Archive of Our Own ^beta

It makes him happy how comfortable she looks. Or maybe she's just a bit sleepy, due to the cold, autumn weather. It's just the afternoon, but it's so dark already, and she seems to think the same, but neither of them gets up to turn on the lights. The sudden brightness would've broken their little bubble by inviting the atmosphere of professionalism into the office.

There's nothing professional about him, except his looks -freshly ironed, blue button-up, sprayed with mint & pine cologne, white coat and dark slacks. He puts on his well-trained expression, softens his smile around the edges, just for Yuji. The rain is drumming against the window and the girl looks past him, at the mist hovering over the mountains.

She came here right after finishing classes. She wanted to see Wasuke, not him, but does it matter? He convinced her that it'd be better if she let her emotions out and who could help her if not him -the image of reliability? Isn't he the most truthworthy, supportive man in her life?

Wasuke's health deteriorates rapidly and it's not his fault, this time. He might've messed with the old man's medication once or twice, if he were to be honest, but he changed. Everyone has those moments of weakness where they latch onto any opportunity to improve their situation. He's not a monster -wouldn't normally do any of those things and risk someone's life only for the sake of seeing the person he likes. It pained him to do this, but there came a time when he couldn't take it anymore and felt like screaming at the top of his lungs at the thought of another bleak day.

The storm in his body has settled down. He's as calm as he can be.

"Is there anything you can do?" Yuji asks, looking down at her lap. She sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

'Cry if you need to,' he'd like to say. 'I'll gladly hold you in my arms.'

But she decides to be strong and keep the numb facade in front of him. What a shame.

"He's getting 24/h medical care and the best medication you can find. It wasn't cheap."

"But.."

"I know how you feel. I'm worried too," Satoru furrows his brows in sympathy and reaches for her hand across the desk.

She lets him rub his thumb against hers and even turn her hand around to trace her palm's life lines. They'd come such a long way and it's amazing that she hasn't noticed how open she'd become. How much closer she lets him get to her. This part of her is as soft as a fish belly and similarly as vulnerable. The high density of receptors makes palms sensitive to touch, not to mention the thin skin of fingertips that react to the smallest sensation.

This is as much as he can do to Yuji for now, but it's more than enough. Nothing that could get him in trouble, though it's at the edge of inappropriate behavior. She'd curled her hands into fists and kept them in this position this whole time, raising the temperature of her palms. Now, her skin is hot, slightly damp and so dangerously erotic that he barely holds himself together.

His arousal isn't as unusual as Shoko would claim. A person's palm, too, can be an erogenous zone. An ear massage could count as a sexual experience, why not this? How can he not get excited when it's obvious how much she likes it? He slides his digit against the uneven surface, brushing over the skin between her thumb and index finger. She's feeling it, but lacks the shame to pull her hand away.

She's not the little girl he remembers. Not anymore, although some things stayed the same. Those brown eyes, too big for her face, short, pink hair and uncertainty in her body language. His impatience grows a little every day -it has been for over ten years now. This moment will pass too, marking another twenty-four hours without notable progress. Just another tiny drop falling into the already overflowing bucket.

It's a human thing to get agitated upon noticing the finishing line. It's already there, on the horizon, but there is also an obstacle in the form of a certain, highly irritating woman. Hating her isn't really a choice for him. It's also too strong of a word to describe his feelings towards this person. She happens to stand between him and Yuji, completely unknowingly. It's not about her as a person, but the role she plays in this theatrical act.

Kanako is like any other woman he sees on the street. Objectively, she doesn't deserve the disgusting amount of disdain he feels towards her. He might've even come to like her, if she were more like Shoko and became someone like a silent ally. This is all he expects of her, but she's no good. Their dates feel like extra shifts at work, except that he quite enjoys working.

Oh, how he missed this feeling. There's nothing better in this world, than watching one emotion morph onto another on Yuji's face. What is she thinking about so intensely? It looks like this contact reminded her of something and she doesn't make him wait too long before she reveals the subject of her frustration.

"I'm just a kid," she whispers and then takes her hand away.

