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Yeonjun couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Taehyun sitting in one of the chairs in the private dining room in the restaurant where he works. It's been five years since he broke things up with Taehyun.
He thought Taehyun wanted more, and he's just a simple man. He wants a simple and loving relationship. But Taehyun had big dreams. They move to a big city together, leaving everything behind that hurts them in this town, and build everything from scratch, only with both of them. But here he is, with his slick back hair, clean slim fit suit that hugs his body perfectly, and those big shiny eyes.
The only thing he wants to do is walk to Taehyun and hug him, but he's working right now. He has to pour water for people on the right side. Taehyun is on the other side. And then it hit him.
Does Taehyun still remember him? Of course he does. It was a serious 3-year relationship after all. But now he wonders how Taehyun would think of him. Am I still the best man he ever dated, like he used to say before? Am I still the person who makes the worst dad joke he's ever heard? Or am I just someone who leaves?
He gets lost in his train of thought, and he almost spills the water, and says sorry immediately. Turns out, this simple act captures Taehyun's attention. He can see from his peripheral vision that Taehyun is looking at him now.
Okay, and now what? Should I look back at him? And what? I don't know, smile? Gosh, Yeonjun, just do your job and leave, like how you left him years ago. God fucking dammit shut up!
Yeonjun did his job well that afternoon. No spilled drinks, no wrong orders, nothing. Just like how he usually works. The only difference was the big boba eyes staring at him every time he had to put food on the table.
He wanted to look back, but he didn’t trust himself. What if he couldn't hold back? What if his hand suddenly grabbed Taehyun’s jaw and kissed him senseless, like he used to? What if… Taehyun kissed him back?
He's cleaning a table near the cashier when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turns around and almost jumps when he sees Taehyun’s face up close.
“Gosh, you scared me,” he says, half-panting while holding his right chest with his left hand.
“Wrong chest. Your heart's on the other side,” Taehyun says and giggles. Damn, he misses that sound so badly.
"Well, my right hand is holding this napkin, so I did my best to keep this stupid heart in place,” he jokes lightly.
How does it feel so easy, after not talking to your ex for five years? Taehyun laughed. His dimple is showing, the one Yeonjun always looks for whenever he says or does something stupid. He’s kind of proud that he can still bring that out.
"Um… when does your shift end?” Taehyun asks, looking down at his loafers.
“Why? Wanna ask me on a date?” He winks and fails miserably. This earned a small smile from Taehyun.
“Not necessarily a date. It just feels nice coming here for a few days and seeing a familiar face. You down?” Now Taehyun’s voice sounds more solid, more confident, like he knows what he wants.
“Sure. I’m off at six. Wait for me?” he asks, and Taehyun nods.
Yeonjun doesn't waste time. He throws off his apron and changes into his clothes in less than two minutes. Before leaving the locker room, he look at the mirror to make sure he look alright.
This is the face Taehyun wanted to see, for who knows how long, so he has to look decent. He can’t do much. Just brush his hair, wash his face, and make sure there is nothing between his teeth.
He gets out from the back door, and walks toward his motorcycle. Thank goodness he always brings a spare helmet just in case someone needs a ride or something. He's kind like that.
He pulls over on the side of the road while Taehyun stands with his phone in his hand. He can't help but smile watching Taehyun. He just stood there and breathed the same air as him, but he felt happy already. He feels good. This just brings back memories where he'd pick Taehyun up from one of his classes back in college. Then they'd just go on a cheap date like a picnic at the side of Han River or a random park. Good old times.
"Did you know that this bar is still open? I thought they closed down like any other place when covid hits. It's amazing that they're still in business," said Taehyun immediately when he pulled up.
"Really? I haven't gone there since.... Well, where do you wanna go?" Yeonjun asks while giving him the helmet.
Let's go anywhere, but there.
"Here. I miss the vibe there," he said while putting on the helmet.
God really hates me today.
It only took twenty minutes to get to the bar they used to hang out with their college friends. He feel stupid hoping that Tahyun would hug him from the back. They're not dating anymore. For a long time.
Yeonjun didn't even try to find a new boyfriend after they broke up either. Not because he was still in love with him, but he didn't need one. But now, with Taehyun on his bike, babbling about the places he hasn't seen in a while, Yeonjun feels that this is better than anything.
At least Taehyun didn’t scream at him. Didn’t give him a dirty look. Or worse, pretend to not know him. Of course, it’s Taehyun. He won’t do some childish things even though he’s 3 years younger than him.
