Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

chapters are short. usually 100-500 words. i've just kinda condensed them with page breakers between them. also nothing is capitalized. blame dear starboy. :p

anyways. gaara x yonaka (me,) x kankuro. yona uses they/them. heats aren’t sexy. gaara has no trouble not falling into rut. but when his instincts do start taking control he panics and leaves yona to kankuro (terrible idea) and temari. gaara smells like cinnamon and chai and kankuro smells like smoke and clay and temari smells like saltwater and seaweed. yonaka smells like white mocha and vanilla. gaara and kankuro alphas, temari beta, yonaka omega. lots of biting happens. some self harm (in the form of biting when overwhelmed/delirious). gaara’s in over his head and yona is having the worst time of their life. enjooyy 

Chapter Text

the morning, for yonaka, was a daze. they felt off. hot, feverish. dizzy. but they couldn't miss a day of training. they never did. not when it was already a struggle to just keep up with their peers. they weren't strong. they were seen as weak. pathetic. one bad day away from quitting.

yonaka hardly registered their mama’s worry as they rushed out the door, brushing it off. they couldn't linger. couldn't be late. they dismissed the pit in their stomach off as anxiety. exhaustion. they could deal with that later. 

but they didnt understand the weird sense of shame accompanying them. it followed them everywhere. the sense to hide. bury under layers and layers of blankets. never leave home. but it was thicker this time. they didnt understand it, burning their face and choking their lungs. but they carried on. 

but the walk to the training grounds felt longer than usual, each step forward feeling as if they were getting farther and farther away. they were already exhausted, hot, sweaty, their breathing quick and erratic. they didnt understand. their steps slowed, pressing up against the sandstone buildings to keep them upright. they took in a shaky breath, letting their steps still completely, the cold stone against their sticky skin.

yonaka didn't know what this meant. they were in the alpha’s section. the idea of even being an omega far from their mind. all they knew was that they felt bad. weird.
and that everyone around them stopped to stare.

yonaka was always more attuned to alpha scents, yet they refused to admit how this time everything felt different . the scents of spices, smoke, sand and salt overwhelmed them, pooling in their stomach, swirling around the pit in their stomach that began to burn. they tried to breathe but their lungs refused to take in air.

sunagakure’s sun was hot, relentless, overheating yonaka in a way they weren't used to. they couldn't breathe. tried to choke in a breath.

their face burned. their entire body burned. those passing by were watching with lingering eyes. hungry.

they were suffocating. 

and they refused to admit, in this moment, just how much they craved to be touched. 

they brought their hands up to their face as if they could hide the blush that exposed them of their sins, hide from the way everyone was looking - staring - but refusing to come closer. they slid down the wall, their legs buckling under them.

they didn't know what this meant. 

all they knew was that they were too far from home, too far from the training grounds.

too far from help.

they exhaled a shaky breath, huddled in the corner of the busy street.

yonaka didnt need to look up to know that they had been approached, knees pulled close to their chest, their face buried in their arms.. that an alpha, knew from the strong, dominant scent, stood in front of them now. yonaka didnt know this alpha. didnt recognize their scent. 

yonaka heard shuffling, the soft scrape of sandals. they were closer now, scent growing closer. like cinnamon and chai. earthy. sweet. and almost metallic. 

dominant but somehow soothing. calming, passive. 

yonaka’s entire body froze, heartbeat stuttering, lungs stilling. the alpha was kneeling now. or hovering, perhaps? but close.

yonaka couldn't move, couldn't look up to see who it was. to see who had approached them. how could they even say anything, explain, even ask for help? not when this alpha’s scent was filling their mind, fuzzying their thoughts, making them dizzy. not when the urge to move closer, to fall into this stranger, terrified them. 

“what are you doing in the alpha section?” he finally spoke. his voice was deep. his words, although simple, felt deliberate. formal. “is this your first heat?”

yonaka blanked at his words. their first what? 

they shook their head, the little motion dizzying. 

“i don't- i'm-” they mumbled, further curling into themself. words struggled to form on their tongue. “i don't.. know what this is.”

“..i see.” then, “what is your name?” 

yonaka opened their mouth to speak, instead they let out a pathetic little whine.

it escaped yonaka’s throat before they could catch it, before they could swallow it down. yonaka held their breath, trying to prevent another. 

what was this? what's wrong with me?

“it is alright,” he said, softening his voice. “but you need to come with me.” he paused. “can you walk?” 

huh? 

yonaka shook their head. they felt disorientated. confused. all they knew was that something was wrong , their mind struggling to keep up with even the simple conversation. they opened their mouth to speak, to refuse, to simply tell the alpha where their home was to get their parent, yet another soft whine escaped them. 

he spoke again. it became harder and harder to keep up, his words falling into the background of the village. his smooth voice filling the warmth in their stomach. they couldnt focus on anything else.

all they could think of was this alpha coming closer. his hands on their skin, his body pressed against theirs. 

they were terrified of it. 

it wasn't until he touched them - a soft hand on their shoulder - that they blinked out of their daze. they flinched, hitting the wall behind them, finally retracting their hands, wide eyes as they looked into his. 

soft bluegreen eyes. blood red hair. the kazekage - lord gaara - a small part of their mind told them. leader of the village. yet they felt themself thoughtless, mind blank, blinking at the alpha. 

“come with me,” he repeated, voice steady. his eyes were watchful, careful. gentle. “it’s dangerous for you to be here.” 

yonaka looked around for a split second, onto the busy streets behind.

people were still staring. still watching. 

still hungry. 

lord gaara didn't look at them that way. 

yonaka hardly registered their arms reaching out, lord gaara leaning in just enough for yonaka to wrap their arms around his neck. with gentle arms, he moved closer. the brush of his hand against their skin - cold, freezing compared to their burning heat - pulled a soft whimper out of yonaka as he secured his grip around them. one arm curled beneath their knees, the other around their back. 

their skin was sensitive. too sensitive. they wanted to pull away, hating how the little contact felt so overwhelming, but they couldn't move. couldn't help falling into him. yonaka pressed their face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. sweet with a bitter edge to it. and for a moment, it was all that filled yonaka’s mind. everything else fell into the soft buzz of the background. 

him. only him. 

the heat in their stomach grew, burning them, a pain they’ve never felt before. another shaky whimper left their throat, right into his neck. 

yonaka noticed the way he tensed - uncomfortable? - yet they couldn't pull back.

lord gaara stood with ease, careful not to jostle them. yonaka nuzzled into him with a hum. 

he never let anyone touch him. especially not like this. yet this was necessary. 

he tried to keep his steps gentle and slow, yonaka letting out a breath of a whimper when moved too much too quick. 

he apologized, looking down at them.

yonaka let out a soft huff in response.

they walked for a moment longer. 

".. lord gaara?” they murmured, shifting in his arms 

“yes?”

“.. where are you.. taking me?” yonaka asked, words muffled into his skin. 

“my home.”

yonaka moved their head just enough to blink up at him. lord gaara glanced down, meeting their eyes for a moment before returning forward. his expression was blank. calm. yonaka’s brow furrowed. “why?” they whispered, barely a breath. 

“you will be safe there.”

yonaka shook their head, dizzy, before pressing their eyes closed and nuzzling back into his shoulder. “i don't.. understand,” they mumbled. “im not.. in danger.”

“i will explain once we get there,” was his response, leaving no room for argument.

and yonaka muffled another whimper, right into his neck, feeling the steady beat of his heart under his skin.

the walk felt both too long and too short. their mind and body were struggling to keep up, the primal side of their mind overtaking the logical. they felt conflicted. thinking was too hard and too painful. 

they wanted to go home. they didn't want to be held anymore. they wanted to be held closer. they wanted his skin to stop brushing against theirs. they wanted to disappear. they wanted to feel normal. 

yonaka let out another whimper - hating it. hating the way they felt so small, so fragile. so confused, in the arms of a stranger. heading to his home. 

the kazekage - but that didn't matter. he was an alpha. 

those around stared to watch. passerbyers didn't know exactly what was happening. only that the kazekage was holding someone with a strange, luring scent of vanilla intertwined with burnt espresso.

biologically, they knew. that the kazekage, an alpha, was holding an omega. an omega in heat. 

something that shouldn't be happening. an omega and alpha interacting - the strictest law broken in front of their eyes.

lord gaara’s cold gaze silenced the hushed chatter as he walked by.

this was necessary.

lord gaara moved with silent efficiency. he stepped up the stairs to the kazekage residence, opening the doors with his sand without a sound. yonaka knew they were finally inside, away from all the aggressive and dizzying scents of the street. now only three distinct scents gently filled the space they were in. 

yonaka let out a sigh of relief, finally able to breathe again, nuzzling once more into lord gaara’s neck. they hardly paid attention to the way his breath hitched, how he stiffened just slightly. 

they just needed his scent. needed to drown in it. 

“gaara?.. what are you doing?” someone, a beta with a calming ocean scent, asked. “who is that?”

lord gaara’s steps stilled. “i found them on my morning patrol.” 

“an omega?”

“yes.”

“in heat? and you.. bring them home?”

“yes.”

“i- what?” the beta, temari, asked. she crossed her arms, eyes flickering between the two with a furrowed brow. yonaka let out a soft groan into gaara's throat, announcing their presence the only way they could. 

“i needed to get them out of the streets. i couldn't leave them there.”

“but you can't just.. keep them here, either.” temari gave a sigh, rubbing her forehead. “what is your plan?”

“i only just now found them. i will get them settled in my room, then i will figure out a plan.”

“.. this is a really bad idea, you know.”

silence settled for a moment. 

then a -

“what else do you propose i do?” 

he kept his voice steady, unwavering.

temari pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath. 

“i don’t.. i don't know. just - come to me once they’re settled.”

gaara simply nodded, stepping away from temari. yonaka picked up their head just enough to glance around, to take a look at the beta. she was leaning against the kitchen island, running a hand through her blonde hair. 

the home was fancy. minimalistic. sandstone walls and floors with rugs of rich colours. it was big - too big - and too empty. 

yonaka dropped their face back into lord gaara’s neck.

yonaka felt sensitive to scents in a way they never were before, their heat amplifying every part of their senses. they recognized once they entered lord gaara’s room, the other two scents fading as he shut the door without a creak or a click. 

his wrapped around them like a weighted blanket, heavy from all sides. it was strange. it was comforting. one, distinct, versus what felt like a perfume store with shattered bottles. 

yonaka felt his steps still before he bent down, softly placing yonaka down. gaara pressed his hands into the bed as yonaka clung on, a soft desperate whine leaving their lips, still pressed against lord gaara's neck. 

they couldn't stop the soft noises escaping them, couldn't fight their instincts speaking. not when they felt so out of it. so disoriented. so strangely drunk on him.

