Chapter Text
Among those around you, they would absolutely not refer to you as the smartest person they know, not that you are stupid, it's more like you have a penchant for making bad decisions. And this just so happens to be one of those bad decisions. And looking up at the giant 8 foot something animatronic who looks straight out of a horror game, really cements that this was probably the worst thing you could have ever done to yourself.
Let's go back a couple days, to when all this shit started. Aka - the big job debacle.
You, fresh out of a job (got fired for biting a plate, don't ask, you couldn't really explain the desire that happened in that moment.) decided to look for a new better paying job, and well. The website was just BEGGING to be clicked on, The job listing website for Fazbear's latest restaurant. But the difference here is that this isn't a restaurant, it's quite literally a mall, or well, a Pizzaplex.
So you clicked on it, looked at the jobs, and chose night guard because the other options were handler or janitor. And surely keeping people out wouldn’t be that hard. Now why didn’t you choose the other two options? Well, dealing with trash and cleaning up kiddy accidents sounds so incredibly disgusting. Spills from drinks that have been sitting there all day? Rotten bananas? Ew ew ew !
And the reasoning for not choosing to be a handler for one of the fancy schmancy animatronics? You have a terrible habit of biting things that don’t need to be bitten. It’s not that big of a deal really. Except for when there's something that looks like it would be significantly better in your mouth, getting gnawed on by your teeth. Although your dentist wasn’t too happy when you chipped a tooth trying to bite a rock.
So you chose night guard because trash is gross and you are stricken with this strange desire to chew things that are not meant to be chewed on. But why would you choose Fazco of all places? They have some really nasty rumors about messed up robots and children going missing! Well, getting double minimum wage isn't something to sneeze at in this economy. You could buy a carton of eggs with that!
But you seriously need the money, your wallet has flies coming out of it with how empty it is.
After deliberating for all of five minutes, signing what felt like a 40 page NDA (not weird at all), and submitting the application, you head to bed. Hoping that you can get this job so you don't have to work in a gas station forever and end up dead in a robbery accident. Fingers crossed or whatever.
Waking up the next morning, feeling groggy from staying up till 2 am (bad decisions fear you, you don't fear them.) There's two notifications on your phone, a message from your landlord about getting kicked out if you miss rent again, and an email from THE Fazco omg… you unlock your phone, open the email and what the hell. Barely less than 12 hours and you got accepted? No interview? What the fuck? Guess you start in… two days!?
Not weird, not suspicious, not strange at all. If how your stomach is tying it'self into knots has anything on this situation, it really should have spoken up before you submitted the application. Denial is your strongest suit, and you will continue to wear it until you die. (which if we're being honest will be at this job).
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After doing jack shit for two days, (filling out forms and more papers and somehow a second NDA) you walk to your bike that's been sitting in the corner of your living room for when your car decides to kill it'self for the 80th time. What can you say other than you got it off facebook marketplace for 200 bucks. You also spent half an hour hyping yourself up this morning that you can do this, and that the pay is worth risking your life. (You also went on a rabbit hole of reddit pages and theories on what the hell is up with this place.)
You grab the handle bars, and yank the bike out of the corner, pulling it towards the front door. It's a 20 minute car ride, and an hour on bike according to the maps app on your phone, might as well risk your health for not the first time and go without a helmet. Since you literally don't have one. Well you could probably put aluminum foil on your head and hope for the best, but you’ve already done up your hair in the greasy hellscape that it is. So, let's just hope there's no cars out with a vengeance for the eco-friendly citizens of the town, especially at 5 pm, peak rush hour.
A painful ten minutes of dragging a bike down three flights of stairs later you are in the bike lane riding for your life to get to this place before 7 pm, you left over an hour early, being late would be harder than being on time at this point!
Finding out far too late that you are NOT as in shape as you thought you were and having to take what was probably 8 billion rest breaks, while still pumping your legs like you are on the verge of death, you finally make it to Freddy Fazbear's Pizzaplex, aka a huge glorified 80s themed mall, and with six minutes to spare at that, truly the most iconic moment of your time. (if you ignore the wheezing and huffing as you run to the front door begging for it to not lock on you that is.)
Thankfully you make it inside, hoping your bike won't get stolen from where you left it in a bush, you trudge through the lobby feeling like this night might be way longer than you want it to be, which doesn’t really feel like the feeling you want to be experiencing on your first day at a new job but, well, the world isn't perfect and neither are you. (especially if the temptation to clamp your teeth on a giant gold freddy statue is.)
The plex is huge, and you’ve barely been inside it. Well, other than that one birthday party a couple years back for an ex-friends kid, though that was located in a daycare that was once void of robots, run by humans. Around that time there were rumors of an attendant but you didn’t think they would actually do it, but you suppose having a thing that's sort of human that you don't have to pay is better for the company? Not really, it's probably less than human, metal and wires and a bit of dumb code isn’t the same as being flesh and bone.
