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Chapter Text

"Firepaw, wake up!" 

Before Firepaw could register what was going on, he was violently shaken awake. Opening and rubbing his bleary eyes, he was met with Greypaw's cheery face. The apprentice's dorms were nice, sure, but Firepaw didn't exactly appreciate the fact that some cats could come in when they're not mean to.

"We have training with Tigerclaw and Lionheart at 10, and you know how strict Tigerclaw is on punctualitiveness!"

Firepaw groaned. "That's not a word."

But Greypaw was already out of the door. Sighing, Firepaw reached for his phone, checking the time. 7 AM. 

That git woke me up for nothing. I have 3 bloody hours.

Sighing once again, just to show the universe how fed up with Greypaw he was, he opened his phone to go onto (insert messaging app here idk).

***

Apprentices & Mentors

Tigerclaw: Training is at 10:00 in the training hollow. No need to bring weapons, you will be learning tree climbing.

Greypaw: ts pmo

(Greypaw has deleted one message)

Greypaw: Must've been the wind...

Greypaw: We'll be there!

Tigerclaw: I saw that.

Greypaw: saw what

Lionheart: Tigerclaw, you need to loosen up a bit. 

Tigerclaw: You need to lose some weight.

Greypaw: OHHHH

Tigerclaw: Greypaw stfu you're literally fatter than the sun you cant talk

(Tigerclaw has deleted 1 message)

Lionheart: Screenshotted that <4

Greypaw: How do you mess up on typing <3

Tigerclaw: Who cares if you screenshotted it? I was telling the truth.

Lionheart: I'm going to send it to Bluestar and tell her you're a bully.

Tigerclaw: .

Tigerclaw: You wouldn't.

***

Firepaw was quite honestly...surprised at that conversation. Tigerclaw was kind of right, to be honest, about Greypaw. Lionheart, though? The warrior was large, sure, but that was probably muscle. 

He decided to leave the groupchat alone for now. It was probably best he didn't get involved, or else Tigerclaw's...anger? Bullying? Would be redirected onto him.

***

Training had gone reasonably well. Firepaw was actually pretty good at climbing trees. Greypaw, on the other paw, was...less than adequate. At one point, he fell. Luckily Tigerclaw was there to cushion his fall!

Despite Firepaw and Tigerclaw's mutual dislike, Firepaw couldn't help but feel bad for the warrior. Having Greypaw fall on you was like having Sunningrocks collapse on you. Luckily that had never happened to anyone. Right?

Ravenpaw, however, was clearly the best at tree climbing. He clomb -Firepaw wasn't sure what the past tense of climb was- up the trees with ease, even surpassing Lionheart and Tigerclaw! For once, his mentor couldn't find fault with him. Maybe that was because he was still recovering from having an elephant  apprentice fall on him, though.

As soon as Firepaw got back to his dorm, he immediately flopped onto his bed, pulling out his phone. He opened (insert messaging app), and was surprised to see he had been added to a new group. For some reason, he got a sense of foreboding. A whole clan? On one groupchat? This will be chaotic.

***

THUNDERCLAN

Darkstripe: I swear if if hear you and Frostfur again I will kms

Lionheart: WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING.

Mousefur: We all heard you bro 💔

Runningwind: yh the walls in the warriors' block are very thin

Lionheart: FOR THE LAST TIME, FROSTFUR AND I DID NOTHING.

Longtail: ok then who was saying "lionheart yes yes lionheart yes"

Firepaw: WHAT

Darkstripe: ew who added the kittypet

Whitestorm: Darkstripe, be nice. I added him because I think it's time he socialises.

Whitestorm: Also, Firepaw, don't mind the current conversation

Frostfur: Lionheart, you don't have to pretend we didn't have a fun time last night.

Greypaw: lionheart how could you

Lionheart: Greypaw, as your mentor I am telling you to put your phone down.

Ravenpaw: whats going on

Mousefur: scroll up

Ravenpaw: great starclan

Tigerclaw: LIONHEART

Tigerclaw: WHAT THE FUCK

Greypaw: omg he swore

Tigerclaw: LIONHEART THAT WAS YOU LAST NIGHT???

Tigerclaw: IM GOING TO FIND YOU

Lionheart, responding to Tigerclaw: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Lionheart: HELLO?

Lionheart: FROSTFUR WAS IN ON IT TOO. GET HER INSTEAD

Runningwind: hes cooked

Longtail: oh shit i can hear Tigerclaw walking to his room.

Greypaw: He's gonna beat him

Darkstripe: Sigh sometimes I wish he would beat me 👅

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Mousefur: can we unpack that

Darkstripe: unpack what

Mousefur: ...nevermind

Lionheart: It was nice knowing you all.

Bluestar: What is all this ruckus about?

Greypaw: Scroll up

Bluestar: Oh.

***

Firepaw put the phone down. He needed some time to think.

First of all: What the fuck

Why was that his first conversation on the groupchat?! 

Second of all: It was kind of interesting how differently people texted on the groupchat compared to texting or even talking elsewhere. For example: Tigerclaw. He was always so formal and stoic, even on the Apprentices & Mentors groupchat. But on the main one? What was that?!

Firepaw could faintly hear Greypaw giggling in the other room. Well, more of a cackle. He listened as it got louder and louder...oh shit is it getting closer?

Greypaw burst in and launched himself onto Firepaw's bed, heaving with laughter. Ravenpaw followed him, though much more respectively, and carefully sat himself a safe distance away from the writhing and giggling apprentice. 

"Did you see the groupchat?!" Greypaw managed to choke out inbetween cackles. 

"I was literally online and texting," Firepaw responded, starting to get annoyed at his friend's laughter.

"I-I hope Lionheart is okay," Ravenpaw murmured, looking downcast. He, of all people, knew what it was like to be on the wrong side of Tigerclaw's fury. haha book reference

"Nah, he'll be fine. Tigerclaw won't do anything to him." Firepaw assured Ravenpaw, though he did feel a hint of worry for their deputy. Tigerclaw was a force to be reckoned with.

"Now, get out of my dorm. I need sleep." Firepaw shooed Greypaw out, and politely waved at Ravenpaw as he left. Then, he lay back on his bed and shut his eyes, drifting off to sleep...

Chapter Text

Firepaw awoke to a repeating ping! sound. He had been having a really nice dream, where he was hunting a really fat mouse and was just about to catch it when he woke up. He looked to his phone, which was pinging with constant messages. Ugh, who knew a groupchat with the "noble" cats of Thunderclan would be so chaotic?

He groaned, then grabbed his phone to see what was going on.

***

THUNDERCLAN

Sandpaw: who do yall think is the fattest in thunderclan

Whitestorm: Sandpaw, as my apprentice, I am highly disappointed in you.

