Archive of Our Own ^beta

His fingers dance across the piano, brushing against the dusted old keys as he passes by the abandoned instrument.

His footsteps sound heavy on the creaking floorboards. The wood decayed and rotted. A sense of longing following his every movement as he walks the house.

It’s familiar in all the ways he remembers, yet the coating of dust and signs of years spent away leave him with something unfamiliar. A shell of a memory he once lived and breathed.

He walks through the house, a hum in his voice and a sway in his step. As if reminiscing on some forgotten memory. When life flitted through the halls, when something more—was hidden. Tucked away in secret. Something intimate.

He pauses as he comes across an open door. A room—barren of life greets him.

Dust coated furniture and strings of light—let in by cracks in the curtain beckons him in.

His feet drag, loosing that bit of confidence as he steps in. He can hear it now. Notes of laughter—words dipped in warmth. He can see it now. Envision the glasses he wore—see his face lit up as he smiled. Eyes crinkled and cheeks red as Smitty leaned up on tippy toes to peck his cheek. A sort of bashfulness on the other man that only Smitty had been privy to.

“You’re not scared of me?”

”You’re the most non-threatening vampire I’ve ever met. Matt”s scarier than you.”

Smitty had scoffed, an unamused eye roll as he brushed a sharp tipped fang along Puffer’s wrist. An urge to claim what’s his ever so prevalent. Proof of ownership over his human.

Because Puffer was his wasn’t he?

But he wasn’t Puffer’s.

It was his fault. He was the one who sat down next to the taller man. The beating of his heart had been enticing, the smell of his blood inviting, his warmth was ever so tantalizing. It was Smitty’s mistake to have gotten so close.

It was Smitty’s mistake to have wanted so much.

From a human no less.

There days were numbered from the start he knew that. He did but…he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop how excited he felt, how alive and so infatuated with Puffer he had been. How deep he had fallen.

The boys had warned him. Had tried to talk him out of it, but he invited Puffer in. Cut out a place in his life for him. He made room for the man. The human.

They were entangled. Lives meshed in ways he couldn’t forget.

Days spent laying in bed as Smitty recalled moments of life to the fascinated human. He took in the adoration, the love and care….and he didn’t give back.

He pulled away. Maybe it’s because he was scared, terrified. Puffer was human after all he would’ve—eventually he would’ve gone.

Smitty was just biding his time! Preparing himself for the inevitable.

So he fell into John. Lost himself in the wolf’s arms. It had felt so different—such a change from Puffer that he couldn’t pretend. Couldn’t drink enough.

He couldn’t forget.

The hurt on Puffer’s face—the sorrow. The heartbreak.

He had to remind the human that he was a monster. What could he have expected? Did he really think Smitty had loved him?

He did.

The love hurt. Felt volcanic and intense. It wasn’t something Smitty had been used to. it was utterly terrifying.

What went wrong?

He wasn’t there. Couldn’t tell you what happened. There was so much yelling. So much anger and frustration and sadness. But one moment Puffer was here, and the next he wasn’t.

The house had felt so cold without him. So empty.

And like the coward he was, he left. Walked right out those doors and didn’t look back.

He left the rest of the guys to clean up the mess. To fix his mistakes. To put his love to rest.

He was scared. Terrified. He couldn’t make it better. Puffer would—he wouldn’t forgive him would he?

Sometimes Smitty deludes himself into believing he could’ve saved him. Could’ve been there for Puffer’s fall. Caught him in some sort of magical show of love. Could’ve fixed it all.

Years past. Decades gone. And he stands in the room. Stands in their room. Looks on at the little trinkets and proof of them left behind. Things he never took, things he’s forgotten in favor of something new with John.

He reaches out, fingers grazing an old necklace. The heart shape pendant a mock gift if anything. But Puffer had smiled all the same. He had turned to Smitty, a coy look on his face as he held out the thin chain for Smitty to place on him.

“Well of course I’m gonna wear it. You got it for me didn’t you?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually wear it!“

“I’ll keep your heart close to mine.”

If his heart was still beating he swears it would’ve stopped.

He swears he never meant to hurt him. Never meant to break his promise. He was—a coward.

Puffer was always so warm. Hands so soft as they cradled his face. His words so sweet as he whispered words of honey too him. The way his hands would trail down to his hips and pull him in close. Something smug on his face as he’d duck down, lips brushing against Smitty’s. The way he would—

Movement to his left catches his attention. Pulls him from his memories.

His breath hitches, eyes widening.

It’s him.

Just as he had remembered. Just as he left him.

"I'm sorry for leaving." He mutters, eyes downcast. Puffer watches him sway in uncertainty. Watches as someone he once knew so well looked so unfamiliar.

"I'm sorry I stayed." The words sting in ways Smitty hadn’t been familiar with. Yet he feels whole again as he stares down the man he once knew. As if a piece of him had been found again. “I’m sorry I waited.”