“i will return soon,” he spoke in a low voice, moving to untangle himself from yonaka with careful hands. yonaka held their breath as his hands brushed against their skin, their wrists, pulling gently. another shaky noise left their throat. 

they hated it. hated how they didn't feel like themself .

they felt like a dog in heat. 

because they were. 

lord gaara pulled away, yonaka too weak to fight it.

yonaka looked up at him, meeting his eyes for a split second before they looked away, face burning. their fists found the sheets, tangling the very well made bed, before moving to turn over. they brought the blankets with them, instinctively wrapping themself in the soft fabric as if they could hide there.

they didn't understand this. didn't understand the way they couldn't think, could hardly breathe, the warmth burning their entire body.

and how they ended up in the kazekage’s bed, of all places.

it was as bare as it was large. they could sprawl out, no matter what way they faced. in fact, it looked as if it had no specific end. it was too empty. the sheets, a deep red colour, were tucked in from all sides and a pillow was thrown in the far corner, forgotten. yonaka kicked off their shoes, a soft thud against the floor, before they curled up towards the middle.

his scent hung loosely around as if he hadn't slept in for some time.

they didn't realize they were still searching for his scent, seeking it, until they pulled the pillow towards them. they pressed their face into them, inhaling.

nothing.

their chest ached with a sharp pain.

they couldn't stop the soft whimpers leaving them with every breath as they pressed themself into the mattress. their body ached, their skin was too hot, the air was too cold, they weren't warm enough. their clothes felt rough against their skin. the bedsheets felt too soft.

yonaka wrapped their arms around their middle, curling inward, clutching the pillow tight. they couldn't focus on anything. couldn't think of anything other than the sickeningly sweet warmth that radiated from them, how their entire body felt wrong, the way it buzzed with static.

the way they weren't drenched in lord gaara's scent anymore.

it was unbearable.

yonaka didn't even notice his departure.

kankuro had a rough awakening. 

it was early, too early for him to be waking up. he’d fallen asleep only a few hours earlier, eating breakfast with his siblings before heading to bed for the day. he always worked better at night, under the moon.

but yonaka’s scent, their pheromones sweet and thick, began to seep through the walls. suffocating. luring. he startled, sitting upright, eyes dilated, clutching his chest. his heartbeat was loud in his ears and his breathing was shallow and quick.

something was wrong. something - someone - was here. they needed help. he needed to help.

he needed to find the omega. 

to stop their heat. 

the house was silent, his ears picking up the soft whines he heard through the walls. the omega was in gaara’s room. had to be.

a low growl left his throat as he pressed his hands over his face, brushing his hair back. his entire body ached with the need for action. 

and he was hard. 

fuck.

he couldn't stay here. 

he threw on clothes, whatever was closest, a hand to his head to try and keep him steady. his mind was fuzzy. he couldn't think. couldn't rationalize. all he knew was that he needed to do something . 

he stumbled out of his room, pausing, gripping the doorframe.

gaara’s door, the one right next to his. he blinked, staring at it for a moment too long.

the omega was there. had to be there. 

but he didn't know what that meant.

the door opened. kankuro choked on the air as more of the sickeningly sweet scent spilled out, making him nauseous . 

gaara stepped out, shutting the door behind him. gaara glanced his way, pausing, furrowing his brows.

“kankuro?” 

“what-” kankuro started, his voice more growl than words, “what the fuck is going on?”

“oh for fucks sake, kankuro,” temari said with a groan. gaara blinked at kankuro before moving to meet her.

her head was in her hands, elbows leaning on the kitchen island. 

kankuro lingered for a moment before following, irritation bubbling under his skin. his hands twitched, needing to do something. he had to do something.

why wasn’t gaara doing anything?

temari dragged her hands down her face before standing up straight.

“what, you didn't think this would affect your own brother?” she asked, gesturing towards kankuro before crossing her arms. kankuro eyes flickered between his siblings. “whats your plan?”

“as i said, i don't have one.” gaara straightened his back. “i simply needed to get them to safety first. i’ll-”

“are you going to watch over them through their heat?” temari asked. 

gaara blinked at her. he kept his voice level. “if it is necessary.”

“there’s- there’s an omega here?” kankuro asked, voice rough. 

“yes.”

gaara felt kankuro's eyes on him specifically. watching . waiting for something.

already animalistic. 

“so you’re just going to care for an omega in their most vulnerable state?” temari asked.

“if it comes down to it.”

“you cant just- there are going to be consequences, gaara.” temari raised her shoulders, exasperation in her voice. 

“i know. i didn't plan for this to happen. and i will figure it out.”

“kankuro’s-” 

temari paused.

“.. already struggling as it is. he’s never been around an omega, let alone one in heat. how do you know he won't-” 

temari’s voice caught again, her eyes flickering to him. she saw the way his jaw clenched, his muscles tensed, his hands gripping onto the table to keep him steady. the only thing holding him upright. he could hardly listen to the conversation, words muffled as if he were underwater. 

but temari’s words cut through the haze.

go after them. attack them. 

like how any other alpha would.

the unfinished question hung in the air for a moment too long. kankuro opened his mouth to speak, yet he knew he was already teetering ferality. he knew she meant no harm. that simply she was afraid biology would overtake. 

she was right to question it. 

he couldn't even speak. 

“i’ll keep my eye on them. on both of them.”

“what if you fall into rut, gaara?” 

gaara gave a soft sigh, keeping his composure. “i have self control. you know i’ve been to the omega’s-”

“that's not the same,” temari said, cutting him off. “that wasn't like this. not in your own home, in your room, in your bed.”

kankuro released his grip on the table, pushing himself upright. he felt restless. antsy. but he didn't know what to do. just that he had to do something.  

“its not like i’ll.. hurt them or anything..” gaara said, trailing off into a mumble. “you know i don't get.. aggressive..”

felt like a stab to kankuro, although he knew it really wasn't. 

but he couldn't stay here. couldn't listen anymore, not when he was barely even there in the first place. not when the omega’s scent was suffocating him, when he could almost still hear the breaths of whimpers through the door. 

gaara and temari paused as kankuro left unannounced, concern in their eyes. they didn't call him back. they couldn't. they watched the way he stumbled, his hand on the wall to keep him steady. the way his eyes lingered on gaara's door for far too long before shutting himself in his own room - slamming it. 

he hardly recognized the loud noise but it startled yonaka.

they let out a sharp yip. 

kankuro heard it. 

it drove him insane.

temari gave a sigh. 

“there are no betas in the alpha section that would know how to care for an omega,” temari spoke softly, thinking out loud. gaara saw the way she wasn't just frustrated - she wasn't frustrated at all. simply worried. for yonaka, for gaara. for kankuro. 

there was a reason omegas and alphas were separated.

“but to get a beta from the omegas section? that would take too long. but i know you know how to handle them, being lord kazekage and everything.” 

despite her gentle teasing, silence settled for a moment. 

“you don't need an answer now, but what will happen once their heat is over? what if they get attached?” then a softer, “what if you get attached?”

gaara gave a resigned, “i’ll figure it out.” he didn't know what else to say.

temari’s eyes wandered to gaara’s door, visible through the hallway. “can you even.. handle this all yourself?”

“i believe so.”

temari sighed again. “if you need me, know that i’ll be here. i can take over if it gets too much for you. i’m going to check up on kankuro. he should settle down once you.. y’know. start caring for the omega.” 

she paused.

“once you.. get close and scent them.” she paused, adding a skeptical, “make sure you scent them.”

gaara blinked at temari. she left without another word. 

getting close?

scenting them?

gaara had mentally prepared himself to care for their needs. but if they wanted to get closer? scenting them? touching them, getting close? 

it didn't even cross his mind. 

he couldn't do that. 

he planned on keeping his distance - like with everyone else he's had in his life. 

he would keep them at a distance. 

but upon stepping back into his room, his confidence faltered. 

yonaka’s scent, bittersweet with stress, started to cling to his walls. 

and they looked so small, curled up in his bed. 

lord gaara didn't announce his presence. he simply moved to the bed, looking over yonaka for a moment before sitting on the edge. the soft dip of the mattress did not reach them. instead, his scent did.

he began to think as he listened to yonaka’s whimpers. soft. needy. laced in every shaky exhale. 

he had gotten them out of danger. he knew how to care for omegas - hypothetically. keep them warm, hydrated, comfortable. he knew the endless patience that was necessary, and he knew he had it. he knew what to watch out for and how to push down his rut. he knew what they would be craving, how they would behave. yet, looking down at the omega in his bed, he had no clue where to start. 

“what.. is this?” they spoke, breaking the silence. their voice was strained, hardly more than a whisper. “why do i feel like this?”

“you have fallen into heat.” he kept his voice careful. gentle, measured. 

“that doesn't..” a shaky breath. “make any sense.”

“you are an omega.” he hesitated, watching over them carefully. “which.. raises some concerns.”

yonaka let out a huff, a disbelieving laugh.  

“what is your name?”

“no.” yonaka shook their head. “i'm not- i'm not an omega. you must be mistaken.”

“i am not.” he kept his voice steady. “is this your first heat?”

“i'm.. supposed to be a beta. this is.. this isn't right. you’re wrong.” they muffled their voice into his pillow.

gaara exhaled softly, yet not out of frustration. he was far from that. but it still twisted in yonaka’s chest.

“why cant i just.. go home?” they asked, a tremble in their voice. then an even softer, “am i.. in trouble?”

“no legal action will be taken. it appears that you’ve been raised here, unaware. but it is dangerous, being an omega in the alpha’s section. you may not go home.”

“i don't..” yonaka shook their head, a soft noise of distress leaving their throat. “this is all wrong.”

“i understand this may be difficult for you to process. but you will be safe here. you need not worry about anything else besides getting through this heat.”

all yonaka could manage to do was shake their head again, curling themself further under the blanket. 

“what is your name?”

they took in a shaky breath. they did not trust this, they didn't trust what he was saying. it didn't make any sense. how could it? 

yonaka, once again, dodged his question. 

