Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The weird part about dying is that they never tell you that it feels like floating in water… which is weird… I wasn’t in the water… Damn car… whoever was driving that thing had to have been drunk…

“Told them the lineage would die with me…” I thought bitterly. “Fuck… so where the hell am I?”

It felt like someone grabbed me by the arms. I felt like I got pulled above water and coughed a little. I was wet and looking up- What the shit?!

They had a humanoid body, but their head was like a biblically accurate angel!

“Hello human.” They greeted me, and brought me to my feet… wait… I’m… standing on water that I just got… pulled out of? What?

“... I am confused on several levels, but I know I’m dead…” I said carefully, cause car crash and… seeing eyeball rings around a guy’s head…

“Oh good, most people either don’t realize that or enter a really hard denial… Well, that way to processing.” They motioned and in front of me was a stairway leading up to a bunch of stone doorways. Various other people and even… non human creatures were slowly making their way up the steps. Some of those are furries, clearly and others are… I don’t even know…

“Uh…” I started slowly. “Hmm…”

With nothing else to really do, and a million and one questions I made my way to the stairs. Walking up them and through one of the many stone doorways. I walked down what felt like a really long hallway until I came across… a cubical? There was another one of these biblically accurate angle headed people sitting at a computer desk, dressed in a suit and typing away.

“Take your seat.” They said simply.

“Ya know? I kinda expected the afterlife to not be… bureaucratic.” I admitted as I took a seat.

“You try sorting every dead soul in the greater multiverse and not resort to bureaucracy.” They said simply. “Let’s see here… name is Ted Harrows, lived to be 32 years old, and died when hit by a drunk driver who seems to have also died on impact, I’m sure they’re in another office by now.” The Angle in a suit said. “Huh… Nothing all that noteworthy, nothing all that impressive either.”

“Yep, your regular John Doe as it were.” I shrugged.

“Well, you definitely don’t go to Hell, and while being boring isn’t disqualifying from paradise, quite the opposite in fact, you fall into the category of you get a choice in where you want to go or do.” They stated.

I get a choice?

“Uh, this is new uh… what kind of choice we talking about?”

“Well you can just go to the Afterlife Paradise, or Heaven, also known as the Realm of Light, could be interesting and go for the Dark Realm, or Hell technically even if what’s portrayed as hell isn’t really the same thing. You could also opt in for Reincarnation.”

“I… suppose Reincarnation is okay?” I said carefully.

“Very well. Now with Reincarnation there are two types we offer. Total memory erasure, meaning you won’t remember anything, and partial memory erasure. Meaning you won’t remember your old self but still retain all the memories of that life.”

“I’ll go partial.” I answered.

“Alright then. Now let me just type up your ticket…” They said as a ticket printer appeared on the desk. After a bit it printed out one silver and gold looking ticket. It had my name on it, a bunch of Numbers and they gave it to me. “Return to the hallway and keep going until you reach the station.”

“Thank you.” I nodded, gently taking the ticket. “Have a nice day.” I said, more out of habit as I got up and headed off to the train station I suppose.

I walked back down the hallway and headed out towards the light at the end of the tunnel, and did in fact walk out into a a train station… sort of. Rather than a bunch of people waiting to get onto a train, it was a bunch of mini, one person things that were being manned by more of those angel things as people stood in line waiting.

Huh…

Thankfully the line went fairly quick, and soon it was my turn as I gave the ticket to the angel person here.

“Ah, I know this world. You’ll have fun.” They said, slipping the ticket into something on the mini pod thing that opened up. I got in, sitting down and it began to move down the line into a white tunnel when a small speaker went off.

“Thank you for choosing Reincarnation. We hope you’ll enjoy your next life and look forwards to your next arrival to the Afterlife Processing Center. Due to your request, you will wake up in your new body shortly after birth, as to avoid any unwanted or awkward situations and memories. If you begin to feel tired, and sore, don’t worry, this is normal and will pass once you fall asleep. Enjoy your next life.”

“Well this seems simple enough.” I thought as I got comfy and closed my eyes as I was told it would all work out when I fall asleep.

I began to feel that soreness, tiredness and I just eased into it as I began to fall asleep…

—

Wh-what? Where… Am I… swaddled? I can’t talk… what… Right… I… was reincarnated. I picked it.

My body feels weak, so small but also different… I don’t feel… like I’m human… I know I saw non-human people in the Afterlife… have I been reborn as one of those?

“Look at them Conner… He’s so precious.” A female voice said, and I could feel I was being held… I was against someone, in their arms.

“Huh?” I thought, trying to open my eyes but it was really tough and… it was really bright.

Still, I managed to open my eyes and- Ah! I’m blind! Wait, no, calm down-

Despite my attempts my infant form began crying, leading to the woman… my mother, I guess, gently cradling and cooing to me.

Fuck. Gave myself a panic attack. I forgot babies can’t really see that far in front of them nor make out much aside basic shapes.

Still, at least my parents seem caring.

“Heh, just like his brother. Has some lungs on him. Good.” A male voice spoke. There was this mix of authority and playfulness in their tone as he spoke. Is that… my dad?

“Well… this could be worse.” I thought, thankful to be calming down here.

“Decided on a name yet Amanda?” 

Amanda? That must be mom’s name.

“I was thinking… Kite.” Mom said.

Kite? Like, the kind you fly?

“Heh, I did promise you whatever you decided for this one. Kite Cooper it is.” Dad replied with a small laugh.

“... Cooper!?” I thought in surprise and shock.

No… no it can’t be. No fucking way in whatever really is hell back in the afterlife did I get reincarnated as a Cooper. No. Not believing it. Even my blind infant eyes can’t be fooled. Nope. If I was reborn as a raccoon I’d be feeling a tail… granted I can’t really move and I’m swaddled in a blanket…

This is gonna be weird…

“Okay so uh… Sly Cooper… my favorite franchise that needed to get brought back to life… um… oh god…” I thought worriedly.

Wait, dad mentioned that mom would name me this time… does… does that mean Sly is already born? Is he gonna be my big brother?!

Oh man, being an only child before I’d have killed for a sibling!

Well, okay so I was the one to die in this situation but… whatever.

“Okay, so living a childhood dream… okay, need a plan to not fuck this up and be weird.” I thought quickly.

I… oh why am I so… dumb… baby body…

I wasn’t sure how long I was out, but I woke up feeling hungry, and my body responded with cries.

I was in and out of it for the first six months, finally able to stay awake longer than a few hours at a time.

My eyesight also got better and I could see mom and dad. Both were racoons, as expected. Sly was about 4, and he was usually nearby watching me. 

Dad looked pretty good, and mom looked amazing with long hair and big brown eyes that I seemed to have inherited, where Sly inherited dad’s blue eyes.

While dad was officially retired as a thief, he ironically worked with mom as a detective since mom was a cop.

I guess the Cooper family has a type…

“Uniform fetish… not surprising.” I thought. “But… well, dad is retired, wonder what the timeline is like?” I thought as I couldn’t really tell what year it was.

“Have you heard from McSweeny?” Mom asked dad.

“Not since I handed them the map back in Italy. Which is good, all things considered… I still can’t believe M said all that…” Dad sighed.

“Crap… Dr. M thinks that he was just a sidekick… hopefully I can find the deed to Cane Island before M does his bullshit…” I thought carefully, even though I was also busy being a six month old and playing with blocks.

“Well, for what it’s worth I don’t think you’re a ‘Glory Hogging Trash Panda’.” Mom chuckled. “But you can have an ego at times.”

“Do not.” Dad huffed.

“Sure you don’t mister ‘I can walk and run on light itself’.” Mom chuckled.

“It’s an incredible addition to the family book. Every Cooper had added to it since our ancestors can track back to Ancient Egypt.”

“And knowing your family, far behind and further back. Just imagining a Sabor Toothed Racoon waving around a hook shaped rock or something.” She chuckled again.

“Oh the absolute irony.” I thought with a laugh. “If only they knew we… probably are just legit royalty given at minimum Sir Galleth Cooper.”

“Well It’s still an incredible feat. I’m sure the boys will add their own to the book when they’re older.” Dad said.

“I doubt I’ll be able to do something that special but let’s hope for the best.” I thought, stacking the blocks up high and clapping in my baby joy.

“So, are you excited for your birthday coming up Sly?” Mom asked.

Sly nodded. “Yeah. Hope Carmelita can make it.”

I beg your finest fuck?

That’s what I wanted to say, but all that came out was baby babble.

“Ex-fucking-cuse you? Carmelita is our friend? I know she’s older by a few years but still!”

So this world might not be an exact one to one with the games… That’s interesting… Means I’ll have some unexpected surprises…

“Well, seems like the world might be even more interesting than I thought.”

Still, hopefully I can help get things better… like preventing Penelope from falling to the dark side.

“I mean, Penelope’s whole dark side shift was still kinda bad…” I thought carefully.

“Will auntie Matilda be there?” Sly asked.

