Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was happening again.

Amy’s alarm kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing, but she couldn’t hear it.

All she could hear was her voice, her soft whispers, the gentle way she spoke. She heard her favourite bedtime story, she felt her lap beneath her head, she saw her gray, silky hair. She tasted the chocolate ice cream she’d just bought for her. She could feel her own skin melting in that car.

She could hear herself say, “I don’t think I can ever escape you.”

She believed it.

She was her mother’s daughter, after all.

Amy Lee thrusted herself off her mattress, her body drenched in a cold sweat. She rested her arms on her knees and her face in her arms. But when she went to turn off the alarm she could feel was ringing, there was nothing there. She opened her eyes and saw it in pieces on the floor, lying next to a pair of shoes. Probably Auntie Joy’s, but…she’d never wear shoes in the house, would she?

She looked up.

“Good morning, honey.”

“B-Bibi? How…?”

“You left the window open,” she shrugged, crawling onto the mattress beside her. She rested her head on Amy’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t expecting Bibi to be there, nor did she want her to be. Not because she hated her—if anything, her presence was already making her feel better—but because she didn’t want her to see her like this. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Mhm…”

“Don’t wanna talk?”

“No…”

Bibi grabbed her face and squished her cheeks. “It would make me really sad if you were hiding something from me, you know?”

Amy had to think harder after that. Bibi being sad, that was probably the greatest threat she could ever make to her.

“I just… I don’t know…” she trailed off again, like the words were getting stuck in the back of her throat. She decided to change the conversation, “Wh-why’re you here?”

“I came to pick you up.”

“Huh?”

“For our date.”

Oh. 

Amy felt so, so stupid. So stupid and pathetic and worthless and every other bad thing you could say about someone. She felt all that.

“Oh, god…” she winced, tears already starting to sting out of her eyes. She hated how easily she cried. “I-I’m sorry, Bibi, I—”

Before she could finish her apology, she felt her face being pulled into the comfort of Bibi’s chest. She felt a hand on the back of her head, stroking her beadhead. She cried harder.

“It’s okay, Amy.”

“B-but you… you got all dressed up and pretty, and I… I didn’t even wake up. I’m being such a bad girlfriend… I’m letting you down—”

“Shush. You’re not letting anyone down.”

She hated herself for thinking it, but Amy was ashamed that Bibi was the one comforting her. Back in the hospital, they agreed that Amy would be the one to get better, that way she could take care of her girlfriend. But right now, it was the complete opposite. 

“I’m not mad, darling. I just want to understand. Why didn’t you wake up? Did you sleep late?”

Through her wailing, the feeble girl replied, “I was having nightmares…”

“About your mom?”

Amy flinched at the word and at how well her girlfriend knew her. “Y-yes…”

Bibi held her tighter, swaying and rocking her like a baby. 

“I’m here for you, okay? We don’t need to go out today if you don’t want to.”

“B-but you already got ready, and you—”

“It doesn’t matter to me. I only want you to be happy, Amy.”

“But I feel so bad, Bibi… I’m not being a good girlfriend—”

“I said shush. I don’t wanna hear another word. You’re a perfect girlfriend. You make me happy and you love me, don’t you? What else could I ask for?”

“I-I can’t even… can’t even wake up on time for you… I can’t keep a simple promise…”

“It’s not about the date, baby. It’s about you. I only want to be with you, it doesn’t matter where.”

“I just…” she trailed off, trying her hardest to speak but ending up in a sob.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, Amy? Pretty please?”

The black cat took a deep, shuddering breath, her hands clutching Bibi’s shoulders as she stared up at the blonde girl through wet lashes.

“I… I can’t escape her…”

She quivered in her girlfriend’s grasp.

“I can’t even love you properly, I can’t even wake up on time, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror…because all I see is her. I–it’s like, no matter what I do, she’s haunting me… And the worst part is…” she swallowed, lowering her gaze, “I-I see her in you sometimes… In your smile, in your voice… I just… I can’t… You made a mistake choosing me, Bibi… I’m just gonna let you down—”

She felt her words being muffled before they could escape her mouth, muffled by something soft and gentle.