“i want to go home.” yonaka’s voice was small. so small.

“i understand you do, but it is far too dangerous for you to be here.” he paused, softening his voice for his next words. “you won't be able to go home after this.”

yonaka found themself kneading the blanket, twisting their fists into it. a nervous habit. they knew lord gaara was right. they knew the dangers of being an omega, why the sections were split up. they were taught in school, reminded often to not even teeter too far toward the division. 

alphas were too violent. omegas were too vulnerable. predator and prey, nearly anything more. 

but they didn't want to admit it.

they took in another shaky breath.

“yonaka,” they mumbled. 

“hm?”

“my- my name. its yonaka.”

“gaara,” he responded, more of a formality than anything. “it’s nice to meet you.”

“mh,” yonaka hummed. they couldn't manage any more.

so silence settled, the air between the two soaked in unasked questions.

gaara stood, turning his back to yonaka, and they rolled over to watch. 

they couldn't look at him, couldn't meet his eyes. not when they felt so wrong, not when their thoughts twisted the image of him into something shameful. not when it felt as if he could see right through them, as if he can see their sins buried in their mind. 

but they could watch when his back was turned. 

he moved to his desk in the corner by a wall of books. a literal wall, a bookshelf in the sandstone, its contents neatly organized. he pulled the wooden chair out, sitting before pulling out a notebook from a drawer. his desk was organized, everything in its carefully thought out space. yonaka watched as he aligned the book with the desk before pulling out a pen. 

the soft scratch of pen on paper filled the empty room. but it was still quiet. too quiet.

yonaka couldn't stand it. 

they took in a shaky breath. 

“what’s.. going to happen?” they asked, breaking the quiet. his pen didn't still. 

“i will be watching over you until your heat ends. you will be my responsibility and i will attend to your needs and ensure your safety. i will also push an application to the omega’s district through for you.”

“ you’ll be watching over me?” 

“yes.” then he stilled. “does that make you uncomfortable?” 

lord gaara turned just enough to glance over his shoulder when he wasn’t met with an answer. he met their eyes, completely erasing yonaka’s train of thought. they froze, blinking at the kazekage, heart thudding in their ears. 

“i am not sure who else can come to care for you in such a short notice.” he turned back, setting his eyes back onto the papers in front of him. “but if you are uncomfortable, i can make other arrangements.”

it took yonaka a moment to speak again, words stumbling over each other. “i- no. i’m- i’m not uncomfortable- it just-” their face burned red and they buried themself in the sheets once more. “it feels.. weird.” 

gaara continued the soft scratching of pen on paper. “your heat?” he asked. 

“no.. it’s just.. you’re the kazekage,” yonaka mumbled, pulling a pillow to their face. “i shouldn't.. be here.”

“there is nothing wrong with you being here, given these circumstances.”

“but still.. i'm just.. a commoner. it’s like i'm a.. peasant. in the king’s bed.”

lord gaara exhaled softly, just enough for yonaka to hear, yet they couldn't decipher it. 

amusement? exasperation? disapproval?

“i am not a king,” was all he had to say.

yonaka let out a soft groan. “i wasn't.. being serious,” they mumbled. they tried to hide themself further, hating how bare the bed was. “just.. aren't you busy?”

“yes.”

“mh,” yonaka hummed before settling back into silence. 

he spoke dryly, almost awkward, and yonaka had no energy in them to chase conversation. they only wished they had something, anything, to distract them from the burning in their stomach. the buzz between their legs, the itch clawing at their insides. 

the way they felt like they needed him or else they would die.

they squeezed their thighs together and swallowed a whimper.

yonaka’s thoughts began to spiral - and quick. 

the soft brush of his skin against theirs from earlier, the ghost of the touch still lingering. his hands cold, freezing against their warmth. cooling. calming. his scent. the curve of his neck. his arms. the way he picked them up, held them - strong. unwavering. 

the thought of his figure, hidden beneath his clothes. of his hands, holding them down. pressing them into the mattress, pressing himself against them. his lips, soft, teasing, against theirs. shallow, quick breaths between them. his teeth, his fangs. the thought of his fingers curled around their throat, holding them in place as he - 

yonaka let out a whine, low and desperate, pressing the palms of their hands into their face.  

lord gaara’s hand stilled.  

fuck. 

yonaka couldn't stop the second whine, a soft shaky cry, as they clutched onto the blanket, into the pillow. they tried to hide, tried to bury themself. but the blanket was too thin, too small. only covering them just enough. not enough. 

he was there. sitting in the corner. perceiving them. watching without even looking their way. 

there was no way he didn't know what yonaka was thinking. 

yonaka heard the way he hesitated, taking in a deep breath, as if he were unsure to respond or to simply let the moment pass.  

another shaky whine from yonaka made the decision for him. 

“is there.. something i can help you with?” 

yonaka could only shake their head, their mind dizzying. trying, trying to just stop. stop whining. stop thinking.  

they hated this. they hated their thoughts. they hated the situation. how they were so unbearably uncomfortable, how they felt so small. so exposed. so raw. and how they couldn't stop thinking about how much they needed - needed   - to be touched.

another whine slipped. 

yonaka heard the soft scrape of wood on sandstone as he stood. they froze, every muscle in their body tensing. what was he doing? 

was he coming closer? would he come closer? would he-

“i’m going to get you some water,” he said, his voice steady.

yonaka gave a nod, not looking up, hoping he saw it. hoping he understood. 

he added a quiet but sincere, “if you need something, please do not hesitate to ask.” 

yonaka needed him. his body against theirs. his fangs puncturing their skin, his fingers pressed deep into them as they wrap their arms around him, as they gasp into his mouth. 

lord gaara furrowed his brow as his eyes flickered over their form before he stepped out of the room without another sound.

yonaka pushed themself up from the mattress, dragging their body to an upright position. they curled into themself, pressing their face into their palms with a whine. 

the door slid closed with a noise - definitely intentional - and yonaka’s attention snapped to the kazekage before they darted their eyes away. 

they still were unable to look up at him, unable to meet his eyes, yonaka feeling their heartbeat in their throat. their hands gripped the sheets below them. all they wanted was to disappear into them. 

but there was no hiding here, was there? 

yonaka watched from the corner of their eyes as he approached. he set an empty cup on the dark oak nightstand, right by a little cactus. the nightstand was the same colour as the desk - the same colour as every wooden furniture in the room, they found. their eyes flickered to gaara’s hands as he opened the nightstand drawer, pulling out two coasters. 

their eyes wandered upward, trailing shapes over his form before settling on his face. 

his expression was blank.

he glanced yonaka’s way for a moment before returning to the task at hand, striking them through the heart. 

his expression wasn’t blank, it was careful. kind. sincere. but his soft bluegreen eyes held an ache deeper than anyone could know. his brows were knitted softly, a melancholic expression that settled into nothing from a distance. 

but yonaka saw. 

and they forgot about everything else for a moment.

he turned to face them and they hardly noticed. their eyes instead drifted to his forehead. under his hair, his bangs, was something they couldn't quite make out. red hidden under red. they leaned forward, just a little, as they tried to make it out. was it a marking? a scar? 

with his free hand, the other holding the glass, gaara ran his fingers through his hair, pushing his bangs out of his face. 

a kanji. red and vivid against his skin. 

love. 愛.

why? for what purpose?

yonaka then realized that gaara had noticed their staring. he saw their eyes lingering and he pushed his hair back not absentmindedly. he was watching them watch him. 

yonaka realized that gaara was waiting for them to realize he was waiting for them. 

but it was hard for them to even form a coherent thought. 

yonaka blinked out of their daze before looking away, mumbling a, “sorry.” they took the cup from his hands. his fingers brushed against theirs - ever so slightly - and their grip faltered, almost dropping the glass.

but he didn't react. it was as if he was oblivious to everything.

it pissed them off.

“have you eaten today?” he asked, unbothered. calm, collected. anything yonaka wasn't. yonaka’s eyes flickered to him, to his mouth, eyes fixated on the flash of fangs as he spoke. their heart stuttered. 

yonaka hid behind the cup, feeling the water move through their body - when did they become so dehydrated? - and they shook their head before mumbling a, “im not.. hungry.” 

“very well. set the cup on the coaster when you’re finished,” he said, gesturing towards the nightstand, straightening his back. “you may find yourself weaker than you expect. let me know if you need help.”

yonaka nodded. 

he lingered for a moment longer, as if he was unsure about something , before settling back at his desk.

yonaka wobbled where they sat, swaying side by side. their mind felt foggy. dizzy. muddied with thoughts they wished they didn't have. their blinks slowed and they gave a soft growl, a quiet rumble in their chest, their entire body buzzing with nervous energy. they absentmindedly pulled the blankets over them once more, pulling it tight against their body, dangling their feet off the bed. they couldn't sit still, tensing and relaxing their muscles as if that would will away the restlessness. will away the strange urge to be consumed, the need to be devoured whole. their eyes drifted from lord gaara’s back to the nightstand where the pitcher of water sat. 

a task.

they shuffled closer. 

their hands shook midair as they reached towards water, grasping the handle tentatively before pulling it closer. lord gaara was right - they did feel much weaker. yonaka look in a breath before pouring themself another glass, the water sploshing onto the nightstand. they quickly wiped it up with their sleeve. 

they hid behind the cup as their eyes fell back onto lord gaara. 

what was he writing? was he working, doing official kazekage paperwork? 

yonaka’s eyes were glued on his hand, the way his fingers held the pen, watching the way he wrote with careful, calculated strokes. he dipped the pen in ink - wait, was he left handed? - and he paused, tapping the pen in the air. thinking. he gave a soft sigh as he tilted his head, bringing his other hand up to rest his cheek on it, his hair falling to the side, exposing the side of his neck. 

yonaka’s breath stuttered. their thoughts twisted into something shameful, eyes dilating as they stared.

how they’d love to sit there, with him. to sit on his lap, cradling his hips, his hands forgetting whatever it was he was doing. his hands - his hands - on their waist, on their stomach. letting their face bury into his neck - his neck - 

he straightened his back and he resumed writing. 

their body ached for him, to feel him under them, his fingers pressed into their heat, grabbing onto his shoulders for stability as they moan his name, gaara’s name - 

a strangled noise left yonaka’s throat. 

a strangled noise that sounded awfully like his name. 

their entire body chilled, heat draining from their body in an instant. their hands gripped onto the glass.

they hadn't meant to speak. lord gaara paused his writing.