For a second, Satoru's heart stops. It's like she's reading his mind and reminding him of the immoral nature of his inner monologue.

"I'm useless, when it comes to the things that matter. I don't have my own money. I'm not independent. Even among my peers.. I feel so behind."

"Why so suddenly?"

"I don't know," she looks to the side. "Mom says it's okay that I can't help grandpa and I think it makes sense. I'm trying not to blame myself, but what about all the other things? You know, the girls in my class have already, um, moved forward."

Satoru cocks his head. "Moved forward?"

"You know what I mean, Gojo-san."

"I don't, but I'm all ears if you'd like to tell me. Is that a sensitive topic?"

"Mhm."

He tends to look too deeply into things, but it's hard to disagree that she felt something during that hand-holding. Why would it remind her how much of a kid she is? She has so little experience that even an innocent touch like this could awaken unwanted desires in her. He flustered her, he's certain.

"I wanted to talk to a gynecologist, but mom said there's no need. I'm fourteen. Shouldn't I develop a little faster? I'm not sure if I can share this with you, but you're a doctor too. Just a different kind."

"Are we on the topic of periods?"

Yuji plays with the sleeve of her uniform. "It's about all those things combined. I'm sure that everything's okay with my body and I shouldn't worry. I can't help wanting time to move faster. Do you ever feel like this, Gojo-san?"

"You don't even know how often."

Yuji smiles.

This is it. That's what he was waiting for. The numbness had its charm too, but it's her emotions that make her so lovely. Yuji makes him feel things he has never experienced before. His heart begins to beat faster and suddenly, he can't find the right words. He forgets the line he prepared in his mind.

"Don't tell mom that I confessed this, okay? She wouldn't like it. She'd probably think I'm talking too much and should find other people to confide in. But when I talk to her, I feel like she's not really listening or doesn't understand. She's trying, but she doesn't get it."

"Don't worry. It'll stay between us."

A shiver creeps up his spine, as any other time he gets excited. Currently, Yuji is simply the granddaughter of his elderly patient. Satoru took years to get close to this family and Kanako left him an opening, but he's still so far from Yuji. He'd reached a stalemate.

"I was wondering.."

"Yes?"

"Would it be a bother if I stayed a little longer?"

Satoru feels like rubbing his eyes. Wow, this shift really kicked his ass. He's getting auditory hallucinations. Visual too, apparently, because he watches Yuji step slowly towards him, so careful and timid. She gets between him and the desk -leans against it as she asks:

"Are you busy today, Gojo-san? I can leave, if so."

He shakes his head, while looking her in the eyes. A minute passes before he gets back to Earth and answers her questions with something more than an absent-minded gesture.

"No. It's one of those days when I have nothing to do, so I take care of the papers."

"I have something important to ask."

"Go on."

His eyes sweep over her uniform -a button-up, skirt and no stockings. Isn't she cold? Satoru tells himself to focus, but his mind is coming up with thousands of possible reasons for the physical closeness. This is too good to be true.

"Many girls in my class have boyfriends. I don't want to date anyone, but at this rate, I won't ever find out what it's like. What should I do?"

If he were a better man, he'd tell her all about how much time she still has and that it's silly to rush. He should draw the line here and tell her to go back to her seat. She needs emotional support, not whatever she has on her mind right now. If he gave in to the direction this conversation is going in, it would've meant taking advantage of her emotional state and he's not the type of person to use those weaker than him.

Then again, the mere thought of saying no to her brings him deep, physical pain. It'd be like an itch he can't scratch. He's dying with anticipation that seeps into his bones and makes home in his very core. He puts all his energy into keeping his hands glued to the armrests instead of letting his fingertips delve into the softness of Yuji's hips and manhandle her onto his lap.

His dick twitches. Not a good sign.

Satoru tilts his head, pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a drawn-out sigh. "Isn't it such a tiring day? The rain sucks everyone out of energy."

"My mom acts the same when she's avoiding a topic. I have no one else to ask. Do you think that doing it with someone would've made me more of an adult? Would it make me feel better?"