Sandpaw: oh damn sorry I forgot you were here. I won't say offensive things again

Whitestorm: Oh no I don't think it's offensive, I am just disappointed in you needing to ask that when it's literally Lionheart.

Lionheart: I trusted you.

Tigerclaw: Great Starclan don't any of you know what sleep is??

Sandpaw: You're literally also online bro

Tigerclaw: I'm only awake because of your constant messaging pinging my phone.

Tigerclaw: Oh wait, are we discussing Thunderclan's largest member? 

Tigerclaw: Greypaw is on the larger side, though I'd say he is only the largest apprentice, not largest Thunderclan cat.

Greypaw:  WHAT

Lionheart: Can you try and make Whitestorm see sense? He's saying I'm the fattest.

Tigerclaw: he's not wrong ❤️

(Tigerclaw has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: You're literally so thin

Tigerclaw: You have an hourglass body shape frfr 

Darkstripe: YOU have an hourglass body shape ZOO WEE MAMA 😍

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: oh

Greypaw: never thought I'd see tigerclaw say frfr 

Tigerclaw: Never thought I'd see you doing something other than eating but here we are.

Mousefur: just went online and was immediately met with this 😭

Lionheart: I saw that deleted message.

Sandpaw: What deleted message?

Tigerclaw: Yes, what message are you talking about? I haven't deleted any messages.

Spottedleaf: Everyone, please go to sleep. Staying up late is unhealthy.

Mousefur: @Spottedleaf I think Lionheart is schizophrenic 

Lionheart: NO IM NOT

Tigerclaw: He's in the denial stage

Spottedleaf: That's grief, not schizophrenia 

Tigerclaw: 😔

Dustpaw: what the sigma

Firepaw: NOT THE BRAINROT INFECTING THE CLANS 💔

Sandpaw: it's not infecting the clans he's literally the only person to say it

Firepaw: tbh I expected Greypaw to be brainrotted

Tigerclaw: He doesn't have the mental capacity.

Greypaw: what did i do to you bro 🥀

Mousefur: anyways lionheart is schizophrenic he's imagining that tigerclaw sent a message then deleted it but he didn't

Lionheart: NO IT REALLY WAS THERE

Tigerclaw: yeah and you're not the fattest cat in thunderclan

Sandpaw: oh yeah I forgot about that

Sandpaw: WHO DO YALL THINK IS THE FATTEST IN THUNDERCLAN

Tigerclaw: Lionheart

Darkstripe: Lionheart

Firepaw: Lionheart

Dustpaw: Lionheart

Whitestorm: Lionheart

Mousefur: Lionheart

Spottedleaf: Lionheart

Bluestar: Lionheart

Lionheart: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?

Lionheart: BLUESTAR YOU TOO??

Bluestar: I am merely stating the truth.

Bluestar: Now everyone, go to bed. 

Dustpaw: gn my pookies

Bluestar: Dustpaw, you are on elders' duty for the next week. 

Dustpaw: 😭

***

What. Okay so, that had probably been even weirder than the conversation about Frostfur and Lionheart. Firepaw counted himself lucky that half of the clan was still asleep, or else that would have been WAY more chaotic. 

So, I've learned a multitude of things. Firepaw thought. Everyone thinks Lionheart is fat, Tigerclaw beefs with random apprentices for some reason, and also the clans are aware of brainrot, though it seems only Dustpaw is affected. Of course it's him.

Firepaw couldn't help but feel a bit weirded out by Darkstripe's message as well. If he was going to simp over Tigerclaw, couldn't he do if in PMs? Though I have to admit, seeing him get the most bare-bones reaction from Tigerclaw was pretty funny.

Chapter Text

Firepaw, Ravenpaw and Greypaw were sitting on Greypaw's bed, which was larger than both Firepaw's are Ravenpaw's - perks of being fat the deputy's apprentice. 

"Wonder what's on the groupchat today?" Greypaw said wistfully, as if his phone wasn't a mere 10 centimetres away. 

"It seems normal. Less chaotic than usual. Darkstripe is currently yapping about Tigerclaw. I think he's the only one active." Ravenpaw helpfully informed, looking at his phone.

***

THUNDERCLAN

Darkstripe: bro tigerclaw is literally the best warrior

Darkstripe: he is so awesome and strong and hot

Mousefur: What was that last one?

Darkstripe: read the bloody screen

Darkstripe: anyways I love watching him do stuff

Darkstripe: like he's so good at hunting it's actually mesmerising

Darkstripe: especially when he bends over or is in a hunting crouch

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message) 

Mousefur:  WHAT

Ravenpaw: darkstripe what was that 

Darkstripe: what was what

(Yellowfang has joined the chat)

Mousefur: WHAT

Mousefur: ISNT SHE THE SHADOWCLAN MEDICINE CAT??

Darkstripe: ewww not shadowclan

Yellowfang: shut up you simp ts pmo sybau

Yellowfang: I can see deleted messages yk

Darkstripe: 😰

Yellowfang: nah you foul af

Ravenpaw: how did you get into our gc and how can you see deleted msgs?

Yellowfang: I'm an Indian scammer 

Yellowfang: no I'm just a hacker 🤑

Mousefur: aren't you a bit too old to be using emojis and words like "ts pmo"

Tigerclaw: What's going on?

Yellowfang: darkstripe simps over you

Tigerclaw: Ew why is the weird old lady from Shadowclan here?

Yellowfang: I'm not from shadowclan anymore I left

Tigerclaw: So you're a homeless rat?

Yellowfang: I know where you are.

Tigerclaw: I know where I am too, so your information is pointless 😁

Firepaw: wait yellowfang why did you hack OUR gc

Yellowfang: I may or may not be in the area

Lionheart: I'll have to send some patrols near the Shadowclan border.

Yellowfang: you dumb af why would you say that when I'm ON the gc

Runningwind: she has a point yk

Mousefur:  oh hi bro

Runningwind: I'm literally right next to you wanker

Mousefur: 😢

Sandpaw: hey hey hey whats popping

Dustpaw: have a skibidi and rizzful day!

Yellowfang: you too my ohio alpha!

Tigerclaw: Oh shit, is she brainrotted as well?

Lionheart: Now Dustpaw's going to be encouraged 😔

Dustpaw: SMYW

Dustpaw: SPWYS

Dustpaw: MCIBTY

Lionheart: What do any of those mean?

Yellowfang: Show me your willy

Yellowfang: Stop playing with your sausage

Yellowfang: My cucumber is bigger than yours

Lionheart: oh

Darkstripe: sigh if only I could say SMYW to Tigerclaw and he would obey me

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: I'm going to jump.

Darkstripe:  the only place your gonna jump is onto my bed with me in it

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: I'm actually going to kill myself. 