Who?

“Yes.” Dad said.

Mom actually groaned. “That woman…”

“I know, she's a lot, but she is the reason we can live like this now.” Dad said.

“It's just all her constant flirting!” Mom growled.

“I know. She was the same with my mom and dad. Far as I can tell she just always been like this.” Dad sighed.

“... Whomst?” I thought as I tilted my head in confusion.

Well there was definitely no Aunt Matilda in the main games. Shit two surprises in one day. Also how come I haven't seen or met her yet? She makes it for Sly’s birthday so maybe she only visits every so often?

“So many new things, so much excitement in the future woo!” I thought happily.

“Well, I’ll be heading to work then.” Mom said, downing her coffee.

“Any luck with the case?” Dad asked.

“So far nothing much. You sure you don’t know anything about these robberies hun?”

“You know I don’t steal from laboratories. Let alone ones researching cybernetic prosthetics.”

“I know, not asking if it was you, just asking if you know anything?”

“The last thing I heard from the underground news wise was that some properties were being bought out but that was back in the states if I remember.”

“Huh. Just hate how good this guy is. Heh, reminds me of when I used to chase you around.”

“Ah to be young again.” Dad chuckled. “You still caught me in the end.”

“Not in the way I expected, but I still cuff you all the time~”

“And that’s how Kite was born.” Dad laughed.

Ahh! My ears!

“Red card! TMI on the field for the baby!” I mentally cried in anguish.

“Mom, Kite’s whimpering." Sly said.

Curse you baby body that doesn’t hide emotions!

“Oh come here sweetie.” Mom said, walking over and picking me up. “Hmm, the diaper's empty. Must be hungry.” 

My stomach growled as if on cue cause baby hunger is mighty. “Good timing…”

This was the embarrassing part. That pervert from Jobless Reincarnation can bite me, being nursed by your new mom is just… concerning and weird when you actually are aware.

After mom fed and burped me she carried me around for a bit before giving Sly and I a kiss, handing me to dad as she went to work.

“Well, just us now boys. Know what that means?” Dad asked.

“Ice cream for lunch?” Sly asked.

“Heh, no. Time for you two to see your old man’s skills.” 

I clapped my hands in joy, as I have watched dad do some of his skills before and it was awesome . “Always love seeing dad work his skills.” I thought happily.

“So what do my boys want to see their old man pull off this time?” Dad asked.

“The jump landing.” Sly said.

Translation to those not speaking toddler, he means the Ninja Spire Jump.

Dad nodded, walking us to the livingroom where once I was put down he looked around. He then jumped, even the mid air spin before landing perfectly balanced on the lamp.

I clapped in joy at how awesome that was, such a fine point but he was able to stand on it with absolute ease.

“Hook next.” Sly asked.

“Alright, let me get the family cane for that.” Dad said as he jumped off the lamp, it moving only a little as he did and once he was on the floor he walked over to the nearby closet where he pulled out the iconic family cane.

Wow…

Dad walked back to the middle of the room where he used the cane where he held himself on a roof mounted hook, even swinging around as he went upside down and still swung around.

I clapped again in awe at how amazing and acrobatic he was.

“You think that’s all? Wanna see the real special trick?” Dad asked as he got off, putting the cane down against the single sofa chair and walking back to the closet. “Now where did I put that thing…” 

As dad rummaged through the closet, I saw Sly start to scoot himself closer to the sofa chair. Mainly, the cane.

…

I slowly began crawling next to him.

“Baby adventure with the cane… sounds fun.” I though with a laugh.

We reached the cane, the both of us grabbing it at the base. The wood felt… incredibly light. Not hollow, and smooth, almost like stone but it wasn’t. The top hook part resembled gold in color but was rather sturdy looking. I didn’t see any signs of wear on it. No scratches or anything.

Is this thing really that old?

“I know that each Cane is different but… this is a family heirloom passed down for generations…” I thought carefully.

“Heh, careful you two.” Dad said as he walked over, picking the cane up. “Don’t want this falling on you.”

“Is that cane really old dad? It doesn’t look old.” Sly asked.

“Oh it’s old, nearly as old as our family. Forged back for our ancestor Slytunkhamen. Way back in ancient Egypt.”

“Bah.” I tried to baby charade a hook hand from the story of Henrietta Cooper who had a dagger ‘cane’ instead of the what Dad has.

“Heh, It’s the same cane, taking on many shapes and forms. The secret is in the metal. A metal that has no name, but is stronger than steel, lighter than most woods, and as malleable as pure gold when you know how to forge it, and right now only one person knows how to reforge this cane.” Dad said, sitting in the chair.

“Who?” Sly asked.

“Your Aunt Matilda… You can say that it was her family that forged the family cane in the first place.”

I blinked, in complete awe at this new lore. “Holy crap…”

“Why doesn’t Aunt Matilda visit more often?”

“She has a lot of work, but she’s always made it a priority to visit on the Cooper’s birthdays.” Dad sighed. “Much to your mother’s annoyance…”

“I can imagine.” I thought. “Seriously, who is this mystery woman?”

“What does she do?” Sly asked.

“She’s… a cop, like your mother, but on a much larger scale. Lots of government agencies and all that super secret stuff, or so she says.” Dad said with a shrug.

“Huh, that is… interesting.” I thought carefully.

I guess I’ll meet this Auntie Matilda when Sly’s fifth birthday comes up next week.

And so a week went by. As a baby there isn’t much one can do to pass the time aside play, nap. Maybe Dad takes me to the park or sometimes mom takes me with her to work when she’s on desk duty. Her co-workers are all nice, but it’s who I see in her office that surprises me the most and how I now figured Sly and Carmalita are friends in this world.

Diego Montoya Fox, is the chief of police at mom’s work, and of course, father to one Carmaleta Montoya Fox… what’s more surprising is that he seems to know that dad is a, well, retired thief.

Based on bits of what I’ve heard, he knew grandpa.

The party was small, simple. Sly had a cake, presents. Carmaleta being here felt weird. Seeing her as a kid, eight years old, was even weirder but she was playing cops and robbers with Sly while I watched from the high chair. 

Stupid baby body. I can not wait to start walking.

There was a knock at the door. The door then swung open and- Sweet mother of Mobius!

“Auntie Matilda has arrived~” The deep, mature voice of a bat woman who looked like Rogue the Bat’s older sister spoke, filling the room with a mix of pleasure and informal authority. She was dressed in an expensive dress, gems and jewels all over her necklaces, rings and earrings. 

She had deep red eyes and was literally wheeling a wagon of presents behind her.

“Auntie!” Sly cheered as he rushed over. The bat woman swooping my brother into a hug. 

“Awe, look at you, still cute, only a little taller.” She chuckled. She then spotted me and still holding Sly walked over to me. “And look at you, oh so tiny! Cooper siblings are so rare…” She said, her tone dropping slightly as she then suddenly assaulted my face with kisses. 

Ah! All I see is lipstick!

“That’s enough Matilda, you’ll drown Kite in your spit at that rate.” Mom said, pulling Matilda off me and began wiping my face off with a wet towel.

“Milf the Bat… ho christ that’s not something I expected…” I thought as I felt like the world was spinning from all the kisses.

“What? And let all the ladies steal him when he’s older, never.” Matilda said playfully. 

Mom rolled her eyes. “Anyway… I see you brought a lot… again.”

“Only the best for my little Nephews.” She said, rubbing Sly’s head and earning a laugh from him. “Besides, I don’t get to visit often so I’m glad to have an extra excuse to stop by.”

“Won’t your agency fall apart without you?”

“Oh no I hired this new girl who’s got a crack whip attitude and can lay a US Marine flat on their ass and she’s been a blessing to performance and training for the troops.”

“Huh… Yeah you would snatch someone with talent like that up.”

“Part of the job after all.” Matilda smirked. “After all, you almost became one of my troops but you were busy chasing my eldest nephew.” She motioned to dad.

“... Fair.” Mom huffed.

Wait, eldest Nephew? How old is she? She looks maybe mid thirties but calls dad her nephew too?

“I am the confuzzled here… seriously, she can’t be… well uh, Dad did mention that Matilda knew about how to reshape the metal but…” I thought in confusion, super smart brains and baby brains conflicting as I witnessed the massive pile of gifts.

“So what did you bring this time then?” Dad asked, chuckling a little.

“That’s a surprise for Sly, but I did want to give the baby something, an apology for not being there for his birth.” Matilda said, reaching into her purse and pulling out a familiar cane shaped rattle.

I gasped and reached out for the cane shaped rattle, my baby brain wanting the shiny thing mixing with my brain wanting the cool thing.

She let me take it, the rattling accompanied by a small bell chime. 

“Okay that is adorable.” Mom admitted.

“Heh. I’m glad he likes it.” Matilda said, patting my head.

“This is so cool, and might annoy the piss out of everyone else.” I thought, as I really enjoyed the bell chime sound.

