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In awe of you.

Summary:

Emily and JJ’s two year old gets a stomach bug for the first time, and Emily’s in awe of JJ as she watches her comfort their daughter.

TW: sickness/throwing up (vague)

Notes:

Also posted on tumblr - @/cheeeetobreath !

Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Evelyn was sick. 

The two year old had been pretty lucky all things considered. She’d had a few coughs and runny noses before because that felt inevitable when your immune system was developing, but she’d never been sick before.

It started when she wouldn’t eat her dinner. JJ thought her irritability was because her last couple of teeth were coming in, but she’d never refused her dinner before so she knew something was up. 

Emily noticed it too. 

She eyed JJ from across the table.

“Mommy,” Evelyn whined. “Messy hands.” 

Her hands were covered in potatoes and gravy from the little food she did try and eat, sticky textures overwhelming her when she obviously wasn’t feeling herself.

“I’ll get a cloth,” JJ said as she stacked her empty plate on top of Emily’s and lifted Evelyn’s too, taking them into the kitchen to grab a cloth to clean her up. 

“Mama.” 

“I know sweetheart,” Emily soothed as she lifted Evelyn out of her highchair and onto her lap, pressing gentle kisses to her temple in the process. “You’re not feeling too good huh?”

“Messy hands,” the two year old repeated. 

JJ returned from the kitchen and sat beside them to clean Evelyn up. Her eyes were sunk in her head and a rosy pink hue painted her cheeks, telltale signs that a fever was most likely the cause of her unsettled nature. 

“There we go,” JJ smiled. “Clean hands now.” 

“Yep.” 

JJ’s smile faltered at how small her daughter’s voice sounded. It lacked the usual energy and confidence she carried and was laced with something more vulnerable instead as if all the life was slowly getting drained out of her. 

Emily’s expression matched JJ’s as they made their way into the living room, Luna sitting idle on the couch where Evelyn had left her stuffed animal before dinner. 

“Want Luna, mama.” 

Emily handed the cat to her daughter, sitting down on the couch as she placed the back of her hand against Evelyn’s forehead and grimaced at the heat she felt through her skin. 

“That’s definitely a fever.”

JJ copied Emily’s action. She grimaced too. 

“Jesus. Let me get the thermometer.” 

Evelyn babbled, trying and failing to pronounce the word correctly.

“A thermometer,” Emily corrected gently. “It checks how warm you are and it’ll tell us if you’re sick.” 

“No warm, mama.”

“Are you cold?” 

The toddler nodded. 

She definitely had a fever. 

JJ returned a minute later with the thermometer and it corrected their suspicions when 101.7°F was staring back at them on the small digital screen. Evelyn pointed when it beeped, not really understanding what it was despite Emily’s explanation.

“Beep beep?” 

“Not like a car, but it did beep baby. You’re such a smart girl.”

“Beep beep.”

Emily couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips as Evelyn continued to beep. She didn’t understand what it meant to be sick and she didn’t know how to explain how she felt to her parents, but she did recognise a beep and she did repeat it. 

Her fever hadn’t taken her sense of humour. 

“How do you feel sweetheart?” Emily asked. “Can you tell mama?”

“Cold.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Cold.” 

“Does anywhere hurt?” JJ tried. “Can you point to it?”

“Cold, mommy.” 

“We hear you baby. We hear you.”

“Blankie?” 

Wrapping her up in a blanket probably wasn’t a good idea if they wanted her fever to break. Denying her a blanket probably wasn’t a good idea if they wanted to keep her as comfortable and as settled as possible, so JJ pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she hesitated. 

Emily sighed. 

“We can get a blanket,” Emily soothed. “Can we put some light pyjamas on first?” 

“Jammies?” 

“Whatever ones you want.” 

“Okay.”

JJ nodded and opened her arms for Evelyn, the two year old immediately crawling from one lap to another as she wiped her eyes and yawned in the process. 

“You get her changed,” Emily said. “I’ll get a light blanket.” 

.

.

.

It got worse that night. 

They’d managed to get a slice of toast along with some tylenol into her system, and all things considered they’d gotten her to sleep pretty quickly despite her obvious pain and discomfort that she couldn’t identify as anything other than her body being cold.

JJ had been tossing and turning for hours, unable to settle when she knew Evelyn was hurting in a way that she couldn’t communicate to them. It could be anything, but they were only so good at guessing and sometimes you couldn’t guess everything. 

“My love,” Emily murmured. “C’mere.” 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

Emily kissed JJ’s forehead with a shake of her head. She hadn’t really been asleep either - not deep enough to qualify as meaningful rest, so if JJ was awake then so was she. 

