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The air was thick with the stench of blood, sweat and the lingering smoke of wand fire. Navigating through the grounds was a battlefield in and of itself. Entire corridors blown to smithereens from stray spells. A once proud and magnificent building, now reduced to mere rubble. 

The fighting was endless, and the broken and battered bodies of allies and enemies alike were discarded across the grounds. One must wonder how they, as a society, were reduced to such a violent rhythm. 

Tonks held her wand aloft, prepared to defend herself in case of attack, as she carefully maneuvered through the scattered debris. She’d been defending the Eastern Tower but was redirected to the lower levels of the castle when Dolohov and Rowle had blown up the parapets. She wasn’t expecting to find much, maybe a few injured wizards, either Death Eaters or allies, hiding in the shadows. Helga knew what she would do if she found any students…

And honestly, wasn’t it so fitting that the heavens should pick that exact thought to pay heed to?

Tonks could hear whimpers and snarls coming from around the corner. Her heart pounding in her chest, she steeled herself for whatever it was she was going to find.

Oh, Merlin.

It was worse than she had thought.

Greyback stood surrounded by whimpering, trembling bodies. Three boys lay between Tonks and Greyback, where he was standing over a fourth body, a girl with blonde curly hair and a Gryffindor jumper. Lavender Brown, if her memory was correct. One of Hermione’s roommates. Tonks felt her heart plummet for these poor children. No one deserved a fate like this, and Remus would be beside himself with guilt when he learned what had befallen them.

But there was no way he could have protected them from this fate, at least nothing short of murder.

She quietly crept in the shadows, around the three boys writhing on the floor, until she was close enough to attack him without fear of being bitten or scratched. Turned . It would certainly break Remus’ heart to find her infected as he was.

She lifted her wand and fortified her stance. She took a deep breath and aimed three stunners at Greybacks’ hulking figure. Nothing . He continued to maul Lavender’s neck like the beast he was. The only visible sign that she’d done anything? He twitched, as if he had an itch he couldn’t quite reach.

Tonks bit her lip, raised her wand again and aimed another five stunners at Greyback. He turned around, his terrifying half-man half-wolf form snarling at her. Blood dripped down his elongated canines, his lips, chin and robes now stained a ghastly shade of red.

Tonks gulped and took one hesitant step back. The heel of her combat boot caught on a bit of rubble, nearly causing her to topple over in a typical clumsy Nymphadora manner, but she steadied herself at the last moment. Her eyes never once left his calculating, imposing figure, she saw the exact moment he came to a decision. And at that moment, Tonks knew. She knew .

She would not be returning home to her baby boy tonight. Perhaps never again.

“I tire of your interference half-blood ,” he growled. “If you wanted to die, you only needed to ask.”

Greyback surged forward as Tonks leapt back. His bloody, clawed hand grasped a wand lying on the ground and aimed it up towards Tonks. She quickly raised her wand to erect the strongest shield charm she could muster, but even that wasn’t enough to deter the spell he unleashed.

Avada Kedavra!!

Tonks felt a compulsion to turn her head to the left, just as the spell left his wand, and for one blessed moment, her eyes locked on the hazel eyes of her beloved. A million and one things were said in that single glance. And it was enough, more than enough, for Tonks to accept her fickle fate.

After all, Teddy would still have his dad.

Remus Lupin was no stranger to loss, in fact, he was quite acquainted with the encapsulating despair it left behind. The atrocities he had been forced to witness since he was a small child…life, time , was a cruel teacher to Remus. But this. This was something else entirely. 

His blood felt like tar in his veins, his heart sluggishly, painfully , beating in his chest. But hers. Hers had stopped . And yet, his continued on. A dull roar began in his ears, and with every passing second it grew louder. Louder, and louder, and louder . It echoed the horrifying sound of his very existence, his reality , tearing at the very seams. His entire world had splintered in half.

Remus howled ; his voice shrouded in anguish as he fell to his knees beside Dora’s deathly still body. His mate . Her eyes were open with a vacant, soulless stare. It felt incredibly unnatural for someone as vibrant and wonderful as Nymphadora Tonks to be so motionless, even in death.

A deep, menacing chuckle returned Remus’ attention to the present. He gathered what little strength remained and lifted his head, his brows furrowed deeply, his lips twisted into a snarl, and glowered at the, the animal responsible for quite a substantial amount of his suffering in life. First when he infected him with this curse as a child, and now, the death of his wife.

“Oh dear, did I kill your mate, pup ?” he taunted sarcastically.

Remus growled, gazing mournfully at Nymphadora’s still body as tears dripped down his cheeks. The bone deep grief was nearly debilitating. 

“Really, I did you a service. A halfblood like her does little good for the future of our world. Not pure enough to be a real witch, but not creature enough to be suitable for our kind . Useless.” Greyback sensually licked the remaining blood from his lips and teeth, his yellow eyes glared hungrily, wickedly , at Dora.

“You’ll thank me one day when you find your mate in a real wolf. Nothing’s better than knotting in the hot, warm pussy of an omega .”

Remus was overcome by a scorching, blinding rage. He clutched his discarded wand, raised it and said the first spell that came to mind:

Avada Kedavra!

And perhaps it was ironic that the first and only unforgivable Remus had ever used was the one curse he had contemplated using on himself over the years. At his lowest point of lonely isolation, after James had died and Sirius was sent to Azkaban, and the weight of the full moon fell heavy on his shoulders…and he used it to avenge not only the death of his wife, his mate , but also the frightened child living deep within his soul.

Remus dropped his wand, sinking to the ground beside Dora, he carded his fingers through his dirty blonde hair, clutching at the roots and pulling hard as his mouth dropped open in a silent scream of despair. Big fat tears rolled down his cheeks as he gasped for air through the sobs. And through the unrelenting, battering waves of grief currently overtaking him, his heightened senses still managed to hear a heart-wrenching whimper.

Remus looked up, blinking through the tears clouding his vision. There, on the ground beside Greyback’s lifeless body, was seventh-year Gryffindor student, Lavender Brown. She was covered in blood and dirt, her neck mauled . She was trembling violently, biting her bottom lip to the point of bleeding in an attempt to hold in the cries of agony as the werewolf venom rushed through her veins, slowly, painfully , infecting her with the curse.

And when their eyes meet? Remus was nearly struck blind by the overwhelming sensation of rightness. He struggled to breathe as he felt his world shift again, this time, it slowly knitted itself back together.

Mate . 

MatematematematemateMATEMATEMATE!!!!  

His inner wolf was screaming , raging, fighting against the carefully crafted mental walls he had erected over the years to contain his other half . But in his grief-weakened state, he found it significantly more difficult to push back against his wolf’s insistence. 

Lavender Brown, newly turned werewolf with all of the associated trauma, 18 years of age … was his mate . 

12th May 1998

To say the previous ten days were difficult would be quite an understatement. On the 2 nd of May, Harry had sacrificed himself, walking to uncertain death alone in the Forbidden Forest to meet Voldemort. He had lived, barely surviving the Killing Curse again , and had ultimately defeated him in the middle of the Great Hall, surrounded by wand fire, battles raging around them.

In all of the chaos, Greyback had managed to infect five new werewolves: Lavender Brown and Theodore Nott, both Pure-bloods, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Colin Creevey, muggleborns, and miraculously, Severus Snape, Half-blood. Severus had been dying from the effects of Nagini’s bite when Greyback happened upon him in the Shrieking Shack of all places. He’d thought it funny to maul and infect The Dark Lord’s previous right-hand man turned traitor. Thus, the Werewolf venom which coursed through him had eradicated the effects of Nagini’s own venomous neurotoxin.

The irony was not lost on Remus or Severus.

And in the middle of this mess of new Werewolves, Remus was struggling. Losing Dora was perhaps the hardest tragedy he’d ever experienced. Worse than being bitten and turned as a child, or losing his parents, and certainly more terrible than losing James and Sirius and Peter’s betrayal. But even more difficult than that?

Raising his son and knowing that someday he would have to explain to him why all of his friends had two, loving parents, and he had but one miserable sod of a werewolf for a dad.

When the dust cleared, Remus, and his infamous levels of guilt, took responsibility for the five newly turned wolves, spending the next week preparing them for their first transformation sans wolfsbane . It wasn’t easy, they had such contrasting personalities and were unfortunately on different sides of the war. Lavender and Colin were cordial enough, both being Gryffindors and close in age and had been members of the DA. Justin, however, was quiet and stayed to himself for the most part, but he was anxious, very anxious, for what it meant for his muggle family.

His muggle family which just happened to hold a title of Lordship which was supposed to pass onto Justin when his father died.