Greypaw: darkstripe WHAT WAS THAT

Darkstripe: ooooh what you gonna do, tell mommy?

Greypaw: stfu atleast mum likes me

Willowpelt:  he's right you know

Darkstripe: WHAT

Darkstripe: Tigerclaw help me out here

Tigerclaw: NO

Tigerclaw: YOU JUST SAID THAT IM GONNA JUMP INTO BED WITH YOU

Darkstripe: are you saying that because you'll do it

Tigerclaw: NO

Darkstripe: 😔

Yellowfang: darkstripe I understand why you may have feelings for tigerclaw because he is hot af

Tigerclaw: WHAT

Yellowfang: and if I were a guy I would touch myself when seeing him at gatherings

Tigerclaw: EW ARENT YOU LIKE 70 YEARS OLD

Yellowfang: but you don't need to simp over him and say stuff like that

Mousefur: yellowfang what you just said now was basically what darkstripe says

Yellowfang: yh but I'm not a simp

Yellowfang: he may look good but his personality is shit

Tigerclaw: 😭

Darkstripe: DONT CRY KITTEN ILL PROTECT YOU

Tigerclaw: KYS ❤️

Darkstripe: aww you sent a heart

Darkstripe: oh you told me to kms

Mousefur: aren't you like a loyal follower

Mousefur: you should listen to his demands

Yellowfang: yo tigerclaw im gonna send screenshots of darkstripe's deleted messages to you in pms 

Tigerclaw: what is this.

***

"I can't watch this anymore. Besides, we have training soon." Firepaw stood up to leave. 

"Do you think Yellowfang is in the territory?" Ravenpaw looked around nervously, as if she might be hiding in Greypaw's room.

Greypaw let out a short laugh. "Who knows? Doesn't hurt to check!"

On the way to the training hollow, the three apprentices chatted about the...interesting events that happened on the groupchat that morning. 

"Why does my brother always pine over Tigerclaw? Can't he, like, do it in private messages?" Greypaw said, exasperated, as they reached the hollow. He didn't realise Tigerclaw and Lionheart were already there.

Ravenpaw and Firepaw exchanged terrified glances. This wouldn't end well.

"Oh, no, he is in my private messages as well. And in my room sometimes. And on patrol. And when I'm eating. And sometimes I swear I can hear his voice when I'm sleeping." WHAT?! 

Tigerclaw seemed annoyed, though wether it was directed at Greypaw or Darkstripe was hard to tell.

"He's watching you sleep?! This is a serious matter, you know." As he said this,  Lionheart placed a hand on Tigerclaw's shoulder, which Tigerclaw was quick to shrug away. 

"No I made that last part up for fun. Anyways, Greypaw, it isn't right to gossip about clanmates, especially if they are family. I hope I don't hear you saying things like that again, no matter how right you are or how creepy your brother is." Tigerclaw's tone was cold throughout the speech, though Firepaw was surprised to hear him backhandedly agreeing with Greypaw.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." Greypaw muttered, looking remorseful. But as Tigerclaw turned his back, he turned to Firepaw and Ravenpaw and mocked Tigerclaw speaking. Though this quickly earned him a cuff over the ears from Lionheart. 

Firepaw exhaled, and hoped this training session wouldn't go badly. There was still the threat of that Shadowclanner in the territory.

Chapter Text

This day was fucking awful.

First, to start things off, Firepaw was woken up at like 4 AM by Greypaw's snoring, and was unable to get back to sleep. Not that bad, to be honest, but now Firepaw felt crappy for the rest of the day.

Then, he was split up from Greypaw and Ravenpaw, and made to train with Tigerclaw and Darkstripe. Why was he even training with Tigerclaw? He was Ravenpaw's mentor, shouldn't he be training with him?

The entire session was sneers and jibes from Darkstripe, who seemed to be extra aggressive today, probably because he wanated to suck up to his idol, Tigerclaw. 

He doesn't even like you back, Dirtstripe, why do you still try? Firepaw screamed in his head as Darkstripe mocked him. The warrior kept looking back to Tigerclaw after every insult, as if expecting praise. 

Tigerclaw didn't even look interested. Maybe that was the only positive thing about this sessison. The senior warrior was focused on training Firepaw, with the occasional harshs critique, but that was normal. Firepaw had to admit, Tigerclaw was talented in being a dick. 

Finally, after one too many sneers from Shitstripe, Firepaw snapped back.

"I may be a kittypet, but atleast I'm not blindly following a guy who'll never like me back! Tell me, Darkstripe, has Tigerclaw ever  gone out of his way to talk to you? To interact with you?" Darkstripe reeled back at this, looking stunned and furious. Tigerclaw's face remained blank, though his eyes held a slight shimmer of interest. 

"You're a literal nobody, there isn't one single member of the clan who actually likes you. You're known as Tigerclaw's follower, Tigerclaw's shadow, the creep, the weirdo. That's what you are! When you die, will anyone sit vigil for you?! No! Because you have spent your whole life sucking up to one cat who will never reciprocate your feelings, and so you never bothered to socialise with anyone else!" 

Firepaw stopped for breath, and was about to continue when Tigerclaw stepped in.

"That's enough, both of you. This session is over. You're both dismissed."

He's not even defending Darkstripe. I am right! Firepaw realised.

"You're not even gonna reprimand him for disrespecting a warrior like that?! Tigerclaw, you must realise-" Darkstripe began.

Tigerclaw cut him off. "That's enough. I thought I already said that, or are you too moronic to understand basic commands? Firepaw may have disrespected you, but what he said was not lies. You ought to think about what he has said. Now, let's go back to camp."

Darkstripe looked utterly furious. His fists were trembling with anger, as he glared at Firepaw. Firepaw walked closely to Tigerclaw the entire way back, any sense of rivalry between them faded as they shared a common annoyance with Darkstripe. 

***

Firepaw didn't even want to face the groupchat that evening, but knew he ought to. He opened his phone and was met with nearly 50 @Firepaw pings from Darkstripe.

Starclan save me.

***

THUNDERCLAN

Darkstripe: @Firepaw

Darkstripe: @Firepaw

Darkstripe: @Firepaw

Mousefur: stop spamming bro

Firepaw: wtf do you want

Darkstripe: TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID IN TRAINING

Firepaw: it was true though

Mousefur: WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY

Sandpaw: SPILL THE TEA

Darkstripe: HE CALLED ME A NOBODY, SAID THAT I ONLY FOLLOW TIGERCLAW AROUND AND NOBODY WILL MISS ME WHEN I DIE

Sandpaw: he's not wrong ...

Bluestar: Darkstripe, whilst this sounds like Firepaw may have been disrespectful, he is partially right. Maybe it's time you socialise more with other members of the clan?

