Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

DATE: Mid Fall Year 1

-song: “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys [cover by Hozier]

Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift the type
That sticks around like summat in your teeth?
-

The drive to the Hero Public Safety Commission, which Todoroki Touya would later learn to call the HPSC, was shorter than it felt. The Tokyo HPSC headquarters was only a two-hour drive from Musutafu, but the silence carried the weight of a thousand miles.

Touya’s father, Todoroki Enji, sat in the driver’s seat, his unwavering attention on the road, without a single glance spared to his fourteen-year-old son in the passenger seat. He made sure Touya primarily saw him as the rest of the world did – as Endeavor, the number two hero, strong and aloof.

No matter how small a space the two occupied, there was never attention to spare for Touya. At least, not since Touya’s youngest sibling, Shoto, was born six years before. Since then, Touya had grown used to silences like this between himself and his father. Part of Touya knew he really should be grateful that his father was even sparing the afternoon to drive him, but a larger part knew that his father was only coming because he wanted to survey the facility and cement his presence so the staff knew who Touya belonged to.

It wasn’t because of worry for his child as much as it was about control. Enji had given up on teaching Touya himself, but he was still very much invested in how Touya turned out. He hadn’t fully given up on Touya’s potential; he was just outsourcing the nurturing of that potential to someone else. That didn’t make it burn less for Touya, though, as he was sent away.

Regardless, Touya was determined to make it work. Despite everything, he still wanted to become a hero, albeit a different kind of hero from Endeavor. His father began his training process with the intention for him to one day surpass All Might, Japan’s number one hero, but Touya secretly wanted to be like All Might. Heroes like All Might gave Touya hope that his father was an exception, and most heroes didn’t go home and forcefully push their worldview onto their children, burying them in the weight of crushing expectations. Touya has to believe that. And if all heroes were like that, well, then Touya would be the first.

Touya thought to himself like this throughout most of the car ride. Every now and then, he tried to say something to spark some conversation, but was only met with painfully brief answers.

“Looks like we’re halfway there.”

“Looks like it.”

“Yeah.”

And then again later, “Have you ever been to the Hero Public Safety Commission before?”

“Yes.”

“Is it nice?”

Endeavor paused, clearly annoyed with Touya’s questions. “It’s a big office building. Nothing glamorous.”
“Cool.” Touya rubbed at the rings on his fingers awkwardly. Why must everything be so tense between them?

~~~~

When they finally arrived, Endeavor greeted the staff, roughly helped unload what few possessions Touya’s mother had helped pack for him, and unceremoniously dropped him off without a second glance.

Touya had mixed feelings as soon as Enji was gone. On one hand, he always felt unsure of himself when his father wasn’t barking orders at him about what to do. It was hard to navigate the world on his own when he was so used to it being laid out for him. On the other hand, he felt lighter and freer to simply be himself outside of Enji’s presence. It was easier to be a kid when he didn’t feel his father breathing down his neck, ordering with his fierce eyes to sit straighter and act older than he was.

He was brought in by a staff member clad in leather, many piercings, and DJ-themed props decorating a hefty chestplate. His long dark hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. He must have been a pro hero, judging by the costume and confidence he exuded as he walked. “Todoroki Touya, yeah?”

“Yes. Good to meet you, sir.”

“Yeah, ah, right. I’m Deejay. I’ll be your handler. Kinda like your case worker, or whatever. You’ll be with me for your private training sessions.”

“Oh, cool. Thanks.”

“Hurry up,” said Dee Jay, already on the move, his quick, long strides easily double the length of Touya’s. He must have been at least six feet tall. Touya, in contrast, was small for his age, with delicate features and weird child proportions. He was still growing, slowed down even further by the toll his own quirk took on him.

“Sorry,” Touya winced, rushing to catch up.

Deejay led him through the front doors, unveiling a massive entryway with dozens of pro heroes and trainees ranging from grade school to teens, all bustling around between rooms. The front and back walls were completely covered in one-sided windows, rendering this place impenetrable to outsiders trying to look in. One massive dual staircase filled the edges of the large room, leading up to an upstairs room that looked even larger than the entryway. At the sides of the room were a dozen doors on each side, presumably leading to various offices. The door to the front office was wide open, and Touya followed Deejay inside.

“This is Touya, he’s getting all checked in. He’s in room 413, shared with Agent 3450-3. His handler is yours truly, Deejay. Primary professors are Ectoplasm, Sir Nighteye, Best Jeanist, and Gang Orca. He’ll be paired with Agent 3450-3 for now for both classes and training, on Razorwhip’s recommendation.”

“Right, thank you.” The lady at the front desk was blonde, dressed in a feminine business suit with a pearl necklace. Something about her frightened Touya, so he lowered his eyes and tried to make himself look smaller.

The lady finished checking in Touya, and Deejay began to lead him out. Touya mumbled a quick “thank you” to the lady for her trouble. She quickly sharpened her eyes at him, as if his words had offended her.

“Madam President,” she said shortly.

“Madam President,” Touya added, trying to look as respectful as possible. When her gaze softened enough to signal he had said the right thing, he gave a sigh of relief and followed quickly beside Deejay.

Deejay led Touya to a room with a dozen other boys standing in a line against the back wall. A large man who looked like a Killer Whale led roll call, each boy chiming off with “present” when his name and number code were spoken.

Interestingly, each of their names was an alias, possibly their future hero names.

Deejay ushered Touya in next to the boy who responded when the name “Hawks, Agent 3450-3” was called. This boy must be my new roommate, Touya thought with interest.

The boy was even smaller than Touya. The bright red wings sprouting from his back were comically large for his tiny body, and they twitched as if the boy was trying hard to keep them still. His gold eyes were sharp as they surveyed his surroundings. He had fluffy blonde hair speckled with yellow down feathers. Against his tan skin, his cheeks were pink and peppered with freckles.

In contrast to Touya’s pale, slightly scarred skin, Hawks seemed so colorful. It was an odd thing to fixate on, but he just seemed so approachable that Touya felt drawn to him. When Hawks noticed Touya watching, he flashed the pale boy a bright smile, and Touya couldn’t help but return it with a shy one.
When Touya’s name was called, he felt nervous, and he could only mumble, “present.” His mind was elsewhere.

~~~~

After roll-call, the teens were brought to have dinner in the sleek, modern-style dining hall. There, each student was dished meals tailored to the fuel they need for their training and quirk maintenance.

The trainees took their assigned seats. Touya sat in his designated seat next to his new roommate. Hawks had a plate full of extra protein foods, while Touya had the standard dish.

“Hi, I’m Hawks,” Hawks said, shoving a bite of chicken into his mouth.

“I’m Touya. Well, for now. They haven’t given me a code name yet.” Touya responded quietly, picking at his noodles.

“I’m sure they’ll give you one soon. I was given mine on the first day, but some others had to wait, like, a week or so.” He smiled reassuringly and took another bite.

“Oh.” Touya took a bite of his food for a pause. “How long have you been here?” Touya asked.

“Six years,” Hawks answered with his mouth half full.

“Six years?!” Touya exclaimed, shocked. “That’s gotta be half your lifespan! What the hell? How old are you?”

“Thirteen,” Hawks answered easily. “How old are you?”

“Fourteen.”

“Old man. And you have white hair already”

“Shut up. I’m only a year older than you.” Touya huffed indignantly. Hawks laughed, and they continued to eat.

“Razorwhip says you’re my roommate now.”

“Oh yeah,” Touya says. “My handler guy – Deejay – is helping move my stuff in.”

“Cool. I haven’t had a roommate before you, so this’ll be interesting. Fair warning, though, I can be kinda messy, just so you know.”

“S’okay. Doesn’t bother me. My brother at home is a certified slob.”

Hawks laughed again. Then, he began to chatter off about how the academy worked while Touya carefully listened, and they finished their meal in good spirits.

~~~~

Later, when they’ve eaten and are on their way to their room, Hawks held open the door for Touya like a butler. “Your quarters, my liege.”

Touya laughed nervously. “Stop that,” he whined, pushing past Hawks, who chuckled behind him as he followed him in.

The room was relatively small – just two twin beds, a big window, and a door leading into a small bathroom. Hawks’s side was fairly messy, with unopened snack packages, blankets, and a few outfits' worth of clothes on the floor. Hawks looked embarrassed and kicked it under his bed before he sat down on it. His bed was unmade, with blankets covering it in a nest-like shape. He didn’t bother tidying that part, which Touya filed away to mock later.

As he scanned the nest, his eyes narrowed on a small Endeavor plushy amongst Hawks’s bedthings. The idolatry of his father in plush form, in his bedroom no less, sent chills down his spine, and he stiffened. He bit down the flutter of anxiety in his chest, forcing himself to scan the rest of the room before Hawks noticed the fixation.

Touya’s things had been partially unpacked. His bed was made, his slippers were by the door, and various possessions were on the nightstand. It looked empty, in a way. Touya had never shared a room with anyone besides Natsuo, and he felt his brother’s absence like a lost limb. He was where he should be, but being away from Natsuo wasn’t something he had fully prepared for.

He sat on his bed facing Hawks, not sure what to say.

“My real name is Keigo,” Keigo said into the silence. “Technically, I’m supposed to only be called Hawks around the others, but I want you to know my name because I know yours. Touya.”

Touya looked away, tense through the feeling of already breaking the rules, but also appreciating his roommate’s honesty. “Oh. Cool.”

“So, tell me about you. How’d you get here? What’s your quirk? Why do you want to be a hero? Et cetera et cetera?” He spoke quickly, kicking his feet and twirling his finger while he spoke. Is he always this hyperactive? Touya thought half with dread, half with curiosity.

Touya decided to answer the questions selectively. “My dad put me here to train to be a hero. Wants me to get better at using my quirk.”

“And your quirk is….?” Keigo was buzzing with energy.

“Uh, just fire. I can summon flames,” he demonstrated with a small flame from his finger.

Keigo’s eyes danced in excitement. “That’s so awesome!”

“Yeah,” Touya blushed, a little bashful. “I’m trying to get better at it.”

“I’m sure you’ll become something incredible with a quirk like that. You could burn stuff in the way of saving survivors from disasters, or hit villains with it to make them back off. You could probably be really good at combat. I know I would think twice before actually engaging in a fight with you. I’m flammable. Anyway, if I were a villain, you’d get me for sure.”

“Thanks?” Touya raised an eyebrow at him, letting him chatter on.

“My quirk is cool and all, but my wings are pretty flammable. They grow back, though, if I just give it a few days or so.”

“Can you fly?”

“Yup! A lot better recently. I used to just be able to lift off and glide, but now I can flap them and get up really high,” – He demonstrated by flapping his hands – “and now I can even dive, which is really cool. I’m super fast now.” Keigo’s pride didn’t come across the way Touya’s father’s did. It just came across as a kid excited to show off, and Touya found that oddly endearing.

“That sounds pretty cool.”

“Thanks!” Keigo was shining, his smile melting through Touya’s icy exterior. “I’m excited to work with you. I haven’t had a partner before. They said no one’s good enough to. But that must mean you’re something real special if they want to put you with me. I don’t know. I’m excited, though!”

“Yeah, I don’t know about all that. I’m strong, but…”

“But?” Keigo tilted his head, suddenly dampening his smile into a look of mild concern.

Touya sighed. “My fire burns me. I can’t handle the temperature. It gets too hot for my body. I’m not built for it.”

“You’ll get there,” Keigo sounded surprisingly gentle, and Touya began to feel some warmth in his chest. Hope.

“Yeah, I’ll get there,” he promised, managing a small lopsided smile, which Keigo eagerly returned with a warm smile of his own.

~~~~

The next morning, the day started with morning roll call, breakfast, and then math class. The professor was a large man with dark skin and a big, toothy grin framed by a gold headpiece resembling a muzzle. Gold lines trailed throughout his pitch black body, snaking underneath his massive tan trenchcoat. His name, apparently, was Ectoplasm, and he was a pro hero who just taught math and physical education at the HPSC on the side.

The man was firm and steady as he gave the lesson. He seemed the no-nonsense, strict teaching type, demanding only the best quality of work from his students. He seemed to like Touya, who mirrored his tenacity and strength.

Touya grew emboldened after the first few times he raised his hand to ask a question or give an answer and was rewarded with enthusiastic praise when Ectoplasm appreciated whatever he had to say.

Touya had never been treated so warmly by an older man. It was unusual. Touya felt determined to study hard in math and make Ectoplasm proud.

Touya knew it was juvenile. He knew it was childish, and probably simply a product of coming from a broken home, but something about how Ectoplasm spoke to him made him feel bigger, more grown up, and willing to sit straight up in his seat and take notes.

Next to him, Keigo flashed him teasing looks. As they left, Keigo playfully nudged Touya’s arm with his fist and chuckled, “Didn’t peg you for a teacher's pet?”

“Shut up, bird.”

“Never!” Keigo beamed and blew Touya a kiss before heading out to the next class. Touya thought Keigo was being ridiculous, but he didn’t feel any malice in the teasing, so he let it slide.

~~~~

The next class was less enjoyable. This one was taught by Sir Nighteye, a grossly thin, tall man of sticklike proportions, his hair gelled back and his suit tidy. He oozed self-confidence and audacity, intimidating those around him with his hard gaze.

Unfortunately for Touya, he taught both Communications and Language Arts, so Touya would have to see him for two full class periods. Begrudgingly, Touya sat down and listened to Nighteye spout off about Pre-Quirk science fiction and fantasy, and how the development of Quirks reshaped modern literature.

Touya would have been more interested if Nighteye hadn’t tried to throw bad jokes in. Plus, all the books he picked were heavy on comedy, which simply wasn’t Touya’s cup of tea.

Touya liked adventure, mystery, war, and action novels. Humor didn’t often resonate with him. It wasn’t something he grew up around, besides Natsuo, who only stopped laughing and cracking jokes when Enji was around. Luckily for Natsuo, he seldom was.

Keigo, however, laughed at even the corniest of Nighteye’s jokes. Keigo especially seemed to have a funny bone for puns and wordplay. Touya rolled his eyes, but something about the way that Keigo laughed made everything a little more funny. Not enough to make him laugh, though, because Nighteye’s jokes were just that terrible. Still, it made it a little more bearable.

~~~~

Best Jeanist, who taught “Press, Image, and Branding,” or “PIB” for short, was polished, clean, precise, and intimidating in his own way. He demanded perfection from all his pupils. Backs straight, buttons done all the way up, no slouching or fidgeting.

“A hero must keep a strong presence at all times. He must appear dignified, poised, and disciplined. These traits come across in the way one sits, does their hair, and places their hands. As a hero, the cameras are always watching. Make sure when they see you, they always find you at your best.”

Touya wanted to roll his eyes. This was what was so awful about hero culture. Keeping up images, lying, being inauthentic. A gilded cage was still a cage; a wolf in sheep’s clothing was still a predator. Heroes shouldn’t waste their time making themselves look nicer. They should just be nicer. Hero society shouldn’t be opaque and dressed in make-up; it should be real and honest. Otherwise, the public will only know how to accept lies.

Besides, when heroes paint themselves as perfect and pretend problems don’t exist, the less secure the public will be when problems do arise. The more the heroes bury dead plants in the forest bed, the smaller the spark needed to send the whole forest up in flames.

That’s now how the HPSC wants him to think, though, so Touya shoves it down, along with his pride, and listens to Best Jeanist ramble on about the unwavering sanctity of the hero image.

~~~~

Touya’s last class of the day was with Gang Orca, the tall and domineering killer whale man who gave evening roll call the day before. The man looked tough and scary, but Touya could tell he had a soft underbelly. He taught history and science and seemed ceaselessly passionate about both topics.

He was just as strict as the other professors, but was like Ectoplasm in the way he was gentle and seemed to care about his pupils. He frequently gave out compliments and encouraging feedback. He paid attention to each student, making sure everyone felt included in discussions.

Early on, Gang Orca recognized the way Touya was shyer than the others and began pushing him to engage by calling on him more frequently. Touya didn’t know much about science outside of what he knew from his quirk. He knew nearly nothing about history, but Keigo seemed to be very knowledgeable about history, and that made
Touya feel determined to get better at it. He was a very competitive person.

Touya didn’t miss the way Keigo watched the professor with adoring eyes, eagerly taking in all the information from the lecture. His paper was full of notes and doodles of sea creatures in the margins. Touya chuckled at Keigo’s terrible handwriting in contrast to his own handwriting, which was neat and almost feminine. Keigo didn’t seem to notice, too absorbed in the lecture to even glance at his hand as he jotted down notes.

At the end of class, it was Touya who teased Keigo for being a teacher’s pet. “Hmm, who’s the professor lover now, Hawks?”

Keigo blushed hard, but rolled his eyes as if feigning nonchalance would somehow override how clearly flustered he was. “I am not! I just like history.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a crush.”

At this, Keigo turned impossibly redder and waved him off. “Nuh uh! You’re just jealous because you’re shit at history.”

“I am not shit at history!”

“He asked you what country colonized Korea – keep in mind that the right answer is the country YOU live in – and you said The United States .”

Touya gasped in mock hurt. “How was I supposed to know? I wasn’t even alive back then!”
“That’s why it’s called HISTORY, dumbass! Have you no brain cells?” Keigo said, laughing at the way Touya scrunched up his face in frustration.

“Silence, Bird Brain”

“Never.” Keigo drawled confidently. “Scarface.”

And on that note, they headed off to the end-of-day roll call, where Touya was finally given his hero name, Cremation.

Chapter Text

DATE: Late Fall Year 1
-song: “Work Song” by Hozier (at end of chapter)

-

At the morning roll call, Touya had grown confident in responding to the name “Cremation, Agent 4038-5.” He was beginning to get the hang of things. He tried his best to fit in with the other boys. He was still the newest to the program and had yet to make any friends besides Keigo. All things considered, though, Touya would say he was adjusting quite nicely.

Keigo, despite his ceaseless chatter, easygoing personality, and charisma, didn’t seem to have many friends either. The only time Touya asked about it, Keigo had given a brief answer – something like “they like to keep me separated” – that dissuaded Touya from inquiring about it any further.

Keigo was often gone with his handler, Razorwhip. That man, like many of the people at the HPSC, scared Touya, but Razorwhip seemed to earn that fear more than anyone else. He had steel wings and a spiny metal tail. Each of his feathers or tail spikes could be flung out like throwing daggers at will, slicing through anything in their wake. Razorwhip had dark, calculating eyes that scanned his surroundings mechanically at all times. He looked like he could smell fear. Despite all this, Keigo didn’t seem very afraid of him, so maybe the man was nicer once one got to know him. Whichever the case, Touya still opted to keep his distance.

Keigo frequently returned worn out and grumpy after his individual training sessions, silence overtaking his usual chatter. It didn’t take long for his cheerfulness to come back, though.

Sometimes, Keigo bounced back from bad moods so quickly, it gave Touya whiplash. After a few weeks with Keigo, he got used to it and just played along, but it had been a long adjustment process.

At roll call a few weeks into Touya’s time at the HPSC, Gang Orca called Keigo’s name as usual, but followed up Keigo’s response with an order: “On Madam President’s orders, you are to report to Razorwhip immediately after the roll call.” Then, he'd moved on to the next name as if nothing had happened, leaving a bewildered Keigo with no answers.

Keigo looked baffled. He turned to Touya as if he had anything to do with it, but Touya just shrugged, showing an equally puzzled look on his face. Keigo narrowed his gold eyes at Gang Orca as if looking hard enough would answer all his questions. Touya could practically see his mind working to figure out why he was being summoned.

Directly after roll call, Keigo did as he was told. When he returned from Razorwhip’s office looking shaken, some of the boys gave a sneering, “Ooooh, Hawks is in trouble!!”

Touya had just rolled his eyes at them and waited to see if Keigo was going to talk about it. Keigo looked anxious, picking at his breakfast, before finally speaking up. “I was assigned a mission.” He said the words as if getting them out was difficult.

It took a moment for it to sink in. “T-That’s awesome!” Touya enthused. “Are you excited?”

Keigo didn’t answer, but he didn’t look excited. It made Touya start to worry. Slowly, Keigo said, “I’ll be gone for a few days.”

“It’s okay, I’ll take notes for you! And I’ll make sure your big fat crush, Gang Orca, knows you’re out for noble reasons.”

Typically, Keigo would push back and say something like ‘he’s not my crush! Shut up!’ but instead, Keigo just looked down wordlessly, still picking at his breakfast.
Touya reached for Keigo’s trembling hand and offered the most reassuring smile he could manage. He hoped it was as comforting as the smiles his sister, Fuyumi, used to give him, but he knew he could never measure up to her.

“Thanks,” Keigo mumbled. He leaned his head against Touya’s shoulder, resting there, giving up on his breakfast. Touya tried to mask his own worry to comfort his friend. He had never been a stable person, but he wanted to be Keigo’s rock in this situation. He'd never seemed this low in spirits before, and Touya desperately wanted to be a good friend to him in his hour of need. That's what friends were supposed to do.

