, before reaching the cloth slowly towards Mana’s face. “Hold still, okay? I’ll try to be gentle.” Gackt softly and slowly cleaned Mana’s face, and Mana sat quietly and patiently, with a mostly unchanging expression. Gackt couldn’t help but smile a bit, when he considered the situation he was in. “It’s like I’m taking care of a kid,” he jested, but Mana didn’t show any sign of cracking a smile. Gackt sighed. Somehow this is... really nice. I just wish I knew what was wrong with him. Közi said something about Mana being nervous, but that’s all I know...

It didn’t take long before he was done wiping down Mana’s face, and as he pulled away, Mana finally spoke to him, for the first time in a while. “Thanks, Camui...” Mana weakly vocalised with a low grumble. “I’ve told you before, ‘Gackt’ is fine. God, even like this you’re being all formal and proper,” Gackt responded, before looking at Mana’s dishevelled and filthy clothes. “Come on, you should put on something fresh and I can wash your clothes in the morning. My closet is pretty well stocked and it should all fit you, so just grab something that looks comfortable, alright?” He couldn’t help but slip in a bit of light-heartedness. “My apologies though, no dresses for you, ojou-sama.” He hates being referred to as a woman; he always reacts to it. So maybe I can get some kind of fire going in him. “Please... don’t... don’t say things like that,” Mana’s low, grumbly voice came out again, “It’s not funny...” Mana looked particularly unhappy with that comment. “...Sorry, Mana-san, I didn’t mean anything rude by it. Just trying to lighten the situation, that’s all.” Damn, I probably just made him feel worse. I didn’t think it’d bother him that badly...

Mana returned to the living room in a long shirt and some loose pants. Even though they’re his own clothes, Gackt couldn’t help but think that Mana looked cute in them. He gave Mana another glass of warm water and they both took a seat on the couch. “Hey, if there’s anything you need, anything that would make you feel better, let me know. I can’t have you puking on my stuff, you know.” Mana nodded between sips of the water. Fuck, I’m just too curious. I’m gonna ask him. Maybe he’ll tell me if he understands how worried I am.

“So... what’s been going on today? You were fine before the concert, but ever since then you’ve been distant and cold. Even to the other guys. Are you nervous about something?” Mana had a surprised look on his face, as he clearly still didn’t want to talk about it, and stood up in silence. “Mana-san, I’m serious. I’m just worried about you. You’re my friend... well, I hope you think of me as a friend, at least. So if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, then-” Gackt cut off his words at the sound of Mana’s voice, a bit stronger now than earlier. “No, I do want to talk about it! That’s... that’s the whole problem. I have a problem and I want to talk about it, but I just can’t, okay?” Mana clutched the glass of water with both hands and turned away from Gackt, who was a bit confused by Mana’s reply. “You... cant? It must be something serious then, huh? You’re not ill or in trouble or something, are you?” “No,” Mana took another swig from the glass to buy himself some time. “No, it’s nothing like that. I just... I’ve just been having some difficult feelings lately.” Mana had definitely already said more than he wanted to, but as he started to realise that he was about to open up to Gackt, he started crying softly. Gackt still hadn’t moved, so as long as Mana didn’t turn around, he wouldn’t have to show his crying face again. For his part, Gackt didn’t really know what to say, but felt like he had to say something to break the awkward silence. “Well, you don’t have to tell me, but I’d love to listen in case it would help you.”

With everything that had happened, and the vulnerable stage of drunkenness that he was in in that moment, Mana felt absolutely pathetic. There’s no pride left to salvage from this, he thought, so why not just say it, right now? “If I tell you... you have to promise that you won’t look at me any differently, alright?” Gackt nodded, “Of course. You have my word.” Whether or not that was an honest answer, Mana couldn’t tell, so he just started pacing back and forth while he prepared himself to say what needed to be said.

“Gackt... I... I’ve been having some thoughts, and... well, that’s to say...” He just couldn’t get the words out, and his crying got more and more obvious with every word. Gackt noticed his sobbing sounds and approached Mana from behind, placing a warm hand firmly on the guitarist’s shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t have to-” “No! Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you, Gackt! And I have been for a long time, and I just can’t get myself to do anything about it or talk to you normally, and, and I’m scared that I’ll ruin everything, our relationship, the band, every-” Mana’s outburst was interrupted by a sudden surge of warmth taking over his body from behind. Gackt’s light embrace proved too much for Mana to handle, and the drunken guitarist turned and cried against Gackt’s warm, firm body, and he savoured the intimate embrace from the man he loved...


ACT III ~small admissions~


Both Mana and Gackt sat together on the couch, a little closer than before, but now that Mana had dried his tears and sobered up a little, he was back to nervously averting his gaze from Gackt’s. After everything that had happened, now was the tough part for Mana: explaining himself calmly. “Listen, Gackt, I...” The vocalist quickly cut him off, “What I need to know is... you really do have feelings for me, right?” Mana nodded in agreement. “Well, honestly, I’ve been thinking too, and... even though I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself... I think I have feelings for you, too, Mana-san.” With that, Gackt felt a weight come off his shoulders. A feeling he had never expressed openly, even in his own mind, having been suppressed by an internal timidity, had just been released.