Then there was the matter of Theodore and Severus. Both being Slytherins, and both technically falling on the other side of the war. The others were hesitant at first, but Remus had insisted they at least give Theo a chance. And he did not disappoint. He immediately offered up his home, Nott Manor, for the others to reside in around the Full Moon. A team of curse-breakers, led by Bill Weasley, had scoured the halls for any residual dark curses that Theo’s father may have left, and once it was cleared of all dark magic, they had moved in.

The others were infinitely grateful to have somewhere to stay and a community of similarly affected individuals.

And in terms of Severus? Well, at first everyone was hesitant to trust him. He was given a wide berth in the halls, and meals were spent at the opposite end of the table, though he never seemed to mind. He quietly spent his days either brewing in Nott’s potions lab or reading in the Nott Library.

And then Harry made a statement to The Prophet, exonerating Severus of his allegiance to Voldemort, claiming that he had been an undercover spy for Dumbledore the entire time.

As the six new packmates slowly integrated their lives with each other, Remus felt the pack bond solidify in his chest, and a weight he hadn’t known he’d carried for the last 16 years became nonexistent. And for the first time in a very, very long time, Remus felt what could only be described as acceptance, not only for his current circumstances, but most importantly for himself .

And then last night’s full moon had occurred, and Remus had blessedly been supplied with Wolfsbane from his usual source (Severus). Unfortunately, the rest of his pack wasn’t nearly as lucky, and had to suffer through the first transformation sans Wolfsbane. It hadn’t been nearly as feral as Remus was expecting. The four youngest pack members frolicked through the field just outside of the Shrieking Shack, chasing each other and nuzzling into a pile of bodies when they eventually tired themselves out for the night. Severus remained on the outskirts of the group, sitting sentry beside Remus, oddly enough about a foot behind him.

And that’s how Remus figured out their new roles in the pack.

In all of the post-war commotion and figuring out how they would all live as werewolves in a wizarding community that alienated magical creatures, Remus hadn’t noticed another bond growing in his chest. Nor had he really noticed the way his wolf had calmed for the first time in the…many years of their cohabitation. So, when they all transformed on that first full moon night and the other five wolves heeled, no, practically bowed to Remus, that’s when he realized he wasn’t just the senior pack member.

He was the alpha .

Severus, oddly enough, his Beta. And if the way the three younger male wolves blindly followed Lavender around was any indication, she was their omega . While it was a bit much to comprehend mentally, in his heart he knew it all to be true and right .

They were pack.

10th June 1998 – Nott Manor

“After dinner, I will pass out everyone’s final dose of Wolfsbane,” Severus muttered from Remus’ right. He was picking at his dinner, tearing the bread into tiny pieces and stirring the soup with his spoon. It would honestly be a miracle if he ate anything at all.

Remus warily watched from the head of the table as his other pack members quietly mimicked Severus. The usually chatty Lavender and Colin were alarmingly silent, and Theo and Justin were pensively staring into their goblets of water with grim looks. Remus sighed forlornly. There was nothing he could say or do to ease their anxiety.

He knows; he’d been in their shoes many times before.

Teddy was at Andromeda’s cottage this night, hopefully doing better than the rest of the pack. Remus and Andi struggled with getting Teddy to eat or sleep for the first few weeks after Dora’s death, especially after the funeral. Babies, especially magical babies, were surprisingly perceptive, and Teddy caught onto Remus’ and Andi’s heartache shortly after they laid Dora’s body in the ground, his hair had turned a mournful shade of blue and had yet to change back since.

Remus set his spoon down and cleared his throat. The rest of the pack turned nearly as one to their Alpha.

“I understand how all of you are feeling right now, believe me, I do,” he declared, looking each of them in their eyes. Lavender squirmed in her seat, appearing to struggle with keeping eye contact, before ultimately turning her eyes down toward the table in submission. Remus frowned.

“And I know that it’s not much of a consolation, but the transformation on Wolfsbane is different. There’s more clarity. You’ll still transform, but you’ll be able to retain your human mind and instincts. Less of a chance for any new scars…” His voice trailed off as he took in the still rather raw looking scar across the bridge of Theo’s nose.

“Will we—will we still be dangerous to others?” Colin asked timidly. His hands were shaking only slightly noticeably, his bottom lip wobbled and his eyes were wide with apprehension.

“We will always be dangerous to other humans when we are transformed, whether we mean to be or not. However, with the potion, we can tamper down the instinct to hunt or infect. When I was—when I was just a few years younger than the rest of you, my f-friends became animagi so that I wouldn’t have to spend the full moon cramped in the Shrieking Shack alone. They were entirely safe, mostly because my wolf was tricked into thinking they were animals, but also, and what I believe to be most important, because they were pack .

“One of these days, our pack will expand. Other witches and wizards, friends or family or significant others, will be brought in through our bonds, and they will be safe with us too. We will all protect them through the pack mentality. And should danger come creeping in through the cracks again? They will find no harm from us. We will protect them.

“ I will protect all who fall under my care. This I promise to each and every one of you.”

Remus glanced around, gauging the others' response to his declaration. Justin, Colin and Theo sat straighter in their seats, shoulders back and their brows set with determination as they nodded to his words. Severus propped his elbow on the table, his chin set in his fist as he watched the younger wolves for any strife, glancing at him when he saw none.

And Lavender.

Lavender had her head cocked slightly to the side, not necessarily challenging him, or his wolf, more…curious. Almost baiting. Her eyes were heavy with unsaid sentiments; her plush lips were slightly parted and the tip of her tongue peeked out periodically to moisten them. Her chest rose up and down with the quick pace of her breathing. Remus glanced down to see her fingers twitch, as if they wanted to reach out but she was actively restraining them. Remus shifted in his seat. Lavender’s reaction to his speech had a very physical effect on a certain part of his anatomy which was now making his trousers mildly uncomfortable.

Merlin, but he was going to need to master better control over his reaction to his unsolicited mate.

“Bottoms up, lads.” Justin grimaced. Lavender scoffed. “And lasses.”

“Salazar, but the taste certainly doesn’t improve much,” Theo mumbled. He stuck his tongue out and scrunched his eyes.

“Eh, you get used to it eventually.” Remus remarked. He drank his own vial of Wolfsbane and screwed his face up with momentary disgust.

“Yeah? And when does this ‘ eventually’ set in?” Theo chuckled. Severus rolled his eyes at Theo’s supposed witticisms and reached over to smack the back of his head. ‘ Ouch! ’ he pouted, rubbing the spot Severus had whacked.

Colin and Justin sniggered at Theo’s kicked puppy expression.

“Alright you lot, that’s enough messing around. I don’t fancy transforming in the Parlor and ruining my favorite settee.” Lavender sniffed disdainfully. It was all an act, Remus was certain. She’d been very nervous all day long, and Remus could practically hear her heart fluttering well above the normal rate.

They filed out to the back lawn of Nott Manor, following the well-worn path towards the forest at the back of the property. Severus and Remus had been out the day before and set up wards in a clearing that would contain all of them once they were transformed. It was, perhaps, the only thing that was keeping the rest of their pack moderately calm. Moderately.

Once they arrived, they all moved towards their own predetermined corners of the rather spacious meadow and began disrobing down to their undergarments and stashing their clothes in logs for later. Remus was making a significant effort to ignore the fact that Lavender was mere feet away from him…stripping down to her underthings…her soft, soft skin on display…

His wolf, however, had no such qualms about restraint. The echoes of matematematematemateMATEMATEMATE reverberated against his skull like a hammer against steel. Loud. Sharp. Maddening .

Remus’ skin was crawling for reasons other than the heaviness of the full moon which was slowly rising to its peak placement high above the foliage of the forest.

“Perhaps you could do something about that, rather than bathe the rest of us in your pheromones,” Severus muttered dryly as he walked past him to the center of the meadow where the younger wolves were congregating.

Remus looked up and locked eyes with Lavender for the third time that evening. Her sharp, blue eyes tracked his every movement. Those sinfully plush lips of hers were parted again and Remus felt his blood heat to near boiling, his cock stirring in his pants. He watched as the tip of her tongue flickered out to trace her parted lips teasingly, and Remus felt his own tongue do the same.

He inadvertently let out a low, desirous growl, and the sound of it acted like a mental rubber band, snapping him back into awareness.

He clenched his fists at his sides and willed his wolf back into submission. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath in through his nose, then breathed out, his nares flared with the effort. He repeated four more times until he felt his control return. His wolf was on lockdown and his cock was willed back to its flaccid state.

