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its’s a rain soaked day and yoongi is forced to go outside to buy a new lighter. why is being active a must? the sound of the pattering rain made it impossible for yoongi to go back asleep, he sighed heavily as he sat up from his worn out mattress. he looked at the window, the clouds were swollen with rain, hanging low enough to make it seem like dusk. he hated it.
he stood up with a simple purpose, light a cigarette. but even when he did the light flickered and the lighter itself sputtered, he groaned and threw it in the trash.
the universe seemed to be against yoongi today and forced him to go out.
he grabbed his hoodie and shoes and walked out into the hallway. the walls were worn and tight as if they were soaking up the dew. "hel—" yoongi didn't answer the old lady as he rushed down the stairs.
as he figured it started to rain harder when he made it out, with no umbrella he just accepted his fate. the droplets fell onto his dull copper hair that was begging to be re-dyed, his eyelashes got stuck together like it would if he were crying. he hoped to get a fever, that would make his life much easier to bypass.
he walked for a couple minutes before making it to a drugstore, the neon lights contrasted with the wet concrete, it blended together like oil paint streaks.
he stood under the awning and attempted to dry himself off, he shook like a wet dog, soaked to the bone. "haaah.. fuck." he pulled his hood down and rolled his sleeves up. he grabbed the handle to the door but stopped, his eyes followed a shadow towards the side of the drugstore.
two guys, what seemed to be students stood in front of a girl. they cornered her like vultures. why do you care?
"didn't we say to buy the flavored soju?" she bent her head down as they scolded her. "i didn't know.." "you think we're dumb?" yoongi stood there watching and waiting to see what was going to happen. it wasn't any of his business but he felt he might need to intervene.. maybe he has to because of jungkook..
the girl yelped as one of the guys grabbed her hair. "stupid bitch." he pushed her into the wall and let her slide into the puddle under her. yoongi inhaled sharply. "yah!" he shouted which made the two students stand quietly in subtle shock. one of them sure was cocky.
"who the fuck are you?" he walked closer, he was definitely taller but he didn't seem any stronger than yoongi. "doesn't matter. your loud." the student scoffed, "be loud somewhere else.. your giving me a fucking headache." the dude seemed ready to start a fight but his friend choose the right decision. "let's go. it's too cold for this shit."
yoongi watched them leave and he finally headed inside.
"hello!" yoongi nodded and headed towards the instant noodles. it wasn't what he came for but since he was here he might as well buy some before forgetting. he picked something cheap and heading to the cashier.
"aish...!" yoongi backed up as he was jump scared by the girl from outside. "sorry.." she was quiet and obviously trying to hide her bruised face. "i—" yoongi walked past her, genuinely not hearing her. she followed him to the counter as he payed.
yoongi made it outside and immediately lit a cigarette, he took a quick puff and sighed with attitude. "what do you want?" she looked at him with a sullen expression. "i wanted to thank you.. for helping me.." she held her hand out to shake. yoongi judged her. "wasn't trying to." the girl took her hand back and stood idly as he swiftly left.
yoongi didn't look back but the girl stood there looking, maybe she was hoping for him to come back and or say something, or maybe helping her out. but most men are that way.. complete assholes.
yoongi got back in the motel and ignored everyone he came across. he locked the door and leaned his head against it. socialism was a curse, why do people like to talk so much? it made him sick.
he pushed the thoughts away as he brought the ashtray to the floor and ate. he took a puff then would flick the ash away, repeating that over and over.
repetition. it's common in music and in life. a beat or lyric that is said or made often is repetitive—living is also repetitive. it's like a game, a simulation.. jin would've explained it that way..
why do we have to constantly play this game? and why does it take forever to be over? some people call it game over immediately where people like yoongi live up to their 70s until they can sleep internally. that's the dream.. and yoongi couldn't wait for it to arrive.
after all, all this thinking made him drift. his head leaned on the dusty wall, his eyes lidded and ready to close. his cigarette almost done, the small red light illuminated the small space of the ashtray.. he could let it burn until everything was ash but no.. he put it out.
he made his way to the bed and sat down. his body was exhausted, it slumped forward then backward, his breathing that was on manual now switched to auto. the rise and fall of his chest matched the pattering of the rain that he had woken up to.
we humans make choices but why is it so hard to commit to these choices..?