"Are you saying that you want to lose your virginity? Do I understand correctly?"

"Yes. Sort of."

"It depends on the person. I can't guarantee how you'd feel after that. It may help, but it might as well change absolutely nothing. It might make you feel worse." He speaks slowly. Yuji listens to his velvety voice intently.

"Does it matter whom I choose?"

It takes everything in him not to volunteer. He can take her virginity any day. Right now, if she wanted to. No one should interrupt them on a day this slow and boring. The nurses take care of the patients just fine. They don't need him.

But Yuji does. He can't say what he's really thinking, so he opts for the next best thing, which is convincing her against it. He has to stop others from taking his place.

"Very much. That's why it has to be a man who knows what he's doing. You should wait with this. Two years, at least."

His breath catches when he sees her eyes drop to the outline of his cock. There's no way for him to hide his growing erection, in case he needs to. His button-up is tucked into his pants and he's a few sizes too big for the hardness to go unnoticed.

He's almost forty and this middle-schooler is staring at his bulge so openly. What is he supposed to do? If this is some kind of test of restraint, it's a good one. Real good.

'If this is a dream, please don't wake me up.'

"Even if I felt like waiting, there's no time," Yuji says, her voice laced with sadness. She takes a seat on his lap and presses her lips together. "Can I count on you, doctor?"

He's elated.

"I'd never say no to you."

Satoru closes her in a fatherly hug -one of his hands on her waist, the other on her head. He pets her, makes her rest against his chest. Yuji loves it. It surprises her, but she goes with the flow.

A minute or two later, she remembers what she really came here for. She raises her head, looks him in the eyes and kisses him on the lips. Yuji shifts on his lap awkwardly in order to straddle him. He'd be lying if he said he's not half-hard already.

"That's not enough. Can I put it in?"

Satoru feigns neutrality. It's going to remove some of the responsibility from him eventually, if Yuji ever regrets it. "Do anything you want."

She acts so confidently, but her hands shake when she unbuckles his belt. Satoru feels like cooing.

"Want me to help?"

Yuji nods.

He feeds on her embarrassment and nervousness. It's too cute. But in reality, he's the pitiful one here. She's brave for coming to him for help. The smart thing would be to reject her, instead of giving her what she wants the very second she asks for it, but if he doesn't do it, someone else might.

He's conflicted. Pretty much everything he did so far was calculated, with only a few emotional decisions. He learned that waiting often guarantees a better payoff. What the hell is he doing?

Yuji looks at his member, covered by the thin material of his boxers and sizes him up again, as if she can't believe what she's seeing. She then moves closer to sit on the bulge. Satoru is speechless. She rubs against it, oblivious to the fact that he can't breathe.

"Is that alright? I want to make you hard."

"Baby, I'm already basically erect."

His shock cannot be described by words. What was he thinking about just now? Was he seriously considering stopping?

"Oh-" Yuji blushes. "I see."

"Can't you feel it?"

"Wh-what should I do now?"

Has she been rehearsing this the whole time? Thinking each step through and imagining them together in this position? Satoru fights back the crazy smile that's sneaking onto his face while it dawns on him. She had a plan, just like him. First -kissing, then getting him hard and finally putting it inside. His eagerness was an unforeseen detail.

"It's pulsating," Yuji murmurs to herself.

"Are you scared?"

"Yes."

"That's okay. Many girl are, before their first time."

Satoru prays for her not to change her mind upon realizing what she signed up for.

"You won't tell anyone, right?"

"I won't. Can I touch you?"

Yuji gives him the green light.

He places his hand on her thigh and moves it upwards, giving the girl enough time to say no, once he'd gotten too far.

"What if someone comes in?"

It's a bit too late to ask that when his thumb's on her clit. Satoru can barely hear her question. He's lost in thought. Internally, he's going on and on about the softness of her cotton underwear and the hardness of her clit. Does she know how turned on she is?

"People know to knock. I won't let them in. As simple as that."

"It hurts when I touch there."

"Hurts?" Satoru repeats, bewildered.

"Inside, I mean."

"When you're turned on?"

