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The basement was always colder than the rest of the house, but Contrarian was sleep-warm and soft under all his hoarded blankets. He woke at Opportunist’s first touch, smiled into Opportunist’s first kiss, and said, “Welcome home.”
All that Contrarian wore beneath his covers was body glitter and fading temporary tattoos. Opportunist wasn’t going to change that-- but was going to drown him in kisses. That would fix everything. Yeah.
“You okay?”
Opportunist nudged his nose into choppy pink hair and breathed. Stubborn’s shampoo. “‘M fine.” Landed another kiss on the top of Contrarian’s head.
“Long day?”
Opportunist didn’t answer. But it must have been a suspicious kind of not-answering, because it didn’t work. Contrarian obviously took it as yes.
“I had a hunch… y’know, I have a surprise for you.”
Opportunist paused. “A surprise?”
Contrarian smiled like a devil. “You gotta keep unwrappin’ me to find it.”
Unwrapping. Like a present. Contrarian was his present? Mm. He could use a present right now. Opportunist laid his full weight on the creaky pullout bed and ran his hands down, slowly pulling away layer after layer of blankets.
Pink lacy panties. Perfectly on-brand for Contrarian. Perfect bulge filling them out. Perfectly sending all the blood to Opportunist’s long friend downstairs.
“Go on. One last layer.”
This wasn’t his prize already?
“Gotta flip me over too.”
Oh. “You gave it away with that one.”
Contrarian’s smile remained, completely unsorry. Opportunist wouldn’t have him any other way. “Oops.”
Sure enough, with Contrarian flipped onto his stomach with a little ‘oof’ and his panties yanked down, a sparkly little prize revealed itself. You could always count on Contrarian for lingerie and plugs…
“Go on…”
Opportunist almost didn’t want to take it out. Contrarian wiggled his ass as much as his sleepy little self could handle. Opportunist wrenched his gaze away for a moment. Just a moment. Had to. Couldn’t take off his pants and watch Contrarian preemptively find handholds in the blankets and stare at his plug at the same time. Couldn’t handle it. Had to find a deflection. His gaze landed on a suspicious pile. “What’s going on down here?”
He meant the new, huge boxes in the corner of the room. Yeah, that was a great way to deflect from how nervous he was. Perfect. Go him! “Oh, we’re getting some bunk beds. Gonna move the ping-pong table to right behind…” Contrarian yawned. “Mmm, the pullout, yeah… I’m gonna use the chaos to get a stripper pole set up, too...”
That did potentially help with the issue of people getting in Opportunist’s bed when he wasn’t and when he was there. Apparently, everyone seemed to think it was just free, that they didn’t have to ask, and then he’d have to go try to slip into Paranoid and Skeptic’s bed if Cold wasn’t already taking up the remaining space, or just find someone else to sleep with--
Yes, they really did need more beds.
…Contrarian could be in Opportunist’s bed as much as he wanted to be, though.
It didn’t fix Opportunist’s nerves, but it helped a little. His fingers wrapped around the base of the plug.
“‘Magine if we could get… like… Broken handcuffed to a pole… he’d love tha-” Contrarian broke into a whiny moan at the feeling of going empty. Who knew how long he’d had that in-- still slick with lube, so, so warm… Opportunist replaced it with a finger and rooted around in the blankets for whatever lube he must have used with his other hand.
Within moments of finding it, Opportunist had bottomed out in Contrarian’s soft, so, so warm, so good, fuck-- his ass. Bottomed out in Contrarian’s ass. Despite this being as close to a routine as someone could find in this house, Opportunist was dangerously close already. Hands holding him open, to watch himself disappear into Contrarian’s warm wet-- Stupid… stupid Contrarian with his stupid perfect hole… Opportunist mumbled something along those lines and tried to ignore his face going red-hot at Contrarian’s resulting laugh.
