Archive of Our Own ^beta

the hospital was a little too quiet. maybe that was because roy and wilbur had left by now. or maybe it was because radford and the sheriff left to give them some space.

but it wasnt bad being alone with robert. not bad at all, actually. ross didnt want to seperate from him ever again. it just felt too quiet. once they caught him up on everything that happened this past week, there wasnt really anything else to talk about.

it just felt too awkward. as if he couldnt say anything because itd ruin the moment. the only thing they shared were small "hi"s when robert woke up from a nap.

speaking of his nap.. his mom and dad were wondering if he wanted to leave when robert fell asleep for some much needed rest. he didnt. and even though it was a school night tomorrow, they were willing to let him stay. unfortunately, roys mother and wilburs sister werent as flexible.

ross also figured that they let him stay due to streber being hospitalized. he didnt really know how to explain that part. not about the hospitalization, that was pretty simple (long story short, the demogorgon got him.. his arm, that was). moreso the relationship. ross knew streber, of course, he was his tutor. but things were starting to get different. streber was starting to turn into more than just his tutor.

streber got along with him and his family. so well that june slowly became worried sick about him and his life. ross didnt really understand why, but he was recently told that strebers family... was not the best.

its not like he minded the extra company, though. nor did he completely mind having a brother (well, he hoped that streber would be a good brother). atleast, he was pretty sure streber was his brother? he was a girl, but he.. wasnt. even if that concept seemed weird to him, it felt really mean to be ignorant. especially toward streber. and his mom always told him to have an open mind, and if that meant accepting streber for now being a boy, he'd accept that.

besides, ross figured it was a little hypocritical to judge when he felt like this about robert. they werent entirely the same, but they were similar, right? they were both odd things.

but regardless, they were kind of family now. so they all stayed a little longer. just for slightly different reasons.

and ross was glad he stayed. robert was still awake. but his eyelids drooped, and he looked completely exhausted. it really sucked seeing him like that. robert never let a smile leave his face.

he wanted to make him smile. but he had no clue what to say. nothing came to his mind.

except for..

mm. he knew robert wasnt.. well. he was pretty sure robert was like, gay or something. unless ross was reading far too much into some of their past conversations. atleast he didnt have to worry about being ridiculed or hurt, but he did have to worry about rejection. rejection wasnt terrible or anything, but.. it sucked. it really sucked. and they had been friends since kindergarten! ross didnt want to just throw that all away over some stupid feelings.

but it was hard. he hadnt seen robert in so long, even if it was just a week.

he had thought robert was dead. that his friend had drowned and there was nothing he could say to him ever again. nothing on his mind would ever make it through to a corpse.

that night, he really believed that he was gone. just like eleven was now-

no wait. he didnt want to think of him right now.

that hurt a lot too.

even if they werent.. related, or anything, it really did feel like he lost his brother.

he blinked repeatedly to get rid of the tears. he wanted to focus on robert right now.

it didnt help that his feelings were on his mind the whole time robert was missing. it didnt help at all when he was sure that he was dead. and now it didnt help either that he was alone in a room with robert awake right next to him.

"ross?" he heard him murmur. his throat was so sore and scratchy. it wasnt anything like his natural, cheery voice.

"yeah?"

"your.. your leg. whats up?"

ross raised an eyebrow. it took a second for him to realize.

oh. right. he bounced his leg whenever he was anxious. or deep in thought. right now, he'd say it was both.

but.. he couldnt tell robert that, right? about.. what he felt? what he was really thinking?

"just.. really glad that youre back."

robert weakly smiled. "is that it?"

his face felt a little hot. "well.. uh, i guess so."

he chuckled softly, but it only resulted in him coughing. ross scooted over to rub his shoulder.

robert crossed his arms. "you 'guess so?' youre thinking it."

"i know, i know. i just.. dont really know what else to say." he mumbled, fiddling with the hole in his jeans.

"thats okay."

but then it became too silent again. far too silent. and all ross could think about was that he'd go soon, and that maybe he wouldnt be able to see robert. to actually see robert, not with roy or wilbur or susie or radford.

just robert.

just with him. he didnt know when this moment would happen again, and he didnt want to wait forever just to find out.

and what if something bad happened again? what if the demogorgon wasnt truly gone.

he couldnt blow his chance. it was too quiet.

but now his leg was moving again. and the chair squeaked softly from his movements, and he could feel roberts eyes on him.

his green eyes... something bad would happen... no, could. or was it would? when would they be alone like this again? what if after robert was recovered, he stayed home more often? would he change? he didnt want to lose robert in that way.

he bit his lip.

did he really want to say it?

"are yo-" robert began.

"i have something to say!" he blurted out, smacking his hands over his mouth shortly after.

he slammed his hands on the side of the chair, clearing his throat.

robert tilted his head. "yeah?"

he shook his head. "no, no. its.. its fine."