The closest thing to blood these things have is oil that keeps their gears moving. You sit down on the fountain pulling up your phone to double check the email you had received, wait by the front door area (check), arrive at 7 pm to get a tour before your official shift starts (it's 6:59, close enough) and prepare to be greeted by a staff bot (ready as you could possibly be). Well! Seems like this will be fun , probably.
Hopefully the bots won't rip you apart and then hang your brains in a storage closet like a terribly gory trophy. That would suck, or maybe be cool, you haven't quite decided fully. A couple minutes pass, you go between triple, quadruple checking the email and wondering if you could get sued for biting the statue, but eventually the little staff bot arrives, Startling you into jumping backwards from where you’re seated on the bench, also hitting your head on the statue which hurts like a fucking bitch!
It isn't really looking at you, looking perhaps a bit lost like it isn’t aware of it’s precoded mission, which is funny considering it’s a robot, and seriously do these guys even have like a brain in there? Or is it just ‘do task, this is how to solve task, solve task, do next task’? Like an endlist of chores? God that would fucking suck, as much as you love repetetive tasks doing the same thing over and over again with no breaks or other activities would really drive you off the edge.
“Hello?” You ask, bending close to it, waving a hand in it’s face while also noticing the cardboard box that looks like survived 4 different floods with the way it’s stained and drooping in the bots hands, the staff bot locks eyes with you, unblinking and really fucking freaky, making you jump back again, which results in you also hitting your head for the second time “sonofabitch!” You whisper shout gripping the sore spot that got hit twice by probably a 45 ton golden statue.
“Hello! Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex!” it's little excited robotic voice chimes, it's kinda cute (the little fanny pack is seriously adding to the cuteness factor) and also kind of really unsettling, as best as it is for a prerecorded message. It hands you the crumpled sad cardboard box that you were really hoping wasn't for you but, when has luck ever been on your side? Maybe it isn’t! Maybe it just wants you to hold it because even if it's made of heavy metal and wires it thinks you are stronger than it.
“Is that for me?” You ask tentatively, really really hoping it isn't because the box just looks gross and like it's slimy or something. The bot doesn't respond and you miss talking to humans. “Do you want me to take it?” It just continues to stare at you, jerking the box closer to you. Well that's probably a yes even if you don’t want it to be one.
You take the damn box and open it, thankfully unsealed. It has a little bear watch on top of a white button up and probably black slacks. There's also a wrinkly hat that looks about 15 years older than you, oh goody.. There's a nametag that says night guard on it, and under further inspection your name is written on it in incredibly small letters basically not even there. Like what is the point of that, why is your title bigger than your name? Well it's not like anyone will actually be talking to you, and the robots seem pretty bad at conversation so far.
The hat also says night guard, which you do not put on yet, your hair has been styled and you don't want to ruin that yet, you have a whole tour to painfully sit through. “Thank you,” You say kindly to the staff bot, hoping that it won't choose to rip your guts out yet, it starts wheeling off and you chase after shoving the box under your arm to change into once your shift starts.
The ache in your legs already reminding you of the terrible bike ride over here and now you have to walk through the entire plex? You really need to get your fucking car fixed before your legs just plainly give up, that staff bot moves way too fast for something with two wheels.
____
If you had written your will before coming to work that would be smart, but well, yeah. You didn’t, and now your legs are aching from practically chasing the bot around for the last two and a half hours, seeing most of the sights and are now in the faz pad listening to the damn thing over explaining the history of the fazbear company's special chili recipe. If you felt like screaming before you might just gouge your eyes out from how purely uninterested in this topic you are. The ache in your legs not helping you try to pay attention to this boring lesson.
Gnawing on your thumbnail you try to find something to help rein in your focus but that really only causes you to get way more distracted, eyes landing on the stools by the bar, beautiful red upholstered leather making your mouth water. What would that texture feel like between your teeth? How would it feel to rip it apart? Like a rabid dog? You start to wander towards it only looking at the bot once, see if it cares (it really doesn't) before zeroing in on your target like a lion would to it's prey.
You crouch by the stool running your fingers across the smooth leather, wondering how socially acceptable it would be to bite it in a building with one human (you) and a shit ton of robots. Would they notice you ripping into it? Satiating the ache in your teeth to bite? Or would they report you to the higher ups and you get sued for property damage, that ones more likely.
You snap out of your stupor, to notice the bot is gone, and that you seriously got distracted by a leather bar stool that you wanted to gnaw on. Y'know, the kind that people stick their tushys on to enjoy a meal or a nice drink. Fuuuuck. How long were you even staring at the damn thing?
About to open your phone, hoping to check the time, but the intercom beats you to it. Telling the remaining customers to leave the plex before it shuts down for the night, in five minutes. Which means your shift starts in five minutes. Which means that you got distracted for half hour by a stupid fucking stool.
And also you have no idea where the staff room is, or where the staff locker room is so you can change into the uniform in the still gross box you are holding. Okay gameplan time.
