Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Morn Ingstar’s stomach growled louder than the truck engine, embarrassing him to death. “Sorry,” he said, azure hands gripping the steering wheel. The blue demon man wore his usual black fingerless gloves and spiked rings with the rest of his spikey black outfit. “Didn’t get breakfast before we left.”

“Sounds like your stomach wants us to stop for lunch then,” Nunch Ucks said. His fraternal twin brother, a shorter crimson demon with wavy black hair down to his shoulders like Morn’s, but with pointy white horns unlike Morn’s upward-curving black horns with sharp outer ridges, lounged in the passenger seat, tossing the paperwork from the errands they’d just run on the truck’s floor under his feet.

Sitting behind them, Kat Ana—Nunch’s roommate, a pink demoness with four stubby horns—slapped one hand on each of their seats’ backrests and smiled over their shoulders. “I know just the fucking place. Came snooping around this area a week ago looking for grocery stores with gross candy, and I saw the cutest cafe.”

Morn nodded, driving his oversized truck carefully through an intersection. “Sure. Gonna be honest, I’m so hungry I could eat a Poison Death Angel.”

“We know,” they both groaned, probably recalling the horrifying creature he’d cooked up for lunch in the middle of the desert a few months back.

Kat snorted. “You ate one of those when you WEREN’T hungry, you masochist.”

That was true. Morn had a bad habit of drinking poisons. Not for fun, or because he was stupid, but for his training. He had a difficult destiny ahead, and he wanted to be as strong as possible when he faced what the future held.

She gave him directions, and Morn pulled into a grocery store parking lot to ditch the truck and walk the rest of the way. He didn’t want it near enough to be swarmed by their fans. Persistent little shits.

Adjusting his black biker jacket and slipping on a pair of sepia sunglasses, Morn led the way down the sidewalk.

“Mr. Cool Guy,” Kat teased, in her rumpled-ass t-shirt and shorts, head-butting him in the spine like a goat. “Mr. Dress Like A Badass, Then Bitch And Moan When People Swoon.”

He growled in annoyance.

Someone across the street raised their smartphone and took a picture of Morn, his brother, and his brother’s roommate, and that was the start of the usual ruckus. Demons and demonesses, mostly with blue skin, stopped to gawk, or peered out of their car windows at them.

Gods, being famous was obnoxious.

In a world perpetually ravaged by war between the Greater Gods, the Ambrelloshian Queendom celebrated its warriors. One of the seven demon types, Wrath demons, like Morn, Nunch, and Kat—and Thro Wingstar, who’d been too busy to run errands with them—were natural born protectors. Ruthless, unshakable, battle-hardened demons and demonesses who lived for the thrill of danger and competition. They were in high demand.

And exceptional Wrath demons like Morn were in even higher demand. People joked he popped out the womb wielding a morning star—which, gods, he hoped not, his poor mom. He was a monstrous mix, which meant he bore the survivalist, cold-resistant blood of Ambrelloshian demons, the heat-resistant blood of Hazaelian demons that made him a giant more than twice the height of most everyone else in Wrath City, the resilient, adaptive blood of humankind, and the blood of sharp, focused Elven hunters. He had it all. People called him the perfect warrior.

Morn’s adopted father, Boo Merang, knew he was special from the start. In the Wrath army, he’d been the Recruit nobody had the balls to mess with. Merang promoted him to Lieutenant at only seven years old, to Captain at twelve, and he’d advanced to General at eighteen.

He’d requested promotion to Admiral, but, uh…that was a little more complicated. Ambrellosh The Clear Sky—queen of the Ambrelloshian Queendom—had denied his request, but it wasn’t for lack of power or trying.

Because Morn had power like nobody’s business. He stood at the peak of power. At the peak of Mount Tabbiramae, the jagged volcano that loomed in the background of the blood-drenched Wrath capital, Wrath City.

And because he stood as such a shining example of what a Wrath demon could become when they put their mind and muscle to it, everybody wanted to fucking fight him all the time, and it grated on his nerves.

Twelve random warriors roared, crossing the street to attack him. “Fight us, Wrath General Morn Ingstar!”

With a sigh, Morn flared his Hellfire. Magic spawned in the air around his challengers, flickering darkness with hints of sea green. It poured down on them, crushing them to the pavement. Cars stopped and honked at them. They were fine, just not getting up until he let them. “Fuck off, we’re just here for lunch.”

Although they still snapped pictures by the dozens, most of the others stood back at least a few feet, intimidated as the eleven-foot-three Wrath demon loomed over them like the volcano. Ten-foot-tall Kat was a Hazaelian demon whose family had apparently turned traitor and joined the Ambrelloshian Queendom, and eight-foot-eight Nunch was a mix like his brother, so they both rose above the crowd alongside Morn. Maybe that was part of why he liked hanging out with them. Morn’s height frightened people, so most were too afraid to approach, or wanted to fight him like a monster, and that, y’know…made it hard to make friends.

“Here it is!” Kat announced, gesturing to the cafe.

Sunglasses raised to his forehead, Morn took a closer look and fucking choked. “Kat, what is this?”

The Lusty Little Maid Cafe stood proudly on the street corner, covered in blue heart designs and posters of sexy, scantily clad maids. Lust demons. They weren’t super uncommon in Wrath City, since most cities were social mixing pots, but Morn didn’t grow up in a social mixing pot, he grew up in a Wrath camp. He knew Lust demons were the Queendom’s baby makers and stress relievers, but not a damn thing beyond that. Gods, Lust was so far out of Morn’s element, even despite being Wrath’s neighbor on the Soular Spectrum.

Kat cackled like a witch. “What’s wrong, Morn? Big, tough Wrath General afraid of a few little Lust demonesses?”

“No,” he said, shoving her out of his way and marching inside like he owned the place.

Morn’s bravado crumpled as soon as he ducked through the door. The inside was dim, with blue and pink mood lighting and even sluttier posters. It smelled of freshly baked fruit pies and sex pheromones. Maybe he just had an overly sensitive elf nose, but the scents were overwhelming. Scrambled his brain just to breathe. At least the ceiling was high enough for him to stand up straight.

Kat and Nunch ducked inside behind him, marveling at the brazen display of Lust culture.

“Shoulda brought the Conquest camera,” Nunch said, snickering up at Morn.

Eyebrow raised, Morn crossed his arms and tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. “Yeah, because this fits so well with your livestream show’s theme of adventuring to Otherworlds and fighting evil armies, cults, and monsters.”

“No, because I think our audience would appreciate how absolutely fucking lost you look, bro. You’ve got a more shocked reaction to the world of Lust than you do to actual foreign worlds.”

He took a deep breath—fuck, the girls’ perfume was so strong. “Yeah, but the places we usually go are full of wars to be fought and weapons to wield. I’m not used to…this stuff.”

“We know,” Kat chuckled.

Maids gathered to gawk at the three giants. All blue-skinned demonesses with overly plump lips, unnaturally big tits, and plastic-like bouncing bubble butts squeezed into too-small maid outfits designed to display their cleavage like prized melons and ride up between their cheeks to accentuate how much cake they had. They were so perfect-looking, it almost struck Morn as magical. Not metaphorically, like literal transformation magic. Or did Lust demonesses just come like this?

No, he’d been to the Happy-Go-Lusty Spa a couple times, and the demonesses there didn’t look like this. They were still hot as hell, maybe even more so, but in a natural, organic way. He wasn’t sure either was better though. Probably just down to preference. And he hadn’t liked the Happy-Go-Lusty girls, but that was because of their personalities.

“Wrath General Morn Ingstar?” one of them asked, ogling him. “Mm, you’re even more massive and muscular than in the pictures.”

The others nodded.

“He’s huge.”

“Giant.”

“So big and scary.”

“What a hunk.”

And these girls were just as insufferable. Yeah, Morn knew he was enormous. His apartment, which was built custom for his size, was the only place he could mostly escape being so fucking gigantic, and that’s why he stayed home when he wasn’t with his friends instead of hanging out with demoness harems who liked reminding him he was built like a Void abomination.

“Holy whoa…” another woman breathed. Morn spotted her hiding behind the counter, peeking around the corner at him and his friends. He could see the collar of her uniform, so she must’ve been a maid. She had the same flawless blue skin as the others, with unnaturally shiny blond pigtails. Looking a bit plump around the face, neck, and arms, she looked up at Morn with pure awe in her glistening gold eyes like Ambrellosh herself had graced the maid’s presence.

“Oh yeah, you’re the one who’s always going on about Concept, or whatever that show with General Ingstar was called,” one of the other maids snickered, grabbing her by the forward-curving dark red and blue horns.

“Conquest,” she corrected as the taller maid dragged her out from behind the counter.

Holy strawberries, she was huge! Pregnant. With twins at least, maybe triplets or quads. Her belly jutted in front of her, barely contained by her apron, and Morn had a hard time believing she lugged that thing around all day on the job. Shouldn’t she have been on maternity leave? Must’ve had some serious muscle under that fat and gravid gut.

Wow, Morn wasn’t sure he’d ever taken to worrying about someone so quickly. She just looked so strong and so strained at the same time.

He tried not to stare at her ass, which was even more ample than her belly, ballooning out of her miniscule skirt. And her breasts were nothing to sneeze at either—perky and perfectly round, like implants. Some people complained about unnatural assets, but Morn didn’t understand why. She was still-…She was…

Why the hell was he so focused on this fucking maid? Yikes, it’d been a long time since his mind had hit the gutter this hard, and he had no idea why.

She wasn’t conventionally attractive, right? Wrath demons were supposed to want skinny, fit girls who took care of their bodies to be beautiful damsels for the warriors to rescue, or something like that, right? Morn didn’t know the rules. He didn’t even know if there were rules, or just stereotypical shit they said on TV. Besides, she was pregnant. Even if she worked at a Lust cafe, she was probably a married demoness.

Morn made himself stare at the pastry display instead of the maid.

The other maid pushed the four foot tall pregnant one toward them. “You should take their orders.”

Swallowing hard, the golden-eyed maid fished through her apron for a pen and notepad. “H-hi, Nunch Box members, c-c-can I take your order?”

Nunch snorted.

“Aw, she’s adorable,” Kat snickered.

The other maid laughed. “Show them to their table first, dummy. One of the Hazaelian-sized ones in back.”

“Right. My bad,” the golden-eyed maid said, trying to laugh it off.

She grabbed three menus and waddled slowly down the aisle as Morn, Nunch, and Kat tried not to walk too fast and trip over her.

His brother leaned over to whisper to him. “Damn. Homegirl’s got a dump truck that could bury Wrathgard.”

“Shut up,” Morn grumbled.

You know…he’d thought her pregnant, and it was hard to tell in the noisy cafe, even with his sharp Elven ears—embarrassingly long, great for picking up subtle sounds—but Morn thought he heard the waitress…sloshing? There was something sloshing and clacking around in her big belly that definitely wasn’t a litter of imps.

By the time they arrived, she was huffing and puffing. “H-…Here we are. Your table.”

“Thanks, cutie,” Kat said, scooting to the middle of the booth.

Nunch slipped in on her right.

Morn sat across from his brother. The table was still a bit small for him, but he’d sat at worse. Fuck, he’d had to pay for so many replacement chairs over the years. He had to figure his status as a Wrath General was the only reason restaurants with Ambrelloshian-sized seating didn’t just ban him. A broken chair wasn’t worth picking a fight with an angry pillar of muscle.

The maid pushed a stepladder up to the tall table. Morn worried she wouldn’t fit, or be able to balance, or that it’d break under her weight like one of those shitty chairs, but she and it were shockingly sturdy. She stood at the top, tossing the menus to them. They thanked her.

After glancing at it for a few seconds, Morn caught her just…staring at him. To his surprise, she still didn’t look scared, or like she wanted to fight him, just absolutely flabbergasted. Like she couldn’t believe he was real.

Self-conscious, he looked back down at the menu. “Sorry.”

“What?” she asked. “No no, I’m sorry. Fuck, sorry, I was staring. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, haha, it’s just…gods damn, you’re so much sexier in person than on my shitty laptop screen.”

Morn felt his ears burn. “Um. Thanks.”

Wait, he usually hated compliments, so why was this one okay? Maybe because it didn’t focus so much on how strong and scary he was. He knew that. He didn’t need to be constantly reminded.

She inhaled. “Ohh, your cologne smells so fucking good.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s like a…cedar lime scent,” he said. Wow. This maid waitress might actually have been the first person to compliment his cologne. Not many demons got close enough to, y’know…sniff Morn. He always wore it to seem more civilized for the mixing pot, instead of like a blood-soaked warrior who just crawled in off the battlefield, and he was irrationally proud of learning hygiene. And he wore it because he couldn’t stand the natural smell of his sweat. The other warriors at Wrath camp told him he smelled odd. As if there weren’t enough reasons for everyone to other and ostracize him.

Morn looked up, and Nunch and Kat had the biggest shit-eating grins on their stupid faces. “What?”

“Nothing,” Kat said, snorting.

He shook his head.

The maid waitress snapped to attention. “Right, crap, I’m supposed to be taking your orders. No, drinks first. You want drinks? You want, ah…” She froze, hesitating, looking over her shoulder like she suddenly wanted down but didn’t think she could get down. Before Morn could offer to help her, she slapped a hand over her mouth and buckled, elbows resting on the table as she gasped and shook, gold eyes rolling.

“Are you okay?” Morn asked, half out of his seat. “What’s happening?”

Nunch choked. “Oh, fuck, is she in labor?”

“N-not pregnant,” she gasped, fists clenched and odd white tears beading at the corners of her eyes. “G-gods, I’m so sorry I did that. Sorry, I’m weird and gross, and I shouldn’t be doing this, and I wanted to because I love Conquest, but I can’t, and I’m sorry…”

Morn listened to her ramble, taken aback by how absolutely destroyed with shame she seemed.

Kat rubbed the back of her neck. “Did-. Did you just cum?”

Oh. Now that Kat said it, yeah, he guessed that’s what that was. Fuck, his ears burned as Morn’s mind dunked back into the gutter.

“Sorry, I have a Lust curse, I’m sorry,” she whimpered again, turning to get down, but she lost her balance and her eyes widened as her heavy body dragged her off the stepladder.

Morn leaped out of the booth at superhuman speed and caught her. Left arm holding her shoulders, his right arm caught her legs, and the shocking softness of her wide thighs sent shockwaves straight south. Fuck! The maid waitress’ belly sloshed and clacked, full of marbles, or…eggs, maybe?

Was Po Learm dreaming right now?

After the short warrior had been cursed by a witch to continuously bloat up full of eggs, he’d been discharged from the Wrath army, and his life had lost all meaning. He’d been sent home from his camp. Lost his squad, his friends. Parents kicked him out, because if a Wrath demon couldn’t carry their own weight, they were expected to let it drag them underwater.

For years, he’d struggled to find a job in this damn city, because he still loved his hometown and didn’t want to leave. But it was hard. He was always hard because of the pressure the eggs constantly put on his prostate, always in a horny haze, involuntarily orgasming every twenty minutes or so. He made slutty noises, and had to lay a fuckton of eggs every hour at least, and that made him hard to hire.

Finally, he found a job in his area that would take him. An uncomfortable, humiliating job, where his Prowess-user boss worked a little transformation illusion around him, a little Cinderella magic to turn the fat pumpkin into a fancy carriage. She made the dumpy Wrath demon’s dick, mottled mixed hot and cold skin, and masculine head and voice disappear, and Po became a painted dainty Lust demoness to wait tables in a slutty maid outfit. He felt dumb and wrong, like being forced to wear a silly mascot costume, but it paid his bills.

And having his rent and internet paid meant Po could spend the rest of his time watching Conquest Of The Otherworlds. He lived vicariously through that damn livestream, watching the four proper Wrath warriors battle evil armies, cults, and monsters across the Otherworlds.

Never in a million years would he have imagined Nunch Ucks and his friends—the Nunch Box as their host called them—would show up at the Lusty Little Maid Cafe during Po’s shift.

Never would he have expected the powerful, beautiful, unstoppable star of the show, Morn Ingstar, to save him.

Chapter Text

Morn’s azure face flushed dark blue as he gently turned the maid waitress upright and set her back on her feet. Unlike the other maids’ shiny high heels, she wore flat black slip-ins. “You okay?”

Catching her breath, she nodded up at him. “Y-yeah. Thank you.”

A taller waitress, maybe six feet tall, with a hibiscus clip in her hair, scuttled over. “I’m so sorry about her. She’s clumsy.”

The golden-eyed waitress twiddled her thumbs. “Yeah, I am.”

“No you’re not,” Morn said, remembering how expertly she’d climbed the stepladder. “You panicked. It happens.”

She sniffled, looking so fucking touched by his simple defense.

Hibiscus Waitress, without responding, herded her away from the table and to an employees-only room in back. Morn was sad to see her go…and then confused why, because it felt weird to like a Conquest fan for once. Most he’d met were obnoxious.

Morn climbed back into his seat and picked up his menu, only to stop when he caught Nunch and Kat fucking grinning at him like assholes. “What?”

They snickered and snorted.

He slammed the menu down. “The fuck are you jackasses laughing about?”

Crimson elf ears wiggling, Nunch waggled his eyebrows. “You’ve got a big stinkin’ crush on the Egg Waitress.”

Flabbergasted, Morn gaped at him. “N-. No I don’t.”

“You do.”

“No!”

Arm draped over the backrest, Kat kicked him under the table. “We saw you staring at her cake. Homeboy’s hungry for the entire bakery.”

Morn simmered with embarrassment, mouth open to protest but unable to come up with an argument beyond just ‘no’. He hated to admit it to himself, or maybe it was just weird to admit because he didn’t fully understand why, but he did find her really attractive.

Gods, she was just so…big. Morn could admit he liked bigness in a woman, right? Like it made sense. As a giant, he needed a partner big enough that he’d have, y’know…something to hold. He’d be terrified to touch any of the other scrawny-ass waitresses, worried he’d crush one like a beetle.

Maybe it made more sense for him to want someone like him—not just big, but giant. Another mix, or a full Hazaelian, like Kat. Kat dressed like a hobo, cackled like a witch, and ran around head-butting everyone like a fucking goat, but when you stripped away her insufferableness, she was gorgeous. Big, tall, and most importantly, strong and sturdy enough that he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting her. But he’d given up on Kat. For good reason.

Kat eyed Morn’s brother. “Why ‘Egg Waitress’ though?”

“She’s full of eggs,” he said, cupping his ears. “You could hear ‘em.”

The pink demoness pulled at her own small, pointed demon ears. “Maybe you snooty elves could with your giant ears, but I couldn’t.”

Great, Morn felt subconscious again, fiddling with one of the piercings in his giant ear.

Hibiscus Waitress returned—alone—pen and notepad in hand. “What can I get you three to drink?”

“Orange drink,” Nunch said, no hesitation.

Kat glanced at the drinks page of the menu. “I’ll have a strawberry lemonade.”

Yuck. Morn sighed. “This fancy lime drink, I guess.”

“Alright, I’ll have those out in just a moment,” she said, leaving them to it.

Morn went back to investigating the menu, picking out a nice breakfast steak platter, a chicken burger, and a stack of pancakes with blueberries and whipped cream, but then the menu kept going…

He blinked up at Nunch. “Why are there people on the menu?”

Nunch snorted. “What, not a fan of cannibalism?”

Arms crossed, he glared.

“Sex, Moron Ingstar,” Kat said, browsing the people menu herself. “There’s a love hotel out back; you can pay a waitress to let you enjoy her for dessert after you eat.”

“Oh,” Morn choked, not sure what else to say. He guessed that made sense. Lust demons must’ve made a lot of money that way. Maybe most Lust places offered sex on the side, like how the Happy-Go-Lusty Spa was an actual spa first, but also you could pay to have your cock or insides massaged after your normal massage.

…Since he’d had such a terrible time at the spa, Morn would usually have dropped the sex menu on the spot without a second thought, but…

Nunch fucking lost it laughing, banging his fist on the table. “You’re gonna fuckin’ order the Egg Waitress for dessert, aren’t you?”

“No!” Morn snapped, simmering dark blue with shame. “I just…wanted to see what her name was.”

“Yeah, mhm.”

“We totally believe you,” Kat snorted, making it clear they didn’t fucking believe him.

Morn scoured the boob and butt shots of all the Lusty waitresses, looking for Egg Waitress, mortified to hear whispering about himself in the distance and realizing they knew he was looking through their sex offers. Dammit, where was she?

“She’s not in here,” Morn said, tossing the menu on the table.

Fingers netted in front of him, Nunch shrugged. “You could ask.”

“Man, I don’t wanna ask why she’s not on the fucking menu,” Morn hissed, covering his face.

“I meant ask her name, asshat!”

Oh, yeah, obviously. Gods, he was stupid, and the fruit and pheromone smell of the cafe smothered his last brain cells. Morn lay his head on the table, comforted by the black curtain of his hair.

“Think I’m gonna order Su C. Kyou,” Kat snickered. “She’s a cutie with a booty.”

Yep, that’s why he’d given up on Kat: she was only interested in banging other demonesses. And the only demonesses interested in banging Morn wanted him for all the reasons he hated.

Hibiscus Waitress brought their drinks and took their food orders. The lime drink came in a sparkly frosted glass with heart-shaped ice, a pretty umbrella, and a lime wedge. It looked girly. He was embarrassed at being seen drinking it. But he also liked it a lot.

The food was tiny, but Morn expected that. That’s why he ordered three meals. The steak was excellent, and the gravy worked perfectly with it and the accompanying potato. The burger was perfect, with firm buns, a juicy patty, and crisp lettuce. Honestly, he’d griped about the cafe’s theme, but he loved the food. He might have to suck up his pride and come back sometime. Embarrassed to be savoring it so much, he tamped down his reactions and tried to look serious as he dug into the pancakes.

As he dipped a forkful in syrup and brought it to his mouth, his sharp ears caught a slosh and he spotted Egg Waitress waiting another table nearby. She carried two huge platters of food with little effort, setting them down at a crowded booth with a huge family crammed around it. Morn was right—she had muscle under there.

Then she turned and caught him staring, and he flinched, looking back at his pancakes.

Fuck, he heard her sloshing toward them. She was coming to their table. Um, uh, what should he do? Morn tried to act natural.

“Anybody need a refill?” Egg Waitress asked with a bit more confidence in her tone, climbing the stepladder again.

Nunch scooted his empty glass toward her. “Hey, Egg Waitress, my brother wanted to know why you’re not on the sex menu.”

Glass dropped, it flopped over beside his plate, spilling heart-shaped ice.

Morn slammed his hands on the table, making it creak, seething and simmering with shame. “Nunch, I’ll fucking kill you. Is that what we’re doing for Conquest today? Am I fucking killing you in the Wrathgard courtyard?”

His brother laughed up a storm, and Kat joined him.

Egg Waitress ogled Morn like he’d mutated into one of the ignis dragons he’d fought during his trial to become a General. “Seriously?”

“No, of course not!” he said, hands up in surrender.

She smiled, but…it was a forced stretch of a smile to hide hurt. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Man, Nunch, you’re hilarious.”

“Uh, thanks,” he said, and Morn was pretty sure he noticed her disappointment too.

Morn took a deep breath. “That’s not what I meant. I mean, it-. I just-. You’re not-. You’re very-.” He dropped his head again. “I’m bad with words.”

Egg Waitress twirled her fingers like telling him to continue. “I’m very…?”

Why’d she still want an answer, dammit? “Um…big. You’re very big. But, well, you probably knew that already.”

Blinking, she looked down at her heavy belly pressed into the table and gasped. “Golly, I hadn’t realized.”

That got another laugh out of the other two.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said.

“Then what did you mean?”

“Uh…”

“Because I don’t get it,” she said, frowning down at herself. “I mean, seriously, why am I not on the sex menu? Have you looked at me? I’m disgusting, fat, barely functional, fake as a plastic doll…”

“You’re not disgusting,” he snapped, offended to hear her speak so poorly of herself.

She groaned. “Then what the hell do you mean by ‘big’ if it’s not an insult?”

“Um…” Fuck, he really had to wrack his stupid brain. Should he just be honest?

Nunch gestured to her rotund body. “He means there’s more of you to love.”

“Yes,” Morn said, jumping on that. “There’s enough of you to love.”

Egg Waitress’ eyes tightened. “Those statements aren’t the same. What do you mean enough?”

Stunned by her catching that, Morn decided, fuck it, he’d just be honest. “Um, I’m…also big. A-and it’s hard to find girls my size in the Ambrelloshian Queendom.” He clasped his hands on the table, staring down at his rings as he fiddled with them. That’s why he wore them—so he had something to play with when he needed a distraction. “I just look at all these scrawny little Lust demonesses and worry if I grabbed one, she’d break in half like a breadstick, y’know?”

Finally, she looked like she understood.

“But you’re different. It’s not just your belly or butt, you’ve got muscle, and cushioning. Despite your height, you look like I could squeeze you and not break anything—there’s enough of you I’d be able to love you, if that makes sense.”

Oh, gods, he just offered to squeeze her! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Morn wanted to drown in his girly lime drink.

Despite his shameful slip, she looked touched by his words, hand to her heart.

Kat scared the strawberries out of him with a gentle pat on his back. “You’re such a sweet guy, Morn.”

“S-sure,” he choked.

“…I’m not on the menu because I don’t consent,” Egg Waitress said, reaching across her belly to rub her arm. “Um, I’m not as sexual as the-…the OTHER Lust demonesses. Even if I expected to get much business, I’m not quite desperately broke enough to lie about consent to pay my rent.”

Nunch frowned. “Yeah, yikes, you shouldn’t be pressured into it.”

“Completely understandable,” Morn said with a firm nod. Although he felt a pang of disappointment, consent was something he held tremendous value for. He wouldn’t push her. Not a nanometer.

“But I’d make an exception for you,” she told him.

What?

“Or any member of the Nunch Box, but especially you, Morn. I don’t want strangers using my holes and squeezing my assets, but you’re not strangers.” Egg Waitress beamed with joy. “I fucking love Conquest Of The Otherworlds. I watch you guys all day every day after I get off work at noon.” He turned to Morn’s brother. “Nunch, your show saved my life.”

Nunch’s eyebrows rose. “Thank you. Always happy to hear I did right by someone.”

Morn wanted to roll his eyes at that, but he was too stunned by Egg Waitress’ offer. “Listen, I don’t want you to make an exception in consent for a guy on a show you like. You don’t have to let a celebrity pressure you into sex.”

She paused, brow knit in annoyance. “Okay, let me rephrase. C’mere.” Gesturing for him to lean closer, she lured him in and grabbed him by the long ear. He didn’t like to admit this, but they were sensitive, and her holding his ear hostage made it so much more sensual when her hot breath grazed his face and she shuddered, panting as another of those involuntary orgasms came over her. Grinning, she whispered, “Morn Ingstar, y-you are the sexiest fucking demon I’ve ever seen, and I enthusiastically consent t-to however you’d like to squeeze me.~”

Swallowing hard, Morn felt her arousal crash through him like a wave. She was so close, and smelled so good, like spice and sweet milk. Fuck, ah, he felt electric just breathing her in. Heat flooded his head and chest and pooled in his crotch, making him hard. His dick fucking inflated with excitement, he’d never been so turned on in his life.

Freeing his ear, she let him return upright, then turned the glass upright. “You don’t have to answer right away. I’m here weekdays nine to noon, and you’re like…the kind of customer my boss would let me drop everything for in a heartbeat if you asked for me.”

Morn nodded, as that was all he could manage. His skin smoldered, and his heart slammed like a jackhammer in his throat, and in his crotch. It was all he could do not to let out his own slutty moans and cum untouched at the table. Fuck, he hadn’t realized how pent up he was. He wanted to just pick up Egg Waitress and take her to the hotel out back, and his own instinct scared him even more senseless than he already was.

“Hey, what’s your name?” Nunch asked her, thinking for him because Morn’s brain was malfunctioning.

“Po,” she said. Then she flinched. “Uh, Lust Lieutenant Ovi Po Sition.”

“Been a pleasure meeting you, Po.”

She took the glasses and left to refill them.

And of course his brother and roommate snickered and snorted at him across the table.

He wanted to snap at them, but couldn’t find the rage, like she’d stolen his Wrath nature with the empty lime drink glass. “I…I’m…F-fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Nunch rested his crimson chin in his hand. “What’s wrong with you is you’re a touch-starved straight man who never has any fun.”

“B-but I’m trying to become a Wrath Admiral. I’m supposed to be training, not having fun…”

“For fuck’s sake. We train to protect Lust demons, and they train to protect us from our own stress. Let ‘em do their job, dammit. Here, it’s easy.” He picked up his menu again and called over another waitress, asking for Ki S. Ses.

Kat asked for Su C. Kyou.

They had to pay up front, and then the maid waitresses in question escorted them from the table, out the backdoor to the next building over.

Morn simmered at the table, waiting for his boner to go down.

Another three waitresses scuttled over.

“Hey, tall dark and terrifying,” one said. “If you’re looking for a good time, we’ve got some real size queens on hand.”

He growled, startling them. “Get lost.”

They tried to persist, but he threatened them with a little magic flickering above their heads, and they scrambled away.

The General was too excited to see Po return with their drinks, climbing the stepladder to set them on the table. “I’d ask where Nunch and Kat went, but I can guess.”

“Hotel,” he said.

“Yeah. And I’m guessing Thro was too busy studying to join you.”

“Mhm. And Bug planned lunch with her boyfriend.”

“Bug?”

“Our camerawoman,” he said, recalling they didn’t really mention her on the show. She wasn’t exactly talkative and preferred not to be filmed. “Betty Bugaboo.”

“Whoa. I had no idea she was a camerawoman,” Po said, fascinated. “Is that a human name?”

“Yeah. Oh, and Scimi was…I don’t remember what Scimi was doing today. Inspecting camps around the volcano or something.”

Drumming her fingers on the table, she thought. “Wrath General Scimi Tar…? I’ve seen you fight him before in a tournament.”

“Yeah, he joins us sometimes, but he’s camera shy.”

Po smiled. “Sorry if my twenty questions are annoying.”

“Nah,” Morn said. “I like your company. Sorry I’m tall and creepy.”

“You’re not creepy,” she said. “You are tall, but I think that’s hot.”

Flustered, he rubbed the back of his neck. Damn, this really wasn’t helping tamp down his sex drive.

“Oh, so, um, I got you something.” Po fished through her apron pockets. “You mentioned in the episodes where you fought the false bat cultists and when you rescued the giant cats of Meowverse767 that you grew up isolated in a Wrath camp, and when you got to see Wrath City for the first time, you liked when some Lust girls gave you heart candy.”

Morn’s bushy black eyebrows rose. “I’m shocked you remember that.”

“Is it really that shocking people know things about you? You’re kind of famous.”

“Yeah. Most fans just remember my battles, not any of the domestic shit I mention.”

Po handed him a box of heart-shaped gummy candies. Lime and berry flavored—his favorite. “Just thought I’d grab you a little something from the storeroom. I paid for it, so it’s on the house.”

Cool composure breaking, Morn gasped and accepted the candy. The box didn’t fill his palm, but he was so overjoyed by the kind gesture he didn’t care. His voice cracked too high when he replied. “Th-thank you. Oh my gosh, Po, thank you.”

The blond demoness reeled, taken aback by his overexcited response.

“Sorry,” Morn said, trying to calm himself.

“You are so fucking cute,” she breathed, resting her big belly on the table as she stacked their empty dishes. “Like I’m sorry if that’s weird to say about a Wrath General, but you’re a big cutie. You never act like that on Conquest—I almost wonder now if you play a character, even though it’s an unscripted adventure stream.”

Squirming in his seat, Morn struggled not to let that shatter his composure again. Was he cute? No. No, he was a huge, muscular demon in all black, with spikes, and sharp stud piercings around his eyes and along his ears. Not cute by any stretch of the imagination. So why’d it make him so fucking happy to hear that?

Chapter Text

As Nunch returned, bragging about how excellent his sex with Ki S. Ses had been, Po finally finished chatting with Morn and bussed the dirty dishes to the kitchen. Oof. He felt a little bad for Conquest’s host, but couldn’t legally say anything to him, and shouldn’t for Ki’s sake. Besides, Po himself attempted to catfish Morn.

He spotted Ki returning to the break room and decided it was close enough to the end of his shift, tagging along.

“So,” Po started, catching up to the five-foot-four demon. “As a Conquest superfan, I have to know…what was it like getting fucked by Nunch Ucks?”

Ki groaned. “It wasn’t.”

Blinking, he stopped before the Star Veil. “The fuck does that mean?”

“I don’t know, man. Said he rushed in with ‘check this shit out’ bravado to show General Ingstar it was okay and normal, but changed his mind when we got to the hotel. So we played ping-pong in the game room for a hot minute instead. Still got paid, so it worked for me.”

“Oh. No, that sounds like a very Nunch thing to do.”

Ki stepped through the Star Veil, parting the translucent pink curtain suspended by an oblong metal hoop covered in sparkly plastic stars. The hoop itself wasn’t magic, but the boss soaked it with her Prowess every morning, so it functioned like a magic changing room. The Veil stripped off Ki’s slutty maid outfit, freeing the oversized t-shirt and jeans under the illusion. Blond hair fading back to black, flawless blue skin breaking out with freckles, Gluttony Lieutenant Ki Tsune stretched as his breasts shrunk back into pecs and his fat belly spilled out.

Following, Po got his ass stuck in the hoop and pulled himself through with a grunt. His own blond pigtails unspooled back into his natural short muddy brown hair, and the blue shine peeled off his mottled hot and cold skin. He looked like a speckled egg, or a lava lamp, which the boss apparently found unattractive, and who was Wrath Lieutenant Po Learm to question a Lust Captain on attractiveness?

Watching his lips deflate back to normal, Po felt the magic vagina the Veil gave him fill back out, pushing out the metal plug that kept the eggs contained and transforming it back into his usual cock cage, and the stupid little clitoris which contained him for the workday released his girthy cock and grapefruit-sized balls back into the cage, into his sweatpants with a meaty thunk. It was nice being covered by his oversized plaid shirt again. He stretched as well, glad to have his real body back.

Well…his cursed body anyway. Po still had his pregnant-looking belly jutting in front of him, sloshing with milk as the eggs rolled and clacked around in it like a marinade. His ass was still massive, his breasts were still comically round and swollen with milk, and he still had a squeezable cushion of fat softening his body. Nothing the Veil could do to hide it. Boss didn’t know why, but she’d tried.

Everyone conformed to the Star Veil’s beautiful illusions—except him.

Maybe half the staff were like Po Learm and Ki Tsune: demon men magical-girled into demonesses, and other sins masquerading as Lust.

Boss said it was hard to start up Lust establishments in Wrath City, because although Lust demons liked serving Wrath warriors, too few wanted to live full time in a city of mostly Wrath warriors. Especially with so many having been brought up without enough education in autonomy and consent.

The dangerous streets writhed with fights, and it wasn’t uncommon to get hit by someone or something on the way to work, which Lust demons weren’t fond of. They didn’t find camaraderie or joy in battle like Po’s Soular type.

So, the boss solved the problem with her Prowess. Hired anyone willing to set their dignity aside, wear her beautifying Vest, and strut around as a Lust demoness for the day.

And Po HATED this job. He hated his weird, gross, grotesque and bloated body, and he hated the scanty little maid outfit that showed it on full display. He hated being mistaken for a Lust demoness, and the job made him shut up and take it. It grated on his manly, Wrathful soul like nails on a chalkboard.

But it paid his bills. After the grocery store’s new management got sick of him, he couldn’t find anywhere else that would hire a fat, pathetic, egg-filled loser like him.

Except, for maybe the first time in his life, his self-hating train of thought smashed into a second train on the same tracks, derailing it in a glorious wreck, because Morn Freaking Ingstar found Po attractive!

After the curse destroyed his life, and he’d survived jumping off the Wrath City bridge, his rescuer introduced him to the internet—recently stolen from a destroyed human civilization in the Otherworlds—and to Conquest Of The Otherworlds. He lived for Nunch Ucks’ livestream now. It gave him something to do. Something to look forward to.

Since his curse made him constantly horny, he didn’t need porn, so he spent all day jacking it to Conquest, and Conquest fanart and fanfiction. Kat was hot when she wasn’t being insufferable, Thro was super cute, Nunch was the perfect blend of sexy and funny, but Morn, fucking gorgeous, glorious Morn, he was Po’s favorite.

If someone had told Po yesterday that he’d get to meet Wrath General Morn Ingstar in person, he’d have called them insane. Had they said Po’d be the waitress to tend the Nunch Box’s table, even just at first and a little later, he’d have accused them of trolling him. And if they’d claimed Morn would save him from falling off the stepladder, ask why sex with him wasn’t on the menu, talk about squeezing and loving him, and give him the most excited smile over a cheap box of candy, he’d have grabbed his old morning star and fucking killed the demon making those claims, because getting his hopes that high would’ve been a crime worthy of death.

Gods, he still couldn’t believe that had happened. One of his heroes actually liked his body. Or, well, he liked Ovi Po Sition’s body. He liked her BIGNESS, and that was the only thing besides his eyes the Vest didn’t paint onto Po like makeup.

Lust Lieutenant Su C. Kyou, a purplish-blue-skinned redhead with gold hoop earrings, stormed through the break room door, snapping Po out of his thoughts, and Lust Lieutenant Vibra Tor, with pale yellow eyes and straight black hair, poked in after her.

“Hey, Su,” he said as she stormed up to him. “As a Conquest superfan, I have to ask what it was like fucking Kat Ana.”

“Oh, Ms. Ana’s great, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to your fat ass about,” Su said, grabbing him by the bra straps through his shirt. “I’m just as horny for General Ingstar as you are, but he wouldn’t give me the time of day.” She reached up and pinched his cheeks hard. “What the hell do YOU have that I don’t?!”

Po choked. “B-bigness.”

“Bigness?!”

“Apparently I’m big and squeezable,” he said, not wanting to gossip in more detail about Morn’s worries.

She huffed. “Oh, so he likes ‘em large, does he?”

“Yes, obviously. He’s a fucking giant Hazaelian mix, Su, of course he wants someone big enough to fill his enormous palms. That’s not an insult to you.”

Su fumed.

“Not being his type is not your fault. You’re gorgeous, and so many people adore you. And best of all,” he said, taking her hands and pushing her through the Star Veil. Her maid outfit came off, revealing her casual sports bra and shorts, but nothing else changed. “You’re real.”

Her anger fizzled out. “Fine, I guess.”

That’s what he thought. Po knew how to deal with Lust demons. He’d researched them extensively after the curse to reassure himself he hadn’t become one. He hadn’t. One’s soul wasn’t so easy to change.

Usually, all they needed was a little reassurance that they were beautiful, beloved, and belonged in their community.