They get in the bar and the bartender still recognizes them. They make small talk about what happened for the past few years. Yeonjun just listens on the side. He’s just happy to be there, to listen to whatever Taehyun says. How he misses this mundane thing.
At one point, the bartender starts asking him questions too. How’s life? What did he do now? Is he still dancing? How about busking on the streets? And so on. This is how he catches up with Taehyun’s life too.
He took master's degree not long after they broke up. After graduating, he works in a big corporate company in Japan and he only goes back to Korea on Chuseok and Christmas. And on this special occasion, a business trip.
So he achieved everything that he always wanted.
It makes Yeonjun’s heart full of pride and empty at the same time. He is definitely proud of Taehyun who never gives up on his dreams. But also thinking what will happen if they are still together?
“What do you mean?” Taehyun asks.
Did I just say that out loud?
“What?” he asks dumbly.
“Well, what do you think will happen if we’re still together?” Taehyun’s attention is fully on him now. His eyes are still sparkling. No judgement there. Just a curious gaze.
“Um… I don’t know? Maybe you– maybe I– maybe we– Dammit I don’t know, Tyunnie,” he sighs.
Maybe he drinks too much. Maybe he has to take a taxi home and leave his motorcycle here. Just like he did years ago every time he drinks too much. Taehyun doesn’t say anything. He just orders more drinks.
“I think that’s enough for you.”
“I drink better than you. Besides, I don’t have to ride,” Taehyun smiles.
“I can take you to the hotel,” he says. He won’t let Taehyun go to the hotel alone. He’s the one who brings Taehyun here. Of course he’s the one who is supposed to bring him back to the hotel. Taehyun’s his responsibility tonight.
“Hyung, it’s fine. You should take a cab too. Don’t risk another accident,” he says calmly.
Ah, the accident. It was about 6 months before they broke up when Yeonjun got into a bad accident. A car just crashed into him from the back and ran away. His ribs were broken, so was his left shin. He couldn’t get up or walk without pain. Taehyun was there to help him recover. Gave him everything he needed, physically and mentally.
“I wish I treated you better,” he says. He probably is drunk right now, but who cares? Taehyun won’t be here for long anyway. They probably won't meet again in the future. So he’ll say whatever he needs to say.
“Hyung…,” Taehyun says, holding his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry Taehyun-ah. I shouldn’t push you away like that. I should be thankful that you stayed with me through hard times. It’s just… I don’t know, maybe because I’m older than you and I thought that I was supposed to take care of you, but it was the other way around. I felt so useless,” he starts to feel a lump in his throat. Maybe he’ll cry. He doesn’t care.
“I think I was depressed back then because I can’t dance anymore. Dammit, I can’t even walk properly. I still feel the pain sometimes in my ribs. You know how bad it was,” he looks up to Taehyun who’s now staring intently at him. He looks concerned now. But still let Yeonjun speak his heart out.
“Of course you know, you were there, hehe. My sweet baby who cooks for me. Help me wash up. Help me do the grocery. You even brought my motorcycle back to life,” now Yeonjun starts giggling uncontrollably.
“You love your bike. You bought that after saving money for years, right?” Taehyun’s voice feels so soft in his ear.
“Yeah. And you were the first person to ever sit on that. Hehe, I still remember I bought the wrong size of helmet. Your head was drowning in that,” Yeonjun brings his hand to Taehyun’s hair. Brushing it softly, “You have such a small head.”
“Hyung,” Taehyun put his hand on top of Yeonjun’s on his head. “Stop.”
Yeonjun peels his hand off of Taehyun’s hair slowly. His heart stings a bit with Taehyun’s stern voice.
“Stop doing this to yourself. There’s no point regretting it,” Taehyun says softly. He brings Yeonjun’s hands in his.
“I messed up. I’m sorry,” he feels a tear running down his cheek.
“I forgive you,” Taehyun says firmly.
“Really? Why? Are you happy that you’re now with me anymore?” Now he is sad again.
“It’s not like that, hyung. It was a hard break up. You were my firsts in everything. I had to get that master degree so I won’t think about you, about our dead relationship–”
“Gosh, Tyunnie, I’m so sorry,” he can’t help but apologize again.
“No, hyung, let me finish. I feel like– you know how people have a timeline. Maybe I came into your life only for 4 consecutive years because that’s what’s already written in our path,” Taehyun stops. He knows Taehyun just wants to make sure that he is still listening.