“yes?”

fuck.

he turned to glance over at yonaka, cocking his head to the side, his eyes meeting theirs. they nearly choked. 

“i- um-” yonaka tried to speak, tried to give any excuse on my they just moaned his name . 

lord gaara furrowed his brows, seeing the way their body locked up, how they darted their eyes away immediately. he turned back around, facing his paper once more. 

“what- what- um, are you.. writing?” yonaka asked, words sticky on their tongue. 

“letters to my associates.”

he didn't continue, his pen idling in his hand. a moment passed. 

a moment too quiet.

“is- is it.. work?”

“it is.” 

dry. painstakingly dry. 

yonaka couldn't take it, the way they felt like they were going crazy. the way they needed something, anything to fill the space between them. to distract the way their mind was full of impurities, full of sin. and how he was just there, sitting, writing. as if he was ignoring them, letting their mind fester on purpose. as if it was his fault yonaka felt so disconnected from themself. 

before yonaka could stop it, they mumbled a pathetic, “do you not want to talk to me?”

he placed his pen down and yonaka flinched.

“wait i'm- i'm sorry,” yonaka said, words stumbling over each other. “i.. i didn't mean it like that. i'm just- i'm sorry, lord gaara-”

“it’s alright,” he said, cutting them off. 

was he mad? his tone didn't show it - didn't show anything. yonaka stared down into their empty glass. 

but yonaka couldn’t stop rambling. 

“its just i’m- it’s so quiet and i can’t.. i can’t stand it and my- my thoughts they-” yonaka choked on their words, pressing their lips together. they couldn't admit what they were thinking, the reason they needed to fill the quiet.

they pulled their blanket over them before twisting their body, falling back into the mattress. 

gaara looked them over for a moment, his eyes drifting over their figure. he saw the way they were curled up, the way they haven't been able to look at him, the way their chest rose and fell with shaky breaths. he opened his mouth to speak before closing it. he didn't know what to say, how to soothe. not that he didnt care - he simply felt.. awkward? he didn't know what he was doing at all. 

“what.. would you like to talk about?” he settled on asking. 

“no its- its nothing, i'm sorry.” 

he blinked at them before asking a soft, “am i making you nervous?”

a whine answered for yonaka. 

“i do not wish to make you uncomfortable, yonaka.” he kept his voice low, steady.

“i- i know.” yonaka’s words hardly reached gaara. “i’m just.. struggling.”

“struggling?” he repeated.

yonaka nodded with a, “mh.”

gaara took in a breath. he.. hated this. 

it will be alright, should he say? i understand? but he didn't. he couldn't. but no, but he was an alpha. he knew what it felt like to be helpless against instinct. 

but maybe this was different, too different?

he could only settle with what he knew. 

“is there anything i can do to help?” 

is there anything i can do to help? 

am i making you nervous? am i making you uncomfortable? 

what would you like to talk about? 

have you eaten? are you hungry? is there something i can help you with? 

it was as if he only knew how to ask questions, each one digging yonaka into a deeper and deeper hole. they began to ramble before they could stop themself, pressing their face onto the pillow as if it could steady them. 

“i don't- i don't know what i want. i don't know what this is, i don't know what i need.” their voice wavered, tears pricking their eye, frustration in every word. “i'm just- i'm just struggling. i don't even know what you could do to help. i don't know.. why i'm so uncomfortable, why i'm so.. nervous, why i'm so.. i don't- i don't know what this means and im-” 

their words turned into a whine, as if that could convey all that needed to be said.

“i just.. feel.. bad. i don't.. understand any of this.”

he didn't respond. he didn't know how to. all he could do was hum an acknowledgement, a “mh.”

yonaka felt their heart twist and their chest fill with heaviness.

how shameful. 

how embarrassing . he didn't care. why would he? how could he? he was the kazekage and yonaka was just.. there. 

a mess in his bed. 

waiting for something that wouldn't come. 

“.. did you take omega biology in school?” 

another question. “no,” yonaka murmured. “didn't think it would be.. necessary.”

“.. would you like me to explain?”

yonaka turned, just enough to glance his way. they offered a small nod before curling into the sheets once more. 

gaara stood from his chair. he moved it no more than a few feet from the bed, sitting back down. he crossed his legs and began speaking, eyes elsewhere, giving them privacy. 

“sunagakure wasn't always as evenly split as it is now. when the first kazekage implemented this division, things were chaotic.” lord gaara’s voice was even, measured, as if reading from a textbook. “since manifestation happens once one is an adult, and there is no way of predicting a person’s secondary sex beforehand, children were not taken from their families prematurely. still, families, friends, and lovers were split apart.”

his gaze flickered over yonaka for a moment. their back was facing him. they offered no indication that they were listening - yonaka already knew about suna’s history - but they didn't know if they had the energy to try to respond. or if they even wanted to. yet lord gaara continued and yonaka let his words fill their mind. 

“genes are passed down from parents to children that determine secondary sex. through generations of meticulous record keeping and relocating of those who were at risk of producing an offspring of the opposite secondary sex, the system set in place began to stabilize.” he was especially careful with his next words, not wishing to accuse. “since you are an omega, that means that one or both of your parents held the omega gene. are you at all aware of this?” 

yonaka shuffled before speaking, their voice quiet. almost nervous, as if confessing. “um.. sort of? i have a beta parent that did move here from the omega side.”  

“i see. part of their application may have been overlooked.”

yonaka only responded with a low hum that turned into a soft whine. they tried to ignore the way his words stabbed at their heart. a reminder of how they were never meant to be here. they were probably never meant to be born at all. they shifted. their body felt uncomfortable, their clothes still felt too tight, their skin felt as if wasn't theirs. and they couldn't ignore the warmth, the buzz like static clawing at their insides. but they tried, tried to focus on gaara’s words.

he didn't linger on the subject, moving on. “heats will typically last two weeks. around a week after your heat ends, you will menstruate. this happens twice a year, six months apart. either spring and fall, or winter and summer. you will not be fertile outside these periods.”

yonaka shifted, uncurling just a little bit. “so.. its a month long ordeal?” they asked, voice full of quiet frustration. dread. hatred. 

“yes. but you will learn how to handle it.” he paused and yonaka moved again. they lie on their stomach now, still holding the pillow to their face, but they weren’t curled up anymore. they stretched out for a moment offering a soft sigh. he saw this as progress. “during your heat, you may find yourself much more easily exhausted than usual. since you are unpartnered, you may find yourself bedridden, and you will most likely be asleep for a majority of your heat.” 

“.. what if i was partnered?” yonaka asked, question slipping out, curiosity bubbling. they shifted again, restless, their body feeling wrong in every way possible. they couldn't find a comfortable position. yet they subconsciously gravitated towards lord gaara, towards the alpha . yonaka stole a glance at him, movements slow, before hiding once again. 

he hesitated before responding. “.. i think you could imagine.” 

yonaka’s face flushed red with regret. they definitely could imagine. they definitely were imagining. they were imagining him. 

they hated it. 

it made them sick to their stomach .

he simply continued, either unbothered or choosing not to dwell. “you may also find that your thought patterns have changed. you may find yourself unusually anxious, scared or paranoid in a situation where you are safe. you may slip into a feral state if you are under distress, and i will be here to assist if that were to happen.” 

yonaka offered a shaky whine. they've heard of feral states. it only happened to omegas and alphas - and they've seen it, from alphas in rut. it was.. terrifying. like wild animals. violent. 

and now they had to deal with that themself? 

“is.. it the same as an alpha? the.. feral state?”

“it’s different for everyone, but you can expect it to be not as violent.” he paused, trying to think of a way to explain. “more of.. a prey response. think of fear, trying to hide. it’s much more passive.”

“i.. see.”

“and, of course, the most prominent part of a heat is the constant arousal. it is normal, although uncomfortable and even painful at times. your body will also produce an excessive amount of lubrication, called slick. it may shock you at first. please do not feel ashamed. it’s simply biology.” 

slick? what? 

they pressed their thighs together instinctively. 

oh..

he paused, trying to gauge yonaka’s reaction. he kept his tone even, as if he were talking about something completely normal, but he wished not to overwhelm them anyways. he acted as if yonaka wasn’t having sex ed with the kazekage. as if any of this was normal. as if they weren’t already being buried under layers and layers of shame, suffocating, paralyzing. they could hardly nod, respond at all. 

his words sat in the air, slowly pressing into yonaka, everything too much. too overwhelming. but they asked for this. they asked for some sort of explanation. for any distraction to pull themself out of their mind. 

“you may also find yourself acting solely on instinct. that is normal and there is no reason to overthink it.. or even try to act rationally. i will be here to watch over your actions.”

yonaka shifted, shifted the blankets, and they talked into the pillow. “what do you.. mean? like the feral state?”

“similar to it.” he paused, finding his words. finding words that wouldn't sound too.. intense. he kept his words gentle, as if breaking terrible news. 

because he was. 

“you may seek.. affection from me. or some sort of.. relief.”

yonaka muffled a low whine, a soft cry. the idea that it wouldn't be just their thoughts they would have no control over, but their actions too? 

horrifying. 

they’d rather die. 

gaara gave a soft sigh. he saw every reaction, felt the way their scent spiked with bitterness. he tried to comfort, giving words as if he were reading a script. “i do understand how difficult this all may be, and i will be here for you. i will not hold you accountable for any thoughts or actions you may have or do. and while i cannot help you physically, i will be here to ensure your needs are met and to keep you comfortable and safe. you’ll get through this.” 

yonaka gave another muffled whimper. they already hardly felt human. they already felt far too gone. but the fact that it gets worse? 

mortifying.

they wanted to believe him, to trust his words. that they’ll be safe in his hands. that he wouldn't judge, wouldn't pay any mind. but they felt too good to be true. 

they felt too ashamed to even begin to believe him.

then slowly, as if unsure, he began speaking again. 

“female omegas wont go through any physical changes, nor will there be any indication before manifestation.” he paused again. “male omegas, on the other hand, will go through sex changes up until manifestation. so some changes may be visible beforehand.” 

another pause and yonaka realized exactly where this was going.

