Archive of Our Own ^beta

Her name is Roxanne; she chooses it herself.

Roxanne: dawn, bright, radiant one

She wants that: a new day.

Her boyfriend at the time tells her that it sounds like a stripper name, which is one of many reasons why she breaks up with him. When he drunkenly calls her a tranny whore and tells her she should just join a drag show; ‘cause you’re never gonna make it as a reporter; no one wants to hear the news from a dude in a dress, this is the final straw, the final argument that ends the relationship.

Roxanne pays for laser hair removal and she, after much internal debate, decides not to take HRT—she likes her sex drive too much; she likes topping, likes the feeling of sliding into the warmth of another body; she likes her cock, in general, doesn’t want to lose her erections.

She spends a lot of time feeling guilty about that, feeling like she’s somehow a fraud, not really trans, not really a woman.

Why don’t you just take the drugs; her girlfriend asks, and Roxanne tells her that she’s still thinking about it, tells herself that she can always start the HRT later, later, later. That girlfriend breaks up with Roxanne because I’m a lesbian, and I feel like you’re just confused.

Roxanne still doesn’t start the drugs. She’s always been blessed with pretty feminine hips; she starts dressing to enhance that, and gets top surgery, ending with a perfectly lovely pair of breasts that she is absolutely delighted with.

But when are you going to get the surgery, her next boyfriend asks. He never lets her top him and only ever wants to be behind her during sex, because no offense, but you look so weird from the front. This is the same boyfriend who tells her that she should grow out her hair, that she should wear more makeup, that she could be so feminine if she just tried.

Roxanne breaks up with him, does not grow out her hair, buys gaffs and side-tie underwear, learns to tuck, legally changes her sex and her name (first and last; she wants a clean break, and her mother stopped talking to her three years ago).

She gets a job at the KCMP news station, thinks about getting a new girlfriend, but it never goes beyond the second date because the prospective girlfriend thinks Roxanne works too much, and it is sad how much this feels like a nice change of pace from your body is wrong.

And then Megamind kidnaps her for the first time and all of a sudden Roxanne is famous and there are so many reasons to say yeah okay when Metro Man asks her if she wants to pretend like they’re dating.

She’s pretty sure Metro Man is asexual, considering the way he phrases so much easier this way and less questions, you know?. But he doesn’t tell her, and she doesn’t push, and she doesn’t tell him that she’s trans. She doesn’t tell people that she’s trans, period. She’s stopped associating with all of the people who knew her before she was out, and she’s not dating anyone, and so there isn’t really any reason she should tell anyone, right?

She feels guilty about that, too, but she’s so tired of people looking at her like she’s a man in a dress, like she’s something strange and other and unfuckable.

Megamind calls her Temptress and calls her Miss Ritchi and flirts with her wildly, and Roxanne flirts back because he’s evil and this is never going to go anywhere, so she doesn’t need to worry or feel guilty about deceiving him and—yes, okay, also because he is really sexy.

When, after everything, she ends up dating him, this—the guilt and the deception and the how-is-she-supposed-to-tell-him and the worry over how he’s going to react—

This becomes a real problem.

Surely someday he’s going to want to have sex with her, right? He’s going to notice that every time a make-out session starts to get heavy, Roxanne pulls away, not wanting to—not wanting to have to explain the involuntary response of her own body, not wanting to face the possibility of him not wanting her the way that she is.

He hasn’t seemed to notice yet, but eventually he will, and Roxanne is dreading that day.

(your body is wrong and he’s going to leave you.)

His name is Megamind; he chooses it himself.

Minion tells him that this is the usual custom, that his people chose their own names during adolescence, after the things they were most proud of.

Megamind has always valued his own intelligence over any of his other qualities.

(There aren’t, he thinks, very many positive qualities for him to choose from.)

Minion explains that physical sex is also a choice, that Megamind’s people chose their sex around the same time as they chose their names, that he has three choices: male, female, and bigender.

Megamind chooses male, which leads to several arguments with Minion, who insists that if you feel bigender, you should choose bigender; why are you doing this to yourself.

But Megamind doesn’t want the wide hips and the breasts that come with the bigender body, doesn’t want—doesn’t completely feel like bigender is the right word for what he is, and, although male isn’t exactly right, either, doesn’t exactly fit, it’s still a little closer.

He still wears eyeliner, wears heels on his shoes—he wants to, so fuck it, he’s the villain, right? And that’s one of the—

(few)

—perks of being the bad guy, isn’t it: somehow you get more of a pass to act a little more feminine, don’t you?

You should start feeling attraction soon, Minion tells him. Along with the urge to mate.

But Megamind—doesn’t. Some people are aesthetically pleasing, yes—

(he finds male and female humans aesthetically pleasing in approximately equal proportions; he never mentions this to anyone; he knows that’s not a thing you’re supposed to think or feel)

—but he never wants to—to do anything with any of these people, never feels that attraction, that urge to mate.