Mana turned to face Gackt, moved by a mild spark of disbelief. “Really? But-” Gackt interrupted the stunned guitarist again, “Actually, it’s strange, Mana-san, I was really starting to think that you must hate me.” Mana’s expression was now conveying disappointment rather than surprise. “I... was afraid of that, actually. I know I’ve been cold to you, but... I didn’t know what else to do. I was supposed to tell you tonight, and I even told Közi and the rest that I would, but... you’re... a beautiful man, Gackt. I’ve never felt intimidated and enthralled by one person at the same time like this, so...”

With that admission, Mana seemed to be at his most vulnerable, so Gackt tried to comfort him with a hand on his nearest shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’re the intimidating one.” Trying to put the guitarist at ease, Gackt looked at him with a subtle but satisfied smile, that only contained a hint of deviousness. Mana tried averting his eyes, but couldn’t stop himself from blushing noticeably, even in the dimly lit room. “But... I need to know something, Gackt. Please, don’t mock me for this...” He tried to shift to a more serious posture, but the weakness was apparent in his voice. Gackt, for his part, wanted to enjoy this side of Mana, but couldn’t suppress his genuine empathy. I’ve never seen Mana like this. He must still be pretty drunk, but I guess I am too. With a princely manner, Gackt replied to the concern. “I won’t mock you at all. I couldn’t bring myself to do that. So what’s wrong? Why are you still so nervous?”

Mana meekly responded, “You said you have feelings for me, but how do you feel now? Or is it just when I’m in makeup?” Gackt was surprised by the question at first, and before he could respond, Mana continued, “I’ve been burned before by men and women who only wanted half of me. I don’t have time for that any more. So what about you? Are you willing to have all of me?” With a relieved, cool smile, Gackt flipped the locks of long hair out of his face and looked at his bandmate, who had laid his heart bare before him. “Mana, I’ve seen you at your most stunning, and I saw you basically crawling out of a bathroom stall tonight covered in tears and vomit. I still think you’re beautiful. And it’s not just your looks. I find you interesting as a person. I’ve always wanted to know you better, and find out what’s beneath the cold surface you’ve shown me.” Gackt put his hand under the guitarist’s chin and gently directed Mana’s gaze to meet his own. “You’re like a pretty little puzzle. And I want to be the one to solve you.”

Overwhelmed by the moment, the still-drunk Gackt moved in slowly towards Mana’s lips. Mana, for his part, was overwhelmed by the elegance of Gackt’s demeanour. This was the exact thing that drew Mana to him in the first place, the reason he wanted him in the band, and the reason that he melted Mana’s tender heart. As a result, he couldn’t resist accepting this, the kiss that he’d always fantasised about. Their lips met softly, and both men savoured the electric feeling between them. Gackt pulled away first, and looked into Mana’s eyes with a flicker of flame in his own. “I might still be a little drunk, but... I want you, Mana,” Gackt’s voice was low and husky, and he’d dropped the pretence of the honorifics he’d used since they first met. “If you’ll have me, let’s do it right now.”

Gackt’s hands moved from Mana’s svelte shoulders, past his slight curves, to rest at the top of his thin waist. Mana placed his own hands behind Gackt’s head, resting his arms on the younger man’s shoulders. “I don’t know if I can, but... I’d like to try.”

Gackt’s hands started creeping around Mana’s lower back as their lips reunited for another kiss. I don’t know what he means by that, but I’ll take it. Seeing him like this has driven me wild. I want to touch him all over, and learn the secrets of that beautiful body. They both leaned back into the couch together as Gackt’s hands pressed against Mana’s back and moved upward, lifting the loose shirt that he had borrowed and exposing some of his fit body. They had both seen a lot of each other already, because of the nature of their performances requiring quick costume changes, but neither of them had seen it all, and the thought drove Gackt even deeper into lust. His tongue impatiently knocked at the door of Mana’s lips, who allowed the intrusion. As their tongues touched for the first time, Mana let out a soft moan that only encouraged Gackt further. He licked Mana’s tongue sharply and teased it further out, so he could close his mouth further around it, sucking it greedily and causing Mana to vocalise even more before he released it.

Gackt’s hands explored over Mana’s body, everywhere except there, and the anticipation built for both of them. Mana was simply holding onto the other man’s body, and that was fine for both of them. Gackt’s already tight pants were starting to feel tighter, and it was obvious to Mana from just a glance in that direction, but it was hard for him to keep his eyes off the growing bulge. Gackt noticed the lovely, smaller man staring down at his crotch. “Oh? Is there something you’d like to see down there?” Mana reacted by turning his head and staying silent, but the singer gently took his wrist and moved it to the button of his pants. “If you want it, you can unwrap your own present,” Gackt smugly but eloquently allowed his bandmate to decide for himself how far to take things tonight. Mana, still a bit drunk, fumbled around at the button and couldn’t pull it open with one hand. After watching him for a few seconds, Gackt let out a low giggle as he reached down to assist him. “Fine, I’ll help you.” “Shut up...”

Gackt unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. Even through his briefs, Mana could see that his cock was pretty hard, and it wasn’t small. Unable to resist the temptation, the guitarist put his skilled fingers in the waistband and pulled down Gackt’s underwear. His hard cock sprung out and nearly smacked Mana in the face. It twitched in anticipation and Mana looked up at its owner, who was grinning mischievously down at the sight of his fully erect cock so close to his beautiful bandmate. He grabbed it at the base and guided it towards Mana’s mouth, and the sensitive, submissive man complicity opened his mouth to accept the tip of Gackt’s large member.