She opened her eyes, eyelashes fluttering against her love’s.

Bibi pulled back, wiping a thumb under Amy’s eyes. “I love you, Amy. Nothing in the world could change that. You say you can’t love me properly, but I disagree. You’re the one who taught me what love is, aren’t you? You’re so kind to me, so considerate, sometimes even at your own expense… What could take away from that? And if it helps…”

She held her hand with both of hers, holding it up between their faces. “…I don’t mind being like your mom, if that means I can replace all your bad memories with good ones. Because I want to see you happy, Amy. You mean everything to me.”

Amy felt her face growing warmer and warmer, her tears drying into her cheeks despite Bibi’s best efforts. She honestly didn’t think that she could love, or that she was worthy of Bibi, but in the end, none of that mattered. She knew that a relationship was a two way street. Bibi’s feelings were more important than her insecurities.

So if it meant that she’d be happy, Amy could try harder. Not just for her sake, but for her love’s.

She buried her face in her chest again. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you…”

“You didn’t have to do anything.” The blonde girl patted her on the back.

Bibi took her girlfriend’s face out of her chest and pressed their foreheads together, smiling against the feeble girl’s lips.

“What do you want to do now?” she asked.

That question always overwhelmed Amy, as many things did, but when Bibi asked it, it was different. It felt like she was really asking, like whatever Amy answered with, her girlfriend would understand. And that feeling of being understood, that terrifying, overwhelming feeling, was slowly becoming a regular part of her life.

“Let’s go out. I-I’m ready, I wanna spend time with you…”

Bibi smiled. “Okay.”

After a quick shower and a farewell to Auntie Joy, Amy stepped out of the house in her denim shorts and t-shirt, which were among the most lavish things in her closet. Not to mention the backwards baseball cap her girlfriend bought for her when they first started going out. She was really going above and beyond.

She only had one goal today: Take Bibi on the best date of her life to make up for being so pathetic! She had to try her best to be cool, charming, put-together—

“Your shoelace is untied.”

“Ugh…”

Before Amy had the chance to lament, Bibi kneeled down in front of her, humming some song to herself as she tied her shoe into a cute pair of bunny ears. Her gaze travelled along the bandages all over Amy’s legs before she stood up and flashed a smile.

“Clumsy,” she cooed affectionately, grabbing her hand and walking off. “I know you don’t do well in the car, so how about we go somewhere close to here? That way we can walk.”

Amy’s eyes were shot wide open before she shook her head around and focused. “Y-yes, I’d like that…”

She felt strange.

They reached their destination faster than she could figure out what was wrong, and Amy stood in front of the door to an ice cream shop. She looked around, taking in her surroundings after zoning out for so long.

“W-wait, isn’t this…?”

“Mhm,” Bibi cut her off, “it’s where we had our first date.”

Bibi was so different now, Amy thought. She remembered their “first date”, the way Bibi got upset at her, the time Bibi asked her to give her a compliment and she completely melted, the moment Camilla almost caught them together. 

The way she was so happy to be on a date with her, even if it was just pretend.

And the way they were so close to kissing, if only she hadn’t ruined it…

“Chocolate, Amy?”

“Huh? O-oh, yeah. Yes please.” 

She was so out of it that she didn’t even notice them moving up the line. She hated that she couldn’t give Bibi her full attention. She had to zone back in.

She watched as Bibi ordered.

“One strawberry and one chocolate! And don’t keep my darling Amy waiting, ‘kay?!”

“Y-yes ma’am!”

“B-Bibi, that was rude…” the aforementioned darling muttered, clinging to her girlfriend’s arm like a lost kitten.

“Oh, no, sometimes you just have to establish who’s in control, you know?” she laughed, smoothing out her blue skirt. “Besides, I wanted to cheer you up.”

Amy smiled, “I don’t think yelling at minimum wage employees would cheer me up, but…I do feel a little better.”

“Duly noted.”

Wait, what’s going on?

Was Bibi…taking care of Amy? When did this happen?!

In a desperate attempt to take back control of the date, Amy put herself forward as the employee came back with their ice cream cones. 