Remus slowly joined the rest of his pack in the middle of the clearing as they waited for the moon to finish its ascent. Colin and Justin were rough housing to the side and Theo was encouraging them with a few well-placed taunts. Severus’ eyes were closed, and Remus would be remiss to assume what he was doing. Lavender stood to the side of the others; her arms folded across her front, embracing herself.

“Everything will be alright, Lavender. We’ve taken the Wolfsbane, and Severus and I set wards yesterday to prevent any of us from getting out while transformed.” Remus smiled, and he desperately hoped it was reassuring enough for the young girl—young woman.

Lavender peered at him from the corner of her downturned eyes for just a moment, before she returned her gaze to the forest floor.

“I’m sure it will be. That doesn’t make the experience any more enjoyable.” She muttered begrudgingly.

Remus’ smile softened at the corners. He felt for her, for all of them. They’d been dealt a shit hand at the end of the war. None of them deserved to upend their entire life and turn into a beast every lunar cycle. Least of all Lavender. She was too pretty for this ugly future.

Merlin, where had THAT thought come from?

Remus slightly shook his head, attempting to go unnoticed. But he should have known better, truly. The only female member of their pack had been so finely tuned to his moods and movements over the last month and a half, it was a miracle she hadn’t caught onto her supposed status as his mate . Not that Remus would entertain that right now anyways. She was so young . Much too young for an old bastard like him.

“I won’t lie to you and tell you it gets better, any of it. Because it doesn’t, not really. If you’re anything like me, you’ll experience a certain degree of self-loathing from time to time. And by Godric, I hope you never attempt anything as bleak as self-harm, but it wouldn’t be entirely unusual if you considered it at your lowest points.”

“You’re really selling this Werewolf life for me right now, Remy, truly. It sounds so amazing, like a 5-star all-inclusive resort.” She smirked, giggling.

Remus felt the telltale heat of a blush crawling up his neck as he chuckled along with her melodious giggles.

Merlin, but he was down bad. Melodious . 

“Apologies. I can be rather melancholy at times, especially since Dora—well, you don’t want to hear an old man’s woes.” Remus shook his head; his dirty blonde hair fell further into his eyes.

“Remus,” She frowned, reaching out to rest her hand against his upper arm. “First of all, you aren’t an old man, you’ve barely just turned 38. And second, do not disparage yourself for not being over your wife’s death. She was your mate . That alone carries quite the burden—”

Lavender gasped as she took a step back, curling in on herself, clutching at her chest with both hands. Her fingers clawed at her skin as she panted short gasps of air. Remus spun around as he heard one of the boys cry out in pain. Justin and Colin had abandoned their previous rowdiness, both now on hands and knees, backs arched as their nails lengthened into claws and their canines sharpened.

Theo and Severus were in various stages of the change when Remus felt the effects settle into his bones. He looked up towards the sky to see the full moon at its zenith point. He took a step back from Lavender as he felt his wolf claw its way to the surface of his mind. His skin itched something dreadful as fur grew. He howled in agony as his bones splintered and grew longer.

He dropped to the ground, panting, once the transformation was completed. He looked up to the sky again and howled at the moon, five other howls joining him. Remus glanced to the side to see a smaller blonde wolf huddled a few steps away. He sniffed the air, and whined; her fear was rather pungent.

Remus took a few careful steps towards Lavender, and once he was close enough, he bent down to sniff the scruff of her neck, dragging his nose up along her neck, over her face, to nuzzle the top of her head. He used his larger body to prod her into curling up on the ground. Once she was settled, he crouched down around her, nestling her body further into his, and laid his head protectively on top of hers.

And watched as the others slowly stood to their full height and looked around.

Justin, Colin and Theo recovered rather quickly, only stumbling here and there, until they were steady on their hind legs. They glanced around the open meadow for a few minutes, staring obtrusively at Lavender until Remus growled warningly.

Severus roamed around the meadow for a while, keeping a close eye on Justin, Colin and Theo as they chased each other around the edges of the clearing before eventually resuming their earlier rough housing. Once he was certain they wouldn’t hurt themselves or anyone else, he silently paced over to Remus and Lavender, flopping down beside them. His eyes remained closed, but his ears twitched with any sudden noise or new scent from the surrounding forest.

Remus sighed deeply, relaxing further into Lavender.

This is what it meant to be pack .

The Next Day…

Remus and the other wolves had woken up that morning in a heap on the forest floor. Remus had found himself completely bare and wrapped around an equally nude Lavender. It had been a struggle to disentangle himself from her without drawing any attention to a certain erect appendage. Severus’ pointed stare was excruciating enough. Mostly he was thankful the four younger wolves had not roused when he had moved, so he had plenty of time to dress and then throw his cardigan over Lavender to prevent the boys from seeing her nude body.

It had been laborious enough to not look, especially with his wolf howling matematemateMATEMATEMATE in his mind.

Remus debated waking the younger wolves, Pomfrey and Hermione were expecting them in the drawing room after all, especially when they looked so peaceful in their sleep. Being a wolf so long made him truly appreciate a good night's sleep after a transformation. Severus, however, had no such qualms about disturbing their rest, and may or may not have gently nudged (read: kicked) the boys awake. And once the boys had wandered off to change, Remus gently shook Lavender out of her sleep.

Once everyone had changed into their clothes from the previous day, they gingerly followed the path back up to the manor, splitting off to get cleaned up before they all reconvened in the Drawing Room for a healing session with Madam Pomfrey and Hermione.

“Morning, Remus.” Hermione smiled softly. She was currently helping Pomfrey lay out her healing materials, lining up rows of healing potions, gauze, bandages and the like. 

“Morning, Hermione. How’ve you been?” Remus grimaced as he carefully sat in the armchair beside her. His bones were stiff, and his skin felt itchy, but in a way that the itch could never be scratched.

“I’m well, Remus, much better than you it would seem.” She frowned slightly, her brow furrowing in the middle in the way that always worried Sirius.

He’d told Remus in confidence once that he sometimes worried more for Hermione than Harry because the little chit was much too concerned about everyone around her to care for herself at times. He could understand Sirius’ apprehensions, the poor girl looked as if she hadn’t slept in months, and she was quite thin. Perhaps not as thin as she had been at the Final Battle, but still. Svelte.

“Are you sure, Hermione? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating regular meals again? Or are those boys keeping you too busy with Quidditch and Auror talk?” Remus raised his brow knowingly.

She rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes. Molly’s been stuffing us to the gills it would seem, and when she isn’t feeding us, it’s Andi or Minerva. Honestly,” she huffed, turning back to her task at hand. Remus leaned forward to place his hand on her arm and looked up at her with concern flickering in his eyes. She sighed.

“Sleep…is a bit harder to come by. The nightmares are rather daunting; every night is the same thing. Nagini, Bellatrix, Hagrid carrying Harry’s supposedly dead body. Every. Single. Night.”

“Have you talked to a healer?”

“I’ve spoken with Andromeda, which I guess is the same thing. And we’ve tried a few things, potions, relaxing baths before bed, aromatherapy, even muggle prescriptions. But other than a dreamless sleep potion every now and then, nothing seems to be working long term. I’ve rather just reserved myself to poor sleep habits for the rest of my life.

Even with my busy schedule at the Ministry, interning under Kings hasn’t seemed to help. I’ve read that if you keep yourself busy to the point of exhaustion, nightmares are less frequent. That, unfortunately, is not the case for me. If anything, they become worse.”

Remus did not like the sound of that. Hermione was a dear friend of his, and Dora had absolutely adored her. She would be very disappointed in him should he not try to assist her.

“I’ve found that having someone to talk to after a particularly awful nightmare helps immensely. Or a solid self-care routine, as Dora would have called it. 27 out of the 28 days of the lunar cycle, I eat the same breakfast, take the same tea in the afternoon, and read from the same few books before bed. Books that are lighthearted and endearing, but that I’ve read before, so I know how they end and there are no surprises. 

“Furthermore, I write my dreams, good, bad or otherwise, in a journal when I wake up.It may sound frivolous, but it has significantly improved both my mental health and my sleep habits. Perhaps it will prove useful to you as well.”

“Nevertheless, you’re always welcome here, Hermione, if you ever need a break from,” Remus waved his arm around airily. “All of it. It’s technically Theo’s home, but I’m sure he would agree with me.”

“What’s Theo agreeing with?” he joked, flopping into the armchair beside Remus.

“Hello, Granger. Looking absolutely radiant this morning. And is that,” He sniffed the air around them. “Is that freesia you’re wearing? It’s positively mouthwatering .”

Hermione’s cheeks pinkened with the beginnings of a blush and she turned away from them, flustered. Theo’s eyes, however, never strayed from her. He stared intently after her, tracking her every moment with his sharp green eyes. Remus felt his own wolf stir with the increase of pheromones that Theo was emitting. And now he empathizes with what Severus was saying about his own pheromones the night before.