Mana slowly started licking the exposed tip within his mouth, before leaning his head forward to take in more. As he began to slowly move back and forth, a groan of pleasure came from above him. Gackt put one hand on the back of Mana’s head and started to reciprocate by moving his hips forward and forcing himself deeper into Mana’s warm mouth. They both gradually started speeding up and increasing their intensity as the pleasure welled up in Gackt’s lower body. Soon enough, Gackt was thrusting his throbbing erection deep into Mana’s throat, and the pleasure became overwhelming. “Fuck... I’m gonna cum...” It came too suddenly to consider where he would finish. His penis throbbed over its whole length as it sprayed out hot, thick semen into Mana’s mouth, who winced but took the load dutifully. As Gackt removed his now slowly shrinking cock, Mana swished the semen around in his mouth and enjoyed the sensation and texture, before swallowing it all at once.

“Good boy,” Gackt breathily praised Mana while lightly petting his long, black hair. “That’s what you prefer right? I’d call you a good girl if you liked it.” Mana averted his gaze once again before quietly responding. “I’d... prefer ‘good girl’. But don’t you dare say that around anyone else.” “Heh, that’s fine. I just thought you didn’t like being referred to that way.” “It’s... it’s okay if it’s during sex or something private like that. Just don’t do it in front of anyone. And don’t do it jokingly, okay?” Mana looked pretty serious about it, but before Gackt could assent, Mana commented under his breath, “...my jaw hurts...”

“Alright, nobody else will hear it. I can abide by that.” Gackt buttoned his pants back up as he turned his gaze downward, towards Mana’s crotch. He could see a small bulge in the loose sweatpants that he had loaned his bandmate, but it didn’t look like much. “Alright, now it’s your turn,” Gackt said, smiling wryly at the guitarist, waiting for his response in anticipation of seeing what the unknown parts of his body looked like. “I’d... rather not, right now... Sorry.” Mana stopped him by positioning an outstretched hand over his genitals. “Oh, is something wrong?” “No, it’s just... I’m weird about it, that’s all.” Gackt sat back down on the couch next to him and put a patient arm around his shoulders. “Well, whatever, it is, if I can fix it, I will. You deserve to be pleasured too, after pleasuring me so diligently.” Fuck, did he not like it? He didn’t try to resist or anything, and he really seemed to be enjoying it... Gackt hoped at this point that he hadn’t somehow ruined this as soon as it started. “No, I don’t think we can fix it here... I wouldn’t like it right now, that’s all. Maybe next time, okay?”

With that, Gackt settled in to cuddle with him, and he seemed to really enjoy that, nuzzling the beautiful man that had just finished violating his mouth. Suddenly, it seemed, the events of the day had caught up with them, the concert, the drinking, the drama, the sex... They shared some light kisses and drew close together as they both drifted off into an exhausted sleep together on the couch.

Chapter Text

PART 2 Blooming, Burning


ACT IV ~flower in the clearing smoke~


Mana awoke to find himself in a place he had only seen a few times before. Gackt’s apartment had a fresh smell to it, since Gackt only smoked on his balcony, and it quickly filled Mana’s nose. It made him aware of his surroundings, as well as the man that he found himself draped over. The pounding headache, the taste in his mouth, the foggy memories... He had a good idea of what happened the night before, even if the specifics themselves were hazy. Suddenly, the phone on the wall rang out and woke Gackt as well, who quickly looked at Mana before the two separated from their warm, hours-long embrace. He rushed to his phone and took the call as Mana looked at the clock. Right, there was a band meeting today, huh... 

“Yeah, we’ll be there soon. Sorry guys,” Gackt stated with a measure of finality before hanging up the call with a clunk. He looked at Mana with the same apologetic air. “Sorry, I didn’t set an alarm, and they’re waiting on us. I’ll make some coffee and then we can leave. You feeling alright?” “Well, I’d like to be wearing my own clothes...” Gackt approached him with a smirk, classy but smug. “Your clothes are still filthy, and we don’t have time to wash them... unless you want the guys to be really suspicious.” “They’re already suspicious aren’t they?” Mana looked about the room wistfully, considering how he could handle this. “Sounded like it,” Gackt turned back to rifle through his cabinets for a second coffee cup, “but we don’t have to tell them anything, if you don’t want to. You do remember what happened, right?” Mana nodded meekly with a bit of a blush before gaining a devious smile. “Let’s... not tell them anything. Let them wonder. They’ll think whatever they want anyway.”

“Sounds good to me,” Gackt spoke with a confident smile. “So, how do you like your coffee?” he called out from the kitchen. “Black, of course.” Gackt poured a cup of coffee and brought it straight to Mana, who couldn’t help but notice the English text on the cup that Gackt spent his time looking for. “‘Angel... princess...’ Camui, what do you mean with this?” The singer let out a hearty laugh and sat down next to him. “You can pick which one you want to be.” Mana didn’t seem particularly amused by the joke as he started sipping the hot coffee, but then looked at Gackt firmly. “Angel... If I have to, anyway.” Gackt tried to give a princely smile but couldn’t hold back a bit of boyish laughter. “You didn’t really have to, it’s just a bit of fun. But alright, my angel.” Unable to hide a devious smile with those final words, Gackt slowly planted a kiss on Mana’s defenceless cheek, which reciprocated with a blush. “Hmph.” Mana averted his gaze and finished his coffee through a contained smile, secretly satisfied with the outcome of the previous night. 