~~~~

While Keigo was out on his sessions with Razorwhip, Touya explored the grounds, worked on homework, or thought about what his family at home was doing. After Keigo left on his mission, Touya spent the entire first day like that.

Touya’s family had caused him more pain than anything else ever had, but being away from them still hurt.

Most of all, he missed Natsuo, his ten-year-old brother. Natsuo had always comforted Touya and protected him, despite being the younger of the two. Even quirkless, he always stood firm against Endeavor. He was very brave, unlike Touya, who was afraid of everything and almost everyone.

Touya was too dependent on others. He felt lost without guidance. He often felt as useless as a child. Without his father’s eyes on him, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Natsuo had always moved with a greater sense of direction than his older brother did. He's always known he wanted to be a doctor, so he could help people like Touya. People harmed by their own quirks, those who were weak and needed saving. Not that Touya would have shamed others for needing help, but that didn't stop him from hating himself for needing it.

Touya also missed his sister, Fuyumi. She was smart, strong-willed, and willing to give her heart to anyone who needed it. She, more than anyone, felt the chasm between the Todoroki siblings and their father. She wanted the family to be closer, wanted to close the gap, wanted them to forgive Enji. Touya wished he were selfless enough to put his grievances and mixed feelings aside and stand with her, but he could never be the stable older brother she wanted him to be. They all knew that by now.

Fuyumi, despite being only fourteen, as of a week ago, was the mini mom of the family. She was the one who held the family together and planned activities. The love she gave was pure and whole-hearted, even to those who would never return her kindness. No amount of abuse from Enji could ice over the love in that big heart of hers, and maybe Touya resented her for it, but everything was so jumbled in his head. Sometimes, he couldn’t sort hatred from love anymore. All big feelings felt the same on days like this.

This confusion surfaced the most around Shoto. On one hand, he felt absolute camaraderie with his six-year-old brother. It was now Shoto who suffered the same beatings Touya used to. It was Shoto being pushed to the brink of burnout and put back together again over and over. But part of Touya also hated him because Shoto didn’t – hadn’t ever – loved it the way Touya did.

He knew it was wrong, but Touya loved to hold his father’s attention, even when it was written in a death glare or a soul-crushing comment about Touya’s many failures. Touya always came to training sessions ready to work himself to death for any ounce of his father’s approval, but it never came. He resented Shoto for being the new object of his father’s attention, even if the attention often was painful.

Everything was blended together in shades of gray. Everything was black and white. He was so confused.

~~~~

<---TW zone starts: [Parental Child abuse, neglect, and exploitation]--->

When he was nine, he finally managed to make his flames blue for the first time. The heat had scorched him, causing some of the scars on his cheeks that hadn’t ever fully faded. He had smiled with great pride, eager to show off his blue fire, but Enji’s back was already turned. He had been looking at his brother, Shoto, and smiled at him instead.

Shoto was his new project. He discarded his eldest son like a broken toy in favor of the newer model. The model that finally achieved what he wanted – a perfect blend of fire and ice. The new golden child. Whatever Touya’s potential was to Endeavor fizzled out, and Touya felt abandoned.

Two years later, Touya tried to burn Shoto. Shoto didn’t even flinch.

His dad, however, wasn’t so willing to let Touya off without punishment. The beating lasted half an hour and left him unconscious overnight. When he woke up, he saw his dad on the TV, fighting villains, as if he hadn’t nearly beaten his son to death the night before.

Touya had cried into Natsuo’s shirt, and Fuyumi gave him a flower crown to wear. “You’ll always be king to us, Touya. Don’t listen to what Dad says. You just had a bad day,” she had said as she wove it through his white curls. It made it less lonely, but joy was hollow without his father’s eyes on him.

<---TW zone ends--->

~~~~

Touya jerked himself out of the memory, trying to shove it down. Missing them wouldn’t bring them here. Mourning wouldn’t make him stronger. So he filled it deep in the tunnels of his mind, and tried to push his mind to any other topic.

Before he could think of one, though, he was knocked out of his thoughts by Deejay.

He hadn’t seen Dejay much since the first day. The other students frequently went off for individual sessions with their handlers, but Touya’s had been radio silent. Seeing him here at last was a relief. Touya had started wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“Cremation. We have a session. Meet me in my office in five.”

Touya nodded and scrambled to gather his things and head toward Deejay’s office.

All of the handlers’ offices were large enough to accommodate close-quarters combat. There was a small desk in the corner surrounded by glass. The floor was soft and safe to fall on, and the walls were quirk-proof. Touya dropped his things off in a small locker near the entrance and started stretching while he waited for Deejay.

When Deejay arrived, he looked at Touya unfazed. “Hit me,” Deejay said in lieu of hello.

Touya gaped at him. “What?”

“Idiot. Hit me. Fire, now.”

Touya shook the bewilderment off and held out his hand, blasting a wave of sky blue flames. The force of the blast sent Touya bouncing backward, off his center of balance.

<---TW zone starts: [Violence against children]--->

Deejay, face absent of any emotion, reached for one of the soundboard dials on his sleeve, amping it up to one hundred. He looked bored.
The flames roared tenfold, scorching Touya’s palms, causing him to cry out. He swerved to aim them away from Deejay, who stood directly in the line of fire, but he seemed entirely unfazed.

Taking advantage of Touya’s confusion, he grabbed Touya’s arm and yanked hard, sending the boy’s shoulder downward – popping out of its socket with a pained cry – the momentum flipping him over to land on his stomach behind Deejay.

Touya moved to clutch his aching shoulder, biting back the buds of tears from his eyes from the shock and pain. It all had moved so fast. He clenched his teeth, hard, and made a low whine in the back of his throat.

“You’re weak,” Deejay deadpanned, kicking Touya to flip him back onto his back. Touya used it to try to sit up slowly, pushing himself up with his good shoulder. Touya tried to take the feedback with dignity, but it was hard when his whole body trembled, feverish from the heat of his flames and the pain. “Yes, sir,” was all he managed to choke out.

“My quirk allows me to amplify or muffle my opponent’s quirks. I expect you to keep up. I was told you couldn’t even handle your quirk at its usual capacity, but this is just sad.” Deejay raked a hand across his face, as if this was all a minor inconvenience. “Geez, why do they always saddle me with the shit cases?”

Touya suppressed a growl, clenching his jaw. His pride was wounded, but he would endure. “I’m doing my best.”

“Your best isn’t good enough, kid.” The way Deejay said it made it sound like some self-evident, universal, undeniable truth. It made Touya feel inferior, and he hated that. “I’m amplifying it to 100%. If you can’t handle that, you should just give up now.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say. He was at a complete loss for words.

“You’ll never become a pro hero if you can’t even manage one blast at full power. Hit me again. Harder.”

Touya shot again, and again, and again. He was thrown around over and over, far past when he started to feel dizzy. Just when his vision began to tunnel, not sure how much more he could take, Deejay tried a new strategy.

<---TW zone ends--->

The next time Touya shot out a flame, Deejay dampened it instead of amplifying it. It made it feel more bearable.

Maybe, if they worked it up while slowly dampening it less and less, Touya could begin to tolerate it.

After his third successful hit, he began to feel hope. Deejay seemed to have no faith in him and never offered him any words of reassurance, but warm pride was slowly building in Touya’s chest regardless. The seed had been planted through no help from anyone but himself, and that made him feel much lighter than he had when he first walked in the room.

~~~~

Keigo returned a few days later, as promised. He looked like a mess at first. His eyes were tired, with deep bags under his usually sharp golden eyes. His skin was paler than usual, and he had harsh bruises around his throat, as if he’d been in a chokehold at some point. Touya had only seen them once before they were covered in makeup. If Touya hadn’t seen them that once, he wouldn’t have even suspected they were there.

To make it worse, Keigo had a nightmare on the first night he was back. These weren’t unusual for either of them. They both took turns having nightmares at least once a week. Keigo would frequently wake Touya up in the middle of the night, tears streaming down his cheeks, tremors wracking his frame. The first night this happened, Touya had crawled into his bed, the same way Natsuo had so many times before for him. He’d wrapped Keigo in his arms, in a brotherly love way. At first, Keigo flinched away, but it only took a moment for him to melt into it and let himself be comforted.

It made Touya proud that Keigo accepted his comfort. It made him feel like the protective older brother again.

Now, when Keigo woke up, he just went and hid in the bathroom before Touya could come over. It put a pit in Touya’s chest, and he felt ashamed to not be of comfort to his friend. He forced himself to wait for Keigo to come out on his own time. When he did, much to Touya’s satisfaction, he crawled into Touya’s bed and quickly fell asleep as Touya petted his feathers and mumbled words of encouragement. It didn’t take much longer for Touya to fall asleep as well.

~~~~

When Touya woke up, Keigo was getting ready for classes. He was already back to his cheery self, or so it seemed. He was happily chattering around about how much he was going to need to catch up on, and how close midterms were, and how Touya should tutor him on whatever he missed.

Touya listened, getting ready for the day, before finally sharing the good news with Keigo once Keigo was all chatted out.

“I had my first personal session with Deejay,” Touya announced proudly. “I think it even went really well?”

“OH MY GOSH THAT’S AWESOME!!” Keigo cheered, bouncing on his feet. “Tell me everything!”

Touya told him about everything, minus the parts where he got his ass handed to him. He talked about how unfazed Deejay seemed to be. He explained Deejay’s unique quirk. He talked about how it felt to have his power amplified– “it hurt a little, but I felt so powerful!” – and about the way it felt when his quirk was dampened — “I felt more in control than I ever have. I think I can build up a tolerance if he can just slowly start amping it up.”

They were late to roll call by the time Touya was done, but Keigo never turned his attention away from his friend, just watching him with intense pride.

“Well, that sounds incredible! I’m so happy for you, Touya! Look at us, we’re really getting somewhere in the world!”

Touya laughed as Keigo pulled him into a tight hug. Keigo waited a moment before pulling away, arms-length apart, his hands on Touya’s shoulders. “Brilliant, but we need to get going. That asshole Razorwhip will kill me if I’m any later.”

He said it with humor, so Touya laughed along and followed him out the door, feeling a little loopy and warm after the exchange.

~~~~

That evening, after classes, Cremation and Hawks were scheduled for a joint training session with just the two of them. When they arrived at their assigned training room, though, Keigo gave Cremation a lopsided smile and proposed, “Hey, Cremation… Wanna ditch?”

Cremation gave him a weird look. “Ditch? Hawks–”

“Look,” Keigo said, leaning against the wall of the training room with practiced ease. “I don’t really want to train today. I just got back. I say we go up the roof, and I’ll fly you around. If they get mad, we’ll say it’s training for me to carry more weight when I fly, or something.”

Cremation’s stomach lurched at the thought. “Fuck no. I’m not flying.”

“Who’s the chicken now?” Keigo teased, flapping his wings in mockery.

“Shut up,” Cremation grumbled, bashful, for a pause. Then, with a hefty sigh, he relented. “Fine! I’ll go up to the roof, but if you so much as lift me off the ground, I’ll Kentucky fry you.”

“Wouldn’t want that!” Keigo mused jokingly. “I suppose I’ll let you off the hook. For now, Scarface.”

The two laughed and sneaked up to the roof, using the spy techniques they’d learned against the agency that taught them all the stealth they know. After a few close calls and accidental eye contact episodes with each other that almost had them bursting out laughing, they finally made it up to the roof.

Keigo perched against the edge, surveying the horizon as if he’d done this all the time. He probably had. Keigo had been here since he was seven, so he probably had explored every nook and cranny of the Tokyo HPSC facility.

Keigo looked majestic like this, his eyes scanning the road like the bird of prey he was, his blonde curls flowing in the high altitude breeze. He looked in his element. When he turned his head to watch Touya, it made Touya feel included somehow in Keigo’s natural world, and that thought brought him more joy than he’d expected it to. He’d never had a friend like this before. He’d never been this close with anyone besides Fuyumi and Natusou.

“Tell me something real,” Keigo said, his usual high energy buzzing all washed away up here. He seemed equally peaceful and on edge. Both literally and emotionally.

Touya couldn’t think of what to say. “What about?”

Keigo hummed as he turned over ideas in that frustratingly crafty mind of his. “What’s your family like?”

The question hit Touya like a bullet, knocking the air out of him. “I–” he sputtered, “What about them? I mean, I've got three siblings.. My dad works a lot…” He wasn’t sure how to answer Keigo’s question. “Mom’s a stay-at-home Mom. Kinda boring stuff”

“What are your siblings like?” Keigo’s tone was even, thoughtful, yet dangerously calculating.

“Hmm…” Touya looked at the sunset to avoid Keigo’s eyes. He could think more clearly when he wasn’t making eye contact. “My sister is less than a year younger than me. Her name is Fuyumi. She’s very sweet. The older of my younger brothers, Natsuo, is kinda loud and playful, but he’s funny, a good hugger.” He met Keigo’s eyes. “Kind of like you,” he added, smiling at the blush that appeared on Keigo’s cheeks. “My youngest brother is Shoto. He’s six, so he’s not old enough to be interesting yet, but he can count to twenty and sing his ABCs, so there’s that. Out of the lot of us, he’s the favorite child.”

“The favorite?” Keigo inquired quietly.

“Oh, yeah. My dad wanted a kid who would have both his and my mom’s quirk. She’s an ice wielder. Shoto was the only kid with both, so, yeah. He’s the favorite.”

“That’s a weird way to measure your kids against each other,” Keigo commented.

Touya shrugged it off. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s kinda just how it goes in the family of the Number Two hero.”

“I suppose,” was all Keigo said.

“What’s your family like?”

Keigo tensed at that, his easy posture stiffening for just a moment before relaxing back down again. “I haven’t seen them since I was seven. I don’t know what they’re like anymore.”

Touya’s heart hurt for his friend, but he couldn’t think of anything to say that could mean anything. Instead, he just settled for, “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be. I don’t need them. I’ve got Madam President, Razorwhip, you….”

“Ew. That sounds like shit.”

“Eh. It is what it is. I’m not complaining. I doubt your family’s a breeze either.” Then, after a long pause, “What’s your dad like?”

Touya choked. “My dad?”

“Yeah. Your dad.”

“He’s – uhm… He’s a pro hero, so he’s always really busy. He’s actually the number two pro hero. Endeavor.” Touya flinched as Keigo gawked at him for a half second before the surprise disappeared from his expression, and his face returned to a focused neutral. Touya continued, “he’s not super heroic at home. Actually, sometimes, he’s a real asshole.”

Keigo’s gaze flicked downward, almost like he was disappointed. “Oh, that sucks.”

Touya’s throat felt the telltale stab of incoming emotion, so he decided to change the subject. “How’d your mission go?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It didn’t go great, and I’m still kinda processing everything. I think I just want to be here with you. I don’t want to train tonight or talk about training. Just wanna hang out.”

“Okay,” Touya agreed, and walked up to the edge, bracing his hands on the edge of the half wall, looking out. “The sky looks so big from up here.”

“It does,” Keigo said, watching Touya. “We should go up here more often. I used to go up here all the time. Sometimes, I’d bring something to play music with.”

“I’ve got my phone. I could play some music.”

“Okay.”

In his pocket, Touya pulled out his phone and started playing some Hozier song he knew they both liked. They stayed, watching the sunset in peaceful quiet, taking in the beautiful phase of the sunset where yellow met purple, while the song played softly between them:

~~~~

Boys workin' on empty
Is that the kinda way to face the burnin' heat?
I just think about my baby
I'm so full of love, I could barely eat
There's nothin' sweeter than my baby

---

Chapter Text

DATE: Late Fall to Early Winter Year 1

-song: “Would That I” by Hozier
With the roar of the fire, my heart rose to its feet
Like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat
Settle soft and as pure as snow
I fell in love with the fire long ago
–

Keigo’s first-ever mission hadn’t gone well.

He had been with the HPSC since he was seven, but he hadn’t ever gone on a solo mission before. He had always shadowed someone else or gone on mock missions in his training room with Razorwhip playing as a villain. He had been deemed too unstable and too young to be trusted on his own. But this assignment just couldn’t wait.

Hawks’s father, Takami, had escaped prison, aided by All For One, and was instructed to find Tomie, Hawks’s Mother. From the intel the HPSC had, All For One wanted Tomie’s quirk. The eyes she could produce had great potential for surveillance.

Takami had broken out of jail when a guard loyal to All For One smuggled a gun into his cell. Takami managed to kill three guards and six civilians before he ran out of bullets and went on the run.

Despite the HPSC’s attempts to separate Keigo from his past, they needed his help if they were to catch Takami, so they called him in.