Vibra sidled up to Po, grabbing him by the shoulders. She shook like her namesake. “MORN. INGSTAR.”

He gasped as the sheer insanity of the situation hit him in the heart again. “Gods, I know. Morn Freaking Ingstar…”

“You think. Um. He’ll be back?” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, he’ll be back,” Su said, resting her elbow on Po’s shoulder. “Po’s EVIL: he baited the General into huffing his aphrodisiac.”

Ki Tsune laughed in the corner as he got ready to leave for the day.

Po laughed too. “Yeah, I feel so bad about it, but I couldn’t resist. And the internet says Elven ears are sensitive and Elven noses are super sharp, so I probably hit him like a semi-truck.”

“No wonder he couldn’t speak,” Su snickered.

“Speaking of,” Vibra said, leaning in. She snorted the sweat off Po’s neck like a line of crack, then stumbled for the door, knocking into a cupboard on her way out in a horny drunken haze to wait on more customers.

Yeah, he was used to being the designated magical drug dispenser during his shifts for the waitresses who wanted to get high before they got out there.

In Po’s disabled state, he struggled to feel useful. And his Wrathful soul NEEDED to feel useful. Reliable. So when Vibra sniffed him that first time, having little sense of boundaries, and figured out the curse turned his fluids into a potent aphrodisiac that could knock a Lust demoness off her ass, Po jumped on the opportunity to supply them whenever they needed the relief.

It was even more powerful if they drank his milk. And the waitresses were terrified of his eggs. Crack open one of those, and you were in for a wild ride. Gods help the poor souls dumb enough to swallow them whole.

You know, Morn had a habit of eating and drinking poisons to train his guts and see what he could handle. Po entertained the idea of his eating those eggs with lunch and succumbing to Po’s poison. It was glorious, but he had little hope it would happen. Reality was insane enough already.

Morn drove his brother and roommate home, up the volcano road. The trees magically planted in the cooled volcanic rock were blooming and beautiful this time of year, just a couple months away from Tabbiramae Day.

Wrath Captain Tigerc Law, the gate guard, recognized them from a distance by their magic signatures as they drove in. He raised the black metal gate bearing Ambrellosh’s five-pronged crimson star, and they drove the rest of the way up the road and ditched the truck in the parking garage.

Midday sun shining down on them, they marched through the village of Wrathgard, toward the great spiked tower looming in the distance. Built of black stone with a magma glow between the cracks, it had once been an Elven stronghold until the demon army had stolen it in the chaos after a great historical war. Now it served as a demon home and stronghold for many Captains, Generals, and Admirals—including General Morn, Captain Nunch, Captain Kat, Captain Thro, and General Scimi.

Although all of them but Scimi were officially retired. Well, as far as that term meant anything. You never really washed your hands of Ambrellosh’s armies if you continued to live in her Queendom, and the goddess extended an invitation to rejoin to every able warrior. To ‘retire’ was simply to tell the army, ‘Hey, I’ve done my service and want to do something else with my life, at least for some time. Please don’t call on me unless the enemy’s breaking down our door.’

In Morn’s case, he dedicated all his time to training for the Admiral rank. Thro preferred studying magic and weapons over serving on the battlefield. He wasn’t entirely sure what Kat’s deal was—having fun enough fucking around Wrathgard and refurbishing artifacts for the Greed City Auction House to pay her bills. Apparently her dad taught her how to tango with the Greed demons. Nunch had a son. They didn’t talk about him on Conquest for his privacy, but Morn’s brother left the army to focus on raising Shin Obi. He could film the show on his own schedule, but didn’t want to be sent out for days or weeks on missions or into battle. And Bug was really more of a guest than a member of the army—a camerawoman who came to film Mount Tabbiramae and got roped into Nunch’s show.

So Scimi made his living training Recruits, Lieutenants, Captains, and a class of mages at the library, and the Nunch Box paid their rent selling artifacts they brought back from their excursions into the Otherworlds.

Speaking of which, they marched out to the courtyard behind the tower to start the show. Thro and Bug were waiting, and Nunch and Kat exchanged hellos with them before they began filming.

Bug, blue in the face with lifeless white eyes like she’d died, although she was just a Prowess user in an illusory Vest, so she was okay, raised the Conquest camera and gave them the signal.

Nunch grinned. “Hey, you damn demons!”

Pacing across the crimson stone floor of the courtyard, Morn looked around. Facing away from the tower, they had two dozen portals set up on the left, three tournament rings with bleachers for an audience on the right, and the bushes and trees lining the edges of the courtyard parted in the middle to reveal the start of the Trembling Steps, which lead up to the volcano crater entrance. All great places to train.

“Thought we’d hop into a random Otherworld and see what we can find,” Nunch said, taking his brother’s arm and dragging him toward the portals.

Kat strolled after them. “Hell yeah. I’m always up for an adventure.”

“Sorry I haven’t been able to find another good Chalice signature yet,” Thro said, having been distracted and jogging to catch up. “Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

Bug floated a few feet behind her, finding a better angle, Morn guessed.

The portal roared open with a flash of orange light, and a dark forest sprawled before them. Air cold and moist, Morn breathed it in to clear his head as he stepped through to scout the place, his oversized greatsword strapped to his back and ready to cut down anything that attacked his friends.

Portal closing behind them, the anchor, an orange lantern-looking piece of magic technology with a spear staking it into the wet soil, remained behind. They could move it if they needed to, or leave it where the magic had assumed it safe. As long as they had a trained mage among them—Thro, in their case—they could always find it again.

Thro raised her hands, glowing bright with golden light, like stars. Slowly adjusting her arms like antennae, she closed her eyes and sensed the magic around them. “Sorry, guys, I don’t think we got lucky. I don’t feel any Ascending power nearby. But there are flickers of magic, so we may find something worth bringing home.”

Kat snorted. “Or a giant snake.”

They found a giant snake. All of five minutes later, they were running for their lives as a boa the size of an ocean trench crashed through the trees after them. Morn probably could’ve taken the thing, but he was terrified he’d lose his friends between all the fucking trees.

After they lost it, the five regrouped in a clearing.

“You asshole!” Thro said, bonking Kat over the head with a floating chain of pebbles using her Hellfire, Stone Throw. “You dumb bitch! Why would you jinx it?!”

“My bad, guys,” she wheezed.

“Aw, he was just hungry. Craving our supple meat,” Nunch said, pacing to put the girls between him and his brother. “Like Morn was cravin’ that waitress’ supple meat at the cafe earlier.”

Morn fucking dropped his greatsword like a hot potato. “Excuse me?!”

“Hah! Forgot to kill me in the courtyard, didn’t you?”

That was it. Morn lost it, threatening to strangle the little bastard as he chased him around the clearing.

Thro laughed. “Sorry, WHAT happened?”

“Oh, I took the boys to the cutest cafe for lunch,” Kat said. “Really wish we’d brought the camera. We had the most adorable little waitress serve our table, and Morn was so hot under the collar for her, it was amazing.”

Morn made a grab for Nunch, but he weaseled out of his grip. Dammit, there was only so long he could stay this mad! “You wanna die too, Kat?!”

“Not as much as you wanted to die smothered between Ovi Po’s thighs!”

He fumed, shook, seethed, and fizzled, because goddammit, they weren’t wrong. Po had amazing thighs.

Leaning close to Kat’s ear, Thro’s words only reached Morn because of his sharp hearing. “Was she, by chance…HER?”

With a heavy sigh, Kat slumped. “No, unfortunately. You have no idea how much I wish it’d been her.”

Her.

She was the reason it wouldn’t work out with Po. He wanted to visit the cafe again and see her, but…he also didn’t. Po would just make it harder to wait.

Morn needed to remember his training. There was a good reason he needed to be so strong. To be unstoppable. An Admiral. “Where’s that snake?” he asked, picking his greatsword off the ground.

The angry Wrath General vented his frustration on the giant boa, praying it’d help make him strong enough to protect his future wife.

Chapter Text

Tuesday, Morn slew the giant snake in four swings of his greatsword, disappointed it took him so much effort, and that the others praised him for how easy he made it look. Its venom numbed his guts for an hour, which was interesting, and Thro said it had medical properties, so they brought back a few gallons to sell, along with a hoard of gold they cut out of its intestines.

Wednesday, they stepped out of the portal in the middle of a war zone. After a little investigation, they chose to defend the side under attack. The underdogs—literal dog people defending their village. Morn smashed a hundred enemy wasp soldiers to the ground with his Hellfire, Pressure, and beheaded their General. Then the underdogs praised him as a hero, and he enjoyed the food and company—and how brazenly they just walked up and licked his face, even though it was probably weird to like that—but he didn’t get as much training done as he’d have liked.

Thursday, the portals had a malfunction before they arrived to film, so they were forced to do something else. The other warriors of Wrathgard were holding a tournament, as they did all day every day, and the Nunch Box competed. Morn won a one-v-sixty and took the first place prize: a duel against Wrath General Fisti Cuffs, whom Morn knocked out with three punches. He honestly forgot half his battles by the time he was sitting at the table with his friends, eating takeout.

Friday, he woke up early and bench pressed a couple thousand pounds in his home gym. He needed a challenge, dammit. Maybe he’d visit Nunch’s ‘gym’ later.

Speaking of Nunch, he heard his apartment door open and his brother call out for him.

“In here,” Morn yelled, sitting up and grabbing a towel to wipe his slippery sweat.

He sauntered in the door and leaned against the frame. “I’ll cut right to the chase: I want you to go have lunch at the Lusty Little Maid Cafe today.”

Morn blinked, rolling the towel and hanging it on his neck. “What do you mean?”

“Fuck do you mean what do I mean? Lunch. Meal you eat midday.”

“At that cafe?” he asked, grimacing at the crimson demon. “Look, Nunch, I know you guys got a kick out of my reactions, and you’re right, alright? I did find her attractive. But it doesn’t matter, because-”

“Because she’s not your future wife, I know,” he said, pinching his temples. “Don’t care. I want you to see her anyway.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because she makes you happy, dumbass! You’re always grumpy and disinterested in everything, grumbling and shaking us off every time we show concern about you. Then, for just a second, we caught you enjoying a girl’s company, blushing and smiling, and being honest and in touch about your feelings for once with the explanation of why you liked how big she is.”

Morn scratched the back of his head, slumping in his seat on the cushioned lifting bench. “Isn’t it weird for a Wrath General to be in touch with his feelings?”

“No,” he said. “It’s healthy.”

He sighed.

Nunch stalked up to him and head-butted him between the horns. “Go back to the cafe.”

Morn growled, bitching about all the reasons he shouldn’t for fifteen minutes, but his brother called them all out as bad excuses, so he eventually agreed. Fine, he’d go see Po.

Nunch finally left, and Morn took a shower, getting dressed in a band t-shirt and torn jeans. He sprayed on a heaping helping of cologne and slipped into a stylish lavender jacket, trying to look a tad less intimidating today.

Stopping in his kitchen, Morn picked up the enchanted jar—an artifact he’d kept, which had a spell that stopped food inside from going stale—and fished out the box of heart-shaped gummies. It was almost half empty. He’d been attempting to ration them, certain it’d be another decade and a half before anyone showed him such a kindness again, but they were so small. He carefully dispensed one into his palm and let it melt slowly in his mouth as he headed out.

Arriving at the grocery store, he parked and walked the rest of the way to the cafe. There was a fight blocking the street, and he didn’t know or care what was going on, so he just had Pressure press everyone to the sidewalk while he passed.

Morn ducked through the door and immediately felt the maids’ eyes on him, whispering excitedly that he’d returned. His ears burned as he inhaled the fruit pie and pheromone scent of the place, getting in line.

They quickly seated the other guests and got to him, sending a skinny maid with long blond hair. “Welcome back, General Ingstar. Right this way to your table.”

“Actually, um…” He scratched the back of his neck, heart rabbiting in his chest. “Fuck, I don’t know how to ask this.”

She waited.

“Uh, Egg Waitress. Ovi Po Sition, I think her name was…”

Gods, her excited smile cracked him like a whip.

“L-look, I know she’s not on the menu, but could I…?”

“Of course!” she said, beaming. “Po said she’d make an exception for you if you ever asked. Payment for waitresses is expected up front.”

He nodded, getting out his credit card. The price was lower than he’d expected, but he only bought half an hour of her time for now.

“I’ll go get her right away,” the skinny waitress said, scampering into the employee area.

Morn waited at the counter, sweating bullets. Fuck, he was more nervous about this than for any battle he’d ever fought in.

Po waddled out of the employees-only door, and she was glowing. Radiant with joy, her cheeks heated to a deep blue blush, and her gold eyes glittered up at him as she made her way over. Dammit, she was beautiful, wearing spiked hair clips at the roots of her pigtails probably just for him, and she looked at him like he was doing her the greatest honor of her life. She stunned him stupid.

Deep breath in, she fluttered her lashes. “I’m ready for whatever you have in store, General Morn.~”

Wonderstruck, he took a moment to shake off the shock and kneel next to her. “Um, uh, I just-. I just w-wanted to talk today.”

Her glow dimmed a little, but she didn’t look near as crushingly disappointed as when he’d said he wasn’t serious yesterday. “Oh, okay. Whatever you want to do. I’m happy just to spend time with you.”

He nodded, standing again. “Where’s a good place…?”

“The hotel,” she said. Po was just tall enough to reach all the way up and take him by two fingers, leading him to the backdoor. “It’s more open, and the rooms all have silence charms so no one can hear what’s going on inside, if you have anything too private to say.”

“Okay.”

The little waitress led him outside, and Morn swallowed as he saw the hotel. It had the same soft blue heart-covered design as the cafe, with dozens of doors across the three-story building, and a heart-shaped swimming pool on the left. The rooms made him nervous. Each had a number engraved on a blue heart on the door, and Morn figured they each had a double bed inside for fucking. As his ears burned, he decided he wasn’t ready to look in there, even just to talk.

“Wanna sit by the pool?” he asked Po.

She smiled. “Sure.”

They both slipped their shoes off and sat by the poolside, dangling their feet in the water. There were people chatting in the lobby, but no one else was outside. Perfect.

“For the record, I can swim,” Po said. “Feels like I’m so heavy I shouldn’t be buoyant, but I am.”

He nodded. “Noted.”

She adjusted her miniscule skirt. “So, what’s on your mind?”

Morn fiddled with his rings, stalling. He inhaled through his nose. “Uh, before I even think about doing anything else with you, I wanted to be honest and upfront about something.”

“Alright. And that would be…?”

“I…have a wife,” he said.

Eyes widening like dinner plates, she gawked up at him.

“Not like that,” he snapped, realizing what he’d implied. “Well, like that, but not yet?”

Po gasped, but she looked more excited than upset. “You’re engaged?”

“No. But I guess I will be eventually.”

Eyebrow raised, she contemplated. “Like you’re dating?”

“No.”

“Are you talking about, like…an arranged marriage?”

“Not quite.”

Her eyes tightened. “Okay, you’ve lost me. I have no idea where you’re going with this.”

Groaning, he raked his fingers down his face. “Um, I’ve seen the future.”

Scrutiny fading, her eyes sparkled. “You’re a seer?”

“No,” he said. “We saw a seer. Nunch and I, a few years back. A gladius cultist who saw the future through Ambrellosh, The Clear Sky, came to advise the Wrathgard Lust Spa workers about their families, and we asked her to peer into the past and tell us about ours.”

“Holy whoa,” she breathed.

“Got to see our mom again. Nunch and I are from fraternal nonuplets.”

Po looked like she would’ve jumped up if her heavy body had let her. “That’s a lot of imps! Your poor mom, haha. And there are seven other Morns and Nunches out there in the Queendom somewhere?”

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “But we have no idea where they are, or anything about them, except that they’re probably everything but Envy and Wrath. But anyway, we didn’t get to see much because apparently a god’s hand blocked Tristany’s vision.”

She looked sad. “Oh. Fuck, that sucks.”

“Yeah, it did. So, she offered to peer into the future for us. Nunch turned her down, ‘cause he’s content with what he has.”

“And you took her up on the offer.”

Fidgeting again, he crossed his ankles under the water. “I told her…that I was pretty sure I was going to die alone.”

Looking almost as devastated as he’d been, Po placed a hand on his thigh to comfort him.

“She said, uh…Well, the future’s not set in stone. There are many paths, and many of mine are blank. She said it doesn’t mean I don’t live a good life, it just means I have a hard time loving. My futures are filled with failed marriages.”

After a moment to think, she nodded. “Except one.”

“Yes,” he said. “One sturdy future. One love that overcomes.”

“Your wife,” she said, chest swelling with excitement.

“Got just a moment’s glimpse of her before another god’s hand blocked Tristany.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Po snapped, almost as angry as he’d been. She kicked the water with all her might, splashing them both and making Morn laugh. “Fucking stupid-ass gods. They’re the worst sometimes.”

Morn calmed his chuckling. “Yeah. Um…I’m really sorry, but you’re not her.”

“That much was obvious,” she said. “I didn’t expect to be.”

“Well, the thing is, when I saw her, she was carrying my child. And I know you’re not pregnant, but you’re shaped that way, so I think part of why I like you is you’re, um…wife-shaped.”

Ovi Po fucking wheezed at his silly phrasing. “Wife-shaped?!”

“Sorry,” he said, burying his face in his hands.

“No no, I’m not insulted,” she said, patting him on the back. “Snrk. Wife-shaped. You’re right, I am. Was that the main point you were getting to? That I’m temporary, and remind you of the sturdy future waiting for you? Because I’m completely fine with that.”

“Yes, and, well…” Morn brought his knees up to his chin, water dripping down his legs, curling around himself. “I’m not sure if this would be cheating?”

Po tapped her chin, thinking.

“Because if I know I have a wife in the future, should I be talking to you?”

“Monogamous?”

He shrugged. “I assume.”

“Oh, because a lot of demons don’t care, because we’re culturally and maybe genetically used to letting Lust demons handle most of the childbirth, and giving up biological children in favor of raising others of our Soular type. But maybe elf and human mixes would be more attached.”

“I guess.”

“Sorry, I’ve studied this shit way too much,” she said, sweating. “I don’t mean to condescendingly explain your own species.”

“No, you’re fine. I think I need my own species explained, because I’m so out of touch. Grew up really isolated. I don’t know a damn thing about love, or Lust demons, or imps, or anything from your world really. I don’t know if flirting with you is cheating, or what the rules are, or if my wife would be mad…”

Frowning, Po rolled to the side, getting to her hands and knees, then to her feet in a wide stance, and she expertly pushed herself upright. She was obviously used to her big body, and having to navigate it on her own. “Okay, so…Take this with a grain of salt big enough to crush a house. Obviously I, as the waitress you’ve been flirting with, have a vested interest in persuading you toward polyamory. I would say this even if I weren’t, or didn’t, but it’s up to you whether to believe me.”

Morn nodded for her to go on.

“Dunno about the objective morality of your situation, whether talking or doing anything with me would be cheating, I have no idea. But if your wife…looked back from the future,” she said, scratching her chin as she thought through how to put her thoughts into words. “If she saw her husband waiting for her, longing for her, unable to find her because the gods wouldn’t let him…If she saw him sad, confused, desperate for love, and worried he’d die alone…and her response was, ‘Suck it up, General. You know you’re a married man, so keep it in your pants until I get there’…”

He snorted, because that was exactly what he’d been telling himself.

Fist raised, Po shook with a rage that genuinely frightened him. “I’d fucking kill her.”

“Huh?” he asked.

“I’d smash her kneecaps,” she said, swinging her fist as if with a mace in it, sounding like a stereotypical Wrath demon who woke up and chose violence. “Who the fuck would this bitch be to say she loves you and demand you stay lonely while she takes her sweet-ass time getting here?!”

“Um.”

Po pointed up at him. “You work so hard! You train like a maniac. Earned your General rank younger than like ninety-nine point nine to infinity percent of Generals ever. I read you saved thousands of lives in the battle of Envy City.”

Morn rubbed his arm. “I guess.”

“You’re retired to work on coming out of retirement as an even stronger soldier. That’s not real retirement!”

“Well, maybe.”

“And you spend every week protecting Nunch, Kat, Thro, and Bug on their adventures. Even just this week, you got them away from that mountainous snake and killed it so it wouldn’t try to eat them or anyone else again. You saved the Doglian Kingdom from the invading hive and restored peace. And then you dominated sixty demons in one tournament round. You were incredible! People online analyzed your every move. I learned so much from the discussion.”

He hadn’t thought his actions that significant, but couldn’t argue. They really were great when she put it that way, even if he’d practically sleepwalked through most of it. He remembered the Doglians’ friendliness and delicious cooking, and not much else. That barbecue sauce occupied his whole mind at the time.

Shaking with determination, Ovi Po pat him on the arm. “You work your azure ass off, and you’ve more than earned the right to some fucking fun. Morn, you deserve to be filled with joy for every moment of your beautiful life!”

Her words shot right through his composure like a bullet. Morn’s serious mask snapped in half, and tears beaded in his eyes as he choked back a sob. “Do I?”

She looked startled by his tiny outburst.

“I’m sorry.”

“No no, don’t be,” she said, waddling close and pressing herself against him. Maybe it was a hug, but her belly was in the way, and he was too huge to wrap her arms around. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I do?” he asked, hugging her back, careful not to squeeze too hard.

“Yes! You deserve-. You…” She paused, breathing hard. “I’m s-sorry, I’m, ah, ruining the mo-moment, ohhh…!”

“No, you’re okay,” Morn said, holding her as she clenched up from an unwanted orgasm, fingers digging into his shirt. “You can’t help it. I understand. And you deserve to be happy too.”

Po sniffled as she recovered. Both teary-eyed, they just held each other quietly for a few minutes. He’d never gotten to do this with anyone, and it was comfortable. Maybe too comfortable, because her sweet milk scent made his head spin, and his dick twitch.

“Will you be back Monday?” she asked.

Morn paused. “I’ll…have to think about it.”

“Okay. Take your time.”

He said that, and did intend to take his time, but after their paid session was up, Morn returned her to the cafe, ate a quick lunch, returned to Wrathgard and his apartment to clean up before Conquest, and it hit him the instant he walked through that door just how damn empty his place was. The silence grated on his soul like nails on a chalkboard.

Morn would be back at the cafe on Monday.

Chapter Text

The weekend felt like a watched pot: it never boiled. Morn trained, lifted weights, and lay in bed suffering while his friends were busy most of Saturday and Sunday.

When early Monday morning rolled around, he flew out of bed, scrubbed every inch of himself in the shower with fruity soaps, shampoos, and conditioners, and spent two hours cleaning his piercings, brushing and flossing his teeth, brushing his hair to silky smoothness, adding a little gel to make it shine, polishing his horns, shaving, spraying himself down with scented deodorant and cologne, painting his nails with clear gloss, slathering on chapstick, and just generally trying to make himself look and smell as good as possible.

Morn was tempted to wear his best suit, but the cafe was kind of casual, and he didn’t want to overdress and make Po uncomfortable. He threw on dark blue jeans, a thin t-shirt with ocean wave designs crashing across the fabric, his favorite blue-tinted sunglasses, and wedge sandals with blue and sea green crystals.

He brought a bottle of chocolate mouth spray and mints in his pockets and used them liberally on his way to the cafe. Ducking through the door at twenty minutes until nine, he got out his credit card and kneeled to speak with the cashier. “Morning.”

The triple pointy-horned demoness clutched her heart like he’d stopped it. “Oh gosh, good morning, Lust General—I mean WRATH General! I meant Wrath, you’re just so handsome. Wh-what can I get you today?”

Her slipup made him snort. Morn was realizing he didn’t mind compliments about his looks as long as they didn’t mention how intimidating he was. “No worries. So, I know from the menu that the minimum time for ordering a waitress is fifteen minutes, and the maximum is an hour, and I’m fine with that, but I wanted to ask…” He handed her his card. “Could I just like…buy Ovi Po Sition’s entire shift?”

Looking down at the register, she thought. “I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules, because even Lust demonesses get worn out from that much sex in a single session, but I’m not arguing with a Wrath General, and Po can take it.”

Morn’s ears burned. “We’re not-. I won’t-. N-no, I wasn’t planning to bang her for three hours straight, I wanted to have brunch and chat, and…”

“Oh, okay, that makes sense,” Three-Horns chuckled, ringing him up and scanning his card. “I’m just saying, if you did want to bang one waitress for three hours or more, few of us would handle it better than the egg sac with legs.”

“Don’t call her that,” Morn growled, offended on her behalf.

She flinched. “Sorry, General. That’s what she calls herself though. Po’s organs melted together or something, so she’s mostly just an egg sac. I didn’t mean that as an insult.”

“Oh,” he said, tone changing, suddenly concerned. “Her organs…? Shit, is she okay?”

“Yeah. Well, as okay as she can be with that powerful Lust curse. Really wish she weren’t so shy; I think it’d be easier for her to live with her condition if she were more open to selling her body, or had a consistent partner. The curse basically rebuilt her for sex. She’s always elastic, slick, leaking, and she’s always turned on—with no off switch. When I said she could take it for three hours, I didn’t mean that as not caring about her, I meant her body doesn’t stop like ours do.”

“I-I see,” he said, really considering the impact of her curse for the first time. Damn, how did she live like that? Morn thought he’d go insane if he were forced to live, work, and socialize while constantly turned on.

“And if you’re worried it won’t fit,” Three-Horns said, handing his card back. “Don’t be. It will. I say without exaggeration that Po could probably stretch around a telephone pole.”

“Oh my gods,” he gasped. “Alright, I’m big, but I’m not quite THAT big.”

She laughed.

Morn went to the back table and slipped into the booth on his right to wait, facing away from the dining room.

You know, she’d joked, but his size had been a genuine concern. He had flashbacks of the Lust spa again. Of how damn hard the ladies had tried. They’d praised his size. Worshiped his dick like a gift from the gods. Said it was a good thing, a blessing, something to envy that Morn was hung like a horse, but when push came to shove, it didn’t fit.

He’d gone through ten demonesses like undersized pants before finding one he could get halfway inside of, and he’d been too worried about bruising her painfully tight vagina to enjoy the experience. Sure, he told them he did. He lied to their faces to spare their feelings. But he’d never gone back after that.

So, knowing Po was built different meant Morn didn’t have to dread getting into bed just to discover he was too fucking much for the little Ambrelloshian.

Two minutes after nine, Morn heard the door and turned to see Po finally arrive, waddling out of the employees-only area in her usual dainty maid uniform. She did a double-take at him, and a wobbly little jog to reach his table faster, huffing and puffing, and stopping breathing when she stopped to take him in.

Morn grinned at her, lifting his sunglasses to his forehead. “Good morning.”

She wheezed, apparently unable to speak for a minute. Had to look him all up and down, taking in every inch of his grotesquely tall body before she could find her voice. “You bought my entire shift?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Hope that’s okay. The cashier said it was against their rules, but…”

“It is, but mainly so customers don’t abuse one waitress all day. The others fought hard for that right,” she said. “But I’m not worried about you hurting me, Morn. I know you. And I’m fragile in a fight, but you’ll find me challenging to break in bed.”

“Yeah. The cashier told me a little about you. Sorry.”

She shrugged. “Eh, I know tons about you from Conquest. It’s only fair you get gossip about me.”

Morn worried his lip. “Would you like to sit and have brunch with me?”

“I’d love to,” she said, looking around. Oh, for the stepladder.

“Would you like me to help you into the booth?” he offered.

Hesitating, she nodded, and Morn got up to help. He wasn’t sure how to lift her. By the waist? By her butt? He was honestly afraid to touch her, um, assets yet. Under the arms? Morn decided that was good enough and gently gripped under her arms, lifting her up to the seat.

Flustered, she stood level with the table. “Th-thanks.”

This wasn’t right. Shit, she couldn’t sit down and see over the giant table. It was too small for him and too big for her.

He had another waitress bring a stack of cushions. They were kind of a shoddy solution—her ass was wider, making the stack a little unstable—but they raised her comfortably to the right height, so they worked.

Hibiscus Waitress brought two menus, and her notepad and pen to their table. “Can I fetch drinks for you lovebirds?”

Po looked up at Morn, unsure.

“Order whatever you want,” he said. “My treat.”

She nodded. “Strawberry lemonade?”

Ugh. Why that? “Blackberry Moonlight Bliss.”

Hibiscus Waitress wrote those down. “I’ll have them right out.”

As she stalked away, Po smiled. “You memorized the actual drink names?” she asked, apparently having noticed he hadn’t looked at the menu.

“Yeah, while I was waiting for my food on Friday,” he said. “Weird, I know, sorry. Gonna call it ‘blackberry drink’ in front of Nunch and Kat if they wanna come with me again, because they’ll definitely make fun of me for using the actual girly-ass drink names.”

Po worried her plump lip. “I also noticed…and I’m sorry if this upsets you to ask…Are you wearing women’s shoes?”

Morn froze. Head on the table, he burned with shame. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry about it,” she snapped. “They’re cute.”

Head up, he eyed her, confused but encouraged. “Women get better shoes.”

“They do.”

“And clothes in general. There’s so much more style and variety than in the men’s section.”

“You’re right.”

“Like why don’t we get much fancy shit?”

She raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand how you collapse when I ask if you’re wearing women’s shoes, but you apparently have the guts to be seen shopping in the women’s section. Do you go to a private store in Wrathgard where cross-dressing is more acceptable?”

“Nunch takes me,” he said, embarrassed. He didn’t cross-dress. Okay, well, maybe he sort of did. Only sometimes.

Po blinked. “Nunch shops in the women’s section?”

“Uh…” Morn choked. “Sorry, it’s not really my place to discuss my brother’s private habits. Forget I said that.”

“Understood, although it’s not hard to guess he uses his Hellfire to Borrow women’s bodies and pose as one in the mirror. The man’s really into tits.” She glanced down at her own. “Eh, can’t really blame him.”

“Y-yeah.”

“What are you into?”

Without thinking, he glanced down at her bulging belly, wedged under the table.

“Oh, obviously,” she chuckled. “I gotta ask, do you have a fetish?”

“No,” he said. “I don’t know. I don’t think so? Maybe.”

Hibiscus Waitress returned with their drinks. “Have you decided what to order?”

Morn nodded, fingering the rim of his frosted drink glass. “Two large brown rice bowls with extra grilled vegetables, and waffles with whipped cream and blueberry syrup, please.”

Po held her strawberry lemonade in both hands, took a small sip, and looked up at him again for permission.

“Anything you want,” he reminded her.

She nodded. “I’ll have what he’s having.”

“Okie dokie,” Hibiscus Waitress said, writing that down.

Eyebrows ascending, Morn frowned. “Sure you can eat that much? I have to order a lot of food because I’m…big.”

“Me too,” she said, scooting back and rubbing the top of her belly where the table squashed it.

“Alright.”

Ovi Po took a deep breath, netting her fingers atop her middle. “Before I forget, there were a couple things I wanted to tell you.”

“Shoot,” Morn said, taking a sip of his drink. He drained a third of it without trying.

“First, I have to lay eggs at least hourly, or I get painfully full,” she said. “Since you bought three hours of my time, I’m going to have to take a minimum of two egg breaks during our session. Should only take a few minutes. Sorry, I hope I can make up for them the rest of the time and give you your money’s worth.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, shaking his head. “You take as long as you need. Just let me know and I’ll give you privacy.”

She nodded. “Thank you. Thought I might as well mention you could also, y’know…watch, if you wanted.”

Cheeks smoldering, he blinked. “Huh?”

“I don’t need privacy, just relief from my egg buildup, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but if you’re not grossed out, I don’t need you to leave for it.”

Morn thought about it, swishing his drink. Did he want to watch her lay eggs? He didn’t immediately hate the idea, but he wasn’t sure how it would work. Trying to picture it, he visualized Po sitting on a pillow, straining like she was taking a shit, then getting up, leaving a few chicken eggs in her place. Yeah, he could handle that every so often.

He nodded. “If you want me around, I’ll stay. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable either, but I also don’t want you to feel ashamed of your body and like you need to hide what it does. Laying eggs is natural for you, so I’ll get used to it.”

Po teared up, wiping her eyes. “Thank you. Gods, you’re so kind, Morn. Nobody’s this nice to me.”

“Well, they should be,” he said, eying the other waitresses watching from across the room. Did they mistreat her? Bitches better hope they didn’t slip in front of the Wrath General. He returned his attention to his maid waitress. “Hell, are they edible?”

She gave an exaggerated gasp. “The people who aren’t nice to me?”

Morn slapped himself in the face. “The eggs.”

“Heh, I know.”

“Eggs are a great source of protein,” he said, realizing a bit late it might be weird to ask this. “You ever like…cook ‘em up in a pan? I’d at least try them. I’m an adventurous eater.”

Po laughed, a worried smile curling across her face. “That’s actually the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.” She took another sip of lemonade to wet her throat before she continued. “Yes, they’re edible, and you can totally fry them in a pan, or prepare them basically any way you’d cook chicken eggs.”

“Great,” Morn said.

“But they’re also kind of…toxic.”

“Even better. I’m a poison connoisseur.” He grinned. “Could always use more immunity training. Did you forget you’re talking to the guy who fried up a Poison Death Angel for lunch?”

“No, I remembered. But my eggs are an aphrodisiac.”

Morn tilted his head. “What’s that? Numbing? Nerve toxin?”

“Drug that makes you horny.”

He froze. Oh.

Po laughed at his reaction, but there was a worried edge to it. “I’m really sorry. I punked you before, that first day when I took your ear and breathed in your face.”

He thought back, looking at the scene in a new light. Her spice and sweet milk scent had flooded his brain, made his veins sing, and gave him the biggest erection of his life. Of course it’d been a drug. It was so obvious now that she said it.

“As part of my curse, my entire body’s a potent aphrodisiac dispenser. It’s in my eggs, my milk, my sweat and tears…I’m the other waitress’ drug supply. And I drugged you to try to make you come back for me.”

“Oh,” was all he could come up with for the moment. Yeah, she’d played dirty…

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking. “I’m really sorry, General. I’m a deceptive piece of shit, and you shouldn’t trust me.”

Morn shook his head again. “Don’t worry about it. You caught me off guard, but I’m not mad.”

Po gaped, stunned by how quickly he’d forgiven her, and Morn, to be honest, was surprised how little her hiding this until now bothered him. She choked up, milky tears spilling as she clasped her hand over her mouth. Then her eyes crossed, and she moaned and shook with an orgasm.

“You’re okay,” he reassured her, reaching across the table to touch her, but then hesitated. “Do you mind if I…?”

She nodded.

Gingerly, like she was made of glass, he touched his finger to her cheeks one at a time and wiped her tears.

“Sorry I cry spilled milk,” she choked.

“Not a problem.” Morn brought the drops of milk on his finger back to his side of the table and examined them. Damn, he wished he hadn’t failed his mage training, so he’d have some idea of what magic Po had swimming in her fluids.

Curious enough to take a leap of faith, he brought his finger to his lips and licked the milk off. Its heavenly sweetness tingled on his tongue, and he felt the magic radiate through his mouth and down his throat. His head swam as his nerves lit up like Christmas lights. Heart rabbiting, he felt heat pool in his stomach and groin, jeans tightening.

He focused through the horny haze just enough to notice Po watching, golden eyes zeroed in on his flushed face.

“Sorry,” Morn sighed, and his voice sounded breathy and sensual. “I want to get used to you. Kinda new to this feeling, but I don’t hate it.”

She smiled. “The feeling of being insatiably horny?”

“Everything,” he said. “All these feelings. I’ve never been so attracted to someone, but it’s not just your body. Never felt like another demon was really paying attention to the little things about me instead of being solely focused on what a monstrous Wrath demon I am.”

“Don’t the other Nunch Box members pay attention to you?”

“Sort of, but they still see me primarily as their protector. Nunch needs me to be his rock, Kat’s dumb as a rock, Thro doesn’t have much space in her brain for anything but research, and Scimi and Betty are shy like I am. He’s my superior who gives me orders sometimes, and she’s from a completely different culture, so we have trouble relating.”

“Makes sense,” she said, sipping her strawberry lemonade. “No wonder you’re content to pay a waitress for sex and spend the session chatting instead.”

Morn wiped his forehead. “Sorry, that’s probably weird.”

“No, it’s common. A lot of lonely guys out there will hire sex workers to talk or cuddle. When the darkness is closing in, and you’ve got cash, sometimes it’s easiest to pay a professional to pretend to be your friend.”

He laughed, because that described him too well. “Yeah. Don’t even understand why, but I feel like I’ve spent my entire life stumbling through the darkness.”

Po smiled. “Sounds about right. You’re a Wrath warrior whose job is to drive back that darkness so that it doesn’t snuff out the rest of us, but you come back covered in the stuff.” With a wink, she raised her glass for a toast. “Relax and let a Lust demon brighten your soul.”

Morn sighed, still buzzing with arousal as he clinked his glass against hers.

Chapter Text

Ovi Po ATE like she was DYING.

She inhaled her waffles before Hibiscus Waitress even finished passing out the food, separately guzzling her whipped cream and blueberry syrup like she was a shriveled, dehydrated desert traveler who’d been about to keel over on the dunes without them. Then she shoveled rice and grilled vegetables into her mouth, moaned obscenely, and came from the delicious taste.

Morn just…froze there, watching her with his fork threatening to fall from his fingers, because holy fuck.

It wasn’t until she’d scarfed the first rice bowl and moved onto the second that she seemed to snap to her senses and look up at him. She looked down, guilty and crushed with shame. “Sorry, I’m disgusting…”

“You are not disgusting,” he told her again. “I’m just wondering if you’re okay, because holy Ambrellosh in a hula hoop you can pack it away.”

“I love food,” Po sobbed, bursting into milk tears. “I love you, Morn. You’re my hero.”

His heart burst with joy to hear her so happy because of him. “Would you like more food?”

“Is that okay? I don’t want to cost you too much.”

Morn waved another waitress over. “Excuse me. Po wanted to order more.”

The curly black-haired waitress with too much eye shadow laughed. “Of course, General.” Then she faced away from him and leaned over to Po, whispering where she probably thought he couldn’t hear. “Can’t believe you’re being a garbage disposal in front of Morn Ingstar of all people. Would it kill you to pretend to have some feminine grace?”

Po flinched.

Pressure smashed Eye-Shadow Waitress to the floor, although Morn didn’t hit her near as hard as he would’ve hit a Wrath warrior, just enough to teach her a damn lesson. “You don’t insult my date.”

She leaped to her feet, worriedly looked at herself as wisps of purple smoke fizzled off her chest and arms, and ran for the employees-only door. The hell was that about?

Po gaped. “Can’t believe you just did that for me.”

Morn huffed. “Why do I get the feeling she’s had it coming?”

“She has. Fin’s been a jackass to me since I started here.”

Fin returned from the employees-only room, apparently having not learned, with a bulky Wrath warrior in tow. Security.