Redness blooms on her cheeks. They're like two, ripe apples. Yuji brushes her fingers through the short hair above her nape. Her skin is as hot as if she had a fever.

"I'm not sure if I should put anything there. What if it gets worse?"

Satoru organizes his thoughts quickly. He spent so much time speculating about those things and now, he's getting a whole buffet of information. What he got out of this is that Yuji tried touching her clit, but got scared when her insides began asking for attention as well. She has to be so pent up.

The money he would've paid to witness her futile attempts at masturbation..

Not to mention the money he'd be willing to spend if it meant being there to help her. He would've shown her what her body needed.

"I'm no gynecologist, but I can assure you, it's normal."

"Really? Or are you saying this just to ease my stress?"

Satoru pulls her underwear to the side and feels up the wetness her body creates. Natural lube. His finger prods against her entrance. He can tell it hasn't been touched yet. Satoru loses himself in the fantasy of opening her up, using his tongue and fingers. She'd look so pretty, sprawled over his desk.

"Perfectly normal," he mutters.

Yuji impresses him once again, by grabbing the waistband of his boxers and revealing his raging boner. Satoru meets her eyes.

"Ready?"

"Do it quickly, please," she asks.

"You can set the pace."

Yuji takes it to heart. Satoru helps her by positioning it where it's supposed to be and pushing the head in. Itadori shuts her eyes and calms her breath. She's moaning, but those are moans of pain.

No wonder. Her body hasn't developed fully yet and he's hung. She needs to be talked through this new experience.

"It's still just the tip. If we were to do it this way, it'd be like forcing it in. We should start with something smaller, like fingers."

"Don't wanna," Yuji says, while she can't take as much as a few inches. This girl is something else.

"Should we stop?"

"No. I'm giving my virginity to you. I've decided."

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah," Yuji sobs. "It doesn't want to go in."

He places his hands on her hips and feels her pushing it deeper. A few inches below the tip. It's adorable how overwhelmed she is. How angry her body's stiffness makes her. A part of him wants to leave logic behind and fuck her senseless, regardless of the pain of virginity loss. He'd come inside her, again and again, knowing that he'll get away with it, since she can't get pregnant yet.

He wants it so much that his chest hurts. His mouth waters as he fights against the neurotic compulsion to lick her tears off her face. The salty liquid would've melted on his tongue so deliciously. He'd like to place his hand on the side of her neck and sniff the place behind her ear. Every person has a unique, organic scent that can't be replicated by anything else. Yuji has no idea how enticing she smells.

He's about to submit to the overpowering urge to take what's his, when his mind hits him with the image of Yuji with this look in her eyes. She looks at him as if he hurt her. Broke her trust. Scared her. She's so small and aching.

It works on him like a bucket of cold water. It'd be so easy to give in to those disgusting, animalistic urges. But what about feelings? What would he do, once he's done satisfying his needs? Their connection would be broken beyond repair. It'd mean a lifetime of regret.

She can't find out. He can't let loose and just.. start sniffing her neck like a maniac, or slam it in just because he's that weak of a man. Yuji chose him because she trusts him.

"Are you okay?" the girl asks, cupping his face. "You're sweating."

He should be checking up on her, not the other way around. This feeling of disappointment he directs at himself gets replaced by happiness when he feels how much deeper she'd gotten during that time. He's finally back to reality.

"I had some bad thoughts. It happens."

Satoru kisses her, having regained his composure. He's in control of his body and mind, in the position of authority, as he should be. If he loses his mind and starts doing anything he pleases, who's going to be the strong figure, guiding Yuji through this? All that's going to be left of him is a poor excuse of the reliable man he pretended to be.

Yuji doesn't move his hand when he touches her breast. She appreciates the distraction from the pain and, at the same time, learns another new thing about her body.

"Does it feel good?"

Yuji doesn't think twice before nodding. "Yes. Thank you for being gentle with me. I need time."

The tone of her voice tells him that she feels safe. His heart is full.

'Safe' he repeats in his mind, smiling like an idiot while she lowers herself further onto his erection. Her heat swallows him down.