Mousefur: NAH THE BEEF SO DEEP BLUESTAR GOT INVOLVED AND TOLD DARKSTRIPE TO GET A LIFE

Sandpaw: THATS CRAZY

Darkstripe: im not doing anything until FIREPAW apologises

Firepaw: im sorry i hurt your feelings, special snowflake 🥺

Darkstripe: of course the KITTYPET has NO respect. He isnt USED to CLAN LIFE

Firepaw: WHY are YOU capitalising LIKE every OTHER word

Darkstripe: are you MOCKING me

Tigerclaw: Are you seriously beefing with a child

Darkstripe: Tigerclaw back me up here

Tigerclaw: Firepaw's not wrong. It's true that you follow me around with no hope of getting anything in return. I don't even like you.

Lionheart: Darkstripe, if you need help with friendships, I'm always happy to help!

Dustpaw: it feels so weird seeing my mentor get friendship advice

Sandpaw: is he even online??

Mousefur: idk hes not responding

Longtail: guys WHAT DID YOU DO

Longtail: Darkstripe is on my bed SOBBING 

Mousefur: wait what

Longtail: likes hes full on sobbing 

Greypaw: wait whats going on whos sobbing

Sandpaw: scroll up

Greypaw: HELP WTF

Greypaw: why did he crash out 😭

Firepaw: I MADE A GROWN WARRIOR CRY 

Yellowfang: 💀

Tigerclaw: Oh shit the homeless rat is still on here. Bluestar kick her.

Bluestar: I'm sure no harm will come from her being on the groupchat. 

Bluestar: It's not like you talk about anything important anyways.

Mousefur: ☹️

Lionheart: Tigerclaw, maybe if you just payed attention to Darkstripe, then he wouldn't be so upset?

Tigerclaw: If I pay attention then he gets worse. 

Lionheart: oh

Longtail: help me he wont stop sobbing and saying stuff about Tigerclaw

Tigerclaw: What's he saying?

Longtail: something about you spreading his legs

Lionheart: WHAT

Tigerclaw: gulp

Mousefur: WDYM "GULP"

Sandpaw: you sound like your guilty, but what are you guilty about?? 🤨

Tigerclaw: So uh does anyone remember that one Gathering I got really drunk at?

Lionheart: Wait wasn't that the one where Darkstripe had to take you to your room because you were so drunk you couldn't walk?

Lionheart: wait

Lionheart: WAIT

Tigerclaw: I WAS DRUNK OK

Tigerclaw: And anyways, I think he was the one that initiated it, not me

Sandpaw: THATS CRAZY

Dustpaw: THATS FRUITY

Yellowfang: wait so you acc laid with that guy

Tigerclaw: I felt bad for him 

Tigerclaw: He always looks miserable and I just wanted to cheer him up 😔

Tigerclaw: Also i was DRUNK.

Yellowfang: yeah but you still banged him

Tigerclaw: he banged me

(Tigerclaw has deleted 1 message)

Mousefur: WOAHHHH

Lionheart: we did NOT need to know that

Sandpaw: stfu lionheart we all know you are very intrigued by this piece of information

Sandpaw: your probably gonna ask for proof

Lionheart: First of all, I am your deputy, and it would do you good to respect me.

Lionheart: Second of all, I ALREADY HAVE FROSTFUR AJDBQJFVKQJDBSBD

Greypaw: is he having a stroke

Tigerclaw: The diabetes finally got to him

Lionheart: HEY

***

Chapter Text

***

THUNDERCLAN

Darkstripe: so we all agree that the kittypet is stupid and shouldn't have brought in the homeless rat, right?

Tigerclaw: Why are you copying me? Are you that desperate for approval?

Sandpaw: how can you even show your face after what happened last time you were on the gc

Darkstripe: nothing happened.

Sandpaw: bitch wdym nothing happened

Sandpaw: you crashed out, got clowned on and literally sobbed 

Darkstripe: I was having a bad day, ok?

Mousefur: can we address the elephant in the room?

Tigerclaw: Greypaw?

Greypaw: WHAT

Whitestorm: Lionheart?

Lionheart: HUH

Mousefur: no you idiots 

Mousefur: Yellowfang

Yellowfang: hey yall

Yellowfang: yk the thunderclan wifi is rlly good

Yellowfang: I can't believe I was living off of mobile data after I got exiled from shadowclan

Runningwind: yeah about that

Runningwind: why were you exiled??

Yellowfang: I got exiled because I was too brainrotted

Whitestorm: Nobody is falling for that.

Yellowfang: im sorry I lied 

Yellowfang: I was exiled because Brokenstar couldn't stand being the 2nd fattest cat in the clan

Tigerclaw: Are you saying you're fat?

Yellowfang: is it a crime to be self aware now??

Bluestar: Everyone, please stop arguing. I have already made and told you of my decision. Yellowfang will be staying in Thunderclan as a prisoner.

Yellowfang: wait am I gonna stay in this manky spare room as a prisoner

Bluestar: That is our Prisoner's Room and it is not manky.

Yellowfang: yes it is bru

Yellowfang: have any of you ever stayed in this room overnight?? 

Runningwind: yes

Yellowfang: exactly, none of you have. you don't know how hard it is to-

Yellowfang: wait you have??

Runningwind: mousefur pranked me once and locked me in there for 2 days. 

Runningwind: I had to eat the plaster on the walls

Yellowfang: oh so thats why theres bite marks

Firepaw: HELP WTF

Mousefur: look he just got a bit annoying ok

Sandpaw: ew get this kittypet bitch off the gc

Sandpaw: like how tf do you expect him to be loyal

Sandpaw: he literally fed a hobo AND himself

Sandpaw: so basically he fed two hobos

Whitestorm: Sandpaw, I am disappointed in you. You should not bully others for mistakes.

Whitestorm: Remember that time you ate a whole entire bird on hunting patrol?

Whitestorm: Remember how big that bird was? It was much larger than usual and could easily have fed 3 people if shared.

Greypaw: omg Sandpaw welcome to the fatass club

Yellowfang: who are the other members

Greypaw: it's just me and lionheart rn

Lionheart: WHAT

Tigerclaw: When can we kill Yellowfang

Bluestar: We are never going to. Why?

Tigerclaw: My bedroom window is suspiciously broken and there is a suspicious brick on the floor that has a suspicious note saying "hello from yellowfang" attached.

Tigerclaw: Very suspicious, if you ask me. 

Darkstripe: yay now I can come in at night and you won't hear the door open

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: When can we kill Darkstripe

Tigerclaw: Please Bluestar

Yellowfang: hey bluestar instead of sleeping in this manky room can I sleep with you 

Bluestar: What.

Yellowfang: ❤️

Longtail: Yuri

Bluestar: What's yuri?