“Maybe I’m too drunk or maybe you’ve changed too much because I’d never thought you’d talk about fate and path, but go on. I’m still sober enough to hear whatever you want to say,” he says, sitting straighter now.
“Okay so maybe it was meant to be. For you taking care of me, and I did the same. Maybe our time was up. Maybe we needed that relationship as much as we needed that break up. So, don’t beat yourself to it,” Taehyun says. Smiling.
Yeonjun’s face is blank. Okay that makes sense, but there’s something wrong.
“But why’s everything going well for you and not for me?”
Taehyun laughs. High pitch laugh until his canine teeth show up.
“I don’t know. What do you think?” he asks back.
Yeonjun thinks. And think. And he knows the answer but he doesn’t want to admit it.
“Dammit I shouldn’t have never let you go. Imagine if we’re still together. I don’t have to work at the restaurant and can focus on doting on you,” he says jokingly.
“But then maybe I’m not having this job and still worked at that shitty start up company that paid me way less than any normal company. Man, that was hell,” he said and finished his drink.
Yeonjun is looking at him carefully now. Taehyun’s jaw is sharper now. He has a broader shoulder. He definitely has been hitting the gym often. He even looks a little bit taller now. But his head is still so round. So are his eyes. And his smile is still so cute. He wonders how Taehyun can be so masculine yet looks like a kitten at the same time.
“I’m so proud of you, Tyunnie. You get everything that you want,” he finally says wholeheartedly.
Tahyun smirks, and says softly, “I realize that people can’t have everything. Yes, I get a high paid job, some free time in my hands, but I still feel empty. I don’t know how to fill that void, you know?”
“Maybe you need a boyfriend,” Yeonjun says mindlessly.
“Pfftt, I’m sure that’s not what I need. You know I don’t have any hobbies. I don’t even have many friends. I– it feels lonely sometimes. That’s why I always clung to you back then. I feel like a burden. So when you broke up with me, I thought that you were already fed up with me.”
“Wait, what? Why did you think that?”
“Oh, come on, hyung. I know Soobin hyung didn’t like me because you always cancel plans to go with the boys because I wanted to watch movies with you,” he said, half joking.
“That’s… okay that’s actually true. I should’ve brought you to the boy’s hangout.”
“I don’t think your friends wanted that, though. Sorry I made it hard for you to even go out with them. I wasn’t a good boyfriend for you.”
But all he can remember is how happy they were. They don’t fight a lot. Taehyun always said what he likes and not. Taehyun always made it clear about how he wanted to be treated. It made Yeonjun’s life easier because he didn’t have to second-guess everything with Taehyun. It was an easy relationship.
“Can I ask you something, Taehyun-ah?”
“Shoot.”
“Did you love me? Were you happy with me?”
Taehyun smiles widely. He looks so happy with Yeonjun’s question.
“Of course. I loved you. It was an amazing 3 years relationship. You made everything so easy.”
“So what was wrong?”
“Hmm… I think it’s safe to say that we have a different goal. You already have everything that you need. Rich and loving family, close friends who are willing to die for you, and no pressure to help your family financially. I’m like the opposite.”
“Taehyun-ah….”
“When I was with you, I felt enough. You were more than just a boyfriendm you were a family, a friend, and an anchor that I never had. I was happy. And I wished I could bring you to fulfil my dream. Fool me, you also have your own dream. You wanted to dance, I wanted to work in a big company to make more money. You wanted to work freely, I just wanted to get paid well. I don’t have that luxury that you already had. And it frustrated me because sometimes, our worlds are too far apart. We have a completely different background. I have to work my ass off to be the same level as you. I was ashamed of who I was,” Taehyun’s voice started to tremble now.
“I'm still far from that, but I’ll get there. I’ll get the stable life that I dreamed of in a couple years. Trust,” he smiles weakly.
“Tyunnie, why are you being so hard on yourself?”
“Because I have zero privilege, hyung. Oh my God, you have no idea how funny it was to see you this afternoon. The son of a professor who also owns a private school is working in a restaurant as a waitress? I almost hit your head to bring back some senses to you,” he laughs now.
Yeonjun can’t help but start laughing too. “I’d rather serve food than work in a place full of teenagers. That school drives me crazy. Besides, I can still busk sometimes. It’s a good job. No stress. Just some annoying customers but nothing that I can’t handle.”
“Right…. Can I ask you the same thing?” Taehyun asks.
“What?”
