Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lottie Matthews had a brilliant idea for that weekend: go to a fraternity party she’d been invited to by a group of girls she didn’t even know—girls who had flirted with her just long enough to extend the invitation. Her only obstacle to attending that night had a first name, a last name, and an entire plan to spend the rest of the day watching bad 2000s movies with Taissa.

“Come on, Shauna!” Lottie whined, trying to convince her to change her mind. “There’ll be girls and drinks! It’s the best place to be on a weekend!”

For the fifth time that day, Shauna Shipman sighed and buried her head between her knees, a failed attempt to block out Matthews’ presence. Her plans were nowhere near party-related—let alone staying longer than ten minutes if she somehow got dragged into one.

“I’m not going, Lottie! I already told you,” Shauna snapped. “You know very well this stuff isn’t my thing. I have to study.”

Lottie shook her head dramatically and let herself collapse to the floor, eyes closed as if she were fainting from the sheer injustice of it all. She lay still for a few seconds before finally speaking.

“Please! Please! Pretty please!” Her eyes fluttered rapidly, trying her best to look adorable. “If you don’t go with me, I won’t have anyone to go with! Would you really do something that cruel?”

“You know damn well I would,” the younger girl retorted.

Trying to ignore Matthews’ relentless pleading, Shauna started pacing around the room, feeling her friend's gaze burning into the back of her neck.

“Okay—” she finally gave in, giving up faster under that stare than she had under the begging. “But I’m staying for one hour. Max.”

A radiant smile lit up Lottie’s face as she jumped up and ran to hug Shauna, nearly knocking her over. Lottie caught her before she could fall.

“Thank you!” Lottie said, giddy with excitement. She planted a loud kiss on Shauna’s cheek as she bounced on her heels, still holding onto her. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“Oh, come on—no need for all that!” Shauna grumbled, wiping the kissed spot while trying to squirm free. “You better not make me regret this.”

Lottie finally let go, still bouncing around the room like she’d just won the lottery.

“You’re gonna have fun, I swear!” Matthews beamed. “There’ll be girls, drinks, girls, good music, girls, neon lights, girls...”

She rattled off the list with a grin, as if trying to convince Shauna she’d made the right choice.

Shauna rolled her eyes, sank back down onto the bed, and turned her attention to her phone, already regretting her decision.

“You know a bunch of random, drunk girls isn’t going to change my mind about anything, right?” she muttered, her bad mood bubbling back up. “I don’t care about that stuff, Lottie. And neon lights give me a headache.”

Lottie, completely unfazed, was already digging through her wardrobe for something to wear.

“Still, it’s gonna be amazing, girl!” she said, tossing clothes onto the floor. “Put on your best outfit, ‘cause tonight is going to be unforgettable. Trust me!”

***

If regret could kill, Shauna would’ve died at that party.

Of all the ways she imagined she might hate being there, she never expected just how irritating and noisy it could actually be. In under ten minutes, she’d already been shoved by drunk strangers, had her clothes stained by a spilled drink from some frat boy, and now had a headache thanks to the flashing lights. All she wanted at that moment was to be curled up in her own bed, watching movies—wishing with all her heart that she didn’t have to stay another minute, and hoping her situation wasn’t as miserable as it felt.

But even if she wanted to leave, Lottie was her ride, which meant as long as Matthews wanted to stick around, Shipman was stuck too. She was already considering starting a fight just to have an excuse to leave when Lottie appeared out of nowhere, holding two glasses. Shauna grimaced and shook her head before her friend could even speak.

“I’m not drinking, Lottie. Since you are, someone’s gotta be sober enough to drive us back,” she grumbled.

Lottie just rolled her eyes and tried to hand her one of the glasses anyway.

“Come on, Shauna!” she said playfully. “If I get too drunk, we’ll just call Taissa to come pick us up!”

“I don’t think Taissa should be forced to leave the comfort of her home just to come to some stupid party,” Shauna snapped, taking the glass anyway just to avoid arguing further.

As a distraction, she let her eyes wander across the room, hoping to find something—anything—that might make Lottie want to leave early too. Unfortunately for Shauna, she was the one who found something. Her gaze swept across the crowd until it landed on someone—and then froze.

She had a vague sense that Lottie was still talking, but everything around her seemed to go quiet the second she recognized that smile. The way she laughed, those little teeth, the freckles across her cheeks, the big hazel eyes, the once-blonde hair now tinted with a more brownish hue—Jackie Taylor hadn’t changed at all.

“Okay. That’s it. We’re leaving,” Shauna said abruptly, grabbing Lottie’s arm the moment her thoughts snapped back into place.

Lottie blinked, clearly confused.

“Why?” she asked, tilting her head and taking a long sip of her drink. “I was literally talking to a really cute girl. I don’t wanna leave yet!”

“Fuck the cute girl!” Shauna shot back. “We need to go. Now.”

Lottie took another sip, staring at her.

“No way. Look—she’s right there…”

She tilted her head toward a girl with pink streaks in her hair, who was laughing with a small group. But Lottie’s attention drifted to the blonde standing next to her, smiling politely at the others.

“Oh my God. Is that Jackie over there, or am I starting to hallucinate from this drink?” she asked, blinking in surprise. Her dark eyes shifted to Shauna, like she was trying to read her reaction. “Only one way to find out… Hey, Jackie!”