Keigo was to hide out at Tomie's last known address and arrest his dad if he stopped by. Keigo was even instructed to use lethal force if necessary, but he shoved that thought down. He couldn’t kill his own father. Despite everything that his father did to him, he wouldn’t do it.

~~~~

After a brief goodbye to Touya, he flew out to his mother’s house. The wind whipped in his hair, and he had to adjust his goggles to keep it out of his eyes. The sharp black edges that lined his eyes helped stave off some of the glare, but it was still harder to see than most people would expect, even with his sharp bird of prey vision.
At last, he touched down and knocked on the door.

The rusty doorknob creaked as the door gave way to the smallest of pressure, the hinges churning as the door cracked open. Hawks sent a few feathers inside to scan the perimeter.

He detected nothing but still air.

Hesitantly, he stepped inside, gasping at the sight before him, of his mother lying on the kitchen floor.

<---TW zone starts: [violence, gore, spousal homicide]--->

The old pink tiles were soaked in red. Coagulated blood seeped through the jagged cracks in the flooring. Her body was lifeless.

His mother’s quirk-manifested eyeballs, which usually floated around her frame, were scattered on the ground, some having rolled a short distance away. Each of them was stabbed through with various kitchen knives, except, notably, her real eyes, which remained open, staring out at nothing.

The knife block was covered in long lines of dried blood, indicating that her killer had grabbed knives and stabbed in rapid succession, hands still soaked in blood as each subsequent knife was grabbed.

<---[TW ENDS]--->

It must have been a crime of passion. Fucking Takami.

Hawks hadn’t ever been close to his mother. She had been a broken, barren woman devoid of warmth for his entire life. She was a shell of something that might have once been beautiful. She was ragged, skittish, her head always elsewhere.

She had only ever looked at Keigo, as she did now, through clouded, unseeing eyes.

<---TW zone starts: [Child abuse, Child Neglect, physical violence]--->

He knew she hadn’t wanted him. He knew that neither of his parents had. He was a mistake. He always had been. That’s why they kept him locked up. That’s why she never reported Keigo’s existence to any authorities. He had never gone to the doctor, played at the park with other kids, or left the house at all. He was always hidden away in his room.

The only evidence of his existence was the broken feathers and blood from the beatings he took while his mom watched, absentmindedly, and turned on the television.

The damn damned television had a knife in it, too.

He could see it in his mind's eye. His father coming into the house, seeing her, taking her quirk. Throwing the biggest knife he could into the TV to shut up whatever soap was playing. Reaching again for the knife block, pinning her to the wall with a knife in each hand, a knife through her neck all the way through to the cabinet she leaned against. Knives thrown sloppily through the last eyes her quirk would ever conjure up.

Every eye except the two that watched Keigo, even then.

<---[TW ENDS]--->

When Keigo was seven, she sold him. Not even for much money. It felt like a lot at the time, but now Keigo was thirteen, and he knew the price wasn’t much more than a cheaply made car.

Still, he had loved her. Of the two people in his life at the time, she was the lesser of two evils.

During his years at the commission, part of Keigo took comfort that she was still alive. Finding her body, part of him was glad she was dead.

But, at the end of the day, she was his mother. She bathed him, fed him what little she could, and let him watch Endeavor on the TV when he felt brave enough to ask.

She had cried on the day the HPSC took him. It was the most emotion he’d ever seen in those hollow eyes.

His limbs felt heavy being back in the old house. His mother’s corpse felt like a physical weight in the room, pulling him down. His ears rang and his heart hammered in his chest.

He barely registered the incoming panic attack until his knees buckled and he fell, first to his knees, and then with his forehead to the floor, wings wrapping around his small body.

He fought for each breath. They came shallow, rough, and wet. He hadn’t cried in seven years. He didn’t think he was capable of it anymore. Instead, he rubbed at his eyes with his fists, nails biting into his eyelids as he tried and failed to pull himself together.

He wanted to claw the image out. He wanted to stop the ringing in his ears and never hear anything again.

He felt so overstimulated and so deprived of his senses all at once. The room was silent, but his head was screaming.

It boomed so loudly, he couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t hear the steps behind him. He couldn’t prepare for the sensation of the base of his left wing being yanked up. His skin felt like it was peeling from his wing while he was hoisted up by it, yelping in pain. The hand that gripped his wing flung him roughly against the wall.

Somehow, having the air knocked out of him seemed to relieve some of the pressure in his throat and chest, and he managed to get in a deep breath. His head cleared a bit, the pain centering him. He looked up to face his father, Takami, keeping his head high while mentally patching up all signs of weakness from his body.

<---TW zone starts: [Physical violence, child abuse]--->

He braced himself against the first blow, ducking out of the way to avoid a fist to his face.

He grabbed the fist as it got stuck in the old drywall and twisted, attempting to knock Takami off balance. Using his hold to steady himself, he swung out and kicked at Takami’s legs, sending him stumbling back.

Hawks was on him in a flash, his primary feathers sharp and ready in his hands. He managed to pin his father to the ground with a featherblade to his throat. The old man’s panting turned into a growl. His eyes filled with rage, and he furiously hooked his leg with Hawks’s and twisted.

The movement sent them both rolling. Hawks cried out, his wings throbbing where they met his back.

Takami ended up on top, hands to Hawks’s throat, pushing with every intent to kill. Hawks squirmed, his vision weakening.

Hawks swung his feather blade to the side, slicing off one of Takami’s hands. The other instinctively loosened its grip as the man screamed in pain.

Well, so much for cuffing him, Hawks thought.

Hawks rolled on top, keeping him pinned while looking around the room for something to tie Takami up with. In the half second he was distracted, Takami pushed a needle into Hawks’s thigh, and he jerked away too late.

<---[TW ENDS]--->

Hawks rushed away, needing to make distance between himself and Takami, but his body began feeling sluggish.

“What a lovely specimen you’ll make, Keigo.”

That was the last thing he heard before his vision tunneled and his body collapsed.

~~~~

When he woke up, his wings, legs, and arms were bound. He was still in the house, this time in his old bedroom. His head was dizzy, and he struggled to hold onto consciousness.

He began to count to one hundred, trying to keep his mind sharp and focused.

After what felt like hours, his door creaked open.

“Well, aren’t you something?” Said the voice of a man. Keigo had never heard his voice before.

His accent was subtle, but undeniably upper-class. He must have been at least forty, probably older. He came into view, and Keigo felt like he might throw up.

All For One.

Am I the target? He thought to himself. Was All For One after his quirk? Was his mother’s death just a convenient way to kill two birds with one stone? Did the commission know that? Or did they want Hawks to be both the bait and the trap? Lure his father in, and then arrest him? Was it their plan?

That information would have been useful sooner. Keigo hoped that the HPSC simply didn’t know. They wouldn’t have set him up for this, would they?

The fear sank into Keigo’s veins like venom. His head felt too foggy, his body too heavy, his instincts too jumbled.

“Relax, child,” whispered All For One too sweetly, reaching out a hand to stroke Keigo’s cheek. Keigo would have bitten it if he had the strength to at that moment. “I can’t steal your wings. Just the telekinesis."

That statement gave Keigo all the anger he needed to fuel biting down on All For One’s hand hard enough to taste blood. He flung his leg out for good measure, kicking the older man in the gut.

The old man stumbled back, pulling his arm away to swing at Keigo’s face. Keigo hissed at the pain, holding a fierce look in his eyes as he tried to regain the upper-hand.

He had feathers at work, sawing through the ropes binding his limbs and wings. He just had to hold out until he could fly.

Given he could still control them and feel their vibrations, he knew All For One hadn’t taken his quirk yet. He had to make sure All For One didn’t touch him again.

“Being able to hear from your feathers would give me a useful ear into the inner workings of the Hero Public Safety Commission,” All For One emphasized the name as if it personally scorned him. “Wonder what secrets might get out?”

“Fuck off,” was all Keigo could manage. Almost free…

At that moment, All For One stepped back, getting a call on his cell phone.

Keigo barely held back a sigh of relief when All For One stepped away, and Takami approached.

Keigo’s Dad looked like a madman. The crazy glint in his eyes had only gotten worse over the years. He had lost two more teeth. He was covered in wrinkles and bloodstains. He looked older than he actually was. Probably because of the alcohol abuse.

Keigo had never seen the man without a bottle in his hand. Apparently, even prison couldn’t have sobered him up.

“Always knew you’d cozy up to the police as soon as I let you out of my sight,” the old man glared at his son.

“They’ll come for me. You killed your wife. You tried to kill the top hero trainee at the HPSC. You’re a wanted man. Run all you want, they’ll find you. Crawl back to hell and rot.”

<---TW zone starts: [Cruelty, Child Abuse, Physical Violence]--->

“The world was a better place without you in it, brat. You ungrateful piece of shit. If that bitch’s quirk wasn’t so damn useful, I’d have ended her and you inside her before she created the hellspawn that doomed us all.”

To that, Keigo just grunted, finally breaking free of his bonds. He whipped out faster than his father’s eyes could track him.

Hawks circled around, poised to strike, when his father reached out and grabbed a fistful of his wings, throwing him to the floor. Hawks grunted as his vision swam and his stomach lurched.

<---[TW ENDS]--->

He was dangerously close to throwing up or blacking out if he didn’t regain control as soon as possible.

He was running out of time.

As quickly as he could, he forced himself up muscle by muscle to perch on the balls of his feet. Maintaining his balance took all his strength.

His father moved to kick him back down, but he’d already sprung forward in a last-ditch burst of energy, wings outstretched, throwing a feather to shatter the window in between himself and the outside world.

Before Takami could touch him, he had flown out the window.

As he flew off, a feather he’d left picked up on a fragment of the conversation All For One was having on the phone:

“Tell the boy I’ll be there soon to resume his training. For now, sedate him if he won’t behave. I’ll be there to deal with him as soon as I finish here.”

This piqued Keigo’s interest. All For One training a boy? Perhaps a successor? He must be so old by now; it is well past time to pass down the torch. He hoped the HPSC would be pleased with the extra information, despite his failure to capture his father.

There was no way he’d be able to manage carrying his father all the way to the police station for his rearrest. He could barely carry himself. He shoved aside the impending doom when he informed the HPSC of his failure and tried to focus on staying in the air.

Hawks aimed high at the sky, feeding off the adrenaline to keep him from plummeting back to the earth.

~~~~

<---[NOTE: there are vague mentions of physical violence against a minor coming up that are hard to block off without leaving out essential information. Proceed with caution]]--->

~~~~

Apparently, Hawks had been gone for only eight hours. When he returned, the HPSC had berated him for his failure, but they were glad for at least the information that he might have been training a successor.

As always, Razorwhip had many notes. The HPSC kept him in isolation for the next two days, poring over his failures and offering only brief consultation on his few successes.

“You let your emotions get the better of you, Hawks.”

“Get yourself together! A panic attack mid-mission, Hawks? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“You’d put our investment in you in danger just because you missed your mommy?”

“Grow the fuck up.”

“You have to be better than that.”

“Heroes can’t afford such failures.”

“You do want to be a hero, right?”

“Fucking try harder.”

Each scathing statement was punctuated with a kick to his side or a slice through the flesh hidden under his uniform.

It hurt like hell, but he didn’t cry. He didn’t make a sound. That was conditioned out of him a long time ago.

He smiled. Because that’s what heroes do when they hurt. They smile, accept the feedback, and live to fight another battle. They endure. They don’t give up. They don’t give in to the primal need to cry or scream.

Weakness wouldn’t be tolerated.

Keigo let numbness wash over him, masked on the outside by a smile. He placed himself outside of his body.

The kicks and cuts felt like they were happening to someone else. He was hovering nearby, mind blank, warm clarity washing out the pain and discomfort.

He was kept like that for two days, until the self-inflicted cuts on his eyelids had healed. Making a wound not easily hidden under his uniform was completely unacceptable, so he had to wait for them to heal before he’d be allowed to return to his peers.

~~~~

<---[NOTE: TW zone ends; no more TWs for rest of chapter!]]--->

~~~~

At the end of the two days, he was just tired. He was hungry without an appetite. He wanted to sleep, but all he saw when he closed his eyes was his mother, staring at him, knife in her throat, eyes blank.

At least there was Touya, who wasn’t mad at him for not putting up his usual friendly image.

Touya would adjust to whatever Keigo gave him, and something about that made Keigo more comfortable just being himself around his friend.

Honesty was a dangerous game, but he didn’t have it in himself to deny the one thing in his life that made him feel genuinely happy.

Maybe that made him weak, but that small weakness wasn’t something the HPSC could take from him, so he clung to it like a lifeline. Small pleasures can always slip through the cracks. They were the only constant in an unforgiving world.

~~~~

A week later, a rerun of the UA Sports Festival was on. Keigo had missed the last one, as he was on an in-house training mission with Razorwhip when it was live. When he heard it would be on TV again, he asked Touya if he’d watch it with him, and the two curled up on a couch in the boy’s dorm common area to watch it.

Keigo had smuggled chicken wings from the dining hall, and Touya brought some fruit.

Typically, Hawks was placed on a strict high-protein diet, but Touya was given a lot of fruit. Fruit wasn’t usually something Hawks was allowed to eat, so Touya had begun sneaking him watermelon, peaches, and bananas. Something about their water content made them useful for his body’s ability to tolerate heat, but Touya said firmly that fruit wouldn’t really fix anything, and he didn’t want to eat it anyway.

In return, Keigo snuck Touya extra fried chicken whenever it was offered, since Touya had a strong preference for crispy food. The boy could down a whole bag of potato chips and three chicken tenders like it was nothing. Touya was a very picky eater, and Hawks would give him whatever food he could get his friend to eat.

Hawks was placed on a strict diet. He needed to remain lightweight to maintain his speed, so he was fed only enough to preserve muscle mass, but not enough to properly nourish a growing preteen body.

Touya frequently didn’t want to eat his food, pushing all he was offered onto Keigo’s plate.

At first, Keigo refused to eat it, frustrated that his friend would sacrifice his meal just so Keigo wouldn’t go hungry, but it later became apparent that Touya would waste the food whether or not Keigo ate it, so he figured he might as well.

It took Keigo quite a while to realize it was the texture of fruit that Touya didn’t like. After that, Keigo started sneaking him whatever crunchy food he was given.

Whatever “healthy” crunchy food Keigo had – cucumbers, seeds, and granola – all found their way to Touya’s plate, because it was better than Touya eating exclusively fried food.

It was a mutually beneficial breaking of the rules.

So, in preparation for the Sports Festival rerun, they gathered up their snacks to feast on.

The Sports Festival was just as riveting as it always was. Young heroes clashing with their peers, dozens of scouts in the stands, rivalries and alliances formed across classes, energetic commentary by the teacher on the mic.

Keigo always felt inspired watching the festival. He’d watched all three of Endeavor’s years at the sports festival so many times he’d lost count. Seeing young people only a little bit older than him standing where Endeavor once stood thrilled him.

A small part of him wondered if Touya felt the same way. He had said his father was sort of a jerk at home, but Keigo didn’t know how deep that ran.

Touya watched the festival with enthusiastic yet calculating commentary. He was good at spotting the strengths and weaknesses of the students and judging their future potential. He was also an excellent judge of character.
“This one is too mean to be a hero. Look, you see some of the scouts see that,” Touya pointed out to some of the scouts, frowning at their clipboards.

For once, Keigo let Touya lead the commentary, falling into peaceful silence. Listening to Touya’s voice was soothing after the tremulous week he’d had.

When the Sports Festival was over, the boys swapped notes on the finalists, having a short debate about who should have won before Keigo suddenly leaped up, flying toward the window.

He could see the first snowflakes of the year falling out the window out of the corner of his eye. “The first snow! Look, Touya!”

Touya walked over to take a peak. His eyes reflected the small snow particles as he looked out at the rising blizzard.

“We should go play in it!” Keigo declared cheerfully.

Touya sighed. “I thought you hated the cold.”

“I do,” Keigo admitted, “but I like playing in it. You get all warm when you’re running around. Plus, Madam President got me a ton of really cool winter gear for winter missions, and I want to show them off.”

Touya relented, seemingly curious and, as always, unable to say no when Keigo got excited like this.

Keigo cheered and rushed to get all bundled up while Touya slowly got his gear on as well.

When they were both thoroughly wrapped in scarves, hats, jackets, heavyweight coats, snow pants, and boots, they made their way outside.

The breeze was cold, but Hawks was too excited to care. He stuck out his tongue, catching some of the snowflakes. “Tastes like chicken.”

Touya snorted. “You’re an idiot.”

They started walking up a hill, planning on racing down it. The snow was a massive blizzard by now.

There was already a full four inches of snow on the ground, and it packed under the weight of their heavy boots as they trekked uphill.

Once they got to the top, they admired the view for just a moment before they both slid off their coats to sit on them and use them like sleds.

They were both wearing jackets underneath their coats, so they remained relatively warm despite the frigid air – except for Keigo’s face, which he was sure was rosy with cold. He could barely feel his nose, and his eyelashes felt frozen.

Touya set off with a head start, cheering on his way down.

“Cheater!” Hawks accused loudly, following behind him in quick pursuit.

Touya was surprisingly competitive, especially when it came to physical feats. He reached the bottom of the hill so far ahead of Keigo that, even without his boost, he still would have won.

He was already ten seconds into his victory dance when Keigo reached the bottom, spinning on his makeshift sled in a circle.

He dizzily presented his middle finger to Touya, who cackled in response.

Keigo lay flat on his back, spreading out to make a snow angel.

His hair collected plenty of snowflakes, painting the back of his neck in rapidly melting snow.

He spread his wings up and down to create the imprint, leaving behind some feathers. Then, Touya helped him up, and they admired his handywork.

They stood there, grinning at each other like idiots, snowflakes dusting their hair.

Small snowflakes fluttered on Touya’s long white eyelashes, and Keigo watched the way his eyes danced. He had known in theory that Touya loved the cold, but he hadn’t expected to see him look so happy.

Come to think of it, Touya didn't look happy very often. Keigo was happy he could make Touya smile, even when such a thing was uncommon.

Despite the cold, Keigo’s chest felt warmer than it ever had, his heart heavy with admiration for his first-ever friend. How lucky he was to get to see Touya like this.

They went up the hill one last time.

Keigo had started to shiver, his teeth chattering and wings growing stiff. Seeing this, Touya helped Keigo put his coat back on – it was hard to dress himself with his big ass wings in the way – and they both settled on Touya’s coat.

Keigo sat in the back, arms pressed against Touya’s sides, his head buried against Touya’s shoulder. Touya was so warm. Keigo could have fallen asleep right there if he hadn’t been so excited to go down the hill.

With a jolt, they were whipping down the hill, Keigo laughing and flapping his wings behind him to give them even more speed.

They soared faster than either of them had in their race beforehand, and when they reached the bottom, hooting and hollering, their momentum carried them twenty feet farther than before, landing dangerously close to the lake.

In the cold, Keigo felt deliriously jolly, and the thought of almost falling in the iced-over lake felt like the funniest thing that had happened all day.

He felt high. He felt more alive than he had in so long, maybe more than he ever had.

Touya turned to face him, his rosy cheeks and lightning blue eyes shining. His eyes shone like his fire, but the warmth they emitted was written in the way he smiled, not in the literal heat of flames. Keigo could look at him forever like this.

Forget Endeavor. Keigo had never admired anyone as much as he did Touya.

Slowly, Touya pressed his hand to Keigo’s cheek. The warmth of it contrasted against his cold skin, and only then did Keigo realize just how cold he really was.
He leaned into it instinctively, shivering slightly less.

Touya heated his hand, pressing it to Keigo like an electric blanket. It wasn’t hot like fire, just the precursor of flames. Warmth without the bite of fire.

Touya wrapped his other hand around the back of Keigo’s neck, which had been numb since the snow from the snow angel had grown cold and wet. He chirped pleasantly at the contact, leaning into Touya’s touch.

Touya flashed him a knowing smile, no doubt to tease him for the bird noises. Keigo didn’t have it in him to be annoyed.

When Touya pulled him forward by the hand on his neck, wrapping himself around Keigo in a tight hug, Keigo melted into it, warming up instantly.

Even through the thermal shirt and the thick jacket Touya had worn underneath the coat they now sat on, Keigo could hear the steady yet fast drumbeat of Touya’s heart. Something about it calmed him, steadied him, and yet again made him very sleepy.

He almost fell asleep wrapped up nice and cozy like that before Touya scooped him up and brought him inside.

They stole some hot chocolate from the staff lounge. When Gang Orca spotted them, he pressed a finger to his lips as if to say, “I won’t tell. I saw nothing.”

Keigo smiled at him gratefully, and the two boys took their prizes to their room to sip and warm up.

It was a better day than Keigo could have hoped for. Touya was a better friend than he’d ever expected to have. Keigo felt so grateful he met him, that he was here, that they were friends.

Not for the first time, Keigo thought about what it would be like to run far from here with Touya and just be kids. Maybe have a farm or something, unburdened by the weight of Touya’s shitty family, or Keigo’s shitty handler.

Oh, how easy it would be to find peace in an eternity with Touya

----

Chapter Text

DATE: Mid Winter Year 1

-song: “Family Lines” by Conan Gray

It's hard to put it into words
How the holidays will always hurt
I watch the fathers with their little girls
And wonder what I did to deserve this
How could you hurt a little kid?
-

Touya saw Keigo less and less as exams crept closer, the two of them preoccupied with their training and studying regimens.

Touya’s best subjects were Physical Education and Mathematics. When he first arrived at the HPSC, his training portfolio was almost exclusively quirk strength training, because that is what Endeavor said was most important.

Through Ectoplasm’s PE class, though, he’d managed to add some muscle onto his slender, quirk-weakened body. It made him feel stronger, and seeing some muscles sprouting underneath his compression tank made him feel like a proper young man.

At home, he often got so frustrated with math that he snapped pencils or cried when his tutors scolded him for incorrect answers. The fear of failure made him not even want to make an attempt, and his blank papers only made his tutors hate him more.

The way Ectoplasm taught math was different, though. He was patient and graded papers with green or purple pens to grade quizzes, which softened the blow compared to striking red slashes. Additionally, Ectoplasm’s grading system centered around improvement rather than perfection, which allowed Touya to try his best on problems, even if he wasn’t sure he was doing it right. Over time, he stopped leaving questions blank, and he learned he was actually pretty good at math.

Touya should have been too old for such tediousness as agreeable pen colors and second-chance grading to boost his confidence as much as they did, but a secret, sentimental part of him liked it, and liked Ectoplasm’s encouraging praise and fatherly guidance.

Shamefully, he let himself indulge his desire for a gentle father figure. It’s not like anyone else had to know, anyway.

To no one’s surprise, Touya’s worst subjects were Communications and Press, Image, and Branding, or PIB, as the trainees called it. He didn’t have a charismatic bone in his body. He didn't care what the press thought of him. And on top of that, Best Jeanist and Sir Nighteye grated on his nerves.

Keigo was good at everything Touya wasn’t. He was good at talking to people. He made it look so easy. He was charming, smooth, and knew the best angles for photos. He smiled like heroes should, and he always seemed so authentic at mock press exercises. He even had his branding down already: the easygoing free bird, the lady’s man, the golden boy, the heartthrob.

The only subjects Keigo was bad at were Math and PE, which were Touya’s best subjects. Keigo’s hyperactivity and scattered mind weren't suited for long calculations, and his hollow bones weren't built for lifting weights or taking hits from sports projectiles.

While Touya felt bad for his friend, it did feel a little nice to finally see Keigo struggle at something.

It sounds bad, but Touya appreciated the balance where Keigo was bad at Touya’s strongest subjects, and Touya was bad at Keigo’s strongest subjects. It made them feel like equals. If Keigo was truly good at everything, Touya would fall behind, and they wouldn’t have their rivalry banter anymore.

Keigo and Touya had decided to keep a score board to see who did better in each subject. One point for whoever scored higher in each subject, and another point for each subject scored above the 90th percentile. One point was subtracted for each subject they scored in the bottom 60 percent in the class.

The friendly competition motivated them both to study hard for their exams.