“male omegas will find their-” 

yonaka shot up from their spot, face flushed, waving their hands at him. “i- i dont- i dont need to hear about sex changes,” they stammered, “im not- im not male.”  

a ghost of a smile made its way onto his face as he blinked at them.

they weren't hiding behind the pillow, under the blanket that was slipping off their shoulders. they were looking at him, even.  

“.. are you female?” he asked, cocking his head to he side. 

yonaka sank back down. “no,” they mumbled, shrugging their shoulders. they curled up again, this time still facing him. 

“biologically?” 

“y- yes, biologically,” yonaka murmured. “just.. neither.” 

they glanced his way every few moments, eyes fixated on his mouth as he spoke, catching the flash of his fangs behind his soft lips. “i see,” was all he said before moving on, surprisingly quick. 

“during your stay here, i will submit and push through an application for you to move to the omega district. i will provide financial support for you until for the first few months, a home and such, until you are able to find and start work. your paperwork may not be finished by the time your heat ends, but you are not permitted to return home. you will stay here, in the kazekage residence, until everything is set in place.”

yonaka nodded.

“i believe that is all. do you have any questions for me?”

and yonaka shook their head. 

“very well. let me know if you need anything else.”

they offered a quiet, “okay.” 

he stood from his spot. “i will resume writing,” he said, moving the chair with him. “it is not urgent. please interrupt me if you need something.”

yonaka nodded.

silence settled once again. this time, the air felt lighter, just a little bit. they weren't suffocating, struggling to breathe. 

yonaka still felt just as bad - physically, at least. but at least now they knew more than nothing. 

they tried not to overthink and pulled the blanket over them once more. 

a moment passed. 

they couldn't sit still. 

yonaka sluggishly sat up and looked over the sparse bed once more. just one blanket and one pillow. they felt so exposed, so raw, and they couldn't ignore that itch to hide much longer. 

but yonaka didn’t want to bother him. not when he had just sat down, not when he hadn't even picked up his pen to start writing yet. yonaka watched him, brows creased. 

he had said that he wouldn't have an issue with them bothering him again. yet.. what if he was lying, simply pretending? yonaka began gently kneading the blanket in their lap. everything felt weird, everything felt difficult, even asking for something simple. and they still didn't feel completely comfortable in his presence - it just didn't feel as smothering as before.

he spoke first, sensing the way yonaka’s scent spiked with need, with wariness. 

“you need something,” he said plainly. yonaka froze. how did he know? 

“u-um,” they mumbled, unsure where to start. if it were okay to even ask. they settled with a “..yeah.” 

“it’s alright. you can ask me.”

yonaka let out a soft noise. “no it’s.. nevermind. its nothing.”

“i am not convinced.”

“it’s- it’s just- do you have any more blankets? or- or pillows?”

“i do,” he said, promptly standing up, his hands pressed on his desk. “how many would you like?” he glanced their direction. yonaka looked away quick. 

they shrugged their shoulders. 

lord gaara nodded.

without a word, he supplied. yonaka’s eyes followed him as he walked towards his closet, stepping in, returning with an armful. “i do not have a lot, and i do not have spare pillows, but i hope this suffices.” 

yonaka shuffled to the edge of the bed. lord gaara saw the way they cowered slightly as he approached, the way their breathing hitched and stopped completely as if they couldn't bear his scent this close up, this intensely. they reached out to grab them with a whisper, “thank you.” 

one blanket turned into five and he lingered nearby as yonaka built a nest - something they’ve never done before, yet it felt right. yonaka turned their back to him before moving to the center of the bed. 

he saw the way they brought the blankets up to their face one by one, instinctively searching for something - his scent - seemingly disapproving. yonaka moved on, creating a carefully curated pile. they then curled up within the nest, hiding underneath the layers. he watched the soft rise and fall of their body, their breathing shallow and quick and intertwined with whines - simply soft noises - as they settled.

none of the blankets smelled like the lord kazekage. none of them had the scent of an alpha, something they were desperately craving. 

they tried to hide the way it was frustrating them, the way it drove them crazy. 

yet he saw. 

they felt oddly safe and secure, hidden in the nest. yonaka pressed their eyes shut as another whine escaped them, relief layered with further need. 

but yonaka couldn’t ask for, say, an article of his clothing, could they?

that would be weird, right?

a quiet, “hey,” from gaara got yonaka’s attention. 

they peeked up from under the nest, glancing his way. he was holding something black that yonaka couldn't quite make out. yonaka hesitantly reached for it before taking it into their nest, hiding with it. 

yonaka’s heart thudded hard in their chest once they brought it to their face - to inspect it, of course. 

it was a shirt.

his shirt.

and they let out a shaky approving growl, soft but full of weight, as they breathed it in.

the shirt was a mistake.

yonaka buried their face in it, inhaling, letting the scent fuel the fire in their stomach and the haziness of their mind. it smelled of sand, it smelled of blood. it smelled of him. it was sweet, much sweeter than other alpha scents they’ve come across, yet it still held that air of dominance. bitter, metalic and almost spicy.

it was a lot.

it was too much.

yonaka tried to quiet the soft growls, the shaky purring, tried to muffle them into shirt, into their arm. yet they were hardly on earth. the thought of gaara, lord gaara, the kazekage, filled their mind to where they couldn't fathom thinking of anything else - especially not the fact that he was sitting right there , in the room with them. 

they couldn't be bothered. 

lord gaara, his fingers trailing their spine. his hands pressed into their waist, holding their sides, holding them in place. holding them down. his hands, cold and soft and smooth, his fingers wrapped around the nape of their neck. he would he be gentle? would he be rough?

the heat burned them and they curled inward. it hurt. it hurt so much. yonaka’s heartbeat pounded in their ears and their mind went blank, fuzzy and unreal and full of primal need. they were dizzy, so dizzy, falling, stuck in place. 

his teeth, the flashes of his fangs they saw when he spoke - when they could look at him. sharp. his teeth sinking into their skin, into their neck, claiming them. making them his, consuming them -

their teeth sinking into his soft flesh -

the taste of metal in yonaka’s mouth pulled them out of the daze. their eyes snapped open before they blinked and pulled back, sitting up. the blankets fell off their back as they stared down. drool connected their arm to their mouth. their arm held four puncture wounds, blood dribbling out.

their entire body froze and for a moment, they could only blink, trying to figure out why they were bleeding. why there was blood in their mouth. 

they wiped at their face haphazardly, smearing red across their cheek. 

then their mind told them, don't let it spill onto the kazekage’s bed. 

with a distressed whine, yonaka pulled their arm up close to their chest, trying to catch the blood dripping out the back of their forearm. 

“did you bite yourself?” 

yonaka’s attention snapped to the kazekage, staring wide eyed, mouth slightly agape. 

he set down his pen and yonaka flinched, curling inward. they couldn't think, couldn't rationalize. only a distressed whine left their throat and they cowered, fear blooming in their chest. if they had puppydog ears, they would be flat against their head. 

was he mad? was he upset? 

no, he wouldn't be. but what if he was? how could yonaka be so sure? in this unfamiliar place, with an unfamiliar person, could they even tell? 

they skittered backward as he stood, his movements slow and his eyes watchful. their scent was bitter, the sweetness of their heat momentarily forgotten. a scent meant to deter, but he swallowed the instinct to leave them be, taking a step closer. 

“it’s alright.” he spoke with this endless patience, bringing his hands in front of him, palm out. “you’re alright.” 

yonaka could only manage a shake of their head. their eyes didn't leave him. they couldn't look away. 

“i am not upset. i will not hurt you. you’re alright,” he said, lacing his alpha voice into his words. yonaka felt it, felt the way their mind fuzzied at his words. it was strange. it was new. it was scary. 

yonaka looked away, trying to blink away the daze. every part of them was tense. their lungs couldn't get enough air. 

but it calmed them. it calmed them just enough for him to approach the bed, stopping at the edge. he placed his hands on the mattress and lowered himself just a little, to make himself look just a little smaller. “you are safe here.” 

“i- i know- i'm just-” yonaka tried to speak, to explain, but each word felt as if it put strain on their body. they settled with another whine. they didnt know why they were so wound up, why they felt so scared . 

“come closer so i can see,” he said, softening his voice even more. 

yonaka pressed their lips into a thin line. their eyes darted to the far corner of the bed, contemplating escape. 

“should i come to you?”

“no!” yonaka responded frantic, firmly, without missing a beat. he didn't flinch. 

“it is alright. i promise that you are safe. let me tend to you.” 

yonaka’s eyes flicked down - red pooling in their palm, soaking into their shirt - before darting back to gaara. 

kind, careful eyes. 

“i'm- i'm sorry-” yonaka said, words hardly forming between heavy breaths. they wanted to calm down, to trust him. they knew that they could trust him. “i don't- i'm..” they gave a soft huff.

“i am going to grab bandages,” he said, voice even, offering to give them some space to breathe for just a moment. “then i will return.”

yonaka offered a shaky nod. 

he promptly turned, leaving the door wide open as he left. yonaka watched as he disappeared down the hallway. with a shaky whimper, yonaka shuffled closer to the edge of the bed. they tried - they really did try - to not stain the kazekage’s bed. but their movements were too jerky, their hands were too shaky. 

but they managed. their legs dangled off the bed, blood dripping onto their thighs, seeping into the fabric of their pants. 

yonaka’s eyes flickered up, seeing lord gaara appear again. they tried not to flinch, tried not to cower, tried to just think rationally, let their mind settle. they pressed their eyes shut as he shut the door behind him. 

yonaka didn't need to see to know he approached, his movements slow, barely a noise. his scent became stronger as he stood in front of them, overwhelming, filling their senses. they curled inward, turning away, bracing for something - they didn't even know what. 

he didn't touch them.

he waited. 

yonaka opened their eyes just enough. with a wet rag in one hand, he outstretched the other, waiting for yonaka to place their arm in his grip. yonaka’s eyes flickered up to his. same blank expression with just a hint of softness.

they moved their wounded arm just enough for him to wrap his fingers around their wrist. his hold was gentle, his ice cold hands on their too hot body. yonaka flinched, a small noise leaving their throat but his grip was unwavering as much as gentle. he didn't let them pull back.

it stirred something deep within them, their breath stuttering as they stared.

he didn't let them pull back.

he moved their arm closer, looking at the puncture wounds. they weren't terrible yet they weren't small.  he dragged the rag across their skin. it was hot, soothing - but they were still sensitive, too sensitive - and they failed to bite back a shaky growl.

his eyes flickered to theirs before he decided to ignore it. 

he wiped their arm, each movement hesitant, each movement still too much, the rag staining red. lord gaara saw the slight tremble in their arm, the twitches in their entire body. he placed the rag down before brushing his fingers over the wounds, yonaka letting out another pathetic noise as he gently prodded the skin. the contact went straight towards yonaka’s mind, straight towards the fire in their stomach, the buzzing in their body. 

it was hell.