“Did you love me, hyung?”
“I climbed the tree in front of the apartment at 2 in the morning because you accidentally dropped your assignments when you didn’t realize that the window was open. Of course I loved you, dumbass,” Yeonjun said while nudging Taehyun’s shoulder.
“Oh my God! And you scratched your knee because you only wear shorts,” Taehyun laughs.
“You cried in the middle of the night! I panicked and did the first thing that I could think of. Tell me it never happened in the past 5 years.”
“Thank God no. I didn't have a man sleeping in my bed to help me out around that time,” he said.
Oh so he also stays single after their break up.
They are so fucked.
They go silent after that. Taehun doesn’t order more drinks. Yeonjun still needs time to process everything. He definitely can’t drive on his own tonight just to be safe.
He glances at Taehyun once. Gosh he’s so beautiful.
He moves his hand without thinking and puts it on Taehyun’s thigh. The owner’s body got stiff immediately. Their eyes meet. Taehyun is about to say something when Yeonjun says, “Thank you.”
“Um… for what?”
“Everything. I feel like I never have the chance to say that.”
“Actually you did. Here. Five years ago. When you ended everything. That was the last thing you said before you left me here,” Taehyun says while pulling Yeonjun’s hand off of his thigh.
“Wow young Yeonjun was an asshole,” he says.
Taehyun laughs, “I agree.”
They’re looking at each other now. It starts small but now they’re smiling ear to ear. They both know they find the closure they never knew they needed. It feels like a giant rock lifts up from their chest.
Their conversation flows easily after that. Taehyun finally orders more drinks for them. They talk all night until the owner asks them to leave because it's time to close up.
Now here they are, standing side by side waiting for their cab. Yeonjun can feel something trying to grab his fingertips. It was Taehyun’s.
“Can I hug you?” Taehyun asks softly.
Without a word, Yeonjun pulls him to his embrace. He ducks his nose to Taehyun’s neck. He tries to remember how it was to feel Taehyun in his arms. He can confirm that Taehyun is taller. He also wears different perfumes now. His skin is still as soft as he remembers.
He can feel Taehyun hugging him back. Tighter now. They stay like that for a moment before Taehyun’s hand goes loose around his waist.
Taehyun smiles, and then he says something that will break his heart apart but he actually needed that to be the better version of himself, “I guess this is where we say goodbye. I got a scholarship to Norway next autumn and I don’t know when I will go back to Korea. Probably never. But I am really glad I met you today. I have no unfinished business then,” he smiles.
Yeonjun lost his words. Like someone stole his tongue and he can’t talk at all. He tries to speak but he only let out a weird squeak.
“Sorry, you must be surprised. But there’s a dream I have to chase. And for you, I wish you to have the life that you always wanted. Take care,” he says while tapping Yeonjun’s chest.
He still freezes when a taxi pulls up on the road. Taehyun says goodbye once again and before he gets in, Yeonjun grabs Taehyun’s arm and hugs him again.
“I can’t lose you again. Taehyun-ah please tell me I still have a chance to make things right,” he pleads.
“Hyung–”
“What university are you going to? I’ll go there too. I’ll do anything to be with you again. If you let me,” now he starts hyperventilating because he starts crying.
“Hyung, please don’t do this,” Taehyun tries to free himself from Yeonjun’s hug. But this only makes Yeonjun hug him tighter.
“Please Taehyun, just... Just give me an answer. Yes or no?”
“Hyung I can’t just say yes or no, now. There’s a lot to think about.”
The taxi driver absolutely doesn’t care about their situation because he honks the car.
“I’m sorry, can you hold on a minute? I’m trying to get my ex back here!” Yeonjun says to the driver that only rolls his eyes to him.
“Taehyun?” he asks again.
“Just… Do you still have my number? Let’s talk some more and I’ll decide,” he finally says.
Yeonjun’s face becomes happy in a second and he jumps excitedly. “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I won’t let you down this time, I promise,” his hands find Taehyun’s cheek and stroke it gently.
Yeonjun clears his throat, and finally asks, “Can I kiss you?”
“Now you just cross the line. Just let me go, hyung. It’s late. We’ll talk tomorrow,” Taehyun looks angry but Yeonjun knows that’s just him pretending.
“Alright, then. Get home safe. I’ll text you tonight,” he says.
Finally letting him get in the taxi and wait until his taxi disappears. Who knows he’d woke up and meet his ex today? Maybe God wasn’t mad at him at all.