Adjusting his black sunglasses, he sauntered into the dining room with a spiked club over his shoulder. Probably thought he looked tough with his spike-covered horns. “Who’s the jerk that pushed Fin Geryou, huh?”

Morn stood up from the table, and that was all it took to make the measly six-foot-two demon about piss his pants.

“Fin, you picked a fight with General Freaking Ingstar?!” he asked, sunglasses flying off as his eyes bulged like they were about to shoot out of his skull.

Punching him in the arm, Fin growled. “You fucking call yourself my security partner, but you never fight anyone who picks on me!”

“You always start it! And you started it with a Wrath General, you dumbfuck! What’s wrong with you?!”

Po laughed as they argued, catching Morn’s attention. “Hey, please don’t hurt Spike. He clowns around with Fin, but he’s fine.”

Morn frowned. “If you say so.”

“No, I’m done,” Spike said, shoving the waitress off him. “We’re done, Fin. You can fuck off.”

Fin punched him in the gut. “And who’s your new partner gonna be, huh? Po?”

“Go die,” he told her.

She stormed back through the employee door.

Hand raised, Po called out. “Hey, Spike, can you ask your sister if she’ll wait our table instead?”

Spike inhaled through his nose and gave her a thumbs up. “Yeah, she’ll be right out.”

He disappeared behind Fin as Morn sat back down.

A few minutes later, a curvy waitress with wavy blond hair and the same spike-covered horns skipped over to their table with a notepad. “H-hey, General Ingstar. I’m Spike D. Club’s little sister—Spike D. Punch, who also works here during the same shift! You can, uh, also call me Spike.”

Po’s eyebrows knit with worry as he tried not to smile.

Morn wasn’t sure why. “Ovi Po wanted to order some more food.”

Spike took Po’s extensive order, jotting everything down with an unsteady scrawl reminiscent of Wrath demons. “Alright, I’ll bring everything out for you as soon as it’s ready.”

“Thank you,” Morn said, smiling at her.

Flustered, she smiled back and trotted off to the kitchen.

Morn was glad he was watching, because as she passed the employee door, it swung open and a demon man with Fin’s same eye shadow dove at her with a knife.

Spike spun on her heels, throwing her fists up to guard herself like a trained Wrath Lieutenant. What?

Didn’t matter. Pressure slammed Knife Guy to the ground hard enough to crack the tiles, making him drop his knife.

Stunned, Spike staggered back.

A few demons applauded the rescue, which was embarrassing.

“Guessing Fin called on this bastard to get revenge,” Morn said, arm draped over the booth’s backrest. “That’s dirty, asking to have your ex-boyfriend’s sister stabbed.”

Spike cringed. “Ex-boyfriend?”

Po choked laughing. “Uh, that’s Fin Gerknife, Fin Geryou’s big brother.”

Confused, Morn finally sliced into his waffles. “Lotta Wrath-Lust brothers and sisters here.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Wait ‘til you meet my big brother Po Learm.”

Morn snorted, choking on his waffle. He swallowed and coughed, clearing his throat to laugh. “Do you actually have a brother named Po Learm?”

“Of course not,” she chuckled. “I’m fuckin’ with you.”

Gods, she cheered him up so effortlessly. Morn let Fin Gerknife up, and he retreated back to the employee area.

But the General still felt a bit irritated. Not because of the Fins, but because the magic had run out. He couldn’t feel the milk’s spell anymore.

Po finished her second rice bowl. “You okay?”

“Um,” he started, unsure how to say this. “The milk wore off.”

He didn’t expect her to do anything about it, just wanted to be honest about what was wrong, but Po pulled a few napkins from the napkin holder just within her reach on the table and stuffed them under her apron, padding her left nipple. She gave her breast a gentle squeeze and pulled the napkins out damp with lactate.

Gods, it stunned him stupid, and he hadn’t even got a hit yet. Morn took a solid few seconds staring at the napkins as she held them out for him before he shook off the shock enough to take them.

“I’ll pour you a glass at the hotel later, if you’re thirsty,” she said with a nervous but bold wink.

Morn just nodded, as that was all he could manage. Hand trembling, he brought the napkins to his face and took a whiff. Fireworks sang through his veins, and he closed his eyes as his vision blurred a strange pink. He felt so fucking good, jeans tightening, hips twitching in his seat.

Too horny to make conversation, he moaned as Po quietly let him sit and feel the magic for a few minutes.

“Fuck,” Morn said when he reclaimed some of his senses. “You’re going to get me addicted.”

“I told you, that’s the plan,” she said with an evil grin.

Spike brought eight plates. She didn’t look it, but the demoness had some serious strength in her skinny arms.

“Thank you,” Morn told her, sounding sensual and loopy to his own ears.

She gaped at him, nodding. “Enjoy Po. She deserves a win.”

Oh, he’d enjoy her. And Po enjoyed the food, wolfing down steak and potatoes, a huge fruit platter, endless toast and pastries…

Morn remembered his own food. It was a little cold, but the flavors burst on his tongue. The milk made everything so sensitive. And he didn’t feel so self-conscious humming as he savored it, because of how sexual and excited his partner got over her own plates.

They ate everything. In the end, Morn was full, and Po was so full she had to turn sideways because there wasn’t enough room for her belly between the booth backrest and the table.

“Ohhh,” she moaned, rubbing her tummy. “I need to lay eggs.”

“Right,” Morn said, leaving some cash on the table as he got up.

Po tried to follow, but her legs wouldn’t lift her off the stack of cushions.

“Do you need help?” he asked.

“Hate to say it, but yes.”

Morn carefully slid his left hand behind her back and his right under her knees, lifting her out of the seat. It hit him again how soft and plush she was. “Where to?”

“Hotel room,” she said, stroking her straining belly. It’d grown so much in the last hour. No wonder she complained of feeling painfully full when she waited this long, especially after eating—Po looked like she might pop.

Carrying her out back, Morn scanned the hotel doors, unsure which to choose.

“Pick any room with a glowing heart,” Po said. “They dim when occupied.”

“Got it.” Now that he looked, most of the heart plaques with room numbers glowed. He shouldered one open and carried her inside.

The windowless room was dim with pink and blue mood lighting like cotton candy. It had a compact kitchen to the left, a bathroom with a heart-shaped tub to the right, and the main attraction was a heart-shaped bed in the center, sprinkled with blue rose petals. There was also a cabinet full of lubes, lotions, and sex toys. Morn definitely wasn’t fitting in that tub. And all of him wouldn’t fit comfortably on the bed, but it looked sturdy enough to support his and Po’s weight. Pleasantly, the ceiling was just high enough for him to stand up straight.

“Just put me wherever you least mind the mess,” Po said, panting. “Like in the tub or something.”

“I don’t mind the mess. Pretty terrible myself at cleaning, but I’m happy to pay a cleanup fee.” Morn carried her into the bathroom and gently set her in the heart-shaped tub.

She reached around the back of her uniform, struggling to grab the zipper. “Damn this dumb uniform…”

“Got it,” Morn said, pinching the zipper and pulling it down for her. He had it halfway down her back when it hit him like an avalanche that they were alone in a love hotel, and he was undressing the sexiest lady he’d ever met. His heart rate and breathing picked up.

Po looked over her shoulder at him, cheeks smoldering blue. “Thanks.”

Cock throbbing in his smothering jeans, Morn pulled it the rest of the way down and slipped the maid outfit off her shoulders. Seemed like it came in two pieces: a black dress with a frilly apron attached, almost like a one-piece swimsuit, and a skirt that clipped in back around her waist. He unclipped it and helped her out of both, pulling them down over her soft back and doughy rump. She was like a living pillow.

Now in only her underwear, Po fidgeted with her bra straps. “Look, I realize you’re probably having fun, but I’m about to burst.”

“Sorry,” he said, unclipping the bra for her and hesitating with his fingers grazing the waist of her black panties.

“Those too.”

With a swallow so loud he was sure she heard it, he pulled them down, exposing her nethers.

“And the plug.”

Oh, she had a metal plug in her pussy. Heart in his throat, he grasped the flat base and slowly pulled it free with a wet plop.

Obsidian black golf ball-sized eggs came gushing out with a torrent of pearly white milk as Po squealed through an earth-shattering orgasm. Legs buckling from the torrent, she held onto Morn’s offered arm like a life raft, gasping and moaning and taking all the gods’ names in vain. It was so startlingly sensual, and her sweet milk smelled so fucking good, that Morn gasped with her as he creamed his jeans.

“M-much better,” Po sighed, recovering before he did. “Hope I didn’t disturb you too badly.”

Morn trembled, catching his breath. “N-not at all.”

She looked down, spotting the wet spot off to the side of his crotch where his cock was awkwardly wedged by the tight fabric. “Did you cum just from watching that? Man, that’s awesome.”

“Awesome?” he asked, confused. “Don’t guys usually get shit for such a lack of restraint?”

“Yeah, because of the refractory period or something. Most guys, if they go off that fast, they won’t recover or last to please their partner. But I’m an aphrodisiac dispenser, Mr. Ingstar: you’ll last as long as I damn well want you to.”

Morn shuddered with newfound arousal, stiffening up again. Not just because of the sex drug, but because that had to have been one of the hottest things anyone had ever said to him. There was something strangely enticing to him in the idea that she could commandeer his sex drive for her own needs and decide for him how long he stayed hard for his partner.

Po let out a nervous laugh, drumming her fingers along his arm. “I’m sorry, that might’ve crossed a line. Uh, you can tell me to shut it if I ever get annoying. I…wasn’t meant to be on the menu, so I don’t have the training Lust ladies do for how to talk dirty to Wrath customers.”

“No, I like the way you talk to me,” he said, sounding a bit desperate. He was. Desperate to not let her become self-conscious and stop for his sake when her alternate dirty talk was exactly what he wanted. “Maybe it’s me being weird and grouchy, but I hate the way Lust ladies talk when they’re trying to please a Wrath General. They’re fucking insufferable. You’re much better. And I don’t understand why that is, but I don’t want you to stop.”

With a perplexed look, she nodded.

Morn took a look at her belly then, which had shrunk considerably. It still stuck out like she was pregnant with an imp or two, but she didn’t look so strained anymore.

The drain was full of eggs. Maybe thirty or forty of them. He picked one off the top, bringing it closer to examine. The hard black shell had a swirly pink heart drawn on one side, sparkling with tiny flecks of every color of the rainbow, like stars in the night sky. “Gods, they’re so pretty. A little like black pearls, or rainbow obsidian.”

“Like the cliffs around the gates of Wrathgard?” she asked, stars in her eyes. “They’re nowhere close to that beautiful. Not something that came out of my-…vagina,” she said, seeming to trip over the word.

“You’re wrong. They, and you, are gorgeous,” Morn said, smiling at her, then looking back at the egg.

“Do NOT eat it,” she threatened.

“Sorry. I want to, but I don’t want to offend you.”

“No, don’t eat it because it’s a much stronger aphrodisiac than my milk,” she said. “Crack that open and slurp up the contents, and you’ll be very late for Conquest. Security won’t be able to get you off me.~”

Whole body cringing, Morn shook off his horny thoughts and put the egg back in the tub. “Understood. I’d rather die than let myself assault you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Po told him, frantically patting his arm to bring him back from such dark thoughts. “You have my consent, Morn. Have I not made it clear enough how insatiably horny I am for you? You think I’d mind hours of nonstop sex with my hero? No, I’m warning you for YOUR consent. Breathing in your face to get you hot under the collar is one thing, but letting you eat my eggs without knowing would be evil. Even the Lust waitresses are afraid of them. I can’t even sell the damn things as pleasure eggs because they’re too strong.”

It stunned Morn to be told his own consent was a concern. He was a tough as nails Wrath General; there was no need to worry about him. He could shake off anything, so why did it matter to inform and ask him first?

Of course, as soon as he thought that, he knew he’d never enforce the idea on anyone else. For instance, Scimi was a Wrath General, and his consent mattered to Morn. If Morn walked in on literally anyone else being drugged and used, he’d kill their attacker and rescue them. Except himself. Although Morn struggled to imagine anyone being strong enough to catch him that off guard, he knew he’d let them off scot-free and blame his own lack of strength. But he’d heard that excuse from a real victim, and it’d broken his heart.

Po pat his arm again. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, forcing a smile.

“Are you really, or do you tell everyone that so they don’t worry about you?”

Frowning, he sat beside the tub. “I-…Maybe you’re right.”

“Well, it’s my job as a Lust demon to worry about you,” she said.

Morn eyed her. “Is it really, or do you worry about me because I’m the star of Conquest, and I’m clearly not as confident as I look on livestream?”

She cracked up laughing. “Both? Both. You’re paying me, but I’d do this for free if I were able.” Then she frowned. “Speaking of doing things, what would you like to do?”

He shrugged. “What would you like to do?”

“This is your time. It’s up to you,” she said. “If you wanna fuck me, you can bend me over any time.”

Morn thought about bending her over, and…didn’t like the idea. Not because he wasn’t excited to try to fit inside her, but…

“I want…” he started, contemplating his feelings, because he wasn’t used to thinking this hard about his heart. “If it’s okay, I’d like to take my time.”

Po kissed his arm. “It’s always okay.”

Chapter Text

Morn offered his hand again and helped Po climb out of the tub. He handed her a towel. “Would you like help to put your outfit back on?”

Toweling off the milk, she grimaced. “Would you like me to put my outfit back on?”

“I’d like you to be comfortable.”

“I’m more comfortable like this,” she said, tossing the wet towel aside.

Flustered, Morn moved so she could exit the bathroom. “Would you…like me to dress down?”

“Mm. I want the same thing you do: for you to be comfortable.” Po waddled over to the bed. “Love your clothes. Also wanna see your smoking hot body. But mostly I just want to see you be yourself and move at your own pace.”

He nodded. “I’ll at least take off my jeans. They’re…tight.”

“Heh. I could tell.”

Morn pulled off his jeans and used some toilet paper to wipe the cum out of them and his boxers as best he could. There was still a wet spot, but maybe his pants would be dry enough for no one to notice it when he left.

Returning to the main room, he found Po waiting on the bed, lazing on her side, propped up on her elbow. Her eyes trailed down as she admired his bare legs.

“Whatever you want,” she said with a wink. “We could chat again. Vent to me about work. Or watch some TV or a movie.” She pointed to the flatscreen on the wall right of the door. “Or I could touch you, or you could touch me. Cuddle. Rest your head on my lap. Well, maybe not on my lap, because that’s always occupied, but on my thigh or something.”

That sounded good, so he nodded, pacing to the bed and taking a seat. He looked at her soft skin. “My horns are sharp. Are you sure you want them anywhere near you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” she said, sitting up. “I’ve slept in a pile of knives before.”

Morn choked. “What?”

“Just, like, in the shed.”

“Why the hell were you sleeping on a pile of knives in the shed?”

“Punishment.”

“For what?” he asked, nose curling with disgust at whatever villain had deemed it okay to treat Po that way.

She shrugged. “Ate mom’s piping hot lasagna straight out of the pan while she was distracted feeding the dogs. Don’t worry, I was fine.”

Morn grumbled, infuriated that her own mother would punish Po for being starving and desperate for food because of her curse. “Well, if you ever want to invite me over to intimidate her for being a bitch to you, just let me know.”

“No,” Po wheezed. “I’m trying to picture that, and I can’t. It’s too absurd.” Patting her leg, she smiled. “Don’t worry about it. C’mere. You’re supposed to be relaxing.”

With a sigh, he scooted toward her. Po’s ample thighs and buttocks spilled out to the sides, like soft blue pillows. Slow and careful to keep his horns angled so he wouldn’t poke her, Morn lay his left cheek on her right thigh, facing her belly, curling up beside her. He had to tuck his legs in to keep them on the bed, but it was otherwise comfortable.

“There you go,” she said, petting his hair.

Morn closed his eyes and hummed, lulled by the dim mood lighting and her sweet milk scent. “This is nice.”

“Is this your first time using someone as a pillow?”

“No, but it’s the first time the pillow hasn’t punched me in the face.”

She snorted. “Kat?”

“Nunch. Grew up roughing it in the woods with our dad. Didn’t have proper camping equipment, so if the weather were nice, we’d just pass out in the grass and sleep under the stars. Sometimes I’d cuddle up to whoever was closest—y’know, as, like, an accident, because I was asleep—and Nunch would always kick my ass for it. Everyone eventually learned to keep their distance. And that’s why whenever we camp on Conquest we always spread out.”

“That is adorable,” she wheezed. “Not that everyone avoids you, because that’s tragic, but that you cuddle in your sleep. I’d be your pillow anytime.”

Morn nuzzled her. “I’d like that.”

Was that tragic? No, they were just being reasonable in response to his clinginess.

Then he grimaced. “I apparently also talk.”

Po gasped. “Sleep-talking? I wanna hear.”

“Mm, you might get to,” Morn said, suppressing a yawn. He wanted to worry more, because he did feel incredibly self-conscious about his weird reflexes, but he just felt so good. So entranced by her smell. “Think I got up too early. Could use a nap. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” She pat him gently on the forehead. “Just let me know when to wake you and enjoy your rest.”

“Before I have to leave,” he said, letting the sweet milk scent unwind his tense muscles and wash away his worried thoughts…

Holy whoa. Po couldn’t believe he had Morn Ingstar asleep on his lap. Well, the side of his thigh, since his stupid gut filled the middle of his lap. His hero was curled up with his nose gently pressed against Po’s belly, with his curved black horns parallel with Po’s side so they didn’t poke him. They were so shiny, like he’d polished them this morning, and Po couldn’t help but trace a finger along the ridges.

The General was polished in general; it wasn’t just Po hallucinating extra beauty onto him out of infatuation. His perfect azure skin and wavy black hair were so clean and shiny, and Po lifted a lock to his nose and smelled watermelon, lime, and other fresh scents. His lips were glistening. Was he wearing lip balm? Clear nail polish?

Fans joked that Morn Ingstar was secretly the fashionista of the Nunch Box because he had the most variant outfits, but gods damn, they had no idea.

“…Mm…marshmallow Otherworld…?” Morn asked.

Po tilted his head. “Hm?”

He nuzzled Po’s right thigh and belly, left arm pinned under him and twitching, reaching his right arm up and blindly groping around Po’s left thigh. “Help, I’m-…I’m in the marshmallows…”

Like he’d warned, Morn was sleep-talking. Gods above, he was so precious it stopped Po’s heart for a moment.

“Eat my…way out…” He turned his mouth toward Po’s skin, and Po thought he might bite him, which he was fine with, but Morn just gave him a sloppy kiss and drooled on his leg. Oh my gods. Fucking incredible.

After watching him another moment, Po had a thought. Could he? It’s not like Morn would notice. Why not? As a certified freak, Po had to taste. It was only fair, after all, since Morn had tasted his tears.

Tracing a finger along his thigh near Morn’s mouth, he scooped up some of his drool. Po silently brought it to his own mouth and gave it a taste. He hadn’t expected it to have much of a flavor, lingering with hints of grilled vegetables and blueberry syrup from lunch if nothing else, so the strawberry tang caught him off guard.

Morn hadn’t eaten any strawberries, or anything strawberry flavored. In fact, he’d made a disgusted face at Po’s strawberry lemonade. So why the hell did he taste like strawberries?

Po quietly let Morn doze as he failed to figure it out, petting his soft hair. Tracing fingers down his long, elegant ears until they flicked away in slight irritation. Fortunately, that didn’t wake him.

Miraculously, neither did Po’s obscene moans when he slapped a hand over his mouth and came reflexively on schedule. Eggs and milk bubbled up inside him as his body made more, and poured from the hole his boss’ Vest created, spilling across the bed. They came out easier than usual, but he still missed his dick.

Enjoying his quiet time with Morn, Po let the man sleep until about fifteen minutes before he had to leave. Alright, time to wake him.

Morn moaned, hips twitching. He’d gotten erect on and off the entire time, massive dick straining his dark blue boxers. It was so much bigger than the azure dildo Po bought at a sex store nearby—yes, he’d bought it for the obvious reason—but he was still determined it’d fit if Morn wanted to fuck him at some point. Using the Vest hole for anything besides laying for the first time was gonna be weird and uncomfortable, but Po would do it to have his hero inside him.

“Mmgh, Egg Waitress…” Morn squeezed his thighs, humping the sheets. Gods, he was having a wet dream about Po. “So…many eggs. Gotta…eat ‘em…”

“You better not,” Po said quietly, patting him on the cheek. “Hey, it’s almost time.”

Stirring, the azure demon gasped, shuddering as he came in his sleep. Beautiful.

After a minute, Po tried again. “Morn. Wake up, wonderful.”

Morn groaned. He took a deep breath. Looking up at Po, his crimson eyes sparkled like rubies, like he was incredulous and overjoyed his maid was still here. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Po said, smiling. “Much as I’d love for you to lie here with me forever, it’s almost noon.”

“Oh.” He worried his lip, thinking, like he was debating whether Conquest was worth leaving for. Then he noticed the drool on Po’s thigh, and the fresh wet spot on his boxers from cumming untouched again, and he abruptly sat up. “Gods, I’m so fucking sorry, I made a mess…” Morn clawed at his mouth and ear. “Fuck, I AM a mess, sorry…”

Hands on his plush hips, Po glared. “Yeah, how dare. You almost spilled drool on my giant milk stain,” he said, gesturing at the soaked sheets. “What would I have done if you’d gotten cum on my unwieldy fuckton of eggs?” He pointed around at all the golf ball-sized obsidian eggs scattered across the mattress and carpet.

Morn’s stress dumped out all at once as he choked and broke up laughing. Holy whoa, Po’d never heard him laugh with such unrestrained joy, and it stole the wind from his lungs. “Damn, you’re right, I’m sorry, heehee.~”

“Gods, you’re adorable,” Po breathed.

He rubbed the back of his head. “And I’m sorry I apologize so much.”

Po lowered his eyelids.

“Sor-. Er…Yeah.”

“Alright, no idea why an incredible man like you is like this, but we both seem to have crippling insecurities. We can either keep arguing which one of us is worse, or just agree to be a mess together.”

Morn blushed, strawberry eyes shimmering. “I’d like to be a mess together. Gods, Po, you’re so easy to be around. I think I love you.”

Those words smashed over Po like a tsunami, because, “I don’t think anyone’s ever told me that before.”

So gently, Morn brushed a lock of Po’s magically blond hair behind his ear. “That’s odd, because you’re so easy to love.”

Po struggled not to cry with joy as Morn helped him to the bathroom. The azure demon found a fresh towel and lovingly cleaned and dressed Po before taking care of his own mess.

What the actual fuck was Tristany smoking when she said this man had a hard time loving? Morn’s heart was stuffed to bursting with love.

Snapping his fingers, Po remembered something. “Right, I said I’d pour you a glass of milk at the hotel. Forgot until now. You want a drink for the road?”

Morn paused with his jeans halfway up. “Um…Maybe not when I’m about to get behind the wheel,” he said. “Tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

They returned to the cafe, and Morn gave him a kiss on the forehead and the most beautiful smile as he said goodbye. Po longingly watched him go before heading to the break room.

“So he survived,” Fin scoffed, lounging in a chair by the door.

Po huffed, stalking through the Star Veil and transforming back to his real, male form. “Yeah, because I’m not a dumbshit like you.”

He hissed, but Spike was like ten feet to his left, and he thought better of whatever idea he’d had. “You gotta be careful, man. That Vest is fragile.”

“I know,” Po said. “But I’m not that worried. Seriously, you’d be shocked by how gentle he is. The General lives in a queendom of squishable pixies and dwarves, and he’s blatantly grown up having to compensate for being so much bigger and stronger than everyone else.”

Fin frowned. “Nah, makes sense. When he hit me as Geryou, it was just an incapacitating press. And Pressure hit magnitudes harder when I ran out as a Wrath warrior, but even then, he held back so much. Like he didn’t even squish my blood out.”

Spike idled by the wall. “So, General Ingstar was super gentle when he railed you?”

Chuckling, Po shrugged. “Actually, uh, he didn’t.”

“Hah!” Fin laughed. “You play ping-pong like Nunch and Tsune?”

“No, and I do think the railroad is where he’s eventually headed,” Po said. “But believe it or not…he’s shy.”

The guys stared in shock.

Vibra and one of her girlfriends waltzed through the door for a break, attention caught by their conversation.

“Morn wants to take it slow. We had brunch, and he slept on my lap. That’s about it.”

Fin raised an eyebrow. “Weird.”

“Still,” Spike said, shrugging. “General Ingstar.”

“I know,” Po said, swooning. “Don’t tell anyone I told you, but…he cuddles and talks in his sleep, and it’s fucking adorable. He’s precious. I love him.”

Fin died laughing, and Spike punched him in the arm.

“Wow, the General really might have an enhancement error,” Vibra’s girlfriend said.

Po whirled around, frowning at the blue-haired demoness. “Excuse me?”

She adjusted her glasses. “Sorry. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Boo K. Mark—or just Mark—and you must be Po Learm.”

He and Vibra nodded.

Fin squinted at her. “The hell do you mean General Ingstar has an ‘enhancement error’? What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Soular type enhancement,” she said.

“Oh!” Po jumped to attention. “I know what that is. Didn’t realize it could have errors though.”

The boys looked lost.

Mark frowned. “Ever looked at a litter of imps and been able to pick out which was which before being told any of their types? Like how the Pride imp is bigger than the others, and the Lust imp has the cutest face?”

“No,” Fin said.

Spike scratched his chin. “Might’ve noticed something like that with adults. Pride demons are bigger and stronger on average, and Lust demons are hotter.”

“Exactly. It’s a blessing from our goddess. Ambrellosh and Hazaelia both gift their demons different perks based on their soul type. Makes it easier to be what we are and achieve what our souls crave. As a Greed demon, I’m more dexterous and with sharper focus. Vibra’s a Lust demon, so she’s naturally beautiful, and that makes her easier to love. And you three Wrath demons are bigger and tougher, have more strength and stamina, and feel less pain. You’re built body and soul to be living shields.”

Po, Spike, and Fin nodded, agreeing with that. It pained Po how incapable his soft body had become at shielding others.

“But the system sometimes throws errors,” Mark said with a casual shrug. “Especially when you mix demons, because Ambrelloshian and Hazaelian blood doesn’t always play nice. Occasionally, you get a demon of one type with the enhancement of another, or multiple enhancements. Like how Wrath Admiral Lon G. Bow was always skinnier and flimsier than other Wrath demons, but better with a longbow than anybody in his camp, because he had Greed enhancement. A Wrath demon in a Greed body, basically.”

Fin scrunched his face in thought. “And you think General Ingstar…?”

“He’s a Wrath demon…in a Lust demon’s body?” Spike asked. “That can’t be right. He’s huge. Almost more Pride than Wrath.”

She shrugged. “And yet you knew I was going to say I think he has a Lust enhancement.”

Spike slumped against the wall. “Yeah, well, look at him. Look at him next to Captain Ucks. Not that Ucks isn’t handsome too, because he is, but they’re brothers, and Ingstar is…”

“Look at those fuckin’ lashes,” Fin said, pointing to his own eyes. “Hell, I’d flirt with Ingstar’s sexy ass if I didn’t think he’d snap me in half for it. Got pissed at Po because he deserves better than the egg sac with legs.”

Po glared.

Vibra vibrated. “Ingstar’s a bend-me-over-the-counter beauty.”

Mark nodded, glasses almost falling off her face. “I think he has Pride or Wrath AND Lust enhancement. But not just because he’s pretty. Pride and Wrath demons usually fall asleep faster than normal and sleep more quietly than other types, because they’re often in danger or in camps full of other warriors who need their rest so they don’t die in battle from sleep deprivation mistakes. It’s really unusual to find one who talks or cuddles in their sleep. But not unusual at all to find that in a Lust demon, because they’re always sleeping and cuddling together at sleepovers or orgies. Being able to love on your partner when you’re not even conscious is an advantage at the Lust Oasis.”

“Yeah,” Vibra said. “Humpin’ my girlfriends in my sleep, hehe.”

“See if you can get him to display other Lust enhancement traits,” Mark said.

“See if you can get him to SUCK a popsicle.”

Fin snorted.

Spike smiled. “Do Lust demons do that?”

“Persistent suckling is very common,” Mark said. “So is craving creamy or slippery, suspiciously cum-like substances, like milk, cream, butter, or oil.”

“Need my SUCK,” Vibra said, mimicking jerking off a cock into her mouth. “Need it like a drug.”

Po giggled. “He promised to try my milk tomorrow.”

Mark laughed. “Don’t let him drink from the tap or you’ll never get your nipples back.”

Chapter Text

“Mm, somebody got laid,” Nunch said, waggling his eyebrows as Morn caught up to the Conquest crew in the Wrathgard courtyard.

He’d showered again, changing into a brown tunic, his favorite black feather cape, black jeans, and brown cowboy boots—no women’s shoes on the show, because his friends would tease him relentlessly. But Morn couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He was still floating from his morning with Po. “I didn’t get laid. We just had a nice brunch. That’s all.”

“Sure, bro. Sure.” Yeah, Nunch didn’t believe him.

Kat strapped on her pink backpack. “Honestly, coming from a shy little shit like Morn, I could believe that.”

Bug nodded. Thro was busy scanning the portals with glowing hands, and Scimi was off chilling in the arena bleachers, away from the group, but keeping an eye on them.

“I’m not shy,” Morn huffed.

“Yes you are,” Kat said, pinching his cheeks and smiling like a smug bitch. “Big shy baby loves his waitress.”

He growled, but it failed to intimidate her.

“I’ve found one,” Thro said, smiling as she trotted back to the group. “A signature of Ascending power.”

Morn hiked up his own black backpack. “Great. Let’s go.”

“Think today’s the day?” Nunch chuckled, leading the group toward the portal.

Walking beside Morn, Thro took her pack off to double-check the contents. “I think we shouldn’t celebrate until we’re home with a genuine, active Devil’s Chalice.”

“Fair enough.”

She worked her magic on the panel of runes on the left branch of the portal arch, and purple light swarmed between the branches, opening a door to a whirling snowscape.

“Oh, snow,” Nunch said. An azure hue spread from his nose, crawling across his face and down his neck and arms as he used his magic to Borrow Morn’s skin. That was fine—Nunch always had his permission when he needed extra cold resistance that his crimson skin didn’t provide.

Pink demoness Kat wasn’t so capable. She grimaced at the storm, taking a step back. “Well, shit, I’ll have to sit this one out. Don’t wanna freeze to death.”

“Understandable,” Thro, a cyan demoness, said, marching into the snow in her white blouse and shorts. She had nothing to worry about.

“Hey, Scimi!” Kat called, trotting over to the bleachers.

He about jumped out of his bluish purple skin as she tossed him her pink backpack. “What?”

“Wanna take my place backing up Morn and the others?”

“Why?” he asked, glancing at Bug.

Kat pat him on his white General’s hat, bearing four five-pronged crimson stars. “Because I ain’t going in there no matter how much they pay me. You’re cold resistant, right?”

“Very,” he said. “I grew up in Snow Gladius.”

“Great,” she said. The ten foot tall demoness picked up the six and a half foot tall demon and carried him over to the group. “I’m sure you’ll have a grand old time.”

Scimi sweated as she set him in front of the camera, flustered like he suddenly regretted never wearing a shirt.

Morn chuckled. “Imagine this is the day we find the Chalice while Kat’s not around to nag us.”

She huffed. “You’re not gonna drink the entire thing on the spot. Bring it back and show me.”

Laughing, Nunch pat the other Wrath General on the back. “We’d love to have you along, Mr. Tar.”

Hesitantly, he nodded, putting on the backpack. “O-okay. I’ll do my best.”

As Bug followed Thro through the portal to film a scenic opening shot of the Otherworld, Nunch took Scimi aside where only Morn could overhear. “Sorry Kat harassed you into joining. You are good, right? No shame in backing out.”

Deep breath in, Scimi shrugged. “I really should just get over myself.”

“Okay,” he said. “Just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

Although Morn agreed with that, he couldn’t help but scoff. “Don’t remember you, Kat, and Thro giving a shit about my comfort when you harassed me to join.”

Face scrunched, Nunch stood back to his full height of eight-foot-eight and poked his brother in the rib. “Yeah, but you needed Conquest. Scimi doesn’t.”

Scimi shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I do.”

He pointed over his shoulder to the portal. “You wanna talk about it on camera?”

After a moment of thought, he nodded.

The three demon men finally followed the demoness and human woman into the snowscape as Kat waved from the bleachers. Portal closing behind them, the anchor stood in the snow, faintly glowing violet. They’d probably need Thro’s magic to find it later.

“It’s definitely here,” she said, waving her glowing hands in the air and feeling it out. Thro took off in a seemingly random direction. “This way.”

Bug floated after her, and the guys ran.

“So, Mr. Tar,” Nunch started. “Tell the audience a little about yourself.”

He eyed the camera, then steeled himself, ignoring it. “Uh, I’m Wrath General Scimi Tar. I’m an active General at Wrathgard, and I help train and organize the soldiers and the camps around Mount Tabbiramae. That’s pretty much it. I’m not very interesting.”

Nunch shook his head. “You’re plenty interesting. Just gotta coax it out of you.”

He smiled. “Maybe.”

“So, you reached the General’s Peak and requested Ascension from Queen Ambrellosh, like Morn.”

Morn groaned.

“What was that like?”

“Well, it was much less interesting than Morn’s request,” he chuckled. “All things considered, it was quick and cordial. I requested a court session. She approved. I showed up in uniform—yes, with a shirt—and asked for her consideration as a potential Champion. Ambrellosh said she was tempted, and that I had a very sturdy soul and a lot of potential, but that I lacked a sort of…spark.”

Nunch feigned ignorance, because he’d explained this to them off camera before. “What do you mean a spark?”

“Mm. She seemed to have difficulty explaining, and Ambrellosh knows I’m going to do an even worse job making sense of it. It’s like…the gods look for people they personally find intriguing?

“If you’ve ever seen the Lesser Gods, they’re all very…intense, and different. Unique. No two are alike, and that’s part of their power as Admirals. You never know what you’re up against.

“Well, I don’t have that spark. Or at least not enough of it. Ambrellosh told me to go home and live more, and she’d reconsider in a few years. But, I…feel like I haven’t really been doing that. Just been going through the motions, working all morning, studying all afternoon while watching Conquest, unwinding at the Lust Spa, training until bed, sleeping, and waking up early to do it all over again. The most exciting thing I do is have dinner or lunch with the Nunch Box a couple times a week.”

Nunch slowed a bit to catch his breath, then jogged to keep up. “And you think adventuring into the Otherworlds with us might give you that spark?”

“Maybe,” Scimi said. “Might be the sort of thing you don’t know until you try. Maybe Ambrellosh couldn’t explain it because there isn’t a formula.”

Thro abruptly stopped, and the others jogged to a halt behind her. “It’s here.”

Morn looked around. Not a damn thing in sight for miles. “Here?”

“Right here,” she said, falling to her knees and digging in the snow. Miraculously, she uncovered something orange.

“What is that?” Nunch asked, watching over her shoulder.

Bug floated in close for a better shot.

“It’s a…pumpkin?” She brushed the snow off the strangely fresh jack-o’-lantern.

The sinister face carved into the gourd twitched. A fire lit inside as it screamed.

Thro shrieked, dropping it and falling over. Nunch flew into his brother’s arms as Morn stood his ground against the threat. Bug retreated, and Scimi drew his scimitar.

“Wait,” Morn said, recognizing the Halloween decoration. “Ad-…Admiral Lon G. Bow?”

Scimi quickly sheathed his weapon. “He is. That’s him.”

Laughing wickedly, Lon—or rather Lon’s disembodied head—floated at eye level with Scimi. “Terribly sorry. Couldn’t resist a jumpscare. Thank you for finding my head, as I seem to have misplaced it.”

Thro caught her breath, bowing to the Lesser God. “S-sorry for dropping you, Admiral Lon.”

“Not at all,” he said, twisting in the air as if shaking his head ‘no’. “I startled you. I tend to do that.”

Morn set his brother down. “What’re you doing out here, Admiral?”

“Hunting,” he said, fire dancing inside him. “These are some of The Clear Sky’s hunting grounds. Came out to track a bear and got my head swatted off. You know how it is.”

He didn’t know how it was, actually, because Morn was mortal, and he wasn’t fucking dead, but he nodded anyway. No way Lon was talking about a regular bear. Wouldn’t be worth his time. Had to be some kind of monster.

“And of course I know who you are and why you’re out here, since I’m the one who approved Conquest Of The Otherworlds for portal travel. On the hunt for a Devil’s Chalice? I’m sorry, the Ascending light you felt was probably me.”

Thro bonked herself on the noggin. “Yep, you’re what I sensed. Admirals and Chalices are made of the same stuff, so they’re hard to tell apart until you get close enough to inspect. Sorry.”

Morn bowed to him. “Sorry to bother you, Admiral.”

Lon’s carved mouth smiled brighter. “Actually, perhaps you ought to bother me more. The Chalice is for YOU, right, Morn Ingstar? You’re the one who wants to become a demon god?”

He nodded, trying not to show his nerves, because he felt suddenly inadequate telling a Lesser God to his face that Morn wanted to stand beside him as an equal. “Yes, sir.”

“Because, as Wrathgard’s most involved Admiral, I assume the responsibility of coaching you will fall to me.”

“Coaching?”

“Showing you the ropes of godhood,” he said. “I don’t want you trick-or-treating unsupervised in my hometown, and I assume you won’t want to wander in the dark.”

Heart rabbiting, Morn clutched it, overwhelmed and trying not to show how excited this made him. “Isn’t it a bit early?”

Lon’s eyeholes shifted as if raising an eyebrow he didn’t really have anymore. “Perhaps. But I’ve got a feeling about you. You’re too interesting, Morn. You’ve got that…spark. If you don’t find a Chalice soon, and Ambrellosh still doesn’t want you, I guarantee some other god will. Perhaps even myself, since I’m trying to learn how to distill Ascending Light into a Chalice of my own.”

“I would be honored,” Morn said, grinning ear to ear.

“Fantastic,” Lon said. Then he looked down. “Mind helping me find my body first?”

Of course they agreed and set off across the snowscape. Lon floated between Morn and Nunch. Scimi strolled along beside the currently not crimson demon, Thro lead the group with her magic sense, and Bug floated behind them, filming.

“So, Admiral Lon, I mean this in a genuinely curious way, not a condescending one,” Nunch started, hands pressed together. “You’re a god. Why don’t you just magic your body back yourself?”

He laughed. “To massively oversimplify a very complex system, god powers run on emotion, and I’m not quite frustrated enough yet about losing my head.”

“Ah.”

Morn frowned, hands in his pockets as they hiked. “So you have to feel angry to use your powers to their fullest?”

