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Arthur has always been in love with Merlin whether he accepted it or not. It’s been a long time since he accepted it, it became easier after his father died, he hadn’t told a soul, not even Leon, his most trusted knight. He is not ashamed of it but he knows it’s unrequited; they have been friends for too long. He couldn’t bear losing Merlin. He had been so close to losing him so many times that he doesn’t want to be the reason that Merlin finally walks away.
Merlin is the person Arthur trusts most in the whole world. Even though Merlin lied for years about his magic, he couldn’t hate him. Arthur loved him. Sometimes he wants to kick himself for the way he reacted when Merlin trusted him with his secret. He trusted the crown prince of a kingdom where magic meant the death sentence. All Arthur felt was anger and betrayal. Unlike his father, Arthur’s love is stronger than his anger. That's why he couldn’t bring himself to tell the king about Merlin. He wouldn’t risk Merlin’s life but he wasn’t ready yet to talk to him as if nothing happened.
After difficult and silent months for them, Arthur finally decided he wanted to know why of all places Merlin decided to come to Camelot and not only that but why he decided to practice magic. After finding out it wasn’t Merlin’s decision, he didn’t know how to react. After all of the silence, all he could do was hug him. It was a moment they never talked about but it really switched something in their relationship. Arthur realized he was in love. Merlin being magical made sense for him, what other thing could Merlin be, if not magic?
Everything’s been easier since Arthur became king almost two years ago. Camelot is in an era of prosperity, peace and magic. Arthur lifted the ban after almost a year of negotiations, council meetings and guided research in magic with Gaius' help. Everyone loves King Arthur, except the one person whose love he wants. Merlin is still by Arthur’s side, and Arthur is really grateful about that. But he wants more. He has a whole kingdom and he would give it away for Merlin.
He knows his love is one-sided but he never thought he would have to see Merlin be with somebody else. Everyone knows Merlin and Gwaine are best friends. Merlin and Gwaine hit it off almost instantly, they have a deep understanding and trust each other with their lives. Arthur knows this but what is happening goes beyond friendship, Gwaine is a flirt but even he must have limits with friends…right? Friends don’t lean in that close, friends don’t let their touch linger and have that many understanding looks and definitely don’t call each other cute nick names.
Ever since he learned everything Merlin sacrificed for him, he swore to put Merlin’s happiness over his happiness. He knows that accepting their relationship is going to hurt him forever but he will do whatever it takes to see him happy. After a long training session with the recruits and knights, Arthur decides to talk to Gwaine alone so he asks Merlin to put away his armor.
“Sir Gwaine, a word?” Arthur asks, once Merlin is gone carrying his armor back to the armory.
Gwaine pauses mid way and turns to him “Yes, Sire?”
Arthur crosses his arms with authority “I just wanted you to know that I am not against love in all its forms. But do not neglect your duties or allow Merlin neglect his” he says
Gwaine tries to hide his smirk and nods “That’s so kind of you, Sire, but Merlin and I aren’t…”
“I assumed you two wanted to keep it a secret from me, I am not sure why.” Arthur interrupts him, clearing his throat, suddenly embarrassed. “But trust me, I have no objection, just don’t let it affect your duties.”
Gwaine decides to play along cause he knows Arthur isn’t going to believe him anyway so he just says “Appreciate it…but I think you’ll need to take this up with him” and he just walks pass and gives Arthur a friendly pat “See you, princess”
Something inside Arthur wished that his suspicions were false but it seems like it’s real and now Gwaine’s suggestion is echoing in his head. Take this up with Merlin? Does Merlin want Arthur's approval? That’s ridiculous, why would Merlin of all people wait for Arthur’s approval to be with who he wanted? and that only led Arthur to a worst thought. Merlin is in love.
Arthur feels sick, he knew hiding his feelings would lead him to nothing. Merlin couldn’t be in love, he would know. Two sides of the same coin weren’t they? A knight won’t change that. Gwaine doesn’t get to have a Merlin who has a clever answer every time Arthur needs something, or a Merlin who showed him his magic when it was still illegal, just for him, he doesn’t get to have Merlin’s name carved on stone side to side with his name, he doesn’t get to have Merlin’s heart when he has been there all along.
He doesn’t get to share a destiny with Merlin. No one deserved Merlin. He is aware not even him but if he is worth enough to be part of a destiny with him. He is worth enough to hold him and have his heart. That’s Arthur’s place and he would claim it. Arthur starts with subtle things, nothing too flashy or obvious. His first move is at a weekend trip hunt, he only went with Merlin and some guards, they are going to stay the night in the woods. Merlin complained all the way there.
“I really don’t understand why you keep dragging me to your hunting trips or why you keep hunting. There is plenty of food back at the castle besides I don’t even know how to hunt. All I do is carry your stuff” Merlin grumbles, dropping their supplies on the ground.