“Allow me,” she said, rummaging in her side bag to find her wallet. Once she pulled it out, she opened to find… “H-huh?”

“Ooh, look, a fly came out! Maybe we can pay with that!”

“I have nothing?!”

Bibi threw a hundred dollar bill at the worker’s face, throwing him an order to keep the change over her shoulder as she handed Amy her ice cream and walked out.

Even out of the building, Amy was in shock, staring at her empty wallet. “Wh-what…?”

“Well, I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t have a job,” Bibi shrugged, carrying on like it’s no big deal.

It wasn’t even that Amy was dying of embarassment—which she definitely was—but that she couldn’t even give her girlfriend the courtesy of paying for her food. Isn’t that the bare minimum?

Where the old Bibi would’ve continued on and dragged Amy around the plaza like nothing was wrong, the new Bibi could tell something was wrong. She was even a little proud of noticing, knowing that it wasn’t something she could’ve done before. Around Amy, she felt like she was a normal person.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

But even though she liked being cared for, the black haired girl shrunk, staring at her dessert blankly. 

“I…”

“If it really means that much, you can pay me back eventually. But…I mean, I think my financial situation is a little different from yours.”

Amy sat down on the concrete barrier surrounding a tree in the plaza, licking at her ice cream absentmindedly. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t pay…”

Bibi sat down next to her, a frown spreading across her lips. “Don’t be sorry, Amy. I really don’t care.”

“But you like being spoiled, don’t you? I mean, the last time we were here, you asked me to act like I was Peter and take care of you…”

Bibi cringed. “Well, last time we were here, I wasn’t the girl I am now. We’re both girlfriends, aren’t we? I don’t think only one of us has to pay all the time. In fact, I think…”

She reached her ice cream out to Amy’s mouth, letting her have a taste. “…I kinda like taking care of you instead”

With eyes wide open, Amy paused. She stole a lick of her girlfriend’s ice cream before turning her face away. “Th-then, I guess it’s fine…”

Bibi smiled, turning the black cat’s face back to her. She stared up at the sky, swinging her legs as she hummed a song. 

“You know, we can still go back to my home if you want. I can tell you’re not feeling well today.”

“Mmm… But—”

Bibi grabbed her face, licking at her ice cream as her bright eyes bore into her dark circles.

“No buts. Do you wanna go home, yes or no? I can make us some food and we can watch a movie in bed, huh? How about it?”

Amy looked down, utterly ashamed of herself. It wasn’t enough for her girlfriend to let her know that she was fine with it, because deep down, it was herself Amy was letting down. She was going back on the promise she made to Bibi, and that’s what was bothering her. Even if Bibi didn’t care at all, it wasn’t enough to make it okay.

But when she looked back up and saw the determined, comforting look in her girlfriend’s eyes, she felt compelled to tell the truth. The worst thing Amy could ever do, she thought, was lie to her love.

“O-okay… Home it is, then… Please…”

Bibi leaned in and brushed her girlfriend’s thick bangs off of her forehead, placing a gentle kiss on the freshly exposed skin.

“Your wish is my command.”

Amy fell five times on the way to Bibi’s house, dropping her ice cream on the third. That resulted in three new scrapes, two new bruises, and five new bandages that her girlfriend would have to give her.

It also meant that she had to be carried the rest of the way, even once they entered the house.

“I-I think I can walk now—”

“Nuh uh, I’m enjoying this.”

“Bibiiii!”

“Okay, okay,” she sighed, trailing off into a giggle as she sat Amy onto a chair in the kitchen. She turned away to rummage through the cupboards and cabinets. “I think I have bandaids somewhere in here…”

Amy let out a sigh of relief after being put down, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at her battered knees. She reached out to poke a bruise and flinched, letting out a wince that caught Bibi’s attention.

Coming back with the box of bandaids, she grabbed her love’s hand and kept it at her side. “No touching, baby. Just let me patch you up.”

She smiled to herself, a light blush blooming on her cheeks as she cleaned up Amy’s legs, the skin feeling smooth as silk despite all the injuries.