Gackt drove Mana home and dropped him off to let him change clothes and shower. He had insisted on driving himself to the meeting to limit speculation by the other band members, so Gackt went ahead without him. He opened the door to the meeting room and, as expected, the other three were already there, impatiently playing cards on the table. “So where’s Mana? You guys have a good night together?” Közi didn’t waste any time with his questions or his attitude, as a wry smile crept over his face. “He’ll be here soon. And don’t get any funny ideas. He slept on the couch.” Gackt was technically telling the truth; they both slept on the couch, after all, but nobody needed to know that much. He took a seat next to Kami, who offered him a smoke that he promptly accepted. Kami looked at Gackt, who was still a bit ragged and dishevelled, and could tell that he was feeling off about something. “You alright? Not too hungover, I hope?” “It’s not too bad. The smoke helps though, thanks. Deal me in next game?” 

After a few hands of poker, the door opened again with a creak. This time it was Mana, looking fresh and clean, as though last night had never happened. He gracefully took off his sunglasses and sat down at the table. “Sorry I’m late. I had to change and shower since I didn’t get home last night.” Közi decided to try his luck again, “So, did you have fun at your sleepover? Gackt wouldn’t tell us anything.” “I told you not to get any ideas,” Gackt responded promptly. “Yeah, and it sounded too defensive for me.” Mana was satisfied that the discussion’s temperature was exactly as he had predicted. Yu~ki disinterestedly spoke up, with a glance at Közi. “Instead of trying to create drama, can we get down to business? There’s stuff I’d like to do today.” Mana nodded. “Yes, let’s do that.”

The meeting went on as usual, discussing travel plans for the next few shows and some TV interview they had scheduled. By the end they were all glad to be done with it, like any other meeting. Gackt, tired from last night, gathered his coat slowly as Kami approached him. “You wanna get some coffee and lunch? I’m sure it’ll fight off any hangover you’ve got left.” Gackt threw his coat over his shoulder and looked at his friend with an air of confidence. “It’s not that I’m hungover. I’d love to get some lunch though.” The two friends left together, but not before Gackt threw a look at Mana, thinking about the odd tension that now existed between them. I wonder if he’ll even want to do something like that again? Was that confession legitimate or just the result of too much alcohol? The details were fuzzy in his mind, and he couldn’t have possibly known that Mana was thinking almost the exact same thing about him...

ACT V ~curious invitation~

“So Gackt, tell me. Did something happen last night? You seem a bit off. I know Mana wanted to talk to you about something, but Yu~ki told us that you said he was an absolute wreck when you left... And he seemed fine today.” Kami finally got to ask Gackt what he wanted to know, not as his bandmate, but as his friend. The vocalist put down his drink with a sigh and looked at Kami. “If I tell you, you can’t go telling anyone. Especially not any of the staff or producers.” He thought a bit more for a second. “...Or Közi.” Kami smiled and nodded. “Of course I won’t.” He casually took another bite from his sandwich as Gackt prepared himself for what he was about to say, as if telling someone else would make it more real, somehow.

“Well, Mana actually confessed to me. I’m not sure if he wasn’t just too drunk, but...” Kami smiled and interrupted. “Ah! So he did say it. He had been planning for a while. It doesn’t sound like it happened the way he envisioned, though.” “Wait, you knew?” “Yeah, we all did. He’s been planning it for so long that eventually we’ve all found out about it. Sorry, I didn’t wanna break his trust by telling you.” Gackt was surprised at first, but remembered that Mana admitted something like that last night. “So that’s why Közi was acting like he knew something. And that means it wasn’t just because he was drunk...” Everything had started to make a bit more sense now, the truth cutting through the hazy memories... 

“So, what did you say to him?” Kami asked the now-distant Gackt, who had suddenly seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. “Oh, I said yes. I hadn’t really considered him much of an option before, but I couldn’t resist, given the choice.” Kami swallowed another bite from his sandwich before smiling mischievously. “So is that it? You said yes and went to bed while he slept on the couch?” He couldn’t stifle a playful giggle as he finished asking. Gackt sighed, neither wanting to answer directly nor to lie to his friend. “Well, we didn’t do anything too crazy. Maybe a little bit of alcohol-impassioned affection, I guess...” Kami laughed again, somewhat at the expense of his good friend before collecting himself into a more serious posture. “Sorry, that part isn’t my business, I know. Here, I’ll get the bill. Consider it a gift of well-wishes. I hope it all works out for you both. I’m rooting for you, man.”

After Gackt arrived home, suddenly his apartment felt more empty than it did before. He stepped onto the balcony and had a smoke in silence, lost in his own thoughts again. So he really did mean all that? I feel like it all hit me at once. Maybe I should call him, or maybe I should wait to see what he really wants to do... I remember most of what happened, but I can’t remember deciding what we’d do going forward, if we decided anything at all... He flipped his hair trying to snap himself out of it before taking a long drag from his cigarette. If nothing else, I should talk to him soon and find out what he wants. 

After finishing his smoke, Gackt resolves to call Mana and invite him back to his apartment for dinner, but there’s no answer. Ah hell, did some big videogame come out today or something? Once the answering machine picked up, he left a message on the tape. “Hey, Mana, if you want, you’re free to come over for dinner tonight, or just call me back, if you’d like to talk about things... Sorry to bother you.” Damn, that sounded stupid... Feeling the prior determination leaving his body, he hung up the phone with a sigh and started watching TV to pass the time. 