“You have to feel STRONGLY to use them to their fullest,” Lon clarified, flames sputtering from his carved eyes, nose, and mouth. “It doesn’t have to be anger, or wrath. Mind you, wrath works, but so do sorrow and joy. So do all the sins. Love is especially potent. A god who cares will beat one who doesn’t every time.”

Huh. Morn chewed on that as Thro lead them to a wide but shallow cave. The white rock had been concealed by the snowstorm from a distance.

“Ah, there I am,” Lon said. His translucent purple suit was torn and trapped under a rock, and his skeletal body had been reduced to a pile of bones, scattered around the lair with other animal remains.

Greatsword in hand, Morn slid down the slope to get him back.

The building-sized polar bear stirred, covered in dried blood and icicle spikes. It pawed at the loose snow of its bed, growling as it noticed the intruder.

With a battle cry, he leaped in to slay it.

A tiny orange, green, and purple arrow plunked into the bear’s paw. It shuddered, magically shrinking as its white fur turned to stitched fabric in the same colors as the arrow, becoming a goofy Halloween plush toy.

Morn plunked into the snow bed, legs sticking upright.

“Problem solved,” Lon said. Morn pulled himself out in time to watch the Admiral lower a tiny floating bow and use the same telekinetic magic to collect his bones, reforming his body below his jack-o’-lantern head. He slipped his suit back on, stitching the fabric back into shape with his mind.

Wow, the Lesser God made this whole adventure seem so trivial.

“Hella shot, Lon,” Nunch said, sliding down and picking up the plush bear.

The Admiral made a theatrical bow. “Why, thank you.”

Morn sighed, picking himself up. “Guess I need to increase my training.”

His brother glared. “Gods dammit, Morn.”

“Get stronger. Spend more time refining my techniques and less…screwing around.”

“No, I like when you screw around,” Nunch said, slapping him on the arm. “You were so happy when you showed up today. Do more of that.”

He grimaced, knowing that cutting down on the cafe would pain him, but…“This is more important, and Po will understand.” Remembering she was watching, he glanced into the camera, then at the ground in shame.

Confused, Lon watched the brothers as he twirled the tiny bow around his finger. “What exactly happened?”

Nunch huffed. “Morn’s miserable ass finally found a cute waitress he likes at a maid cafe. He needs to fucking relax, and she helps with that. I don’t want him ditching her for even more training!”

Morn rubbed the back of his neck. “I have aspirations to become an Admiral. That’s the whole reason we’re looking so hard for a Chalice. Yes, I like spending time with Po, but I have a destiny to fulfill and expectations to live up to.”

Eyeholes shifted like giving him the side eye, Lon frowned. “Hm. Well, this is going to sound backwards, but when it comes to preparing for godhood, spending time at your favorite cafe might genuinely be better training than battle training.”

He blinked. “Wh-. How?”

“Again, because god powers run on strong emotions.” Lon stalked over to the brothers, floating up to Morn’s eye level. “Look at me. What do you think I do in my spare time?”

Examining the Admiral’s jack-o’-lantern head and skeletal body again, he shrugged. “You’re really into Halloween and horror stuff.”

“Right. I gladly indulge in all things spooky and scary, fun costumes and candy, and so I’ve been able to naturally manifest powers based on my special interest in Halloween. If you spend all your time training, but your mind is at the cafe, what powers will you manifest?”

Fuck, he didn’t sign up to be quizzed. But the answer was obvious. “They’ll be…based on the…cafe?”

“Exactly. And if you manifest cafe-based powers while desperately ignoring your interest in the cafe?”

“They’ll be weak as shit, yeah, but shouldn’t I try to not manifest powers like that in the first place?”

“Why?” he asked.

Morn frowned. “It’s just a cafe.”

“When you use god powers based on something, that thing IS whatever it MEANS to you. Let yourself love something, and that love will manifest as a force of nature. Maybe in this case as summoned maids who clean up your opponents and the collateral damage from your fights. Waitresses who serve you magic buffs, like Super Strength Steak, and Fire Breath Burgers or something.”

Nunch snorted. “Fire Breath Burgers!”

“Just some ideas. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what the interest is, what matters is the intensity of the god’s interest. Your personality will shine through whether you want it to or not, and to refuse to let it is to carve your pumpkin too early.”

Pondering that, Morn kicked at the snow. “Guess that makes sense.”

“Is it true, uh…” Nunch jostled the plush bear like it was dancing. “Magic is what really matters at your level, right?”

“Right,” Lon said.

Morn sighed. “So my training is useless…?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s completely worthless, because discipline is worth learning, and gods with great control of their bodies are a thing to fear. But your body will only matter insofar as you can transform and enhance it with magic.” He pulled out another tiny arrow. “For instance, you could master your mortal form, but utterly fail to control your magic, and all it would take to get your ass kicked straight into the candy bowl would be running into one opponent Admiral who can do THIS.”

Lon stuck the arrow in his arm. Despite stabbing into his biceps, it didn’t hurt. But then Morn felt magic spreading from the arrowhead. He yanked it out and rubbed the wound as his skin turned to fabric. Stitches ripped across his arm as it swelled, soft white stuffing leaking from the seam.

“Wait,” he gasped, clawing at his transforming arm. “Wait, fuck, hold up!”

The transformation spread to the rest of his body. His hand became a stubby paw as stuffing filled his organs to bursting—fuck, he felt so full he could explode! His seams leaked as his fat body burst his belt and the button of his jeans. Legs swelling, he lost his balance and flopped down in the snow, mouth sealing shut in a stitched-on smile as he became a helpless demon plush toy, twitching but unable to move.

Nunch, Thro, and Scimi fucking lost it, laughing like maniacs as Morn burned with humiliation, unable to show it on his smiling face.

Lon loomed over him, snickering wickedly. “Your hard-earned mortal muscles mean nothing to us.”

Chapter Text

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Morn internally freaked the fuck out. He wanted to scream, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Wanted to touch himself, but his arms were so heavy.

Clenching, maybe just with the phantom hallucination of muscles he had a minute ago, he felt more stuffing leak between his seams. It was orgasmic, but lingering instead of in a short burst. Gods, he was so overfull. Packed to the brim—his head, his lungs, his stomach, intestines, and bladder. His holes had sealed up, and his dick had melted up into his body, so his confused boner didn’t show, but he still felt-…Oh gods, he FELT.

Laughing, Lon kneeled in the snow beside him. “Sorry about that. Just wanted to prove a point. I’ll change you back now.”

Morn wanted to respond, but didn’t know what to say, and couldn’t anyway. Eyes being the only thing he could move, he stared up at the Admiral with a strange pink tint around the edges of his vision.

“Wait,” Nunch said, diving between them. “What if you didn’t?”

Nunch, you mother-fucker!

Lon snorted. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this musclehead never relaxes,” he said. “We want him going to the cafe so he’ll chill the fuck out more. Maybe a hot minute in plush toy timeout will do him good.”

You little bastard! Morn would kill him. Morn would-. He’d-. He wouldn’t do anything. Couldn’t. Morn was imprisoned in his own plush body, at his friends’ mercy.

Giggling like a schoolgirl, Thro trotted over to him. Slender fingers squeezing his soft arms, she picked him up. “Morn, you’re so cute!”

Head lolling to the side, too heavy to lift, he flustered. Cute? He was cute?

“Can he see with those silly-ass eyes? They must be part of the transformation,” Nunch said, drawing his dagger. He Borrowed onto it, transforming the jagged steel knife into a hand mirror.

Morn stared at his reflection, flabbergasted. His skin was a patchwork of orange, green, and purple fabric. He was fat with too much stuffing, felt horns drooping, features rounded, eyes bigger, and his irises and pupils had warped into glittering crimson hearts. What the actual fuck? How the hell was he so adorable?!

Lon, reflected in the background, nodded. “Ah. Hm. Strange, but yes, he should be fully aware and able to see.”

“Great,” Nunch said, returning the knife to normal. “You’re taking a break, Morn.”

He couldn’t growl.

“Punishment for daring to say your training was more important than your cafe and your Egg Waitress.”

It was! He’d promised his father he’d get as strong as possible to protect Wrath City and the Ambrelloshian Queendom, and he wasn’t as strong as possible yet. Not by a longshot, if how effortlessly Lon shut him down had anything to say about it. He loved Po, but it wasn’t his destiny to love. Wrath demons were living shields. That’s what fate had assigned him to be.

Nunch eyed Thro. “Think he’s angry?”

“Not really,” she said, head tilted. “I have SOME idea what he’s thinking from the way his soul burns. He seems to have submitted to his punishment, but maybe he’s worried about us?”

He frowned at his brother. “Don’t worry about us being in danger out here—we got Lon. And Scimi.”

Scimi tipped his hat.

Right. He would worry about his friends out here if that weren’t the case. The bear had looked strong, and may not have been the only threat around. Nunch and Thro were no pushovers, but they were still Captains. They didn’t have the raw power Morn had at their disposal. They needed him. Or someone like him. And even if they hadn’t run into Lon, Scimi made a fine substitute. Maybe Morn would have to harass him to follow the team on Conquests more often.

Or maybe Morn had that thought because he wanted to shirk his own responsibilities.

Thro squeezed his arms, and it disturbed him how good that felt. “He’s so plush—like a carnival prize. Can I take a break too?”

Huh? To do what?

“G’head,” Nunch said. “Maybe Lon, Scimi, and I will bring the bear back out and fight it the old-fashioned way to fill the action quota for this episode.”

Lon snorted. “I can do that.”

With an excited little noise, Thro dragged Morn to the edge of the cave and lay him down.

“But before I do,” Lon said, receiving the plush bear from Nunch. “I wanted to ask…And I’ll ask Morn later if you don’t know. Why exactly did The Clear Sky deny his Ascension? He seems like a prize to me.”

Nunch pondered, probably deciding how to explain without making him sound like a fucking loser. Without explaining how Ambrellosh had roasted him like a marshmallow. How she’d laughed at his attempt, and even teleported Nunch to the throne room and offered to Ascend HIM instead of Morn.

“He’s kinda the opposite of Scimi,” Nunch said. “Scimi was denied because he’s stable, but he lacks that ‘spark’. Morn was denied because he has that spark, but he’s not stable.”

That was actually a pretty flattering way to explain-. Wait. Thro turned around, ass facing Morn, and he realized she was going to sit on him. Wait, wait, hold on! Thro, don’t! He was-OHGOD! Ohh…!~

She’d plopped down on his stuffed gut, ripping more seams and squeezing more stuffing out of him, and it felt almost like an orgasm.

“Oh,” Thro remarked. “That was quite a burst of Soular energy. You okay, Morn?”

N-no…he wasn’t…So much pressure on his middle…!

Nunch continued. “She described godhood as pure chaos and said he wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ‘ready for the lettuce’.”

Lon chuckled. “I remember receiving that speech myself.”

“And her two main complaints after were that he didn’t know who he was, and that he ‘used his Hellfire like hammering nails with a rice cooker’.”

Tapping his orange chin, the Admiral thought. “I wonder if she sensed a self-destructive soul.”

Nunch flinched. “Self-destructive?”

What?

“Godhood is difficult to get used to by itself, but there are some people who make it far harder than it needs to be. I said earlier that your personality will shine through whether you want it to or not, and I meant that. A god’s personality manifests through their magic. So what happens if a god has learned to dislike their own personality and can barely control their magic?”

Um…

“Oh shit,” Nunch said, fiddling with his dagger. “You saying she stopped Morn from hurting himself?”

Lon nodded. “Or driving himself mad. Let me weave you a theoretical example, assuming my guess is correct. Say Morn goes back to Snow Gladius tomorrow, and The Clear Sky Ascends him despite seeing a self-destructive soul. Okay. He misses the maid cafe, but feels obligated to train, because he believes protecting Wrathgard is more important.”

Yes, it was. Morn agreed.

“So he heads to the gym to get training. Then, suddenly—maids. Maids everywhere. Wrecking the gym and stealing his barbells. Drinking his protein supplements right in front of him out of spite.”

Uh…

Nunch, Scimi, and Thro wheezed as Bug filmed the Admiral.

“He tries the treadmill, but the maids keep messing with the speed settings. Goes to the pool—the maids drain it. Morn rushes out to the parking lot to escape, but the maids have stolen his keys, and they drive off with his car!”

Shit, that sounded like chaos. Where were all these theoretical maids even coming from?

“Frustrated, he tries to fight the maids, but they’re somehow magically stronger than he is. They get a big fucking broom and sweep him into the cafe. The doors lock behind him, and he can’t get them open, and he doesn’t understand why all the power of a Wrath god cannot break this flimsy wood! Spoilers: it’s because the power of a Wrath god is reinforcing the doors—his own power gone haywire. Turned against him because he refuses to entertain his real self. Too afraid to just enjoy the maid cafe, so the manifestations of his own longing drag him there, kicking and screaming.”

Oh. Yeah, Morn got it now. If he refused to take a break, his own powers would break him.

That realization drove a stake of hopelessness into his heart. Because how was he supposed to live up to his father’s expectations when his distractions gained the power to force him to shirk his responsibilities?

On the other hand, it washed over him with a kind of relief, because if his distractions were going to be forced, and therefore necessary to indulge, and the joy he gained from them would fuel his god powers, then he wouldn’t need to make shitty excuses and apologies to go see Po, because she’d make him…stronger?

Whether or not he thought it proper for a Wrath General, an aspiring Wrath Admiral, or a man who was supposed to marry someone else in some mystical vision of the future, Morn would love Po, and love was justification enough for a god.

“Oh,” Thro remarked again, staring down at him, eyes sparkling. “I feel like Morn gets it.”

Scimi stalked over, eying him. “Yeah. Something shifted in his soul.”

It did? He supposed that made sense, because he did understand now. The concept at least, even if he still didn’t understand himself.

Nunch’s eyebrows rose. “You think he’s ready for the lettuce?”

Thro shook her head. “I don’t know. I think he’s like you earlier, Scimi, when you realized Conquest might give you the spark you’re missing. He’s not ready quite yet, but he sees the path forward.”

Morn wanted to agree, but couldn’t. He just…glanced up and down quickly, like nodding.

While the others fought the bear, which had been furious when Lon returned it to its real form, Thro used Morn as a bed. She’d curled up with her head on his puffy chest and dozed off, snoring loudly.

Morn was surprised how little she bothered him. This should be humiliating for a Wrath General—to be utterly helpless and immobile while someone else used them like furniture—and he’d probably tell the others later that it had been so he didn’t sound like a freak, but he felt strangely…empowered. Morn liked providing this comfort for his friend.

Besides, he felt so good. The constant fullness and pressure. Thro’s warmth, weight, and rhythmic breathing. Lingering right at the edge, unable to do anything but FEEL. Unobligated to do anything but feel. His body hummed with pleasure. It would probably be painful when Lon changed him back.

And Scimi was rocking the battlefield. Don’t get him wrong, Lon was plenty strong, but his combat prowess was leagues less impressive than his magic. He danced at a distance, firing volleys of arrows into the bear with an orange longbow while Nunch Borrowed Kat’s speed and ran circles around it, and Scimi got up close and personal. Ethereal crimson fire blazed around his buff body as his scimitar tore through the beast’s thick hide. Yeah, Morn would be able to rely on the other Wrath General to shield his friends, and that lifted the burden off his own soft shoulders.

Thro stirred, lifting her head to look at him. “How are you holding up, Morn?”

Good, surprisingly.

She seemed to understand that without him responding. With a nod, she spoke quietly. “Nice to have an excuse to lie back and leave the fight to the Wrath demons, isn’t it?”

Yeah, it WAS nice to leave it to the other Wrath warriors for once.

“Maybe I should try harder to give you excuses,” she said, solemn as she rested her chin on her wrists. “I feel like a bad friend.”

A bad friend? For what?

“I give Nunch excuses all the time, asking me for exposition as the show’s host. And I give Kat excuses in letting her handle the artifacts after I appraise them. Betty doesn’t need excuses, since she’s at home in Wrathgard. But I don’t really do anything for you, and I feel like I’ve therefore been contributing to your being so stressed all the time.”

No, that wasn’t her fault. His eyes darted left and right like shaking his head no.

“You don’t blame me? That’s kind of you.”

He wanted to ask if she was okay, but couldn’t.

“But I still feel like I should be doing more. If you ever need help, or a shoulder to cry on, or just somebody who understands to talk to, come see me.”

Okay. He’d have to take her up on that sometime, but he didn’t usually need help enough to bother her, and wasn’t sure what to talk about.

After Scimi gave the bear a nasty wound on the arm, it huffed and turned around, storming past Thro and Morn and retreating out of the cave.

“Get your furry ass back here!” the General shouted, sprinting after it.

“Scimi, chill,” Nunch called after him, transforming away the four stubby horns he copied from Kat along with her speed boost. “We saved Lon, and I’m tired, so let’s call it a day. Maybe return for a part two tomorrow.”

Simmering, Scimi skittered to a halt. He paced back and forth in a fuming fury, kicking at the snow.

“Y’alright, Mr. Tar?” Nunch asked, strolling over to him.

“Pride-like battle rage,” he said, abruptly out of breath, resting his hands on his knees. “Sorry. It’s hard for me to let a fight go like that. But I know not all fights are worth it. It’s okay, I have control.”

Nunch plodded over and pat him on the back as Bug followed to film. “Right, you’re Pride-leaning, or something like that.”

“Yes,” he said. “I’m Wrath, but almost halfway to Pride on the Soular Spectrum. So I’m more dominant and aggressive than most Wrath demons, but too relaxed and friendly for most Pride demons. Grew up having to manage my anger a lot, but I’m very self-aware at this point. Nothing to worry about. I just need a minute to put my head back on straight sometimes.”

“Alright.”

Thro sat up. “Should we head back now?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lon said, strolling over. “I’ll change Morn back now.”

Hm. Morn lamented the end of his getting to be soft and comfortable, but knew he couldn’t stay this way forever.

“Wait,” Nunch said. An evil smirk curled onto his face. “Kat’s gotta see this first.”

You son of a bitch!

Thro picked Morn off the ground and hugged him to her chest as the group made its way out of the cave and back through the snowy wasteland.

“Might need Thro to find the portal anchor again,” Nunch said.

Lon shrugged. “I don’t typically use the portals. They’re built for mortals who can’t travel through the cosmos by their own power. So I have no method of finding it. Why would I?”

“I can find it,” Scimi volunteered, raising his hands as they glowed with pink light.

Nunch’s eyebrows rose too. “Right, you’re also a mage.”

He chuckled. “I’m not as adept as Thro.”

“You’re better than you think you are,” she said, patting Morn on the back. “Scimi’s one of Wrathgard’s head mages, working directly under Sir Knowl Edge.”

“Technically, sure, I run errands for him,” Scimi said.

“Yo, we should visit Knowl sometime on Conquest,” Nunch said. “He’s fuckin’ cool.”

So Morn had heard. He’d never met the Envy General.

They chatted for the rest of the walk. Scimi found the portal anchor and reopened the portal, and the Nunch Box returned to the courtyard. The village was dark in the tower’s shadow, and the sky shone pink as the sun set.

Kat was finishing up a tournament round. She lay her opponent flat before Nunch caught her attention and she rejoined the group. It only took a few seconds eying Morn to realize what was going on.

“Holy Hazaelia in a French horn!” she gasped, slapping her hands to her cheeks as she beamed. “Morn?!”

Ugh. Fuck off, Kat.

Thro held him up for her. “Lon made him take a break.”

Snorting and snickering, Kat lowered her head, scraping her boot on the stones as she revved up to charge.

You stupid fucking goat! Don’t! Fuck!

She head-butted him in the plush stomach, and the mind-shattering orgasm would’ve knocked him out if it weren’t that he didn’t seem able to lose consciousness in this form.

He barely heard anything the group said as they chatted while Kat fondled him. Eventually, Lon stuck him with another arrow—a black one—and a wave of pain ripped the transformation magic out of Morn in a burst of orange smoke.

Back in demon form, with the stuffing out of his brain, he returned to his senses, grabbed Kat and Nunch, stacked him on top of her, and sat on them both. His weight knocked the wind out of them, and they wheezed for mercy as he grumbled at Lon. “Where the hell did you pick up a weird power like that?”

Hands clasped behind his back, Lon smiled. “Oh, it’s a custom Vest I had help designing at a mixed Admiral meet and greet. Lust Admiral Po Oltoy taught me.”

Another Po? He wondered if Po Oltoy and Ovi Po Sition knew each other. “Why am I not surprised it came from a Lust Admiral…”

Pumpkin head tilted, he looked confused. “Was there something Lust-like about it?”

Honestly, he was too ashamed to answer with Bug’s camera on him. He wondered if Lon genuinely didn’t realize how his own Vest felt. “No, nothing.”

That night, Morn dreamed of the Lusty Little Maid Cafe. He was late for Conquest, but the doors refused to open. He banged on them, but they refused to break, like the wood had turned to steel.

“Morn,” Po said, waddling up behind him. “Come here. I need you for something.”

He sighed, giving up on the exit. “What did you need?”

She led him down the endless miles of tables to a strange machine in back. Morn had no idea what it was. Some weird cube full of white stuffing, with a nozzle on top.

“Sit,” Po said, directing him to the nozzle.

Morn wasn’t sure why, but he just obeyed, letting her fit the nozzle up his butt. She flicked a switch, and the machine started pumping. He gasped and groaned as he felt his organs filling.

“I need a new bed,” she said. “And I’m pretty big, so it needs to be big too. You’re the perfect size. Or you will be when I’m done with you.”

“What? Wait, I-” Morn gasped as the pressure built.

Maids surrounded him. Maids everywhere. Snickering and gossiping about how fat and plush he was becoming. They crowded in to grope his gut as it swelled, getting fuller and fuller, bigger and bigger, breaking free from his shirt and filling his lap, spilling across the floor…!

Morn snapped awake, caked in sweat, and with morning wood poking up under the sheets. What the actual fuck was that fever dream?

Chapter Text

After taking care of his problem in the small bathroom adjacent to his bedroom, Morn dragged himself down to the large bathroom behind his home gym and cleaned himself up like he had yesterday with all the glossy and nice-smelling fixings, a tight lavender t-shirt with a design of a dragon eating ramen, ripped black jeans, and matching lavender loafers, as he tried not to think about the dream. Dreaming about Po should’ve been wholesome, but his stupid fucking brain had decided to make it weird.

A knock at the door preceded Nunch, who sauntered in wearing yesterday’s baggy t-shirt and paused to look Morn over, face scrunched in thought. “Wow, you look…clean. Came over to bully you into going back to the cafe later if that wasn’t already your plan, but I can’t imagine what the hell else you’d pretty yourself up for.”

Morn scoffed. “I’m not pretty.”

“Bro, turn that shirt a tad more translucent so everyone can see your nipples and you’d pass as a Lust General.”

“Alright, if all you came over to talk about was me going to the cafe, that IS the plan, so you can fuck off now,” he said, but he didn’t actually want Nunch to leave, so he followed that with, “Unless you wanted to go with me and see Ki S. Ses again.”

“Maybe not today,” Nunch said, glancing away. “But, I also wanted to talk about, um…When you-. Were your…?” He paused, seeming to change his mind about his line of questioning. “Uh, I wanted to ask about Thro. You think she likes plushies?”

Morn raised an eyebrow. “Seemed like it. Why?”

“There’s a little toy shop in that mall area around the grocery store, and I thought I might head over and pick something up for her.”

Huh. Maybe he should get Po something. “Want me to check it out with you? You could drive me to the cafe, and I’ll walk home after.”

Nunch nodded. “Wanna meet at the truck in a couple hours?”

“I was headed out now,” Morn said.

“Isn’t it a bit early?”

“Po starts work at nine, so no, not really.”

His brother gave him a questioning look. “You gonna hang out with Po for her entire shift?”

“That’s what I did yesterday, yeah.”

He looked weirded out, and Morn guessed it was pretty weird. As he began to question whether he should reel it back and spend a shorter session at the cafe, Nunch shook his head. “You know what? Good for you. I hardly expected you to put up with a half hour break, so three hours is awesome. Yeah, I’ll drive you there now.”

Emboldened by his acceptance, Morn smiled as he followed his brother to the parking garage. They hopped in his blue truck with white and pink stars, and Nunch drove them down to the grocery store, parking in Morn’s usual spot.

The toy store was in a row of shops across the street. Nice place. The shelves were stocked with all sorts of colorful, fun, and cute plushies, and Morn enjoyed looking at them—until he spotted the stuffing machine in the corner and froze like a deer who’d spotted a mountain lion in the bushes. It was upright, smaller, and less menacing, with a manual crank instead of an automatic pump, but it was similar enough to give him a jolt of arousal and a panic attack.

Nunch sidled over to him with a cyan bunny plushie in hand. “You good, bro?”

“Yes, I’m fine and normal,” Morn choked, turning away from the evil machine.

He snorted. “I didn’t say you weren’t. You’re not, but I didn’t say it.”

Morn grumbled. He found a plushie of a golden chick hatching from an egg. Perfect.

They paid for their gifts and strolled back to the truck.

“Have fun, Morn. I mean that,” Nunch said, hopping in the driver’s seat. “Don’t forget what Lon said.”

He sighed, holding the hatchling plushie under his arm. “I won’t. Yes, I understand I’m going to have to learn to indulge whether I want to or not.”

“Good.” He started the engine and drove off.

Morn marched to the cafe, ducking inside and buying Po’s entire shift again. Three-Horns looked curious today, inspecting Morn like a piece of merchandise. He dreaded something was out of place, but his face appeared normal in his pocket mirror as he inspected himself at the table while waiting for Po.

As the little egg-filled maid waitress waddled to his table, Morn got up and kneeled beside her. “Hey. Nunch and I stopped by that toy shop near the grocery store, and I got you something.”

Po, hands trembling, accepted the hatchling plushie like it were her firstborn child. “Oh my gods. Oh my gods, I will cherish him always.”

Morn snorted, because she was fucking adorable.

He set up her cushions and helped her onto them, and Spike D. Punch took their drink orders between their small talk. Morn didn’t mind the spike-horned waitress—she wasn’t frightened by him and did her job without bothering Po.

“Oh no,” Po said, leaning to her right for a better view of the aisle, eyes tightening. “Fin, you fuckass.”

Morn DID mind the annoying eye-shadow waitress. He turned his head to see what the hell she was up to. Fin was making her way over, carrying a platter with their drinks and a popsicle they didn’t order.

“Morning, Morn Ing…star,” she snickered, kicking the stepladder up to their table and climbing up in two swift hops.

“The hell do you want?” he asked with his most intimidating growl, unwilling to put up with more of her bullshit today.

Most Lust demonesses would’ve been spooked, but Fin wasn’t. “To apologize for yesterday. Sorry I insulted your date,” she said, not looking sorry in the slightest, and making zero effort to apologize to Po, the one she actually owed an apology to. “Wanted to give you a little apology gift—a peaches and cream popsicle. On the house, hot stuff.”

Po glared at her, whisper-hissing, “What are you doing?!”

Fin shot her a sinister grin.

Morn eyed the popsicle. It was thick, striped peach and white, in a clear plastic wrapper. The gift of a sweet treat would’ve touched his heart and all would’ve been forgiven…if she hadn’t so obviously poisoned it. Unfortunately for Fin, she’d picked a fight with a poison connoisseur.

Looming over her with a big grin, Morn picked it up and ripped off the wrapper. “That’s sweet of you, Fin. Thanks. I’ll enjoy this.”

Enticed by his enthusiasm, she bit her lip and watched. “Please do, General.”

Three more waitresses watched from a distance, hiding behind a booth barrier, probably not realizing he could hear them and see them out of the corner of his eye. One of them was Spike, and the other two were a blue-haired waitress and one with straight black hair.

Spike raked her fingers down her face. “Oh my gods, he’s gonna murder Fin…”

Watch and learn, ladies. Morn shoved the popsicle in his mouth, and…holy shit, it was delicious. Slick, creamy, melting into a thick syrup that sang on his sensitive tastebuds. It dragged him back to smoldering summers at Wrath camp, where he’d broken into the freezer and suckled popsicles for hours until the chef found him and beat his ass for it, because it was worth the pain to quench the strange, embarrassing, overpowering craving to feel something melting in his mouth…He needed those. H-he needed this…

“Oh my gods,” Po breathed, sounding turned on, but that wasn’t unusual for Po.

“Holy shit,” Spike whispered. “Holy shit…!”

The black-haired maid moaned. “He got that primal SUCK and he don’t give a FUCK.”

Suck? What?

“Yeah, I think I was right,” the blue-haired one said. “That looks like an enhancement error to me.”

A WHAT error?

Morn realized he’d lost himself in a sort of trance, pumping the popsicle in and out of his mouth, letting out little moans. Mortified, he snapped himself out of it, but found himself unwilling to release the frozen treat.

“No, keep going,” Fin said, elbow on the table as she marveled at him. “You were so shameless. It was sexy.”

“Sexshy?” he asked around the popsicle. “Whuh?”

“I’m sorry,” Po said, sweating. “Tried to warn you I’m untrustworthy. I mentioned your sleep habits in the break room, and Mark thinks you have an enhancement error.”

Frozen, Morn looked around at the waitresses. He was confused. His mind and his body, they were both so confused.

“Don’t blame the idea on me!” the blue-haired waitress, Mark, gasped.

“What’sh an enhanshment ewwow?” Morn asked.

Spike darted out from behind the booth barrier and over to their table. “Haha, uh, I assumed you knew…”

“The General’s pretty dense,” Fin said, smirking. “I assumed he was clueless. And I was right, and oh baby did it pay off.”

Po inhaled. “It was pretty hot, not gonna lie.”

Morn forced the popsicle out of his mouth, whining at the loss as creamy white syrup strung between the tip and his lips. “What fucking poison did you put in this thing?”

Fin frowned. “I didn’t poison it. Thing’s just a popsicle.”

Mark cleared her throat. “Well, it’s a special recipe for Lust cravings.”

“I don’t have Lust cravings,” Morn said. “I’m a Wrath demon.”

“Um, yes,” she said. “You’re a Wrath demon with a Lust enhancement error.”

He cringed, long ears drooping. “The fuck does that mean?”

The blue-haired demoness sidled over to the table, trembling a bit, obviously intimidated, unlike Fin, Spike, or Po. “All demons receive blessings from Ambrellosh or Hazaelia to enhance their assets based on their soul type. Like how Pride demons are stronger, Greed demons are more dexterous, and Lust demons are prettier.”

“But I am stronger than other demon types. By a lot. Even for my size.”

“Yes, and you must have natural Wrath enhancement, or maybe a Pride error,” she said. “But you’re also too beautiful for a Wrath demon, especially when compared next to Captain Ucks. Plus, you have Lust sleep-loving and obsessive suckling.”

Fin smirked up at him. “Don’t you try to pass off that obscene show as teasing us after admitting you didn’t know.”

Mark adjusted her glasses. “It was pretty obscene.”

Fingers netted on the table in front of her, Po frowned. “Are we really the first to tell you?”

Morn thought back to all the odd comments he’d gotten over his lifetime. People saying he was weird-looking, or calling him ‘pretty boy’ when trying to piss him off. Or going completely out of their way to say how scary and manly he looked, as if lying to him or themselves. “No, I think you’re just the first not to use it as an insult.” Head in his hand, he set the popsicle back on the platter. “Genuinely thought it was just an insult, not another reason I’m a mutant freak...”

The waitresses paused.

Po slapped a hand to the table. “Do NOT say that about yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Damn right you’re a mutant freak,” Fin said, smiling up at him. “I just wanna put you in a cage and stare at you all day.~”

“Fin, I will fucking kill you,” Po said.

But Morn wasn’t insulted, although he didn’t understand why. Maybe something in her tone. “Stare at me? Not avoid me like a Void abomination?”

Po looked at him a moment, pity and confusion in her golden eyes. “Do people really treat you like that?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I was the freak at Wrath camp. The weird-looking giant creep who ate popsicles funny and would beat the hell out of you for ‘no reason’ even though I never started a single fight in all my years there.”

Head tilted, she seemed perplexed.

Spike lingered beside the others. “It’s hard to imagine General Ingstar being bullied and avoided, but I guess it makes sense. Wrath demons like to feel like equals, like brothers in battle and warriors who share strength. But he’s…massive.”

Morn flinched.

“He’s too big. Too strong. So much better a warrior than everyone else that he’s probably hard to bond with. I know I’d feel insecure next to General Ingstar if I weren’t familiar with Conquest.”

“Also, he gets, um, how do I put this…?” Mark pondered. “He gets more genuinely angry than other Wrath demons when they roughhouse with him.”

Spike nodded. “I wonder if he has Pride-like battle rage, like Scimi. The others are fucking around, but he can’t let it go like they can, and that makes him unfun.”

He sighed, taking a sip of his blackberry drink. “Yeah, everyone tells me I’m no fun.”

Mark sucked in a breath as a thought struck her. “I wonder if he has a combination of Pride rage and Lust sensitivity overriding the Wrath insensitivity he was supposed to have been born with.”

Morn raised an eyebrow. “The fuck does that mean?”

“Wrath demons are meant to be protectors and living shields,” she reminded him. “It’s bad if the shield screams when hit and refuses to be used again because it hurt the first time, right?”

Confused, he nodded. “R-…Right?”

“So Wrath demons feel less pain than other types.”

The realization head-butted him in the stomach. “Is that why everyone else has such a grand old time beating the hell out of each other? I’ve never understood why every single one of my peers loves roughhousing and I don’t, I just do it because it’s what everyone else does, and you don’t get to hang out with other Wrath demons if you’re not willing to get your shit kicked in, but it really fucking hurts.”

Fin, still lingering on the stepladder, frowned up at him with a worried scrunch to her brow. “So, wait, you feel pain more intensely? You poor man.”

Morn’s breath caught, and he paused, because the Wrath General wasn’t used to people feeling bad for him.

Spike punched her in the arm. “Hey, you can’t talk to a Wrath General like that. Wrath demons don’t like being pitied.”

“No, it’s fine,” Morn said. “I’m not used to it, but I’m not upset. Was starting to wonder if Po was an anomaly for worrying about me, but I guess not.”

Po was pondering him, tapping her chin. She paused to moan through an orgasm, clutching the hatchling plushie.

“Po IS an anomaly,” Fin said.

Morn glared.

“But not because she worries about you. Damn, dude, you gotta tell people when you’re hurt.”

He shrugged, not sure if he should. He already struggled to be taken seriously.

“I wonder,” Po began as she recovered. “Is that the source of your stress? Or one of the main sources at least?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Morn wondered too. “Not feeling less pain…?”

Mark eyed him. “You might even feel MORE pain than other types, because Lust demons are more touch-sensitive. In bed, that’s a good thing. On the battlefield, not so much.”

“Not only the pain thing—your entire enhancement error situation,” Po said. “You’re essentially a Wrath demon in a Lust demon’s body, and maybe a Pride demon’s body simultaneously. Your body has needs your peers’ bodies don’t. Needs you were never taught to care for because camp taught you to care for a Wrath body.”

He thought about that. Yeah, Morn put a great deal of effort into getting over the pain his friends’ roughhousing caused him. Ignoring the ache when he worked out too hard, too long. Disregarding the popsicles in the ice cream section at the store, telling himself it wasn’t an appropriate season for ice cream, so his body was just being stupid for craving them. What else had he ignored and made up excuses for? He didn’t know what was normal when he…wasn’t normal.

“Yeah yeah,” the black-haired waitress said, returning from the break room. Morn had forgotten about her. She crowded onto the stepladder with Fin and handed up a box. “Here.”

Morn took it. Lusty Lickers Peaches And Cream Pops. There was one left inside.

“For your SUCK,” she said.

Flustered, he dropped his gaze. “Is it really okay for me to eat these?”

Po downed her strawberry lemonade. “It’s a medical necessity.”

Morn snorted. “I don’t know about that.”

Mark shrugged. “I don’t know about a medical necessity, but I think you’ll feel better if you let yourself indulge your Lust instincts, even if it’s weird and you feel you need to do so in private.”

“And you don’t have to do it in private,” Po said. “Lust demons carry popsicles around in their mouths all the time. Whoever the fuck says a Wrath demon can’t is just being a dick.”

Nodding, Mark almost tossed her glasses off her face. She adjusted them. “Seriously though, I’m just an Envy University med student here studying Wrath genetics and medical treatment. You should ask a real doctor about your enhancement.”

Hm. Morn had only been to a doctor for anything but injuries twice ever. He wasn’t so keen on bothering them for a checkup. “I’ll think about it.”

“What are you doing?” Three-Horns shouted across the dining room. “Stop bothering General Morn! You’re being paid to wait tables!”

“Our bad,” Spike called back. “Sorry, gotta go.”

Fin winked up at him. “Order me sometime. I’m on the menu.”

Yeah, he didn’t need to think about that one.

She hopped off the stepladder, and the black-haired waitress followed.

“Wait,” Morn said, gesturing to her. “You all were Spike D. Punch, Fin Geryou, Mark, and…?”

“Vibra Tor,” she said, vibrating.

“And Mark is Lipst Ick Mark,” Po said.

“Got it,” Morn said, smiling as the four scampered off to wait tables. Alright, Morn didn’t entirely mind the other waitresses. He returned his attention to Po. “Sorry I got distracted by…all that.”

She shook her head. “Not at all. As the head maid in charge of your indulgence training, I think it’s important we learn everything we can about you.”

Morn sputtered and laughed, because she was somehow always on the same page. He picked up his melting popsicle and handed her the fresh one. “Thanks for the training, teacher.”

Po laughed, unwrapping it. “Now drop and give me twenty sucks.”

He almost snorted the popsicle cream out his nose at that.

Chapter Text

Although Morn was more enthusiastic about the popsicles than Po, he enjoyed enjoying them together, emboldened by sharing his strange quirk with someone else. Spike returned to take their order, then to deliver their brunch, and Morn savored a lovely conversation with his maid waitress as she devoured enough food for ten people.

Po set her fork down, finished, rubbing her expanded belly. “Eggs.”

“Yes, mam,” Morn said, tossing the money on the table and hopping out of his seat. He picked her—and her hatchling plushie—up and carried them out the back door, down to the hotel. Closing and locking the door behind him, he tossed the plushie on the bed, carried her to the bathroom, and set her in the tub.

He had an easier time undressing her today because he knew what to expect, what she wanted, and that she was comfortable. Soon as he pulled out her plug, she was moaning and gushing eggs and milk, and he was getting hot and hard off her sweet milk perfume, but at least he didn’t cream himself this time.

“Gods, laying eggs after a full meal feels so fucking good,” Po sighed, content, resting against his arm.

Morn chuckled. “I could tell.”

She smiled. Then smacked her fist to her palm like a judge’s gavel. “Right! Um, here, excuse me.”