“The same reason why you keep carrying my things instead of using magic. Now stop whining, Merlin” Arthur huffs amused, resting down on a log. “I promise you this trip isn’t going to be as bad as the last one”
Merlin just rolls his eyes “Easy for you to say. You weren’t the one dangling upside down on a tree”
“I told you to stay near besides you are still here” Arthur says
After a while, the camp is set, Merlin is already exhausted, it's just the first day. Usually these trips last three nights. He lights the fire with a flicker of magic. Arthur loves when Merlin uses his magic but he rarely uses his gift in front of him. Sometimes he wonders if Merlin still doesn’t trust him completely. He understood when it was still illegal but now it’s unreasonable. He doesn’t notice he is staring at Merlin.
“Sorry, I didn’t wanna use a flint” Merlin says, sitting beside him
“I don’t mind that you use your magic, Merlin, is not that” Arthur replies upset that Merlin thought such nonsense. Merlin notices and just nods.
“Remember what I told you on Camlan?” Arthur turns his head to see Merlin in the eyes “I told you that I wanted you to never change and to always be you” Merlin doesn’t say a word but their eyes meet and say more than words. They fall into a comfortable silence, with the crackling of the fire, the wind hitting the trees. They were alone, the guards were already on their positions.
A sudden move from Arthur makes Merlin almost flinch. Arthur puts his cape around them “It’s getting cold” Merlin moves just a little closer to Arthur. Arthur smiles to himself. They stay like that for a while until it starts getting totally dark.
“We should go to the tent” Merlin softly says and stands up slowly, Arthur following him.
Arthur is lying down in the tent with Merlin only a few centimeters away from him. Arthur can’t sleep, the thought of Merlin not trusting him enough won’t leave him alone. He knows he has no right to ask Merlin about anything but he aches for answers to a lot of things. He wonders if Merlin still keeps things from him because of how he reacted when he first learned about his magic.
“I can hear you thinking,” Merlin turns to face him.
“You do not feel safe using your magic around me” Arthur says without second thought. It is worrying him but he understands to a certain level why Merlin may not feel safe about using magic around him. He wants to reassure Merlin that nothing bad is ever going to happen to him because Arthur won’t let it happen.
Merlin blinks at him “That’s not true” he says quietly.
“Then why do you avoid using your magic in front of me” Arthur replies with a low voice “I’ve noticed. It’s painfully obvious. I know I wasn’t exactly kind. About magic. Or fair. You showed me a whole new perspective. And yet you hide from me. Every single time”
Merlin hesitates. He doesn’t know how to answer, after a brief moment of silence he says “You are the person I trust most in this whole world”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t. I am aware that three years is not enough time to pay for decades of my father’s actions and for the ones I was participant”
“You are a far better man than he was” Merlin frowns and looks Arthur in the eyes.
They fall into silence, tension thickening the air. After a while Merlin begins whispering in an ancient language but Arthur stays silent, he just stares hypnotized. Merlin is doing magic. Thousands of tiny lights surround them. Then they begin to shape themselves: first a dragon that flies around them then a delicate flower blooming. But what moves Arthur most is that it’s Merlin's Magic at work. Arthur never thought magic could be beautiful until he met Merlin. They both fall asleep after a while.
Arthur wakes up early in the morning, the sun is barely up. Merlin is still asleep and Arthur can help but watch him sleep, he looks so peaceful, the only thing on Arthur’s mind is how in love he is. He looks away when notices Merlin is waking up. It’s been a peaceful morning. They are still in their own bubble since last night. They barely acknowledge the guards.
“I’m tired, we’ve been chasing that deer for a while” Merlin complains “Let’s go back to the camp”
“We could’ve trapped it a while ago if you hadn’t scared it off” Arthur grunts, giving the guards a sign to surround the animal.
“It wasn’t on purpose, I tripped” Merlin grumbles
“You always trip, Merlin” Arthur says exasperated, aiming the deer with the harpoon.
Arthur shoots the harpoon and cheers when it hits the deer “See Merlin, that’s all you had to let me do” and gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder before walking towards the deer.
After a while Arthur is finally satisfied with his hunt spree. Merlin didn’t help him much but he enjoys having these little moments alone even if they weren’t truly alone. Arthur sometimes daydreams that if he wasn’t a king he would run away with Merlin and have a farm. He would probably hate being a farmer but it would be nice.
It is getting dark so they head back to the camp. Merlin is the first to lie down and Arthur finds himself smiling fondly at him even though Merlin doesn’t see him. Arthur doesn’t want the trip to end, he can’t remember when was the last time he enjoyed Merlin’s company like this. He spends almost all his days with Merlin by his side but never like this.