“My…” The urge to spill every little secret bubbled up within Opportunist the way it always did when they were alone together. “I… I had… my coworkers, they saw…”
No. He shook off the thought and replaced it with mindless thrusting. Yeah, better not to think-- needed to not have a brain right now, needed to just sink into Contrarian’s warmth and forget about the day, forget about everything but filling him up and making all manner of noises come out of him.
It caught his eye in the dim pink LEDs of the basement-- the sparkle shared between Contrarian’s skin and Opportunist’s nice shirt.
It wasn’t important. He shouldn’t even bring it up.
Contrarian knew what he meant without even having to look. “The glitter?”
Opportunist nodded despite the position. “Said it was from my wife. Now they think I hhhhhmmm…” Close, so close, Contrarian was so warm and tight and perfect. Perfect for him. This was pathetic. He’d been in Contrarian for less than a minute and he was-- “Hhhave a wife…”
“I can be your wife,” came Contrarian’s breathless reply.
Opportunist’s vision went white.
He saw, heard, felt nothing but his peak until Contrarian giggling into the blankets brought him back.
Pathetically fast. Fuck.
“We can go down to the courthouse on Friday, I think… you’re off Friday, right?”
Whatever he was saying didn’t compute. An instant bluescreen. “Hhhuh?”
But Contrarian wasn’t interested in elaborating. “And I can get on your health insurance too, right…?”
“You… You actually want to… marry? Me?”
“Said I’d be your wife.”
What.
What.
Opportunist pulled out and rolled Contrarian over and-- hands on his shoulders, keeping him pinned, staring at that stupid smile on his face. “I know you…” Cheated. The jokes. The-- everything. “You. You joke about that kind of thing all the time.”
“Mmm-hmmmm…” Don’t look down. Stay at his stupid little grin. Don’t look at his weeping dick, don’t look at the cum leaking out of him, don’t-- stupid grin, glittery cheeks, bright and amused crimson eyes.
“It’s not… It’s… You can’t…”
Contrarian tried to shrug under Opportunist’s hands. “I helped Cheated figure herself out. Who’s to say I can’t help you too?”
That was enough out of him. That was more than enough out of him. Opportunist kissed him instead of answering. Swallowed Contrarian’s giggles, let him wrap his arms around Opportunist’s still-clothed shoulders, felt…
Contrarian was still harder than anything, leaking precum all over his stomach and the glitter-speckled sheets. That wouldn’t do. Opportunist lowered his head, wrapped his lips around the tip of Contrarian’s dick, his hands around Contrarian’s hips, and tried not to think too hard about the resulting squeal. Or about Contrarian’s fingers digging into his hair. Or about anything, really, but sucking Contrarian off--
“And I’ll have the…” Heavy breathing. “... the most attentive husband in the world, mmm?”
No, god, no more thinking about the husband and wife thing. Opportunist took Contrarian to the base, nestled his nose in his dark little curls, swallowed around him.
“I can wear a pretty dress ‘n everything, if you want that,” Contrarian forced through a wrecked voice.
Contrarian in a wedding dress. Pulling it up to unravel him on Friday night. Fuck. Fuck. Opportunist was going to get hard again. He was throbbing. About to start humping the bed. Contrarian had no idea what he was doing to him--
Or maybe he did.
Maybe visions of Contrarian in a wedding dress, Contrarian in poofy retro gowns, Contrarian in beautiful lingerie-- stop it stop it stop it, maybe all that was a-- a trick. Get him to lower his guard. Get him to marry him just for the kink of it all so everyone would know Opportunist was-- was a--
“Close,” Contrarian whined. “So good, so good for me, god…” Squealing when Opportunist sucked and bobbed his head.
Fuck, fuck. What to do. Pull off and accuse him or keep going? Fuck. It--
It was okay. He could indulge. For now. Contrarian was squirming and crying and wrapped around his little finger.
Just for now.