You could try to locate a staff bot, or one of the glamrocks, and ask where it is, they should have a map. But that sounds terrifyingly awful, people were never your strong suit (one of the points of why you chose nightguard as the position you were going for), and robots are probably even harder to communicate with. Worst comes to even worse and you just go into the bathroom, change in there and hold onto your clothes all night, really no biggie at all.
Standing up out of your shrimp crouch you leave the faz pad because obviously standing here will not lead you to the staff room. Okay so, where the hell is anything. Sure the bot showed you where everything was but were you paying attention? Hell no. You were struggling to follow it and paying attention was not on the same list in your mind.
Okay surely it's somewhere around… somewhere. You start by going into four dead end hallways with ominous looking doors, not helpful, getting taunted by the character trashcans and with their smug ass faces, and after ending up in the atrium for what feels like the 80th time you almost feel like screaming until actually do scream and land face first in one of the aforementioned trashcans. Which was uncovered???? Why??? Who would just… leave it uncovered, like it was waiting for you to trip and fall into it.
You can already tell you are going to fucking hate those things. With your legs awkwardly sticking out of it, you are very much unable to get out (idea solidified after you attempt to wriggle and push yourself out which does not work), and there's a wet banana peel in your face. Trash on your arms, on your shirt, on your face and the smell is invading your nose. Seriously what kinda fate is this. It also smells SO BAD. so incredibly awful, which is just another point as to why you applied for night guard and NOT janitor.
But that banana peel… as soggy as it is, it would be so incredibly easy to just… bite it. Gnaw on it a little, a teensy weensy nibble… NO! BAD IDEA!!! bad idea!!! Biting the trash could make your teeth fall out or turn gray, and then fall out! Either way they fall out, it's a lose lose situation!
Fully committed to living in this trashcan you accept your fate, forever known as the night guard who got lodged into a trashcan on their first shift, until a slightly country voice pulls you out of your extensive day dream of being the trash lord forever, “What are ya doin’ with your face in the trash?” The almighty country Jesus questions perhaps a bit more rudely than you appreciate but the trash smell is making you a bit delirious.
“Oh you know, I thought it would be fun, looking for intruders, all that jazz. Maybe looking for my self preservation that died when I sent in an application.” The country voice laughs quietly, a bit muffled like the kind you try to keep down but never really works.
“Do ya need any help?” The voice asks, sounding unsure. “Unless ya want to continue lookin’ for that very real intruder.”
“Hmm… Maybe! I could just stay here for the rest of the night, smelling this banana peel and old chili! But I think I would like to not lose my job on my first day and the intruder seems nowhere to be found in here! So help would be great oh country accent sent from the heavens below.” Another chuckle, heavy footsteps that do not belong to a human so you’ve just interacted with one of the robots, probably not a staff bot with how real it sounded. A firm grip on your legs, a quick tug and you out of the trashcan sprawled on the floor next to it. A bruised ass is in your future.
Looking up, after blinking at the now very bright lighting you are under you make eye contact with none other than a very large amphibian, who is looking down at you like you are a particularly amusing joke over his silly little sunglasses, is Montgomery Fucking Gator (™).
Blinking a couple of times out of shock or maybe even awe, the guy is kinda cool you guess. Which the emotion is only ruined when you feel something… wet? Slide down your face. You reach up to pull whatever it is and it just so happens to be the fucking banana peel that was making you contemplate scheduling a dentist appointment. “Oh for fucks sake-” You groan and attempt to throw it into the trashcan, but once again luck will never be on your side in this godforsaken building and it lands 2 feet away from the can.
Looking back at the overgrown croc he's smirking at you, which makes you want to punch his smug ass face, standing up using your slightly numb legs, of course groaning about the banana and the stench along the way you pluck the peel off the ground and put it into the trashcan which oh fuck you, it's themed after your knight in shining painted metal.
“Sooo, ya work here?” The robot asks, you glare at him, wondering why the hell he doesn't know that information if he apparently has a database of every employee and customer that comes into the building at any given time (HA! Take that staff bot you do pay attention!)
“Started today, but shouldn’t you know that? Mr. Artificial intelligence off brand robo crocodile.” He squints at you, seeming more than disgruntled, perhaps even pissed off. You giggle a little manically.
“Okay for one I am an alligator, and I was trying to be friendly.” Montgomery says with a snarl. OOO! so scary, spooky big gator got teeth!
“Sorry sorry!” You look into his eyes, feigning apologetic, but yet your attention is once again captured by your innate desire to tear things up like a rabid dog and this time it just so happens to be his glasses as the cause and… those glasses look like they could be biteable… NO. knock it off! There is a time and a place! “Thank you for uh… getting me out of the trashcan.” You look around briefly, stalling a bit as this is your least favorite part. “Do you know where the staff locker room is? I got a bit erh- distracted on my tour.”
He gives you a quizzical look and then starts walking out of the hallway, towards who knows where. With survival tactics not on your resume, you follow. Hoping that he isn't about to lead you to your untimely end and show you the true pit's of hell, or maybe that might just be maintenance hallways you did get a peek into one of them. Hopefully it's just the staff locker room. But who knows with your luck.