Archive of Our Own ^beta

The air of Nirn prickled on his skin. There was so much life, simple and honest and pure in a way that nothing in Coldharbour ever could be. He should have taken the offer to feed, that at least would have softened the edges and make him feel less like jumping at shadows. Less like every movement in the corner of his gaze would be-

Something shifted, an altering of the cacophony of heartbeats, undeath-slowed and otherwise, in the castle. A presence, right at his back, moving within arm's reach-!

Verandis blinked. Warmth radiated from beneath his hand, a pulse rapid but steady. A familiar face with eyes as if  those  flames had  heart , a scar through the left brow and cheek, dark hair not usually left unbound, dark beard trimmed close. His hand loosened, but he could not make it draw away.

"Alvaren?" His own voice still sounded strange, even at just a rough whisper.

The shorter man drew in a breath, pulse jumping under Verandis' fingers. "You haven't eaten, have you?"

He forced his hand off of Alvaren's throat, stuttering a half-step back. "I did not wish to harm anyone, even by accident." It was the only excuse he could come up with, anything to make it make sense to himself.

Alvaren stayed there against the wall, moving only to lower his hands and tilt his head just slightly. "I presumed as much." A smile drifted across his face, bringing a light to those electric eyes. "Fortunately, the return of my soul did not revoke my relative immortality."

Verandis took a moment to process his words as his gaze drifted, trying to not be distracted by everything in that moment...he couldn't remember the last time he'd fed. Sometime before the Doomcrag, surely. "...I would not ask it of you, my friend."

Alvaren's laugh was soft, but snapped Verandis' attention away from his neck and back to his face. "Hence why I'm offering, Verandis. You don't have to ask." His hand rose, clearly visible the entire time, to rest feather-lightly on Verandis' shoulder. "I want to help you, and I know you won't bring me to any lasting harm."

To deny the temptation would be to become a kind of liar that Verandis hated being. Freely offered, freely given, out of...care? Alvaren was dear to him, and had said more than once that Verandis was dear in turn. He-

Alvaren let go of Verandis' shoulder and reached around to brush any lingering wisps of hair away from his neck, tilting his head farther, his chin up in a more pointed way than simply making eye contact. "Verandis, I trust you; you need to eat. Please."

That last word shattered his weakened resolve into a thousand shards. Distantly, Verandis heard Alvaren grunt with the speed that he closed the distance. Distantly, he felt Alvaren's hand move to rest on his shoulder again, a gentle encouragement. Distantly, he both heard and felt the intake of breath and jump of heartbeat as he hesitated that last moment. He was so hungry...filled with a ravenous greed to take and take and  take , to drink until he was well and truly satisfied, until his prey ceased his struggles and gave over to-

The sound that Alvaren made as Verandis' teeth sunk into his flesh set a spark to a rather different kind of greed. Without a thought, one hand tangled into Alvaren's unbound hair, pulling his head farther, giving more room - room that he didn't truly need. Whether it was the long deprival or something inherent to this man, Verandis did not care, but he had never tasted a blood so sweet. Could not recall if he'd ever had someone who pulled him closer rather than tried to push him away or simply remained still.

Verandis' head swam with satiety and more when finally he stopped, too dazed to do much beyond simply lick his lips. He began to draw away, thoughts slowly clearing enough to think of a healing spell.

"Gods, I love you." Alvaren's voice was soft, breathless and strained.

Verandis froze. "...pardon?"

He lifted his head, found Alvaren's gaze with his own. The Breton smiled at him, blinking slowly. Several moments of silence passed, then as the bleeding stopped and the wound healed on its own, Alvaren's expression flitted to confusion, then understanding.

"I said that out loud."

Verandis nodded, still attempting to process what he'd heard.

The back of Alvaren's head thudded against the wall behind him. "I-you-I-..." A deep breath, his hand slowly unwinding from the back of Verandis' robe. "You don't have to- I've never expected-"

He interrupted. "For how long?" He needed more time to think.

Alvaren's eyes flicked to meet his again, and there was a phantom of the darker blue they used to be behind the brightness. "I'm not certain. A long time. I-..." He swallowed hard. "When I was there, I didn't just gather allies. I looked for you, asked every new person I found if they'd seen or heard of you." The hand that had been in Verandis' robe moved to run through Alvaren's hair. "It wasn't at first sight, or anything, just...as we worked together there was a seed that grew, and then when-...at the Doomcrag, I think, I knew."

He had so many things he could question in that moment, but a burning curiosity overrode them all. "When was the seed?"

Alvaren tilted his head enough to make eye contact again, just briefly, and attempted an imitation of Verandis' voice. "Now this is the part where you gasp and ask calmly, 'how can I trust you'?"

Verandis couldn't help but laugh, forehead falling to rest against Alvaren's shoulder. He could not begin to truly decipher why he was laughing, but... what else was he to do? "Now that I know you better, I feel I should have known."

It was truly remarkable how much Alvaren could blush after Verandis had drank his fill. Even if there was a thought at the back of his mind that he could take more. He could do more. Alvaren loved him. It was a wonder.

"Like I was starting to say, I don't expect anything...in return, I suppose? I wasn't meaning to say anything, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, I-"

Verandis kissed him. Alvaren went rigid, then melted much the same way he had when Verandis bit him. Verandis' hand still lingering in Alvaren's hair moved to cradle the back of his head, his other catching at his waist. Alvaren's hands clung to his robes, flitted up and down his back, never quite still.

They both were short of breath when he pulled away. Both senses of ravenous greed were returning, trickling slow along his spine, but he could not leave this hanging.

Verandis leaned his forehead against Alvaren's. "When I saw you back in Castle Greyhome, even through the haze of bloodlust, all I could think was that I was glad it was you."

When he and Alvaren returned to Castle Ravenwatch's great hall some hours later, bites and kiss-bruises peeking up from the collars of both of their clothes, Verandis pretended not to see money change hands, nor the smug tilt of Adusa-daro's ears.