"you can tell me anything."

ross felt his face get hotter. "i.. i know, man. i just.. it might be a bad time."

he shrugged. "so? its not a bad time to me."

robert offered him a smile.

he didnt really have another excuse.

he could begin.. vaguely, though. well, yeah, he could lie, but he didnt want to lie. he and robert shared everything.

ross wrung his hands together.

"i just missed you a lot, dude. and.. there was so much i wanted to tell you before you disappeared. when they found that thing in the quarry, i really thought it was over."

"you can tell me now, yknow."

roberts hand reached for his.

and ross let him hold it. he moved his arm to rest on the bed, just so robert didnt have to lean over.

but he didnt say it. he kept stalling.

"it.. felt good. not having to tell you. but that was only because i was scared. and after that, i.. think it made everything feel a lot more real. like, we're not always going to be totally okay, you know? even if we're dealing with like, crazy other world shit. just.."

they made eye contact. his confidence dimmed. he didnt want to put this onto robert right now.

or.. maybe he was just scared of his response.

but it wasnt a bad time, right?

"i dont know when ill be able to tell you this. i feel like we havent been alone since.. forever. and i feel like you havent been safe in forever. so i guess i want to do it now. get it done and over with."

roberts eyebrows furrowed. "is it bad?"

"wh- no, no, robert. its.. well, its not.. bad, but.. it just depends, i guess."

his thumb rubbed against ross' hand.

"you can continue."

he cleared his throat again.

here goes nothing.

"i guess what i want to say is that.. you.. mean a lot to me, man. like, a lot. so.. so much."

robert giggled.

"well, yeah. you mean a lot to me too, dude."

ross put his head down.

"no, rob, robert.. you dont know what i mean."

he carefully turned onto his side, rubbing his face onto his pillow.

roberts free hand traced shapes onto his blanket. ross didnt like the silence.

"i think i know what you mean now." he said, a little more quiet than before.

tears made their way into his eyes. it was coming, he could feel it.

"but.. i, i dont know. i dont think its bad."

robert grimaced when they made eye contact. he squeezed his hand a little tighter, sitting up.

"heyhey, ross, whyre you crying?"

he adjusted in his bed, coughing slightly as he did so. ross rubbed his back.

"i, uhm.. sorry, i thought youd be mad."

a big smile appeared on his face. it made ross feel a little warm--being able to see robert happy again. he felt even warmer when robert gently reached up and wiped some of the tears away.

"i wouldnt be mad about that. i.. i mean. if we're talking about, like- yknow.."

"like-" ross bit his lip.

he squeezed roberts hand, repeating the action from earlier.

"i.. like you. like like."

"like like?"

"yeah, like like. like- okay this is too many 'likes'."

robert held a hand over his mouth, holding down his snickers.

"but uh.. i, i think i feel the same."

"yeah?"

"yeah! its.. new, but.. i.. i care about you a lot, too."

ross brought him into a hug. he was careful putting his arms around him--after all, robert was really weak. but it was comfortable. and even if he was weak, robert held him as tight as he could.

they managed to pull away at the same time, brushing noses as they did so. their smiles got wider.

"i.. dont know if its too early to ask, but.. can we.. uhm.."

robert tilted his head.

"kiss?"

robert cringed a little. but he quickly responded seeing ross' expression. "no, no, its okay! just not on my mouth. i uh, havent really.. been able to brush my teeth or anything.."

"oh- yeah. thats okay."

ross pressed a kiss to his temple. he figured he'd leave it at that, but roberts mole caught his eye. it always did. it was so pretty, a shade of brown so dark it nearly looked black.

he pressed a kiss to that too. when he was done, roberts face was practically red.

and they went back to silence, but it wasnt a bad silence. it was perfect. because now, everything was okay.

maybe not okay, but.. better.

much better.

their smiles grew a little wider.

but then the door opened. ross pulled away as quickly as he could, making sure not to slam into any tubes or hurt robert in the process.

he expected a random doctor, or worse, john or radford, but he was greeted with his mom.

"hi mrs. lacosta." robert waved.

"hi there! you seem a lot better. but.. we need to get going."

ross slumped. he felt roberts hand gently rubbing his arm.

"but mom-"

she came over, putting her hands on his shoulders. "tell you what. we can visit tomorrow, since strebers still recovering, and ill even let you skip school. how does that sound?"

he looked over at robert, who was nodding enthusiastically.

"y-yeah. that works."

"good. come on, now. its late. and robert needs some sleep, dont you think?"

ross nodded. they then departed the hospital room, waving back at him.

robert gave him a big grin as he left.

he happily mirrored it.

"anything you want to tell us?"

ross jumped, looking back at his mom. they were walking to the car now, and the chill of november was making him wish he brought a second coat.

"like what?"

his dad tapped his shoulder, signing.

'you seem happier.'

he bit his lip, tugging his beanie over his eyes.

"its.. its nothing. just excited to see robert again."

she smiled down at him, opening the backseat door.

"me and your dad are excited for you too, then."

everything felt a little more lighter now.

ross hoped that the feeling would last forever.

he really did. and maybe, if this was just a one time thing, than it would.

he hoped it would.