Longtail: uhm it stands for uhm

Longtail: You're unique, radiant and intelligent!

Bluestar: Oh. Okay.

Mousefur: yeah you should Google it

Bluestar: If you insist.

Bluestar: What is this.

(Bluestar has sent 1 image. It's a screenshot of Google Images, with multiple images of girls kissing and just general Yuri things)

Longtail: oh wait guys I forgot it's my bedtime bye

Bluestar: It's 11:30 AM?

Longtail:  sorry I can't hear your texts I'm sleeping

Yellowfang: bluestar you didnt answer my question

Yellowfang: please just for 1 night I'll be scared if I dont

Bluestar: Fine.

Tigerclaw: WHAT 

Firepaw: Lesbian grandmas

Bluestar: I'm still online you know.

Firepaw: I'm sorry.

***

Chapter Text

***

THUNDERCLAN

Mousefur: whoever is listening to radiohead needs to stfu and turn it down

Firepaw: omg is someone here emo depressed

Willowpelt: Radiohead isn't necessarily depressing.

Greypaw: yes it is mum

Ravenpaw: vocaloid better

Longtail: you like vocaloid? 

Ravenpaw: hatsune miku  (/^▽^)/ 

Darkstripe: ewww you're so cringe

Tigerclaw: Hatsune Miku isn't that bad.

Darkstripe: miku is pretty cool ngl

Ravenpaw: (<_<)

Mousefur: bro did a 180

Willowpelt: Darkstripe this is why Greypaw is my favourite child

Darkstripe: it's ok because I'm tigerclaws favourite and that's all I need

Tigerclaw: You're not my favourite.

Darkstripe: 😭

Longtail: wait who's your favourite then

Tigerclaw: Goldenflower 

Goldenflower: Read it and weep, Darkstripe 

Mousefur: yo ravenpaw what miku songs do you like

Ravenpaw: World Is Mine, The Vampire, Mind Brand （＾ω＾）

Tigerclaw: Okay those are pretty good songs.

Darkstripe: omg ravenpaw you have such a good music taste!

Ravenpaw: (°ー°〃)

Greypaw: I'm disappointed to be related to you, Darkstripe.

Mousefur: nah you're so cooked you managed to make Greypaw use proper grammar 😭

Darkstripe: be quiet I'm gonna go back to listening to radiohead

Runningwind: THATS YOU?

Yellowfang: emo depressed ahh

Runningwind: why is a grandma using modern day slang

Yellowfang: I'm just rizzy like that

Runningwind: oh.

Lionheart: does Tigerclaw also listen to radiohead? is that why you listen, Darkstripe?

Tigerclaw: No I listen to pretty much everything.

Darkstripe: do you have a favourite 

Darkstripe: pls I need to know

Tigerclaw: Song or genre?

Darkstripe: ANYTHING GOD DAMNIT

Tigerclaw: Okay calm down 😭

Tigerclaw: System of a Down are always good to listen to

Mousefur: Darkstripes taking notes rn

Firepaw: banana banana banana terracotta banana banana terracotta pie

Ravenpaw: real  ( ￣▽￣)σ

Longtail: what are these cryptic symbols

Ravenpaw: it's called kaomoji and they're on your keyboard ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧

Ravenpaw: just go to emojis and at the top go to the button that looks like :-)

Longtail:  (╯°Д°)╯︵ ┻━┻  great starclan there's a table flipping one

Tigerclaw: Is there one of me violently beating darkstripe to death?

Ravenpaw: (＠_＠;)

Ravenpaw: I'm just going to go back to listening to miku...

Mousefur: teto better

Mousefur: neru best

Tigerclaw: Okay I need to go on patrol I can see Lionheart staring ominously into my window.

Mousefur: HELP 😭

Lionheart: Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ 

Longtail: ravenpaw what have you done

Ravenpaw: (。•́︿•̀。)

Firepaw: lionheart are you okay

Lionheart: I will be if Tigerclaw actually leaves his room.

Tigerclaw: he's just standing there

Tigerclaw: MENACINGLY 😭

Lionheart: Get your ass out here right now 

Tigerclaw: I'm coming, don't be impatient.

Darkstripe: mmmmm he's coming 😩

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: WHAT

Bluestar: Great Starclan, I open this groupchat and that is the first thing I see?

Bluestar: Don't forget there's apprentices on here.

Mousefur: NAH GETTING CAUGHTY SAYING THAT BY BLUESTAR IS CRAZY

Ravenpaw: wait i researched some System of a Down songs theyre actually a jam (^w^)-☆

Tigerclaw: EXACTLY. 

Lionheart: Tigerclaw come outside. NOW

Tigerclaw: Oh

Ravenpaw: baiii ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ 

***

Chapter Text

***

THUNDERCLAN

Smallear: heklj 

Firepaw: what

One-Eye: I'm half blind and I can type better

Dappletail: That's because you are using the thing

Whitestorm: What thing?

Dappletail: The thing where she speaks into her telephone and it types.

Halftail: what is this

Tigerclaw: Hello, Halftail.

Halftail: how do you know my name

Halftail: who are you

Tigerclaw: Halftail I know where you are.

Tigerclaw: Halftail I'm going to get you.

Mousefur:  nah don't do that he'll have a heart attack

Halftail: i dont believe you

(Tigerclaw has sent 1 image. It is a picture of Halftail in his room, as seen through a window. Whoever is taking the photo is very clearly holding a butterknife)

Halftail: how did you get that image

Halftail: spy

Smallear: halftail tghats clearrly tigercrlaw 

Tigerclaw: buzzkill

Patchpelt: Does Goldenflower happen to be on this groupchat?

Goldenflower: I am. And?

Patchpelt: I just want to apologise for being a bad partner.

Patchpelt: I don't suppose you'll give me a second chance?

Goldenflower: I'm sorry but you're an elder, and you were a very absent mate and father to me and Swiftkit.

Goldenflower: And I have Tigerclaw now.

Goldenflower: Hi, honey

Tigerclaw: HIII <3

Patchpelt: Oh. I see. As long as you're happy, I'm fine. I hope we can remain friends though.

Goldenflower: Of course we can. I accept your apology as well.

Darkstripe: goldenflower you BITCH

Frostfur: whats a bitch

Frostfur: also hi this is cinderkit

Frostfur: whats a bitch tho

Mousefur: It's a word you should use alot around your mother. Say that Lionheart taught you it.

Frostfur: oki

Longtail: You're evil

Mousefur: no I'm not 

Darkstripe: GOLDENFLOWER YOU STOLE MY MAN

Goldenflower: He was never yours to begin with.

Darkstripe: NO. HE BELONGED TO ME

Goldenflower: Well he's mine now, you tragic clown.

Tigerclaw: Am I an object to you?