(Minion worries that this is because Megamind chose the wrong body; Megamind knows he does. But Megamind isn’t especially concerned over his lack of sexual interest in humans—it’s not as if anyone would ever be interested back. This is—easier.)

Megamind never actually feels attracted to anyone until Roxanne, until after he finds out how brilliant and funny and genuinely good she is—until after he falls in love with her.

Even after he does fall in love with her, he doesn’t recognize the feeling of love and attraction as love and attraction until one kidnapping, when she says something clever and then quirks her mouth sideways and he thinks

(I want to kiss you so badly)

and then he thinks

(what. what is—)

and then he thinks

(fuck fuck fuck FUCK NO NO NO)

“Oh,” he says.

Roxanne gives him an inquiring look and Megamind has to continue with the rest of the kidnapping and the evil plan like he hasn’t just had a sexual and romantic awakening, like he isn’t currently panicking.

He doesn’t mention it to Minion.

There just—there isn’t any point, right? And he doesn’t want to talk about it. There’s no reason to talk about it. She wouldn’t ever want to be with him. Even setting aside the whole Evil thing, his body is—

It’s not something anyone is ever going to want. It’s not just the giant head and the blue skin and the strange proportions, it’s—

He isn’t right. And it’s not because he chose male; the flat plane of his chest, the narrowness of his hips, the line of his facial hair—these are about the only things that he can stand to look at, when he looks into a mirror.

The sex organs of his species are just—no. No in every way.

‘What happens when Roxanne finds out who you really are?’ Minion asks.

‘Did you really think that I would ever be with you?’ Roxanne asks, knowing only the half of it.

And the answer to that is, always, always: no. He doesn’t. Why would she? Why would anyone, but especially why would Roxanne, who is beautiful and wonderful and intelligent and good?

It is—rather a shock, after everything, after Tighten, when he somehow ends up dating her.

A shock and—this creates problems. Problems like the fact that Roxanne is eventually going to expect a sexual relationship, that—she’s never going to want to be with him, when she finds out what he really is.

She’s going to notice, soon, the way that he is careful never to kiss her for too long or touch her too much because he doesn’t want to risk going past the point of making-out into the territory of foreplay.

(your body is wrong and she’s going to leave you)

Roxanne wakes up tasting knock-out spray. She’s in a chair but not tied to the chair, which is—just unfamiliar enough that it feels like the weird thing in this situation.

Megamind is standing in front of her, next to some sort of mechanical contraption, and—huh, yep, that’s pretty familiar, too, but what the hell is—

—oh god, is this some sort of surprise role-play thing? oh god oh god she’s finally going to have to tell him—

“Uh,” she says, “wh—what’s with the whole kidnapping-and-evil-plot vibe?”

Megamind’s face goes through a series of complicated expressions, too fast for her to follow. It settles on grim determination.

“There—is something,” he tells her, swallowing visibly, “that I—really feel you—have a right to know. I just—and.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath. “And. It’s—unbelievably—I don’t want to—it is—I.”

He clenches one hand in the edge of his cape, looks away, looks back at her.

“I thought I might feel better about this if I staged it like an evil plot, if I thought about it like—it was always—the familiarity and the power dynamic and—I wanted to tie you up, but I thought that might be too—this is already really—inappropriately creepy and weird—I’m sorry, I—”

Roxanne takes in the way he’s trembling, the way he’s still having trouble meeting her eyes, the way he’s dressed in his full Evil Villain costume: leather and spikes and cape.

She puts her arms behind her back, clasps her hands behind the back of the chair: to him, standing at that angle, it’ll look like she’s tied there.

He gets it right away and sends her such a look of terrified gratitude that her heart almost breaks—god, what on earth has him so freaked out—

“I love you,” he says. “That’s. Not the thing. That I think you need to know. You don’t—it’s probably not relevant, actually, that I love you, but, god, Roxanne, I really love you and I wanted to say it before—”

“—Megamind—” Roxanne begins, but he shakes his head, making a sharp motion with his hand.

“Just. I’m just going to. Just. Okay.” He presses his lips together and then plunges onwards. “You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been pulling away any time we get anywhere near to—having—intercourse.”

Roxanne jerks back in her chair, startled. That he’s been pulling away?

“And I thought I’d better explain why,” he adds.

He flips a switch on the machine; it’s a projector of some kind, though it’s lightyears beyond any sort of ordinary tech of course. The image projected hangs in the air like a hologram: a hand-drawn image of what looks like an anatomical—and the person in the image is—blue and—

Oh.

“This,” Megamind says, “is the physical structure the genitalia of my species. There is a ventral slit between the legs, on the lower abdomen. The—the—the tentacles are housed inside the ventral slit, often emerging during arousal.”

Megamind seems almost to choke on the words; then he lifts his chin, fixes his gaze above Roxanne’s head, and continues.

“As you can see—the specimen—is—basically intersex. The only visual differences between a male and female of the species—”

He presses a key, another picture appears next to the first: a blue body with wide hips and breasts.