A few hours passed. Gackt thought about pouring himself a drink in the meantime, but knew it would be too detrimental for his health. Every hour that passed without hearing back from Mana hurt him more than he thought it would. He moved between watching TV aimlessly, playing piano, and staring into his fridge, unable to bring himself to eat, just in case Mana would show up for that dinner he offered. He went onto his balcony for another smoke and saw that the sun was about to set. Hell, I may as well cook something at this point. After coming back inside, he heated up some cheap instant ramen, not really caring enough to make any more effort than that. It had way too many calories, and the taste was dull, but he wasn’t bothered by any of that tonight. 

While cleaning up the few dishes he had used, his attention is caught by the doorbell chiming, gently but suddenly. Immediately he turned to the door and looked through the peephole, and, seeing the guitarist that he’s been thinking about all day, he tried to collect himself before opening the door. Putting on his best princely mannerism, he opens it gracefully. “Hello Mana. I’m glad you’re here. Please, come in.” Mana steps in, carrying a fairly large duffel bag, which he quickly placed onto an open section of floor. “Sorry I’m here so late. Some of my family was passing through, and stopped to have dinner with me. I didn’t have much time to call you. I only just took them back to the train station.” “Oh, don’t worry. It’s fine. So, what’s with the bag?” “Ah, right.” Mana unzipped the bag and pulled out the shirt and pants that Gackt had loaned him the night before. “Here. I washed them when I got home today. I didn’t intend on keeping them, of course.” Gackt gracefully took the neatly folded clothes and placed them on a free table. 

“Well, what’s the rest of the bag for?” “...Let’s worry about that later. First, I wanted to take you up on your offer of talking.” Gackt smiled and offered Mana a glass of wine before they sat down together on his couch, which the guitarist had become so familiar with the previous night. Mana started, wondering to himself what Gackt’s real feelings were, now that the alcohol had worn off and they were both free of the performance’s adrenaline high. “Was there something specific you wanted to talk about?” Gackt took a decent-sized drink of the wine before placing the glass on the table sternly. “Mana, I wanted to know if what happened last night was real. And I want to know what you want out of it, moving forward, if it was.” Mana smiled gently as he fidgeted with the glass still between his hands. Keeping his gaze fixed on it to contain his nervous emotions, hearing Gackt’s answer brought him some relief. “That’s pretty much exactly what I wanted to ask you. So... I’ll tell you this. It was real enough to me. The... sexual activity... was a great bonus, but I’m quite glad that I can still remember you, embracing me at my worst. That initial feeling of your body, warm and firm, strong and reassuring but slender and elegant... I think I’ll treasure that for a long time. So I want you to tell me, Gackt,” Mana looked into his eyes with an innocent sincerity. “Was it real to you, too?” 

Gackt looked stunned, but felt a sense of relief that Mana seemed to feel the same. He smiled at the serious-looking guitarist and took both of his hands in his own. “It was. And I’d like it to be real again and again, if you would grant me the pleasure.” Gackt laid on the princely manner a bit thick, but Mana couldn’t resist it anyway. It suited him too well. Mana blushed and looked at the other man. “Of course. I want that too, but...” He broke the contact with Gackt hand’s and tried to avert his gaze. “...but you don’t mind that I’m a guy? Even if I dress up, I still don’t have... things that women have...” Gackt wanted to comfort him seriously but couldn’t contain a bit of a laugh. He grabbed his wine and took a quick drink before responding. “Of course I don’t mind something like that. People’s ideas of what is acceptable aren’t worth anything to me. I’ve been with men and women before. Besides,” he smiled and took another drink before looking at Mana, “you look beautiful in and out of those dresses.” Mana couldn’t hold back another blush, so he took a drink of his own before sighing. Now is as good a time as any. It’ll take me a little while to get ready, so I guess I should start soon.

“Speaking of that, I guess I could show you what I brought in that bag...”

ACT VI ~evening bloom~

It had been pretty clear to Gackt what Mana was doing. The big duffel bag, needing to use a mirror, and what he said... He’s definitely dressing up, huh... At this point he had been waiting almost a half hour, and it had felt four times as long. It did a great job of building anticipation, though. What he wondered about, even more than which outfit Mana would appear in, was Mana’s end goal. Is this going to be some kind of test, to see if I really like him either way? Confident that he would pass such a test, Gackt finished off his second wine glass. He didn’t want to get drunk for a second night in a row, but the tension of the day made him want to relax. He stepped on the balcony to smoke again, looking forward to whatever it was that was going to happen. He let his mind wander into any fantasy he could imagine for what Mana would look like, and what he’d get to do to him...

His mix of lovestruck and lewd thoughts were interrupted by a light tapping on the glass of the balcony’s door. Realising what that meant, he snuffed out his cigarette and quickly turned to open the door. Before him was a sight as beautiful as any of his fantasies, only more vivid and precious. Mana had chosen a knee-length black dress, with short, frilly sleeves and long, seductive, black gloves. His legs were wrapped in lace-topped black kneesocks that were sized just right to show a bit of his smooth, pale skin at the fringe of the dress. His feet were in normal Mary Janes, but they looked strange at first until Gackt realised that they’re not platforms. I guess he wants to stay shorter than me, heh... Gackt couldn’t hide the wry smile on his face by now. Mana’s makeup was exactly as Gackt had envisioned, too, with Mana’s gorgeous eyes accentuated perfectly by the large false eyelashes he often wore onstage, and his plump lips made even more inviting with his signature lipstick, tonight in glossy black. It was everything that Gackt could have wanted and then some. 