~~~~

Touya felt jittery on the day final exams were finally displayed for students on the massive leaderboard in the entryway of the HPSC.

As soon as he'd finished the last of his exams, Touya’s mind became occupied with anxiety about the upcoming winter holiday. He had no headspace left over for the academic anxiety the others experienced while waiting for his exam scores to be returned.

Christmas had always been an odd holiday for the Todorokis. Fuyumi tried her hardest to coordinate the family photos, encourage her brothers to get presents for each other, and work together with their mom to put food on the table. Enji rarely stayed around for the full day, often working long shifts over the holidays to cover his colleagues who cared enough about their families to take time off.

No, of course Touya wasn’t bitter…

This was the first year Shoto would be old enough to fully appreciate Christmas, as he was only six. It would also be the first time Touya had seen any of them since coming to the HPSC.

Anxiety was eating him alive as the days counted down to the last day of school before break, which was also the day that final exam results would come in.

When they did, the trainees rushed to the board. Keigo and Touya got there first.

“You scored top in PE!” Keigo exclaimed, giving Touya a playful whack on the back in his excitement. “Congrats, man!”

Touya was scanning the board, and finally found his math grade. “Look, Kei– Er, Hawks! I’m in the 90th percentile for math, too!”

“Woah dude!” His enthusiasm was genuine, lighting up his face. “Save some points for me! Geez!”

Keigo's eyes darted across the board, scanning for both their scores. Touya's gaze moved more slowly as he flicked between watching his friend and looking for their names on the board in each subject.

Hawks took the top spot for Communications and History, and was in the 90th percentile in PIB and the 80th percentile in Language Arts and Science. In math, which had been his worst subject at the start of the year, he scored in the 61st percentile! The improvement had been staggering.

Individual quirk training with student handlers wasn’t compared against each other, and thus didn’t count for the competition, but Touya noted that both he and Keigo were listed as “improved.” This melted away some of the lingering fear Touya felt due to the lack of any positive feedback from Deejay to his face.

As Keigo scanned the scoreboard, his eyes froze momentarily as they landed on his PE score. Despite all his extra hours of physical training, he still scored in the bottom 40 percent. His smile never faltered, but for just a moment, the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Touya was sure no one else had noticed.

Keigo’s expectations of himself were through the roof. He anticipated nothing below excellence and simply took high achievements as the default result. Anything below the class average was a glass half empty. Unacceptable, in Keigo’s eyes

Touya, on the other hand, basked in his victories, having so little self image that any positive result was a miracle. Seeing the high percentiles of his scores that actually mattered to him – 100th percentile in PE, 90th percentile for Math, 85th percentile for Science, and 80th percentile for Language Arts and History – made his meager 42nd percentile in Communications and PIB sting less.

Wanting to share some of that pride with his friend, he wrapped Keigo in a side shoulder hug, conjuring all the positive energy he could to say, “You’re practically the top of the class in everything! I’m so proud of you!”

Keigo’s smile warmed, and he almost looked shy. “Thanks,” he muttered quietly.

“Seriously, man!” Touya continued, on a roll. “To only fall below average in ONE class! You’re a genius, Hawks. Fucking brilliant!!”

Keigo’s cheeks flushed. He looked like a coloring book page the way his colors extended beyond the lines of his small body. He felt everything so strongly, it always took Touya aback to see how many emotions fluttered in his golden eyes as he turned to look up at Touya.

This smile was softer, sweeter, and smaller than the big, cocky one he gave at PIB mock press conferences. Having the privilege to see Hawks like this made Touya feel like he’d earned the highest honor this world could give.

Maybe he’d never make his father proud, but at least he had this. For the moment, that was plenty.

Touya waited as Keigo sorted through whatever emotions he was overflowing with. Perhaps disappointment he hadn’t performed as he’d hoped in PE, pride at Touya’s compliments, maybe even embarrassment to have this display in front of all the other trainees. Whatever it was, Keigo took the moment he needed before he pulled away with a playful glint in his eye.

“Pretty sure I won our little competition,” he quipped.

“Yeah, I s’pose you did.”

“I want unlimited bragging rights,’ Keigo counted on his fingers, “and when break is over, you’ve gotta see a super hero movie with me.” He waved two extended fingers at Touya. “Those are my demands.”

“Granted. Nerd. Take your blood money.”

“Much obliged, Scarface,” Keigo quipped back with ease, leading them back to their room to properly mark the white board in Keigo’s favor.

“Birdbrain.”

“Heating pad.”

“Chicken.”

In response, Keigo simply stuck his tongue out and went into their room, with Touya trailing behind him.

On the white board, Keigo began to tally their exam points: five total for Keigo, three total for Touya.

All things considered, Touya had done better than he’d expected in the subjects that he actually cared about.

PIB and Communications didn't matter. He was going to be the kind of hero who was such a good guy that he didn’t need a fake image covering up his work. His skill, bravery, and dedication would carry him, not the fake words or ability to hide his worst flaws like Endeavor had to.

~~~~

The drive back to Musutafu was just as quiet as the drive to the HPSC in the fall had been, but it didn’t feel as uncomfortable.

Touya sat up straighter than he had before. His performance on his exams had given him the confidence he needed to let himself take up space in his dad's presence.

Enji, as always, took no notice and offered no conversation. Touya didn’t mind, though, and spent the ride planning what he was going to say to his siblings when he arrived.

It was just past noon when they arrived at the Todoroki family home. They were greeted by his mother, Rei, and his three little siblings.

The first thing to catch his eye was Rei, wrapped in a shawl, her arm around a sleepy-looking Shoto at her side.

More than anything, Rei looked tired. There were dark bags under her eyes and a hand-shaped bruise across her right cheek. The undeniable mark of being hit by the cruel husband she’d never wanted in the first place. Seeing her made Touya’s heart ache more than he’d expected it to.

Beside her stood Fuyumi, a smaller version of her mother. Since Touya had left, she’d started looking more like a young lady. Her chubby, childlike face was replaced with one decorated by elegant blush and winged eyeliner. She wore leggings, UGG boots, and the ugliest, most offensive Christmas sweater Touya had ever seen.

It was an unflattering image of Endeavor, a red puff ball attached to his nose, lighting Santa’s way with glowing flames with an extended arm. Touya barked a laugh at its blasphemy, jogging up to his sister, careful not to slip on the ice. He flung himself at her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

When he pulled away to look at her up close, there were happy tears glittering in her eyes. “Welcome back, Touya! How have you been? How's school been going for you?”

Touya brushed a hand over the back of his neck, an old nervous habit he’d never been able to shake. “Well, you know, it’s pretty hard, but I’m managing.”

“You’re being modest! I know you’re doing phenomenal,” she exclaimed with a signature Fuyumi smile. “Mom got a letter that said you’d gotten in the top of your whole class in PE! That’s really awesome, Touya!”

Touya couldn’t help but blush. “Well, I didn’t want to brag…”

“Ah, you deserve to!” She knocked him on the shoulder playfully. “Really! I’m so proud of you!” She gave a quick kiss on his cheek, and handed him off to Natsuo.

“Touya!” Natsuo pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. God, Natsuo was even taller than he had been before Touya left. As if his little brother having this much of a height advantage on him wasn’t enough, Natsuo was also broader, stronger, and definitely projected to grow up much more conventionally attractive than his rat older brother, at least in Touya’s opinion.

Touya laughed. “Natsuo! You’re crushing me!”

Natsuo pulled away with a jovial cackle and gave Touya an assessing look. He didn’t comment on the new scattered scars and burns on his face or neck. Natsuo’s eyes widened at Touya’s newly weight-trained arm muscles. “Woah dude! You’ve been un-twig-ified!”

Touya rolled his eyes, smiling. “Yeah, been working out. I got top in PE, didja hear?”

“Yeah! Mom told me. I’m so happy you’re settling in there. You’ll be top in everything soon enough, I’m sure of it.”

“Ah shucks,” Touya demurred. “You’re probably better off than me. How is school going for you, anyway?”

“Eh, it’s going.” Natsuo rested one hand against his hip, the other taking across the back of his neck in the same way Touya had just moments ago. “Biology is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I guess I’ll just have to work even harder if I still want to be a doctor one day.”

“You’ll do fine! If I can score in the top 10 percent in math, you can do anything.”

“Don’t sell yourself short! You're smarter than you think. Here, come inside.” Natsuo guided him into the house and kicked off his boots. “It’s cold as balls outside. I know you like the cold, but we can’t all be freaks. Besides, Fuyumi made you hot chocolate, and it’ll be cold soon.”

Touya settled down with a warm mug while Fuyumi, Enji, Rei, and Shoto trailed into the house.

Everything was exactly as it had been when he’d left, save for a new stepstool and a Shoto-sized apron next to the others that hung up for group cooking sessions with Mom. The thought made his heart feel sore, but Touya shoved it down. The last thing he wanted was to be sad during the little time he had with the family members he actually liked.

Rei sat next to him on the table. She passed Shoto, who had been following closely by her side, off to Fuyumi, and gave Touya her full attention. “Hey, Hun.”

“Hi, mom.”

“How are you doing, Love?” Rei delicately moved Today's bangs out of his eyes, brushing over a small new burn on his forehead. It wasn't deep enough to scar, so Touya had just ignored it.

Touya turned the question over in his mind. “I’m fine.”

“Have you made any new friends?” she asked, hopefully.

“Yeah, one.” The thought of Keigo came with a subtle warmth in his cheeks, or maybe that was just the hot chocolate.

“Oh yeah? I’m so glad!” Then, softly so Enji couldn't hear, she murmured, “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but I’ve always been the type to have a few good friends. My girls, you know? Never really needed a crowd.”

She’d been cut off from her friends as soon as she’d married Enji. He hated that about his father. It was hard to talk to anyone in his family without the ghost of Enji’s influence hovering over them. “I guess I’m the same. I’ve got Natsuo and Fuyumi, I don’t need many other friends.”

Rei’s smile was taut. “Those two have missed you so much. They’re so excited to have you back here, even just for this little while."

“I’ve missed them too,” Touya admitted softly.

“Fuyumi did a lot of planning for Christmas this year. Picked out sweaters for everyone,” she said, gesturing at Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shoto, who now sat on the couch together.

Shoto wore a small turtleneck sweater with lettering that read “Ginger Bread Man,” surrounding a simple image of a gingerbread man holding up a slice of bread. Next to the word “ginger,” safety pins held up a makeshift fabric sign embroidered with the word: “half.” Half Ginger. That was clever, Touya had to admit.

He nearly spit out his hot chocolate when his eyes landed on Natsuo’s sweater. He’d taken his overcoat off, revealing a blue sweater depicting a fur Christmas tree, with All Might’s face as the comically oversized tree star. In big, glowing leaders, read “IT’S OK NOW! FUR I AM HERE!”

All Might paraphernalia was unspoken contraband in the Todoroki household. Wearing an All Might Christmas sweater bordered on sacrilege. Endeavor surely hated it. That alone made Touya’s entire holiday.

“Like my 'fit!” Natsuo boasted from across the room.

“Hell yeah!” Touya gave him a big thumbs up. “So plus ultra!”

When the laughing died down, Rei turned to Touya, and inquired good-naturedly, “So, tell me about this friend at school! I want to know all about them,” she took a sip of her own hot cocoa, inviting him to respond at his own pace.

The thought for a moment, and then he did. He told her all about Keigo, the training, and their academic competition. It felt so good to talk about it. It made him feel at home, for once.

~~~~

Of course, the positive energy Fuyumi had been cooking up didn’t last long.

Touya had only seen Shoto in the first hour after they arrived. Then, Shoto was sent alone to his room. According to Natsuo, this was normal. Endeavor rarely let Shoto fraternize with such inferior products as his older siblings. Fuck that, thought Touya.

The next morning, Enji pushed Shoto into the matted training room. Touya peeked around the corner, and before Enji could close the door behind him, Touya held it open with a raised hand.

“Let me train too.”

The request fell flat when all Endeavor returned was an absent stare

Touya stayed where he was, refusing to duck away from his father if he wouldn't even bother speaking.

After a battle of wills, Endeavor ordered, “Go back to bed, Touya.”

“I’m stronger now. I can teach Shoto what I’ve learned!”

“Stop. Just stop. Shoto doesn’t need your help. Go back to sleep.”

Touya returned his glare, but desperation slowly crept into his frame. Enji conceded nothing, just leveling his son with frigid disregard.

"You’ll only get in the way,” Endeavor’s words dug their nails into Touya’s resolve. “Touya. Go away.”

“But–”

In a flurry of sudden movement, Endeavor hurled the door shut, slamming the wood against Touya’s fingers before he could jerk them back. The sound of a bang and click told him he'd been locked out.

Flames danced across the joints of Touya’s throbbing fingers, the blunt pain mixing with the all-too-familiar burn of hot blue fire.

He flapped his hands to air out the flames, fighting for control to turn off his quirk. Despite all the progress he’d made to control it, his dad set him off, and always lost all control around him. Even with the frantic flapping, the flames didn’t yield.

At that moment, Rei left her bedroom and turned toward him. She froze as he rushed to hide the fire. Impulsively, he shoved them in his pockets and yelped as the heat flared against his jeans.

The shock of it knocked the anger out of him, and he managed to shut off the flames before they burned holes in his pants. He let out a sigh of relief. His mom watched him, eyes clouded with worry and confusion.

“Touya?”

“I’m fine,” he said, too quickly.

She approached him and gently pulled his hands out of his pockets to examine them. He pushed out of her grip.

“I’m fine! Leave me alone!” He yanked himself back, holding out a hand, palm facing her.

She flinched, her mind probably flashing back through the times she’d seen Enji in this position, moments before he’d shot flames at her.