He moved aside so she could sidle out of the bathroom, ditching her clothes again. Man, Morn was still in awe of how comfortable she was just hanging out buck naked in front of him. Honestly, he felt like a coward in comparison. Ashamed of his weird, tall, intimidating body. But Po seemed to accept him the way he accepted her. It didn’t feel fair for him to worry when she was valiantly slaying her own insecurities with all the courage of a Wrath demon.

Morn slipped down his jeans, paused, considering, then stripped off his underwear, shoes, and shocks too, and his dragon shirt.

Po was rummaging through the small kitchen. As Morn peeked around the corner through the bathroom door, he saw her fish a tall glass from the cupboard, press the opening over her nipple, and squeeze her breast, filling it with white, creamy milk. Made his mouth water just watching.

Turning around, she spotted him, eyes going wide as she realized he’d undressed. “Well hello, sexy.”

“H-hi.” Morn sidled out from the bathroom, pausing shyly as he struggled not to cover himself. He was still hard. “Sorry I’m big.”

“Nah. So am I. Mess together, remember? Besides, I like that you’re big. It’s hot. I wanna climb you like a mountain.”

Flustered, he strolled over to the bed and kneeled beside it.

Po waddled to meet him there, offering the glass. “Finally, here it is. Your milk, my good sir.”

“Many thanks, madam,” he said, accepting the glass. It was small in his hand, but still a more massive dose of Po’s magic than he’d ever had, and he worried he might not be able to handle it.

“Take it slow,” she said. “You don’t have to drink the whole glass. Actually, you might brace yourself to, uh…control yourself, I guess? Lust demons crave creamy and slippery things, like milk, cream, butter, or oil, and the girls worried you might not be able to stop once you started drinking.”

Morn frowned. “Hate to say it, but they’re probably right. I drink a fuckton of milk at home. Tell myself it’s for the calcium, milk strengthening your bones and all that, but honestly? I just love milk.”

Beaming up at him, she chuckled. “Well, I hope you enjoy my milk too.”

With a nod, Morn steeled himself for self-control, brought the glass to his lips, and FUCK, it was delicious! Divine even. The warm, creamy sweetness tingled on his tongue and down his throat, and the magic washed through every nerve in his body, bright, sensual, exhilarating, and so, so arousing. More than that, it was like the magic permeated his very soul, wrapping it in a warm blanket of the cosmos.

Of course he snapped to attention as he tongued the last drops out of the glass. He’d downed the entire thing in a trance.

Po laughed. “Alright, fuck self-control, I guess.”

Yeah, fuck it. Morn didn’t even have the control to act ashamed of himself as he lowered the glass, hiccuping like a drunk and giggling with joy as he looked at her with that strange pink tint around his vision again. “Gods, Po, you’re so fucking delicious, hehe.~”

Her bright smile tore away. “Oh. Uh oh. Oh no.”

“What?” he asked, swaying a bit. Was he drunk enough for concern? Eh, probably, but he had a hard time caring.

“Morn, um, uh, your eyes,” she said, worriedly trotting in place.

“Huh? What, hic, what about them?” Morn reached for his pocket and the mirror inside and remembered he took off his clothes. Right. He got up and stumbled to the bathroom, peering into the mirror.

Morn’s eyes had mutated back into glittering strawberry red hearts.

Po waddled after him as he let out a little scream. “Are you okay? Are you turning back into a plushie?”

“I-I don’t know,” he said, touching around his eyes as they warped back to normal. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what if he DID turn back?!

“What do I do? I-I don’t know enough about magic, or how Vests work. The only magic I’m used to is this gods damned curse,” she said, slapping her belly. It sloshed. “What do I do if you transform?”

“Call Thro with my phone. She’ll know how to fix me,” he said, gesturing to his discarded clothes. He’d been trying to get better at carrying the smartphone his brother bought him in his pocket. “Although she doesn’t check her phone much. Uh, call Nunch and he’ll get ahold of her.”

“Got it,” she said, giving him a thumbs up. “Since you can’t move or talk as a plushie, what should I do with you while waiting for Thro?”

“Uh, sit on me.”

She paused.

Morn fucking collapsed to his knees, face in his hands, because he’d said that without thinking, and gods was he on a streak of embarrassing himself this week.

Po gave him another thumbs up, holding back a laugh. “G-got it.”

“I didn’t mean that,” he said, peeking at her between his fingers as his cheeks burned. “Okay, well, I don’t know, maybe I did. I don’t fucking know.”

“It’s okay if you did. That’s hot,” she said, patting him on the arm. “Did it feel nice when Thro sat on you as a plushie?”

Breathing hard, shaking with arousal, Morn dragged his fingers down his face. “It felt…orgasmic.”

“O-oh.”

“Like I was right on the edge the entire time, and having my stuffing squeezed out felt like c-cumming…”

“Holy fuck,” she gasped. “That explains why you weren’t surprised Lon got it from a Lust Admiral.”

He nodded. “You probably think I’m a freak…”

“Compared to me? Not really. ‘Cause I came from watching you transform even without that Lusty context. I jack off to Conquest.”

Morn looked at her, wondering if she was serious.

Po flinched. “Well, it’s more like I happen to watch Conquest while masturbating, because the curse makes me horny all the time. But I also get off to everything about you. You have no idea how hard I’m going to cum rewatching yesterday’s episode knowing you were magically edging that entire time.~”

Not knowing how to feel about that, he pictured her watching him like porn, touching herself. It was…a staggeringly hot thought.

“I’m the freak. It’s me,” she said, taking a comically strong stance with her arms and legs braced like she was hauling a boulder.

Snorting, Morn grinned at her. “Maybe we’re both freaks.”

“Hell yeah. I could get behind you-, I mean behind THAT.”

“Hah!” He laughed, but wait, what would she do behind him? Never mind. Morn didn’t have the sense to think things through right now, he was just…horny and happy. He beamed. “I trust you to take care of me if anything happens, so I’ll worry about Lon’s magic later.”

Po’s eyes sparkled. “I’m honored to have your trust.” Then she frowned. “And as much as I insist I’m not trustworthy, I do care about your safety and wellbeing.”

Morn lifted himself off the floor, trying to keep his hands off his throbbing erection. “What would you like to do?”

She shuddered. “Mm. I’d like you to do me. The peaches and cream popsicle was nice, but it’s this blueberry popsicle I’m really craving. But you said yesterday you wanted to take your time, and I respect that.”

Pausing to think, he did remember saying that and meaning it at the time, but the lingering cozy arousal from the milk made it difficult to give a shit. She’d washed away his shyness. Was there a practical reason he couldn’t just do her? “Um…Do you have contraceptives?”

Po shrugged, waddling out of the bathroom so Morn didn’t have to weave around her. “I don’t have a uterus. Uh, anymore. My body doesn’t have the equipment to carry imps, so you can’t get me pregnant. And I somehow doubt demon sperm can fertilize whatever the fuck my curse makes me lay.”

Morn glanced over his shoulder at the obsidian eggs in the drain. Yeah, demons didn’t hatch from eggs. “Okay.”

Suddenly, she was hyperventilating with excitement, waddling quickly to the bed and beaming over her shoulder at him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, following. “Sure, I said I needed time, but…I think it’s the same as when I said I’d think about coming back over the weekend. Got home, remembered how abysmally lonely I was the moment I walked in the door, decided on the spot I’d go to the cafe again, then spent Saturday and Sunday suffering.

“I did intend to take my time, but…you just make me so comfortable. It’s not even the aphrodisiac. Every time, I think, ‘This will be it. This will be the weird, freaky thing that makes her realize I’m a mistake’, and it never is.”

Belly resting on the bed, she snorted. “There’s not much you could do to scare me away, Morn. I keep thinking the same thing, that THIS is the moment, THIS is when my hero finally realizes I’m not worth his time, but you take everything in stride.”

“I’ve seen much weirder out in the Otherworlds. But not everyone’s as adventurous as me.”

“Well, I am,” Po said, bending over for him.

Morn kneeled behind her, and…froze. “Mm. Give me a second. Something about this position makes me nervous.”

“Different position then,” she said, undeterred by his hesitance. “What are your preferred positions?”

He blinked.

Brow furrowed, she turned around and sat facing him. “You can’t not have preferences. If I’m not comfortable with it, I’ll tell you, and we can indulge my preferences later if you like. Also, no judgement if you are, but there’s no way you’re a virgin…”

“No,” he said. “But I’ve only done it a couple times.”

She tapped her chin. “So, what did you enjoy about those times?”

Morn shrugged. “Nothing.”

Po eyed him, understanding lighting her eyes. “Oh. You’re so shy and hesitant because you’ve had nothing but bad experiences.”

“Y-. Yeah,” he admitted, twiddling his thumbs.

She frowned. Then glanced down at his erection and back up into his eyes. “We can talk about it if you want, but first, I think you need some relief. Different position. C’mere,” she said, patting the bed. “Lie down. I’m gonna sit on you.”

Morn barked out a laugh, but obeyed, crawling onto the mattress and lying on his back, head resting on the heart-shaped pillows next to her hatchling plushie. “How is that sex?”

“The fuck do you mean ‘how is that sex’?” she asked, confused as she stood beside him.

“I’m not a plushie. I don’t think I’m sensitive enough that sitting on me is actually going to get me off.”

“What do you mean? You think the plan is just to plop down on your stomach or something?”

His hard cock lay against his abs. He shuddered as she grabbed on and propped it upright, and he suddenly understood, slapping himself in the face. “Oh, fucking duh, obviously.”

Laughing, she straddled his hips, lining him up. Her pussy looked much too small, but Three-Horns had said she was elastic, and Po looked confident. For once, he had hope.

Then she tried to lower herself onto him, it wouldn’t go in, and his hope shattered like a snowball against a brick wall.

“The fuck?” she asked, confused as she bounced a little, trying to make it work. She glowered down at herself, shaking a fist like she planned to punch her own pussy for betraying her. “You stupid excuse for a hole! Go in, dammit! Um, uh, technical difficulties. Technic-hole difficulties.”

Morn couldn’t bring himself to laugh at her joke, slumped against the heart-shaped pillows in despair. “It’s fine. Not your fault. Shouldn’t have got my hopes up, because at the end of the day, I’m a fucking grotesquely huge abomination…”

“Nope. Hold on,” she insisted. “Haha, um…This is gonna sound absurd for a woman, but, uh…I don’t like vaginal sex?” Po wore a plastered-on smile, sweating bullets. “So I don’t really use the egg hole. But the backdoor opens fine! Here!”

Then she shifted forward, lined him up with her butthole, and plunged him all the way down to the hilt in one swift, magically elastic maneuver that made them both gasp. New hope swept in like a fucking blizzard, because, for the first time, he fit! HE FIT! Holy strawberries, Morn couldn’t believe it!

“Oh gods, you’re so much bigger than my dildo,” Po moaned, clutching her belly as she sat flush with his hips. “Like in a good way. You fill me so good, Morn. My ass has never been so stuffed.~”

“I-I’ve never been fully inside someone before,” he choked, vision tinged pink—his eyes must’ve become hearts again—as he savored the warmth of her body and the way the dozens of eggs inside her rolled against his member. She squeezed tightly around him, but it wasn’t painful. “Are you okay?”

“Fantastic,” she said, giving him a thumbs up. “Although I probably should’ve asked before I did this. Sorry.”

“Nope. I don’t care,” he said, not even caring when he burst into tears. “I’m just so happy to fit for once. I don’t care how you did it. You’re incredible, Po. The best.”

Po beamed with joy.

She set a steady pace, pulling up and plunging back down, pleasuring herself with his cock while he gently massaged her thighs and helped support her weight when she rose. This was the most amazing thing Morn had ever felt. Was this paradise?

Pleasure coiled low in his stomach. “F-fuck…I’m gonna…”

“Pl-…please do,” she said, doubling her pace. “Inflate me like a f-fucking balloon.~”

As she plunged down, Morn moved his hands to knead her belly as he arched his back and came harder than ever in his life. Po cried out in ecstasy as her belly inched bigger from the sheer volume of cum. Some of it leaked out around his cock, and she popped out a dozen eggs, spilling them all over him and the sheets.

After catching his breath, Morn heart-eyed her again. “That was…amazing. Incredible. I-. Fuck, I’m bad with words, I don’t know how to describe how good that felt. Do you feel good?”

Po panted, loopy in the afterglow. “I’ve never felt so good in my life.”

He smiled. “Would you like to cuddle?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Spin me around and spoon?”

“Keep it in?” he asked, having never gotten to do this before. As she nodded again, he gently lifted and rotated her to face away from him, then, cock still inside her, turned so they were laying on their sides with him spooning her. So very content, Morn massaged her belly and thigh, bending forward to kiss her on top of the head.

With a sigh, she pushed back to have him deeper and closer. “Could lie here like this forever…”

“Me too,” he said. “I could ditch Conquest.”

She paused.

“I know that’s not quite forever, but…”

“Um…”

“Nunch will understand. He’s always breathing down my neck to take a damn break. Just have to call him so he doesn’t wonder if I died.”

“But…” She bit her lip. “My shift. They’ll kick us out at noon.”

“You busy after work?”

Head back, she looked up at him, absolutely flabbergasted. “Are you…offering to take me on a real date? ME?”

“Who else?” he laughed. “Yeah, when your shift is up, you could come with me back to the truck. Fuck, I left the truck at Wrathgard. Nunch drove me and I said I’d walk home…Uh, I’m supernaturally fast. I could run and get the truck and be back within half an hour while you finish up and change out of your uniform to casual clothes?”

She frowned. “Dunno if you’d like my casual clothes.”

“I don’t care what you wear, as long as you’re comfortable. We could, uh…Fuck, we just had brunch. We could go to a different restaurant and have lunch, because fuck it, food is good.”

Po laughed. “Food is pretty fucking good.”

“We could go see a movie?”

“I can’t,” she said. “I have to lay eggs at least hourly or I get painfully full, and I reflexively cum about every twenty minutes. They’d kick me out for making horny noises.”

Morn tapped his chin. “Right…The laying might be a problem, but nobody’s going to fight a Wrath General over your noises. I’d like to see the little shits try.”

She snorted. “I’d also make a mess of your truck.”

“Nah. I can pay the Maid Brigade at Wrathgard to clean it up.” He pondered. “Wonder if I should like…buy a bucket to keep in the truck? You could lay eggs in the bucket and take it home after the date.”

Po Stared up at him, eyes shining, but with a torn sorrow in them. “You’d really want to spend that much time…with me?”

Chapter Text

“Of course I’d want to spend more time with you,” Morn said, spooning her in bed as she warmed his cock. “I love hanging out with you, Po. My time with you at the cafe and hotel has been some of the best of my life.”

She looked so confused.

“Have I done a bad job showing it? Sorry, I suck at wording things and expressing myself…”

“No, you’re fine,” she said, worrying her lip. “Maybe I just…don’t know how to process being CARED about?”

He frowned.

“Like I understand logically that you MUST like me for you to still be here. There have to be things you find desirable to put up with my bullshit.”

“What bullshit?” he asked. “I’m not sure there’s anything I DON’T like about you. I think you’re beautiful. Your egg-laying is sexy. Your milk is delicious. I have so much respect for your boldness. Strutting around naked without a care and brazenly telling me you jack off to the livestream. You make me laugh. You let me cry. You’re the first person I’ve fit inside. Man, I don’t wanna go home to my empty-ass apartment after Conquest.”

Letting out a weak laugh, she clenched around him. “Man, my ass is going to feel so empty after you leave…”

“I don’t have to,” Morn said, kissing the top of her head again. “Well, we’ll have to leave the hotel, but I don’t have to leave you. Hell, if you don’t mind a long walk or me carrying you a long distance, I could escort you or carry you like a princess straight up to Wrathgard. I’ve got a huge bed. And a soft couch, with a big flatscreen TV almost like a movie theater at home. We can watch whatever you want, and you can have as much fun with my popsicle as you like. Don’t worry about the mess—I can upgrade my Maid Brigade subscription.”

She shuddered. “Gods, Morn, for a man who keeps saying he’s bad with words, you paint a pretty fucking glorious picture with them.”

Giggling, he played with a strand of her pretty blond hair. “I have the most beautiful view of Wrath City. We could just sit and gaze out the window as we talk for hours. Order lots of takeout. Wrathgard’s Kitchen Service has every kind of cuisine, and so many nice wines and ciders. Do you drink?”

“Haven’t gotten to in years, but yes,” she said. “Strawberry hard cider, my beloved. Gonna be honest, I could imagine a date that’s just us lounging around while you tell me your entire life story from birth to present day. I’d kill a man for your backstory.”

“Heh. I’d like to hear your entire life story too. I wanna understand how you came to be so amazing.”

“I’m not as interesting as you.”

“Even if that’s true—and I doubt it—I’d still love to hear it.”

“Well…”

“Fuck, I’m not sure what else Lust demonesses like to do on dates. I barely know anything about your culture. Never been to Lust City.”

She shrugged. “Well, haha, funny thing…Neither have I.”

His eyebrows rose. “Really?”

“Nope.”

“Not even the Lust Oasis?”

“No. Grew up in Wrath City, surrounded by Wrath culture, so I’m more than happy with Wrath-style dates.”

Morn paused, eyes crossing. “Fuck, I don’t know what Wrath demons do for dates either! Never looked into it because I’ve never met anyone I wanted to date until now.”

Po lifted her head and rested on her elbow. “Never? Not even Kat? I know you’re at each other’s throats, but you have such good chemistry.”

“Yeah, yeah, the MornKat shippers and all that.” He shook his head. “Wasn’t meant to be. She’s not interested.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“And I’m pretty sure Nunch is gonna ask out Thro. Eventually. Thro and I have never been too close, and I wouldn’t want to steal my brother’s thunder.”

Her eyes sparkled as she sucked in a breath. “Canon NunThro?!”

“Maybe,” he chuckled. “But like, I get the fans shipping her with either of us. She’s tall and tough, smart and cute.”

“And you contrast her really well. The nerdy smart girl and the—please don’t take this as an insult because I mean it in an endearing way—the strong dumb himbo. She explains what the monster is, and you punch it in the face.”

Morn rolled his eyes. “You’re not wrong; I’m strong and dumb. Himbo though? The hell’s that mean?”

“Bimbo, but him.”

“Hah!” he cracked up laughing.

“On the other hand, Nunch and Thro fit together really well. He’s usually the one asking her for exposition, and I get the impression he secretly likes studying more than most Wrath demons, just like her. They say opposites attract, but that’s not entirely true. You need common interests to bond over.”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna gossip much about Nunch’s private life, but he’s a huge history geek. Especially knows a lot about the Elven Kingdoms. And Thro studies magic and artifacts, obviously.”

Po drummed her fingers on the mattress. “Does she study curses?”

“Yeah, although I’ve heard Envy General Knowl Edge is Wrathgard’s resident curse expert. He studies rogue magics and horrors from the Void.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Right, Thro mentioned him yesterday, and Nunch wanted to go see him on Conquest sometime.”

Morn smiled. “Maybe I can use your curse as an excuse for our visit. If you’re comfortable with us talking about it on the show. Otherwise, I can go see him in private.”

“No, fuck, it would be awesome to hear you guys talk about me on Conquest,” she gasped, wiggling with excitement, sending sparks of pleasure up his member. “I’m still reeling over the clip where Nunch said you were craving my supple meat, and Admiral Lon’s entire monologue about maids ruining your workout and trapping you in the cafe. Laughed myself out of my chair.”

“Right, still gotta murder Nunch for that. But Lon’s immortal, so I’m out of luck there.”

She chuckled.

“Hm…Wonder who would be considered our resident dating expert…” Morn stroked Po’s belly, pondering. “Probably the Lust General who runs the spa.”

“They’d probably also know a lot about Lust enhancement. Could ask for advice about your error.”

“Maybe, yeah, but first I wanna ask how dating works so I don’t stumble around like an idiot.”

“Or we could stumble around like idiots together,” she said. “I haven’t dated since my teenage years, and my partners lost interest in me, so obviously following what I thought were ‘the rules’ was a bad call.”

Morn frowned, wondering how the hell anyone could lose interest in this amazing lady.

“I’m adventurous, Morn. I’d want to explore everything with you.”

He scratched his chin. “How do you feel about camping?”

“Fuck, I miss camping!” Po slapped her belly, making it slosh. “Haven’t gotten to go in like nine years, because I’m not capable and independent enough to fend for myself in the woods, and I don’t have anybody willing to put up with my obscene moaning overnight.”

“Well, I like your moaning. My life growing up was more camping than not, so I know all the best spots around the Queendom. The Void Coast is especially scenic.”

“Isn’t it also especially dangerous?”

“Yes, but you’ll have a Wrath General escort who knows the area like the back of his hand,” he said with a wink. “Can teach you how to spot Corrosive Cones and Lightning Bottles in the sand so you don’t stumble into them. I’ve fought off armies of Shallows Wardens alone. Not as confident facing Kelp Foresters, so stay out of the kelp forests. Oh, I know a cove where Monsoon Mermaids lounge sometimes. Sailors say they’re hostile, but they’ve never bothered me. They have such beautiful singing voices.”

“Fuck yeah,” Po said, beaming up at him. Then she grimaced. “Fuck, no, I’m getting way ahead of myself. I…don’t know if I can agree to a date…”

“Oh. Are you busy then?” Morn asked. “Or am I coming on too strong? Sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not used to feeling this excited about someone.”

“You’re fine. It’s not you, it’s me.” She moved to sit up, and he helped. Spilling milk and cum everywhere as she pulled off him, Po moved to the edge of the bed and sat with her legs dangling and her elbows resting on her belly, fingers netted in front of her mouth as she pondered for a minute. “Trying to…decide how to phrase this.”

With a nod, Morn hopped up and sauntered to the bathroom to grab two fresh towels. He quickly wiped himself off with one, tossed it aside, and brought the other back to Po.

“None of my hesitance is your fault,” she said, letting him gently clean the fluids off her rump. “Your date offer and suggestions completely blew me away. All of them. Camping. Exchanging life stories. Getting to see Wrathgard. Your apartment sounds fucking incredible, except for the part where you said it’s empty and lonely, and I’d fix that. I’d love to fix that for you, Morn. You have no idea how much I want to just say yes and follow you home from the cafe. I’d go right now. Fuck, I’d take your offer in a heartbeat if I thought I could.”

Brow furrowed, he carefully toweled off her sweat. “But you don’t think you can. Why? If it’s not my fault, then what’s wrong?”

She looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “There are…things I’ve been hiding about myself.”

Morn shook his head. “If you’re not comfortable telling me, you don’t have to. I’m content to enjoy your company.”

“No, I mean you would find out if I strayed too far from the cafe. I can’t not say anything. Like I physically can’t.”

Kneeling in front of her, he took her hand in both of his. “I promise not to judge you or tell anyone. You can trust me, Po.”

Po stared into his eyes, searching for the answer. “One of the worst things is yeah, I genuinely wonder if you might not judge me. You’re so chill and accepting that there’s a part of me that’s like, ‘Maybe he WILL be okay with it. I’ve been mostly honest about my personality and interests, so maybe he’ll be open-minded.’ And I don’t care about you telling others—it’s YOU I’m worried about finding out.”

Morn tilted his head.

“I’m scared,” she gasped, hand trembling in his. “I really think you might be accepting, but if you’re not, it’ll kill me.”

“Po…”

“Like it might literally kill me,” Po cried, milk tears gushing from her eyes as she clutched one of his hands like a lifeline. Her grip was so strong. “This stupid curse and my hideous body took everything and everyone from me. They took my friends. My family. My home. Took my job and my future. All my dreams and ambitions. When I realized how hopeless my condition had become, I threw myself off the Wrath City bridge.”

Morn froze, because it felt like someone drove an ice pick through his heart. He’d had no idea how much despair she’d been containing.

“Obviously I survived. My rescuer introduced me to Conquest, and it’s been my life since.”

“I’m glad you survived.” Morn wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close.

She sniffled against his shoulder. “Every time I felt I couldn’t take it anymore, I’d think, ‘Morn Ingstar is out there, somewhere, on a great adventure. I have to endure to see him become a demon god.’ You were like…a storybook prince. A legendary hero meant to live in tales of magic and dragons, moving pictures, and my imagination—but never to be met.

“And then, one day…you stepped out of the page. I was slogging through my shift to pay my rent and internet, and suddenly Morn Ingstar, Nunch Ucks, and Kat Ana casually walked into the real world and had me sit them down for lunch.”

Morn chuckled nervously. “Sorry I don’t really live up to my legend.”

“No, on the contrary, you’re more than I imagined. There’s this whole loving, excited, domestic side of you that you never show on stream, and I’m the lucky fuck who gets to see it because for some unfathomable reason you think my grotesquely cursed body is hot.”

He pulled back just far enough to see her face. “It is. You’re not grotesque, Po, you’re gorgeous.”

She looked frustrated. “You’re the only one who thinks that. I’ve got three friends since recently—Vibra, Mark, and their polyamorous throuple third girlfriend—and they see me as a person despite the curse. Which is great. But you’re the only one who likes the curse itself, and I can’t help but worry the novelty will wear off at some point and you won’t want to keep putting up with me for my silly eggs and tasty aphrodisiac milk.”

“No,” he said, steeling his tone. “If you were only a novelty, I would’ve already gotten over you. I wouldn’t have had the courage to strip down and be vulnerable for a novelty, not after what happened last time. Yes, I like your curse, but I like you as a person too. I like YOU, Po, curse and all.”

“But you don’t know everything about me,” she said.

He frowned. “I would like to.”

“But you can’t say genuinely that you like everything about me until you do.”

Fuck, she had a point. “…I guess.”

With an angry grunt, Po threw her hands in the air. “Maybe I’m the dumb one! Maybe you really are so adventurous and open-minded that you’d just be cool with it like you’re cool with everything else! Hell, maybe I could be spending tonight high in Wrathgard tower sipping strawberry cider with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, but I won’t be, because I’m a fucking coward!”

“You are not a coward,” he said.

“Yes I am, dammit.” She took a breath, and the frustration dumped out of her, leaving her heaving and holding back sobs. “I’m not as bold as you think I am. I’ve had my bravado beaten out of me. And I’m terrified that if I tell you everything, and you have a bad reaction, even if it’s totally reasonable…maybe I won’t be able to watch Conquest the same way anymore…and maybe I’ll wander back to the bridge…”

“Never go back to that bridge,” Morn ordered, firmly grasping her shoulders. “You are irreplaceable. Your life matters, and anyone who doesn’t think so can go die in a spike trap.”

Po choked, milk spilling down her face.

He flipped the towel around to a dry section and carefully wiped her tears. “I won’t pressure you to tell me what’s going on. Can’t promise I’ll love all your secrets since I don’t know what they are, but I can promise I’ll be as open-minded as possible. My offer for a real date stands, if and whenever you reconsider, but it’s okay if you want to take your time.”

With a nod, she hopped off the bed and quietly paced for a minute, calming herself and collecting her thoughts. “I want…Before I tell you and risk you not wanting to spend time with me anymore, I’d like to help you connect with other Lust demonesses.”

Morn sat beside the bed, resting one elbow on the mattress as he huffed. “Pretty sure you’re uniquely qualified to relieve my stress. All the others just increase it.”

“Yeah, that’s a huge problem, but it doesn’t mean I’m unique. They want to help you too. It’s their job, and their soul’s calling. If they’re increasing your stress, it means there’s been a miscommunication somewhere, and you need to tell them what’s wrong so they’ll change tactics.”

He groaned. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

“It’s not your job to spare their feelings, it’s their job to treat you how you like being treated.”

“Fine, I guess.”

Po waddled over, reached up, and took his face in both hands. “Morn, you’re my hero, and you deserve people to love. I need to know you’ll be okay if you lose me.”

He didn’t want to lose her. Morn recoiled at the thought, wanting to sweep her off her feet and tell her nothing else mattered but her. But he also wanted to respect her space, and her wishes. Fuck, he didn’t know what to do.

“Tomorrow, let’s talk about those bad experiences you had,” she said, kissing him on the cheek.

Heaving a sigh, Morn submitted. “Okay.”

She smiled. A heartbreakingly sweet smile of love for him. Po so obviously loved him leagues more than she loved herself, and that hurt him somehow. “In the meantime, you look stressed again. Want another glass of milk?”

Chapter Text

Morn still wanted to lift Po’s despair, but wasn’t sure how. But he did want another glass of milk, so he nodded.

“Good. Where’d you put that glass…?” She looked around the room, massaging her tits. They were tight and round, engorged, bigger than earlier. Left nipple leaking, her body struggled to keep it all contained.

Although Morn should’ve been looking for the glass, he was hypnotized.

Po noticed, chuckling. “Or do you want to drink from the tap?”

He nodded again. “I-if you’re okay with that.”

“Of course.” Hopping up to sit on the bed again, she beckoned him to her breasts. “Although the ladies joked yesterday that if I let you, I’d never get my nipples back.”

“Well, um, uh, I don’t know about that,” he said, ears burning. “I had a big lunch. Don’t think I can hold much.”

Dark and puffy, her nipples invited him in. Morn latched on, and he was in paradise again, hot milk flowing down his throat as he moaned. He tackled her to the mattress, suckling as she squealed with pleasure. Right fingers teasing her lonely right nipple, he trailed his left hand down her belly to find her crotch, stroking her clit. She made him feel so fucking good, and he wanted her to feel every bit as amazing.

Po cried out as she came. Once, twice, three times over the span of…Morn wasn’t sure how long. He was lost in the pleasure, switching between her nipples to suck out all the sweet milk he could as he fingered and fondled her. Gods, she was so good, and he was so damn thirsty. He needed more. And more. And more…and…

Full. Fuck, Morn’s stomach twinged, stuffed to the brim. He was still sucking, but nothing more came out. Releasing her nipple and leaning back, he licked the last few drops from his lips and felt all the liquid inside him fucking slosh as he pressed one hand to his jutting middle and the other to his mouth, trying to stifle a belch. “H-oouURp-oh gods…!”

Catching her breath, Po trembled as she sat up. “Alright, fuck self-control again.”

Morn felt like he might burst. He’d developed a round, firm, bloated paunch that stuck out a few inches from his muscular frame. Could barely see his raging erection past it. Shouldn’t he have gotten nauseous after drinking a fraction of this? It was like the milk stretched him bigger to fit all of it and suppressed his reflexes to keep it there.

“Holy Ambrellosh on a hotplate, you’re huge.” She hopped off the bed and gently patted his paunch.

“Ohhh…” he groaned, having a hard time catching his own breath. His stomach was so full it took up space his lungs needed to fully expand. “I h-…had a Lust error…”

“I can see that.” Smiling, she rubbed his aching tum.

Felt so fucking incredible. Her kneading sent waves of pleasure straight to his dick. He moaned, lost in it for a moment until he noticed something off. “W-wait, what happened to your boobies?”

She frowned down at herself, then back up at him. Po’s chest was flat as a board. Flat as a couple pancakes. No boobies to be seen.

“Where’d they go?!” he squeaked.

The blue demoness snorted. “Where the hell do you think they went?”

“I know, yeah, fuck, I’m not stupid, but like…”

“Oh, I’m flat-chested,” she said. “They’re milk all the way down. Always have been. Been years since I’ve had them drained dry though.”

The only response he could muster was a confused, “Oh,” because that was hot in a strange sort of way.

With a devious smirk, Po two-handed his erection and started pumping. “Really enjoyed drinking every last drop of me, huh?”

Morn gasped, squirming from the stimulation. “Mm. Mhm.”

“Craving all that creamy goodness. Poor, neglected Lusty body needed it so badly you couldn’t stop.”

“F-fuck, yes! I couldn’t!” She’d possessed him like a phantom, stripping his anxiety and control until all that remained were lust and love.

“And now the tables have turned,” she said, sitting between his legs and doubling her efforts as she moved her mouth to the tip. “Now you need to be milked too, hehe.~”

Gods, fuck, the idea of her milking him now sent a violent orgasm rocking through his body.

As she sucked the head of his cock and moved one hand to squeeze his hefty balls, her cheeks inflated, and cum squirted out the sides of her mouth and from her nose.

They both choked and gasped for air.

“Sorry,” Morn said.

“My bad,” Po coughed, though she didn’t look upset. “Didn’t expect so much so fast. Hot damn.”

Eyes hearted, he smiled down at her. “Let me get another towel and clean you up.”

“Sure. I just have a question first,” she said, looking confused as she eyed his dripping dick and smacked her lips. “Why are you strawberry flavored?”

Morn tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

She frowned. “I mean you’re strawberry flavored.”

He nodded. “Yes.”

Po gaped. “Why does your cum taste like strawberries?!”

“Oh my gods,” he said, raking his fingers down his face. “Not the strawberry argument again. I’ve had this conversation with like twenty different demons. Not after sex, just after randomly mentioning strawberries. Yes, I’ve seen a doctor about it, and my eyes and tastebuds work fine.”

Stunned, she shook her head. “Hold up—you’ve seen a doctor to make sure you were correctly seeing and tasting your strawberry cum, but not to ask how the hell your cum is strawberry flavored in the first place?”

Morn raised a finger to protest, but was starting to worry. He shrugged. “Strawberries are bodily fluid flavored.”

“No,” she said, frustrated. “Your fluids are strawberry flavored.”

“Oh.” Anxiety washed back over him, despite the milk. Okay, so he wasn’t insane, and neither were the demons he’d argued with, he was just some sort of strawberry-flavored freak.

“That’s not a bad thing. I love strawberries. Your cum’s fucking delicious—it’s like premium strawberry flavored glide you’d find in a sex shop. I’m just confused because, like…how?”

“Lust enhancement?” Morn shrugged, flustered, because that might have been one of the best compliments he’d ever received. He was delicious? Like something she’d find in a sex shop? Not as delicious as her, certainly.

“Oh yeah, that’s probably it. You cum fruity lube to make it slide in easier, and to provide a tasty treat when people give you blowjobs.”

“That makes sense.”

“I guess enhancement is a magic blessing from our goddess.” She scooped up another handful of his cum and dripped it into her mouth. Gods, she was sexy. Every time something came up that made him feel like a mutant, she was into it.

“Wait,” Morn said, confused. “If my fluids are different from other Wrath demons, does that mean there’s, y’know…not a difference between them? Because I’ve always taken everyone’s word that there’s a difference between them, but…”

Po blinked. “Your whole body is like this?”

“Yeah.”

“All of it?” she asked, incredulous. “I know your saliva’s strawberry lube because I tasted it yesterday when you were asleep.”

“Wh-.” He burned deep blue. “Why would you-? Never mind. I don’t mind.” Was kind of hot, to be honest. He’d been drooling all over her leg like a dumbass, and instead of being grossed out, she’d thought to taste him? Wow.

Curious, Po investigated, climbing all over his towering body. She sniffed his pits, licked the sweat off his neck, then smelled his eyes and peered into his open mouth. Leaning in for a kiss, she crushed their mouths together and explored his tongue with hers. He moaned as she sloppily made out with him, and when she leaned away, it left him breathless.

Then she returned to the space between his legs, and, instead of going back to his dick, she dipped lower and dug as many fingers as she could fit into his asshole and spread him open. Morn let out a startled whine, unable to process the sheer hotness of what she was doing.

“Holy hell,” she breathed. “You’re all slicked up and ready for action.~”

What? He was too shocked to reply, astonished by the rogue thought of wishing she had a dick to rail HIM. Surely that’s not what she meant, although his own dick twitched with confused anticipation.

Po let him close and glanced over her shoulder at the clock above the TV. “Shit, it’s almost noon.”

Morn groaned. “Dammit, I’m not looking forward to Conquest…”

“I am,” she said with an ear-to-ear grin.

Sighing, he heaved himself off the floor. Fuck, he was still so stuffed. “Fine, I’ll go to Conquest just for you.”

They cleaned up yet again in the bathroom. Morn helped Po back into her maid uniform before dressing himself.

His jeans wouldn’t close. The button refused to reach the latch around his bloated belly.

Po wheezed with excitement, wide-eyed as she watched him struggle. “Yes. Yes! Oh man, can’t believe I packed you so full that your clothes don’t fit.”

Morn shuddered, dick twitching. He flexed his muscles to persuade the blood to rush somewhere else. “C’mon, Po, I have to walk home through the cafe and the city. Don’t make me hard again.”

Her eyelids lowered, and her smile took on a sinister curl. “Oh, so it’s not just demonesses with gravid guts? You like having a big, bloated balloon of a belly yourself?”

Groaning, he rubbed said belly, trying to ease the discomfort. Had to push his jeans low around his hips and button them below it, and then his belly threatened to settle slightly lower and burst them open again any moment. At least his shirt pulled over it.

Po looked so smug as she paraded him back to the cafe, holding his hand and cradling the hatchling plushie in her other arm. They got stares from the other waitresses and a few of the patrons, and Morn felt like he might detonate from embarrassment.

Spike D. Punch was manning the register. She watched them pass, shaking and trying as desperately to contain her laughter as Morn’s jeans were trying to contain his bloat. “Po…Po, what happened to your breasts…?”

She snickered. “Morn drank them.”

“I, uh, h-had a Lust error,” he tried to explain in a tiny, high-pitched voice. “I-it was an accident. Sorry I flattened you, Po.”

Po snorted, waving that off. “Nah, they’ll be back by tonight.”

She beckoned him to bend down, and Morn struggled to do so, leaning to the side so he wasn’t squeezing his belly so badly.

The little waitress pecked him on the cheek. “I’ll see you on stream.”

He nodded, pecking her on the forehead. “See you there. Well, I guess I won’t see you there…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She smiled.

Po watched him go. Morn’s cheeks smoldered deep blue as he cradled his overstuffed stomach and ducked out the door, and Po couldn’t believe that had happened. The man drank like he were under a spell. Fuck, the sheer shock on Morn’s face when he looked down and saw how round he’d gotten would be burned into Po’s mind until the heat-death of the universe.

Spike bust a gut, resting his head next to the register. “Holy shit! HOLY SHIT!”

“Yeah, obviously I let him drink from the tap,” Po said, joining him behind the counter. “Mark was right, he just kept sucking, and sucking, and sucking…Took him a solid twenty seconds to even notice I was empty, and then he touched his stomach like, ‘How did this get here?’ as if he genuinely didn’t know.”

“That’s fucking incredible,” he said, wiping a tear. “You’re going to destroy General Ingstar’s waistline.”

“Good.”

“Right, I’m supposed to tell you…” The disguised Wrath demon pointed over his shoulder, toward the break room door. “Boss wanted to see you before you left.”

Po nodded. “Suits me. Wanted to talk to boss about something too.”

Waddling through the door, he hooked a left before the Star Veil changing room and made his way to the boss’ office at the end of the hall. She’d painted a glittery golden star on the wood, and Po knocked just below it.

“Come in,” she chimed.

He slipped through the door. “Hey, boss.”

Lust Captain Fai Rydust sat at her shiny mahogany desk—the most expensive thing in the cafe—painting her long nails blue. Her blue ballgown with gold tints glittered like the star on her door. “Ovi Po. My stars, I’m still in awe of what a graceful girl you’ve become.”