She shouted the name, trying to be heard over the pounding electronic music, waving both arms to get the girl's attention. But the sound was too loud and the room too crowded, full of swaying bodies, making it impossible to stand out. With a sigh, Lottie grabbed Shauna’s arm.

“You know what? Let’s just go check.”

“No!” Shauna yanked her arm back, eyes wide. “I’m not going over there, Lottie!”

A wave of panic swept over her. She hadn’t seen Jackie in a long time—not since they’d gone to different colleges. After high school, they’d drifted apart, partly because of the distance, but mostly because Jackie hadn’t seemed thrilled with Shauna’s decision to go to a different university. The last thing she wanted was to run into her now, have Jackie bring all that back up, and make an already terrible night even worse.

Lottie, however, didn’t seem to hear her friend’s desperate plea—maybe because of the blaring music, or maybe because she was too focused on figuring out whether the former captain of their high school team was really standing there among that group of beautiful, alternative girls. The crowd was practically pushing them deeper into the center of the room, but Lottie’s height helped her weave through the chaos with less difficulty than Shauna, who was being all but dragged along behind her.

To Matthews’ delight, as they got closer, it became undeniably clear: it was Jackie. Even after a few years since high school, she still looked almost the same. Her hair was about the same length—just a bit darker now—but what stood out most to Lottie were the tattoos now scattered along her arms.

“Hi, Mandy!” Lottie greeted the girl with pink streaks she’d been talking to earlier, then turned her attention to the real target. “Oh my God, hi Jackie! I didn’t expect to see you here!”

Jackie, who had been mid-conversation, turned toward the sound of her name. Her soft smile faltered, replaced by a stunned expression—one that only deepened when she saw Shauna. She blinked several times as if trying to confirm she wasn’t hallucinating, her lips parting wordlessly for a moment.

“Hi, Lottie,” Jackie said at last, her voice warm despite the surprise still painted on her face. Her gaze then shifted. “And... hi, Shauna.”

Her smile grew again, radiant and full of something that looked suspiciously like hope. Her eyes locked on Shauna’s, as if she had a million questions and no idea where to start.

Lottie, realizing she’d effectively disappeared from Jackie’s field of vision, gave up on the moment and turned back to Mandy, letting go of Shauna’s arm and drifting away into a much more reciprocal conversation.

Shauna wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole.

Correction: the only thing she wanted more than that was to sink her fist into Lottie’s face for putting her in this humiliating situation. She kept her eyes down, avoiding Jackie’s gaze at all costs, silently begging the universe to make this a dream she could wake up from.

But she knew better. Of course she wouldn’t be that lucky. Her shoulders tensed. She raised one hand awkwardly in a half-wave, her voice barely audible when she finally spoke.

“Hi…” It came out shakier than she’d intended, and she mentally cursed herself for it.

Jackie smiled at the reaction. Her mind flashed back to distant memories she’d spent years trying to forget—but they were still there, etched into her. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite the way it all ended, the sight of Shauna still made her heart race. The pounding music around her faded into a dull hum. For a moment, it felt like the two of them were the only ones in the room.

“I never thought I’d see you at a party like this, Shipman,” Jackie said, teasing softly. “Did Lottie drag you here?”

“Yeah…” Shauna muttered, pretending to fidget with her coat just to avoid eye contact. “I wanted to stay home and watch a movie, but she wouldn’t stop bugging me until I gave in.”

Jackie looked around, spotting Lottie already deep in conversation with Mandy, gesturing animatedly about something she couldn’t hear. Then her eyes returned to Shauna.

“I think she ditched you to go dance with Mandy,” Jackie said with a grin. “The music’s so loud, and I swear they’ve played this song three times already. Want to get out of here?”

“Better not,” Shipman replied quickly. “I don’t want to get in the way of your… girlfriend?”

It was a genuine question, even though part of her felt a bitter sting at the idea of Jackie dating someone. She had noticed how close that other girl was to Taylor, and her mind had jumped to the most logical conclusion. “Don’t worry about it. I think I’ll just call an Uber and head home. Places like this were never really my thing, even when I was younger…”

Jackie let out a quiet laugh at that. She glanced around again, trying to figure out how Shauna had come to that conclusion.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, actually,” she said, a smile in her voice. “And if you want, I can give you a ride home—save you the Uber fare.”

Shauna shrank slightly again, eyes dropping to the floor as she shoved her hands deep into her coat pockets. Part of her wanted to end the conversation right there and bolt, just to avoid the risk of a painful argument resurfacing between them. But another part—the louder one—really wanted to get out of that party as soon as possible. And she knew if she waited for an Uber, Lottie might find her and somehow guilt her into staying.

“I’ll take it…” she mumbled at last. “I just want to leave. This whole environment is making me feel awful.”

Jackie gave the faintest smile, quick and fleeting. She nodded once and glanced over her shoulder toward Lottie, who was still completely absorbed in her conversation with the girl with pink hair.

“Do you want to let her know you’re leaving?”

“Definitely not,” Shauna answered immediately.

The idea that Lottie might try to convince her to stay—or worse, make things even more awkward by commenting on her leaving with Jackie—was enough to snap her fully into action. Without another word, she grabbed Jackie’s hand and pulled the taller girl with her, weaving quickly through the party toward the exit.

Jackie followed without resistance, momentarily reminded that, despite being shorter, Shauna was still stronger—and trying to take the lead from her would be pointless.

“My car’s the red one,” Jackie pointed out once they were outside and her lungs were finally free of the thick smell of alcohol and weed.