When he recognized the look, Touya lowered his hand, but his face stayed screwed up in frustration. “Just go away.”

She backed away and walked toward the kitchen, shoulders hunched to make herself look small. She looked even more frail than Touya remembered.

Touya sneered, shoving down any guilt that might have surfaced. Fuck her. Fuck his dad. Fuck everything.

He took a walk to clear his mind, burning some dead twigs in the forest near their house. It helped alleviate some of his aggravation, at least.

When he returned, his father had the audacity to scold him for leaving without telling anyone. “You can’t just go off like that. Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you can fuck off to wherever you want. You’re acting like a child.”

Touya bristled, fire creeping up his forearms.

Six months ago, he would have hung his head and apologized. But at the moment, he was pissed, and his small successes at the HPSC made it easier to fight back. “How am I supposed to grow up when you’re not raising me? You send me away, and expect me to stop being a child. How about you train the childishness out of me then?! You can't just send me away and expect me to be what you want! If you want me to be a certain way, train me to be a certain way. Just train me! Or be a damn father for once. You–”

<---TW zone starts: [Parental Child abuse, physical violence]--->

Touya’s onslaught was cut off by the sharp sting of a slap to the face. Guided by instinct, Touya’s flames roared, and he barely felt the pain.

With a swipe of Endeavor’s fist, Touya was sent sprawling onto the carpeted floor with a thud, his head dropping onto the coffee table behind him. His flames died out.

“Don’t hurt him!” yelped a small voice at the doorway.

Endeavor swiveled to Shoto, fury in his eyes. “Shoto. Get the fuck out!”

The small boy took one step forward before he was pushed out the door and landed in a heap on the ground. Enji slammed the door, and this time, it was Shoto who was locked out.

“That brat.” Endeavor scoffed. When Touya got up, Endeavor sneered. “I’m not done with you, boy.”

It was shaping up to be a long day.

<---TW zone ends--->

~~~~

“I’m fine, Natsuo!” Touya pleaded as his arms were wrapped up by Natsuo later that evening.

“These aren’t just burns from your quirk,” Natsuo said, cradling Touya’s nimble hands in his lap. “Your quirk doesn’t burn your hands.”

Touya’s mouth was dry as he refused to meet Natsuo’s eyes.

“Dad’s using his fire on you?”

“It’s none of your business. I’m perfectly fine.” Touya hissed.

“I hate him,” was all Natsuo muttered as he continued with his work bandaging him.

~~~~

Things were tense for the next two days.

On the night of a particularly rough day, Touya lay in bed, drifting to sleep, exhausted from all his father’s words, and lack thereof. Shoto’s cries, Endeavor’s fixation, Rei’s weakness, Fuyumi and Natsuo’s resigned sadness. It was all too much.

It was almost Christmas Eve, though, and Touya was excited for the festivities Fuyumi had planned.

When sleep was close to taking him, a quiet chime played on his phone. It was the stupid bird chirping ringtone Touya had set for Keigo as a joke. Slowly, he reached up for his phone, covering himself with blankets so the screen light wouldn’t wake up Natsuo.

Chicken Jockey: Hi! How r things goin @ home? M bored

Hot Shit: they’re good. my mom says hi
Chicken Jockey: U talk about me?
Hot Shit: don’t flatter yourself. You just came up
Chicken Jockey: Certified hater. U miss me.
Hot Shit: nuh uh

There was a pause in their texting conversation, where Touya stared at the screen, deciding what to say. Then, his curiosity got the better of him, and he decided to change the topic to Keigo's holiday.

Hot Shit: how are you? you stayed at the hpsc, right?
Chicken Jockey: Yea & it’s vv boring tbh
Chicken Jockey: Lame w/o u. Razorwhip got me doing drills
Hot Shit: gross. i don’t envy you
Chicken Jockey: Yea i wouldnt either
Hot Shit: ok now i’m going to sleep
Chicken Jockey: Alrighty! Gn <3 xoxo
Hot Shit: lol goodnight birdie

Touya poked his head out of the blanket and put his phone back on his nightstand. It was nice to hear from Keigo. Being reminded he had a home besides this turbulent hellhole gave him some reassurance he hadn’t known he’d needed until he heard that stupid bird ringtone.

He wouldn't admit it, but he did miss him.

~~~~

Morning came with a bustle of rushed energy as Fuyumi danced around, announcing to all that there was miso soup for breakfast. The siblings made their way to the kitchen, each serving themselves. Even Shoto was there.

Despite their issues on every other day of the year, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day had always been days of truce for the Todorokis. Every year, they opened pajamas and sweaters on Christmas Eve morning and spent the day baking sweets, playing games, singing festive songs, and building snowmen outside. Then, on Christmas, they opened presents and had KFC for lunch and dinner. Afterwards, they ate Christmas cake.

As an added bonus, Endeavor was scheduled to work a twelve-hour shift on Christmas this year, making sure Japan was secure despite holiday staffing shortages. Touya had mixed feelings about this, but it had been a rough few days, and Touya wanted Endeavor out of the house so he and his siblings could enjoy themselves.

“Shoto, be careful!” Fuyumi cried as Shoto almost reached his hand in the hot pot of soup. “You’re so clumsy!”

Natsuo helped dish up Shoto, who blew on his food with ice breath to cool it down. Natsuo and Touya thought this was a great idea and passed their hot soup to Fuyumi and Shoto to cool them off.

“Touya, you’re going to love your sweater!” Fuyumi enthused. “I made it myself! Mom helped me sew it and everything!”

“I helped too!” Natsuo added eagerly. “Mom says I’d make a good surgeon with how steady my hands were holding the sewing needle.

“I’m sure it’s awesome,” Touya said, shyly.

“We already are wearing ours. Well, they’re in the wash, but we’ll wear them when you and Shoto get yours. You’ve already seen mine.”

“That I have,” Touya teased. “How scandalous you are! Dad will have your head.”

Natsuo chuckled. “He almost burned it off the first time he saw it! It was hilarious.” He made a gross imitation of Endeavor’s stern frown. “This disrespect will not be tolerated, boy.”

The terrible impression made Touya laugh so hard he almost dropped his tofu-laced chop sticks in his lap. “You’re so dead!”

“Fuyumi’s is just as bad!” Natsuo shot a playful look at his sister. “And don’t forget – SHE’S the one who picked them out!”

Fuyumi blushed, looking very innocent, but the wicked glint in her smile gave her away. “Endeavor’s little well-behaved future lady?! Never! Surely you have your Fuyumis mixed up.”

“You ought not to be embarrassed, dear sister. You’re in good company. We’re all Endeavor haters here.”

“I’ll toast to that!” Natsuo held up his water cup, and the three siblings clinked their glasses. Shoto just smiled shyly, happy to be allowed near his three chaotic older siblings.

“So, what do you have planned for today, Fuyumi?” Touya inquired when the ruckus had died down.

“Oh, not too much. Didn’t want to overwhelm you. We’ll play in the snow while Mom gets the pajamas ready and bakes some gingerbread. After that, we’ll get our pajamas and sweaters on. Then we'll decorate the gingerbread men. Uh… after that, it’s kinda up in the air. We could go on a walk, or maybe play ball indoors, or maybe watch TV. Shoto said he wanted to see a recent televised battle All Might did. He’s a big fan,” she glanced a teasing look in Shoto’s direction.

Shoto blushed, his eyes downcast. There was a small smile on his lips, but he didn’t say anything.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Touya agreed, giving Shoto a slight smile. Maybe there was hope for the kid, yet.

~~~~

After the Todroki siblings had returned inside from playing in the snow, shaking off their wet snow gear in the entryway, the party had ventured to the kitchen, where their mother was on the phone as she pulled the last batch of gingerbread from the oven.

“Yeah, I will. Don’t worry about it. Yes, I know. God, Enji, I won’t let him be ‘indoctrinated,’ she said the word as if they were echoing back someone else’s words. “He’s just playing with them!” There was a long pause while Enji talked on the line. Her shoulders sagged as her children silently peered in the doorway, casually snooping. “Enji, it’s Christmas Eve. A day off won’t kill him. Now, the kids should be back inside any moment, so I’m going to let you get back to your patrol. I love you, okay? I promise I’ll hold the fort while you’re gone. Good luck at work. Love you, bye, Enji!”

As soon as the line was dead, her knees buckled, and she leaned heavily against the counter. She took a breath, probably regaining her bearings, before she made for the door.

She startled, screamed, and flew back against the counter when she almost walked into her children.

“Gosh! Sorry! Didn’t see you guys there…” She combed her hands through her hair. “D-did you guys have fun? How was it?”

Touya and his siblings sat around the table. Natsuo was the first to speak. “It was good! There’s a lot more snow than last year!”

“I’m glad,” Rei muttered absentmindedly, clearly disoriented from the phone call.

While his siblings enthused about the snow outside, Touya picked up his bundle of pajamas, wrapped in red and green paper. At his mother's nod, he ripped it open.

When Touya saw the sweater his family had made for him, tears threatened to peek through the corners of his eyes.

His sister had made him a sweater version of the hero costume he'd spent hours drafting in preparation for his final project in PIB. It was expertly done.

The collar, shoulder straps, and wrist cuffs were a bright blue, fluffy material made to replicate where his flames would accent the hero costume. The inside lining of the sweater was made with flame-resistant material, and it was wrapped in Christmas string LED lights, the wire snaking down one of the sleeves between the inside lining and outer material so he could press a button to easily turn the lights on or off.

The sweater wasn't funny like Natsuo’s, Fuyumi’s, or even Shoto’s had been, but Fuyumi had known that humor wasn't Touya’s love language. What he loved was sentimental shit like this – a love letter to what he wanted to be when he grew up, and what he was training to become. It was so thoughtful and sweet that he barely fought back the tears that had been his signature growing up. He'd always been a crybaby.

Touya's wet eyes danced as he gave her a trembly smile and wrapped her in a fierce hug. “Thank you.”

“I'm glad you like it,” she whispered, squeezing back.

Natsuo whooped. “Looks like it's a hit! Touchdown for team Todoroki!

~~~~

After that, the siblings got to work decorating gingerbread men dressed in their sweaters and matching plaid pajama pants.

Then, they settled down to watch All Might’s battle while snacking on their gingerbread army. Natsuo and Fuyumi were pretty indifferent to heroes in general, but Touya and Shoto watched at the edge of their seats in excitement.

Endeavor returned home while Touya and his little siblings were watching some Christmas movies and working on crafts. He went straight to his office and said nothing.

The next morning, they all rushed down to open presents.

Touya got a new quirk-resistant hoodie from his parents. From his siblings, he got a photo book, a skateboard, and a scraggly drawing of Touya in his future hero costume from Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shoto, respectively.

For Fuyumi, Touya gifted a pair of ice skates he saw at a garage sale. He'd seen the way her current ones were wearing down, and he knew his dad never looked at her long enough to realize she needed new ones. Touya also knew Fuyumi would never ask for replacements, no matter how torn apart they got.

For Natsuo, Touya had made matching bracelets that projected “doctor in all but certification” for Natsuo and “world's most uncooperative patient” for Touya when a small circular button was pressed on either bracelet. He'd used the costume lab at the HPSC to make them during his breaks between bursts of working on his PIB final project.

Finally, he hadn't really known what to get Shoto, but decided on a set of refillable metal cylinders to hold medicine in. From what he'd heard about Shoto, he was the clumsiest creature on the planet, and having little canisters he could carry around with Neosporin in them seemed like a good way to avoid future infections.

Altogether, Touya was proud of his handiwork. Everyone was in good spirits as they bundled up their prizes and put them in their rooms.

The rest of the day was uneventful in the best possible way. The family ate KFC for lunch and dinner as always, in a peaceful quiet. Endeavor made no effort to force Shoto away, and even Rei stopped flinching away from him any time he looked her way after the first hour without incident.

Touya fell asleep listening to the steady sound of Natsuo’s snoring, and for the first time in a long time, he had hoped his family would make it past their issues. Maybe Endeavor would be better. Maybe he'd start training Touya. Maybe Touya's rampage the other day had reached him? It was unlikely, but the day was too good to allow any doubt to dampen his mood.

~~~~

<---TW zone starts: [Parental Child abuse, physical violence]--->

At the end of the holidays, Touya was more than ready to get back to school.

As he'd dreaded, Endeavor had gone back to being an asshole as soon as Christmas was over. He'd suffered two more beatings, and heard Shoto take several more than that. He had tried to play with Natsuo and Fuyumi, pretending they couldn't hear it. It's not like they could have helped, anyway.

Their father was a force of nature. Abuse was just a fact. A reality implanted so hard in cement that it made them feel foolish to have believed any real change had happened overnight.

<---TW zone ends--->

At the same time, Touya hated that it wasn't him in the padded room with his dad, training his quirk. Shoto so clearly hated it, and the sane part of Touya knew that he should have hated it too, but it annoyed Touya that his father would train so hard with Shoto, who clearly didn't want it. Why waste your energy training a kid who would never be grateful for it, when Touya was right there, begging for the same treatment.

It wasn't fair.

The only highlight was a package Touya received in the mail three days after Christmas. Inside a brown packaging bag was a Christmas gift from Keigo.

It was a little All Might plush from a matching set with the one Keigo had of Endeavor – the Top Three Heroes Plushy Set that came out when Touya was seven. It ached to remember the Endeavor plushie Keigo always kept close to him on his bed, but since Keigo didn't know about Touya’s reservations about it, he didn't fault him for it.

It was sweet and thoughtful to the best of Keigo’s knowledge, and that was all Touya needed.

God, when had he become such a sap? Maybe he was becoming an old man, like Keigo said.

Anyways, when break was over, Touya welcomed whatever work the HPSC gave him. Whatever got him out of this cursed house was good enough for him.

----

Concept art for the siblings’ sweaters:

<---NOTE: While the jokes and lineart for these are my brain children (I was cackling when I made them lol), Touya's hero costume (and sweater version too) is based on a Pro Hero Touya costume design by Twitter user @keiidakamya. All credit for that one goes to her. You can find a comic of hers with that design here: https://x.com/keiidakamya/status/1375857759749558274. Quite a lot of details in this fic are inspired by her work, and I thoroughly recommend you check her out. She also has an Instagram, @mya_r_r here: https://www.instagram.com/mya_r_r/ --->

Chapter Text

DATE: Mid to Late Winter Year 1

-songs: “Take Me To Church” by Hozier

No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then, I am human, only then, I am clean

See end of chapter for “When You Say Nothing At All” by Ronan Keating
-

Since Keigo’s first mission in October, he had gone on four more.

He still didn't have any updates on his father. So far as Keigo knew, the man was still at large, and it was Keigo’s fault. He’d failed.

That brutal fact had been drilled into him week after week ever since.

His emotions got in the way too often. He was so damn full of them sometimes he felt completely surrounded, and they just spilled out.

Even after months of Razorwhip trying to beat it out of him – punishing him for every grunt, yelp, or whimper with efficient, well-hidden slices – Keigo still couldn’t control the impulse to be swayed by his feelings.

Hiding his emotions and reactions was a good way to practice not feeling them, or so Razorwhip said. Learning not to act on them was something Keigo had demonstrated he wasn’t ready for yet, but in the meantime, he was forced to hide it, or face the consequences.

After the behavior persisted even after months of having his skin shredded, Razorwhip started targeting Keigo’s feathers.

Keigo was constantly aware of each feather’s position and sensory input. Each one was remarkably sensitive, and when pain was inflicted on more than one feather at once, the agony was all-consuming.

Sometimes, it was all Keigo could do to dissociate and endure.

During these episodes, Keigo’s mind frequently drifted to Touya, just to be anywhere else but in his body.

He wondered how Touya was doing, and what he was up to with his family. He’d sent a few texts when he was desperate enough to risk bothering him, but nothing more than that.

When he had a chance to sneak away without the HPSC noticing, he went to the post office to send a present for Touya. From what he could tell, Touya was a fan of All Might, and he wanted to get a plushy for Touya to put on his bed so they could match.

Keigo spent a full week of his Christmas break on a mission, shadowing Sir Nighteye as he patrolled downtown Tokyo. The two got along, cracking plenty of jokes. They spent most of the time laughing, and the rest fighting side-by-side. It made Keigo proud to be able to keep up with a pro, especially since he was still barely fourteen years old.

It didn't bother him to miss out on the holiday to do work. He’d never celebrated holidays before, or his birthday, either. Since he wasn’t born in a hospital, his birth was never formally documented. December 28th was just the best estimate he had based on his mother’s foggy memory, so it was practically irrelevant.

What he was more interested in was Touya’s birthday.

Keigo only knew Touya's birthday because he was a snoop. Despite his good grades and ambitions to be the best within the framework life had given him, he did have a wild, disobedient side. He frequently used the skills the HPSC taught him against the organization as a small act of rebellion.

The night before he met Touya, he had smuggled Touya’s folder out of the secret filing cabinet in Deejay’s office.

He committed Touya’s file to memory – the specifications of his quirk, date of birth, his future hero name, his case number, and a grainy school photo from back when Touya still went to a traditional private school.

When he was done, he returned the file and eliminated any evidence that he’d been there.

Touya’s birthday was written on his mental calendar ever since.

After forever puzzling over what to get him, Keigo had settled on asking Touya to go to the movies, which he had cleverly fit into his “winnings” for their academic competition.

Then, he planned on dragging Touya to the mall, and buying something for him there. That way, when Touya saw the gift years in the future, he would not only remember the gift itself, but the entire day they’d spent together.

By now, Keigo knew Touya well enough to be sure he liked gushy stuff like that.

Lying to cover up such surprises was yet another misuse of the spy skills the HPSC had taught him. Their prized weapon, using his gifts of deception for his beloved friend whom he’d already been forbidden to get attached to. Keigo loved whatever flavor of disobedience that was.

It felt like freedom, however small.

~~

Keigo was working in their shared training room when Touya arrived. Spread out around him were ten feathers, simultaneously receiving input from speakers that played different conversations as Keigo attempted to follow them all at once.

He abandoned this exercise immediately when he saw Touya. He flung forward to wrap his friend in a tight hug. “Touya!”

Touya stiffened, his eyes widening slightly before his gaze softened, and he hugged Keigo back. “Hey, Birdie.”

Keigo pulled away, his energy levels overflowing. “How was it?! Tell me everything!” Hawks learned forward, placing hands on his knees to give his undivided attention to anything Touya was willing to share.

Touya didn’t seem to know what to do with all that. He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck nervously, tapping his foot. “Oh, uh, what do you want to know?”

“Well everything… but I guess you can start with your siblings? How were they?”

Touya thought of a response. “They were great,” Touya smiled. “They were happy to see me, even Shoto, who didn’t really know me very well before. He’s six, so there’s an age gap. Well, he’ll be seven in a week, but whatever.”

“Wait, so how old are your other siblings?”

“My sister is fourteen and Natsuo is ten.”

“Are you and your sister twins?”