Couldn’t think about how hard he was, couldn’t think about anything, just had to get Contrarian off so he could get his burning questions answered. Bobbed and sucked and did everything he could think to do to-
There it was. Warm and salty down his throat. Opportunist kept doing what he was doing until Contrarian started pushing his head away. “Enough, fuck, hurts…”
He had to ask. Had to ask now, before he lost his nerve and decided that Contrarian was no good and never touched him again. He couldn’t bear to never touch him again. “What… what are you trying to do here?” Contrarian only returned confusion. “With all this… all this wife stuff.”
“I’m just trying to figure out what you actually like.” Contrarian rose onto his elbows and tilted his head. “You know how you are. Always trying to figure out what anyone wants from you. Always trying to make people like you. Oh, you’re hard again.”
"Wh-" Opportunist put a hand over his shame and pretended not to be bothered. "It's not important. It's... I..."
"There's no shame in it, you know. Being into this. Nobody but us has to know, if it bothers you that much."
...He had... a point.
"...Nobody but us has to know, huh?" Opportunist mused. Contrarian moved to respond, but Opportunist figured talking at all would be against the point of nobody knowing, and, therefore, swallowed his response with kisses. Contrarian did not complain.
Contrarian was still soft when Opportunist pushed him back down and shoved his thighs up. Soft in a lot of ways, actually-- skin, laugh, dick. If Opportunist thought about it too hard, he'd chicken out of this.
“Ooh, gonna get me pregnant?” Contrarian wrapped his legs around Opportunist’s hips. Perfectly slick inside, from prior preparation and Opportunist's first load. God. “Gonna have a shotgun wedding instead?”
It was impossible. Literally impossible. Contrarian couldn’t get pregnant. Nobody, ever, in the history of the world, could get pregnant from anal, especially not someone who’d never had a uterus.
“Gonna make an honest woman outta me?”
What was left of Opportunist's self-control snapped like a twig.
Contrarian's nails dug into Opportunist's shoulderblades and Opportunist's teeth dug into Contrarian's collarbone. Inside again, so warm, so perfect, God, the perfect hole, all for him. All for him on Friday, too. Married by the end of the week. Contrarian wanted to be Opportunist's hole so badly he'd marry him. Fuck. Fuck.
And a little pre-marital never hurt anyone, right? Right? Opportunist was fully aware he might be bullying Contrarian into the mattress, creaking and squeaking and loud, Contrarian was getting so loud now, but he didn't care. Had to chase the sensation while he had it. While he could banish the shame. Nobody had to know.
Contrarian's sweet little noises brought to mind that habit he had, silly little thing, putting his body glitter on the places he was most sensitive. Well, the body glitter on Contrarian's neck had all been absorbed by the blankets. Free real estate.
"Opp- Oppy, what are you- Hey!"
All it took was a mouth latched onto the side of Contrarian's neck to cause true hyena cackles and god, he got so tight inside when he laughed. Contrarian was going to shove him towards a second peak in minutes, wasn't he?
"That's- you- Oppyyyyyy!" Whiny, almost sobbing pleas. Fuck. Fuck, but his limbs were weak from laughter and he couldn't shove Opportunist away from his neck, could he? "You're so- so mean! Meanest! Husband-!" Shrill, so shrill, he was going to alert the whole house.
Opportunist shut him up with his mouth and Contrarian could still hardly catch his breath. All giddy, all kinds of sweet, still clenching down around Opportunist inside, so...
It hurt to cum, this time, a little. Opportunist wasn't used to having multiple orgasms so close together. Contrarian smiled into their kiss and shoved him away by the shoulder with one shaky hand. "Mean. But mine. Hmm?" And then, almost tenderly, brought his hand up to cup Opportunist's cheek.
Words were hard, but Opportunist found them soon enough. "It's a two-way street here, you know. You're mine too."
"Mmm."
Still almost fully dressed and trying to pretend that that didn't make his heart flutter, Opportunist dropped onto the bed at Contrarian's side and sighed into the blankets. Enough thinking for today.
"You wanna... put my hips up on a pillow? Make sure it takes?"
"Shut up."