Shauna just nodded, letting go of her hand and stuffing both of hers back into her pockets, heading briskly toward the car. She stopped by the passenger side, waiting silently as Jackie caught up, having made it there first in her rush to get away.

Jackie fished around in her coat for the keys, watching how tense Shauna looked—like she couldn’t get away from the house fast enough.

“Where are you living now?” she asked, finally pulling out the keys and unlocking the door, gesturing for Shauna to get in.

“I share an apartment with Lottie, near Brown,” Shauna replied. “I can give you directions.”

As soon as she said it, she climbed into the seat, fastened her seatbelt quickly, and stared straight ahead, clearly intending to avoid too much eye contact during the drive.

Jackie slipped into the driver’s seat, buckled in, and started the engine. She glanced at Shauna out of the corner of her eye, debating whether to say something, noting how tense the other girl still looked.

“Cool…” Jackie said, peeking at her through the rearview mirror as she pulled out. “Sharing an apartment with Lottie must be… interesting.”

“Not so much when she’s always dragging you to some dumb party like this one,” Shauna muttered, resting her head against the window and closing her eyes. “At times like this, she’s really hard to deal with.”

Jackie let out a quiet laugh at that reaction.

“She was always the one dragging us to parties back in school,” Jackie noted. “She and Natalie! I once caught them sneaking off to smoke weed in the back room of my house. Good to know she hasn’t changed much.”

“I’m not sure I think it’s a good thing for her to still be the same as she gets older…” Shipman said softly, watching the road ahead. “I don’t know, staying as immature as she was years ago doesn’t really seem like growth.”

Jackie shrugged, not exactly disagreeing but choosing to stay neutral.

“Yeah, maybe I agree. I don’t know…” she said. “When I think about who I was as a teenager, I realize I didn’t enjoy most of it because I was too busy pretending to be someone I wasn’t—hoping that, somehow, it would make people truly love me. But now that I’m in my twenties, I’ve learned that how people see you... that runs a lot deeper.” A quiet sigh escaped her lips, a vague look of frustration flashing across her face. “And honestly... I’m sorry for being so selfish about the college thing, Shipman. I never thought I’d get the chance to say this to you, but now that I do—I want you to know I’m really, truly sorry.”

That caught Shauna’s attention. She turned to look at Jackie clearly for the first time that night.

She blinked, visibly taken aback—unsure if she’d actually heard her right. For years, she’d imagined that if she ever ran into Jackie again, it would end in another argument. She’d been so sure Jackie would never get over her decision to choose a different college. But now… everything she thought she knew about that moment was shifting.

“You’re apologizing?” she asked, surprised. “I’m sorry—it’s just... I never thought... I always imagined that if we ever met again, you’d be sarcastic and not really take it seriously. I figured you’d wait for the perfect opportunity to bring it up just to rub it in—but instead, you’re apologizing to me?”

Jackie kept her eyes on the road, trying to stay focused. Of all the things in her life, she knew that Shauna had always been her softest spot. More than anything else, that girl had the power to throw her completely off balance.

“Maybe two years ago I would have done that,” Jackie admitted. “But after losing you because of something I did... it just stopped feeling worth it. Back in high school, I was terrified of losing you, so I tried to plan every second of your life next to mine. And that only pushed you away. Now, I’ve found you again after three years, and I’m not going to waste it arguing about what could’ve been if we’d stayed together or gone to the same college. I kept all my feelings to myself for so long because I was scared that if I said them out loud, they’d become real. And I know that doesn’t justify how immature and controlling I was, but... that was what people expected from me back then. And I cared. Maybe that was my biggest mistake.”

A small smile tugged at Shauna’s lips at Jackie’s words. She hadn’t expected to hear something like this—maybe ever. She knew she wasn’t blameless in all of it either, but never in any version of the story she’d built in her head did Jackie take the first step toward owning her part.

“I’m sorry too,” she said softly. “I know I could’ve just told you what was bothering me, and maybe you would’ve stopped. But... it’s still something I struggle with. I create these scenarios in my head where saying certain things doesn’t feel worth it—like it wouldn’t change anything.” She let out a short, embarrassed breath. “I know that’s messed up. But at the time, it made sense. I thought that even if I did speak up, you wouldn’t care. So I figured the only way to feel even a little free was to walk away.”

As she spoke, Shauna reached out with her left hand, gently resting it on Jackie’s leg in a soft, comforting touch. “But hey, Taylor—if it makes you feel any better... not a single day goes by at Brown where I don’t think about you at least once.”

Jackie let a silly smile slip onto her lips after hearing Shauna’s words. Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest, and she was struggling to keep her eyes on the road, resisting every urge to look at the girl sitting beside her.

“I think I can say the same, Shipman,” Jackie replied, slipping back into the tone she used to use in high school. “There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about what we could’ve been—if I had told you I loved you… Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve still been as popular if people had known I was a lesbian. If they’d known about us. And all I can think about is how many times I convinced myself no one would like me if I wasn’t as feminine as the other girls, or if I stepped too far outside the image everyone had of me. But it’s so ridiculous now, because in the end, the only thing I cared about was how you saw me. What you thought of me.”

A small, shy smile spread across Shauna’s face this time, followed by a soft laugh. She turned to look at Jackie again, and this time her smile was unmistakable. The fact that nothing had gone as she expected since the moment she spotted Jackie turned out to be the best thing that could’ve happened. Just knowing that her old friend—her first love, in a way—didn’t hold a grudge lifted something heavy from her chest. And now, hearing all of this, hearing how Jackie really felt... it made her heart pound. It brought up a storm of emotions she hadn’t let herself feel since high school.