Satoru listens to her breath, the sporadic, quiet wet sounds they're making together, the creak of the chair and the heavy rain behind the window. He tries to filter the right thoughts from the pointless ones, but he knows, deep down, that this is one of those things he'll be thinking about day and night from now on. Missing something before it's over has to be the stupidest thing ever, but it's common for him. He doesn't see Yuji often enough.

He hugs her as tightly, as if he plans on keeping her in his arms forever. He won't let go. What would've happened if he refused to let her leave? Can anyone stop him?

Satoru revels in this moment, memorizes every little detail to replay it in his mind later on. The downside of this thinking is that the stress and care don't really work here. He should be more present, instead of worrying about the aftermath -the night hours he's going to spend missing the weight of Yuji on his lap, her arms around his shoulders. Nothing is going to be sufficient anymore, to fill the gaping hole in his chest. It's unfair to have only one remedy for this feeling.

Said remedy will have to leave soon, to get home on time. Kanako dislikes it when she's late for dinner.

Satoru rubs her clit lightly. "Does it feel good? Or would you rather I go harder?"

"Do I have to come?" Yuji asks, like a worried student, questioning whether the homework was optional or not.

"I'd like to make you. Why do you ask?"

"Do I have to go up and down?" she throws him another question.

"Yuji" Satoru cups her face with both his hands. "You don't have to do anything. There are no rules in sex, okay? Tell me what you want."

She sighs reluctantly. "Sliding in and out hurts."

"Understood. Do you like anything about this?"

She lowers her head so much that her chin practically touches her chest. She puts her hands on his shoulders and tilts her head just a bit, initiating eye contact.

"Moving my hips around. I can do that."

"Sounds nice."

"But you won't come this way."

He feels like laughing, but he holds the chuckle back. "That's not the end goal. I just want to be with you."

Yuji takes the information in with gratefulness written on her face. She grinds against him, while he wets his thumb with saliva and presses it to her clit. Maybe, if the pain decreases, she'll be able to climax.

The way she fits around him is both suffocating and addicting. It's like putting on the wrong size of a surgical glove -two times too small for his large hand. The pressure is making him pulsate that much more and he'd most definitely get restless if they were to stay still, but Yuji grinds against him and it gives him enough friction to leave no complaints.

"Oh my god," Yuji breathes out, sounding scared and amazed at once.

He doesn't have to ask. He feels it too.

No climax? What a joke. The slow, half-thrusts work on Yuji better than anything. She likes the fullness, but not the sudden stretching sensation that she'd feel if he put his hips to work. It'll grow on her eventually, the second or third time they do it. His length is perfect for his tip to reach her sweet spot and rub against it every time she rolls her hips. She's making herself feel good, using his cock, and if that's not the best day of his life, he can't tell what is.

How funny is it that she thought she wouldn't get him off? The sight before him is going to be the subject of his wet dream tonight -no question. There's something about this pose that's so enigmatically cute. The way her thighs spread when she rests his weight against him, the way she tries to clench them together when she feels good and how natural it is for her to throw her head back and muffle her moans.

He doesn't have the courage to add his tongue when they kiss or slip his hands under her bra to feel up her nipples. She might decide that he's going too far. It'd be too much at once.

Her clit throbs and she parts her lips, then quickly shuts her mouth with her hand as a loud, delayed moan leaves her throat. Yuji arches her back, her leg muscles flex and she whines with a grimace. Her torso twitches heavily as the sweet sparks of pleasure -sudden, tiny and sharp -bloom and disappear in her tummy.

Finally, when she's somewhat more calm, she asks:

"W-what was that?"

Her hair is messy, face flushed, eyes glazed over. Satoru catches her bottom lip between his as he bucks his hips into her. He's too close to stop and explain everything to her. Her obliviousness riles him up so much -the innocent look in her eyes as she asked him for the answer contradicts the way she acted just now. She was riding him like there was no tomorrow, no shame in that tiny body.

"You came," Satoru says between kisses. "Because you liked it so much. You liked having me inside you."