“—are the secondary sex characteristics, such as a widened pelvis and enlarged mammary glands. Note the narrow hips, flat chest, and facial hair of the first, male example. There is also—”

He presses the key again; a third image appears next to the first two.

“—the bigender sex. Observe that this specimen possesses both the female wide pelvis and enlarged mammary glands and the male facial hair. The female and bigender sexes are able to conceive and give birth. The male and bigender sexes are able to impregnate partners. My species—I—we choose our sexes at puberty, and I’m male, clearly, although not entirely, I—bigender is maybe a description of how I feel, but I didn’t want—”

He waves a hand at the third image.

“—that sort of body, and bigender isn’t really—doesn’t really—I don’t—I’m rambling; sorry; that’s probably not even important. I have tentacles. Is the point. I’m going to stop talking now.”

He turns the machine off, then leans against it, closing his eyes. He opens them and meets her gaze.

He looks—like he’s facing a firing squad.

Roxanne swallows. God, Megamind. Why is he so—why is he so brave?

“Do—” she says, “do you want me to use different pronouns for you?”

Megamind stares at her.

“Pronouns?”

“I mean,” Roxanne says, “if you’re—bigender, then—”

Megamind makes a noise in the back of his throat.

“Bigender isn’t—it’s not the right word,” he says, sounding distressed, “it’s not the right—it doesn’t quite fit—”

“Okay,” Roxanne says, “I—agender? Or—nonbinary? Genderqueer? I mean you don’t have to—I just—I’ll use whatever pronouns you like. They/them?”

Megamind makes a face.

“No,” he says. “I am not a committee.”

Roxanne laughs, startled. Megamind looks startled as well.

“Unintentional Star Wars reference?” she asks.

“Realized about half-way through saying it,” he says, faintly. “And then it was too late. Couldn’t stop myself. Just—male pronouns. Please, they’re—the closest. They—fit best. I. I like—when Minion calls me Sir and I like when you—I liked when you called me your boyfriend. I liked being your boyfriend. So.”

liked? past tense?

“Are—are you breaking up with me?” Roxanne asks, feeling her stomach twist and her heart sink.

Megamind gives her an incredulous look.

“Aren’t—you—breaking up with me?” he asks. “I mean, you saw—were you asleep for the whole presentation? Why are you asking about pronouns? My gender is the least important aspect of the nightmarescape of my body! There are—hidden tentacles, for fuck’s sake! I’m not even a real—man. Anything. Person. It’s disgusting and frightening and—you can’t possibly—you don’t want to be with me. You would never want to be with me. You told me—and I—I told you, I’ve never thought—I don’t expect you to stay, Roxanne. You don’t need to—” his face twists, “—you don’t need to worry that I’m going to try to stop you.”

You told me—

—what is he—

Did you really think that I would ever be with you?

Oh no. He thinks—

“I didn’t mean it,” Roxanne blurts, “Megamind, I didn’t mean it; I was scared and I was angry, but I never should have said that—it wasn’t—it wasn't true. It isn’t true. I do want to be with you. I’ve wanted to be with you for—a lot longer than I wanted to admit to myself, and I absolutely want to be with you now. And I—I know why you were—so worried about this, because I—”

She swallows.

“Could we—can we have the rest of this discussion in your bedroom?” she asks.

Megamind’s eyes go wide. Shit, that came out wrong—

“Not—we don’t have to—do anything! I’m not expecting you to— I just—this is a very—large, open room, and I don’t feel—I just want to tell you something, Megamind, and I’d really feel more comfortable in a smaller room. It doesn’t actually have to be your bedroom.”

“Okay,” Megamind says, “I—of course.”

The room he takes her to is his bedroom. He flicks on the lights as they step inside and Roxanne closes the door behind them.

Megamind is standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed, holding the edge of his cape again, eyes large and worried.

Roxanne takes a breath.

“Could you sit down, please?” she asks, and Megamind, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Okay,” she says, looking him in the face. “I am a woman.”

Megamind frowns.

“Yes,” he says, “of course. I do know that.”

“Right,” she says, looking away, “but. See. I—I’m trans, Megamind.”

She cannot bring herself to look at him.

“I’m—pre-op,” she continues, “—god, I hate that word, like ‘oh, of course, everyone wants the surgery’, like post-op is the goal for every good trans woman, like you can’t be a real woman unless you’re—” she shakes her head, forces herself to look at Megamind, who is sitting in a frozen way on the edge of the bed. “I am not getting the surgery. I have—a penis. And I am keeping it because I want to and to so many people that—on top of everything else—means I’m not a real woman.”

“Roxanne,” Megamind whispers, from his place on the bed, and Roxanne feels her face trying to crumple into tears, but she will not let it.

He pushes himself up off the bed and moves to her, and then he’s reaching for her, hands going out to cup her face.

“Roxanne,” Megamind says, “Roxanne, of course you’re a real woman. You are—” he kisses her, “—you are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen.”

Roxanne’s eyes fill with tears.

“And—do you still want to be with me?” she asks, “Because I really want to be your girlfriend, Megamind.”