Po groaned. “I’m a man.”

The sky blue demoness fluttered her long gold eyelashes. “Not in my cafe you aren’t. Take a seat, young lady.”

With a sigh, he sidled to the too-small chair in front of her desk and sat with a heavy creak, ass and thighs spilling over both sides. He held Sir Laser Deathwall—his name for the plushie Morn gave him—to his chest. Although it was flat, he could feel himself slowly filling back up with milk.

“When I hired you for cheap, I never imagined you’d pay off so handsomely,” Fai said, twirling a strand of her perfect blond hair around her finger. “Wrath General Morn Ingstar...”

“I know,” he moaned.

“With how much those relics they find in the Otherworlds sell for, he must be one of the wealthiest demons in Wrath City.”

“They split every haul evenly between the four warriors and their camerawoman, even when Morn does most of the work, but that’s probably still true.”

“Mm. Think you could convince him to bring Captains Nunch Ucks and Kat Ana back sometime?”

“Probably. Maybe Captain Thro Wingstar, General Scimi Tar, and their camerawoman Betty Bugaboo too.”

Grinning, she hopped out of her seat. Spreading her golden fairy wings, she fluttered around the desk to pat Po’s belly. “I’m sorry I got so angry about not being able to shrink your waistline, starlight, because now that’s paying off too. Ingstar’s already a big boy who needs a big meal, but with him buying lunch for an even bigger girl who needs an even bigger meal, his bill’s almost as big as he is! Almost as big as YOU are!”

Po sighed. “Yeah.”

“I’m just so happy to have a big shot in my cafe,” she said, poking Po in the cheek with her pointy nose.

“Sure,” he said. “So, um, I wanted to…inquire about something.”

“Whatever you want, starlight.”

Twiddling his thumbs, Po considered how to say this. “So, uh…Morn invited me on a date.”

She blinked.

“Like a proper date, or as close to it as I can do, up in his apartment at Wrathgard.”

“My stars,” she said, pondering. Fai clasped Po’s hands. “On the one hand, I’m so happy for you, starlight. Oh, Ovi Po, he really likes you.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, he really might…”

“On the other hand, of course you can’t go.”

Slumped in his seat, Po nodded. “Figured…Why though?” He scratched the back of his head. “I don’t really understand how your Vest magic works. Does it not stretch that far?”

She worried her plump lip. “In Wrathgard’s case, the real problem is the gate guards. Wrath Admiral Gu N’s sons are all vigilant mages who must inspect everyone on their way in or out. They’ll see my lovely Vest and have questions for you. Questions that will out you to Ingstar.”

“No Wrathgard then,” he said, crushed.

There was a tiny part of Po that had hoped maybe he could get away with it. Maybe he could’ve seen Wrathgard just once before he risked losing Morn’s interest, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Po had spent his entire life in the shadow of that glorious tower, staring up at the land of warriors like a place of myth and legend. He’d once dreamed of earning his way in. Of ranking up to Captain and being allowed to march through those gates with the other warriors. But the curse had taken that from him.

Through Conquest, he got to peer inside, but the Nunch Box didn’t explore the tower much. Not on camera. Their recording was mostly confined to the courtyard, the portals in it, and the Otherworlds they connected to. Why explore their own home for the show? The great tower of warriors and the village below were probably mundane to the crew.

Fai frowned. “I’m hesitant to let you go anywhere else with him either. What if you fall and hurt yourself, and the Vest begins to break? How will you restore it without the Star Veil?”

Po shrugged. “You have a point.”

“Not to mention,” she said. “I loan you my magic to do a job. Ingstar isn’t stupid—he’ll think it’s fishy if we ask him to pay the cafe to take you on a date outside after your shift.”

Of course she would only enable his fantasy when it put money in her pocket. Po wondered sometimes if this Lust Captain was part Greed demon.

“You know,” Po said, trying to sound casual. “He’s so cool and casual about everything. I’m thinking about just telling him I’m a guy.”

Fai recoiled like he’d pulled a gun on her. “Absolutely not! Men are beasts, Ovi Po. Do you have any idea what he’ll do to you if he finds out you’ve ‘deceived’ him?”

He grumbled.

“He’ll kill you!” she said, grabbing him by the shoulders and lifting him from the seat. “He’ll smear you all over the hotel walls, and he’ll get away with it too, because the police will take his side that he was just so shocked you were a man he lashed out in a panic!”

Po grimaced, unable to picture it. “No, I don’t think he’d do that. Morn isn’t that kind of demon.”

Huffing, she turned him toward a mirror on the wall. “You haven’t seen what I’ve seen, Ovi Po. Men…their masculinity is so fragile. Anything that challenges it, they attack.”

Po glowed as the Vest began to tear away. “Um…”

“He’ll see your ugly mottled skin, your messy, mud-colored hair, and your gross, dangling balls, and he’ll recoil in horror.”

He wanted to argue Morn wasn’t like that. That he wouldn’t take this personally, wouldn’t lash out, wouldn’t find him disgusting, but…Po looked at himself in the mirror, at his ugly mottled skin, muddy hair, and grossly big cock and balls, and thought himself disgusting. And just the idea that there was any chance Morn might agree crushed his heart.

Po hugged Sir Laser Deathwall to his swelling chest. “I…don’t know.”

Chapter Text

Oof. Having Nunch drive him to the cafe was a mistake. All Morn wanted to do was book a room at the next closest hotel and lie down to take a nap while cradling his full, heavy belly, but he told Po he’d be on Conquest, so he kept walking. Least he wasn’t waddling.

Sure, he wasn’t huge—his belly was nothing compared to Po’s—but he was big enough to prompt stares, pictures, and people mumbling to themselves or others that the General must have just come from a feast. That was true—he did ‘come’ from it. He was struggling not to let himself get hard again. His body still thrummed from the aphrodisiac.

Morn finally made it to the base of the volcano, said, “Fuck the road,” out loud to himself at the thought of dragging his ass all the way up the twisting volcano road, and used his supernatural speed and strength to leap up the sturdiest rocks along the near vertical cliffs like stepping stones.

Hopped his way to the top and made it to the beginning of the obsidian cliff face. The oldest Lesser God still living in Wrathgard, Wrath Admiral Her Osword, had turned the cliff face to rainbow obsidian a couple hundred years ago. To ‘brighten up the place’, or something like that. Wrathgard’s staff kept it polished so the sediments inside glittered like rainbow stars. Young Wrath demons came up here to stare at them all the time. Well, he supposed they were magic. A small taste of the gods’ power.

But the only person hanging out there now was Wrath General Fisti Cuffs. The six foot tall, buff, pale blue demon leaned against the wall, combing his mustache with one hand and staring at his phone with the other. As Morn approached, he grinned. “Hello, Ingstar.”

“Cuffs,” he said with a polite nod, trying not to look as drunk as he felt.

Fisti chuckled. “Goodness, you really did enjoy drinking that waitress’ jugs.”

Morn paused. “How did…you know I…?”

“Hellscape,” he said.

The azure demon tilted his head. He glanced at the phone. “Right, right, that ‘societal media’ or whatever it’s called. People were watching us at the cafe?”

“Yes,” he said, turning the phone around so he could see.

It was a post from Blackeye Fin Gerknife. That little shit was a member of the Blackeye power family? Damn. He’d seen Fin Geryou around the dining area today, but not her brother. Strange. Anyway, he’d posted two pictures of Morn and Po—one of them enjoying popsicles at the table with her hefty breasts crammed into her uniform, and the other of her suddenly flat-chested, parading him through the cafe with his stuffed gut and embarrassed hunch—with the caption, ‘General Ingstar really craved that waitress’ supple meat,’ followed by two tiny drawings of steak.

Morn grumbled. “Gotta kick Fin’s ass again tomorrow.”

Fisti grinned. “Hah. The comments are debating whether or not you truly ate them.”

“Of course not,” he said. Then shrugged. “Well, I mean, I guess I kind of did. I drank them. They were full of milk.”

“That’s what I figured.”

Smoldering deep blue, Morn slumped. “Is everyone gonna see this now…?”

He shrugged. “Not everyone uses Hellscape. Although probably enough to earn you some teasing. I know Ucks is quite active; he’ll probably see it today. Maybe mention it on Conquest.”

“Gods dammit…”

“Do you have an account? You could comment to try to save face,” Fisti said. “Or perhaps that’s a bad idea. Sometimes it’s better not to kick the hive.”

Morn grumbled, pulling out his own smartphone. “I think I have it on here. Bug set it up for me. Don’t really know how to use it though.”

Fisti helped him out, showing him how to open the app and use the search bar to find the post.

“The little icons at the bottom of a post do things,” he explained. “The heart ‘likes’ posts and saves them to a page on your account for later, and your followers can see which posts you like. You can reply, or repost it for your followers with or without a comment. And there are a few other things, but those are the main ones.”

“Got it,” Morn said, ‘liking’ Fin’s post to save it.

“And you can follow accounts you trust to receive their posts on your homepage.”

“I don’t trust this fucker,” he huffed.

Chuckling, Fisti returned to looking at his own phone. “Fair enough. You really like that waitress, don’t you?”

Morn nodded, because he really did. Somewhere in his aphrodisiac-drunk mind, Morn knew he should say something dignified to defend himself, or at least keep his damn mouth shut, but he found it hard to care about his dignity when he was still struggling not to get hard.

‘Tasty lady,’ Morn reposted, including two of those tiny pictures—glasses of milk—hoping that was enough of an explanation for what the hell had happened to her breasts.

Fisti looked at his own phone and laughed, then typed on the screen.

‘Delectable damsel,’ Fisti commented on his repost.

‘Flavorful female,’ Fin commented on Fisti’s comment.

‘Mouthwatering woman,’ somebody else said.

‘Delicious dame.’

‘Succulent señorita.”

Could it just go on in an endless chain?

‘Holy shit,’ Spike D. Club commented on the original repost. ‘Yo, Morn, I didn’t know you used this site.’

Morn replied. ‘Hey, Spike. General Cuffs just taught me.’

‘Dude, that’s awesome. Didn’t expect a reply. I’m honored.’

A few people Morn didn’t recognize replied to the repost. So it was like texting, but out in a public space where everyone could see it and toss in their two cents. Okay.

He choked over one guy’s username.

‘Holy whoa!’ this random fuck named PornIngstar69 wrote. ‘Yeah, Morn’s had this account for like three years, but he’s never used it. Had to make sure it was the real him and not an impostor, but no, it’s the same Morn the official Conquest account follows. It’s really him.’

Morn couldn’t help but reply. ‘Sorry, but what the actual fuck is your profile picture? Is that edited?’

PornIngstar69 had a photo of Morn next to their name, but instead of a casual smile like the real Morn’s photo, this guy had a picture of him drenched in sweat with his wavy black hair tied back, mouth open and tongue lolling out to catch a stream of thick white liquid. The others at camp had made fun of him for drinking anything white like that, saying it looked like cum. He’d disagreed at the time, starting the strawberry argument, but in retrospect of knowing his was unusual, that was probably what other men’s cum looked like. It couldn’t be the real stuff, because he’d never tasted it, especially not on camera, but that was obviously what this ass wanted it to look like.

‘It’s you eating the Poison Death Angel,’ PornIngstar69 replied.

‘Oh,’ Morn wrote, stunned as he remembered. ‘Right, I was out in the desert heat, and it was full of that sticky white sap.’

‘Yep,’ they said. ‘But out of context it looks like you’re guzzling cum—or milk—like the thirsty, thirsty boy you are.”

Morn choked, cheeks flushing, because they were right. He felt…confused. Insulted and flattered at the same time.

Several strangers jumped on PornIngstar69 to call them a pervert and remind them you can’t talk to a Wrath General like that. Morn didn’t mind, but wasn’t sure he had the guts to openly defend a porn account.

Fisti cracked up, obviously eavesdropping on the conversation on his own phone.

“Shut the fuck up,” Morn said. “Why are you even out here?”

Catching his breath, he grinned. “Waiting for a visitor. A Captain coming up to take the General’s trial. I’ve been assigned to advise him.”

“Right. Scimi advised me when I took it.”

On cue, Morn spotted someone riding up the volcano road and knew instantly who he was by his mount. The War-Hound family member sat poised and powerful-looking atop his horse-sized rottweiler. Its fur smoldered with fire and ash, and it wore a charred lampshade like a hat. A mythical beast—an animal scarred by magic.

The rider dismounted to be polite. Saddle covered in spikes and chains, he held the reins and led his dog to the obsidian cliff face at an easy trot.

“Afternoon, Generals,” the War-Hound said, tipping his captain’s hat. It sat awkwardly atop his purple pompadour. He was a mottled mix, red with purple patches around his nose, gleaming blue eyes, and he was almost as tall as Nunch, over eight feet.

Fisti clapped him on the shoulder. “Glad you made it. Ingstar, this is War-Hound Captain H. Al Berd.”

“Just Berd is fine,” Berd said, staring up at Morn. “Holy whoa. I was told you were seven-foot-three. Thought I’d be looking down.”

“One of you must’ve misheard ELEVEN-foot-three,” Morn chuckled.

“Either way, it’s an honor, General Ingstar. Wasn’t aware I’d be meeting you today.”

“You weren’t. Stopped to chat on my way back to Wrathgard after…way too much to drink,” he groaned, patting his stomach again. Still felt so good.

“I know the feeling. Took up drinking after Mama and Papa War-Hound stabbed me in the back and threw away my little brother like garbage,” he laughed, but with his fist clenched and a bloodthirst behind his eyes. “Hey, maybe you’ll find my family under new leadership in a few months.”

Morn frowned as the dog whined, and he let it sniff his hand and gave it a pat on the snout. Sounded like serious family drama. And when that drama happened within power families, it often turned into war. “Specifically your leadership?”

“Yep. I think I’d make a decent family head, but, well, the bar ain’t high.”

“Best of luck,” Morn said, nodding as he turned to leave.

“Before you go,” Berd said with a dashing smile and a finger gun. “Any advice on the trial?”

He stopped to think. “Run TOWARD the dragons.”

The Captain tilted his head.

“I know that sounds counterproductive, but they’re intelligent, social creatures. Elves used to ride them, and they haven’t forgotten that. Bring some meat from the cafeteria and get ready to wrestle.”

“Think I could tame one like a hound?” he asked, patting his mount.

“Not sure. I know riders and dragons had a special bond, but I don’t know enough about how to form that bond to give you advice. Just know they honor courage, so if you earn a little respect, they’ll let you hang around and explore without much opposition. Run, and they’ll chase you from the minute you enter to the moment you leave or die.”

Berd tipped his hat again. “Got it. Much obliged.”

Morn excused himself and left Fisti to brief Berd for the trial. He waved to the guard and stalked through the pedestrian gate to the right of the big gate that opened for vehicles, pulling his phone back out to see if Nunch had noticed his repost. Yeah, he wasn’t looking forward to being made fun of on Conquest, but Po was delicious and he didn’t care who knew.

Nunch had in fact found his repost, commenting, ‘Oh my gods, I can’t believe ‘tasty lady’ was Morn’s social media debut! XD’

Morn replied. ‘I’m drunk.’

‘On milk???’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

The ‘Tasty lady’ post had gotten a couple thousand likes and was still ticking upward. So, a couple thousand people wanted to save it for later, or tell him they approved. Okay. How many more had seen it and didn’t want to acknowledge his nonsense?

Skimming the comments, Morn’s heart skipped a beat.

OviPoWaitress, with a little icon of Po enjoying her popsicle, had replied. ‘Good to see you here, General. Glad you enjoyed my milk.’

Excited to see her too, Morn was about to reply that he did, yes, when he realized there were comments on her comment.

RealEggWaitress said, ‘Ahem. He enjoyed MY supple meat.’

ActualOviPo said, ‘Get lost, imposters—I’m the actual Ovi Po!’

And OviPoWaitress told them, ‘Wow, you morons really had to ruin it, didn’t you? There can’t be three of her.’

Morn grit his teeth, realizing they all had profile pictures from the same two photos Fin took. So they stole those and were impersonating Po, the little creeps.

‘Oh hell naw,’ PornIngstar69 said. ‘If I don’t get to sip hard cider in Morn’s empty-ass apartment, neither do you asshats. He’s MY strawberry-flavored stud.’

He walked face-first into a lamppost.

OviPoWaitress and ActualOviPo told her off for calling them asshats, called her a pervert, and asked why the hell she thought she knew what flavor the General was.

‘We’re all just dumb perverts lusting after General Ingstar,’ RealEggWaitress said. ‘Why are we fighting among ourselves?’

Morn replied. ‘Because PornIngstar69 is the real Po, that’s why. You fakes can go fuck yourselves.’

PornIngstar69 replied with a tiny picture of a strawberry, and Morn scrolled through to quickly like all her replies. Trusting her, he thumbed over to her page and hit the follow button, even though it was a little embarrassing to follow an account themed after porn of himself.

He returned to the conversation to find Nunch had jumped in. ‘Spilled orange juice all over myself laughing. All these Po’s, and you’re telling me the real one is fucking goddamn PORN INGSTAR 69?! XD I’m dying. I’m dead.’

‘Good,’ Morn said.

Nunch replied with a tiny grave.

Morn went back and replied to Po’s strawberry. ‘Hey there, my tasty lady.’

‘Why hello, my thirsty gentleman,’ she said. ‘You make it back to Wrathgard alright?’

‘Yeah, just got here. Gonna change into something more comfortable for the show.’

‘Ooh. Post a selfie?’

‘The hell’s that?’

‘A picture you take of yourself.’

Nunch jumped in. ‘You know how to use the camera app. There are lenses on both sides of your phone, and you swipe the screen to flip between them.’

Morn opened the camera app and figured it out, snapping a picture of himself leaning against the lamppost with one eyebrow raised. He posted it. ‘Like this?’

‘Exactly like that,’ Po said with a tiny star.

Smiling, he put the phone away for a moment and clapped twice. “Move Me To the twelfth floor.”

His command activated Wrathgard’s magic, dissolving his body into gleaming beads of crimson light. Deprived of material senses, he felt his soul dragged through the Cosmic Realm and he came out the other side on the twelfth floor, at the entrance near the stairs.

Marching down the hall, he found his room and pushed open the lockless door—it was enchanted to block everyone but him and his registered guests from entering. Tossing his wallet on the kitchen table, he started toward the large bathroom, then stopped.

Morn skipped upstairs to the bedroom and took another selfie. He replied to Po with a picture of himself smiling tentatively in front of his bed, with its ruffled black and blue plaid sheets, its large, soft black and blue pillows, and its severe lack of egg waitresses. ‘Sure is lonely without you, Po.’

Po replied, ‘Give me five minutes.’

Huh?

While she did whatever she was doing, he jogged down to the bathroom and threw off his clothes, slipping into a baggy black sweatshirt and jeans, and a brown cloak and hiking boots. He checked his phone again when he was ready.

‘I’m here,’ Po said, posting an edited version of his bed selfie with her smugly smiling pose from the photo of her parading him through the cafe lying rigidly on the mattress behind him. Her color was adjusted to fit the blue light better, but her edges were blocky, her pose was strange, her right hand was cut off, and she very much didn’t look like she was really there, but the attempt warmed his fucking heart and made him grin so hard his face hurt.

Morn reposted it with double tiny red hearts, trying to mimic how his eyes changed and hoping she’d get it.

‘You’re welcome,’ she said with two gold stars, like looking back at him with her gorgeous golden eyes.

‘Thank you! Time for Conquest,’ he said, posting a picture of himself in the mirror. He’d been able to capture more of his body that way as he slipped on deep mocha brown sunglasses and gave her a million-dollar smile.

‘Fuck, you’re so smoking hot!’ she replied.

‘Thanks,’ he said.

Fin jumped in. ‘Sexiest man in the Wrath army.’

Morn wanted to tell him to fuck off, but…he actually appreciated the comment.

‘Gay,’ somebody else told him.

‘Bi,’ Fin said.

The hell did that mean?

Yet another demon commented, with tiny staring eyes, ‘Oh, the General’s got a bit of a tent in his selfie.’

Gods dammit! He’d dropped his guard for one moment and screwed himself!

Po jumped in. ‘Hehe. More Porn Ingstar for the Morn Porn gods.~’

Okay, he couldn’t be mad if Po liked it.

Morn didn’t usually take his phone with him, but he did today, glancing at Po’s page as he stalked out of his apartment and took the stairs to stall. Most of it wasn’t actual porn, it was pictures of him on Conquest, some of him fighting, and some of him talking, lounging around, or eating.

A lot of pictures of him eating. She sounded so jealous of literally everything he ate on the show, saying things like, ‘I’d kill a man for that steak,’ and ‘Yo, I’d jump through a ring of fire for a taste of that ice cream’. Dammit, he wanted to take her out for ice cream. There was a shop in Wrathgard that served the fanciest cones he’d ever seen.

Too soon, he was on the ground floor, walking through the open door to the courtyard. He heard Nunch, Kat, Thro, and Scimi laughing in the background, assumedly about him.

Great. Conquest time.

Chapter Text

“Porn Ingstar!” Thro shouted, choking on her own spit as she laughed.

“Sixty-nine!” Kat screamed, fists in the air.

The girls sang together. “Tasty laaadyyyyy.~”

Morn grumbled, marching over to the group. As he’d suspected, they’d been telling the audience what had gone down on Hellscape.

“You’re laughing,” Nunch said, shaking with pent-up laughter that he was trying to pass off as anger for a joke. “He devoured her beautiful bouncing boobies, and you’re laughing!”

“They were milk!” he growled, reaching the picnic table where they were gathered. “They were full of milk, and she said they’d be back to normal by tonight!”

Scimi suddenly flinched, then Thro did the same.

Kat snorted. “But you’re not denying you drank them.”

Morn groaned. “Would it have done any good if I did? I mean, it was pretty obvious from the pictures.”

She looked up at him with a shit-eating grin. “You don’t look like you regret it one bit.”

“I don’t,” he said. “And I’d do it again.”

The pink demoness choked laughing.

“What in the six hells is going on in your gut…?” Scimi asked, hopping off the bench and sidling over to him, staring up at his stomach.

“Milk,” Morn said, shying away. “We just discussed this.”

Kat slumped onto the bench, elbows on the table. “Are there six hells, or nine?”

“Depends who you ask,” Nunch said. “Six demonic gods, nine Elder and Younger Gods who we know have personal Otherworlds, or thirteen Greater Gods in total who could all have them. Some might have more than one. Also depends what you count as a ‘hell’.”

Thro shook her head, hands glowing as she placed them on Morn’s abdomen. “We’re sensing some sort of magic in the milk you drank.”

Scimi joined her, reaching up to lift his sweatshirt. “What kind of Hellfire does she have?”

“I don’t know,” Morn said, ears burning as he shoved his shirt back down and backed even further away.

Nunch whipped out his phone. “Here, actually, I’ll private message her. Lemme see if I can get her number. We can call and have her on the show.”

Heart swelling with excitement to hear Po again, he nodded.

Scimi followed him, poking his swollen belly. “Thro, you see branches seven, thirteen, eighteen, and twenty-two?”

“No, they’re too blurry,” she said, rubbing his middle and sending sparks of excitement south. “I think I have the better education, but you have the better vision.”

“Oh. Well, they’re shaped like a few of the branches in, um…a certain something, which makes me wonder if they’re meant to slot into those receptors.”

“A certain something?”

Scimi gave his belly another pat. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk about it on Conquest. I’ll tell you later.”

Morn used Pressure to smash them both to the stone floor. “Quit poking me like a couple kids tapping the aquarium glass!”

Snickering, Kat skittered up behind him and head-butted him in the spine. “Morn’s all round like she knocked him up. You preggers, big guy?”

Pressure smashed her to the ground with the mages. Morn felt so flustered he would’ve seriously considered saying ‘Fuck Conquest’ and ditching if Po weren’t in the audience. Preggers? Fuck off, he was male, that was impossible.

Nunch frowned, sitting at the picnic table. “Shit, she doesn’t have a phone, so that’s a no on the call.”

Morn’s heart sank. “Oh. Okay.”

But! That gave him a gift idea. He’d get her a phone.

“Anyway though, Ovi Po says she doesn’t have a Hellfire, she has a Lust curse,” he continued. “A witch put a spell on her. She lays eggs like a chicken, and she’s always stuffed full of ‘em, and gallons of milk. And always aroused—which is why she’s horny on main.”

He nodded, letting Scimi and the girls up. “Had the idea to ask Sir Knowl Edge about her curse. That could be our excuse to visit him.”

Nunch grinned. “Hell yeah. Wanna do that today?”

“Yeah.”

“No,” Thro said, brushing the dirt off. “We can’t see the magic well enough through Morn’s guts.”

He huffed.

Kat smacked his tum. “So Morn’s fat gut’s in the way?”

Burning, he smacked her upside the head.

Thro snickered, then turned to the camera. “Po’s watching, right? Po, bottle some and send it home with Morn tomorrow.”

Watching his phone, Nunch snorted. “She says she’ll trade a jug of milk for a jar of Morn’s cum.”

Morn covered his face and slunk to the floor, melting with embarrassment, because gods damn, she really just grabbed him by the dick every other comment.

Thro pat him on the back. “It would be a worthy sacrifice.”

“Shut up,” he said. “I mean, yeah, I’m gonna do it, but shut the fuck up.”

Snickering, Kat sat on his shoulders like a chair. “What if we all sample Po’s milk tomorrow? I wanna see if she’s really as tasty as Morn says.”

Nunch twirled his phone. “Ah yes, the milk episode.”

“I’d try it,” Scimi said.

Thro jumped for joy. “Magic milk!”

Morn glanced at Bug.

She held the camera in one hand and used the other to weave dark blue magic smoke in the air, forming words. ‘I’ll sample it with you guys.’

He nodded.

“Oh!” Nunch snapped, choking as he checked his messages again. “Uh, Po wants to warn us it’s an aphrodisiac.” His eyelids lowered as he judged his brother. “So that explains your getting drunk off it.”

Morn stifled a moan, holding his stomach again. “Feel so full and good…Shut up.”

He rolled his eyes. “Man, I don’t wanna go adventuring while horny. Maybe the milk episode’s a bad idea.”

Scimi slid onto the bench beside him. “Could stop by the Lust spa.”

Nunch blinked.

“Uh, we could turn the milk episode into the spa episode,” he said. “Sample the milk first, cool off at the Happy-Go-Lusty Spa, then go visit Knowl about the magic.”

Eyebrows ascending, he pat the General on the back. “That’s a good plan! That’ll be THE plan if everybody’s down for it.”

Scimi grinned. He looked so damn happy to have Nunch’s approval.

Kat threw her fists in the air. “Woo! Spa day!”

Morn threw her off his back so he could stand. “Fine.”

Bug raised her free fist.

“I’ve never actually been to the spa,” Thro said, scratching her cheek. “Are we allowed to film there?”

Nunch hopped up. “Not in the communal bath or sauna, but most everywhere else, sure. Asked Pans about it before. You need written permission from anyone you want to film naked. But we’ll keep the camera to the clothed areas anyway because Conquest isn’t porn. Sorry, PornIngstar69.”

Bug wrote a suggestion in smoke.

“Split into two groups,” Nunch read from her script. “There are six of us including our camerawoman, so we’ll have one group of three keep the camera while the other enjoys the Lusty parts of the Lust spa and trade off after.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kat said, plopping her butt down on the table.

Honestly, Morn wasn’t looking forward to it, but he didn’t want to insult the Lust Spa on camera, and maybe talking to Po about his bad experiences tomorrow would change something. He didn’t know.

But there was something else he wanted, so he hopped to his feet and joined Nunch. “Hey, how do you private message people on Hellscape?”

He smirked. “You mean how do you private message Ovi Po specifically? Here.” Nunch took Morn’s phone and opened up his inbox.

She’d already messaged him. ‘At home in my own empty-ass apartment watching Conquest and making do with my dildo. Really missing your blueberry popsicle.’

Morn messaged her back. ‘Really struggling not to let my popsicle refreeze on stream.’

‘Sorry. But also not sorry in the slightest.’

He smiled. ‘I miss sleeping on your pillowy thigh. Would’ve been perfect after drinking so much.’

‘Maybe we can do that tomorrow.’

‘Sounds good.’

Nunch grabbed Morn’s horn and jostled him. “C’mon, bro, are we going on an adventure, or are you gonna sit there sexting PornIngstar69 all day?”

Morn sighed. He looked at his messages again.

‘Conquest time,’ Po said, with a tiny smily face.

“Fine, Conquest time,” he said, dragging himself off the picnic table. He’d sext her while they walked back to the bear’s den.

No, he wouldn’t, he realized, as they walked through the portal into the swirling snowscape, and Morn’s phone suddenly had no signal.

“Why can’t I connect?” he whined, looking at his brother.

Nunch huffed, gesturing around at the tundra as his arms turned cyan. “There’s not an internet signal in most of the Otherworlds.”

He pointed at Bug. “But the camera connects.”

“The camera’s custom made magic tech—it connects through the portal anchor. Your phone’s not made to do that.”

Morn sighed, putting his phone away.

Kat stalked in front of him, showing off a gold necklace with a ruby. “And I’m here this time—courtesy of this fire ruby I found on sale.”

“Oh joy. What would we have done having had to go another day without YOU?” Morn asked, dripping with sarcasm. He was actually glad she was here though.

She snorted. “We should’ve just left you to your sexting.”

Nunch raised his fist. “Onward, to adventure! Battle of the bear, part two!”

Morn, Kat, and Bug started to follow him, but they got all of ten steps before they realized Thro and Scimi had frozen at the entrance.

“You feel that?” Scimi asked, sweating.

Thro’s hands glowed gold. She raised them to scan the area. “Lon’s NOT here again today, right?”

Morn frowned. “I think he’s doing paperwork in his apartment. You’re not asking because you…y’know…”

She nodded, pale gold eyes quivering as a wave of excitement rippled through her. “There’s still an Ascending light here. We may be on the trail of a Devil’s Chalice after all.”

Nunch, Kat, and Morn all grinned at each other, because fuck yeah!

“Let’s move the portal anchor,” Thro said, turning in the same direction they went yesterday. “This location is bad anyway. Maybe we can clear out the bear’s den and stake it in there, in the sheltered cave.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Scimi said, ripping the glowing violet lantern out of the snow and carrying it under his arm.

They all booked it after Thro as she ran through the snow, tracking the magic she felt. It wasn’t long before they came across the bear’s den again.

“Does the bear have it?” Nunch asked, confused.

“No,” she said. “It’s further past there, but we’re on the right-”

When the rest of them reached the crest of the small hill she’d climbed, they all saw what cut her off mid-sentence. The bear was already dead. Its skeleton had been stripped to the bone, and its teeth and claws were missing. Although the kill was fresh, there wasn’t much fresh blood around, so it’d been slain swiftly and without resistance, perhaps in an ambush.

“A hunter,” Morn said, drawing his greatsword just in case. “And a powerful one. Captain or General level at least.”

Scimi drew his scimitar. “Maybe another Lesser God. Multiple Ascending lights overlap and look mostly the same. Only the greatest master mages can tell the difference between an Admiral, a Chalice, or multiple overlapping lights.”

Bug moved to get a good shot of the bear’s skeleton.

Arms crossed, Nunch peered at it suspiciously. “What do you think, Morn?” He pointed with his elbow. “Look, there’s enough packed snow that our shoe prints from yesterday are still there.”

“Which means the hunter’s should be too,” he said, sliding down the snowbank into the cave.

His brother joined him.

So did Kat. “Right, you two grew up roughing it in the woods.”

“Tracked and shot every meal ourselves,” Morn said, kneeling in the snow to inspect the prints. He expected a trail they didn’t make yesterday. At least leading up to the bear. The hunter may have shot it from afar, but wouldn’t he have had to enter the cave to harvest the pelt and meat? And yet all the prints belonged to Lon, Nunch, Scimi, and himself, with no evidence of them sweeping away their own tracks. Kat had stayed behind, Morn had only been in briefly, Thro had mostly stayed around the entrance with him, and Betty mostly floated and didn’t leave prints. Which gave him an idea. “I don’t see any new prints. You think the hunter was floating somehow?”

Nunch was scratching his head, trying to figure it out. “That’s a damn good point. They would have had to, right?”

Scimi frowned at the skeleton. The ribcage towered over him like a house. “What’s our plan? Think we cake take this guy if they’re an enemy?”

“Yeah,” Morn said, no hesitation.

Snickering, Nunch followed him out of the den. “Maybe he’s friendly. Let’s see if we can mooch some bear meat off him. Roast it around a campfire. Would be a nice change of pace.”

“Sounds good to me.” Honestly, sharing a meal with a stranger was so much more enticing an adventure than fighting that stupid-ass bear.

“You just ate,” his brother complained. “You’re still bloated!”

He scratched his cheek. “Uh…Elasticity magic? I could go for a snack.”

“Unbelievable.”

Thro led the way again, followed by Morn and Scimi with their weapons drawn, then Nunch and Kat on either side of Bug. They walked for an hour through the endless white abyss before another landmark faded into view through the storm.

Some sort of…facility was carved into the mouth of a much larger cave. Futuristic metal with glowing hexagons, each room with perfect symmetry like they were 3D printed. The futuristic rooms led deep into the earth, so far they couldn’t see the end, scattered with broken supply crates and boxes, doors snapped off the hinges to get at them and spills left uncleaned.

A guardhouse stood just outside the cave, made of the same metal, but unlike the facility, it didn’t look raided and abandoned. No snow had built up on the roof. Or rather someone had melted it off so only fresh flakes collected. There was a wisp of smoke curling up from the chimney pipe, and Morn’s sensitive ears picked up the whirr of a generator somewhere around back.

“Found the hunter’s house,” Nunch said, sliding down a slope to approach it.

Following, Thro pointed her glowing hands toward the facility. “I think the Ascending Light is further in.”

Morn rolled his shoulders. “Let’s investigate the guardhouse first.”

“Think they’ll greet us with open arms?” Kat asked, although her tone sounded like she expected the opposite.

Scimi shook his head. “I don’t sense anyone inside. Obviously someone IS living here, but they’re not home.”

“Oh! Oh, here we go!” Nunch kneeled before the stairs leading up to the front door. He’d found a boot print. “Nice distinct print. One person. Around our size—me ‘n Morn’s. So he’s a big’un. And! This is an Ambrelloshian military boot, so he’s one of ours!”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Morn joined him. “Hell yeah.”

“Someone from Wrathgard?” Kat asked.

Thro shrugged, walking beside her. “Wrathgard’s not the only place with portals and Otherworld explorers. But they’re probably still an ally. Someone from Pride City, Sloth City, or Snow Gladius.”

“Demon friend,” Nunch said, skipping up the stairs.

“Hold on, bro,” Morn said, stalking after him. “Just because they’re an ally doesn’t mean their place isn’t rigged to keep strangers away.”

Thro rushed up after them. “I do sense magic lingering about.”

They had her inspect the front porch and the door first.

Her hands glowed as she scanned it. “Strange. There are runes on the other side of the door, but it looks like a simple soul counter.”

“What’s that mean?” Morn asked.

“It’s rigged to register when a unique sapient soul passes through.”

He was still confused.

Scimi boldly marched inside. “The hunter will know we were here, but it’s not trapped. Which makes me think he’s cautious, but not hostile.”

With a shrug, Morn followed him in. So did the others.

Kat gasped with excitement, skittering to the fireplace on the far wall. It had a few dry logs burning inside. Smelled like bear fat. “Toasty fire.”

The mages turned around to look at the door.

“Holy shit,” Scimi said, staring up at a metal box screwed to the wall. Small runes trailed away from it, surrounding the doorframe.

Opening the box, Thro marveled at the metal sheets inside with more tiny runes. “Oh my gods!”

“Were you wrong about the trap?” Morn asked, on edge as he idled in the middle of the room.

“No, I think it’s still just a counter, but it’s much more complex than expected. This hunter is a proper magic technician, which makes me think they’re a Greed or Gluttony demon.”

“Has to be Gluttony, right?” Scimi asked. “These runes are so beautifully drawn. If it’s a demon, they have to have Envy or Gluttony enhancement.”

Nunch snorted, lounging in one of the cushioned chairs in front of the fireplace. “Sounds like a Gluttony demon to cook up a bear that size.”

With a curious little noise, Kat noticed something atop the mantle. She pulled down a tape recorder. “The hell’s this?”

“A recorder?” Nunch asked. “Is it a message from the hunter?”

“It’s not enchanted,” Scimi said.

Kat hit the play button.

“To my immense surprise,” a male voice said. “I sensed a few souls pop up in the distance yesterday, so I decided to leave the door unlocked.”

Thro screamed at the top of her lungs.

Everyone jumped to alert, drawing their weapons. Kat hit the stop button and drew her katana.

Smacking her palms to her cheeks, Thro hopped in place with a beaming smile. “It’s my evil ex-boyfriend!”

Nunch dropped his dagger, and his jaw. “Wh-…? Your evil ex?”

Morn’s eyebrows rose so high he worried they might tear off his face. “You had a boyfriend?”

Kat wheezed. “Okay, so he’s the army’s ally, but he’s OUR enemy.”

“No!” she said, shaking her head.

“Will whoever defeats him in battle win your heart?” Nunch chuckled.

Thro huffed, stomping the snow off her shoes. “No! He wasn’t evil to me. Don’t worry, guys, Pen’s an ally.”

Chapter Text

Thro snatched the recorder from Kat’s hand and hit the play button again.

“To my immense surprise, I sensed a few souls pop up in the distance yesterday, so I decided to leave the door unlocked,” Pen said, voice calm and even. “If you find this, welcome, friends. I’m a jolly Gluttony demon out hunting gourmet ingredients across the Otherworlds. Make yourselves at home, and help yourselves to my kitchen. I’m in the old weapons manufactory looking for ingredients, but I should be back by sundown.”

Nunch flopped back into his chair, grinding a smile onto his face. “He sounds like a cool dude.”

Morn couldn’t tell if his brother meant that or not. He was probably jealous as hell of this guy for having gotten to date the girl he liked and trying not to show it. That said—or, well, thought—Pen did sound like a cool dude.

“So, uh…” Nunch twiddled his thumbs. “You like ‘em large?”

A vein throbbed in Thro’s forehead as she hit the record button to leave Pen a message. “Penpen, you psycho. This is some real Hansel and Gretel shit you’ve got going on. You laced everything in the fridge, didn’t you?”

He what?

Kat cracked up, trotting to the kitchen around the corner to the left. There were other rooms on the right, but their doors were closed. “He tried to poison us?”

Morn raised an eyebrow. Never mind about him being cool. “Thro did say he’s evil, just not evil to her.”