“So how long are you gonna stay for?” Dad asked.

“I can manage some hours before I have to leave. Enough for the cake, presents and some photos.” Matilda said.

“Well, at least I’ll get to spend time with this mystery woman.” I thought honestly.

The party was going on, and while Sly and Carmalita were preoccupied with all his presents, mom was holding me as Matilda was talking with dad.

“So, gonna stick to tradition?” Matilda asked.

“It’s not really a tradition if there’s never been a pair of Cooper Siblings.” Dad stated.

“There have been… It’s just… the youngest doesn’t live long enough to-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Dad said with a cold tone.

“Trust me, I don’t like it either… but it happens every time. One child, to inherit the cane, pass it on, and then…” Matilda muttered.

“And… the other rare siblings?” Mom asked, gently petting my head.

“Join the parents' fate… That’s how he’s always done it.” Matilda sighed.

“Clockwerk….” I thought bitterly.

“What can we do to keep… keep Kite safe then?” Mom asked.

“In the past… one Cooper escaped that fate, and that’s because they didn’t become a Cooper, different name, different family. They… lived a good life.” Matilda stated, taking a sip from the soda can she had in her hands. “Course, they always felt like they were missing something. Cooper Clan genetics are strong, and without training or any prior knowledge still took up thieving from the rich, but lacking the knowledge, spent more time in jail than any Cooper in history.”

“Oh… that is definitely something…” I thought carefully.

“Is there anything else we can do?” Dad asked.

“Well, my offer still stands.” Matilda said.

“A way that doesn’t give our youngest up, to anyone… even you.” Dad said with a sigh.

“Conner, we both know you can’t fight Clockwerk… You were lucky to get away with that bum leg last time.”

“I can still perform my usual tricks.”

“But not all of them, especially when it comes to running and jumping, which is like half of what you used to do.”

“I can jump… just… hurts a little.” Dad said.

Wait… so does that mean every time dad performed a Cooper Family move, he was in pain performing it? He never showed any…

I let out a baby noise and reached out to dad. “I didn’t know dad… probably been suffering just to see us smile…”

“The point is that when he shows up, and he will show up, you can’t have Kite here… it’s bad enough what will happen when he does, do you want Sly to lose his brother on top of his parents in the same night?” Matilda asked.

Dad looked down, patting my head lightly.

“Wish I got the chance to kill that Owl…” He said, gritting his teeth. “... Do you remember when Sly was born?”

“Of course… same as when you were born, your father, ect. A letter, with two simple, threatening words.”

“Why did he give me fourteen years before taking my parents but only wants to give Sly eight?” Dad asked.

“He changes it each time… Either part of some ritual or to see how strong the newest Cooper is gonna be with varying degrees of training.” Matilda stated. “But as of today… you two have three years left… do you want Kite to only be three when that mechanical demon shows up? Or do you want him to grow up into a man?”

Mom held me tight as I just… sat in her arms…

Clockwerk… gives them a countdown… each time a new Cooper is born…

“What the absolute shit…” I thought in horror.

“I don’t want the kids to see it…” Mom said.

“... They don’t have to be…” Dad said. “Matilda legally will take legal guardianship over them should we pass… We just need to make sure the kids don’t know why…”

“My place.” Matilda said. “You have the kids a few days before Sly’s eighth birthday, tell them it’s part of my special brand of spoiling and they’re somewhere safe when it happens.”

“Would that work?” Mom asked.

“Worked before… once.” 

“I don’t like this at all…” I thought sadly.

“Don’t have much of a choice… We’ll have the book and cane go with them, wrapped up and disguised as presents.” Dad said.

“Well, we won’t have to deal with hunting the pages down…” I thought carefully.

We’ll still need to deal with the Fiendish Five… to avenge mom and dad… and take down their other operations.

Hopefully things don’t go too crazy…

“Sometimes it sucks that I have to still suffer losing my family…” I thought sadly.

Back on earth I didn’t really get along with my parents. We didn’t hate each other, they were just… distant… My mother and father here have shown me more affection in the last six months of my new life than my mom and dad back on earth did in all the years I lived…

“Fuck…” I thought sadly as I hugged mom a little tighter.

“So we just go about the next three years… like what?” Mom asked.

“Like parents.” Matilda said. “Make all the memories you can with your kids… Send me photos. It will… help them, after…”

“... This isn’t fair…” I thought bitterly. “But… sadly there isn’t shit I can do…”

… Whatever this world holds in store, be it like the games showed or more… I’ll be sure to look over Sly when… it comes to that. Even if I”m the little brother, I’m still mentally more mature and clever. I just hope I can help even if I’m younger.

“Gotta help family as best I can… even if it might be super weird if I have to tell them about my… condition.” I thought carefully.

I shook my head… no, I can’t do that. I don’t even fully remember everything because of how I was reincarnated… not to mention just telling them this is all based on knowledge of a video game series that chronologically doesn’t get released for over twenty more years… assuming this world even has one that’s a similar parody or something.

I’ll just have to be smart about it.

“I didn’t work my ass off for those PHD’s for nothing!” I thought triumphantly that all that student loan debt was worth it… maybe… fuck… “All that time, energy and money into Psychology and Engineering… I swear I’ll do something with it… maybe… fuck student loans!”

Why did I take Psychology and Engineering specifically? 

A mix between big dreams and poor life choices.

—

My own first birthday party finally arrived. It’s been nice all in all, finally being able to speak, even if it’s small words and broken sentences. It’s ironically not so much my age I think, but that as a humanoid racoon, my muzzle. Eating and drinking with it hasn’t been much of an issue but talking… yeah that’s been a bit of an issue.

“Curse you muzzles! How does the furry community stand you!?” I thought weakly again as I huffed and tried to take another bite of my birthday cake.

“Easy there little man.” Dad said. “Don’t want to bite your tongue again.

“Was I that bad at eating when I was one?” Sly asked.

“Oh you were worse. You never used a spoon or fork and just used either your hands and slurped everything liquid.” Mom chuckled. “Meal times often came right before bathtime…”

“I… try… best.” I managed to say through some effort.

“Picked up words fast though, that’s good.” Dad said. “Sly didn’t talk til he was almost two.”

“What was my first word?” Sly asked as he ate the cake slice.

“Pretzles.” Mom said, chuckling.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was cute.”

“Wow.” I said in surprise.

“So when is Auntie gonna show up?” Sly asked.

“She should be here soon. Given this is Kite’s first birthday she’s gonna make a grand entrance.”

“I do wonder what she’ll have in store.” I thought.

“Well, if she’s running late then we can give Kite our gifts first.” Dad said, walking into the livingroom where he brought out three gifts. One was a small wrapped box, the second was a gift bag, and the last one was a messily wrapped gift.

Dad put them on the table in front of my high chair.

Oh!

I gasped and looked at mom and dad as if asking for permission to tear open the gifts.

“Go ahead sweetie. One from each of us.” Mom said.

“Yay!” I cheered and immediately started to tear into the wrapped box first.

I opened it, finding that inside was a bunny plushie, dressed in a cop outfit.

“That’s from me. Officer Hops.” Mom said.

I giggled. Oh Zootopia… 

“Yay!” I cheered at how adorable this was.

I gave it a good hug, sitting them next to me as I looked between the next two. The poorly wrapped one must be from Sly, and the bag must be from dad then.

I decided to open the bag first to see what dad had in store, saving big brother’s gift for last.

I pulled out the papers and… NO WAY!

I pulled out a familiar blue cap, a bit large for me but was similar to the one Sly was now wearing.

“You’d think it would be easy to buy a decent copy of the iconic family cap.” Dad chuckled.

“Actually, yeah. Considering how world renown the Cooper Clan is, it would have been easy to sell merch.” I thought honestly as I tried to finagle the cap onto my head with my stubby baby arms.

It slipped over my eyes. I giggled as I pulled it back before finally grabbing Sly’s gift and began opening it. It was a small backpack, well, technically it was a waist pouch but was stitched and even glued into a strap backpack.

“So we can run a heist together.” Sly said.

“You mean trying to steal from the candy cabinet?" Mom asked.

“Maybe…”

“T-t-th-thank…” I struggled to say ‘thank you’ cause baby words still struggle with some syllables.

I looked the makeshift backpack over before there was a knock at the door.

That must be auntie.

“Aun?” I questioned in excitement.

“Most likely.” Dad said as he got up and headed to the door.

Shortly after opening the door, Auntie Matilda walked in, dressed in some kind of military jumpsuit. “Hey! Sorry I ran short on time, I have gifts, but I’m currently lacking in my usual fashionable attire.”

“Well that’s concerning.” I thought. “Hi Aun!” I said with a warm smile.

“Awe look at you, already talking!” She said, walking over to me and kissing my forehead. “So adorable. Well, I have something for you here that’s gonna make you happy. Ready? Close your eyes.”

I closed my eyes even as I mildly vibrated in giddiness.