He smiles, and it’s like he’s—filling up with light.

“Do you?” he says, “Really, Roxanne?”

She laughs; she has to.

“Yes,” she says. “So. We have established, then, that I’m your girlfriend, right? And you’re my boyfriend. Regardless of whatever—genital configuration either of us has.” She leans forward to kiss him quickly. “Right?”

“Yes,” he agrees, and brushes a quick kiss over her lips in the same way. “And I love you.”

“And I love you, too,” Roxanne says, smiling at him.

“Oh,” Megamind says, almost gasps, really.

He kisses her again, and it’s not quick, this time. He slides his hands into her hair and kisses her until she goes a little weak in the knees. She winds her arms around his neck, forgetful of the spikes, and then winces and jerks away.

“Sorry, sorry—” Megamind says, reaching up to unclasp the whole collar and shoulder array. He pushes it backwards off his own shoulders; the cape slithers to the ground.

Both of them freeze, their wide-eyed gazes meeting.

“We don’t have to—” Roxanne says at the same time that Megamind says—

“You don’t have to—”

They both stop. Roxanne laughs first, and then Megamind joins in.

“I want to,” she says. “Do you?”

“I really do,” he says.

Getting undressed takes a while for both of them; there are a lot of layers involved. Finally, though, finally they are both naked in front of each other.

Roxanne is a little nervous; Megamind, to judge from his expression, is a lot nervous, but then he—

—looks at her, really looks, his gaze raking from her face all the way down her body and then back up again, his mouth falling open and his eyes going half-lidded in a way that makes Roxanne’s body flush and turns her nerves into a pleasurable fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach.

“You are so incredibly beautiful,” Megamind says, voice low and rough around the edges.

“So are you,” Roxanne says, because it is true: he’s all lean, graceful lines and whipcord muscle.

Megamind blushes at the compliment, lavender painting itself across the blue skin of his ears, his cheekbones. He flushes lower down, too, a deeper blue around the seam between his legs, the—what did he call it—his ventral slit.

They kiss again, his hands in her hair, her breasts against his naked chest and her cock, already hard, pressed between their bodies, and when Roxanne winds her arms around his neck this time, with no spikes in the way, he moans into her mouth and cups one of her breasts in his hands, wrapping one arm around her waist, pulling her closer. The move makes her cock rub against his ventral slit, so Roxanne goes with the motion and rolls her hips slightly, grinding against him there.

Megamind gasps and his grip on her goes slack and he takes a step backwards from her. For a moment, Roxanne is worried that she’s freaked him out, but then he’s sinking to his knees in front of her and smiling up at her through his lashes.

“Can I?” he asks.

Roxanne can’t seem to find her voice, but she nods. He reaches for her, one hand wrapping around the base of her cock, one hand resting on her hip.

She gasps at the pressure of his fingers—she’s always loved Megamind’s hands; the shape of them, the way he moves them, the things he makes with them—the fact that he spends most of the time wearing gloves is a crying shame—and now he’s—touching her like this, like she’s—

He’s looking at her, too, watching her face as he leans forward and licks her, slow and deliberate, from where his hand is holding the base of her cock to the tip of her.

Roxanne moans and Megamind bites his lip and smiles that the-evil-plan-is-going-well smile that was always so ridiculously adorable before tonguing the slit of her cock. Roxanne gasps and Megamind smiles, pressing a kiss to the head of her cock before wrapping his lips around it and sucking.

“Oh my god, Megamind,” Roxanne gasps out, unprepared for the sensation, for the way he looks, kneeling in front of her with his mouth stretched around her cock, looking up at her with happiness in his eyes.

“Holy fuck,” she adds blankly as he starts to take her deeper, sliding his mouth down slowly.

It takes him a few moments to get it, to figure out how to handle her without choking or forgetting the suction or accidentally scraping her with his teeth, but he does get it. He starts to bob his head, slow and rhythmic. Roxanne moans and puts a hand on the back of his head.

Megamind moans, too, around his mouthful of her cock, the vibration of it making Roxanne gasp and use her grip on the back of his head to pull the gorgeous wet heat of his mouth closer—

—shit, she probably shouldn’t have—

—but—but he lets her, lets her do it again, lets her guide the rhythm of his motions, lets her control him, and when she gives a tiny thrust with her hips, he lets her do that, too—moans and lets her do it, in fact, moans again when she continues to thrust into his mouth, just a little harder, a little deeper now.

Roxanne looks down at him, at Megamind, on his knees in front of her, letting her fuck his mouth while he moans like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, god—Megamind is letting her do this, Megamind—

And she’s so close already that this thought very nearly tips her into orgasm, but—but she wants—

“Wait,” she says, panting as she forces her hips still, “wait. I—I—I want—”

Megamind makes an inquiring noise as he sucks around the head of her, and Roxanne very nearly comes from that, too, but—

“I want—”

Megamind slides his mouth off of her with an obscenely wet popping noise. Roxanne whimpers at the sound, at the sudden rush of cool air.