“Can you pull over for a second?” Shauna asked quietly, her voice breathless, like she was caught in a whirlwind of her own thoughts.

Jackie gave her a slightly confused glance, but did as asked, pulling the car up to the curb. She looked at Shauna, studying her face to make sure she was okay.

“Are you alright?” she asked, a flicker of concern in her voice. “Did you drink? Do you feel sick?”

“I didn’t drink. Lottie offered me a glass, but I didn’t even touch it,” Shauna reassured her. “I just... I think I need to figure something out.”

With that, she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned closer to Jackie. Her heart was pounding, but even with no alcohol in her system, something about being near Taylor made her feel completely intoxicated. And then, without another word, she climbed onto Jackie’s lap and pressed her lips against hers in a kiss that was long overdue—one she’d needed for years.

Jackie froze in surprise for just a moment, but the confusion melted away as soon as she felt Shauna’s lips move against hers. Her pulse quickened, and her hands instinctively reached for her seatbelt, unbuckling it as she returned the kiss just as intensely, just as desperately. Her hands slid to Shauna’s hips, pulling her closer, drawing a soft gasp from between her lips.

Shauna wasn’t faring any better—her breath was ragged as the kiss deepened, her whole body heating up with every second they stayed connected. Eventually, though, she needed air. Slowly, she pulled back, eyes locking onto Jackie’s with a quiet intensity.

“Do you want to spend the night at my home?” she asked, leaning in just a little more. “There’s a really comfortable bed there…”

Jackie exhaled hard, blinking a few times like she still couldn’t quite believe this was real.

“I’d love to,” she said softly, her voice full of wonder—and something deeper, something like devotion.

She had no idea how she was supposed to drive now, with the girl of her teenage dreams sitting on her lap, shifting gently against her. Her uneven breathing gave her away, as did the tight dress she wore—which made it very obvious that if this continued, focusing on the road would be absolutely impossible.

Shauna smiled again, then leaned in to plant a brief kiss on Jackie’s lips before climbing off and settling back into the passenger seat, refastening her seatbelt.

“I missed you, Jax. It’ll be nice to spend the night with you.”

Chapter Text

The ride to the apartment was fairly quiet. Jackie tried to stay focused on the road as much as possible, though it was nearly impossible with the thick heat hanging in the air, making both girls' anxiety palpable. Still, Taylor did her best to keep a conversation going with Shauna, asking a few trivial questions about how she was doing lately and whether she was still in touch with the rest of the team. The conversation didn’t last long, though—Jackie kept getting distracted by Shauna’s lips, stealing glances before snapping her eyes back to the road.

Luckily, the apartment wasn’t far from the party. It was in one of the wealthier parts of the city—not that surprising, considering it belonged to Lottie. Jackie pulled up in front of the building and glanced out the window, her expression genuinely impressed.

“Wow!” Jackie said. “Nice place, Shipman.”

“Thank Lottie for that!” Shauna joked. “If it were up to me, I’d be living somewhere way more low-key.”

Shipman quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, waiting for Jackie to do the same while taking the opportunity to grab her keys. As Taylor approached, Shauna gently took her hand and unlocked the building’s entrance before leading her toward the elevators.

The short elevator ride felt like it lasted forever. Shipman kept stealing glances at the taller girl’s lips, blinking slowly as her mind spiraled through all the scenarios she could imagine between them. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to reach their floor. Shauna pulled Jackie by the hand again, guiding her to the right door and unlocking it quickly, stepping aside so the girl could enter before closing and locking the door behind them.

“Well… welcome!” she said with a smile. “I live here with Lottie. My room’s the one on the left, this is the living room, kitchen’s right over there… Make yourself at home, Jax!”

Now that Jackie was actually inside her apartment, Shauna seemed to realize what she’d just done. A flush spread across her cheeks as the reality of the situation set in. She didn’t want Taylor to think she’d invited her over just for sex—though, of course, she wanted that too. But more than anything, she cared deeply about Jackie.

For years, Shauna had believed she’d lost Taylor for good. The possibility that it wasn’t entirely true, that there might still be a way to make things right, sent her thoughts spinning. Her expression shifted to embarrassment as she faced Jackie.

“I’m sorry…” she said, swallowing hard. “I swear I didn’t bring you here just to… I mean, yeah, for that too, but… I really wanted to fix things between us. I mean it.”

Jackie absentmindedly tossed her coat onto the couch as she slipped off her heels, finally giving her feet some relief. She sat down, watching Shipman with a teasing smile as she patted her lap, inviting her over.

“I didn’t see it like that, don’t worry!” Jackie reassured her, trying to ease Shauna’s nerves. “I think we’re even now, for all the times I invited you to sleep over at my home with the excuse of watching some dumb movie on TV—only for us to do literally anything but that.”

Taylor laughed at the memory. Throughout much of her childhood and all of her teenage years, she and Shauna had shared a complicated relationship—one that went far beyond friendship but was never acknowledged as anything else. Maybe that was because of Jackie’s own fear that people would find out and start seeing her differently. The truth was, it had already been hard enough for her to navigate school life. Her parents constantly reminded her to avoid raising questions about her gender identity, pushing her to be as feminine as possible to avoid scrutiny.