I heard something metallic placed down on my high chair’s little table and when I looked, I saw an old silver pocket watch.

Huh?

“A… pocket watch?” Mom asked.

“Not just any. This belonged to Isabella Tennessie Cooper.” Matilda said.

“Who?” Dad asked.

“She was Tenneseeie Kid Cooper’s twin sister… She… passed away at a young age, but this pocket watch was hers, given to her from their mother and Kid Cooper gave it to… My family, to safeguard.”

“I didn’t know Kid Cooper was a twin… the book never mentioned it.”

“Not surprising, he… never got over her loss and didn’t really talk much about it.” Matilda sighed. “In any case, since this used to belong to a Cooper Sibling, I figured it should go to the next Cooper Sibling in the bloodline.”

I picked up the watch, looking it over before pushing the button and it popped open. It was still ticking, and looked to even have some kind of gold clock hands and some unknown gems embedded under each number.

“Pretty.” I said at the fancy pocket watch.

“Well, it’s unexpected but nice all the same.” Mom said. “You gonna stay for cake?”

“I can have a quick slice, speaking of,” She said as a Pizza delivery boy knocked at the still open doorway, easy ten pizzas in their arms. “Baby’s first pizza.”

“Yay!” Sly cheered.

“It must run in the family that Cooper’s are addicted to Pizza…” Mom sighed, but chuckled still.

“It’s good, and usually pretty cheap, and can be found nearly anywhere in the world.” Dad said proudly.

“I already love this woman!” I thought in absolute joy at getting to eat pizza. “Yay!” I cheered as well.

Now another bad thing about being a baby on the cusp of being a toddler is having such a small stomach. One slice is enough to make me stuffed.

“I used to crush four topping larges… curse you baby body!” I thought weakly.

Later that night I was in my room, looking my gifts over. My new cap and ‘backpack’ on as Officer Hops laid on my bed and I was holding the pocket watch in my hands. It wasn’t as heavy as you’d think. In fact it kind of reminded me of how the family cane felt…

“With these gifts… I’ll always have my family.” I thought with a warm smile. “Mom looking after me… Dad always being with me, and big brother helping carry all my silly baggage… and Aunt Matilda to help keep me punctual, heh…”

I looked the pocket watch over, tapping on the thin glass that covered the clock. It felt… odd… I pressed it, and it went in, and when I let go it looks like a spring went off as the clock part popped off, now showing me… a compass? Woah. Multi functional! This thing was way ahead of its time…

“... Did she just give me the fucking Golden Compass!?” I thought incredulously, as while I should be fascinated over the fact this thing is multi-functional for a pocket watch… like… I couldn’t help but put those two pieces together for some reason.

I shook my head at the thought as I saw some words engraved on the back side of the clock.

Huh… Uh… “E… vramasa… tha… thaj e duryasa… ka… arakhav so… mangel miro… ilo?” I managed to repeat. What the heck even is this language?

The compass suddenly began to spin around, spooking me as the watch part spun around, the small hands of the minute, hour and second hands moving all in sync atop one another as it was counting down and the compass then pointed towards the door.

… Uh… What?

“Um… you’re doing me a concern here but sure…” I thought, grabbing my bag, my plushy, and my cap and carefully walking towards the door.

My walking is more like a waddle, but I pulled the door open then walked to where it was taking me… and I was now in the kitchen in front of the fridge.

Huh…

I opened it, the clock timer stopping as it reached all the way around and the compass needle pointed towards a spare slice of the pizza. One topped with pepperoni, mushrooms, bell peppers and sausage meat.

A four topping pizza…

“What the hell?” I thought carefully. “That’s… when, where and how?”

Hmm… I’ll tell dad and mom tomorrow. Right now, a cold slice of pizza calls me!

“Not too much of a fan of bell peppers but who am I to disagree with free pizza?” I thought with a chuckle as I started to chow down on the slice.

The next morning I showed the pocket watch’s hidden features to mom and dad.

“Huh… that’s… odd, right?” Mom asked.

“These words are in Romani… well, Kid Cooper’s mother was supposedly a Gypsie so… makes sense… This roughly translates to ‘With time and space I will find what my heart desires’.”

“And saying it made the compass point to a pizza slice?”

“He must have really wanted another slice.” Dad said with a small laugh. “Hmm… E vramasa thaj e duryasa ka arakhav so mangel miro ilo.” Dad said aloud. But neither the compass nor the watch did anything. “Interesting…”

“It’s not working?” Sly asked.

“I think it will only work for Kite.” Dad said.

I shrugged helplessly cause I have no idea what is going on here.

“I have an idea… one moment.” Dad said, handing me my pocket watch-compass back before heading to a wall safe. He pulled out a small glass ball from it and walked back over to me. “Here Kite, mind holding this for me?”

“Otay.” I said in baby speak as I gently took the ball.

I grabbed the ball, and it began to fill with blue sparkles. Hey these are just like the in game indicators for sneaking.

“I thought so…” Dad hummed.

“What?” Mom asked.

“All Coopers at a certain age begin to see these blue sparkles in certain areas that indicate we can use them to climb or sneak around in and over and all that. These become visible to anyone in our family in their teens or if they read the Theavius Racoonus beforehand, become visible instantly. Matilda said it’s part of our lineage and it’s more mystical side.”

“I didn’t know you had magic in your blood.” Mom said.

“It’s not as prominent but if used right it’s actually how we can perform most all our abilities and even create new ones. Even those who read the book begin to perform them, building up their own inner magic to pull them off. I think Kite inherited more magic than Sly or I…”

“I mean, there is a bunch of mystical shit they can do in the games… plus all the other unknown ancestors that could be even more magical.” I thought.

“But why is Kite more magical?” Sly asked.

“Well, I’ve been wondering why Matilda gave Kite the watch. Knowing here it was more than just that it belonged to another Cooper Sibling. So, My guess is that this Isabella Cooper was like Kite, more magical than their sibling. My other guess is that… While the both of you will inherit the book, only one of you can inherit the family cane, and that’s Sly as the oldest, so the sibling might be born more mystical as some sort of… compensation maybe? Also, noticed the hands on the clock and the compass needle? They’re the same metal as the cane itself.”

I looked, seeing the metal of the hands and needle were indeed identical to the cane. Down to color and texture… meaning Matilda’s family made this…

“Aun help?” I asked, cause while all of this makes sense it's still throwing me for a loop here.

“Seems so. I guess you are gonna get more magical as you get older, Kite.” Dad said, ruffling my head some. “Next time Aunt Matilda shows up we can ask her some more questions about it.”

“Ye!” I said with a happy smile. "So much to think about…”

“So long as he doesn’t start flying or climbing the walls I guess it won’t be too bad.” Mom said.

That would be funny as hell if I could pull that off.

“Alright, so before everything… sadly goes to shit, I need to figure out how to do those things.” I thought readily.

Later that day and after a nap, I sat in my room. Okay, so I have magic but no real clue how to use it… This compass-watch thing only seems to lead me to what I want… so I wonder…

I looked to the watch, letting it pop open and opening up to the compass. I recited the words, a little easier this time. How can I use my magic…

The compass began to spin, the clock’s hands beginning to count down as it pointed in a direction.

“Alright, where do you lead me mystery magic item?” I thought as I toddled into the direction it pointed towards.

I walked out into the hallway and down towards mom and dad’s room. Mom’s at work and Dad’s getting the mail so…

I walked inside, seeing their bed, dresser, a desk in the corner and that seems to be where the compass is pointing.

I tilted my head and toddled over to the desk and wondered why it was pointing me to that.

From there it pointed me to a small filing cabinet next to her desk, between it and the wall. Thankfully whatever it was pointing me towards was in the bottom drawer. I managed to pull it open, finding a lot of files and such. The compass pointing towards one in particular. It was titled Case 000323. It was fairly thick.

“Yeesh, this is pretty big.” I thought carefully.

The thick folder was heavy in my one year old hands and I only just pulled it out before it dropped to the floor and opened. It looked like the majority of it was some thin book while the actual file itself was only a few pages.

The thin book looked hand made, old paper, some kind of animal hide was glued to the cover and a red gem looked to be painted on the cover.

Huh.

I closed my pocket watch and picked up the book, opening it.

The first page simply had ‘Simple Summoning Spell’ at the top, and a list of ingredients and some kind of circle thing I need to draw it seems.

“... I’m about to cause problems I just know it.” I thought as I couldn’t help but let out precocious baby giggles as I looked to see what ingredients I needed.

Hmm… most of this I think can be found in the kitchen… but an item from the dead… Wait. I looked to my cane. Oh!

I looked at my pocket watch with a smirk. Maybe I can talk with Isabella Cooper.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t destroy the watch…” I thought. “This was a gift and… it’s a part of the family.”

Wait, how am I gonna get all these ingredients? I'm too short to reach the spices…

“I can’t really ask Dad cause he might get upset that I’m sneaking into their room and taking their stuff…” I thought worriedly.