“Tell me,” Megamind says coaxingly, looking up at her and smiling with lips that are flushed and wet and swollen, “tell me what you want, Temptress.”

Roxanne shivers all over—she’s always loved it when he calls her that, and hearing it in this context is—really incredibly hot and incredibly gratifying. He’s been sucking her cock and he still sees her as Temptress.

“I—” Roxanne says, swallowing the catch in her throat, “—I want to touch you, too. I want to make you come, too.”

“—okay,” Megamind says, “but, I mean. I could honestly probably come from this.” He gestures at her hand on the back of his head. When Roxanne gives him a disbelieving look, he blushes and says, “Uh. It’s an erogenous zone?”

Roxanne’s mouth falls open.

“That,” she says, moving her thumb on the back of his head and watching his eyes almost close as he presses himself into the pressure, “is good to know. But. I’d—like our first time to be in a bed, Megamind, and—I want to see your face while we’re having sex.”

Megamind looks—surprised, for a half-second, and then he settles back on his heels, an expression of intensely focused interest on his face.

“Right!” he says, “so, how do you want to do this, then? I mean, there are several possibilities, yes? I could fuck you; you could fuck me; we could both use our hands on each other—oh! I could extend my tentacles and use them to get you off?”

“You—you would let me fuck you?” Roxanne asks, shocked, the easy way he’d suggested it sending a pulse of heat through her.

“Yes, of course; why not?” Megamind asks, sounding honestly confused. And then his gaze sharpens as he takes in the expression on her face—fuck, she probably looks—

He smirks at her, slow and wide and dangerous.

“That one, then?” he asks, voice sly. He bites his lip. “Would you like to fuck me, Roxanne?”

“Megamind,” Roxanne says, voice shaking, “I would love to fuck you.”

He blushes, dropping his eyes, going from confident and teasing to shy so quickly it leaves Roxanne a little breathless—he leaves Roxanne a little breathless, the beautiful contradiction of him, the way he’s so much—more—than anyone else she’s ever met.

“I’d really love that, too,” he says, ducking his head. “I’ve been thinking about it since you kissed me and rubbed your cock against my slit,” he admits in a rush, then glances up at her, as if he’s not sure how she’s going to take that.

Jesus.

“Come here,” Roxanne says, pulling him up.

He stands, and she kisses him, deep and hard, one hand on the back of his head, the other on the back of his neck, feeling the way he trembles at the sensation of being held in place and kissed until he’s reeling. Then she rolls her hips against him, like before, rubbing her cock against his ventral slit until he moans into her mouth.

Roxanne pulls back, noting with satisfaction the way his eyes are a little unfocused.

“Get on the bed,” she commands, and he obeys without hesitation, moving back to lie on his back, pushed up on his elbows, eyes on her, his knees bent and his legs spread invitingly.

“Good boy,” Roxanne says, and kneels on the mattress between his legs.

“God, you’re so beautiful, Roxanne,” Megamind blurts out. “I’m—so lucky.”

“And you,” Roxanne says, smiling, “are an incredibly sweet, unbelievably sexy man. I’m lucky, too.”

She kisses him, one hand on the center of his chest, pressing him down on the bed. He lets her push him down, smiles up at her when she pulls away.

“I really love you,” he says.

“I love you, too,” Roxanne tells him. “Now, what sort of preparation is this going to require?”

She’s thinking lube, but when she trails her hand down his abdomen and brushes her fingers over his slit, he’s actually already slick there, wetness gathered between the sides of the seam and spilling over.

“You’re already wet for me, baby?” Roxanne asks delightedly.

Megamind flushes.

“I—yes?” he says nervously, as though he’s not certain whether this is bad or good.

“That is so hot,” Roxanne says, fingers stroking over the seam.

“Ah!” Megamind says, arching slightly into her touch. “Oh! That is—”

“Have you ever tried putting anything inside yourself before?” Roxanne asks. “Your own fingers or a toy…?”

She dips a teasing fingertip between the edges of his slit.

“Roxanne! Oh—I—yes, I—my—my fingers, sometimes,” he says, “please, Roxanne, please—”

“Let’s see how you do with my fingers, then,” Roxanne purrs, and slides a finger inside him.

Megamind makes a choked, whimpering sound, and then moans when she starts to move her hand, finger sliding in and out of him. He’s slick inside, too, and she can actually feel his tentacles moving, which is a really fascinating sensation.

“Ohhh,” Megamind says, head bending back, “oh—ah—”

Roxanne grips her cock in her free hand, unable to refrain from touching herself when he’s making those hot little noises at every thrust of her hand.

She slips another finger inside of him.

“Oh, Roxanne, yes,” Megamind gasps, “Oh, yes.”

She fingers him for a few minutes, watching the way he moves beneath her, watching the way pleasure softens the sharp edges of his expressions, and then she adds a third finger.

“God—fuck—Roxanne—yes,” Megamind says, rolling his hips up into her.

He puts one hand over his head, bracing himself against the headboard, and reaches for her with the other, fingers trailing down her throat and over one of her breasts, thumb brushing back and forth over her nipple.