Jackie had never outright rejected that pressure, even though it made her feel like she was performing a version of herself that wasn’t entirely real. The only person who’d ever come close to truly knowing her had been Shauna. Maybe that’s why she clung so tightly to the idea of control—even in situations where control wasn’t possible or even healthy. It had made their relationship all the more difficult.

But now, she was just happy to have a second chance with Shauna. She knew the girl wasn’t always easy—Shauna had her own baggage—but Jackie genuinely wanted to rebuild something from what they used to have. This time, better. More honest. More grown-up.

“And hey, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Jackie added. “We can actually just watch a movie on Lottie’s giant-ass TV.”

“I want to!” Shauna replied—way faster than she intended, her cheeks flushing almost immediately.

Despite the embarrassment bubbling up inside her, Shauna stepped closer to Jackie, reaching for her hand instead of accepting the lap invitation.

“We should go to my room,” she said. “I have no idea if Lottie’s coming back tonight, and I really don’t want to deal with any of her dumb jokes.”

She led Taylor through the apartment once again, this time toward her bedroom. Once inside, Shauna kicked off her shoes—her worn black Converse—leaving just her socks on as she stepped further into the room. Her eyes met Jackie’s again, and she gave her a shy smile before sitting on the bed and patting the empty space beside her, silently inviting Taylor to join her.

“Look, there’s a TV in here too,” she said with a soft laugh, gesturing toward the screen mounted on the wall. “So we can do whatever you think is best, Jax.”

Jackie glanced around, taking in the small details of Shipman’s room. Her lips curled into a suggestive smile when she spotted a Polaroid photo of the two of them from kindergarten pinned to the wall.

“I like the photo,” she said, sitting down on the bed. Their faces were now incredibly close, their breaths mingling in the air. “But I don’t think little Shauna and little Jackie should see what we’re about to do.”

Carefully, Jackie removed the Polaroid from the wall and tucked it under the lamp on the bedside table. Her attention turned back to Shauna, eyes catching the way her flushed cheeks stood out against her skin. She leaned in, just enough for their lips to meet. Taylor kissed her slowly, deliberately, with the kind of longing that had built up over years. She wanted to take her time—this wasn’t the first time they’d done this, but she didn’t want it to seem like that was the only reason she’d come over.

“I find you way more interesting than anything that could be on TV,” Jackie murmured, pulling back just enough to meet Shauna’s gaze.

Shauna blinked slowly, part of her still processing what was about to happen, the other part silently scolding herself for forgetting to hide that little Polaroid. But even through the nerves, a soft smile appeared on her face. She felt in sync with Jackie—both of them wanting the same thing, both trying to respect each other’s pace.

With that in mind, Shipman slowly climbed onto the taller girl’s lap, shifting to get comfortable before leaning in to kiss her again—this time deeper, more intense. It wasn’t technically their first time, but just having Jackie like this again after so long made her heart pound. As the kiss deepened, her body acted on instinct. She slipped off her flannel jacket, letting it fall to the floor.

“Now we’re both jacket-less…” she joked softly, briefly pulling back, her eyes lingering on Taylor with a look of awe.

Jackie let out a quiet laugh, her hands drifting to Shauna’s waist as her body leaned forward slightly, their hips pressing together. She moved her lips down to the other girl’s neck, leaving a trail of slow, wet kisses as her hands slipped beneath Shauna’s shirt. She knew exactly where she wanted to touch, her fingers gently brushing against her skin beneath the fabric of her bra.

“Well, I didn’t know it at the time,” she whispered in a teasing tone, “but I think I only bought this dress so you could take it off.”

Shauna let out a soft gasp, her breathing growing heavier as she felt the kisses against her neck and Jackie’s fingers brushing so close to her breasts. Her hips began to move instinctively against Jackie’s lap, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Can I take your dress off now? What do you think?”

Jackie let out a breathy sigh at the sensation of Shauna grinding in her lap. She was clearly affected—even though she didn’t want to show it too much, it was almost impossible to hide. Her head tilted back slightly, basking in the feeling for a moment before bringing her lips back to Shauna’s neck and answering in a low, husky drawl.

“Please.”

A grunt escaped Shauna’s lips as she listened to Jackie, pulling back just enough to help Taylor slide off her dress. Thankfully, it didn’t take long. As soon as the fabric was gone, Shipman climbed right back into her lap, watching the taller girl’s expression closely. After a beat, she let a sly smile spread across her face, gathering the courage to tease her.

“I think now I’m the one wearing too much,” Shauna said, smile still in place as she guided one of Jackie’s hands to the hem of her own shirt.

Jackie’s hazel eyes darkened slowly as her fingers found the edge of Shauna’s shirt. She kept her gaze locked on the other girl’s face, watching her expression—soft, open, but heavy with anticipation. Her eyes flashed, and for a moment she got lost in that smile before her own lips curled into the same provocative smirk.

“Let me take care of that for you, baby,” she murmured, still in that low, husky voice—using the pet name she knew always got to Shauna.

She slowly pulled the shirt up, revealing her torso, clad only in a black bra. Jackie didn’t bother to hide the way her gaze dropped to Shauna’s chest before drifting back up to her face.

Shauna’s breathing was completely uneven now, her brown eyes even darker as she watched Jackie take her in. Somewhere deep inside, she knew she had to suppress the moan that nearly slipped out—just from hearing Jackie call her baby. Still, another smile tugged at her lips when she noticed the way Jackie immediately looked back up at her after glancing at her chest—like she didn’t want to miss a single reaction. Carefully, Shauna reached back and unclasped her bra, letting the straps fall from her shoulders until she was completely bare.