Goldenflower: Of course not honey, you are everything to me. I was just making a point to the local virgin.

Tigerclaw: That's so sweet of you <3

Mousefur: guys can you flirt somewhere else

Goldenflower: If you wish. Tigerclaw, come to my room.

Tigerclaw: OKOKOK OMW

Darkstripe: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Runningwind: holy moly my ravioli

Runningwind: they're gonna bang

Longtail: who are gonna WHAT

Firepaw: scroll up

Ravenpaw: Σ⊙▃⊙川

Greypaw: NAHHH FIRST ITS LIONHEART AND FROSTFUR, NOW TIGERCLAW AND GOLDENFLOWER?

Greypaw: WHOS NEXT, BLUESTAR AND YELLOWFANG?

Yellowfang: you're too late bro

Firepaw: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "TOO LATE" 

Yellowfang: i was never here...

Frostfur: WHO TAUGHT MY BABY TO SAY "BITCH" ?

Frostfur: SHE SAID IT WAS LIONHEART.

Lionheart: I didn't do anything.

Frostfur: THEN WHY IS CINDERKIT SAYING BITCH AND TELLING ME YOU TAUGHT HER IT

Lionheart: I NEVER DID ANYTHING

Mousefur: he's lying I saw him teaching cinderkit

Sandpaw: me too 

Sandpaw: we didn't want to intervene incase he used his deputy position to punish us

Frostfur: LIONHEART YOU BASTARD

Lionheart: I can hear her coming to my room. Goodbye everyone. 

Spottedleaf: Is Lionheart being schizophrenic again? 

Firepaw: YES

Spottedleaf: That's a shame. 

Spottedleaf: Would anyone mind collecting some comfrey please? I am almost out of it.

Firepaw: ILL GO

Sandpaw: suck up

Firepaw: stfu atleast I actually wanna help people and don't just laze around all day doing rubbish tiktok dances

Ravenpaw: !!!∑(°Д°ノ)ノ

Spottedleaf: You should not need to ridicule a clanmate on wanting to help people, Sandpaw.

Smallear: heklj rvanepaw wht is that picture

Ravenpaw: It's a kaomoji. Go to your emoji button (the smiley face button), then click the button that looks like :-)

Smallear: (≧ω≦)/

Smallear: haha look at tghat LOL!

One-Eye: He's trying so hard to fit in with the new generation.

Halftail: yes

Willowpelt: Why is Frostfur beating the shit out of Lionheart?

Mousefur: she thinks he taught Cinderkit to say bitch

Willowpelt: Oh. That makes sense.

Willowpelt: And where is Goldenflower?

Runningwind: In Tigerclaw

Willowpelt: WHAT?!

Runningwind: Sorry, typo, I meant in bed with Tigerclaw

Runningwind: but tbh if she was a guy she WOULD be in tigerclaw

Dustpaw: what the sigma 

Greypaw: yeah mum uhh tigerclaw and goldenflower are banging

Willowpelt: Oh.

Willowpelt: It's okay, I don't judge. I do it with Whitestorm

Brindleface: uhm excuse me whitestorm is MY mate

Willowpelt: no he's mine??

Sandpaw:  @Whitestorm

Whitestorm: What?

Sandpaw: DO YOU HAVE TWO MATES.

Whitestorm: uhh

Willowpelt: WHITESTORM WHAT THE FUCK

Brindleface: I'm going to kill you.

Speckletail: GET HIM GIRLS 

Whitestorm: NO DONT BLAME ME BLAME THE ERINS' BAD WRITING

Brindleface: WHO IS ERIN.

Willowpelt: IS THIS A THIRD MOLLY YOU'RE DATING?!

Whitestorm: NO

Longtail: what the fuck

Greypaw: well that was eventful

***

Chapter Text

***

THUNDERCLAN

Sandpaw: can anyone hear some Japanese person screaming 

Darkstripe: that's the anime I'm watching 😁

Ravenpaw: what one ?? ╰(*´︶`*)╯

Darkstripe: My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute!

Darkstripe: OK I KNOW THE NAME MAKES IT SOUND BAD BUT TRUST ME ITS PEAK

Longtail: ...

Willowpelt: this is why I like greypaw more than you.

Greypaw: WAIT EW IM YOUR LITTLE BROTHER

Greypaw: AND EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR GAY

Greypaw: EWWWW

Lionheart: WHAT THE FUCK DARKSTRIPE

Darkstripe: no it's not like that!! I just like the plot!!

Darkstripe: what are all of your favourite animes 😊

Sandpaw: way to change the subject

Tigerclaw: NEON GENESIS EVANGELION

Tigerclaw: BEST ANIME

Firepaw: isn't that the one where the studio that made it went bankrupt like halfway through and were seen selling tomatoes on the street?

Tigerclaw: uhm well uh actually erm uhhh

Mousefur: isnt that the one where a high-school boy goons to a girl whilst she's in a coma

Tigerclaw: shinji hospital scene 🤑

Longtail: isn't that the one where the director of the series started self-projecting onto all the characters and immediately everyone became depressed and borderline suicidal

Tigerclaw: who hurt Hideaki Anno.

Lionheart: Isn't that the one where a bunch of aliens from space fight some robots but actually they aren't robots and are living creatures and also the world ends?

Tigerclaw: Angels and Evas and also the Third Impact 🔥🔥🔥

Ravenpaw: I like demon slayer (*^ω^*)

Mousefur: You're so basic

Mousefur: Tokyo Ghoul is best

Runningwind: nah man Blue Lock

Tigerclaw: Isn't that the one that's about football but nobody ever plays football and instead act like freaks?

Runningwind: 😰

Halftail: what is this anemay thing

Ravenpaw: japanese cartoon basically ✧*。٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧*。

Halftail: oh those

Halftail: i watched one called My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute! 

Darkstripe: YAY ANOTHER FAN

Halftail: it was really bad

Halftail: i watched it as a dare from my friends

Halftail: i felt like gouging my eyes out

Darkstripe: oh

Frostfur: hi this is brackenkit

Frostfur: i like watching Berserk

Tigerclaw: ARENT YOU LIKE 3 MOONS OLD OR SMTH

Frostfur:  ye

Frostfur: and

Greypaw: aren't you a bit too young for that

Frostfur: hiii this is cinderkit now

Frostfur: I like watching Saiki K

Tigerclaw: The purple haired ghost guy reminds me of Darkstripe except Darkstripe has no powers and is useless

Darkstripe: 😭

Frostfur: toritsuka reita i think

One-Eye: why are we talking about anime 

Dappletail: If you don't like the conversation then leave.

(One-Eye has left the group)

Dappletail: Not like that.

Frostfur: hii this is still cinderpaw and Thornkit and Brightkit like watching Bluey

Runningwind: that's not an anime.