How bloody obnoxious that Severus could be right when he isn’t even present.

“Heel, Nott.”

Speak of the devil.

“We do not need to put the house into a rut the morning after a full moon just because you can’t keep it in your pants,” he droned scathingly, smacking the back of Theo’s head.

“ Ouch , why is it always me?” Theo pouted, rubbing at the tender spot.

“Don’t misbehave and you won’t need to be punished,” Severus sighed, rolling his eyes.

“But sometimes it hurts so good.” Theo smirked. Severus growled lowly, warningly, and Theo raised his hands in surrender, before slouching back in his armchair and crossing his arms over his chest indignantly.

“Miss Granger, please ignore the childish depravities of Theodore, we’ve not yet had a chance to house train him.”

Remus snickered at the affronted look on Theo’s face. Merlin, but Severus could be funny when he was an ass to someone other than Remus.

“Hermione!” Lavender squealed, practically running into the room and throwing herself at the brunette. “How are you?!”

“Hi, Lavender, I’m well thank you.” Hermione smiled, embracing Lavender tightly.

Sometimes, Remus thought that perhaps in the fallout of the war, there was some good. Looking at the two witches in front of him was proof enough. They couldn’t have been more different growing up. Despite being roommates, Remus knew they had little more than that in common. Hermione being the bookworm that she was, is , and Lavender being the stereotypical girly girl. Muggleborn and Pureblood. They rarely agreed on anything.

And yet.

In the aftermath of the war, they’d been, not necessarily forced , but strongly encouraged by the witches and wizards around them, to lean on one another in grief and understanding. Lavender’s best friend, Parvati, had perished at the hands of Bellatrix in the Final Battle, and Hermione had been there to help Lavender mourn and not necessarily move on , but continue to exist without her. Lavender had been there for Hermione too when she learned the obliviation on her parents had become permanent over time. 

The two girls had bonded over the tragedies in their lives, cursing Bellatrix’s memory and confiding in each other, Hermione with her torture and Lavender with her new Werewolf status. They’d learned to endure the hardships of their reality. To do more than just survive. They thrived .

And if two girls who had been at odds with each other for years could coexist peacefully, happily , then perhaps there was hope for the rest of their society.

Given the way Theo’s and Severus’ eyes seemed to follow Hermione’s movements with a borderline hungry gaze , it seemed Hermione had become quite popular with his pack. He only hoped that whatever burgeoning sentiments existed between them would not devastate their pack.

“Right then, who’s ready for a pepper up?”

 11th July 1998 – Nott Manor

Remus groaned as he stepped out of the Floo into the Traveling Parlor, stretching his long arms and legs, joints still stiff from the recent full moon. The older he got, the longer it took to recover from the full moon transformations. Unfortunately, he couldn’t lay in bed and sleep the day away like some of his younger pack members. He and Severus had just had a meeting with Minerva concerning employment for the coming school year. Severus retained his position as the Potions Professor and Remus was offered to retake the mantle of Defense Professor.

At first, they’d argued with her, expressing exactly how bad an idea it was for either of them, pariahs of the Wizarding World that they were, to be teaching the wary youth. Let alone, the vast number of Owls they knew Minerva would receive from skeptical and worried parents. They countered with the parents not feeling comfortable with their children sleeping under the same roof as a werewolf and a former Death Eater .

Minerva, however, would have none of it.

It would be her way and her way only. Minerva laughed and explained she expected they would be going home in the evenings to their pack, especially since Remus had an infant son that he could not be expected to be separated from for months at a time. Preposterous ! She cried. No, they would retain their positions on a part time basis , as in, they would Floo through one of their offices in the morning after breakfast to teach, and then Floo back home in the evening before dinner.

And that is how they found themselves employed, at least for the time being, or until the disgruntled parents became too much to deal with. Remus was equal parts apprehensive and excited; he had loved teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, had loved teaching in general. But that had been before the world knew of his… affliction. And now he worried that it being public knowledge would negatively affect his ability to teach the young minds.

And he would sooner fall off into obscurity than sacrifice the education of students who were already severely traumatized .

He rigidly climbed the main staircase back to the family wing, where they had all chosen to stay together. He frowned when he saw the door to Teddy’s nursery was cracked open. Rationally, he knew an intruder couldn’t have entered the large, ancestral manor without setting off the wards, but being a father tended to make one irrational at the best of times.

And well, finding Lavender cradling his son to her chest and feeding him a bottle kind of made him feel a certain way. Feral .

MATEMATEMATEMATEMATE .

She looked ethereal, sitting in the rocking chair Theo had found in the attic, bathing in the rays of sunlight which peeked through the curtains. Her blonde hair shone like spun gold, her pale smooth skin nearly glowing, and her sharp blue eyes were bright like a pair of round sapphires.

She was a goddess, and he was but a man whose covetous desires were chained by the failed past of debilitating heartbreak. 

“ Lavender's blue, dilly, dilly,

lavender's green,

When I am queen, dilly, dilly,

You shall be king.

Who told you so, dilly, dilly,

Who told you so?

'Twas my own heart, dilly, dilly,

That told me so.

Call up your men, dilly, dilly,

set them to work

Some to the plough, dilly, dilly,

some to the fork,

Some to make hay, dilly, dilly,

some to cut corn,

While you and I, dilly, dilly,

keep ourselves warm.

Lavender's green, dilly, dilly,

Lavender's blue,

If you love me, dilly, dilly,

I will love you

Let the birds sing, dilly, dilly,

And the lambs play

We shall be safe, dilly, dilly,

out of harm's way

I love to dance, dilly, dilly,

I love to sing

When I am queen, dilly, dilly,

You'll be my king.

Who told me so, dilly, dilly,

Who told me so?

I told myself, dilly, dilly,

I told me so. ”

For the third time in as many months, Remus felt his world shift .

Lavender’s soft cadence caressed his ears like a warm embrace of reminiscence. It curled first in his heart, heavy not unlike the weight of guilt he carried in his shoulders or the heaviness of sorrow that resided in his very soul.

For Remus, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to love again, be loved again. He knew he deserved a tangible amount of happiness for the absolute bull fuckery he had survived. But the thought of relinquishing that last bit of control he had, and trusting someone else to protect his heart? It was terrifying. It was difficult enough the first time with Dora.

And she had died . Horribly. Tragically. And he was left behind to pick up the final pieces of his life with his— their son. A son they had made as a physical embodiment of their love and devotion. To turn away from that? So soon? And with the first anniversary of their marriage only a matter of days away?

Remus could feel his heart constrict with the agony of perceived betrayal. Remorse. Regret. It should have been me.

Because that is what this all was, right? He should have been the one to die, not Dora. He wasn’t worth much of anything. In the twenty odd years since he had graduated from Hogwarts, he’d had about two, maybe three steady jobs—and that was being generous .

There was that job at the muggle bookstore in Chelsea, which only lasted until the old lady who owned it died. He had been scraping by on funds for years at that point, and he definitely did not have the means to keep the place running. After that fell through, he spent a few years working at a pub in a small wizarding town on the outskirts of Bakewell.

Then there was that year as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

After Harry and Hermione had rescued Sirius from the Dementor’s kiss, he’d bunked at Grimmauld Place with Siri and Buckbeak for a while…right up until his demise at the Ministry. Then the floodgates of a potential second war opened, and Dumbledore had Remus all over the UK trying to recruit other witches and wizards to the Order.

And on the small occasion, other Wolves.

Dora had been his shining beacon of hope through it all. Short, oftentimes loud and terribly clumsy. But beautiful and awe inspiring, nevertheless. She imbibed him with a powerful purpose, the likes of which he hadn’t felt since he was a young lad running around Hogwarts with the Marauders.

He hadn’t been ready to say goodbye, still wasn’t to be honest. Every now and then, he found himself looking around every corner, searching for the ghost of her. His jumper from the final battle still had the faintest lingering scent of her . And sometimes when Teddy giggled or smiled or babbled, Remus closed his eyes and could practically imagine her standing beside him, the whisper of her touch on his shoulder.

The emergence of feelings for Lavender felt like a betrayal of the highest caliber. As if the last vestiges of Dora were slipping through his fingers, only to be lost to the ether. He knew he could reach for Dora in the things and people around him as much as he pleased, but he would never be content until he had accepted that she was well and truly gone.

Which was much easier to say than do. Dora had been a part of him; she’d been his mate . How was he just supposed to, to… survive without her?