“Irish twins,” Touya answered. “She’s only eleven months younger than me.”

“Damn, your parents got busy,” Keigo meant it as a joke, but Touya took it seriously.

“Well yeah, gotta spit out more and more babies and hope one of ‘em’s got the quirk you want.” Touya bit out the dark humor with poorly veiled resentment.

“Oh.” There was a long pause to allow Touya’s words to sink in. Hawks wings drooped slightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jab.”

“S’okay.”

Another uncomfortable silence. Keigo hated those. “If you don’t mind me asking more about your break, what kinds of things did you do?”

“Well,” Touya counted on his fingers. “We decorated gingerbread men, watched All Might Clips, and a Christmas movie. Oh, and we played in the snow, opened presents… ate KFC. It’s a Christmas tradition. I don’t know if you celebrate Christmas, but it’s a thing for people to eat KFC for the holidays.”

“Oh, I’m not Christian.”

“My family isn’t either,” Touya quickly amended. “We just celebrate Christmas. Dunno why, maybe somewhere back in my family tree, they believed in Jesus and all that.”

“‘Jesus and all that…’” Keigo snorted. “HR’s worst nightmare.”

“Hey, it’s not like you’re offended. You literally just said you weren’t Christian.”

“Alas,” Keigo said as if deep in philosophical thought. He wasn’t.

Touya told him more about his holiday, and Keigo listened, charting every detail. He knew a sanitized story when he heard one, but he didn’t push it. If Touya didn’t want to share, he wouldn’t push it.

“What did you do for the holidays?” Touya asked when he had finished talking.

There it was. The dreaded question. Luckily, Keigo had prepared a response. “It was good, just really boring. Uneventful. I did go on a quick mission with your bestie for the restie, Sir Nighteye–”

Touya groaned, and Hawks laughed at his expense.

“Your feuds are so funny to me! Poor Nighteye… Anyway, yeah that was really all that happened.”

“In the text, you said Razorwhip was giving you drills?”

Shit. Keigo had forgotten he’d told Touya that. Good thing he was good at thinking fast. “Oh, yeah, he just wanted to prepare me to patrol with Nighteye. I didn't really need to prepare, because the mission was pretty easy, but Razorwhip wanted to cover all his bases. I wanted to practice using my feathers to scout, but Nighteye’s future vision was better suited for that than my feathers, so I mostly just helped with combat.”

“Forgot he could do that,” Touya commented.

“What, telling the future?”

“Yeah”

“Do you think he does fortune tellings?”

“I doubt it. People don’t generally use their quirks for carnival tricks,” Touya said amused.

“I do!” Hawks twirled a feather on his finger to demonstrate. “Look!”

Hawks aimed with his mind at the dart board he’d put up to practice on while Touya was gone. The feather hit the bullseye, and Keigo clapped for himself.

Touya clapped slowly, like an asshole.

“My talents are wasted on you,” Keigo lamented with a sigh.

“Drama queen.”

Keigo launched a feather at Touya’s throat, then halted it in midair to tickle Touya’s neck instead. Touya fell back at the assault, giggling.

“Stop it! You know I’m ticklish!”

“Never!”

~~~~

Two weeks later, it was Touya’s birthday. The birthday boy still didn’t know that Keigo knew.

“Can we go to the movies today?” Hawks asked, laying prone on his bed, his knees bent up as he kicked his feet, head resting loosely against his hand. He had gotten good looking relaxed even when he was way too excited for his own good.

Touya absentmindedly flipped through his calendar, seeing his schedule was empty for today. Crazy how that worked out… Hawks surely had nothing to do with that…

“Yeah, works for me,” Touya said, swinging his legs over his bed to sit on it, facing Keigo. “I think this is the first Saturday we’ve both had free since, like, October.”

“Yippie!” Hawks launched off his bed, and started getting ready immediately. Touya chuckled at his eagerness.

Keigo’s routine always took forever. Between preening his feathers, taming his unruly hair, and securing the compression gear he wore under his baggy clothes, it took him much longer to get ready than it did Touya.

“One eternity later…” Touya teased as he emerged from the bathroom at last. “It’s like sharing a room with a girl.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, loverboy,” Hawks bantered back. “Maybe with forced proximity you could actually land one.”

Touya gave an indignant gasp. “I could get a girl if I wanted!”

“Wanna bet?” Keigo suggested mischievously.

“Yes, actually, I do,” Touya replied stubbornly.

“Okay, what’s your challenge?” Keigo leaned forward curiously.

“I bet I can get two girls' numbers by the end of the day!”

“You’re on!” Keigo challenged, starting out the door.

Touya walked beside him, slowing down to match Keigo’s shorter gait. “You gotta have a challenge too.”

“Hmm…” Keigo puzzled over his options. “I bet I can get a girl to kiss me.”

“A kiss?!” Touya gaped at him.

“Yup!”

“Geez, you’re confident.”

“Of course.”

Touya paused for a moment, then rushed to catch up with Keigo. “Wait, have you kissed anyone before?”

A flash of Razorwhip flitted across his mind.

“Remember, Hawks, this pretty face will do a lot more for persuasion than some of the tactics we’ve taught you already. Sometimes, to get under their skin, you have to get under them. Like this.”

No, I haven’t. Not yet, anyway,” Keigo said to Touya with carefully curated ease.

Hawks had stood frozen, petrified, as the older man had captured his chin, pressing a soft kiss to the younger boy’s lips. He couldn’t move – couldn’t think – until Razorwhip was retreating out of his space, smirking at the flustered, terrified look on Keigo’s face.

It’d only happened once, but the message had been clear enough to ring in his ears ever since. He knew the charisma training had other applications, but he was just a kid. That had to mean something, right?

“I haven’t either,” Touya admitted. He seemed on edge, so Keigo relaxed his teasing to ease his friend’s discomfort.

“Have you ever liked a girl before?” Keigo asked, fighting to keep the memory at bay as he spoke.

“Not any specific one. I don’t really know that many girls. We don’t have a whole lot of opportunities to.”

“Yeah, same,” Keigo answered honestly.

“Maybe that’ll change today, who knows?” Touya had a hopeful quality to his voice.

“If not, we’ll at least have fun with the movies. And I plan on dragging you to the mall after. Even if we don’t find any cute girls, at least we both lose, and no winners means no losers, right? Unless you win and I lose, at which point, I might have a good whine about it.”

“But you’re always whining! It’s no different than any other day!”

“You’re whining right now!”

“I’m whining about you whining. It’s justified.”

“Whatever, Scarface.”

“Chicken shit”

“Old man”

“Feathered fuck.”

~~~~

The movie was just as cheesy as Keigo had hoped. It was some flick about a civilian woman with an animal communication quirk falling in love with a man with an animal tracking quirk while they battled a villain controlling all the animals in the zoo. The premise was juvenile and perfect for corny laughs.

During the movie, Keigo and Touya spotted some cute girls in the back of the theater. One had a cute round face and green hair that seemed permanently on fire, and the other had large bunny ears.

“We should go talk to them,” Keigo said, when the movie was over. “They look like they have fun. Maybe they'll give you their numbers if you ask real nicely.”

Touya looked uncertain. “Are you sure they aren't out of my league?”

“Oh, please! You're a very handsome guy. Now go!” Keigo gave him a gentle push.

Touya hesitated, but recovered quickly, and made his way over. “Hey, girls!”

Keigo barely shoved down a snicker. Touya turned around for affirmation, and Keigo gave him two thumbs up. He mouthed the words, ‘go get ‘em!’ He was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Touya rolled his eyes, but Keigo’s signal seemed to give him some confidence. “So, uh, I saw you guys watching the movie. Did you like it?”

“Hell yeah!” the white-haired girl boomed. “We're such suckers for junk hero films. Right, Moe?”

The fiery one, apparently called Moe, nodded passionately.

“Yeah, me too!” Touya said. “Especially the hero part.” He was speaking just a little too fast. “I like hero movies a lot.”

“We’re always looking for more movies to watch. It's a nice thing to do after school to relax,” the bunny girl said.

“Yeah, it's fun!” Touya grinned, slightly breathless, but apparently bold enough to ask, “They're showing a similar movie in two weeks, called ‘The Serpent’s Spawn.’ We could see it together, if you want?”

The girls looked between each other and giggled. Moe knocked him on the shoulder to pump him up. “Yeah! Sounds fun! Do you wanna trade numbers, orrrr?” Her movements were fluid and very confident.

Touya glanced back at Keigo with a dopey grin on his face. Keigo gave him an encouraging “okay” sign like the good sport he was, and then walked over as the other three exchanged numbers.

Touya and Moe broke into a good-faith debate about the film, so Keigo took the opening to talk with the bunny girl.

“Hey, I'm Hawks,” he greeted, leaning against the wall outside the screening room as the next group shuffled in to watch the next round of the movie.

“Weird name, but okay,” she joked. “I'm Rumi. Nice to meet you.”

“Come here often?” Keigo tried flirting right off the bat. She laughed.

“Yes, actually. We see a lot of movies.”

“This is actually my first time, if I'm being honest.” Keigo admitted. “Cremation here–” he gestured at his friend who was deep in conversation with Moe. “-lost a bet, and I wanted to come here, so we did.”

“Really? That's so funny. Me and Moe bet on shit all the time. We're both pretty loud and competitive, so we're always doing dumb stuff. We love bragging rights.”

“Any ongoing bets I should know about?” Keigo looked up at her with an easy grin. “Maybe I can help,” he added, because he saw the opening.

“We do have one, actually.” She sounded as if he'd read her mind, a little knocked off balance. “I bet I’d be able to get an autograph from a pro hero by the end of the month. No luck yet, though.”

“Well,” Keigo gave her his smoothest smile. “I actually can help you with that. Cremation and I go to a hero academy, so all our professors are pros. Take your pick,” Keigo counted on his fingers. “There's Gang Orca, Sir Nighteye, Best Jeanist, Ectoplasm…”

“You guys have got Best Jeanist? That's awesome! He's rising in the ranks. He'll be in the top ten within the next decade, for sure!”

“Yeah, he's pretty cool,” Hawks agreed. “I can ask him for a signature for you, if you want.”

“I'd love that! Here, let's trade numbers…”

They did, and Keigo put a note next to her contact about asking Best Jeanist for an autograph.

“Want anything in return? Any ongoing bets with Loverboy over there?” Rumi jabbed a thumb behind her, pointing at Touya.

Keigo blushed faintly. “Well, there is one, but it's weird.”

Rumi pushed forward. “What is it?”

“Hmm… are you single?” Hawks asked abruptly, watching her with steady, searching eyes.

Rumi broke out in shocked laughter. “Yeah, I am. Why?” She leaned closer to Keigo, her eyes curious. “Whatcha got, Feathers?”

“I bet I'd be able to kiss a girl by the end of the day,” Keigo told her, trying to appear more confident than he felt. It had been a lot easier in his head.

Rumi swiped at Touya to get his attention and winked at him. Then, she yanked Keigo forward by his collar, and kissed him. It was so sudden, it knocked the breath out of him.

His whole body burned with nervous excitement and a little embarrassment. He kissed back for the brief peck before Rumi saw Touya’s stunned expression and pulled away and threw her head back in laughter like this was the most fun she'd had in ages.

Keigo gave Touya an ironic bow, and then gave Rumi an appreciative smile. “Thanks! His face was priceless!”

“Wow, Feathers. You're a blast in a half! We gotta troll together more often. I might just need to keep you around!”

“Don't threaten me with a good time,” he gave her a coy look. “See you around?”

“Of course! I’ll be looking forward to it!” She was glowing with playful delight. “And now, my chariot awaits. My mom is picking me and Moe up. I will text you, though, and I hope you boys have a great rest of your outing. Have fun!”

“Alrighty!” He saw her off with a lazy peace sign.

On the way out, Rumi blew a kiss to each of the two boys, and Moe followed by her side, holding her fist in the air with a whoop, her hair flames growing in tandem with her excitement.

Looks like their girl scouting had been effective. They seemed nice, and Keigo was glad to have made some friends.

~~~~

After the girls left, Touya and Keigo went to the mall, and Keigo purchased a snow globe for Touya while he wasn't looking.

The snow globe had a little heater attached to its base to warm the user’s hands as the snow fluttered around a tiny version of Tokyo and a calm music box tune played.

When it was dark outside, the boys left the mall on their walk back to the HPSC headquarters.

Mid-way there, Keigo paused beside an empty playground, and reached for Touya’s mittened hand, leading them to sit on an iced over bench. Touya allowed himself to be dragged without question, but there was some confusion in his eyes.

Keigo pulled off his satchel. “One more thing to close the day off…” he said, reaching into it to search for the bag he'd wrapped the snow globe in. When he found it, he pressed the bag into Touya’s hands.

Keigo suddenly felt a little bashful, causing a small trace of blush to heat his cheeks. “Happy birthday, Touya.”

Touya looked dumbstruck between Keigo and the bag, then back again.

Keigo chuckled, and waved him on. “Open it.”

Touya removed his gloves so he could pull the snowglobe out of the bag with delicate fingers. He gasped, running nimble fingers over the glass as the sweet song played. A dozen positive emotions flickered through Touya’s bright blue eyes. Among them, Keigo recognized wonder, gratitude, admiration, nostalgia, and something else that made Keigo’s chest fuzzy.

“Thank you,” Touya breathed, his voice heavy. “I love it.”

“I saw it and it reminded me of you. I always think about you when it snows,” Keigo said softly.

“Me too.” Touya set the snow globe in his lap and wrapped an arm around Keigo, pressing his head to his shoulder. Their breaths were visible in the freezing hair, clouding around them in the chilly moonlight. “I didn't even know you knew my birthday.”

“Surprise!” Keigo said sweetly.

Touya let out a breathy laugh. “You are so full of them.”

“But you like that about me,” Keigo supplied proudly.

“I do.” Touya gave Keigo a side squeeze. “Thank you, Keigo. It means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I…” Touya trailed off, trying to find the words. “I’m glad I have you as a friend.”

Keigo felt the familiar barrier where words just wouldn’t come. Countless sentences swirled through his mind, but he couldn’t string them together. Usually, he hated it. Usually, he buried his nails into that wall and forced words out, but…

Around Touya, Keigo knew his truth was welcome, even if it was spoken through silence. Touya was the only person in the world who would take anything Keigo was willing to give, even the quiet spells, as long as they were real.

Touya never forced Keigo to speak when the only words he could offer were those easily repeatable keywords the commission drilled into him so no one would know their golden boy was a selective mute. Touya never minded the silence.

Knowing this, Keigo let himself ease into the heavy but wonderful speechless world he often craved desperately and rarely let himself have.

A small ‘you’re welcome’ was written between them without words, the quiet that stretched between them heavy with unspoken but well-understood messages, like in that old song Keigo’s mother used to sing when she was high and agreeable:

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

Try as I may, I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all

Keigo had never felt so at home.

~~~~

When they had returned to the dorm, the boys had curled up on Touya's bed and fell asleep to a Hozier album playing softly from Keigo’s phone.
A good ending to a good day, Keigo thought, too soon.

In the end, the world didn't let him win this one.

In those last moments before he drifted off, Keigo was startled by a knock at the door. He knew that knock pattern.

Full of dread, he uncurled himself from Touya’s arms. He was careful not to wake him up.

He opened the door, and stepped outside to meet Razorwhip, who explained he'd come to inform Keigo that they had been deployed for an emergency follow-up mission spurred on by new info about Takami. Keigo followed without argument, like a good soldier. Privately, he wished he could at least say goodbye to Touya, but didn't dare ask.

Nothing good could ever last.

Chapter Text

DATE: Early Spring Year 2

-song: “Icarus” by Bastille

Out on the front doorstep, drinking from a paper cup
You won't remember this
Living beyond your years, acting out all their fears
You feel it in your chest
Your hands protect the flames
From the wild winds around you

See end of chapter for “Little Lion Man” by Mumford & Sons
-

The Commission had always demanded slightly more from Keigo than he could offer, but their expectations never weighed on him as much as they did when spring came.

The small lies he was forced to tell were piling up. The image he had of himself as a hero, upholding values of integrity, honesty, and justice, felt further and further from reality.

When the truth would only fracture good, transparency as an ideal should be discarded. That was what the commission told him. That, too, felt like a lie.

The shades of grey had blurred for Keigo over his eight years at the HPSC. Sometimes, he couldn't imagine being anything but a hero one day. Other times, he looked in the mirror and could only see a villain staring back at him. After all, isn’t that what lying made him?

A liar. A crook. A snake in the grass.

Of course, he never told Razorwhip about these concerns – questioning anyone at the HPSC was pointless – and Keigo already knew Razorwhip’s views:

“As a hero, sometimes you have to save people by masking the truth. Heroes are strong because of their physical feats, yes, but their strength also comes from carrying the burden of the truth the public can’t know.

“There are realities that would shatter society as we know it. To have a strong and united populace, there must always be heroes willing to hide those damaging truths and paint a more hopeful, clean picture. That’s what keeps the world functioning, Hawks.

“One day, you’ll be tasked with this sacred duty. When that day comes, you have to be ready. Let your emotions get the better of you, again, and society will crumble before your eyes. Do not fail.”

Small lies were easy –

I’m fine, it’s just been a long day… It’s no big deal… I’ll be right back… It looks worse than it is… It will be okay –

But the more he told these small lies, the more it felt that no one knew who he really was. How could they, when all they knew about him were lies?

After all, no one was allowed to know his real name, where he came from, or who he once was. How could they really know him?

Touya knew those things, but he was left out of the loop about so many other things that he wasn’t an exception to the rule.

Touya knew who Keigo used to be, but he didn’t know who he was. He didn’t know what Hawks did on missions. Sometimes, he didn’t even know when Hawks was on a mission and when he was just training.

Hawks was strictly forbidden to tell him any of it.

It especially hurt that Touya couldn’t know about the follow-up mission Keigo was sent on after the birthday festivities.

It was a fitting representation of his life, really. Even after sharing a good day with his best friend, he still had to hide how it ended.