This is the second and last night of the trip. Arthur wanted to take this slowly but he actually can’t. He needs to cherise Merlin the way he deserves it. He has been thinking of naming Merlin his Court sorcerer, the first one in almost half a century. But it’s only been a year since the banishment of the law and he wants to take his time. Merlin is the dearest thing he has, he wants to be completely sincere with him. He is going to tell him.
They are sitting beside each other just like last night but there is a calm breeze and Merlin is showing Arthur what else he can do with magic. He starts making different spells. Leaves floating around, the fire shaping into different creatures and Arthur’s favorite; the tiny lights, their beauty leaves Arthur stunned. Merlin has a wide smile and Arthur’s heart is melting from how beautiful Merlin looks doing magic. Merlin’s jet black curls are washed by the moonlight and the warmth of the fire shines in his eyes.
Arthur will regret it if he doesn’t tell Merlin how in love he is right now.
“Merlin” Arthur turns to look Merlin in the eyes. They stare at each other for what it feels like ages.
“What?” Merlin asks. There is a silence, all you can hear is the breeze pushing the tree branches and the crackling of the bonfire.
They are so close to each other and Arthur can’t say it out loud. His words are failing him, he is out of breath and in a sudden impulse, he leans forward and kisses Merlin softly. Merlin stays still and just when he is about to pull away and apologize, Merlin returns the kiss grabbing Arthur’s neck pulling him closer. Arthur smiles onto the kiss and cups Merlin’s face.
“That’s not what I wanted to say but is far better” Arthur jokes
Merlin laughs “Then what did you want to say?” says grinning
“You are the person I trust most, Merlin” Arthur takes Merlin’s hand to his chest near his heart. “And I would give up my entire kingdom solely because I love you”
Merlin smiles and gives him a short kiss “I love you too”
After a night of cuddling and kisses the sun rises again, it’s the last day of the trip. Today they are heading back to Camelot. Arthur doesn’t want to because now he has to share Merlin with Gwaine. He convinces himself he has to be patient. Merlin loves him and it’s all that mattered and all he needed.
It was not. Arthur is flooded in jealousy. It’s been a week since his love confession and at first it was all Arthur wanted and desired but sharing Merlin and loving him in secret is getting harder for him but that’s not the worst part for him. It’s seeing Gwaine shamelessly flirt with Merlin in front of him. Arthur is blinded by jealousy. Without thinking it he grabs Merlin by the waist infront of everyone and drags him to an empty hall.
Arthur corners him “Hope your boyfriend doesn’t mind,” Arthur says whispering near Merlin lips.
“I don’t recall having one,” Merlin says with a smile, before kissing Arthur.
Merlin never thought Arthur could be this possesive, he was just talking with Gwaine and that’s it. Next thing he knows is he’s being kissed by Arthur in an empty hall.
Gwaine his boyfriend, how ridiculous that is.
It shouldn’t be this annoyingly attractive to see Arthur like this. Meanwhile Arthur is still unaware that Merlin and Gwaine aren’t a couple. But he doesn’t care because when Merlin kisses him back, Arthur feels proud. Proud that Merlin forgets about everything when he is with him.
This last month has been the happiest Arthur has ever felt. Him and Merlin have fallen into a routine. It was almost the same as they had before but Merlin stayed longer in the nights not everyday though. They kissed, talked, had dinner together and Arthur couldn’t ask for more. Except he wanted more, he wanted to have these in front of everyone. To show Merlin off and love him out loud as he should be.
It is one of those days where he doesn’t get to see Merlin until night falls. Arthur wants this day to end as soon as possible. Not seeing Merlin too long always made him irritable and since he confessed to Merlin, he isn’t even trying to hide it now. He is walking through the hallways looking for Merlin, he doesn’t need anything but to see him. That’s when he stops on his feet in the door of the court’s physician chambers. He overhears Gwaine and Merlin talking. Arthur doesn’t mean to but he keeps listening.
“So you are going to tell me about Arthur or do I have to beg?” Gwaine says, it doesn’t sound as if he is angry “You two are very obvious.”
“It’s nothing,” Merlin replies. Arthur’s heart sinks but he keeps listening.
“Please” Gwaine says gently, rolling his eyes “I know you better than anyone, don’t lie to me” Arthur doesn’t understand why Gwaine is so calm about it. “That time when he dragged you out of the room was telling for sure.”
Merlin laughs and replies “You are imagining things. It was something confidential”
“Right. Am I imagining when you stay late at night at Arthur's too?.” Gwaine teases
Arthur’s chest tightens with guilt. Inside, Merlin gives up and tells Gwaine what happened a month ago. Gwaine laughs, teasing Merlin and happy for him and also mentioning that he is amused that Arthur finally did something.
But Arthur doesn’t hear it. He is already gone. Guilt now is eating him alive. He loves Merlin, but how could Arthur have been such a selfish asshole to meddle in their relationship? As much as it breaks his heart. He has to end things with Merlin.