“Like what you see, Jax?” she teased, trying to sound more composed than she actually felt.

Jackie let out a soft gasp as her eyes took in Shauna’s naked torso. She lifted her gaze back to her face, leaning in again—this time leaving a hot, lingering kiss on her lips as her hands pulled her closer, their bodies now colliding fully, skin against skin.

“You’re beautiful,” Jackie breathed between kisses. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Shauna.”

Normally, Jackie liked having control in moments like this. But now? She simply guided Shauna’s movements against her hips, hoping she’d realize exactly what she was doing to Taylor’s body.

A low moan slipped from Shipman’s lips as she felt the small bulge beneath the single remaining layer of clothing Jackie still wore. In Shauna’s case, her denim shorts were still getting in the way of everything she wanted to feel—but even so, she found it more satisfying to grind slowly on Taylor’s lap, letting out another soft sound as she did.

“Jackie…” she murmured, glancing up at the taller girl. “I still think I’m wearing too many clothes, don’t you?”

The truth was, Shauna wanted Jackie to undress her completely. The thought of being entirely naked for Taylor—not to mention how much she knew that affected her—made her burn from the inside out. She hoped Taylor would pick up on the hint. She wanted her to know exactly what she was asking for.

A shiver ran down Jackie’s spine at the question. She had to suppress the moan that rose in her throat as she realized exactly what Shauna meant. Her hands trembled slightly, hesitating for just a second before she reached down and carefully unzipped Shipman’s shorts, easing them off. Her breath caught when she felt the heat and wetness against her hip—and this time, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped.

“Already…?” she asked, a smug smile playing on her lips. “All wet for me?”

“Maybe…” Shauna rolled her eyes at Jackie’s smug tone, then smiled through it. “And by maybe, I definitely mean yes.”

Before Jackie could say anything else or gloat further, Shauna leaned in, kissing her again—deeper, dirtier—as she rocked her hips. The movement pulled soft moans from both of them. There was so little fabric left between their bodies now that every touch sent a shiver through Shauna, the growing friction making her tremble with need.

Normally, she hated it when Taylor tried to take control. But this time? She’d let her. Gladly. Her body wasn’t really responding to her brain anymore—it just kept kissing Jackie, moving frantically on her lap, chasing more friction, more pressure, more of her.

Jackie tried her best to keep her composure, but with Shauna grinding against her like that, it was damn near impossible. She knew how much she loved having control—how much she’d wanted to keep things careful, deliberate, so she didn’t ruin this. Back in high school, when they’d had sex, Shipman always let her take the lead—but afterward, she'd always seemed irritated about it. Jackie didn’t want to repeat that mistake. Still, she couldn’t resist.

She pulled her mouth away, her hands drifting to the last thin piece of fabric still covering Shauna. She slipped her hand beneath it, fingers finding her clit and pressing down lightly with her index and middle fingers.

“What do you want me to do, Shipman?” Jackie asked, her voice low and rough with desire.

“Jax…” Shauna moaned, writhing under her touch, chasing more pressure. “You know what I need…”

Her moans grew higher, more desperate, her eyes falling shut as she gave herself over to the pleasure. She was a complete mess—whimpering, gasping, needing more of Jackie, more contact, more of everything.

The smug smile returned to Jackie's face after getting that reaction in response. She removed her hand from between Shauna's legs and slowly tilted the other girl’s body until she could finally lie down on the bed. Jackie leaned over her, staying on top and leaving a few kisses on her neck as she gently removed the last piece of clothing still on Shauna’s body.

Her lips moved down slowly—first to her collarbone, then to her breasts—leaving a trail of kisses that made Shauna shiver beneath her. Finally, Jackie settled between her legs, carefully spreading them apart before lowering her head toward Shauna’s center. This time, she teased her clit with her tongue before slowly beginning to suck.

Louder moans now escaped from Shauna’s mouth, her small body writhing beneath the wave of pleasure crashing through her. Jackie was definitely good at it. Shauna had known that since they were teenagers, but now it felt even more true—especially after being away from Taylor’s mouth, from her whole body, for so long.

A sharp moan broke from her lips when her legs tried to close involuntarily, only to be held apart by Jackie’s firm hands. That strength—subtle, but unrelenting—made Shauna moan even louder. She couldn’t help but picture the kind of things Jackie could do to her with muscles like that.

Jackie’s mouth began to intensify the sucking as Shauna’s moans grew more desperate. Every time Shauna’s legs tried to close, Jackie gently but firmly held them open, her own body heating up with every high-pitched sound that came from the girl beneath her. For a second, she wondered if she'd forgotten the exact sound of Shauna’s moans—but no. That was something she could never forget.

With Shauna’s body responding so beautifully, Jackie slowly slid her index finger inside her—just to prepare her. She moved it at a rhythm that didn’t quite match the pace of her mouth, giving Shipman’s body different layers of stimulation. They hadn’t tried this very often back in high school—most of their sex had happened in Jackie’s bedroom, while her mom was in the living room watching TV—but Jackie remembered how well Shauna reacted to it. If she wanted to take it that far tonight, Jackie would give her anything.

As if answering her thoughts, Shauna forced her eyes open through the haze of pleasure, blinking slowly before brushing her fingers along Jackie’s cheek to get her attention.