“Clumsy…” she mused, leaning in and peppering kisses all over the melting girl’s knees.

“Ah! Bibi!”

“Hold still, this is part of the procedure,” she giggled, leaving one last kiss before patching her up. She kissed each new bandaid for good luck.

Meanwhile, Amy was a red, flustered mess. “Th-thank you…”

Strangely, even though her mom used to do the same thing, she didn’t think anything of it. Without Amy realizing, Bibi was replacing those memories, just like she said she would. She really was special. Her dream girl.

“I love you, Bibi…”

“Oh? What’s this all of a sudden?”

“I just felt like saying it,” she smiled, swinging her feet.

Bibi’s cheeks flushed as she rose up, kissing her girlfriend again, this time on the lips. “Well, I love you too, then.”

The two of them went on to bake two batches of cookies, one soft and chewy for Bibi, and one crunchy for Amy.

For a little bit, the pleasant, domestic feeling she got from baking with her love was enough to take her mind away from all the bad things that were consuming her. For a fleeting moment, she forgot that she didn’t get up on time. She didn’t need to, after all, Bibi was there to wake her up. Bibi was always there for her. She thought it was unfair to let her down by sleeping in, but she knew that it didn’t matter. This moment was still happening. They still ate cookies and drank milk and had fun regardless. And it was all thanks to Bibi taking care of her.

Once they got in bed, a bowl of cookies between them and a Harry Potter movie about to play on Bibi’s iPad, Amy turned to her.

“Um, I’m sorry for being so pathetic today, Bibi…”

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

“Like, how I was always bringing the mood down, always bummed out… Sorry for that…”

The slightly shorter girl laughed, dipping her cookie in milk and taking a bite. “I never minded it, darling. It’s not like I only love you when you’re in a good mood, y’know? Those parts of you that you think are ugly, that you’re insecure about, I love them all the same. They make you yourself. I wouldn’t change a thing, even if you’re a crybaby.”

Amy frowned, her bottom lip trembling.

“Are you crying?”

“No…”

Bibi laughed. “Do you at least feel better now?”

The black cat hid under the blanket. “Y-yes, I do…”

The blonde girl smiled. “I know that some things are out of my control, and that sometimes there’s no way to cure a bad day, but I wanted to cheer you up today, because… You always do the same for me, even if you don’t realize it. Whenever I’m having a bad day, I always think, ‘Oh, I wish Amy were here,’ so I thought that if you felt the same, I could be here for you… But I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

Bibi frowned, looking down. 

Amy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. If she heard Bibi say something like that when they first met, she’d surely think that an alien had abducted her and warped her mind or something.

But that wasn’t the case. Because this was normal now, this version of Bibi was the result of Amy’s unconditional love. A part of her began to realize that.

“Overstepped? N-no, that’s not it at all! If anything, I’d be bawling my eyes out if you didn’t come pick me up. Really, I think…even though I was having a bad day, you made me feel glad I got out of bed. Before you came into my life, I never had a good reason to smile. But now it’s like, even on my worst days, you make me feel my best…”

They smiled, faces red and warm as they stared into each other's eyes. 

“I-I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m proud of you, Bibi… And that I love you, but I think you already know that,” she laughed.

Bibi felt her nose sting, feeling like she was on the verge of tears. She blinked them away and smiled down at her lap.

“Y-you make me feel like I’m a normal girl for once. And even when I’m not, you love me like I am. I’m grateful for you, Amy… I love you so, so much.”

The air around them felt warm and pleasant for the rest of the night, like a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. When the movie and cookies were done, Bibi guided Amy through their now-shared nighttime routine, before they landed back in bed with freshly moisturized skin.

Bibi pulled out her favourite book and started reading aloud, offering a soundtrack to fall asleep to for the girl cuddled up next to her.

“Goodnight, Amy. Sweet dreams.”

That night, Amy had the best sleep of her life. And the only woman she saw in her dreams was the one sleeping right beside her. With that pretty, metal baseball bat, she smashed the car windows to smithereens.

If only for one moment, if only for one night, Amy had finally found an escape.