Roxanne makes a noise of pleasure and leans forward into his fingers. Megamind opens his eyes and looks at her, rubbing her nipple harder as he fucks himself on the fingers she has inside of him.

“Look at you,” Roxanne says, voice rough, “so eager for me.”

“Want you so much, Roxanne,” Megamind moans. “Please—”

“Have you got a condom?” Roxanne asks.

Megamind looks confused.

“Why would I have a—it’s not as if they would fit me.”

…and that definitely makes sense; shit. She hasn’t got one, either; she wasn’t exactly expecting this—

“Does it matter that much?” Megamind asks, frowning. “I can’t—get pregnant. And I—haven’t ever had sex before, Roxanne, so you don’t need to worry about—”

“Yeah, but I have,” Roxanne says. “I mean, I’ve gotten tested and I haven’t been with anyone for a long time, but—“ she slides her fingers out of him, “—but I understand if you want to wait until I can show you the results and we have a condom—”

Megamind rolls his eyes.

“Please,” he says, “it’s you. Like you would lie to me about this.”

Roxanne stares at him.

“What?” he says.

“You really trust me that much?” she asks.

“Yes, of course I trust you,” Megamind says.

“Even after I—lied to you about—” Roxanne gestures at her body.

Megamind frowns.

“You didn’t lie,” he says. “What are you talking about? You aren’t—obligated—to tell people something like that. The circumstances aren’t even remotely the same! You—being trans—isn’t going to hurt me. Why are you staring at me like that?”

“You are—I really love you,” Roxanne says around the lump in her throat, “a lot. People—don’t trust me, a lot of times, after they find out about this, they’re—a lot of times they do think I’m going to hurt them.”

“People are stupid,” Megamind says flatly, “I’ve been saying that for years, Roxanne, and this proves it. You are trustworthy and I trust you. Please don’t cry. I don’t ever want to make you cry.”

Roxanne laughs through her tears and leans down to kiss him.

“Silly man,” she whispers against his lips, “I’m crying because I’m happy.”

She brushes her lips to his again and moves to lie on top of him. He bumps her nose against hers, making her laugh, his hands settling on her hips.

“You will tell me,” she says, “if this is uncomfortable or painful for you, Megamind.”

“I’ll tell you,” he says softly. “But I really don’t think you need to worry. Your fingers felt amazing; I’m sure this will, too.”

“But you’ll tell me if it doesn’t,” Roxanne repeats.

Megamind rolls his eyes.

“Yes, yes,” he says impatiently, and then, when she grinds down against him, cock pressed to his ventral slit, he gasps, “—yes,” in rather a different tone.

“Do you want this?” Roxanne asks, moving her hips in slow circles, letting him feel all of her, watching his face.

“Yes,” Megamind moans.

“Tell me,” Roxanne commands.

“I—want you—inside of me, Roxanne,” Megamind says, “please, please fuck me, Roxanne, please, I want to feel you—”

She takes herself in hand and guides her cock to his slit, slides the tip of it up and down his opening, teasing him with it, teasing herself.

“Oh god, Roxanne, please,” Megamind begs, “please—please—”

She presses herself into him, slowly sinking down—god, the heat of him, the wetness, the way she can feel his body grasping at her, trying to pull her deeper, tentacles moving slick and insistent against her cock, like—like nothing she’s ever felt before—better, better than anything else—

Megamind’s eyes go wide and his mouth falls open; the noise he makes is nothing like human and it goes down Roxanne’s spine like lightning, hot and electric.

“Oh—” Megamind says, “oh—”

“—good?” Roxanne asks, voice tight.

“Yes, yes, god, yes,” Megamind says thickly. “Please. Please, Roxanne, more.”

Roxanne rocks her hips in a shallow thrust and Megamind moans, another alien noise, the pitch, the resonation of the sound unlike a human sound—

“Please,” he begs her, and Roxanne obliges, setting up a slow rhythm.

The angle is—different from fucking a human woman or a human man, requiring a slightly altered motion, but he feels—

“—so fucking good, Megamind,” Roxanne moans, and he gasps wordlessly in answer.

The feeling of him around her cock, crying out in beneath her in pleasure with every thrust of her hips—Roxanne wants to spin this out forever.

“I love you,” she tells him, “I love you, Megamind, I love you. I love you so much.”

He seems to have forgotten how to speak, but she can tell he’s getting close by the way the sounds he’s making get louder, higher, breathier, by the way they come faster, by the way his movements beneath her get less controlled, less careful.

She slides one hand beneath his head and holds him there, thumb brushing over the skin beneath his ear.

He gasps and then goes silent, looking into her face as he comes for her, convulsing beneath her, around her, ventral slit and tentacles all fluttering. She continues to thrust into him gently as he comes, trying to make it last as long as she can. He pants for breath as his orgasm comes to an end, and Roxanne pauses her movements, trying to give him a chance to recover.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Roxanne,” Megamind whispers, and then his eyes—fill with tears.