“I wasn’t really asleep either.” 

“She’s sick.” 

“She is.” 

“What do you think it is?” JJ whispered. 

Emily didn’t have the chance to answer before Evelyn’s gags filled their bedroom through the baby monitor as she threw up, both women getting out of bed without a second thought to make their way across the hallway. 

It was on her lap and all over her bedsheets when they opened her door, choked sobs leaving her lips as she looked down at the mess. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Emily said, kneeling at the edge of her bed as JJ moved Luna before she got dirty. “You’re okay. Breathe for us.”

“Mommy?” 

“Yeah baby?” JJ asked, brushing sweat laced curls out of her daughter's face before pulling her dirty pyjama top off. “Mommy’s here.” 

“Tummy.” 

Evelyn pointed to her stomach to identify the source of her pain like she couldn’t before, and JJ’s heart tugged in her chest. 

“I know, hm? You threw up?” 

Her cries were still strong enough that she choked trying to catch her breath, JJ lifting her up into her arms once her pyjamas were off and she was left in her diaper. 

“Made- made mess, mama.” 

Emily softened as she kissed Evelyn’s forehead, fever still high with burning skin beneath her lips.  

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart. Your body needs to let it all out to fight your tummy ache, and mama’s going to change your bed. It’s okay.” 

Evelyn nodded against JJ’s neck. 

“We can swap. You can get a lukewarm bath with her and I can change her bed.”

“No it’s okay,” Emil reassured JJ. “She might want some breast milk to calm her down and help soothe her stomach. I read it’s good for sick babies.”

Evelyn was down to one feed per day now she was two and most of her diet consisted of solid foods, her night time feed proving harder to give up than her others and they didn’t want to rush her when she wasn’t ready.

It wasn’t doing them any harm. Having a second feed wouldn’t do her any harm if she was hungry and that’s what she wanted. 

“Yeah, okay,” JJ nodded.

They exchanged a quick kiss before JJ carried Evelyn back over to their bedroom and into their bathroom, her tears subsiding as her tiredness took over. 

Evelyn didn’t really understand what had just happened. She knew she didn’t feel good and she knew she made a mess, but she didn’t really know what vomit was. 

She just knew it was scary. Waking up to pains in her stomach that ended with a mess on her bed and all over her pyjamas wasn’t a feeling she knew how to process.

“Bath?” 

JJ filled the bathtub up with lukewarm water to hopefully bring Evelyn’s temperature down while simultaneously stripping out of her pyjamas, shifting her attention to her daughter when she spoke. 

“Yeah, baby.”

Evelyn frowned, clutching her stomach as another wave of nausea washed over her.

JJ noticed the shift immediately and guided Evelyn into her arms with her head over the toilet bowl, her body ridding itself of whatever was left in her stomach.

“Let it out,” JJ whispered, hand rubbing up and down Evelyn’s back in an effort of comfort. “Mommy’s right here. You’re okay.” 

A few more minutes and enough tears to break JJ’s heart later, Evelyn’s body decided it was done as her shaking frame curled up on her mother’s lap while JJ flushed the toilet. 

She kissed her temple, wiping away her tears. 

“I scared, mommy.”

Another kiss to her temple.

“I know. But guess what?” 

“What?” 

“You’re very brave.” 

Evelyn looked up at JJ while she took her empty diaper off and settled them into the bath, resting her head on her chest with her small hand above JJ’s heart.

“Brave?” 

“Mhmm,” JJ hummed. “So brave.” 

Evelyn frowned again, and JJ couldn’t help but smile at the confusion painted onto her face. 

“Do you know what just happened?” 

A shake of the head. 

“Sometimes when we’re sick, our bodies need to throw up and that’s what your body needed to do. It helps get rid of all of the germs and the bad stuff that’s making your tummy feel yucky. It’s normal and it happens to everybody and it’s not something to be scared of.” 

JJ’s hand was dancing across the two year old’s back as the water soothed her into a state of relaxation, tiny body getting heavier against JJ’s chest as she listened to her heartbeat.

Neither of them had noticed Emily resting against the doorframe as she silently watched the scene unfold in front of her. Emily had been in awe since day one at how naturally being a mother came to JJ in everything single thing that she did, and she saw it now too as she watched her calm their daughter down.

It was her soft spoken words and her endless patience when Evelyn was curious, her gentle willingness to reassure and comfort whenever it was needed, her natural ability to soothe when nothing else could.

She was just born to be a mother, and Emily felt like the luckiest woman in the world knowing she got to be the person to share this experience with her. 

To marry her in a matter of months.

“Yucky, mommy.” 