Once she had it—Jackie looking up at her from between her legs—Shauna stared silently for a beat, trying to find the words through the overwhelming pleasure.

"I want..." she began, swallowing hard, her voice shaky with need and hesitation. "Fuck, Jackie, I need you inside me!"

Her tone came out more impatient than she intended—maybe from embarrassment, maybe just from wanting Jackie too badly. Either way, her face flushed a deep red as she waited, hoping Jackie wouldn’t be offended. Hoping, instead, she’d understand. And say yes.

Jackie looked up to take in Shauna’s state—her breathing ragged, her cheeks flushed, her brown eyes darker than usual. A low moan slipped from Taylor’s lips as she heard Shauna ask for it like that. She loved teasing her, but right now—after so long apart—Jackie would be lying if she said she didn’t want the exact same thing. She slowly withdrew her finger, keeping Shauna’s legs open as she positioned herself between them.

"Is that what you want, baby?" she murmured, the pet name slipping out unconsciously this time. Her hands moved to her own panties, slowly sliding them off without breaking eye contact. "Your wish is my command."

Jackie gently leaned forward, lowering her body onto Shauna’s. One of her hands moved to her own cock, guiding it inside Shipman. Her eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment, her entire body trembling as a raspy moan escaped her lips the instant she felt Shauna's warmth again—her inner walls squeezing tightly around her length.

"You're still as hot as ever..." Jackie groaned between shaky breaths.

A louder, more desperate moan broke from Shauna's lips, with no chance of holding back what came next. She had completely forgotten how incredible it felt to have Jackie inside her—it was like her body had been waiting all these years for this exact moment, aching for the day they would be reunited.

Her hands quickly found their way to Jackie's back, leaving small scratches along her skin as her spine arched with every thrust. It didn’t take long for Jackie to settle into a rhythm, and Shauna moaned long and low as her body clung desperately to her, whining each time Taylor’s hips pulled back even a little.

“Jax…” Shauna cried out, voice shaking. “You’re still so… so hot, too.” More moans followed, her words crumbling into breathless gasps. “I missed you so much, baby…”

It was the first time in years Shauna had used that word—not even back when they had that complicated relationship that was never just sex, but never anything else, either. She had never called Jackie “baby” before.

Part of her had always refused to give in, to let Jackie know just how deeply devoted she really was—not while she still felt like a secret. But this time was different. Ever since Taylor apologized, something had shifted. For the first time, Shauna didn’t feel like a secret. She felt something real. And now, she could finally give herself over—fully, completely—the way she had always wanted, without fear of what tomorrow might bring.

Jackie let out a few drawn-out moans in response to what she heard from Shauna’s lips, feeling her nails digging into the skin on her back as she gradually increased the pace of her hips. Shauna’s legs wrapped tightly around her, as if trying to take back some control of the situation.

She leaned in and kissed Shauna deeply, letting the other girl move her hips too—this time in syncopated rhythm, pushing against Jackie in the opposite direction, creating an even more intense friction between their bodies. Jackie arched her back briefly, a hoarse, prolonged moan escaping her lips as she felt Shauna's nails drag along her skin. And then, for the first time, she said something she had never let herself say in a moment like this:

“I love you, Shauna…”

“I love you too, Jackie…”

A louder moan tore from Shauna’s throat after the confession, her eyes rolling back as her body tensed, her back arching and her mind going hazy. She hadn’t planned to come that quickly—especially not right after hearing something so vulnerable from Jackie—but after all the years she had spent silently craving those words, finally feeling safe enough to respond to them... there was no way her body could’ve held out much longer.

That overwhelming sensation crashing through her only proved it. Her nails dug sharply into Jackie's back as her walls clenched hard around her, and just like that, Shauna came—losing herself to an orgasm she never imagined possible, not even in her dreams.

Jackie felt Shauna's walls tighten around her, clenching hard enough to make her arch her back and thrust deeper inside, another hoarse moan breaking from her lips. She knew she couldn’t last much longer—especially after realizing she had brought Shauna to climax. Her body trembled, and she quickened her pace just slightly, her hips rocking faster. She raised her head, locking eyes with Shipman as the tension built inside her.

A vibration rippled through every cell in her body. Time seemed to slow down. Then, with a long, drawn-out moan, Jackie stilled her movements and came inside Shauna, releasing with a final thrust. Her body gave out completely, and she rolled to the side so she wouldn’t collapse on top of her. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she tried to catch her breath, sweat glistening on her forehead and sticking to her bangs. Jackie let out a shaky sigh, still reeling, eyes drifting back to Shauna’s face.

“You were amazing…” she murmured, her voice ragged and breathless. “As always…”

A tired laugh escaped Shauna as she turned to Jackie with a soft smile. For the first time in years, she didn’t feel any bitterness over how things had played out. Just a deep sense of relief in her chest—and warmth spreading inside her from Jackie’s release.

“You were amazing too, Jax…” she replied, still smiling, though it faded slightly as a thought crept into her mind. “Are you leaving?”

After everything they’d just shared—every electric sensation—doubt still managed to seep in. What if Jackie hadn’t meant what she said? What if those words had only slipped out in the heat of the moment?

Of course it was a silly thought. She knew that. But it was there, persistent and nagging, another meaningless creation from Shipman’s tangled mind. The worried look she gave Taylor was impossible to hide—full of all the insecurity she felt in the aftermath of what had just happened.