“Do you... like it?” Mana broke the silence that had grown between them as Gackt stood silent looking at him. He had seen Mana dressed like this plenty of times before, but it felt different now. This was for him, and this time he was looking at this feminine Mana not as a fellow performer, but as a potential partner, and it twisted his insides and drove him wild. “Mana, you look... stunning... Really. I’m sorry for my staring...” He slowly approached the beautiful sight before him and placed his hands on Mana’s waist, who obliged by placing his own hands on Gackt’s shoulders. Gackt’s smile never faded as his eyes drank in the sights of the smaller man looking up at him so intimately. “I’m... glad you like it. I wanted to show you the other me tonight. I’m sorry if it seems a bit understated compared to the outfits I wear onstage, though.” “Understated? Mana, it looks fantastic. Don’t undersell yourself.” Gackt looked at his face, longingly and a bit awkwardly before smiling. “I want to kiss you. But I don’t want to ruin that perfection.” Mana rose to meet his lips to Gackt’s cheek, and left a kiss there, gently but fully. “Don’t worry. It won’t leave a mark. I made sure of that,” Mana reassured him with a subtle, but mischievous, grin...

Gackt smiled and kissed Mana lovingly on the plump lips that he felt so drawn towards. Gackt pulled away from the passionate kiss with a light smile before asking him about his reasoning. “If you wanted to find out whether I like you this way, you could have just asked, you know. I’ve seen you in dresses and makeup plenty of times. So why all the effort?” Mana pulled away from the tenuous embrace and seemed to steel himself a bit, before putting his hands down by his sides and avoiding gazing into the other man’s soft eyes. “Well, you’d be surprised how many people don’t want anything to do with it. They think it’s gross that it’s not just a performance thing, you know? When I said I wanted to show you the other me, I meant that. Sometimes I’ll just want to be like this. Sometimes I just want to look like the girl I see in my heart, and share that with someone I love...” His talented hands had clenched into fists in his elegant gloves, and Gackt could see that Mana was being truly honest. 

After a pointed silence, Mana suddenly found himself wrapped up in Gackt’s arms once again, this time more firmly, and within a few seconds they were both committing fully to the embrace. Mana tried to look up into Gackt’s eyes, but he was met with a strong and deep kiss, the likes of which he had been craving since last night. Mana’s hands wrapped themselves around Gackt’s back as both men tried to pull themselves as close to each other as possible. The kiss continued, and as they changed the angle of the contact of their lips, the electric sensations between them multiplied. The vocalist’s hands began wandering around Mana’s body, his back, his hips, his butt, anywhere in their reach, without being too ungentlemanly. Soon enough, Gackt broke away from the kiss to allow them both to catch their breath. “I love you, Mana. Sorry if this is moving too quickly... but I want you tonight, if you’ll have me.” 

Mana nodded once and gave a light smile before promptly turning it over into a more serious expression. “I love you too, Gackt.” He paused for a moment, and continued with a quiet difficulty as Gackt looked at him, “Just... please... treat me like a woman... this time...”

ACT VII ~turning to ash~

Gackt led Mana into his bedroom with that elegant demeanour and princely smile that the guitarist had fallen for. Mana sat himself properly on the side of the bed. The lights in the bedroom were low, and it helped accentuate the image of the beautiful gothic “woman” now waiting for Gackt on his own bed. He approached Mana with an outstretched arm that he placed underneath the smaller man’s ear, and directed his head into another passionate kiss. They both met the other’s tongue at the gate of their lips, and Mana moaned softly, but lustfully, over what he felt, both on his tongue and from within his own heart. 

Gackt broke off the kiss and softly directed Mana backwards onto the pillow. Sitting upright on the bed, the pair continued making out for a few minutes before Gackt couldn’t take it any more. He changed positions to orient himself above Mana by straddling the smaller man’s lap. He leveraged the position to run his hands all over Mana’s body, while continuing to make out with him. Every time Gackt’s hands touched a new part of his body, Mana let out a light moan through the breathy, sloppy kisses that were being exchanged. Gackt’s touch was loving yet lustful, full of affection and desire at the same time. As he flattened his palm and ran his hand over Mana’s midsection, he noticed a small but hard bulge slightly below his stomach. He’s already that hard, huh...? That’s so hot... but he said he wants to be treated like a woman right? So how should I handle this...?

Gackt ran through it in his head as quickly as he could and made a hasty decision. Hopefully this doesn’t kill the mood... “I can feel your clit through your dress. You must be pretty horny,” Gackt put on his best elegant manner and stated it in a matter-of-fact way, with no hesitation, despite his internal questioning. Mana seemed to twitch at that word, “clit,” being used to describe his own body, and whined slightly with a soft “uuu-” while covering his blushing face with his hands. Gackt noticed and smiled with an air of satisfaction. “Mana, your dress will be stained. Maybe I could remove it for you, if you wish.” His cock was pushing up into his dress even harder now, and it seemed like even a bit of precum would leave a spot. “...No. It’s fine... I have a couple of dresses like this. Please, the dress stays on...”