“Hey,” Roxanne says soothingly, “hey, don’t cry, Megamind—”

Megamind makes a choked sound, something like sobs and something like laughter as the tears in his eyes spill over.

“Don’t cry,” Roxanne says again.

He laughs through his tears and pushes himself up enough to brush his mouth over hers.

“Silly woman,” he whispers, “I’m crying because I’m happy.”

“Oh,” Roxanne says, stroking his face with her knuckles, “that’s—that’s okay, then.”

“I—that was—” He lets out a shaky breath.

“Good?”

“Really—very—I didn’t think it could—I didn’t think anything could feel so—”

He lies back down on the bed, one arm around her waist, pulling her closer, pulling her a little deeper inside of him.

He makes a quiet noise and Roxanne hisses through her teeth.

“Good,” she says, “That’s—fuck, you feel so—next time, I want—you to show me the tentacles, okay?”

She begins to thrust again, gently, and Megamind makes a noise of pleasure.

“I—could show you—now?” he says. “If—if you want?”

She pauses again.

“But you already—I thought you said they can only come out during—”

“Yes, but—I have to come at least twice before the arousal will start to fade,” Megamind tells her.

Roxanne looks at him for a moment, then bends her head to kiss him.

“Okay,” she says, smiling as she pushes herself up with shaking arms. She slides out of him; they both make a noise of regret, and then she’s kneeling on the mattress between his legs again.

“Show me,” she says, still smiling.

His ventral slit is slick and more flushed than ever, not just deep blue, but nearly violet; as Roxanne watches, the sides of it part from each other and—it’s like watching a flower bloom: five blue tentacles slide out from the slit into view. They’re blue, like the rest of him, flushed pink around the tips and violet lower down, slick and shiny and moving beneath her gaze.

“Oh, very nice,” Roxanne says, “Can I—?”

She leans down so she’s hovering on top of Megamind, almost touching but not quite.

“Yes, please,” he says, breathless and needy.

Roxanne presses down and rolls her hips, cock slipping over the tentacles. It feels—

They both moan at the same time, and then the tentacles start to move, wrapping around her, flicking against her, stroking and writhing, almost like—

Roxanne gasps and looks down at Megamind; he’s wearing an expression of concentration, as if—

“Are you—controlling that?” she asks.

“Yes,” Megamind says, biting his lip. “Is this—is this okay?”

“Jesus, Megamind,” Roxanne groans, “this is so much better than okay—fuck—”

She thrusts against him again; he gasps in response, the motion of the tentacles continuing as she rolls her hips.

“Yes,” he says, as though he’s answering a question. “Yes.” He shudders, his body trembling beneath her. “Yes, Roxanne, yes.”

“Megamind,” Roxanne moans, thrusting into the tangle of his tentacles, feeling them stroke and slide and grip her, “Megamind, god—”

He cups her face in one hand.

“Beautiful, so—beautiful,” he tells her, voice tight.

Roxanne cries out as her climax hits, as she jerks her hips and spills over Megamind’s tentacles. He cries out, too, tentacles trembling and fluttering around her again as he comes for the second time.

Afterwards, she collapses bonelessly on top of him, face pressed to his neck. He makes a soft noise and strokes her hair.

Gradually, she begins to regain her senses. She lifts her head, looks at Megamind.

“Hey,” she says, smiling in what is probably a really ridiculous way, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s smiling like that, too, soft-edged and fond.

“Hey,” he echoes. “Uh—that—was basically the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just so you know.”

Roxanne laughs.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “Me, too.”

She untangles herself from him and moves to lie beside him, head on his chest.

“We,” she tells him, “are extremely sticky. Someone should probably get a washcloth.”

“Was that a hint?” he asks, sounding amused.

“Mm,” Roxanne says, “no. Too late; I got comfortable. You have to stay now.”

She feels him kiss the top of her head, and then he wraps one arm around her, stroking her hair.

“Just use the sheet,” he says lazily, and does so, wiping at both of their abdomens in a really haphazard and ineffective manner.

Roxanne snickers and he makes a dismissive noise, tossing the sheet to one side, tangling his free hand with hers instead.

“Later,” she says.

“Later,” he agrees. “Ooh! We can take a bath together later! And! And then if you’d like, I can make you come with my mouth?”

“Sure,” Roxanne says, smiling even though he can’t see. “I’ll go down on you, too.”

“Really?” His hand stills for a moment in her hair, and then resumes stroking. “Also, I’d love for you to fuck me again, because that was really excellent, Roxanne, and if you want me to, I’d like to try to do that to you? And it has occurred to me that receptive anal sex is also a possibility for me, and I would definitely be open to trying with you—you’re laughing; why are you laughing?”

“You are—really excited about this,” Roxanne says wonderingly. “I have—never been with someone this excited to have sex with me.”

“Of course I’m excited,” Megamind says simply, “it’s you. I love you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, Roxanne. It’s not the sex that I’m excited about, really, it’s the fact that it’s—that it’s you.”