Jackie responded by gently running her fingers through Shauna’s brown hair, then leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose. She didn’t know exactly what was going through Shipman’s head, but one thing she knew for sure: she didn’t want to leave. Not now. Not after everything they’d just done. Not after saying “I love you” and hearing it said back.

“I don’t want to leave right now…” Taylor reassured her, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking in every bit of the closeness she’d longed for. “If Lottie doesn’t mind, can I sleep here with you tonight?”

A wave of relief crashed through Shauna’s chest, finally making it clear that her doubts were nothing more than self-sabotage. Knowing Jackie wanted to stay—knowing the words she’d said were real—made everything feel even more perfect. A smile bloomed across her face again, brighter than before, her eyes practically sparkling.

“Yes! Definitely yes!” she answered eagerly, not hiding how happy she was. “Fuck Lottie! I’m letting you stay and she can’t stop me! Just… stay with me, Jackie. Please.”

Jackie laughed in response, continuing to stroke Shauna's hair. It was the first time she’d seen that kind of sparkle in Shipman’s eyes. She wasn’t sure what had brought it on—because the last time Shauna had looked at her like that, they were still kids, untouched by all the messiness adolescence would bring. Taylor had no idea what part of herself she'd managed to recover in that moment to make Shauna look at her like that again after so long, but she couldn’t have been happier about it.

“Shipman…” Jackie said softly. “Just so you know, I meant it when I said I love you. I wish I’d said it sooner, but I was scared of how those words might come out…”

When she was younger, Jackie had truly been afraid to tell Shauna she loved her—because, to her, it never sounded like just best friends. She was scared to admit what it really meant and how that might affect her life. After high school, after the fight about different colleges, and after wondering whether life was even worth it without Shauna in it, she realized she had no reason to fear what love meant to her. Back then, it had been hard—she was young, and her reputation and the influence she had at school mattered. But maybe having this time to grow up was exactly what she needed to understand the choice she should’ve made all along when it came to her complicated relationship with Shauna. And honestly, no reputation in the world could ever mean more to her than that girl.

The sparkle in Shauna’s eyes only deepened at Jackie’s words. She smiled wide as she nestled her head against the taller girl’s chest, closing her eyes right after.

“I meant it too, Jax. Really…” she whispered, tracing gentle shapes on Taylor’s shoulder. “Actually, I’ve felt this way longer than you could imagine. I was scared of what you'd think if I said anything back in high school. And after our fight about college, I thought… I thought whatever love I thought I had was gone for good. But it’s always been there. It never went away.”

Shauna was being sincere. All through her teenage years, she’d convinced herself her feelings would never be returned—that Jackie would never acknowledge them. Maybe it was naive to let go of all the hurt so quickly, but the truth was, she needed Taylor. She didn’t want to lose her again. And if this was her second chance, she was ready to put her pride aside and forgive whatever it took—just to have Jackie back.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Shauna murmured, her voice nearly a plea as she kept her eyes closed. For the first time, she was letting herself sound completely vulnerable in front of Jackie. “Please… stay this time.”

Jackie blinked slowly, taking in every detail of what she'd just heard. She had never really been sure if Shauna loved her. Toward the end of high school, Shauna had acted more like she hated her—and that memory had haunted Jackie throughout the three years they’d spent apart.

The possibility that Shauna might truly hate her—that everything Jackie had done to bring them closer, even joining the soccer team or applying to the same college—had all been for nothing… it terrified her. She’d feared none of it would be enough, because maybe Shauna didn’t feel anything good toward her at all.

But hearing her now, knowing she had loved her for so long, knowing she wanted her to stay… it made Jackie feel something she hadn’t in years: hope. She suddenly felt deeply grateful that Laura Lee and Natalie hadn’t let her go through with ending her life right after graduation. If they hadn’t stopped her, she wouldn’t be here now, experiencing this moment.

“You’re not going to lose me, Shipman,” Jackie said, her voice firm—certain—for the first time in a long time. She had a reason to keep going now. A reason to live, if it meant living next to the girl she loved so deeply. “I promise.”

She wrapped Shauna’s smaller body in her arms with care, caressing her back as she blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears. She didn’t want Shauna to see her crying—not now. These weren’t sad tears, and she didn’t want to worry her.

Thankfully, a perfect distraction came in the form of jangling keys and footsteps entering the apartment. Then, Lottie’s unmistakably drunk voice echoed through the previously quiet space. “SHAUNA, I REALLY HOPE YOU CAME HOME AND DIDN’T DIE AT THAT PARTY! I TRIED TO LOOK FOR YOU EVERYWHERE BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! I’M GOING TO SLEEP AND I THINK I’LL THROW UP A LITTLE, OKAY? GOOD NIGHT!”

All the serenity Shauna had been feeling next to Jackie nearly shattered with Lottie’s arrival. It took everything in her not to storm out of the room—completely naked—and hurl something at Matthews’ head.

Thankfully, the soft strokes on her back kept her grounded. They soothed her just enough to resist the urge toward violence. Instead, she sighed and tightened her arms around Jackie, deciding that the best thing to do was simply sleep, warm and safe in her embrace.

“Ignore her,” Shauna murmured. “She won’t come in here—at least not until morning. By then she’ll be sober, so a little more bearable.”

With that, she nestled herself more comfortably against Jackie, closing her eyes with a smile. That familiar peace settled in again, and she found herself silently thanking Lottie Matthews for insisting she go to that party—because without it, she might never have found her first, and only, love again.