Maybe Sly? He can't reach either but he's way more capable than I am at the moment…

I nodded and started to toddle off to find Sly. “Hopefully he won’t think I’m too weird or that things are bad.” I thought carefully.

I walked to the livingroom, where I saw Sly reading a book. “Hey Kite.” Sly said as he saw me enter. “You want to play?”

“Budda, I find thing!” I said. “Need… help…”

“Help with what?” He asked as I showed him the book. “What’s this? Where did you find this?”

I shook my head as to say ‘not important’ as I opened up the page to the ‘simple summon spell’. “Help pwease?”

“Hmm… These should all be in the kitchen. I’ll need a chair but I should be able to get all of this-”

“Boys.” Dad called as he walked back in from getting the mail. He found us and I tried to hide the book. “Kite? You got something don’t you?” Dad asked with a smirk.

“N-nuu~??” I said slowly, totally not giving shifty eyes to everything other than dad.

“First rule of being a Master Thief, don’t act guilty when you are. Secondly, I can see the book behind you.” Dad said, kneeling down as he yoinked the book from me. “Huh… this is from your mother’s work desk. I was there for this case.” Dad hummed as he looked it over. “You wanted to learn about your potential magical abilities and used the compass didn’t you?”

“Yis.” I nodded quickly.

“Well, I can understand what you want to understand, though how you learned to read so young is still weird, but I don’t appreciate you taking this from your mother. We’re not like other thieves' sons. The Coopers have an Honor Code.”

“What’s it say?” Sly asked.

Dad stood back up. “We don’t steal from the poor or the common man. We don’t kill. We don’t take from good causes. We take only from the Rich, The Cruel, The Corrupt and the Dishonorable Theives. Which ironically are usually all the same kinds of people or person.” Dad hummed.

“I’m sowwy…” I said sadly, raising up the compass clock as if it was the offending reason.

“It’s alright son. We all make mistakes and it’s best to learn from them early.”

“So… can we not use it?” Sly asked.

“Hmm, well, I guess we can try what Kite wanted to try in this book, and if it works out then hey, maybe your mother will let you keep it. The case this book belongs too isn’t active anymore.” Dad said, motioning for Sly and I to follow. “But you will be apologizing to your mom when she gets home.” Dad said to me, handing the book back.

“I will.”

“Good. Now, which of these spells did you want to try?”

I showed the open page, on the ‘Simple Summoning Spell’. “Dis!”

“Huh. Alright then.” Dad said as he looked it over. “Odd that it uses various herbs and seasonings… and an egg?” Dad hummed as we walked to the kitchen.

It didn't take dad long at all to grab all the ingredients and we used a spare mixing bowl to hold them all in. With everything ready and mixed I put the watch in the middle of the circle thing I was supposed to draw, Sly helping me get it close enough, then put a little of the stuff on it. 

Now just light the candles and-

The second dad lit the candle the flame burned bright, going from red to blue to white before embers flew off it, landing on the watch where it burned on the mixed ingredients before the fire died out and the smoke began to gather above it, spinning and turning until it formed an orb that then began to take a… well, humanoid still applies but in this case I suppose the actual turn is racoon-ish shape? Either way, it took the same before finer details came into place. Lastly a blue glow covered them as the spirit opened her eyes.

“... Howdy.” She said, giving a wave.

Isabella Cooper was similar to how Tenissie Kid Cooper looked, only she was ten, dressed in a period appropriate dress, and spoke with a soft somewhat southern-like accent.

“... That worked?!” Dad yelped.

“You didn’t think it would?” Sly asked.

“The guy who had it before didn’t get it to work…” 

I put my hands together and took a deep breath like I saw Dad and Mom did. “Wat…” I said like a one year old toddler that had absolutely no fucking idea how this worked. “I summoned a Spirit what the fuck!?” I mentally screamed in panic.

“Uh… You three do know that when you use a spell titled ‘Summoning’ it was gonna summon a spirit or something similar right?” Isabella asked.

“To be fair, we’re new to this.” Sly replied. “... So, you’re our ancestor?”

“Yes, Ten’s twin sister.” She replied. “And no need for introductions. I already know you three. Conner,” She motioned to dad. “Sly.” Motioned to him. She then looked at me. “And the big surprise to everyone on the other side, little Kite.”

“How do you know us?” Dad asked.

“The Afterlife gets some news from the living worlds. It’s usually not much but we get more nowadays than we used to.” Isabella Cooper shrugged.

“Hi.” I said sheepishly. “Okay uh… didn’t expect that at all.”

“Hello there.” She waved at me. “Well, I’m here now but not for too long. This spell only lasts a few hours.”

“Ye.” I said with a smile, though wishing I could ask questions but I was still a baby here.

“So… are… All the Coopers in the Afterlife?” Dad asked.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Turns out despite all the crime, the family honor code helps keep us out of the Other Place.”

“You mage?” I said in broken baby wording.

“Yes, and I have learned much more since death.” Isabella nodded.

“Coo!” I said happily, clapping my hands in joy.

“I guess… can you teach Kite some spells?” Dad asked.

“I’d be happy to.” She smiled.

The door then opened as mom walked in. “Hey boys, how’s-” She paused, seeing the three of us and the ghost. “... You know what… still not as weird as when I walked in on your father putting on that corset and drag.”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Speaking to Isabella was fun. Surprisingly the Afterlife knows a lot about modern things, just not a lot about individuals.

“So how long will this… summoning spell last?” Mom asked.

“Normally only a few hours, but Kite used my pocket watch, an item of mine that I cherished dearly, so until Kite sends me away or until the watch is for some reason destroyed.” Isabella said as her spirit floated across from the chair mom was sitting in.

“Sowwy.” I said nervously.

“While I don’t appreciate you going through my files, this is rather impressive.” Mom said. “A magic user in our family. Heh, and you used that old book from the cold case forever ago.” She chuckled.

“So… What’s the afterlife like?” Dad asked.

Isabella smiled as she looked down. “Endless. Any possibility life never could offer or one could obtain in life you can obtain there, and being dead in the Afterlife is surprisingly not that different from being alive. You can eat, sleep, enjoy anything you wish and there’s never really a dull moment. People can even still have children.”

“That’s surprising… how does that work?” Mom asked.

“I can’t say all the details. There are some rules at play on what I can and can’t explain or talk about.”

“That’s true… the afterlife is weirdly bureaucratic…” I thought carefully. “When… want… leave?” I struggled with the words but I’m sure I said it right through baby talk.

“That’s up to you, not me.” Isabella shrugged.

I sighed, as that’s not really the answer I wanted.

“You’ll be alright looking after Kite and Sly?” Dad asked.

“I might not have a body but I can interact with the physical world under the right conditions. Plus I do have my magic and a few other tricks I picked up in the Afterlife.” Isabella nodded.

“Yay!” I cheered, cause if she’s not going to tell me when she wants to go back she might as well be a good babysitter.

“I guess that works… still, you’re only what, ten?” Mom asked.

“As I appear here, yes.” She nodded. “But in the Afterlife I finished growing. I only appeared this age here because that’s the age I was last when I was alive.”

“Was it… you know…” Dad asked uncomfortably.

“Dysentary, actually.” Isabella replied.

“Oh… not sure if that’s better or worse…”

“Ew, Oregon!” I said and stuck my tongue out in disgust.

“Who taught or told Kite about the Oregon Trail?” Mom asked.

Ah crap right, I’m still a year old!

I clapped and magic sparkles appeared from my hands in a panic to distract them or maybe take a guess at why I know something.

“Maybe the TV, we do leave it on?” Dad offered.

“Knew we shouldn’t leave it on when we’re not with the kids…” Mom huffed.

“So, where will you sleep?” Sly asked.

“I don’t need to sleep but if I do need to rest I can do so in the pocket watch.” Isabella said.

I nodded. “Okay.” I said simply. “Crap, need to constantly try not to talk about things…”

The next few days went by as normal. Isabella did get the chance to babysit Sly and I and she made authentic old timey western pork and beans.

I did not know pork slices were that big… or were that fat…

Or that beans could make you fart from the first bite…

“Danger!” I managed at all the passed gas!

“It keeps you full and the weight on.” Isabella said.

“It does taste good, but how did you make this?” Sly asked.

“A few spells and I can touch and grab the utensils, and the ingredients I actually brought with me from the Afterlife.”

Bwha!?

“Huh?” I asked in confusion.

“You can bring stuff from there?” Sly asked.

“Yes, so long as I had them in this.” She said, floating over to us and showing is that on her left wrist was a strange marking on her fur. A circle with lines that formed a multi pointed star of sorts inside it.

“Wat dat?”

“Sadly this is one of those things I can’t talk about too much. All I can say is that the only way for the living to obtain one of these is to… become lost, in a sense.” She said, floating back over to the sink and washing the dishes.