“Stop,” Roxanne says, smacking his chest lightly and rolling her eyes.

“No but really,” Megamind says, completely serious, “I told you I never—did any of this with anyone else, before you, but—but the truth is—I never even wanted anyone else before you.” He huffs a short laugh. “And let me tell you, thinking you’re just flat out not personally interested in sex and romance, period, and then realizing, mid-kidnapping, that you’re actually deep in unrequited love with the damsel you regularly distress is—not a fun time. I almost had a panic attack.”

“Mid-kidnap?” Roxanne asks, tilting her head to look at his face.

He makes a wry expression.

“Yes,” he says, “it was awful. I’m not entirely certain how I made it through that particular evil plot without accidentally killing myself before Metro Man even showed up, I was panicking so hard.”

Roxanne snickers; she can’t help it; the look on his face is too funny.

“Poor supervillain,” she says, and then adds, “not actually unrequited, though.”

He smiles awkwardly, glancing away.

“Not now,” he says, “not unrequited now, but—this was pretty early days, Roxanne.”

“How early?” she asks, curious.

He makes a face.

“Seven years ago,” he says.

Roxanne is—speechless.

“Seven years,” she repeats. Jesus, she’s never even been with someone capable of sustaining an actual relationship that long, let alone a one-sided— “You’ve been in love with me for seven years?”

“No,” Megamind says, “Seven years ago was when I realized I was in love with you. I’m pretty sure I was in love with you for—quite some time before I realized.”

Holy shit.

Roxanne—doesn’t know what to—

“And you aren’t—disappointed?” she asks, in a small voice.

“Disappointed?”

“That I’m—not what you expected.”

“Roxanne,” Megamind says, “I—disappointed? No, I—I didn’t expect you to ever feel anything but hatred towards me. I didn’t expect you to ever want me back. I sure as fuck didn’t expect you to love me, Roxanne. Fucking—no, I am not disappointed that you aren’t what I expected.”

“Right, but,” Roxanne says, “you’re not—disappointed that I’m—a woman with—with a cock?”

“You,” Megamind tells her forcefully, twisting his body so that they’re facing each other now, and leaning forward to kiss her. “You are the most beautiful, bright, wonderful woman in the entire universe, Roxanne.” He flushes, looks away, and then visibly forces himself to look her in the eyes again, blushing even more vividly. “And I—love your cock. I loved having it in my mouth and I loved when you fucked me with it. Both ways that you fucked me with it. It’s—very sexy. You’re very sexy. Are you disappointed that I have retractable tentacles and a ventral slit?”

“No, of course not!” Roxanne says, “I really like your body, Megamind!”

“There you are, then,” Megamind says triumphantly.

“Okay,” Roxanne says.

“Ha!” Megamind says, pulling her into his arms again. “Do you know, I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever won an argument against you? Surprises aren’t always bad, Roxanne!”

“Unless the surprise is kidnapping, Megamind,” Roxanne can’t resist needling him. “And, lets be real, Megamind, most of your surprises are kidnapping.”

“Nonsense,” Megamind says loftily. “Some of my surprises are deathtraps.”

Roxanne splutters into laughter.

“And giant robots with spikes,” she adds.

“And giant robots with spikes,” Megamind agrees, in such a reasonable tone that Roxanne laughs even harder. “Besides,” he continues, “sometimes kidnapping can be a good surprise! Like this one! I would say this is my most successful kidnapping to date!”

“This is just a red letter day for you all around,” Roxanne teases. “Having sex—”

“—with you—”

“—winning an argument—”

“—against you! I win arguments with other people all the time!”

“Uh-huh,” Roxanne says, “riiiight.”

“Smart ass,” Megamind says, laughter in his voice.

“—and a successful kidnapping!” Roxanne says, “you didn’t even have to tie me up!”

“That’s right! I didn’t!”

“—although,” Roxanne adds slyly, “you could, you know. Tie me up some time. In a non-kidnapping context.”

Megamind is silent.

“I’d be happy to demonstrate on you if you need someone to show you how it’s done,” Roxanne continues, voice sweet.

“Oh my god,” Megamind says breathlessly, “I’ve just thought of so many more things we should try.”

Roxanne laughs, and then yawns. Wow she is really—

“Are you tired?” Megamind asks.

“Hmm,” Roxanne says, “yeah. You aren’t, though, are you?”

“No,” Megamind says, “but you can go to sleep now anyway.”

“You sure?” she asks tiredly.

“Yes,” Megamind says, “I’d—really like to hold you while you sleep, Roxanne.”

“Hopeless romantic,” Roxanne says, smiling as she turns her body so she’s draped more across him.

“Absolutely,” Megamind agrees, and then adds, “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Roxanne says, putting her arm over his chest—huh, that is really—

“What?” Megamind asks in response to the small noise she makes.

“—comfortable,” Roxanne says, “with you.” She yawns and adds sleepily, “We fit together so well…”

There is a silence.

“Yeah,” Megamind says quietly as she starts to drift off to sleep, “yeah, we do.”