“does it hurt?” he asked, flickering his eyes to theirs again before grabbing the bandages. 

it was quite the opposite. it was too good . 

yonaka wished that it hurt. wished that there was something that could take their mind off of their heat.

he pulled the punctures together before bandaging them, wiping the excess of blood once again. 

they tried to shut him out, shut all of this out. the deep softness of his voice, how careful his movements were. his skin on theirs, his soft touches. gentle, too gentle, sending shivers down their spine. 

he dropped their arm before reaching out once more, for their other one. they tentatively gave it to him, pressing their eyes shut. yonaka felt his fingers curling around their wrist, moving their arm ever so slightly. his hand and rag softly dragged across their palm, then up over the back of their hand, their wrist, their forearm. yonaka tried to stifle more whimpers, tried to still the way their body twitched, failing miserably. it was so so embarrassing. 

he let go once finished, yonaka letting their hand drop to their lap. he paused. yonaka saw his eyes settle on their face. 

he brought his palm out once more with a, “is it alright?” 

yonaka nodded before moving forward, closing their eyes as they placed their chin in his palm. their breathing was shaky, erratic. his cold hands, soft grip, the soft rag wiping at their face, his hand brushing against their lips most definitely accidently - it was all too much.

he acted as if he didn't notice.

he moved to retract his hands and yonaka’s shot up to grab him at his sleeves to prevent him from moving any farther.

yonaka blinked up at him. 

he blinked back. 

yonaka then let go, turning away, their hands twisting into the sheets. 

embarrassing. so embarrassing.

lord gaara settled the items back onto the nightstand. 

“let me find something for you to bite.” 

yonaka nodded, their puppydog ears perking up as they watched his back. he pulled the nightstand drawer open for a moment before shutting it, moving to his desk. they hugged their arms, wrapping their fingers around their wrist, their thumb brushing across the phantom touches that his hands left. their eyes drifted to the bed, puppydog ears flicking back, their heart sinking as they saw his shirt - lord gaara’s shirt - tattered. 

they turned their body before reaching for it, pulling it out from their nest, seeing the damage. the fabric was damp in spots with drool and blood. they must've bit through the shirt into their arm, ripping it in the process. 

yonaka bit back a whine before glancing back at gaara. sensing the spike in yonaka’s scent, he turned his head, his eyes flickering to their hands. 

he simply looked away and moved his attention back to his desk. “it’s alright,” he murmured. “i have more."

yonaka suppressed a flinch as he shut the drawer, watching his steps as he made his way back to the bed. he extended his empty hand and yonaka offered the tattered shirt before he placed a different piece of fabric in their grasp. it was soft, yet it felt strong. thick. 

“it’s a scrap from my gourd strap,” he said, motioning to said sand gourd sitting by the door. it was massive, just sitting there. 

yonaka nodded with a, “mh.” he turned his back to them and yonaka mumbled a, “thank you” before retreating, hiding, curling up under their nest. 

they brushed their thumbs against the fabric before bringing it up to their face - to inspect it, of course. 

it smelled like him, just a little bit. just enough.

they let out a soft noise, satisfaction, before gently bringing their teeth to it - testing it. there was this dust of sand that clung onto it that brushed off onto their tongue - his sand, just a little. they couldn't complain though, letting it sooth that feral little part of them.

yonaka bit the fuck outta that strap.

gaara’s eyes lingered on yonaka’s hidden form under their nest for a moment too long, listening to their content purring. his brows furrowed. was it a good idea to give them the strap? he looked at the shirt yonaka tore up and turned to the nightstand, picking up the rag - both of them red with yonaka’s blood. did yonaka need new clothes too?.. no, he had nothing that would fit them. 

he picked up the bandages before setting them back down - what if they bite themself again?

and so he left the room silently, yonaka off in their own little world. 

in the bathroom, he tossed the shirt in the trash and let water fill the sink. 

he stared at the rag in his hand, turning it over, considering. he could wash it. the blood was fresh enough.

the blood was fresh.

yonaka’s blood.

in his hands.

the sink faucet became the only noise he could hear, loud in his ears as everything droned out, as his thoughts began to slow to a stop.

he brushed his thumb over it, squeezing the soft cloth, just enough to see red slip from his fingers into the water below. he brought it closer to his face, fixated, his eyes dilating.

he took in a shaky breath, parting his lips. his teeth ached. 

it held their scent. 

sweet. intoxicating.

bite it. taste it, his instincts whispered to him. 

he brought it closer. 

taste them. claim them - imagine how it’d taste from the source.

gaara blinked at his hands, flinching back, his eyes flickering to his reflection in the mirror as if he just got caught. with a frown, he submerged the rag, feeling the cold bite his hands, watching as red spiraled through the water.

he shook his head, turning off the faucet, tossing it in the trash. no good.

just grab another one.

yonaka began to drift in and out of restless sleep, mouth still secured around the scrap of fabric, an embarrassing amount of drool accompanying it. 

their dreams were just as embarrassing, vivid and feverish, and they were biting back mumbling lord gaara’s name in their sleep. 

yonaka blinked awake, pushing themself up. they let the sheets fall off their back and they stared down at the nest. nothing felt right. everything felt wrong - their body too hot, their skin too cold, their clothes were soaked in sweat - too tight, too loose - their heartbeat was too loud and their breathing was shallow and quick - not enough, not quick enough - and their hair kept getting in the fucking way - 

they took in a deep breath only for their lungs to get caught on the cold air, letting out a strangled cough. they pressed their palm to aching chest and a low whine escaped their throat. 

this can’t be normal.

they ran their fingers through their hair, pushing it out of their face before dropping their arms with a shaky sigh.

they could hardly sit up properly, they didn't even have the energy to tie back their hair.

this couldn't be normal. shouldn't be normal.

yonaka let out another whine, a soft cry into the air. 

then they froze, entire body locking up. they remembered lord gaara.

their back was facing him. the scratching of pen against paper stopped. there was no ruffle of clothes, of anything, but his scent was still pooling behind them. he was still very much there, still at his desk. 

what was he doing? was he sitting there, watching? - yonaka couldn't bear to look. they were overwhelmed, overstimulated, stuck in spot, too exposed, too vulnerable. the silence was too loud, too suffocating. yonaka squeezed their eyes shut as if they could blink themself out of existence, another whine escaping them. 

was he listening? watching? 

judging ? 

lord gaara was staring down at the letters he wrote, thinking, planning. wondering how he was going to keep up with his kazekage duties while keeping an eye on yonaka. work wouldn't stop - it never could - but yonaka needed a caregiver. and that happened to be him. 

but could he be honest about why he needed two weeks? could he mention that he has an omega here, in his home, that he needs to watch over without raising suspicion? without starting rumors, without people questioning him - an alpha - keeping an omega in his bed? 

he kept his wording vague, simply a temporary readjustment of workload to those he trusted. 

he couldn't risk anyone intervening. couldn't risk yonaka’s wellbeing. an omega in heat under distress is, for everyone involved, dangerous - 

his head snapped up when yonaka’s scent hit him, bitter and burnt. 

he glanced behind him, furrowing his brows. yonaka was sitting up, trembling, hands curling into the sheets. they were fine a moment ago. what did he miss? 

he turned his body to face them, speaking quietly. 

“yonaka,” he said, yonaka jumping, body stilling. “are you alright?”

he caught the subtle way they shook their head. 

“what happened?”

they just shook their head again.

gaara pressed his lips into a thin line. he didn't know what to do, what to say, nor if yonaka even wanted him to try and comfort them. maybe they needed space?

he changed his approach.

“i must head out soon. i will return in perhaps two hours. will you be alright?”

yonaka nodded. he tried not to notice how the tension in their body eased at the prospect of him leaving. he bit back asking them once more if he was making them uncomfortable, if they’d prefer someone else to watch over them. his heart twisted at the thought of him being a source of anxiety for them - but what could he do? 

he stood from his spot, gathering the papers into a folder. “i will ask my sister to pop in, just to see if you need anything. she wont bother you.”

yonaka’s response just barely reached him. a shaky, “thats not.. necessary.” 

he blinked at them. 

maybe yonaka would be uncomfortable no matter who was watching over them?

“very well. do you need anything before i head out?”

yonaka nodded. subtle, as if they were hoping he didn't see. 

he waited. 

then they shook their head. 

gaara opened his mouth before closing it again. "are you sure?" he settled with asking.

yonaka shrugged, back still facing him.

and he had no idea what to do. 

gaara’s eyes flickered over their form for a moment, taking a step closer. 

“please let me help you, yonaka,” he said, keeping his voice even. 

yonaka gave a soft noise, a breathy whimper, unsure. they needed help tying back their hair, but the thought of him coming closer? touching them? brushing against their skin?

they couldn't. not when their body was reacting the way it was, overheated and so sensitive that their mind was already tormenting them with every moment he got closer. every moment that his hands, his arms, his body - 

gaara waited. 

“just..” yonaka mumbled, shrugging their shoulders. “my hair. it’s.. i can’t tie it up.”

he set the folder on the nightstand. “do you have a hair tie?”

yonaka nodded, glancing up at him to meet his eyes for a moment before looking away. they pulled the tie off their wrist and handed it to him. he took it without another word, hesitating by their side for a moment before kneeling onto the bed, yonaka feeling the dip of the mattress behind them.

his hands, so cold and so soft, began to gather their hair, running his fingers through the tangles with care. he brushed against the side of their face, pulling the sweat slicked strands out of their face, sending shivers down their spine. 

he began to braid. 

they pressed their eyes shut. he was close, so close, his scent and touch overwhelming and dizzying and intoxicating . it filled the warmth pooling in their stomach, it filled their mind with fog. 

gaara took notice of the spikes of anxiety in their scent, the way they gripped the bedsheets to steady them to distract them from the chaos in their mind, the way they held their breath until they couldn't anymore - muffled gasps under his touch. 