JJ smiled, kissing a loose curl that was sweatily sticking to Evelyn’s forehead as she squeezed a bit of baby wash into her hand to give Evelyn a quick clean.

“Do you want to know why you’re brave?”

“Brave?” Evelyn questioned again. 

“Yeah,” JJ whispered. “You’re brave because even though you’re scared, you’re letting your body fight off all of those nasty germs. I think that’s pretty brave. Being sick is scary and you’re doing such a great job with all of these new and scary feelings. No one’s upset or mad at you for making a mess, baby. Your body feels yucky and that’s okay. We’ll make sure you’re feeling better as soon as we can.” 

Even though she didn’t quite understand the depth of her mother’s words, JJ felt a tiny smile tugging at the corners of Evelyn’s lips as she absorbed the praise being given to her. 

She was brave.

That was enough for a two year old.

“I brave?” 

“So brave,” JJ repeated. “The bravest.”

Evelyn lifted her head from JJ’s chest, smiling tiredly at her mother as she yawned.

She studied her for a few more minutes as JJ rinsed the baby wash off, almost as if she was taking stock of her body and how she felt as JJ kissed her forehead.

“Does your tummy still hurt?” 

“Yep. Hurting.” 

They knew she wasn’t magically going to be better after barely twenty four hours of feeling off, but it still stung knowing she was in pain.

“Are you hungry?” 

Evelyn scrunched her face up. 

“More yucky, mommy.” 

“No baby, no more vomit if we can help it,” JJ soothed. “You don’t have to have any more toast. Do you think it made you throw up?” 

“Yep.” 

“What about some milk?”

“Mommy’s milk?”

“Do you want some? It’ll help you feel better.” 

Evelyn nodded and immediately started shifting in the water so she could comfortably latch onto JJ’s chest, JJ’s arms shifting around her daughter as she held her close. 

“That’s it,” JJ whispered. “Just relax.” 

Emily slipped into the bathroom when she’d spent a few more minutes watching the gentle exchange before her, sitting on the edge of the bathtub to kiss JJ’s head. 

JJ smiled up at her and leaned in for a proper kiss, Emily kissing her back with a smile. 

“Hi baby.” 

“Hi my love.” 

“She threw up again.” 

“I know,” Emily frowned. “I heard her crying when I was changing her bedsheets.” 

“I don’t like seeing her sick.” 

“I know. Me neither.” 

JJ nodded, resting her head against Emily’s side as their gaze cast down to Evelyn. Her eyes were getting heavy as she fed, the exhaustion from being sick sinking into her bones as JJ’s thumb stroked the back of her head. 

Everyone was exhausted, but at least Evelyn was feeding and she was getting fluids into her system.

They just hoped it helped.

.

.

.

Putting her back to bed was a struggle.

Her temperature was down even if her fever hadn’t broken yet which was a positive. She’d had her feed, and she genuinely did seem more settled than before until she didn’t. 

“Mama,” Evelyn whined when Emily tried to put her down, her grip tightening around her neck as she buried her head in her shoulder. “No, mama.” 

Emily brushed curls out of her face, gently stroking her cheekbone with the pad of her thumb.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” 

“Yucky?”

“Does your tummy feel yucky again?”

“No.”

“Okay. Why can’t we get back into bed?”

“Yucky.”

Emily sighed. Toddlers were persistent. 

JJ emerged from the bathroom once she was dried and back in her pyjamas, walking into her daughter’s room in the middle of their very vague conversation. 

“Yucky, mommy.” 

“Does your tummy feel yucky again?”

“No.”

“Are you afraid you’re going to feel yucky if you get back into bed because that’s how you woke up before? Is your bed yucky because you threw up in bed?”

Evelyn nodded her head. 

“I really should have pieced that together.”

“It’s two thirty in the morning,” JJ laughed, kissing Emily’s temple. “I don’t blame you.” 

“No bed,” Evelyn yawned. 

JJ took their daughter from Emily’s arms and kissed her forehead a few times to comfort her as the three of them sat on the edge of her bed. There was no point fighting a losing battle - if Evelyn was scared to get back into bed after being sick, they wouldn’t force it.

They would reassure her though.

The two year old reached for her stuffed animal, Emily putting Luna in her arms. 

“Guess what mama did when we were in the bath?” 

“Mama clean?”

“I did,” Emily said. “It’s okay that you were sick in bed because it can be easily cleaned up. If you want to get back in I promise it’s not yucky anymore, sweetheart. If you don't, that's okay too.”

They could’ve sworn they saw the wheels turning in Evelyn’s mind as she looked between them and then behind them to her bed, assessing the situation and her fears before making a decision about what she wanted to do. 