“I swear to the gods,” Thro said. “If you set up a ‘take one’ bowl…”

With a higher-pitched laugh, Kat slid back into the main room holding a laundry basket-sized bowl of strawberry-shaped candies. The label said ‘take one’ in beautiful cursive. Written like an invitation, but really more of a dare. “This?”

The mage slapped herself in the face.

Guh. Why strawberry?

Scimi’s hands glowed orange. “Yeah, those are hot with magic contamination. Or they’re just made of magic, and he might be a General or Admiral. Ambrelloshian or Dual Hellfire. Do not eat.”

A crackling noise brought all their attention to a grated speaker panel on the wall left of the fireplace. The same voice from the tape recorder spoke. “Wingy?”

Whole body glowing with ethereal violet light, Thro jumped for joy. “Penpen!”

Nunch about fell out of his chair. “W-. Wingy?!”

Pen sounded out of breath, which Morn supposed wasn’t unusual for a Gluttony demon. They loved food like no other demon type and were generally overweight, either because of their Gluttonous souls, culture, or enhancement, he didn’t know. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to hear you clearly at first over the lasers. What are you doing out here?”

“Same thing you’re doing,” she said. “Hunting a Devil’s Chalice.”

Morn, Nunch, and Kat gawked. Hell, of course that was the only reason someone would hang out here in the frozen asshole of the Otherworlds. Looking for ingredients in an old weapons manufactory? No. His excuse was silly now that Morn thought about it. You only came out here for two things: a challenge and/or a Chalice.

Arms crossed, Scimi leaned against the back of Nunch’s chair. “Thought you said you were hunting gourmet ingredients.”

“Yes, I said that,” Pen said. “I lied.”

Eyes tightening as he stared up at the speaker, the other Wrath General mumbled to himself, “Why does he sound familiar…?”

Thro turned to Morn and the others. “Pen is Snow Gladius’ foremost authority on everything to do with Chalices and Ascension.”

“Not officially,” Pen said.

“He’s the most brilliant mage I’ve ever met, and he started my mage training. Taught me how to sense magic. Everything I know about the gods I learned from him.”

“Maybe not everything. I’m sure you’ve kept up with your education since moving south.”

She blushed. “Not to brag, but…yeah, I have. And you’ve kept up with your Chalice search. You must be hunting what, your fourth? Fifth?”

“Seventh.”

Morn fucking choked, gaping at the speaker. “You’ve found SIX other Devil’s Chalices?!”

“Yes.”

Nunch worried his lip. “So you must be an Admiral then.”

“No. General. I want The Clear Sky to Ascend me. I hunt Chalices for research, sport, and to show I am qualified to become an Admiral.”

Scimi pursed his lips.

“Haha. Man, you’re crazy accomplished,” Nunch said, shrinking in his seat. Literally, he shrunk a few inches shorter. Morn wondered if he’d really been planning to ask Thro out soon and was second guessing himself now, because how was a Wrath Captain supposed to impress someone who’d dated a Gluttony General with six Chalices? Shit, Morn would have to find some way to raise his spirits later.

“Sure is,” Kat said through a mouthful of candy.

They all turned to stare at her.

She crunched the strawberry shards between her teeth. “What?”

Thro strangled her. “Spit it out! Spit it out right now!”

“You stupid goat!” Morn snapped. “Did you forget they were poisoned? I’m the one who was supposed to eat them.”

Nunch stretched his cyan arm like a noodle and smacked him upside the head.

“I’m sorry,” Kat choked. “They looked tasty, and Pen’s a friend, so how bad can they be?”

Completely deadpan, Pen said, “You’re going to explode.”

Kat, Morn, Nunch, and Scimi flinched. Bug backed away from Kat. Thro looked annoyed, but otherwise calm, which gave Morn hope that Pen was kidding.

“I’m kidding,” he said. “You’re going to blow up.”

She punched the wall beside the speaker. “How is that different?!”

“Mr. Quilliam L. Pendleton,” Thro said, returning the giant basket of candy to the kitchen table. “Is this how you treat all your guests?”

“Yes. They deserve it for being cursed by the gods enough to cross my path.”

Nunch wheezed. “Quilliam L. Pendleton? Ain’t that a human or Elven name? Thought he was a demon.”

“He is. Well, mostly. Either way, it’s a silly nickname.”

“Throsephone Throw-Star,” Pen said.

She huffed.

“Oh,” Kat said, flinching. She stared down at her chest. “Huh?”

At first, Morn thought he might be imagining it. Her normally small breasts looked…bigger. Then they swelled bigger still as he watched, straining her ratty purple sweater, and his eyes about burst out of the sockets. Bug filmed as her bazongas ballooned to the size of melons.

“Oh my gods,” she breathed, giving them a squeeze.

Nunch leaped out of his chair, sliding across the floor to gawk up at her. “Fuck the Devil’s Chalice—we’ve finally found the real treasure! The legendary literal booby trap!”

Kat and Thro glowered at him. Thro pinned Nunch’s arms behind his back and held him while Kat grabbed another strawberry candy and rammed it down his throat as he begged for mercy. Morn and Scimi watched helplessly from the sidelines in shock while Bug floated around to get a good shot.

Sputtering, Nunch pulled away, wiping his mouth. He looked into the camera with a sinister grin. “Joke’s on you; I LOVE tits.”

The button of his skinny jeans popped open as his ass plumped up a few pounds.

He slumped against the wall, long ears drooped with gloom. “Never mind. Gonna go find a rock to die under…”

The girls laughed at him.

Morn opened his mouth to…to what? To defend Nunch, or admit he wished that were him blowing up while Po was probably furiously masturbating to the stream? To antagonize the girls until they shoved a candy down his throat too? He wanted to know what that felt like. Expanding. It wasn’t as embarrassing if Kat and Nunch were swollen too, right? He could pass it off as a bit. Yeah? Yeah…

“Wait a minute,” Kat said, bouncing her boobs. “This guy’s Pen Is Enlargement.”

Nunch choked, trying to keep his jeans on as he kept growing. “He’s WHAT?”

“This fucker’s no jolly Gluttony demon—he’s a Greed entrepreneur who sells body enhancement magic online. I used to have an enhancing bra from the PIE store until MY evil ex fucking stole it.” She slumped. “Damn, that thing was one of the best enchanted beauty products I ever owned.”

Stealing Nunch’s chair, Scimi mumbled to himself. “Guess Quill Pen IS a pretty common Greed name. Gluttony and Sloth sometimes too…”

Pen chuckled. “I’ll make you a new one. For being Wingy’s friend.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Dude, that’d be awesome. I’d be happy to pay you, I just haven’t gotten a new one yet because you’re sold out every time I check.”

“Sounds about right. High demand, low supply because it’s just me making everything from scratch in my spare moments.”

Morn leaned casually against the wall, trying not to sound too interested because he didn’t want his brother and the girls up his ass about this. “So, you sell, what…lingerie that enhances people’s, uh…”

“Assets,” Kat snickered, tits bigger than her torso.

“ASSets,” Nunch corrected, equally large ass having forced his jeans down and stretched his boxers thin as a thong.

“Right,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I sell a variety of generalized and isolated weight loss and gain products. Weight loss pills, gaining shakes, bras and panties that enhance the breasts and buttocks while worn, and a plethora of pills, gels, injections, and clothing for temporary fun and experimentation, or permanent body modification.”

He had a thought. “Can you modify, um…height?”

“Not particularly,” Pen said. “My powers manipulate weight through building or dissolving extra fat, muscle, and tissue. If they have any sway over bone length, I have yet to figure out how.”

Damn.

Scimi netted his fingers. “Could you, say…suck the life out of someone like a juice pouch?”

Morn raised an eyebrow. Gruesome.

Nunch eyed the other Wrath General. “Scimi, why would you ask that?”

Pen paused. “Wait. Are you that Wrath General who replaced the other Pride General I hospitalized?”

“Wrath General Scimi Tar, yes,” Scimi said. “This fucker’s no Greed entrepreneur, he’s a Pride General. Gluttony and Greed demons don’t hunt gods damned Devil’s Chalices for sport and to flex for The Clear Sky—that’s one hundred percent Pride. He dissolved another Pride General down to skin and bones right before the battle of Make-out Coast, and I got called in to replace him because I’m pretty close to the line between violet and crimson.”

Nunch finally stopped growing, breathing a sigh of relief. “Interesting.”

“Yes, I am Pride General Quill Pen,” Pen said. “For the record, General Tar, you were an adequate replacement.”

“So, we finally figured you out,” Nunch said. “Not Gluttony nor Greed, but Pride.”

“You’re half right.”

He squinted at the speaker. “The fuck do you mean I’m half right? You can only be one type.”

“Incorrect. I am a Twisted Twin.”

His and Morn’s eyes shot open, because holy fuck, they’d never met another one.

Kat tilted her head. And her jugs, which had finally stopped swelling. “The hell’s that?”

Pondering, Scimi glanced at Nunch—but not for the same reason Morn did, right? “Never knew there was a term for that, but I THINK I know what it is.”

“It’s something along the lines of a Soular birth defect,” Pen said. “We think the soul attempts to split in two early in fetal development, and only after the twin souls form separate distinct core colors do they attempt and fail to fuse back together, creating one soul with two types twisted around each other and melted into each other, but not properly mixed. I am not a Slothful mixture of Pride and Greed, I am a Pride demon AND Greed demon separately and simultaneously. Which is how I can happily pursue knowledge and wealth with Greedy curiosity and yet Pridefully hunt the gods’ power for shits and giggles.”

Morn, Nunch, Kat, and Scimi all took a moment to ponder that.

Hands on her hips, Thro grinned. “Pen’s also the foremost authority on Twisted Twins.”

“Only because there’s so little research into them, and I happen to be one,” he said.

Absently squeezing her tits, Kat thought. “Is that like a multiple personality kind of thing…?”

“No,” Pen said. “I have one personality that oscillates strangely between full Pride and full Greed values. But I understand how others may view me that way. I have…trouble fitting in anywhere, and I’m just relieved neither of my souls is on the more social side of the Soular spectrum. I like being left to my research. But I will make an exception for Wingy and her friends.”

“Y-yeah, haha…” Nunch said, sweating bullets. “Hey, so, um, oh jeez, what a conversation to have while my ass looks like a pair of prize-winning pumpkins, but, uh…Pen, can I get a copy of your research?”

“Why?” he asked.

The orange-eyed demon clasped his hands and took a deep breath. “Well…Leap of faith. I wanna know everything you know about the topic, because I’M a Twisted Twin.”

Impressed by his courage, Morn stalked over to a closet, found a spare blanket, and gave it to his brother to wear like a skirt.

Thro beamed.

“Interesting,” Pen said.

“No freaking way.” Kat’s eyebrows ascended. “Dude, that’s cool. Why’ve you never said anything?”

Nunch pulled the blanket tight around his hips. “Because I didn’t want to be discriminated against for being half a Wrath demon, but I can’t just not take the opportunity to talk to the only other demon I’ve met with my same condition.”

Sympathetic, Kat buried him in her boobs. “Aw, Nunch. We’ll stand by you no matter what you are.”

Morn thought he mumbled, “Thank you,” but it was muffled in her endless ravine of cleavage.

Thro glanced up at him. “Did you know before now?”

“Yeah,” Morn said. “Nunch told me when he found out. We were like eighteen. But it wasn’t my secret to share, so I’ve never told anyone else.”

“Question is,” Kat said. “What’s his other half?”

Nunch’s head poked out between her breasts. “Guess. Bug, put a poll in the chat.”

Bug gave him a thumbs up. She flipped out the side screen on the camera to access the stream chat and typed with the on-screen keyboard.

Kat pointed at Morn. “You’re not allowed to guess because you already know.”

“Fair,” he said.

“Thro, what do you think?”

She shook her head. “Oh, Scimi and I already know.”

Nunch choked. “The fuck do you mean you already know? I haven’t told either of you.”

Scimi was staring at Nunch’s butt. He snapped out of it. “Mages can see souls, remember? They’re not as easy to discern as you’re probably picturing, but we’ve known.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Well, shit, guess there was no point trying to keep it from you all these years…”

Kat chuckled. “Friendly advice: you ever go undercover and want to hide your soul type, first thing you do is pay off all the mages to keep their mouths shut.”

Nunch nodded.

Bug wove smoke letters. ‘I think he’s half Lust demon with how much he obsesses over boobies.’

Nuzzling into Kat’s cleavage, he grinned. “Yeah, our camerawoman’s got pretty solid reasoning. Solid, unlike these soft bazongas-”

Laughing, Kat karate chopped him in the face. “So that’s what you are? Half Lust demon?”

He snorted, nose bleeding. “I didn’t say that.”

Bug shook with silent laughter and explained a mistake in smoke.

Nunch laughed with her, verbalizing for the audience. “Whoops. Apparently she accidentally included Wrath on the poll, and a full third of you damn demons think I’m half Wrath half WRATH. Great. Validating, but no.”

Kat ruffled his hair. “Aww. Half Lusty little Nunch.”

Pen hummed. “Probably not. Twisted Twins tend to straddle one type—like how Pride and Greed are Sloth’s neighbors. Statistically, he’s either Sloth-Wrath or Wrath-Envy. I’d place him at Wrath-Envy. Probably seems like a Lust demon because he straddles Lust.”

“Smart-ass half Greed demon,” Nunch huffed. “Yeah, I’m Wrath-Envy.”

Kat gasped. “That makes so much sense. I knew there was something Envious about you. You’re a jealous little shit.”

“Two seconds ago you were calling me Lusty.”

Morn crossed his arms, sitting at the kitchen table, tempted to steal from the candy bowl while nobody was watching. “Can you tell what type someone is just from their behavior?”

“Yes, but not reliably,” Thro said, joining him. “Especially if the person is very familiar with the type they’re pretending to be. And especially if the person has a rare condition where they have two types.”

After Kat released him, Nunch waddled closer to the speaker. “Pen, would you mind coming back to the guardhouse?”

“Already on my way,” Pen said. “The weapons facility is extensive, and I’ve been delving since early morning, although I’m fast. Almost there.”

Thro cheered. “Come be on Conquest!” Then she covered her mouth. “I forgot to explain Conquest. Um, I do a live show on the internet with my new best friend, Nunch Ucks, the other Twisted Twin.”

“One of those live streams? I’ve heard of them, but never seen one.”

“Sorry for not mentioning it earlier. I know you don’t like…being observed.”

“I don’t. But I will make an exception for you.” After another pause, he said, “I’m here.”

Morn glanced out the window and saw Quill Pen shoot out of the cavernous opening to the weapons facility like a bullet, soaring on a swirling disc of dark magic that looked a little like Pressure. As suspected, he was massively overweight, almost as wide as he was tall, dressed in an all-white Ambrelloshian army uniform, with a four-starred General’s hat, face mask, goggles, and headphones that hid most of his azure face and wavy black hair.

Huh. He looked a little like Morn.

Pen landed at the top of the porch stairs and dissolved the disc. Morn wasn’t sure how he’d fit through the narrow door until he squeezed his own stomach and lifted it, molding himself like a ball of clay. He lifted all his fat up to his chest and arms like a cartoonish bodybuilder, and when he let it drop it dissolved into nothing, slimming him down and leaving his tall body thin as a rail. Looked like he’d been starving for months.

Thro threw open the door and ran out to hug him. “Penpen!”

“Been a while,” he chuckled.

She brought him inside and began introducing everyone when Pen froze. He stared at Morn. Then Nunch. Then Morn again. “Why do you two…look like that?”

Hands on his ample hips, Nunch grumbled. “Because of your stupid candy!”

“Not your behind,” he said, pulling off his hat, goggles, earphones, and face mask. He was a ten foot tall mix with azure skin like Morn, pointy white horns like Nunch’s, but they stuck straight up, and a face just like theirs…

He was-…Was Quill Pen one of their siblings?

Chapter Text

Sprouting an extra set of arms, Nunch pointed at Morn, Pen, and himself, and kept the blanket around his hips with his spare hand. “Holy fuck! Is Pen one of the nonuplets?!”

Pen gaped. Right eye having been carved out and scared over in some battle, his gray left eye darted between the brothers. “Nonuplets?”

Morn hopped up from the table and made his way over, noting the Pride-Greed General looked startled to see someone taller than him. “Nunch and I saw a family seer a while ago. Showed us our mom again—and that we had seven other siblings out there somewhere. Damn, man, you really look like you could be one of them.”

He shook his head, tossing his multicolored hair. Pink at the roots, with a green sheen shining through the black. Almost looked like he had their mom’s pink and green watermelon-like hair and tried to dye it dark. “Are the gods punking me? I can’t believe this.”

“Why didn’t you tell us he was one of our siblings?” Nunch asked Thro.

She was stunned stupid, ogling the brothers. “Oh my gods, he is!”

He huffed. “You seriously didn’t realize?”

“Well, now that I think about it, I do remember thinking you and Morn looked like him when I first met you,” Thro said, bopping herself on the head. “But you said you didn’t have family in Snow Gladius.”

Morn smacked himself in the face. “Didn’t think we did at the time. Fuck, it was such a passing comment, I forgot.”

“We need a DNA test,” Nunch said, fists clenched. “Pen, you gotta come back to Wrathgard with us.”

Pen broke out in a cold sweat. “On the volcano? No.”

“Pen prefers the cold,” Thro chuckled. “That’s actually the main reason we broke up. I wanted to move south to study around Mount Tabbiramae, and he didn’t.”

Arms crossed, Nunch nodded. “Weren’t up for a long distance relationship? Makes sense. Good that you left on good terms though.”

She smiled.

Shit, he had a point. Morn couldn’t imagine how much worse Nunch might have been feeling if his best friend had broken up with his brother on bad terms and didn’t want him around.

Thinking, Pen brushed a lock of hair behind his ear. They were small and pointy, Ambrelloshian-sized, but with a strange scarred square cut to the lobes…The long tips had been cut off. The more Morn studied him, the more his injuries looked like torture rather than battlefield damage, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to bring that up right away, and especially in front of the camera.

Pen sighed. “Perhaps I can make an exception just for the DNA test…”

Kat jiggled her tits. “Maybe I can nab you a frost sapphire. Opposite of what I’m wearing for cold resistance.”

“They also have ice baths at the Lust Spa,” Scimi said, detaching the portal anchor from his belt. He passed it up to Pen. “Lot of cold-resistent Wrath warriors looking for breaks from the heat too. Our plan is to spend tomorrow there, between examining and researching a Hellfire Morn…found.”

Taking the anchor, he eyed Morn’s stomach. “I did sense something strange inside you. You ate some odd magic?”

Morn opened his mouth, trying to quickly come up with a less embarrassing answer.

“Drank,” Nunch said.

Kat added, “Straight from the nipples of his favorite waitress.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Morn said, boiling with embarrassment.

“Oh, I understand,” Pen said, nodding like something about the incident made perfect sense. “So, you work at a Lust restaurant? Do you follow Wingy and your brother to Otherworlds to cook and care for the team?”

He blinked. “No, I don’t work there, I’ve just started going recently to relax.” A Wrath warrior like him, working at a Lust restaurant? Seemed silly. Well, maybe working as security.

Thro slid over to Pen and hugged him. “Penpen, this is Wrath General Morn Ingstar—our heavy hitter and the show’s protagonist.”

Pen raised an eyebrow. “Wrath General?”

“And I’m Wrath Captain Thro Wingstar,” she said with a wink.

He tilted his head. “Huh?”

Kat jiggled over and smothered him with her boobs. “And I’m Wrath Captain Kat Ana! Pleasure to meet you.”

The Pride-Greed General looked so fucking confused—and flustered, buried in her cleavage—and Morn had no idea why. “Rrrrright. Okay…?”

Nunch pointed up at his taller brother. “But yeah, Morn does do most of the cooking.”

He ruffled Nunch’s hair. “Yeah, because I’m the only one who puts in effort. You burn everything, Thro hates doing it, and Kat…I don’t even know how to describe what Kat does. I don’t think a worse cook exists in the multiverse.”

“Hey,” she complained.

“I’m surprised Nunch is apparently an incompetent cook,” Pen said, stalking across the guardhouse. He opened a room and set the portal anchor inside before heading to the kitchen. “Not surprised he doesn’t want to be the primary cook on the team, but that he apparently has no talent for it is odd. I’ll make us some dinner, by the way. Nothing will be laced with magic—the mages can check before you eat.”

“Cool, cool,” Nunch huffed, waddling after him. “What, are Twisted Twins supposed to be good in the kitchen?”

He quickly washed his hands in the sink and started pulling wrapped bear meat and other ingredients out of the fridge. “Has nothing to do with you having twin souls, and everything to do with one of them being Envy. Envy’s the focal point of cooking. But I spend more time studying statistics and averages than actually interacting with people, so I might devolve into stereotypes and assumptions. I’m sorry.”

“Sure, but what do you mean by ‘focal point’?”

Morn shuffled into the kitchen to help with food prep, taking more time scrubbing his rough palms.

Pen pushed the vegetables and spices to Morn’s side of the counter so he could focus on preparing the meat. “Oh, that’s generally how type division works. Through a combination of natural values, enhancement, and culture, you can pick almost any personality trait or occupation and it will have a focal point where it’s most common and extreme, and the types where that trait is the second most extreme will inevitably be the focal point’s peripheries.”

Nunch leaned his elbows on the counter. “Dumb it down for us.”

“That was dumbed down.”

“Make it even dumber.”

He sighed. “Pick a thing people like, are, or do, and there is one type that likes, is, and does that thing the most and best. And the types that like and do that thing the second most and best are that main type’s neighbors.

“Cooking, for example. Envy demons care the most about providing a quality service for their community. Combine Gluttony’s love of food with Lust’s love of domestic care and you get a people deeply motivated to cook delicious meals that provide nutrition and raise spirits for as many as possible, hence Envy City produces the most award-winning chefs.

“And which cities produce the second-most chefs? Gluttony and Lust. Gluttony demons obviously want the mass quantities of food they consume to taste good, and skill in the kitchen goes a long way toward keeping Lust demons’ families healthy and happy.

“Go further either way around the wheel, and demons generally stop caring quite so much. Greed demons are on the periphery of loving food, but they’re less concerned with being the ones to cook it. Sloth demons care deeply about nutrition, but aren’t as concerned about taste. Pride demons just want to eat and get back to work. And Wrath demons certainly revel in the social aspects of hunting and eating a meal together, but they only care about cooking insofar as it makes the dish edible and less likely to kill them from food poisoning.”

Nunch chuckled. “That sounds more like me. There’s only one person in the world I care to cook seriously for, and he’s a better chef than I am. Gluttony demon. Loves his greens. Salads, stir-fries, and smoothies by the gallon.”

“A partner or adopted family?” Pen inquired.

“Family,” he said, and Morn knew he didn’t want to announce Shin’s existence on Conquest. “I’ll introduce you later.”

Funnily, and doing nothing to dispel those aforementioned stereotypes, his attitude with food was how they’d realized what Nunch’s son was.

Nunch had decided not to have the boy appraised at birth.

“Maybe because my soul is weird, but I feel like getting appraised and restricted to a certain upbringing kinda fucked me up,” he’d said. “I’m keeping him no matter what type he is. I don’t care. Not that I wanna explicitly raise him like a Wrath demon, but I’m gonna give him a Wrath name to start, and just let him be himself, whatever that means to him. He wants to change it later, I’ll gladly allow it, but I don’t wanna put my son in a box. Even if Ambrellosh says it’s a really nice box that works for most demons.”

They didn’t know a lot about how soul types worked, so he and Morn kind of just let Shin do whatever he pleased, within reason.

The kid loved exploring and the outdoors, which suited Morn and Nunch’s enthusiasm for camping just fine. He didn’t much enjoy roughhousing, which should’ve been their first clue he wasn’t Wrath, Pride, or Sloth, but Morn didn’t like it either because he was weird, so they’d thought little of it at the time.

Shin was smarter than his peers. Like, by a lot. Nunch brought him to class at a nearby Wrath camp for a few weeks, and the kid aced every test and complained that they didn’t teach enough stuff. Not that he didn’t enjoy playing ball with the others at all, but he spent more time than anyone else just chilling in the yard, reading books.

When he was about five, Nunch mentioned it finally hit him how much he’d been ignoring when it came to Shin’s eating habits. He’d always been a picky eater, struggling to tolerate Nunch’s overly simple cooking, and Nunch had passed it off as Shin being a little spoiled from having Wrathgard’s room service so often. Shin always wanted seconds, and complained loudly when he didn’t get them, but Nunch had tried to keep him to regular portions for his health. He’d tried to explain nutrition to the boy, but Shin just didn’t get it. Or, in retrospect, maybe he’d never WANTED to get it, because his instincts were telling him something else.

Grumbling, Nunch bought a kids’ book on the different demon types. “Alright, Shin, I put it off because I wanted you to just be yourself, and I want you to know you don’t have to fit in a box, but I’m starting to think we do need to know what type you are…”

The deep blue demon, long-eared and blond with a green sheen to the tips, didn’t hesitate a second. “Which type gets the most snacks?”

The crimson demon rolled his eyes as Morn chuckled behind him. “Gluttony demons.”

“I’m that,” he’d said.

Sure, he could’ve been kidding, or just hungry when he’d said it, and he’d put up with Nunch going through the book and explaining every type in as much detail as he could to a five-year-old, but Shin didn’t change his mind. Kid really wanted those snacks. After that, Thro performed the appraisal, and he’d been correct—he had the lime green soul of a Glutton.

Shin had always been a happy kid, but he’d gotten even happier when Nunch caved on the spot and told him he could eat whatever the hell he wanted from then on. They’d gone out for ice cream, and Shin started receiving bigger servings at meals. For the record, he needed and handled the excess better than any other type would have, and the doctor said he was healthy. Healthier than before. Gluttony enhancement.

Something struck Morn as strange though. Not about Shin, but about Pen’s explanation, because Morn hadn’t thought this hard about what this all meant since figuring out Shin’s soul type.

Despite being Wrath, Morn cared about cooking.

There was so much more to worry over than just if something was edible! Achieving a good balance where things weren’t too bland or spicy, cooking it long enough to get the right texture, but not too long so as to burn it like Nunch always did, how much better food was if you stopped to smell it before tasting, and savoring the flavors…

He wasn’t good at it. Morn had never really gotten an education in cooking for pleasure like Lust, Envy, and Gluttony demons did, so he took what he’d been taught for survival and winged it, adding what he could guess from restaurant food he’d had, and instincts from his own picky tastebuds.

Was it his Lust error? Had he been born with sensitive tastebuds meant for a dad to cook for his wife and kids? Did he indulge that odd need by cooking for the Conquest crew? He didn’t know.

He wondered if Po would let him cook for her, but he didn’t think himself good enough at it to offer. She deserved food prepared by competent chefs. Demons who were actually built body AND soul for domestic stuff like that.

“Question is,” Nunch said, eying their new brother as he expertly cubed the meat and added the herbs Morn diced. “If you’re a Pride and Greed demon, why are YOU into cooking?”

Pen kneaded it all together in the bowl. “Because the mage who appraised me didn’t know what the hell to do with a Twisted Twin, so they dumped me at Gluttony Camp for some godsforsaken reason.”

He blinked. “Oh.”

“So I spent my first ten years having Gluttony culture literally stuffed down my throat. Hated it at the time, but after being shoved up into the Greed Academy, then the Sloth Stronghold, then the Pride Arena, and having a brutal time fighting in the Pride army, I’ve come to miss and appreciate Gluttony Camp. My Greed side still prefers quality cuisine as a periphery of Gluttony’s food-loving, and it’s cathartic busywork I can do while thinking through my research. You’ll find most outliers are like me—still motivated by our natural values, the quirks from our enhancement blessings, or the cultures we were raised in.”

“Interesting,” Nunch said. “You think I lean hard toward Wrath traits because I was raised in Wrath culture?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Sauteing some vegetables, Morn worried his lip. “What if, um…What happens when someone has an enhancement error?”

“A what?” Nunch asked.

Pen frowned, placing the meat in another pan to cook and washing his hands again. “Enhancement is supposed to suit your soul type, but sometimes it doesn’t. At best, the demon finds ways to pursue their soul’s inclinations without having to constantly struggle against a body that wasn’t built for them. At worst, it can cause dysphoria as they struggle to keep pace with their peers and shoulder the burden of being different. As someone with Pride and Greed enhancements who had to survive in Sloth and Gluttony circles for a while, I know that stress personally.”

Bug filmed them cooking. She looked curious about the conversation.

Kat lay on her boobs like a pair of beanbag chairs. “Doesn’t Admiral Lon have that?”

“Yeah,” Scimi said, hanging out by the fireplace. “He’s a Wrath demon, but he’s got Greed enhancement.”

“Did you bring it up because you’re curious about Admiral Bow?” Pen asked, eyebrow raised.

Morn hesitated, thinking maybe he should keep his discovery to himself and use Lon as an excuse. He didn’t have to talk about his error. Especially not on Conquest. But…he wanted to be honest about it. And Nunch had been so brave with his condition. Morn didn’t want him to feel like the weird one.

“I brought it up because…I think I have an error?” Morn said, but it came out more like a question. “The waitresses think I might have a Lust error, and maybe a Pride error, instead of Wrath enhancement…”

The others froze.

Nunch’s eyes tightened. Drumming his fingers on the countertop, he pondered. “I DO kid a lot that you’re unusually…pretty for a Wrath demon. And it’s a joke, to tease ya, but like…It’s a joke, right?”

Pen paused. “…”

Thro trotted over to Morn. “I can appraise you and tell. Enhancement does register on a magic scan.”

“Sure,” he said, leaving the cooking to Pen for a minute. He stood perfectly still for the mage.

Hands glowing teal, she scanned his chest, face scrunched in thought. “…They’re right. You have Lust and Pride enhancements. No Wrath.”

Nunch gaped at him. “Oh my gods.”

Shit, Morn hadn’t expected it to suddenly feel more real. Because it was one thing for a bunch of waitresses to guess, but it was another thing entirely to be told by one of the best mages in Wrathgard that he felt like the weird one because he WAS. “O-okay. Thanks for looking.”

Thro pat him on the arm. “No problem.”

Frowning, Nunch waddled around the counter and pat him too. “What’s that mean for Morn?”

“A lot of little things,” she said. “Prideful battle rage, greater strength even than Wrath, greater endurance in battle, quicker to sleep and wake, extreme patience, commanding presence. Lusty beauty, supercharged libido, higher fertility, bigger assets, shorter refractory, greater endurance, sleep-talking and cuddling, cream cravings. Plenty of other things on both ends…”

Nunch snorted. “Cream cravings?!”

Scimi choked. “That explains your complete lack of restraint with Ovi Po.”

“Shut up,” Morn told him, slumping against the fridge.

Thro clapped her hands together. “Double poison resistance.”

He blinked. “Double?”

“Right,” Scimi said. “Pride demons are resistant to venom and poison because they tend to fuck around and find out. I have that to an extent.”

Pen nodded. “It’s one of the rare traits that skip a type. Lust demons are poison and disease resistant because they…pardon the atrocious pun…They tend to FUCK around and find out.”

Morn covered his burning face.

“Wrath demons lack poison resistance because they used to serve as poison testers for nobles. Hard to tell if the food was laced if the tester didn’t react. Their endurance and accelerated healing usually kept them alive.”

Leaning back in his chair, Scimi shrugged. “I could give you advice about your Pride enhancement.”

“So could I,” Pen said.

“As for the Lust enhancement, you could talk to Pans. He runs the Lust Spa.”

“Um, yes.” Pen forced a smile, although he looked confused for whatever reason. “It must be difficult being a Wrath General with a Lust error, haha. Ha…”

Morn grimaced. “Maybe it’s been harder than I want to admit. I didn’t even realize until they told me. Genuinely thought I had Wrath enhancement before.”

“Oh right, you’re still waiting for my answer about joining you at the Lust Spa tomorrow,” Pen said, shutting off the burners. “Yes, I’m interested enough in the waitress’ magic and the DNA test that I think I will.”

Nunch, Kat, and Thro cheered, and Morn and Scimi smiled quietly.

“Hell yeah,” Nunch said. “But first, I need to ASSk you a question.”

Pen huffed. “What?”

He turned around and grew extra arms again, all pointing down at his door-breaking butt. “Can I not have this giant ASS anymore, please?!”

“It’ll wear off tonight.”

“I WANT it to wear off NOW!”

“I don’t,” Kat said, wobbling on her yoga ball boobies. “Suffer the dump truck of shame.”

Nunch simmered like the bear meat.

Chapter Text

Pen set Nunch’s plate on his giant ass like a table. They sat around the fireplace to eat, and Bug took panning shots of the delicious food before she set up the camera on a tripod facing the group and sat behind it to eat her own dinner.

The meat was surprisingly good. Tough, but Morn’s teeth tore through it easily, and the spices Pen had added really elevated the flavor.

They sat around chatting for a few hours while Pen told them about the abandoned weapons manufactory and the monsters inside. Apparently the robotic guards still existed to protect the place, and future tech printers endlessly respawned them, meaning progress into the factory was a constant fight—unless you had powers like Pen’s.

“I have a Grenijnlijk Darkness,” he said. “So I can pass into the Dark Realm and move undetected behind enemy lines. And yet the factory has defenses against even that, with dark guards inside, and barriers I still can’t pass. I’ve had a difficult time, but you all might find it impossible.”

“Maybe we can help each other,” Scimi suggested.

Nunch sprouted a second head. “Two heads are better than one,” they said together. “And in this case, six warriors are better than one.”

Pen nodded. “I suppose I could be more lax about this challenge and allow your help. Not that I need it. But as an excuse to spend time with Wingy and her friends.”

Thro smiled, not responding because her mouth was full.

Kat had no such reservation for rudeness. In the middle of stuffing her face, she paused and rested the plate on her left boob. “Thought you had a Dual Hellfire.”

“I do,” Pen said, growing sugary vines and candy strawberries down one arm as his other palm swirled with a tiny whirlpool of black and green energy. Looked a lot like Morn’s Pressure. “I have two Mortal Magics, which is the maximum a mortal soul can hold. Once I eventually become an Admiral, I’ll acquire more.”

The others marveled at them.

“You buy one at the Greed City Auction House?” Kat asked. “Either would’ve been expensive as hell. Those strawberry candies are potent, and any Darkness costs an arm and a leg.”

“I’m aware. And no, both were inherited. Morn Ingstar, Nunch Ucks, did you also inherit your magic?”

“I did,” Morn said, glancing at Nunch. His brother’s magic was, um…unusual. Nunch wasn’t going to answer honestly.

“Yeah, me too,” Nunch said, forcing a smile. “Ey, we’re both Hellfire shapeshifters.”

Pen swallowed another bite of meat. “Indeed. I’d be interested in knowing more about your magic. Perhaps understanding your gimmick will give some insight into mine, and where our powers came from.”

“Sure. Tomorrow we can talk magic with Sir Knowl.”

After dinner, they thought about heading into the manufactory for some battle, but Nunch didn’t want to fight with a fat ass, since he’d be a bigger target, so he decided to wrap it up for today. They set up the Wrathgard portal anchor next to Pen’s Snow Gladius portal anchor inside the guardhouse and said their goodbyes.

Pen hugged Thro. “I’ll be there on time.”

“Can’t wait. It was great seeing you again,” she said, squeezing him back.

There wasn’t much space in the room to open a large portal, so it turned out narrow, and Nunch had trouble squeezing his ass through it.

“Narrow portal frame of shame,” Kat snickered.

“Shut the fuck up,” he said.

Her karma was instant, as her breasts got stuck too. Thro tried to push her through, but couldn’t, so they asked Morn to do it. Blushing purple as a plum, he struggled to keep his cool as he shoved her giant tits through the glowing doorway.

“Gonna head to the Lust spa,” Kat said.

Morn frowned, taking a deep breath of the warm air. It was sunset, so cooling down from the day, but Wrathgard’s courtyard was smoldering compared to the snowy tundra. “We’re going tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’m going then AND now,” she said, squeezing her boobs. “To show off these bazongas. Wanna join?”

Phone out, he opened Hellscape again. “No.”

She snorted. “Have fun sexting PornIngstar69.”

“I will,” he said.

Po had flooded her page with screenshots of Kat’s boobs and Nunch’s ass, as well as plenty of pictures of Morn trudging through the snow, smiling and chatting, and enjoying dinner. Gods, she adored him so much. It made his heart flutter.

Nunch grumbled as a group of warriors in the distance laughed at his transformation. “Alright, well, that’ll do it for Conquest for the day. Tune in tomorrow to find out for sure that Quill Pen’s our brother, and what’s going on with Egg Waitress Ovi Po’s curse.”

After giving him a thumbs up, Bug ended the stream and lowered the camera, strapping it over her shoulder.

Kat waved goodbye and carted her boulder boobs off to the village.

Scimi nodded to the others and followed her. “Headed that way too. Thanks for having me on again.”

Nunch nodded. “Nice having you here.”

‘Gonna head home. Have a nice night,’ Bug wrote, floating for Wrathgard’s endlessly sprawling stairs to head down to the parking garage. She lived in the city, not the tower like the rest of them.

Thro was already on her way down to the library, leaving just Morn and Nunch. Morn was about to message Po when his brother frowned up at him. “Hey, can I chat with you for a minute?”

Morn blinked. “Um, sure.”

They clapped twice and Moved To the twelfth floor. Although he thought they were headed to one of their apartments to speak in private, Nunch decided to talk in the hallway as he waddled beside him. “I’m gonna ask Thro out tomorrow.”

His eyebrows rose.

“Would’ve done it tonight, but I don’t wanna while looking like fucking THIS.” He slapped his ass and it wobbled absurdly.

“Finally,” Morn said.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been dumb and shy. But I feel like it’s now or never. If I don’t ask her before Pen joins us tomorrow, I worry he’ll ask her to get back together with him.” He sulked, arms crossed to hold himself. “Which she might anyway. Hell, I can’t compete with six Chalices.”

Resting a hand on his little brother’s shoulder, Morn smiled, trying to reassure him. “Love’s not a competition. Thro likes you, man.”

He shrugged. “How do you do it?”

“Hm?”

“You’re so…bold and honest with Po. Like on Hellscape earlier. You’re so into each other, and proud of it, and that’s awesome.”

Morn frowned. “I was drunk on her milk.”

He paused in the middle of the hall. “That can’t be the only reason.”

Thinking, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well…Most of it is that she’s bold and honest with me. I feel like I can be myself and speak my mind around her, even if my thoughts are, y’know…horny ones. Because she’s so horny for me that nothing I could say could creep her out.”

Nunch pondered, nodding. Then he paused. “Also wanted to ask…Lon joked about you longing for the maid cafe, but is it really the cafe, or just Po?”

“I don’t mind a few of the other waitresses, but it’s mainly just Po I go for.”

“Have YOU asked HER out?”