He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, with a tight, soft smile on his lips as he watched Lavender with his son. He may not know how to endure without his wife, but he knew one thing for certain. Of all the witches in this world, if Dora could see Lavender now, the way she held their son like he was the most precious and priceless jewel to exist, she would be powerless to approve of his new little mate.

Remus glanced up from his son’s soft, downy head to lock eyes with Lavender. The witch was always watching him at the worst of times. She was a perceptive little thing like that.

“You didn’t have to do that, Lavender,” he mumbled softly.

“I don’t mind, he’s such a sweet baby, hardly ever fusses. And he gives the best cuddles.” She smiled down at Teddy’s wide eyes, dipped her face down to nuzzle the tip of his nose with her own, and giggled at Teddy’s gummy smile. “Yes, you do, you do give the best snuggles.”

“Yes, he is quite the snuggly pup, isn’t he?” Remus grinned as he reached over to run his big hands over Teddy’s little blue curls. Despite being so young, he was already using his mother’s metamorphmagus abilities to unconsciously change the texture of his hair to match that of the people around him. Hence, the curls.

Lavender’s curls .

His heart nearly galloped at the thought, as he continued to run his fingers through Teddy’s blue hair. And when his fingers encountered Lavender’s own blonde curls, he unconsciously allowed them to card through her pretty locks as well.

He continued to twist his fingers in her hair unknowingly until suddenly, the pad of his thumb now resting against the pulse point in her neck. The pounding beat of her heart underneath his hand triggered the sweltering heat of desire to unfurl in his lower abdomen. He gulped, looking incrementally up to find Lavender’s heated gaze already focused on him, her pupils blown wide, she bit her lower lip as she shifted in her seat.

His lurching cock, ironically, forced him back into reality, and he gasped when he found his entire hand tangled in her blonde tresses.

“Merlin, Lav, I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know what I was even thinking,” he stuttered as he attempted to untangle his hand while also avoiding her intensely blue eyes.

And Remus felt that he was perhaps the biggest fool.

As terrified as he was to explore this burgeoning affection he felt for Lavender, he was paralyzed, completely powerless, by the mere idea of finding love again. Because the love he had with Dora?

Fucking ethereal .

Dora had been his Selene and he was but a man kneeling at the altar, foaming at the mouth to worship her. Being what he was, with the home life he had, or should say lacked , Remus had been desperate for every morsel of Dora’s love. He’d never felt as complete or grounded as he had when he was in love.

And so, despite the paralyzing fear he felt at falling in love again, and so soon…he could not help but feel anxious and excited too. But Merlin, he’ll never get a chance to love her if he can’t get his blasted cock under control.

“It’s fine, Remy, ouch , here, take Teddy and I’ll get your hand untangled from my hair.”

Remus accepted his sleeping son from her arms and waited patiently as she carefully unwound her pretty blonde locks from his hand. And Merlin , but was he really that much bigger than her? Her hands looked so tiny next to his. Fuck . She really was a small little thing.

Blessedly, Lavender had managed to unravel her curls from his hand, so he now held his son with both of his arms. He gazed down, forlornly, at his son’s peaceful, sleeping face. He brushed his thumb against his forehead reverently and tried to count every single eyelash. He made it to 43 when Lavender cleared her throat.

“Remus?”

“Yeah?” he whispered, never once glancing away from his son’s cherub face, finding solace in the incredible miracle he had made with Dora. 

“I can’t help but get the impression that you’re struggling with quite a few things that you have failed to discuss with the rest of us, your pack. And I’d just like to tell you, that whatever it is, if you’re worried about burdening us with your troubles, you surely don’t need to hide it from me.”

Remus’ breath hitched in the back of his throat.

“I—.” He frowned, swallowed audibly, then bit his lower lip as he glanced up to see Lavender watching him quietly, expectantly. Patiently . “It’s not that I’ve actively tried to hide anything from the rest of you. I just—”

“I find it difficult to express when, if , I need help. I’ve not had a support system, a family , like this in so many years . It’s both strange and new, and also nothing like what I remember.” He sighed, setting Teddy back in his crib and then motioned for Lavender to follow him into the hall, gently closing the door behind them, before turning back to Lavender and her penetrating gaze.

“My mother died when I was very young, and my father despised Werewolves, actively denigrating them in the Wizengamot, which is why Greyback infected me. When my father still spoke out against Werewolves, Greyback came back and killed him. I was nine.  

“A kind, muggle woman took me in and raised me until I left for Hogwarts, and she let me stay with her during the summers, but it was more of a foster situation than a loving family. Then I met James and Sirius and Peter, and we were thick as thieves. The Marauders . They were the closest thing I’ve ever had to a family.”

Remus swallowed audibly around the painful lump growing in his throat.

“But then Peter betrayed us all, James was murdered, and Sirius was thrown in Azkaban for a crime he didn’t commit. And even after all of that, I found my family in D-Dora again, and Teddy. But life can be cruel, and Greyback crueler.”

He took a shuddering breath, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, his hands trembling.

“My wife, my mate , died from the killing curse at the hands of my tormentor, right before my eyes. And I fear I will never know peace again. Our-our anniversary i-is in two days. Our first anniversary . And I—I can’t imagine moving forward without her,” he whispered, his voice thick with unspoken anguish.

“Oh, Remus,” Lavender whispered sorrowfully, reaching forward to cradle his bearded face in both of her hands. “I’m so sorry, Remus, so sorry .”

And then the dam broke, flooding his cheeks with tears and the hall with the echoes of sobs. He practically collapsed in her arms, his face buried into her neck and his arms wrapped firmly, securely , around her waist as she looped her arms around his shoulders, her fingers carded soothingly through his hair.

“Shh, that’s it, Remy, let it all out. You’ll feel better now that you’ve had a chance to actually mourn, not just for Tonks, but also your friends, your family .” She cooed soothingly into his ear. “But know that though their physical existence may be gone, they’ll always be with you in memory, and walking along the path of life with you in spirit. They still exist because of you, and someday, when Teddy is older, you’ll get to share the memory of each of them with him, and then they’ll exist because of him as well.

“This grief you held in for all of these years must have weighed heavy on your shoulders, and in your heart. Please, Remy, let me halve your burden. Don’t ever be afraid to share your fears or sorrows with me, or the others for that matter.

“We are pack.”

13th October 1998

After that tender moment in the hall outside of Teddy’s nursery, it was as if a floodgate had opened up between them. Their days were interspersed with little touches and knowing, heated glances. And his wolf was wreaking havoc on his mental barriers. Merlin, it was miserable.

But also, it was exhilarating, the way only new love could be.

The months passed in painful existence. Each subsequent full moon had been spent under the management of Wolfsbane, and the new wolves slowly grew more and more comfortable and confident with the potion. No longer were they silent at Full Moon dinners, nor did they play with their food. Rather, full moon dinners had become an extended family affair now.

Hermione, Andromeda and Teddy now joined them for dinner before they all took the Wolfsbane and ventured out into their meadow tucked deep into the forest behind Nott Manor, or the Wolf Den , as Theo had been insistently calling it. The laughter and bright chatter during dinner was much preferable to the silent and aloof meals they’d previously shared.

Even more entertaining was watching Theo and Severus vie for the affections of a certain curly-haired muggleborn with a penchant for fighting for the underdog. Merlin, but his packmates made utter fools of themselves every time Teddy’s godmother came around. And Remus was quite content to sit by and watch the previously detached manner of Severus Snape and the jokester Theo fall apart at Hermione’s sneakered feet.

It was only a matter of time until she chose one, and then they’d either have a gloomy Theo or a broody Severus, he’s said as much to Lavender. She would just smirk and tell him that perhaps Hermione could just pick both and keep everyone out of their misery. Remus did not want to further consider the implications of that .

Then, once everyone had their share of dinner, and Andi and Hermione were upstairs tucking Teddy in for bed, the pack took their doses of Wolfsbane and followed the worn path out to the meadow in the forest. Now though, with the winter months approaching, the moon rose to its zenith much sooner, so the time for rough housing and quiet conversations was less and less.

When the transformations were completed, Remus and Lavender would always find themselves curled around each other, unable to contest their wolves, Severus would sit sentry beside them. Justin, Theo and Colin would chase each other around the edges of the meadow until they wore themselves out and eventually joined the rest of the pack in a heap in the middle of their meadow. Remus felt the contentment curl warmly in his belly as the memories of the full moon nights looped in his mind.

“No! Merlin, of course I appreciate your company, Andi. We’re family, after all. I’ve just simply found myself lost to nostalgia.”

Remus twitched when the familiar scents of apple tarts, vanilla, peonies and bergamot reached his nose. He breathed in deeply, nearly salivating.