Become lost huh… weird… also damn, now I’m curious about what I missed out on in the Afterlife. Well, next time then. Sure as hell not gonna let myself die easily but also not gonna say reincarnation next time.

“Ok.” I nodded. “Thank you.”

The pork and beans were good, but I’ll be farting with the volume of a shotgun blast for a while… Damn it why are all the really good foods the most unhealthy?

Mom and dad weren’t happy about the toots either, though more mom as dad also agreed the meal was delicious.

The next day mom was taking Sly and I to the park. I had the pocket watch on me as a necklace, and Isabella was inside it for now.

“Let’s hope the apartment is fully aired out by the time we get home.” Mom chuckled as she pushed me along in a stroller, Sly walking next to her. 

“Sorry.” I said nervously.

“I don’t blame any of you, though your father surely didn’t help.” Mom chuckled again as she walked. “Guess it makes sense Isabella would cook food from her time to show off. It was good.”

“Ye.”

“So Sly, what are you gonna help Kite play on in the park?” Mom asked.

“Swings.” Sly said confidently.

“Yay!” I cheered happily.

“Sounds like a plan then. Just try not to get hurt alright?” Mom asked.

“We will.” I said readily.

We arrived at the park and mom helped me out of the stroller. I could walk, well, waddle, and Sly held my hand as we walked towards the swings.

Sly helped me into the toddler swing and pushed. Heh, reincarnated or not, there’s just something about swings that’s always fun.

“This is the life.” I thought happily, enjoying such simple things with my wonderful family.

“Think fast ring tail!” I heard a voice call before I heard Sly yelp as he was tackled.

I turned, seeing a familiar fox girl already jumping off Sly as he lay in the ground… I swear he’s doing the Yamcha Pose… Dragon Ball doesn’t exist in this reality! At least not that I’ve seen… Eh, it’s still kind of early in history.

“Hi Car.” I said with a happy wave.

“Hello Kite.” Carmalita said, booping my nose. “Your brother still has the reflexes of a slug.”

“Do not.” Sly groaned as he pushed himself up.

I giggled at the boop. “But Car fast though.”

“I’m just older, besides, I’ve seen what your brother can do with his crazy climbing skills.” Carmalita chuckled.

“So you just here to mess with me or were you just in the area?” Sly asked as he pushed me on the swing again.

“In the area.” She shrugged. “Besides, messing with you is fun.”

I giggled in joy. “Yay!”

“Don’t yay her…” Sly pleaded. “It will only encourage her…”

“Yes it will.” Carmalita nodded with a chuckle. “Oh, and sorry I wasn’t able to come to your first birthday party Kite, here.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out- Iconic swirly lollie pop! “It’s multiple fruit flavors.”

“Thank you!” I cheered happily, reaching out and grabbing onto the lollie pop.

I grabbed it and quickly took off the wrapper and began to nom on it. I don’t know what it is about being a kid again that makes sweets taste better than being an adult, but I’m enjoying this… and no peanut allergies this time! Suck it nut products, you’re on the list this lifetime!

“Heh. So how’s things been with you?” Sly asked.

“Alright. Dad’s been working with some new recruits. Apparently there’s this new prison being built in Prague, wherever that is, and dad’s gonna give it a review for his work.” Carmalita said.

I tilted my head. “Huh, well I mean her family are police after all, just didn’t expect her dad to be a Warden.” I thought honestly.

Wait… Prague… Contessa! She must just be starting out then… Meaning her husband is either still alive, dying or already dead… There are a lot of theories about his death, most being that she killed him but given this world is already shown to be vastly different from the games it’s possible there’s something else entirely going on with her. Still, if the prison is being built now then that’s at least sorta on track.

“When I get older I’m gonna have to have a talk with the Contessa… even if it’s dangerous it might be possible to prevent at least somethings here.” I thought carefully.

“Weird. Isn’t Prague where a lot of those creepy species live?” Sly asked.

“Mostly bats, wolfmen and some others.” Carmalita nodded. 

Huh, it is weird that they’re all in certain areas. Not sure if that’s the world being weird or just game design… though Contessa always did feel like the odd one out. All the others looked pretty standard for this world, but she’s the only insectoid based being that I can remember across all the games… Made even weirder given her upper body is basically that of a human…

“Well, I suppose it wouldn’t work with an anthro spider person that would be horrifying…”

“So how long is your dad gonna be gone?” Sly asked.

“Two weeks.” Carmalita huffed.

“Well that sucks… I take it you’ll be at our place a lot then?”

“Duh. It’s creepy being home alone.”

Alone?

I pulled out my lolli pop. “Huh? Alone?”

“Oh yeah, you don’t know huh?” Carmalita said as she patted my head. “It’s just me and my dad. My mom is… not around.”

That’s shocking. There’s not much known about her family from what I can remember normally, but her mom being gone is unexpected.

“Oh…” I said sadly.

“It’s alright, I’ve gotten used to it and even if dad’s gonna be gone for a while, it’s not the worst.” Carmalita shrugged. “I know where the stores are, how to do laundry, get myself up for school, and he left me lots of food and money if I need it.”

“Yeah, and even with all that every time he’s gone for more than a day she basically stays over with us.” Sly chuckled.

“Oh~!” I said in realization, as that was the reason why she always slept over with us a lot.

“Yeah. So, anything new with you two?” Carmalita asked.

“Kite summoned a ghost of one of our ancestors.” Sly said.

“Ye!” I said with pride.

“... How?” Carmalita asked.

I clapped my hands and magical sparkles appeared in my hands.

“... That doesn’t really explain anything…” Carmalita said.

“Maybe Isabella should tell her?” Sly offered.

I nodded, trying to move on the toddler swing I was on and pulling out the pocket watch and opening it to summon Isabelle.

With the pocket watch out Isabella spawned out of it, appearing as a miniature version of herself, no taller than four inches. “Yes?” She asked.

“Woah…” Carmalita said.

“Car meet you.” I said happily, motioning to Carmalita.

“Ah, hello there little fox.” Isabella said, giving a nod. “I am Isabella Tennessee Cooper. I was Tennessee Kid Cooper’s twin sister.”

“She cool!” I said readily.

“She’s certainly something… I have no idea how you did this but I also won’t ask. For now.” Carmalita said. “So… what do you do Isabella?” 

“I help look after Kite and Sly, cook and clean.” She answered.

“Ye, she cool.” I repeated happily.

“So Kite can use magic then?” Carmalita asked.

“Yes, and I plan on teaching them what I can.” Isabella nodded.

“Just when I think your family can’t get more interesting.” 

“Oh you have no idea… even I don't know the full specifics here.” I thought honestly 

—

True to her word, Carmalita showed up with a small bag of her clothes later that day and while mom was working late, Dad was there with us on his chair holding me on his lap while Sly and Carmalita sat on the floor watching cartoons on the tv.

“This is nice.” I thought happily

“So what’s your mom doing?” I heard Carmalita asked.

“She’s doing cop work. Something about some guy selling bad art?” Sly replied.

“That sounds like Dimitri…” I thought. “Bad?” I asked curiously.

“Bad is right. What kind of nutcase sells art that ugly as counterfits?” Dad said, chuckling.

“Uh… Con… Confi… Confidence? Confidence!” I cheered at saying a difficult word.

“Heh, close enough.” Dad said as he pat my head.

There was a knock at the door. 

“That your mom?” Carmalita asked.

“Don’t think so, she wouldn’t knock.” Sly replied. 

“I’ll check.” Dad said, picking me up and putting me next to Sly on the floor as he got up and walked towards the door.

“It… it shouldn’t happen… the event isn’t going to happen… we still have a few years…” I thought carefully, as it normally happened when the sibling was older, like 3-5 maybe? I don’t remember but… we’re still good right?

I looked over at the door. Dad opened it. “Well well, Conner Cooper.” A deep voice said, before a large fist gut punched dad.

“Whoof!” Dad yelped as air left his stomach. “Good to see you too… Xavier…” Dad wheezed.

Huh?

“Ha! Still a bean pole.” The voice spoke as in walked a tall reptile man, no hair with deep blue eyes. “When I heard you retired I just had to stop by and see for myself.”

“Was the punch necessary…” Dad groaned as he rubbed his stomach.

“Was the Piano to the head necessary as a goodbye gift back in Vegas?”

“You are never gonna let that go…”

The dark gray hide reptile tapped on the side of their head. “You did cause me to get two metal plates in my head.”

“And I paid for the surgery!”

The man chuckled, turning and seeing us. “Oh fuck, you did have kids… I owe Natasha four hundred coins…” He groaned.

“Hi?” I asked, waving and mildly confused on who the hell this person was and… why they reminded me of Legoshi’s grandfather…

“Kids, this is Xavier, an old… friend, sorta.” Dad said.

“Friend, rival, drinking buddy and all that in between stuff.” He chuckled. “I both helped and cheated your old man out of some major jobs back in the day.”

“So, so you’re a master thief?” Carmalita asked as she sat up.