“breathe, yonaka,” he murmured. but they couldn't - they couldn’t dare breathing him in any more than they needed to.

he secured their hair and promptly stood. yonaka looked up at him with puppydog eyes before flinching away. as if his gaze burnt them. 

“goodbye, yonaka,” he said, turning his back to them. 

they watched as his sand grabbed his folder, opening the door for him, such a fluid extension of his. 

he grabbed his gourd and hesitated at the threshold. 

“bye, lord gaara.”

and he shut the door behind him. 

yonaka blinked at the closed door for a moment. the air around them immediately felt cold, lonely. 

they looked down at their nest. then they looked down at their clothes. their shirt was too rough, their pants were too tight, both soaked in blood, sweat, tears and their sickly sweet pheromones. 

he was going to be gone for at least a little while. they would have time to, say, undress and redress before he gets back? just to be a little more comfortable for a just little while? 

they pulled their shirt up by the collar, hesitating, nerves fraying at the idea. 

they went for it. 

half of their anxieties simmered once they freed themself. the blankets no longer felt too stifling, the textures against their hypersensitive skin no longer clashed. they no longer felt as constricted, suffocated. 

exhaustion pulled them under and they fell asleep before they could fight it.

gaara returned silently. as soon as he pushed open the door, it hit him -

he froze. 

yonaka’s scent. 

smoothed out into something warmer, something much much sweeter - their vanilla and milky white chocolate now untainted with the bitterness of anxiety. 

his eyes flickered over yonaka’s shape under the blankets, then to yonaka’s clothes, previously on them.. currently not. he blinked at the space between them.

they really couldn't stand it anymore, huh. 

he decided to ignore it and stepped into the room. he set his gourd down, settling into the room before moving to the nightstand. he set down a little cloth bag.  

at least they’ve calmed. this is good. i should leave them be.

but before gaara could step back, give them space - from his scent or just intuition - yonaka woke. they bolted upright, with their only thought being i need to get dressed -

their eyes were wide as they stared into gaara’s. 

yonaka let out a high pitched yip and gaara turned on his heel as if he saw nothing . yonaka fell back into the nest, throwing the blankets over their head, trying to bury themself then and there. 

“i- you- i didn't think you'd be back so soon!” they squeaked, pressing their face into the pillow. 

"i said two hours," was his response, ears tinted pink - only flustered since yona was. 

“it has not been two hours.”

“it has been exactly two hours.”

“i- okay, but i didn't think it’d be.. i don’t know.. aren’t you busy?” 

“yes. but i am punctual.” 

yonaka let out a little groan. 

gaara’s tone was as level as ever, as if he was completely unbothered. but all he could think about was the way that yonaka, finally, wasn't on edge anymore. flustered - but no longer a shaky mess under their nest. 

it was progress. it was good.

“i met with your parents,” he said, “your beta mother put together some items for you. i have not looked through it.”

yonaka pushed themself up, peeking out of the nest to glance gaara’s way. he was at his bookshelf, back facing them as he looked over his collection. “really?” 

“yes.” he glanced back and motioned towards the nightstand. 

yonaka moved the blanket with them, reaching out before pulling the bag close. inside was some clothes - not many, but it would be enough for a few days. their brushes, little trinkets, things that they held close. and a little note. 

yonaka couldn’t bear to read it. 

didn’t want to hear what they wanted to say, didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they weren’t ever going home. that they were essentially exiled from the alpha’s side - they shook it from their mind. not now. not yet. 

“your beta mother mentioned that she would apply to transfer to the omega’s side. i will start her paperwork as well, but since your situation is different, it may be a few more months until she is approved.”

yonaka felt a little flicker of hope in their chest. they wouldn’t be completely alone after their heat. not for long, at least. 

“they were both surprised to hear that you would be directly under my care. i did agree to meet with them again soon as well, to keep them updated since they are unable to visit you. they did not say much else.”

yonaka placed the bag back on the nightstand. “thank you, lord gaara.” 

gaara finally picked out a book, sitting down at his desk once more. “my pleasure.” 

yonaka buried themself back into the sheets, curling up into a ball. their scent evened out, settling into something softer, and gaara knew they had fallen back asleep. 

he flipped through his book and found himself reading and rereading the same passage. he blinked down at the page. he let out a soft huff. he couldn't focus. couldn't think about anything besides the fact that yonaka’s scent was thick in the air, clinging onto the walls, his clothes. digging into his skin, filling his mind with fuzz. 

he knew it was only a matter of time. him being set in rut. 

they were calmer. they smelled sweeter. luring. coaxing. 

he stretched in place, trying to shake it off, to ease the tension in his muscles. 

useless. 

his heart was racing and he shared the same warmth yonaka had pooling in his stomach as well. 

he closed his book, pushing it off to the side. he ran his hands through his hair.

he wouldn’t do anything. he had self control. he would stay under control. he couldn't let his instincts take over.

gaara’s head snapped to yonaka as they let out a soft whimper, mumbling something in their sleep. he watched them shuffle under the blankets and pressed his lips into a thin line, turning his attention back to his desk, his book, something, anything else - 

then, a strained, “gaara..”

he put his head in his hands, exhaling a shaky breath. 

still asleep.

how troublesome. 

time dragged on, the sheer intensity of yonaka’s heat waking them up each hour. they were teetering between wet dreams and even worse thoughts as they awoke. there was no escape, no release, and yonaka felt taut with frustration. 

when yonaka stirred awake again, actually this time, the sun was low in the sky, painting the room in soft orange light. they pushed the blankets off of their face and stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying not to think about how everything in their body felt wrong. they groaned and sat up, rubbing at their eyes before they fell on gaara’s form. 

he was hunched over his desk, head still in his hands. his breathing was even, controlled, the faint whisper of a growl with each exhale. 

yonaka blinked at him and their face burned as his scent, full of rut, hit them. heavy. thick. 

metallic and sweet. 

“.. lord kazekage?” yonaka called out, voice small. 

he didn't respond. 

apprehension began to seep into yonaka’s chest and they let out a nervous hum. their scent spiked, bittering, and that was what snapped gaara out of his daze. he straightened his back, letting his hands drop. with a heavy breath, he turned back to meet their gaze. his face was flushed, eyes glossy as he blinked at them, furrowing his brows. yonaka’s hands found the blanket on their lap, curling their fists into the sheets. 

time stopped. 

neither of them moved. 

yonaka let out another nervous hum, the tension in the room coiling around their throat. it was too quiet, the air was too still. gaara turned away, eyes flickering to his clock.

“are-” gaara’s voice came out more of a growl than words. he cleared his throat before trying again. “i’m going to make dinner. are you hungry?”

yonaka’s voice felt lost to them. their breath hitched as he stood from his chair and yonaka let out a low whine. 

“i’ll- i’ll make you a plate.” 

his words weren’t so controlled anymore. stuttering. frantic. yonaka hummed an approval, “mh.” 

yonaka’s eyes traced over his outline as he stretched, letting out a tense sigh that only barely reached their ears. he turned and they met eyes for a moment - they both looked away quick. gaara gave an awkward cough before swiftly exiting the room, silently shutting the door.

yonaka let out a breath they didn't know they were holding. 

they kneaded the blanket at their thighs before deciding to simply hide again, curling up under their nest. yonaka pressed their face into the pillow, trying to steady their breathing.

what was that..? was he..

they could feel their pulse throughout their entire body.

he was in rut.. had to be in rut.  

yonaka wrapped their arms around their stomach. 

would he.. do anything?

their breath caught. 

could he?                                                          

.. will he?

yonaka had to remind themself to breathe, to exhale. inhale. 

his scent was so sweet. 

like cinnamon.. like chai. 

they let out a soft rumbly growl into the pillow. they hardly registered their own hand pressing into their stomach, right where the heat pooled like lava, before moving lower. 

yonaka’s heart stopped as they blinked out of their daze. their thighs were wet. they were soaked in.. slick?  

they ran their hand down their legs before they sat up on their knees, blankets falling off their back, horrified. they were covered in it. 

their hands, their thighs, the bed - how did they not notice it before? 

they tried to think. to rationalize, to figure out what to do. yet the only thought that came was what the fuck -

the door to the room opened and yonaka snapped their head towards the noise, eyes wide and full of sin. 

gaara stepped in. holding a tray of food. 

he paused. 

yonaka looked - felt - like they’d just witnessed a traumatic event. 

gaara stepped back out with a soft click of the door. 

yonaka panicked. they pressed their hand into the mattress as if that could hide it - 

dirtying the kazekage’s bed. 

they let out a wrecked whine, staring down at the covers, trying to figure out how to at least keep a shred of their dignity. 

they grabbed at the blankets, trying to forget the way lord gaara looked at them, the way he stepped out without even blinking. the fact that he was still there, behind that door. waiting. 

that they were still unclothed. and he saw.

they whimpered and pulled the blankets over their shoulders, pulling it tight against their body. 

gaara knocked this time. as if that would change anything. 

the door slid open again and he hesitantly stepped into the room. yonaka didn’t move to look. couldn’t.

their nose picked it up immediately. 

he no longer smelled of rut. 

how unfair.

“i apologize,” he said, voice calm as if unbothered, “i am not used to having someone in my room.” 

he approached the bed with quiet steps, placing the tray on the nightstand. “would you like to wash up before eating?” 

yonaka almost didn’t respond, eyes fixated on the spot in front of them, watching gaara out of the corner of their eye. they tightened the blanket around them with a soft huff. 

gaara was so normal, so composed, and they were falling apart right then and there. 

how unfair.

“here,” lord gaara said, getting yonaka’s attention. yonaka flickered their eyes towards him and he set a shirt down on the bed. “you can put this on.” 

he turned his back to them and they hesitantly pulled it closer, letting the blankets fall off their back. it was another black shirt, identical to the one they tore up earlier. this one held his scent as well, yet this time not as intensely. 

it was soft on their skin, loose, and it reached their thighs. 

it was nice. 

they shuffled to the edge of the mattress, dangling their legs off the side of the bed as they stared at the ground. they could hardly sit up and now they would have to stand? or even worse, have lord gaara carry them? 