Lavender .

“Hello, darlings.” Lavender grinned. “I hope we weren’t interrupting anything, but someone is ready for their nap and just had to see their grandmum first.”

Autumn had truly settled in Dorchester, and the residents of Nott Manor could feel the change in their bones. Remus knew it to be one of the most maddening long-term effects of the werewolf transformations. All that to say, Teddy had been appropriately dressed for the colder weather in a fuzzy looking hooded footed-jumpsuit. The hood had ears on it, and the arms of the jumpsuit had attached mittens that fold over the hands to cover them in cold weather. The overall effect was rather darling, and Teddy looked extra snuggly.

“Teddy, darling, you are the cutest little baby I have ever seen. What is this charming little outfit you’re wearing?” Andi cooed, snuggling Teddy in a tight embrace until he giggled.

“Isn’t it just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? Look at his bum, he even has a little pom-pom tail!” Lavender gushed. “Look at him, he’s our little Teddy-Bear!”

“Oh, my Merlin! The adorableness of all of this is going to melt me to bits!” Andi practically squealed, squeezing Teddy even more and pressing kisses all over his face. Teddy, bless him, took all of their squealing and excitement in stride with a big grin on his face.

Remus chuckled, shaking his head fondly. He leaned towards Andromeda and Teddy practically dove into his arms, snuggling deep into his embrace with a little yawn.

“Well then, it looks like someone’s about to fall asleep. Had a big day, yeah? My little snuggle bug.” Remus pressed a soft kiss against Teddy’s downy hair.

“I can take him back up to the nursery for you, Remy, I’d hate to interrupt your plans with Andi,” Lavender proposed, her arms outstretched in offer.

“Thanks, Lav.” Remus placed one last kiss upon Teddy’s little cheek. “Have a good nap, Teddy-Bear. Daddy loves you.”

Lavender gathered Teddy into her arms, already softly singing a lullaby into his ear and rocking him softly as she left the Sunroom. Remus couldn’t help the way his eyes followed her out of the room. He could say that he was trailing his son, to ensure he was safe, but that would be a lie; there was no one he trusted more with Teddy, except perhaps Andi.

But the way she held his son, the way she treated his son, as if he was her own…it made him feral with need. Want . Possessiveness. He wanted to make her his, to make Teddy theirs . But would he be insulting Dora’s memory? To replace her so easily in their lives?

“Remus, love, you need to stop punishing yourself, this isn’t what Dora would have wanted for you.”

Remus was startled back to reality. He glanced down at his hands clenched in his lap, then twisted to the side to glance out the large floor to ceiling windows at the back garden.

“I haven't a clue as to what you mean, Andi.” He responded blithely.

“Sure, Remus.” She snorts. “And that girl? Does she understand what’s happening? Or are you purposely keeping her in the dark and punishing her as well?”

Remus turns back to Andi, giving her an unimpressed look. He sighed dejectedly.

“It’s not that easy, Andromeda. I just…I knew, I’ve known , since Dora died, Andi. Since she was infected by Greyback. Seconds after my wife died, I found my mate. Again . And this time? She’s even younger,” He scoffed derisively. “I feel like such a bloody predator.”

Andromeda snorted.

“Hate to break it to you, Remy, but you technically are a predator. Werewolves certainly aren’t prey in the animal kingdom.” She deadpanned. Remus cut her a dry look.

“That’s not the point I was trying to make, and you know it! Andi…she died. Dora died right in front of me, and then not even a minute later , my Wolf picked a new mate, as if Dora was-was, expendable .” Remus groaned, carding his fingers through his sandy blonde hair, frustratedly pulling at the roots. Andi chuckled.

“Oh, darling, love is not a convenient matter. You, more than most, should understand that. If love was easy, if we could choose who or when or why or how, it wouldn’t be nearly as beautiful.” She smiled softly, perhaps imagining her own lost love. “It is a blessing to have even felt the compelling power of love once…but to get a second chance ? Remus, darling…please, end both of your suffering, stop ignoring her, and embrace this gift you have received. Love her Remus. Do not make the mistake of coming to regret not loving her.”

Remus bit his bottom lip, contemplating what she had told him.

She made very valid points, love was not a convenient matter, and he did understand. Because he had fought the compelling power of a mate once before, for quite similar reasons as well. At the time, he had felt his attraction to Sirius’ younger cousin to be an affront to the memory of his best friend. And when that didn’t change the way he saw Dora, what he felt for her? Then he had convinced himself he was a bloody cradle robber .

And Andromeda knew all of that; he had confided in her then as well.

“Remus, allow me to be frank? You, my friend, are a fool to throw away something, someone , that could bring you infinite happiness, all for the sake of what—not offending me? Or my dead daughter?” She narrowed her eyes accusingly, knowingly , until he lowered his head, shame permeating his pores. “Stop. Just stop . The only way you could ever offend myself or Dora’s memory, is if you choose to spend the rest of your life being miserable in honor of her memory. All you’re doing is depriving yourself, and your son , of a loving partner and mother.

“You are worthy of being happy Remus, I’m not sure if anyone has ever told you that before, and if not, allow me to be the first. You, Remus John Lupin, deserve to be happy. And if that girl, if Lavender , can make you happy? You owe it to yourself, and her, to try .”

Andromeda paused, looking deep into Remus’ eyes and searched, for what, Remus was uncertain. Confirmation that he was listening? That he was accepting of what she spoke? That he was ready to pursue his own happiness? Whatever it was, she clearly found the answer she had been seeking as she nodded resolutely and then continued with her speech.

“So put your big boy pants on and suck it up. Go show that girl exactly what it is you can offer her– unwavering loyalty and devotion .”

Remus sucked in a deep breath. What she said made sense, more than if he were honest. Dora would have been furious with him if he had turned Lav and their potential future away on behalf of her. If she were here right now, she would call him a self-sacrificing fool of a man. That he deserved more than he gave himself credit for.

She would have also told him what an ass he’d been to Lavender for taking her choice in this matter away from her by not communicating with her…just as he had with Dora at the beginning.

Merlin, but he was an ass.

“If nothing else, Remus, consider Teddy. His mother is dead… a boy needs a mother to love and care for him. Has Lavender not proven time and again that she can be what he needs—what you both need?”

Remus groaned long-sufferingly.

“Godric, Andi, but you can be so insufferable when you know you’re right.”

Andromeda simpered victoriously.

“Excellent! So, you’ll go tell that pretty little chit that you have an absolute hardon for her and can’t wait to put a litter of pups in her twat?”

Remus practically choked and aspirated on the tea he’d been sipping when Andromeda spoke those rather crude words. He coughed several times, attempting to clear his airway, before taking several deep, gasping breaths.

“Merlin, fuck, Andi! The mouth on you!” he muttered hoarsely.

“Where did you think Sirius learned most of his vocabulary? You didn’t really think he was learning it from Auntie Walburga, did you? The bitch was a mad cow, but she did recite pureblood rules and manners like it was a bloody religion.”

“I surely didn’t think it was you who encouraged his mouth. Your sister, yes, absolutely, Bellatrix was a right banshee.”

Andromeda smirked over the brim of her teacup. There was a certain twinkle in her eye that forewarned of meddlesome chaos. Perhaps not too dissimilar to that of Dumbledore himself.

“Now what’s this chatter I’m hearing about Severus, Hermione and Theo?”

“Merlin, Andi, but you must have your pinkie dipped in every cup of tea.”

“Life is only boring if you let it be, Remus, darling. Remember that later in life when your pups are grown and out of the house, yes?”

After escorting Andromeda to the Traveling Parlor and seeing her through the Floo, Remus ventured up to the family wing to look for Lavender. Everything Andi had said to him had made sense, even to his thick skull.

Teddy did deserve to have a mother, one who could hold him and love him and kiss his boo-boos better. Someone who could celebrate his wins and be there for his lows as well. And while Remus would give anything for that person to be Dora, he knew Lavender was more than qualified to be Teddy’s surrogate mother.

And perhaps, begrudgingly, Andromeda was also correct in her proclamation that Remus also deserved to be happy and loved.

As he climbed the main staircase, sweat gathered on his brow. His hands were clammy, and they trembled even as he wiped them on the legs of his trousers. Merlin, he felt like a 5th year again, asking one of the Gryffindor girls to Hogsmeade. Bloody awful, this was.

Sirius took the piss out of him then, and he certainly would now— especially would now, considering the age gap between him and Lavender. 

“Remus? Are you alright?” Colin asked, a slight frown on his face.

“You look right barmy.” Justin chuckled.