Gackt nodded lightly and looked at Mana’s blushing face with pleasant eyes, before shifting his gaze to the small tent that has formed in Mana’s dress. He started lightly rubbing the undersized cock against the material of the dress, with the first touch causing Mana to gasp and cover his face once again. After just a few moments like this, Gackt could feel a warm stickiness forming at the tip of Mana’s penis. Despite what Mana had told him, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt for letting the dress get stained, and moreover, he found an opportunity to escalate the scene in a fun way. He placed his hands on Mana’s bare thighs, in the absolute territory above his socks, and slowly moved his hands upwards to lift the skirt. “I’ve always wanted to do this,” he somewhat broke his princely manner to admit this long-held desire, but neither man seemed to care. He moved forwards into the space between Mana’s legs, where a pair of black lace panties contrasted with his smooth, pale legs, which seemed as perfectly white as a doll’s. Mana’s penis had liberated itself from the top of his panties, and was lying on his stomach in a puddle of precum. “You dirty girl. Your pussy is so wet already.” Gackt smiled devilishly and looked up at Mana, who had now taken one of the small throw pillows to hide behind. His shy demeanour was betrayed by the way his cock twitched at Gackt’s words. 

Gackt pulled the panties all the way down before opening Mana’s legs by gently pushing them apart with his hands. He finally got close to Mana’s penis, and took in the sight. It was only about four inches long, and even while fully hard, was still mostly covered by foreskin and only a bit of the exposed tip was visible. He couldn’t help but think it was cute, in some weird way. He brought himself closer and took it up with one hand and pulled it close it his lips. The lewd smell of it, likely from being shoved into a tight pair of panties, drove Gackt wild. He slowly started to lick the shaft before pulling the foreskin back and licking the tip, causing Mana to moan lewdly with every touch. The small, warm cock was easy for Gackt to take in his mouth, and although he hadn’t done it very much before, he was excited to pleasure the guitarist he had worked with for so long. His movements caused Mana to moan again, and call out Gackt’s name, while trying to stretch and straighten his legs around the centre of the pleasure he was receiving. 

Mana, who had kept the dress in place until now, moved it timidly to the side and took in the sight of his beautiful bandmate pleasuring his most shameful place, like Gackt had done the night before. “Gackt, ah~... you’re such a gorgeous man...” Gackt flicked his eyes up to Mana’s, who was embarrassed but too horny to hide it any longer. Gackt was glad to hear the compliment and, by this point, couldn’t handle leaving his pants on since they were stifling his throbbing erection. He used one hand to free his cock and began stroking it wildly, which only excited Mana even more. 

Gackt pulled away from Mana’s cock and began licking him all over, every inch of the space between his legs becoming a fair target for Gackt’s tongue. The mix of sweaty and musky tastes that collected on his tongue put Gackt close to the precipice of an orgasm already, but he knew he needed to save it. He put both of his hands on Mana’s bottom and used his thumbs to expose Mana’s hole, which was perfectly clean and inviting. He began licking it, causing Mana to shudder in pleasure. “No, don’t lick there... It’s gross...” Gackt looked up at him and, in a surprisingly dignified manner for the situation, replied, “No part of you is gross, Mana. You’re truly that beautiful,” before returning to his preoccupation. 

It wasn’t long before Gackt felt his penis throbbing again, greedily asking him for attention. He moved away from Mana and pulled a bottle of lube out of his nightstand drawer, before putting some on his hands and moving towards Mana again. “It will be cold. Are you ready?” Mana nodded lightly, filled with anticipation. Gackt spread the lubricant around on Mana’s hole before inserting a single finger inside him. It slipped in pretty easily as Mana let out another delicate moan. His cock twitched and stood straight upward again as Gackt moved his finger in and out, angling his finger to search for Mana’s prostate.

Both of them had an unspoken amount of experience and were ready to show each other what they could do. Gackt pulled Mana closer to the edge of the bed and leaned in closely to his face, giving him a sweet, loving kiss. “Mana. I love you.” “I love you too, Gackt. Now, please... I want you inside me.”

Gackt pulled his bandmate’s raised legs open to get the access he needed, and put the tip of his throbbing cock at the edge of Mana’s hole. Before going any further, he removed his shirt quickly, unwittingly increasing his partner’s lust over his thin but toned figure. He pushed his body forward to thrust his hips into Mana, and after a few attempts, he penetrated into Mana’s insides. Both men felt a surge of pleasure as Gackt’s large cock filled Mana’s tight hole. Even Gackt let out a low moan, and set himself in a better posture to thrust into the smaller man. As he sped up the motion of his hips, Mana’s cock rose with each thrust, as Gackt reached deeper and deeper into Mana’s warm body. Even the once-stoic Mana had become sweaty and inelegant-looking, not helped by his insistence on staying dressed. 

It only took a few minutes of Gackt’s skilful thrusting before the sensations had become overwhelming to Mana. Even though he hadn’t touched his lower body since Gackt had penetrated him, the pleasure had been welling up in his lower body. As his moans increased, Gackt’s pleasure began to rise as well. “Does it feel good? You like it like this?” Mana could only manage a soft “yes...” as Gackt groaned in lust, smiling before breathily adding “Mmm, your pussy feels so good, you know that?” With that comment, the warm pleasure that had been collecting in Mana’s lower body began to overflow. With the most lustful moans yet, his hole began to contract as the waves of intense feelings washed over his body. Every time he tightened around Gackt’s cock, thin, watery semen spilled onto the pulled-up dress that he had insisted on wearing. Gackt was being pulled and pushed by Mana’s body, and that, coupled with the sight of his partner’s penis ineffectually spraying out puddles of translucent cum, brought him over the edge. Out of habit, he pulled out and covered  Mana’s shrinking cock in his own cum, which was white and thick by comparison. Mana shuddered when Gackt pulled out so suddenly, which worried him. “Are you alright?” Mana grabbed the throw pillow from earlier and hid his face behind it again while giving a timid thumbs-up.