“Mama bed?”

“Do you want to sleep beside us?”

“Please.” 

A smile tugged at JJ’s lips from the mispronunciation of the word, Emily sporting a matching smile as she stood up to unplug Evelyn’s night light. 

“C’mon. Sick babies need extra cuddles.”

“Luna?”

“Well we can’t leave her all alone,” JJ yawned. “That wouldn’t be very nice.”

“No mommy.”

Evelyn clutched her stuffed animal tight to her chest as the four of them made their way across the hallway to their bedroom, Emily switching the fan on to help keep the room as cool as possible when Evelyn would undoubtedly sandwich herself between her parents, fever or not, before plugging in her nightlight too.

.

.

.

“Comfy sweetheart?” 

“Baby she’s already asleep.”

Emily looked down at their toddler not even two minutes after they’d gotten settled in bed, mouth slightly agape with her hand wrapped tightly around Luna’s paw as she slept.

“That was fast.”

JJ hummed, reaching for Emily’s hand.

“I love when she sleeps in our bed but she sandwiches herself between us and I can’t cuddle up with you.” 

“You can still cuddle both of us while lying on my chest like you do every night, my love,” Emily whispered. “Come here.” 

JJ shifted and maneuvered herself on top of Emily as gently as possible to prevent waking Evelyn, resting her head above Emily’s heart where it took home every night. 

Emily slipped her hand under JJ’s pyjama shirt, the pad of her thumb stroking across the faded stretch marks on her hip.

“That’s better.” 

“Give me a kiss.” 

JJ lifted her head and connected their lips in a few chaste kisses, exhaustion seeping into both of their bones as they prepared for a few more restless nights until Evelyn was feeling better.

“I was watching you before,” Emily murmured against her lips. “When you were in the bath.”

JJ broke the kiss and rested her forehead against Emily’s with a tired smile.

“That doesn’t sound creepy at all.” 

“Shut up,” Emily smiled. “Not in a creepy way.”

“I know, baby.” 

She rested her head back above Emily’s heart, reaching for the hand that wasn’t on her hip so she could hold it against her chest.

“I think about it a lot.” 

“About what?” JJ hummed.

“You,” Emily whispered. “Always you.” 

There was a stretch of silence as Emily tried to figure out how to put her feelings into words, JJ fiddling with her fingers tiredly as she brought each one to her lips and kissed the broken skin around her nailbeds. 

“Every time I see you with her I fall more in love with you and the life we’re building and I didn’t think that was possible,” Emily said. “I’m in awe of you.”

“I feel the same way every time I see you with her too,” JJ whispered. “I really do.” 

“It was special, how you handled that.” 

“How I handled what?” 

“Everything,” Emily replied. “How you validated her fears and reassured her she was brave for letting her body fight her sickness without panicking her more. How you explained it and calmed her down with a feed and got a smile out of her. Everything, really. Watching how naturally it all comes to you is really special.” 

JJ didn’t realise how naturally it came to her until she heard it from Emily. It came naturally to both of them and Emily knew that it did, but there was something so distinctly different yet similar in the way that they cared for their daughter. 

They both had their own way of dealing with things while still holding that mutual respect and understanding where they could almost read each other’s minds in certain situations and know what the other person was thinking. 

Emily hadn’t read JJ’s mind tonight, but she had read Evelyn’s and she knew that a bath with her mommy was what she needed. 

She was right. It helped.

“You can’t say stuff like that at two forty three in the morning,” JJ sniffled with a smile. “I love you. There really is no one else in the world I’d rather be doing this with.” 

Emily wiped JJ’s tears, kissing her forehead.

“I love you too, my love. Don’t cry.”

It was a bit late for that now, but JJ humoured her all the same as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. 

“Thank you for saying that.”

“Always,” Emily whispered. “I’ll never stop being in awe of you. I’ll never stop telling you how amazing you are.”

“I’ll never stop crying when you do.”

The two year old stirred beside them as she whined in her sleep, JJ’s arm instinctively reaching out to pull her closer to them.

“We’re here, baby. You’re okay.”

Evelyn might be sick and they might not get any sleep tonight, but sleep didn’t matter when they had each other.

All that mattered was that she got better. 

Her temperature was gradually going down and JJ didn’t think there was anything left in her stomach after everything she threw up.

They had enough room in their bed and love in their hearts to make sure that whatever bug had plagued her tiny body went away as quickly as it came. 

Emily kissed JJ’s temple, leaning down to kiss Evelyn’s too as she brushed sweaty curls out of her face.

They probably won't sleep tonight. 

It didn’t matter. 

Notes:

Thank you for reading!