Bluestar: When I was younger I watched JoJo's Bizzare Adventure.

Firepaw: OK POP OFF I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE CHILL LIKE THAT

Bluestar: I do not know what you said but I will take that as a compliment.

Tigerclaw: shinji get in the fucking robot or rei will have to go again

Bluestar: What was that?

Tigerclaw: Anime reference.

Tigerclaw: you wouldn't get it 😔

Bluestar: Tigerclaw you better watch out if you're ever in a coma.

Tigerclaw: WHAT

Runningwind: wait tigerclaw didn't you say smth about a shinji hospital scene after mousefur asked about a guy gooning on a comatose girl

Runningwind: freaky bluestar

Yellowfang: no she would only do that to me

Bluestar: I have already done that to you. Albeit you were not in a coma.

Whitestorm: What.

Yellowfang: and I ate it all up

Firepaw: WOAH

Mousefur: lesbian grandmas

Speckletail: I am leaving this groupchat and never returning because WHAT IS THIS.

(Speckletail has left the groupchat)

Chapter Text

heyyy uh sorry if I dissapoint anyone but I won't be posting for like a week because I'm going camping. also my writing brain has collapsed and I have no ideas but its okay because I gain inspiration from my own thoughts and groupchats 🤑

yeah so uh. bye bye for a week

Chapter Text

***

THUNDERCLAN

Sandpaw: guys im acc so bored

Whitestorm: Maybe you wouldn't be bored if you were actually doing your duties.

Sandpaw: I legit did them all

Smallear: I'm hungry.

Dappletail: I'm cold.

Halftail: PUSSY

Tigerclaw: WHAT

Halftail: oh my goodness I am so sorry dustpaw took my phone

Mousefur: sure...

Sandpaw: GUYS. CURE MY BOREDOME

Darkstripe: hear me out TIGERCLAW 👅

Tigerclaw: Did you have to use THAT emoji.

Sandpaw: OH MY GOD WE SHOULD DO HEAR ME OUTS

Mousefur: bruh im legit aro/ace

Whitestorm: You don't need to provide a hear me out. You can just watch.

Mousefur: dayum ok

Sandpaw: hear me out the kittypet

(Sandpaw has deleted 1 message)

Firepaw: HUH

Sandpaw: OH FUCK YOUR ONLINE 

Sandpaw: I MEANT ANOTHER ONE DW

Mousefur: 🤨

Firepaw: are we doing hear me outs? 

Tigerclaw: I believe so.

Firepaw: HMO SPOTTEDLEAF

Tigerclaw: That's literally illegal.

Firepaw: makes it even better 🤷‍♀️

Darkstripe: tigerdaddy do you have a HMO

Tigerclaw: tigerWHO

Darkstripe: answer the question

Mousefur: no darkstripe you answer OUR question

Darkstripe: it's just a silly nickname bruh

Tigerclaw: NO ITS NOT??

Lionheart: Hear me out: Whitestorm

Frostfur:  do you have a thing for white cats?

Lionheart: UHMM

Ravenpaw: its ok lionheart I like black and white cats (〃'▽'〃) 

Darkstripe: TIGERCLAW DO A HMO.

Tigerclaw:  FINE

Tigerclaw: Sunstar.

Lionheart: THATS MY DAD 

Lionheart: *that was

Firepaw: WHAT

Tigerclaw: Atleast he was used to people calling him daddy

(Tigerclaw has deleted 1 message)

Sandpaw: CAN WE UNPACK THAT

Tigerclaw: unpack what haha

Whitestorm: sigh if only I could be your hmo instead of stinky lionhearts...

Tigerclaw: Who says you arent?

(Tigerclaw has deleted 1 message)

Darkstripe: WHITESTORM BACK OF MY BBG

Goldenflower: HES MY BBG.

Tigerclaw: Why am I the girl?

Whitestorm: Guys, how do you delete messages?

Lionheart: I screenshotted that and I will send it to willowpelt

Lionheart: wait no brindleface

Lionheart: uhm nevermind 

Bluestar: Hear me out Oakheart.

Yellowfang: HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT

Yellowfang: CHEATER

Bluestar: I am going to leave this conversation now.

Yellowfang: BSBCHAB7DZVUBIWJHVDZVJSVUZ

Goldenflower: keyboard smash like I'm gonna smash tigerclaw

Darkstripe: GET AWAY FROM HIM BITCH

Goldenflower: HES MINE YOU TWAT

Spottedleaf: I'm not going to treat either of you if you are dying from greencough.

Darkstripe: sigh it's ok tigerclaw will care for me ❤️

Tigerclaw: NUH UH

Greypaw: ok hear me out some of the riverclan cats are kinda 😝

Lionheart: WE'RE AT FUCKING WAR WITH THEM.

Greypaw: omg it could be a forbidden romance that's so cool

Runningwind: redtail was kinda hot ngl

Smallear: Sinners. All of you

***

Chapter Text

***

Thunderclan

Firepaw: really hungry rn

Tigerclaw: Go hunt then.

Firepaw: I alr did and all the fatties ate it

Greypaw: listen, the fatass club isn't just a group. its a lifestyle.

Lionheart: It's not a group if you're the only member.

Greypaw: bro your literally vice president

Lionheart: WHAT

Greypaw: you would be president if there wasn't one alr

Mousefur: who's that??

Greypaw: chapter 5

Tigerclaw: What?

Greypaw: 🧱 🧱 🧱 🧱

Ravenpaw: greypaw ur not making sense why are there 4 walls ಠ╭╮ಠ 

Lionheart: Holy moly my ravioli do you mean the 4th wall

Tigerclaw: There is no 4th wall we're in the real world

Tigerclaw: Holy fucking shit don't turn this into a conspiracy theory PLEASE 😭

Frostfur: LANGUAGE. 

Frostfur: my babies are on here FAR TOO OFTEN and if they see your PROFANITY you'll be sorry

Tigerclaw: 😰

Darkstripe: DONT YOU DARE HARM MY BBG

Tigerclaw: Who even are you at this point

Firepaw: GUYS IM HUNGRY.

Darkstripe: AND WHAT KITTYPET

Darkstripe: YOU DONT KNOW THE HARDSHIPS OF CLAN LIFE

Darkstripe: YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WEAK

Tigerclaw: Darkstripe this is why you will die a virgin.

Greypaw: guys can we talk about food to make firepaw even hungrier

Tigerclaw: Of course YOU want to talk about food

Greypaw: it's water weight I swear

Runningwind: I like mac 'n cheese

Darkstripe: basic ass bitch

Frostfur: DARKSTRIPE 

Darkstripe: TIGERCLAW SAVE ME

Tigerclaw: I'm so sorry but I actually need to walk my fish right now so I can't

Lionheart: I like burgers 

Tigerclaw: FATASS

Lionheart: THEY TASTE NICE.