“Fine, fine.” Remus nodded, wildly looking up and down the hall and desperately trying to sniff out Lavender’s scent without being obvious. If the boys’ knowing looks were anything to go by, he had certainly failed. “Listen, have you seen Lav?”

“Uh, yeah, I think she went to find Hermione?”

“Not that she’ll have much luck finding her, not with the way Sev and Theo have been eyeing her.” Justin smirked as Colin snickered.

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and asking the gods for patience.

“Alright you two, which direction did she go?”

“Uh, that way, I think. The gardens possibly?” Colin offered.

“Splendid. The pair of you have been so helpful.” Remus rolled his eyes, wiping his sweaty palms against his trousers.

“Anytime, mate!” Justin grinned, as the two of them continued down the hall.

Remus gathered his wits about him and retraced his steps back towards the main staircase and then out to the gardens. The sun was shining brightly, nary a cloud in the sky. And despite it being mid-October, the autumnal weather was quite mild. A gentle breeze carried a delightful bouquet of pansies, camelias, roses and dahlias.  

As he entered the garden proper, his heart was practically in his throat, pounding a sharp, staccato beat. His hands were rather clammy, and his mouth was incredibly dry, as if he’d been left in a desert for a fortnight without water.

Remus had never felt so strung out before. Not when he was a hormonal teen at Hogwarts, and certainly not when he had been with Dora. So why, after all this time, was he so nervous to see Lav? To talk to her, and potentially start a relationship with her?

And perhaps that is where the strife lay.

Because it would be more than just a relationship, wouldn’t it? He was Alpha, she was omega . That alone meant more . The pheromones, and the—the business of the knot . And they were mates .

“Remy? Are you feeling well? You’re looking a bit peaky.”

Remus glanced up, startled by her pleasantly melodic voice. He’d been so lost in his thoughts, in what he would say to her, he hadn’t realized his feet had carried him all the way to her. But there she was, an ethereal goddess sat amongst the autumn blooms. Lav’s blonde curls gently swaying in the breeze, her cheeks slightly rosy, lips full and plush. Her beautiful, slender neck begging to be decorated by his teeth. His mark .

“I—fine, I’m fine.” He swallowed thickly, straining to reign in his primal urges. “I was looking for you, Justin and Colin said you had wandered off looking for Hermione.”

Her cheeks pinkened further, if that were at all possible.

“Oh! Yes, I had gone looking for her.” She sighed. “Might I recommend avoiding the library for the time being?”

Remus chuckled under his breath.

“I’m not surprised, though I would probably avoid the potions room for the time being as well.”

Lavender giggled, her light laughter sounding like the tinkling of bells in his ears. Remus’ wolf rumbled in his chest, pleased by their ability to amuse their mate.

“Might I join you?” he asked, motioning to the empty seat beside her on the stone bench.

“Of course!” She nodded, moving to the side to allow him more space. They sat together on the stone bench in quiet contentment, watching the flowers and trees dance in the breeze. Remus closed his eyes and took in all of the sounds around him, the birds chirping from the branches of the trees, the trickle of water from the garden fountains, and Lavender’s soft breathing.

Contentment had never been a word he would associate with himself. Self-loathing, diffidence, loneliness , all of those had been more appropriate. Dora made it all go away for a time, but when she died at the hands of Greyback, Remus added new words to his ledger. Regret, guilt, penitence .

But with Lavender he found contentment. And all the little, judgmental voices of his subconscious had finally, blessedly, quieted. He would not surrender this peace anytime soon.

“There—” He paused, the words seemingly caught in his throat, then continued. “There is something I wish to discuss with you, if you would be amicable?”

“Of course, Remy. Whatever it is, you can tell me anything.” She smiled, sweetly, kindly, gently.

“I would like to preface this by saying I had not ever expected you. If you were to ask me in my youth, if I would ever see myself settling down and starting a family, I would have laughed in your face. Meanly . I had never once seen myself worthy of a future filled with hope and happiness and love. And then Dora broke down every barrier I had erected around my heart as if they were parchment thin.

“But then she died, and for a very agonizing moment I thought my world was ending, and a very bitter part of myself decided it was nothing more than I had deserved. To have found love and happiness and lost it just as soon. And then our eyes connected, over the rubble and blood, and I felt my world shift just as momentously, if not more, than it had when I met Dora. And I knew.

“I am a fool, to have denied you of this for so long, I know. Andi has told me as such. Took a right verbal lashing I did. But Lav, I promise, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I will work tirelessly for the rest of my life to make it up to you. I’ll spoil you with words and actions rather than material objects, as I am a poor soul. And I rather know that isn’t much of a bargaining chip, but I promise, love, I promise you will never have to guess your value when it comes to me, for you are worth more than every jewel, every diamond and every galleon in existence.”

He gasped, tears quietly streaming down his cheeks, as he turned towards Lavender and grasped her hands in his. He squeezed them gently, tightly , and brought them to his face. He peppered kisses along her knuckles.

“I’m sorry Lav, I’m so, so sorry for denying you and our bond for so long. I can’t imagine the pain you must feel, thinking I have rejected you, us . I promise I will make it up to you someday. Just know, that had never been my intention. You are my mate , my omega , and that means something. It means something to me . And I promise to always protect and cherish you for the rest of my existence.”

“Remus…” She whispered, sliding one of her hands out of Remus’ and gently cradling his cheek, her thumb stroking away the tears still trailing down his face. “Remy, love, you lost the first love of your life. Who was I to try to force my presence on you so soon? I knew that If I had waited patiently enough, showed you how well I could love and care for your son, that you would eventually come to me.”

Remus swallowed thickly as more tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and slowly fell down his cheeks. Lavender leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his. They remained frozen, silent, content , breathing in each other’s presence. And it was with little difficulty that Remus acknowledged this as peace. Peace, hope, contentment and love .

Remus was in love with Lavender.

“I love you, Lav.”

“I know, Remy.”

It took little time for Remus to apparate them into his bedroom, and even less time to magically remove their clothes.

“ Fuck , you’re beautiful Lav,” he growled, his eyes roving along her body, paying special attention to her pert little breasts that would fit perfectly in the palms of his hands, and her perky arse that looked ripe enough to eat.

Her own hungry gaze was currently cataloguing his multitude of scars. His cock jerked when her stare landed on it, her pink tongue peeked out to hungrily lick at her plush, full lips. And as she fell to her knees before him, his heart was pounding, racing , in his chest for a whole new reason.

Remus groaned lowly as she gently grasped his cock in both of her hands, reverently stroking it, lifting it so the head of his prick was near her mouth. Her tongue peeked out, tracing the edge of the head of his cock and Remus had to restrain himself from burying his fingers in her blonde curls.

She slowly slipped his cock into her warm, moist, mouth, hollowing her cheeks and sucking as if her life depended on it as she pulled him back out. Remus closed his eyes and mentally listed the ingredients and brewing process of Wolfsbane to keep his composure as she continued to bob her gorgeous head on his cock, steadily increasing the length she encompassed.

“ Fuck !” he gasped, hands flying out to bury into her blonde curls when she twisted one of her hands at the base of his cock at the same time that she grabbed his balls and sucked so magnificently on the head of his cock. “Baby, Lav, fuck , you need to stop if you don’t want me to finish without you.

“Please, Lav, you’re going to make me come before I’ve even had a chance to taste that perfect little pussy,” he groaned.

Lavender slipped his cock out of her mouth with a little *pop* , licked at the precum steadily leaking from his slit, and then placed a dainty little kiss atop the head of his cock, before carefully standing up. Remus immediately grasped her around the waist and brought her in close, slanting his lips over her bee-stung lips and capturing the gasp as it left her mouth. He slid one hand around her neck, squeezing oh so lightly, experimentally, and mentally catalogued the moan she expelled for later.

When they parted, gasping for air, he gently pushed her towards the bed.

“On the bed, darling, I’m feeling ravenous .” He smirked, staring heatedly as she turned around and slowly climbed onto the bed, crawling towards the middle. She looked over her shoulder, her sharp blue gaze heavy with lust. He leaned forward and smacked her supple arse, and his eyes darkened as his handprint was left in red.

“That’s enough teasing for now, Lav, unless you want me to tie you up and use your body for my pleasure,” he growled lowly. She gasped, her eyes heating further as she turned over and laid prostrated on the bed, her blonde curls fanning out around her in a golden halo befitting an angel.

“Oh? You liked that idea, did you?” He closed his eyes, deeply inhaling through his nose, he bit his bottom lip. “Yes, you did, I can smell the want on you, darling. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time to partake in that later. But for now… now, I need to eat that greedy little pussy of yours.”