“i’m ready whenever you are,” he said. 

yonaka blinked at him for a moment, unresponsive before muttering a, “y-yeah. i’m ready.”

he glanced back and offered his arm. yonaka hesitated before grabbing on, suddenly so very aware of how close they were to him. his scent curled thick in the air around him, settling like fog in their mind. they tried to act unbothered, their thoughts now consisting of be normal. act normal. 

they slipped out of bed and looked up, meeting his gentle eyes for a moment. 

tall.

their face flushed and they turned their attention to the floor, biting their lip, trying to settle their mind. their racing heartbeat. their unsteady breathing. 

act normal.  

but they were touching him. holding onto his arm - so close, too close. their legs were weak as they walked, wobbling, and he was so steady. so solid. strong.  

yonaka let out a shaky breath. 

“would you like me to carry you?” 

they shook their head - the thought alone made them stumble. 

they opted to lean on the wall for support once in the hallway. 

yonaka made their way with shaky steps, breath hitching once they detected two other scents in the home. one was a scent they’ve been around before. a beta scent, soft saltwater. the woman who stopped to talk to lord gaara when yonaka entered the home. 

the other scent was an alpha’s scent. 

dizzying, strong, aggressive - and full of rut.

not like lord gaara’s at all.

they passed an opening and froze, glancing into the kitchen. their heart stuttered. 

the blonde woman, standing near the table, and him -

the other alpha. 

his scent curled around their throat, thick and suffocating despite the distance. harsh smoke and burnt wood. he was sat with his elbows on the table. his chest rose with deep, heavy breaths. his hands were tangled in his dark hair, fingers gripping tight as if that could hold him together. a soft growl left his lips - he looked like someone on the verge of losing control -

then his head snapped to yonaka, eyes hungry.

a predator sensing his prey.

target locked. 

gaara’s hand pressed firm on their back - then a push. yonaka stumbled forward, no longer in sight, and he caught them with an arm around their waist. 

“my siblings. temari and kankuro,” he said, voice even. as if nothing was wrong. 

yonaka opened their mouth to speak. nothing came out. 

gaara had shielded them, pushed them out of his view. 

but why -

“they won’t hurt you. you’re safe here.” 

yonaka inhaled a shaky breath. 

they didn’t know if they could believe him.

clicking the lock, yonaka broke down once past the bathroom door. 

privacy. finally completely alone.

they gripped the sink counter and fell to their knees. 

it was so overwhelming - all of it - and they didn’t know if they had the time to sit and even try to begin to process it all. didn’t know how much time they had before lord gaara would knock on the door, until he would check up on them, ask them if they were okay.

they bit back a shaky sigh. 

being an omega. falling into heat, then into lord kazekage’s care, ending up in his home. something they'd never expect.

and the fact that they’ll never be able to see their alpha mother again - that they'll never be going home again, ever. no warning, no goodbyes. not to their friends, teachers, teammates - 

they choked out a sob. 

feeling so embarrassed, so ashamed, so afraid unlike they ever had been before - 

feeling animalistic unlike they ever had before, plagued with thoughts that didn't feel like theirs. the way they felt so sensitive, grasping at anything to keep control, struggling to just. stay. in. control. 

they felt like they were drowning in quicksand. 

and gaara -

they shook their head. they didn’t want to think about him. 

the way he was so kind to them. so gentle, so caring, despite everything. 

they didn’t deserve that. not when their mind twisted the image of him. not when all their body craved was for him to be close, for him to just touch them. hold them, press up against them, have him cool their burning skin with his -

they pulled themself upright. they couldn’t look in the mirror, didn’t want to see if they looked just as horrible as they felt. they doubled over the sink and moved to wash up. their legs threatened to give out, exhaustion creeping into every limb, and they huffed in frustration. they wiped the slick off their thighs, the sweat off their arms, the shame on their face. 

things couldn’t get any worse, could they.

they gripped the door handle for support as they pulled the door open. they glanced up to lord gaara leaning on the wall. he met their eyes, full of concern - full of pity . 

“are you able to walk back?” he asked, pushing himself upright. 

yonaka blinked at him before shaking their head. he moved closer with slow steps and let yonaka wrap around his neck before curling an arm under their knees, lifting them with no effort. 

kankuro’s scent wrapped around them as they passed the kitchen again, nauseating -

nauseating? no.. 

but settling in their stomach all the same. 

they buried their face into gaara’s neck, letting his scent null out his brother's. 

soft and spicy and sweet. 

calming. dizzying. easing. 

they almost didn’t let go when he set them on the bed. 

gaara handed yonaka their bowl and they stared down into it. the meal was simple. rice and veggies and some meat, nothing fancy. 

“if you do not feel hungry, do not force yourself to eat,” he said, grabbing his own bowl. “it is normal to not eat much while in heat.” 

yonaka responded with, “mh,” picking up their chopsticks. 

then he asked, “shall i sit with you?”

they didn’t respond. didn’t say anything. 

“i can eat at my desk if you would prefer.” 

yonaka then glanced up at him before looking away. 

not a yes . but also not a no .

he blinked down at them, stilling. their scent was thick with heat but they weren’t particularly distressed. not currently, at least. their scent wasn’t bitter - nothing hinted to him that they wanted him to leave them be. 

maybe they were shy? 

so he sat down on the bed, leaving space between them. just in case. 

he watched with gentle eyes as yonaka struggled with their chopsticks without meaning to. their hands were shaky, dropping the pieces back into the bowl, staring down at the food as if they could will it to behave. he had this urge to help, to offer assistance. 

yonaka let out a frustrated sigh, setting the bowl onto their lap, giving up - feeling the way he was watching them. 

“it’s fine,” yonaka said before gaara even had a chance to say something, their face burning. “i got it.”

lord gaara hummed a, “mh,” before turning his attention away. yonaka picked at their food, some of it successfully making its way into their mouth, but they weren’t even hungry in the first place. they felt sick, nauseous, the heat in their stomach leaving no room for anything like food. 

yonaka glanced over to gaara as he finished, then they spoke. 

“um,” they started, getting lord gaara’s attention. “i’m.. sleeping in your bed tonight, right?” 

he glanced back at them. “yes.”

“where.. will you sleep, then?”

gaara thought for a moment before responding, as if it were a trick question. “i don't sleep,” was his answer. 

yonaka furrowed their brows at him. “you don't sleep?”

“no.” he shook his head. “i don't need it. but i might settle on the windowsill ledge at night. it’s quite comfortable.” he tilted his head, motioning towards said window. 

“that.. doesn't make sense,” yonaka murmured, following his eyes to see the little hole in the wall. it did look comfortable, cushioned and perhaps space for someone to sit. he didn’t explain further. it wasn’t unusual for people to have a little windowsill nook, especially for those who were more cat-like.

but to sleep in? 

yonaka looked him over once more - maybe he didn't sleep? he does look like he hasnt in a while. the bed doesnt smell like him - before just accepting it.

“are you finished with your food?” he asked and yonaka nodded. he stood, yonaka handed him the bowl and he promptly left.

they fell back down into the bed with a soft thud. 

they were so exhausted in every way possible. 

the shame tired them out the most. not the heat, not the burning in their stomach, not the itch tearing at them from the inside. the sheer amount of shame sitting heavy in their chest, aching their heart. 

for a moment they considered giving up. giving in. letting the heat take them wherever it wanted to. it would be easier. it would feel easier.

and lord gaara did say that he wouldn't mind. 

he returned shortly after, lingering by the door. 

“would you like to get ready for bed with me?” he asked. “but if you are not feeling up to it, that is alright.”

yonaka nodded, bringing their hands up to press their palms into their face. they sighed. “yeah just.. one minute, please.”

“of course.”

he hesitated before sitting on the bed, back facing them, wishing to not rush them. 

yonaka took in a deep breath before they pushed themself up. “i'm.. ready.”

gaara glanced their way. “would you like me to carry you again?” 

yonaka nodded, shuffling closer. 

and he picked them up again. and yonaka let his scent settle heavy in their lungs. 

it didn't bother them as much this time. they were too exhausted to care.

lord gaara’s sand gathered yonaka’s brushes from their bag as he carried them. he made a little sand stool for yonaka to sit on and he prepared the two toothbrushes. 

it was strangely nice. domestic. 

afterward, gaara undid their braid without a word. yonaka leaned onto the counter, arms folded in front of them, setting their head down as they watched him in the mirror. he had his sand bring him yonaka’s brush before he began to work on their tangles. 

“you really like your sand, huh?” yonaka murmured. 

gaara blinked at them for a moment. “i do,” he said, his voice ever so monotone. 

“yeah?” 

“yes.” 

yonaka closed their eyes, a soft sigh leaving their lips as he rebraided their hair, letting the sensation wash over them. 

they shook off the feeling of shame once - twice, thrice - trying their hardest to not let it ruin this little moment. 

“you do everything with your sand?” yonaka murmured again, opening their eyes just a crack. 

he paused for a moment before leaning over, holding out his hand. a little sand comb in his palm. “i can,” he said.

yonaka’s lips pulled at the edges into a soft smile. they shook their head, burying it in their arms. 

cute???

he blinked at them, letting it dissipate, then secured their hair with a tie. 

he left yonaka’s items there - as if they belonged there - and carried yonaka back. 

they settled back into their nest with a soft, “thank you.” 

“it’s my pleasure,” he responded. “goodnight, yonaka.” 

a sleepover with the most important person in the village. 

but the idea began to settle within them. maybe it wasn’t that much of a big deal, being here, in his home. maybe it could even feel normal.

“goodnight, lord kazekage,” yonaka murmured, curling up under the blankets.

gaara slept. for what it felt like for the first time in his life, he slept. 

he settled up on the windowsill, watching the quiet scene outside. the space was small, cozy, and he lay down, propping his feet up on the ceiling. 

although sleep was no longer a danger, he still couldn’t find it in himself to fully settle, to fully trust himself. not after years of insomnia, not after the trauma shukaku brought. and when he did sleep? he would wake up panicking, terrified that he had lost control again, dreading what he would come to. and so nights were always full of nightmares.

but yonaka’s pheromones in the air, sticking to his clothes and skin, brought calm. he closed his eyes for a moment, letting their scent relax him in ways he didn’t know was tense. they were close enough, a gentle rut weaving through his mind, warming his body just a little. far away enough to where he wasn’t overwhelmed, settling in the space around him instead of suffocating.  

yonaka fell asleep fast, soft whines escaping them every once in a while, noises that filled the space between them. 

gaara fell into a dreamless sleep.