No good days went untainted by walls and secrets. Now that Keigo had someone he desperately wanted to give the whole truth, the lies and emissions pulled Keigo down, more than they ever had before.

~~~~

After the boys had gone to sleep on the night of Touya’s birthday, Keigo had been woken up by Razorwhip to go to an abandoned warehouse that an HPSC agent had identified as Takami’s hideout.

Razorwhip led the way as they navigated through the corroded building. The traces of moonlight that permeated the cloud cover illuminated the dark warehouse through cracks in the roof. Rainwater seeped in, bundling into puddles on the uneven mildewy floor.

Keigo couldn’t fly very well in rain, and Razorwhip’s wings rusted when he got wet, so neither of them were suited for this sort of environment.

However, Takami had constantly been on the move, and there was no knowing how long he’d stay here, so there was no choice but to act quickly, weather be damned.

Keigo sent feathers out to listen for sounds to locate Takami. When he heard the angry grumbling of his drunkard father, Keigo pointed Razorwhip in that direction, and they trekked through the damp warehouse toward the noise.

Razorwhip pulled into a room suddenly, steel wings outstretched and ready to strike.

After that, everything moved fast.

Razorwhip’s blades locked onto their target. Shining metal cut into flesh with ease. Keigo screamed; Or, at least, he thought he did. The ringing in his ears made it hard to tell.

<---TW zone starts: [Parental Death, violence, parental child abuse, violence against children]--->

Keigo watched in horror as his father slumped, blood oozing from the blade lodged in the old man’s left lung.

Razorwhip promised they were only there to capture the man, not kill him. Razorwhip lied. Of course he did. Keigo felt stupid and naive for ever thinking otherwise.

Takami rasped as Keigo rushed to his side, the boy’s eyes darting around in panic and shock.

Keigo didn't have any time to process anything. It was so sudden.

Not knowing why, exactly, but he took Takami’s hand into his own, and gave his father a sad look. Pity and horror overpowered any hatred he had for his father in that moment.

All the beatings, bottles thrown in his way, punishments for letting himself be seen, prison bars drilled into his window, caging him in – it was a distant memory as he watched the last of his father’s strength fall away in a labored final breath.

Takami’s eyes were glassy and blank. In a moment of weakness, Keigo couldn’t help but close them with silent grief.

Was it grief, or was it just shock from witnessing death up close for the first time? Did watching someone die always feel like this?

If so, how the hell was he supposed to mentally weather the death of victims? If even the death of this villain, his abuser, made his very soul feel heavy with dread and loss, how could he ever stomach being a hero?

Through it all, Razorwhip watched him. His eyes were sharp with distaste, as if the odd display of emotion was nothing but tedious and inconvenient.

Keigo was snapped out of it when his face was jerked sideways by the punch of steel spiked knuckles to his cheek. It knocked him off balance and sent him tumbling to the floor.

Keigo inhaled sharply through clenched teeth, instinctively raising a hand to his bloody cheek.

Razorwhip had never hit him anywhere easily visible before.

Keigo was dumbstruck, the barrier of forced silence building up around him, stealing his ability to string any words together. Without his speech, he felt helpless.

He was covered in mud and rain water, his face hurt, and his mind was still reeling from today's events.

He'd never felt more out of it on a mission before, including the times he'd been drugged, or found his mother’s corpse.

“Get yourself together, Agent. Or have you forgotten? This man is a fucking villain. Don't mourn him. Don't feel. Got it?”

Keigo couldn’t speak, so he just nodded.

He was yanked up by his hair, and thrown back. His back hit the wall with a thud. He said nothing.

“Brat. You’re nothing but a tool, and you don’t even have the decency to be a good one, at that. Let’s grab the body and leave.”

Keigo froze, his breath hitching as the meaning hit him.

<---TW Zone Ends--->

“Did you not hear me, or are you just not listening? Grab. The. Body. Hawks. I will not ask again.”

Keigo hung his head and let autopilot take over.

He imagined he was somewhere else, floating nearby, watching the scene rather than participating in it.

He reached down, gathering up his thin, lifeless father in his arms. He was lighter than Keigo expected, all his excess weight burned away years in a shitty prison and months on the run.

Razorwhip and Keigo walked in silence to the drop point, where they were teleported into the basement of the HPSC by a staff-member’s wormhole quirk. In silence, they sent the body to the morgue for disintegration.

Then, they went up to their private training room, where Keigo received the punishment he deserved for his continued inability to get a grip on his emotional state.

He was too far gone to care, already busy floating somewhere else. Anywhere but here. He was so tired of the lies.

~~~~

After that, Keigo was given a full month without any field missions. He took the break to focus on his schoolwork, practice weight-training in the gym, and hang out with Touya whenever they were both free.

He even managed to get the Best Jeanist’s signature for Rumi.

“What do you need it for?”

“My friend is a fan. She'd really appreciate it.”

“Well, I would be honored, then.” He scribbled a note on a pad and signed it quickly. Passing it back to Keigo.

“Thanks so much! She'll love it!” Keigo beamed at him.

Best Jeanist was weird, but he was a good man.

Rumi, indeed, was ecstatic when he sent a photo over text and sent the physical copy by mail. It felt like a favor to a friend more than it felt like repaying a debt. Seeing her excited entourage of emojis felt surprisingly meaningful.

It was the first time in so long he felt something good came from his actions.

He hoped when he had his own fans, they would be just as excited to receive his own autographs.

He’d almost let himself forget the horrors of everything, losing himself in the routine and comfort of having Touya nearby. That's why, when the one month break was up, he was caught off guard when Touya was given a mission.

Then, Keigo was also assigned a mission, and he felt dread and misery until he opened up the case file and found Cremation’s name on it next to his.

A mission with Touya?

Then, Hawks actually became excited.

The next time he saw Touya, he hovered around him, smiling. “Touya! Did you read the briefing?”

“Yeah, I did! I was not expecting to see your name on it, but I’m glad! It's about time they put us on a mission together.”

“We’ll just have to show them how good we are together so we can be put together more!” Keigo declared, happily.

The boys worked out a strategy then, both buzzing with nervous but happy energy.

The mission seemed to have little to no combat involved. It was a drug bust, for a small youth gang in Musutafu.

Touya was from Musutafu, right? Maybe if they had time, they could browse Touya’s favorite places from his home town.

Their assignment was to pretend they wanted to buy drugs from a drug dealer named “Azrael” who frequently supplied a gang of youths who called themselves The Pirates.

They were given a file with a janky photograph of Azrael pulled from a security tape in the youth gang’s territory. It was the only reference for what the man looked like, or what to expect.

Supposedly, arresting Azrael could prevent new Pirates recruits from getting hooked. As for those who already were, Keigo and Touya were ordered to report them.

Anyone who could be traced back to Azrael would be arrested and funnelled into rehab or juvenile detention on a case-by-case basis.

They were dispatched in late March, when most of the snow had melted into murky sludge. In the beginning, it was grueling, but it only took them a few days to settle into their roles.

Within a week, they managed to secure a meeting with Azrael. After plenty of wandering around, they finally spotted him, and Keigo tracked him from there with his feathers.

Touya had brawled with some of the kids from the youth gang to gain their trust. So far, they seemed to like him, and he was surprisingly good at playing the role of a petty criminal.

They were apprehensive of Keigo, though, because they thought he was too small, scrawny, and bright-looking to be a convincing would-be gang member.

Because of this, Keigo played the role of Touya’s little foster brother who followed him around looking lost, and was loyal to whomever Touya was, so that he could mooch off Touya’s positive reputation with them.

For extra measure, Keigo pretended to be almost entirely mute, save for only a few sentences, to make himself seem more pathetic and nonthreatening.

It seemed to work and ease the gang’s initial suspicion of him, and so far, everything was going according to plan.

It took another few days for Keigo and Touya to finally infiltrate their ranks enough for it not to be suspicious for them to seek out Azrael.

They found him in an alley, and Touya asked what Azrael had to offer them. He seemed to already know who they were, presumably from his other Pirates contacts.

“Pick your poison,” the man smirked, opening his bag to reveal a well-stocked inventory of illicit substances Keigo had learned to accurately identify after several missions like this one.

Touya glanced at him, silently asking what to grab. Keigo feigned a look of confusion to keep up his ‘harmless invalid’ façade to Azrael, but pointed a feather only Touya could see at Azrael’s selection of e-cigarettes. Gateway drugs were the most believable given their cover story.

As Touya told Azrael their choice, Keigo’s feathers picked up on a set of barely audible footsteps approaching the alleyway.

Keigo froze and split his attention to focus on Azrael, Touya, and the mysterious stranger approaching them at the same time.

Out of the corner of his eye, Keigo got a look at their visitor while Touya and Azrael discussed their business.

The boy looked a few years younger than Keigo, but was considerably taller. His white hair looked strikingly like Touya’s, except that it was spiked rather than wavy. It was peeking out even over his thick hood.

He wore a baggy jacket and hung his head low, seemingly to hide his face from the cameras above. His unnaturally quiet footsteps betrayed a life of hiding and avoiding detection.

All evidence pointed to the boy being a gang member, so Keigo put his guard on high alert.

He sent more feathers to surround the boy – from a distance, of course; it would blow Keigo’s cover if anyone noticed his surveillance tactics.

Through all of that, Touya’s eyes were fixed on Arael, evidently unaware of the spikey-haired boy. He and Azrael exchanged the e-cigs for a clip of wrinkled bills the commission had given them.

The moment Touya took his eyes off Azrael, he noticed the spikey-haired boy and gasped.

The e-cigs crashed to the floor. Keigo cursed internally.

“Natsuo?” Touya sputtered in disbelief at the boy.

Natsuo? That was Touya’s little brother’s name, wasn’t it?

Shit.

“Touya.” Natsuo replied evenly. Azrael gave the boy a curious look, but said nothing.

Shit shit shit. Allowing Touya’s real name to be said by anyone was strictly forbidden, and so was seeing family.

Touya was an exception because Endeavor pushed for him to get some visits for holidays, but anything outside of those still wasn’t allowed.

And during a mission? They were so fucked.

The Commission had a microphone on this conversation. They would catch it, and Touya would get in so much trouble.

However, because there was about a five second delay, they wouldn’t hear anything said after the drugs switched hands, if Hawks stopped it now.

But what if they found out he'd cut the recording on purpose?

Shit shit shit. He only had one second to figure it out before it was too late, and the commission would hear it.

Keigo couldn’t let someone close to Touya be caught up in the Commission’s arrest sweep. He couldn’t let Touya get in trouble for seeing his brother when it wasn’t even his fault he was here.

He couldn’t let the Commission hear the recording.

He should, for the mission’s sake and for his future, but somehow it felt wrong to do anything but break the microphone.

Damned teenage emotional volatility. He couldn't go a single mission without doing something stupid. He was becoming a broken record at this point.

He could hear Razorwhip’s scathing remarks a mile away. “You let your feelings get in the way again, Hawks. Stop it, or I'll make you stop.”

And, of course, Keigo always did let it happen again. Nothing Razorwhip did changed that.

He knew Razorwhip’s patience over his repetitive failures was running painfully thin, and he really should have been more careful.

… But this was Touya, and Touya would have done the same for him – if Keigo had any friends outside the HSPC to sneak off to, anyway.

Right now, Touya was the only bright thing in his life. Losing that light to whatever backlash they’d face when the Commission heard the recording was unthinkable.

That alone was enough for Keigo to make a decision.

Impulsively, against all better judgment, he hardened a feather and stuck it through the sound recorder, just before the five second delay caught up.

The commission would never know. He’d make sure of it.

He was too wrapped up in it now to do anything but cover it up.

He turned his attention back to Natsuo and Touya in front of him, and Azrael who still stood off to the side.

“Why are you here, Natsuo?” Touya asked, face taut with concern.

“I could ask the same question.” Natsuo shot back.

“You know why I’m here,” Touya said, gesturing at himself.

To Azrael, the gesture appeared to be Touya emphasizing the edgy streetclothes that signaled he was the type of disadvantaged youth privy to whatever drugs were available through dealers like Azrael.

Natsuo and Touya saw the gesture as what it was: a clever way to draw attention to the commission-issued undercover outfit and the feather in his pocket that signaled his link to Keigo.

The gesture screamed, The commission? What do you think?

Natsuo got the hint and sighed. He turned away from Touya to look up at Azrael, holding a hand out. “I can’t tell you here,” he said to Touya. “Business first. Then we’ll take a walk and I’ll tell you. Okay?”

Touya nodded, and Natsuo gave a huff in return. He put a hand out for Azrael, who dropped a bottle of pills into his palm. In return, Natsuo gave Azrael some cash and a lazy peace-sign salute on his way out.

The three boys left the alley. They walked until they’d left the ghettos and stood at the edge of a high-bred neighborhood.

It was past midnight, and the walls were dark and unlit.

“Look, Touya,” Natsuo muttered when they stood still. “It’s nothing you can help with… I know when I tell you you’ll want to help, but Fuyumi and I can only do so little as it is, and if Dad knew you were getting involved, he’d completely shut it down. Then everyone would be worse off.” His gaze hardened. “I’ll only tell you if you promise to stay out of it. Okay?”

Touya cut into the air with an angry hand. “I’m not going to just stand by! Just tell me.”

“No. Promise to let me handle it.”

The look they shared was deadly. Stubborn wills faced off before Touya finally relented with a sigh. “Okay. I won’t get involved directly.”

“You won’t get involved at all.”

“Ugh! fine!” Touya gave an exasperated scoff. “Jesus Christ.” He was getting into a mood, and Keigo backed up slightly to give him space.

<---TW zone starts: [Parental child abuse, violence against children, Shoto scar incident]--->

Natsuo steeled himself before he finally spoke. “Okay, so, um… it’s about Shoto. You’ve probably already guessed that much. It’s….” he lowered his voice quietly as if speaking too loudly would summon someone he didn’t want to hear. “Mom poured boiling water on his face.”

Keigo’s eyes widened. Wasn’t Shoto six? Seven, maybe? Touya’s family life just kept getting more concerning the more he heard about it.

“Mom what?” Touya whispered harshly. Keigo wiggled the feather in Touya’s pocket to remind him he was there, and that seemed to somewhat soothe him as he listened intently to the rest of what Natsuo had to say.

“It wasn’t really her fault, and it’s a mess, but Shoto’s getting better. Dad has doctors giving him antibiotics and stuff for the infection, but nothing for the pain…

“Dad doesn’t want to give it to him because he thinks the pain will make him stronger or something… But I just can’t. He’s hurting so much and he just cries, and the tears make it worse because his eye is so–”

<---TW Zone Ends--->

Nastsuo made a choking noise and took a moment to right himself.

Keigo watched the two brothers as he processed the information.

Endeavor saved him, once. He arrested his father and set Keigo on the trajectory he needed to be on to come to the HPSC. Endeavor was the catalyst in a set of events that got Keigo’s family out of poverty and misery and into a promising future where Keigo could be a hero.

But Keigo knew firsthand how corrupt heroes could be. The idealistic view the public saw was hardly what wriggled beneath the surface. Heroes lied. They kept the public in the dark. When anything threatened the social order, the threat was eliminated without trial or mercy.

Maybe, Endeavor was just another thing that looked shinier and nicer when Keigo was young and naive.

“I know you want to help, but you can’t,” Natsuo said once he was steady enough to speak again. “He’ll be okay. He just needs pain medication. He’s seven years old, dammit. He’s too young to be hurting this much. I don’t care what Dad says. He’s too young.”

Touya pulled Natsuo into a hug, and Natsuo lost the battle he was waging against his tears. They fell, unbidden, and he sniffled sharply. Touya’s eyes were calculating, as if the hug was partially a bluff to give him more time to think before responding.

“I wish you were home,” Natsuo admitted.

“I wish I could help,” Touya said, softly.

Natsuo pulled away, wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve.

“What pain meds are you giving him?”

“Morphine. I did a lot of research on it for the right dose and everything. I’m being careful.”

“That’s good. If you get a chance, tell him I’m rooting for him, okay? I won’t have a break for a while, but I’ll write letters. Keep me posted?” Touya clearly had something else he wanted to say. The way he spoke was mechanical, like the words belonged to someone else. They didn’t at all reflect the emotion swirling in his eyes.

“I will,” Natsuo promised again. “Good luck with whatever mission this is,” he gestured at both Keigo and Touya. “I hope I didn’t mess it up for you guys,” he said with a worried glance in Keigo’s direction.

Keigo had been silent, not having anything useful to add between the two brothers. He felt out of his depth. When he realized he was being spoken to, he shook himself out of his muteness. “It’s no problem. I get it.”

Natsuo nodded. “Thank you guys for keeping my secret. Dad would kill me if he found out.” He gave them a weak smile.

Keigo returned the look with a nod and a kind grin, and then turned to Touya. “Ready to go?”

Touya gave Natsuo one last hug, and they exchanged a few words Keigo didn’t bother using his feathers to listen in. It wasn’t meant for him to hear.

Natsuo took a deep breath, repairing the last of his emotional cracks, until he’d looked as strong – and sketchy – as he had in the alleyway.

Then, the three walked off in different directions.

Keigo and Touya had been instructed to make their way back separately to avoid being tracked back to the HPSC.

This meant Keigo could sneak back and tell Natsuo one more thing he couldn’t say in front of Touya.

When Touya was out of ears reach, Keigo flew in the direction Natsuo had gone in, and told him not to go back to Azrael.

He told him the truth about the imminent arrest warrant for the dealer thanks to their intel, and the long list of his clients who would be scooped up into the legal system shortly after.

He didn’t want Touya’s little brother to get caught up in that mess.

Natsuo protested, arguing that he’d rather be arrested than let his little brother suffer through pain unmedicated.

Keigo wrote down a name and phone number he’d memorized from another drug dealer he’d come across in another mission, and gave it to Natsuo to ease his concerns.

Keigo happened to know that the drug dealer was willing to sell to minors. That much had been gathered in a previous mission where Keigo was tasked with reaching him.

<---TW zone starts: [Implied/Reference Child s*xual/physical exploitation]--->

He had done so by flirting. The thought still left a bad taste in his mouth, especially because he’d been so good at it.

The whole thing felt so wrong, but that didn’t matter. He needed to shove that thought aside and focus on Natsuo.

<---TW Zone Ends--->

Keigo also happened to know that the HPSC wasn’t after that particular drug dealer - just his big-name contacts.

In fact, they actually had a vested interest in keeping him on the streets, selling to minors, so his lines of connections would stay open for the HPSC to infiltrate.

Thus, the dealer was relatively safe for Natsuo to access without getting into trouble with the law. That meant Touya wouldn’t have to see his brother go off to jail, which was good enough for Keigo.

It hurt that he couldn’t tell Touya any of this, but he’d already gotten his feelings tied up with his work too much today.

Spilling one more secret Touya didn't have clearance to know was just too much on top of everything else.

He told Natsuo out of necessity. Touya would just have to be left out of the loop on this one.