He laid on his front in the bed, slipped his arms under her thighs and grasped her delectable arse in either hand and held her still as he leaned down. His eyes remained locked with hers, she whimpered as he steadily got closer to the source of her pleasure. He teasingly dipped down, licking at her outer lips, just barely grazing her clit, and she moaned loudly, throwing her head back and arching her back, as she grasped the comforter on his bed in both fists.

“Ah ah, darling, keep your eyes open and on me, Lav, or I stop this right now, and fist my own cock until I come all over your lovely tits.”

Lavender bit her bottom lip, a loud whimper breaking out as she blinked her eyes open, locking her gaze on his again, squirming in his grasp.

“ Good girl , Lav, so good for me, baby. And good girls get rewards.” He smirked. Lavender gasped, as he dove into her pussy lips, greedily licking every drop of nectar he found, before swirling around her little bud. He wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked , his tongue swiping across as well. And despite Lavender writhing and gasping and moaning in his grasp, she never once looked away.

He moved his left hand, letting go of her arse, to prod at her opening, slipping one finger in, and moving it in and out, curling to hit a special sensitive spot on her front wall. She gasped, loudly, as he slipped a second finger in with the first. He diligently worked to loosen her up in preparation for his cock, and later his knot, never once letting up on her clit.

“Re—Remy!” She squealed, when he twisted his hand, curling his fingers just right to press against that sensitive spot on her front wall. “ Aaahhh ! I’m, I’m going to come!!”

Remus had slipped a third finger into her and was sucking her clit vigorously, as she began to shake uncontrollably. He twisted his hand one last time, curled his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion, caressing the sensitive spot on her front wall, as her figurative dam broke. Remus growled lowly, pleased , as Lavender gasped and moaned and squealed, as her orgasm exploded out of her, ejaculating and squirting all over his face and hand. Remus opened his mouth and greedily drank up as much as he could catch.

When she had finally calmed down, and her orgasm had receded, she sunk back on the bed, staring straight up at the canopy above his bed. Remus licked his lips, pressed a soft kiss to her clit, and climbed to his hands and knees above Lavender.

“ Fuck , baby, that was so hot,” he groaned, his face and hair and chest still drenched in her essence. Lavender’s eyes roamed over him, darkening again with lust to see him covered in her . Remus lifted her left leg, notching it over his hip, as he slipped between her thighs, his cock sliding through her pussy lips and the remnants of her orgasm. He canted his hips a few times, listening as her breath caught in the back of her throat, until she finally lifted her hips to meet his thrusts.

“Ready for my cock, Lav?”

“ Yeeesssss , Remus, please, I-I need you in me. I feel so empty,” she whined, fisting her hands in the comforter under her. Remus notched the head of his cock at her opening, looked Lavender straight in her eyes, and then thrust forward, sliding his entire cock into her opening in a single push.

“ Oh! ” she gasped, reaching up to grasp at his shoulders, lifting her other leg up to wrap around his waist. Remus threw his head back with a loud growl, clenching his teeth. He felt rivulets of sweat falling steadily down his neck and back as he tried to reign in his desire to continue, lest he come too soon. Again, he mentally listed the ingredients and brewing steps of Wolfsbane.

“ Fuck , Lav, you’re so tight. So warm . So bloody gorgeous. Such a good girl for me,” he groaned.

“M—move, Remy, please, I need you—need you to move.”

Remus growled as he began canting his hips back and forth, pulling his cock out until only the head remained in her, and then burying all nine inches of him in her again. It was a torturous trial of pleasure and pain. The harder and faster he went, the closer he got to his own climax, and so he would have to slow down again to prolong the inevitable.

He tilted his hips, changing the angle slightly, and Lavender gasped as he rammed into the same spot as before.

“F-faster, Remus, please !” she whined, arching her back.

Lavender grasped at Remus’ shoulders, digging her nails into his skin until little rivulets of blood dripped down his chest. Remus growled deep in his chest as the bit of pain added to his pleasure. Lavender keened as his canting hips staggered, before resuming the previous hard and fast pace he had set for them.

Remus ducked down to slip one of her nipples into his mouth, tracing her areola with the tip of his tongue before sucking deeply, his cheeks hollowing out. Lavender whimpered, throwing her head back and arching her neck as she was flooded with endorphins.

Remus’ knot was beginning to form, catching on Lav’s entrance as he plowed her. He adjusted his grasp, sliding both hands down and around to palm her arse cheeks before gripping them tightly, and using his new hold to plunge his cock faster and deeper into her cunt. Their breaths were coming out in synchronized pants, sweat dripping down their brows.

“ Fuck , Lav. I’m close, baby, please tell me you’re close.”

“ Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! ” she gasped, trying to match his thrusts with her own. Her legs tightened around his waist, her heels digging into his arse. “I-I’m coming, pl-please, come with m-me.”

He surged forward, his knot finally popping inside, and roared as he latched his teeth into the sensitive skin of her neck, finally allowing his climax to reach fruition. Lavender tightened incredibly snugly around him, as she cried out with her own climax, milking his cock, as rope after rope of incredibly fertile seed ejaculated into her womb. He thrust his hips forward, one last time, as their orgasms abated.

Panting, covered in blood, sweat and come, Remus carefully gathered Lavender in his arms and rolled over onto his back, careful not to pull his still inflated knot from her pussy. Lavender laid on his chest, both of them still breathing heavily as peace settled in around them. Remus carefully, reverently , grazed his fingers over the mark he left over her mating gland on her neck. Pride bristled deep in his chest, though he could not confidently mark its origins as himself or his wolf.

Perhaps it was both.

“Oh, my gods, Remy, that was…” she gasped.

“Bloody explosive ,” he huffed.

Lavender’s tinkling giggles made the corners of his lips twitch up into the beginnings of an obnoxiously loud smile. She playfully swats his chest as Remus wrapped his arms around her in a loving embrace. He peppered sweet little kisses along the crown of her head before burying his face in her tremendous blonde curls.

“Do you think…will it always be like this?” she asked softly, almost hesitantly.

“I promise, the fire inside of me that burns for you will never abate,” he whispered, lovingly, fully prepared to worship at her altar.  

“Now, darling, rest . It will only be a matter of time before my knot recedes, and I will need to have you again.” 

2nd May 1999 – Godric’s Hollow, Graveyard

Remus stood, mournfully, before a single grave placard, a bouquet of red roses, white carnations and forget-me-nots in his hands. He sighed, heavily, as he knelt down to place the bouquet beside the placard.

“Dora…” he whispered reverently. “Where do I begin?

“I guess the most obvious place is the beginning. Dora, it’s been a year since you died, since you left me , and I cannot say that I am the better nor the worst for it. To say either would be an offense to both your memory and to her .

“I loved you, Dora, I still do. You were my bright light at the end of a dark tunnel I had found myself trapped in for many, many years. You were my hope and salvation at a time that was rather dreary, and there is nothing. Nothing , I wouldn’t do, to tell you ‘I love you’ one last time.”

Remus sighed, wearily, as he finally sat on the ground. He buried his fingers in his hair, pulling slightly at the roots.

“I am so, so sorry that you are not here to see Teddy grow, to see him smile, or to love him. If it is any consolation, he is surrounded by so many people who love him just as fiercely as I know you would have—as I know you did . His godparents love to spoil him; the pack loves to play with him and occasionally spoils him as well. Severus will brew with him strapped to his chest, if you believe it. Theo and Hermione read to him, Colin and Justin are trying to teach him how to run so they can then teach him football. Harry takes him on broom rides as often as Auror training allows, and Lavender—”

Remus swallowed thickly.

“Lavender loves him. She never wanted to replace you, as his mother, but she has done an excellent job of filling in until you and Teddy can be reacquainted in the afterlife. You would, you would be so proud of the young woman she has grown up to be, Dora. She keeps us all in check, and she loves each of us unabashedly.

“She loves me , unequivocally. And I—I love her too, Dora. I hope that does not break your heart. It took me a very long time to overcome my grief and guilt to show her the proper love and care that she deserves. Your mother, oddly enough, was the one to smack some sense into me, literally and figuratively. I hope that one day you can come to forgive me for moving on, but I—I deserve to be happy, and Lav. She makes me really happy.

“An old man like me does not deserve a young thing like Lav, but she puts me in line all the time and reminds me that life is not always about me, and perhaps, she deserves to be loved by her mate too.” Remus chuckled, his fingers sweeping over the letters of her name.

“That being said, I’ve come with a bit of good news.” He swallowed audibly around the lump growing in his throat, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. “Lav is pregnant, Dora. I’m going to have a daughter, and I thought you should be the first to know. After all, we’re naming her after the woman who single handedly saved us both.

“ Aurora Nymphadora Lupin .”