It's a miracle how much restraint he has left and that he manages to keep a fairly similar pace to the one Yuji was okay with. He rarely goes easy on her in those fantasies he creates while looking at her pictures. Having the real thing makes him a tiny bit less greedy.

His first thought is to pull out -a habit really, since doing it raw can be risky. Having no consequences for blowing his load in her is something straight out of his dirty, late-night musings. Satoru doesn't hold back and shoots out once, then twice, after a short break. The whole time, he imagines her womb getting increasingly fuller with his seed, his cum leaking down her previously virgin walls.

Yuji is so blissed out. She presses their foreheads together and hums, physically and emotionally satisfied. She gazes at him half-lidded and her cute nose brushes against his while they kiss. Is this the look of love that he sees in her eyes? He shouldn't judge her feelings based on her expression after sex, but he ignores this logical thought and decides to believe that Yuji loves him too.

She can forget about getting rid of him. Not after the look she gave him.

She's in his office again, trouble on her face. Kanako made her talk to him in private, he's sure of it. He asked her to break the news to Yuji and let him handle the rest.

"It must be a shock to you."

"I had no clue you were seeing each other."

"We started shortly after you and I, well," he pauses, "got closer in my office."

Yuji nods, lost in thought.

Everything will go smoothly from now on. The last ten years felt like climbing a tall hill, but now that he reached the top, the rest of the journey is a piece of cake.

Who knows what will happen in the domestic atmosphere of their house? Seeing him is not an option anymore. It will be a daily thing for her and he wouldn't blame her if she got angry, called it unfair or threw a full-blown temper tantrum. His appetite grows as he imagines her blushing the moment they find themselves alone in the house. She'll probably avoid him, but she can't do this forever. He can't wait for the confrontation to feel the shape of her lips against his again. It's bound to happen.

"I'll be your father from now on. You don't have to call me dad if you don't want to."

"I had many step-fathers before. I'll get used to it."

He can't read much from her behavior. Is she upset, or not? It annoys him that he doesn't know.

What they did together sped up the process for sure, didn't it? He meant to make her fall head over heels for him and it would've been harder with the limited options he had as nothing more than 'the familiar doctor.' How was she supposed to realize her feelings for him? From now on, they'll be spending so much time together, bonding over little things and getting closer faster than before. The fact that she liked having sex with him should help her come to the realization that she can't see him as a father, or that it's not just platonic love that she feels.

"I'm sorry," Yuji starts. "..I made it weird between us. I just never imagined that it'd end up like this."

"We'll work it out."

The girl raises her eyes at him, her lips forming into a light smile. Satoru loves that expression, but not in this specific situation. He expected more. Why is she taking it so well? Isn't she concerned about their relationship moving forward? That they might repeat what they did on this chair, under the influence of strong emotions? Does she not consider that at all?

It's good that she blames herself. Creates a decent base for manipulation, using her guilt. But he wouldn't stoop as low as to coerce her into anything, even emotionally, unless he was incredibly desperate. Yuji needs to come to him of her own will.

"I was worried I'd make you uncomfortable. I'll forget about what happened that day, okay? You can be sure, dad."

His heart sinks.

What did she just say? Satoru's instinct is to turn it around by confessing his feelings. She promised to forget about it for his sake so if he assures her that he feels the same, she might.. No. Yuji thinks highly of him. He can't ruin it by admitting that he has no feeling for her mother. She's so selfless that she saw no bad intentions in what he did. Where are the strong feelings he was waiting for? Where is the thick tension lingering in the air, while they're trying to keep polite?

Satoru looks down at his hands resting on the desk, his eyes focusing on the wristwatch. It's not possible for years of planning to go to waste because of one, thoughtless mistake. His reality shifts so drastically at this moment, caused by Yuji's content smile. He should've taken his time luring her, given her time to process her own feelings.

He has no control over his racing thoughts, but that's the least of his concerns. He doesn't have control over anything.

Scientifically speaking, having sex means that the body releases large amounts of dopamine. He didn't imagine the sense of intimacy, the connection and tenderness between them. His conclusion wasn't wrong, so how..? Why did the feeling fade away?