ACT VIII ~epilogue, or, gathering the petals~

Gackt turned on the shower head and started rinsing the soap from his body, as the door to the bath opened slowly. In stepped Mana, with a shy demeanour and wrapped in a towel. Gackt lowered the shower head and smiled at the other man. “You don’t have anything to hide any more, you know. I’ve seen it all now.” Mana had taken off most of his makeup and seemingly reverted to his usual self. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to just show you.” The vocalist snickered and returned to rinsing himself. As he finished, taking care to wash his groin well after the type of sex he had just had, he heard one of the spare shower seats being placed next to his. 

Mana was sitting there, his fit body on full display, and looking shyly at Gackt through his long, black hair. He held out his hand towards Gackt, and in it was a hand towel with soap already applied to it. With a sigh, he took the cloth and turned towards the nude Mana. “Let me guess, you want me to wash you, right?” Mana responded with a nod and an innocent, pleading, upwards look into the vocalist’s eyes. Damn, he’s good at that. That’s dangerous... Acquiescing to the power of Mana’s cuteness, Gackt started gently scrubbing the smaller man’s smooth body, washing him all over. At least now I get a good look. Up close and in good lighting, too, heh. I can’t help but wonder what all that was about earlier, though. Is he...?

“Mana. May I ask you something?” He looked up at the singer, who suddenly sounded serious. “What was everything earlier? All the... girl things. Is everything alright?” Mana seemed to be caught off guard by the question, and it left him with a blank expression for a few seconds, before trying to adopt an elegant posture in spite of his nudity. “I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about. Maybe eventually I’ll trust you enough to tell you more, fufufu~” He giggled like a ‘chuunibyou’ schoolgirl, and Gackt couldn’t help but think that this was just his way of deflecting a question that he didn’t want to answer. He also couldn’t help but find it endearing, because he knew Mana was a total dork, no matter how elegant or beautiful he was, in public or private. With his composed, elegant smile, Gackt dutifully continued washing his new partner, resolving to cast his worry away at Mana’s request.

After drying their hair, Gackt noticed that Mana had started putting on a set of Snoopy pyjamas. “Mana... you’re not going home tonight? The pyjamas are cute and all, but...” Gackt could have sworn he had seen a devious grin form and quickly dissipate on his bandmate’s face, before he started stumbling around the room. He ended up “stumbling” and falling into Gackt, who caught the smaller man. “Ahn, I’m way~ too drunk to drive home,” Mana whined, while looking upwards into Gackt’s eyes, again. Gackt sighed. “You had one glass of wine, Mana. You must be quite the lightweight, all of a sudden,” he retorted, with a charming sassiness that made Mana smile. “I must be, then, so I’ll have to stay here again tonight. It’s your fault for getting me so tipsy.”

Gackt kissed him lightly on the forehead before letting him go. “Fine. You can just sleep on the couch again, since that seemed fine last night.” He narrowed his eyes and looked smugly at the “drunk” guitarist, who didn’t seem particularly happy to hear that. “Hey, that’s not fair... I wanted to sleep with you...” Seems like he didn’t get the joke. Damn... Either that, or he’s goading me into inviting him directly. He really is good at this. Gackt gruffly placed his hand on the top of Mana’s head, patronisingly comforting him more like an uncle than a lover. “I’m just kidding. I’ll have a smoke and then we’ll brush our teeth, alright? I hope you brought your toothbrush this time.” Mana hugged him lovingly for that response. “I did, and I’ve got a skincare routine to finish before bed anyway. I’ll meet you there.”

Mana finally crawled into the bed about ten minutes later than Gackt, who turned off the lamp and rolled over promptly. “Good night, Mana. I had fun tonight. Love you.” “I love you too, Gackt...” 

After a few minutes, Mana turned towards his bandmate and moved himself a bit closer to him. “Gackt... Can I ask you... something serious?” Mana spoke so lightly that it seemed little more than a whisper. Gackt turned over to face him. “Of course. Is something wrong?” The guitarist shifted around nervously. “It’s just that... I want to know where we stand. I don’t think we ended up discussing what we were going to do, moving forward. We aren’t telling anyone, right?” “Nah, not for now. It’s just not necessary. And I realised that I don’t care about planning for the future. All I care to say is that I’m happy to be close to you, and I want to continue this way for now. Is that fine with you?” Mana seemed to relax a bit after shifting around again. “Yeah... that’s fine. In our line of work that’s probably for the best...” Gackt moved himself closer and rested his hand on the slight curve of Mana’s waist. “I mean, imagine if the fans found out. I’m just happy to be with you, and I mean that.”

Mana cherished this soft, intimate closeness. As much as he enjoyed the sex from earlier, he had really been craving this type of romantic intimacy. Sex was a dime a dozen, but a loving connection meant a lot more to him at this point, especially with someone who accepted him as wholeheartedly as Gackt seemed to. Only one thing still bothered him, cloying at the fringes of his thought, that he couldn’t leave alone. “Gackt,” he started to ask quietly after a few close moments, “would you be willing to call me your boyfriend? At least in private...” Gackt struggled to hold back a chuckle, before starting to answer. “No.” Mana’s heart started to sink, before the full answer could bring it back. “I don’t have any use for something like that. I already have a word for you, my angel.”

Gackt lightly left a kiss on Mana’s forehead before Mana cuddled close to him as the two fell into a restful sleep, ready to meet whatever the future would bring the two of them, together.