Morn sighed. “Yeah, but she turned me down for now.” Before his incredulous brother could ask, he continued. “She says there are things she can’t really stray from the cafe without telling me, and she’s nervous. Told her I don’t need to know until she’s comfortable telling me.”

“Homegirl’s got secrets? I can relate,” he said, making the understatement of the millennium.

He chuckled, walking beside him to their apartments. “Good luck with Thro tomorrow.”

“Thanks.” Then he rubbed his arm. “Actually, I wanted to ask if you could help.”

“Whatever you need,” Morn said.

“You’re good at hygiene and beauty stuff, right?”

Arms crossed, he shrugged. “Um, sure, I make an effort, I guess.”

“Can you help me clean up all nice like you did this morning? Tomorrow morning?”

Morn couldn’t keep the grin off his face, because he’d never gotten to really share this interest with anyone. “Hell yeah. Come by at six.”

“Yuck, that’s so early.”

“Doing it right takes time.”

“Fine, okay.”

Nunch got stuck in the doorframe. Holding back laughter, Morn pushed him through and followed him into his apartment to make sure he was good before he left.

Shin sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of carrot slices and a mason jar of green smoothie, doodling in his notebook. He looked up as he noticed them and snorted. “Dad has a butt.”

Nunch crossed his arms. “I always have a butt. It’s just not usually this big.”

“Sure, Dad,” the kid said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Morn’s brother looked up at him, nose curled in disgust like ‘What’s this little shit on about?’ as the azure demon cracked up. “Whatever. You tell him about Pen. Gonna go do some, uh…research with Mr. Gejuicer.”

Right, his personal assistant. Oran Gejuicer apparently helped organize his notes, bring him things, and pour him fresh-squeezed orange juice. “Have fun.”

Nunch got stuck in his bedroom doorway too, refusing help this time, and had a hell of a fight to squeeze through.

Morn sidled over to his nephew. “Whatcha up to?”

“Drawing,” he said, coloring in a fairy’s wing with a purple colored pencil. The little magical creature with messy black hair and one missing tooth fluttered through a forest, waving to the deer and squirrels.

Fairies weren’t native to this Otherworld, so Morn figured there was only one person it could be. “Is that Harkencastle?”

“Mhm,” Shin said. “He’s saying hello to all the forest animals.”

The Great Peasant: Harkencastle, The Kingdom. Or was it The Great Kingdom: Harkencastle, The Peasant? Morn couldn’t remember.

God of the elves. Like all the Greater Gods, he took many forms. Apparently, he appeared to Elven kings in a dream in the form of a lavender fairy—except the king who needed him most.

Shin set the pencil down and looked up at his uncle. “Mr. Castle made all those big forests, so he must like animals a whole lot, right?”

Morn nodded. “Yeah. He must.”

He took a seat beside the kid and told him about Pen. How they’d found another Ascending light in the tundra Otherworld and found Thro’s old friend hunting the Chalice. He’d looked just like Morn and Nunch, and they’d find out for sure if he was their brother tomorrow.

“You can meet him tomorrow evening, after Conquest,” Morn told his nephew.

Shin nodded, eyes sparkling. “Do you think Uncle Pen likes animals too?”

“Of course,” he said, although he wasn’t sure. Well, he was a hunter, so he liked eating animals. That was close enough, yeah? Yeah.

Morn told the kid to have a good night and left him to his drawing. His hand was on the door handle to his own apartment when he remembered he had some shopping to do and turned around.

After teleporting back down to the village, he finally replied to Po’s message about how awesome he was on Conquest today. ‘Sorry for the delay, I was talking to Nunch.’

‘No worries. Nunch is awesome. And that ass. Hot damn.’

He snorted.

‘Actually, you probably don’t wanna hear that about your brother.’

‘Not really, no.’

‘Trying to picture you with a caboose like that instead.’

Morn tripped over a loose stone.

‘Uh, you probably don’t wanna hear that either. Nevermind, lol.’

Blushing like mad, he made himself confess. ‘Actually, I did think about stealing from the candy bowl to see what it was like.’

She replied with a tiny gasping face and a heart. ‘Oh my gods.’

‘But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The mages would’ve caught me.’

‘Damn observant mages,’ she said.

‘Would you really have wanted me to look like that?’

‘Fuck yes. I’d wanna bury myself between those azure cheeks,’ she said with two blue circles.

Her aphrodisiac had worn off hours ago, right? Gods, she really reached out and pushed his buttons at every opportunity. He had trouble holding himself together as he strolled into the electronics store. ‘Mm. Don’t think I’d mind that. Hey, sorry to change the subject, but what’s your favorite color?’

‘Azure, or maybe crimson, for the obvious reason.’

She liked the colors of his skin and eyes?

‘I wanna know yours too, but I remember you once being asked by a Captain on Conquest and avoiding the question.’

‘Oh, I avoided it because it’s kind of specific, and the answer’s a little embarrassing. My favorites are pink and green, like watermelon, because the only thing I remember about my mother is her pink and green hair. It brings back good memories from before I got sucked into the Wrath army.’

‘That is precious,’ she said with a little watermelon picture. ‘You shouldn’t be embarrassed about missing your mom. I miss mine too.’

‘Were you also taken from her as a baby?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Well, yeah, my biological mother, but I don’t miss her. I miss my adopted mom. Had to move out, so I don’t really see her anymore.’

‘Maybe you could visit her sometime.’

‘Maybe.’

Morn felt a little bad about loitering in the store, distracted by his phone. Snapping himself to attention, he flagged down an employee and asked for help finding a good phone for Po. They went on about apps and pricing, but he didn’t really understand technology enough to keep up. He told them he just wanted the best they had, in azure or crimson, and price wasn’t a concern. They hooked him up with a nice red smartphone with a blue protective case. Perfect. He added his number to her contacts, and her number to his.

Once done, he stalked out of the store and clapped twice. “Maid Brigade.”

His command summoned one of Wrathgard’s maids, a cyan demoness with four curved horns, who appeared out of crimson light and bowed. “How may I help you, General?”

“Please deliver this to my apartment. I have more shopping to do,” he said, kneeling and handing her the bag with Po’s new phone.

“Yes, sir,” she said, taking it and bowing again.

“Oh, before you go,” he said. “I wanna upgrade my subscription. Do I have to go in and fill out another contract?”

“Yes,” she said, looking confused. “You’re actually one of the cleanest warriors in Wrathgard though, even at your worst. Is there a reason?”

He rubbed the back of his head. “Um…I might be, y’know…dating in the near future, and, well…”

“Ovi Po?” she asked, a smile dashing across her face as she understood. Before he could ask, she clarified. “We saw you flirting with her earlier on Hellscape. You two are so funny together.”

Morn blushed. “Thanks. But yeah, she has a Lust curse. Po can’t really help making a mess, and it’d be nice not to have to spend our time together constantly cleaning.”

“We’d be happy to help. You always look so stressed, especially over the weekend. So it’ll be nice to see you spending time with a Lust demon to take your worries away.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. It would be nice.

She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “You know, um…The Conquest-watchers in the Brigade mentioned you’re into maids.”

His cheeks smoldered. “Ah, well, um…”

“How do I put this? Do you know much about Lust culture, General?”

“No, sorry,” he said, shaking his head. Maybe he should ask the Brigade to teach him. Not in the innuendo kind of way, but actually ask them to teach him what their world is like so he could understand Ovi Po better.

“Okay, well, sex is so normalized in Lust City that you can’t get to work without seeing someone doing it on the train, or in the elevator. One of the first things they teach us when we come to work for other types is that you can’t just proposition the other demons for a romp all the time.”

“Um…”

“Just wanted to make sure you knew we don’t ask because we’re not allowed to pester the warriors, but most of the maids are down bad for you, General Ingstar, if you ever wanted to stop by and ‘have your greatsword polished’…” She blushed and fluttered her lashes again.

Morn didn’t think he could blush any darker. “I’ll have to think about it. And ask Po.”

“No worries,” she said. “We’d be happy to detonate Ovi Po’s cherry bomb too if you wanted to bring her by.”

He wondered if she’d like that. They’d certainly be better at it than he was.

The maid bowed again. “Sorry for being chatty.”

“Not at all,” he said. “I wish more people would chat with me—about things besides my battles and the war.”

They said their goodbyes, and she teleported away. Morn got back on his phone, on Hellscape.

‘What’s your favorite movie?’ Po had asked.

‘Sorry, got distracted talking to one of the Maid Brigade. Don’t know if I have a favorite movie. I think I’m just not that into cinema.’ He thought. ‘Maybe Weenie Wars 3, because it’s Nunch’s favorite. Makes me watch it with him at least yearly.’

‘Dude, I fucking love those movies. Weenie dogs are objectively the best dogs. Fight me.’

He snorted.

‘And Ani Malcrackers voiced the chief weenie so passionately.’

‘Yeah. Is that your favorite too?’

‘No, my favorite is Guardians Of Wrath.’

‘I think I own that one, but haven’t watched it. Have to go find it once I’m done shopping.’

Chapter Text

Morn’s grocery trip took ten times longer than normal. He kept chatting with Po, distracted by his phone, as he strolled through the too-short aisles in Complete Consumables, the premium grocery store in the middle of Wrathgard’s village, carrying a cart under his arm like a basket.

He loaded up on fresh fruit, his favorite chips and candies, stick butter, milk, and ice cream. They had five different flavors of Lusty Lickers: strawberries and cream, peaches and cream, oranges and cream, chocolate and cream, and whipped cream. Gods, Lust demons really loved their cream. Not that he was complaining.

The first time Morn had gotten to try cream, he’d asked his dad if it was the food of the gods. Merang had chuckled and said it was probably part of their diets, which Morn had taken as a straight yes.

Since he already knew he liked the peach kind, he tossed in a few boxes of those first. Then decided the chocolate and whipped cream ones sounded pretty tasty too, so he threw in a few of those. Actually, Nunch might have liked the orange ones. He added a couple to the cart. And although he wouldn’t be eating them himself, he knew Ovi Po might come over in the near future, so he added one box of the strawberry popsicles.

The cashier’s eyebrows rose as Morn poured his groceries out on the conveyer belt, and it was only then he realized how many damn popsicles he was buying. Covering his face, he blushed like a grape.

Smiling, the cashier scanned everything. “Heard you’re dating a Lust demoness. That’s really sweet of you to buy her so many treats, General.”

Oh, he thought they were for Po. That was fine. Even though he’d announced it on Conquest, Morn didn’t have the guts to correct him. “Y-yeah.”

“Would you like these delivered up to your apartment?”

“Yes, please.”

With that done, he went for a walk, still glued to his phone. ‘What’s your favorite food?’

‘Your cum,’ she said.

He fucking tripped over the lip of the sidewalk and almost face-planted.

‘I’m half kidding. My favorite food…Oh gods, where do I even start? I just love food.’

‘I could tell,’ Morn said. ‘The curse makes you always ravenous, huh?’

‘Yeah. Sorry, I feel bad about costing you so much at brunch. You can cut me back anytime.’

‘Nah. I want you to be satisfied and comfortable. Besides, even though I’m spending a lot doing this, I’ve always made so much more than I need. Grew up not really needing money, so it’s hard to think of saflecks as something important to keep a lot of. If I need more, I could always ask Nunch for a bigger cut of the Conquest haul, because I do most of the work and give the others a lot of what should’ve been my cut anyway. Wouldn’t call myself filthy rich, but I’ve never hurt for funds. Basically, as soon as I moved into a society where saflecks were a necessity, I had the income of a Wrath General.’

‘Right, because you took the test at eighteen.’

‘Yep. Passed it with relative ease too. I don’t mean to brag, sorry. Not trying to show off or say I’m great, but like…a lot of this stuff has never really challenged me. I’m built like a Void abomination.’

‘Maybe that’s part of why you’re stressed.’

‘Definitely,’ he said. If the sight of him didn’t frighten people and make it hard to fit comfortably into some buildings, maybe he’d have an easier time socializing. His rank contributed too. Seemed like many people were so scared of crossing a General that they couldn’t be honest or open with him.

‘Wrath demons love bragging,’ Po said. ‘You’re great, and you deserve to feel great.’

He sent a tiny picture of a blue demon face rolling its eyes, because that’s not what he was thinking at all.

‘Am I wrong?’

‘Yes. I don’t love bragging.’

‘But you’ve had so many great battles to brag about!’

‘I don’t like talking about my battles. What is Lust demons’ obsession with the war anyway?’

‘Huh???’

Morn huffed. ‘Never mind.’

Returning to his apartment, he found the new phone and some of the groceries on the kitchen table. The perishable things were already in the fridge and freezer. After getting himself a chocolate and cream popsicle, he strolled over to his massive mounted flatscreen TV and opened the short cabinet below.

Yep, he had it. Guardians Of Wrath. The cover featured four scruffy Wrath demons, three blue and one red, posing in front of Mount Tabbiramae with Wrathgard looming right above them.

Morn took a picture and sent it to Po. ‘This is the movie you mentioned, right?’

She sent a shocked face picture. ‘Ohhh, the remastered director’s cut Blu-ray edition. With never before seen bonuses and behind the scenes!’

He smiled around the popsicle in his mouth. ‘I take that as a yes.’

‘Yes! I hope you like it,’ she said with a tiny smiley face.

After eyeing the case a moment longer, he replied again. ‘Sorry, I don’t want to pester you about that date, because I want to respect your boundaries, but I don’t fully understand them because you wouldn’t tell me what’s going on. I know you can’t come over to Wrathgard, but could I come over to your place? We could watch it together.’

She paused. Then replied, ‘My apartment’s small.’

That wasn’t a no. ‘I don’t mind. I can crawl if I have to.’

‘I don’t want you to have to crawl to hang out with me.’

‘Po, if you’re worried about causing me trouble, I mind being away from you a hell of a lot more than anything I’d have to put up with to spend time with you.’

‘Okay, but I don’t even have a Blu-ray player.’

‘I could unplug mine and bring it over.’

‘But I don’t even have a TV.’

Morn glanced up at the flatscreen bigger than he was, then back at his phone. ‘Don’t think I can bring my TV.’

A tiny, shrugging demon. ‘Wasn’t meant to be.’

‘I could buy you your own.’

Another pause. ‘Gods dammit, Morn, the food and plushie were too much already. I don’t deserve your charity.’

Morn frowned. ‘It’s not a big deal. I have tons of cash to throw around. Yeah, I know they say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy little comforts and joys.’

‘I don’t deserve them.’

‘You deserve the world,’ he said with a tiny globe.

She didn’t respond. He asked if she was okay, but there wasn’t anything else he could do if she didn’t want to talk about this now. So Morn popped in the Blu-ray and flopped down on his super-sized black couch, sucking his popsicle.

After the standard movie opening, the film introduced four delinquent Wrath Lieutenants around a camp near Wrath City.

First was Fig H. Ting, a scrappy skateboarder dude who was obviously talented at battle, but didn’t take any of his Captain’s orders seriously. He ditched training to skate down the mountainside, which took more skill than the training, but he got yelled at and hung upside down from a tree for it.

Second, Bash Ed, a wannabe who dreamed of greatness and yet couldn’t swing a club to save his life. He went on and on about the great warriors of Wrathgard, and how he was going to be one someday, and then went on to get his ass handed to him by a Recruit.

Third was Dag Ger, who shirked away from fights because he wasn’t great at hand to hand, but he had some serious skill with a knife that helped the delinquents break the lock on the camp General’s tent to check out her stuff.

And fourth, Mat Ches, the obvious strongest member of the group, who the others struggled to take seriously because she spent more time flirting with them than practicing her swordsmanship.

And the four had one dream: to enter the legendary land of warriors—Wrathgard.

The tower and village had always been mundane to Morn, but these four painted it like a wondrous myth. A land of luxury, wealth, and magic, where only the Wrath Army’s strongest tread, and the Wrath gods watched over the city from the top of the tower. Which Morn supposed all wasn’t untrue, but this movie instilled him with a sense of greatness and inspiration he’d never experienced from the other side. His home looked so far away from down there.

But the delinquents’ plan to get into Wrathgard wasn’t to become Captains and earn their way in, it was to jump the fucking fence.

‘Wait a minute,’ Morn messaged Po. ‘This is the fence-jumping movie.’

‘Hell yeah it is,’ she said, confirming that she did want to talk, just not about Morn spending money on her. ‘Forgot you’ve seen it before?’

‘No. I haven’t seen it before, but I’ve heard about it from one of the gate guards. Apparently this movie inspired a generation of dumbfuck Recruits and Lieutenants to try breaking into Wrathgard.’

Po sent a tiny broken heart. ‘Sorry I’m dumb.’

‘What? No, you’re fine. What do those idiots have to do with you?’ He lingered before hitting the send button, thinking, and only as his thumb touched the arrow did the answer occur to him. The popsicle shot out of his mouth. ‘You were a fence-jumper?!’

‘Yeah.’ Frowny face.

Morn couldn’t picture it. Couldn’t picture Po so much as waddling up the volcano trail without assistance, let alone climbing the jagged cliffs to even get up to the ‘fence’ in question. ‘I’m sorry, but…how?’

‘Before the curse,’ she said. ‘When I was strong and skinny.’

That made more sense. ‘I’m sorry I called you a dumbfuck. I didn’t mean that. The gate guards were furious about it, and it’s hard not to default to their language.’

‘No, you and the guards are right. Fence-jumping was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, lol. One of those guards shot us for it.’

‘Shit, I’m so sorry that happened to you, but you really shouldn’t have tried to break in.’

‘I know. It’s against the rules, and the rules are important.’ She sent a tiny smiley face with a teardrop. ‘Made it all the way up to the second ridge. I was almost in.’

Wow. That was fucking impressive. For anyone, but especially for her. But, ‘You were almost dead. There’s a giant soul-sucking barrier on the third ridge that kills anyone who passes through it.’

It took her a long moment to reply with a single, ‘Oh.’

‘I’m so glad you didn’t make it up there. I’m not glad the guard shot you, but I’m glad he stopped you.’

‘Doesn’t that seem a bit extreme?’

‘Our mages didn’t enchant it. The elves did, back when Wrathgard was the Dragon Riders Keep. They built it to fry invading gods, and our gods can’t get rid of it. So they’re strict about making everyone enter through the gate, and they shoot anyone who tries to climb the ridges, even to leave from inside, for their own safety. Which is paradoxical, I know, and maybe they’d be kinder about it if it weren’t Admiral Gu in charge.’

‘Yeah, but Wrath demons are dumb and determined. They won’t listen to anything but a bullet to the kidney,’ she said. ‘Gods, I can’t believe the fence is a death barrier…Spoilers: the fence is not a death barrier in the movie.’

‘I know,’ he said, watching the four climb up to the third ridge and find a regular-ass electric fence waiting for them. They might’ve been able to jump that, or find a way to shut it down. But there was only one person in Wrathgard who could make a hole in the real death barrier, and these fuckers weren’t him.

‘Sorry we caused you trouble. That guard’s a hero.’

‘Do you know which guard did it?’

‘Guy with the rainbow obsidian eyes.’

‘Tigerc Law. He’s a cool dude.’

‘He has no eyes, just those glass replacements. How did he see me so well?’

‘Mage vision. They can all see souls with a kind of mind’s eye, but the distance and quality varies by mage, so I’m told.’

Po replied with two tiny stars.

‘I think I get it though,’ Morn said. ‘Why you like this movie. Before, when you said I was like a storybook prince who walked out of the page, it didn’t really register, because I don’t think I’m that special. Seeing this, I think I understand. I’m one of the elites from a magical land you’re always staring up at, but never allowed to enter. A world of wonder that’s always out of reach.’

She sent a tiny crying face and heart.

Gods, for Po to turn down an invitation to a place she practically worshipped, she must’ve been dead terrified of Morn’s reaction to whatever she was hiding.

Movie paused, Morn hopped up and paced to the entrance. There was an electronic panel beside the door for registering guests and answering messages left on the door camera. It also had direct lines to the Medic Bay, Maid Brigade, and Kitchen Service, and Generals’ rooms also came with lines to the Guard Towers, Central Guard Station, and Office of Defense.

He called the Guard Tower. After a couple rings, they picked up. “Captain Bearc Law speaking.”

Mm. He was kind of hoping it’d be Tigerc Law, but the man couldn’t work all day every day. “Hey, Bearc. Wanted to put in a guest request.”

Bearc chuckled. “Oho, lemme guess—the little Lust demon the maids have been whispering about? Heard you’re finally dating, man. Congratulations.”

Morn scratched his nose. “Well, uh, we’re not officially dating yet, but we might be in the future, so…”

“Gotcha, I gotcha. You wanna make sure she can get into Wrathgard to visit you.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ve got bad news. The reason we require entrants to be of Captain level or above-”

“Yeah, I know, everyone has to be a Captain because you identify guests by their magic. What about a curse?”

“Ooh,” he said. “Yeah, we can identify guests by curses. That’s actually how I identify you ‘cause your Hellfire’s weird and complicated.”

“…What?”

“C’mon, man, I’m a little lazy, you know what I’m saying? So I just glance at your Lust curse. It’s pretty unique. Hard to mistake for somebody else’s powers.”

Oh, Bearc must’ve meant his Lust error. “Whatever. So you can let her in?”

“Yessiree, I’m putting her approval in the computer. Tell her to stop by anytime.”

Morn smiled. “Thanks, Bearc.”

They said their goodbyes, and Morn returned to the couch and his phone, unpausing the movie.

‘You know, the death barrier thing isn’t the first time the real warriors of Wrathgard have destroyed me over this movie, lol,’ Po had written. ‘When I first saw it as a teen, I knew the characters were actors, sure, but I thought they filmed it in the real Wrathgard.’

‘They didn’t, sorry. This isn’t Wrathgard. Pretty sure it’s a village on the other side of the volcano. Been deployed out there once or twice.’

‘Yeah, I figured it out on my second episode of Conquest. Nunch and Thro decided to stay home and fight in a tournament, and the arena was so much fucking cooler than in the movie, and the warriors were MUCH stronger, and using MAGIC. You could see the village in the background of some shots, and it was so obviously not the one from the movie. Blew my fucking mind!’ She sent a tiny picture of a demon’s head exploding like a bomb.

Morn snorted. ‘Yeah, it’s pretty cool here. Speaking of which, I called the gate guard and had you registered as a guest. They should be able to identify you by the witch’s curse, so you can come by whenever you feel like.’

He continued watching the movie as she took a solid five minutes to respond. The delinquents were having a great time impersonating Captains and exploring the fake village while the big bad evil guy broke in behind them and went to steal some magic MacGuffin from the tower that Morn was pretty sure didn’t exist.

‘Come where?’ Po finally asked.

‘To Wrathgard. Whenever you want.’

She sent a frowning face. ‘But the fence…’

‘Not over the fence! Just go to the gate and they’ll let you in.’

‘But why?’

‘Because the fence is a death barrier!’

‘Not the fence. Why would they just let me in?’

‘Because I’m a General and I told them to, that’s why.’

He could practically feel her confusion through the screen. ‘But why would you tell them to? Because you really want me to come see you?’

‘Because I want you to live your dream,’ Morn said.

‘But I don’t deserve my dream,’ Po said. ‘I never made Captain. I didn’t earn it.’

‘Fuck Captain. I don’t know what’s required of Lust demons to make Captain rank, but as far as I’m concerned, you HAVE earned it. All the Lust Spa workers are Captains, I think, and you’ve done a way better job taking my stress away than they ever did.’

She didn’t respond.

So he continued. ‘Po, it’s fine to feel joy and wonder when you look at Wrathgard, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re not good enough for this place. It’s not as special and untouchable as you think. The tower’s just my apartment complex, and the village is just my neighborhood. You don’t have to be great and talented to belong here.’

Again, no response.

‘You don’t even need to come see me specifically. I don’t mind. Get lunch at one of the restaurants. Watch a tournament. Whatever you want to do. Hell, I’ll call the guard back and order them not to say a word to me if you’re worried about me discovering your secret.’

No response.

Morn struggled to see the screen as his vision blurred. He was crying. ‘Gods, it breaks my fucking heart that being treated like a person is so novel to you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

‘You have nothing to be sorry for.’

‘I’m too much of a coward to take your offer.’

‘That’s okay. I just want you to have the option if you ever want it. Even if we don’t end up dating, you’re a friend, and you’re welcome at my home.’

Chapter Text

Against his better judgement, Nunch Ucks didn’t just shut off his alarm and go back to sleep. Today was important. Important enough to drag himself out of bed at five forty-five in the damn morning and wake the fuck up with a painfully cold shower.

Dumping body wash into his hand, he scrubbed himself down, stopping when he got to his ass. Oh, his sweet, beautiful, normal-sized, NOT fucking cartoonishly gigantic ass.

He was gonna kick Pen’s ass for yesterday, family be damned. But not today, because it’d look like he was fighting Thro’s evil ex-boyfriend over her.

Thro wasn’t one of your typical obsessed-with-strength Wrath girls, no, she was a refined scholar. Fighting Pen would be a bad look. Especially if he lost, because there was no way Nunch was taking a Pride General head-on, even if the guy was only half Pride. No, he’d have to be sneaky about it.

But not today. Today, he was going to be honest.

Wrath Captain Nunch Ucks shut off the shower, toweled down, marched to the bathroom cabinet where he kept his boy clothes, and shifted his soul, becoming Envy Captain Ado Rable.

Ado wasn’t a separate person, per se. He was still Nunch. But he’d learned to feel it when his soul changed gears, and part of making the distinction for himself came in addressing himself by two different names. He had two names anyway—might as well use ‘em. Well, three, if you counted his deadname, but he wasn’t counting that.

Now, what should he wear?

Although he usually preferred his binder and packer over changing his genitals, they were going to the Happy-Go-Lusty Spa later. He’d have to undress and change at some point anyway, and he didn’t want them in the lockers for someone to find. Might as well suck it up and change for the whole day.

Moving to the mirror beside his clothes cabinet, he took one last longing look at his perky little tits and pussy. Sayonara, sweet cooch. He’d bring it back later. With a deep breath in, Ado delved into his own mind, into the soul bucket.

It was a bit like a lucid dream. He snapped to, standing in a sprawling ballroom in a magnificent castle, rainbow lights from the tinted windows shining down around him. It didn’t matter that he was buck naked, because none of the guests were real, or awake to see him. They sluggishly strolled or danced about with their eyes closed, as if sleepwalking, although the real reason was that these were only the shadows he’d skimmed from the souls of the people he knew.

He had to pick one and Borrow their dick.

Pacing across the room to the dancefloor in the center, he scanned his options. Plenty of great guys from around Wrathgard, Wrath City, the towns and camps he’d once been deployed to, and even a selection of alien beings from the Otherworlds, partnered up and spinning to a waltz.

The aliens were out. If his plan was to look like a normal man at the Lust Spa, a crazy monster cock wouldn’t help.

Morn, slow-dancing with Kat in the middle of the dancefloor, was also out. Although the guy had given him permission to Borrow whatever he pleased, it felt wrong Borrowing his brother’s junk, and besides, Morn was big even for his size, and his equipment looked cartoonishly inflated on the shorter crimson demon.

Now, Scimi, sitting alone on the stairs up to the dining area, he had a great cock. Nine and a half inches of premium beef. But he visited the Lust Spa daily, and Scimi himself would be with them today, and fuck, what a situation that would be if the General saw him in the communal bath area and recognized his own rooster. He was out.

He could Borrow from Han, crammed in the oven in the castle kitchens where he belonged. Mm…Nah.

The Lust Spa dudes, including General Pans, were out for the same reason as Scimi. Gods forbid they recognize their own junk. Maybe he should stay away from anyone who lived around Wrathgard.

Aha. Wrath Captain Sma Shed, who lived in a camp near the Void Ocean. Nunch had met him once on a camping trip. Nobody would recognize his equipment. And he was huge for his five-foot stature, which meant it’d look more normal on eight-foot-eight Ado, as opposed to Borrowing an average cock and making it look tiny.

Ado grabbed Mr. Shed mid-twirl and peered into the shadow of his soul. It was just a framework, like an animatronic without an exoskeleton, not smoldering and constantly filling with soul juice like the real deal. The shadow was made of violet starlight, with thousands of constellations inside. They all meant something, but Ado had never gotten any kind of training or instruction for his powers, so he couldn’t read the details. He didn’t even know if such training existed, since his powers were only two of a kind, and the other user was long dead.

But it was easy enough to feel out his body, find the constellations for his chest and crotch, and rip them out, pasting them onto himself.

Back in the real world, Ado felt his skin shift and watched himself transform in the mirror. His tits deflated, flattening into pecs as his nipples shrank into place. Flesh stitching shut, his cooch disappeared, and his clit ballooned out into a full-sized phallus, complete with two dangling nuts.

And a new scar that splashed across his thigh. Dammit, he always did this—accidentally pulling random shit with whatever he targeted. Whatever. It wasn’t that distinct or noticeable.

Although Ado—and Nunch—identified as a man, he didn’t want to be male. He liked his natural junk, just not any of the social rules that came with it. So it was easier to just hide it in public so he didn’t invite harassment, and enjoy his body at home. Maybe it was weird for a trans man not to want to fully transition, but he didn’t care. His life was wrought with unwanted expectations being foisted upon him, and he didn’t want this to be one of them. Fuck gender roles, he didn’t care anymore, at least not behind closed doors.

After pulling on clean boxers and jeans, he grabbed a fresh orange t-shirt and sauntered out of his bedroom.

“Don’t see you shirtless very often,” Kat remarked, knockers back to normal, curled up on the couch with her laptop.

Mhm, he made sure she did see him any time he flattened his chest to maintain the illusion that he always had pecs. “Whatcha typing?”

Fist clenched, she scrunched up her face like a prune. “Arguing with my arch nemesis—Cashmo Ney.”

“Psh. Her again?”

“Yep. She just won’t stop being a Greedy bitch. Great tits though. Huge. Enormous.”

“Uh-huh.”

He put his shirt on as he sauntered out the door and across the hall to Morn’s apartment. Ado didn’t need to put on a show for his brother. Morn was one of the two living people he was out to. Him and Knowl.

Ado knocked, and his brother flung the door open within two seconds, dressed in a fancy watermelon shirt and green jeans, suggesting he’d either been waiting or zipped across his apartment at superhuman speed because he was more excited about this than Ado felt.

He grinned ear to ear. Yeah, he was excited. “Morning.”

“Morning, Star. So, how does this work?” Ado asked, strolling inside, hands in his pockets.

Morn shrugged. “Dunno. Never cleaned someone up for a date before. Like, besides myself.”

“Well, channel your inner Lust demon and figure something out. Doesn’t have to be perfect, or even good, but it’ll be better than what I could do.”

The azure giant rolled his eyes as he lead him through the gym to the big bathroom in back. “I’m a Wrath demon.”

“Duh, I know that,” Ado said, using Borrowed magic to paint a little rainbow in the air above his head. “Use your imagination.”

He raised an eyebrow. Leaving Ado there for a moment, he went and grabbed a chair, leaned it by the sink, and had him sit. “Lean your head back so I can wash your hair.”

“I already washed my hair in the shower,” he said.

“Well, you did a shitty job, so I’m washing it again.”

Ado scoffed, but did as he was told, letting the guy wet his wavy black locks.

When they were sufficiently moist, Morn sidled over to the enormous cabinet by his sinks. “What shampoo do you want?”

“You have more than one shampoo?”

He opened the cabinet and gestured to an entire shelf of fifty different bottles. Holy fuck. “Yes.”

Not knowing how to answer, Ado shrugged. “Pick me one you think Thro will like.”

Ado wasn’t sure if it was at random or not, but Morn grabbed one and sauntered back over. He lathered some pink shampoo in his hands and kneaded it into Ado’s scalp. Felt…a bit strange.

“Tingly,” he remarked.

Morn nodded. “That’ll be the magic.”

“Magic?” Ado’s eyes bulged. “In the fucking shampoo?”

“Yeah. Elvenus Watermelon Wildlands Luxury Enchanted Shampoo. They smuggle it out of the Elven Kingdoms. It’s made in the Silva capital for royal and noble elves.”

He snorted. “I am a sucker for elf stuff.”

“I know.” Morn gave him a deep scalp massage, rinsed the shampoo out, and lathered in more for a second round. Jeez, how dirty was his hair? After another massage and rinse, he finally returned the elf shampoo to the cabinet. “Okay. Now, which conditioner?”

Ado raised an eyebrow. “What the hell is a conditioner?”

Morn’s nose curled in disgust, matching the snootiest elves of their lineage. “You poor woodland savage.”

He cracked up laughing, and his brother bonked him over the noggin with a bottle of Elvenus Tropical Transcendence Luxury Enchanted Conditioner.

The azure demon delicately lathered it into Ado’s hair. When he wasn’t smacking someone back for teasing or roughhousing, and, hell, even when he was, Morn was the meekest, gentlest Wrath demon in all the Queendom. Maybe as an inverse result of his ridiculous size and strength. Had to be careful not to break things, and had nothing to prove or compensate for. Something like that. Like how big dogs were generally friendlier than ankle-biting little ones.

After the conditioner sat for a minute and Morn rinsed it out, he dual-wielded a hairbrush and blow-dryer and brushed out all the knots in Ado’s hair, fluffing it up.

Then he grabbed a comb and a pair of scissors. Ado was gonna joke about the big guy accidentally cutting him bald, or slicing an ear off, when he glanced up and realized how much fun he was having. Morn was beaming. Bah, whatever. Ado wouldn’t rain on his parade. He could trust his brother not to hurt him, and if Morn cut off too much, there were copies of all Ado’s features stored in the soul bucket. He could just Borrow his old hair length back.

Morn was very careful. He combed the hair to make sure he had it at full length before catching the ends between two fingers and snipping just the tips. It was barely a trim, but it made Ado’s hair look more even and cared for. He admired it in the mirror. Damn, it’d never been this shiny, full, and nice before.

When he was done with Ado’s hair, he got to work on his face, rinsing and scrubbing his cheeks with a cloth, slathering on one of those exfoliating masks to clean his pores or whatever and making him sit with it for a few minutes while he went to the kitchen and sliced up a cucumber. He put a couple slices over Ado’s eyes, which he couldn’t help but grumble about, involuntarily shifting back to his Wrath self.

Nunch had been more patient as Envy. He wanted to appreciate Morn’s help and support his hobby, even if it was odd for a Wrath demon, but sitting still and letting his brother put weird shit on his face was getting on his nerves.

While Morn wasn’t looking, Nunch ate the cucumber slices. Morn smacked him upside the head and replaced them.

He seemed to have noticed Nunch’s growing impatience, because it wasn’t long before he peeled the mask off, rinsed his face, patted it dry with a clean cloth, and picked up the pace on the next steps. Morn slathered on glossy, tropical lip balm, a little coconut-scented lotion around his neck, and just a tiny bit of makeup to brighten his cheeks and thicken his eyelashes.

“There,” Morn said, helping him up and letting him inspect his reflection in the mirror.

Nunch was…kinda beautiful. Cleaner and more refined than ever in his life, smelling like a fancy fruit bowl. “When I told you to channel your inner Lust demon, you know that was a joke, right?”

He expected a standoffish quip, but Morn slumped his shoulders and looked away. “You don’t like it?”

“I do like it. It’s incredible. More than I ever would’ve expected, asshat, that was a compliment. If the whole demon god thing doesn’t work out, you could always get a job at a Lust Spa.”

Morn huffed. “Definitely not good enough at this to work with Lust demons.”

“Sure you are.”

“No.”

Nunch pat him on the arm. “You’ll never know ‘til you try, and I could tell how hard you try. Could ask Po for some tips, probably.”

He shrugged.

After another thanks, Nunch left his brother to clean himself up for his own date and headed out. One stop at a flower shop in town later, he was armed and ready with a beautiful violet bouquet and a box of dark chocolate candies. Today was the day.

Smiling through his anxiety, he warped to the eighth floor and strolled over to Thro Wingstar’s room, playing through the conversation in his head. Ado would probably come up with something smoother, but he needed Nunch’s Wrathful confidence right now to make himself go through with this.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Nunch poked his head through the door. “Morning, Thro. You awake?”

Past the silence charm like on all the apartment front doors, he heard her tinkering in her workshop to the right. “Nunch? Come in. I’m just screwing around with artifacts.”

Her apartment was about half the size of his, disregarding that he roomed with Kat and only had this much space to himself anyway. The vast and luxurious twelfth floor apartments were meant for Generals, and Morn originally hooked Nunch up with his.

The Wrathful scholar’s living room was a mess, couch and floor strewn with boxes of enchanted artifacts. At least her kitchen was clean, maybe thanks to the Maid Brigade. Her bedroom was upstairs, and she had one bathroom, a storage closet full of magic junk, and her workshop on the right.

Bouquet and chocolates in hand, Nunch straightened up and strode through the workshop door to find her.

Thro was a mess, baggy-eyed and scuffed up with the strange rainbow paint she was using to draw magic runes on a small metal disc, and yet so beautiful. Engrossed in her work, not looking at him. “Woke up early with some ideas for the magic tech I’ve been restoring. Don’t worry, I’ll nap before Conquest and be there on time. What did you need?”

He cleared his throat. “Ah, well, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Yes?” She still wasn’t looking.

Not answering, he waited for her to notice.

Wow, she was so focused; it took her a full three minutes to finish what she was drawing and turn to see why he was quiet. She startled at the sight of the bouquet.

“Hey,” he chuckled.

Thro tilted her head. “What are those for?”

“You, silly,” he said, holding them out to her. “Felt now would be a good time to, uh, confess…I’ve had, y’know…feelings for you, for a few years, and I wanted to know if you’d like to…give me a chance? Maybe spend some time together at the spa later, or go on a date after Conquest, or this weekend…”

Gaze dropping from the flowers to the floor, her gaze knit into a pained grimace.

“Okay then,” he said, forcing his smile to stay in place. “Not interested. I understand. If you’re thinking of getting back together with Pen, that’s totally reasonable. He’s great, and you two are cute together.” Shaking his head, Nunch sighed. “Six Chalices, man…”

“No, that’s not really the issue,” Thro said, setting her paintbrush aside. “I’m not really honest about this because I’ve been…harassed about it before. Sorry, I thought I could give the usual cover without issue when talking about Penpen, and I didn’t realize you had those kinds of feelings for me, so I didn’t think it would matter…”

Nunch raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on then?”

She netted her fingers under her chin and thought hard.

“Trying to decide how to phrase something delicate?”

Thro nodded. “I…don’t want to insult my other best friend by calling our relationship a joke or a convenience…but when we say we dated, we don’t mean it like I think you mean it,” she said, gesturing to the bouquet.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we told our friends—and enemies—we were dating, but we weren’t really a couple. We didn’t have intercourse. Didn’t kiss. We didn’t even hold hands or stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, because I’m aromantic asexual, some guys around the Pride Arena didn’t like that, and Penpen let me use him for protection.”