“More or less. Started out as your average goon when Conner here whacked me upside the head with your family cane. For being younger than me he sure was skilled, hell it was awe inspiring. So, we agreed to split the loot from my former boss and left them for the cops after we took the valuables.”

“Cool!”

“You said dad dropped a piano on your head?” Sly asked.

“Heh. Yeah this little string bean was climbing up this warehouse trying to beat me to a stash of stolen gems this new up and coming gang lord obtained. Was gonna use them to buy arms or something. He jumps and climbs up this one argo crate and the latch opens as he gets off, and out slides this huge grand piano, just slipping out like some cartoon sketch and then wham! It slams right into me on the way down and then crashed on top of me once we hit the ground.”

“Ow.” I said worriedly.

“I legit panicked. Didn’t even end up getting the gems just rushed out with them to a hospital.” Dad sighed. “Then had to pull… some old family money to pay the medical bills. The states medical system are bigger crooks than any gang… maybe I should have robbed more CEO’s and such?”

“Not thief.” I stated. “Maybe crooks, but they're not thieves.” I thought, as one part of the Cooper Clans rules was the challenge of stealing from other Master Thieves.

“You see what they charge people in the states kid? If not thieves then con artists all the same.” Xavier said.

I mean… fair, I was American in my last life and never got to even have health insurance…

“Okay.”

“Heh. So, you came to see Sly and Kite’s dad?” Carmalita asked.

“Yeah, I heard he retired a while back but wasn’t sure.” Xavier said. “And seeing he had kids, yeah I owe Natasha money.”

“That old goat’s still alive?” Dad asked.

“And kicking ass.” Xavier chuckled.

“Who?” I asked.

“Nathasha is this old Goat woman who runs a boxing gym and could knock me flat on my ass in one punch.” He chuckled. “She’s also a well respected informant on the influx and movement of cash and valuables in the underworld. If it’s of value and trading hands then odds are she knows who and how much. Thieves like your dad and I requested information from her often for jobs. Her sons ran a little gadget shop too, last I heard with this whole Internet thing catching on across the world they might open an online shop for thieves to buy and sell goods securely."

The Thief Net!

“Holy crap I might actually meet the people that are inventing Thief Net!” I thought in surprise.

“Heh. So how long are you gonna be in the area?” Dad asked.

“Not too long. This was just a social visit, and I figured you'd want your peace.”

“Been enjoying it, yeah.” Dad nodded. “How have things underground been?”

“Man there are some wild stories going around.” Xavier huffed. “Not sure about half of them but if Natasha says the information is valid then I don't know what to think.”

“That bad?”

“Mostly weird.”

I tilted my head in confusion. “How?” I asked. “I mean, the Coopers haven’t been seen in some years I suppose so things could be getting weird.”

“Ah nothing a curious little kid needs to worry about. Besides, your freaky aunt Matilda’s been working overtime to keep the peace.” Xavier smirked.

“You know Aunt Matilda?” Sly asked.

“Yeah. How much do your kids know about her man?” He asked dad.

“The basics, but not everything.” Dad answered.

“Fair enough.” He shrugged.

“Okay.” I nodded.

“Why’s Aunt Matilda freaky?” Sly asked.

“You'll learn sooner or later.” Xavier said simply.

“Well if you're here for a social visit you at least should stay for some coffee or something.” Dad offered. “I have a few other questions I want to ask anyway.”

“Sure.” He nodded, following dad inside as they closed the door behind them and went into the kitchen.

While Sly and Carmelita went back to watching TV, I managed to scoot myself closer to the doorway to the kitchen where Xavier and Dad were sitting at the counter as the coffee pot was starting.

“Let’s see what Dad and Xavier have to talk about.” I thought carefully.

“So, any news on M?” Dad asked.

“Not much. Heard he's looking into obtaining the deed to that family island of yours.” Xavier said.

Dad sighed. “That's gonna be a dead end for him. Legally Matilda owns it and it's safer that way.”

Matilda owns Cane Island? That's unexpected. Guess that means Doctor M won't be setting up shop there at least. Sly 3 says as much that he owned the deed. Another difference…

“Well… considering how close Matilda is to the Family and also she’s the one that helps create the Cane’s with that mystery metal, I’m not surprised.” I thought carefully.

“Other than that, heard that skunk guy that took the fall for that gem heist you did before retiring got bailed out of jail.” Xavier started again.

“Really? By who?”

“Not sure, but I doubt it's anyone good. Guy hated you more than M.”

“To be fair I had no idea his family even considered mine rivals. Don't even think I got his name…” Dad hummed.

“The Paradox family huh? Surprised his dad got bailed, but that might mean La Paradox might not cause Time shenanigans now that his dad is out.”

“Then there's your… old shadow.” Xavier said cautiously.

“That could mean Clockwork… what the hell is that old bastard doing now?”

“And what’s going on with them?” Dad asked.

“Oddly, not much. They usually buy all kinds of high end electronics and high end supplies but word is that the old bird cut their recent shipments by half.” Xavier replied.

“That is odd… They've never hurt for financials before… think he's making his own now?”

“No idea.”

“Well that is extra weird.” I thought carefully.

“Let’s see… Some new youngblood tiger is getting a name for himself in the illegal spice trade.” Xavier added. “Recently a whole city got taken over by this new hot shot mobster, some dog named Mugshot.”

“He took over a city?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, started with a casino and loan sharking, it wasn't long before the mayor and most of the city owed him money.”

“Rajan and Mugshot… though hearing Mugshot take over Mesa City this early is mildly surprising.”

“Word is some voodoo priestess set up shop in this swamp in Haiti. Real dark magic stuff.” Xavier added.

“Never did like dealing with magic stuff… though given Kite’s abilities I can't avoid them forever.” Dad sighed.

“Maybe I can somehow finagle something to have me meet her? I mean, unless things are different she is just legit lonely… same with Mugshot… wow a lot of Sly villains are just lonely and want some form of validation what the hell?” I thought carefully.

“There's a Warlord starting mess in China, a wack job rich kid with a knack for tech playing pirate in the seas… other than that it's just hard to find any of Natasha’s favorite singers albums and they haven't played in some years now.” Xavier sighed.

“Right, that opera singer Octavio was her favorite right?” Dad asked.

“An old broad with old tastes. Not a big fan myself of opera but I can respect the fact he can hold a tune that long. Pipes like an organ that man has.”

“Huh, interesting… but if Octavio learns that people still care about his singing maybe he won’t try to pull some bullshit… hmm…” I thought carefully.

If I can avoid the vast amount of villains before they become an issue later… I wonder…

I felt my small arms reach to the pocket watch still around my neck. Ugh! But how can I do this all privately without anyone finding out it's me!? And at one year old?!

“Curses, I don’t know how to be subtle or sneaky! Plus who knows if Xavier said all this loud enough for me to hear it on purpose or not!” I mentally groaned.

Okay maybe not that… I'm one year old, they probably think even if I hear anything I won't remember it. Not like anyone even knows I'm reincarnated with most of my memories of my past life still and they can't really help me out at the moment…

I tried to think of a way to do this. “Hmm… there has to be a way here…” I thought carefully, as I was one year old and couldn’t read yet or function with the internet…

Also we don’t own a computer…

… But I do have magic…

That night, I managed to sleep early and wake up while everyone else was asleep.

I then had Isabella come out of the pocket watch. Her spectral form appearing in that mini form she took at the park.

“Yes Kite?” She asked.

“Need help.” I said readily, mildly wishing I could speak full sentences here to explain myself.

“With what?” 

“Daddy talk about.” I said, thinking that she might have heard the conversation he had with Xavier.

“Which specifically?”

Hmm… that's a good question. I need a starting point…

“Ms. Voodoo.” I said, cause if Mz. Ruby could be helped not only would I make a good friend, stop one member of the Fiendish Five, but also possibly get a Magic Instructor all in one.

“I see. What specifically do you wish to do?”

“Help her.” I said carefully. “Make… friend.” I managed.

“I see… Hmm… I suppose the first thing to do would be to make contact if possible.”

“She magic, uh… find book.” I said carefully.

“The book you used to summon me?”

“Ye, phone magic.” I said readily.

She gave a small chuckle. “That’s not really how that works, Kite… but, there is a way to send her a message.”

“How?” I asked curiously.

She looked around, seeing my nursery empty, the door open and floated over to close it. She then floated back over to me. “You'll need to call upon and tame a Spirit to act as a medium for you. They can reach far and as long as they are contractually bound to you, will do as you ask.”

“How do?” I inquired.

“With this.” She said, seeming to produce an odd stone or crystal of sorts from seemingly nowhere and putting it in my hands. “Squeeze the stone and you can summon a spirit to be your Familiar.”

“Cool.” I said with a smile, using both hands and squeezing the stone as hard as my one year old body could muster.

The stone glowed until it seemed to shatter, the remains turning into light that flowed from my hands and began to form a figure in front of me.