The day that Arthur wanted so eagerly to finish it’s finally coming to an end. But now Arthur doesn’t want to see his time with Merlin end. He is secretly wishing for Merlin to enter and tell him that he is done with Gwaine before Arthur ends things with him.
His thoughts are interrupted with the sound of the door opening. Merlin enters but Arthur doesn’t see it, he keeps staring at the window.
“What a day! Can you believe that Mary, a servant from the kitchen, said that you shouldn’t have lift the magic ban?” Merlin says but he stops because Arthur doesn’t turn to see him.
“Is everything okay? I missed you today, you know?” he says approaching Arthur, hugging him from the back.
Arthur breaks the hug, turning to see Merlin. “We have to talk” his face was serious, so Merlin taked a step back.
“Did I do something?” Merlin asks
“We should end this.” Arthur says avoiding Merlin eyes. “I can’t keep doing this” he sees Merlin face changing to a sad one. His heart is breaking but he can’t do this to Gwaine, he is a good man. Merlin is silent so Arthur continues. “I can’t keep being a side piece. I love you, Merlin but I can’t keep doing this to Gwaine”
“What does Gwaine have to do with this?” Merlin asks, confused. Arthur changes his face to one of pure incredulity mixed with anger.
“What does Gwaine have to do? Everything!” Arthur raises his voice, slightly “You are cheating on Gwaine with me. It wasn’t bad at first but now is killing me”
Arthur didn’t expect Merlin’s response at all. He is laughing. Not a laugh when someone tells you a funny story and you have to laugh out of duty but a real laugh, a loud one.
“Why are you laughing? I’m being serious here” Arthur frowns (and also pouts but he would never admit it)
“Sorry!” Merlin keeps laughing “Gwaine and Me? Boyfriends! That’s hilarious” he stops laughing and grabs Arthur face to make him look at him. “I am not wih Gwaine”
“But he calls you pet names, flirts with you and you two were always together” Arthur says, pouting because he can see that Merlin is still laughing at him.
“You are unbelievable” Merlin says, smiling and then grabs Arthur’s face. “You are so cute when you are jealous. Did you know that?” and gives him a short kiss on his pouting lips.
“It was a mistake everyone could make.” He grunts “Besides you kept our relationship a secret, what else was I supposed to think?” Arthur crosses his arms.
“I’m your servant, either way we had to keep it secret” Merlin points out
“About that” Arthur holds Merlin hands “There used to be a position on the king’s council for a court sorcerer. Haven’t resolved that yet but if you want it, is yours.”
It’s been six months since Arthur and Merlin made public their relationship to the kingdom of Camelot. The knights were not at all surprised, in fact more people than Arthur thought were aware of how he felt about Merlin. Merlin was appointed court sorcerer 8 months ago.
They are currently hosting a private dinner for their engagement party. Many believed it was something hasty but Arthur has loved Merlin since he met him. At the party were only his closest friends: Gwen, the knights of the round table; Leon, Percival, Elyan, Lancelot, Gwaine and Hunith, the mother of merlin. Arthur has no family left but Merlin was all he needed.
They are sitting on the table when Hunith asks “So, Sire, I never asked you how Merlin and you finally got together?” Arthur shift awkward in his seat and Merlin gives him a knowing look while holding back his laughter
“Please Hunith, call me Arthur” Arthur clears his throat and continues “And answering to your question, well it was a matter of time, wasn’t it?”
"He was jealous of Gwaine" Merlin murmurs almost inaudible, only Arthur heard him
"Shut up, of course not" Arthur turns his head towards Merlin quickly trying to defend himself
Everyone at the table was confused because as always, Merlin and Arthur were in their own world even when they were bickering.
“Sorry I didn’t quite hear that, dear” Hunith softly says but she has this smile that Arthur has seen thousand times on Merlin’s face when he was doing something mischievous.
Merlin smiles knowing what his mother is insinuating “I said Arthur confessed cause he was jealous”
Leon frowns “That’s all? That’s not new, at all, it’s such an Arthur thing to do” then turns to look at Arthur “No offense, mate”
Arthur just nods and rolls his eyes but then Gwaine asks “But there is a more important question of whom was Arthur jealous?” Gwaine grins, challenging Arthur.
“I thought he was dating Gwaine” Arthur mumbles and takes a long sip of his wine.
“What?” Percival, Elyan and Lancelot who didn’t know, speak simultaneously and the entire table starts laughing.
Arthur wants to feel annoyed but he is so happy. He grabs Merlin's hand and kisses it. He won. He has the most powerful sorcerer on his arms, a family, and his kingdom is becoming a peaceful place to live for everyone. And he hopes to die by Merlin’s side or live forever by his side.