Firepaw: GUYS STOP YOUR MAKING ME HUNGRIER

Mousefur: mmmmmm i love those videos of people using those tiny cookers to make food in their dorms

Mousefur: the sizzling 🤤

Firepaw: PLEASE STOP

Bluestar: Cheesecake.

Yellowfang: squirty cream but it's bluestars cream being squirted

Bluestar: Oh.

Runningwind: first of all WHAT THE FUCK

Runningwind: second of all what is squirty cream 😭

Yellowfang: you thunderclan wankers call it whipped cream

Tigerclaw: Is the squirty cream lesbian coloured

Yellowfang: hell yeah

Whitestorm: What did I just intrude on.

Whitestorm: THATS MY AUNT.

Yellowfang: woah your the same colour as her cream

(Yellowfang has deleted 1 message)

Whitestorm: Oh.

Firepaw: thank you yellowfang I have now lost my appetite 

Darkstripe: TIGERCLAW WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

Tigerclaw: MANGO

Darkstripe: SAMEEE <3  !!!

Tigerclaw: bitch the other day you said you hated mango

Darkstripe: tastebuds change

Tigerclaw: 🤨

Firepaw: NO IM HUNGRY AGAIN

Sandpaw: *you hear a whisper behind you.* "pizzaaa~" *calls out a husky voice. The delectable scent of warm bread, topped with sizzling cheese and tomato sauce spreads through the air and into your nose. You hear the wind rustle, and see a faint, golden glow. Floating towards you is a steaming pizza, its cheese bubbling slightly with heat. It's cooked fresh, and it's calling to you.* "eat me, firepaw~" *it commands*

Firepaw: aw hell nah she went full fanfic mode

Tigerclaw: You're so extra

Whitestorm: Atleast she's a semi-good writer

Lionheart: I'm drooling right now

Greypaw: my phone is covered in drool

Dustpaw: you guys are wider than the entire skibidi toilet series

Longtail: FATTIES

Firepaw: im going to resort to cannibalism.

Firepaw: greypaw your room is next to mine and also your so big you could feed an entire clan for a week

Greypaw: WAIT NO PLEASE IM SORRY

Ravenpaw: oh no he went jeffrey dahmer route ( •̥́ ˍ •̀ू )

***

Chapter Text

***

Dustpaw: yo dyk what would be sigma

Yellowfang: me?

Dustpaw: no ur ligma

Yellowfang: LIGMA BALLS BAHAHAHAHA

Dustpaw: oh ur so funny lol

Yellowfang: were u not going to say that

Tigerclaw: Watching these two interact is like watching two demented donkeys try to talk but they both had a lobotomy

Yellowfang: stfu you troglodyte

Goldenflower: Be quiet you failed abortion. Don't you dare come for my bbg like that 

Darkstripe: HES MY BBG

Whitestorm: actually he was mine first and then you two stole him

Tigerclaw: tfw all the ladies and also men for some reason fight over you 🤑

Dustpaw: guys stfu I was gonna say smth but yall interrupted you fuckers

Yellowfang: oh yh what did you gonna say

Firepaw: "what did you gonna say" 😭

Dustpaw: I was gonna say ligma feet

Longtail: I come online for once and I see this. I hate you all

Sandpaw: that's minging

Dustpaw: I should open a free nail studio so I can look at ppls feet

Tigerclaw: Oh.

Darkstripe: I'd join you but only if Tigerclaw was a loyal customer

Tigerclaw: NO EW EW EW EW 

Ravenpaw: ಠ_ಠ

Lionheart: What the flip.

Frostfur: Good boy for not swearing

Sandpaw: NAH FLIP IN THE BIG '25 IS CRAZY

Sandpaw: wait frostfur WHAT

Frostfur: 😊

Tigerclaw: I'm scared

Bluestar: What is going on? Half of you should be on patrol.

Greypaw: I'm eating rn

Tigerclaw: Of course you are fatass

Greypaw: 😭

Firepaw: bluestar scroll up

Bluestar: Oh.

Dustpaw: bluestar do you need your toenails manicured

Bluestar: No. 

Dustpaw: BUT I NEED THE FEET

Bluestar: You need an exorcism.

Smallear: exorcism? I remember when we last did an exorcism

Smallear: I remember goosefeather tried to do one on tigerclaw back when he was tigerkit

Smallear: Goosefeather had a heart attack right then and there

Mousefur: woah is tigerclaw a demon

Tigerclaw: No??

Runningwind: why are you questioning your answer, tigerclaw?

Tigerclaw: I'm not a demon.

Darkstripe: can you pls wear one of those sexy demon halloween costumes intended for teenage girls because people are fucked up pedophiles and we live in a patriarchal society where the only thing a women has is beauty and is seen as something to entertain men

(Darkstripe has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: Okay that was a bit deep for your usual simping

Tigerclaw: Are you going through something

Darkstripe: im good

Mousefur: uhm

Sandpaw: ok apart from the sexualising Tigerclaw part he was acc spitting facts 

Goldenflower: I agree with both parts of what he said

Tigerclaw: Oh

Mousefur: threesome 🤑

Whitestorm: can it be a foursome

(Whitestorm has deleted 1 message)

Tigerclaw: I never agreed to this 😭

Dustpaw: guys can we stay on topic

Runningwind: what was the topic again?? I forgot

Dustpaw: feet

Runningwind: let's move topics

Dustpaw: 😔

Darkstripe: yes the new topic is pictures of tigerclaw 

Tigerclaw: NO THE HELL IT IS NOT

Darkstripe: I mean normal pics bruh

Darkstripe: I'm not THAT fucked up to share them

Mousefur: are you implying you have some but won't share

Tigerclaw: I hate you all.

Goldenflower: Wait do you all want pictures of Tigerclaw? I have one!

Tigerclaw: goldenflower please no don't dox me like this please 

(Goldenflower has sent 1 image. In it is a younger, happy Tigerclaw, looking up at the camera and holding up a hand (paw?? I dunno) in a peace symbol (✌️). Kinda like Misato in Shinji's preferred world in Evangelion)

Firepaw: wow you actually look happy for once

Ravenpaw: you have a nice smile (´▽｀)ノ♪

Whitestorm: You were and still are really cute 

Tigerclaw: DELETE THAT

Tigerclaw: ALSO FYM "STILL ARE" ???

Lionheart: Screenshotted so even if she does delete, I will still have it

Tigerclaw: NO

Darkstripe: I'm gonna print this out and get it suspiciously white

Goldenflower: same 👅

Greypaw: WHAT

Mousefur: freaky goldenflower

***