One that was slightly bigger than I was…

Scratch that, fairly bigger than I was, almost Sly’s size.

They were some kind of Naga, their scaled snake like lower half had dark gray scales while their upper half, looking faintly pony like in their humanoid half, was also covered in light gray fur, but they had bright blue eyes and hair.

“Hi.” The female, almost chibi-like Naga greeted. “I'm Crescent.”

“Hello.” I said with a smile. “I Kite.”

“Well hello Kite. You're rather young for a summoner. Outside the usual territory too…” Crescent said, then saw Isabella. “Ah, that explains it. Well then, what can I do for you little one?”

“Help people.” I managed.

“Well aren't you kind. How do you want to help them?”

“Friends!” I said, really wishing I could speak full words. “Lonely people…”

“Hmm… in that case I best help them not be lonely for you. Can you give me names?”

“Uh…” I scratched my head, trying to think of how to say words here. “Damn it! Curse you baby language and being unable to speak words!” I thought bitterly. “Voodoo, Lion, Dog, Panda, Spider… uh…” I scratched my head. “Tiger… Tiger? Parrot… uh…” I sighed in frustration, feeling baby body tear up from this crap. “I’m also probably changing too much and could be making things worse! Crap!!”

“Hmm… Well in terms of what could be worse it depends on how much we change things.” Crescent said.

… Huh?!

“Wat!?” I asked in surprise.

“As your familiar, I can understand your thoughts.”

“You can!? Oh thank god that makes so much easier and… oh boy… I have some explaining to do to you given you can see my thoughts…”

“Hear, and no need I already got the jist of it all while you were mentally ranting.”

“Sorry, but people like Octavio, Mz. Ruby and… all the people that went down the road of villainy because they were actually really lonely and need a friend.”

“I see… that could cause trouble further down the line if we handle them all at once…” Crescent said.

“Best not cause too much trouble… I want to help, not hurt.” I admitted mentally.

“Good call. So, we should limit who we help for now to two people.”

“Yeah, Mz. Ruby and… Mugshot.” I mentally answered.

“Alright. Want me to contact them both for you then?”

“Please.” I said openly.

“Alright. I’ll be back in a while.” Crescent said, pulling herself over the crib’s bars and vanishing as she fell down.

“Stay safe.” I said to the Lamia Pony hybrid.

“What an interesting familiar you got.” Isabella said.

“Ye, she nice.” I said readily.

“You should go back to sleep Kite, you're gonna need your energy.” She added.

I was about to protest but I yawned. “Okay…”

—

The next two days I didn’t see Crescent. Things were normal and all in all, but I was getting anxious…

“Poke.” Carmalita said as she poked at my belly.

I giggled at the poke. “Nu~.” I whined playfully.

“You’ve been acting weird for a bit Kite. Something the matter in your baby brain?”

“Maybe he wants to go to the park? He keeps looking at the window and such.” Sly hummed.

“Ye.” I said, trying to play the innocent child here and not blow my cover.

“With both parents out then it’s best to wait for them to take you.” Isabella said as she was floating around and doing chores.

“Okay…” I managed, cause I did kinda miss mom and dad.

Curses. Why do they both have to work?

“Shouldn't be mad… mom and dad are doing their best to take care of us.” I thought carefully.

I guess it’s because I know there’s… a timer counting down…

“Damn it…” I thought bitterly. “I hate knowing there’s a dangerous time limit…”

“Hey I’m back!” The door flew open as Crescent slithered in.

“Tiny snake lady!” Sly yelped.

“It’s alright, she’s a friend.” Isabella said.

“Yay!” I cheered. “You okay?”

“Yeah just took a lot of footwork, which given I don’t have feet makes it harder.” She chuckled as she slithered in and closed the door behind her. “Good news, those two hit it off.”

“Wat?” I thought. “How and who?” I said, playing innocent here.

“Ah just two lonely people with sad childhoods comparing stories over drinks after both ending up in a random bar miles away from their homes, they get talking and well, it ended up going well.” Crescent shrugged with a small smirk.

“Yay!” I cheered happily. “Thanks Crescent, this means a lot.”

“So… you’re friends with Isabella then?” Carmalita asked.

“Yeah, also Kite since he summoned me. I am a familiar with all kinds of abilities.” She said, waving an arm and making a rainbow appear above her.

“Kite, when and why did you summon something else with your magic? Also how?” Sly asked.

“Magic.” I said readily.

“... Figures you’d not know…” Sly huffed.

“So what can you do?” Carmalita asked.

“Awe let’s not talk about what I can do and focus more on what Kite can make me do.” Crescent said.

“... What?”

“Wat?” I asked in equal amounts of confusion.

“Don’t think too hard about it.” Crescent replied as she slithered over to me. “So, anything else?”

“Um… can you help me learn magic?” I mentally asked nervously, as I’m trying to figure things out here.

She gave me a nod then slithered over to Sly and Carmalita. “And who are these two?”

“Brudda Sly and fwiend Car!” I said readily.

“Uh, Yeah. I’m Sly and this is Carmalita.” Sly introduced.

“Nice to meet you two.” Crescent nodded.

“Ye.” I said with a smile. “He’s a wonderful brother, and Carmalita is a wonderful friend.”

“Well… are you like Isabella or…?” Sly asked.

“I’m not dead, but the Afterlife is home to much more than just the dead who earned it.” Crescent explained.

“That sounds… concerning when you put it that way…” I thought nervously.

“So, what now?” Sly asked.

“Now… I might nap.” Crescent said.

“Nap good.”

“Naps are very good.” Crescent said before faceplanting on the floor, snoozing away without any issue or show of her fall.

“... Are your mom and dad gonna be mad?” Carmalita asked.

“Honestly? I think as long as she doesn’t cook beans capable of produce gas strong enough to power a car, mom won’t mind too much. Dad probably won’t think too much of it when he learns Kite summoned her.

“My pork and beans recipe helps keep the meat on your bones during long working days.” Isabella huffed.

“Eh… gas smelly.” I pouted, covering my nose.

—

Mom and dad were rather surprised when they came home and found Crescent still sleeping on the floor, but once they learned she was my familiar, they just shared a look.

Heh… Maybe I should lay off the magic for a while…

It was late at night when I felt someone poking my cheek.

“Kite… Kite wake up.” I heard Sly’s voice as I was pulled out of sleep.

“Hmm? Wa?” I muttered sleepily.

“Kite, come on, wake up. I wanna do a heist.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” He countered simply.

“Okay… who?”

Sly leaned in towards my ear. “We’re gonna get into Dad’s safe and read the Theivius Racoonus.”

“Why?” I whispered worriedly 

“Well, dad says we’re not meant to read it until we’re older, but I want to get a head start. I mean… You have all your magic stuff and you’ve summoned both an ancestor and that tiny naga lady and you’re only a year old.”

I… Shit. Sly’s only four, and while he is going to inherit the cane, I’m giving the poor guy an inferiority complex because I can use magic and do all this.

I guess a head start for him won’t be too hard… besides, I’m only a year old… I can’t read yet… hehehe…

“Okay.”

Sly helped me up and we made it to the livingroom. The family portrait hiding the simple wall safe, a simple turn combination knob. Hmm… I’m not seeing any hidden numbers in the portrait… so the combination is likely only known by mom and dad…

“Hmm, what would the combo be here?” I thought curiously.

Him and mom’s wedding day? Maybe my and Sly’s birthdays?

Agh I don’t know any of those dates aside my and Sly’s birthdays!

“Hmm…” Sly hummed as he started turning the knob.

“Know number?”

“Maybe… Every year, in November dad takes a day and leaves home for most of the day. Specifically, November third…” Sly said as he turned the knob and soon the safe clicked. He pulled the handle and it opened, revealing the old book, some thick folders and papers and… taped to the back of the safe was a small bit of paper. On it was a single date. 09/23/1992.

That’s… Dad said Clockwerk on the day Sly was born managed to slip them a time frame… a date…

That’s the day… On Sly’s eighth birthday…

“Shit…” I thought carefully. “The day… it'll all change…”

“Got it.” Sly said as he pulled the book out.

“Not bad kids.” Sly and I both screamed as Dad appeared behind us.

“S-sorry daddy.” I said nervously.

“Sorry! We… I…” Sly started, stopped as Dad pat his head. 

“Heh. I said not bad. You got into your first safe. That’s impressive.” Dad chuckled.

“We… tried… steal from family though…”

“Yeah but I know you weren’t being greedy or had bad intentions. Maybe a little impatient but you are kids.” He chuckled. He gave a quick look to the safe before closing it, taking a seat on his chair as he pulled us both onto his lap, taking the book in his hands. “Want me to read you two a few pages before I put you both back to bed?”

“Yes please.”

“If you don’t mind…” Sly asked.

“Course not. Just try not to abuse anything you two learn from this alright?” Dad asked as he opened to the first page and began reading aloud to us.

To be continued...