It was only one more secret. Keigo could handle that, right?

~~~~

Keigo reported back to Razorwhip when he got back.

He left out everything about Natsuo. He lied and said the drug dealer caught onto them and they fought.

After that, or so his story went, Azrael got away, and Touya and Keigo cut their losses and headed back to the Commission.

“The audio chip must have been damaged in the scuffle, I guess.”

Razorwhip didn’t believe one word of it, but he knew Keigo would cling to his lies and maintain his false truth.

After all, it had been Razorwhip who’d taught him how to. He’d taught him the art of deception – of espionage – and how to stubbornly hold to his cover despite everything on the contrary.

<---TW zone starts: [Vague Implied/Reference Child Physical Abuse/Violence]--->

Razorwhip punished him severely for this misused application of the lessons the HPSC had so graciously given him, even though he had nothing but the suspicion that Keigo had done something. That was all it took. After all, he failed to apprehend the target.

Keigo didn’t remember much after that. He must have lost consciousness or dissociated himself into oblivion.

<---TW Zone Ends--->

When he woke up, his whole body felt heavy. God, the weight of these secrets was going to be the end of him.

–
Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head
–

Chapter Text

DATE: Mid Spring Year 2

-song: “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys [cover by Hozier]

(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin' flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin' that you'd stay
(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made
For sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day
–

Keigo tried to not think too hard about all the possible reasons Touya was sent on a follow up mission and he wasn't.

Maybe Razorwhip told his higher-ups about his suspicions that Hawks had sabotaged the previous mission.

Maybe they wanted Keigo out of the picture because they knew he'd fucked up the mission, and they didn't want to give him a chance to fuck up again.

Or, maybe the aim was to throw Touya into a trap and see how he'd get out of it without Keigo’s help.

Was Touya in danger? Was there some secret that Keigo could have shared to make his friend's challenge easier? Should he have told him everything about the dealer? Did he doom Touya by covering it up?

Did he set his friend up for failure?

Worst of all, was Touya being punished for Keigo’s disobedience?

It was a thought he couldn't bear entertaining.

And, even if it was true, Keigo knew he couldn't do anything about it. Therefore, the best solution was just to try his hardest not to let himself worry about it.

He just needed to keep Touya off his mind. He could do that, right?

The thing was, it was hard to go around the HPSC without being constantly reminded of his roommate.

He could feel Touya’s presence in every lecture they usually attended together, every training session they usually partnered up for, and every math assignment that Touya would usually help him with.

Touya had been gone only two days so far, but Keigo was already realizing the HSCP had become something different with Touya’s absence than it had been in the years before he arrived.

With Touya gone, it felt emptier than ever.

The best that Keigo could do was to keep his head up and stay positive.

It was a solid opportunity to catch up in PE, at least.

He resolved to keep his mind off everything by focusing on that

After a two hour gym session playing tennis against Javelin, one of his peers, he attended a lengthy history lecture.

Then, stayed after to review a history topic he still needed to perfect before midterms. He wanted to keep the top spot in History, especially because it was Gang Orca’s class, and he was the coolest professor there.

“You okay, Hawks? Lookin’ a little worse for wear.”

Keigo was knocked out of his thoughts by Gang Orca’s words and looked down at himself, realizing he was more banged up from the gym than he previously thought.

Javelin was determined to aim at Keigo’s face, forcing him to block with his wrist, so he always got his arms all bruised after playing with him.

It wasn't unusual for the HPSC trainees to be highly competitive and aggressive. Being cut-throat was basically an admissions requirement. Keigo wasn't that way, but he learned to weather it and push back on those who were.

“Oh, these?” He gestured at the bruises on his arms. “Just battle scars from the gym. Flesh wounds, really. They don't hurt. I’m feeling great otherwise.” Keigo gave Gang Orca a press-ready smile. “I appreciate the concern, though.”

Gang Orca didn't look convinced. “No, I mean you've been off for a while. Since your last mission, I think.”

Keigo stiffened, but feigned curiosity. “Have I?”

Gang Orca heaved a sigh. “Look, I don't know what kind of missions they're having you do, and I doubt you're allowed to tell me much, but I'm here to listen to anything you're willing and able to share. It’s my duty as a teacher to provide support and guidance.” He chuckled good-naturedly. “Getting the course material through all your thick heads is a close second, though.”

Keigo chuckled along, hoping it didn't sound half-hearted. “Ha, yeah.”

Keigo needed to make sure Gang Orca’s concerns were settled.

If he asked questions to the higher-ups, Razorwhip would know Keigo had failed to keep up his happy, easygoing persona so badly that a teacher felt the need to reach out.

That wouldn’t end well for any of them. “Thanks, but I really am okay, I promise.”

Gang Orca looked at him with unwarranted pity. “Do you have any friends you can talk to? People your age? I know the commission keeps you on a pretty tight leash, but when you become a pro, you're going to need a good support system. Making friends now will help you down the line.”

“I have friends.” The HPSC would never let him have friends. It was a security risk. Spies don't get friends.

“Good. I want you to contact them. Ask how they're doing. Check in. You get this weekend off, remember? Do something fun with it. Come back to class rejuvenated.” Gang Orca gave him a reassuring, almost playful grin. “That’s an order.”

Keigo held up a low-effort two finger salute and smiled. “Yes sir.”

~~~~

Keigo still had the number of that bunny girl, Rumi, on his phone. He decided to send her a text, because Gang Orca told him to, but also because he needed a better distraction from worrying about Touya.

Squawks: Hey! Wyd? How's spring going 4 u?
RumiZoomie: OMG hi!!! I'm good, u?
Squawks: Happy :) F the cold I'm glad it's over
RumiZoomie: Lmao ain’t that the truth!!! xD
Squawks: U busy this wknd?
RumiZoomie: Me and Moe r thinking of doing a slumber party. Wanna join?
Squawks: Yes pls

Keigo wasn't given permission to leave campus, but he was fast and sneaky. He could certainly get away for a night without detection.

Rumi sent her address, and Keigo packed a travel bag. When that Friday evening came around, he flew out into the open air toward Rumi’s house.

Keigo landed and knocked on the door. A middle aged woman answered and greeted him. “Hey! You must be Hawks! Come on in!”

He kicked off his shoes and was guided up to Rumi's room. The woman, presumably Rumi’s mother, knocked on the door with the back of her fist. “Rumes?! Your friend is here.”

“Oh thanks, Ma! Send him in!” came Rumi’s response, as loud and enthusiastic as usual.

Keigo smiled and thanked Rumi’s mother before he walked into the bedroom.

Virtually every inch of her wall was covered with posters for various heroes and combat sports Keigo didn’t recognize. A large section above the bed was dedicated to photos of Rumi and her friends. Fairly lights were strewn across the room in disorganized, organic patterns.

She was sitting with Moe on a canopy queen bed. “Hey Hawks! Come, take a seat!”

Hawks obeyed. “Hello ladies!”

Moe grinned at him with a crazy glint in her eyes. “Who you calling ‘ladies!’ Wait ‘til you see just how un-lady-like we are. You’re in for a treat, Feathers.”

“Oh?” Hawks inquired, sitting down when the girls patted the bed to invite him. “Care to elaborate?”

Rumi nodded rapidly, and cheered feral-like. “Fight club!”

“Fight club!” Moe echoed, equally deranged.

Hawks made a confused gesture. He wanted them to just explain. He felt somewhat like an outsider, which he was, but he didn’t want to feel that way.

Rumi laughed. “You delicate feather!” Moe snorted at the pun.

Hawks bristled, and Moe took pity on him. “Fight club is this boxing ring downtown, below Mugs & Mayhem Coffeehouse. Little do they know, the ‘mayhem’ goes on after business hours in the basement. It's super fun, and Rumi is the reigning champ!”

Rumi blushed. “Well, you're not so bad yourself…”

“Pish posh, Rumi. You know you're awesome.”

“God forbid a girl try to show some modesty,” she laughed. “You're right, though. I am pretty awesome,” she added with a toothy smirk.

Moe made a face and turned to Keigo. “Anyway, you should join us!”

Keigo considered it. Getting injured would raise flags to the HPSC…

“Can I come and just not fight?”

“Of course!” Rumi said encouragingly.

“They don't let newbies fight anyway,” Moe added. “Fights are planned in advance, so you gotta sign up. Can't just challenge someone unless you've been there a while and got some rep, so it works out perfectly.”

“Oh, that's good then,” Hawks smiled. “Um, When are we going?”

“Midnight,” said Rumi as she did some mental math. “So… three hours?”

“In the meantime, we could start getting ready,” Moe suggested, and then turned to Hawks. “We like to do face paint and stuff. Mostly for fun, but also to obscure our identities. You don't have to if you don't want to, of course.”

“I think it's fine.” It would be nice to be anonymous, and he could always just take it off before he got back to the commission.

Rumi bounced around on her surprisingly strong legs and grabbed a make-up bag. She prodded around inside it until she found some face paint, and started applying it to Moe’s face.

Moe closed her eyes and fell into the rhythm of it, as if they'd done this countless times before.

As Rumi applied it, they talked.

“So, you go to some fancy shmancy school, right, Hawks?” Rumi asked.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What's it called?” Moe tried to move her face as little as she asked the question to not disrupt Rumi’s work.

“Uhh… just called The Hero Academy.” Hero Public Safety Commission Academy for Rising Heroes and Agents was a mouthful.

“Oh. Never heard of it,” Rumi puzzled.

“It's kinda secretive.”

“How exclusive and posh!” Rumi mused, and paused. “You don't look posh.”

“Uh… thanks?” Hawks shifted on the bed.

Rumi laughed. “I just mean… you seem real, like, a chill person. You don't scream ‘fancy private school’ to me.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “I mean it as a compliment, I promise.”

“I grew up poor,” Keigo wasn't sure why he felt the need to share. “I’m not some nepo baby.”

Moe laughed, and accidentally smudged her face paint. “You're so weird!”

Rumi frowned at the smudge mark and started fixing it. “Are there a lot of rich kids there?”

“No…” Keigo thought about it. “Cremation, you met him. He probably comes from the richest family, honestly, but he isn't very ‘in your face’ about it.”

“I'm glad,” Rumi smiled, biting the very tip of her tongue in concentration as she worked. “He’s such a hotty. Would hate to have those looks wasted on an asshole”

Keigo blushed at the shameless remark. Rumi cackled at his discomfort.

“Slumber parties are for fight club, party games, movies, long convoluted discussions of trauma, and gossiping about cute boys – or girls, if you’re into that” she shot a wink at Moe, who turned red.

Keigo raised an eyebrow, curious. “Oh? What's going on there?”

“Moe has a crush,” Rumi stage whispers. “On a girl.”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

Rumi rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. It's a chick from fight club, but she won’t be there tonight, sadly. I’m straight, but for a girl, she’s pretty hot. Man, has that girl got an ass.”

Keigo didn’t justify the comment with a response. He was more transfixed on the odd notion that girls could like other girls. He had never considered that before.

Do some boys like boys? Technically, Hawks had kissed a boy before, but that was Razorwhip and it didn’t really count because Razorwhip was just roleplaying as a girl to prepare Keigo to kiss girls. Neither of them actually liked it.

Keigo shook his head. He did not want to think about that.

“Are you okay? You're making a face,” Rumi snapped to get his attention.

He blinked at her. “Yeah, peachy!”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

Keigo realized that Rumi thought he was judging Moe for liking girls, and that reaction seemed frowned upon, so he quickly tried to correct it. “There’s nothing shameful about having a crush, Moe.”

Moe just sighed, and Rumi put the finishing touches on the face paint.

Ruming had painted green flames on her, snaking over her cheekbones and framing her heart-shaped face. It was incredibly smooth and detailed.

Hawks beamed. “Wow! You're really good at art, Rumi!”

“Thanks!” Rumi smiled, pink spreading on her cheeks. For a girl with such a big ego, getting complimented seemed to be a sensitive thing for her.

Rumi moved onto Keigo’s lap. She grabbed his face so she could start getting to work on his face paint. He tried to stay still for her.

“You've got a nice face,” Rumi muttered absentmindedly, and all three of them laughed. “Seriously, though,” she traced a finger over Keigo’s cheekbones. He shivered. “You could be a model or something.”

Keigo felt very warm all the sudden. “Uh- thanks,” he choked out.

The girls shared a chuckle. They were obviously pleased with themselves.

Hawks just wanted Rumi to finish his makeup quickly so he could retreat to his own space.

But he also wanted to give her time to make it look pretty, so he tried to be patient.

He tapped his foot against the mattress until Rumi was done, and then she guided him to the mirror so he could see her work.

She had painted a red masquerade mask onto his face, framed by painted red feathered wings in sharp points at his temples and swirls around his cheekbones. Around his eyes and the bridge of his nose was simple red paint with an ornate geometric pattern doodled into it. Rumi had sprinkled a small amount of glitter on top and around his freckles, making them look like stars.

He looked very girlish, but also majestic. He smiled and thanked her. “Wow! It looks great! I love it, thanks!”

Rumi rose from the bed and gave an ironic curt bow before seating herself at her vanity and haphazardly dipping her fingers in paint, smearing it horizontally across her cheeks three thick multicolored lines. Then, she dabbed paint on the tip of her nose.

She turned to Keigo and Moe. “Viola!”

“Oh, whiskers, because you're a rabbit!” Keigo enthused. “Very cute.”

“Looking hot, Rumes!” Moe declared profanely.

“Thank you, thank you!” Rumor exclaimed with a curtsy.

They chatted a while longer before starting on their journey to Mugs and Mayhem.

Hawks was nervous but excited. He hadn't ever gone to anything like a boxing ring before, except for maybe competitions with other HPSC trainees.

Generally, fighting for the sake of fighting was not allowed by the HPSC. It was considered undisciplined and a waste of talent.

Keigo felt a rush out of doing something so overtly against the commission guidelines. It felt scandalous and cool.

Keigo would be disciplined once he was a real pro hero. Until then, he just wanted to act out against the machine that raised him, like the fourteen year old punk he was.

This kind of fun was the sort he'd never have once the public’s eye was on him, so he wanted to act out while he still could.

The HPSC didn't have to know. Gang Orca basically decreed it, anyway, when he told Keigo to go out with friends, so…

The trio found a place to stand in the crowded underground room. The whole place smelled like leather, hot breath, and sweat.

At first, it was very gross and overstimulating.

It was all so much. The smell, the sounds, the guy walking around asking for bet money. The sensation of hot breath and perspiring skin against his arm where a random man stood too close. The flooring that cracked and shifted under his feet as Rumi bounced around. The swinging light as an overhead lamp rocked from side to side – everything was so loud.

Keigo’s throat felt tight and dry, and his voice refused to come when called. Facial expressions didn't come readily, either. His blank expression stood out against all the grinning or sneering faces around him.

He flinched hard when Moe touched his arm. He was too stuck in his own head.

She paused immediately.

He turned away, mortified by the overreaction.

She looked concerned when he didn't meet her eyes.

“Hawks, are you okay?”

Even nodding was difficult, but he managed. When the walls were up this hard, sneaking through any communication – even as small as a head movement – felt like pushing a boulder uphill.

Despite his effort to convince her, she didn’t seem to believe him.

She pursed her lips. Then, she held up her hands and signed something to him.

Keigo didn't know sign language, so he just stared at her. He wanted to learn it, but Razorwhip told him it was a crutch he didn’t need.

Moe sighed, and said out loud: “Are you nonverbal?”

He didn't even know what that meant, so he forced himself to choke out, “no.”

“If you're uncomfortable, we can always go home,” Moe offered.

“No, I’m okay.” Each word was labored. He just wanted to stop talking and drift somewhere nearby, leaving the rest of him on autopilot. His body was too over-stimulated. He wanted to step out of it for a minute.

Moe nodded, sceptically. She glanced at Rumi, who was loudly chatting with a man standing nearby.

Rumi said something to her, and Moe gave a thumbs up.

Hawks was drifting off into a daydream when he heard Rumi’s name being announced, and that snapped him back into his crowded body.

He wanted to cheer for Rumi to pump her up while she fought. Good friends should be loud and supportive when their friends are doing something cool.

He replayed in his mind all the instructions he'd been given by Best Jeanist about how to smile and make it look genuine even when he didn't feel like it.

Piece by piece, he moved his face into a grin.

When Moe started to cheer, Hawks cheered at her side. At first, it was hoarse and obviously forced, but it eased up after a few seconds.

Once it did, the two were the loudest in the room. Keigo started to feel genuinely excited.

The walls lowered themselves slowly, and he found himself enjoying the noise.

Rumi was kicking ass up there, her powerful legs propelling her across the mat in coordinated, precise dashes. She was fast, and incredibly strong. She hit her opponent with sharp, well-aimed strikes. She was practically dancing circles around him.

When the match was over, the referee called it in her favor.

Money exchanged hands throughout the room. It looked like most people betted on Rumi. She must really be something impressive for so many tough guys to be so confident in a teenage girl’s combat skills.

The men in the room gave her a wide berth as she shoved a hefty amount of well-deserved cash into her fanny pack.

She was glowing when she returned to Hawks and Moe.

“Damn, Rumi! Wow!” Hawks gave her a high five.

Moe and Rumi bumped chests. “Kickass QUEEN! That's my GIRL! HELL YEAH!” Moe hollered.

Rumi slung one arm over each of their shoulders, and the last of Keigo’s tension melted.

He was here with his cool new friends, and the rest of the world faded away – but not in the usual way where he floated somewhere else. This time, he had a center of gravity.

The beating hearts of the unapologetically loud and irreverent girls around him steadied and grounded him. Like a lullaby, they beat a calming tune. It made him feel safe.

This must be what Gang Orca meant when he spoke of being ‘rejuvenated.’

Keigo was glad he came.

~~~~

When they got back to Rumi's house at 3am, they were all too invigorated to sleep. They found themselves sprawled around the room, talking about whatever crossed their minds.

“What's cremation up to?” Rumi asked. “Next time we hang out, you should invite him.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Hawks allowed. “He's on a trip right now. When he's back, I'll ask.”

Moe was wiping the paint off her face. “How long have you known him?”

“Since September,” Keigo answered, doing the same.

Rumi hummed. “You seemed to know him really well back in December for only having met him a few months before.”

Keigo thought about it. “I guess we've been close since day one. He's really easy to get along with. Plus, he's brilliant at sports and math, so he tutors me. We’re roommates, too, and you get to know a lot about a person when you have to sleep in the same room as them.”

“You sound like you really like him,” Rumi smiled.

“Yeah, he's really cool. And his quirk is awesome. Once he gets it to work, he’ll be number one for sure. He knows a ton about heroes and how to be a good one. He's very hard-working, too, and really nice.” Keigo smiled. “So, yeah, I do like him. I think anyone who's ever met him probably does. Like I said, he’s easy to like.”

“Do you like like him?” Moe suggested, looking his way.

Keigo choked.

His first thought was no, of course not.

Touya was a boy, and way out of Keigo’s league anyway – not that that was relevant – but something about the exciting night made his inhibitions looser than usual. Or maybe it was the exhaustion, or the long week, or something else entirely, but Keigo realized it didn't feel right to say no.

He internally groaned.

Did he like Touya like that?

Before he could cognitively come up with an answer, his body had already made its decision.

The words, “Yeah, I think I do.” were poised in his lips, but he stopped it last minute, when he realized the absurdity.

He aborted the words before they made it out and became real, and replaced it with something that was more in his comfort zone: “I don't know.”

It wasn’t necessarily a lie.

Whatever his feelings were, he didn't need to confront them yet. He had time. For now, he'd stick with ‘I don't know.’

–